THE ARTOF

LISTENING(A Golden Way of Winning People)

BYDR. PARTHO PRATIM ROY

M.A. (English Honours), M.Com. (Business Admn.),M.P.M. (Personnel Mgt.), M.B.A. (Marketing Mgt.),

D.T.S. & D.O.T. (Trg. & Dev.), D.I.T. (C-DAC),D.T.L., Cer. P.M. & I.R., LL.B. (Law),

Ph.D. (Banking), Ex-WBCS (Executive),Stephens Silver Medallist.

FIRST EDITION : 2016

ISO 9001:2008 CERTIFIED

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Books by the same Author and by the same Publication:

1. MANAGEMENT OF URBAN CO-OPERATIVE BANKS (A Ph.D. Thesis in book form)2. BUSINESS COMMUNICATION – THE BASICS (A Primer for management & other professional courses)3. THE ART OF LISTENING (A Golden Way of Winning People)4. EFFECTIVE BUSINESS COMMUNICATION — CONCEPTS, CONTEXTS & CASES

(A Comprehensive Text-book for Post-graduate management students)[In the Press]

5. PRINCIPLES & PRACTICES OF INTERVIEWING(A Practical Guide for Examinees of Central & State Civil Services, Bank, Railway, MNCs etc.)

[In the Press]

© AUTHORNo part of this publication shall be reproduced, reprinted or translated, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, ortransmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, taping, web distributionand/or otherwise without the prior written permission of the author and the publisher.

First Edition : 2016

Published by : Mrs. Meena Pandey for Himalaya Publishing House Pvt. Ltd.,“Ramdoot”, Dr. Bhalerao Marg, Girgaon, Mumbai - 400 004.Phone: 022-23860170/23863863, Fax: 022-23877178E-mail: himpub@vsnl.com; Website: www.himpub.com

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DEDICATEDTO

MY REVERED PARENTS

Late Sri Satrughna Roy&

Late Smt. Bharati Devi

“Better than treasures brought from romeare the living pictures i see at home----

My aged father with frosted hair,and mother’s face like a painting rare”.

Late Sri Satrughna Roy&

Late Smt. Bharati Devi

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PREFACE

“The fact that people are born with two eyes and two ears,but only one tongue, suggests they ought to look and listentwice as much as they speak .” Marquise De Sévigné

According to Stuart Chase, listening is the other half of talking, and perhaps the most importantcontributory ingredient in the communication process. Research studies conducted over the pastseveral decades have consistently ranked listening as the most frequently used communication activity,though, unlike writing and reading, is least taught in schools and colleges. Listening is, therefore,rightly called the most-used, least-taught communication skill. Because of this lack of emphasis inteaching listening skills, some educationists have dubbed listening “the orphan of education”. In thisconnection, please listen to what Lee Iacocca, the former Chrysler CEO, says:

“I only wish I could find an institute that teaches people how to listen.After all, a good manager needs to listen at least as much as he needs to talk”.

An humble attempt has, therefore, been made in this most comprehensive text book on listening(which is hitherto not published by any publishing house either in India or abroad) to fill up this voidin training in listening. Multidimensional aspects of listening with its definition and meaning, mythsand truths, models and levels, objectives and processes, types and techniques, styles and habits,barriers and effectiveness have been systematically dealt with in this book so as to make modernmanagers better listeners.

A manager’s ability to listen to the concerns of customers, employees, and stakeholdersdetermines the organisation’s success. Throughout our official careers — nay, also in our socialinteractions — we do listen in different ways. The less seniority we have, the more we listen to others.The more seniority we have in our organisations or in social status, the more others listen to us. Nomatter where we are in our career progression, one element is consistent throughout our developmentas managers and that is, our success is determined by our ability to motivate others. And we can bestmotivate others by listening. By using active and empathic listening techniques, you establish bothrapport and trust with your stakeholders, which leads to honest communication.

The nature of the world in which we live — one that is wired, connected, mobile, fast paced,iconically visual and far less driven by logic — has changed in some not-so-subtle ways in recent days.The organisations that employ us and the businesses that depend on our skills now recognise thatcommunication — particularly the art of listening — is at the centre of what it means to be successful.

The proliferation of electronic communication has increased the amount of information we sendand receive. But it has not increased our ability to listen. In fact, experts opine that it may detract fromlistening by distracting. Listening has always been a challenge, and it is perhaps more so in this newmillennium in which we receive varied information at jet-set speed.

More than ever, business needs good listeners and stakeholders need to be heard. This uniquetext book on listening provides ample practical tips and techniques, feasible guidelines for effectivelistening so as to enable you to become a better listener and help your stakeholders feel heard.Vasant Panchami DR. PARTHO PRATIM ROYFebruary 13, 2016 E-mail ID: pproy365@gmail.com

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

“I have milked three hundred cows into my bucket,But the butter I churned is my own”.

Gilbert Keith Chesterton

No one can write in vacuum. Authors are all influenced by the thoughts and ideas of otherdistinguished authors in the same field. During the preparation of this project, many wise minds havesteered me in right direction. I bow my head in gratitude to all those reputed foreign and Indianauthors on the subject, whose ideas I have freely and frankly drawn upon, adapted or built on. I haveacknowledged each and every source of work by those authors through references at appropriateplaces in the text of my book, but I apologize to any concerned if acknowledgement has inadvertentlynot been recorded owing to inability to trace the copyright owner and / or other requisite details.

I don’t claim originality of the book in the sense as Montaigne has said, “I have made heremerely a nosegay of other peoples’ flowers, and have provided nothing of my own except the threadwhich holds them together”. But I most humbly claim such originality as is aptly said by Carlyle,“The merit of originality is not novelty; it is sincerity”.

My special thanks are due to my greatest critic and my best friend, Smt. Anjana Roy, for herwonderful shepherding, loving support and unique patience, without which this project could not havevirtually completed in time. I owe her everything and I am extremely grateful to her. I also expressmy deepest sense of love and affection to sweety Priyanka, master Pritam, and naughty Poonam fortheir unbridled enthusiasm, unstinted support and unquestioning encouragement. My hearty thanks toPoonam whose untiring efforts in searching for cartoon photos from various internet sites and dulyediting each of them with reference to the relevant context of the contents have effectively improvedthe pictorial quality of the book.

Finally, I must acknowledge my gratitude to Shri K.N. Pandey, the Director and driving force ofHimalaya Publishing House Pvt. Ltd. for taking keen interest in publishing this book. I am alsograteful to Smt. Nimisha Kadam, Smt. Archana Gupte, Shri Pravin Kharche and Shri JayeshShelke of Himalaya Publishing House Pvt. Ltd. for their tireless efforts for neatly bringing out thisbook within a short period of time.

DR. PARTHO PRATIM ROYE-mail ID: pproy365@gmail.com

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THE ART OF LISTENING

THE ART OF LISTENING

Page No.Preface (v)Acknowledgement (vi)Contents (vii) – (viii)Learning Objectives (ix)List of Boxes (ix) – (xi)Laugh A Little, Think A Little (xi) – (xii)List of Figures (xii) – (xiii)List of Listening Photos (xiv) – (xv)List of Diagrams (xv)List of Tables (xvi)References and Notes

Sl. No. Subject Page No.1. Introduction 1 – 3

2. Tools for Listening 4 – 5

3. Definition of Listening 6 – 74. Meaning of Listening 8 – 9

5. Hearing vs. Listening 10 – 13

6. Myths and Truths about Listening 14 – 15

7. Importance of Listening 16 – 25

8. Models of Listening Behaviour 26 – 31

CONTENTS

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9. Research in Listening Behaviour 32 – 34

10. Objectives of Listening 35 – 37

11. Benefits / Advantages of Listening 38 – 44

12. Process of Listening 45 – 5113. Levels of Listening 52 – 58

14. Types of Listening 59 – 70

15. Specific Techniques for Active Listening 71 – 80

16. A Special Note on Active and Reflective Listening 81 – 83

17. A Special Note on Critical Listening 84 – 87

18. Listening Styles 88 – 90

19. Listening Influencers 91 – 93

20. Types of Listeners 94 – 96

21. Poor Listening: Causes and Effects 97 – 100

22. Types of Poor Listeners 101 – 104

23. Poor Listening Habits and Styles 105 – 111

24. Barriers to Effective Listening 112 – 13925. Developing A Listening Climate 140 – 144

26. Listening to Informal Communication 145 – 147

27. Listening to Non-verbal Communication 148 – 191

28. Speakers! Hone Your Listener-involving Techniques 192 – 195

29. Listeners! Improve Your Listening Habits 196 – 199

30. Guidelines for Effective Listening 200 – 226

Summary 227Key Terms and Concepts 228

Review and Discussion Questions 229 – 253[A] Critical Questions 229 – 230[B] Experiential Exercises 231 – 232[C] Case Exercises 233 – 244[D] Listening Competency Tests 245 – 253

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LEARNING OBJECTIVES

After reading this book, you should be able to : - Define what listening is; Explain what listening means; Differentiate ‘listening’ from ‘hearing’; Understand myths and truths about listening; Explain why listening is important; State objectives of listening; List the benefits of listening; Identify and analyze the various parts of listening process; Illustrate the levels of listening; Identify and understand various types of listening and listeners; Analyze listening styles and influencers; Recognize causes and effects of poor listening; Identify various types of poor listeners; Describe poor listening habits and styles; Recognize major obstacles to effective listening; Discuss critically how to develop a listening climate; Identify how to listen informal as also non-verbal communication; Understand how speakers attract listeners and how listeners become better listeners; Suggest measures and guidelines for effective listening.

LIST OF BOXES

Sl.No.

BoxNo.

Subject Page No.

1. 1.1 What Every Executive Should Know about Himself 32. 4.1 Meaning of the Term “LISTEN” 83. 7.1 Importance of Listening – Research Findings 184. 7.2 Which is More Important – Listening or Talking? 19

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5. 7.3 How Much are You Paid for Listening? 206. 7.4 Never Fail to Listen 217. 7.5 Health Professionals are Relatively Better Listeners 228. 7.6 How to Overpower Your Boss to Listen to You 239. 11.1 Successful Organisation Understands Benefits of Listening 41

10. 11.2 ‘Eastern Airlines’ – How Listening Saved This Organisationfrom Bankruptcy

43

11. 12.1 Why Would Managers Lack the Willingness to Listen? 5012. 13.1 Listener’s Quiz 54 – 5513. 13.2 Ten Ways to Improve Listening Skills 55 – 5614. 14.1 Types of Listening 6015. 14.2 Real Listening vs. Pseudo-listening 61 – 6216. 14.3 Listen to S.I. Hayakawa’s Advice on Listening 6417. 14.4 Guidelines on How to Use Empathic Listening 65 – 6618. 14.5 What does A Listener Like in Speakers’ Speech? 66 – 6719. 15.1 Techniques for Active Listening 73 – 7420. 15.2 Guidelines for Getting Desired Information from the Speaker

without Causing Him Defensive76 – 78

21. 15.3 Three Types of Paraphrasing – An Example 7922. 17.1 In Critical Listening, Separate Facts from Inferences 8723. 20.1 Distinguishing Effective Listeners from Ineffective Listeners 9524. 21.1 Why Don’t We Listen Better? 9925. 23.1 Costs of Poor Listening 10526. 23.2 Six Habits of Highly Ineffective Listeners 106 – 10727. 24.1 Good Listeners vs. Bad Listeners in Terms of Four Aspects of

Listening120

28. 24.2 Effect of Prejudices on Listening 12229. 24.3 Semantic Barriers Exemplified 12430. 24.4 Listening Process Differs in Men and Women 12931. 24.5 Overcoming Barriers to Effective Listening 137 – 13832. 27.1 Which Gender is Most Perceptive in Sending and Receiving

Non-verbal Messages?150

33. 27.2 How to Identify Your Smile – Is Faked or Genuine? 15234. 27.3 Facial Expressions across the Globe Exude the Same Meaning 15535. 27.4 Scientists Identify 21 Facial Expressions 156 – 15736. 27.5 How the Eyes Communicate 158

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37. 27.6 Ladies! Beware of Your Posture, Please 16238. 27.7 Expressive Italians Let Hands Do the Talking 16639. 27.8 J. Bardeen’s Study on ‘TOUCH’ 16840. 27.9 The Value of Touch 169 –17041. 27.10 Voice Qualities Can Convey Twelve Common Feelings and

Emotions176

42. 27.11 Relationship of Selected Vocal Characteristics to PersonalityPerceptions

177

43. 27.12 Clothes Make the Man 184 – 18544. 27.13 Difference between People having Monochronic and

Polychronic Cultures187

45. 29.1 Listening for Couples 198 – 19946. 30.1 Ten Keys to Effective Listening 201 – 20247. 30.2 Qualities of Effective Listening – Research Studies 203 – 20448. 30.3 Don’t Get Distracted by Trivia 20949. 30.4 Importance of Objectivity in Effective Listening 209 – 21050. 30.5 Listening with Your Body 21251. 30.6 Listening to Complaints 214 – 21552. 30.7 Listen to S.I. Hayakawa’s Advice on Listening 21753. 30.8 Note Taking – A Bane or Boon? 218

LAUGH A LITTLETHINK A LITTLE

Sl.No.

LAL / TALNo. Subject Page No.

1. 2.1 Quotes about Listening 52. 4.1 More Quotes about Listening 93. 10.1 Keep Your Ears Wide Open 364. 11.1 The Magic of Patient Listening 425. 20.1 Empty Your Cup 966. 22.1 Types of Listeners According to Lord Buddha 1027. 23.1 Who Listens? 107

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8. 24.1 Don’t Believe Everything You Hear 1189. 24.2 Online Chatting 12810. 24.3 A Comma can Kill a Man 13011. 24.4 Deaf Spots 13412. 27.1 Actions often Do Speak Louder Than Words 14913. 27.2 All a Woman Needs is a Glance? 15714. 27.3 Research Findings on Duration of Gazing 16015. 27.4 Arms and The Man 16516. 27.5 Dangers of Kissing! 16917. 30.1 Good Listeners Listen with an Open Mind 210

LIST OF FIGURES

Sl.No.

Fig.No.

Subject Page No.

1. 1.1 Bla. Bla. Bla….. Not Listening 22. 2.1 Chinese Characters for Listening 43. 8.1 Weaver’s Model of Listening 274. 8.2 The Two-person (Speaker-Listener) Relationship Model 275. 8.3 Model of Individual’s Ability to Listen to a Message in

Organizational Context29

6. 10.1 Objectives of Listening 357. 11.1 Benefits / Advantages of Listening 388. 12.1 Process of Listening 459. 13.1 Blaine Goss’s Model of Listening 57

10. 15.1 Specific Techniques for Active Listening 7111. 19.1 Listening Influencers 9112. 20.1 The Sleeper 9413. 20.2 The Eager Beaver 9414. 20.3 The Tiger 9415. 20.4 The Shy and Bewildered 9416. 20.5 The Frowner 9517. 20.6 The Relaxed 96

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18. 20.7 The Busy Bee 9619. 20.8 The Two-eared Listener 9620. 22.1 The Faker 10121. 22.2 The Dependent Listener 10122. 22.3 The Interrupter 10123. 22.4 The Self-conscious Listener 10224. 22.5 The Intellectual Listener 10225. 22.6 The Judge and Jury Listener 10226. 22.7 The Fidgeter 10327. 22.8 The Aggressive Listener 10328. 22.9 The Pseudo-intellectual Listener 10329. 22.10 The Overly Passive Listener 10330. 22.11 The Inaccurate Listener 10431. 24.1 Physiological Barriers 11732. 24.2 Frames of Reference 11933. 24.3 Environmental Barriers (Figuratively) 12334. 24.4 Semantic/Linguistic Barriers (Figuratively) 12435. 24.5 Listener-related Barriers to Listening 13336. 27.1 Six Basic Human Emotions and Their Facial Expressions 15337. 27.2 Ten Basic Facial Expressions 15438. 27.3 Undesirable Postures for Speakers and Meeting Leaders 16139. 27.4 A Micro-dictionary of Gestures 16340. 27.5 Palm-down / Aggressive Handshake 17041. 27.6 Globe Handshake / Politician’s Handshake 17142. 27.7 Dead Fish Handshake 17143. 27.8 Knuckle-grinder Handshake 17144. 27.9 Stiff-arm Handshake 17245. 27.10 Fingertip Grab Handshake 17246. 27.11 Arm-pulling Handshake 17247. 27.12 Double-handed Handshake 17348. 27.13 Three Basic Body Types 18349. 27.14 Doggie Language 18850. 30.1 ‘HURIER’ Model for Effective Listening 223

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LISTENING PHOTOS

Sl.No. Subject

Photo’s Position in theChapter

(Introductory/In-between/End)

Photo’s Position at thePage

(Top/Middle/Bottom)

PageNo.

1. Listening Photo Introductory Top 12. Listening Photo Introductory Top 43. Listening Photo End Bottom 54. Listening Photo Introductory Top 65. Listening Quotation End Bottom 76. Listening Cartoon Introductory Top 87. Listening Photo End Bottom 98. Listening Photo Introductory Top 109. Listening Quotation In-between Middle 11

10. Listening Photo End Top 1311. Listening Quotation End Middle 1512. Listening Photo Introductory Top 1613. Listening Photo End Top 2414. Listening Photo Introductory Top 2615. Listening Quotation Introductory Top 3216. Listening Quotation End Bottom 3417. Listening Quotation End Middle 7018. Listening Quotation

with PhotoEnd Bottom 80

19. Listening Quotationwith Photo

End Bottom 83

20. Listening Quotationwith Photo

Introductory Top 84

21. Listening Photo Introductory Top 8822. Listening Photo End Bottom 9023. Listening Quotation End Bottom 9324. Listening Photo End Bottom 10025. Listening Photo End Bottom 11126. Listening Quotation

with PhotoIntroductory Top 112

27. Listening Photo In-between Bottom 116

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28. Listening Quotationwith Pictures

Introductory Middle 132

29. Listening Photo Introductory Top 14030. Listening Photo End Bottom 14431. Listening Photo Introductory Top 14532. Listening Quotation

with PhotoEnd Middle 147

33. Listening Quotationwith Photo

Introductory Top 148

34. Listening Cartoon End Bottom 19935. Listening Quotation

with PhotoIntroductory Top 200

36. Listening Quotation In-between Bottom 20237. Listening Quotation In-between Bottom 20438. Listening Quotation In-between Bottom 20639. Listening Quotation In-between Middle 20840. Listening Quotation In-between Middle 21141. Listening Quotation In-between Top 21342. Listening Quotation In-between Bottom 21343. Listening Quotation In-between Middle 21444. Listening Quotation In-between Bottom 21645. Listening Quotation End Middle 225

LIST OF DIAGRAMS

Sl.No.

DiagramNo. Subject Page No.

1. 7.1 How do College Students Spend Their Communication Time? 172. 7.2 How does an Executive Spend His Communication Time? 173. 12.1 Process of Listening 464. 13.1 Levels of Listening 535. 14.1 Types of Listening 606. 16.1 Active and Reflective Listening Skills 817. 17.1 Guidelines for Effective Critical Listening 858. 21.1 Causes of Poor Listening 979. 27.1 How do We Express Meaning in Communication? 174

10. 27.2 Edward T. Hall’s Space Bubble under Informal Feature Space 180

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LIST OF TABLES

Sl.No.

TableNo. Subject Page No.

1. 5.1 Hearing vs. Listening 122. 6.1 Myths and Truths of Listening 14 – 153. 7.1 Comparison of Four Basic Communication Skills 174. 11.1 Benefits / Advantages of Listening – A Gist 43 – 445. 18.1 Listening Styles 88 – 906. 23.1 Bad Listening Habits 109 – 1117. 24.1 Sources of Systematic Error in Listening 112 – 1138. 24.2 Four Types of ‘Alienation’ in Listening 1149. 24.3 Barriers to Effective Listening 116

10. 25.1 Irritating Listening Habits 14111. 27.1 Types of Smiles 15112. 27.2 More About Types of Smiles 15213. 27.3 Facial Meaning Sensitivity Test (FMST) – Part I 154 – 15514. 27.4 Common Eye Signals and Their Possible Meanings 158 – 15915. 27.5 Common Postures and Their Possible Meanings 16116. 27.6 Common Gestures and Their Possible Meanings 16417. 27.7 Categories of Paralanguages 17518. 27.8 Intonation and Consequential Change in Meaning of a Message 17819. 27.9 Means of Articulation 17820. 27.10 The Four Distance Zones 18221. 27.11 Body Types, Body Shapes and Personality Traits (Temperaments) 18322. 27.12 Different Colours Convey Different Moods and Feelings 18523. 30.1 Dos and Don’ts of Listening 22124. 30.2 ‘MASTER’ Model of Listening 22225. 30.3 ‘HURIER’ Model of Listening 22326. 30.4 ‘CHEER’ Model of Listening 22427. 30.5 ‘CARESS’ Model of Listening 224 – 225

(1) “Nature has given us two ears and one tongue,so that we may hear twice as much as we speak.” EPICTETUS

(2) “Give every one thine ear,But few thy voice.” William Shakespeare

(Hamlet)(3) “The art of effective listening is essential to clear

communication, and clear communication isnecessary to management success.” James Cash Penny

(4) “Listen to the echoes of what you did yesterday,so that you will listen and decide better,

more creatively tomorrow.” William F. Keefe

(5) “A wise old bird sat on an oak,The more he saw, the less he spoke;

The less he spoke, the more he heard,Why aren’t we like that wise old bird ?” Edward Hersey Richards

(6) “Lord Chief Justice: I think you are fallen into the diseasefor you hear not what I say to you.

Sir John Falstaff : Very well, my lord, very well; ratherain’t please you, it is the disease ofnot listening, the malady of not marking,that I am troubled withal.” William Shakespeare

(King Henry IV)

2 The Art of Listening

Most of us, like Falstaff, suffer from ‘the disease of not listening’. We are all victims invarying degrees of poor listening. Apparently everyone is seen involved in listening, butpractically everyone is not listening to as seriously as required.

“Somehow everyone is not listening!1

Superiors complain that subordinates do not listen!Subordinates complain that their bosses do not listen!Parents complain that their children do not listen!Children complain that their parents do not listen !Teachers complain that students do not listen !Students complain that teachers do not listen !Somehow everyone is not listening.”

Not listening – because listening is not so easy as it seems. Most people believe thatlistening is just a matter of sitting back and absorbing information like a sponge. Prof. McLuhanhas pointed out that especially with a “cool” channel like face to face communication, television,and telephone conversation, the receiver (i.e., listener) must fill in visual and acoustical space,and this is not always easy. It has also been pointed out that the higher you move in themanagerial hierarchy, the more important become your listening and evaluating skills.2

Fig. 1.1: Bla. Bla. Bla….. Not Listening

According to Michael Nichols, listening is so basic that we take it for granted. Unfortunately,most of us think of ourselves as better listeners than we really are.3

Introduction 3

Box 1.1: What Every Executive Should Know about Himself

“Most of us think we are pretty good listeners. I know when I started out in life, I thought Iwas a good listener. But the longer I live, the more I realize that listening is not something thatcomes naturally; it is an acquired art. For most of us listening, whether in a social conversation oraround the table at a conference, is just a pause, we feel obliged to grant a speaker until we againhave a chance to air our own opinions. This is not real listening in any sense of the word.Listening is not a passive activity during which we let our own thoughts intrude upon whatsomeone else is saying. To actively listen to another person requires will power, concentration andgreat mental effort. Its rewards are great, because only then do we really learn something aboutthe other person – his feelings, his ambitions, his hopes, his aspirations, what kind of person hereally is, what his complaints are and what he needs.

You’ll be surprised how much more you can learn from others by listening in this way once youset your mind to it and how much it can help you in your work – whether with subordinates orsuperiors. There will be far fewer misunderstandings, senseless arguments and emotionaloutbursts. You will be much better equipped to appraise and evaluate the drives and needs of otherpeople – subordinates, superiors, associates – from their point of view rather than your own.

Source: J.C.Penny, “What Every Executive Should Know About Himself.”

NOTES & REFERENCES

1. M.T. Myers & G.E. Myers, Managing by Communication – An Organisational Approach,McGraw-Hill International Book Company, 1982, p. 168.

2. Arnold E. Schneider, William C. Donaghy & Pamela Jane Newman, OrganisationalCommunication, McGraw-Hill Kogakusha Ltd., Tokyo, 1975, pp. 108-109.

3. Michael Nichols, The Lost Art of Listening, Guilford Press, New York, 1995, p. 11.