The Elmhurst Times

Issue 3: June 2015

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CONTENTS:

A story focus

The story edition………………….... 3

An alliterative poem ………………..4

Ugly and the Slug…………..………….5

The Princess and the Mosquito...6

Rainy Pink and the Five Silly Giants

………………………………………………...8

Goldilocks and the Magic Porridge

Pot…………………………………………..10

The Princess and the Mosquito..11

The Princess and the Pig…………..12

Doris…………………………………...…..14

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The story edition

Way, way back in the days of old, well at the start of the year to be precise, a group of chil-

dren were set the arduous task of writing some very strange tales known as fractured fairy

tales.

With imaginations racing they set about their task. They pondered over ideas, deliberated

with vocabulary, fought with the grammar monster and finally battled the keyboard. They

were done! Edited and checked, they were sent off to be entered into a competition.

Unfortunately, the judging panel were inundated with other glorious tales from across the

land and returned our hard working heroes’ stories to them with many words of praise

and great thoughts for the future.

Little were they to know though that, on return to school, their old and slightly forgetful

Headteacher put the stories to one side. Gradually, over time, they were buried under

mountains of paper: old school reports, data analysis sheets and post it notes galore. Lost

for ever! Or were they?

One quieter day, when all children were behaving well and the school staff were all en-

sconced in their classrooms, the poor, old Headteachers decided to throw caution to the

wind and have a good old tidy up!

Oh! The treasures they found! Diamonds, gold coins…. If only! What one of the

Headteachers found was actually a thousand times better…. she uncovered the long lost,

but still gloriously brilliant, stories!

Those stories are published here for you to enjoy.

Mrs Edwards

With just one little exception!

The slightly old and decrepit Headteacher had

made an awful error in the previous edition of the magazine… she had omitted to include a poem: a

stunning poem written by Edie Carney!

Edie’s poem has been included in the story edition for you to enjoy. Turn over to read the delights of

Edie’s alliterative poem. Pure genius!

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A is for Andrew, an ambitious armadillo

B is for Boris, a boring buffalo

C is for Cedric, a crazy crab

D is for Derek, a demonic donkey

E is for Edward, an excitable eagle

F is for Freddy, a ferocious ferret

G is for Gareth, a great goat

H is for Harry, a heroic hog

I is for Iggy, an idiotic iguana

J is for Joseph, a jealous jackdaw

K is for Katie, a kind koala

L is for Lenny, a long lamprey

M is for Molly, a mad monkey

N is for Nancy, a nasty nit

O is for Oliver, an odd owl

P is for Peter, a perfect parrot

Q is for Quentin, a quiet quail

R is for Rory, a raging raven

S is for Sedgewick, a sad seahorse

T is for Terence, a terrible tiger

U is for Ulysses, an underestimated unicorn

V is for Vincent, a voracious viper

W is for Wesley, a wonky walrus

X is for Xavier, an Xbox playing x-ray fish

Y is for Yana, a yodelling yak

Z is for Zoey, a zany zebra.

An alphabet poem with

alliteration

By Edie Carney

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Ugly and the Slug

Written by Thomas Bennet

Once upon a time there lived a very ugly princess called Ugly. In fact, she was so ugly

that no-one wanted to marry her. All except for a young man named Oliver. No Oliver was not

the brightest of men. In fact, he was pretty much stupid which once got him into serious trou-

ble and that is what this revised fairy-tale is about.

One day Ugly told Oliver to go to the shops but he’d only gone a little way when he

found his path blocked by a wicked witch.

“Come with me!” cackled the fiendish witch.

“Okay!” agreed Oliver.

When he got to the witch’s remote home, the old witch cackled, “I heard you have very ugly

princess for a wife.”

“Yes.” stammered Oliver.

“Tell you what. I’ll make a deal with you,” said the old lady slyly.

“Right. I like deals” replied Oliver. By now you can probably guess why I noted that Oliver was

pretty stupid. “Let’s get going!”

“Wait!” she said, baring her horrible yellow teeth. “I haven’t told you what the deal is yet.”

“Ok!” said Oliver cheerily.

“He! He!” thought the witch. “I’ve got a really silly one!”

“Tell me!” said Oliver impatiently. “What’s the deal?”

The witch glared at him for a moment and then replied, “I can turn you into a very, very hand-

some Prince”

“Woweee!” yelled Oliver excitedly.

The witch chanted her spell. Abracadabra chall con do shin shin shon chin! There was a whoosh

and a green puff of smoke.

“Thanks,” he said and he skipped out. But what he didn’t know was that the wicked witch had

turned him into a toad! Ugly was, of course, horrified and immediately set about divorcing him

and she never did find another husband!

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The Princess and the Mosquito

By Jay Brimson

Once upon a time a princess lived in the castle of a 4 year old girl’s dream. The princess was rich.

She lived with her mother and father. Her name was Lucy.

One day she had just finished watching her favourite TV show ‘’Barbie Dream house’’. Lucy then

went upstairs to brush her lovely and shiny teeth. Then she climbed into her four poster bed and

slept, dreaming happily of magic Unicorns prancing around the palace gardens.

The next day she went into the bathroom to brush her teeth but instead had the shock and sur-

prise of finding a mosquito perched on the mirror. She then had a total meltdown and ran scream-

ing her head off around the castle. She darted in and out of her Mum and Dad’s bedroom did a lap

of the wide and empty living room.

But then she remembered a family secret kept for years.

She crept down to the store room and looked under the mat. And sure enough a shiny brass key

was there, she went back up the stair and got a stool from the posh kitchen. Down the stairs she

went, but this time a bit slower because she had a lot of weight on her back.

She reached up and at full strain she managed, somehow, to get the key in the padlock. She turned

the key and with full strength the padlock clicked and fell into her empty and open hands. She

caught it perfectly and put it on the moss covered table beside her. She went inside and flicked

the light switch on. A bulb flickered into life and lit the whole room with a stream of light.

Now the storeroom had not been used for absolutely ages but surprisingly Lucy knew it like the

back of her hand. In the corner of the room there was a chest hidden under stacks of painting

cans. This is because her dad once entered a painting competition. The reason of this is because

the grand prize was 500,000 Dollars.

She hauled the chest out of its hiding place and opened the lid. Inside was a static generator

swatting bat. The next bit is cruel so those of you that are affectionate please skip this bit.

Lucy was going to electrocute the poor little thing. She rushed upstairs with a permanent grin on

her face. She ran down the corridor and flew into the bathroom faster than you can say what?

Now I will tell you a couple of things Lucy can do;

STORY FOCUS

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1. Lucy can fly

2. Not really

3. That is the reason I said flew.

My what a chase they had! It lasted about 10 minutes! It would have lasted a lot longer if some fool

hadn’t left the washing machine door open. The mosquito flew inside. The washing machine turned on.

It flew out but this time it was a prince. But it died thanks to a pair of static generator swatting

bats.

Recommended reads for 7-8 year olds:

Have you read any of these books?

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“Rainy Pink and the Five Silly Giants.”

Written by Holly Atton

Once upon a time there was a very rich Duchess. She had a very lovely daugh-

ter called Rainy Pink and she was very proud of her beauty and kindness.

On Rainy Pink's sixth birthday her mother invited all the high-born children

of the land to Rainy Pink's birthday party. All except the daughter of Haggy,

the Queen of Evil. She was furious, so she went to Rainy Pink's party to

curse her;

"Once you come of the age 13

You will get lost in a wood of green

Eight giants will come riding by

And squish you flat like a grape.

Goodbye!"

After this, Rainy Pink wasn't allowed out of the castle without a body guard

and her mother moved her bed into Rainy Pink's room.

But, as the years went by, nothing actually happened. Rainy Pink's

13th birthday had been and gone and nothing had happened. Soon, the duch-

ess became more relaxed and moved her bed back out again, and the body-

guard had weekends off. It was all a lot nicer than before.

One day the Queen and Rainy Pink went for a walk together to pick a bunch

of wild flowers, forgetting all about the witches curse.

Despite the forest's beauty, both the queen and Rainy Pink were thoroughly

spooked as it was completely silent apart from the echo of their footsteps

that sounded like they were being followed. "Lets just get our flowers and

get out of here" said the queen. Suddenly, they heard a rustle in the bushes

nearby. They looked at each other nervously. "Let's go!" said Rainy Pink. They

picked up their baskets and started running. Unfortunately, Rainy Pink

tripped over a tree root and fell into a ditch filled with murky water and

weeds.

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She thrashed about, yelling for her mother to help her, but when her mother

looked back she thought that Rainy Pink was a monster because she was cov-

ered in pond weed.

Her mother screamed and ran faster. She didn't realise that she had lost her

daughter until she was back safely in her castle.

Meanwhile, Rainy Pink was out of the ditch, walking around the woods looking

for her mother.

While she was walking, she spotted a neat little path, and followed it until she

came to a pretty little cottage. She knocked on the door and then went in be-

cause nobody answered (which was a very stupid thing to do). She went into

the kitchen and started foraging for food.

On the other side of the woods lived five giants. Their names were , Clever,

Clumsy, Worried, Busy, and Mad. They were baking a cake for Mad's birthday,

but had run out of sugar.

"What are we going to do!?" said Worried desperately.

"I have a plan." said Clever "You know the woodcutter's house in the middle

of the woods? Well, we can borrow a cup of sugar from them!"

They found a cup and set off for the woodcutter's house, stepping awkward-

ly over the trees. When they got to the cottage, Clumsy lay down on his front

and tapped gently on the door with his finger. Unfortunately, he tapped too

hard and bashed the cottage down crushing Rainy Pink like a grape.

"Oops" said Clumsy, "I wonder where we can get another cup of sugar from?!"

STORY FOCUS

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Goldilocks and the magic porridge pot

Written by Heidi Dalgarno

We start in a small cottage in a wood. Now, in that cottage lived a tall girl with long and dazzling

locks. She had one desire- happiness. Not far from this place, was another cottage – this one tiled.

In it lived a wise owl. In his cottage, he had a magic porridge pot.

One late afternoon, Goldilocks was sitting next to a stream making daisy chains when the North

Wind sneezed, “Atishoo!” blowing the daisy chains away. Startled by this sudden outcome, Goldilocks

raced after them. Finally, she caught them but turning around she saw she was lost. She cried in

despair. “What am I to do?” she wailed. A whiff of scones leapt into the air. Devastated as she was,

she followed the lovely smell; it led her to a cottage.

She knocked once. No answer. She knocked twice. No answer. She knocked a third time. So, to make

a long story short, the door opened and she fell in. Next she woke up and found herself on a stone

floor. A few minutes later, she sat up and found herself in a big kitchen. She was staring at a pic-

ture on the wall. She was staring at the massive bowl of porridge on the table. If it hadn’t been for

her hunger, she would have left the porridge pot alone, but, as she was hungry, she gobbled it up!

Feeling tired, she saw a feather blanket. “Just a little snooze” she thought. “It won’t hurt!”

Three hours later… She woke up. Startled. The chair wobbled intensely but before anything could be

said or done, it toppled over! Annoyed by what had happened, Goldilocks stumbled to the grandfa-

ther clock. It was 3 o’clock in the evening.

Porridge for breakfast and lunch was not very exciting, so she pulled up her socks, put on her wel-

lies, pushed open the door and headed out.

She searched and searched but nothing was to be found so she headed back to the cottage. When

she got back there was a note saying:

“When you are hungry, say to the porridge pot, “Porridge please” and when there is enough say

“Enough”. I too have searched high and low for other food but there is none” The Wise Owl.

“Porridge please?” she asked. The porridge pot started to make porridge. But Goldilocks was still

very tired and she fell asleep before giving the next command.

Within the hour, the porridge had slithered off the table, had blocked the cat flap and was now up

to Goldilocks’ waist. Startled she woke up and screamed; “Enough!”

When Goldilocks opened the door, she saw that the porridge had carved a winding path through the

forest. Goldilocks trudged through the path and, to her amazement, she found herself standing at

her own front door.

“I’m home, Mother and I never want to eat porridge again!” she said.

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The Princess and the Mosquito

Written by Ethan Turnball

Once upon a time, in a land far far away there lived mythical creatures, all called Ste-

ve. They include Fairies, Trolls, Unicorns and the occasional Ugly Duck but of course no story

is complete without a Princess.

The Princess in this story is the most beautiful in the world, and is guarded around

the clock. As for me I am a mosquito called Gary Steve, who is very infatuated with the Prin-

cess. I often fly into her castle and just stare at her and she never notices me. Unfortunate-

ly, one day she did and screamed very loudly (I think that’s a slight overreaction)! When the

guards rushed in they couldn’t see anyone or anything so they presumed that she was having

day mares so shrugged and left. After they had gone, she whipped out the automatic fly

swatter from her draw hidden underneath her bed and tried to swat me. Luckily, I dodged

out of the way but she forced me into a corner and trapped me, however I just flew over her.

No matter how hard she tried she just couldn’t swat me. I was getting quite bored at this

point, so I flew out of the crack in the door and into the bathroom. The bathroom was al-

ready occupied so I made a hasty retreat.

Just as I left the bathroom the Princess went storming in, but she saw the naked man

singing in the shower and ran out screaming (This time the scream was completely appropri-

ate)! As I flew into the laundry room, I looked back to see where the Princess was, but I

couldn’t see her but I didn’t see where I was going and unfortunately flew into the washing

machine. The princess finally calmed down and asked a guard where I went, so she sped down

to the laundry room, slammed the door and switched on the washing machine.

As I began to spin round I felt suddenly light headed but then I felt different, but I

couldn’t quite put my finger on it (literally) because I was starting to change. As my head was

growing larger it felt that my whole body would explode. Then something clicked, I was start-

ing to grow larger and I was also becoming more intelligent by the minute. My world started

to shrink. Confused, the sides started to move closer, I tumbled out and then I had the abil-

ity to look at myself. I had transformed from a Mosquito into a PRINCE! What a remarkable

transformation I had made by just adding water and soap to a mosquito to make the most

handsome Prince in the world. Unsurprisingly, the Princess fell in love with me as soon as her

eyes met mine.

Although the princess had her happily ever after, this was the start of my worst

nightmare. If only I could buzz off. If only they had a tumble dryer!

STORY FOCUS

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The Princess and the Pig

By Humayra Begum

As everyone should know, I’m the prince from the princess and the frog and I’m here to tell you,

that was a lie. I wasn't a frog but a pig and this is the real story:

I was coming back from a party and was just admiring my beautiful teeth and perfect hair. Then I

felt the wind blow which was totally ruining my hair. Before I could fix it, a tall and not-as-

handsome -as-me man came out. He was wearing a black suit with a top hat and a bow tie. He came

up to me and I just thought he wanted an autograph. Instead, he said he could fix my hair with a

lifetimes worth of royal gel, amazing! His name? The Voodoo Man. I then followed him into a creepy

small house.

“Is this a joke? Because I can crush you with my guns.” I showed him my set of bad boys and he

looked shocked, I couldn't believe it myself, they were pretty big!

“Why young man, I’ll tell you a joke. Let’s play a magic trick. Pick a number.”

“7.”

“Square it.”

“49?” I said but felt unsure.

“Divide it by your original number.”

“7” I felt proud of myself for not taking too long.

“Now, take away your original number.”

I had to think about that one, “0? That’s not a magic trick” I felt disappointed.

“No, but that will be the amount of royal gel you get.” He laughed wickedly.

All I remembered was him saying “To break the curse, you must kiss the one you are most

alike.” The next day I woke up back in my fabulous palace and admired myself in the mirror but in

front of me was, dare I say it, a porky pig.

“Oh no! Where did my silky smooth hair go?”

STORY FOCUS

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I remembered myself singing the Spider Pig song…

“Spider Pig! Spider Pig!

Does whatever Spider Pig does

Can he swing from a web?

No he can't, he’s -” I got cut off from my amazing singing by a knock on the door and rushed under

the covers.

“Naveen, why aren't you downstairs? Your guests are waiting for you.” said a female voice.

I faked a cough, “I’m not feeling very well today, I think I just need some salmon to help me.”

“I’ll get the maids to it. Would you like some bacon with that? I hear they taste delightful.”

I accidentally snorted.

“Why are you hiding? Oh my!-” She pulled the covers away and, in front of me was princess Tiana.

Everything matched! We’re both royal, rich and gorgeous. Before she could scream, I tried to kiss

her but it didn’t work. So I attempted again but she screamed and people rushed in.

“Why is the pig here? We need it cooked for the feast!”

Next thing I knew, I was turned into a roasted pig because guess what I was supposed to kiss? A

pig. Now that’s gross.

Recommended reads for 9/10 year olds:

Have you read either of these books?

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Doris

Written by Edie Carney

Once upon a time there was an old lady named Doris. Doris had a grandson called Timmy,

who loved gingerbread. He ate it for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day of the year.

Doris glanced at the calendar and gasped: it was Timmy’s birthday. She thought it was the

day after and it was a family tradition to go to Doris’ house for dinner on anyone’s birthday.

“I might make Timmy a gingerbread man!” said Doris to her cockatiel.

Doris mixed together the butter and the sugar and cracked some eggs in. She grated an

orange, opened a tin of treacle and then tipped them in the bowl. Then she added flour, bicar-

bonate of soda, cinnamon, ginger, ground cloves and salt and mixed. Then she put it in her fridge. A

few hours later she retrieved the dough from the fridge to cut and put it in the oven. Then she

made a delicious lunch that I can’t tell you about as I’ll run out of words!

When the gingerbread man was done, Doris got a piping bag and started drawing his face

on. Suddenly there was loud rap at the door making her hand slip while icing his mouth, resulting in

a very ugly expressions! Doris opened the door to the postman who handed her a package containing

a book. The second Doris closed the door, someone knocked again. She answered it. It was Timmy,

smiling like someone who is smiling.

Timmy skipped to the table with his mum and ate the lunch. Doris placed the gingerbread

man on the tray and carried him in, singing Happy Birthday. Timmy picked the little man up, but the

little man sprang to life.

“Come here, you tasty little blighter!” said Timmy politely.

All three of them chased after the little man through the garden and into the high street

where they passed Joe the newsagent.

“He looks really tasty” cried Joe, joining the chase.

“Run, run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me I’m the Gingerbread man!” cried the ginger-

bread man.

Through the field they met a goat.

“Baaah!” said the goat, joining the chase.

“Run, run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me I’m the Gingerbread man!” cried the ginger-

bread man.

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Jumping over the river, they met a fisherman.

“He’d be good bait” ranted the fisherman, joining the chase.

“Run, run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me I’m the Gingerbread man!” cried the ginger-

bread man.

Passing a tree, they met a magpie.

“Cluck!” clucked the magpie, joining the chase.

“Run, run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me I’m the Gingerbread man!” cried the ginger-

bread man.

Passing the shops, they met a dog.

“Get on my back and fast!” whispered the dog.

The gingerbread man got onto the dog and it ran into the bakery.

“My! You’re ugly!” said the Baker. “I think I can help you!”

He worked for a few seconds. He gave the gingerbread man an extremely lovely new face!

STORY FOCUS

The end!

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ELMHURST JUNIOR SCHOOL 2015