The Main Thread - a handbook on sexuality and personal relationships from Lafa.pdf

8/14/2019 The Main Thread - a handbook on sexuality and personal relationships from Lafa.pdf

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TheMain Thread

Handbook on sexuality and personal

relationships among young people


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The Main ThreadHandbook on sexuality and personal relationships among young people

Stockholm County AIDS Prevention Programme


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Edited by:

Anna-Karin Asp,Lafa

Anna ChuChu Schindele, Lafa

Translation:

Siân Marlow, SpråkCentrum AB

Design:

Ester Stockholm Advertising Agency

Year of publication:

2004, Stockholm, Sweden

©LAFA

Thisinformation may be usedfreely whenteaching youngpeople aboutsex and personal relationships.

Touse thisinformation for printing or in more widerangingcontinuationtraining for adults or at conferences

and suchlike,pleasecontactLafa, theStockholmCounty AIDSPrevention Programme,www.lafa.nu.


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Foreword 3

ForewordHereitisatlast–The Main Thread in English! A book which can help teachers and

youth leaders to answer all the questions on sexuality and personalrelationships that

might be asked by young people. This is a handbook that sheds light on many of the

“Hows”: How should I go about this? How should I start off a good discussion?

How do I get young people to realise that sexuality is a positive, pleasurable thing

while also getting the message across about HIV, sexually transmitted infections

and unwanted pregnancy?

If you want to talk about HIV, you have to talk about sexuality. Learning ways of talking

about sex is hardly ever part of basic teacher training. This is why special courses,

seminars and support for adults are needed so that proper sexuality education can

be given. Specific handbooks containing methods tried and tested by others and

then evaluated are also required. The Main Thread is one of these.

The Main Thread includes lots of practical methods, tips and ideas to help you with

your work on sexand personalrelationships, andyou canuse these to initiate thought-

provoking discussions on attitudes and values. It also includes a number of theory

sections which aim to give you a greater insight into certain areas and to enhance

your knowledge.

The Main Thread is produced by governmental organisation Lafa, the Stockholm

County AIDS Prevention Programme; a regional knowledge and method centre

working in the field of health and sexuality. The Main Thread is just one Lafa initia-

tive: other activities include courses, access to assistance and service in the form

of libraries, a magazine, an information centre, a video bank and websites.

HIV has meant that more and more leaders and organisations in an ever increasing

number of countries have realised just how vital it is for young people to receive edu-

cation on sexuality and personal relationships, either at school or as part of other

youth activities. A number of UN organisations– including UNESCO, WHO and

UNAIDS–have compiled a list of factors important to good sexuality education.

Here is a summary.


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4 Foreword

This education should:

Start before young people become sexually active (before the age of 15).

Be a recurrent theme throughout the school years and adapted to suit the ages

and personal situations of students.

Be based on open communication on sexuality.

Provide students with a basic factual knowledge of sexuality and how they canprotect themselves against HIV, other sexually transmitted infections (STIs)

and unwanted pregnancy.

Give students more of a sense of self-esteem so that they can make their own

choices which will benefit their sexual and reproductive health.

Students should: Learn how to use condoms and other contraceptives and be made aware of

where to find advice on and access to protection against infection and preg-

nancy.

Practise ways of talking openly about sex with their partners and learn how to

discuss measures leading to safer sex.

In turn, this demands that sexuality education should counter stereotypicalgender roles which make both boys and girls more vulnerable to the adverse

consequences of their sexuality.

The teaching methods:

These must encourage students to take an active interest in the subject and be

interactive. Role plays, group discussions and value clarification exercises are

all good ways of influencing attitudes, standards and values regarding sexualityand practising communication skills.

Sexuality education should be based on active student input into planning and

implementation. It is important to ensure that this education is based on students’

own questions and thoughts and that it helps build their self-esteem.


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Foreword 5

The methods referred to in The Main Thread have all been developed and evalu-

atedin Sweden, a country where education on sexuality and personal relationships

hasbeen compulsory in schools since 1955. Of course, thecontent of this education

has altered and developed since it was initiated. Today, it may be stated that most of

the factors above, as listed by the various UN bodies, are included in the Swedish

model for education on sexuality and personal relationships.

The Main Thread has been compiled for anyone wishing to work with sexuality

education for young people aged 13–19. Copies are available at lower and upper

secondary schools, at youth clinics in the county of Stockholm, and at many youth

centres, churches and other organisations that discuss personal relationship

issues with young people.

A survey on The Main Thread was carried out in 2001, and the results showed

that 87 per cent of users regarded the handbook as having helped to develop sex-

uality education, 75 per cent had used one or more of the methods outlined in thebook, and at least 35 per cent of respondents were using value clarification methods

more than they used to.

Authorities, organisations and individuals from all over the world – not least from

countries in Africa and Asia– have been on study visits to Lafa; and as a result of this,

together with our own project work in St Petersburg in Russia, we have noticed that

many people need to learnhow to talk to young people about sexuality in a focused

and fun way. This was why we decided to translate the methods referred to inThe Main Thread into English. The examples and methods cited are still taken in

a Swedish context, butthey can still provide examples of successful ways of promot-

ing and sustaining work in the field of sexuality education.

We hope that The MainThread will inspire more people to have the courage to talk

to young people about HIV and sexuality, and that this book will form an important

part of your preventive work.

Anna-Karin Asp

Director of Lafa, the Stockholm County AIDS Prevention Programme

Wewould be delighted to hear from anyoneusing The MainThread . Pleaselet us have your views,

plus anyof your owntips or ideas. Feel free to contact us at [email protected]


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6 Contents

Contents

Foreword 3

1. IntroductionThe most exciting thing of all 13

2. PlanningPlanning work relating to sexuality and personal relationships 19

Planning models:

Theme week at Alby School– a planning model 29

Youth, health, love at Hovsjö School – an example 31

Learning for Life at Rudbeck School 33

Learning about Life at Tibble High School 34

Sexuality and personal relationships – Year 9 studies at Fittja School 36

Henriksdal Youth Club – Love Week 38

Man in Focus –KSF High School 40

3. Self-esteemSelf-esteem – “To love is to grow” 45

Methods:

Feeling excluded 49

Writing exercise 50

Being seen through photography

– using photos and videos in groups of girls 51

4. RelationshipsInfatuation, couples and sexuality 55


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Contents 7

Methods:

Write about someone you admire 59

Advice columns 60

Contact ads 62

Talking about gender roles 63

Discussions in small groups on friendship, sex and love 64

Value clarification exercise– gender roles 67

Guys and girls ask one another questions 69

Time for discussion at Vilunda Vocational College 70

Group of guys at Brännäsgården in Norrtälje 71

Peepshow– craft, art, interaction 72

5. Sexuality and contraceptivesA look at adolescent sexuality 77

Contraceptives actually used are the best kind 80

Methods:

Sexuality– deciding on what words to use 83

Talking about gender roles and the use of condoms 85

Using fiction in work on sexuality and personal relationships 87

Making a condom poster 88

Value clarification exercise on the use of condoms

– four-corner exercise 89

Value clarification exercise on the use of condoms

– standing in a line 90

Talking to young women about sexuality and personal relationships 91

Talking to young men about sexuality and personal relationships 98

Value clarification exercise– pornography 103

An overall view of people 104


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8 Contents

Sexuality and society 107

Creating a magazine about sexuality and personal relationships 109

Words to use 111

What if my mate… –working with homosexuality in schools 113

Value clarification exercise– homosexuality 118

6. EthicsEthics 121

Methods:

Ethical issues 123

Value clarification exercise– infidelity 125

HIV-positive student at school – two value clarification exercises 126

Value clarification exercise– YES or NO? 128

Noticeboard 131

7. The downside of sexualityHIV and other sexually transmitted infections from the

perspective o f sexuality a nd personal r elationships 135

Abortion 137

Methods:

Prejudices with regard to HIV 139

Value clarification exercise– HIV 141

Value clarification exercise– unwanted pregnancy 142

Letterbox 143

8. Value clarification exercisesWorking with self-confidence, attitudes and group development

using value clarification exercises 147


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Contents 9

Value clarificationexercises:

The Hot Seat 149

Yes – No – Maybe 151

Four-corner exercise – Dilemma 153

Standing in a Line 155

Ranking exercise 157

Listing exercise 158

Unfinished sentences 159

The public interview 161

What to do when leading value clarification exercises 162

9. Texts for in-depth studyAbout homosexuality and bisexuality 169

Groups of girls 176

The importance of men as regards work on

sexuality and personal relationships 181

Working with sexuality and personal relationships

among young people from ethnic minorities 184

Freedom or oppression? Various views on pornography 193

Sexual abuse 197

10. About LafaMethodology and knowledge centre 203

Services offered by Lafa 203

Abbreviations 205


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10 Contents


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Introduction 1


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Introduction 13

The most exciting thing of all

When I was nine years old and in my third year at primary school, we had a teacher

called Margaret who’d only just started teaching. We were her first class. This was

a long time ago, beforeteachingabout sexualityandpersonalrelationships was made

compulsory in Swedish schools. Margaret was a newlywed and madly in love with

her husband. Theylived in their own little palace on the outskirts of town. The love she

felt, combined with the teaching skills she’d just learnt, filled our little classroom

every daywith an energyand playfulness that made ourschoolworkboth pleasurable

and appealing. One day, Margaret said she was going to tell us about how babies

were made. I’m not sure whether I knew anything about the subject. My mother had

never told me anything about it, and I’d never asked her anything. Sure, I’d heard my

mates talking about “fucking” and “rubbers”, but I thought “rubbers” had something

to do with valve rubbers and I had no idea what that had to do with fucking!

Margaret took a mental run up. She was emotional, her face flushed. She looked

happy and told us something that opened up a completely new world for us. The

whole thing wasbrilliantlytimed, because we were at our most receptive at that age.

We sat there, amazed. She drew simple, stylised pictures of the sex organs, so

straightforward that we children could then copy them on paper, on theblackboard,

on the walls of buildings. Now we knew what waswhat. Another pieceof the great

jigsaw puzzle of life had fallen into place.

Of course I remember other lessons led by Miss Margaret, but this was the most

exciting, the most radical. It was also the only real sexuality education I received in

all my years at school. When I started at lower secondary school, none of the strict

teachers there talked to us about sexuality. Everything we knew, we found out from

our biology books. In our final year at high school, the female head of sports called

all the girls together for a girly chat. We had high hopes for this, but all we talked

about was intimate hygiene. She said we ought to change our knickers every day.

Margaret had aroused my interest, and a coupleof years later Elise Ottesen Jensen,

the founder of the Swedish Association for Sexuality Education, came to thecom-

munity centre in our littletown to lecture on sexuality andcontraceptives. My sister


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14 Introduction

and I went along. The hall was full, and we realised straightaway that this was

something big and that we’d be able to benefit from what she was talking about

with such enthusiasm.

Both Margaretand Elise talkedabout sexualityfrom thepoint of view of reproduction.

Margaret told us about how babies are made, while Elise Ottesen Jensen lectured

on how to protect against unwanted pregnancy. That was all I got from the adult

world. The rest I had to find out for myself, and each new piece of the puzzle was asexciting as the last.

Reproductive health is oneof three themes which can be used to structure thetopic

of sexuality froma public health perspective. The others are HIV/sexually transmitted

infections and the more subjective topic of sexual wellbeing.

It goes without saying that young people don’t define sexuality in this way. They

have other concerns: “Am I good enough? Will anyone ever love me? Will I ever be

the most important person in someone else’s life?”

Nowadays, we know that teaching on sexuality and personal relationships in schools

is very different. Teachers integrate sexuality and personal relationships into other

subjects, and they work on the basis that sexuality is an opportunity, a positive

force in the lives of young people.

Thisteachingalso aims to promote goodhealth: students aren’t justgiven biological

facts,they also have theopportunity to chat amongst themselves andreflect on issues

relating to sexuality and identity. More and more schools are also realising that tea-

chingon sexualityand personal relationships is an importantway of creating good

relationships between teachers and students. Of course, the same is also true for

youth clubs, which work with issues relating to sexuality and personal relationships

in an open, inspiring manner.

I rememberthefew adultswho dared totell methefactsof life. And I knowthings are

no different today. Young people will always remember the teachers and other adults

who dared to talk with respect about the most exciting aspect of their lives – sexuality.

Take, for example, Ivar (23), who was interviewed in Insight, the Lafa magazine. He

said that the teaching on sexuality and personal relationships that he received in


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Introduction 15

Year 3 of high school was one of the best things that had ever happened to him at

school. He said his life had been shaped by important adults; from his parents and

nursery carers to his teachers at high school. Now he reckons he feels secure in his

sexuality and is of the opinion that his sexuality forms the foundation for his entire

view on society.

Themost exciting thing about sexuality is that it changes and is recreated by constant

interaction between individuals, groups of people and society as a whole. Conse-

quently, society’s norms, values and preconceptions on sexuality and sexual acts

change andare transformed over time. This is also what makes it meaningful to tryto

influencethe ways in which people think with regardto sexualityand to influence these

thoughts withregard to theuse of condoms andviewson homosexuality, forexample.

Well thought out teaching on sexuality and personal relationships can help young

people to understand and interpret signals and values and to make necessary

choices as regards their sexuality. All of us are faced with a number of unpredictablechoices in our adult lives. To be able to handle these, we have to develop an “inner

compass” made up of values, self-esteem and identity. This kind of inner compass

will help us to differentiate between what’s good and what’s bad for us. Well thought

out teaching on sexuality and personal relationships, along with adults whose own

inner compasses are well developed, will allow us to work together to pave the way

for young people to experience both excitement and continuity in their lives.

With The Main Thread , almost anyone can be a Margaret, someone who youngpeoplewill go on remembering foryears after finishingschool or givingup youth club.

Anna-Karin Asp

Director of Lafa, the Stockholm County AIDS Prevention Programme


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16 Introduction


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2Planning


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Planning 19

Planning work relating to sexuality

and personal relationships

“That was exactly what I wanted to know–although I didn’t know it at the time!”

When I was thirteen and just starting my seventh year at school, I ended up in the

samegroup for Frenchasa girl calledSophie.She wasexactly the kindofgirlwho’d

study French; at least in my imagination. She had wavy blonde hair that tumbled

down to hershoulders, fantasticclothes anda self-assured, intelligent look in her

eyes. She was just like a film star, worldly wise despite being a farmer’s daughter,

one of the studentswho travelled in toschool from fivekilometresaway and lived in

a plain brick house. In my romantic dreams, I pictured myself cycling in the dark

autumnevenings,cycling over thefieldsseparating town andcountry, cycling tobeat her side. Because I’d realised that romance and love could be just like that. And

she was just as devious as any film star.

Oneday, wewere both a bitslow leaving French. Everybodyelse hadalready gone

to lunch and we were alone in the longcorridor, makingsmall talk withone another.

Then suddenly she looked intensely at me. She held her books close to her chest

and walked up to me. She smiled, coming so close to me that our shoulders

touched– just lightly, but she knew exactly what she was doing.

“You’re in love with me, aren’t you?” she said. She smiled mischievously, not that I

knew that wasthepreciseword for it. I blushed.Shemoistenedher index fingerwith

herlips, then stroked herfingeracrossmycheek.“That’s cute,”she said,still smiling.

Not in a superior way, but with self-assurance andwhat I’dnow call crushing self-

awareness–crushing forme,at least!Then shewinked, turnedon herheel andleft,

and I realised she’d never want me.

One of mybest friends got me tocall round all the girls he liked,because I had the

nervetodothatandwasblessedwiththegiftofthegab.Iwasonewhohadtomake

surewe met upwith them–yes indeed, I did mean “them”, because theydid tend to

goroundinpairs (practical!),whichmade things much easier. Buthardwork itwasn’t.


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20 Planning

I didn’tmake many calls: in fact, there were depressingly few of them. His self-confi-

dence diminished with every spot that reared its ugly head on his face, eventually

covering hischeeks, forehead andshoulders. He’d never been cool, andnowhe

feltunattractivetoboot.Orjustplainugly,aswe’dhaveputitwhenwewerefourteen

orfifteen.Nobodyhad saidanythingtohim, I don’t eventhink anybody thought that of

him. It was just how he perceived himself.

I’d dared dothat for others, but I didn’thavethenerve todo it for myself. Sophie, myfilmstar, was really just a romantic dream, a desire todowhat was expectedof me.

No: instead I was relieved she wasn’t interested in me, other than as a mate. In my

real dreams–my hidden desires–I longed to kiss Alexander, I longed to laugh his

laugh. I wanted tobehim.But all I could think about was how he’d react if I plucked

upmycourage and declaredmy love for him.A lovethat I never spoke ofother than in

mysolitude, inmy fantasies, inmydreams. I never toldany ofmymates ormembers

ofmy family, and I certainly never toldany of the boys I fell in lovewithover the next

fewyears. But one of my teachers at high school found out.

And whatgoesaround,comes around. I was talking the other day toa nineteen-year-

old guy fromTurkey who’d choosehis family if it came toa choice between his family

and livingopenlyas a homosexual. He leads two separate lives: one withhis homo-

sexual friends and guys he meets, and one with his family and his old friends. He

dreamsabouthavinga boyfriend, asteadyrelationship.Andnowmythirteen-year-old

stepson hasproblems.He’s spent twoyearshopingforthegirlhe lovestonoticehim.

She’s interested in the older guys, he sighs, and she can do so many things and

knows such a lot about peace and the environment and what have you. He makes

dowithbeing just good mates withher. “I have tostop being sochildish,”he says.

You can use your own teenage years as a starting point for planning your work on

sexualityand personal relationships, takingyour ownexperiences andthose of your

friends as a basis. Think back and consider these questions:

What were your thoughts on life during your childhood and teenage years?

What were your thoughts on your body, love and sexuality?

What would you have liked to know more about?


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Planning 21

What did you hope for, dream about?

What kind of relationships didyouhave with your friends, your boyfriends/girl

friends andparents?

Who did you talk to?

Think about these questionsand talk to your colleagues about your teenage years,

anddiscussyourperceptionsof howlifemustbeforthe teenagersof today.Whatkindof thingsdo you think it’s important to tell teenagersabout sexuality, desire, pleasure

and love? Whatmessagesdoyou want topassonto them? What facts doyou want

themtotakewith theminto their adult lives,and whatneeds doyou think theyhave?

Joint discussions among members of the staff team are important. We often find a

kind of false consensus among staff teams as regards what we should say about

sexuality. False,because team members often haven’t discussedtheir ownvalues.

And yet they assume they share an “adult view” of sexuality that they should passon to young people. Butpeople have different views on different topics– and that

really doesn’t matter. We don’t all have to have the same opinions because our ex-

periences are all different; but it’s good toclarify these. If we don’t, discussing and

agreeing on our intentions andmethods becomes an uphill struggle.

Sexuality and identity

Issues relating to sexuality and personal relationships are essentially all about

identity. It’s all about fairly simplebutexistential basic questions. Am I good enough?

Whoam I?Am I normal? Will I everfind anyoneto love, oranyone tolove me?

These questions can be even more relevant to children and young people with dis-

abilities. Here, the sense of not knowing whether you’re good enough, not being

attractive enoughor sexually interestingcanbe almost tangible.This feeling canbe

underlined even more during the teenage years when young people are extending

their boundaries both physically and mentally.

We need toincludeallyoungpeopleinourwork. We’realldifferent, andour identities

areacombinationofmanyfactors.For somepeople,beinghomosexualovershadows

everythingelse; forothers, comingfroma differentcountry is thedominantfactor; and


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22 Planning

for others, gender or religious beliefs are the main driving force. Most of us proba-

bly perceive ourselves as being a combination of all kinds of things, so how we use

wordsis important.Forexample, it’s importantto remembertousetheword“partner”,

instead of assuming that guys meet girls and girls meet guys, and to avoid saying

“we know, don’t we, what guys/girls are like”–because when it comes down to it,

what do we really know?

If we regard teaching on sexualityandpersonal relationships as an identity issue,

it takeson a newmeaning.Knowing aboutsexualityandpersonal relationships and

reflecting on these is allpart of finding your own identity. These days, when adoles-

cence goesonovera periodof time, sexualityand the gathering ofsexualexperience

areall part of becoming an adult.Sexuality, love andpersonal relationships areone

of a numberof arenas in which self-analysis takes place. Assexuality is a means by

which young people formtheir identities, it’s important, whenteaching, to let them

knowthey’re normal, to individualise. To acknowledge, to challenge.

By letting young people know they’re normal, we can show them that they’re not

alone with their thoughts and feelings. We can show them “there are other people

whosharemythoughts andfeelings”. Individualising allowsus tounderlinethe unique

traits of individuals. Young people recognise themselves in other people–both male

and female– but they realise they’re not exactly the same: “I’ma completely unique

combinationof features” is themessage wewant toput forward. We acknowledge

them by showing them that they’re good enough, that they’re just like lots of other

people, even as regards their failings. We can challenge young people by askingquestions– and sometimes even by questioning– so that we help them to find their

own inner compass to guide them through life, help them to find their own yesses,

nos and don’t knows.

Thefact that thebasic existential issuesdifferat various phasesof life means that

discussionson sexuality andpersonal relationships forhighschool students differ

in some respects to those for fourteen and fifteen-year-olds. If fourteen-year-olds

wonderhowto getoff with people, eighteen-year-olds might wonderhow they canlive together with the person they love. But many aspects are the same because

young people start to wonder about different things, and their viewpoints and

responses alter as they get older and gain more experience and knowledge. If you

ask “what is love?”, you’ll get different answers from a seven-year-old, an eleven-


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Planning 23

year-old, a fifteen-year-oldandan eighteen-year-old–and froma 45-year-old too, for

that matter. The answers will probably also vary depending on whether the person

you ask has everbeen involved ina relationship. If you ask peoplewho’ve just fallen

in love or who’ve recently ended a relationship, that experience also colours the

answers. In otherwords, youget different answers to the same questions.This is

why it’s important forsexuality educationtobeprovided at regular intervalsand over

relatively long periods.What’s more, youcould also say–putting it rathersimply– that

people in their early teens are more in needof facts, while people in their late teensneed reflection more. In any case, discussions arewhat form the basis for all work

on sexuality and personal relationships for all agegroups.

A planning model–starting points and perspectives

Using the following simple model is one way of planning and analysing your work

on sexuality andpersonal relationships. This model includes a numberof perspec-

tives on the work which can serve to broaden discussions.

Criteria

Method

Organisation

Skills development

Promotion Reflection

Gender Adulthood/adolescence

Purposeand theory

Content

Sexuality

and personal

relationships


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24 Planning

Starting points

Criteria

Look at thecriteria in theworkplace which permit well thought outwork on sexuality

andpersonal relationships: support,money, materials andskills.Forexample, the

following questions may form the basis of a discussion on the criteria for work on

sexuality and personal relationships:

Howdo theschoolhead andmanagement support work on sexualityandper-

sonal relationships?

Has money been set aside in the budget?

What skills do staff in the workplace have to allow them to do this work, and

which skills are lacking?

Organisation

This involves looking at how the school or youth cluborganises its teaching onsex-

uality and personal relationships. Discuss the following questions before starting to

organise activities.

Is there a teamtodothe work in the workplace,and who exactly willdo the work?

How many hours areavailable, and how will these be used?

How will the work be assessed?

Purpose and theory

There’s no such thing as practice without theory; it’s more or less (un)conscious or

formulated. The purpose hasn’t been discussed in some workplaces, and work

there isn’t based on theoriesor ideas onsexuality. It’s good for the working team to

discuss issuessuchas thefollowinginordertoprovidea foundationonwhichtowork:

What dowe want, and what’s the purpose of this work?

What are our objectives, and how can we attain them?

What message do we want to put across?


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Planning 25

Content

Sexuality and personal relationships are something young people could talk about

for ages if theyonlyhad the opportunity. We have tochoose justa few ofall possible

topics and questions, and this selection will vary from school to school and from

youth club to youth club. Here, we can discuss issues such as:

What content shouldwe include?

In what way does this work cover entire topics?

What kind of balance is achieved between facts and reflection?

Method

The methods you opt towork with depend on the one hand on the purpose of the

teaching/the work in itsentirety, andon theotheron thelessonorsession.The choice

of methods is also linkedwith theperspectives outlined below. Here, youcanaskquestionssuch as:

What methods should we work with?

How do we give young people the opportunity to reflect?

What topics should be discussed in large and small groups?

Skills development

To work with sexualityandpersonal relationships, youalso need constant skillsde-

velopment asregards facts, methods andyourownthoughts.Forexample,you may

need to learnmore aboutgroupdiscussionsor valueclarification exercises, howto

gather facts or perhaps look at conceptual historical views on sexuality. Here, you

can ask questions such as:

What dowe need toorwant to learn more about?

How do we goabout creating a good skills profile within the working group?

Does the group have the opportunity to exchange experiences and provide

guidance?


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26 Planning

Perspectives on work with sexuality

and personal relationships

I’dlike toaddto thesestartingpointsa fewperspectivesonwhichopinionsneedtobe

madeand forms needtobefound.The perspectives I haveselectedare as follows:

promotional, reflection/consideration, equal rights/gender and adult/adolescent.

Promotional

Adopting a promotional perspective involves working on the basis of positive as-

pects and reinforcing the good things in the young people’s lives. It’s better to use

affirmative messages in preference to cautionary, negative ones.

Reflection and consideration

It’s important to give young people the opportunity to reflect on and consider their

thoughts, attitudesandstandards as regards sexuality andpersonal relationships.This maytake place in the form ofchats, valueclarification exercisesanddiscussions.

Youngpeople appreciate havingthe opportunity to find out what otherpeople– both

adults and their own peers– think about sexuality andpersonal relationships.

Equal rights and gender perspective

To put it simply, gender is all about the social roles expectedof men and women on

account of ourbiological gender. Weall have toadopt attitudes towards these pre-

conceptions of men and women and sexuality. How does the content illustrate

these preconceptions? What messages are guys and girls being given regarding

viewsof men, womenandsexuality?Asadults, we should becareful not tomaintain

or consolidatestereotypical gender patterns.

Adult and adolescent perspective

All toooften,you’ll find an adult trend to teaching,covering questionswhich adults

think young people should discuss. Moreover, the “correct” view is obvious fairlyoften. Adults may perhaps think young people are more experienced than they

actually are, that adult sexualityandadolescent sexualityare similarand that young

people would prefer to talk about contraceptives rather than desire and pleasure.

Sometimes,adultsalso make incorrectassumptionsabout youngpeople’s sexuality:


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Planning 27

they may believe, for example, that most young people lose their virginity against

their will or under the influence of alcohol.To maintain an adolescentperspective,

it may be a good idea to look at the preconceptions of the staff team. However, it’s

necessary to shed light upon areas which young people perhaps don’t mention

they’re interested in,such as homosexuality andgenderroles.As one teenage boy

put it: “It was exactly what I needed toknow–although I didn’t know it at the time!”

Work planning and the working teamWork plan

If you don’t havea workplan, you’ll find it difficult to assessand develop yourwork.

If you do have a work plan, new staff will also find it easier to get up to speed with

work on sexuality and personal relationships in the workplace. The work plan

should provide stimulation and stability for the work. Working on the work plan is

also a dynamicprocess which emphasises thepurpose, targetsandmessage.This

work can inspirediscussions withinthe working teamon sexualityand thestarting

pointsavailablewithinthe work,andwhy.There’snoreasonto include “everything”in

a work plan as parts of the work involve a kind of tacit knowledge and experience.

The work plan allows the working team to set a course and revise it along the way.

Working team

As far as work on sexuality and personal relationships is concerned, it’s important

–particularly in schools– to have a working team that can plan and coordinate thework.This doesn’t mean that theworking team shouldprovide all theteaching.The

more people involved in the work, the better. Youth clubs often have few staff, and

it’s natural for the entire staff team to takepart.Some schools allow responsibility for

teaching on sexuality and personal relationships to be switched between various

working teams.Others involve all theirstaff inannualthemeweeks. Schoolheads, the

management and theworking team share responsibility forensuring that people are

made aware of targets, the purpose and method in the workplace and that work is

assessed.

Quality and variation

Another reason for having a working team and work plan is that this allows you to

ensure that all students at theschool receive similar teaching.A reviewof teaching


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28 Planning

on sexuality andpersonal relationships carried outby the Swedish National Agency

for Education shows that quality varies widely; not a satisfactory situation. Certain

students receive varied teaching of good quality, while others receive information

oriented teaching.What’s thesituation at your school?

Continuity and regularity

Work onsexualityandpersonalrelationshipsrequiresplenty of exposure. Occasional

efforts have less effect than repeated work over time. Individual theme days arereasonably pointless unless they’re placed in context. The teaching–or work–

should be spread out over a reasonably long period of time and be provided for

students in all years. As they get older, children and young people need the

opportunity to try out their experiences, values andknowledge over andover, as

well as in new contexts. A lot of issues are emotional or relate to values, and so

students needtimeto considerthem. Another reasonis that teenagers areallatsuch

varying stages in their lives.

Hans Olsson

Teacher and author working with school issues at the

Swedish Association for Sexuality Education.


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Planning 29

Theme week at Alby School

– a planning model

Workon sexuality andpersonal relationshipshasbeencarriedout atAlby Schoolfor

more than 20 years now. The number of days allocated to sexuality and personal

relationships has increased andthecontent hasaltered over the years.Some years

have been better, others poorer. Twenty-five or so people –that is to say, half the

staff– take part in the annual theme week for Year 9. Teachers, the school nurse,

the counsellor and youth leaders all take part. About 70 per cent of students have

an immigrant background.

Planning begins in the autumn, when students are asked what the theme week

should include. A responsibility and working team is formed at the startof the spring

term. Only staff who wish toparticipate doso. A list is made of what every member

of the team cancontribute, andtasks are then allocated. These include gathering

knowledge, booking lecturers and collecting material. Key topics for the sexuality

and personal relationships week at Alby School are self-esteem and respect for

yourself and others.

Thesexuality andpersonalrelationshipsweekstarts offwithformteacherspresenting

thetargetsandschedule.Theseteachersalso chat to thestudentsaboutwhat they

expect from theweek. The various elements are discussed in entire classes, half

classes and smaller groups.

Examples of theme week elements

Value clarification exercises on sexuality, friendship and camaraderie. Three

lessons.

Discussions in half classes and small groups. Questions on friendship, love

and sexuality. Two lessons.

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30 Planning

Showing a video that deals with issuesrelating to contraceptives, sexualityand

health andyoung people.

Discussion on thecontent of porn magazines.

Reading poems from a book. Discussions in half classes. Two lessons.

Information and discussion on incest. Three lessons.

Visit from a gay and lesbian organisation. All together in the assembly hall and

then in each class. Questionnaire before and after the visit, asking about stu-

dents’ attitudes towards homosexualpeople.

Visit from thewomen’s refuge. Boys andgirls separately.

Lecture on anabolic steroids.

Work on texts dealing with ethics andphilosophical issues. Four lessons.

Informationon sexually transmitted infections andhanding outof condoms by

a midwife from the youth clinic.

Information on HIV/AIDS. Three lessons.

Ethicsandmorals.Thiswork isbasedona presentation producedat the school.

Two lessons.

Information and discussion on prostitution–half classes.

Music and love.

Dance lessons.

Assessment by means of a show of hands: good–quite good–poor.


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Planning 31

Youth, health, love at Hovsjö

School– an example

At Hovsjö School the field of sexuality and personal relationships is dealt with in

thematic form under the title “Youth, health, love”.Year9 students devotearound

20hours to issuesrelating to sexualityandpersonal relationships. These hours are

divided over a period of eight tonine weeks.

Planning begins at the end of the autumn, when the staff concerned meet up and

discuss who’ll be taking part in the theme work for the year. Form teachers, the

school nurse and/or school counsellor often take part. All in all, about 14 peopleare involved. One important issueat the planning stage is todiscuss whichvalues

areto form thebasisfor the work.At the planningstage, various approaches toporno-

graphy are discussed, among other things. Students don’t take part in planning.

Theschool head supports thework.

Youth, health, love

Initially, students respond to a questionnaire containing questions on relation-

ships,loveandsexuality.Thisquestionnaireis used laterasabasis fordiscussion.

Revision of basic knowledge, such as anatomy.

Love and romance: how doyou get together with someone?Who do you fall in

love with? Can boys and girls ever be friends?

Sexuality: am I normal? Pleasure, desire, making love.

Relationships: beingengaged, living together, beingmarried, infidelity.

Homosexuality: visit from a gayand lesbian organisation.

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32 Planning

The downside of sexuality: abortions, sexually transmitted infections, porno-

graphy.

Gender roles.

Loveandcreativity in theformofan exhibition includingpictures, text andmusic.

Finishing off with the opening of the exhibition anda cocktailparty– with alcohol-

free cocktails!

Discussion is the centraltopic.Mostof the work iscarried out ingroupsof nomore

than 10studentsanda discussion leader. The groupsare made upof students from

different classes, and sometimes there are girl-onlyand boy-only groups.

The underlying message of the theme work is: look after yourself, and show consi-

deration!

If thethemeof “youth, health, love” is tobe repeated andundergodevelopment, thefollowing criteria have to be in place:

The discussion leaders must be able and willing to offer their personal expe-

riences and have a positive atti tude towards sexuality.

Time and money have tobeset aside.

The discussion leaders will need to undergo constant training in the field of

sexuality and personal relationships.


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Planning 33

Learning for Life at Rudbeck School

Rudbeck School is a highschool with more than 1600students. A courseon health,

sexuality and personal relationships going by the name of Learning for Life hasbeen offered since 1995. This course is worth 50 study points, covering 30 hours

(mainly in Year1) andis compulsory for all students at the school. Grades have also

been awarded for it since the 2000 autumn term.

One aim of Learning for Life is togiveyoung people the tools theyneedtobeable to

get to know themselves and thus to enhance their abilities to understand and look

positively at themselves andothers. Another aim is togive students a broader factual

foundationwith regard to the topicsdealt with. The basic view is that bodyand soulareunits of equivalent value.Workon Learning for Life is based on the needs and

interestsof both thegroup and individuals.Participation of theyoung people in this

teaching is of fundamental importance. The followingareas are dealt with:

Self-awareness.

Physical welfare.

Sexuality and personal relationships.

Lifeand death. Relationships and conflicts.

The leadersandyoung people involvedwill determinehow work on Learning for Life

willbe formulated.Thecourseplanprovidesa framework allowingscopeforvarious

solutionswith regard to both methodology andcontent. However, chats anddiscus-

sions in full classes and half classes are included at all stages. What’s known as a

“mentometer”, manufactured by twotechnology teachersat theschool, is a source

of much pleasure. This allows students’ responses to questions to be dealt withanonymously. Tenor so teachersandstudent welfare staff areworking on Learning

for Life. There are two leaders for certain elements of the course. Support from the

school head has been clear and distinct from the outset. Learning for Life is re-

gardedas a subject that provides support for other subjects.

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34 Planning

Learning about Life at

Tibble High School

Tibble High School has some 800 students. Since 1993, the Learning about Life

course has been compulsory for Year 2 students and carries 30 study points.

Teaching on sexuality and personal relationships has been offered at Tibble High

School for almost 20 years now. The Learning about Life course is based on ex-

periences gleaned over these years. Its overall objective is to give young people the

keys to a richer life. Today, this course in theoretical terms is part of Science and

Religious Education. Most of thecourse takesplaceover Year2, butin termsof time

the teachingdoesn’t necessarilyhave to take place in connection with science and

RE teaching.

Learning about Life: objectives

Personality development andenhancement of understanding of key life issues.

Enhanced understanding and respect for yourself andothers.

Enhancedself-awareness and self-esteem.

Once the course is complete, students should have:

Taken part in discussions on ethical issues.

Taken part in value clarification exerciseson ethical issues.

Taken part in value clarificationexerciseswhich reflect maleandfemalesexuality.

Takenpart in discussions on homosexuality, friendship, love,abortions,alcohol

and sexuality.

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Planning 35

Received information on HIV, AIDS, sexually transmitted infections and un-

wanted pregnancy.

Learning about Life isbased on the real lives of the students. Activeparticipation is

akeyconcept for this course. Discussions,valueclarificationexercisesanddebating

games are integrated with brief reviews of facts using articles and films. Five

people– teachers, the counsellor andschool nurse–actas group leaders. Two of

these people aremale, threefemale. Students arekept in full classes for this work

dueto limited resources. Theschoolheads have actively workedto implement this

course.

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36 Planning

Sexuality and personal relationships

– Year 9 studies at Fittja School

At Fittja School around 98per centof students have a non-Swedish culturalback-

ground.There are manynationalities at theschool,which hasdeveloped methods

fordiscussingpersonal relationships and learningto respectoneanother’s views.

The school has been working on the topic of personal relationships for many years

now, and this work has developed and altered according to the groups of students

and the teachers providing the instruction.

Here, a model consistingof two weeks of topic work is used for Year 9, often in thespringterm.This coursefollows theregular timetableas faraspossible,andall tea-

cherswhoteachYear9 takepart.Anynewteacherswho’llbetakingpartcompletethe

basic Lafacourse“Factsandperspectivesonadolescence,sexuality andHIV/AIDS”

during the autumn term. The school also runs a number of joint conferences in

plenty of time before startingwork on the topic, describing thedirection andobjec-

tives. After that, the teachers have to plan their own work.

Throughout thisperiod,studentsaregivenmore time forcraftson thetimetable.Then

they have todopractical group work on a given topic suchas black/red, love/hate,

falling in love. (Find out more about this in the section entitled “Peepshow–craft,

art, interaction.) In this way, the topicis based on as many discussionsituationsas

possible,givingstudentstheopportunity tobouncethoughtsandideasoff adultsand

oneanother. Thestudents havebeen pleasedthat their classeshavebeen divided

intoseparate groupsof boys and girls on a numberof occasions. The objective set

by the school for the topic is toenhance students’ abilitiesto make independent de-cisions on issuesrelatingto sexuality andpersonal relationships.As the emphasisis

ondiscussion, theschoolmakessure thatbiological/medicalissues,suchaspuberty

and sexually transmitted infections, are dealt withearly on, either during thepre-

ceding term or even earlier.

PLANNING MODELS

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Planning 37

Elements

Value clarification exercises.

Discussiongroups with the counsellor.

Visit from a gay and lesbian organisation.

Visit to a youth clinic.

Visit to the theatre: a performance focused on youth and sexuality.

Dance instruction.

Materials

Youth literature.

Magazines.

Poetry.

Music.

Foreign youthmagazines.

Logbooks kept by thestudents throughout the period.

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38 Planning

Henriksdal Youth Club

– Love Week

Henriksdal Youth Club wasopened in the 1970s andis now visited by some 120

young people agedbetween 10 and19.Sexuality andpersonalrelationships have

been a focus of work at the youth club for many years now. Almost half of the ten

youth leaders have taken part in this work.

One importantobjective is toencourage the young people to take an active part in

youthclub work.They have todevelop theirskillswhen it comes toputting their own

needs and interests into words and attempting to turn them into reality. This is whythere aregroups of young people responsible for the cafeteriaandforbuying mate-

rials andequipment for theclub,amongother things, andwhygeneralmeetingsare

held regularly.

The working methods have varied. On one occasion, a Love Week was arranged

which the young people helped to plan.

Love Week: content

Visit fromthe youth clinicand a gay and lesbian organisation. Aswellasproviding

information, there was time forquestions anda discussion.

Literaturesessions led by a librarian.

Love dinner.

Magazine– produced andpublishedby theyoung people themselves.

Filmshowings.

Aplayonthetopicof love,writtenandperformedbytheyoung people themselves.

PLANNING MODELS

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Planning 39

For a numberof years, work was done at Henriksdal Youth Club on monthly topics

such as exercise,health, sexualityandpersonal relationships.Theobjectivewasto

give young people the opportunity to discuss issues and topics of relevance to

them.Thebasic intentionbehindopen activities is to focuson spontaneousdiscus-

sions and theneeds ofyoung people.Workinggroupsmadeup of4 –5youngpeople

and one leader were responsible for various topics. The role of the adults was to

provide inspiration and support and to help the young people complete their task,

from the basic concept to the finished result.

Girls evenings and guys evenings are part of a third model adopted at Henriksdal

YouthClub. This concept wassuggested by the young people at a generalmeeting.

The guys were responsible for the food and entertainment one evening, and the

girls reciprocatedat a later date.

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40 Planning

Man in Focus

– KSF High School

The High School of the Stockholm Consumers’ Cooperative Society (KSF High

School) isan independent school that takesstudents fromalloverSweden andcur-

rently has just 200 students. The school strives togive students a rounded view of

life, andat least50per centofall teaching issubject-integrated.Traditional teaching

in classes is often superseded by investigative, problem-based methods in project

form. The school has been working activelywith health, sexuality and personal re-

lationships for five years now.

InYear1, allstudents createa personal health profile inwhich theydiscuss theirown

lifestyles, including informationondiet,sleep,stressandsoon.This workis followed

up by theme days in which students hold discussions in smaller groups.

In Year2, attempts have been made to incorporate a coherent project periodentitled

Man in Focus , takingplaceover four weeks.Over this period, studentswork on the

project 2.5 to3 daysa week, including at least one day ona weekend.Every week,

thestudentsaregiven new questions onethics, morals, relationshipsandlife ingen-eral todiscuss, investigateandreporton.Confidence-inspiring discussions insmall

groups of just students and of students and adults are important for this work.

Structure

The idea behind the project is to stimulate students and persuade them to think

about their ownsituations. Theteachers will perform small sketcheson thetopic of

theweek to provide inspiration.

Week 1: Handling stress

Verais a17-year-oldgirl whosimplycan’t keep upwith thedemandsfromherparents,

boyfriend, friends,sports training, school andpart-timejob. Whatshouldshedo?

PLANNING MODELS

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Planning 41

Week 2: Alcohol, sexuality and personal relationshipsAnnagoesoff on a languagecourseabroadand meets a guy she falls madly in love

with. But she feels fat and doesn’t dare let him see her naked. But one night they

got very drunk, and she doesn’t remember exactly what happened next… Is it

okay toget drunk enough todare tobare all?

Week 3: Quality of life and lifestyles

Mr X has come from a different country, and all his friends are from that country.However, he’s beenseeinga girl fromhis new country insecret. Whatshouldhedo?

Whatwould happen if he spilled the beans? This is a tough situation for him. What

would bea good way for him to tell his mates all about her?

Week 4: More details on any topic

The students themselves can choose whatever topic they like this week. They can

choosesomething that hasn’t been discussedyet, or they canreturn to anyof the

topics already discussed for further discussion.

Methodology

All five teachers for this year act as supervisors.

External lecturers give lectures at the start of the period which could provide

students with new knowledge and perspectives. All 65 students in the year

attend these lectures.

The three topics listed are presented in sketch form by the teachers.

Reports on the investigative group work on the topic of the week are given at

the end of the week. The groups are mixed: there are eight students and one

supervisor in each group.

The single-sex groups hold discussions which start off with hot topics on re-

lationships, gender roles, the body, pornography and how to pull.

Students’health profiles are followed up by one-to-one chats about health.

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42 Planning

It’s good to run a project that appeals to Year 2 students. This is the toughest highschool year they’ll ever face: the novelty of being at high school has worn off and

doing their finals is a long way into the future. Students also think this is one of the

best things they’ve ever done.Theschool optedto link the project to itsprogramme

targets so that students can pick up study points for the work done here.


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3Self-esteem

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Self esteem 45

Self-esteem–“To love is to grow”

There’s one thing I’m quite sure of as far as self-esteem is concerned: it’s not some-

thing you get for free. Self-esteem is something you earn, fighting both with and for

yourself. Gaining self-esteem is all about finding a balance between the conflicting

parts of yourself. Between the desire to love and the pleasure of hating. Betweentenderness and fear. Between apathy and passion. Between your personal life and

your political life.

Self-esteem, self-awareness, self-confidence– these three terms are rather difficult

to define. We educators commonly use them. We use them more or less every day.

“Jane is so quiet, she’s got so little self-confidence”, we say, or “Joe has absolutely

no self-awareness”. We all agree that the most important thing of all is to enhance

students’ self-esteem.

What is self-esteem?

We have an idea of how someone with plenty of self-esteem should behave. But

what is self-esteem? I’ve tried to think which of the people around me possess this

imprecise, desirable trait. Indeed, do I possess it? Can you just have a bit of self-

esteem … or is your entire personality permeated by it? You can ask yourself:

What does self-esteem involve?

How is it apparent?

Why is self-esteem an important element of work on sexuality and personal

relationships?

How can we adults enhance young people’s self-esteem?

Fighting both with and for yourself, as I said above. But always in relation to others

as well. Relationships allow people to develop their self-esteem and see how people

perceive themselves and others; loving relationships or friendships,or relationships

with former partners, work colleagues or your own children.

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SexualitySelf-esteem can also developin sexual relationships. Sexuality is something we all

possess, and we seek it because we want it. Sometimes it involves loveas well, but

not always. Touching, kissing and gazing at one another confirms what we think.

What could be more important than that during the teenage years? Understanding

what you truly hope for–that someone else finds you attractive or lovable. Body

image is important: feeling at ease with your body helps to enhance self-esteem.

Some people are constantly searching for confirmation of their sexuality but never

find it. Probably even more common are the people whose self-esteem is rarely

– if ever– bolstered by the touch of a hand or the glance from a loving eye. There are

people who have to content themselves with admiring from a distance and longing

for the touch of skin on skin, flesh on flesh, or the people whose self-esteem has

alreadybeencrushedtosuchanextentthattheydon’tdaretomeetotherpeople.And

there are peoplewhose lovehas noname: boyswho likeboys, and girls who likegirls.

Touch is the key to life.

To love is to grow

Poet Birgitta Hjelt once wrote: “To love is to grow, and once you have love no one

can weaken you”. Self-esteem isn’t all about just what you can achieve with the

assistance of others, butalso allaboutwhat you lose through beinglet down. We’ve

all been let down at some point – it’s all part of life. Maybe it sounds strange, but I

believe that the people closest to us do sometimes have to let us down so that we

can grow into adulthood and cope with standing on our own two feet. But what

happens if you’re let down time and time again? To love is to grow, as I quoted from

Birgitta Hjelt. But to be let down time after time is to be weakened. It undermines your

self-esteem andsows theseeds of doubt. It makes youthink you’re good for nothing.

When words are no more than words. When encouragement and support are

never forthcoming. You stop trusting people. You don’t dare relate to other people.You start to respond with mistrust.

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The ability to listen

Have youever stopped to thinkhow many crucial moments we experience each and

every day in our encounters with others? There are a lot of factors which make the

struggle for self-esteem much easier. One thing I’d like to emphasise is the ability

to listen. You don’t have to spend hours listening, and you don’t have to listen to any

old thing. Sometimes just a couple of minutes is enough. Sometimes this is all you

have to give, but those few minutes can be truly vital. And vice versa, what happens

to people who don’t have the ability to listen? Anyone who practises listening also

learns to listen to themselves and to see right through empty words and manipulative

listening.

A bucketful of self-esteem

While working on this text, I’vebeen asking colleagues and friends what self-esteem

means to them. These questions have almost always led to long discussions oninternal and external influences, on upbringing, on work situations, on fears and

qualities. We’ve been unable to agree on any one definition. The only thing we’ve

managed to agree is that self-esteem is a positive trait.

Virginia Satir, one of the primary figures of family therapy, compares self-esteem to

a bucket full to different levels on different days and at different times, and the fill level

also variesfrom person to person. For some peoplethat bucket is often full to thebrim,

while for others there’s just a splash of self-esteem at the bottom most of the time.

When have you – that’s right, you reading this– felt your self-esteem to be strong?

Or, to use Satir’s metaphor; when have you felt your bucket to be full? When has it

startedto feel empty, and when has it beentoppedup? What about the young people

you know– how is it for them? What about their buckets?

When I feel secure, I can let you do anything. That’s when longing is a beautiful thing.

That’s when it’s wonderful to think about the moment when I’ll ring your doorbell and get to see you again. That’s when I feel a calm spreading throughout my entire

body, when I know that there’s one person in this whole wide world whom I love.

When all my fear of being rejected, unwanted, simply disappears – that’s when it’s

easy to live, easy to love. That’s when the love comes from deep inside me, not like

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a spell to persuade other people to like me. That’s when it’s easy to show love. I’m worth loving. But not just by anyone. Just by you. I just want to be loved by you.

From a love letter

HansOlsson

Teacher andauthorworking with school issuesat the

Swedish Association forSexuality Education.

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Feelingexcluded

Pictures and words can provide a good starting point for discussions on how it

feelsto beexcluded.You canuse thefollowing examples to get your discussion going,or you can pick your own words and pictures to suit your own particular group.

Hand out the texts, show the picture you chose, and then discuss the examples on

the basis of the young people’s own particular starting points.

Willis ata party being heldat the homeof a guy hedoesn’t know verywell.He

goes up to a group of guys and girls and tries to get in on the conversation,

but he feels nobody is taking any notice of him.

How do you think Will feels? What you think he should do?

Emma’s class is about to go a long coach trip. When Emma boards the coach

all the girls pair up straight away, leaving Emma to sit on her own. When the

girls sitting behind her start whispering and laughing, Emma thinks they’re

talking about her.

Why is being the odd one out so difficult? What can the class do to make

sure nobody feels excluded?

METHODS

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Writing exercise

This writing and discussion exercise can start off with the young people reading a

poem which you’ve chosen, either on their own or in a group. Then starta discussionon thepoem. Thefollowing questionsare examples of starting pointsyou might find

useful:

What kind of atmosphere is generated by the poem?

What does the poem say to you?

An association exercise might be suitable for the second question. Encourage theyoung people to associate freely. Then give them thetask of writing a dream letter.

This letter should contain dreams and desires. They can address their letters to

individual recipients, indicate who wrote the letter or remain entirely anonymous.

Collect in the letters and then read them out one at a time. If any of the students asks

fortheir letter notbe read out, respect that.Start a discussion on thecontent of each

letter once it’s been read out. The teacher leads the discussion. It’s important to

emphasise that no one dream or desire is worth more than any other. This exerciserequires four full-class lessons.

Everyone’s dreams and desires are different. They can be realistic or unrealistic.

In ourexperience, thediscussionson theseletters are ofteninteresting for students.

They lead to questions on sexuality, ethics and life issues in a natural way.

METHODS

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Being seen throughphotography

–using photos and videos in

groupsof girlsUsing photography and video filming allows girls to learn a trade, while at the same

time taking on board knowledge which enhances their self-esteem and self-con-

fidence. It puts them in a better position to assert themselves with boys and indicate

where their boundaries lie. It makes their own needs evident.

The girls turn the camera on themselves and the world about them. They’reallowed to experiment with both design and content in their photos.

The girls can photograph their surroundings and take self-portraits. These self-por-

traits, which ideally shouldbe taken over a fairlylong period of time, indicate change

and development. The body is an importantelement in these photos. The girls can

also photograph their families– their parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters

–in order to provide a context. Girls need to see mothers and other women as ex-

amples.

These photos will allow the girls to ask questions and look for answers about their

bodies, sexuality, love and death. Who am I? is the universal question throughout

this work.

METHODS

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4Relationships

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Infatuation, couples and sexualityIn their concern for children and young people, adults often worry about the sexual

behaviour of young people andare anxious about them embarking on sexuality too

early, before they’re mature enough to handle it. But what do the sensual and sexual

experiences of adolescence mean to the young people themselves? What

significance do those early first experiences of sexuality have as regards entering

adulthood, aiming for personal maturity? How do these affect the development ofidentity and the ability to relate to a partner?

To gain an insight into these kinds of questions, we can use the theories on psycho-

sexual development in adolescence which Charlotte Bühler, who later became

Professor of Psychology in Vienna, began formulating more than 50 years ago.

Patterns of sexual behaviour have altered since then, but her descriptions of the

psychological and social mechanisms in the sexual socialisation process of adole-

scenceareworthnoting even now. The strength in her findings lies in the fact thatthey’re based on analyses of diaries written by young people at the stage of life she

was studying. Diaries are confidantes who’ve been entrusted with innermost

thoughts and secret confessions. They bear witness to longings, desire and sen-

suality, as well as confusion, self-contempt and loneliness.

Bühler concurs with an age-old tradition and is of the opinion that every individual has

an inherent need for “completion”. This need for completion instilled in us by nature

leads to a longing for someone else when we reach adolescence. This longing is adistinctive feature of adolescence. It doesn’t involve any sexual need that has to be

met, nor does it have anything to do with finding a special person. Rather, young

girls or boys look forward to what they don’t have. Longing is an unavoidable part of

growing up. Bühler herself discusses the issue in heterosexual terms, but her

thoughts as regards longing for “something that’s missing” doesn’t mean that this

longing for completion can’t relate to someone of the same sex.

In the diaries, Bühler distinguishes between two essentially different lines of de-velopment that run throughout the years of adolescence: the emotional and the

practical side of the process of achieving psychosexual maturity. On the one hand,

young people practise their own abilities as regards romantic sensuality and feelings

of love. On the other hand, they try out sexual practice and relating their sexuality to

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another person. The emotional lineof development includesinfatuation and intimateadvances, while the practical lineincludesflirtation andsexual experiencesinvolving

the genitals.

The infatuation allows young people to practise being in love on their own without

being interrupted by the intrusion of reality. Infatuation is fuelled by distance. If the

focus of these romantic feelings comes too close, things fizzle out quickly. Theyoung

people’s own feelings are the significant feature here; they’re trying out their own

abilities to experience love for another person,rather than theirabilities to relatetoanother individual. One typical feature of infatuation is that the feelings gradually

fade without fuss.Loving, steady relationships offer opportunities for youngpeople

to practisebeing part of a couple, to learnhow to adapt to fit in with another person.

Flirtingdiffersfrom infatuationin onecrucialway. Young people whoflirt aim to ap-

proach the person they admire, and their own feelings are determined by the

reactions of that person. Flirting is how young people learn how other people

react, how to show interest. This indicates how they should behave in order to

establish contact. Sexual practice involving the genitals, such as intercourse, is

also part of this line of development.

The personality of the individual undergoes development as part of the tension

arising between the emotional and the practical lines of development. This tension

is essentially the driving force for an intensive inner life which, in adolescence, is

manifested in inner anxiety, longing and pondering on existential issues. If one line

of development is allowed scope at the expense of the other, this tension is broken

and personal development of the individual is inhibited. If practical experiences over-

shadow emotional experiences, sexual interests involving the genitals will dominate

the life of the individual.If, on the other hand, the young person in question puts off ex-

periencing sexual practice for too long, this will also have a negative impact on their

cultural and personal identity. With Bühler’s outlook, therefore, sexual experiences

coming both too early and too late could jeopardise the overall personality develop-

ment of individuals. Infatuation and feelings of love are no substitute for intercourse.Sexualpracticeis no substitute forhugs andfeelings of love. Both types of experience

are needed during the development process of adolescence. As Bühler puts it,

it’snecessarytofindthehappymediumbetweentooearly (hostile to cultural develop-

ment) and too late (hostile to personality development).

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Using Bühler’s theoretical development model as a framework for the interpretationof relevant Swedish data on sexual behaviour, we can detect a pattern indicating

howyoung peopleintegrate sexuality into their lives.They gradually gather different

types of experience of sexuality, from steady relationships to petting, necking and

intercourse to stimulation to orgasm without intercourse. From this perspective,

intercourse is one of a number of experiences of sexuality which is of significance

to the process of maturing during adolescence.

There are two types of steady relationship, one romantic and another, more mature

type. In romantic relationships, young peoplecan askeach other out, start going out

together and be an item for a few days, but prefer not to meet up on their own.

Mature steady relationships are different; here, being alone with one another is pre-

cisely what’s required. They practise the roles and expectations of being part of a

couple. Petting and necking include touching the genitals, while young people

typically lose their virginity having vaginal intercourse in the missionary position,

with the girl on her back and the guy on top.

Young people have those first early experiences of intercourse for their own sake,

rather than to promote their relationships. All they’re interested in is their own

experiences of how intercourse feels. Once they’ve found that out and start to

familiarise themselves with the experience, intercourse can gradually start to

become a mutual act which aims to promote the relationship. The more advanced

type of petting, which involves stimulating and being stimulated to orgasm without

intercourse,sometimes known as mutual masturbation, is– for young people– an

act which leaves them more vulnerable than intercourse in the missionary position.

This solely involves desire and pleasure.

While this gradual gathering of practical experience is taking place, the no less im-

portant development on the emotional plane is also under way. This involves young

people increasingly allowing their bodies to be touched and caressed, daring to take

off more of theirclothes. Then gradually, they also dare to sharetheir thoughts andexpress their feelings.That’s when they have the courage to talk to theirpartner about

whatthey think, what they feel about what they’re doing or would like to do together

sexually.

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When individuals feel they’re familiar with a new experience of sexuality and knowhow their own bodies and souls feel, they then feel mature enough to move on to

the next step on the typical ideal pathway of development and experience. This is

the customary pattern of the sexual socialisation process of young people. That’s

not to say that this dominant pattern is “true” of each and every individual. A non-

conforming minority group,more boys than girls, characterised by an extensive sex

life with frequent intercourse and lots of sexual partners, is a recurring finding in

studies of adolescent sexuality. But for adults who meet young people every day as

part of their jobs, Bühler’s approach to knowledge can provide assistance and

support when it comes to acting as a sounding boardfor young girls or boys. It can

help enhance understanding of the role of sexuality in the process of maturing

during adolescence.

Young people are hardly unconventional in their behaviour when approaching sex-

uality. They admire, fall in love and become sexually active as is expected of them.

But once they’ve had their first early experiences of sensuality and sexuality whichtie in with both the emotional and the practical line of development, that’s when

they’re mature enough to start experimenting with their sexuality, to try out sexual

variations and new things such as oral and anal sex.

As far as education is concerned, the importance of mixing theory with practice is

emphasised. This is also how sexuality is incorporated in the lives of young people.

Together with friends at the same development phase, they test standards, values

and knowledge which they’ve gleaned from the adult world against their own per-sonal reality. When developing towards adulthood and their own personal and sex-

ual identities, they constantly reinterpret knowledge and experiences and arrange

them into new structures of understanding. Teaching on sexuality and personal

relationships offers golden opportunities to support young people in their attempts

to learn how to handle their own sexuality as a means of promoting both their own

wellbeing and enriching one-to-one relationships.

Gisela Helmius

Midwife, PhD, Sociology

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Write about someone you admireThis method is ideal for use in language classes.

Set the young people the task of writing about a woman they admire, followed bywriting about a man they admire. These texts will give rise to a lot of thought and

discussions. While the young people choose the men and women they admire,

their values as regards what’s seen as masculine and feminine will be revealed.

End the exercise with a discussion. Here are some examples of issues to discuss:

Do the men and women in the texts have anything in common?

Is there any difference in the people admired by the guys and the girls?

METHODS

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Advice columnsNewspapers and magazines include material which can stimulate a lot of discus-

sion on issues relating to sexuality and personal relationships. We’ve selected two

such letters by way of example.

Hi,

I’m a 17-year-old girl and I’m wondering what to do about jealousy. I’m incredibly

jealous. When my boyfriend looks at other girls, I either get really annoyed or sulk

for the rest of the day. There’s no reason for me to sulk, but I do anyway. Hope you’ve

got some advice for me, because all my boyfriends think this is a right pain and end

up finishing with me. I’m engaged now and want my relationship to last.Looking for advice

Could I have chlamydia?

My girlfriend’s been unfaithful and told me all about it. She’s always honest and she

told me the bloke used a condom. How much of a risk is there of her getting chla-

mydia if that bloke had slept with somebody who was infected? I’m also wondering

how much time you should leave between actually having sex and getting tested so

as to be sure of an accurate result.

Worried 20-year-old

Common core questions and problemsin advice columns

How do I show my feelings?

What should I do to make my relationship last?

Needing to be with someone but being afraid of intimacy.

The fear of being dumped or dumping someone else.

METHODS

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Poor self-confidence.

How do you finish with someone nicely?

Fear of rejection, “getting your fingers burned”.

What should I do to make sure I’m good enough?

The three-step methodStep 1:

Ask the young people to choose a number of advice letters

from various newspapers and magazines.

Step 2:

Get the young people to write their own answers to the letters.

Step 3:Discussion base

Documents

The Main Thread - a handbook on sexuality and personal relationships from Lafa.pdf