Chapter 1

*~*~*Carlisle's Point Of View*~*~*

"Esme dear, I'm home," I called out, walking into the house. I expected the face of my beautiful wife to meet me as usual. What I saw instead shocked and disturbed me greatly.

"Dad!" Jasper called out, highly embarrassed. He was dancing around to the song I Feel Pretty from The West Side Story. He was wearing a tight leather mini skirt and a revealing corset along with fishnet stockings and stripper shoes. On his back was a tramp stamp, most likely drawn in permanent marker. The worst part being the pole which he was dancing around.

I really shouldn't be surprised anymore. I have seen more in the last year than I've ever wanted to see in my entire existence. If I walked in on my kids doing one more kinky thing I may have to kill them all. Starting with Emmett and Rosalie for having sex…on my bed…I'd really had it with my children! The only normal one was Claire and she's to freaking young to be truly weird!

"FAMILY MEETING! RIGHT NOW!" I shouted for all my family to hear. I was again surprised, this time at how angry I sounded.

Within a matter of minutes every member of the house was sitting around the long dining room table. I took my place at the head of the table, to agitated to sit.

"Carlisle, what's wrong love?" my darling wife asked from her end of the table. She looked a little scared, as did most of the children. Only Alice and Edward looked truly terrified. Well they'll need to suck it up.

"I just think we could all use a little therapy," I said, my voice scary calm. "Dr. Giggles agreed to be the family therapist. He's new at the hospital but comes highly recommended. Obviously he knows nothing about the fact that were all mythical creatures, aside from Claire of course. I would prefer if it stayed that way. I cannot and will not force anyone to go to therapy however I would prefer it if you all just went quietly. I cannot force any of you into therapy but I can force all of you out of my house and I can freeze all bank accounts," I announced. I knew it was wrong of me to threaten eviction and cutting them off but honestly, it would probably be the fastest way to get them to agree.

"Daddy, I'll do whatever you want me to just please don't take away my credit card! Please! And of course Jasper will come too," Alice begged, the first to give in. Of course it would boil down to shopping for her. Well that's two down. Only 16 more to go.

"Don't worry Alice, as long as you go willingly I'm not going to take your credit cards away. Next up, Edward. Are you going to go or am I going to sell a certain silver Volvo?" I asked him. Staring him down.

"So much for not forcing us to go. I'll go just for the love of all that is holy, don't hurt the car," he begged.

"But I'm not 'forcing' you to go. I'm giving you options. I'm just also endangering things I know you love to get you to go without much complaint. Bella?" I said, turning to look at Bella.

"No need to threaten my stuff Carlisle. I'll go more than willingly. As will Renesmee and Jacob," she announced, speaking for her daughter and son-in-law.

6 out of 18 really isn't bad. Now for the rest, "Anyone else going to go willingly and without coercion? Raise your hands."

Esme's hand shot up instantly along with Claire's and Maggie's. Of course Quil and Nahuel raised their hands in response. Embry and Seth raised their hands next, knowing resistance

was futile. In response to Seth raising his hand, Leah raised hers. Always the protective older sister. Ashley and Lucas raised their hands, unwilling to let there soul mates face therapy without them. That left only Emmett and Rosalie.

"Rose? Emmett? Am I going to have to make more threats?" I asked, glowering at them. With a resigned sigh they both raised their hands. YAY! Super dad wins another one!

Edward looked at me like he thought I had lost my mind and maybe I had. The therapy wasn't just for the children after all.

"Good. Now that that's settled, we'll be meeting Dr. Giggles tomorrow morning at 11 sharp. No excuses. Do you all understand?" I said, eyeing all of them. Right away 18 hands shot up into the air, no one daring to contradict me. "Any questions? Comments? Concerns?"

No one said a thing. Only Claire dared to move an inch. Even then it was only because she was human and couldn't not move. The wolves on the other hand had learned to be incredibly still from the vampires in the house.

"Excellent. You're all free to leave but I want you back here at 10 a.m. understood?" I said as they got up to leave. The children nodded as they left.

Finally only Esme and I were left. I wrapped my arms around my wife and sighed. "Thank you for agreeing so readily with me."

"Anything for you my love. Besides, after the many rousing rounds of The Lie Detector Test Game with the family, I have to agree with therapy. I'm just not to sure about using a human therapist. Do you really think all 17 of them can keep the secret and yet still tell the truth of their problems?" Esme asked, resting her head against my chest.

"I know but I looked into vampire therapist and apparently there really isn't a great need for them." I sighed walking towards our room with Esme still trapped in my embrace. It was a walk we had learned long ago.

A petite little figure was running towards us. "Grandma! Can I have some blueberry pie from dinner? Uncle Embry said I had to ask you."

I laughed as Esme swooped Claire up into her arms. "Well Claire, since you ate dinner so well I do believe you can. What do you think Carlisle?"

"Oh well I suppose if she ate all of her dinner without complaint then a piece of pie would be quite acceptable. Would you like ice cream on top?"

Claire's head bobbed up and down in excitement. She struggled against the stone of Esme's arms, desire raging in her eyes. Maybe some therapy would be good for Claire too after all. She had a slight addiction to blueberry pie with ice cream on top. Ever since we let her watch My Blueberry Nights with Renesmee and Ashley. Though she didn't understand the context of the movie at her age, she did fall in love with blueberry pie.

Esme let her down, taking her hand. They glided towards the kitchen to get Claire a piece of pie. I prayed the extra sugar wouldn't have her up all night. Sleep is after all very important to a growing child.

"Now Claire, you know you have to go to bed after you have your special treat right?" I asked her as she dove into the unappetizing looking piece of pie Esme sat in front of her.

"Will Uncle Jazz read me a bed time story?" the little angel implored.

"Of course sweetie. It's his turn," I said. "I'll go find him right now."

I glided out of the room in search of Jasper. I thought about the possible outcomes of tomorrow and none of them looked good. I just prayed everyone would be on their best behavior.

Chapter 2

*~*~*Esme's Point Of View*~*~*

"Alright everyone. It's time to go. I want everyone to go straight to the hospital. No side trips. If your not there by 10:45 then your going to lose your most prized possession. Be it a car, an object, or a person," Carlisle threatened sternly. I knew he hated having to threaten them but what other choice did he honestly have? I knew they would run, given the chance.

"Grandma? Am I riding with you and Grandpa?" little Claire asked me, a cookie in one hand and a book in the other.

"Of course you are angel. Would you like Quil to ride with us too?" I asked her as we walked towards my purple Mazda RX-8.

"Can he?" her little voice wondered, amazed that it was even an option.

"Why of course he can dear." I told her. Raising my voice an octave higher I said, "Quil, would you be so kind as to ride with Carlisle and I. We would love if you could keep Claire company."

Without hesitation Quil bounded after us, reaching the car first. Quickly he opened the door for Claire. I gently placed her in the back and made my way to the drivers seat of my car. Quil sat next to Claire. We waited for Carlisle to join us.

"What book are you reading Claire?" I asked curiously. It seemed like a think book for such a young mind.

"I'm reading Romeo and Juliet. Uncle Jazz has been helping me when I need it," she said proudly. Jasper and Claire were unbelievably close. He had never once in the 6 years she's lived with us tried to take a bite out of her.

"Oh really? That's great sweetie! Your going to be the smartest girl in your class when school starts up again," I told her honestly. In fact, Carlisle and I had been thinking of placing her in advanced classes. She was defiantly good enough to be in them.

Finally Carlisle finished his rant and came to join us in the car.

"Okay guys. This is really important to your father so please, for the love of all that is good in this world, be on your best behavior," I told all 17 of my darling children before we walked into the very large conference room we would be using for our 'sessions'.

We filed into the dark paneled room, each taking a seat around the conference table. Everyone looked extremely nervous. They all knew, as I did, that this would be a very trying session.

A tall man with short red hair and jade eyes walked into the room carrying 4 notebooks, all apparently blank. He smiled at us each in turn as he made his way to the head of the table.

"Good morning. I am Dr. Collin Giggles. I'm going to be your family therapist per Carlisle's request. I specialize in family therapy. So shall we begin by introducing yourselves and saying a little bit about you? Just any random tidbit will do," Dr. Giggles asked politely.

Pen poised over paper, Dr. Giggles looked around expectantly. I sighed to quiet for him to hear and said, "I'm Esme Cullen. I'm Carlisle's wife, obviously. I restore old things for a living."

Dr. Giggles nodded but did not comment on my introduction. I nudged Carlisle, silently telling him to go next.

"I'm Carlisle Cullen. I'm a surgeon as you know. I'm also a collector of fine art," my husband said smiling.

"I'm Edward Cullen. Music is my greatest passion. Other than my amazing girlfriend of course," Edward said, gazing lovingly into Bella's eyes.

"I'm Isabella Swan but I prefer to be called Bella. I'm writing a book," she said quietly. I didn't actually know that. I thought only Maggie was writing a book.

"I'm Jasper Hale. I love the Civil War." I had to stifle a laugh. Love wasn't the world for the amount of passion he held towards the Civil War.

"I'm Alice Swan! Shopping is my life!" Alice announced, bouncing in her chair. I don't believe there was ever a truer statement made.

"I'm Emmett Cullen. Umm, I love messing around with my brothers. Like yesterday when I almost made Quil cry!" I would have to find out what happened there so I could dish out the appropriate punishments.

"I'm Rosalie Hale. I don't want to be here," Rose said, looking at her reflection on a little hand held mirror.

"I'm Jacob Black. I like working on cars. Can I sit somewhere else?" Jacob asked, looking at Rose looking at herself. I couldn't help be giggle a little under my breath.

"I'm Renesmee Swan. My nickname is Nessie. I'm going to be a therapist one day too," Nessie said smiling brightly.

"I'm Seth Clearwater. Nessie's going to be my therapist some day," Seth said laughing.

"I'm Ashley Allan. I don't know why I'm here. I thought I was one of the normal ones." I had to admit, she wasn't all that strange but she is part of the family so she has to be here.

"I'm Lucas Brandon. I'm bored," Lucas said, sighing.

"I'm Leah Clearwater. I used to be a class A bitch but I'm working on it," Leah announced, looking around the room with a look that dared anyone to contradict her.

"I'm Nahuel Immich. I'm only here because Maggie would have made me come anyways," he said looking at the door longingly.

"I'm Maggie Mooney. I don't like being lied to," she said, staring Dr. Giggles down.

"I'm Quil Black. I'm going to kill Emmett if he ever kidnaps Claire again," Quil said glaring at Emmett with murder in his eyes.

"I'm Claire Clearwater. Don't tell Quil but Emmett didn't kidnap me, Embry did. Can I have a cookie now?" I giggles and gave her a cookie from my bag. Quil's gaze shifted to Embry.

"I'm Embry Black and Quil is going to kill me when we get out of here," Embry said, shifting in his seat so he was closer to the door and farther from Quil.

"Well that's a good start I do believe. So Carlisle informed me that you are all adopted. Is that correct?" Everyone nodded, agreeing with Dr. Giggles. "Good. Is anyone here related to anyone else?"

"Dr. Giggles, if I may I'll explain the family dynamics involved," I said smiling at the good doctor.

"Of course Mrs. Cullen. Feel free to," Dr. Giggles said. He flashed a smile back at me and Edward trembled slightly with silent laughter.

"Edward and Emmett are brothers. Jasper and Rosalie are twins. Jacob, Quil, and Embry are triplets. Bella, Alice, and Renesmee are sisters. And finally Seth, Leah, and Claire are siblings. Edward is dating Bella. Emmett is dating Rosalie. Jasper is dating Alice. Jacob is with Renesmee. Seth is with Ashley. Lucas and Leah are an item as are Nahuel and Maggie. Quil, Embry, and Claire are the only ones not dating anyone at the moment," I explained. After I was finished I took a deep though unnecessary breath. Dr. Giggles looked dumbfounded.

"Wow…So let me get this straight. Just about everyone has a sibling in the family and just about everyone is dating someone…within the family…"

"That is correct. I know it is quite unorthodox but for this family, it works," I said, getting a little defensive. I knew it wasn't normal but were vampires for fucks sake! Normal is a relatively loose term in this family.

"Don't get me wrong Mrs. Cullen. I see nothing wrong with it. It's just very confusing. May I ask if those who are dating are sharing rooms?" Dr. Giggles asked.

"HA!" Carlisle exclaimed. "They're very independent children Dr. Giggles. We had separated them in the beginning but when they were constantly sneaking into each others rooms we made life easier for them and us."

"That's understandable. I suppose as long as there being safe then there isn't much worry," Dr. Giggles said. Edward scowled in his direction as did Maggie. I did not see this ending well.

Speaking so fast, Dr Giggles couldn't hear me I said, "Maggie, Edward, hold your tongues. Got it?"

They both nodded slightly. Dr. Giggles started talking again, "I would like to split into two groups. I'd like to talk to the girls alone, then the boys. Would that be okay?"

"Of course Dr. Giggles. You're the therapist after all," Carlisle said, leading the boys out of the room.

No this would defiantly not end well.

Chapter 3

*~*~*Rosalie's Point Of View*~*~*

"Okay girls, I just want you all to know that everything you say in this room is confidential. The boys will never know anything about these sessions that you don't want them to know. Don't be afraid to express yourselves. And please try to be honest, otherwise we will accomplish nothing," Dr. Giggles said smiling. As if that would reassure us. The idiots can hear us from the waiting room.

"Whatever," I mumbled under my breath, just loud enough for Dr. Dipshit to hear.

"Rosalie! Show some respect or else you'll be losing your garage privileges," Esme threatened me. I sighed but didn't say anything more.

"Well Rosalie, since you seem so in the mood to share, why don't we start with you?" Dr. Giggles said. I have him my best if-looks-could-kill-you'd-so-be-dead look. He shuddered involuntarily but continued. "So Rosalie, tell me about yourself. Why don't you want to be here?"

"Well Doctor, I don't want to be here because I think this is a ridiculous waste of time. No amount of therapy is going to fix this family. I love my family, don't get me wrong but come on!" I declared. If after all these years we hadn't changed, I seriously doubted this tiny insignificant human would change anything.

"Most people think therapy is a waste of time until they actually experience it. Is there anything personal you'd like to share about yourself?" Dr. Giggles asked, looking at me expectantly. He wants something personal? I'll give him something personal.

"You want to know why I was dragged along? Because dad caught me and Emmett fucking in their car…on their bed…on Edward's piano…on the kitchen table…That's why I was dragged along. Personal enough for you?" I said, going for the shock the shit out of him factor. His jaw dropped and his hand flew across the notebook sitting in front of him.

"Yes that is and I would like to touch on that subject later during one-on-one time. Okay Alice, what can you tell me about yourself?" Dr. Giggles said. Oh joy. One on one time with Doctor Dipshit. He better pray I don't kill him when we're all alone!

"Well…People call me a pixie. I'm like the energizer bunny. I'm currently not addicted to any illegal substances either. I, like most of my family, am a vegetarian. I love shopping, though I wouldn't say I'm addicted to it. I just really enjoy buying things!" Alice rambled on all in one breath. Once again Dr. Giggles was left speechless.

"Thank you Alice. Ashley?"

"I'm a very random person. I'm going to be a lawyer one day. In fact I could pass my bars right now if it weren't for the fact that I'm only 17! I like dancing. And cookies!" Ashley said, bouncing just as much as Alice. They really were a lot alike.

"Thank you Ashley. Umm, Claire is it? What would you like to share?" Dr. Giggles asked. We all held our breath, knowing she was the one most likely to spill.

"I love Quil! He's my protector! And blueberry pie! I'm reading Romeo and Juliet. I'm going to be the smartest kid in my class," Claire announced proudly. We all beamed at her, we couldn't help it. She was our little angel.

"Wow Claire. Reading Romeo and Juliet at your age is impressive. Why did you choose that book?" Dr. Giggles asked, looking not surprised but disbelieving. His tone hinted at a condescending nature.

A growl escaped, not my throat but Esme's. "I choose that book because Bella said she loved reading it when she was younger. Jazz has been helping me but I don't really need it. I'm almost done with it too! I just wish that they would have made Paris a bigger character. Next he promised we could read Wuthering Heights. I'm so excited."

"Thank you for sharing Claire. Bella, what would you like to say?" he asked, turning to look at her. Once Claire was out of his line of sight, she stuck her tongue out at him. Our little angel.

Bella flashed Dr. Giggles a stunning smile, causing his heart to flutter. "Dr. Giggles, I love reading. I have a newfound passion for writing. I'm writing a book called 'Forever Young'. It's about vampires! A vampire that falls in love with a silly little human girl. It's based on a true story!" Her smile only grew until I was sure it would crack her face in half.

"That sounds…interesting. Leah? What would you like to add?"

"I don't know. I guess I've never been good with people. No actually I was good with people until Sam started dating my cousin Emily. But then I met Lucas and I've never looked back. If it weren't for Lucas I think I would still be the same vindictive bitch I used to be. You know I blamed Dr. Cullen's family for it? If they hadn't have moved to town, Sam and Emily would have never met. Then I started blaming Bella for it too. Which was wrong of me," Leah confessed. I felt so sorry for her. It was an emotion I wasn't used to. In fact, it annoyed me to no end.

"Bella's to blame for a lot of shit in this family," I murmured a little to loud. Luckily, Dr. Dipshit didn't seem to hear me.

"Well I'm glad that you got over your hate for them," Dr. Giggles said. "Maggie would you mind going next?"

"What's there to tell? I'm originally from Ireland but I'm glad to be living here in America now. Though I miss the beauty of Ireland immensely, I wouldn't go back if it meant giving everything up. Especially Nahuel. I love him so much. But I think we all feel the same way about our mates," Maggie said. Dr. Giggles looked confused at the use of the word mate.

"Ireland is a wonderful country. Maybe Nahuel and you can go there together one day." Though it sounded like Dr. Giggles was being sincere, Maggie growled lowly. Dr. Giggles better learn not to lie to Maggie or she just might kill him before I got the chance. "Renesmee, how about you next?"

"Fine. I'm going to be a future therapist. I hate being the little one. Claire and I are best friends. We practically grew up together. Oh and I'm not just going to be any sort of therapist, I'm going to be a sex therapist!" Nessie declared proudly. I couldn't help but laugh. Dr. Giggles looked about ready to lose it. I doubt he's ever had to deal with such a large family and such a unique family at that.

"Esme?" Dr. Giggles managed to choke out.

"Let's see. I love old fashioned things. I can't have children of my own so I chose to adopt. I wouldn't give up my family for anything, even if they annoy the hell out of my sometimes. They really are my children and I love them. I work a lot. Not because I have to but because I love the work I do," Esme said. We all smiled at her lovingly.

"That's great Esme. There are a few things I would like to talk about in depth. Rosalie, you made a comment about Bella causing a lot of problems in the family. Could you please elaborate?" Dr. Giggles asked. I almost leapt out of my chair and killed him.

"Well Doctor, Isabella is the reason Edward almost killed himself, she's the reason Jasper hated himself, she's the reason Alice almost had a breakdown, she's the reason Jacob and Sam almost killed each other, she's the reason James, Victoria, and Laurent are all dead not that anyone's sorry to see them go… I could go on but to be honest, I'd really rather not," I said, studying my reflection once again. Not a hair out of place.

There was a crash in the waiting room, causing us all to jump. Someone was snarling. Probably Edward. He doesn't like anyone talking bad about is precious Bella.

"Edward attempted suicide? Jasper hated himself? Alice almost had a breakdown? Jacob and someone named Sam almost killed each other? And 3 people are dead because of her??" Dr. Giggles asked. He picked up the phone and hit 1. "Stephanie? Can you reschedule all my appointments for today? I'm going to need the time."

Chapter 4

*~*~*Dr. Giggles' Point Of View*~*~*

Deep breaths, Collin. Deep breaths. They may all be clinically insane but it's too soon to diagnose them. First things first. I have to interview the boys.

"Good afternoon gentlemen. I'll tell you just as I told the girls, everything you say in this room is confidential. Please try to be as honest as possible and don't be afraid to express yourselves. If your not honest with me and with each other, we will never get anywhere," I said, looking at the boys.

They all looked at me skeptically, as if they knew something they shouldn't. I really didn't like the feeling they gave me. I was sure any one of them could crush me with their pinky finger's alone.

"Well, why don't we start by saying a bit about ourselves. Who would like to start?" I asked. Everyone pointed towards who I believe was Edward. That's an interesting start. Maybe his suicide attempt was recent enough that the rest believed he should be the one to start. I wonder if hell own up to the suicide attempt.

"Oh why don't you all bite me. Fine, I'll go first. A few years ago I attempted suicide as I'm sure you know. It was just a misunderstanding. I can be very protective of my family, especially Bella, Renesmee, and Alice. After all, Bella is my loving girlfriend and Renesmee and Alice are like sisters to me," Edward said quietly, his eyes charcoal black. I felt scared looking into them.

"We'll have to address that farther after we're done. Jasper, would you like to share?" I asked, looking at the boy who looked like he belonged on the cover of GQ and not in my office.

" I love the Civil War. Sometimes I feel like I was born in the time of the Civil War because of how much I know about it. The south will rise again! Umm, I struggle with being a vegetarian but it has gotten a lot better lately," Jasper said, looking at the ceiling. He was so quiet while speaking I had to strain to hear him. The only thing he said with true emotion was 'The south will rise again!' and even then it wasn't that loud.

"Emmett, would you care to go next?" I asked, not bothering to comment on Jasper's words.

"Sure doc. Let's see. I am in love with my sexy kitty. I love seeing her shake that little thang. I pride myself on being the strongest in the family! I love betting with Jasper," Emmett said, his whole body shaking with silent laughter. I didn't know why but to be honest, at this point I didn't want to know.

"Thank you Emmett. Jacob? How about you go next?"

"Dude, I don't know what to say. My greatest joys in life include loving my girlfriend and insulting my sister. Oh my god! I just thought of a new one! Rosalie! How did the blonde die drinking milk!? The cow fell on top of her!" Jacob shouted. I heard an angry hiss from the other room and yet another crash. I shuddered to think what all had been broken out there. Maybe I shouldn't have the others so close, due to the fact that they seem to have excellent hearing.

"Oh…kay…Seth? What about you?" I asked.

"I'm here because I love my family enough to not disrespect them by refusing. Doesn't mean I want to be here and it doesn't mean I think I should be here. Just so were clear. I'm a fairly peppy guy and my wonderful girlfriend makes me all the happier. I don't really want to say anything much," Seth said, not shyly but reserved. As though he thought talking to me would be disrespectful.

"That's understandable. Lucas, why don't you go next?" I asked, looking at the young man. He hadn't stopped fidgeting since he sat down.

"I love the past. The olden days and such. That which as already come to pass has always fascinated me. For without a past we would have no future. I also love keeping my little pixie calm. I swear I'm the only one that can keep her calm. She's my favorite sister. Leah is my girlfriend. She's my little firecracker. Anything else you want to know? Ask someone else," Lucas said, giving me a strange look.

"Okay Lucas. Nahuel?" I asked. Such strange names in this family.

"Well like I said, I'm only here because Maggie would have dragged me anyways. Just going seemed more logical. Not that I don't appreciate your efforts to fix the family, I just don't think it's going to happen. Some things aren't fixable. Besides as dysfunctional as we are, we're happy. As far as personal things go, I have nothing to share. My mother died giving birth to me and my father is an evil man that I want nothing to do with. My aunt was my caretaker for the longest time but she needs to have her own life," Nahuel said earnestly.

"That's understandable. Quil, what do you have to share?" I asked.

"I'm not sure where to start. Jacob, Embry, and I are always getting into trouble. Nothing serious though, don't get me wrong. We just really enjoy trying to outdo Em and Jazz. We even took out a couple walls in the last house we lived in because we were over exuberant with our wrestling matches," he said, grinning at his family. They broke a COUPLE of walls?? What the hell? How? Did they wrestle with sledge hammers?…

"Okay. Umm…Embry? How about you go next?" I asked.

"Yeah doc, I guess your running out of people to ask. I don't really know what to say to you. I love my family. I'm single but it's by choice. I've just never met anyone that's really caught my eye so to speak. To be honest, I'm jealous of my family. Everyone has someone. Even Quil has someone to be with. He's single right now but we all know he's destined to be with Claire when she's of age. Hell even Leah finally found Lucas. And we thought she was going to be single forever. Ever since Sam left her for Emily," he said, causing Seth, Lucas, Quil, and Jacob to glare daggers at him.

"Carlisle, would you like to finish it off?" I asked, the pen in my hand flying across the paper. This family was going to take forever.

"Well Collin, I'll admit I have a slight OCD. I use work to escape from the family when they all go crazy. Some people seem to think I have a 'God complex' being a surgeon and all. I really don't though. I became a doctor to save lives, not be God," Carlisle said. I had to be careful about what I say about him, he's a really important member of the hospital and I'm sure he could get me fired if desired.

"Thank you Carlisle," I said, looking over my notes. I didn't know where to begin. "Edward, would you like to explain what happened when you attempted suicide?" This should be interesting.

"Why not? It's no big secret. Bella and Jacob went cliff diving and Alice found out. Alice told Rosalie that Bella jumped off a cliff. Rosalie told me, but she made it sound like she was trying to kill herself. I called Charlie's house and Jacob answered the phone. I asked to speak to Charlie and Jacob said he was at the funeral. Of course I thought he meant Bella's funeral so I tried to kill myself because there is no way in HELL I'm ever going to live without her. She is my life," Edward said. I felt my jaw drop. Was he serious? He's only 17 for Christ's sake! I doubt he even knows what true love is. Hell I'm 27 and I don't even know what true love is.

Edward growled and I shrank back without thinking. What normal human being GROWLS?

"Well Edward, what happened that you didn't succeed? And how did you try?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

"I'll answer in reverse order. I overdosed on some pills that were in the medicine cabinet like Alice and Ashley's Ritalin and Embry's Prozac. Alice and Bella found me and called

Carlisle. He rushed me to the hospital. The end," Edward said in a clipped voice. I made a note to get Alice, Rosalie, Jacob, and Bella all together for a session to discuss the suicide.

"Jasper, I have a question for you. As I'm sure you heard, Rosalie said you hated yourself because of Bella. Why is that?" I asked.

"Because I almost killed her. You would hate yourself too. It was an accident but I will forever be repentant. We're actually closer than ever now. It really brought us together. That and Edward's attempted suicide,' Jasper said chuckling. Who the hell chuckles while talking about almost killing someone? I didn't even bother getting the details.

"Thank you for that. Jacob? What happened between you and Sam that caused the two of you to almost kill each other?" Once again I didn't think I wanted to know but I guess it's my job. Maybe I should look into another job.

"I used to be in love with Bella. Sam hated Bella. He talked smack about her and I well…smacked him. He hit me back. We fought but Seth and Jared kept us from killing each other. Sam and I still talk a lot. There's really not a lot to say," Jacob said laughing.

"Yeah…Umm…Why don't we bring the girls back in and talk about some more things in depth before we split up…" I said, wondering what would happen now. I'm not sure I cared to know.

"Hey doc, I got a question," Emmett said, looking at me.

"Sure Emmett," I said. Let's see what he comes up with.

"Do they have family wings in the mental ward? Because we're so going to need them," Emmett laughed.

"Well Emmett, we normally don't commit entire families." But for your family I think we'll make an exception.

Chapter 5

*~*~*Jacob's Point Of View*~*~*

"Blondie! I've got another one for you! What did the blonde do when she heard on the news that over 90% of accidents occur at the home?" Jacob asked as Rosalie walked back into the room with the rest of us girls.

"She moved, mongrel. Get some new material," Rose spat at him. Rose and Jake had their good days and their bad days. I guess this would be a bad one.

"Down kitty," Emmett joked when Rose hissed at Jake. Rose lunged at Emmett, growling. Oh yes, we were keeping up the normal human façade perfectly.

"That's it Emmett Cullen! I'm not having sex with you for a week!" Rose yelled. I stifled a giggle. I doubted highly that they would last that long. I would bet they would be going at it like rabbit's the moment we get sprung from this hell.

"Enough! Rosalie go sit between Esme and Alice and don't move. Emmett, between Edward and Jasper. Don't make me give Jacob and Jasper permission to start painting your cars hot pink and baby spit-up green. Don't think I won't. Got it?" Carlisle shouted, glaring at them.

"Oh whatever," Rose said, throwing herself into her chair. Emmett on the other had just sat down wordlessly.

"Always the drama queen," I mumbled.

"Go to hell Bella. Why can't you ever just shut up?" she bitched.

"Oh it's on like Donkey Kong you whore!" I shouted, jumping over across the table to choke her. I had a feeling Jasper was fueling my anger.

I bashed her head into the floor, being careful not to dent the wonderful Dr. Giggles floor. We wouldn't want to have to explain that one.

Edward grabbed me from behind, dragging me off of Rose while Emmett kept Rose pinned to the ground. I growled but didn't prevent Edward from hauling me from the floor into his lap.

"Sit still love," he whispered in my ear.

"So, I would like to ask you all a question. Who are James, Victoria, and Laurent? And why are they deceased?" Dr. Giggles asked, ignoring the fight that just broke out in his office. I had a feeling he would be ignoring a lot of things from now on.

"May I?" I asked the family. They all nodded in agreement. I had already thought of the perfect cover story in the time it took them all to nod.

"Dr. Giggles, James tried to maliciously murder me. Edward protected me from him in an act of self-defense. Victoria, James' lover, attempted to extract revenge on me. Seth and Edward protected me. I believe she drove her car off of a cliff when she realized she would never be able to kill me. Laurent was their friend. He didn't take the news of their deaths well. He got drunk one night and walked into the wrong group of people. They killed him. Edward was never charged with anything, nor was Seth," I explained. So what if that's not exactly how it happened? I couldn't really give him the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, now could I?

"Why did James wish to do you harm?" Dr. Giggles asked, scared.

"We never found out. He died before he told us. I believe he may have killed before," I said, not looking at Dr. Giggles but at Edward.

When I turned back to look at Dr. Giggles, his mouth was slack and he looked in shock. "Edward, is he okay?" I whispered just loud enough for my love to hear.

"Yes. He's just having a moment. Apparently, the look on your face when you were talking about them was very unnerving," Edward chuckled.

"Collin? Are you alright?" Carlisle asked loudly after Dr. Giggles had been silent for over 2 minutes.

"Huh? Oh yes, I'm fine. Sorry, where were we?" Dr. Giggles said. "Oh yes, Bella, how do you feel about the fact that Jasper almost killed you?"

Oh great, here we go again. Can't the past stay well, in the past. "I'm fine with it Doctor. He didn't mean me any harm. I just accidentally got in his way. He was having a bad day and he lunged at me. He ended up causing me to fall into a stack of glass plates. Nothing to major. But he was forgiven before I even hit the ground. Being a hungry vegetarian with fresh meat near is a difficult thing to live with. Makes one moody. Oh doc I don't think you know this but Edward, Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Ashley, Lucas, Maggie, and myself are vegetarians," I explained to him, flashing him a smile.

"You're all vegetarians? That's an interesting lifestyle choice. Isn't it difficult that only some of you are vegetarians though?" He asked. He should be happy we're vegetarians. If we weren't he would be a dead man. Though I'm not sure any of us would really want to drink someone as foul smelling as Dr. Giggles.

"Yes we are. And no it's not. We all have learned to live with each other. Sure the temptation is always there when only half of the family are vegetarians but the other half doesn't intentionally tempt us or anything like that," Carlisle smiled.

"We all fall off of the bandwagon everyone now and then though, don't we Eddiepoo?" Emmett teased.

"You should know Emmett. After all you fall off a lot more than I do, don't you?" Edward challenged.

"Getting back on track, Alice do you feel you are dependent on shopping?" Dr. Giggles asked. We all had to laugh. Even Alice giggled a little.

"I'm not dependent on shopping. I just think it's a good outlet for stress. You know, I could do wonders with this room. All it would take is a couple buckets of paint and maybe some new furniture…" Alice commented, her eyes glazing over.

"Alice you are not going to redecorate the nice doctors office. Calm down," Jasper said. He looked like he was on an emotional overload.

"Yeah Ali, calm down before you give Mr. Emo an emotional breakdown," Emmett said.

"I'm not EMO!" Jasper shouted before throwing an apple at Emmett. Well the apple did look better covering Emmett's head. Though Jasper threw it with enough force that Emmett should have been knocked unconscious.

"Bitch that hurt!" Emmett whined. I truly doubted it did but it looks better if Emmett is at the very least in pain. "When we get home you're a dead man."

"You know, I think Springer would have been just as effective as therapy," commented Lucas in a bored voice.

"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" We all chanted, except for Carlisle, Esme, and Dr. Giggles. We would make the most interesting episode of Jerry Springer ever. Sometimes I have to wonder if Springer isn't a vampire himself because he's been on air forever and he's old as shit and hasn't like changed a bit. Emmett is obsessed with that show. It's quite sad actually.

Dr. Giggles, being the man he was, simply ignored all of the outbursts. "Carlisle, Esme? I would like to speak with you privately before I dismiss you all for today. Then during our next session I would like to begin the couples sessions. The children can leave now if they wish."

"That's fine doctor. Kids, go ahead and go home, we'll be home soon," Carlisle said.

"And that house better be standing in one piece with every single wall in tact or so help me god I will have to kill each and every one of you," whispered Esme, to low for Dr. Giggles to hear.

We walked together down the halls of the hospital, earning stares. It was a really big hospital for such a small town but it serviced all of the surrounding towns too. We were, of course, something to behold. All of us insanely gorgeous and graceful. Even Claire was beyond beautiful and she was still human. But I think that it's just a matter of time before she becomes one of us. She's already begged every available vampire to turn her on her 18th birthday.

"So…that went swimmingly…Don't y'all think?" I giggled.

We all laughed, arms linked, as we walked across the parking lot towards our cavalcade of cars. Of course Jake had to make one last comment before we left.

"Yo, Blondie! Why do blondes like lightning?" Jake asked, laughing. I knew the answer to this one!

"I don't know, mutt," Rose spat at him.

Before Jacob had a chance to finish the joke I answered, "Because they think it's someone taking their picture!"

Chapter 6

*~*~*Renesmee's Point Of View*~*~*

"Okay children, we need to talk about what happened today. It's important that we discuss these things. Especially now. After all, what good is therapy if we don't talk about it?" Carlisle said. It's still so weird to think of him as dad. After all, he's really more like my grandfather but since I'm older now and we're living in a new town, he had to be dad.

"What's there to talk about? I'm going to kill Rosalie. The end," Bella said, glaring at Rose. This should be interesting.

"Mum, don't do anything you'll regret in 50 years," I told her. I would have said tomorrow but lets be honest, being a vampire means it takes longer I guess.

"Would you stop singing that song Esme? I understand you don't want me in your head but you could just ask Bella to block you…It would be a lot easier on both of us," Edward snapped. I wondered what song she was singing that made dad so mad. I mean Edward so mad. Even after a year of calling him Edward, I still slipped a lot.

"You're my honeybunch, sugarplum, pumpy-umpy-umpkin. You're my sweetie pie. You're my cuppycake, gumdrop, snoogums-boogums. You're the Apple of my Eye. And I love you so and I want you to know that I'll always be right here, and I love to sing sweet songs to you, because you are so dear," sang Esme. I remembered her singing that to me when I was around a year old.

"Oh…that song. I'm sorry dad," I said, figuring since we were home alone it wouldn't be a big deal to call him dad.

"Okay Edward, I blocked everyone so you can get some piece and quiet," Bella murmured. They shared a short but sweet kiss that caused me to retch. No child should have to see their parent's make out. No matter how small the kiss or how short the session.

"Thank you love," flirted Edward, biting Bella's ear lobe seductively. Gag me with a spoon.

"Guys, do you mind? I think mum and dad have something to say and your kind of being a distraction," Jasper stated. I was surprised that he didn't just steel Alice away and ravish her. It looked like Emmett wanted to steel Rose away and ravish her though. To bad it wouldn't happen. Rose was really sticking to this no sex thing.

"Thank you Jasper. So children, today has been an enlightening day. I learned just how creative my children can get. I must say I was shocked when it was you Rosalie that almost slipped up and not Claire. No offence intended Claire. Now there are some things we need to talk about. Jacob, you need to lay off of the blonde jokes. Rosalie, you need to stop over reacting to them. Emmett, you need to act like the grown up you supposedly are. Bella, Rose, this isn't Jerry Springer. Contrary to popular belief it's not okay to just attack each other. Especially out in public like that. Jasper, you need to let people either feel what they feel or just calm them the hell down. Stop using peoples emotions as your own personal toy. Bella, congratulations on your ability to lie today. It was quiet brilliant," Carlisle told us.

"Dr. Giggles has some concerns he talked to us about. He is worried about most of your mental well-beings. In fact, he would like to have Edward, Jasper, Bella, Rose, Emmett, Alice, and Embry all committed. And that's just to start with! Needless to say, you guys

really need to start acting more human. I don't see how you children get other children to believe your human," sighed Esme. I could understand her problem with the situation.

"Now children, we're going hunting. Down by Tanya's. Far away from all of you…As in, we may not be around but if you so much as put a dent in the wood, Esme will have your heads and I'll have every other limb," Carlisle threatened.

"Actually not so much as a scratch in the floor or else," Esme countered.

They took their leave shortly thereafter. The house was silent for almost a minute. About the amount of time it would take them to get out of earshot, then all hell broke loose.

Bella lunged at Rose as she lunged at Jacob. I grabbed up Claire and ran her to the media room on the other side of the house. No need for her to get caught in the crossfire.

As I rushed back down the stairs, I couldn't help but laugh at the comedy of the situation. Much like in the old cartoons, most of the family was in a ball fighting each other. All it was missing was the dust and wacky sound effects.

"You fucking bitch! I'm going to rip you limb from mother fucking limb! All the bad shit's my fault? I'd kill you if you weren't already a stone cold dead bitch," Bella shouted.

Emmett and Edward was intertwined with Rosalie and Bella. Luckily they were all made of stone, otherwise they wouldn't be able to breath the way they were twisted together.

"If your wife ever makes my wife feel so bad again I will have her head and your ass on a platter! Then I'll serve it to the wolves!" Edward screamed, wrestling Emmett.

Quil and Embry were fighting next to them, still in their human forms.

"Kidnap my baby girl again and I'll rip your hamstring out," threatened Quil.

"It was Emmett's idea! I just helped him because he bribed me. I knew no harm would ever come to Claire, especially if I was there!" Embry confessed.

I tried making out more of the little conversations going on amidst the fighting but I couldn't. Mainly all I could hear were snarls and growls.

It looked as though everyone was fighting with someone. It was quiet ridiculous. I simply sat on the stairs, watching. That's when I heard it. A crash. Not just a little crash either. A loud crash that told of punishments to come. Someone had broken the door. I didn't see who went through the door but I did know it would have to be fixed and SOON.

Everyone froze. Only those of us that needed to breath even dared such a feat. Then everyone was moving. Vampires were rushing to get wood for the door, werewolves were rushing to get tool to fix said door, and us hybrids were rushing to get the hell out of there.

Ashley, Claire, Nahuel, and I sat in the media room, watching the original Casablanca whilst the rest of the family worked on repairing the door. I wondered idly if Carlisle and Esme would notice the difference.

Chapter 7

*~*~*Embry's Point Of View*~*~*

Today had been a fairly interesting day. We had our first day of family therapy. Dr. Giggles was a clueless idiot who ignored the most obvious of shit going on around him. I don't know how they expect us to 'fix' anything when our therapist ignores everything.

I loved my family but going to therapy with them was torture. I didn't want to hear about their problems. They all had their soul mates and they had love. I had nothing. I couldn't have anything. I couldn't have that. I tried to stop phasing. I tried to get older. But I don't have enough self control to die I guess.

I was to scared to date. What if I fell for her? What if she fell for me? I couldn't risk that. I could never tell her the truth. It wasn't safe. She would be killed. And what if she didn't understand? What if she told everyone?

I remember the day Jacob had stood in his room and wondered to himself whether or not a bullet to the head would kill him or just leave a huge mess for him to clean up. That had been one of the darkest days of his life. I guess this was the darkest of mine.

I fully intended to test out Jacob's simple musings. I knew if I was successful I would hurt more than just myself. I would cause so much pain to everyone I loved. I couldn't bring myself to care though. For once in my life, I wasn't going to think about everyone else. For once I would think only of myself, only of my pain.

I already had the gun. I'd had it for a long time. A simple Smith & Wesson 9mm, inherited from my father. He had a thing for guns. I got rid of most of them but I kept this one. It had been my dads favorite.

You wanna know something funny? Everyone always assumes I'm quiet because I'm shy and reserved. That's not true. I'm quiet because I'm depressed and lonely. Even in a crowded room I feel alone. It's gotten to be to much. Jasper knows how depressed I am but he promised long ago to never tell anyone about it.

I pressed the cold barrel of the gun to my right temple and thought once again about what I was about to do. I choked on the tears streaming down my face. I looked over my final note one last time.

Dear Family,

I'm sorry to leave all of you this way but I cannot deal with the pain any longer. Please do not stand at my grave and weep for I am not there, I do not sleep. Whether there is a heaven or not, I shall always look over you and keep you all safe. Maybe we will meet again one day but until then this is ado.

I love you all,

Goodbye,

Embry

I would miss them all so much but this is something I have to do. I couldn't take it anymore. I took a deep breath and pulled the trigger.

I heard the gun go off, felt the searing bullet enter my temple. It was a peculiar sensation, the bullet passing through my brain. I felt the tissue repairing itself just as soon as it passed through.

By the time the bullet exited stage left, the hole at stage right was almost completely healed. Blood now decorated my bedroom and the bullet shattered my window. They're was glass strewn around the room now. I sighed and threw the gun across the room.

"Fuck my life." Looking around my room now resembled a crime scene off of CSI:, minus the dead body of course.

"What did you DO?" Alice shrieked as she and half of the family came rushing into the room. The rest of the family must be out, still trying to make the new door look identical to the old.

"What does it look like I did Mary Alice? I shot myself. Apparently suicide by gunshot doesn't work on us glorious werewolves," I hissed.

"No Embry Call, what you did was break a mother-fucking window! That we're going to have to fix! Your so lucky I can't rip you limb from limb without killing you!" Alice shouted, jumping up and down like an angry Tinkerbelle. Maybe Alice was Tinkerbelle's evil sister. I'd never thought of that. Huh…maybe I should ask Lucas about that one of these days.

Alice growled at me. Edward grabbed her just before she tried to lunge.

"Calm down pixie. I'll go down to the hardware store and get a new window. I'll replace it myself. And if Esme wants to kill anyone over it, she can kill me. Okay?" I countered.

Alice simply growled at me and stalked out of the room. Everyone else remained frozen. I walked into the bathroom attached to my bedroom to get cleaned up before I went into town. I knew they would bombard me with questions as soon as they unfroze. I sighed again.

I walked into Spoons, the local hardware store. As I walked through the door I saw a young girl with soft white hair that flowed to the middle of her back, her eyes were an odd amethyst color. Her alabaster skin shimmered slightly under the florescent lights. She was the most beautiful girl in the entire world. More beautiful than anyone, living or dead. Not ever Rosalie could compare in my eyes. The rest of the world ceased to matter to me. Who needed the rest of the world when this seraph was standing before me.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I couldn't even move. Who was she? Why hadn't I seen her before?

"Hello," I managed to whisper. My heart beat fluttered in my chest as she smiled a brilliant smile.

"Good evening. I'm Jennifer. And who are you?" she chirped. Her voice and her smell screamed vampire but her eyes…her eyes said something else.

"I'm Embry. Are you new here?" I inquired. I didn't realize we had subconsciously walked towards each other and now we were merely a few feet apart.

"Yes I am. I just moved here. I managed to break the newel on my staircase. I was umm…experimenting and fell and it broke off. What brings you here?" the beautiful Jennifer wondered.

"I shot my window out. I was experimenting too…" I answered her being just as vague.

"That's a shame. Window's are always the hardest to replace," she commented. I wish I knew how she knew.

"Can I ask you something personal Jennifer?" I blushed.

"Of course but please, call me Jenny. Everyone does," she laughed.

"Are you a…vampire?" I sounded so ridiculous.

She sighed quietly. "How did you know?"

"I'm a werewolf. Well a shape shifter to be technical but a werewolf none the less I guess. I live with a large coven of vampires and such. The Cullen's," I murmured. Her eyes grew wide but her smile only grew wider itself.

"I've never met a werewolf, or a shape shifter, or whatever you are before. Actually I've never met another vampire before either. Other than the one that changed me I guess. I always forget about him," she explained.

I laughed and walked with her to the counter. I ordered a piece of glass to fit the window as Jenny and I continued to talk about everything and nothing. I explained to her about imprinting and the fact that I had imprinted on her. I told her about my family. About family therapy. She told me about her past. Her feelings towards me which were already amazingly strong. Her power.

Jenny could do so much but she had very little control. She could levitate, possessed telekinesis, and could alter her appearance as well as others at will. My amazing angel. I asked her to meet my family. She agreed to meet them tomorrow, after she fixed her house.

When we bid farewell I rushed home to fix the blasted window before Carlisle and Esme got home. I knew they would know the window had been broken but at least it would be fixed.

"It's okay Jenny. This is my family. The vampires are Edward, Bella, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Lucas, and Maggie. The werewolves are Jacob, Seth, Leah, and Quil. The hybrids are Renesmee, Nahuel, and Ashley. And of course Claire is the only human. Our parents, Carlisle and Esme, are down in Denali right now, hunting with some cousins. I think they'll be home soon though. Right Ali?" I said.

"Yes! They're going to be home in 57 minutes," she said then sighed. "They're going to see the front door and know right away that it's not the old one. Shit."

I laughed and she glared daggers at me. "What's so funny?" she snapped.

"Do you honestly think they're going to care once they find out about my bedroom window? I may have fixed it but I can't get the blood off the walls. I think I might have to move to a different room. We have plenty," I mumbled.

We were lounging around the main living room when Carlisle and Esme came bounding through the door, both looking furious.

"What the hell happened to the door?" Esme snarled causing Claire and oddly enough Jenny to flinch.

"Esme dear, let's wait to find out about the door. First let's find out about the girl with the white hair. Who are you?" Carlisle said, laying a hand on Esme's shoulder to calm her.

"I'm Jennifer, but everyone calls me Jenny. I'm umm…I'm Embry's imprint. You must be Carlisle and Esme. It's a pleasure to meet you," my darling Jenny murmured. "I'm a vampire, even if I don't look like it. It's part of my gift. Like magic."

"She's my little witch," I joked.

"Well Jenny, welcome to the family. Will you be staying with us?" Carlisle asked politely. I could see in his eyes that he really wanted her to say yes, for my sake.

"I have a house actually but it's not much of a house. Just a little cottage really. If you'll have me I would love to stay with you. This is a very nice atmosphere. And you are all very nice people," she said quietly.

I grabbed her up and twirled her around, kissing her softly. I had never felt so euphoric in all my life.

I whispered in her ear, "I love you."

Jenny whispered back, "As I love you."

So what if we all had to go back to therapy tomorrow? For tonight, I would be happy!

Chapter 8

*~*~*Emmett's Point Of View*~*~*

"You did not! How?" Jasper asked incredulously to Edward while I laughed next to them. Of course Jasper would want to know.

"Jasper, it's really very simple. Just say no. And then walk away. Quickly," Edward laughed. Let's face it. It is SO not that simple.

"Edward, it's say no then run like a mad fucker. And that only works for you because you're the fastest of us," I joked as we walked into the waiting area. The rest of the family was still down in the parking lot.

"Shut up Emmett," Edward growled.

"Admit it, there is no controlling Alice when she wants to play dress-up. Running away from the psycho pixie only makes her angrier," I said. The words had barely left my lips when Jasper charged into me, effectively tackling me.

It wouldn't have mattered but for the previously unnoticed human. She looked bemused, as if she expected the little brawl. We stared at her.

"Hello. I'm Sasha Rose but my friends just call me Rose. And you are?" Sasha Rose introduced herself. Such a pretty little thing with such innocent femininity. Nothing like my vivacious Rosie.

"I'm Emmett and these are my brothers. Jasper, the emo, and Edward, the king of mood swings. It's a pleasure to meet you Miss Sasha Rose. You know my girlfriend's name is Rosalie but we call her Rose," I said, flashing her a grin wide enough to make most people run scared. Sasha Rose didn't even flinch.

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance's. I must be off though but I'm sure we'll be seeing plenty more of each other. Until then, I bid you ado," Sasha Rose hinted, a sparkle of knowing in her eyes. Great. Just freaking fang-tastic!

After I was sure she was out of earshot, I turned to Edward. "Is it just me or does she know something she shouldn't?"

Edward gave me his best well-duh look and hissed, "She DEFINATLY knows more than she should! She meant it when she said we would be seeing more of her. Though oddly enough, her thoughts were of the purest kind."

Finally the rest of the family joined us. I grabbed Rose up and kissed her quickly but passionately.

A smile danced across my face as Dr. Giggles came into the waiting room. The rest of the family may hate family therapy but I totally find it amusing. It's torture in the most basic form.

"Welcome back everyone. Today were going to start the couple's sessions instead of doing one-on-one sessions. First up are Emmett and Rosalie. Follow me please," Dr. Giggles said.

Rosie and I stood following Dr. Giggles not into the conference room like I expected but into a small circular office, complete with a classic therapist couch.

Rosie sat down in a chair in front of Dr. Giggles' desk while I opted for the couch, plopping down. Dr. Giggles sat behind his desk, looking us over.

"I like your shirt Emmett. Are bears your favorite animal?" he asked, trying to break the ice or some shit like that I guess.

"Yup! I love 'um! If it weren't for an irritable grizzly I wouldn't be here today," I said, looking over at Rosie lovingly.

"Why wouldn't you be?" Dr. Giggles wondered.

"See most of my family thinks I like bears because of the joy I get from wrestling them but that's not really true. IF that bear hadn't almost killed me, Rose wouldn't have saved me. And without my Rosie, life would honestly hold no interest for me," I explained, getting up to wrap my arms around my only love.

"I see," he said absentmindedly then his eyes got wide. "Wait…you wrestle bears…for FUN?"

"Yes I do. I love the feeling of the adrenaline coursing through my veins," I said, trying to make the reasoning sound human as possible. Not that wrestling bears is a human thing.

"Oh…kay…Moving on, Rosalie…Do you think you hide behind your beauty?" Dr. Giggles asked, encroaching on dangerous territory. Rosie already hates Dr. Giggles, it's not a wise idea to piss her off.

"No I do not believe I hide behind anything. I would be the same person if you took away my beauty but why in the world would anyone want to take away my beauty? Unless their jealous of course," Rosie said, acid seeping through her voice.

"You know Rosalie, vanity is one of the seven deadly sins," Dr. Giggles said. I laughed. What an idiot!

"Actually Dr. Dipshit, the seven sins are luxuria, gula, avaritia, acedia, ira, inidia, and superbia. Also known as lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride. Do not insult my intelligence. I may be a blonde but I'm not an idiot. I may suffer from many of the deadly sins but vanity is not a deadly sin and I don't suffer from it!" Rosie shouted. I'm sure the whole hospital heard her outburst.

"Would you say you're tenacious Rosalie?" Dr. Giggles continued, as though Rosie hadn't insulted him.

"What do you think? I may be tenacious but my family doesn't give a shit. Besides, I'm not going to change who I am just because some quack asshole tells me to," she hissed, glaring daggers at him.

"Rosie baby. Deep breaths. You know no one expects you to change," I said, hoping she didn't kill me for it.

"No one expects me to change!? Like I couldn't?! Like you could change being a serial killer!" Rosie shouted in a fit of tirade.

"Serial killer???" Dr. Giggles said, freaking out. Rosie really stepped in it now.

"Yes I'm a proud cereal killer. I kill the Lucky Charms every day!" I said, laughing. Thank god for my ability to make a joke otherwise we'd be fucked. Again.

"Oh, cereal killer."

"Yes, it's a family joke. I kill a box of Lucky Charms every morning," I announced proudly.

"The family expressed some concern about your very active sex life. Especially the fact that the two of you have done 'it' in all of their cars and most of their beds. Is that true?"

"Look doc, I'm not going to deny we get carried away but sometimes we just get the urge and I think it's better we do it somewhere private than on the living room floor," I said.

"You did do it on the living room floor!" Jasper shouted from the waiting area.

"And the kitchen floor!" Alice shouted.

"Not to mention the second living room!" Bella called next.

"Plus the media room!" Quil screamed.

I was rolling on the floor laughing as they continued to call out various rooms that Rosie and I had…made use of.

"Maybe the 2 of you should consider toning down your sexual activities and confining yourselves to your room for the sake of your family," Dr. Giggles suggested. It was a good suggestion, not one we would ever listen to but a good suggestion none the less.

"We'll take it into consideration," I said carefully.

Rose looked at me like if we did she would kill me. Dr. Giggles began talking again, "That should be all for today. Send in Alice and Jasper please."

We stood and walked out of the room. I heard Rosie muttering under her breath. "Mother fucker was lucky I hunted last night."