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INT. GABE’S APT. - NIGHT

Gabe and Tom sit on the couch drinking beer. The coffee table is covered with beer bottles and food. They’re watching Pocahontas.

GABE Disney really hit the nail on the head with this movie.

TOMWhat do you mean?

GABEThe movie sums up racism in one song.

The savages scene plays on the TV. Gabe sings along to prove his point.

GABE (CONT’D)They’re savages, savages, barely even human! Savages, savages, we hate them cuz they’re different.

TOMWow. This movie is a lot darker than I remember.

GABEThese white man cannot be trusted.

TOMWhy are we watching this.

GABEI’m not sure... Are we gonna get something to eat?

TOMYeah, order a pizza. I gotta text Katie good night.

GABEHow cute.

Tom heads for the bathroom while Gabe picks up the phone.

GABE (CONT’D)Hello, operator? We want pizza.

INT. GABE’S BATHROOM - NIGHT

Tom texts his girlfriend. He speaks as he types.

TOMGood night. Love you!

Tom smiles content with himself then uses the bathroom.

INT. GABE’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Gabe is still on the phone. Tom sits back on the couch with his friend.

GABEThey’re connecting me.

TOMGosh Katie is so great.

GABEYeah? When do I get to meet her.

TOMSoon.

GABECool, just don’t ruin it by telling her you love her or something.

TOMHow would that ruin things?

GABEThe “L” word should not be taken lightly. Some people bolt at the sound of it.

Gabe is connected with the pizza delivery people. Tom sits there silently.

GABE (CONT’D)Hey, yeah could I get a large pepperoni pizza?

(Whisper)Tom, should we get cheesy sticks?

Tom looks at the message he sent his girlfriend.

TOMOh, no!

2.

GABEWhat?

Tom hands his cellphone to Gabe. As Gabe read it his eyes get big.

GABE (CONT’D)You’re kidding me?

Tom gravely shakes his head.

GABE (CONT’D)You just sent this?

Tom nods his head.

Gabe addresses the pizza delivery people on the phone.

GABE (CONT’D)Sorry, cancel that order. My friend just told his girlfriend he loves her. After dating her for ONE WEEK!

The delivery boy on the other side of the line can be heard screaming. Gabe hangs up the phone.

GABE (CONT’D)What have you done?

TOMIt’s can’t be that bad.

GABEDude, you’ve been dating her for under a week. That’s really weird.

TOMIt is? Oh, man but I’m drunk. I can’t be held responsible.

GABEHas she responded?

Tom check his cellphone.

TOMNo.

GABEShe’s probably thinking of how to break up with you as we speak.

TOMI’ll call her. I’ll explain.

3.

GABENo are you crazy? What’re you gonna tell her? “I got drunk and texted you the “L” word. JK I don’t really love you.”

TOMYeah that’s bad.

GABEYou’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.

TOMShoot.

Tom’s phone suddenly rings. Gabe and Tom look at eachother in horror.

Tom checks his phone. It’s a call from Veronica, Katie’s friend.

TOM (CONT’D)Oh it’s just Veronica.

GABEOh my God! The girl gossip grapevine. She probably told all her friends. You’re gonna have to start a new life.

He answers the phone.

BEGIN INTERCUT

TOMHello?

KATIETom?

A look of horror washes over his face.

TOM(Frantic whisper)

It’s Katie!

Gabe gasps.

TOM (CONT’D)What’s up?

4.

KATIEI’m hanging out with Veronica. I forgot my phone at my place. Just wanted to let you know.

TOMWait, so you don’t have your phone?

KATIEYeah I left it at home. But hey I’ve gotta go. I won’t be back till late tonight. We’re gonna check out that new club downtown. I’ll call you tomorrow.

Tom can’t believe his luck.

TOMTalk tomorrow then...

KATIEBye!

END INTERCUT

GABEWhat she say?

TOMShe left her phone at home.

GABEThen there’s still a chance.

TOMYou don’t mean...

GABEWe’ve gotta go over to her place and delete that text. It’s the only thing that can save your relationship.

TOMOK I’m in. She’ll be back later tonight. We’ll need to move fast.

GABEHold on, I’m not dressed for breaking and entering. Neither are you.

LATER

5.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Gabe and Tom are dresses in all black jumpsuits. They look like burglars.

GABEQuick there’s no time to loose.

TOMTo the car!

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Quick cuts of starting the car, putting it in gear and speeding off.

CUT TO:

EXT. MCDONALD’S DRIVE THROUGH - NIGHT

Gabe is ordering off the menu.

GABELet me get a number one. With a coke.

TOMI thought we were in a hurry.

GABEYou know dude, even the hamburgular gets hungry sometimes.

They get their food and drive off.

LATER THAT NIGHT

EXT. KATIE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Gabe’s car is parked in front of the complex.

INT. GABES CAR - NIGHT

Gabe is eating his burger. They prepare for the heist.

TOMWe get in, delete the message and get out.

6.

GABEPiece of cake.

Gabe produces a gun from the side door compartment.

TOMJesus! Put that thing away! You’re gonna blows somebody’s head off.

GABEWhat if we get into trouble?

TOMYou’re gonna make it worse if you start shooting that thing. Put it away front Christ’s sake.

GABEFine, but when we need it you’re gonna feel pretty stupid when we don’t have it.

TOMWhatever. Here, I brought us masks.

GABECool let me see em.

TOMI brought a ski-mask.

GABEThe classic.

TOMAnd... Mitt Romney.

GABEOoh, ooh, ooh! Dibs on Mitt Romney!

They put their masks on.

TOMReady?

GABEDude, I was born ready.

EXT. KATIE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Gabe and Tom crouch outside Katie’s door.

7.

GABEOK, how are we gonna get in?

TOMI brought my lock picking set.

He takes a bobby pen and screw driver out of his pocket.

GABEAre you kidding? What’re you? Tommy Pickles? That won’t get the door open.

TOMJust watch.

LATER

Tom struggles to pick the lock.

GABEFace it, you don’t know what you’re doing.

TOMJust give me a second.

GABEI’m going back to the car. When I get back, we’re doing it my way.

Gabe creeps back to the car.

Tom keeps trying to pick the lock. Gabe runs up behind Tom shouting...

GABE (CONT’D)My waaay!

He wields a samurai sword. Tom jumps out of the way. Gabe cuts the lock open. The door creaks open.

TOMAre you out of your mind?

GABEI opened it faster than you did.

TOMLet’s get inside before somebody sees us.

Gabe and Tom enter the darkened apartment.

8.

INT. KATIE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

The room is pitch black. Advanced darkness. The door closes behind them, engulfing them in darkness. Gabe and Tom trip over themselves looking for the light.

They turn a lamp on.

TOMOK let’s find her phone. I’ll check her room.

GABEI’ll check the bathroom. I already got the Mcgurgles.

TOMGross. I didn’t need to know that.

Gabe enters the bathroom and closes the door after him. Tom heads for the bedroom.

INT. KATIE’S ROOM - NIGHT

Tom searches everywhere for her phone. Quick cuts and edits.

INT. KATIE’S BATHROOM - NIGHT

Gabe sits on the toilet. He struggles with his duty.

GABEWhat did I do to deserve this? God why have you forsaken me?

INT. KATIE’S ROOM - NIGHT

Tom has given up the search in the bedroom.

TOMWhere the heck is it?

Tom heads to living room. He tears the room apart looking for the phone.

TOM (CONT’D)Any luck?

Gabe shouts from the bathroom.

GABE (O.S.)I’m a little busy!

9.

TOMCan’t find it anywhere!

INT. KATIE’S BATHROOM - NIGHT

Gabe’s business is finished. He gets up to flush. He flushes. The toilet is clogged. He panics.

GABEOh no, oh no oh no! Go down! Go down! I command you!

He flushes again, making it worse. He checks for a plunger. He can’t find one.

He franticly washes his hands and rushes out of the bathroom. Slamming the door behind him. He wears a look of distress.

TOMWhat?

GABEOh, nothing.

TOMUsually when people say, “oh nothing” in response to, “what?” they’re hiding something.

Gabe backs away form the bathroom cautiously.

TOM (CONT’D)What have you done?

Tom enters the bathroom.

TOM (O.S.) (CONT’D)OH MY GOD!

He rushes out of the bathroom.

GABEI’m sorry, it’s Ronald McDonald’s fault.

TOMThis is getting out of hand.

GABEYou’re right, let’s get out of here!

Gabe bolts for the door.

10.

TOMWait! I still haven’t found the phone!

GABEAre you dense? Call it!

TOMOh yeah! Of course.

Tom takes out his cellphone and calls Katie’s phone.

Ringing can be heard in the apartment.

TOM (CONT’D)I hear it!

Tom rushes off to find it.

GABEHurry up, man!

Tom finds the phone in another room.

TOMBingo!

He searches through her messages. He finds his and deletes it!

INT. KATIE’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Gabe waits in the living room.

TOM (O.S.)I got it!

GABEGood, let’s get out of here!

The doorknob turns and Katie and Veronica walk through the door. They don’t notice Gabe standing there. They close the door behind them.

Gabe grabs his gun and points it at the girls. He’s still wearing the Mitt Romney mask.

GABE (CONT’D)Freeze!

The girls scream. Tom rushes to the living room.

11.

TOMWhat’re you doing? I told you not to bring that thing.

Katie recognizes Tom’s voice.

KATIETom?

The jig is up. Tom takes off his mask.

KATIE (CONT’D)Why is Mitt Romney in my house?

TOMKatie this is my friend, Gabe.

GABENice to meet you, I’ve heard so much about you.

KATIETom what’s going on?

TOMI’m sorry. I sent you something embarrassing on accident. We broke in here to delete the message.

TOM (CONT’D)I don’t care about that Tom. I love you.

TOM (CONT’D)I love you too.

GABEAwwwww!

TOMWe’ll just get out of your hair ladies. I’ll call you tonight!

KATIEGreat.

Gabe and Tom leave the apartment.

EXT. KATIE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Gabe and Tom High five.

12.

TOMI guess we didn’t need to go through all that trouble after all.

INT. KATIE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Katie walks to the bathroom.

KATIEI’ve been holding this in all night.

She enters the bathroom.

EXT. KATIE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Gabe and Tom are still outside. Katie can be heard screaming inside the apartment.

KATIE (O.S.)OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL?

Gabe and Tom tear off screen towards the car.

CUT TO BLACK:

13.