The Happy Cooker “Dialogues for the Palate”

By Richard P. Giarniero

Illustrations by Bettyanne Green

The Happy Cooker “Dialogues for the Palate”

Copyright 2001 Richard P. Giarniero

- Page 5 -

Table of Contents

Rice Runner Shrimp a/k/a Shrimp, Ham and Rice………………………………………………………………………page 13 Something Else to Do With Lobster a/k/a Creamy Tomato & Roasted Pepper, Lobster Medallions ………….page 14 The Cancun Oyster a/k/a Sea, See,Si!………………………………………………………………………………………..page 15 The Saint Petersburg Oyster a/k/a Czar’s Delight…………………………………………………………………………………….page 15 The Pompino Mambo a/k/a Herbs, Salt and Fish………………………………………………………………………..page 16 Stuffed Clams a/k/a Big Belly Bi-Valves…………………………………………………………………………….page 17 Sole What!?! a/k/a A Little Bit of Sole…………………………………………………………………………..page 18 Mussels & Cockles, Alive, Alive… a/k/a Multiple Shells………………………………………………………………………………….page 20 Kiss-Ass Krab Kakes a/k/a “Hey for a crab, you got cute cakes, baby”………………………………..page 21 Whatever a/k/a You Do What You Do And I’ll Do This ………………………………….page 22 Fruita De Mare a/k/a Sea Side Delight………………………………………………………………………………page 24 Batter Up a/k/a Beer Battered Fish…..……….…………………………………………………………….page 25 Extra Innings - - Batter –Up II a/k/a Fritta Festival…………………………………………………………………………………page 26 Man That Squid Was Stuffed a/k/a Baked Stuffed Calamari…………………………………………………………………page 27 Whoa, Hot Baccala! a/k/a Cold Dish, Hot Fish………………………………………………………………………….page 28 Duo Pesce a/k/a Salmon Bundles With Smoked Trout…………………………………………..page 29 The Sea Creature Nesting Behavior a/k/a Squid Pasta Nests …………………………………………………………………………..page 30 Do You Wanna Dance a/k/a Some Legs Froggy……………….…………………………………………………………...page 31

- Page 6 -

Charlie’s Hot Aqua Salad a/k/a Tuna and Rice Salad………………………………………………………………………..page 34 BI-Valves Over the Top a/k/a Linguine with Mussel Sauce………………………………………………………….page 35 Hey Baccala! a/k/a Baccala Alla Marinara……………………………………………………………………..page 36 Field and Stream a/k/a Creamy Lobster Linguini…………………………………………………………………page 39 A Much Tasty Mingle of Curry, Shrimp & Rice a/k/a Curried Shrimp…………………………………………………………………………………page 40 Them Ain’t Snakes a/k/a Grilled Eel………………………………………………………………………………………….page 41 Hoppin’ Gator a/k/a Alligator Tail Alla Big Daddy…………………………………………………………page 42 Grillin’ Gator a/k/a A Little Bite on the Tame End………………………………………………………page 43 Very large Bi-valves with Vinegar a/k/a Jumbo Sea Scallops with Balsamic Reduction…………………………..page 44 Pigs on a Roof a/k/a Pork Fantasy……………………………………………………………………………………..page 46 You Old Goat, Jamaica Me Crazy a/k/a Smile……………………………………………………………………………………………………page 53 Tenderloin O’Pork and Stuff a/k/a Krisp Tender Pork…………………………………………………………………………….page 54 Nice, Juicy, Meat-A-Balls! a/k/a Not a Base Ball………………………………………………………………………………….page 56 Cheeseburger in Paradise a/k/a Need We Say Anymore…………………………………………………………………..page 57 Stuffing on a Stump a/k/a Roast Veal Florentine……………………………………………………………………..page 58 Stomach This a/k/a Stewed Tripe with Tomato Sauce………………………………………………..page 59 It’s What’s Inside That Counts a/k/a Calf’s Liver Sauté…………………………………………………………………………….page 60 Disco Inferno a/k/a Beef Bourbon Bang…………………………………………………………………………..page 61 Where the Heck is the Boca a/k/a Veal Saltimbocca……………………………………………………………………………..page 62 Small Cows & Lemons a/k/a Veal Piccata……………………………………………………………………………………...page 63

- Page 7 -

Veal Pockets a/k/a Cheese & Mushroom Sandwich with Veal Instead of Bread…..page 64 More Complicated Lamb a/k/a Lamb Fricassee…………………………………………………………………………………page 65 Field Beef & Fruit a/k/a Beef Short Ribs with Black Currant and Fungi…………………………page 66 Pork Julep a/k/a Pork Chops with Mint Sauce………………………………………………………….page 67 Ossobuco? No, Yousobuco! a/k/a Braised Veal Shank………………………………………………………………………….page 68 Them Some Chops on That Little Cow a/k/a Fried Veal Chops………………………………………………………………………………page 69 Chops Citron a/k/a Grilled Veal Chops With Grapefruit – Mint Sauce……………………page 70 Pork Coins in the Salad a/k/a Glazed Pork Loins……………………………………………………………………………..page 71 The Bay of the Poets Stomp a/k/a Porketta Alla Liguria……………………………………………………………………….page 72 Legs Noir a/k/a Three Legs on the Lamb…………………………………………………………………page 73 Ginger Ayles a/k/a Ginger Beef……………………………………………………………………………………….page 74 The Flying Impala a/k/a Cheese Car in Flight…………………………………………………………………………page 75 Rick’s Lasagne a/k/a Sans Meat………………………………………………………………………………………….page 77 The Bow Ties of Spring a/k/a Farfalle Primavera……………………………………………………………………………page 79 It’s Fennel, Not Funnel a/k/a Penne Con Fontina E Fennucia……………………………………………………….page 80 Little Fish in Hats a/k/a Orachetti Con Aleche……………………………………………………………………..page 81 Finger Lickin’ Good a/k/a Rappin’ Fried Pollo…………………………………………………………………………….page 82 A Guy Walked Into a Bar a/k/a Duck, Duck!………………………………………………………………………………………..page 84 A Fried Chicken and Cheese Number a/k/a Boned Chicken Breasts with Parmesan Cheese………………………….page 86 Combo Chicken a/k/a Chicken Stew with Polenta…………………………………………………………….page 87

- Page 8 -

Big Pot O’Chicken a/k/a The Hunter Style Type Chicken……………………………………………………page 88 Toast and Chicken a/k/a Crusty Bread with Chicken Livers………………………………………………..page 89 Melinda Takes Flight a/k/a No Limp Wings Here……………………………………………………………………….page 90 Creamy Chicken Not Fried a/k/a Chicken in Cream……………………………………………………………………………...page 92 Puckerin’ Thighs a/k/a Turkey Over Lemone Swiss Chard ……………………………………………..page 93 Artistic Hens a/k/a. Pollo Alla Tuscano…………………………………………………………………………….page 94 That’s Some Chick a/k/a Little Peas of Chick………………………………………………………………………….page 94 Put De Lime In De Coconut…. a/k/a Chicken and Fish Coconut Dish……………………………………………………..page 95 Tombstone Turkey a/k/a Chili Bird…………………………………………………………………………………………….page 96 Vedy, Vedy Good a/k/a Chicken Biryani…………………………………………………………………………………page 98 Melanzane in the Sun a/k/a Baked Eggplants with Olive Oil……………………………………………………page 100 Red Beenz An’ Rice is Nice a/k/a Hunter-Gathers………………………………………………………………………………page 101 Aubergeno a la Parma a/k/a Melanzane Con Frommagio……………………………………………………………page 103 Don’t Eat the Whole Thing a/k/a Artichokes with Lemon Sauce……………………………………………………..page 104 Eggplant Relish – Southern Style a/k/a Caponatina Alla Siciliana……………………………………………………………….page 105 Not Quite Poppers a/k/a Provolone Fritters………………………………………………………………………….page 106 Cookin’ with Flowers a/k/a Audrey?…………………………………………………………………………………………….page 107 Fat Flowers a/k/a Stuffed Zucchini Blossoms………………………………………………………….page 108 Flowers, Fruit & Beans. Hey It’s --- a/k/a Vegetarian Pasta E Fagioli……………………………………………………………page 109 Le Bec Fungi a/k/a Creamy Mushroom Bread………………………………………………………………….page 110

- Page 9 -

Mellow Yellow a/k/a Risotto Alla Milanese……………………………………………………………………..page 111 What! a/k/a AH! Fava Beans……………………………………………………………………………….page 112 Wok U Talkin’ ‘Bout? a/k/a Garlic Eggplant………………………………………………………………………………..page 113 You Say it a/k/a Broccoli Rabe…………………………………………………………………………………..page 114 Mush, Mush Sweet Corn Meal a/k/a Polenta……………………………………………………………………………………………….page 115 Polenta is Airborne a/k/a Corn Meal Mush & Birds………………………………………………………………..page 115 Basic Italian Style Rice a/k/a Risotto………………………………………………………………………………………………page 116 Flora Dora Pompodora a/k/a Basic Tomato Sauce……………………………………………………………………….page 117 Ha Ha Fritatta a/k/a Crazy Eggs………………………………………………………………………………………..page 118 The Staff of Life a/k/a Bread – Pane…………………………………………………………………………………….page 120 Some Got’ ‘ta Have Rolls a/k/a Brioche – Butter Rolls……………………………………………………………………page 121 Cheezy Bread a/k/a Cheese Bread…………………………………………………………………………………..page 121 Spring Sausage Bread a/k/a Fiatone Di Salsiccia……………………………………………………………………….page 122

- Page 10 -

- Page 11 -

S omebody said once: “You ought to write a cookbook” then I heard the query, “Why don’t you write a cookbook?” then the re-quest, “Please write a cookbook” followed by the command, “Write a cookbook.” And the order “I want you to write that down, write it in a cookbook” then the plea, “I gotta know how to make this, c’mon, write a cookbook, pleeze….” Then the inspirational, com-mon sense nugget of true capitalism … “Bet you’d make a fair hunk of change if you wrote a cookbook.”

With thanks, love and affection in no particular order…… DEDICATION:

Bob Messey Danny DeVito Baccala Joe Gamberdell Julia Childs Lon Arthur Schwartz Nancy Rose Cindy Duffin-Hill Harold Pinter ABBA Dave & Marg Lomax Steve Wang Nate Shipp Peter & Wendy Bowditch Leonard Cohan Ed Bordeau Cecil Hinkle The Searchers Laura Whittaker Lodge Mario Batalli Larry Osgood Dave & Gilly Birch Menudo Dean Robert Gray Garrett Speer The Turtles Doc Zimmerman The Kryptomanic Chris Wiltz Don Imus Monty Python Dave Farenback Jacques Pepin

Jay Leno Eric Clapton Spandau Ballet Emeril Legassi Tom Stoppard Mike & Carrie Chebro Baccala Jack & Mary Ellen Petrilla Harry Struyker-Boudier Bonnie Raitt Pat Antidorni Martin Scoresisee Anne DePrez Jodi O’Sullivan Annie Engle Kyle Dunn Bob Dylan Martha Dulla Nicholas Roeg Sara Ochs Steven Spielberg Harry Eggart Jerry Rojo Peter Shaffer Megan Farenback Mike Allee Dennis Gilday Donna Zotter Kathy Partridge Kuldip Sighn Sadhal Carolyn Vaughn Chris Olsen Edison Lighthouse

Barbara Fagan Bettyann Green Contessa Bini-Smagi Patty Tyrrell Gene Pitney Jim Tutunjun Mark & Kristin Graham Jimmy Buffett Keats Mi Familia Lady Eyeleen Arthur Brown Mary Rohrer-Dann Roger Cornish Lois Beck Alan Kirios Johnny Carson O.C. Al Whelburg Kitty Bradley The Beach Boys Judith Raines Dean & Robin Nevelos Tommy “Tunes” Taylor The Rolling Stones Bill McGilton David Letterman Pink Eye Thortenshield David Shelton Robert DeNiro Pat DePew Kurt Vonnegut The Beatles

- Page 12 -

- Page 13 -

RICE RUNNER SHRIMP SHRIMP, HAM & RICE

Any long grain rice will do but Basmati is preferred. Basmati is a long grain rice originally from India; you will find it in most supermarkets. It often requires a good amount of rinsing before being cooked, in order to remove the excess starch. You could replace rice with orzo; then it would be a pasta dish and not a rice dish.

1 cup Basmati rice, rinsed and drained A dollop of olive oil Salt 1 cup peas or chick peas; it's a taster's choice! 3/4 pound shelled large shrimp 2 tablespoons of Soy sauce 1/4 pound smoked ham, diced

Bring a pot of water (2.5 cups) to a boil. Add the rice, olive oil and a pinch of salt, stir once and cook on low heat, covered for 15 minutes. Drop in the peas and shrimp and cook 5 more minutes or until the rice is just done. Drain thoroughly if all the water is not absorbed. Heat Soya sauce in a wide skillet. Add the drained rice to the skillet, stirring the ingredients together gently so as not to break the grains of rice. Remove from the heat and top with the diced ham. Serve hot Serves 4 WINE: ELBA BIANCO

- Page 14 -

SOMETHING ELSE TO DO WITH LOBSTER CREAMY TOMATO & ROASTED PEPPER, LOBSTER MEDALLIONS

1 roasted red pepper 1 large can of crushed tomatoes (28 oz.) Salt 1 pound small squid, cleaned. 1 lobster (I 1/2 pounds) 1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil Tabasco sauce Juice of I lemon 24 basil leaves 6 mint sprigs 4 big slices of Tuscan bread 1 clove garlic, peeled

Take the roasted red pepper and cut it into thin, long strips. Meanwhile, cook the squid for 3 minutes in a large pot of salted boiling water. Remove with a slotted spoon. Boil the lobster for 10 to 12 minutes in the same pot of water, drain it and shell it; then cut the lobster flesh into medallions. Let cool. Then puree the roasted pepper strips in a blender with the crushed tomatoes, 1/4 cup of the olive oil, a pinch of salt and a few drops of Tabasco sauce. Blend on low speed for I minute; add the lemon juice, the basil and 2 mint sprigs and blend until emulsified. Divide among four soup bowls. Crush the garlic, add a little olive oil and brush on to the slices of bread. Garnish the tomato cream with the bread slices, the lobster medallions, the squid and the remaining mint sprigs. Drizzle with the remaining olive oil and serve. WINE: SOAVE

- Page 15 -

THE CANCUN OYSTER

SEA, SEE, SI! Jose' once told me that the oyster was a perfect food. He said," Come a little bit closer and I will whisper the secret in your ear, HA!". His breath was a deterrent from getting too close and he forgot what he was going to say anyway. But he was doing this, a little bit to excess .…

In a double shot glass he put in one freshly shucked oyster, one teaspoon of red cocktail sauce (horseradish mixed with catsup), two blasts of Tabasco sauce and one jigger of gold tequila. He'd then shoot it. Ole'.

THE SAINT PETERSBURG OYSTER CZAR’S DELIGHT

Formally a communist, this bi-valve has become a capitalist tool. Or is it that it makes capitalists drool? In any event… Open 1/2 dozen fresh oysters. Gently separate them from the shell. Fill the shell with vodka. Put a dollop of sour cream on top of the oyster then a teaspoonful of caviar. Slurp 'em down. Nostrovia!

- Page 16 -

Come get the fish from the fish man The monger of fish Yes get the fish from the old salt And cook it like this Take a good young pompano A sturdy kilo or so Clean it up nicely From its tail to its nose That big long pan for broiling or baking A nice bed of herbs On oil you'll be making Lay on some cilantro A sprig of rosemary or two A big handful of scallions Some lemongrass too. Sprinkle liberally with olive oil, Adding some dill Slice on some fennel, Give yourself a thrill Now the pan's prepped, Add a cup of wine. White Italian is nice, But French will do fine.

You'll want some virgin olive oil To rub this fish from fin to fin Don't forget the cavity. With kosher salt you'll rub in Add a sprig of rosemary Then salt one side real good Lay it carefully on the herbs Then heavily salt its head. Salt the body for that matter The tail, fins and eyes A good ½ inch of kosher salt Encase it like a prize. The broiler is now blazing away Or the electric coils are glowing. Slide the pan in close to the heat And watch as the salt melts & burns For certain you'll be knowing that The fish is cooking within the salt and, the aroma will be growing. Give it fifteen minutes Twenty at max. Pull it out of the oven Inhale those fumes. That delightful smell of fresh cooked Herbs will fill every room. Peel back the salt Peel back the skin

THE POMPANO MAMBO HERBS, SALT & FISH

- Page 17 -

STUFFED CLAMS

BIG BELLY BI-VALVES

If you want to stuff a clam you'll need surgical tools and a microscope or you'll need one helluva clam. Stuffing clamshells is a lot easier. Clams are harvested at the beach. They are not fast or crafty but they hide real good because of the fact that they live under the mud. Therefore, the number, size and type of clam one catches is largely potluck. Clams have very poor eyesight due to the fact that they have no eyes. Some of them though do have one helluva neck. Some peo-ple call the neck a foot because the neck foot, whatever, is used to propel the swifter species through the mud. Mud is your clam's basic diet. Clams are often eaten raw on a half shell. They are a tasty delicacy. If a raw clam has even a hint of odor do not ingest it. If you do, you will more than likely be sicker than you've ever been in your life. You don't even want to think about what your guts would feel like if you ever eat bad clams. The clamshell you stuff belongs to quahogs. By size, the best eating clams are called littlenecks, cherry stones then quahogs. Six quahogs will yield one dozen clamshells. The first thing you want to do is dice the following: ½ small green bell pepper, ½ small red bell pepper, 1 large stick of celery and one medium size Bermuda onion. Get one 8 oz. package of Pepperidge Farm stuffing mix, cubed. (Or if you want to start from scratch, get 8 oz. of stale bread and add ½ teaspoon sage, ¼ teaspoon black pepper, 1 tea-spoon dried basil, 2 tablespoons of dried parsley and 1 teaspoon of margarine). Buy the Pepperidge Farm stuffing. Put the stuffing in a big bowl, Steam your quahogs in ½ cup water. Get a 6 oz. can of chopped clams, open them and toss them with the stuffing, water and all. Sauté the peppers, onions and celery in ½ stick of Promise margarine. Toss them in the stuffing mix. When the quahogs open (don't steam too long) and freely separate from the shells, chop 'em up and add to the stuffing mix to the extent you would like it moist. Do not let the stuffing be too dry. Now jam big ol' handfuls into the quahog shells. Liberally cover the top with Hungarian paprika. You can now freeze them or bake them. Baking time is 20 minutes at 375 degrees.

- Page 18 -

Prior to preparing any food always wash your hands with Boraxo. Ronald Reagan would be pleased.

As a youth I would go fishing on Long Island Sound. The object or bounty, as it were, of these nautical quests was the Bluefish. They are sleek, fast swimming, schooling fish that can give an angler an enjoyable tussle. They cook up mighty fine also. For some reason, however, I always found them elusive, Whenever we'd go out for a day, most of my cohorts would catch five, ten, fifteen Blues, Most of them 12 to 18 inches. They'd have a ball catching them. I usually caught two or three flat fish; a/k/a flounder a/k/a sole. Now, I've got no complaints against Sole. It's a tasty fish. Its market price usually ex-ceeds that of Bluefish by two or three dollars a pound. It's a desirable fish. One usually sees it in the market as gray sole or lemon sole. But let's face it, Sole doesn't put up much of a fight when it's hooked. You usually catch them when your hook drops to the bottom and you bop them on their little cockeyed flat heads with it. Not being too bright, a Sole usually figures that anything that bops it on the head is good to eat. Just look at one and you'll know what mean. So they scarf up the hook and they're caught.

Cleaning Sole is a real pain. I strongly suggest that you find a good fresh-fish market and purchase your Sole. This is usually an expen-sive fish to purchase in the winter. If you do buy some in say, Janu-ary, and you take it home to prepare for your family, loved ones, room-mate or significant other and they ask, "What's for dinner?" Simply sing out;

“A little bit of sole, yeah; A little bit of sole… A little bit of sole, yeah; A little bit of sole.”

Smile to acknowledge their quizzical expressions as they quietly slip into the next room muttering.

Then get out a spare of scissors to trim the Spinach. Because you're planning to cook Sole What!?! Some people think this is a version of Sole Florentine because it's got spinach in it. I don't know what the big thing is with Florence and spinach but I do know it's near impossible to find fresh Sole in Florence.

SOLE WHAT!?! A LITTLE BIT OF SOLE

- Page 19 -

In any event, what you've got to do is lay out four, six, eight or what-ever Sole fillets topside down on a table, counter or butcher block. You will easily figure out what the topside of a Sole fillet is and if you don't it'll come out backwards. Brush very lightly with olive oil. Place spinach leaves (cleaned and dried, of course) evenly on each fillet and trim them so as to fit perfectly. Squeeze fresh lemon juice on the spin-ach. Then put a big ole handful of stuffing in the wide end of the fillet, roll the sucker up and stick a big round toothpick through it to hold it together. Lightly sprinkle each one with paprika and bake at 400 de-grees for 15 to 20 minutes. Make sure to coat the bottom of the baking pan with either Pam or thin coat of olive oil. But before you do this, you gotta make the stuffing.

Stuffing is pretty basic stuff. I guess that's why it's called stuffing. Be-cause you stuff it inside of things. Exactly when it happened, I'm not sure, but at some point in time stuffing became a side dish that wasn't stuffed into anything. Go figure.

For this particular stuffing you want an 8 oz. bag of Pepperidge Farm (my particular favorite) seasoned stuffing mix. Empty in into a large bowl. Drain the water off a 6 oz. can of crabmeat into a measuring cup. Toss the crabmeat into the bowl with the stuffing mix.

Sauté in a sauté pan one sliced small onion, 1 diced celery stick; ½ chopped red and green bell pepper and about 8 small to medium, sliced mushrooms. Sauté in ¼ stick of margarine (butter burns and has more fat). Sauté in the order given until tender, four to five min-utes. Just before removing from the heat squeeze in the juice of ½ a lemon. It will pop and crackle. Toss the mixture into the bowl with the crabmeat and stuffing mix. In the measuring cup with the crab juice add a 6 oz. bottle of clam juice. You should have about a cup of liquid by now. Heat it and then add hot water to get the correct amount for the amount of stuffing you are making. Half the amount for ½ bag, twice the amount for two bags. The crab juice, clam juice and water combination should equal about 1 1/4 cups. The bag itself tells you the exact amount of liquid to use for the amount of stuffing you're making. Read the directions. Add a touch more water because you want this stuffing on the moist side. Mix the stuff up real good then stuff the Sole. That's it, grab handfuls, roll up that fish, stick in them toothpicks. This dish goes well with lightly steamed julienne carrots and string beans (with optional garlic butter), seasoned wild rice and a garden salad. Vino? Si.

- Page 20 -

MUSSELS & COCKLES, ALIVE, ALIVE... MULTIPLE SHELLS

Until the heat gets too hot! Boil up 1 lb. Linguine. Cook it al dente. Whilst it is cooking, steam together in I cup of white wine in a big pot: 2 lbs. Cleaned and de-bearded mussels 2 lbs. Cockles 2 Shallots cut lengthwise ½ Stick butter 1 Red or orange bell pepper

Just as the wine boils up and the shellfish begin to open, add 1 cup of fresh chopped flat leaf parsley and I cup of fresh chopped basil. Drain and rinse the pasta. Then in a big skillet put enough olive oil to cover the bottom. Chop 6 cloves of garlic and sauté in the oil until golden brown. Keep pan on the heat and toss in the linguine. Mix it well with the oil and garlic. Then empty into a large serving dish. Pour the mussels and cockles over the top, juice and all.

Serve, and sprinkled with grated Parmesan if desired.

Suggested wine: Orvietio Classico