The 4 Steps

Practically using NonviolentCommunication

The 4 Steps

Getting through a conflict situation in 4 steps:

• Step 1: Observing without Evaluating

• Step 2: Identifying Feelings at Play

• Step 3: Discover Underlying Needs

• Step 4: Making Requests for Enrichment

Step 1: Observation

• Situation:

– Many different things

– Observing the facts

– Don’t blame, don’t judge

– EMPATHY

Step 2: Feelings

• EMPATHY for self

– What are you feeling?

– Don’t blame yourself for feeling

• EMPATHY for other

– What are they feeling?

– Don’t blame them for feeling

Step 3: Needs

• Emotions = signs for needs (not) being met

• Universal Needs

– Non universal emotional reactions to needs

• Find the need by asking about it

Step 4: Request

• How can we meet the unmet needs?

– Request the other party for help

• What are the other party’s needs?

– Respect that those needs need to be met too

• One strategy to meet all/many of the needs

(ELC = experiential learning cycle)