TEACHER GUIDE - Mississippi Department of · PDF fileWriter’s Checklist for Grade 4 12 ... Students in 10th grade/English II are ... grade-speciﬁ c rubrics reviewed and approved

GRADE 4 WRITING

GRADE 7 WRITING

ENGLISH II WRITING

Writing Assessment Program

TEACHER GUIDE

Developed and published under contract with the Mississippi Department of Education by Pearson or its affi liates. 2510 N. Dodge Street, Iowa City, IA 52245. Copyright © 2008 by Mississippi Department of Education. Only Mississippi state educators and citizens may copy and/or download and print the document, located online at http://www.mde.k12.ms.us/. Any other use or reproduction of this document, in whole or part, requires written approval of Mississippi Department of Education and Pearson. Any brand and/or product names found in this publication are the property of their respective owners and are not associated with the publisher of this publication.

Resources for Teachers

The Mississippi Department of Education (MDE) adds information and resource

materials related to the Mississippi Writing Assessment Program to the MDE

website as these materials become available. Some examples of these materials

are rubrics, prompt templates, mode defi nitions, and other materials that support

classroom instruction. Teachers should visit this website regularly in order to access

the most up-to-date materials.

http://www.mde.k12.ms.us/acad/osa/writing/

Copyright © 2008 by Mississippi Department of Education 3

Table of Contents

The New Mississippi Writing Assessment Program Grades 4 and 7 and English II: Why, What, How? 5

Why 5

What 5

How 5

Partnership with MWTI 5

Writing Prompts 6

Writing Assessment Details 6

Rubric Revision Committee (RRC) 6

Prompt Development Committee (PDC) 6

Response Evaluation Committee (REC) 6

Operational Scoring 7

Holistic Scoring 7

Scoring Confi rmation Committee (SCC) 7

Defi nitions of Writing Modes 7

Grade 4 Writing and Grade 7 Writing 7

Informative Writing 7

Narrative Writing 7

Persuasive Writing 7

English II Writing 8

Expository Writing 8

Position Paper 8

Response to Literature 8

Grade 4 9

4th Grade Scoring Rubric 10

Writer’s Checklist for Grade 4 12

Grade 4 Informative Prompt 13

Grade 4 Informative Annotations 14

Grade 4 Redacted Informative Student Responses 16

Grade 4 Narrative Prompt 23

Grade 4 Narrative Annotations 24

Grade 4 Redacted Narrative Student Responses 26

Grade 4 Persuasive Prompt 32

Grade 4 Persuasive Annotations 33

Grade 4 Redacted Persuasive Student Responses 35

4 Copyright © 2008 by Mississippi Department of Education

Grade 7 41

7th Grade Scoring Rubric 42

Writer’s Checklist for Grade 7 44

Grade 7 Informative Prompt 45

Grade 7 Informative Annotations 46

Grade 7 Redacted Informative Student Responses 48

Grade 7 Narrative Prompt 55

Grade 7 Narrative Annotations 56

Grade 7 Redacted Narrative Student Responses 59

Grade 7 Persuasive Prompt 65

Grade 7 Persuasive Annotations 66

Grade 7 Redacted Persuasive Student Responses 68

English II 74

English II Scoring Rubric 75

Writer’s Checklist for English II 77

English II Expository Prompt 78

English II Expository Annotations 79

English II Redacted Expository Student Responses 82

English II Position Paper Prompt 89

English II Position Paper Annotations 90

English II Redacted Position Paper Student Responses 92

English II Response to Literature Prompt 99

English II Response to Literature Annotations 100

English II Redacted Response to Literature Student Responses 102

Appendices 109

Appendix A: Sample Demographic Page 110

Appendix B: Sample Planning Pages 111

Appendix C: Sample Final Response Pages 113


The New Mississippi Writing Assessment Program Grades 4 and 7 and English II: Why, What, How?

Why

Mississippi’s Writing Assessment has undergone slight revisions since the 2007 test administration.

There are three reasons for these revisions: 1) Mississippi has a new language arts framework

(2006 Mississippi Language Arts Framework—Revised); 2) no writing test was administered to

students in grades 4 and 7 during the 2007–2008 school year so that districts might focus on MCT2;

and 3) the Mississippi Department of Education (MDE) sought consistency among assessments for

grades 4, 7, and 10.

What

As part of the MDE’s process for putting together Mississippi’s Writing Assessment program, the

department researched other models in place across the nation. In addition to reviewing assessment

models from other states, the MDE conducted a review of the NAEP writing assessment results to

inform the revisions to Mississippi’s Writing Assessment program. After reviewing a number of

assessment models, the MDE recognized strengths in the Nebraska writing program and sought to model

Mississippi’s assessment program after that program. The Nebraska model was chosen primarily because

of its heavy reliance upon teacher committees and teacher input in the state assessment process. Critical

to Mississippi’s Writing Assessment program is that teachers are included in every phase of the process.

How

As is the case any time the MDE plans to enter into a contractual agreement for services provided,

a Request for Proposals (RFP) was sent out from the department soliciting proposals from testing

companies/vendors. Once proposals were submitted from interested companies, a committee made up of

MDE staff, state educators, and the lead of the Nebraska project evaluated the proposals independently

and assigned points for the degree to which each company answered the specifi c requirements set forth in

the RFP. Upon completion of the evaluation process, the contract was awarded to Pearson.

Partnership with MWTI

The MDE’s Offi ce of Student Assessment employs a limited number of professionals charged with

overseeing assessment in the state. Due to these staffi ng limitations, the MDE sought an organization

that would function as the voice of the MDE in planning and facilitating committee meetings and

reviewing materials pertinent to the assessment process. Because the Mississippi Writing/Thinking

Institute (MWTI) has a long history of supporting writing instruction in the state of Mississippi, the MDE

within the RFP named the MWTI as a mandatory subcontractor to work with the selected contractor. All

decisions rest with the MDE, but the MDE relies on the MWTI to carry out those decisions.

The MWTI at Mississippi State University and individual staff members assigned to work on this project

have signed a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) indicating that MWTI staff will in no way use any

secure materials in their role as a professional development organization. Additionally, MWTI staff will

not “sell” any training based on any knowledge obtained through contractual duties associated with this

project.


Writing Prompts

Students in grades 4, 7, and 10 will be given a choice of two prompts for consideration. Students must

choose one prompt to which they will write their response. In 4th and 7th grades, students are asked to

write in one of three modes: narrative, persuasive, or informative. Students in 10th grade/English II are

asked to respond to one of three of the following mode-specifi c informative prompts: expository, position

paper, or response to literature. (See page 8 for details about English II prompts.)

These grade-specifi c writing modes are addressed in Competency 3 of the 2006 Mississippi Language Arts Framework—Revised. While prompts for all modes are designed to elicit a particular mode, the

holistic rubrics for grade 4 and grade 7 are not mode-specifi c. Therefore, while students’ understanding

of mode-specifi c writing is especially important as students answer multiple-choice MCT2 Language

Arts items, student scores on the Grade 4 and Grade 7 Writing Assessments refl ect only the students’

writing performance, not mode-specifi c responses.

Writing Assessment Details

Teacher committees play a critical role in the Mississippi Writing Assessment program. Teachers will

rotate on and off of committees so that many teachers will have the opportunity to serve on a committee.

The MDE is committed to having teachers from across the state serve on the teacher committees.

Rubric Revision Committee (RRC)

In 2007 three committees of teachers representing grades 4, 7, and 10 were convened to work with draft

revisions of rubrics for grades 4 and 7 and English II. Representatives from the MDE, Pearson, and

the MWTI worked together to generate the drafts of the revised rubrics presented to each committee.

The goal for the revision process was to create rubrics that continued the current standards while

incorporating more explicit language to support classroom instruction. The grade-level committees

critiqued and edited the rubric drafts. Each committee participated in a blind scoring activity using old

rubrics and revised new rubrics to confi rm that standards articulated in the old rubrics were evident

in the new rubrics. Each committee did indeed confi rm that the standards remained constant, and the

committees approved the fi nal revised rubrics. Rubrics are available in this document as well as posted on

the MDE’s website at http://www.mde.k12.ms.us/acad/osa/writing/.

Prompt Development Committee (PDC)

Each fall committees of teachers representing grades 4, 7, and 10 will meet to develop prompts to be fi eld

tested and potentially become prompts in the operational testing cycle. Teachers from the PDC will be

required to fi eld test multiple prompts in their classrooms.

Response Evaluation Committee (REC)

Each year of the Mississippi Writing Assessment program, a committee of Mississippi teachers

representing grades 4, 7, and 10 will be convened to score student responses gathered during the fi eld

test of prompts in order to choose anchor, training, and qualifying papers for the operational scoring

of student responses. Under the leadership of the MDE, representatives from MWTI and Pearson will

conduct training for REC teachers, mirroring the operational scoring process.


Operational Scoring

Each year of the operational scoring, representatives from MWTI along with support from Pearson will

train the readers who will score Mississippi student responses. Each student response is scored by two

trained readers. If the two readers award different but adjacent scores, the student response is awarded the

higher of the two scores. The scoring process is closely monitored by MDE.

Holistic Scoring

In holistic scoring, the reader assesses the overall effectiveness of the response rather than treating any

single element as more important than other elements. The reader assesses the response based upon

grade-specifi c rubrics reviewed and approved by grade-level Mississippi teachers. Using the rubric

criteria, the reader assigns the holistic score that best describes the overall effect of the response.

Scoring Confi rmation Committee (SCC)

Each year immediately following the operational scoring, a committee of Mississippi teachers

representing grades 4, 7, and 10 will be convened to confi rm the scores assigned by the readers hired by

Pearson and trained by MWTI. Teachers serving on the SCC will receive the same training as readers

hired to score Mississippi student responses. Teachers from the SCC will read a defi ned percentage of

papers at each grade level, confi rming the scores assigned by Pearson readers. Student responses will

not contain student names, only district names; teachers on the committee will not confi rm scores for

responses from their own district.

Defi nitions of Writing Modes

Grade 4 Writing and Grade 7 Writing

Informative Writing

Informative writing provides information on a topic, focusing on one main topic throughout the writing.

The writing includes logical supporting facts with details, explanations, and/or examples. Informative

writing presents information in a logical order and includes appropriate, purposeful transitions.

Narrative Writing

Narrative writing is much more than a summary of an event or experience. Narrative writing tells a story

based on a real event or recounts a personal experience. The writing focuses on one main topic, event, or

experience and relates events in an organized sequence. Narrative writing includes supporting ideas that

are developed through the use of details, examples, vivid language, and specifi c word choice and includes

appropriate, purposeful transitions.

Persuasive Writing

Persuasive writing clearly establishes a position on the issue presented and supports a specifi c side of an

issue. The writing fully develops a case with specifi c details and examples. Persuasive writing defends

the writer’s position with relevant evidence that is appropriate for the audience identifi ed in the writing

prompt and uses specifi cs facts, personal experience, and/or knowledge to support the writer’s position.

Persuasive writing often includes appeals to logic and/or emotion. The writing contains an organizational

structure appropriate for persuasion and uses appropriate voice or tone to engage the reader.


English II Writing

Expository Writing

Expository writing provides an explanation on a topic, focusing on one main topic throughout the

writing. The writing includes logical supporting facts with details, explanations, and/or examples.

Expository writing presents information in a logical order and includes appropriate, purposeful

transitions.

Position Paper

A position paper takes a position on the issue addressed in the prompt and presents carefully considered

support to establish and defend the writer’s position. The writing uses specifi c facts, personal experience,

and/or knowledge to support the writer’s position. Unlike a persuasive response, the position paper does

not attempt to convince the reader to believe in or act upon what the writer is saying; rather, the writer’s

goal is for the reader to understand completely why the writer has taken the position. Thus, the response

supports the position with information the writer has determined will ensure the validity of his or her

claim. The writing contains an organizational structure appropriate for the stated position.

Response to Literature

The writing develops and expresses a clear point of view in response to the prompt with personal

examples or examples from reading, observations, or knowledge of subjects such as history, science,

literature, etc. The writing uses logic and/or reasoning to support the writer’s point of view and an

organizational structure appropriate for the point of view expressed.

Grade 4


Grade 4

4th Grade Scoring Rubric

The student response

Score 4 (A Masterful Response)

Illustrates a thorough understanding of the task by maintaining a clear and consistent focus on •

the central topic through outstanding control over and development of ideas [details, reasons,

examples, evidence, anecdotes, events, descriptions, etc.] that fully support and/or enhance the

central topic.

Presents an effective order and structure based upon a strong and purposeful beginning, ideas that •

fl ow smoothly and logically, planned rather than formulaic transitions (where appropriate), and an

effective ending that avoids a mere restatement of the opening.

Demonstrates a clear, consistent perspective or stance through evidence of identifi able voice, tone, •

and/or style appropriate for purpose and audience.

Includes purposeful use of variety in sentence structure and length in the presentation of ideas •

throughout the response.

Contains appropriate, powerful, precise language that consistently assists in the development of •

ideas.

Contains few, if any, errors; demonstrates effective control of age-appropriate standard writing •

conventions [spelling, usage, punctuation, and capitalization] that are correct to the extent that

errors do not detract from overall delivery and require only minimal editing or appear as the

obvious consequence of risk-taking.


Score 3 (A Skilled Response)

Illustrates a competent understanding of the task with a focus on the central topic through strong •

control over and development of ideas [details, reasons, examples, evidence, anecdotes, events,

descriptions, etc.] that usually, but not always, support and/or are relevant to the central topic.

Presents an adequate order and structure based upon a reasonable but perhaps obvious beginning, •

ideas that usually fl ow smoothly and logically, predictable yet purposeful transitions, and an ending

that may be obvious but reasonable.

Demonstrates clear perspective or stance with some evidence of voice, tone and/or style that are •

appropriate for purpose and audience.

Includes appropriate variety of sentence structure and length to present ideas in portions of the •

response.

Contains appropriate, vivid, precise language that usually assists in the development of ideas.•

Contains occasional errors but demonstrates reasonable control over age-appropriate standard •

writing conventions; includes spelling, usage, punctuation, and capitalization that are correct to the

extent that errors detract only minimally from overall delivery and require only minor editing.


Grade 4


Score 2 (A Satisfactory Response)

Illustrates a satisfactory understanding of the task with an apparent focus on the central topic and •

with adequate control over and development of ideas; contains ideas that somewhat support the

central topic [details, reasons, examples, evidence, anecdotes, events, and/or descriptions, etc.] that

may be undeveloped and/or sometimes list-like.

Presents an order and structure based on a beginning that only loosely relates to the central topic, •

ideas that may pertain to the topic but may not be connected to each other, mechanical arrangement

of events, ideas, and/or details with few or formulaic transitions, and an ending that may be

formulaic or that only loosely relates to the central topic.

Attempts to demonstrate perspective or stance but shows little evidence of voice, tone, and/or style •

that are minimally adequate for purpose and audience.

Includes some variation in sentence structure and length but may be characterized by sentences •

that are simple, rambling, or repetitive.

Contains words and expressions that may be simple or general but usually clear and appropriate to •

the task.

Contains errors that indicate limited control over age-appropriate standard writing conventions; •

may include problems with spelling, usage, end and internal punctuation, and capitalization to the

extent that errors may detract from overall delivery and require moderate editing.


Score 1 (An Insuffi cient Response)

Illustrates little or no understanding of the task with only a weakly implied focus or no focus on •

the topic and with limited or no control over development of ideas [details, reasons, examples,

evidence, anecdotes, events, descriptions, etc.] that relate to the central topic and, when present,

may be confusing, unnecessary, or undeveloped.

Presents ideas or details that may be based on a beginning that has little direction, ideas that are •

strung together without apparent order or structure and that often do not pertain to the topic, few

or no transitions, and an ending, if present, that is usually inappropriate or unconnected to the

response.

Demonstrates little or no perspective or stance with no evidence of voice, tone, and/or style that, if •

present, is inappropriate for purpose and audience.

Includes some sentences with structural and word placement problems that often result in •

confusion and unnatural phrasing; includes a pattern of simple and monotonous sentences that may

be unclear or illogical.

Contains some vague or incorrect language that may be confusing; words and expressions may be •

redundant, vague, or incorrect.

Contains many errors; may demonstrate a struggle with control over standard writing conventions; •

may include errors in spelling, usage, end and internal punctuation, and capitalization that require

extensive editing and that typically detract from overall delivery, sometimes to the extent that they

impede understanding.


Grade 4

Writer’s Checklist for Grade 4

Content/Organization

Did I choose only one prompt and stay focused on my topic throughout my response? ❒

Did I include important supporting details to develop my topic? ❒

Did I use transitions well? ❒

Did I organize my response in a meaningful way? ❒

Did I remember my audience and purpose as I wrote my response? ❒

Sentence Structure

Did I vary the structure and length of my sentences to strengthen my response? ❒

Did I use sentence variety to support my points? ❒

Language

Did I consistently use precise and vivid language? ❒

Did I use language that clearly addresses the development of my ideas? ❒

Writing Conventions

Did I correct errors in spelling, usage, punctuation, and capitalization? ❒

Did I print or write clearly? ❒

For Your Information

The Score 4 rubric appears on page 2 of the Test Booklet.•

The Score 4 rubric appears again on page 1 of Response Booklet.•

The Writer’s Checklist appears on page 2 of the Response Booklet.•


Grade 4

Grade 4 Informative Prompt

Think about which season of the year—fall, winter, spring, or summer—is your favorite season of the

year. Before you begin writing, think about the reasons why this season is your favorite. You might be

thinking about the weather, certain activities that take place during this season, or other things that make

this season your favorite. Write one or more paragraphs for an interested adult to explain why this one

season of the year is your favorite. Be sure to support your reasons with specifi c examples and/or details.


Grade 4

Grade 4 Informative Annotations

Score 1

This informative response illustrates little understanding of the task presented in the writing prompt. The

response has a weak focus on the writer’s central topic of summer as the favorite season but demonstrates

no control over development of ideas. Ideas are repeated (. . . because when summer you don’t got two go to school. . . . because we can have a summer break from school. . . .) or are contradictory and unrelated

to the central topic (. . . I love to come toschool I wish we can we can come to school own summer. . . .). After a simple beginning and a repeated transition (and another reason why I like summer, and a nother why), structure in the writing disappears. Poor control of the writing precludes any voice or tone

emerging. Most sentences have structural problems, some to the point of meaninglessness (I like when I like when summer come. But this summer because I like when summer.). Spelling errors (own [over]),

usage errors (you don’t got), and capitalization and punctuation errors (John darius Emily anna madison Jake) require extensive editing. This response is a score 1.

A-2

Score 2

This response illustrates satisfactory understanding of the task, as it addresses the prompt topic with an

apparent focus on the central topic of summer as the favorite season. Development of supporting ideas

about no school work, swimming, baseball, going to the beach, fi shing, and playing football is adequate

but often list-like (There are many kinds of dives I’ll tell you some there is a regular dive, a swan dive, a pencil dive, and a cannon ball dive. I like playing in the pool with my friends.). The writer attempts to

structure these many ideas in a mechanical arrangement (There are many different reasons I like summer. Let me tell you about them. One reason. . . .) but demonstrates a lack of control of organizational cues

(There are a few more reasons why I think summer is the best season of the year. Another reason is going to Gulf Shore Alabama . . . . There are three more reasons why I like summer. You can go fi shing . . . . There is one last reason. . . .). Some voice appropriate to the purpose and audience occasionally

emerges (Another reason I like summer is there is still a little bit of baseball season left and I love playing baseball.). Words are simple but clear and occasionally precise (I had a eight pound bass on my line. . . . felt that I had been defeated by a fi sh. But then I caught a few more brim so I felt a little better.). Sentences are mostly correct, but some run-on sentences and occasional errors in spelling and sentence

punctuation require moderate editing. This is a strong score point 2 response.

A-4


Grade 4

Score 3

Focused on the writer’s central topic of summer as the favorite season, this response illustrates a

competent understanding of the writing task. The introduction is reasonable but obvious (I have three reasons why summer is my favorite season we can go swimming, my birthday, and my moms off work.). Control over development of ideas is strong, with relevant examples and details used to support each

reason addressed in the body of the response. While the writing lacks transitions between paragraphs,

some transitions within paragraphs contribute to a smooth fl ow of ideas (Sometimes my mom and me go out to eat for lunch like Wendys. When my mom and me spin time together we have alot of fun.). The

conclusion is strong and, while obvious, does more than simply restate information from the introduction

(Other people may have other favorite seasons like winter or fall but my favorite season is summer.). The

response demonstrates some evidence of voice and tone appropriate for the purpose and audience (When you start burning up you can go swimming to cool you off.). Sentences vary in structure and length, and

the response contains some precise language that assists in the development of ideas (. . . gift bags with candy and toys for everyone that comes to my birthday party.). Occasional errors in spelling, punctuation,

and usage (My mom and me get to spin time together. . . .) require minor editing. This response is a

score 3.

A-6

Score 4

Clearly and consistently focused on the writer’s central topic (Summer is my absolute favorite season.), this response illustrates a thorough understanding of the task. The writer develops each idea about

gardening, swimming, and no school fully, although the paragraphs would have benefi tted from

additional details (Another reason I like this season is swimming. It is very refreshing if you are hot from the sun. Secondly the feeling I get it’s like fl ying in air!). The response has a clear structure, with

a purposeful beginning and planned transitions between paragraphs (one of the many reasons, the most wonderful thing about summer, most important) and within paragraphs (Secondly, Third of all, Most important) that create a smooth and logical fl ow of ideas to an effective ending (All these reasons add up to why Summer is the ultimate season!). A clear, consistent perspective is maintained with a tone of

excitement that is evident throughout the response (. . . Summer is the ultimate season! The gardening, swimming in sparkling water, and of course no school!). Purposeful variety in sentence structure and

length helps to connect details (I like planting the little tiny seeds. The only thing is they take what seems like decades to grow. It pays off though when you get to eat the scrumpcios vegtables. They taste delicious!). Appropriate, precise language assists development of ideas (very refreshing if you are hot from the sun, like fl ying in air, the ultimate season). A few errors in spelling and punctuation require only

minimal editing. This is a weak score point 4 response.

A-8

Please note that identifying names of people and places have been removed from the student responses

containing such; replacement names, which appear as typed text, have been inserted.


Grade 4

Grade 4 Redacted Informative Student Responses

A-2


Grade 4

A-4a


Grade 4

A-4b


Grade 4

A-6a


Grade 4

A-6b


Grade 4

A-8a


Grade 4

A-8b


Grade 4

Grade 4 Narrative Prompt

Think about a time when you did something outdoors that you really enjoyed. You might think about

a time you played with friends, went on a picnic, helped with yard work, or any other time you did

something outdoors that you enjoyed. Write one or more paragraphs for an interested adult about a time

when you did something outdoors that you enjoyed. Before you begin writing, think about the event

as it happened and the details that will help the reader see the event clearly. Tell about the event using

strong verbs and specifi c details so that the reader feels as if he or she is watching the event exactly as it

happened.


Grade 4

Grade 4 Narrative Annotations

Score 1

This response illustrates minimal understanding of the prompt task to write about “a time you did

something outdoors.” The response has a weakly implied focus on the central topic of the writer’s

experience driving a car, but ideas show little development. The writer’s two-sentence description of

nearly hitting a pole and then driving too fast relates to the central topic and provides minimal support.

The remaining sentences are an undeveloped list of other places and events (And I whet to Piggley Wiggley and over my anut house. And She was cooking.). After a beginning that has little direction

(I drove my grandaddy car.), events are strung together into a short sequence that contains a single

transitional phrase (And when we got away from the Pole. . . .) and has no ending. Little voice or tone and

no perspective are present. Most sentences are simple in structure, with one fragment (And Start to drive all around Storm layk). Words are simple and lack precision (got away from the Pole). Errors in usage

(my grandaddy car, over my anut house), spelling (whet), and capitalization (Pole, Storm layk) require

extensive editing. This is a score point 1 response.

A-2

Score 2

The response illustrates satisfactory understanding of the task presented in the prompt. Focus on the

writer’s central topic of a snowy day spent playing outside is established in the opening. The body of

the response provides an adequate but list-like description of the day’s activities of making snow angels,

having snowball fi ghts, and building a snowman. Story events are organized in a sequence and grouped

mechanically, with formulaic transitions used to start each group of ideas (The fi rst thing, The second thing, Inclosing) and simple, repetitive transitions used to connect ideas (Then, Then after that, So then).

The writer attempts to demonstrate a perspective (I loved that day.); but little voice emerges, even when

the writer’s feelings about the destruction of the snowman are addressed (Then Tyler asked me was I mad I said, “No I am all right.” Then Tyler said, “all right”.). While sentence structures show some variety,

the response is also characterized by repetitive phrasing (Then my cousins came. . . . Then the snow got as thick. . . . Then we put a cap on his head.). Structural problems in a more complex sentence result

in a fragment (So when I went to my cousin’s house so they could change in some warm clothes and so we could get a camera to take pictures with.). Language is usually simple and clear (Then we put a cap on his head and a ring on his fi nger.), with a single instance of vivid language (Then the snow got as thick and white as if icing was everywhere.). Errors in spelling, usage, and internal punctuation require

moderate editing. This is a solid 2 response.

A-4


Grade 4

Score 3

This response illustrates a competent understanding of the narrative task with a clear focus on the writer’s

topic of an enjoyable day spent washing the car. Strong control over development is evident in the well-

selected details that clearly support the central topic, including the mention of family members present

and their activities of dancing and having water fi ghts that made the chore fun. Following an obvious

beginning, ideas fl ow logically with some predictable transitions (While we were washing the car, After that, Finally) to a reasonable, though obvious, ending (Finally, We all got tired and went into the house.). The response demonstrates a clear perspective with some evidence of tone appropriate for the purpose

and audience (I really enjoyed that moment because everyone pitched in to help.). Sentence structures

and lengths are somewhat varied (While we were washing the car, our mom ask us if we wanted to listen to music. We said, “yes”!), and the response contains some appropriate and precise language that assists

in developing ideas (everyone pitched in to help, dancing and making up dances all over the back yard, wetting each other up). Errors in usage (our mom ask us) and punctuation require only minor editing,

indicating the writer’s reasonable control of age-appropriate writing conventions. This is a solid score

point 3 response.

A-6

Score 4

This response illustrates the writer’s thorough understanding of the narrative task by maintaining a

clear and consistent focus on the central topic of a Fourth of July gathering. The development of details

fully supports the topic by illustrating why this Fourth was special, providing pertinent details about the

preparations and activities on the day and ending with information about what happened after the party.

The response presents an effective order and structure based upon a strong and purposeful beginning

(We had a lot of work to do so we got up early. The day was going to be very special because my daddy, step mama, and brothers and sisters were coming from Texas.), and ideas fl ow smoothly and logically

in sequence to an effective ending that avoids restatement of the opening (Since we had so much fun I can’t wait until our next celebration.). The response has a clear, consistent perspective with evidence of

identifi able tone in the writing (The day was going to be very special because my daddy, step mama, and brothers and sisters were coming from Texas.). Purposeful use of variety in sentence structure and length

is evident (That day even Bandit, our adorable puppy had fun. The next day was sort of sad for our grandparents because my daddy and the others were leaving.); and the writer uses appropriate, precise

language that consistently assists in the development of ideas (Then, we seasoned the meat and put it on the grill, while grandma made pies.). The response contains a few errors in capitalization, punctuation,

and spelling that require only minor editing. This is a solid 4 response.

A-7




Grade 4

Grade 4 Redacted Narrative Student Responses

A-2


Grade 4

A-4a


Grade 4

A-4b


Grade 4

A-6


Grade 4

A-7a


Grade 4

A-7b


Grade 4

Grade 4 Persuasive Prompt

Think about a class fi eld trip that you would really like to take and the reasons why the principal of

your school should allow the class to take the fi eld trip. Write one or more paragraphs to persuade your

principal to allow your class to go on this fi eld trip. Before you begin writing, think about the reasons

why your class should be allowed to take the trip. Be sure to give specifi c examples for the reasons why

your class should be allowed to take this trip. Remember you are writing one or more paragraphs to

present reasons that will persuade your principal to allow your class to take this fi eld trip.


Grade 4

Grade 4 Persuasive Annotations

Score 1

This response illustrates limited understanding of the writing task. The response addresses the prompt

topic of persuading the school principal to allow a class fi eld trip and establishes a focus on the writer’s

central topic of a trip to Six Flags. Only limited control over development, however, is apparent in

the undeveloped list of foods, shopping, and rides provided as support. A single sentence lists a few

examples to illustrate each of the categories (And For shopping they have Rings, nelaces, toys. . . .). The writing has some structure, including a brief and formulaic beginning (The three reason why I won’t to go on a Field trip to Six Flags is they have food, shopping, Rides.) and ending (This is why the Princeapal should let us go on a fi eld trip to six fl ags.). Some sentences in the response have structural

problems or dropped words that result in unnatural phrasing (They have for food is nachos, Funnel cakes, hamburgers.). Errors in usage (the three reason), spelling (won’t, nelaces, calpliter, Princeapal), and

capitalization require extensive editing of the writing. This is a score point 1 response.

A-2

Score 2

This response illustrates a satisfactory understanding of the task and has a focus on the writer’s central

topic of Chattanooga as a good place for a class fi eld trip. The development of supporting reasons is

list-like, limiting the effectiveness of the writing as a persuasive piece. The opening lists some repetitive

reasons (It would be a good expeierence. It would also be a different place to go to. It would be a great trip to go to. There is lots of places to go to in Chattonoogo). Some of those reasons are then

expanded in the body of the response, although development is very limited and details are not well-

connected (. . . Ruby Falls it’s a beutiful place to see. . . . And the last but not least Lookout Mountain it’s another beutiful place to visit in Chattonooga.). While structure is maintained throughout the response,

transitions are formulaic (Another thing, The best thing); and the ending simply repeats ideas. The writer

demonstrates a perspective (. . . I promise you it will be a tremendous expeirence.), but voice is limited by

the general and repetitive language of the response (good expeirence, beutiful, beutiful place, awesome place, a tremendous expeirence). Errors in spelling, usage, and capitalization require moderate editing

and indicate limited control over age-appropriate writing conventions. This is a solid score point 2

response.

A-4


Grade 4

Score 3

Focused on the central topic that the class has earned a fi eld trip to Chucky Cheese’s, this response

demonstrates competent understanding of the task. The use of specifi c details and examples (. . . we have been hard workers all year. We have went into class and did all of our work. We learned how to write a fi ve paragraph essay. And, we also got invited to a yong authors celebration and wrote books.) illustrates

strong control over development of the three supporting reasons presented in the obvious opening.

Predictable transitions (One reason, Another reason, The last reason) help to connect ideas through the

response. The use of “also” within sentences (And, we also got invited . . . We have also learned. . . .) helps ideas progress logically, with each detail supporting the writer’s central theme. The response

demonstrates a clear perspective with some evidence of tone appropriate for the purpose and audience

(Dont you think all that should be rewarded?), although the tone changes as the writer ends the response

with a direct question to the principal and reacts to the answer (Do we get to go? Yeah we’re going to Chucky Cheses.). Sentence structures and lengths are somewhat varied, and the response contains some

precise and appropriate language that assists development of ideas (completed many goals, write amazing essays, respeted all adults on campes). Occasional errors in spelling (respeted, rud) and punctuation

require minor editing. This is a solid score point 3 response.

A-6

Score 4

This response indicates thorough understanding of the task by maintaining a clear and consistent

focus on reasons to make a class fi eld trip to New Orleans. The writer supports this central topic with

information about what students will learn from the different culture, the different accents and food, and

the aquarium. In the second body paragraph the writer attempts to focus on the positive results of the

fi eld trip, but the lack of an appropriate topic sentence creates a less than cohesive group of sentences

(If we stay there for hours, everyone we see will welcome us. Also, they will give you lots of food just like they get.). Overall, the response presents an effective structure based on a strong and purposeful

beginning (Could we go on a trip we will both enjoy? If so, could we go to New Orleans?), and ideas

fl ow smoothly to a brief ending that adds little but avoids restatement of the opening (Lastly, we all could see many things, but mostly people and animals.). A clear, consistent perspective and tone are

identifi able throughout the response (I think we should learn something new about other people . . . . they probably would understand us better . . . . you learn new things about fi sh and other animals. . . .). Some

purposeful use of variety in sentence structure and length is used to tie ideas together (Finally, when you go to the aqarium, you learn new things about fi sh and other animals, such as seahorses, jelly fi sh, and other sea animals. We even can get a closer view of the sea.). The response contains few errors in writing

conventions, demonstrating the writer’s effective control. This is a weaker score point 4 response.

A-7




Grade 4

Grade 4 Redacted Persuasive Student Responses

A-2


Grade 4

A-4


Grade 4

A-6a


Grade 4

A-6b


Grade 4

A-7a


Grade 4

A-7b

Grade 7


Grade 7

7th Grade Scoring Rubric



Illustrates a thorough understanding of the task with a clear and consistent focus on the central •

topic through outstanding control over and development of ideas [details, reasons, examples,

evidence, anecdotes, events, descriptions, etc.] all of which fully support and/or enhance the central

topic with no digression.

Presents an effective organization through the use of purposeful, clearly delineated, multiple •

paragraphs, including a compelling introduction, purposeful rather than formulaic transitions

within and between paragraphs, and an effective conclusion that provides a clear sense of

resolution rather than a mere restatement of the opening.

Establishes a consistent perspective or stance with distinctive tone and style appropriate for •

purpose and audience.

Exhibits purposeful use of variety in sentence structure and length to ensure the smooth fl ow of •

ideas throughout the response.

Demonstrates consistent use of appropriate, powerful, precise language to support development of •

ideas.

Contains only few errors, illustrating effective control of age-appropriate standard writing •


errors do not detract from overall delivery and require only minimal editing.



Illustrates a competent understanding of the task with a clear focus on the central topic through •

strong control over and development of ideas [details, reasons, examples, evidence, anecdotes,

events, descriptions, etc.] that usually, but not always, are relevant to and add support for the

central topic with minimal or no digression.

Presents a planned organization through the use of clearly delineated, multiple paragraphs, •

including an effective introduction, useful transitions within and between paragraphs, connections

between ideas that may be predictable, and a conclusion that provides a sense of resolution.

Establishes a clear perspective or stance with a tone and style appropriate for purpose and •

audience.

Exhibits variety in sentence structure and length to ensure the smooth fl ow of ideas throughout •

most of the response.

Demonstrates use of appropriate and precise language throughout most of the response to support •

development of ideas.

Contains occasional errors, illustrating reasonable control of age-appropriate standard writing •


errors detract only minimally from overall delivery and require only minor editing.


Grade 7



Illustrates a satisfactory understanding of the task with a discernable focus on the central topic •

through adequate control over and development of ideas [details, reasons, examples, evidence,

anecdotes, events, descriptions, etc.] that somewhat support the central topic but may be

undeveloped and/or sometimes list-like.

Presents an organization that loosely supports the central topic, with or without multiple •

paragraphs; may include a formulaic introduction; includes few or formulaic transitions within

and between paragraphs; ends with a conclusion that is predictable or may be a restatement of the

introduction.

Attempts to establish a perspective or stance but presents an uneven tone and style that are •

minimally adequate for purpose and audience.

Exhibits minimal variety in sentence structure and length and may include sentences that are •

mechanical and/or rambling but understandable.

Demonstrates use of words and expressions that are usually simple or general but are appropriate •

to the task.

Contains errors, illustrating limited control of age-appropriate standard writing conventions •

[spelling, usage, punctuation, and capitalization] to the extent that errors may detract from overall

delivery and require moderate editing.



Illustrates little or no understanding of the task with only a weakly implied focus or no focus on •

the central topic with limited or no control over development of ideas [details, reasons, examples,

evidence, anecdotes, events, descriptions, etc.] that relate to the central topic and are confusing,

illogical, or undeveloped.

Lacks organization to support the central topic with or without multiple paragraphs; may include •

an introduction that provides little or no direction; typically lacks transitions; may include ideas

that do not pertain to the topic; may or may not end with a conclusion, which, if present, is often

inappropriate and/or unconnected.

Demonstrates little or no perspective or stance; shows little discernable tone or style or may show •

inappropriate tone or style.

Includes some sentences with structural and word placement problems that often result in •

confusion and unnatural phrasing; includes a pattern of simple and monotonous sentences that may

be unclear or illogical.

Uses some vague or incorrect language that may be confusing; contains words and expressions that •

may be redundant, vague, or incorrect.

Contains numerous errors, illustrating a struggle with control of age-appropriate standard writing •

conventions [spelling, usage, punctuation, and capitalization] to the extent that errors detract from

overall delivery and require extensive editing.


Grade 7

Writer’s Checklist for Grade 7


Did I choose only one prompt and stay focused on my topic throughout my response? ❒

Did I use multiple paragraphs to create an introduction, body, and conclusion? ❒

Did I include relevant supporting details to develop my topic? ❒

Did I use purposeful transitions within and between paragraphs? ❒

Did I organize my response in a manner appropriate for the topic? ❒

Did I remember my audience and purpose as I wrote my response? ❒

Sentence Structure

Did I vary the structure and length of my sentences in a purposeful way? ❒

Did I use effective sentence variety to present my ideas? ❒

Language

Did I consistently use precise and vivid language to present my ideas? ❒

Did I use language that clearly supports the development of my ideas? ❒

Writing Conventions

Did I correct errors in spelling, usage, punctuation, and capitalization? ❒







Grade 7

Grade 7 Informative Prompt

Think about a favorite relative. Before you begin writing, think about the reasons why this person is your

favorite relative. Write an informative essay for an interested adult to explain why this person is your

favorite relative. Be sure to include reasons and/or examples supported by specifi c details that will help

the reader understand why this person is your favorite relative.


Grade 7

Grade 7 Informative Annotations

Score 1

This single-paragraph response demonstrates little understanding of the task, although it does address

the prompt topic. The response is focused on the writer’s central topic of mom as a favorite relative but

demonstrates no control over development of ideas. The writer presents many reasons as support, but

those reasons are largely undeveloped (we also ride horses and 4-wheelers together. My mom is funny, careing, and really fun to hang out with. She sometimes let’s me do what I want. . . .). The response

has no discernable organization, beginning with an introduction that provides no direction (My favorite relative is my mom.). The few transitions are simple (So, And), and the response lacks a conclusion. Some

ideas do not clearly relate to the central topic (My mom and I argue sometimes, but it’s mainly over crazy stuff.). Vague language (we do alot of stuff together, planting fl owers and stuff) and a pattern of simple

and monotonous sentences result in little discernable tone and style. While not overwhelming, errors in

punctuation result in run-on sentences. Additional errors in spelling and punctuation illustrate a struggle

with control of age-appropriate standard writing conventions (careing, alot, is’nt, let’s, do’nt, help’s, i’m). This response is a score 1.

A-2

Score 2

This fi ve-paragraph response illustrates a satisfactory understanding of the task as it addresses the

writing prompt. The writer adequately develops ideas that somewhat support the central topic of dad as

the favorite relative. Details are list-like, however, and could be reordered without affecting meaning.

The fi rst body paragraph explains how “dad takes the most care” of the writer, although details tend to

be general and undeveloped (When I am having diffi culties with my work, he will drop by and help.). The second body paragraph addresses why dad is so funny and gives a few specifi c details (He will put sun shades on the back of his round head and act like it is the front of his face.), but ideas are somewhat

repetitive (. . . my dad is hilarious. . . . He cracks me up. . . . My dad is the most hilarious man ever.). The

third body paragraph contains general statements about why the writer likes taking trips with dad (He makes it fun everytime we go on a trip. My dad loves to take me places. . . .). The conclusion includes

restatement of ideas from the introduction. Tone and style are uneven and minimally adequate for the

purpose. Sentences are minimally varied in length and structure. Words and expressions are general

(. . . my dad takes the most care for me. He cooks every single night and helps if I get hurt.). Errors in

age-appropriate standard writing conventions (e.g., incorrect words, usage errors) require moderate

editing. This response is a score 2.

A-4

Score 3

This fi ve-paragraph response illustrates a competent understanding of the task with a clear focus on the

writer’s central topic (My papaw is a great relative. . . .) presented in the formulaic introduction. Control

is strong over development as each body paragraph discusses one reason papaw is the writer’s favorite

relative (i.e., he is smart and fun to be around; he is there in sports; he has taught a lot of things). The

fi rst body paragraph contains relevant evidence supporting why the writer’s papaw is smart and fun,

although some details are list-like (When summer comes around, it is time to go four wheeler riding.


Grade 7

We also play football a lot in the summer. It is very fun.). Support in the second body paragraph, while

relevant, contains some repetition as it attempts to provide support (Papaw has always been there for me in sports. He goes to all of my games. When mom isn’t able to take me to my games, papaw is always there. . . .). Details in the third body paragraph provide evidence that papaw taught the writer; however,

the paragraph lacks full development (I have learned to hunt and fi sh from him too. Papaw has taught me a lot of things, but the best thing is that he has taught me to be a wonderful person.). While lacking

between paragraphs, transitions appear within paragraphs to connect ideas (During the winter, When summer comes). Tone and style are appropriate to the purpose and audience. Sentences vary in length and

structure, ensuring the smooth fl ow of ideas. Although some repetitive and general words are threaded

throughout the response (Papaw has taught me a lot of things. He taught me. . . . He also taught me. . . .), most language is appropriate. The few errors in conventions do not detract from the overall delivery of

the response. This response is a score 3.

A-6

Score 4

The fi ve-paragraph response illustrates a thorough understanding of the task with a clear and consistent

focus. A compelling introduction reveals the writer’s central topic (Isabella Jane . . . a relative that I could not live without.) and offers three supporting reasons that are developed without digression in the

body paragraphs. The writer opens each paragraph with a sentence about one of these three supporting

reasons, qualities that Isabella Jane possesses. In the fi rst body paragraph, the writer cites Isabella’s

ease with the church congregation to illustrate and develop ideas about her confi dence (At the church she attends, the congregation just waits to hear what she will say next. Although, her words are not always appropriate, its still hilarious to hear her speak them.). The second body paragraph, which

is the most fully developed of the three, offers anecdotes and relevant details about Isabella Jane’s

intelligence (Isabella Jane is incredibly smart for a two year old. No matter what she hears, and how many times she hears it, I always know that its going to come out of her mouth eventually.). The last

body paragraph develops details of Isabella Jane as a loving relative (The times when I am feeling gloomy, I begin thinking about her sweet, soothing laugh and suddenly I am cheerful again.). Although

transitions between paragraphs are lacking, transitions within paragraphs connect ideas (At the church she attends, The times when I am feeling gloomy). The effective conclusion provides a clear sense of

resolution. The writing consistently conveys a tone of adoration with a style appropriate for audience

and purpose. Sentences vary in structure and length, ensuring the smooth fl ow of ideas throughout the

response. Language is appropriate throughout most of the response (I look forward to watching this loving, intelligant, confi dant child grow and mature into a successful adult.). The few errors in writing

conventions (Its easy, intelligant, confi dant) do not detract from overall delivery and require only

minimal editing. This response is a weak score 4.

A-7




Grade 7

Grade 7 Redacted Informative Student Responses


Grade 7


Grade 7


Grade 7


Grade 7


Grade 7


Grade 7


Grade 7

Grade 7 Narrative Prompt

Choose a time from your life that you remember as especially fun or memorable. You may be thinking of

a time you did something by yourself, with friends, or with family or some other time that was especially

fun or memorable. Write a narrative essay for an interested adult about that time in your life. Before you

begin writing, think about the event as it happened and the specifi c details that will help the reader see

the event clearly. Capture the event by using strong verbs and specifi c details so that the reader feels as if

he or she is watching the event exactly as it happened.


Grade 7

Grade 7 Narrative Annotations

Score 1

This single-paragraph response addresses the prompt topic but illustrates little understanding of the task.

Serving as an introduction, the opening sentence presents the writer’s central topic (The especially fun time in my life was went I was a baby.) but provides little direction. The writer attempts a narrative about

climbing out of the crib and falling down the stairs, but these ideas are undeveloped and at times illogical

(The especially fun time in my life was. . . . Soon I fl ip, row fell down the stair. I was cry loud. . . .). Although the writer does sequence events, the essay lacks transitions. A one-sentence conclusion

is inappropriate (I got up a walk in the kicten and got me some milk and want to bed.). The essay

demonstrates little perspective on the topic and shows little discernable style (. . . could not see nothing, I fell, I run into wall, toy and the door. I walk into the hall way. . . .). Structural problems in

sentences (e.g., fragments) result in unnatural phrasing, and the remaining sentences form a simple

and monotonous pattern. Words and phrases are repeated throughout the text (I was in my crib. . . . I was hungry. . . . I was cry. . . ). Numerous errors in conventions require extensive editing (e.g., comma

splices, misspelled words, inappropriate tense shifts, double negatives, incorrect verb conjugation). This

response is a score 1.

A-2

Score 2

This fi ve-paragraph response addresses the prompt topic and illustrates a satisfactory understanding of

the task. Using descriptive and narrative elements, the writer relates a memorable time at a Memphis

Grizzlies basketball game. Ideas supporting this central topic, however, are largely undeveloped as

they follow the order of topics (The sights, the sounds, and the game. . . .) presented in the introductory

paragraph. Although the fi rst body paragraph contains some support, it is only tangentially related to

the sights of the game (Our seats were nearly atop the Pyramid so getting to our seats was a great acheivement. The game was diffi cult to visualize as a result of this.). The second body paragraph contains

list-like support (Fans were cheering on their team, or yelling at a bad call by the offi cials. Buzzers and horns sounded. . . .) and some digression (Naturally I was very youthful so I didn’t know what was going on.). The fi nal body paragraph relates the game’s outcome and the writer’s post-game activity, but again

support has little development (The game was very tight, but when it was all said and done the Grizzlies had defeated there opponents, the Sacremento Kings. We then walked down to the court.). Few transitions

appear within paragraphs, and transitions between paragraphs are formulaic (First off, Another thing).

The conclusion merely restates the introduction. Language and sentence variety are more controlled than

development and organization, with words and phrases that are generally appropriate and at times precise

(. . . lights dimming, the music blaring, and fi reworks fl aming into the sky) and purposeful sentence

variety (i.e., simple, compound, and complex sentences). The writer attempts to establish a perspective

and a tone of enthusiasm in the fi rst body paragraph (The pre-game was something I had never seen in my entire life. . . . All of this comes to me just as if it were yesterday.) but cannot evenly sustain either.

Despite the control of language, however, the lack of development and formulaic organization contribute

to keeping the response a score of 2.

A-4


Grade 7

Score 3

This fi ve-paragraph response illustrates a competent understanding of the narrative task with a clear

focus on the writer’s central topic (A special and memorable time in my life is when all of the Rock Hill cheerleaders went to the Mississippi State Cheerleading Competition and Fair.). The effective

introduction opens with this central topic and closes with the three reasons the competition was

memorable (. . . being with my sisters, competing, and going to the actual fair.). Control of development

is strong, with details and anecdotes that are usually relevant and support the central topic. In the fi rst

body paragraph, the writer begins by alluding to a memory of being with other cheerleaders at the

competition and offers an explanation of why the other cheerleaders are like sisters (Every single one of those cheerleaders is my sister! I love them all like my family. They inspire and push me to my full potential as a cheerleader and as a person.). The second body paragraph is the most fully developed

of the body paragraphs, relating relevant and specifi c details about competing in the contest (They said 3rd place and they said 2nd! They never said Rock Hill! We waited impatiently and fi nally the man said “First place goes to . . . Rock Hill Junior High!”). The third body paragraph relates the

winners’ celebration at the fair following the competition; and although details are relevant, they lack

development. Transitions result in somewhat predictable connections between ideas (e.g., My fi rst and favorite memory, Next, Last but defi nately not least), and the conclusion restates information from the

introduction. The writer establishes a tone appropriate for purpose and audience (No, I’m not crazy! Every single one of those cheerleaders is my sister!). Sentence variety in structure and length results in a

smooth fl ow of ideas throughout most of the essay, and generally appropriate language (But right before that, we had a pre-performance, and man was it hiddeous! We were falling all over the place and fl yers were falling.) supports development. Errors in conventions are minor (hiddeous, defi nately) and require

little editing. This response is a score 3.

A-6

Score 4

This response illustrates a thorough understanding of the narrative task and has a clear and consistent

focus on the writer’s central topic of a memorable hospital visit. The introduction’s compelling discussion

of winding halls and absence of other people foreshadows the writer’s experience of getting lost in the

hospital. Throughout the response, development of events fully supports and enhances the writer’s central

topic. The fi rst body paragraph relates the purpose of the visit (She [the writer’s grandmother] was at the City Hospital after a dangerous fall, and my family and I had gone up there. . . .). The writer uses the

remainder of the fi rst page to set up the reason for leaving the grandmother’s room and for getting lost

(“Hey Mom, may I go down to those vending machines and get some snacks?” . . . taking the money and walking to the doorway. I left without a look back, closing the door behind my back.). On the second page

of the response, the writer develops specifi c and relevant details about searching fourth-fl oor hallways

for the grandmother’s room (The receptionist’s desk was empty! I was forced to walk down all four halls, searching for my grandmother’s name on the patient’s clipboard. Not all the doors had the clipboard out. . . .). Transitions are usually purposeful, particularly between paragraphs (I was then forced to backtrack to the elevator area and start over again. Once there, I saw. . . .). Providing a clear sense

of resolution, the effective conclusion fi nds the writer safely returned to the family. The perspective is

consistent, and the distinctive tone is suspenseful. Sentences purposefully varied in structure and length


Grade 7

ensure the smooth fl ow of ideas. Powerful, precise language supports development of ideas and events

(With a sense of relief washing through me, I punched the button for fl oor four and waited for the doors to open. As I confi dently stepped out, what greeted me was four long hallways with rows of doors on either side.). Errors in standard writing conventions (immediatly, familier) do not detract from the overall

delivery and require minimal editing. This response is a score 4.

A-8




Grade 7

Grade 7 Redacted Narrative Student Responses


Grade 7


Grade 7


Grade 7


Grade 7


Grade 7


Grade 7

Grade 7 Persuasive Prompt

Your school district leaders are considering a new homework policy. The policy will require that students

have fi fteen minutes of homework in each subject every night. Think about whether you agree or disagree

with this proposed policy. Write an essay to persuade your school district leaders to agree with your

viewpoint. Be sure to include specifi c reasons, details, and/or examples to explain and support your

viewpoint. Remember you are writing the essay to present reasons, details, and/or examples that will

convince the district leaders to agree with you.


Grade 7

Grade 7 Persuasive Annotations

Score 1

This two-paragraph response illustrates little understanding of the task presented in the prompt. The

writer presents the central topic (. . . I disagree with the Idea of a new homework policy.) in the opening

sentence of the fi rst paragraph. Details related to the central topic, however, are undeveloped (. . . we shouldn’t fi fteen minutes for homework most likely it should be fi ve minutes, sometimes we have more homework. . . .). Transitions within paragraphs are ineffective and fail to connect ideas. The writer also

digresses somewhat from the central topic (Sometimes I like doing homework but most of the time I don’t . . .) in the last paragraph, resulting in an inappropriate conclusion. Structural problems in sentences

lead to unnatural phrasing and confusion (Secondly, I disagree because we shouldn’t fi fteen minutes for homework most likely it should be. . . .). The lack of development, lack of organization, and use of

repetitive language (. . . the Idea of a new homework policy. . . . should limited the homework policy)

allow little tone or style to emerge from the response. The density and variety of errors demonstrate a

struggle with control of age-appropriate standard conventions (Frist, thats, should limited). This response

is a score 1.

A-2

Score 2

This three-paragraph response illustrates a satisfactory understanding of the task with a discernable

focus on the writer’s central topic (. . . fi fteen minutes per homework assignments is asking too much. . . . Fifteen minutes just isn’t long enough.). Within the body paragraph, ideas are adequately

developed with some details and examples (One night it took me to 11:00 p.m. to fi nish a math homework assignment that I Started at 5:00 p.m., that’s 7 hours, imagine where I would be on that assignment in fi fteen minutes.). Transitions between paragraphs are lacking, but a few appear within paragraphs (One night, Think about). The conclusion includes some restatement of the introduction and an undeveloped

alternative solution (let try about one hour and thirty minutes. This policy just won’t make it.). Although

not sustained, tone and style emerge briefl y in the body paragraph, particularly when the writer attempts

to provide details and language that are somewhat specifi c and sentences somewhat varied (. . . how would they feel about fi fteen minutes per homework assignment. I’m not trying to Say every Subject takes forever, but fi fteen minutes is not enough. We need way more time.). Errors in conventions (expecially, your doing) require moderate editing. This response is a weak score 2.

A-4

Score 3

This fi ve-paragraph response illustrates a competent understanding of the task with a clear focus. The

writer’s central topic is introduced in the opening paragraph and stated clearly in the conclusion (So, I strongly disagree with 15 minutes of homework for each subject.). The organization includes clearly

delineated, multiple paragraphs that follow the structure set up in the introduction (Besides all the time it would take, there are kids who have church on Wednesday nights and after-school activites.). Each body

paragraph offers reasons and examples that usually support the central topic and do not digress. The fi rst

body paragraph largely consists of generalizations about completing homework that does not get checked

by the teacher (Than they are just doing 15 minutes for nothing. Half the time teachers don’t check


Grade 7

the homework, they just see if you have it.). In the second body paragraph, the writer offers a relevant

personal example as support against the homework policy (. . . I don’t get out of softball til six. To top it off, my mom teaches the little kids, and we stay til every little kid is picked up, which is like 9:00 or 9:30.). In the third body paragraph, support is relevant but not developed fully (There are cheerleaders, football, band, and fl ag at the begining of the year. There is also softball, that is all year round.). Some

useful transitions appear within and between paragraphs (If one does the math, To top it off, Don’t forget). The conclusion provides a sense of resolution with an alternative solution (Maybe 5 minutes on each subject.) and the clearly stated central topic. The writer establishes a tone and style appropriate for the

purpose. Some variety in sentence structure and length ensures the smooth fl ow of ideas. The few errors

in conventions (Than [Then], everyday [every day], til) detract only minimally from the overall delivery

of the response. This response is a score 3.

A-6

Score 4

This fi ve-paragraph response has a clear and consistent focus on the writer’s central topic (. . . fi fteen minutes of homework in each subject every night. . . . I don’t think this is a good idea). In an introduction

that is more effective than compelling, the writer states the central topic and identifi es the organizational

structure of the response (Homework is not nessasary every night, fi fteen minutes could take too long if the person has alot of subjects, and not all homework requires fi fteen minutes to work.). In each

of the fully developed and controlled body paragraphs, the writer develops a discussion about one

reason not to have fi fteen minutes of homework for each subject each night. The fi rst body paragraph

contains relevant reasons to support the idea that without parental or teacher review of homework the

time spent completing homework is wasted (. . . it hurts their grades when they show up for class the next day with an unfi nished homework assignment. Parents today don’t understand the lessons their kids are learning so how are they supposed to help them?). Discussion in the second body paragraph

of the effect of a heavy course load further supports the central topic (No matter how dedicated the student is to school, they will eventually lose interest if they are spending all day on school work, then coming home doing more of it. If a child loses interest in school, their grades are going to drop. . . .). The third body paragraph focuses on the inequity issues of fi fteen minutes of homework (Every child is different. . . . One student may rush and take seven or eight minutes, while another student takes twenty or thirty minutes. . . .). The conclusion provides a sense of resolution, although it includes some

restatement from the introduction. The distinctive tone and style are appropriate for the purpose and

audience (Without teachers there to review and explain the assignments, the children are going to just give up and take a zero homework grade the following day. This makes homework pointless.). Variety in

sentence structure and length ensures the smooth fl ow of ideas. Errors are few (nessasary, alot, take to long), illustrating the writer’s effective control of age-appropriate standard writing conventions. This is a

weak score of 4.

A-7




Grade 7

Grade 7 Redacted Persuasive Student Responses


Grade 7


Grade 7


Grade 7


Grade 7


Grade 7

English II


English II

English II Scoring Rubric



Illustrates a thorough understanding of the task with a clear and consistent focus on the central •

topic or position including a clearly stated, non-formulaic thesis and full control over and

development of ideas [details, reasons, examples, evidence, anecdotes, events, descriptions, etc.],

all of which support and/or enhance the central topic or position with no digression or “wasted

sentences.”

Presents effective, coherent, and purposeful organization that enhances the central topic or position •

through multiple paragraphs that are clearly delineated; begins with a compelling introduction;

uses precise and purposeful transitions of words or phrases within and between paragraphs to

create a cohesive, uninterrupted fl ow of ideas; ends with an effective conclusion that adds a sense

of completeness to the response while avoiding redundancy and restatement of ideas.

Establishes an obvious and consistent perspective or stance with distinctive tone and sophistication •

of style appropriate for purpose and audience.

Exhibits meaningful and effective variety in sentence structure and length to ensure the coherent •

and smooth fl ow of ideas throughout the response.

Demonstrates consistent use of appropriate, powerful, precise language that enhances the •

development of ideas and provides clarity of expression.

Contains only few errors, illustrating effective control of age-appropriate standard writing •


errors do not detract from overall delivery and require only minimal editing.



Illustrates a competent understanding of the task with a clear focus on the central topic or position •

including a non-formulaic thesis and strong control over and development of ideas [details,

reasons, examples, evidence, anecdotes, events, descriptions, etc.] that support and/or enhance the

central topic or position with minimal or no digression and few or no “wasted sentences.”

Presents an effective organization that supports the central topic or position through multiple •

paragraphs that are clearly delineated; begins with a purposeful but perhaps predictable

introduction; uses transitions of words or phrases within and between paragraphs, though some

connections may seem forced or predictable, to create a cohesive fl ow of ideas; ends with a

conclusion that completes the response but may seem predictable and may include minimal

redundancy and restatement of ideas.

Establishes a clear perspective or stance; usually demonstrates tone and style appropriate for •

purpose and audience.

Exhibits variety in sentence structure and length to ensure smooth fl ow of ideas throughout most of •

the response.

Demonstrates skillful use of appropriate and precise language throughout most of the response to •

support the development of ideas.

Contains occasional errors, illustrating reasonable control of age-appropriate standard writing •


errors detract only minimally from overall delivery and require only minor editing.


English II



Illustrates a satisfactory understanding of the task with a discernable focus on the central topic or •

position with an implied or formulaic thesis and adequate control over and development of ideas

[details, reasons, examples, evidence, anecdotes, events, descriptions, etc.] that somewhat support

the central topic or position but may be underdeveloped and/or sometimes list-like.

Presents an organization that loosely supports the central topic or position, with or without multiple •

paragraphs; may include an introduction, which may be mechanical or only loosely related to

the central topic or position; uses only few or formulaic transitions to connect ideas within and

between paragraphs that are often predictable or not clearly connected to the central topic or

position; may end with a conclusion, which often is predictable and/or redundant and/or merely a

restatement of another part of the response.

Attempts only inconsistently to establish a perspective or stance; demonstrates tone and style that •

are uneven and only minimally adequate for purpose and audience.

Exhibits minimal variety in sentence structure and length and may include sentences that are •

mechanical and/or rambling but understandable.

Demonstrates use of words and expressions that are frequently simple or general but minimally •

appropriate to the task.

Contains errors, illustrating limited control of age-appropriate standard writing conventions •

[spelling, usage, punctuation, and capitalization] to the extent that errors may detract from overall

delivery and require moderate editing but do not impede understanding.



Illustrates minimal or no understanding of the task with only a weakly implied focus or no focus •

on the central topic or position with limited or no control over and weak development of ideas

[details, reasons, examples, evidence, anecdotes, events, descriptions, etc.] that relate to the central

topic or position and are often confusing, illogical, or undeveloped.

Presents only loose organization that usually does not support the central topic or position, with •

or without multiple paragraphs; may include an introduction that provides little or no direction;

typically lacks transitions; may include ideas that do not pertain to the topic; may or may not end

with a conclusion, which, if present, is often inappropriate and/or unconnected.

Typically does not attempt to establish a perspective or stance; shows little or no discernable tone •

or style that may, if present, be inappropriate for purpose and audience.

Typically exhibits sentences with structural and word placement problems that often result in •

confusion; typically includes a pattern of simple and monotonous sentences that may be unclear or

illogical.

Typically demonstrates use of vague or incorrect language that may be confusing, redundant, or •

incorrect.

Typically contains numerous errors, illustrating a struggle with control of age-appropriate standard •

writing conventions [spelling, usage, punctuation, and capitalization] to the extent that errors

detract from overall delivery, require extensive editing, and may impede understanding.


English II

Writer’s Checklist for English II


Did I write about the topic selected? ❒

Did I write a thesis statement that clearly focuses on the topic? ❒

Did I use multiple paragraphs to create an introduction, body, and conclusion? ❒

Did I include relevant supporting details to develop my topic or position? ❒

Did I use purposeful transitions within and between paragraphs? ❒

Did I organize my response in a manner that is appropriate for the topic? ❒

Did I address the appropriate audience and purpose in my response? ❒

Sentence Structure

Did I vary the structure and length of my sentences in a meaningful way? ❒

Did I use sentence variety to create an effective fl ow of ideas? ❒

Language

Did I consistently use language that is precise, powerful, and appropriate? ❒

Did I use language to enhance the development and the clarity of my ideas? ❒

Writing Conventions

Did I correct any errors in spelling, usage, punctuation, and capitalization? ❒







English II

English II Expository Prompt

Most schools have students who have been elected by their peers to be school leaders, such as captains

for athletic teams, club offi cers, or student council representatives. These student leaders are often

asked their opinion by school offi cials regarding decisions that will affect the rest of the team, club, or

school. Write an expository essay to inform an interested adult about the qualities that make a student a

good leader. Be sure to include reasons and/or examples that explain why these qualities are important.

Support your ideas with specifi c details.


English II

English II Expository Annotations

Score 1This fi ve-paragraph response demonstrates only a minimal understanding of the task, although the writer

addresses the prompt topic. In the mechanical introduction, the writer supplies a vague thesis (There are many diffrent qualities that make a good leader.) and lists qualities of a good student leader (i.e., honest

and trustworthy, stronger than the group, dependable). Body paragraphs follow this list of qualities,

but development of ideas in each body paragraph consists of vague and repetitious assertions about

the qualities that make a good leader (If you’re a leader and your not strong when they need you to be you aren’t a good leader. . . . If you can’t be a strong leader you shouldn’t be a leader.). Transitions are

lacking between paragraphs, and most sentences within paragraphs could be reordered with little impact

on meaning (I think a good leader should be honest because if theyre not you cant trust them. A good leader should always tell the truth. They should be trustworthy.). Further, the conclusion is inappropriate

(That is what I think about leaders and what they should be.). Little attempt to establish perspective is

evident. Sentences demonstrate only minimal variety in structure and length (If you can’t be a strong leader you shouldn’t be a leader. . . . If you cant depend in your most needed time he/she is not a good leader.), and language is general and sometimes vague (Leader’s should be able to do stuff your not so good at.). Errors in conventions (diffrent, theyre, Leader’s should, cant depend) do not impede

understanding. This response is a strong score 1.

A-1

Score 2This fi ve-paragraph response addresses the prompt topic and illustrates a satisfactory understanding of

the task. The opening sentence offers three topics for discussion (I consider the following to be qualities of a good leader: Showing leadership, keep things in order, and Presenting your self correctly.) and is

followed by the writer’s thesis (It takes a lot to be a good leader.). This introductory paragraph becomes

redundant as it closes with a repetition of the discussion topics. Following the order of these three

topics, body paragraphs provide some support for the thesis. Support, however, becomes repetitive; and

reasoning is sometimes circular. In the fi rst body paragraph, ideas remain underdeveloped; and the writer

does not clearly explain how a leader teaches others to lead (. . . it will allow the other members . . . to learn to lead. A leader can teach this because one have to have followed before the lead.). An example of

circular reasoning opens the second body paragraph and is followed by an assertion not clearly connected

to keeping things in order (. . . it allows someone in the same age bracket as the members to pick the uniforms and other type things without the members disagreeing.). More repetition in the third body

paragraph contributes to the underdevelopment of ideas (. . . good things may happen for your club, team, or school. Good things may happen all because of the way your team or your self is Prensented. . . .). The concluding paragraph simply restates ideas from other parts of the response. Variety in sentence

structure and length is minimal, and some sentences become rambling (Keeping things in order can be a quality because if one knows how to keep things in order and Participate in the events that the club, team, or school have, allows them to be a good leader.). Words and expressions are general (Keeping things in line, other type things, Good things) and often repeated (club, team, or school). A sentence

fragment (Such as learning to follow before you lead.) and other errors (e.g., non-parallelism, subject-

verb disagreement, and misspellings) illustrate limited control of age-appropriate writing conventions.

This response is a score 2.

A-4


English II

Score 3

This fi ve-paragraph response illustrates a competent understanding of the task and a clear focus on the

writer’s thesis (Student leaders not only must demonstrate selfl essness and intelligence, but they must also have confi dence in their abilities.). In developing ideas that support the thesis, the writer organizes

discussion to follow the three points of the thesis (selfl essness, intelligence, confi dence) presented in the

introductory paragraph. In the fi rst body paragraph, the writer makes some assertions about being selfl ess

and offers a specifi c example of when a leader should think of others. The writer makes a reference

to consequences (Lack of selfl essness hinders decisions affecting others.) but does not fully explain

why selfl essness makes someone a good leader. The second body paragraph moves to a discussion of

a leader’s need for intelligence and provides supporting reasons (Knowledge and wisdom contribute to decision making, planning and organization. Without the information behind a problem, a leader cannot propose a rational solution.). Discussion in the third body paragraph offers some explanation of why

confi dence is necessary to a leader (If a student leader lacks faith in her leadership capabilities she loses the willpower to successfully guide others. Had the Math Club President been timid, the other members may not have respected her authority.). Statements about arrogance in a leader, however, digress

somewhat from the topic of confi dence. While a few transitions seem forced (For instance) or repetitive

(If a leader, If a student), overall the effective use of these connecting words and phrases creates a

cohesive fl ow of ideas. The concluding paragraph, despite some restatement of earlier ideas, provides

a sense of completion. Variety of sentence structure and length contributes to this smooth fl ow of ideas

(If a leader does not have intelligence, she cannot properly direct her peers. A strong, respected leader also must have confi dence.), and language choices are appropriate and precise (If the drum major in the marching band doesn’t understand the fundamentals of the marching, she cannot effectively conduct and aid the band.). Control of age-appropriate standard writing conventions is reasonable. This response is a

score 3.

A-6

Score 4

This fi ve-paragraph response illustrates a thorough understanding of the task with a clear and consistent

focus. The introductory paragraph opens with a question drawing the reader’s attention to the prompt

topic and builds to reveal the writer’s non-formulaic thesis (Kindness, confi dence, and dedication, however, are the three characteristics I have found in every good leader in our school.). Using the thesis

points to relate the downfall of a class president and the rise of his successor, the writer fully controls

development of relevant and specifi c details. Each body paragraph begins with an explanation of one

quality a leader should have and then gives an example of that quality, along with an explanation of how

the quality helps make a good leader. In the fi rst body paragraph, the writer offers one reason kindness

is necessary in a leader (People who feel valued and respected by their leader are more likely, in times of need or crisis, to rally behind that leader.) and supports that reason with the example of Bob’s losing the

class presidency. The second body paragraph begins with a transitional statement, but the remainder of

the paragraph draws some clear connections between having confi dence and being a good leader (Their belief in their own abilities allows them to make these tough decisions and to support them within and promote them outside the group. If leaders . . . appear to lack faith in their own decisions, others may lose faith as well.). In the fi nal body paragraph, the writer defi nes dedication in a leader, using Sarah’s

sacrifi ces as an example. The last sentence of the paragraph explains how dedication contributes to being

a strong leader (This kind of dedication has an immediate effect on achieving collective goals, but more importantly it has a long-lasting impact by inspiring other members of the class to similar sacrifi ce.).


English II

Purposeful transitions (e.g., While in offi ce, Hand in hand with confi dence, In her recent appearance, For Sarah) create a cohesive, uninterrupted fl ow of ideas. The conclusion is effective, adding a sense of

completeness to the response. The writer’s perspective is consistent, and tone is appropriate for purpose

and audience. Sentence structure and length are varied (Tired of his abuse, those same classmates called for a special election and brought forth a candidate of their own. No one voted for Bob. He had failed to observe the Golden Rule and paid the price.) and contribute to the coherence and fl ow of ideas

throughout the response. Use of language is appropriate (Bob’s arrogance led him to treat classmates with disdain. While good leaders must never be arrogant, they must possess the confi dence to determine objectives, goals, and strategies for the group.). Containing only a few errors (e.g., uncomplaingly), the

response illustrates effective control of age-appropriate standard writing conventions. This response is a

score 4.

A-7




English II

English II Redacted Expository Student Responses


English II


English II


English II


English II


English II


English II


English II

English II Position Paper Prompt

Communities across the state are considering establishing a curfew for teenagers under the age of

eighteen. Think about whether or not establishing a curfew is a good decision. Take a position. Write

an essay for an interested adult to explain and provide support for your decision. Use reasons and/or

examples with specifi c details to justify your position.


English II

English II Position Paper Annotations

Score 1

This one-paragraph response illustrates minimal understanding of the task presented in the writing

prompt. The response has only a weakly implied focus on the writer’s position that children under

seventeen should have a curfew. Although the minimal introduction establishes this position, it provides

little direction for the remainder of the response. Ideas are undeveloped, and some ideas are contradictory

(Yes but getting curfews is a good thing, but it well hurt some peoples cause of the times that they get off work.). The inappropriate conclusion contains more confusing ideas (These curfews could save alote of peoples lifes and then again it would hurt them.). The few sentences in the response have structural

problems that cause confusion (e.g., over-coordinated sentences). Language is vague (anything can happen, a good thing, alote). Errors in conventions (e.g., misspelled words, missing apostrophes) detract

from the overall delivery. This response is a score 1.

A-1

Score 2

This fi ve-paragraph response addresses the prompt topic with a discernable focus on the writer’s position

that a curfew for teenagers is a good idea. The response is organized using the reasons presented in

the writer’s formulaic thesis (. . . teenagers would get into less trouble in general, there would be less underage drinking, and it would be good for teenagers to learn concequences.). Development overall

somewhat supports the writer’s position. The fi rst body paragraph contains some support for the fi rst

reason, but development is list-like and somewhat vague (. . . they would have less time to get bored and do stupid stuff. A curfew would not completely stop this, but it would slow it down a little.). The writer

also fails to explain how a curfew would prevent drug use and vandalism. The second body paragraph

offers some support for the next reason to enforce a curfew (There will still be many parties and still a lot of drinking, but most people will have to leave the party earlier. . . .). The third body paragraph

offers some support for the third reason to have curfews, but support is mostly repetitive and consists

of only general statements about the need for teenagers to learn consequences (Most teenagers need to learn about concequences, because some parents just let their kids “Run Wild”, while others just let their kids get away with every thing.). The few transitions used are formulaic and redundant (If a curfew was established, If a teenager under the age, In conclusion). The conclusion merely restates the writer’s

position. Words and expressions are frequently general (stupid stuff, slow it down a little, get away with every thing). A sentence fragment at the end of the response, misspelled words, inappropriate tense shifts,

and punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas, commas outside quotation marks) illustrate limited control

of age-appropriate standard writing conventions. This response is a score 2.

A-4

Score 3

This fi ve-paragraph response is marked by a clear focus on the writer’s position favoring a curfew for

teenagers under the age of eighteen. The purposeful introduction presents a non-formulaic thesis (The teenagers may be reluctant and dissatisfi ed with this position, but as they mature teens will realize the important benefi ts they recieved from this curfew.). In the body paragraphs, development of ideas

supports the writer’s thesis and is focused on three possible benefi ts of a teen curfew (i.e., higher


English II

academic achievement among students and schools, a reduction in teen dangers, and an increase in teen

health). The fi rst body paragraph enhances the topic development through clear connections of ideas and

explanations of outcomes (. . . academic excellence is effected by the teen’s night sleep before. Having a community wide curfew will help get teens in bed earlier and the sleep they need to excel in school.) without wasted sentences. Ideas in the second paragraph are not as fully developed as those in the fi rst

paragraph, with support consisting of somewhat general and similar statements (. . . teen dangers will become less abundant. . . . getting teens out of the street away from trouble. . . . help benefi t the safety of teenagers.). The third body paragraph contains support for an increase in teen health (The average teen needs eight to ten hours of sleep a night to function normally. This curfew . . . plans for them to get the hours of sleep needed for potential health.). The writer attempts to connect obesity to the curfew, but

the explanation offered to make the connection is fl awed. While organization is effective, transitions

are basic (e.g., First, In addition, Last). The writer’s tone and style are appropriate. Variety in sentence

structure and length ensures a smooth fl ow of ideas, as does the mostly appropriate, and at times precise,

language (In addition to schools benefi ting from the community curfew, teen dangers will become less abundant. Crime and gang related activities are usually lurking at night.). Occasional errors in age-

appropriate writing conventions (e.g., negatively effected, teenagers night sleep, forty percent drop out rate) detract only minimally from the overall delivery. This response is a score 3.

A-6

Score 4

This fi ve-paragraph response maintains a clear and consistent focus on the writer’s position against a

curfew for teenagers under the age of eighteen. The writer uses a hypothetical situation involving the

police and a curfew to build to the thesis (I disagree with the idea of communities establishing a curfew for teenagers under eighteen because it does not make much sense.) revealed in the last sentence of the

opening paragraph. This effective introduction leads into fully controlled and developed paragraphs. The

fi rst body paragraph contains relevant, specifi c details to support the idea that establishing curfews would

waste government and police resources (Not only would government time be wasted, police offi cers would now have to patrol the streets for teens out after curfew. Police offi cers’ time should be spent keeping our streets safe. . . .). In the second body paragraph, discussion of why a government-issued

curfew would encroach on parental rights further enhances the writer’s position (. . . a parent may want their children home earlier. Teens may become rebellious and state that they do not have to be home earlier because of the government-issued curfew.). The third body paragraph focuses on the negative

impact a curfew would have on teenagers’ freedom and consequently their trust in the government.

Although details are not as developed for this paragraph as for the fi rst two, the evidence supports the

writer’s position (With a curfew, teens may become untrusting of the government. They will think things like, “What’s next? I can’t go to the mall without my mom?”). The conclusion is somewhat predictable,

but the fl ow of ideas is cohesive and uninterrupted. Variety in sentence structure also ensures coherence

and fl ow of ideas, despite an awkward sentence in the third body paragraph (By being allowed to drive as late as they want with no fear of being ticketed allows teens to feel. . . .). Consistently appropriate

word choice contributes to the writer’s sophisticated and appropriate tone (This process would take away crucial time when government offi cials should be discussing more relevant things such as having local transportation to help with rising gas prices.). Throughout the response, the writer demonstrates effective

control of age-appropriate standard writing conventions. This response is a score 4.

A-8




English II

English II Redacted Position Paper Student Responses


English II


English II


English II


English II


English II


English II


English II

English II Response to Literature Prompt

Benjamin Franklin once said, “A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may

never get over.” Think about this quotation as it relates to the power of words and the impact that words

can have on a person’s life. Write an essay for an interested adult explaining your thoughts as they relate

to this quotation. Be sure to support your thoughts with specifi c points and/or examples. You may use

points and/or examples based on personal experiences, reading, or observations.


English II

English II Response to Literature Annotations

Score 1

This response illustrates little understanding of the task and has only a weakly implied focus on the

prompt topic. The introductory paragraph provides little direction, merely a restatement of the quotation

and vague assertions about its effect on people (These words may have impacted various people in many families and cultures. This quote will never be forgotten.). Although the writer attempts to explain

Benjamin Franklin’s statement about a slip of the tongue, ideas throughout the response are undeveloped.

The single body paragraph contains a confusing mix of details about Ben Franklin (Although Benjamin Franklin was a historian from back in the day, his quotes still mean something. . . .) and interpretation

of the quotation. Some of this interpretation does not follow logically from Franklin’s words (. . . but if one’s actions speak louder than his or her words, then, he or she might just be in trouble.). A vague

and indecisive statement ends the paragraph (Maybe this quote does have a good meaning to it.). The

inappropriate conclusion simply repeats assertions from the introduction, along with another vague

statement about the quotation (Not many people know exactly what this quote means, but the people who do will always remember it. . . .). The few sentences in the response are usually simple, and one over-

coordinated sentence rambles (I would think that the quote by Ben Frank would mean that if one were to slip and fall his or her body would heal, but if one’s actions speak louder than his or her words, then, he or she might just be in trouble.). Language is repetitive and vague (his quotes still mean something, would mean, have a good meaning, what this quote means). This response is a score 1.

A-2

Score 2

The fi ve-paragraph response addresses the prompt topic, offering a formulaic thesis (This quotation can mainly affect a person’s view of life, choice of decisions, and use of words.). Although each body

paragraph contains an attempt to discuss one of the thesis topics, support within each paragraph is

underdeveloped as it becomes repetitive and general. Each paragraph ends by repeating the general

statement that opened the paragraph. Much of the support in the fi rst body paragraph consists of

sweeping assertions and the vague example of how words changed the writer’s life view, although

the writer does not explain how or why (My girlfriend told me her life’s story, and it seemed we were different and compatible at the same time. I started to look at life in a new way.). The second body

paragraph consists of general and often repetitive statements (This quotation can affect a person’s choice of decisions. . . . A person’s words can affect your decisions greatly. . . . Decisions are changed everyday because of someone’s words.). Although the last sentence of the third body paragraph again mirrors the

fi rst, the personal example has somewhat more specifi c development than previous examples (I’ve said things to my loved ones that can just uplift and downsize someone’s spirit. Even though I don’t mean them, I still can’t take them back.). The conclusion repeats the writer’s thesis, along with more general

statements about the quotation (It has brought up past experiences that have had a lot of impact.). Most

sentences have simple structures. Words and expressions are often general and usually simple (. . . you can’t take back some thing you said. I know for a fact that this is a true statement. I’ve said things. . . .). The response contains only occasional errors, however, in standard writing conventions (e.g., everyday

[every day]). This response is a score 2.

A-4


English II

Score 3This response illustrates a competent understanding of the task with a clear focus on the writer’s thesis

(. . . I believe means words, harsh or kind, can have an impact on people’s lives.) revealed in the

purposeful introductory paragraph. The writer follows the thesis with a formulaic listing of how words

can affect a person’s life (. . . the way a person acts, feels, and thinks.). In each of the body paragraphs,

the writer develops one of the points listed in that fi nal sentence of the introductory paragraph. Overall

control of that development is strong. The fi rst body paragraph consists of several examples of how

words could affect a person’s actions. These examples are general, though relevant, but lack clear logical

development (Someone could comment on the way another person acts, and the person they are talking to may act like that and stop just because of what they said. They would stop being who they are. . . .). The second body paragraph illustrates some development of ideas, despite some general statements

that lack explanation (. . . then they will probably grow to hate, like I have. Being teased is not fun.). Support in the third body paragraph is the most specifi c of the three body paragraphs as the writer

relates a relevant personal anecdote about being infl uenced by a friend’s words (I chose a car when it came time for me to select my vehical. He changed the way I thought about things and it interfered with my decision.). The writer uses predictable transitions (For example, Another example, For instance) to

connect ideas. Despite a predictable opening statement, the conclusion demonstrates a completion of

the response that avoids being a simple restatement of ideas. The writer’s perspective is clear, and tone

is appropriate (From teasing to congragulating, the power of words is greater than any person could have imagined.). Variety in sentence structure and length appears throughout most of the response and

contributes to the smooth fl ow of ideas despite some repetition (e.g., if-then structures). The response

contains only occasional errors in standard writing conventions (has an affect on; all that a person receives, then they will; the things people say has). This response is a score 3.

A-6

Score 4This four-paragraph response has a clear and consistent focus on the writer’s non-formulaic thesis

(Words can impact lives in two main ways. They either help or hurt.) and demonstrates full control over

development of supporting ideas. The fi rst body paragraph contains a discussion of encouraging and

inspiring words with the example of Churchill’s speech to British Parliament to illustrate how words can

help (These few words of confi dence rallied the British people and brought them out of the doom and despair into an, otherwise impossible, victory.). Ideas in the second body paragraph, while not as specifi c

as the Churchill example, provide evidence that enhances the writer’s thesis. The writer explains how

words can hurt and further supports the explanation with the example of teens who are bullied. Purposeful

transitions within and between paragraphs create a cohesive fl ow of ideas, and the conclusion adds a

sense of completeness to the response. The writer establishes a distinctive tone that is appropriate for

audience and purpose (How could these words of enlightenment if left unspoken have changed the course of history?). The response exhibits meaningful variety in sentence structures, although sentence length is

less varied (Often a kind word is the most helpful gift one can give. Encouraging words are a source of light in a world of darkness.). Language is consistently appropriate, enhancing development of ideas and

providing clarity of expression (These few words of confi dence rallied the British people and brought them out of the doom and despair into an, otherwise impossible, victory.). Although a few errors in conventions

occur (shutters [shudders], unneseccary), they require only minimal editing. Overall, the response

illustrates effective control of age-appropriate standard writing conventions. This response is a score 4.

A-8




English II

English II Redacted Response to Literature Student Responses


English II


English II


English II


English II


English II


English II

Appendices

Appendix A: Sample Demographic Page

ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

|

|

LAST NAME FIRST NAMEB

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

111111111111111111111111111

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

MI

STUDENT NAME

A

SCHOOL DISTRICT

TEACHER

Month Day Year

BIRTH DATEC

111111111111

1111111111

1111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

0

1

2

3

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

1111111111

Jan

Feb

Mar

Apr

May

June

July

Aug

Sept

Oct

Nov

Dec

11

19

20

RACE/ETHNICITY(Mark only one)

E

1Asian

Black

Hispanic

1

SPECIAL CODESG

1

1

11

Native American

White

Other

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

MSIS STUDENTIDENTIFIER

D

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

ACCOMMODATIONCODES

K

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

FOR ADMINISTRATIVE USE ONLY

OTHER INFORMATIONL

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

A B C D E

Test AttemptedBefore

I

1 YES

StatusH

GENDERF11

Female

Male

1

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

11

1

1

Yes

IDEA Student

504 Student

LEP/ELL Student

Temporarily Disabled

Exclude Scores from Summaries

F G H I J

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

1111111111

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

11111111

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

1 LP

Braille1

J

Mark Reflex® by NCS Pearson IM-200110-001:654321 ISD6047 Printed in U.S.A.

| | | |

Copyright © 2008 by Mississippi Department of Education

C

Appendix B: Sample Planning Pages

5

Mississippi Writing Assessment Planning Pages

Use these pages to write a draft of your response. These pages are for planning adraft of your response ONLY. Nothing you write on these pages will be scored.

PLANNING P

AGE

6

Planning Pages (continued)

End Planning Pages

Once you are ready, you must write your final response in your Response Booklet on pages 3 and 4.Use the rubric on page 1 to help you make any revisions or edits to your response.

PLANNING P

AGE

Appendix C: Sample Final Response Pages

ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ SERIAL #PLEASE DO NOT WRITE IN THIS AREA.

|

|

DO

NO

T W

RIT

E O

UT

SID

E T

HE

BO

X. D

O N

OT

WR

ITE

OU

TS

IDE

TH

E B

OX

.Final Response Pages

Your response must be completed on the two lined pages provided. Use page 4 to continue writing ifnecessary. Use ONLY pages 3 and 4 to write your response.

You MUST darken circle 1 if you chose Prompt 1 or darken circle 2 ifyou chose Prompt 2.

11

PromptPrompt

1

2

DO

NO

T W

RIT

E O

UT

SID

E T

HE

BO

X. D

O N

OT

WR

ITE

OU

TS

IDE

TH

E B

OX

.Final Response Pages Continued

Did you remember to darken circle 1 or circle 2 on page 3?Only the response written on pages 3 and 4 of this booklet will be scored.

\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ SERIAL #PLEASE DO NOT WRITE IN THIS AREA.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

\

|

|

Documents

TEACHER GUIDE - Mississippi Department of · PDF fileWriter’s Checklist for Grade 4 12 ... Students in 10th grade/English II are ... grade-speciﬁ c rubrics reviewed and approved