THE FAMILY LIFE OF ISLAM - Knowledge · 2. ISLAM AND THE FAMILY SYSTEM Islam is the Final religion and has the most ideal shari `ah (revealed law). An unbiased observer cannot help

THE FAMILY LIFE OF ISLAM

THE FAMILY LIFE Of ISLAM

1400/1980

WOFIS

WORLD ORGANIZATION FOR ISLAMIC SERVICES

SAYYID SAEED AKHTAR RIZVI

By:

TEHRAN -IRAN

Revised edition 140011980

Published by:

World Organization for Islamic Services,P. 0. Box No. 11365 - 1545,

Tehran - IRAN.

In the Name of Allah,the Most Compassionate, the Merciful

Praise belongs to Allah, the Lord of all beings;the Most Compassionate, the Merciful;the Master of the Day of Judgement;

Thee only we serve, and to Thee alone we prayfor succour;

Guide us in the straight path;the path of those whom Thou hast blessed,

who are immune from Thy wrathand have never gone astray.

0' Allah send your blessings to the head ofyour messengers and the last of

your prophets, Muhammadand his pure and cleansed progeny.Also send your blessings to all your

prophets and envoys.

Dear Reader,

The book you now have in hand is one ofthe many Islamic publications distributed by thisOrganization throughout the -world in differentlanguages with the aim of conveying the messageof Islam to the people of the world.

You may read this book carefully andshould you be interested to have further studyon such publications you can contact us througha letter. Naturally, if we find you to be a keenand energetic reader we shall give you a de-serving response in sending you some otherpublications of this Organization.

You may express your views on this publi-cation and the subject matter discussed in it, andhow far you have benefited from it or whichpart of the subject matter has proved useful toyou and your environment. You will be able,in this manner, to introduce yourself as one ofour good and active reader.

Meanwhile, you can keep our address at thedisposal of your friends and those individualsinterested' in Islamic Studies.

Publications Secretary,

WORLD ORGANIZATION FOR ISLAMIC SERVICES( WOFIS)

CONTENTS

Page

PART ONETHE FAMILY

Publisher's Foreword ............. xix

l. Importance of a Family Code ......... 72. Islam and the Family System ......... 93. Family Pillars ..................... 104. Joint Family and Separate Family System.10

Joint Family System: Its advantagesand disadvantages ................. 12Separate Family Stystem: Its advantagesand disadvantages ................. 1 4

5. The Wise System of Islamic Society .... 156. Dependants....................... 157. Seclusion of Women ................ 18

PART TWOPARENTS AND CHILDREN

PART THREEMARITAL AFFAIRS

8. Parents and Children ................ 279. Why so much Emphasis on

the Rights of Parents ............. 281 0. Rights of Children ................. 3011. Three Stages of Life ............... 3212. Instruction for the Three Stages ...... 3513. Rights of Parents .................. 431 4. The Similarity Between the Financial

Rights of Almighty Allah and Parents , 4815. According to the Right of Love ...... 5116. According to the Right of Obedience . . 5317. Superiority of Mother's Rights ....... 5818. A Warning ...................... 6019. The Qur'an and the Gospels ......... 61

20. Mutual Rights of Husband and Wife ... 6721. Natural Spheres of Activities of

Man and Woman ................ 6922. Benefits of Marriage ............... 7023. Islamic Boundary Line ............. 75

PART FOURRELATIVES

24. The Rights of the Husband .......... 80Man and Woman: Physical differences. 81

25. A Woman's Place is in the Home ...... 8626. Husband: Metaphorical Lord ......... 9327. Obedience Based on Love ........... 9528. Domestic Management ............. 9629. Procreation ...................... 9830. The Rights of the Wife ............ 10031. Love and Good Grace ............. 10232. Right of Maintenance ............. 10433. Forebearance .................... 10634. Misunderstandings and Conflicts ..... 1 08

Why Conflicts? ................ 1 09When Wife is at fault ............. 110When Husband is at fault ......... 112When both are at fault ........... 112

35. Separation ...................... 11336. Taldq: Khul `: Mubdrdt ............ 11737. Conditions of Divorce ............. 120

Divorce: The most disliked permission 121

38. Rights of Other Relatives .......... 12539. The Virtues of silat ar-rahim according

to the Qur'an and hadith ......... 127

PART FIVENEIGHBOURS

40. The Evils of Severing the Relationship 132Divine Law in Practice ........... 136

41. Circle of silat ar-rahim ............ 13842. Ways of silat ar-rahim ............ 141

Summary ..................... 144A Reminder ................... 144

43. Rights of Neighbours ............. 149

PUBLISHER'S FOREWORD

Our Organization is now publishing The Fam-ily Life of Islam, one of the books of `AllamahSayyid Sa` id Akhtar Radawi, praise be to Allah,all Power is with Him. Sayyid Radawi is one ofthe most sincere preachers of Islam and an activescholar, both when he was in Tanzania in theBilal Muslim Mission (an Islamic organizationactive in Tanzania), -and also now that he hasreturned to his own country of India. In the wayof spreading Islam, he has rendered numerousservices and has been most active. Sayyid Radawiis a successful author of many books on variousIslamic subjects, and he has the gift of being ableto write in a way which all people can easily under-

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x ix

xx

Publisher's Foreword

stand. He has worked closely with our Organiz-ation for many years, and we are proud to havepublished many of his writings, not only in Eng-lish, but also in many other languages into whichthey have been translated.

From Allah we ask for goodness and guid-ance, and pray that He will keep us far from errorand mistake. For He is the best Guide and the onlyFriend.

WORLD ORGANIZATION FOR ISLAMIC SERVICES,

(Board of Writing, Translation and Publication).

17/9/140030/7/1980Tehran - IRAN.

Part One

THE FAMILY

1. IMPORTANCE OF A FAMILY CODE

A sensible and well-balanced family systemis the very foundation of a happy life. Ineed, it isthe root of an advancing civilization. Religioncomes to take human beings nearer to Allah.Therefore, it must create an atmosphere conduciveto that ideal; otherwise, it cannot achieve its goal.No religion can be regarded as complete unlessit has a well-defined code of family life whichexpressly shows the exact responsibility and roleof each member of the family. The family is aclosely-knit unit of human society; and this near-ness creates eminent danger of friction and conflictunless every member is told in unambiguous termswhat his duties and rights are.

7

The Family Life of Islam

If a religion shuts its eyes to the intricaciesof family problems, its followers, sooner or later,will revolt against it, destroying all religious tenetsin the wake of that rebellion. The reason is simple;the prevalent environment and social system wouldnot be in harmony with that religion; and theinfluence of unharmonious society would graduallypush them further and further from that religion.Finally a time would come when the religionwould have no more than a ceremonial functionwith little or no effect on life.

A good example would be Christianity whichignored the claims of human nature, extolling theidea of celibacy. Many zealous people tried to liveup to that ideal, Monks and nuns shut themselvesin monasteries. For a short period, this schemeworked well. Then the nature took its revenge;the monks and abbots cultivated the idea that theywere representatives of Christ, and the nuns weregiven the title of "brides of Christ." So with easyconscience they turned the monasteries intocentres of sexual liberties.

Nature can be compared to a steel springwhich when pressed down jumps back with equalforce. When it took its revenge upon Christians, itturned the Christians societies into the most per-missive, libertine and undisciplined ones the world

8

The Family

had ever seen.This happens when a religion does not con-

form with nature and when the leaders of religionthink that it is quite enough to say `Love thyneighbour' without telling them how.

2. ISLAM AND THE FAMILY SYSTEM

Islam is the Final religion and has the mostideal shari `ah (revealed law). An unbiased observercannot help admiring the equilibrium which it hasachieved balancing the demands of body andspirit, providing guidance concerning life in thisworld as well as teachings concerning life in thehereafter.

It is the Leading Light which brightly illumi-nates every turning in the highway of human life.It is the Perfect shari `ah which did not leave anyhuman need uncared for.

In so far as family-life goes, we see that Islamhas unravelled every problem of the family systemwith such dexterity that one has to accept that itcould not be solved in a better way.

One cannot but register astonishment at theattitude adopted by some Christians writers. Theyseem to be suffering from an inferiority complex

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1 0

when they compare the Islamic shari àh with theirreligion which has no shari àh at all. Therefore,they try to imply that, that perfection of shari àhis a "drawback" or that the moral standard of Is-lamic teachings is not as high as that of Christianity.

3. FAMILY PILLARS

In any family there are those persons withoutwhom a family cannot be regarded as complete.A human being is born of a father and a mother;the parents look after the child and bring it up.This child in turn attains maturity and is joinedto a spouse in the golden link of matrimony. Thenthis couple start their own family. Thus we maysay that the persons who form pillars of the familyare father, mother, child, husband and wife.

Some people need help in their domesticchores. Therefore, Islam has added the `servant'also in the list.

4. JOINT FAMILY AND SEPARATEFAMILY SYSTEMS

According to sociologists, there are two typesof family systems in the world: "The Joint FamilySystem" and "The Separate Family System".


The Family

Joint Family System:

This

system

impliesthat all members of a clan:- father, son, brother,sister, uncle, nephew etc., live together. The income of the individual is not treated as his personalproperty, rather it belongs to the family and theexpenses of all members are met by that `familyincome.'

Separate Family System: In this system every-one is responsible for his own immediate depend-ants. His income belongs to him and not to thefamily.

The Hindu family is a joint family while inArabia the separate family system prevails. Perhapsit is for this reason that cousins are called 'brothers' and `sisters' in India, while in Arabia theyare just sons and daughters of the uncle or aunt.

And, perhaps it was because of this systemthat Hindus regard cousins as falling within theprohibited degrees, that is, cousins may not marryeach other in the Hindu religion. There is no suchprohibition in Islam.

However, both these systems are very old, andeach has its advantages and disadvantages.

1 1

1 2

Joint Family System: Its Advantagesand Disadvantages

The Joint Family System is a very good ex-ample of humanism, benevolence, mutual trustand co-operation.

Members of a family or clan are branches ofthe same root. It is only natural that they shouldremain united in their domestic management andfamily life. This `togetherness' is expected tocreate happiness and peace of mind.

Furthermore, this system ensures that thosefamily members who, for any reason, are unableto earn their livelihood do not face destitutionand poverty, and thus are spared disgrace andheartaches. This system acts like an Insurancecompany which accepts all responsibilities at thetime of old age, unemployment and sickness, andthe family members are saved from the troublinganxiety of tomorrow.

So much about its advantanges. Ironically,these very advantages give rise to its disadvantages.The ease of mind provided by this system sometimes can be misused by some unscrupulous peo-ple. If a member of the family is lazy, he finds iteasy enough to live on the fruits of others' labour;he never realizes the importance of earning his


The Family

own livelihood. Once he acquires such taste, he willfind many excuses to avoid work. After all, whyshould he exert himself when there are other rela-tives ready to take his burden on their shoulders?

Unless one is made to realize that one cannotexploit others in this way, one will not make realeffort to earn his bread. Neither will he fell asham-ed of his useless life.

Furthermore, this system kills the initiativeto work harder. If a man exerts himself to thefurthest limit and thus earns more, his standardof living, naturally, would be much higher thana person earning less. If a man earns twice asmuch as his brother, common sense says thattheir standards of living must be different ac-cordingly. But the Joint Family System doesnot allow it. And the drive to exert onself more,and to earn more, dies.

The most serious defect of this system is that,instead of creating harmony, love and trust in thefamily (as it is supposed to do), it becomes thechief cause of domestic strife. When a man workshard to meet the expenses of the Joint Familywhile his brother spends his time in roaming thestreets aimlessly; or when he exerts himself to earnas much money as possible, while the brotherthrows away his chances of advancement, the

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14

resulting ugliness in the family relations is beyonddescription. Family members begin hating eachother, tempers flare on the slightest pretext; suspi-cion, anger and hatred fill the place of trust, loveand happiness. The atmosphere of the housegradually turns into a living hell and then comes atime when separation remains the only remedy.

Separate Family System: Its Advantagesand Disadvantages

The Separate Family System does not sufferfrom the disadvantages mentioned above of JointFamily System, nor does it have its advantages.

To remain aloof from one's own relatives islikely to kill the finest of human instincts. Thissystem may breed selfishness and meanness. Thosewho look upon mankind as if raised on a highpedestal feel that the whole of mankind is akinto the limbs of one body - humanity; but theSeparate Family System turns brothers intostrangers, who may meet several times a day butdo not care for one another.


The Family

5.

THE WISE SYSTEM OFISLAMIC SOCIETY

Now, let us look at the wise system of Islam.Here we find that Islam has laid down a straight-forward highway with such skill that a man walking on it may enjoy the sweet smell of both thesesystems, and still not be beset by the thornyproblems of either. How?

Islam removed the basic cause of lethargyby decreeing that everyone is responsible for theexpenses of his own dependants: he has no rightto put the burden of his children, for example,on the shoulders of other relatives. Thus, the evileffects of the Joint Family System were avoided; atthe same time, everyone was emphatically enjoinedto "keep the bond of relationship intact." Thisprevented the tendency to selfishness and aloof-ness from one's own flesh and blood.

6. DEPENDANTS

In principle, the dependants (whose respon-sibility MUST be borne in any case) was limited:

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al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.)* said:

The ways to spend (one's) wealth are twenty-four in all . . . Thus, the five ways in whichspending money is obligatory (wajib) are theexpenses of the maintenance of his depend-ants, of his children, his father and mother,his wife and his slave. These are obligatory up-on him whether he be hard-up or affluent.

But if he is affluent and well-to-do, then hehas been emphatically enjoined to spend on otherrelatives also. The same hadith (tradition) goes onto say

*

(a.s.) is the abbreviation of -Arabic phrase `alayhi (orha /himu)'s-saldm (may peace be upon him/her/them).


nayeb

The Family

And the five strongly recommended expensesare: Dedication of perpetual gift, doing goodto one's relatives, doing good to other be-lievers, recommended charity and emanci-pation of slaves.

This hadith is narrated in Wasa'il ash-Shi `ah.There are numerous ahadith (traditions) extollingthe virtues of doing good to one's relatives, whichwill be mentioned in appropriate chapters.

An interesting point to ponder over is thatthe Hindus, in spite of their Joint Family System(or should it be said, `because of it?') never feltsuch intense love towards their relatives as wasseen in the Arabs in spite of their Separate FamilySystem, and that Islam upheld that love to a rea-sonable extent.

One cannot help but admire how Islam hasinterwoven the "family sympathy" of the JointFamily System with the "legal orderliness" of the

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Separate Family System. There is no escape fromadmitting that such a beautiful as well as perfectfamily system was never adopted before Islam.

After all, what is the use of a joint familyin which two Hindus (even if they are father andson) are not allowed by their religious customs toeat together? And what is the harm of a separatefamily if the people are encouraged to eat in oneanother's house and thus strengthen the bonds oflove and relationship?

7. SECLUSION OF WOMEN

Islamic civilization, which is based upon theprinciple that women should not mingle with men,emphasizes separate domestic arrangements. Withthe influence of Hindu culture, Indian Muslimsgradually adopted the Joint Family System. As aresult, that very important Islamic principle hasbeen sacrificed and it has, in its wake, disturbedmany other important aspects of Islamic society.The following ayah (verse) needs careful study:


The Family

And say to the believing women that theyshould lower their eyes and guard their mod-esty; that they should not display their beautyand ornaments except what (must ordinarily)appear thereof; that they should draw theirveils over their bosoms and not display theirbeauty except to their husbands, or their fa-thers, or their husbands' fathers, or their sonsor their husbands' sons or their brothers or

their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, ortheir women or those whom their right hands

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possess, or those male servants who are freeof physical needs, or small children whohave no sense of the hidden things of sex;and that they should not strike their feet inorder to draw attention to their hidden or-naments. And O' ye believers! turn ye alltogether towards Allah, that ye may attainbliss.

(Qur'an, 24: 31)

This list does not include the husband'sbrothers nor his nephews. A Muslim woman must,therefore, keep aloof from them as well as fromother strangers.

But the Joint Family System does not allowadherence to this important rule. And once aMuslim woman shows her beauty to the brotheror nephew of her husband, she has broken out ofthe secure boundary of the Islamic commandment,and once the limit is crossed, there is no sayingwhere this "showing off" will end, or whether itwill end at all.

Another ayah in the same surah clearly showsthat one should not put the burden of his domesticarrangement even on one's parents forever, onemust be self-reliant and self-supporting. The ayahis as follows


The Family

There is no blame upon . . . yourselves thatye eat ( without asking permission) in yourown houses or the houses of your fathers, orhouses of your mothers, or the houses ofyour brothers, or the houses of your sisters,or the houses of your fathers' brothers, orthe houses of your fathers' sisters, or thehouses of your mothers' brothers or thehouses of your mothers' sisters, or in housesof which the keys are in your possession, orin the house of a friend of yours . . .(Qur'an, 24: 61)

The ayah clearly mentions separate `houses'for fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, uncles andaunts, etc. It shows that there is a difference, in

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the eyes of Islam, between `your house' andthe `houses of your fathers' and `houses of yourbrothers', for example

The harmony and unity which must be cre-ated by following this law is self-evident. Eating inone another's houses is the surest way of creatinglove and friendship.

Question: There was a Separate Family Sys-tem in Arabia. Was it not because of this that theQur'an mentioned separate `houses' for eachrelative ?

Answer: Islam had not come to follow theArabs or anybody else. It had come to lead thewhole mankind including the Arabs. There werehundreds of customs - good and bad - in Arabia atthe advent of Islam. Islam eradicated all evil anddefective customs and rites, and allowed only thosesystems to continue which were desirable from itsown point of view.

If Islam had not liked the family system ofthe Arabs, it could easily have changed it. But in-stead, the Qur'an mentions that system withoutany hint of objection, thus endorsing it.


The Family

We find many examples in the lives of theHoly Prophet and hisAhlu'l-bayt (family members)which prove that they had adopted Separate Fam-ily System in their lives.

There was famine in Mecca in 35 Amu'l fil(the year of the Elephant). Abu Talib had manychildren and his means of livelihood were limited.The Holy Prophet felt that Abu Talib was facingdifficulties. He suggested to Àbbas (another of hisuncles), who was wealthy, to share the burdenof Abu Talib. Àbbas went with the Holy Prophetto Abu Talib and it was decided that Àli shouldlive with the Holy Prophet, Ja'far with Àbbasand Àqil was to remain with Abu Talib.

This fact proves that the domestic arrange-ment of the Holy Prophet was separate from thatof Abu Talib. There is no need to remind thereaders that the relationship between Abu Taliband the Holy Prophet was more tender and lovingthan is between a father and his son.

This event, while confirming the SeparateFamily System, clearly shows the other aspectof Islamic family code: "Keeping the bonds ofrelationship strong."

During the last Ramadan of his life, Amiral-mu'minin, Àli ibn Abi Talib (a.s.) used to breakhis fast one day at the house of al-Imam al-Hasan

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(a.s.), next day at the house of al-Imam al-Husayn(a. s.), the third day at the house of `Abdullah ibnJa'far, his son-in-law.

This fact, again, shows both aspects of theIslamic code: Separate Family arrangements and"keeping the Bonds of Relationship strong."

These two examples are sufficient to guideMuslims in their daily life. If any Muslim venturesto deviate from this straight path, he will no longerremain on the path of Islam.

In short, Islam has brought for mankind aFamily System which combines the good featuresof both family systems mentioned earlier and hasweeded out the evil aspects of both. It has thelegal straight-forwardness of the Separate FamilySystem as well as the harmony and sympathy ofthe Joint Family System.

And it is only by following this Islamic codethat mankind can obtain peace of mind in this lifeand everlasting happiness in the life hereafter.


Part Two

PARENTS AND CHILDREN

8. PARENTS AND CHILDREN

. Your parents and your children, yeknow not which of them are nearest toyou in benefit.

.

. (Qur'an, 4:11)

This ayah shows the Islamic attitude towardsthe relationship between parents and children.From infancy to adulthood, it is unparalleled tender love and care of the parents which brings thechild from the stage of absolute weakness and help-lessness to perfect strength and independence.

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Conversely, in old age a man becomes likea small child; the mind and body turn so weakthat Allah says

If We grant long life to any, We cause him tobe reversed in nature .

.

. (Qur'an, 36:68)

Yesterday, your parents looked after youwhen you were too feeble to look after yourself;today you must look after them.

9. WHY SO MUCH EMPHASIS ONTHE RIGHTS OF PARENTS?

Here is a point to ponder over: We do notfind in the Qur'an and hadith so much emphasison looking after the children as is the case withthe rights of the parents. Why?

The shari `ah has put a new challenge to thosewho think. Find out how logical this attitude is.

The fact is that the parent's heart is the foun-tainhead of the love for the child; this affectionbecomes the life-blood of the parents. The Qur'an


Parents and Children

has alluded to this instinctive parental love inseveral places.

On the other hand, children especially whenthey are no longer in need of parental care, donot feel so much love for the parents. We are notspeaking about respect. Here the talk is aboutinstinctive love; and experience is a reliable witnessto confirm this observation

It is a known fact that sign-posts are notneeded on straight highways; but at a cross-roadswhere several routes branch out, one cannot expectto get onto the right path without a guide or asign-post.

It is for this reason that Islam does not em-phasize in so many words those aspects of lifewhich are taken care of by human nature itself.It is where the hold of natural instinct is loosenedthat Islam extends its helping hand and leads manon the right path by telling him what he is ex-pected to do.

It was for this reason that Islam did notexplain the rights of children so forcefully; butfull emphasis was given to the rights of the parents,as will be observed in coming chapters.

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10. RIGHTS OF CHILDREN

The Holy Prophet said to Àli (a.s.)

O' Àli, there are as many rights of childrenincumbent upon parents as there are rightsof parents incumbent upon children.

Rights and duties are inter-related. The rightof À' is the duty of `B'. Although, as mentionedabove, natural parental love was a sufficient suretyfor the upkeep, welfare and upbringing of thechild, Islam prepared some wonderful guidelinesfor the parents.

There are many important turning points inhuman life - right from birth to adulthood - inwhich a wrong step may prove fatal for happinessand success - both of this world and of the lifehereafter.

Most important is education and character-building. Here are a few sign-posts concerningthese two aspects

NAME: Amir al-mu'minin, Àli ibn AbiTalib (a.s.) said

The first beneficence of a parent towardshis child is to give him a good name; there-fore, you should name your child with agood name.



It is a fact that good names may have a goodinfluence on the mind of a person. A child hearshis name day and night; and it is reasonable to believe that the meaning of that name sub-conscious-ly strengthens those characteristics which are im-plied in that name. Of course, it does not mean thatno evil person has a good name. What is empha-sized here is the fact that a name has a psychologi-cal effect on the person, provided it is not counter-manded by rearing or society.

A bad name has one more tangible evil effect.Whenever that name is announced, the person willfeel embarrassment and the name will become asource of constant irritation, effecting his outlookof society. Hence the emphasis in ahadith on givinggood names to children.

.The Holy Prophet used to emphasize this as-

pect of life so much that al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq(a.s.) said: "(The Apostle of Allah) used to changethe bad names of people and places."

It is recommended that the child shouldbe named after the Holy Prophet and his family.Strangely enough, nowadays people name theirchildren after film actors and actresses. This trendpoints to a far deeper malady of our society.

It shows that now our daily life and domi-nating thoughts have lost their connection with

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the founder of Islam and his family. Now we areglorifying those whose lives are diametrically op-possed to Islamic tenets; and who depend onhardm (forbidden) actions for their livelihood. Bygiving our children the names of such anti-Islamicpersons, we are teaching our children not to careabout Islam in their lives.

11. THREE STAGES OF LIFE

From infancy upto the age of 21-22 years,one's life may be divided into three stages:

The First Stage is upto the age of 7. Ancientphilosophers were of the opinion that the humanmind in the very beginning is completely blank,and it is only gradually that it starts using thefaculties of sight, hearing etc.

During childhood, it becomes strong enoughto understand common words and ideas and asso-ciate names with objects. Still it is not developedenough to bear the strain of logical reasoning andabstract ideas.

That theory basically is accepted even today.And tests and experiments have led modern psy-chologists to believe that as a general rule thechild's mind upto the age of 7 and 8 years is not



strong enough to grasp book knowledge. Childrenwho are required to cram pages and pages of booksat such a tender age suffer a lot and their orig-inality is sacrificed on the altar of written pages.

The Second Stage begins at 8 years and goesto 14-15 years. In this period the mind remainsalert and easily grasps logical reasoning and abstract theories. The child's interest in acquiringknowledge is at its peak at this age. The freshnessof mind and ability to learn more is never as marvel-lous as is in this period. This is because the curi-osity to learn about the unknown is generally notbridled by any responsibility.

The Third Stage is after 14-15 years. Thehuman mind becomes strong; adolescence opensnew horizons before the eyes. Sex, marriage,domestic life and its complex problems come tothe fore. The child of yesterday is the youth oftoday. He appreciates that soon he will be requiredto look after himself; he knows that every passingday brings him nearer to the responsibilities of afamily with all that that entails.

These thoughts prepare him to exert himselfto earn his own livelihood, and he starts lookingfor a way to do so.

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In this perspective let us look at the follow-ing ahadith and see how our Divine philosophersexplained these aspects of life which modern psychologists have discovered after hundreds of ex-periments

1) al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a. s.) said

Let your child play upto seven years (1 ststage) ; and keep him with you (for studyetc.) for another seven years (2nd stage) ;then if he succeeds (well and good) ; other-wise, there is no good in him.

2) The Holy Prophet said

The child is the master for seven years (1 ststage) ; and a slave for seven years (2nd stage)and a vizier for seven years (3rd stage) ; so ifhe builds a good character within 21 years,well and good, otherwise leave him alone be-cause (if you looked after him for 21 years)you have discharged your responsibility be-fore Allah.

As the first stage is a care-free period, it hasbeen called mastership; the 2nd stage means takingorders from teachers and parents, therefore it has



been called slavery; in the third stage the child isexpected to help his parent in earning his liveli-hood, so it has been named viziership.

For each of these periods, the Islamic shari `ahhas given some guidelines.

12. INSTRUCTION FOR THETHREE STAGES

First Stage: It has been explained that thechild should not be burdened with books in thisperiod. But this does not mean that his mind'sfaculties remain suspended. On the contrary, theatmosphere of society continuously influencethe child's mind, though he himself is not awareof this process. Therefore, it is essential to giveutmost priority to the proper upbringing andcharacter-building.

The best way to inculcate good behaviourin children is to behave with them with good grace.In this way, they will learn etiquette, good behaviour and noble character. The Holy Prophet said:"Respect your children and teach them goodbehaviour, Allah will forgive (your sins)."

It is emphasized that children should bekept in a good environment. The Holy Prophet

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said: "O' `Ali, it is among the rights of the childon his father to . . . teach him good mannersand keep him in good society."

Also, it is desirable to gradually give themreligious training, because the impressions gainedin childhood are very difficult to erase and if respect and love of religion is infused in his mind inchildhood, he will always remain attached to thereligion. The syllabus of such training is given inthe following hadith

`Abdulldh ibn Fadl narrates from al-ImamMuhammad al-Bdqir (a.s.) or al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a. s. )

When the child reaches 3 vears. teach himseven times to reciteilla ' llah) .

Then

leave

him

at

that

till

heis 3 years 7 months and 20 days old; thentrain him to saymadun rasulu 'llah ). Then leave him at thattill he completes 4 vears. then teach himseven times to say(salla 'llahu ala Muhammadin wa aali Mu-hammad). Then leave him at that till hereaches the age of 5 years; then ask himwhich one is his right hand and which oneis the left. When he knows it then make


( la ilaha

(Muham-


him face giblah and tell him to do sajdah(prostration). This is to continue till he is 6years of age. Then he should be told to prayand taught ruku ` (to kneel down) and sajdah.When he completes 7 years, he should be askedto wash his face and hands, and then told topray. This will continue till he reaches the ageof 9 years, when he should be taught properwudu' (ritual ablution before prayer - andshould be punished if he is not careful) andproper salat (prayer - and should be punishedif he is not regular). When he learns properwudu' and saldt Allah forgives the sins of hisparents.

Every sentence of this valuable hadith de-serves attention. See how gradually the child istaught his duties of the shari`ah without puttingany burden upon him. Of course, a child may betaught wudu' and saldt in a short period of 3-4days when he is 12 or 13 years old. But that crash-programme training will not have the benefits ofthat gradual and early training recommended inthe hadith.

Second Stage: Now comes the period of for-mal education. It is the most crucial period of life,the foundation-stone of the future. Islam directs

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that in this period a child should first be givennecessary religious education so that he may notbe misled by anyone in belief or action.

al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.)said:

Make haste in teaching your youngstershadith before they are approached by murji 'aor Murji'ite (a wrong sect).

Children are like a green, tender branch; theymay easily be bent in any direction. If they arenot given proper religious education at this stage,then only Allah can save them from misleadinginfluences.

Unfortunately, our people do not care at allabout this instruction. There was a time when theteaching of the Qur'an and elementary religioussubjects was a MUST. Alas! now our children inquite a tender age are sent to such institutionswhere unconspicuously they are saturated day inand day out with anti-religious propaganda. Nowonder that when they grow up the anti-religiousfeeling also grows up to become a deep-rooted bias.

In 1948 the writer had occasion to visit a vil-lage of Ithna `asharis. On asking questions it ap-peared that even aged people did not know usulad-din (principles of religion) or the names of theImams. It was one village. How may other such



villages must be in the length and breath of Indo-Pakistan Sub-continent? It is a frightening thought.

The Holy Prophet emphasized the teachingof two things to male children. He said: "It is theright of the male child on his father to . . . teachhim the Book of Allah . . . and riding and swim-ming."

al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said that it isthe duty of the father to teach his son writing.

These traditions guide us to compulsorilyinclude `Religion', `physical training' and writingin the syllabus of male children. In addition, othersubjects (which are in conformity with the apti-tude of the child or are necessary for earning hislivelihood) may be added. In other words, theabove-mentioned three are compulsory subjectswhile others are optional.

A separate syllabus has been prepared forthe girls. The earlier mentioned hadith of theHoly Prophet goes on to say

And if the child is female then it is her rightthat she . . . should be taught the surah of` Light' and she should not be taught thesurah of Yusuf and should not be allowedto go on the roof or windows.

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According to the Qur'an and traditions, whatshe is obliged to learn and do is as follows:

She must learn the fundamentals of faith andthe commandments of the shari `ah; and obey herhusband by allowing him his conjugal rights.

But she is not obliged to earn her livelihood;nor is she duty-bound to take up the drudgery ofdomestic work. Similarly, it is not her duty to burden herself with matters concerning the generalwelfare of society, nor to learn various subjectsother than those mentioned above, nor to partici-pate in industrial or agricultural ventures.

She is not obliged to do so. But if she acquiressuch additional knowledge, or perform her do-mestic work, or participates in matters useful tosociety, it will be regarded as her additional excel-lence, provided she keeps within the limits of hijdb( woman's veil) imposed upon her by the shari `ah

To sum it up, the girls should be given suchan education which makes them the "Light of theHome" not a "Decoration of Public places."

Our readers should note that even a part ofthe Qur'an (i.e., surah of Yusuf) is not permittedto girls to learn because it contains the referencesto the love of Zulaykha towards Prophet Yusuf(a.s.). Seeing this restriction, those Muslims whoallow their children (and especially girls) to read



sexy novels, visit cinemas where they are practi-cally taught all kinds of obscene thoughts anddeeds should be ashamed of their irresponsiblebehaviour. Such parents should be ashamed ofthemselves, if they have an iota of Islamic feelingsleft in their hearts.

Third Stage: This is the period of earningone's livelihood. But it is not possible to go intothe details of "Livelihood" here.

Also, this is the period when children shouldget married. And much emphasis has been givento getting girls married as soon as possible.

The Holy Prophet said that it is the right ofthe girl upon her father that he should make hastein sending her to the house of her husband.

It is very unfortunate to see many Muslimsnowadays ignoring and neglecting this responsi-bility till the girls sometimes reach the age of 35or 40 years; and then nobody wants to marry thoseold maids. The harm which is done by this "irre-sponsible parenthood" is too obvious to need anydescription. But the sad facts is that their attitudeis governed by snobbery - sometimes it is financialsuperiority and sometimes it is caste or clan - andthose people would rather let their daughters grow

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into old spinsters than marry them to a youngman of good character who is not equal to theirfinancial or tribal status. The Holy Prophet saidthat "Every believer is equal in status (in matterof marriage) to any other believer." But we are somuch influenced by un-Islamic cultures (based oncaste or race system) that we tend to look downupon our bright Islamic culture. May Allah havemercy upon us.

The same hadith guides us about male child-ren; that they should be married when they be-come mature. It does not necessarily mean thatthe boys should be married just after reaching theage of 15 years.

The first marriage of the Holy Prophet wasperformed when he was 25 years of age. Amiral-mu'minin `Ali (a.s.) also married Fatimatu'zZahra' (a.s.) when he was 25 years old. But eventhen, there is no criterion for age. The only thingwhich matters is that when a young man becomesemotionally mature and he feels an urge to enterinto matrimonial relationship then he should getmarried without any delay. It is a condition whichcannot be measured by age or time.

At this stage the parents' responsibility to-wards their offsprings comes to an end. If anyonebrings up his children remaining within these



Islamic limits, then that child surely will be theapple of the parents' eyes and the delight of theirhearts; and it is this child who, in his turn, may behoped to fulfil his obligation towards his parents.

Referring to such offspring, the Holy Prophetsaid that "The virtuous child is a flower from theflowers of Paradise." Also he said: "Among thegood fortunes of a man is the virtuous child."

13. RIGHTS OF PARENTS

Allah says in Hadith al-Qudsi

I swear by My Glory and Power that if a(child who is) disobedient to his parentscomes to me with all the good deeds of allthe prophets, I will not accept them fromhim.

The parents proceed to the old age side byside with the progress of the children towardsyouth. Naturally the love and kindness of theparents and their efforts in caring for the childrenMUST be reciprocated by the children with obedi-ence and help.

In this world, it is the parents who are thecause of the existence of the child; it is they who

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strive to bring it up; it is they who endeavour andlook forward to take it to the height of perfection.

If there is anyone, after the Creator, who isdirectly responsible for the existence and progressof the child, it is parents. Metaphorically speaking,the parents are the lords of their children. It is forthis reason that the Qur'an has, in many places,mentioned the obedience of the parents side byside with the worship of Allah.

And worship Allah and join not any part-ner with Him and do good to parents . . .(Qur'an, 4:36)

And thy Lord hath decreed that ye worshipnone but Him, and that ye be kind to parents

(Qur'an, 17:231)



It seems that the lordship of parents is amirror of the Lordship of Allah. Right from birthto weaning, and from protection to upbringing,at every stage it is the parents who are the meansof conveying the Grace of Allah to the child. Like-wise, the rights of the parents are very much akinto the rights of Allah.

The rights of Allah may be divided into threecategories

First: The right upon the "soul", e.g.,the knowledge of Allah.

Second: The right upon the "body", e.g.,prayer and fast.

Third: The right upon "property andwealth", e.g., zakat

and khums

(re-ligous tax).

The rights of the parents also may be dividedinto these very categories:

First let us look at this ayah of the Qur'an(together with the explanation of al-Imam Ja'faras-Sadiq [a.s.] given in parenthesis)

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And thy Lord hath decreed that ye worshipnone but Him and that ye be kind to parents,(behave kindly with them and do not compelthem to bring their needs to your attention;but fulfil their requirements before they haveto tell you, even though in reality they arenot in need of your assistance) ; if one or bothof them attain old age in thy life, (and be-come angry with. you) say not to them asingle word of contempt, and (if they beatyou) repel them not; but address them interms of honour (and respect, i.e., say tothem `May Allah forgive you') and, out of



kindness, lower to them the wing of humility(and whenever you look at them, look withgentleness and kindness; do not raise yourvoice upon their voices, nor your hands abovetheir hands; nor walk before them) ; and say:"My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy evenas they cherished me in childhood." (Qur'an,17:23-24)

This explanation covers all three rights ofparents: To cheerfully bear the hardship inflictedby parents, to talk to them gently, and not to raiseyour hands and voice above theirs and not to pre-cede them in any way, all these injunctions coverthe obedience by the body. To look at them withkindness and mercy and always to ask Allah'sMercy for them shows love. And to fulfil theirneeds before their demand concerns the rightson wealth. And thus the similarity between therights of Almighty Lord and these metaphoricallords reaches the last point of completion.

Now, let us look at this in more details withthe help of traditions.

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14. THE SIMILARITY BETWEEN THEFINANCIAL RIGHTS OF ALMIGHTY

ALLAH AND PARENTS

Firstly: Almighty Allah (Who is the Lord ofnot only man and his wealth but of the wholeuniverse) has no need to demand any part of man'swealth in His name. Still, He prescribed a portionfrom it as offering to Himself. So these weak-struc-tured metaphorical lords (i.e. parents) have moreright to benefit from the earnings of their children;to enjoy the fruits of the garden which they de-veloped so lovingly in their early life. Even if theyare not in need of such assistance, their metaphori-cal lordship demands that the children should offerthem a part of their earning as a tribute. It is forthis reason that al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) saidthat you should "Fulfil their requirements . . .even if they in reality are not in need of yourassistance."

Secondly: Also, we have to look at the factthat, though Allah has a right to demand financialtribute from every person, He has made it compulsory only on those who have a specified amountof wealth; and for others, the spending in the` way of Allah' has been highly recommended (but



not compulsory). Thus a vast field for the testof the gratitude to AIM has been opened for us.Likewise, we see that everyone has been exhortedto give financial help to their parents.

. . . (O' Prophet), tell them that whatever(wealth) ye spend, it is (primarily) for parentsand relatives .

.

. (Qur'an, 2:215)

And We exhorted man to do good to parents(Qur'an, 46:15)

But this obligation towards the parents isonly at the time when the child has ability tomaintain himself and his wife and is still able tohelp the parents provided the parents need hishelp. If either of the conditions is not fulfilled,there remains no compulsory obligation; butthe emphasized recommendation to help theparents remains in its place, because al-ImamJa'far as-Sadiq (a. s.) said

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These expenditures are essential for him whe-ther he be affluent or in a strait condition.

Furthermore, if we look at the ahadith whichrepeatedly exhort a man to look after his parentsand keeep them comfortable, we will have to admit that spending on the comforts of the parentsis highly emphasized even if the child is himselfpoor and even if the parents are not in need ofhis help.

Thirdly: It is known that the worship ofAllah is one of the important ways of attainingprosperity and happiness. It is said in surah Nuh:

So I said to them, `Ask forgiveness fromyour Lord; for He is Oft-forgiving; He willsend rain to you in abudance, and will giveyou increase in wealth and sons, and bestow



on you gardens and bestow on you rivers(of flowing waters)." (Qur'an, 71:10-12)

Likewise, Allah has made the obedience toparents and financial help to them a means of ex-panding livelihood and sustenance and longevityof life, so that even poor children should lookafter their parents by their own will in the hopeof getting increased sustenance and prosperity.The Holy Prophet of Islam has said

Anyone who likes long life and increasedlivelihood should do good to their parents;because doing good to them is in fact obey-ing Allah.

Another tradition from al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) has the same meaning, but instead oflong life, it mentions ease at the time of death.And surely all the promises of Allah are true.

15. ACCORING TO THE RIGHT OF LOVE

Before explaining this subject, it is necessaryto mention that, according to our faith, love forthe Holy Prophet and his family is an integralpart of love for Allah. So we will not look at the

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similarity between the love of parents and loveof A11ah. Instead, we will consider the similaritybetween the love for parents and love for Ahlu'l-bayt (a.s.).

First: Allah has made the enmity of therightful wasi

(successor) of the Holy Prophet acriterion of illegitimacy and it surely leads to Hell.Abu Zubayr al-Makki says: "I heard Jabir ibnÀbdillah al-Ansari saying, Ò' People of ansar,teach your children the love of Àli, and if any-one rejects it then investigate the morality of hismother." This saying of Jabir ibn Àbdillah al-Ansari is based upon the tradition of the HolyProphet.

Now here is a similar hadith about parents:

Anyone who beats his parents is an illegiti-mate child.

Second: The hadith of the Holy Prophetabout Fatimatu'z-Zahra' (a.s.) is accepted by allthe Muslims that

Fatimah is a part of mine; whosoever hurtsher, hurts me; and whosoever hurts me hurtsAllah.



Likewise, the Holy Prophet said about theparents

Anyone who hurts his parents hurts me;and one who hurts me hurts Allah; and who-soever hurts Allah is cursed in Tawrat, Injil,Zabur and Qur'an.

The Holy Prophet, in one hadith, has de-scribed himself and `Ali (a.s.) as fathers of thisummah: "`Ali and I are Fathers of this ummah."One of the reasons of this description may be toshow the greatness and importance of the parentsof his ummah.

Anyhow, the net result of all these ahadithis that love for parents is a part of love for Allah;and, as the man who disobeys or has enmity towards the beloved ones of Allah, is an enemy ofAllah and far from Paradise, likewise the personwho hurts the feelings of his parents is an enemyof Allah and far removed from Paradise.

16. ACCORDING TO THE RIGHTOF OBEDIENCE

Love and obedience are two inseparablethings. Love is like the flame of a lamp and obedi-

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ence is like its light. Thus, after exhorting thechildren to love their parents it is but natural toexpect them to obey them. And in this respectalso obedience of parents is a mirror of obedienceof Allah. The ayat (verses) mentioned in the begin-ning are enough to show this aspect. Furthermore,the following similarity is worthy of attention:

First Similarity: Allah says in the Qur'an

Verily, Allah forgives not that anything beassociated with Him; but He forgives whatis besides that of whomsoever He wishes

(Qur'an, 4:48)

Likewise, it is said in Hadith al-Qudsi:

Tell (O' Prophet), to the child who is obedi-ent to his parents: "Do whatever (good deeds)you want (to do), you will never enter theFire (of Hell);" and say to the child who isdisobedient to his parents: `Do whatever(good deeds) you want (to do), you willnever enter Paradise. "



But there is a difference. The Almighty Allahis above all rulers and superiors; therefore, Hiscommandments can never be superceded by anyother rule, regulation or oder. But the superiorityof parents is derived from the superiority of Allah;their authority is based upon the commands ofAllah. Therefore, if ever they give any order whichis agaisnt the Law of Allah, it must be ignored anddisobeyed. Allah says in the Qur'an

And We enjoined on man (to be good) to hisparents: in travail upon travail did his motherbear him; and in two years was his weaning:Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents. ToMe is your return. And if they strive to makeyou join in worship with Me things of whichyou have no knowledge, obey them not; yetbear them company in this life with fairnessand consideration ... (31 :14-15)

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The following hadith refers to the abovementioned ayah

al-Imam `Ali ibn Musa ar-Rida (a.s.) said thatthe Holy Prophet said: "Verily, Allah hasordered three things joined with three otherthings. He ordered prayer and zakat (wealth-tax), so if someone prayed and did not payzakat, his prayer will not be accepted; andordered to show gratitude to Him and to hisparents, so if anyone did not thank his pa-rents, he did not thank Allah; and orderedto fear Him and join the relationship, so ifanyone did not join his relationship, he didnot fear Allah."

Likewise, al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said:

There are three things in which AlmightyAllah has not given any option to his servant:To return to the owner the thing entrustedto one's care, whether the owner be a piousor a debauchee; and to fulfil the promisewhether it was (made) to a pious or a de-bauchee; and to do good to parents whetherthey be pious or sinners.



Second Similarity: Now comes a very inter-esting aspect of this discourse: Allah is Ever-living and Self-existent; He is Eternal; He cannever die, nor can His `Lordship' and `Rule' evercome to end.

But the life of a man is flanked by `non-exist-ence' on both sides. First he was non-existent,then became existent, then again he dies.

Ordinarily, it would have been quite enoughto order the child to obey his parents so long asthey are alive, and make him free of all obligationsas soon as they depart from this world. But itwould not have been in keeping with the 'meta-phorical lordship' of parents. Islam ordained thatas the Lordship of Allah does not come to end; like-wise, the lordship of the parents is not effected bytheir death. It continues so long as the child is alive.

al-Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (a. s.) said:

Verily, a servant of Allah remains good tohis parents when they are alive; then theydie and he neither repays their loan nor askspardon (of Allah) for them. At that, Allahwrites him as a disobedient child. And, verily,he remains disobedient to them during theirlife-time, not being good to them, but when

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they die, he repays their loan and asks pardon(of Allah) for them. Then Allah writes him asan `obedient and good' child.

A man from Banu Salamah asked the HolyProphet, "After the death of my parents, is thereany right of theirs, still remaining which I shouldperform (by which I should do good to them)?"The Holy Prophet said: "Yes, praying for them,asking pardon of Allah for them, fulfiling theirpromise and respecting their friends."

Third Similarity: The above hadith shows onemore similarity. To respect the chosen servants ofAllah (like Prophet and Imams) is an importantpart of the rights of Allah. Likewise, to respect thefriends of one's parents is among the compulsoryrights of the parents.

17. SUPERIORITY OF MOTHER'S RIGHTS

Uptil now, I have explained the joint rightsof both parents on the children. But we knowthat during pregnancy and rearing children, themother gladly suffers such turmoils which paternallove can never endure. Islam is the natural religion;it has nowhere ignored the natural urges. It is for



this reason that many ayat specially refer to thetroubles endured by mothers.

. . . in travail upon travail did his mother bearhim, and in two years was his weaning . . .(Qur'an, 31 :14)

We have enjoined on man kindness to hisparents. In pain did his mother bear him,and in pain did she give him birth. The carry-ing of the child to his weaning is thirty month

(Qur'an, 46:15)

Hakim ibn Hizam asked the Holy Prophet"O' Messenger of Allah, whom should I do goodto?" The Holy Prophet said, "Your mother."He asked, "Then who?" The Holy Prophet again

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said: "Your mother." He again asked, "Thenwho?" The Holy Prophet again said, "Your moth-er." He asked fourth time, "Then who?" Thenthe Holy Prophet said, "Your father."

It is because of this hadith that Muslimscholars say that the right of the mother is threetimes greater than the right of father. Also, theHoly Prophet has said: "Paradise is under thefeet of mothers."

18. A WARNING

Islam has given parents so much right on theirchildren. But it does not mean that the parentshave been given licence to ill-treat their children.Tyrant parents are a danger to Muslim societyand family.

As a check against such high-handedness,the Holy Prophet has said: "Allah has cursed thoseparents who (by their behaviour) compel theirchildren to disobey them."

How can this happen?If the parents themselves do not care about

the rights of their children; if they do not giveproper religious education; if they neglect theircharacter-building; if they put so much burden



upon them that is beyond their strength; if theybehave towards the children tyrannically - then itis they who are compelling the children to revoltagainst them; and they will become candidatesof the above-mentioned curse of Allah.

19. THE QUR'AN AND THE GOSPELS

The Rev. G. Margoliouth has written in theintroduction of the translation of The Koran byRev. J. M. Rodwell:

The shortcomings of the moral teachingcontained in the Koran are striking enoughif judged from the highest ethical stand-point with which we are acquainted.

Well, we have seen what the Qur'an and theProphet of the Qur'an teach about the moral andethical obligations of parents and children. Let ussee what light is thrown on this subject in theGospels

While he (Jesus) yet talked to the people,behold, his mother and his brethren stoodwithout, desiring to speak with him. Then

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one (man) said unto him, Behold, thy motherand thy brethren stand without, desiring tospeak with thee. But he answered and saidunto him that told him, who is my mother?and who are my brethren? (Mathew, 12:46-48).

What a gentle way of talking about one'smother and brethren

Of course, we Muslims know that Prophet`Isa (a.s.) could never talk like this about hismother. But this knowledge comes not from theGospel, but from the Qur'an itself, where he isquoted as saying:

(Allah) has made me kind to my mother, anddid not make me over-bearing or miserable.(Qur'an, 19:32)

Now, we may easily judge which book pre-sents the "highest ethical stand-point."



Rev. J. M. Rodwell has translated the 40thayah of 4th surah like this

Worship God, and join not aught with Himin worship. Be good to parents . . .

And under this ayah, he has written thefollowing foot-note.

An undutiful child is very seldom heard ofamong the Egyptians, or the Arabs in general.Sons scarcely ever sit, or eat, or smoke, in thepresence of the father unless bidden to do so;and they often wait upon him and upon hisguests at meals and on other occasions; theydo not cease to act thus when they havebecome men. (Lane's Mod. Egypt, vol.i,p.69.

This foot-note under this ayah is an acknow-ledgement that this respect and honour of theparent in the Muslim societies is the direct resultof the teaching of the Qur'an.

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Part Three

MARITAL AFFAIRS

20. MUTUAL RIGHTS OF HUSBANDAND WIFE

. . . They ( wives) are your garment and youare their garment . . . (Qur'an, 2:187)

While the "family" is the foundation ofcivilization and society, the relationship of hus-band and wife and defining their mutual rightsand duties is the foundation of family-life. Thisis a very difficult problem; human beings have beentrying to unravel this knotty problem since thethe beginning of humanity - and the result is a

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never-ending conflict of theories and a mass ofirreconcilable views and opinions; and this con-fusing state of affairs seems to worsen day by day.In various places and at various times, the mutualduties of husband and wife have been going up anddown in cycles like a merry-go-round.

Space does not allow us to give here anydetail; but history has clear evidence to showthat whenever the sphere of activities of womenwas enlarged the only result was unmitigateddisaster and a decayed society.

Every so-called liberty brought a reaction ofhorrifying suppression; and every unchecked excessresulted in suffocating restrictions. Maintaining abalance between extremes is the law of natureand nature does not hesitate in severely punishingthose who break its laws.

Even now there is a war of ideas, a conflictof ideals, going on in this subject between Eastand West - or, more correctly, between Islam andthe non-Islamic world. The real cause of the con-flict is that the anti-Islam forces are either un-willing or unable to decide what are the "Natural"spheres of activities for man and woman, andwhat are the aims and objects of a married life.If these two points are clearly defined, then thereis no danger of anyone going astray.


Marital Affairs

21. NATURAL SPHERES OF ACTIVITIESOF MAN AND WOMAN

It is clear that, so far as the safety and de-velopment of the human race is concerned, everyhuman being has two important functions toperform :

(1)

Pro-creation,

i. e., maintaining thepopulation of human beings so that human raceis not faced with extinction; (2) To obtain thenecessities of life by participating in the struggleof economy.

On the other hand, we see that the Creatorhas divided the humanity into two distinct groups:Male and Female. And, it is clear that, physicallyand biologically man is equipped far better to dealwith the hustle and bustle of the struggle to earnlivelihood, while woman is prevented from it byher many physical differences. On the other hand,the body of a woman is geared to pro-creationand child-rearing.

it requires no great philosophical mind torealize that the nature has endowed each groupwith the ability to efficiently perform only oneof the two functions: the man, by nature, is un-able to bear and rear a child; likewise, the womanis not meant to bear the back-breaking burdenof earning her livelihood or to plunge into theconflicts of society.

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22. BENEFITS OF MARRIAGE

The above discussion brings us to the benefitsof marriage and the philosophy of the matrimonialbond.

Marriage is one of the fundamental sociologi-cal institutions. Mankind, since its very beginning,has kept to it without any disruption. Even the socalled `uncivilized' tribes and primitive societiestreat marriage as a sacred bond. Such an institutionmust be based on the foundation of the nature it-self.

Philosophy of Marriage: Islam has based itsmatrimonial laws on the correlation between mas-culinity and femininity. Obviously this complementary system in man and woman - and it is themost intricate and inter-related one, permeatingtheir whole beings - was not created in vain orwithout purpose. The male by his nature is attract-ed to the female, and vice versa. And this systemhas only one goal in sight: Procreation. Islamicmarriage is based on this reality, and all its matri-monial rules revolve around this axis. On this foun-dation are based the Islamic laws concerning chas-tity and conjugal rights, exclusive attachment ofthe wife to her husband and the rules.of divorceand `iddah (the waiting-period after a woman has


Marital Affairs

been widowed or divorced before she can re-marry),legitimacy and parentage, custody of children andtheir upbringing, inheritance and other relatedmatters.

In short, marriage is the only legal and hon-ourable way of satisfying sexual desire, and thehusband and wife by their union ensure the survival of mankind. Although almost all the burdenin this task falls on the woman, the initial steps can-not be taken without the participation of the man.

This is the philosophy of marriage. And it alsoshows the first and primary benefit of matrimony.

The Holy Prophet said:

Marry and procreate and increase your popu-lation . . .

Second Benefit of Marriage: The second bene-fit is that the husband and the wife jointly (butwith division or responsibilities) perform the taskswhich they are faced with in establishing a family.And each finds his or her fulfilment in the other.As explained earlier, woman is not fit to earn live-lihood; man is not fit to manage domestic affairs.Marriage binds them to make up each other's de-ficiencies, so that the family may prosper.

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The man will spend his energies in earning alivelihood for himself and his family. The womanwill manage the domestic life with that income.Allah has reminded us of this very point in thesewords

And marry those among you who are single,and the virtuous ones among your slaves,male and female: if they be in poverty, Allahwill make them rich by His Grace; for Allahis abundantly-giving, All-knowing. ( Qur'an,24:32)

It is for this reason that al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said: "The sustenance is with womenand dependants." Domestic science is the naturalpreserve of women, and by their efficient manage-ment they can make the money stretch far.

Modern non-Islamic societies have laid thefoundation of matrimony on only this cooperationbetween husband and wife, while in Islam it is a


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secondary, not the primary, benefit. Marriage,according to present day societies, is a co-operativeventure, albeit much narrower in scope than othersuch institutions, like a municipality or a club.

It is for this reason that modern laws do notpay any attention to the rules of chastity etc. Thisinadequate foundation - cooperation in life - hasgiven rise to a vast multitude of social problemsand has created chaos in domestic life, becauseit is not in complete harmony with realities ofcreation and nature. Man is a social animal, nodoubt. Everyone cooperates with everyone else,dividing the labour and work according to one'saptitude. But this factor requires cooperation be-tween any two persons; it does not specificallycall for cooperation between a man and a woman.Therefore, it is a weak foundation on which tobuild the edifice of matrimony. If marriage wereonly a co-operative institution, there would be noneed of any special rule for matrimony; the generalrules governing associations and co-operative so-cieties would be enough. It would negate the vir-tues of chastity and fidelity, nullify the conceptof legitimacy and affinity, and abrogate the rulesof inheritance - as some "advanced" societieshave done. If we accept this ultimate result of themodern philosophy of marriage, we will have to

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accept that all this complicated and inter-relatedsystem in the bodies of man and woman was cre-ated without any purpose.

Now to return to our original topic. Thebasic philosophy and secondary benefit of marriagehave already been described. It was because ofthose benefits that the Holy Prophet said: "Theworst of your dead is the unmarried one."

Now, we may understand the meaning of theayah:

They (wives) are your garment and you aretheir garment.

The garment serves three purposes: it beau-tifies, it covers the parts of the body, and it pro-tects from cold and heat. Allah says

0' Children of Adam! We have bestowedupon you garment to cover your shame,


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and to be an adornment to you. And the gar-ment of righteousness, that is the best . . .( Qur'an, 7:26)

Husband and wife, by uniting together, coverthe natural shortcomings of each other, and thisunion protects them from hardships and difficulties which one faces by living alone; the sunof happiness and prosperity shines on the horizonof life; and both, by their joint efforts, dischargeall the duties laid upon them by human nature.

23. ISLAMIC BOUNDARY LINE

Uptil now we have been looking at thenatural boundary line between the responsibilitiesof man and woman. Now, let us see how Islam -the Natural Religion - has safe-guarded thatboundary.

It was mentioned earlier that Islam wantsto educate boys in such a way that they developinto Men of Action; and to educate girls to makethem into the Rulers of the Home.

Nature demands that all individuals shouldhave equal rights. But it does not mean that every

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individual should be entrusted with every respon-sibility and every duty. A weak person is not ex-pected to perform the tasks done by a strong one.If we treat both equally, it.will be harmful to both.

What is then the meaning of this equality?It means that everyone should be given his or herright without let or hindrance, and be put in hisor her rightful place. The words of Allah pointto it

. . . and they (women) have rights similar tothe rights against them, accroding to what isequitable; but men have a degree (of advan-tage) over them; . . . (Qur'an, 2:228)

This verse ordains equality between the rightsof both groups at the same time when it shows thedifferences between the both.

Men and women equally share the Divine giftsof thinking and will, which in their turn createfree choice. She should, therefore, be free in her


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thinking and will, and should have freedom tochoose her own course of action. In other words,she should be free to look after her life's affairs -personal as well as social - except where there isa genuine reason to the contrary. Islam gave herthis freedom in full measure. She may act indepen-dently in all matters in which a man is free to act.She gets her share in inheritance, she is the right-ful owner of whatever she may earn, she maydeal with others in all types of dealings, like trade,partnership and gift, she may acquire knowledgeand impart it to others, she may stake a claim,defend her rights, sue and be sued without anyneed of seeking permisssion of her husband. Thesefew examples will show how she was given anindependent personality, unfettered in her willor action by men or their guardianship. She thusgot, by the Grace of Allah, what the world haddenied her since the beginning of humanity, andwhich was unheard of before the advent of Islam.

But while sharing these basic qualities withmen, she differs from them in other ways. As aresult of those differences, her body is comparatively soft and elegant; and finer sentiments, likelove, tender -heartedness and inclination towardsbeauty and adornment, are more pronounced inher than in man. On the other hand, the power

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of cool reasoning is more prominent in men thanin women. In short, a woman lives a sentimentallife; a man in comparison does not allow senti-ments to cloud his judgement.

It was for this reason that Islam differentiatedbetween the duties and responsibilities of bothgroups. The tasks demanding cool reasoning, likerulership and judgeship have been reserved formen; also the fighting side of jihad (holy waragainst the infidels) is man's preserve, althoughwomen may attend the jihad for nursing and treat-ing the wounded soldiers. The woman has beenentrusted with bringing up of children and lookingafter the domestic management. Man has beengiven responsibility of her maintenance, for whichhe is compensated by a double share in inheritance.

Thus, Islam was the first to release womanfrom her bondage by giving her freedom of willand action. All the slogans of emancipation ofwomen, raised in modern times, are but an echoof the clarion call of Islam. Non-Islamic societiesin this matters are just following the lead givenby Islam. But the trouble is that they are not con-tent with following; they want to improve uponthe master-piece of Islam - forgetting that theprinciple laid down by Islam is a perfectly circularring; nothing can be added to or substracted from


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it without disturbing the whole alignment. Yet,in spite of their keen desire to emancipate woman,these societies have not succeeded in this endeav-our. Woman is still far behind in all those fields ofactivities which Islam has reserved for man. Thedata show that the fields of rulership, judgeshipand military services (in the meaning of fighting)are still a "man's world".

The following hadith (tradition) may give ageneral outline of the above-mentioned Islamicprinciple

al-Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (a.s.) said:

Verily, Fatimah (a.s.) had taken the respon-sibility of the domestic works, like ... grind-ing the flour, baking the bread and sweepingthe house; and `Ali (a.s.) had taken the re-sponsibility of all works outside the door ofthe house, like bringing the fire-wood, andobtaining food stuff, etc. (Bihar al-anwar,Vol.10)

According to this hadith the boundary be-tween the responsibility of man and woman is thewall of the house. Woman is Supreme in whateverhappens within four walls and man is Supremein all matters outside those walls.

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Islam has liberated the woman from the tur-moils and troubles of outside world; so that shemay concentrate on the burdensome duties ofdomestic affairs.

Now, we come to the mutual rights and dutiesof husband and wife.

24. THE RIGHTS OF THE HUSBAND

Men are the protectors and maintainers ofwomen, because Allah has given the onemore (strength) than the other, and becausethey (i.e., men) support them ( women)from their means.

. . (Qur'an, 4:34)

This ayah covers in a nut-shell all the prin-ciples of domestic life. As mentioned earlier wo-man is, by nature, the weaker sex. As such sheshould not be expected to struggle for a livelihood;instead man should provide for both. If `home' is


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a kingdom, then husband is the King, and wifehis Prime Minister. This ayah points to these facts.Let us look minutely at these phrases

` Allah has given the one more than theother.": This phrase refers to the natural strengthof man in comparison to woman.

Man and Woman: Physical Differences

It has been mentioned earlier that there arecertain important anatomical and physical differ-ences betweeen man and woman, which equipthem for different roles in procreation. To thesemajor differences can be added other secondaryones involving skeletal and muscular variations.

Reference to any physiology book will showthat the regulation for the maintenance of thesedifferences is largely a chemical one: the harmones(the name given to the chemicals which animalsand human beings produce to regulate procreativeand other functions) produce physical and func-tional differences. It can also be shown scientifi-cally that these harmones produce distinct emo-tional effects and they are agents which causeemotional changes such as those seen in womenbefore and after child-birth.

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It should be mentioned here that it is theharmones which produce the marked generaldifference between man and woman, describedearlier, which make the latter more suited to thetask of rearing young children, and the formerbetter able to withstand the rigours of competitiveexistence.

Farid Wajdi Afandi quotes an authority tothe effect that the psychology of a woman is near-er to that of a child. A child will start crying ifconfronted with an unpleasant situation; and willstart jumping and merry-making when happy.Just the same is the case with woman who, incomparison to man, is more affected by suchfeeling.

Allah has made woman more sensitive thanman because it is more in keeping with the role forwhich she has been created, i.e., Motherhood.

Pointing to this fact Kenneth Walker writesin The Physiology of Sex (published by PenguinBooks)

In order that she may succeed in the worldto which she rightly belongs, woman has beenequipped with a greater sensitiveness to effec-tive stimulus than has a man. She sees life


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through her feelings, and emotionally reachesto many a truth to which a man, workinglaboriously through the medium of his reason,remains permanently blind. The fact thatin the sphere of intellectual abstraction sheis at a disadvantage is no sign of inferiority,for it is no exaggeration to say that a man'sjudgement is as often warped as it is helpedby this intellect. `A woman judge,' it hasbeen said, `Would always deliver her sentencesin accordance with the dictates of her heart.'But, as Maranon has asked, `What bettermethod could there be of judging the actionof others than reason tempered with feeling?'It is therefore no deprecation of a womanto state that she is more sensitive in her emo-tions and less ruled by her intellect. We aremerely stating a difference, a differencewhich equips her for the special part forwhich she is cast.

Perhaps because of this difference in percep-tion, and the dominance of feeling over intellect,the Qur'an treats evidence of two women as equalto that of one man

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. . . And get two witnesses from your ownmen; and if there are not two men, then aman and two women such as you choosefor witness, so that if one of them errs theother can remind her . . . (Qur'an, 2:282)

Anyhow, it was because of this natural weak-ness of the "Fair Sex" that man has been maderesponsible to provide for her necessities. Justiceand mercy demand that her back should not bebroken by putting a heavy load upon her.

"Because they (men) support them (woman)from their means " makes this point clear.

It is painful to see that the non-Islamic so-cieties have compelled the weaker sex to carry adouble load of responsibilities on her shoulders,disguising this "tyranny" as "emancipation ofwomen" and "equality of sexes."


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And what does this "emancipation" mean?

Woman is still required to carry on her naturalresponsibilities of child-bearing and child-rearing.Man does not, and by nature cannot, share withher the burden of pregnancy, nursing and sucklingthe infant, looking after the children and all mul-tifarious activities connected with "motherhood."Woman has to bear this burden alone. But, inaddition to these full-time life-consuming respon-sibilities, man now tells her to help him in thestruggle of earning their livelihood! Thus, thestronger sex has "liberated" the weaker sex toshare his burden without himself sharing herburden. Poor woman, she is still overwhelmedby the powerful slogans of "liberation" and"emancipation" without realizing that it is no-thing but a clever device of man to overload herwith his own duties. The disaster - social, domesticand economic - wreaked by the entry of womanin earning fields are too numerous to be listedhere.

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25. A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE HOME

However, man has been made guardian ofwoman, because of his strong physical and intel-lectual powers and because he is responsible formaintaining her. It is for this reason that the wifeis obliged to obey her husband.

The Holy Prophet has said

The most honoured women before Allah arethose who are obedient to their husbands andremain within the boundaries of their homes.

If the women remain within their naturalboundry and, by obeying the husband, fulfil theduties imposed upon them by the Creator, theywould discharge their responsibilities, and surelywould deserve to be called, "The most honouredwomen."

I know the exponents of the equality of sexeswill oppose this straight-forward principle. But inthe domestic affairs as in all societies an authoritative leader is a MUST. No association or institu-tion can function without a leader; even sportsclubs need a President and a Secretary. Is it notstrange that it is only the domestic institution,


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the hub of all success and prosperity, which isconsidered so unimportant as not to need anyauthority?

It has been explained above that a man hasa natural ability to become that leader, while awoman requires a man to bring out her naturalabilities. In the words of the poet Igbal:

The virtue of man shines out without anyoutside help; but the virtue of woman isdependent on an `other' (i.e., man) to bringit out.

Anthropologists tell us that the first stageof womanhood was when the "family" was notan established institution. Woman, in that period,was free from all bonds, and was absolutely herown master. But, in that very stage, she was abso-lutely without any honour and had no respect.

When the "family" was established, thesitution began to change. Coming within the circleof family the woman lost her freedom and wasobliged to submit to many restrictions. But, atthe same moment, she acquired a high prestigeand honour which was undreamt of before.

An interesting question has been asked byan author on this very subject. He asks that if the

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advance of civilization and human perfectiononly means that woman attains complete freedomand is not obliged to obey her husband, then, whyis it that primitive tribes are not acknowledgedas the guardians of highest civilization in the world,as males in those tribes are content to sit idle andit is the woman who is "free" to do all the jobs.

The "emancipation" has compelled many awoman in western countries to shun marriage. Inwords of a western social worker, these womenabhor the fundamental factor of the civilization,that is `matrimony '. They have completely lostthe urge and feelings which are naturally foundin the women of their age-group. Now they areneither man nor woman; they have developedinto a neutral "sex"! They are not `man' becausethey differ from man anatomically, and they arenot "woman" because their activities and feelingsare opposite to that of a woman.

A person cannot embark in two boats at thesame time. If a woman is devoting her time inearning her livelihood, she is depriving her childrenof their natural rights of "maternal love and care".

In 1971, the Sunday News (Dar-es-Salaam)carried an article under the heading IT IS HARDON THE MOTHER. The following paragraphs givea fair picture of this deep-rooted problem


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"Take the example of a mother working inan office. Her first worry before she takes up herappointment is about her children.

"She must make sure that she has hired asuitable nursemaid for the children, which is oftena dream because these are becoming unbearablyexpensive. But someone warm-hearted and gener-ous, with a lot of love to give in mothering thechildren in her absence: that is the kind of maidservant she wants.

"A mother observes that parental love fora child is actually irreplaceable and is vital to itsdevelopment. A child has to grow with it.

"But, as we have seen, who will pay for thenursemaid or the baby-sitter? The question isdifficult enough for a working married mother."

Again he writes

"But their main concern is their children.As they have to give time to their job, they haveto do the same to their children.

"For example, a woman teacher is a motherof two children. Teaching needs many hours ofdevotion and some extra hours of preparationat home.

"A woman teacher who is also a mother has

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to be very careful in planning her time. Homepreparation interferes with the time allocated tochatting and playing with her children, since shehas been away for the whole day.

"Some children are naughty. They have tobe taken care of with tender toughness. And yetthere are teaching lessons to be prepared. Sheliterally has to divide herself into two persons!

"The majority of mothers enjoy cooking,so they prefer doing it for themselves even if theyhave cooks. After office hours, therefore, theypass by the market to do proper grocery, and soto make a meal of their choice - to please sweetteeth of their husbands.

"But the reality of their office or factory jobsmeans that they are doubling, not to mention thatsome women do not necessarily love cooking."

Above the article, the following words wereprinted in bold letters: "Children are becominga problem for the modern working mother inAfrica."

In the end the writer dutifully suggested thisinteresting cure

"The question we pose here is: Does a Tan-zania husband help in the cooking or any other


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household chore which in the old days was meantfor women?

"If a man and his wife are both career people,the dictates of socialism demand that both of themmust work equally in the household. Since this isnot the case, what it means is that socialism hasnot reached home ... where it should have begunin the first place."

But the question is this

If the parental love is irreplaceable then howcan a nursemaid provide that love and care?

If the emancipation of women and "social-ism" mean that the woman has to do double duty(motherhood and wage-earning) and also thehusband has to do double duty (wage-earningand cooking), then is it not far better and lessback-breaking to let both of them do their ownnatural single duty without interfering with theother's responsibilities? This will have the addedbenefit of reducing the number of juvenile delin-quents . . . because children will grow up underkind and understanding mother's love.

We may sum it up with the following wordsof Kenneth Walker

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"Not only in her physical but also in herpsychological make up everything in a woman issacrificed to the function of motherhood. In thesame way a man is psychologically, as well asphysically, specially equipped for the task ofseeking out the woman and protecting her andhis family.

"(A woman's) aptitude for physical and intel-lectual exertion in the primitive struggle for exist-ence is less than that of man. Occasionaly she maypossess these more masculine faculties, and by herown exertions succeed in establishing for herselfa place in the world, but this is not her naturalrole. Biologically speaking, the woman who tightsher own battles has moved out of the sphere forwhich nature has equipped her and trespassed intoanother that does not by right belong to her. Thefact that she often succeeds in making good inthe new sphere into which she has wandered doesnot affect this principle. Emotionally and physi-cally she is dedicated to the career of maternity,and it is on the man she was meant to rely notonly for her own support, but also for that of herchildren."

The Urdu poet, Iqbal, has pointed to thisfact in these words


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If western education means the death of`motherhood' then such an education, in theeyes of thinkers, is DEATH.

This subject has b

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