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Table of Contents
Section 1: 10 Tips For Writing More Effective Industrial Copy .................... 2
Section 2: Six Things I Know For Sure About Marketing To Engineers ....... 9
Section 3: The 7 Key Differences Between Business-to-business and
Consumer Marketing ...................................................................... 13
Section 4: Business Buyers are Looking for Personal Benefits ..................... 16
Section 5: Features Before Benefits ................................................................. 19
Section 6: Ten Ways to Improve your Technical Writing ............................. 24
Section 7: Estimating Response to Business-to-business Direct Mail ......... 31
Section 8: The 6 Key Components of Effective B-to-B Offers ....................... 34
Section 9: How to Write a More Effective Technical Product Brochure ..... 39
Section 10: 23 Tips for Creating Business-To-Business Mailings
That Work ........................................................................................ 45
Section 11: 7 Tips for Writing Technically Accurate High-Tech Copy ......... 50
Section 12: How To Prepare For A Copywriting Assignment ....................... 53
About the Author .................................................................................................. 57
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Section 1:
10 Tips For Writing More Effective
Industrial Copy
Writing industrial-oriented copy is quite different from writing
consumer-oriented copy. The major difference is that technical people
want technical information.
When asked if he could write an effective direct mail package on a complex
electronic control system, a direct response copywriter replied, "No problem – it
doesn't matter what the product is. You're selling to people. And people are pretty
much the same."
His message was clear: In direct mail, industrial copywriting and consumer
copywriting are pretty much the same.
He's wrong.
Yes, there are similarities. But there are also differences in selling to
technical buyers vs. the general public. And the major difference is: technical people
want technical information. The industrial copywriter is selling to engineers,
managers, purchasing agents, and other technical people – people whose
understanding of and interest in complex product information is inherently far
greater than the average consumer's.
Below are ten time-tested tips for writing industrial copy that sells. Apply
them to your next ad, mailer, or catalog, and watch the reply cards come pouring in.
1. Be technically accurate. Industrial marketers sell systems to solve specific
problems. Copy must accurately describe what the product can and cannot do.
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Being accurate means being truthful. Industrial buyers are among the most
sophisticated of audiences. Technical know-how is their forte, and they'll be likely
to spot any exaggerations, omissions, or “white lies" you make.
Being accurate also means being specific. Writing that a piece of equipment
"can handle your toughest injection molding jobs" is vague and meaningless to a
technician; but saying that the machine "can handle pressures of up to 12,000
pounds" is honest, concrete, and useful.
One way to achieve specificity in your writing is to prefer concrete terms
(right-hand column below) to general terms (left-hand column).
General Concrete
bad weather rain and snow
heavy more than 15 tons
experimental gas chromatographs
apparatus a dozen
And, just as a stain on a sleeve can ruin the whole suit, a single technical
inaccuracy can destroy the credibility of the entire promotion. In Technical
Writing: Structure, Standards, and Style (McGraw-Hill), the authors point out
that "Technical writing that contains technically inaccurate statements reflects
inadequate knowledge of the subject." All the persuasive writing skill in the
world won't motivate the industrial buyer if he feels that you don't know what
you're talking about.
2. Check the numbers. Many of us became writers just to get away from
having to deal with numbers; all the math whizzes in our class went on to become
compute programmers, accountants, and media buyers. But to write effective
industrial copy, you've got to approach numbers with a new found respect.
4
"Elaborate marketing research is often unnecessary in industrial selling.
By talking with a few knowledgeable engineers, the copywriter can quickly
grasp what makes a technical product useful to industrial buyers.
Just think of the disaster that would result if a misplaced decimal in a sales
letter offered a one year magazine subscription at $169.50 ten times the actual
price of $16.95. You can see why this would stop sales cold.
Well, the same goes for industrial copy. Only, in technical promotions, a
misplaced decimal or other math mistake is less obvious to the copywriter, since the
material is so highly technical. You and I would suspect an error in a mailer that
advertised a $169.50 magazine subscription. But how many direct response writers
could say, at a glance, whether the pore size in a reverse osmosis filter should be
0.005 or 0.00005 or 0.0005 microns? (How many of us even know what a micron is?)
Yet, to the chemical engineer, the pore size of the filter may be as crucial as the price
of the magazine subscription. Get it wrong, and you've lost a sale.
All numbers in industrial promotional literature should be checked and
double-checked by the writer, by the agency, and by technical people on the
client side.
3. Be concise. Engineers and managers are busy people. They don't have the
time to read all the papers that cross their desks, so make your message brief and
to the point.
Take a look at some industrial direct mail. Letters are seldom more than a
page long, and you almost never see a four page letter in industrial selling.
As Strunk and White point out in The Elements of Style, conciseness
"requires not that the writer...avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline,
but that every word tell." (italics mine.) In other words, cram your industrial
promotions full of product information and strong sales arguments. But avoid
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redundancies, run-on sentences, wordy phrases, and other poor stylistic habits
that take up space but add little to meaning or clarity. For example, don't write
"water droplets condensed from atmospheric vapor and sufficiently massive to fall
to earth's surface" when you're talking about rain.
4. Simplify. The key to successful industrial copywriting is to explain
complex concepts and products clearly and directly. Avoid overly complicated
narratives; write in plain, simple English. In the first draft of catalog copy for a line
of pollution control equipment, the product manager wrote:
It is absolutely essential that the interior wall surface of the conduit be maintained
in a wet condition, and that means be provided for wetting continually the peripheral
interior wall surface during operation of the device, in order to avoid the accumulation of
particulate matter about the interior surface area.
Here's how the copywriter simplified this bit of technical gobbledygook to
make it more readable:
The interior wall must be continually wetted to avoid solids buildup.
One way to achieve simplicity in your industrial writing is to avoid the
overuse of technical jargon. Never write that a manufacturer's new dental splint
"stabilizes mobile dentition" when its function is to keep loose teeth in place.
When you're deciding whether to use a particular technical term, remember
Susanne K. Langer's definition of jargon as "language more technical than the
ideas it serves to express." Never let your language make things more complex
than they already are.
5. Talk to the users to determine their needs. Elaborate marketing research is
often unnecessary in industrial selling. By talking with a few knowledgeable
engineers, the copywriter can quickly grasp what makes a technical product
useful to industrial buyers.
6
Because the products are highly technical, you can't rely on your own
feelings and intuition to select the key selling points. The benefits of buying a
kitchen appliance or joining a record club are obvious, but how can a layman say
what features of a multistage distillation system are important to the buyer, and
which are trivial?
By speaking with technical and marketing people on the client side, you
can find out which product features should be high-lighted in the copy
and why they appeal to the buyer. Then, apply your usual skill in persuasive
writing to turn these features into sales-oriented "reason-why-they-should-buy"
copy. The kind of copy that generates leads – goodwill – orders – and money.
Recently, I was given the assignment of writing a package on a water
filtration system to be sold to two different markets: the marine industry and the
chemical industry. In the course of conversation with a few customers in each
field, I discovered that marine buyers were concerned solely with quality and
price, while chemical engineers considered "technical competence" The number
one selling feature they wanted to know every detailed specification down to the
last pump, pipe, fan, and filter. Selling the product to the two markets would
require two completely different sales letters...but I'd never have known this if I
hadn't asked.
6. Understand how the promotion fits into the buying process. The sale of an
industrial product can require many lengthy steps; machinery is seldom marketed
by mail order. Sometimes your package can be used to generate the lead. Or it
may help qualify prospects. Many industrial marketers use sales letters to
distribute catalogs, remind customers of their products, or answer inquiries. Know
where your copy fits into the buying process so you can write copy to generate the
appropriate response.
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7. Know how much to tell. Different buyers seek different levels of technical
information. If you're writing for top management, keep it short and simple, and
pile on the benefits. If you're pitching to technicians, be sure to include plenty of
meaty technical information.
Here's a description of a "Dry FGD System" (a large piece of industrial
equipment) from a promotion aimed at plant engineers:
The average SO2, emission rate as determined in the outlet duct was 0.410
lb/106 Btu (176 ng/J). All emission rates were determined with F-factors calculated from
flue gas analyses obtained with an Orsat analyzer during the course of each test run
This will satisfy the technically curious buyer who wants to know how
you determined your product specifications, not just what they are. But managers
have little time or interest in the nitty-gritty; they want to know how the product
can save them money and help improve their operations. A brochure on this same
Dry FGD System aimed at management takes a lighter, more sales-oriented tone:
The Dry FCD System is a cost-effective alternative to conventional wet scrubbers
for cleaning flue gas in coal-fired boilers. Fly ash and chemical waste are removed as an
easily handled dry powder, not a wet sludge. And with dry systems, industrial and utility
boilers can operate cleanly and reliably.
8. Don't forget the features. By all means, stress customer benefits in your
copy. But don't forget to include technical features as well. In the industrial
marketplace, a pressure rating or the availability of certain materials of
construction often mean the difference between a buy or no-buy decision.
Although these features may seem boring or meaningless to you, they are
important to the technical buyer.
Direct response copywriters often work up a list of product features and
the benefits that these features offer the consumer. Then, the benefits are worked
into the sales letter.
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In industrial copywriting, we do the same thing, except we include the
features in the copy. Features and their benefits are often presented in "cause and
effect" statements, such as:
Because the system uses L-band frequency and improved MTI (moving target
indication), it can detect targets up to 50 times smaller than conventional S-band radars.
No mechanical systems or moving parts are required. Which means that Hydro-
Clean consumes less energy and takes less space than conventional pump driven clarifiers.
The geometric shape of the seal ring amplifies the force against the disc. As the
pressure grows, so does the valve's sealing performance.'
9. Use graphs, tables, charts, and diagrams to explain and summarize technical
information quickly. Put strong “sell copy" in your headlines, subheads, and body
copy; relegate duller “catalog information" to tables, side-bars, charts, and inserts.
And don't hesitate to use visuals; photographs add believability, and drawings
help readers visualize complex products and processes.
10. Include case histories to demonstrate proven performance. Industrial buyers
want to know that your product has proven its performance in real-life
applications. Case histories – concise "product success stories" – are a sure-fire
way to put the buyer's mind at ease.
In mail order, a simple one line testimonial from "GK in Portland" or "the
Jack Reeds in Jersey City" is all that's needed to demonstrate a product's success.
But industrial buyers need to know more, and the typical case history tells what
the problem was, how the product solved it, and what the results were in terms of
money saved and improved plant performance. In an ad for the Hitachi chiller-
heater, a unit that cools and heats buildings, Gas Energy, Inc. uses a series of
tightly written one paragraph case histories to show readers that the product
works. Here's a sample:
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Miami Hospital (300,000 sq. ft.). Linking a gas turbine generator with one 450
ton Hitachi Cogeneration unit produces all cooling and heating and saves $360,000 yearly
vs. purchased electricity and the previous electric centrifugal system.
The case history approach is one area where industrial and consumer
writers agree. After all, every direct response writer knows that the best
advertising is a satisfied customer.
Section 2:
Six Things I Know For Sure About Marketing
To Engineers
I am a chemical engineer and have been writing copy designed to sell
products and services to engineers for 10 years. Here’s what I know about
appealing to this special audience:
1. Engineers look down on advertising and advertising people, for the most part.
Engineers have a low opinion of advertising—and of people whose job it is to
create advertising.
The lesson for the business-to-business marketer? Make your advertising
and direct mail informational and professional, not gimmicky or promotional.
Avoid writing that sounds like “ad copy.” Don’t use slick graphics that
immediately identify a brochure or spec sheet as “advertising.” The engineer will
be quick to reject such material as “fluff.”
Engineers want to believe they are not influenced by ad copy—and that
they make their decisions based on technical facts that are beyond a copywriter’s
understanding. Let them believe it—as long as they respond to our ads and buy
our products.
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2. Engineers do not like a “consumer approach.” There is a raging debate about
whether engineers respond better to a straight technical approach, clever
consumer-style ads, or something in between. Those who prefer the creative
approach argue, “The engineer is a human being first and an engineer second. He
will respond to creativity and cleverness just like everyone else.”
Unfortunately, there is much evidence to the contrary. In many tests of ads
and direct mailings, I have seen straightforward, low-key, professional approaches
equal or outpull “glitzy” ads and mailings repeatedly. One of my clients tested
two letters offering a financial book aimed at engineers. A straightforward,
benefit-oriented letter clearly outpulled a “bells-and-whistles” creative package.
And I see this result repeated time and time again.
Engineers respond well to communications that address them as
knowledgeable, technical professionals in search of solutions to engineering
problems. Hard-sell frequently falls on deaf ears here—especially if not backed
by facts.
3. The engineer’s purchase decision is more logical than emotional. Most books
and articles on advertising stress that successful copy appeal to emotions first,
reason second.
But with the engineering audience, it is often the opposite. The buying
decision is what we call a “considered purchase” rather than an impulse buy. That
is, the buyer carefully weighs the facts, makes comparisons, and buys based on
what product best fulfills his requirement.
Certainly, there are emotional components to the engineer’s buying
decision. For instance, preference for one vendor over another is often based more
on gut feeling that actual fact. But for the most part, an engineer buying a new
piece of equipment will analyze the features and technical specifications in much
11
greater depth than a consumer buying a stereo, VCR, or other sophisticated
electronic device.
Copy aimed at engineers cannot be superficial. Clarity is essential. Do
not disguise the nature of what you are selling in an effort to “tease” the reader
into your copy, as you might do with a consumer mail order offer. Instead,
make it immediately clear what you are offering and how it meets the
engineer’s needs.
4. Engineers want to know the features and specifications, not just the benefits. In
consumer advertising classes, we are taught that benefits are everything, and that
features are unimportant. But engineers need to know the features of your
product—performance characteristics, efficiency ratings, power requirements, and
technical specifications—in order to make an intelligent buying decision.
Features should especially be emphasized when selling to OEMs (original
equipment manufacturers), VARs (value-added resellers), systems integrators and
others who purchase your product with an intention to incorporate it into their
own product.
Example: An engineer buying semiconductors to use in a device he is
building doesn’t need to be sold on the benefits of semiconductors. He
already knows the benefits and is primarily concerned about whether your
semiconductor can provide the necessary performance and reliability while
meeting his specifications in terms of voltage, current, resistance, and
so forth.
5. Engineers are not turned off by jargon—in fact, they like it. Consultants
teaching business writing seminars tell us to avoid jargon because it interferes
with clear communication.
This certainly is true when trying to communicate technical concepts to lay
audiences such as the general public or top management. But jargon can actually
12
enhance communication when appealing to engineers, computer specialists, and
other technical audiences.
Why is jargon effective? Because it shows the reader that you speak
his language. When you write direct response copy, you want the reader to get the
impression you’re like him, don’t you? And doesn’t speaking his language
accomplish that?
Actually, engineers are not unique in having their “secret language” for
professional communication. People in all fields publicly denounce jargon but
privately love it. For instance, who aside from direct marketers has any idea of
what a “nixie” is? And why use that term, except to make our work seem special
and important?
6. Engineers have their own visual language. What are the visual devices
through which engineers communicate? Charts, graphs, tables, diagrams,
blueprints, engineering drawings, and mathematical symbols and equations.
You should use these visual devices when writing to engineers—for two
reasons. First, engineers are comfortable with them and understand them. Second,
these visuals immediately say to the engineer, “This is solid technical information,
not promotional fluff.”
The best visuals are those specific to the engineer’s specialty. Electrical
engineers like circuit diagrams. Computer programmers feel comfortable looking
at flow charts. Systems analysts use structured diagrams. Learn the visual
language of your target audience and have your artist use these symbols and
artwork throughout your ad, brochure, or mailer.
13
Section 3:
The 7 Key Differences Between Business-to-business
and Consumer Marketing
When asked if he could write an effective direct mail package on a complex
electronic control system, a well-known direct response copywriter replied, “No
problem. It doesn’t matter what the product is. You are selling to people. And
people are pretty much the same.”
He’s wrong.
Yes, there are similarities. But there are also differences in selling to
business and professional buyers vs. the general public. In fact, here are six key
factors that set business-to-business marketing apart from consumer marketing:
1. The business buyer wants to buy. Most consumer advertising offers people
products they might enjoy but don’t really need. How many subscription
promotions, for example, sell publications that the reader truly could not live
without? If we subscribe, we do so for pleasure - not because the information
offered is essential to our day-to-day activity.
But in business-to-business marketing, the situation is different. The
business buyer wants to buy. Indeed, all business enterprises must routinely buy
products and services that help them stay profitable, competitive, and successful.
The proof of this is the existence of the purchasing agent, whose sole function is to
purchase things.
2. The business buyer is sophisticated. Business-to-business copy talks to a
sophisticated audience. Your typical reader has a high interest in - and
understanding of - your product (or at least of the problem it solves).
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Importantly, the reader usually knows more about the product and its use
than you do. It would be folly, for example, to believe that a few days spent
reading about mainframe computers will educate you to the level of your target
prospect - a systems analyst with six or seven years experience. (This realization
makes business-to-business writers somewhat more humble than their consumer
counterparts.)
The sophistication of the reader requires the business-to-business
copywriter to do a tremendous amount of research and digging into the market,
the product, and its application. The business audience does not respond well to
slogans or oversimplification.
3. The business buyer will read a lot of copy. The business buyer is an
information-seeker, constantly on the lookout for information and advice that can
help the buyer do the job better, increase profits, or advance his career.
“Our prospects are turned off by colorful, advertising-type sales
brochures,” says the marketing manager of a company selling complex ‘systems’
software products to large IBM data centers. “They are hungry for information
and respond better to letters and bulletins that explain, in fairly technical terms,
what our product is and how it solves a particular data-center problem.”
Don’t be afraid to write long copy in mailers, ads, and fulfillment
brochures. Prospects will read your message - if it is interesting, important, and
relevant to their needs. And don’t hesitate to use informational pieces as
response hooks for ads and mailers. The offer of a free booklet, report, or
technical guide can still pull well - despite the glut of reading matter clogging
the prospect’s in-basket.
4. A multistep buying process. In consumer direct response, copywriters’ fees
are geared toward producing the “package” - an elaborate mailing that does the
15
bulk of the selling job for a publication, insurance policy, or other mail
order product.
But in business-to-business direct marketing, the concept of package or
control is virtually non-existent. Why? Because the purchase of most business
products is a multistep buying process. A vice president of manufacturing doesn’t
clip a coupon and order a $35,000 machine by mail. First he asks for a brochure.
Then a sales meeting. Then a demonstration. Then a 30-day trial. Then a proposal
or contract.
Thus, it is not a single piece of copy that wins the contract award. Rather, it
takes a series of letters, brochures, presentations, ads, and mailers - combined with
the efforts of salespeople - to turn a cold lead into a paying customer.
5. Multiple buying influences. You don’t usually consult with a team of
experts when you want to buy a fast-food hamburger, a soda, bottle of shampoo,
or a pair of shoes, do you? In most consumer selling situations, the purchase
decision is made by an individual. But a business purchase is usually a team effort,
with many players involved.
For this reason, a business purchase is rarely an “impulse” buy. Many
people influence the decision - from the purchasing agent and company president,
to technical professionals and end-users. Each of these audiences has different
concerns and criteria by which they judge you. To be successful, your copy must
address the needs of all parties involved with the decision. In many cases, this
requires separate mailings to many different people within an organization.
6. Business products are more complex. Most business products - and their
applications - are more complex than consumer products. (For example, clients I
now serve include a commercial bank, a manufacturer of elevator control systems,
a data processing training firm, a database marketing company, a mailing list
broker, a general contractor, and a semiconductor manufacturer.)
16
Business-to-business copy cannot be superficial. Clarity is essential. You
cannot sell by “fooling” the prospect or hiding the identity of your product. Half
the battle is explaining, quickly and simply, what your product is, what it does,
and why the reader should be interested in it. “In high-tech direct mail, the key is
to educate the prospect,” say Mark Toner, who manages the advertising program
for Amano, a manufacturer of computerized time-clock systems. “With a product
like ours, most customers don’t even know of its existence.”
In short, in business-to-business marketing, the rules are different. In the
months to come, we’ll explore ways to increase response and profits in this
exciting and challenging marketplace.
Section 4:
Business Buyers are Looking for Personal Benefits
In a column titled “The 7 Key Differences Between Business-To-Business
And Consumer Marketing,” I described the six key factors that set business-to-
business marketing apart from consumer marketing. They are:
1. The business buyer wants to buy.
2. The business buyer is sophisticated.
3. The business buyer is an information seeker who will read a lot of copy.
4. Business-to-business marketing involves a multistep buying process.
5. The buying decision is frequently made by a committee and not by an
individual.
6. Business products are generally more complex than consumer products.
Recently, I have formulated a seventh principle which I would like to add to
the list.
17
7. The business buyer buys for his company’s benefit - and his own. There are two
parts to this principle. Let’s take them one at a time.
The Business Buyer Buys For His Company’s Benefit
The business buyer must acquire products and services that benefit his
company. This means the product or service saves the company time or money,
makes money, improves productivity, increases efficiency or solves problems.
Let’s say, for example, that you sell a telecommunications network and
your primary advantage over the competition is that your system reduces
monthly operating expenses by 50 percent. If a prospect is spending $40,000 a
month for your competitor’s network, you can replace it and provide his company
with the same level of service for only $20,000 a month.
The company benefits because it saves $240,000 a year in communications
costs - more than $1 million in a five-year period.
Yet, despite this tremendous benefit, you find that prospects are not buying.
They seem interested, and you get a lot of inquiries. But few sales are closed.
Why? Because in addition to buying for his company’s benefit, the prospect
also buys for himself.
The Business Buyer Buys for His Own Benefit
The second part of principle #7 is that, while the buyer is looking to do
right by his company, he has an equal (if not greater) concern for his own well-
being and selfish interests.
Although the idea of saving $240,000 a year with your telecommunications
system is appealing to your prospect, his thought process is as follows:
“Right now I have an AT&T system. Your system sounds good but I don’t
know you or your company. If I switch and something goes wrong, I will be
blamed. I may even get fired. My boss will say, ‘You shouldn’t have gambled on
an unproven product from an unknown vendor - why didn’t you stick with good
18
ole reliable AT&T?’ He will say this even though he approved my decision. So to
be safe, I will stick with my current system...even though it costs my company an
extra $240,000 a year. After all, I’d rather see them spend an extra $240,000 a year
than me lose my $60,000-a-year-job!”
This play-it-safe mentality is only natural, and it affects buying decisions
daily in corporations throughout the country. Data processing professionals are
fond of saying, “Nobody ever got fired for buying IBM.” Buying IBM ensures the
prospect that no one can criticize his decision, even if brand X is the better choice
from a business and technical point of view.
A corporate pension fund manager, writing in Money magazine, noted that
no money manager ever got fired for losing money invested in a blue-chip stock.
A different example, but the principle remains the same.
The Business Buyer Is For Himself
Concern for making the safe, acceptable decision is a primary motivation of
business buyers, but it is not the only reason why business buyers choose
products, services and suppliers that are not necessarily the best business solution
to their company’s problem.
Avoiding stress or hardship is a big concern among prospects. For example, a
consultant might offer a new system for increasing productivity, but it means
more paperwork for the shipping department...and especially for the head of the
shipping department. If he has anything to say about it, and thinks no one will
criticize him for it, the head of shipping will, in this case, work to sway the
committee against engaging the consultant or using his system...even though the
current procedures are not efficient. The department head, already overworked,
wants to avoid something he perceives as a hassle and a headache, despite its
contribution to the greater good of the organization.
19
Fear of the unknown is also a powerful motivator. A middle manager, for
example, might vote against acquiring desktop publishing and putting a terminal
on every manager’s desk because he himself has computer phobia. Even though
he recognizes the benefit such technology can bring to his department, he wants to
avoid the pain of learning something he perceives to be difficult and frightening.
Again, personal benefit outweighs corporate benefit in this situation.
Fear of loss is another powerful motivator. An advertising manager in a
company that has handled its advertising in-house for the past decade may resist
his president’s suggestion that they retain an outside advertising agency to handle
the company’s rapidly expanding marketing campaign. Even if he respects the ad
agency and believes they will do a good job, the ad manager may campaign
against them, fearing that bringing in outside experts will diminish his own status
within the company.
In these and many other instances, the business buyer is for himself first;
and his company, second. To be successful, your copy must not only promise the
benefits the prospect desires for his company; it should also speak to the
prospect’s personal agenda, as well.
Section 5:
Features Before Benefits
Perhaps the oldest - and most widely embraced - rule for writing direct
response copy is, “Stress benefits, not features.” But even this sacred
commandment doesn’t always hold true.
“As a direct response copywriter, I do my best to write copy that focuses on
benefits,” says freelancer Connie Clark in a letter to this magazine (February 1987).
20
“But sometimes - in admittedly rare circumstances - a different approach can work
as well or better.”
Specifically, I can think of five selling situations in which features should be
given equal (if not top) billing over benefits and promise-oriented copy.
1. Selling to experts. As a new homeowner, I know beans about insulation.
So I need to be sold on the benefits: How much will the insulation reduce my
winter fuel bills? What’s the benefit of insulating my attic floor vs. the roof? Why
is an “R value” of 11 better than 9? Will my house actually become warmer and
less drafty?
But could you imagine repeating this discussion in a mailing aimed at
insulation contractors and installers? Of course not, because these contractors are
experts in insulation. They already know what insulation can do and why it is
important. So copy should stress the features of insulation - R values, price,
volume discounts, types of materials available, installation techniques.
These “insulation experts” are interested in only one thing: Do you have the
products they need to help them do their job correctly and at a good profit? A
discussion of features and pricing will give these knowledgeable pros the
information they need to make a decision.
2. Enthusiasts. In my business-to-business copywriting course at New York
University, I picked a Porsche ad out of a magazine and held it up for ridicule.
“Listen to this,” I said as I began to read the copy. “The 944 has a new 2.5-
liter, 4-cylinder, aluminum-silicon alloy Porsche engine - designed at Weissach,
and built at Zuffenhausen.” “It achieves maximum torque of 137.2 ft-lbs as early
as 3,000 rpm, and produces 143 hp at 5,500 rpm.” “The 944 also as the Porsche
transaxle design, Porsche aerodynamics and Porsche handling.”
I finished my critique by saying, “This is a textbook example of a classic
copywriting mistake: stressing features instead of benefits. This ad is nothing
21
more than a spec sheet of engineering statistics, and does a poor job of selling the
benefits of owning a Porsche.”
A student raised his hand. “I’m sorry to disagree with you, but it’s obvious
you don’t know or care much about cars. I’m a car nut - I own a Corvette and a Jag -
and that ad gets me drooling to try the 944 on the road. When I hear 143 hp at 5,500
rpm, I can feel that aluminum-silicon alloy engine humming under the hood!”
Looking back, I think he was right. I’m the type who could care less about
cars or which one I drive...but then again, I’m probably not the kind of buyer
Porsche is after. If the Porsche ad was aimed at automobile enthusiasts, then
perhaps its feature-oriented approach was just right for tickling their fancy.
Remember, enthusiasts and hobbyists have a love for their obsession that is
quite alien to the rest of us. But very real to them.
For instance, a discussion of woofers and tweeters may be boring to the
vast majority of people who buy stereos. But the hi-fi nut wants to know. In the
same way, a hacker has a fascination for bits and bytes the average computer user
does not share.
Moral: When writing to enthusiasts, think like an enthusiast. Don’t assume
that the hobbyist shares your lack of interest in the nuts-and-bolts aspects of
whatever it is you are selling.
3. Engineers and scientists. Vivian Sudhalter, director of marketing for
Macmillan Software, is responsible for selling expensive software to scientists who
use computers to analyze complex laboratory data. I asked Vivian what works for
her in direct mail - and what doesn’t.
“Despite what tradition tells you, the engineering and scientific market
does not respond to promise or benefit-oriented copy,” she says. “They respond to
features. Your copy must tell them exactly what they are getting and what your
product can do. Scientists and engineers are put off by copy that sounds like
22
advertising jargon. They resent it if you talk down to them. When writing copy,
don’t try to be clever, just give information about the product.”
Sudhalter’s lead-generating self-mailer for Macmillan’s Asyst and Asystant
software follows this model. The copy has a scientist-to-scientist tone and talks
about such arcane matters as Hermitian matrices, spectral slicing and QR
factorization. Yet, it is successful, having generated a 4 percent response with
Macmillan’s in-house prospect list. Vivian tells me that she has conducted many
tests of feature-oriented vs. benefit-oriented mailings, and the feature-oriented
mailings win every time.
4. Equipment. Copy that sells equipment and systems must not only
stress the benefits, but it musts also describe how the product works and what
it can do. And it must list complete specifications - so the buyer can make an
intelligent decision.
If I buy a newsletter, I subscribe because of how I’ll benefit from the
information it contains. Features, such as whether it is 8 or 12 pages long, or
whether the editor reads 287 publications instead of 240, are secondary. Either the
information is useful to me, or it isn’t.
But the situation is different with tangible items. I recently received a
catalog that sells computer furniture through the mail. I was thinking of buying,
but the catalog didn’t provide the information I needed. For example, the drawing
failed to show dimensions, so I couldn’t tell whether my printer would fit on the
printer shelf - or even whether the desk would fit through my front door.
Moral: Benefits may generate initial interest in a product. But with many
customers, you make or lose the sale based on whether you mention a particular
feature. Copy that doesn’t highlight all the key features can cost you sales.
5. Practicality. Is your product sold on glitz and glamour, hopes and
dreams? Or is it bought for more practical reasons? Products with practical appeal
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must be supported by feature-oriented copy that gives your prospect the
assurance that he’s buying a good solution to his problems.
For example, the dozens of “How-to-Get-Rich-Quick” books sold through
mail order ads are appealing to the buyer’s dreams rather than hard reality. (How
many of the people who buy such books actually become rich?) And so the copy -
quite appropriately - concentrates 100 percent on the promise of riches beyond the
dreams of avarice, without revealing the actual features of the plan...which would
only be a disappointment.
On the other hand, if the same person needed a new gas furnace for his
home, he would look at your product with much more attention to detail. Here,
copy would have to concentrate on explaining technical features, and on building
confidence in the performance of the product and the reliability of the
manufacturer. Features would likely have equal billing with benefits in your
brochure of mail package.
OK. Let’s say you want to include some features and technical
specifications in your next piece of copy. Here are some of the methods I use for
integrating technical information into a sales-oriented piece.
FEATURES/BENEFITS TABLE. This is simply a two-column table or
checklist. The left-hand column lists all the features of your product, while
the right-hand column describes the benefits the customer gets as a result of
each feature.
Many copywriting books and courses suggest that you make such a list as
preparation for writing any piece of copy. I’m suggesting you go one step further
and actually reprint the features/benefits list as a page in your brochure.
TWO-PART “CAUSE-AND-EFFECT” STATEMENTS. With this
technique, used in headlines and body copy, you first describe a feature of your
24
brochure, then talk about the benefits that result from this feature. You are saying:
“Because our product has Feature X, you get Benefit Y.” Some examples:
Because the system uses L-band frequency and improved MTI (moving
target indication), it can detect targets up to 50 times farther away than S-band
automobile radars.
No mechanical systems or moving parts are required. Which means Hydro-
Circ consumes less energy and takes less space than conventional sump pumps.
The geometric shape of the seal ring amplifies the force against the disc. As
the pressure grows, so does the valve’s performance.
SPEC BOX. A spec box is a separate box presenting all technical
specifications and features of a product in list form. A good place for the spec box
is the back page of your flier or brochure.
Have your artist put a border around the spec box to separate it from the
main text. Another technique for visually separating your spec box from the rest of
the body copy is to print the specs over a light tint.
VISUALS. Use tables, graphs, charts, diagrams, illustrations, photos and
other visuals to highlight features and technical information. Save body copy for a
discussion of benefits.
Section 6:
Ten Ways to Improve your Technical Writing
Better technical writing can result in proposals that win contracts,
advertisements that sell products, instruction manuals that technicians can follow,
and letters, memos, and reports that get your message across to the reader. Here
are ten tips on style and word choice that can make writing clear and persuasive:
25
Know your reader-Are you writing for engineers? Managers?
Technicians? Make the technical depth of your writing compatible with the
background of your reader.
Write in a clear, conversational style-Naturally, a technical paper on sizing
pumps shouldn’t have the same chatty tone as a personal letter. But most technical
professionals lean too much in the other direction, and their sharp thinking is
obscured by windy, overly-formal prose.
The key to success in technical writing? Keep it simple. Write to express-not
to impress. A relaxed, conversational style can add vigor and clarity to your work.
Formal technical
style
Informal conversational
style
The data provided by direct
examination of samples under the
lens of the microscope are
insufficient for the purpose of
making a proper identification of the
components of the substance.
We can’t tell what it is made of by
looking at it under the microscope.
We have found during
conversations with customers that
even the most experienced of
extruder specialists have a tendency
to avoid the extrusion of silicone
profiles or hoses.
Our customers tell us that
experienced extruder specialists
avoid extruding silicone profiles or
hoses.
The corporation terminated the
employment of Mr. Joseph Smith.
Joe was fired.
26
Be concise- Technical professionals, especially those in industry, are busy
people. Make your writing less time-consuming for them to read by telling the
whole story in the fewest possible words.
How can you make your writing more concise? One way is to avoid
redundancies-a needless form of wordiness in which a modifier repeats an idea
already contained within the word being modified.
For example, a recent trade ad described a product as a “new innovation.”
Could there be such a thing as an old innovation? The ad also said the product was
“very unique.” Unique means “one of a kind,” so it is impossible for anything to
be very unique.
By now, you probably get the picture. Some other redundancies that have
come up in technical literature are listed below, along with the correct way to
rewrite them:
Redundancy Rewrite as:
advance plan plan
actual experience experience
two cubic feet in volume two cubic feet
cylindrical in shape cylindrical
uniformly homogeneous Homogeneous
Many technical writers are fond of overblown expressions such as “the fact
that,” “it is well known that,” and “it is the purpose of this writer to show that.”
These take up space but add little to meaning or clarity.
The following list includes some of the wordy phrases that appear
frequently in technical literature. The column on the right offers suggested
substitute words:
27
Wordy phrase Suggested substitute
during the course of during
in the form of as
in many cases often
in the event of if
exhibits the ability to can
Be consistent- “A foolish consistency,” wrote Ralph Waldo Emerson, “is
the hobgoblin of little minds.” This may be so. But, on the other hand,
inconsistencies in technical writing will confuse your readers and convince
them that your scientific work and reasoning are as sloppy and unorganized as
your prose.
Good technical writers strive for consistency in the use of numbers,
hyphens, units of measure, punctuation, equations, grammar, symbols,
capitalization, technical terms and abbreviations.
For example, many writers are inconsistent in the use of hyphens. The rule
is: two words that form an adjective are hyphenated. Thus, write: first-order
reaction, fluidized-bed combustion, high-sulfur coal, space-time continuum.
The U.S. Government Printing Office Style Manual [1], Strunk, and White’s
“The Elements of Style” [2], and your organization’s writing manual can guide
you in the basics of grammar, punctuation, abbreviation and capitalization.
Use jargon sparingly-Chemical engineering has a special language all its
own. Technical terms are a helpful shorthand when you’re communicating
within the profession, but they may confuse readers who do not have your
special background.
Take the word, “yield,” for example. To a chemical engineer, yield is a
measure of how much product a reaction produces. But, to car drivers, yield
means slowing down (and stopping, if necessary) at an intersection.
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Other words that have special meaning to chemical engineers but have a
different definition in everyday use include: vacuum, pressure, batch, bypass,
recycle, concentration, mole, purge, saturation, catalyst.
Use legitimate technical terms when they communicate your ideas
precisely, but avoid using jargon just because the words sound impressive. Do not
write that material is “gravimetrically conveyed” when it is simply dumped.
Avoid big words-Technical writers sometimes prefer to use big, important-
sounding words instead of short, simple words. This is a mistake; fancy language
just frustrates the reader. Write in plain, ordinary English and your readers will
love you for it.
Here a few big words that occur frequently in technical literature; the
column on the right presents a shorter-and preferable-substitution:
Big word Substitution
terminate end
utilize use
incombustible fireproof
substantiate prove
Prefer the specific to the general-Technical readers are interested in
detailed technical information-facts, figures, conclusions, recommendations. Do
not be content to say something is good, bad, fast or slow when you can
say how good, how bad, how fast or how slow. Be specific whenever possible.
General Specific
a tall spray dryer a 40-foot-tall spray dryer
plant oil refinery
unit evaporator
unfavorable weather conditions rain
structural degradation a leaky roof
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General Specific
high performance 95% efficiency
Break the writing up into short sections-Long, unbroken blocks of text are
stumbling blocks that intimidate and bore readers. Breaking your writing up into
short sections and short paragraphs-as in this article-makes it easier to read.
In the same way, short sentences are easier to grasp than long ones. A good
guide for keeping sentence length under control is to write sentences that can be
spoken aloud without losing your breath (do not take a deep-breath before doing
this test).
Use visuals-Drawings, graphs, and other visuals can reinforce your text. In
fact, pictures often communicate better than words; we remember 10% of what we
read, but 30% of what we see.
Visuals can make your technical communications more effective. The
different types of visuals and what they can show are listed below:
Type of visual This shows...
Photograph or illustration ...what something looks like
Map ...where it is located
Exploded view ...how it is put together
Schematic diagram ...how it works or is organized
Graph ...how much there is (quantity);
how one thing varies as a
function of another
Pie chart ...proportions and percentages
Bar chart ...comparisons between
quantities
Table ...a body of related data
Mass and energy balances ...what goes in and what comes
out
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Use the active voice-In the active voice, action is expressed directly: “John
performed the experiment.” In the passive voice, the action is indirect: “The
experiment was performed by John.”
When possible, use the active voice. Your writing will be more direct and
vigorous; your sentences, more concise. As you can see in the samples below; the
passive voice seems puny and stiff by comparison:
Passive voice Active voice
Control of the bearing-oil
supply is provided by the
shutoff valves.
Shutoff valves control the
bearing-oil supply.
Leaking of the seals is
prevented by the use of
O-rings.
O-rings keep the seals from leaking.
Fuel-cost savings were
realized through the
installation of thermal
insulation
The installation of thermal
insulation cut fuel costs.
References
1. U.S. Government Printing Office Style Manual, 1973 (out of print).
2. Strunk, William Jr., and White, E.B., “The Elements of Style,” 3rd ed.,
1978, Macmilan, New York.
3. Bly, Robert, and Blake, Gary, “Technical Writing: Structure, Standards, and Style,” McGraw-Hill
Book Co., New York, 1982.
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Section 7:
Estimating Response to Business-to-business
Direct Mail
What kind of respond can I expect from my lead-generating mailing and
what percentage is considered good for business-to-business direct mail?"
This is one of the most frequently asked questions in business-to-business
marketing. Let's see if we can shed some light on the topic.
Percentage Response
The number of inquiries produced per thousand pieces mailed varies
dramatically depending on a number of factors, some of which we'll discuss
shortly. However, based on recent results, we can make the following
generalizations:
If your .mailing has a hard offer, you can expect a response rate in the
range of 1 percent to 1.5 percent. I define a hard offer as any response choice that
forces the prospect to try the product or have direct contact with a salesperson.
These include meetings, demonstrations, presentations, so-called "free
consultations" (sales meetings in disguise), demo diskettes selling for nominal
fees, and 30-day trial offers,
On the other hand, if you have a soft offer - such as the offer of a booklet,
gift, or special report – you can expect a response from 1 percent to 4 percent;
some mailers with good offers and highly targeted lists even getting 5 percent
or more.
Sales
Some practitioners object that percentages are irrelevant and that sales
results are the only true measure of direct mail success.
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The problem is, sales are more difficult to tally in lead-generating programs
than in mail order. One reason is that the direct mail piece does not do the whole
job of selling; many other factors contribute. What's more, many companies do not
have an adequate system for tracking leads through to sales and reporting on
the results.
Still, if you am able to track sales, then percentage response may not be as
important to you. One client, for example, sells a product so highly specialized
that his percent response is miniscule – a small fraction of 1 percent. Yet the large
dollar amount of each sale more than pays for the cost of mailing large quantities
to get those few hot leads.
Establishing a Baseline
I often tell new clients that I don't know what a good response is until we
do our first mailing.
The first mailing gives us a "baseline" which we can measure future
efforts against. If we are pleased with the level of response generated by
mailing #1, then we consider that a good response for our product in our
marketplace. If mailing #2 equals or exceeds that level of response, we consider
it a winner; if not, it's a loser.
This baseline concept is especially important if your product is one not
widely promoted through the mail. Magazine publishers and fund raisers can cite
"typical" response rates of 2 percent and 1 percent because millions of such
solicitations are mailed every month so the response rates are pretty well-known.
But if you we the pioneer in your field …the first to use direct mail promotion to
sell your type of product…then there is no known "typical" response rate you can
anticipate and you will be setting the standards. Good luck!
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Products
The nature of the product itself has a dramatic; effect on response rates. If
your product is used by a large number of the prospects you mail to, response will
be higher (an example might be a mailing selling bandages to hospital purchasing
agents). On the other hand, if your product is highly specialized and of interest to
only a small portion of the market, the response will be significantly lower (an
example might be a specialized type of heart monitor of interest to only one
hospital in 100).
Format can make a big difference in how well your mailing pulls. As a rule,
sales letters mailed in business envelopes pull better than self-mailers. But
sometimes this is not the case.
Format
I like to use letters when I have to make an appeal to the prospect's rational
mind or emotional side in order to build his interest in the product.
But, if he is already predisposed to buy the product...if it's something he's
familiar with, and he doesn't have to be sold on its merits ... then a self-mailer,
featuring a photograph that readily identifies the product being sold, may do as
well or better.
Offer
As stated earlier, the specific offer being made in the mailing can make a
big difference in response rates.
One area of indecision among mailers is whether to use the popular "free
booklet strategy." In this type of mailing, the reader is offered an incentive – a
free booklet, report, or other helpful information he will receive by return mail
for responding.
34
Usually the booklet or report offers helpful how-to or technical information
the reader can use on the job. For example: "How to Improve Direct Mail Results"
– from a firm offering direct mail services.
These offers can boost response and are especially effective in markets
when prospect are flooded with direct mail offers or are not excited about services
and products and need an extra incentive to take action.
The key is to know how to introduce the booklet offer without
overstressing it. If the whole mailing is based around the booklet offer, you will
get a high volume of low quality leads - people who just want a free booklet but
do not want to hear about your product.
A better approach is to talk about the reader's problems and how your
company, service, or product can solve these problems. Then bring in the booklet
offer its an extra sales incentive, without putting total emphasis on it. Experiment
with copy approaches until you achieve the right balance between quality and
quantity in your response.
Section 8:
The 6 Key Components of Effective B-to-B Offers
How important is the offer in business-to-business marketing?
Answer: very. I have seen numerous tests in which a simple change of offer
has increased the response rate by 25% to 900% - dramatically improving ROMD
(return on marketing dollars) for the advertiser. The best of these winning b-to-b
offers share 6 common characteristics ... and to lift your response rates, your offers
should, too.
Winning offers:
35
1-Are different or unique. The best offers are fresh and new. When copywriter
Bill Jayme wrote the direct mail packaged that launched New York magazine, he
proposed a sweepstakes. Sweepstakes have long been used to sell magazine
subscriptions, but none has ever offered the prize Jayme dreamed up: dinner at
Gracie Mansion with New York City's mayor.
Most investment newsletters offer free special reports as premiums. The
Sovereign Society, a newsletter on offshore investing, offered something different: a
free Swiss bank account - a gift not given by any other investment newsletter.
Most business magazines offer either discounted subscription rates or
standard premiums like special reports, tote bags, or calculators. Advertising
Age had a successful control where the premium was a ceramic coffee mug.
Coffee mugs are nothing special. But this one was imprinted with a mock-up of
an Ad Age cover. If the subscriber was Jan Smith, the headline on - the mock
issue of Ad Age was personalized to read: "Jan Smith Chosen as Marketing
Genius of the Year."
2-Have a high degree of desirability. An unusual offer only works if it's
something people really want.
A publisher was selling a loose-leaf service on how to manage Novell
NetWare local area networks. Response rates doubled when a new direct mail
promotion offered a disk with free software – a collection of utilities for
Novell networks.
The 100% increase in orders confirmed that these software programs were
tools network administrators obviously wanted to get their hands on. The outer
envelope teaser read: "Yours FREE! - 5 Powerful Programs to Help You Manage
Your Novell NetWare Network More Efficiently and Easily - See Inside for Details
on This Special Time-Limited Offer."
36
On the other hand, a financial newsletter mailed a renewal promotion that
offered as a premium a pack of playing cards with the editor's picture on them.
Not surprisingly, it flopped: who would want that?
3-Have a high perceived value, especially in relation to fulfillment cost. Free
software has traditionally worked well as a premium. Software has a high
perceived value in relation to the cost of goods. You know that purchased in a
store or online, software packages can easily sell for $49 to $300 or more. Yet a CD
with code on it can be duplicated for about a dollar.
But how much do you pay for a deck of playing cards at your local
stationary store? About a dollar, right? Therefore, the perceived value of the
playing cards given as a renewal promotion by the financial publisher mentioned
earlier is only a dollar - hardly a financial motivator to renew a newsletter
subscription that costs $79 a year.
In a promotion tied in with their sponsorship of the Olympics, IBM offered
a special IBM Olympic pin as a premium. In reality, the item probably only cost
and was worth a buck or so. But the mailer copy hinted that the item could
become a collectible, creating an impression of potentially high value.
4-Dramatize the brand or USP. The Sovereign Society is a newsletter about
offshore investing. The symbol for offshore investing has long been Swiss
bank accounts. Therefore, the offer of a free Swiss bank account with a
subscription to The Sovereign Society supports and dramatizes the newsletter's
USP: making money and increasing privacy by investing offshore in things like
Swiss bank accounts.
Even when the offer does not at first glance seem closely related to the
product, a clever copywriter can find a connection. Example: years
ago, Newsweek offered a free radio as a premium for new subscribers.
37
It would seem that, on the surface, a radio is a poor choice of premium: in
the news area, radio and magazines compete with one another. But copywriter
Milt Pierce used the differences between these media to make a logical connection
between the premium and the product:
Dear Reader:
What's the fastest way to get the news?
It's on the radio. That's why Newsweek wants you to have -
as an introductory gift for new subscribers - this superb AM/FM
radio.
But what's the best way to get the news?
You won't get just headlines and a rough outline of the
news, with Newsweek, you'll get the news in depth ....
5-Are easy to take advantage of. You should make it as easy and convenient as
possible for the prospect to accept your offer.
How? To begin with, offer multiple response mechanisms: toll-free
phone number ... fax number ... a hyperlink to a landing page (see
www.thelandingpageguru.com) ... e-mail ... even (gasp!) a postal address.
Different prospects respond in different ways.
Create response mechanisms. In a direct mail package, enclose a fax-back
form or business reply card (BRC) with your letter. If you want customers to
enclose payment with their order, or privacy is a concern, also include a business
reply envelope (BRE).
In a print ad, consider including a coupon or a bind-in BRC opposite the
advertisement. On the Web, landing pages should ask for the minimum
information from the prospect when collecting leads. If you are building your opt-
in e-list, ask for name and e-mail address only. When you have multiple fields for
the user to complete, use an asterisk (*) to indicate which are mandatory, and
38
make as many fields as possible optional. Conversion rates decline incrementally
for each additional field you force the prospect to fill out.
The ease and convenience of accepting the offer can even be highlighted in
the copy as a benefit. In a letter selling the Board Report, a newsletter for graphic
designers, copywriter Sig Rosenblum makes a benefit out of the fact that the reply
element is a BRC:
Please complete the card enclosed and drop it in the mail
today. It's already addressed. And the postage is paid.
6-Minimize the buyer's risk and obligation. Do whatever you can to minimize
sales pressure on the prospect. If you follow up leads by phone instead of with the
field sales force, say in your copy "No salesperson will visit." If you do not follow
up leads by phone, say "No salesperson will call."
When offering anything free - a white paper, a Webinar, even a brochure -
say that it is free. Do not substitute the weaker "complimentary" when writing to a
high-level business audience because you think "free" is not professional or will
offend them. It won't.
Everybody wants free stuff, and businesspeople and professionals are no
exception. A health care agency sent a direct mail piece inviting doctors to attend a
symposium. They did an A/B split test of two versions; the only difference was
that B offered a free pocket diary as a gift for attendance. Version B, offering the
free gift, out-pulled version A – with no free gift – six-fold. Busy doctors were
persuaded to give up an afternoon by a free pocket diary that costs about a dollar!
Does the buyer have to agree to sit through a presentation or
demonstration, or complete a survey? If he is not required to take further action
once he accepts the offer, note this in your copy by saying: "There's no obligation
... nothing to buy ... and no commitment of any kind."
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Section 9:
How to Write a More Effective Technical
Product Brochure
When I was the advertising manager for a process equipment
manufacturer, one of my responsibilities was to serve as liaison between the
advertising agency we hired to write our ads and product brochures and our
staff engineers.
The engineers, because of their technical expertise in the subject matter,
were responsible for reviewing the agency’s work.
As is often the case in our industry, the engineers complained that those
“ad types” at the agency didn’t understand the product or the audience – and that
their copy was way off base.
The agency countered that engineers may know technology but don’t know
writing, marketing, design, or selling – and that they wanted to cram the
brochures with too much unnecessary detail that would dilute the sales message.
Who was right? The fact is, both arguments have some merit.
On the agency side, ad agency folk often have a flair for creative, colorful
communication, which can help a brochure gain attention and be noticed.
On the other hand, clients – especially the engineers who review the
agency’s brochure copy – often complain, sometimes correctly, that the agency’s
brochure copy is superficial.
Laziness is often the cause. The writer did not do sufficient research to
understand both the technology and the needs, concerns, and interests of the
target audience. The copy he writes reflects this lack of understanding. When you
40
read it, you immediately think, “This person doesn’t know what he is talking
about” – and you are probably right.
Another problem with professional or agency-written product literature is
a tendency toward cleverness for the sake of being clever. “Be creative!” the client
instructs the agency. But the reader often doesn’t get the joke, pun, or reference
in the headline, the creativity goes over her head, and she is turned off rather
than engaged.
Engineers who write their own brochure copy are rarely superficial; they
usually have a solid understanding of the products and its technology. However,
engineers tend to assume that the reader knows as much as the writer, speaks the
same jargon, and has the same level of interest in the technology. And often this is
not the case.
Take jargon. People today frequently use the term “open systems
architecture” in sales literature. But do they really know what this means? Write
down your own definition, ask five colleagues to do the same, and compare. I
guarantee they will not be the same. Engineers who write often don’t strive for
clarity. So they fall back on buzzwords and clichés that, unfortunately, don’t get
across the messages they wish to convey.
6 tips for writing better technical product brochures
Given these conditions, how can you – as an engineer or manager who
either writes brochure copy, edits copy, approves copy, or provides input for ad
agencies or freelance industrial copywriters – do your job better so the finished
brochure is the best one possible?
Here are some simple guidelines to follow:
1. Define the topic. Is your brochure about a solution? A system? A product
line? A product? A specific model of that product? A specific industry
41
use or application of that product? The support services you offer for
that product? The accessories?
Define what the piece is about. The narrower the topic, the more focused,
specific, and effective your brochure can be within the limited space available.
Tip: Your brochure doesn’t have to cover everything. You can always
decide to have other pieces of sales literature that go into more depth on certain
aspects of the product.
For instance, you can talk about satisfied users in case histories. You can
expand on specifications in a spec sheet. Some marketers use application briefs to
focus on a specific application or industry. Others develop separate sell sheets on
each key feature, allowing more in-depth technical discussion than is possible in a
general product brochure.
1. Know your audience. Are you writing to engineers or managers? The
former may be interested in technical and performance specifications.
The latter may want to know about support, service, ease of use,
scalability, user benefits, or return on investment.
If you are writing to engineers, are they well-versed in this particular
technology? Or do you have to bring them up to speed? Just because someone is a
chemical engineer does not mean they know nearly as much about industrial
knives, turbine blades, corrosion-resistant metals, ball valves, or your particular
specialty as you do. Indeed, they probably don’t.
When in doubt, it is better to explain so everyone understands than to
assume that everyone already understands. No engineer has ever complained to
me that a brochure I wrote was too clear.
2. Write with your objective in mind. Unlike a Victoria Secrets catalog, which
gives the buyer all the information she needs to place an order, most
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technical product brochures support the selling process but are not
designed to complete it on their own.
Is the objective of the brochure to convince the prospect that your technical
design is superior to your competition? Or show that you have more features at a
better price? Or demonstrate that your system will pay back its cost in less than
6 months?
Establish a communication objective for the brochure and write with that
goal in mind. For instance, if the objective is to get a meeting for you to sell
consulting services to the client, you only need to include enough to convince
them that the meeting is worth their time. Anything more is probably overkill.
3. Include the two things every brochure should contain. These simply are (a)
the things your prospects need and want to know about your product to
make their buying decision and (b) what you think you should say to
persuade them that your product is the best product choice – and your
company is the best vendor.
The things a prospect wants to know about an industrial product might
include weight, dimensions, power requirements, operating temperature, and
whether it can perform certain functions.
Things you might want to tell them include how the performance compares
with competitive systems in benchmark tests (if you were the winner, of course) or
the fact that it was cited as “Best Product” by an industry publication, or won an
award from a trade association, or is the most popular product in its category with
an installed base of more than 10,000 units.
4. Be selective. While ad agency copy is sometimes too light and tells the
reader too little, engineer copy often makes the opposite error,
attempting to cram every last technical fact and feature into a four or
eight page brochure.
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Keep in mind that your prospect is bombarded by more information than
he can handle on a daily basis. Everyone has too much to read, and not enough
time to read it. According to a study by the School of Information Management &
Systems at UC Berkeley, each year the human race produces about 1.5 exabytes of
unique information in print, film, optical, and magnetic content worldwide—
roughly 250MB of new information for every man, women, and child.
Be selective in your presentation. Copywriter Herschell Gordon Lewis has a
formula, E2 = 0. Or as Lewis says, “When you emphasize everything, you
emphasize nothing.” If every fact about your product is given equal weight in the
brochure, the key facts that make the most persuasive case for buying the product
will not stand out.
5. Understand the selling environment. There are three basic selling situations
for process equipment, chemicals, and other industrial products. You
must know what situation your product falls into, so you can market
it effectively.
The first situation is that the prospect is not acutely aware of the problem
he has that your product can solve. Or he is aware of it but does not consider it a
priority. In this situation, to get your prospect’s attention, your brochure must
dramatize the problem and its severity, then position your product as the solution.
Example: Mainframe computer operators did not realize that certain
operations accidentally overrode and erased files stored on magnetic tapes. A
brochure for a utility that prevented this operation from occurring began, “Did
you know that your storage devices may be accidentally wiping out important
files even as you read this sentence?” It alerted them to the problem in a
dramatic way.
Once alerted to a problem they didn’t know existed, the readers were eager
to find a solution, which the utility handily provided. Sales were brisk.
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The second situation is that the prospect is aware of the problem or need
your product addresses, but is not at all convinced that your type of product is the
best solution.
Example: A chemical manufacturer warned wastewater treatment plants
that their current activated charcoal bed systems were too costly.
The plant managers believed that, but didn’t believe that the
manufacturer’s alternative filter technology was a viable solution. A paper
reprinting lab test results plus the offer of a free trial overcame the disbelief and
got firms to use the new filter system.
The third situation is when the prospect knows what his problem is,
believes your type of product is the right solution, but needs to be convinced that
your product is the best choice in the category, and better than similar products
offered by your competitors.
One way to demonstrate superiority is with a table comparing your
product with the others on a feature by feature basis. If you have a more complete
feature set than they do, such a table makes you look like the best choice.
Another technique is to give specifications that prove your performance is
superior. If this cannot be quantitatively measured, talk about any unique
functionality, technology, or design feature that might create an impression of
superiority in the prospect’s mind.
There are many other copywriting techniques available to produce a
superior technical product brochure in any of these three situations; this is why
I’ve devoted the past 20 years, my entire professional life, to practicing and
studying copywriting – just like an engineer practices and studies his specialty.
But if you follow the basics in this article and do nothing else, I guarantee
an improvement in your brochures that you, your sales reps, and your customers
will appreciate. You might even some day receive that rare compliment: “You
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know, I actually read your brochure. It wasn’t boring, and it told me what I
needed to know!”
For further reading:
The Copywriter’s Handbook. Robert Bly. Henry Holt & Co. 1986.
Effective Chemical Marketing, Advertising, and Promotion. J. Roger Hart. Noyes
Publications. 1983.
Confessions of an Advertising Man. David Ogilvy. Atheneum. 1963.
Section 10:
23 Tips for Creating Business-To-Business Mailings
That Work
1. Short letters – one or two pages – usually work best. Executives don’t have
time to wade through a lengthy sales pitch. Exceptions: subscriptions,
seminars, and some other mail-order offers.
2. If you can personalize, great! But form letters addressed to “Dear Executive”
or “Dear Engineer” can also pull well.
3. Should business mailings take a “consumer approach?”
Some mailers argue that executives are human beings before they are
businesspeople – hence, all consumer DM techniques can apply to
business mail.
But remember, in addition to being people, executives have professional
responsibilities. And they take their work seriously. So business
mailings must address their needs as professionals. Not every consumer
gimmick is appropriate For business mail.
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4. In particular, avoid “busy” graphics (e.g., Publishers Clearing House). Use
graphics that make your mailing immediately clear, easy-to-follow, and easy
to read.
5. If an envelope is filled with too many inserts, the busy executive is more
inclined to throw the whole thing away. A standard package with a letter,
brochure, and reply card seems to work best.
6. The biggest mistake you can make in writing business-to-business DM is to
assume that the reader is as interested in your product or industry as you are.
When writing copy, assume that your product is the last thing on the reader’s
mind. He or she may never have given a second thought to problems, issues,
technology, and competitive products that you worry about every day.
7. Another major error is writing copy that speaks on a layman’s level when
your mailing is targeted to industry professionals. For example: IT
professionals know what CICS, MVS, and ISDN are. You don’t – so the
natural tendency is to want to explain them in your copy. But being too
elementary turns readers off and signals that you’re not really in touch with
their business. How would you respond to a mailing that began, “Direct mail
is an exciting way of selling products?” Yawn.
8. Make your mailing look professional – a business communication from one
executive to another. A letter crammed with fake handwriting, arrows, pop-
ups, and other gimmicks strikes many business readers as undignified and
unprofessional.
9. One rule that applies equally to business and consumer mail: sell your offer.
If you offer a 30-day trial, sell the reader on asking for the trial. Explain the
benefits and that there is no risk or obligation. If it is an invitation to a
seminar, sell the knowledge to be gained at the seminar and not the product
being promoted.
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10. A corollary to #9 is that there must be an appealing offer.
A lead generating package should never sell just the product. It should also
push the offer.
And there is always an offer. The best offer is some type of free trail, free
analysis, free consultation, or free sample. Premiums can also work well. At
minimum, offer a free brochure of simply “free information.” Free
information is an offer and it does work.
11. Write copy that enhances the perceived value of your offer.
Examples: A product catalog becomes a product guide. A software catalog
becomes an international software directory. A collection of brochures becomes
a free information kit. A checklist becomes a convention planner’s guide. An
article reprinted in pamphlet form becomes “our new, informative booklet –
HOW TO PREVENT COMPUTER FAILURES.” And so on.
12. Many clients begin planning by sitting around a table and saying, “We want
to do a mailing on product X. Should we use a mailing tube? A box? A
message in a fortune cookie? What gimmick works best?”
In my opinion, they are asking the wrong question. The right way to get
started is to ask, “What is the key sales appeal of this product?” Ideally, this
is something the product does better than other products and solves a major
problem or addresses a key concern of the customer.
13. Clients often ask, “Shouldn’t we do some market research and focus group
testing to uncover key sales points and appeals before we do the mailing?”
They probably don’t realize that direct mail is a good research tool for many
products and offers. For a few thousand dollars, you can test an offer and,
within weeks, know whether prospects will respond.
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14. Postcard decks generate a large number of responses at low cost. Direct-mail
packages are more costly and time-consuming to produce but generate a
better quality lead. The only way to know for certain is to set up a lead-
tracking system and test both types of mailings.
15. Self-mailers generally don’t pull as well as packages with separate letters,
brochures, and reply cards. They work well, however, for seminars. Also,
they can ad an attention-grabbing change of pace to a series of mailings. One
ad agency I know has used self-mailers for years to generate new business,
with great success. One reason why self-mailers do poorly is that most are
not given the same level of attention that businesses put into their regular
DM packages.
16. About gimmicks, such as pop-ups, fancy folds, 3D objects, and so on: They
generally work only if there is a strong, logical tie-in to the product, or
offer, and sales appeal. Sending a pair of sunglasses doesn’t make much
sense for a valve manufacturer. It makes better sense for a travel agent
offering a package cruise to the Caribbean or for a tanning parlor
prospecting for new bodies.
17. Another mistake is to make the copywriter base your package around some
artificial theme or slogan. A company selling industrial pumps, for instance,
insists that the theme of its mailings be quality. A manufacturer of metal
buildings wants a futuristic image, with copy full of references to outer space
and science fiction. This is a deadly error. Perhaps advertising can be tied
effectively to such weak themes. But response-getting mail can’t. Mailings
that get results push product benefits, cost savings, free prefers, and no-risk
guarantees – not images or themes. To force a mailing to fit some
predetermined concept is difficult, tricky – and often fatal to results.
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18. A BRC that restates the offer and asks for the order is doing only half the job.
Reply elements should also be used to gather information that helps qualify
prospects. For instance, if you’re selling accounts receivable software, the
BRC should ask: What type of computer do you have? What is your
operating system? How many invoices do you write a month? If the
advertiser seeks detailed facts, use a separate questionnaire or “specification
sheet.” And include a BRE.
19. “Is there any advantage to using business-reply cards and envelopes in
industrial mailings?” asks one client. “After all, the businessperson doesn’t
care about a few cents postage, and his secretary has plenty of stamps
handy.” True – but use the BRC/BRE anyway. Why? Because such cards and
envelopes look like response devices. They signal the reader that a response
is required.
The same holds true for 800 numbers. Sure, the executive isn’t paying for the
call out of his own pocket, so he’s less motivated by a free call than the
consumer. But the 800 number leaps off the page and says, “Hey, pick up the
phone – we want you to respond to this offer!” Regular numbers don’t have
this effect.
20. The trend today is to add perceived value to numbers by turning them into
“hotlines.” Filterite, a manufacturer of chemical filters, advertises a toll-free
filtration hotline 800-FILTERS. A good idea. However, I suggest you print the
number in numerals along with the letter version. Some people don’t like to
translate letters into a phone number they can dial.
21. A popular technique is to add to the perceived value of the order form or
BRC by calling it an “Information Request Form,” “Trial Request Form,” or
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“Needs analysis.” This still works but is losing impact as more and more
mailers use the technique.
22. Response goes up when you give the reader choices. For instance, include
both a BRC and a toll-free number. And allow for multiple responses,
such as:
[ ] Reserve my free 30-day trial
[ ] Have a sales representative call
[ ] Send brochure by mail
[ ] Not interested right now, but add me to your mailing list
23. Tell the reader that there is no cost or obligation or that no salesman will
call ... if these statements are true.
Section 11:
7 Tips for Writing Technically Accurate
High-Tech Copy
A lot of B2B marketing either promotes technical products, or sells to a
technical audience, or both.
The technical nature of these marketing campaigns poses a challenge
to those who must create them, because the marketers tasked with executing these
high-tech marketing campaigns often lack a technical background. Therefore, they
may have a steep learning curve and difficulty understanding what they are
selling and to whom they are selling it.
I have been writing copy to sell technical products to engineers,
scientists, programmers, and other techies for 34 years. Here are some tricks of the
trade I use to give me an edge in creating copy that both pleases the client as well
as persuades the target prospect:
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1—Build an accurate “fact bank.” A fact bank is a series of
statements describing the products and its features that have been vetted by a
technical expert.
Before I start writing my copy, I go through the source material for
the project and write down a series 5 to 10 sentences that precisely describe the
product, its major features, how those features translate into important use
benefits, and how the product works.
I e-mail these sentences to my clients with the request that they
review them and make any necessary corrections, additions, or deletions. After
they do so, I make their edits. Now I have a “palette” of pre-approved sentences I
can use to construct my copy, with the added confidence of knowing that what I
am writing is technically accurate. The clients, in turn, get a first draft of copy on a
highly technical subject that is surprisingly correct and on the mark.
2—Buy a children’s book on the topic. If you have to write copy
about a technical subject, buy either a children’s book on the subject or an adult
nonfiction book aimed at a lay audience. For example, when I had to write copy
for an aerospace contractor, I was aided by an Isaac Asimov book for young
readers about satellites.
The children’s books especially will provide clear, easy-to-understand
explanations of key terms and concepts. The adult book will likely have
descriptive phrases of features and functionality you can paraphrase in your own
copy. If I “borrow” from books, I alert the client by adding a footnote and make
sure I am not plagarizing.
Another good purchase for the high-tech copywriter is a dictionary of
industry terms. I have owned at various times dictionaries for computers, telecom,
banking, finance, and aerospace.
3—Ask the client for copies of PowerPoints. Engineers in particular are
visually oriented, so you should have visuals to accompany your text.
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Rather than draw a lot of charts and graphs, I ask the client for copies of
PowerPoints used in presentations given by their technical and sales staff. I then
extract and paste into my copy whatever visuals I think would work best, carefully
noting the name of the PowerPoint and the page number from the source.
Sometimes I find an ideal diagram for illustrating my point on a web site
that is not the client’s. If I use it, I add a note explaining to the client that it is for
reference only and must be redrawn to avoid copyright infringement.
4—Understand graphics have meaning. Unless you understand what a
chart or graph means, don’t use it until you do. It is extremely embarrassing to cut
and paste a diagram out of a client’s PowerPoint into your copy, and then when
the client asks you why you used it, to have to answer “I don’t know.” You should
understand each visual so well that you can write a clear descriptive caption for it
– and then do so.
5—Use e-mail for interviews. I often interview subject matter experts
(SMEs) when writing copy over the phone. But occasionally, I get an SME who
cannot express himself well verbally, making it difficult for me to extract the
information I need.
In that case, I may suggest that I e-mail him questions and that he in turn
can e-mail me his replies. Often technical people who cannot speak English well
can write decently – perhaps a result of the rise of e-mail, which forces people who
might not otherwise do so to write often.
At times, the e-mail replies are so clear I can almost cut and paste them
right into my copy.
If the answers are still unclear, I rewrite in plain English to the best of my
understanding, and then e-mail my rewrite back to the SME for review. Usually
the SME makes a few minor edits, and after that, that text is ready to use.
6—Use Wikipedia – with caution. You can’t wholly rely on information in
Wikipedia to be accurate because it is compiled by amateurs. However, I’ve found
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that entries on technical terms usually start off with a clear plain-English definition
of the term, which is invaluable for gaining a quick understanding of what a thing is
and its usage.
When you are researching statistics to augment your copy – for example,
the date the laser was invented or the speed of sound in a vacuum – most clients
in my experience want a better source than Wikipedia. Web sites are also an iffy
source when you don’t know who is running them, as are blogs. I prefer citing an
article in a respected industry or scientific journal.
7—Get smart. If you are going to be writing about a product or technology
on an ongoing basis, it makes sense to get some additional education on the topic.
An ad agency president told me he assigned one of his account executives
to handle an industrial welding account. On his own, the account executive took
night school courses in welding, eventually becoming a certified welder.
Section 12:
How To Prepare For A Copywriting Assignment
Business-to-business copy persuades readers by giving them useful
information about the products being advertised. The more facts you include in
your copy, the better.
When you have a file full of facts at your fingertips, writing good copy is
easy. You simply select the most relevant facts and describe them in a clear,
concise, direct fashion.
But when copywriters don’t bother to dig for facts, they fall back on fancy
phrases and puffed-up expressions to fill the empty space on the page. The words
sound nice, but they don’t sell because the copy doesn’t inform.
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Here’s a four-step procedure I use to get the information I need to write
persuasive, fact-filled copy for my clients. This technique should be helpful to
copywriters, account executives, and ad managers alike.
Step #1: Get all previously published material on the product.
For an existing product, there’s a mountain of content you can send to the
copywriter as background information. This material includes:
Tear-sheets of previous ads
Brochures
Catalogs
Article reprints
Technical papers
Copies of speeches
Audio-visual scripts
Press kits
Swipe files of competitors’ ads and literature
Blog posts
Web site URL
Online ads
Landing pages
Did I hear someone say they can’t send me background material because
their product is new? Nonsense. The birth of every new product is accompanied
by mounds of documents you can give the copywriter. These papers include:
Internal memos
Letters of technical information
Product specifications
Engineering drawings
Business and marketing plans
Reports
Proposals
By studying this material, the copywriter should have 80 percent of the
information he needs to write the copy. And he can get the other 20 percent by
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picking up the phone and asking questions. Steps #2-4 outline the questions he
should ask about the product, the audience, and the objective of the copy.
Step #2: Ask questions about the product.
What are its features and benefits? (Make a complete list.)
Which benefit is the most important?
How is the product different from the competition’s? (Which features are
exclusive? Which are better than the competition’s?)
If the product isn’t different, what attributes can be stressed that haven’t
been stressed by the competition?
What technologies does the product compete against?
What are the applications of the product?
What industries can use the product?
What problems does the product solve in the marketplace?
How is the product positioned in the marketplace?
How does the product work?
How reliable is the product?
How efficient?
How economical?
Who has bought the product and what do they say about it?
What materials, sizes and models is it available in?
How quickly does the manufacturer deliver the product?
What service and support does the manufacturer offer?
Is the product guaranteed?
Step #3: Ask questions about your audience.
Who will buy the product? (What markets is it sold to?)
What is the customer’s main concern? (Price, delivery, performance,
reliability, service maintenance, quality efficiency)
What is the character of the buyer?
What motivates the buyer?
How many different buying influences must the copy appeal to? Two tips
on getting to know your audience:
If you are writing an ad, read issues of the magazine in which the ad
will appear.
If you are writing direct mail, find out what mailing lists will be used
and study the list descriptions.
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Step #4: Determine the objective of your copy.
This objective may be one or more of the following:
To generate inquiries
To generate sales
To answer inquiries
To qualify prospects
To transmit product information
To build brand recognition and preference
To build company image
Before you write copy, study the product—its features, benefits, past
performance, applications, and markets. Digging for the facts will pay off, because
in business-to-business advertising, specifics sell.
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About the Author
BOB BLY is a freelance copywriter with 35 years experience in business-to-
business and direct marketing. He is the author of more than 85 books including
How to Promote Your Own Business (New American Library) and The Copywriter’s
Handbook (Henry Holt).
Bob has written copy for dozens of clients including IBM, AT&T, PSE&G,
Intuit, Newsmax, Agora Publishing, Brooklyn Union Gas, and Ingersoll Rand. His
articles have appeared in many periodicals including Cosmopolitan, Amtrak
Express, Writer’s Digest, New Jersey Monthly, and the Parent Paper. A member of
the American Institute of Chemical Engineers, Mr. Bly holds a B.S. in chemical
engineering from the University of Rochester and is trained as a Certified Novell
Administrator.
For a FREE Copywriting Information Kit, or a free, no‐obligation cost
estimate on copywriting for your next project, contact:
Bob Bly, Copywriter
31 Cheyenne Drive, Montville, NJ 07045
Phone (973) 263-0562, Fax (973) 263-0613
e-mail: [email protected]
Web: www.bly.com
