The 5 Languages of Love

• We all have a love language:

How do you express love to others?

What do you complain about the most?

What do you request most often?

• Your emotional love language and that of the people close to you may be as different as Mandarin from English• No matter how hard you try to express love in English, if the people around you speak Mandarin, you’ll never understand how to love each other

• It is rare that a married couple will have the same primary love language

We tend to speak our primary love language and become confused when our spouse doesn’t understand what we’re communicating

• Once you identify and learn to speak the primary love

language of the people closest to you, you’ll have discovered the key to long-lasting, loving relationships

Words of Affirmation• Actions don’t always speak louder than words

• Unsolicited compliments mean the world to you

• Hearing the words “I love you,” are important

• Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten

• Verbal compliments or words of appreciation are powerful communicators of love

Words of Affirmation• Encouraging words: “Encourage” means “to inspire

courage.” All of us have areas in which we feel insecure, which can hinder us from accomplishing things we want to do. That motivation may be awaiting encoring words from the people we love.

• Kind words: If we are to communicate love verbally, we must use kind words. That has to do with the way we speak

• Humble words: Love makes request, not demands. Make your needs known in the form of a request, not ultimatums

• CHALLENGE: if this is someone’s love language, set a goal to give them a different compliment each day for a month

Quality Time• Nothing says “I love you,” like full, undivided attention

• Being there for this type of person is critical - this is how the person feels truly special and loved

• Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful

• Time is a strong communicator of love

• Quality conversation - 2 people sharing their thoughts and feelings

• A relationship calls for sympathetic listening with a view to understand the other person’s desires.

• We must be willing to give advice, but only when it’s requested and never in a condescending manner

Quality Time• Listening tips:

• Eye Contact

• Don’t do something else at the same time

• Listen for feelings and confirm them

• Observe body language

• Refuse to interrupt - interruptions indicate, “ I don’t care what you are saying”

• Quality conversation also calls for self-revelation. In order for the person to feel loved, you must reveal some of yourself, too

• CHALLENGE: If this is someone’s love language, ask them for a list of five activities that they would enjoy doing, and make plans to do one of them each month for the next five months

Gifts• Don’t mistake this for materialism; the

receiver thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift

• The perfect gift or gestures shows the person that they are known, cared for, and loved.

• A missed birthday, anniversary, or a thoughtless gift would be disastrous

• Visible symbols of love, speaks the loudest

Gifts• A gift is a symbol of thought.

• It doesn't matter what it is…big or small…expensive or free…it is a tangible sign that makes the person feel thought of and special

• CHALLENGE: If this is someone’s love language, keep a “gift idea” list. Every time you hear that person say, “I really like that,” write it down. Select gifts you feel comfortable purchasing, making, or finding, and dont’ wait for a special occasion.

Acts of Service• Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities

weighing on this person will speak volumes

• The words he/she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you”

• Laziness, broken commitments/promises, and making more work for this person tells that their feelings don’t matter

• People who speak this language seek to please their partners by serving them; to express their love for them by doing things for them

• Ex: cooking a meal, washing the dishes, walking the dog, laundry

Acts of Service• The things you do for people require thought,

planning, time, effort, and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are expressions of love.

• DON’T be a doormat; DON’T do these things out of guild or resentment

• DO these acts out of love

• CHALLENGE: If this is someone’s love language, what is something that this person has asked you to do? Try and do it because this task is really important to that person

Physical Touch• Is NOT all about sex

• Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face show excitement, concern, care, and love

• Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect can be unforgivable and destructive

• Holding hands, kissing, hugging, and sex for this person makes them feel secure in their relationship

Physical Touch• “Love touches” don’t take much time, but

they do require thought

• Sitting close to each other as you watch TV requires no additional time, but communicates your love loudly

• CHALLENGE: If this is someone’s love language, go out of your way to hug them when they leave the house or when you greet them