©2014FocusontheFamily

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FocusontheFamilyisaglobalChristianministrydedicatedtohelpingfamiliesthrive.TheyprovidehelpandresourcesforcouplestobuildhealthymarriagesthatreflectGod’sdesignandforparentstoraisetheirchildrenaccordingtomoralsandvaluesgroundedinbiblicalprinciples.

PRAISEFORTHEMARRIAGESERIES

Weoftenhearthattheinstitutionofmarriageissuffering.Butthereisgoodnews,too!Bysubmittingtheir

relationshipstoGodandseekingouttherightresources,marriedcouplescanknowwhatitmeanstotrulythrive.That’swhatFocusontheFamily’sMarriageSeriesisallabout.Whetheryou’reinasmallgroup,amentoringrelationship,oryoujustwanttostudyasacouple,thisseriescantransformyourmarriageforthebetter.

JimDalyPresident,FocusontheFamily

Astrongmarriageisthecornerstoneofastronghome,andastronghomeisthecornerstoneofstrongchurchesandcommunities,aswellasournation.TheseBiblestudies

coverthepertinentareasofmakingmarriagesthrive,andIhighlyrecommendthemwhetheryouarenewlymarriedor

seasoned.

Dr.TonyEvansSeniorPastor,OakCliffBibleFellowshipAuthor,KingdomManandKingdomWomanMarriageisanamazingadventure—filledwithexcitement,joyand

challenges.FocusontheFamily’sMarriageSeriesexaminesGod’sgiftofmarriageinallofitswonderfuldimensions.Iconsideritaprivilegetobeinvolvedwiththis

importantsetofrelationship-strengtheningresources.

Dr.GregSmalleyVicePresident,FamilyMinistries,FocusontheFamilyInadayandagewherethecovenantofmarriageissoquicklytossedasideinthenameofincompatibilityandirreconcilabledifferences,amarriageBiblestudythatisbothinspirationalandpracticalisdesperatelyneeded.TheFocusontheFamilyMarriageSeriesiswhatcouplesareseeking.IgivemyhighestrecommendationtothisBiblestudyseries

thathasthepotentialtodramaticallyimpactandimprovemarriagestoday.Marriage

isnotsomuchaboutfindingtherightpartnerasitisaboutbeingtherightpartner.ThesestudiesgivewonderfulbiblicalteachingforhelpingthosewhowanttolearnthebeautifulartofbeingandbecomingallthatGodintendsintheirmarriage.

LysaTerKeurstPresident,Proverbs31MinistriesAuthor,CaptureHerHeart;CaptureHisHeart,andtheNewYorkTimesBestsellersMadetoCraveandUngluedTheFocusontheFamilyMarriageSeriesisjustwhatthedoctorordered:It’stimelyandtimeless—chock-fullofgroundedinformationandtoolseverycouplecanputintopractice

immediately.Youwon’twanttomissoutonthisincredibleresource.

Drs.Les&LeslieParrottAuthors,SavingYourMarriageBeforeItStartsInmy31yearsasapastor,I’veofficiatedathundredsofweddings.Unfortunately,manyofthoseunionsfailed.IonlywishtheFocusontheFamilyMarriageSerieshadbeenavailabletomeduringthoseyears.WhatamarveloustoolyouaspastorsandChristianleadershaveatyourdisposal.Iencourageyoutouseittoassistthoseyouserveinbuildingsuccessful,

healthymarriages.

H.B.London,Jr.PastortoPastorsEmeritus,FocusontheFamily

ThismarriagestudyseriesispureFocusontheFamily—reliable,biblicallysoundanddedicatedtoreestablishingfamilyvaluesintoday’ssociety.Thisserieswillnodoubthelpamultitudeofcouplesstrengthentheirrelationship,notonlywitheachother,butalsowithGod,thecreatorof

marriageitself.

BruceWilkinsonAuthor,SecretsoftheVine,ALifeGodRewards,DreamGiverandtheNewYorkTimesBestsellerThePrayerofJabezLookingforaprescriptionforabetter

marriage?You’llenjoythistimelyandpracticalseries!

Dr.KevinLemanBestsellingAuthor,SheetMusic:UncoveringtheSecretsofSexualIntimacyin

Marriage

TableofContents

Cover

TitlePage

CopyrightPage

PraiseforTheMarriageSeries

ForewordbyGaryT.SmalleyandGregSmalley

Introduction

SessionOne:GreatExpectations—Genesis1:27Godhasaneternalpurposeformarriage.

SessionTwo:TheDivineTriangle—Genesis2:24-25Truehappinessandfulfillmentinmarriagecomesfromathree-wayrelationship.

SessionThree:TheGreatAdventure—Genesis1:28Godgavethefirstcoupleworktodo,andHeprovidedalltheyneeded.

SessionFour:AWalkintheGarden—Genesis3:8-9WecanwalkwiththeLordGodinintimaterelationship—asindividualsandasacouple.

Leader’sDiscussionGuide

Notes

BackAds

BackCover

Foreword

FocusontheFamily’sTheFamilyProjectisthelargestsingleinitiativeintheministry’shistory.Itisdesignedtoaddressthequestionofwhethertheinstitutionsofmarriageandfamily,asGodcreatedthemandexplainstheminScripture,arestillbestforhumanhealthandhappiness.Inadayandagewhentheseinstitutionsseemtoundergoconstantredefinition—andwhendivorceandthecomplexitiesofdailylifearetakingadevastatingtollonmarriageandfamily—weneedtoaskwhatGodhadinmindwhenHemadetheminthefirstplace.TheFocusontheFamilyMarriageSeriesisakeyresourcein

thatinitiative.BasedonthebookYourMarriageMasterpiece,thisserieslooks“behindthecurtain”ofhistory.OtherpartsoftheprogrammakethecasethatmarriageandfamilyreflectthenatureofGodHimself;thisserieslooksingreaterdetailatthemanyaspectsthatmakeupthedivinemasterworkthatisthemarriagerelationship.FocusontheFamilyiswellknownandrespectedworldwide

foritssteadfastdedicationtopreservingthesanctityofmarriageandfamilylife.Thisseriesiswellwritten,biblicallysoundandrightontargetforguidingcouplestoexplorethefoundationGodhaslaidformarriageandtoseeHimastherolemodelfortheperfectspouse.Throughthisseries,seedswillbeplantedthatwillgerminateinyourheartandmindformanyyearstocome.Inourpractical,bottom-lineculture,weoftenwanttojump

overthewhyandgetstraighttothewhat.Wethinkthatbydoingthesixstepsorlearningthefiveways,wewillreachthegoal.Butdeep-rootedgrowthisslowerandmorepurposefulandbeginswithawell-groundedunderstandingofGod’sdivinedesign.Knowingwhymarriageexistsiscrucialtomakingthehow-tosmoreeffective.MarriageisagiftfromGod,auniqueanddistinctcovenantrelationshipthroughwhichHisgloryand

goodnesscanresonate,andonlythroughknowingthearchitectandHisplanwillmarriagesbebuiltonthesurestfoundation.Godcreatedmarriage;Hehasaspecificpurposeforit,and

HeiscommittedtofillingwithfreshlifeandrenewedstrengtheachunionyieldedtoHim.Godwantstogathertheheartsofeverycoupletogether,unitetheminloveandwalkthemtothefinishline—allinHisgreatgraceandgoodness.MayGod,inHisgrace,leadyouintoHistruth,strengthening

yourlivesandyourmarriage.

GaryT.Smalley

SmalleyInstituteandBestsellingAuthor

GregSmalleyVicePresident,FamilyMinistry,FocusontheFamily

Introduction

AtthebeginningofcreationGod“madethemmaleandfemale.”“Forthisreasonamanwillleavehisfatherandmotherandbeunitedtohiswife,andthetwowillbecomeoneflesh.”Sotheyarenolongertwo,but

one.Mark10:6-8

TheMasterpieceMarriagecanbeusedinavarietyofsituations,includingsmall-groupBiblestudies,SundaySchoolclasses,counselingormentoringsituations.Acouplecanalsousethisbookasanat-homemarriage-buildingstudy.Eachofthefoursessionscontainsfourmaincomponents.

SessionOverview

TillingtheGroundThisisanintroductiontothetopicbeingdiscussed—commentaryandquestionstodirectyourthoughtstowardthemainideaofthesession.

PlantingtheSeedThisistheBiblestudyportioninwhichyouwillreadScriptureandanswerquestionstohelpdiscoverlastingtruthsfromGod’sWord.

WateringtheHopeThisisatimefordiscussionandprayer.Whetheryouareusingthestudyathomeasacouple,inasmallgrouporinaclassroomsetting,talkingaboutthelessonwithyourspouseisagreatwaytosolidifythetruthandplantitdeeplyintoyourhearts.

HarvestingtheFruitAsapointofaction,thisportionofthesessionofferssuggestionsonputtingthetruthoftheWordintoactioninyourmarriagerelationship.

SuggestionsforIndividualCoupleStudy

Thereareatleastthreeoptionsforusingthisstudyasacouple.

Itmaybeusedasadevotionalstudythateachspousewouldstudyindividuallythroughtheweek;thenonaspecifiedday,cometogetheranddiscusswhatyouhavelearnedandhowtoapplyittoyourmarriage.Youmightchoosetostudyonesessiontogetherinaneveningandthenworkontheapplicationactivitiesduringtherestoftheweek.Becauseoftheshortlengthofthisstudy,itisagreatresourceforaweekendretreat.Takeatripawayfortheweekend,andstudyeachsessiontogether,interspersedwithyourfavoriteleisureactivities.

SuggestionsforGroupStudy

Therearemanywaysthatthisstudycanbeusedinagroupsituation.Themostcommonwayisinasmall-groupBiblestudyformat.However,itcanalsobeusedinanadultSundaySchoolclass.Howeveryouchoosetouseit,therearesomegeneralguidelinestofollowforgroupstudy.

Keepthegroupsmall—fivetosixcouplesisprobablythemaximum.Askcouplestocommittoregularattendanceforthefourweeksofthestudy.Regularattendanceisakeytobuildingrelationshipsandtrustinagroup.Encourageparticipantsnottoshareanythingofapersonalorpotentiallyembarrassingnaturewithoutfirstaskingthespouse’spermission.Whateverisdiscussedinthegroupmeetingsistobeheldinstrictestconfidenceamonggroupmembersonly.

Thereareadditionalleaderhelpsinthebackofthisbook.

SuggestionsforMentoringorCounselingRelationshipsThisstudyalsolendsitselfforuseinrelationshipswhereonecouplementorsorcounselsanothercouple.

Amentoringrelationshipcouldbearrangedthroughasystemsetupbyachurchorministry:Acouplethathasbeenmarriedforseveralyearsisassignedtomeetonaregularbasiswithayoungercouple.Alessformalwaytostartamentoringrelationshipisforayoungercoupletotaketheinitiativeandapproachacouplethatexemplifyamature,godlymarriageandaskthemtomeetwiththemonaregularbasis.Orthereversemightbeamaturecouplethatapproachesayoungercoupletobeginamentoringrelationship.

Whenaskedtomentor,somemightshyawayandthinkthattheycouldneverdothat,knowingthattheirownmarriageislessthanperfect.Butjustaswearetodisciplenewbelievers,wemustlearntodisciplemarriedcouplestostrengthenmarriagesinthisdifficultworld.TheLordhaspromisedtobe“withyoualways”(Matthew28:20).Beforeyoubegintomentoracouple,firstcompletethestudyyourselves.Thiswillservetostrengthenyourownmarriageandprepareyouforleadinganothercouple.Bepreparedtolearnasmuchormorethanthecouple(s)youwillmentor.

TheFocusontheFamilyMarriageSeriesisbasedonAlJanssen’sTheMarriageMasterpiece,aninsightfullookatwhatmarriagecan—andshould—be.Inthisstudy,wearepleasedtoleadyouthroughthewonderfuljourneyofdiscoveringthejoyinyourmarriagethatGodwantsyoutoexperience!

GREATExpectations

SoGodcreatedmaninhisownimage,intheimageofGodhecreatedhim;maleand

femalehecreatedthem.Genesis1:27

ImaginethatyouareplanningatripfromyourhometotheNorthPole.First,youdustoffyourgearandgetitready.Thenyoupurchaseadditionalsupplies,makingsuretorunthroughyourchecklistseveraltimestobesurethatyouhaveeverythingyouneed.Finally,youarereadytoembarkonyourjourney.Nowimaginethattheonlyflawinyourcarefullypackedgear

isafaultycompasswhichleadsyouinadirectionjustonedegreeoffyourintendedcourse.Atfirsttherewouldnotbeanynoticeableerror;youwouldcontinueyourrouteandenjoythescenery.Eventually,though,youwouldrealizethatyourdestinationisnotinsightandthatyourimperfectcompassreadinghadledyoutoanotherplace—oneyouhadn’tplannedonvisiting!Insomewaysourlives,andparticularlyourmarriage

relationships,canexperienceasimilarproblem.Westartoffrunningwithwhatseemstobecalculatedperfection.Wehavealltherighttools,knowalltherightlingoandbeginthejourneywithdecidedconfidenceandboundlessenergy.Thensomewherealongthelinewefindourselvesoffcourse,andwe

wonderwhathappened.Wearen’twherewethoughtwe’dbe—andwedon’tknowwhy.

TillingtheGroundGreatmarriagesstartbydiscoveringGod’splan.

WhydidGodcreatemarriage?Whatisthiscovenantrelationshipallabout?Whatisthefinaldestinationforahusbandandwife?

Bydefiningourexpectationsforamarriagerelationship,allowingGodtofinetuneourdesirestoHis,harmonizingwithHispurposesandwill,notonlycanwearriveattherightplace,butwecanalsoenjoythetrip!

1.Asyouweregrowingup,whatwasyourgeneralopinionofmarriage?

2.Beforeyouweremarried,whatdidyouexpectyourmarriagewouldbelike?

3.Afteryouweremarried,howdidyourexpectationschange?

4.Howdidyourexpectationsmeetwithyourexperience?

5.Inyouropinion,whatistheultimatepurpose,orthefinaldestination,formarriage?

6.Fromyouranswersabove,identifyyourtopthreemarriageexpectations.

7.Whatwouldyousayyourspouse’stopthreemarriageexpectationsmightbe?

Mostlikely,noneoftheexpectationsyoulistedareunrealistic.Butifwewanttocomprehendthetruepurposeofsomething,whyitwasinvented,whatwecanexpectittodoandhowitbestworks,wefirstshouldlookattheinventor.Likewise,ifwewanttounderstandthepurposeofmarriage—itsdivinedesign—thenweneedtogototheonewhodesignedit:God!

PlantingtheSeed

Expectation—HopeonaRope

Expectationislikeacompassthatdetermineshowweaddresstheday-to-daychoicesoflifeand,ultimately,whichdirectionwearewalking.TheHebrewwordfor“expectation”istiqvah,whichisalsotranslated“hope.”Itliterallymeans“somethingyearnedfor;somethingforwhichonewaits.”Interestingly,theoriginalmeaningcomesfromawordthatmeans“tostretchlikearope.”[1]

8.Whatdoesthe“scarletcord”(or“rope,”dependingonyourBibletranslation)inJoshua2:17-21remindyouof?(SeealsoExodus12:22-23;1Corinthians5:7;1Peter1:19.)

Rahab’sscarletropewasherhope—heranticipationofsalvationinthefaceofdestruction.Shehungthatcord—tiqvah—inherwindow,believingthatGodwoulddeliverherandherfamily,andHedid.IntheNewTestament,thewordtranslatedeither

“expectation”or“hope”means“aconfidentexpectationbaseduponsolidcertainty.”[2]Biblicalhopeismuchmorethanwishfulthinking;itisaropeattachedtoastakethat’sbeen

drivenintotherock—astandoffaiththatfindsitsstrengthinthepromisegiver.WecanhavestronghopeandwecanexpectgoodthingsbecauseGodisourhope!

9.Whatdoeachofthefollowingversessayabouthope?

Psalm71:5

Proverbs23:18

Jeremiah29:11

Romans15:13

Colossians1:27

Hebrews10:23

10.FromtheseScriptures,howwouldyoudefinehope?

11.Howshouldhopeaffectyourlife?

Okay,okay—you’reprobablythinking,Whatintheworlddoesthishavetodowithmarriage?Well,notonlydoestheBiblehavemuchtosayaboutourexpectations,butalsoitspeakstotheprimarytopicathand:thewhyofmarriage.Let’sdiscoverGod’sexpectationforthisamazingunion.

AGlimpseofGlory

TheBiblehasalottosayaboutmarriage—itspurposeanditsdestination.Asyouworkthroughthissection,thinkabout

God’sdesignforthemarriagerelationship.Genesis1-2revealsGodasthecreatoroftheworldand

everythinginit.ReadthefirsttwochaptersofGenesis;thenrereadtheversesasdirectedandanswerthequestionsforeach.

12.AccordingtoGenesis1:3,6,9,14,20,24,howdidGodcreatethethingslistedintheseverses?

13.AccordingtoGenesis2:7,whatisdifferentaboutthewayGodcreatedman?

14.WhatdoesthefactthatGodpersonallymadethefirstmanandthefirstwoman,usingHisownhandstoformthemandbreathingHisverylifeintothem,saytoyouabouttheuniquenessofyouandyourspouse?

Itisoftensaidthatartreflectslife.ThisistrueabouttheworldaroundusandisalsotrueaboutGod.HiscreationisanexpressionofHisheart—andrevealssomethingaboutwhoHeis.

15.HowdothefollowingversesunderscorethepointthatcreationrevealsGod?

Psalm19:1-4

Romans1:20

We’venotedthat,ofallGod’screation,humankindisHiscrowningachievement—Hismostvaluedhandiwork.BecausehumansweremadealivebyGod’sSpirit,wearespiritualbeingswiththeabilitytorelatetoGodlikenootherpartofcreationcan.

WehearthepleasureofGodaseachlayerofcreationisbroughtforthinprecisionandbeauty—light,sky,land,stars,plantsandanimals:“Godsawthatitwasgood”(Genesis1:4,9,12,18,21,25).ButafterHemademan,Hisjoywasdoublyevident:“Godsawallthathehadmade,anditwasverygood”(Genesis1:31).

It’saFact!IntheoriginalaccountofcreationfromGenesis1-2,adamisnotjustthepersonalnamefortheman,Adam,butitcanalsomean“humanbeing”or“humankind,”whichclearlyincludesbothmaleandfemalepeople.

WehaveseenfromtheBiblethatallofGod’screationisareflectionofwhoHeis,asignpostandatestimonytoHisgreatglory,wisdomandcreativity.NowconsiderHisapexcreation:bothAdamandEve.Theyweresouniquelydesignedthatthey,whenrightlyunited,couldbettertestifytothenatureofGodthanthemostperfectsunriseorthemoststrikingmountainskyline.Boththemanandthewomanareneededtorevealthetrue

natureofGod.Theultimategoalofmarriage—God’sexpectationforit—isthereflectionofHisimage.AlthoughourhumansinfulnessdisallowsthefullcharacterofHisglorytoberevealed,ashusbandandwifewearethemostsuitedtoexemplifytheOnewhomadeus(eveninlightofourapparentdepravity).

16.HowmightJohn13:34-35and17:23relatetounityinmarriageasareflectionoftheimageofGod?

Throughtheunionofmarriage,wecanreflectaglimpseofthegloryofGodtotheworldaroundus.Thisisourbrightesthopeandourgreatestexpectation:tobringthemessageofGod’sloveandredemptiontotheworld.JesusHimselfsaidthatitwasthroughourloveandthroughourunitythattheworldwouldbedrawntoHim.Wemostoftenassumethatthisloveandunityprimarilyoccursinourdailyrelationshipwithothers.Withoutadoubtitdoes,butwhenyouthinkabouttheheartof

GodrevealedthroughHiscreationoftheworldandofmankind,whereisthefirstpictureoftrueunity?Itisinthecreationofthemankind—maleandfemale.Godwantsloveandunityexpressedmostfullyintheunique,divinerelationshipbetweenamanandawomanthatwecallmarriage.Marriageisallaboutoneness—beginningwhenGodremoved

Adam’sribtoformEveandthengaveEvetoAdamsothattheycouldbecomeonefleshagain.Thisonenessisnotanendinandofitself,however,andthisiswhereourexpectationscomein.Whenweexpectthattheprimarypurposeofmarriageisself-

fulfillmentandpersonalhappiness,wemissitshigherpurposeandsetourselvesupfordisappointmentandheartache.Withoutadoubt,marriageisaplaceofdeepintimacyandjoy—unlikeanyotherrelationshipwecanenjoyhereonEarth.Yetthisfulfillmentandjoy,thissecurityandcompanionship,aremerelytheby-productsofmarriage’shighestpurpose:onenessthatreflectstheonenessofGodHimself,revealingHisdesiretobeonewithus.

17.WhatdothefollowingversessayaboutGod’spurposeformarriage?

Matthew19:4-6

Ephesians5:31-32

ItisGod’sexpectationthatthroughthelovesharedbyahusbandandwife,bothwouldbetterunderstand—anddemonstratetotheworld—theirFather’sloveforthem.Marriage,likeallothercreation,ismeanttodrawoureyestoGod.

WateringtheHope

Takesometimetoreflectonwhatyou’velearnedaboutGod’sexpectationsformarriage.

18.Reviewtheexpectationsyoulistedatthebeginningofthissession.Inlightofwhathasbeenshared,haveyourexpectationsofwhatmarriageisallaboutchangedatall?How?

19.DoyouagreethatthehighestpurposeofmarriageisthereflectionofGod’sglory?Whyorwhynot?

20.Whatexpectationsmightstrengthenamarriagerelationship?

21.HowmightseekingGod’sexpectationsforyourmarriageactuallyleadtogreaterself-fulfillment?

Often,toomuchemphasisisplacedonromanticfeelingsoflove.Whenfeelingsaregone,peopleassumethattheloveisgonetooandthuslookforitelsewhere.

22.HowcanabetterunderstandingofGod’sexpectationformarriagegivecouplesastrongpointofhopefortheirrelationships?

HarvestingtheFruitThebiblicalbasisformarriageisrelationshipbetweenahusbandandwifethatleadsboththeirheartstodeepercommunionwithGod.Wemustrealignourheartstothebiblicalexpectations.

Godcreatedmarriage.Godgavemarriageadivinepurposeandgoal.

GodmeantmarriagetobeareflectionoftheonenessHedesirestohavewithus.

Planaspecifictimeinthenextweekduringwhichyouwillreviewthevowsyoumadeatyourwedding.

23.Whatdidyoupromisetoeachother?

24.Whatdoyouexpectfromeachotherinlightofthevowsyoumade?

25.HowdoesyourmarriagerelationshipreflectsomethingofGod’snatureand/orgiveglorytoHim?

26.WhatisoneattitudeoractionthatyouneedtochangeinordertobegintofulfillGod’spurposeforyourmarriage?

PraytogetherthatGodcontinuestoopenyoureyestoHisdivinedesignforyourmarriage.AskHimforHisguidanceandblessingtohelpyoualignyourownexpectationsformarriagetoHis.

THEDivineTriangle

Forthisreasonamanwillleavehisfatherandmotherandbeunitedtohiswife,andtheywillbecomeoneflesh.Themanandhiswifewerebothnaked,andtheyfeltno

shame.Genesis2:24-25

Youhaveprobablyheardthesaying,Two’scompany;three’sacrowd.Thismaybetrueinsomesituationsbutnotinamarriage!InamarriagerelationshipthatworksthewayGoddesigned,twocanbedifficult,butthreeistrulydivine.Truehappinesscomesfromthethree-wayrelationshipbetweenaman,awomanandGod.OurhighestfulfillmentinmarriagecomeswhenGodisinvitednotonlytobeapartoftheceremonybutalsotobetheever-present,all-sustainingstrengthoftherelationship.

TillingtheGroundHaveyoueverwatchedsomeonebraidarope?Loosefibersaretwistedtogetherinanendlessstreamofbendingandstretching.Theendresult:onecordwhosestrengthfarsurpassestheindividualstrands.Twostrandsalone,eveniftwistedwithconsiderableforce,willeventuallybreakor

unravel,butthreestrandscanbewovenintosomethingremarkablystronganddurable.Inmuchthesameway,youandyourspouseareuniquestrands,eachbringingtoyourrelationshipthevariousstrengthsandgiftingsGodgaveyou.WithGodasthethirdstrandinthecordofyourmarriage,itwillbeevenstrongerthantwoalone.Ecclesiastes4:12verifieswhatweknowtobetrue:“Acord

ofthreestrandsisnoteasilybroken.”Wewanttohaveastrongmarriage.Wewanttorestconfidentlyinthedurabilityofourrelationship.Howcanwedothis?OnewayistostrengthentheindividualstrandsandthensubmitthemincommittedfaithtotheOnewhoholdsallthingstogether.

1.Inthepastweekhowhaveyouandyourspousewitnessedthetruththat“acordofthreestrandsisnoteasilybroken”?

2.Inwhatwayhaveyouexperiencedthefraying,unravelingorevenbreakingofyourcord?

PlantingtheSeed

IntheBeginning

TakeamomenttoconsiderthelifeAdamandEvehad.Adam,createdbythehandandbreathofGod(seeGenesis2:7),isplacedintheGardenofEdenandgiventhechargeto“workitandtakecareofit”(v.15).Walkingthroughthepristinebeautyofthenewlycreatedworld,namingtheanimals,talkingdailywithGod,livingfreefromtheharnessofsinorselfishness,Adamhadagoodlife!Butitwasnotenough;Godhadmoreinmind.

3.WhatdidGodsayaboutAdam’sstateofsinglenessinGenesis2:18?

4.HowdidGodanswerthisneedinverses21-22?

5.HowdoesthefactthatGodchosetocreateEveoutofAdam’sownrib(seev.22),insteadofbyHiswordorfromthedustoftheground,pointtoGod’spurposeformarriage?

6.SinceAdamandEvedidnothaveearthlyparents,whatissignificantabouttheinstructiongiveninGenesis2:24?Whatdoesthisstatementunderscoreaboutthefundamentalstructureofmarriage?

JesusreferstoGenesis2:24-25asthefoundationalpointforunderstandingGod’sintentformarriage.ReadMatthew19:4-6.Thinkaboutthephrase“whatGodhasjoinedtogether.”Marriageismuchmorethantwopeoplechoosingtosharealastnameandabankaccount.ItisadivinerelationshipwhereGodHimselfknitsamanandawomantogetherforthepurposeofbeingone.InGod’seyes,itisapermanentbondingoflives.

7.InwhatwayshaveyouseenGodworkinginyourmarriagetobringyouandyourspouseclosertogether?

Godobviouslyfeltthatmanneededwoman,thatthechargetotendthegardenwouldbebetterdonewiththeaidofanother,soHegaveEvetoAdam.Thisisn’ttosaythatsinglepeoplearesomehowincomplete,butitdoespointtothetruththatGod’sdesignforthefullestopportunityfortheexpressionofHisgloryistobeinthejoiningofamanandawomaninmarriage.WithHisongoingguidanceandpresence,theywillgrowtogetherandrevealHisimagetotheworldaroundthem.WithGodastheinitiatorandsustaineroftheirrelationship,AdamandEvewouldnotonlycarefortheworldGodmadebutenjoyitaswell.Butittakesallthreetomakethishappen:theman,thewomanandGod.

StrengtheningtheStrands

Ifourindividuallivesarestrongandhealthy,thenwearemorelikelytoenjoyastrongandhealthymarriage.Thestrengthofthethreefoldcordisdependentuponeachstrand.Thisdoesn’timplythata“perfect”husbandanda“perfect”wifeequalaperfectmarriage,orthatifyouandyourspousearen’tstrongstrands,thenyourmarriageisboundtounravel.WhatisdoesmeanisthataseachoneseekstheLord,surrenderinghisorherownlifetoHisever-refiningmercy,thecordbecomesmoreandmoreaboutHim,andmoreandmoredurableandsecure.God’sgraceisonlyseenwhenwefaceourcomplete

inadequacyandaskforHispowertodowhatwearepowerlesstodoforourselves.Itisone’spersonalcommitmenttoChrist,toaconsistentdevotionallifeandtoongoingsurrendertoone’sspousethatmakesmarriageadivinetriangleofblessing.

GreatMarriagesBeginwithPersonalCommitmentstoJesusChristJesusChrististheonlydoortoapersonalrelationshipwithGod.WhenwesurrenderourlivestoHislordship,HerestoresustorightrelationshipswithHim.Thispavesthewaytorightrelationshipswithothers.

8.ReadandsummarizeRomans3:23.

SalvationbeginsbyunderstandingthatwehavesinnedandfallenfarshortofGod’sperfectplanforourlives.Wearelostinourownrebellionandcannotsaveourselvesnomatterhowhardwetry.

9.WhatdoesRomans6:23sayabouttheresultofsinandwhatGodofferstous?

ThegoodnewsisthatGodsentHisonlySon,JesusChrist,toprovideuswithcompleteredemptionfromsin.Jesus’sinlesslifeandHisdeathforoursinsprovidesalvationforallwhowillbelieve:“ForGodsolovedtheworldthathegavehisoneand

onlySon,thatwhoeverbelievesinhimshallnotperishbuthaveeternallife”(John3:16).

10.WhatdoesRomans10:9-13sayabouthowtoexpressbeliefinJesus?

BecausesalvationisagiftofferedbyourgraciousGod,ouronlyresponseistograciouslyreceiveit.

11.CanyousaywithconfidencethatJesusisyourLord?

Yes No

12.Describeyoursalvationexperience.

IfyouhaveneveracceptedJesusChristasSavior,won’tyouconsiderreceivingHimbyfaithrightnow?TheBibleisclear:WhenwecometotheLord,Hewillreceiveus.Takeamomentandconsiderthetruthsthathavebeendiscussedhereandwhatyoumustdoinresponse.

GreatMarriagesAreStrengthenedbyConsistentPersonalDevotionAcommitmenttoChristmustbeencourageddailythroughgooddevotionalhabitsthatincludeBiblereading,prayerandfellowshipwithotherbelievers.

13.WhatdoRomans15:4and2Timothy3:16-17sayaboutthepurposeforreadingGod’sWord?

14.WhatdoesPhilippians4:6-7tellyouabouttheresultofprayer?

15.AccordingtoHebrews10:24-25,whyisitimportanttomeettogetherwithotherChristians?

16.Whichofthesethreespiritualhabitsareyoupresentlypracticingonaregularbasis?

Whichdoyouneedtoaddtoyourdailyactivities?

GreatMarriagesEndureThroughOngoingPersonalSubmissionKeepingyourpersonalrelationshipwithChriststrongandevergrowingwillaffordyouthegraceandstrengthneededtopouryourselfintothelifeofyourspouse.IndividualsubmissiontoGodandthentoeachotheristhesecrettoenjoyingthisdivinetriangle.Ephesians5:21-33providestheguidelinesforsubmissionto

oneanother.

17.Whatdoesitmeanto“submittooneanotheroutofreverenceforChrist”(v.21)?

18.Inyourmarriage,isthereamutualsubmissiontoeachotherbecauseofyourpersonalcommitmentstoGod?Givearecentexampleofhowyouhaveshownsubmissiontoyourspouse.

Howhasyourspouserecentlyshownsubmissiontoyou?

HowhaveyourecentlyshownsubmissiontoGod?

19.HowhasyourmarriagebeenaffectedbynotsubmittingtooneanotheroutofreverenceforChrist?

20.InEphesians5:22-24,whatspecificallyisthewifetoldtodo?Whatisthemodelofsubmissionusedintheseverses?

21.Whatdoessubmissionmeantoyou?

Isawife’ssubmissionlicenseforherhusbandtobecomethedictatoroftherelationship?Explainyouranswer.

Inanactoffaithandtrust,wivessubmittotheirhusbands.BecauseofthemutualsubmissionfirsttotheLordandthentoeachother,awifevoluntarilytakesaplaceundertheshelterofthehusband,notasaninferior,butasasuitablehelper.

22.AsyoureadEphesians5:25-28,noteversebyversethemannerinwhichthehusbandistorespondtohiswife.

Verse25

Verse26

Verse27

Verse28

Thehusbandrespondstothewife’ssubmission,notbyassertinghisauthorityandlordingoverher,butbylayingdownhislifeforher,committinghimselffullytoherwell-beingandsuccess.

23.SummarizeEphesians5:29-33.

24.InwhatwaysisChrist’slovereflectedtoothersthroughyourmarriage?

MarriageismeanttobeanechoofanevengreaterrelationshipthatexistsbetweenChristandtheChurch.ItistheonenessseeninahealthymarriagethatoffersaglimpsetotheworldaroundusoftheultimateonenessoftheLordandHisBride,theChurch.Whenmarriageisfoundeduponthesetruths,itcanaccomplishGod’sgreaterpurpose,revealingthroughtheunionapictureofwhatitmeanstobeonewithGod.

WateringtheHopeMarriageismeanttobeadivinetrianglereflectingthegraceandgloryofGod:amanandawomanboundtogetherbytheverylifeofGodHimself.ItisauniqueanddistinctrelationshipcreatedandsustainedbytheSpiritoftheLord.

25.(Forwives)Howdoyouliveoutthecommandtosubmittoyourhusband?Whatspecificactionsshouldyoutakeonadailyandweeklybasistodemonstrateyourrespect(seeEphesians5:33)forhim?

Daily Weekly

26.(Forhusbands)Howdoyouliveoutthecommandtoloveyourwifeas“Christlovedthechurch”(v.25)?Whatspecificactionsshouldyoutakeonadailyandweeklybasistodemonstrateyourloveforher?

Daily Weekly

HarvestingtheFruitAhusbandandwifehavethedivineopportunityandcallingtoshowforththenatureofGodinauniqueanddistinctway.SurrenderingtoGod’sdesignformarriagemeansthatwearenolongerfocusedonfindingpersonalhappiness.Instead,weturnourgazeupontheOnewhoisbothourdesireanditsfulfillment.Joinedinmarriage,unitedbyGod’sSpirit,ahusbandandwifearetrulyfreetohonorGodandeachother.

27.Describethefirsttimeyoumetyourspouse.

28.Whatdidyoulikemostaboutyourspousewhenyoumet?

29.Wasthereaspecificmomentwhenyouknewthatheorshewasthepersonwithwhomyouwantedtosharetherestofyourlife?

30.Lookingback,describehowGodworkedinyourlivestobringyoutogether.

31.Inwhatwayshasyourmarriagebeenatwo-personrelationship?

32.Inwhatwaysmightitbeaone-personrelationship?

33.WhatareasneedtobebroughtbacktotheLord,invitingHimtoweaveHisgraceandjoybackintotheropeofyourmarriage?

Asacouple,writeoutapurposestatementforyourmarriagebaseduponthetruthsdiscussedinthissession.Askyourselves,WhatisGod’sdesignforourmarriageandhowwillitreflecttothosearoundustheultimatedesireofGodforonenesswithHispeople?

Haveyouevermadeanopencommitmenttoyourspousetoplacehisorherneedsaboveyourown,upholdinghisorherinterestsandseekinghisorherbest?Makethatcommitmentnow,andprayerfullyaskGodto

helpyoumaintainyourcommitmentstoloveandrespectoneanotherandtosubmittooneanotheroutofreverenceforChrist.

THEGreat

AdventureGodblessedthemandsaidtothem,“Befruitfulandincreaseinnumber;filltheearthandsubdueit.Ruleoverthefishoftheseaandthebirdsoftheairandovereverylivingcreaturethatmovesonthe

ground.”Genesis1:28

IpictureAdamandEveintheGardenofEden.Theyareyoung,alivewithenthusiasmforthenewworldaroundthem,dailydiscoveringwithdelightthewondersofGod’shandiwork,marvelingandrejoicinginthediversebeautyandintricatepatternsoflifearoundthem.Anditsoundslikefun.I,however,wakeup,showeranddress,kissmyspouseand

kidsgood-byeandheadoutforanotherdayatwork.Ireturnhomeeacheveningandmy“other”jobbegins:Icleanorfixthosethingsthatneedmyattention,takecareoftheyards,paythebills,helpwithhomework—anythingIcandotobealovingpartnertomyspouseandtobeagoodparenttomychildren.Don’tgetmewrong—Ilovemylifeandallthechallengesit

brings.Butinthehustleandbustleofdailylife,Imissthatrawpleasureofdiscoveringtheworldaroundme.IforgetthatthesameintricatebeautythatawedAdamandEveisatmy

fingertipstoo.Instead,everynight,Ipullthecoversovermyhead,sleepaheavysleepandprepareforanotherday.

TillingtheGroundThescenarioI’vejustdescribedisnotwhatGodintended.WemisstheboatentirelyifwethinkthatHemeantonlyforAdamandEvetoliveinwide-eyedwonderattheworldaroundthem.Godwantsus,togetherasamanandwomanjoinedbydivinedesign,toenjoyagrandandwonder-filledexistence.LikeAdamandEve,weweremadetosharealifemarkedbytrueaweofGod’spresenceandpower.SodowedropeverythingandrunthroughfieldsofwildflowersuntilJesuscomesback?No.ThegreatestadventurewecanexperienceasacoupleistosurrenderourlivesandmarriagetothewillofGodandlabortogethertoseeHispurposesaccomplished.Fromthesmallesttaskswefacetothegreatest,GodhasgivenusachargetoworktogetherforHisglory.

1.Listsomeofthejobsyouhaveheld.

2.Whichoneofyourjobswasthemostenjoyable?Why?

3.Whichwasthemostdifficult?Why?

4.Describeyourperfectjob.

5.Describeyourspouse’sperfectjob.

GodgaveAdamandEvethesamejobthatHegivestoeachcouplewhohassurrenderedtoHiswill.Weweremadetolabortogetherinlove.Weweren’tcreatedtoblindlyrunonthehamsterwheelofourlivesdayinanddayout—Godwantsustoawakentolife’sgreatadventure!

PlantingtheSeedKidsliveforsummervacation—twomonthsoffreedomfromwork.Theycanhangoutwithfriends,stayuplateandnoteventhinkabouthomework,teachersandtests.Vacationsaregreat;everyoneneedstimeofffromtheroutinetoberefreshed—butlivingforourvacationtimeisnotGod’sintentionforus,anddoingsoonlybreedsdiscontentmentanddistressinourdailylives.GodwantsustoseetheworktowhichHecallsusasaplace

ofdivinewonderandexcitement.Godcreatedwork;itwasHisidea.ThelabortowhichHecallseverylivingbeingisnotajailsentencetobeenduredbut,rather,achancetousegiftsandtalentswe’vebeengiveninGod-honoringandheart-satisfyingservice.Workisagift.WelaborbothindividuallyandasacouplewithourultimategoalbeingtoenjoyGodandbringHimglory.

6.AccordingtoGenesis1:28and2:15,whatwastheworkGodcalledAdamandEvetodo?

ItisimportanttonotethatGodcalledbothAdamandEvetoworktogetherinthesepursuits.Althoughweeachhavespecificresponsibilities,themajortasksetbeforeusisstillajointeffort,requiringthesupportandencouragementofboththehusbandandthewife.

BeFruitful

God’sfirstdirectivetoAdamandEvewastobefruitful.Godexpectsthesamefromustoday.HavingbeenmadeinGod’simage,weare,bynature,creativebeings—designedtobefruitful.ButwhatdoesHiscommandtobefruitfulmean?Thelogicalconclusionwecometowhenwefirstthinkabout

God’scommandtoreproduceisthatitmustmeanhaving

children.Afterall,weweremadetobereproductiveandcreativebeingswhohavebeengiventhecapacitytogeneratenewlife.However,somecouples—whetherbychoiceorcircumstance—maynothavechildren,buttheycanstillbefruitfulbybringingorguidingothersintoGod’sfamily.WearecallednotonlytoraiseupchildrenwhoserveandfollowtheLordbutalsotoallowGod’sgracetouseourmarriagestoseeddivinepurposeintothelivesofthosearoundus.Asinstrumentsofgrace,wearemeanttotouchotherswithGod’sdivineblessing.AsacoupleunitedbyGod,youandyourspousearecalledtoworktogethertoreproduceGod’sblessingsinthelivesoffriendsandfamily.

7.Nametwopeoplewhohavehadapositivespiritualimpactonyourlifeasamarriedcouple.Whatdidthesepeopledothathadsuchanimpact?

8.HowisGodusingyourlivestotouchthosearoundyou?

9.Nametwopeople(besidesyourownchildren)whoselivesyoucanimpactasacouple.

10.Howcanyougoaboutreachingouttothesepeople?

RuleandSubdue

AdamandEvehadtoruleoverfishandfrogs;wehavecomputersandcarsandjobsandbudgetsandsportsandministriesandcommunityserviceprojectsandqualityfamilytime—andthelistgoesonandon.Butstopandthinkforaminuteaboutthiscommandtorule.

Theearthwasmadeforpeopletodiscoverandenjoy—andtosubdue.Now,morethanever,itseemsthatpeoplearebeingsubduedbythepressingneedsaroundthem,ratherthansubduingthoseneedsandbringingthemundercontrolasGodcommanded.Subduingmeanssimplybringingthingsunder

authority.MarriedcouplesmustprioritizetheirlivessothateverythingisbroughtundertheauthorityoftheScriptures.

11.Listtheactivitiesinatypicalweek(includingwork)foryouandyourspouse.

12.Lookingbackoveryourlist,whatarethemostimportantthingsyoudoinaweek—thingsthatmakeaneternaldifference?

13.Whatcouldyouchangetoseethattheseeternalvaluesaremorereadilyapartofyourweeklyroutine?

WorkandUpkeep

Ifyouhaveeverplantedagarden,youknowtheexhaustinglaboritrequires:preparingtheground,devisingawateringsystem,sowingtheseed,etc.Andjustwhenyouthinkeverythingisdone,yourealizethattheworkisnotover—infact,itneverwillbedone!Agardenrequiresweeding,watering,feeding,pruningand

cleaninguptokeepithealthyandfruitful.Ourlives,andespeciallyourmarriagerelationships,needongoingattentionandcare,too,ortheycanfallintodullroutinethatisaslifelessasitisunfruitful.

14.WhatdoyoudotoencourageyourwalkwithGoddaily?Weekly?

15.Whatdoyoudotocultivateyourmarriagerelationshipdaily?Weekly?

ThemostrelentlessanddestructiveweedsinamarriagearelackofpersonaldevotiontoGod,selfishnessandfailuretocommunicatewell.Thecommonstrainsoftheseweedsmustbe

attentivelywatchedforandpluckedoutassoonastheyarenoticed.

16.Whataretheweedsyouhavestruggledwithinyourmarriage?

17.Whatcanyoudotouproottheseweeds?

Nomatterwhatourvocation,thechargeisclear:Befruitful,subduethethingsthatpullyouawayfromdevotiontoGodandtoeachother,anddailycareforeachother.Marriageismeanttobeasharedadventure,ajoyousandexcitingjourneyofdiscoveryoftheamazingworldGodcreatedforus.HewantsustowalktogetherwithHim!Dullroutinewasneverpartoftheplan.

WateringtheHopeLaboringtogethertakesthecommonbondthatahusbandandwifesharethroughtheirmarriageandaddstoitacommonpurpose.Joinedbydivinedesign,knittogetherasone,marriageisaplaceofstrengthandsecuritylikenootherrelationshiponEarth,ablessingtoberelishedandenjoyed.Wecanworktogether,laboringforGod’spurposestobeaccomplishedinus.Whenwesubdueourschedulesandtameouractivities,wehavetheenergyandabilitytoreachouttootherswiththeloveofGod.

18.Ifmarriedlifeismeanttobeagreatadventure,whydoesitsooftenseemtogetstuckinadullroutine?Whathappensthatleadsacoupleawayfromwide-eyedwonderandintostoicroutine?

19.Ifacouplegetsstuckinaroutine,howcantheybecomerenewedwithenthusiasmforGodandforeachother?

20.HowhasGodusedyourlifeasamarriedcoupletoreflectHisglorytoothersinyourcommunity?

Yourchurch?

Yourfamily?

21.Whatareasareyourstrongpointsasamarriedcouple?

22.Whatareasareyourweakpoints?

ItisimportanttoperiodicallytaketimetoassesshowGodhasspecificallygiftedbothofyoutoserveothers.AskforHishelpasyouorderyourlivessothatHispurposesarebeingaccomplishedinandthroughyouasacoupleandasindividuals.

HarvestingtheFruitThecenterpieceoftheGardenofEdenwasthetreeoflife.Thistreewastheplacewheredivinepresencewasasrealasthefruithangingfromthetrees.GodwantsHispresencetobethecenterpieceofourrelationshipandourwork.Here’showitworks.

WorkisagiftfromGod.WearecalledtolabortogethertoaccomplishGod’swill.MarriageismeanttobeaplacewhereGod’spurposesareworkedoutbothindividuallyandtogether.

23.Howdoesknowingthisdivineorderchangeyourviewofwork?

24.WhydidGodappointworkforAdamandEveinsteadofleavingthemtomerelyenjoyHiscreation?

25.Inwhatwaysdoesworkbenefitus?

26.Howdoesyourspouseviewhisorherwork?

HowcanyoubettersupportyourspousetoaccomplishtheworkGodhasgivenhimorhertodo?

Takeamomentandpraytogether,askingGodtorenewyourunderstandingofHispurposeforyouasacoupleandtohelpyoubegintoseeyourlivesasthegreatadventureHeintendsthemtobe.Thenbegineachdaythisweekbytakingturnspraying

God’sblessingsovereachother,specificallyintheareaofworkanddailyresponsibility.AskGodforHispresencetoguideeachofyouandforHispowertoblesseachofyourefforts.

AWalk

INTHEGardenThenthemanandhiswifeheardthesoundoftheLordGodashewaswalkinginthegardeninthecooloftheday,andtheyhidfromtheLordGodamongthetreesofthegarden.ButtheLordGodcalledtotheman,

“Whereareyou?”Genesis3:8-9

Tahiti,Maui,theFrenchRiviera,Borneo,Cancun,Venice—thesenamescommunicateplacesofsun-drenchedromanticismandcarefreerelaxation.Timelessplaceswherewearecertainthatlifeitselfmustsurelystandstill,relinquishingitsirongripandyieldingtoadeeperenjoymentofliving.Paradise!

TillingtheGround1.Describeyourideaofparadise—somewhereyouwouldbecontenttoliveforever.Whatdoesitlooklike?Whatdoesitfeellike?

2.Whatwouldyourspousedescribeashisorherparadise?

3.Whatisitabouttheseplaces(realorimaginary)thatmakesthemsodesirabletoeachofyou?

4.Whatisonethingthatwouldruinyourparadise?

Ifanycouplecouldhavelivedforeverinparadise,itwasAdamandEve.Theyhadaperfectworld:aplaceGodnotonlyprovidedforthembutinwhichHeHimselfwalkedandenjoyedHisrelationshipwiththem.Sowhathappened?Howcouldtheybediscontentedinsucha

perfectplace?

PlantingtheSeedAmajorwirelessserviceproviderranaseriesofadsinwhichthecrucialpartofanimportantconversationbecamelostormisunderstoodbecauseofscreechingstatic.Inonead,justasthemanwasaboutto“popthequestion”hisvoicewasobscuredbythesoundoffranticscratching,notunlikerunningfingernailsdownachalkboard.Needlesstosay,theconversationcametoanabrupthalt.Theseadstickledconsumers’funnybonesbecauseeveryonewhousesmoderntechnology—cellphones,computersorfaxes—canidentifywiththefailuresthathappenfromtimetotime,usuallywhenyouleastdesirethem.Thisideaofstaticinterruptionisafairlyreasonableanalogy

towhathappenedintheGardenofEden.Thingsweregoingwell—verywell.AdamandEveenjoyedthebeautifulcreationaroundthemwithGodHimselfastheirfriendandteacher.Theyhadeverythingtheycouldeverwantorneedinthisparadise—andmore.Buthavingeverythingdidn’tpreventAdamandEvefromdisobeyingGod’scommandandseveringthatlineofperfectcommunicationwiththeirmaker.Sinintroducesallkindsofstaticinourlives.Itbringsascreechingcryofselfishnessanddestructionthatwecannotrepaironourown.God’sintentionforustobecomeexpressionsoftrue

onenessinHimhasbeenobscured.Sowheredowegofromhere?

WhatHappenedintheGarden?

ReadtheaccountofwhathappenedintheGardenofEdeninGenesis3:1-24.

5.WhatwerethestepsthattheserpenttooktodeceiveEve(seevv.1,4-5)?

6.HowdidEvefallforhisdeception(seev.6)?

7.InGenesis3:5,whatdidtheserpentsaythatGodwaswithholdingfromAdamandEve?

8.WhathappenedwhenAdamandEveatethefruit(seev.7)?Didtheygetwhattheywanted?

9.AlthoughAdamtriedtoputtheblameonEve—and,ultimately,God(seev.12)—whatwashisresponsibilityintheincident?

10.WhatweretheresultsforAdamandEve,asindividualsandasacouple?

Whatweretheythinking?It’seasytocriticizethem,butweshouldn’t.Thesamethinghappenstoeachofustoo.Webuyintoalie.It’sassimpleasthat.Welingertoolongatthesuggestionofthedeceiverandbecomedeceived.Asaresult,weseekourowninterestsandceasetoacknowledgeGodascreator,kingandfriend.Adamshouldhaverecognizedthedangerimmediatelyand

steppedinastheGod-ordainedruleroftheearth.Afterall,itwasAdamwhoreceivedtheinstructionsfromGodandwas

thereforeresponsibleforseeingthattheywerefollowed.AdamwascommandedandgiftedbyGodtoruletheearthandtosubdueit,yetbynotassertingHisGod-givenauthority,hehandeditover—andwithoutafight.Eveshouldhavequestionedtheserpent’swordsbygoingto

AdamoreventoGod,whovisitedinthecooloftheevening!Afterall,therehadneverbeforebeenacontradictorystatementutteredinthatparadiseofEden.Shouldn’tthathaveraisedaredflag?Sowhydidn’ttheydosomething?Anything?Becauseit

requirescouragetotrust.Atthatpoint,whenAdamcouldhavehadhisgreatestmoment,hebecameacoward.AndEvedidtoo.Giventheopportunitytoobey,evenwhenshedidn’tfullyunderstand,shecavedanddecidedthatthefruit—andwhatitwouldgiveher—wastoogoodtopassup.Nocouragewasdisplayedthatday,onlycowardicethatcostthemandtheirprogenyeverything.

11.Inyourmarriagehaveyoueverbeentemptedtodosomething,eventhoughyouknewthatdoingitwouldhurtyourrelationship?Whathappened?

Thesmall,dailydecisionswemakecanaffectourrelationships.Tellingwhitelies,complainingaboutourspousetoothers,continuallybringingupourspouse’smistakes—allofthesethingscanundermineamarriagerelationship.

12.Whataresomethingsyoucanchoosetopursuethatmightbringsorrowintoyourmarriage?

WhatHappenstoUs?

TheFalldamagedouroneness.Theincredibleknittingofsouls—thetrueone-fleshunion—wasalteredand,instead,personalinterestbegantoflourish,resultinginselfishthinking,Whataboutme?SincetheFall,humanbeingshavebecome

inherentlyselfish.Selfishnessinamarriageislikecancerinabody—itwillresultindeathunlesssomethinghappenstoinvitehealing.Ifpersonalhappinessisourprimarygoalinourmarriage,we

willseektogainitandresentanythingoranyonewhoblocksourgoal.Thecallingtobecomeonenecessitatesthateachoneconsidertheother’sdesiresandneedsasmoreimportant.Jesussaidthatwearetoloveourneighbor—andthismostcertainlyincludesourspouse!—asweloveourselves(seeMark12:31).Thehusbandistoldtolovehiswifeashisownbody(seeEphesians5:28)andthat“hewholoveshiswifeloveshimself”(Ephesians5:29).Everydaytherearesituationsinamarriagethatforceboth

husbandandwifetoconfronttheirself-centerednessandchooseinsteadtoservetheotherwillinglyandjoyfully.

13.Howdoyouputyourspouse’sneedsbeforeyourown?

14.Howdoesyourspouseshowyouhisorherwillingnesstoputyourdesiresandneedsfirst?

15.Inordertoblessyourspouse,whatarewaysinwhichyoucansacrificethosethingsthatyoumaywant?

16.HowdoesservingyourspouseopenthedoortorestoringGod’soriginalintentionformarriage?

ThinkingaboutAdamandEve’sexperience,wecanseethatself-centeredactions(i.e.,choosingtoignoreGod’swillandgoourownway)producelessthanwhatwedesire.

17.Duringtheseselfishtimes,whendidyourealizethattheproblemmightbeinyouorinyourhandlingofasituationratherthanwithyourspouse?

18.Inwhatwayshaveyouactedasthebiggestobstacletoyourownself-fulfillment?

19.Whatwastheresult?

Themorewefocusonourhappinessthroughself-fulfillingdesires,thelessweareapttodiscoverwhatitiswereallywant.Servingothers—especiallyourspouses—isGod’swayofthrowinglightonthepathofourownsuccess.Itisinthiswaythathappinessisnotthepurposebuttheby-productofahealthymarriage,amarriageinthewayGodintendedittobe.Lookoverthefollowingsampleofhowonespousemight

havechartedthehighandlowpointsintheirmarriage:

MarriageChart(Sample)

10 X X X9 X X8 X X7 X65 X432 X1*

Year1

Year2

Year3

Year4

Year5

Year6

Year7

Year8

Year9

Year10

*Inthespacestotheright,fillintheyears,months(ifmarriedlessthan3years)orgroupsofyears(ifmarriedmorethan12years).

MilestonesinOurMarriageYear1: Newlyweddedbliss!Year2: Boughtourcondo—alittlestressful,butworthit.Year3: Anunexpectedbutwelcomesurprise!Year4: Johnlaidoff—decidedtofinishhisdegreeandworkpart-time.

Year5: Atoughyearfinancially—weatelotsofmacaroniandcheese!Year6: Johngraduatedschoolandthetwinswereborn!Year7: AgreatnewjobofferandJohn’snewcareerbegan.Year8: Babynumberfourarrived!Soldthecondoandboughtahouse.Year9: Thingsbegantosmoothoutfinancially.Year10: Renewedourvowsandcelebratedbytakingahoneymoon

cruise!

Nowchartyourmarriageintermsofitshighandlowpoints.Usethespacesprovidedtonotethemilestoneeventsthattriggeredthehighandlowpoints.

MarriageChart

10987654321

*Inthespacestotheright,fillintheyears,months(ifmarriedlessthan3years)orgroupsofyears(ifmarriedmorethan12years).

MilestonesinOurMarriage_________: ____________________________________________: ____________________________________________: ____________________________________________: ____________________________________________: ____________________________________________: ____________________________________________: ____________________________________________: ____________________________________________: ____________________________________________: ___________________________________

Manycouplesfeelthattheirmarriageshouldbeacontinuousrisefromglorytoglorywithtotalpersonalsatisfactionandhappinessenvelopingeverydailyactivity.Buttherealityisthatmarriageisadynamicrelationshipthatebbsandflowsthroughmanyseasons,someofwhicharewonderfulandfulfillingandothersthatareexactingandfrustrating.Butthecommonbondthroughitallisthis:Ahusbandand

wifearejoinedbyGodinauniquebondandaresuitableforeachother.Life’supsanddownsaremeanttobeplacestodrawclosertogether,toleanharderupononeanotherandtheOnewhofashionedthebondbetweenyouandyourspouse.

20.Describeatimewhenadifficultyworkedtodrawyouclosertoyourspouse.

21.HowdidGodworkinthatcircumstancetostrengthenyourrelationship?

WhatCanWeDoNow?

AswecanseeintheresultsoftheFallasrecordedinGenesis3,sindistancesusinourrelationshipsanddamagesourabilitytoenjoymarriageasGodintended.Thisisboundtobringupfeelingsofguiltoverpastfailuresinourrelationships.Don’tlingerthereandallowthedeceivertokeepyoulockedinthepast.Godhasprovidedfullredemptionforyou.Theonlywayoutofthepaincausedbysinistoadmitthe

failure.Whenweconfessoursin,wecanreceiveforgivenessandgetourlivesbackinrightorder.God,wholovesHiscreationmorethanwecouldeverunderstand,knewwhatwouldhappenwhentheserpentfinallyfoundachancetotalktoEve.HeknewthatAdamwouldjoinherincommittingsinandthatGod’sperfectdesignfortheirliveswithGodwouldbealteredforever.ButGodhadaplan.

22.Writeout1John1:9.

Everypersonhasareasofweaknessandwillfailfromtimetotime,allowingthestaticofsintocreepbackin,clutteringtheintentionsofGodforourwell-beingandgrowth.TheansweristolayourweaknessesatthefootofthecrossbeforetheChristwhoboreoursininHisownflesh.

23.AccordingtoIsaiah53:3-5and1Peter2:24,whatdidJesusChristbearsothatwemightbefreedfromourdebtofsin?

SurrenderingyourweaknessesandfrailtiestoGodallowsHimtopourHisgraceintoyou.Weaknessisnotashameoradefect;itisanopportunitytomakeanhonestassessmentofyourselfandtoinviteGodtofillthegapsandstrengthenthebondbetweenyouandyourspouse.

24.Whatdoes2Corinthians12:9sayaboutweakness?

25.Whathasbeenthemostchallengingareaofweaknessinyourmarriage?

26.WhatspecificwayscanyouinviteGod’sgraceintothatareaofweakness?

WateringtheHope

27.HowdidtheFallaffectthemarriagerelationship?

28.Inwhatwayshaveyouseenselfishnesscreepintoyourownmarriagerelationship?

29.Explainwhyyouagreeordisagreewiththefollowingstatement:Ifmarriageisaboutpersonalhappiness,thenitisjustifiabletodivorcewhenyouarenolongerhappy.

30.Howdoesplacingyourspouse’sdesiresandneedsaboveyourownprovideawayforyoutoexperiencepersonalfulfillment?

HarvestingtheFruitAfterGodcreatedAdamandEve,Hedidn’tleavethemtofendforthemselves.HewalkedwiththemintheGardenofEden,meaningforthisthree-wayrelationshiptobethecouple’ssourceofdailystrengthandguidance.Itislikewiseforus:Goddoesn’tjustjoinustoourspousein

marriageandthenleaveustoworkouttheparticularsonourown.HedesignedamarriagerelationshiptoincludeHimself.EachmarriagepartnerneedstheongoinginfusionofGod’spresencetogrowmoreintimate,notonlywitheachother,butalsowiththeLord.Itwouldbegreatifthestoryhadendedsomethinglikethis:

AdamandEveenjoyedtheirdailyvisitswithGod,growingintheirunderstandingofHiswaysandofnaturethroughthecreationaroundthem,whiledeepeningtheirownloveandunionintheprocess.Unfortunately,thesinofAdamandEvestolethisamazing

gift,anditseffectshavefiltereddowntoeveryhumanlifeandrelationshipsincethen.Becauseoftheirsin,ourthree-wayrelationshipwithGodwasmarredandneededtheredemptionthatcouldonlybefoundthroughthesacrificeofthelamb,ourredeemer,JesusChrist.ThroughJesus’deathforoursinsandHisresurrection,God

providedawayoutofthismessandwecanonceagainwalkwithGodinintimaterelationship—bothasindividualsandasacouple.Chooseatimethisweektoservecommuniontoeachother.

Readthroughthefollowingpassages;thenasyoupartakeofthebreadandthewine(orgrapejuice),rememberthatGodhascommittedHimselftoyouandyourspouse,bothas

individualsandasacouple—anditisHisdesiretoseeyousucceed.

Matthew26:26-29Mark14:22-24Luke22:19-201Corinthians11:23-25

Aftersharingcommunion,taketurnsprayingforeachotherandpraisingGodforbringingyoutogetherinHisultimatewisdomandplan.

LEADER’S

DiscussionGuide

GeneralGuidelines

1.Ifatallpossible,thegroupshouldbeledbyamarriedcouple.Thisdoesnotmeanthatbothspousesneedtobeleadingthediscussions;perhapsonespouseisbetteratfacilitatingdiscussionswhiletheotherisbetteratrelationshipbuildingororganization—buttheleadercoupleshouldshareresponsibilitieswhereverpossible.

2.Atthefirstmeeting,besuretolaydownthegroundrulesfordiscussions,stressingthatfollowingtheseruleswillhelpeveryonefeelcomfortableduringdiscussiontimes.a.Nooneshouldshareanythingofapersonalorpotentiallyembarrassingnaturewithoutfirstaskinghisorherspouse’spermission.

b.Whateverisdiscussedinthegroupmeetingsistobeheldinstrictestconfidenceamonggroupmembersonly.

c.Alloweveryoneinthegrouptoparticipate.However,asaleader,don’tforceanyonetoansweraquestionifheorsheisreluctant.Besensitivetothedifferentpersonalitiesandcommunicationstylesamongyourgroupmembers.

3.Fellowshiptimeisveryimportantinbuildingsmall-grouprelationships.Providingbeveragesand/orlightrefreshmentseitherbeforeoraftereachsessionwillencourageatimeofinformalfellowship.

4.Mostpeopleliveverybusylives;respectthetimeofyourgroupmembersbybeginningandendingmeetingsontime.

HowtoUsetheMaterial

1.Eachsessionhasmorethanenoughmaterialtocoverina45-minuteteachingperiod.Youwillprobablynothavetimetodiscusseverysinglequestionineachsession,soprepareforeachmeetingbyselectingquestionsyoufeelaremostimportanttoaddressforyourgroup;discussotherquestionsastimepermits.Besuretosavethelast10minutesofyourmeetingtimeforeachcoupletointeractindividuallyandtopraytogetherbeforeadjourning.OptionalEight-SessionPlan—Youcaneasilydivide

eachsessionintotwopartsifyou’dliketocoverallofthematerialpresentedineachsession.Eachsectionofthesessionhasenoughquestionstodivideinhalf,andtheBiblestudysections(PlantingtheSeed)aredividedintotwoorthreesectionsthatcanbetaughtinseparatesessions.

2.Eachspouseshouldhavehisorherowncopyofthebookinordertopersonallyanswerthequestions.Thegeneralplanofthisstudyisthatthecouplescompletethequestionsathomeduringtheweekandthenbringtheirbookstothemeetingtosharewhattheyhavelearnedduringtheweek.However,therealityofleadingsmallgroupsinthisday

andageisthatsomememberswillfinditdifficulttodothehomework.Ifyoufindthattobethecasewithyourgroup,consideradjustingthelessonsandhavingmemberscompletethestudyduringyourmeetingtimeasyouguidethemthroughthelesson.Ifyouusethismethod,besuretoencouragememberstosharetheirindividualanswerswiththeirspousesduringtheweek(perhapsonadatenight).

SessionOne GreatExpectations

ANotetoLeaders:ThisBiblestudyseriesisbasedonTheMarriageMasterpiecebyAlJanssen.Wehighlyrecommendthatyoureadtheprologueandchapters1through5inpreparationforleadingthisstudy.

BeforetheMeeting

1.Gathermaterialsformakingnametags(ifcouplesdonotalreadyknoweachotherand/orifyoudonotalreadyknoweveryone’sname).AlsogatherextrapensorpencilsandBiblestouseasloanersforanyonewhoneedsthem.

2.Provide3x5-inchindexcardsforrecordingprayerrequests.3.Readthroughyourownanswersandmarktheonesthatyouespeciallywanttohavethegroupdiscuss.

4.Prepareslipsofpaperwiththereferencesfortheversesthatyouwillwantsomeonetoreadaloudduringthesessions.(Forexample,PlantingtheSeed’squestion9,youmaywanttohavesomemembersreadtheverseslistedbeforetheysharewhattheversessayabouthope.)Youcanpassouttheseslipsasmembersarrive,butbesensitivetothosewhoareuncomfortablereadingaloudorwhomightnotbefamiliarwiththeBible.

IceBreakers

1.Ifthisisthefirsttimethiscouplesgrouphasmettogether,haveeveryoneintroducethemselvesandtellalittlebitabouttheamountoftimetheyhavebeenmarried,wheretheyweremarried,etc.

2.Invitecouplestoshareafunnythingthathappenedattheirweddingorahow-we-metstory.

3.Option—Havememberssharetheiranswerstoquestion1inTillingtheGround—abouttheirchildhoodexpectationsofmarriage.

Discussion

1.TillingtheGround—Beginthediscussionbyinvitingvolunteerstosharetheiranswerstosomeofthequestions.(Questions1,2,5and6areprobablybestforgroupdiscussion.Besensitivetothetime,asyouwillwanttospendmostofyourdiscussiontimeonthenexttwosections:theBiblestudyandapplication.)

2.PlantingtheSeed—LeadthegroupthroughtheBiblestudydiscussion,brieflyreviewingthecommentaryastransitionsbetweenthequestions.Refrainfromreadingthecommentarywordforword,exceptwherenecessaryforclarity.

3.WateringtheHope—ThequestionsinthissectionwillhelpmembersbringtheBiblestudyintotherealityoftheirownexpectationsversusGod’splan.Don’tneglectthispartofthestudy,asitbringthewholelessonintothehereandnow,applyingGod’sWordtoeachmember’sdailylife.

4.HarvestingtheFruit—Thissectionismeanttohelptheindividualcouplesapplythelessontotheirownmarriagesandcanbedealtwithinseveralways.a.Allowthecouplesone-on-onetimeattheendofthemeeting.Thiswouldrequirespaceforthemtobealone,withenoughspacebetweencouplestoallowforquiet,privateconversations.Ifcoupleshavealreadyansweredthequestions

individually,nowwouldbethetimetosharetheiranswers.Giveatimelimit,emphasizingthattheirdiscussionscanbecontinuedathomeiftheyarenotabletoanswerallofthequestionsinthetimeallotted.Ifcoupleshavenotansweredthequestionsbeforethe

meeting,havethemanswerthemtogethernow.Thisworksbestwhenthereisopen-endedtimeforthecouplestostayuntiltheyhavecompletedtheirdiscussionandwill

requirethattheleadersstayuntilthelastcouplehasfinished.

b.Instructcouplestocompletethissectionathomeduringtheweekafterthemeeting.Thiswillgivethemquietandprivatetimetodealwithanyissuesthatmightcomeupandtospendallthetimeneededtocompletethediscussion.Youwillwanttofollowupatthenextmeetingtoholdcouplesaccountableforcompletingthispartofthelesson.

c.Attimesitmightbeadvantageoustopairupcouplestodiscussthesequestions.Thiswouldhelpinbuildingaccountabilityintothestudy.

5.CloseinPrayer—Animportantpartofanysmall-grouprelationshipisthetimespentinprayerforoneanother.Thismayalsobedoneinanumberofways.a.Havecoupleswriteouttheirspecificprayerrequestsontheindexcards.Theserequestsmaythenbesharedwiththewholegrouportradedwithanothercoupleasprayerpartnersfortheweek.Ifrequestsaresharedwiththewholegroup,prayasagroupbeforeadjourningthemeeting;ifrequestsaretraded,allowtimefortheprayer-partnercouplestopraytogether.

b.Gatherthewholegrouptogetherandleadcouplesinguidedprayer,askingthatGodwillcontinuetoopentheireyestoHisplanfortheirmarriage.

c.Haveindividualcouplespraytogether.

AftertheMeeting

1.Evaluate—Leadersshouldspendtimeevaluatingthemeeting’seffectiveness.

2.Encourage—Duringtheweek,trytocontacteachcouple(throughphonecalls,notesofencouragementore-mail/instantmessaging)andwelcomethemtothegroup.Makeyourselfavailableforansweringanyquestionsorconcernstheymayhaveandgenerallygettoknowthem.Thiscontactmightbestbedonebythehusband-leadercontactingthemenandthewife-leadercontactingthewomen.

3.Equip—CompletetheBiblestudy,evenifyouhavepreviouslygonethroughthisstudytogether.

4.Pray—Prayerfullyprepareforthenextmeeting,prayingforeachcoupleandforyourownpreparation.

Reminder:Inyourdesiretoservethemembersofyourgroup,don’tneglectyourownmarriage.Spendqualitytimewithyourspouseduringtheweek!

SessionTwo TheDivineTriangle

BeforetheMeeting

1.GatherseveralBibles,pensorpencils,andthematerialsneededtomakenametags.

2.Provide3x5-inchindexcardsforrecordingprayerrequests.3.Readthroughyourownanswersandmarktheonesthatyouespeciallywanttohavethegroupdiscuss.

4.Prepareslipsofpaperwiththereferencesfortheversesthatyouwillwantsomeonetoreadaloudduringthesession.(Youcandistributetheseslipsasmembersarrive.)

5.Obtainthreecontrasting-coloredspoolsofsewingthread(e.g.,red,whiteandblue).Cutthethreadsinto18-inchlengths,enoughtomakeasetofsixpieces(twoofeachcolor)foreachcoupleinyourgroup.

IceBreakers

1.Ascouplesarrive,giveeachapreparedsetofthreadsandinstructthemtoplacethethreadscarefully—sotheydon’ttangle—intheirstudybookorBibleuntilthemeetingbegins.

2.Distributeindexcardsandaskmemberstoatleastwritedowntheirnames,eveniftheydon’thavespecificprayerrequests.Thisway,anothercouplecanprayforthemduringtheupcomingweek.(Afterall,justbecausewedon’thaveaspecificrequestdoesn’tmeanwedon’tneedprayer!)

3.Invitevolunteerstosharehowtheyappliedtotheirmarriagerelationshipwhattheylearnedinlastweek’ssession.Herearesomesuggestedquestionstoask:a.HowdidabetterunderstandingofGod’sexpectationformarriagegiveyouastrongpointofhopeforyourrelationship?

b.HowdidyourmarriagerelationshipreflectsomethingofGod’snatureand/orgiveglorytoHimduringthisweek?

c.Whatisonethingthatyoulearnedinlastweek’smeetingthathelpedyouunderstand(orillustrate)God’splanformarriage?

Discussion

1.TillingtheGround—Beginthemeetingwithanobjectlessonfollowedbyadiscussion.(Note:Besuretopracticetheobjectlessonbeforethemeeting!)a.Instructeachhusbandtotakethebluethread(orwhatevercoloryouchoose)andhavethewifetrytobreakit—whichwillbeveryeasytodo.Thenhavethewiveseachtakearedandwhitethreadandholdthemtogetherwhilethehusbandstrytobreakthem.Again,thisshouldbefairlyeasytodo(unlessyou’vechosenindustrial-strengththread!)Finally,instructthecouplestotaketheremainingthreethreadsandwitheachspouseholdingoppositeendsofthethreads,twistthem.Whenthethreadshavebeentwistedtogether,askthehusbandstotrytobreakthe“cordofthreestrands.”Itshouldbeimpossible(ornearlyso)todo.

b.BeginthediscussionbyinvitingavolunteertoreadEcclesiastes4:12andthenhavethosewhowishtodososharetheiranswerstoquestions1and2.

2.PlantingtheSeed—Discussquestions3through7.a.“StrengtheningtheStrands”and“GreatMarriagesBeginwithPersonalCommitmentstoJesusChrist”maybeskippedifyouaresureallofthegroupmembershavemadepersonalcommitmentstoChrist;however,don’tassumethisisthecase.Insteadyoucansimplyaskifanyonehasquestionsaboutthissectionandifanydecisionsweremade.Besensitivetothoseinyourgroupthatmayhaverecentlymade,ormightbereadytomake,acommitmenttoJesusChrist.InvitememberstotalktoyouafterwardsiftheyhaverecentlymadeorarenowreadytomakeadecisionforChrist.

b.“GreatMarriagesAreStrengthenedbyConsistentPersonalDevotion”questions13through15canbe

coveredfairlyquickly.Question16isapersonalquestionthatindividualsneedtoanswerforthemselves.

c.“GreatMarriagesEndureThroughOngoingPersonalSubmission”willmorethanlikelyprovidethemostlivelydiscussionofthissession.Therearealsoseveralpersonal-applicationquestionsinthissection;itmightbebesttoleavethepersonalquestionsforthecoupletodiscussalone.Thosequestionsreflectingonthebiblicalbasisofpersonalsubmissionwillprovideenoughmaterialforgroupdiscussion.

3.WateringtheHope—Forthisdiscussiondividethegroupbygender.Thewiveswilldiscussquestion25,andthehusbandswilldiscussquestion26.a.Afterthegroupshavehadafewminutestodiscusstheirquestion,challengethemenandwomentokeepeachotheraccountabletoshowingsubmission“tooneanotheroutofreverenceforChrist”(Ephesians5:21)andthenhavethetwogroupsprayforoneanother.

b.Encouragethementocalleachotherduringtheweekandaskhowtheyaredoinginshowinglovetotheirwives.Encouragethewomentocalloneanotherandaskhowtheyaredoinginshowingrespectfortheirhusbands.Youcanalsohavememberspairupwithasame-sexaccountabilitypartnerforthecomingweek.

4.HarvestingtheFruit—Havespousespairupandsharetheiranswerstoquestions27through33.Assigntheprojectofwritingtheirmarriagepurposestatementduringtheweekandletthemknowtheywillbeaskedtoreadtheirstatementsatnextweek’smeeting.

5.CloseinPrayer—Havecouplespraytogetherfollowingthedirectionattheendofthesession.Ascouplesleave,havememberseachselectsomeoneelse’sprayerrequestcardsothattheycanprayforthatpersonduringthecomingweek.

Reminder:Beavailableafterthemeetingtotalktoanyonewhomighthavemadearecentdecisionto

followChrist.

AftertheMeeting

1.Evaluate.2.Encourageaccountabilitypartnerstocalloneanotherduringtheweektoseehoweachisdoinginhonoringhisorherspouse.

3.Equip.4.Pray.

SessionThree TheGreatAdventure

BeforetheMeeting

1.Gatherindexcards,pensorpencils,andBibles,asneeded.2.Provide3x5-inchindexcardsforrecordingprayerrequests.3.Readthroughyourownanswersandmarktheonesthatyouespeciallywanttohavethegroupdiscuss.

4.Prepareslipsofpaperwiththereferencesfortheversesthatyouwillwantsomeonetoreadaloudduringthesession.(Youcandistributetheseslipsasmembersarrive.)IceBreakers

1.Distributeindexcardsasmembersarriveandtellthemtowritetheirfirstnamesontheircardsandalsowritewhattheyaschildrendreamedthattheywouldbewhentheygrewup.Instructeveryonetokeeptheircardstothemselves,notevensharingwhatthey’vewrittenwiththeirspouses.

2.Wheneveryonehashadenoughtimetowritetheirchildhooddream,collectthecardsandmixuptheirorder.Startingwiththetopcard,readthedreamandaskthegrouptoguesstowhomthedreambelongs.

Discussion

1.TillingtheGround—Beginthemeetingbyaskingcouplestoreadtheirmarriagepurposestatements.a.Askmemberstobrieflysharetheworstorthebestjobtheyhaveeverheld.

b.Invitevolunteerstodescribetheirdreamjob.2.PlantingtheSeed—Discussthequestions.3.WateringtheHope—Haveeachcouplepartnerwithanothertodiscussquestions18through20.Instructcouplestosharethestrengthstheyseeinthepartnercouple’smarriage.

4.HarvestingtheFruit—Havespousessharewitheachothertheiranswerstoquestions23through26.ChallengecouplestobegintodiscovertheworkthatGodhasplannedforthemtodotogether.

5.CloseinPrayer—Haveeachcouplepartnerwithanotheragaintosharewhateachhaswrittenonhisorherprayerrequestcard.Oncethey’veshared,havethempraytogether.

AftertheMeeting

1.Evaluate.2.Encouragetheprayer-partnercouplestocontactoneanotherduringtheweektoshareanswerstoprayer.

3.Equip.4.Pray.

SessionFour AWalkintheGarden

BeforetheMeeting

1.ProvidepensorpencilsandBibles,asneeded.2.Provide3x5-inchindexcardsforrecordingprayerrequests.3.Readthroughyourownanswersandmarktheonesthatyouespeciallywanttohavethegroupdiscuss.

4.Prepareslipsofpaperwiththereferencesfortheversesthatyouwillwantsomeonetoreadaloudduringthesession.(Youcandistributetheseslipsasmembersarrive.)

5.Gatherseveraltravelpostersofdesirablevacationspotsaroundtheworldandattachtheposterstothewallsaroundthemeetingroom.(Ifyouareunabletofindtravelposters,makesignswiththenamesofvacationspotsusingposterboardandfelt-tippens.)

6.Ifyouareprovidingthecommunionelementsfortheoptionalclosingactivity,preparethesebeforehand.

IceBreakers

1.Invitememberstolookatthepostersscatteredaroundtheroomandselecttheonethatbestdescribestheirfavorite(ordream)vacationspot.Havethemsharetheirreasonforselectingthatspot.

2.Havemembersdescribetheirideaofparadise.

Discussion

1.TillingtheGround—Discussquestions1,3and4.2.PlantingtheSeed—InstructmemberstoclosetheireyesandimaginewhatitmusthavebeenliketobeintheGardenofEden,atpeaceandatonewithGodandeachother.HavethemcontinuetokeeptheireyesclosedasyoureadGenesis2:4-25aloud.Invitevolunteerstosharewhattheypicturedasyouread.a.HaveavolunteerreadGenesis3:1-24.Discussquestions5through10.

b.Mostofthequestions(13through21)in“WhatHappenstoUs?”areintendedforself-evaluation.Youmaywanttoallowtimeafterthegroupdiscussionformemberstoreflectontheiranswerstothesequestions;otherwisesuggestthattheyprayerfullydosoathomeduringtheweek.ThechartsectioncouldbediscussedasacoupleduringHarvestingtheFruitorathomeduringtheweek.

c.Continuethegroupdiscussionwithquestions22through27.

3.WateringtheHope—Haveeachcouplepartnerwithanothertodiscussthissection’squestions.

4.HarvestingtheFruit—Therearetwopossiblewaystoendthissession.a.Havecouplesdiscusstheiranswerstoquestions13through21,especiallythechartandthequestionsimmediatelyfollowing.Thencloseinprayer.

b.Providetheelementsforindividualcouplestocelebratecommuniontogether.Ifyoudonotprovidecommunionelementsatthistime,urgecouplestocelebratecommunionathomeduringtheweek.

5.CloseinPrayer—Askgroupmemberstostandinacircle,andallowtimeforsentenceprayersofpraiseandworship.Closebysingingaworshipsongtogether.

AftertheMeeting

1.Evaluate—Sharetheimportanceoffeedback,andaskmemberstotakethetimethisweektowriteareviewofthegroupmeetingsandthentoreturnthemtoyou.

2.Encourage—CalleachcoupleduringthenextweekandinvitethemtojoinyouforthenextstudyintheFocusontheFamilyMarriageSeries.

Notes

SessionOne[1].JackW.Hayford,ed.,Hayford’sBibleHandbook(Nashville,TN:ThomasNelson,

1995),s.v.“hope.”[2].Ibid.