The Meaning of Life Script

8/12/2019 The Meaning of Life Script

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MONTY PYTHON'S

THE MEANING OF LIFE

FILM SCRIPT


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Into!6#tion @g6g*ingFISH %&: Moning2FISH %: Moning2FISH %+: Moning2FISH %: Moning2FISH %&: Moning2FISH %+: Moning2FISH %: Moning2FISH %,: Moning2FISH %&: Moning2FISH %+: 4hat's ne8BFISH %&: Not 6#h2FISH %.: Moning2FISH %-: Moning2FISH %,: He**o2FISH %: Moning2FISH %&: Moning2FISH %+: Moning2FISH %-: Moning2FISH %+: Moning2FISH %,: Moning2FISH %: Moning2FISH %&: Fan7 8as 6st as7ing '8hat's ne8B'2FISH %.: 4as heBFISH %&: YeahD222 h2

FISH %+: HeyD *oo72 Ho8a!'s eing eaten2FISH %: Is heB Ma7es yo6 thin7D !oesn't itBFISH %.: M2FISH %+: I eanD 8hat's it a** ao6tBFISH %.: /eats e2

Catoon @6si#SINGER: @singing 4hy ae 8e heeB 4hat's *ife a** ao6tB Is Go! ea**y ea*D o is thee soe !o6tB 4e**D tonightD 8e'e going to sot it a** o6tD FoD tonightD it's 'The Meaning of Life'2

4hat's the "oint of a** this hoaB Is it the #hi#7en an! the egg tieB Ae 8e 6st yo*7sB OD "eha"sD 8e'e 6st one of Go!'s *itt*e o7es2 4e**D a #'est *e 'Meaning of Life'2

Is *ife 6st a gae 8hee 8e a7e 6" the 6*es 4hi*e 8e'e sea#hing fo soething to sayD O ae 8e 6st si"*y s"ia**ing #oi*s Of se*f;e"*i#ating 0NA2 NayD nayD nayD nayD nayD nay2

In this '*ife'D 8hat is o6 fateB Is thee Hea1en an! He**B 0o 8e ein#anateB Is an7in! e1o*1ingD o is it too *ateB 4e**D tonightD hee's 'The Meaning of Life'2

Fo i**ionsD this '*ife' is a sa! 1a*e of teasD Sitting 'o6n! 8ith ien nothing to say 4hi*e the s#ientists say 8e'e 6st si"*y s"ia**ing #oi*s

Of se*f;e"*i#ating 0NA2 NayD nayD nayD nayD nayD nay2

SoD 6st 8hy;; 8hy ae 8e heeD An! 6st 8hat;; 8hat;; 8hat;; 8hat !o 8e feaB 4e**D #e soiD fo a #hangeD it 8i** a** e a!e #*eaD Fo this is 'The Meaning of Life'2 C'est *e sens !e *a 1ie2 This is 'The Meaning of Life'2


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Pat I: The Mia#*e of /ithANNO5NCER: Pat One: The Mia#*e of /ith2

@#*6n7 @#*6n7 @#*6n7 @#*6n7O/STETRICIAN: One tho6san! an! eight

N5RSE %&: Ms2 Mooe's #onta#tions ae oe fe6entD !o#toO/STETRICIAN: Goo!2 Ta7e he into the Foet6s Fightening Roo2

N5RSE %&: Right2 @e#iting 6si#O/STETRICIAN: Th6D th6D th6D th6D th6D th62 Th6D th62 Th62 )o**y goo!2 @6si# sto"s0OCTOR SPENSER: /6D 6D 6D 6D 6;;O/STETRICIAN: SoD it's a it ae in hee to!ayD isn't itB0OCTOR SPENSER: Yes2O/STETRICIAN: Yes2 Moe a""aat6sD "*easeD n6se: the E2E2G2D the /2P2 onitoD an! the A23232

N5RSE %&: Yes2 Cetain*yD 0o#to20OCTOR SPENSER: An!D 6hD get the a#hine that goes '"ing'2O/STETRICIAN: An! get the ost e"ensi1e a#hinesD in #ase the a!inistato #oes2 @#*6n7 @e#iting 6si# That's it2 /ing in the othe a#hines2 Right o1e hee20OCTOR SPENSER: @8hist*ingO/STETRICIAN: That's it2 )6st ehin! e2 @6si# sto"s Lo1e*y2 Lo1e*y2 )o**y goo!2 That's ette2 That's 6#hD 6#h ette20OCTOR SPENSER: YeahhhD that's oe *i7e it2O/STETRICIAN: Eehhh2 Sti** soething issingD tho6gh20OCTOR SPENSER: HBO/STETRICIAN: H2 M2 @sna"O/STETRICIAN an! 0OCTOR SPENSER: PatientO/STETRICIAN: Yes20OCTOR SPENSER: 4hee's the "atientBO/STETRICIAN: Anyone seen the "atientB0OCTOR SPENSER: PatientB

N5RSE %&: Aah Hee she is20OCTOR SPENSER: /ing it o1e hee2 @#*an7 Min! the a#hines

N5RSE %&: SoyD 0o#to S"ense2O/STETRICIAN: Coe a*ong0OCTOR SPENSER: Coe a*ong2

N5RSE %&: )6" 6" thee2 5"MRS2 MOORE: Ehh2O/STETRICIAN: Ha**o2 No8D !on't yo6 8oy20OCTOR SPENSER: 4e'** soon ha1e yo6 #6e!2O/STETRICIAN: Lea1e it a** to 6s2 Yo6'** ne1e 7no8 8hat hit yo620OCTOR SPENSER: Goo!;yeO/STETRICIAN: Goo!;ye20OCTOR SPENSER: 0i"s 6"O/STETRICIAN: Ine#tions0OCTOR SPENSER: Can I "6t the t6e in the ay's hea!BO/STETRICIAN: On*y if I #an !o the e"esiotoy20OCTOR SPENSER: O7ay2O/STETRICIAN: O7ay2 5hD *egs 6" 0o#toD #oe in2 Coe on inD a** of yo62 That's it2 )o**y goo!20OCTOR SPENSER: Coe a*ong2O/STETRICIAN: Coe a*ong2 S"ea! 'o6n! thee2 5hD 8ho ae yo6BMR2 MOORE: I' the h6san!2O/STETRICIAN: I' soy2 On*y "eo"*e in1o*1e! ae a**o8e! in hee2 A** ight2MRS2 MOORE: 4hat !o I !oB

0OCTOR SPENSER: Mh2 YesBMRS2 MOORE: 4hat !o I !oB0OCTOR SPENSER: NothingD !ea2 Yo6'e not 6a*ifie!O/STETRICIAN: Lea1e it to 6sMRS2 MOORE: 4hat's that foBO/STETRICIAN: That's the a#hine that goes '"ing'2 @"ing Yo6 seeB That eans yo6 ay is sti** a*i1e0OCTOR SPENSER: An! that's the ost e"ensi1e a#hine in the 8ho*e hos"ita*


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O/STETRICIAN: YesD it #ost o1e thee 6ates of a i**ion "o6n!s20OCTOR SPENSER: Aen't yo6 *6#7yB

N5RSE %: The a!inistato is heeD !o#to2O/STETRICIAN: S8it#h e1eything on @e#iting 6si# @"ingMR2 PYCROFT: MoningD gent*een2RAN0OM: Moning2MR2 PYCROFT: MoningD gent*een20OCTOR SPENSER: MoningO/STETRICIAN: MoningD M2 Py#oft20OCTOR SPENSER: MoningD M2 Py#oft2

MR2 PYCROFT: OhD 1ey i"essi1e2 3ey i"essi1e2 An! 8hat ae yo6 !oing this oningB @6si# sto"sO/STETRICIAN: It's a ith2MR2 PYCROFT: Aahh2 4hat sot of thing is thatB0OCTOR SPENSER: 4e**D that's 8hen 8e ta7e a ne8 ay o6t of a *a!y's t6y2MR2 PYCROFT: 4on!ef6* 8hat 8e #an !o no8a!ays2 @"ing Aah I see yo6 ha1e the a#hine that goes '"ing'2 This is y fa1o6ite2 Yo6 seeD 8e *ease this a#7 fo the #o"any 8e so*! it toD an! that 8ayD it #oes 6n!e the onth*y #6ent 6!get an! not the #a"ita* a##o6nt2 @a""*a6se Than7 yo62 Than7 yo62 4e ty to !o o6 est2 4e**D !o #ay on2

N5RSE %&: OohD the 16*1a's !i*atingD !o#to2O/STETRICIAN: OhD yesD thee's the hea!2 YesD fo6 #entietes2 Fi1e;; Si #entietes20OCTOR SPENSER: LightsO/STETRICIAN: A"*ify the '"ing' a#hine2 @"ing0OCTOR SPENSER: Mas7s 6"O/STETRICIAN: S6#tion

0OCTOR SPENSER: Eyes !o8n fo a f6** ho6seO/STETRICIAN: Hee it #oes/A/Y: @#yingO/STETRICIAN: An!222 fighten it Than7 yo62 @8ho#70OCTOR SPENSER: An! the o6gh to8e*sO/STETRICIAN: Sho8 it to the othe2 That's eno6gh20OCTOR SPENSER: Right Se!ate heO/STETRICIAN: N6e the #hi*!20OCTOR SPENSER: Meas6e itD *oo! ty"e itD an! iso*ate it @8h6"

N5RSE %&: O7ay2 @#*a" #*a" Sho8's o1e2O/STETRICIAN: )o**y goo!2RAN0OM: @6*ing 222e1eyone2O/STETRICIAN: )o**y goo!2MRS2 MOORE: Is it a oy o a gi*BO/STETRICIAN: No8D I thin7 it's a *itt*e ea*y to stat i"osing o*es on itD !on't yo6B No8D a 8o! of a!1i#e2 Yo6 ay fin! that yo6 s6ffe fo soe tie a tota**y iationa* fee*ing of !e"ession: 'P2N202'D as 8e !o#tos #a** it2 SoD it's *ots of ha""y "i**s fo yo6D an! yo6 #an fin! o6t a** ao6t the ith 8hen yo6 get hoe2 It's a1ai*a*e on /etaaD 3HSD an! S6"e Eight2 @"ing

The Mia#*e of /ith: Pat : The Thi! 4o*!ANNO5NCER: The Mia#*e of /ith: Pat T8o: The Thi! 4o*!2

@soe 6si# @a7 a7 a7 a7 a7 a7 @6a#7 6a#7 @6a#7 6a#7 6a#7 6a#7 6a#7 6a#70A0: OhD *oo!y he**2 @6a#7 6a#7 6a#7

@f86"/A/Y: @#yingM5M: OhhD get thatD 8o6*! yo6D 0ei!eB0IER0RE: A** ightD M62/A/Y: @#ying

@a7 a7 a7 a7 a7 a7 a7


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CHIL0REN: @ta*7ingM5M: No8D 8hose teatie is itBCHIL0REN: MineM5M: Coe onD no82 O6t yo6 go2 No8D 6hD 3in#entD TessaD 3a*eieD )anineD MathaD An!e8D ThoasD 4a*teD PatD Lin!aD Mi#hae*D E1a!neD A*i#eD 0oini6eD an! SashaD it's yo6 e!tie2CHIL0REN: A88D M6M5M: No8D !on't ag6e La6aD A*fe!D Nige*D AnnieD SionD Aan!aD;;0A0: 4ait I'1e got soething to te** the 8ho*e fai*y2M5M: OhD 6i#72 Go an! get the othes inD Go!on2CHIL0REN: 4hat #o6*! it eB Shhh2220A0: The i**'s #*ose! Thee's no oe 8o72 4e'e !estit6te2CHIL0REN: @ta*7ing

0A0: Coe inD y *itt*e *o1es2 I'1e got no o"tion 6t to se** yo6 a** fo s#ientifi# e"eients2CHIL0REN: @8hining0A0: NoD no2 That's the 8ay it isD y *o1es2 /*ae the Catho*i# #h6#h fo not *etting e 8ea one of those *itt*e 6e things2 OhD they'1e !one soe 8on!ef6* things in thei tie2 They "ese1e! the ight an! aestyD the ystey of the Ch6#h of RoeD an! the san#tity of the sa#aentsD the in!i1isi*e oneness of the TinityD 6t if they'! *et e 8ea one of those *itt*e 6e things on the en! of y #o#7D 8e 8o6*!n't e in the ess 8e ae no82/OY: Co6*!n't M6y ha1e 8on soe sot of "essayB0A0: Not if 8e'e going to eain ees of the fastest go8ing e*igion in the 8o*!D y oy2M5M: EhhhD he's ight20A0: Yo6 seeD 8e e*ie1e;; @"iano 6si# 4e**D *et e "6t it *i7e this2 @singing Thee ae )e8s in the 8o*!2 Thee ae /6!!hists2 Thee ae Hin!6s an! MoonsD an! then Thee ae those that fo**o8 Mohae!D 6t I'1e ne1e een one of the2

@6si#

I' a Roan Catho*i#D An! ha1e een sin#e efoe I 8as onD An! the one thing they say ao6t Catho*i#s is: They'** ta7e yo6 as soon as yo6'e 8a2

Yo6 !on't ha1e to e a si;foote2 Yo6 !on't ha1e to ha1e a geat ain2 Yo6 !on't ha1e to ha1e any #*othes on2 Yo6'e A Catho*i# the oent 0a! #aeD

/e#a6se

E1ey s"e is sa#e!2 E1ey s"e is geat2 If a s"e is 8aste!D Go! gets 6ite iate2

CHIL0REN: @singing

E1ey s"e is sa#e!2 E1ey s"e is geat2 If a s"e is 8aste!D Go! gets 6ite iate2

GIRL: @singing Let the heathen s"i** theis On the !6sty go6n!2 Go! sha** a7e the "ay fo Ea#h s"e that #an't e fo6n!2

CHIL0REN: @singing E1ey s"e is 8ante!2 E1ey s"e is goo!2 E1ey s"e is nee!e! In yo6 neigho6hoo!2

M5M: @singing

Hin!6D TaoistD MoonD S"i** theis 6st any8heeD /6t Go! *o1es those 8ho teat thei Seen 8ith oe #ae2

MEN: @singing E1ey s"e is sa#e!2 @#*6n7 E1ey s"e is geat2


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4OMEN: @singing If a s"e is 8aste!D222CHIL0REN: @singing 222Go! gets 6ite iate2

PRIEST: @singing E1ey s"e is sa#e!2/RI0E an! GROOM: @singing E1ey s"e is goo!2

NANNIES: @singing E1ey s"e is nee!e!222CAR0INALS: @singing

222In yo6 neigho6hoo!CHIL0REN: @singing E1ey s"e is 6sef6*2 E1ey s"e is fine2F5NERAL CORTEGE: @singing Go! nee!s e1eyo!y's2MO5RNER %&: MineMO5RNER %: An! ineCORPSE: An! ine

N5N: @singing Let the Pagan s"i** theis O'e o6ntainD hi**D an! "*ain2HOLY STAT5ES: @singing Go! sha** sti7e the !o8n fo Ea#h s"e that's s"i*t in 1ain2

E3ERYONE: @singing

E1ey s"e is sa#e!2 E1ey s"e is goo!2 E1ey s"e is nee!e! In yo6 neigho6hoo!2

E1ey s"e is sa#e!2 E1ey s"e is geat2 If a s"e is 8aste!D Go! gets 6ite iaaaaate

0A0: SoD yo6 see y "o*eD *itt*e ones: I #an't 7ee" yo6 a** hee any *onge2GIRL: S"ea7 6"0A0: I #an't 7ee" yo6 a** hee any *onge Go! has *esse! 6s so 6#hD I #an't affo! to fee! yo6 anyoe2

NIGEL: Co6*!n't yo6 ha1e yo6 a**s #6t offB0A0: HohhD it's not as si"*e as thatD Nige*2 Go! 7no8s a** He'! see tho6gh s6#h a #hea" ti#72 4hat 8e !o to o6se*1esD 8e !o to Hi2GIRL: Yo6 #o6*! ha1e ha! the "6**e! off in an a##i!ent2CHIL0REN: @ta*7ing0A0: No2 NoD #hi*!en2 I 7no8 yo6'e tying to he*"D 6tD e*ie1e eD222CHIL0REN: Ohh2220A0: 222e in!'s a!e 6"2 I'1e gi1en this *ong an! #aef6* tho6ghtD an! it has to e e!i#a* e"eients fo the *ot of yo62CHIL0REN: Ohh2 Oh2 Oh222

CHIL0REN: @singing o6nf6**y E1ey s"e is sa#e!2 E1ey s"e is geat2 If a s"e is 8aste!D222MR2 HARRY /LAC9ITT: Loo7 at theD *oo!y Catho*i#sD fi**ing the *oo!y 8o*! 6" 8ith *oo!y "eo"*e they #an't affo! to *oo!y fee!2MRS2 /LAC9ITT: 4hat ae 8e !eaBMR2 /LAC9ITT: PotestantD an! fie#e*y "o6! of it2MRS2 /LAC9ITT: H2 4e**D 8hy !o they ha1e so any #hi*!enBMR2 /LAC9ITT: /e#a6se222 e1ey tie they ha1e se6a* inte#o6seD they ha1e to ha1e a ay2MRS2 /LAC9ITT: /6t it's the sae 8ith 6sD Hay2MR2 /LAC9ITT: 4hat !o yo6 eanBMRS2 /LAC9ITT: 4e**D I eanD 8e'1e got t8o #hi*!enD an! 8e'1e ha! se6a* inte#o6se t8i#e2MR2 /LAC9ITT: That's not the "oint2 4e #o6*! ha1e it any tie 8e 8ante!2

MRS2 /LAC9ITT: Rea**yBMR2 /LAC9ITT: OhD yesD an!D 8hat's oeD e#a6se 8e !on't e*ie1e in a** that Pa"ist #*a"ta"D 8e #an ta7e "e#a6tions2MRS2 /LAC9ITT: 4hatD yo6 ean222 *o#7 the !ooBMR2 /LAC9ITT: NoD no2 I eanD e#a6se 8e ae ees of the Potestant Refoe! Ch6#hD 8hi#h s6##essf6**y #ha**enge! the a6to#ati# "o8e of the Pa"a#y in the i!;siteenth #ent6yD 8e #an 8ea *itt*e 6e !e1i#es to "e1ent iss6e2MRS2 /LAC9ITT: 4hat !'yo6 eanBMR2 /LAC9ITT: I #o6*!D if I 8ante!D ha1e se6a* inte#o6se 8ith yo6D222MRS2 /LAC9ITT: OhD yesD Hay2MR2 /LAC9ITT: 222an!D y 8eaing a 6e sheath o1e y o*! fe**eD I #o6*! ins6e222 thatD 8hen I #ae offD yo6 8o6*! not e i"egnate!2MRS2 /LAC9ITT: Ooh


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MR2 /LAC9ITT: That's 8hat eing a Potestant's a** ao6t2 That's 8hy it's the #h6#h fo e2 That's 8hy it's the #h6#h fo anyone 8ho es"e#ts the in!i1i!6a* an! the in!i1i!6a*'s ight to !e#i!e fo hi o hese*f2 4hen Matin L6the nai*e! his "otest 6" to the #h6#h !oo in fifteen;se1enteenD he ay not ha1e ea*ise! the f6** signifi#an#e of 8hat he 8as !oingD 6t fo6 h6n!e! yeas *ateD than7s to hiD y !eaD I #an 8ea 8hate1e I 8ant on y )ohn ThoasD222 @sniff 222an!D Potestantis !oesn't sto" at the si"*e #on!o OhD no I #an 8ea Fen#h Ti#7*es if I 8ant2MRS2 /LAC9ITT: Yo6 8hatBMR2 /LAC9ITT: Fen#h Ti#7*es2 /*a#7 Maos2 Co#o!i*e Ris2 Sheaths that ae !esigne! not on*y to "ote#tD 6t a*so to enhan#e the sti6*ation of se6a* #ongess2MRS2 /LAC9ITT: Ha1e yo6 got oneBMR2 /LAC9ITT: Ha1e I got oneB 5hD 8e**D noD 6t I #an go !o8n the oa! any tie I 8ant an! 8a*7 into Hay's an! ho*! y hea! 6" high an! say in a *o6!D stea!y 1oi#eD 'HayD I 8ant yo6 to se** e a #on!o2 In fa#tD to!ayD I thin7 I'** ha1e a Fen#h Ti#7*eD fo I a a Potestant2'MRS2 /LAC9ITT: 4e**D 8hy !on't yo6B

MR2 /LAC9ITT: /6t they;; 4e**D they #annotD '#a6se thei #h6#h ne1e a!e the geat *ea" o6t of the Mi!!*e Ages an! the !oination of a*ien e"is#o"a* s6"ea#y2NARRATOR %&: /6tD !es"ite the atte"ts of Potestants to "oote the i!ea of se fo "*eas6eD #hi*!en #ontin6e! to 6*ti"*y e1ey8hee2

Pat II: Go8th an! LeaningANNO5NCER: The Meaning of Life: Pat T8o: Go8th an! Leaning2

H5MPHREY 4ILLIAMS: 222An! s"otteth t8i#e they the #ae*s efoe the thi! ho6D an! soD the Mi!ianites 8ent foth to Ra Gi*ea! in 9a!esh /i*geathD y Sho Etha Rega*ionD to the ho6se of Gash;/i*;/eth6e*;/aJ!aD he 8ho o6ght the 6tte !ish to /a*shaJa an! the tent "eg to the ho6se of RashoonD an! thee s*e8 they the goatsD yeaD an! "*a#e! they the its in *itt*e "ots2 Hee en!eth the *esson2CHAPLAIN: Let 6s "aise Go!2 O Lo!D222CONGREGATION: O Lo!D222CHAPLAIN: 222oohD Yo6 ae so igD222CONGREGATION: 222oohD Yo6 ae so igD222CHAPLAIN: 222so aso*6te*y h6ge2CONGREGATION: 222so aso*6te*y h6ge2CHAPLAIN: GoshD 8e'e a** ea**y i"esse! !o8n heeD I #an te** Yo62CONGREGATION: GoshD 8e'e a** ea**y i"esse! !o8n heeD I #an te** Yo62CHAPLAIN: Fogi1e 6sD O Lo!D fo thisD o6 !ea!f6* toa!yingD an!222CONGREGATION: An! aefa#e! f*attey2CHAPLAIN: /6t Yo6 ae so stong an!D 8e**D 6st so s6"e2CONGREGATION: Fantasti#2H5MPHREY: Aen2CONGREGATION: Aen2H5MPHREY: No8D t8o oys ha1e een fo6n! 6ing *insee! oi* into the s#hoo* #ooant2 No8D soe of yo6 ay fee* that the #ooant !oes not "*ay an i"otant "at in the *ife of the s#hoo*D 6t I 8o6*! ein! yo6 that it 8as "esente! to 6s y the Co"oation of the to8n of S6!6y to #oeoate E"ie 0ayD 8hen 8e ty to eee the naes of a** those fo the S6!6y aea 8ho so ga**ant*y ga1e thei *i1es to 7ee" China /itish2 SoD fo no8 onD the #ooant is sti#t*y o6t of o6n!s OhD an! )en7insD a""aent*y yo6 othe !ie! this oning2 Cha"*ain2 @ogan 6si#CHAPLAIN an! CONGREGATION: @singing O Lo!D "*ease !on't 6n 6s2 0on't gi** o toast Yo6 f*o#72

0on't "6t 6s on the ae#6e O sie 6s in sto#72 0on't aise o a7e o oi* 6s O sti;fy 6s in a 8o72 OhD "*ease !on't *ight*y "oa#h 6s O aste 6s 8ith hot fat2 0on't fi#assee o oast 6s O oi* 6s in a 1atD An! "*ease !on't sti#7 Thy se1antsD Lo!D In a Rotissoat2

@s#i*e s#i*e s#i*e @!ing @!ing !ing @!ing !ingCARTER: He's #oingP5PILS: @ye**ingH5MPHREY: A** ightD sett*e !o8n2 Sett*e !o8n2

@#*6n7 No8D efoe I egin the *essonD 8i** those of yo6 8ho ae "*aying in the at#h this aftenoon o1e yo6 #*othes !o8n onto the *o8e "eg ie!iate*y afte *6n#hD efoe yo6 8ite yo6 *ette hoeD if yo6'e not getting yo6 hai #6tD 6n*ess yo6'1e got a yo6nge othe 8ho is going o6t this 8ee7en! as the g6est of anothe oyD in 8hi#h #aseD #o**e#t his note efoe *6n#hD "6t it in yo6 *ette afte yo6'1e ha! yo6 hai #6tD an! a7e s6e he o1es yo6 #*othes !o8n onto the *o8e "eg fo yo62 No8D;;4YMER: SiBH5MPHREY: YesD 4yeB4YMER: My yo6nge othe's going o6t 8ith 0i*e this 8ee7en!D siD 6t I' not ha1ing y hai #6t to!ayD si2P5PILS: @#h6#7*ing4YMER: SoD !o I o1e y #*othes !o8nD o;;


9/26

H5MPHREY: I !o 8ish yo6'! *istenD 4ye2 It's "efe#t*y si"*e2 If yo6'e not getting yo6 hai #6tD yo6 !on't ha1e to o1e yo6 othe's #*othes !o8n to the *o8e "eg2 Yo6 si"*y #o**e#t his note efoe *6n#hD afte yo6'1e !one yo6 s#i"t6e "e"D 8hen yo6'1e 8itten yo6 *ette hoeD efoe estD o1e yo6 o8n #*othes onto the *o8e "egD geet the 1isitosD an! e"ot to M2 3iney that yo6'1e ha! yo6 #hit signe!2 No8D se2 SeD seD se2 4hee 8ee 8eB @sniff 4e**D ha! I got as fa as the "enis enteing the 1aginaB @sniffP5PILS: 52 M2 @si*en#e/IGGS: NnnnoD si24ATSON: NoD si2/IGGS: NoD si24ATSON: No2P5PILS: No222

4ATSON: No2H5MPHREY: 4e**D ha! I !one foe"*ayB @si*en#eP5PILS: M2 Yeah2 Yeah2224ATSON: Yes2/IGGS: YesD si24ATSON: YesD si2H5MPHREY: AhhD 8e**D as 8e a** 7no8 a** ao6t foe"*ayD no !o6t yo6 #an te** e 8hat the "6"ose of foe"*ay isD222 /iggs2/IGGS: 5h;; 0on't 7no82 SoyD si2H5MPHREY: Cate2CARTER: Ah2 5hhD 8as it ta7ing yo6 #*othes offD siBH5MPHREY: 4e**D an!;; an! afte thatB4YMER: Ooh2 P6tting the on the *o8e "egD siBP5PILS: @#h6#7*ing @8ho"H5MPHREY: The "6"ose of foe"*ay is to #a6se the 1agina to *6i#ateD so that the "enis #an "enetate oe easi*y24ATSON: Co6*! 8e ha1e a 8in!o8 o"enD "*easeD siBH5MPHREY: Yes2 HaisD 8i** yo6B An!D of #o6seD to #a6se the an's "enis to ee#t an! ha222 !en @sniff No8D !i! I !o 1agina* 6i#es *ast 8ee7B

OhD !o "ay attentionD 4a!s8oth I 7no8 it's Fi!ay afte;; OhD 8at#hing the foota**D ae yo6 oyB Right Mo1e o1e thee2 I' 8aning yo6 I ay !e#i!e to set an ea this te24ATSON: OhD si2/IGGS: OhD si2P5PILS: OhD si222H5MPHREY: SoD 6st *isten2 No8D !i! I o !i! I not222 !o222 1agina*222 6i#esBP5PILS: M2 M2 YesD si2 YesD si2H5MPHREY: Nae t8o 8ays of getting the f*o8ingD 4atson24ATSON: R;; 6ing the #*itoisD siBH5MPHREY: 4hat's 8ong 8ith a 7issD oyB HB 4hy not stat he off 8ith a ni#e 7issB Yo6 !on't ha1e to go *ea"ing staight fo the #*itois *i7e a 6** at a gate2 Gi1e he a 7issD oy24YMER: S6#7 the ni""*eD siBH5MPHREY: Goo! Goo!2 4e** !oneD 4ye205C94ORTH: 5hD sto7ing the thighsD si2H5MPHREY: Yes2 YesD I s6""ose so2 HBP5PIL IN FRONT: OhD si2 /iting the ne#72H5MPHREY: Yes2 Goo!2 Ni*ing the ea*oeD 6hhD 7nea!ing the 6tto#7sD an! so on an! so foth2 SoD 8e ha1e a** these "ossii*ities efoe 8e sta"e!e to8a!s the #*itoisD 4atson24ATSON: YesD si2 SoyD si2H5MPHREY: No8D a** these fos of sti6*ation #an no8 ta7e "*a#eD222 @#*6n7 #*6n7 @#*6n7 @#*6n7 #*6n7 @#*6n7 #*6n7 @t8ong 222an!D of #o6seD tong6eing 8i** gi1e yo6 the est i!ea of ho8 the 6i#es ae #oing a*ong2 He*en No8D "enetation an! #oit6s;; That is to sayD inte#o6se 6" toD an! in#*6!ingD ogas2 AhD he**oD !ea2 0o stan! 6" 8hen y 8ife entes the ooD CateCARTER: OhD soyD si2 Soy2HELEN 4ILLIAMS: H6"heyD I ho"e yo6 !on't in!D 6t I to*! the Gafie*!s 8e 8o6*! !ine 8ith the tonight2H5MPHREY: Yes2 YesD 8e**D I s6""ose 8e 6st2HELEN: An! I sai! 8e'! e thee y eight2H5MPHREY: 4e**D at *east it'** gi1e e a eason to 8in! 6" the staff eeting2HELEN: 4e**D I 7no8 yo6 !on't *i7e theD 6t I #o6*!n't a7e anothe e#6se2H5MPHREY: 4e**D it's 6st that I fe*t n;; 4ye This is fo yo6 enefit2 4o6*! yo6 7in!*y 8a7e 6"B I'1e no intention of going tho6gh this a** again24YMER: Ahhh2

H5MPHREY: 5hhD 8e'** ta7e the foe"*ay as ea!D if yo6 !on't in!D !ea2HELEN: NoD of #o6se notD H6"hey2H5MPHREY: SoD the an stats y enteing;; o o6nting;; his goo! *a!y 8ife in the stan!a! 8ay2 5hD the "enis is no8D as yo6 8i** ose1eD oe o *essD f6**y ee#t2 Thee 8e ae2 AhD that's ette2 No8D;; Cate2CARTER: YesD siBH5MPHREY: 4hat is itBCARTER: It's an o#ainaD si2H5MPHREY: /ing it 6" hee2 The an no8 stats a7ing th6sting o1eents 8ith his "e*1i# aeaD o1ing the "enis 6" an! !o8n insi!e the 1aginaD so;; P6t it theeD oy2 P6t it thee on the ta*e2 @#*6n7


10/26

4hi*e the 8ife aiiJes he #*itoa* sti6*ation y the shaft of the "enis y "6shing fo8a!D;; Than7 yo6D !ea2 No8D as se6a*222/IGGS: @#h6#7*ingH5MPHREY: 222e#iteent o6ntsD 6hD;; 4hat's f6nnyD /iggsB/IGGS: 5hD;; OhD nothingD si2H5MPHREY: OhD !o "*ease shae yo6 *itt*e o7e 8ith the est of 6s2 I eanD o1io6s*y soething fightf6**y f6nny's going on2P5PIL: @#h6#7*e/IGGS: No2 Honest*yD si2H5MPHREY: 4e**D as it's so f6nnyD I thin7 yo6'! ette e se*e#te! to "*ay fo the oys' tea in the 6gy at#h against the astes this aftenoon @oi! 6si#/IGGS: OhD noD si2

@8hist*e @7i#7CRO40: @#heeing @8hist*e 8hist*e @a""*a6se/OY: Ohh AaaahhH5MPHREY: 4e** !one2 O7ay2/OYS: Ohh 56hhCRO40: @#heeing/OYS: 56hh A82 5y Ahh222 @8hist*e 8hist*e 8hist*e 8hist*e Ooh 56hh Sto" hi2 @8hist*eCRO40: @#heeing

@oo oo oo222

Pat III: Fighting Ea#h OtheANNO5NCER: The Meaning of Life: Pat Thee: Fighting Ea#h Othe2

@ooSOL0IERS: Hh2 5hh2 Loo7 o6t2 @oo 5hh2 Ahh2/IGGS: O7ay2 /*a#7ittD St6i!geD an! 4a*tesD yo6 ta7e the 6gges on the *eft f*an72 Ho!enD S"a!geD an! I222 @"8eeng 2228i** go fo the g6n"ost2SPA0GER: RightD si2/LAC9ITT: OhD hang on a ti#7D si2SPA0GER: Yeah2/LAC9ITT: Yo6'** ne1e a7e itD si2 Let 6s #oe 8ith yo62/IGGS: 0o as yo6'e to*!D an2

/LAC9ITT: Right;oD s7i""e2 @oo OhD si2 SiD222 i;; if 8e;; 8e !on't eet againD siD I'! 6st *i7e to say it's een a;; it's een a ea* "i1i*ege fighting a*ongsi!e yo6D si2/IGGS: YesD 8e**D222SPA0GER: Yeah2/IGGS: 222I thin7 this is222 @oo 222ha!*y the tie o "*a#e fo a goo!;ye s"ee#hD ehB Hah2/LAC9ITT: No2 NoD e an! the *a!s ea*ise thisD siD 6tD 8e**D222/IGGS: Ehh2/LAC9ITT: 2228e ay ne1e eet againD siD soD222 I;;/IGGS: YesD a**;; a**;; a** ightD /*a#7itt2 Than7s a *ot2/LAC9ITT: NoD ehD 6st a oentD si2SPA0GER: 06#72/LAC9ITT: Yo6 seeD222 @oo 222e an! the *a!sD 8e'1e ha! a *itt*e 8hi";ao6n!D si2 @oo 4e o6ght yo6 soethingD si2SPA0GER: Ahh2/LAC9ITT: 4e o6ght yo6 thisD si2 @#*in7 #*an7 #*in7SPA0GER: Ah2 Hhh2/IGGS: Oh2 4e**D i;; I !on't 7no8 8hat to say2 @oo It's a;; it's;; it's a *o1e*y tho6ght2 @oo


11/26

Than7 yo62 5hD than7 yo6 a**D222 @ooSPA0GER: A** ightD si2/IGGS: 2226t;;4ALTERS: Yo6'e 8e*#oe2 @"8eeeeeng/IGGS: /6t I;; I;; I;; I thin7 8e'! ette get to #o1e no82 @oo/LAC9ITT: Hang on a ti#7D si2 4e got soething e*se fo yo6 as 8e**D si2SPA0GER: Aah2/LAC9ITT: 5h2SOL0IERS: Ah2 Ah2 Ehh222

@!ing/LAC9ITT: Soy it's anothe #*o#7D siD222 @oo 222on*y thee 8as a it of a i;6"2 4e**D 4a*tes tho6ght he 8as 6ying the "esentD an! S"a!ge an! I ha! a*ea!y got the othe one2/IGGS: 4e**D it's;; it's ea6tif6*2 @Ji Ji Ji They'e oth ea6tif6*2 @Ji Ji Ji @!ing4ALTERS: Aah @oo/IGGS: I;; I thin7 8e'! ette get to #o1e no8D222/LAC9ITT: OhD siD an! Co";;/IGGS: 222an! I'** than7 yo6 "o"e*y *ate on2SPA0GER: 5hh2 Ehh2/LAC9ITT: Co"oa* St6i!ge got this fo yo6 as 8e**D si2 He !i!n't 7no8 ao6t the othesD si2 It's S8iss2/IGGS: OhD 8e**D no8D that is tho6ghtf6*D St6i!ge2 Goo! an2 @oo

/LAC9ITT: An! thee's a #a!D siD222 fo a** of 6s2 Soy ao6t the *oo!D si2 @oo/IGGS: Than7 yo6 a**2/LAC9ITT: S6a!D222 @oo 222thee #hees fo Ca"tain /iggs2 Hi" hi";; @ooSOL0IERS: Hooay/LAC9ITT: Hi" hi";;SOL0IERS: Hooay/LAC9ITT: Hi" hi";; @oo OoooohSOL0IERS: Hooay/IGGS: /*a#7itt /*a#7itt/LAC9ITT: I;; I'** e a** ightD si2 OhD thee's 6st222 one othe thingD si2 S"a!geD gi1e hi the #he6e2SPA0GER: OhD yeah2 5hh2/IGGS: OhD no8D this is ea**y going too fa2SPA0GER: Oh2 I !on't see to e a*e to fin! itD si2 5hhD it'** e in;; e in N6e Fo6 Ten#h2 I'** go an! get it2/IGGS: Fo Chist's sa7eD foget itD an @ooSPA0GER: Yo6 sho6*!n't ha1e sai! thatD si2 @oo Yo6'1e h6t his fee*ings no82/LAC9ITT: 0on't in! eD S"a!ge2 Toffs is a** the sae2 One in6te it's a** '"*ease' an! 'than7 yo6'D an! the netD they'** 7i#7 yo6 in the teethST5RRI0GE: Yeah2/LAC9ITT: @#o6gh4ALTERS: Let's not gi1e hi the #a7e2/IGGS: I !on't 8ant any #a7e2SPA0GER: Loo72 /*a#7itt #oo7e! it s"e#ia**y fo yo6D yo6 asta!ST5RRI0GE: YeahD he sa1e! his ations fo si 8ee7sD si2/IGGS: Soy2 I !i!n't ean to e 6ngatef6*2SPA0GER: Yeah2/LAC9ITT: I'** e a** ight2 @oo

AhhSPA0GER: /*a#7itt /*a#7ie Loo7 at hi2 He 8o7e! on that #a7e *i7e no one e*se I'1e e1e 7no8n2 @oo Soe nights it 8as so #o*!D 8e #o6*! ha!*y o1eD 6t /*a#7ie'! e o6t thee s*i#ing the *eonsD iing the s6ga an! the a*on!s2 @oo I eanD yo6 ty tying to get 6tte to e*t at fifteen !egees e*o8 Jeo Thee's *o1e in that #a7e2 This an's *o1e222 an! this an's #ae222 an! this ;; @oo Aghh/IGGS: OhD y ChistST5RRI0GE: Yo6 asta!2


12/26

/IGGS: A** ight @oo 4e 8i** eat the #a7e @6si# They'e ight2 It's;; @"8eeeeeng It's too goo! a #a7e not to eat Get the222 "*ates an! 7ni1esD 4a*tes24ALTERS: YesD si2 Ho8 any "*atesB/IGGS: Si24ALTERS: Fine2 @oo Aahh

/IGGS: 5h24ALTERS: Agh2/IGGS: Oh2 /ette a7e it fi1e2ST5RRI0GE: Ta*e#*othD siB/IGGS: YesD get the ta*e#*oth2 @ooST5RRI0GE: Aaghh 5h2/IGGS: NoD noD noD no2 I'**;; @oo I'** get the ta*e#*oth an! yo6'! ette get the gate;*eg ta*eD Ho!en2 @ooHOR0ERN: Ohh2 Aahh An! the *itt*e atsD siB/IGGS: YesHOR0ERN: Right;o2/IGGS: A** ightD 8hi*e yo6'e at itD yo6'! ette get a !oi*yHOR0ERN: I'** ing t8oD siD in #ase one gets s#6"*e!2/IGGS: O7ay Eh2 @oo oo oo

GENERAL: 4e**D of #o6seD 8afae isn't a** f6n2 Right2 Sto" that It's a** 1ey 8e** to *a6gh at the Mi*itayD 6tD 8hen one #onsi!es the eaning of *ifeD it is a st6gg*e et8een a*tenati1e 1ie8"oints of *ife itse*fD an! 8itho6t the ai*ity to !efen! one's o8n 1ie8"oint against othe "eha"s oe aggessi1e i!eo*ogiesD then easona*eness an! o!eation #o6*!D 6ite si"*yD !isa""ea2 That is 8hy 8e'** a*8ays nee! an ayD an! ay Go! sti7e e !o8n 8ee it to e othe8ise2 @Jifff oo

SERGEANT MA)OR: 0on't stan! thee ga8"ing *i7e yo6'1e ne1e seen the Han! of Go! efoe No8D to!ayD 8e'e going to !o a#hing 6" an! !o8n the s6ae That isD 6n*ess any of yo6 got anything ette to !o2 4e**B Anyone got anything they'! athe e !oing than a#hing 6" an! !o8n the s6aeB YesB At7inson2 4hat 8o6*! yo6222 athe e !oingD At7insonBAT9INSON: 4e**D to e 6ite honestD SageD I'!222 athe e at hoe 8ith the 8ife an! 7i!s2SERGEANT MA)OR: 4o6*! yo6D no8BAT9INSON: YesD Sage2SERGEANT MA)OR: Right Off yo6 go No8D e1eyo!y e*se ha""y 8ith y *itt*e "*an222 of a#hing 6" an! !o8n the s6ae a itBCOLES: SageSERGEANT MA)OR: YesBCOLES: I'1e got a oo7 I'! 6ite *i7e to ea!2SERGEANT MA)OR: Right Yo6 go ea! yo6 oo7D then No8 E1eyo!y e*se222 6ite #ontent to oin in222 8ith y *itt*e s#hee of a#hing 6" an! !o8n the s6aeB4YCLIF: SageBSERGEANT MA)OR: YesD 4y#*ifB 4hat is itB4YCLIF: 4e**D I'D 6hD *eaning the "iano2SERGEANT MA)OR: Leaning the "ianoB4YCLIF: YesD Sage2SERGEANT MA)OR: An! I s6""ose yo6 8ant to go an! "a#tiseD ehB Ma#hing 6" an! !o8n the s6ae not goo! eno6gh fo yo6D ehB4YCLIF: 4e**D;;SERGEANT MA)OR: Right Off yo6 go4YCLIF: Oh2SERGEANT MA)OR: No8 4hat ao6t the est of yo6B Rathe e at the "i#t6esD I s6""ose2S5A0: Yeah2 Yeah2 Yeah2 OohD yeah2 Yeah2 Right2 Yeah2 Right2SERGEANT MA)OR: A** ight Off yo6 goS5A0: Oh2 Ooh2 Geat2 That's geat2 4hat a !ay2 I 8ant to see the Me*e Oeon "i#t6e2 Eh hehheh2SERGEANT MA)OR: /*oo!y ay I !on't 7no8 8hat it's #oing to2 Right Segeant MaoD a#hing 6" an! !o8n the s6ae2 LeftD ightD *eft2 Left222

NARRATOR %&: 0eo#a#y an! h6anitaianis ha1e a*8ays een ta!ea7s of the /itish Ay222

SERGEANT MA)OR: R6ishNARRATOR %&: Shh 222An! ha1e sta"e! its ti6"h tho6gho6t histoyD in the f6thest;f*6ng #ones of the E"ieD222

@ayhe 2226tD no atte 8hee o 8hen thee 8as fighting to e !oneD222 @"atioti# 6si# 222it has a*8ays een the #a* *ea!eshi" of the Offi#e #*ass that has a!e the /itish Ay 8hat it is2 @8hoosh @#ash @6si# sto"sAINS4ORTH: 'S#6se e2


13/26

PA9ENHAM;4ALSH: MoningD Ains8oth2AINS4ORTH: MoningD Pa7enha2PA9ENHAM;4ALSH: S*ee" 8e**BAINS4ORTH: Not a!2 /it to she!sD tho6gh2 M6st e a ho*e in the *oo!y os6ito net2PA9ENHAM;4ALSH: Yes2 Sa1age *itt*e *ightesD aen't theyB @#*in7FIRST LIE5TENANT CHA04IC9: E#6se eD si2AINS4ORTH: YesD Cha!8i#7BCHA04IC9: I' afai! Pe7ins got athe a!*y itten !6ing the night2AINS4ORTH: 4e**D so !i! 8e2 H6h2CHA04IC9: YesD 6t I !o thin7 !o#to o6ght to see hi2AINS4ORTH: 4e**D go an! fet#h hiD then2

CHA04IC9: Right yo6 aeD si2AINS4ORTH: S6""ose I'! ette go a*ong2 CoingD Pa7enhaBPA9ENHAM;4ALSH: YesD I s6""ose so2AINS4ORTH: Caef6*PA9ENHAM;4ALSH: Coe onD oy2

@ayhe

AINS4ORTH: Ah MoningD Pe7ins2PER9INS: MoningD si2AINS4ORTH: 4hat'sD 6hD;; 8hat's a** the to6*eD thenBPER9INS: /ittenD si2 06ing the night2AINS4ORTH: H2 4ho*e *eg goneD ehBPER9INS: Yes2AINS4ORTH: Ho8 !oes it fee*BPER9INS: Stings a it2AINS4ORTH: M2 4e**D it 8o6*!D 8o6*!n't itB That'sD 6hD222 6ite a ite yo6'1e got theeD yo6 7no82PER9INS: YesD a222 ea* ea6tyD isn't itB

AINS4ORTH: Any i!ea ho8 it ha""ene!BPER9INS: None 8hatsoe1e2 Co"*ete ystey to e2 4o7e 6" 6st no8D one so#7 too any2PA9ENHAM;4ALSH: Yo6 6st ha1e a he** of a ho*e in yo6 net2AINS4ORTH: H2 4e**D 8e'1e sent fo the !o#to2PER9INS: OhhD ha!*y 8oth itD isn't itBAINS4ORTH: OhD yes2 /ette safe than soy2PA9ENHAM;4ALSH: Yes2 Goo! Lo!D *oo7 at this2AINS4ORTH: /y o1eD that's enoo6sPA9ENHAM;4ALSH: Yo6 !on't thin7 it'** #oe a#7D !o yo6BAINS4ORTH: Fo oeD yo6 eanBPA9ENHAM;4ALSH: Yes2AINS4ORTH: Yo6'e ight2 4e'! ette get this stit#he!2PA9ENHAM;4ALSH: Right2AINS4ORTH: AhD he**oD !o#20OCTOR LI3INGSTONE: Moning I #ae as fast as I #o6*!2 IsD 6hhD;; is soething 6"BAINS4ORTH: Yes2 5hD !6ing the nightD o*! Pe7ins got his *eg itten sot of222 off2 MB0OCTOR LI3INGSTONE: Ahh2 /een in the 8asD ha1e 8eBPA9ENHAM;4ALSH: Mh2PER9INS: Yes20OCTOR LI3INGSTONE: Ehh2 Any hea!a#heB /o8e*s a** ightB M2 4e**D *et's ha1e a *oo7 at this one *eg of yo6sD thenD ehB Yes2 Yes2 YesD yes2 Yes2 Yes2 YesD yes2 YesD 8e**D this is nothing to 8oy ao6t2PER9INS: OhD goo!20OCTOR LI3INGSTONE: YesD thee's a *ot of it ao6t2 Poa*y a 1i6s2 5hD 7ee" 8aD "*enty of estD an! if yo6'e "*aying foota** o anythingD ty an! fa1o6 the othe *eg2PER9INS: Oh20OCTOR LI3INGSTONE: Mh2PER9INS: Right;o20OCTOR LI3INGSTONE: /e as ight as ain in a #o6"*e of !ays2PER9INS: Oh2 Than7s fo the eass6an#eD !o#20OCTOR LI3INGSTONE: Not at a**2 That's 8hat I' hee fo2 Any othe "o*es I #an eass6e yo6 ao6tBPER9INS: NoD I' fine20OCTOR LI3INGSTONE: )o**y goo!2 4e**D 6st e off2 M;h2PER9INS: SoD it'**D ehhD;; it'** 6st go8 a#7 againD thenD 8i** itB0OCTOR LI3INGSTONE: 5hhD222 I thin7 I'! ette #oe #*ean 8ith yo6 ao6t this2 It'sD 6D;; it's not a 1i6sD I' afai!2 Yo6 seeD a 1i6s is 8hat 8e !o#tos #a** 1eyD 1ey sa**2 So sa**D it #o6*! not "ossi*y ha1e a!e off 8ith a 8ho*e *eg2 4hat 8e'e *oo7ing fo hee isD I thin7D;; An! this is no

oe than an e!6#ate! g6ess2 I'! *i7e to a7e that #*ea2 222Is soe 6*ti;#e**6*a *ife fo 8ith sti"esD h6ge aJo;sha" teethD ao6t e*e1en foot *ongD an! of the gen6s Fe*is Hoii*is: 8hat 8e !o#tosD in fa#tD #a** a 'tige'2PER9INSD PA9ENHAM;4ALSHD an! AINS4ORTH: A tigeB

E3ERYONE: A tigeB @ayhe

PA9ENHAM;4ALSH: A tige222 in Afi#aBAINS4ORTH: HBPA9ENHAM;4ALSH: A tige in Afi#aBAINS4ORTH: 4;; AhD 8e**D itD 6hD;; it has "oa*y es#a"e! fo a Joo2 Mh2


14/26


15/26

FRONT EN0: 5hhD foget ao6t the R6ssians2REAR EN0: Mh2FRONT EN0: 5hD 8e'e;; 8e'e !oing an a!1et fo 'Tige' an! #offee2REAR EN0: 'Tige' an! #offee is a ea* teat2 E1en tiges "efe a #6" of it to ea* eat2 M2AINS4ORTH: No8 *oo72REAR EN0: A** ight2 A** ight2 4e ae !esse! as a tige e#a6se he ha! an a6ntie 8ho !i! it in eighteen;thity;nineD an! this is the fiftieth anni1esay2FRONT EN0: No2 4e'e !oing it fo a et2REAR EN0: Go! to*! 6s to !o it2FRONT EN0: To te** the t6thD 8e ae #o"*ete*y a!2REAR EN0: @gia#ingFRONT EN0: 4e ae;; 8e ae inates of a /enga*i "sy#hiati# instit6tion an! 8e es#a"e! y a7ing this s7in o6t of o*!D 6se! #eea* "a#7ets2REAR EN0: Mh2

PER9INS: It !oesn't atteAINS4ORTH: 4hatBPER9INS: It !oesn't atte 8hy they'e !esse! as a tige2 Ha1e they got y *egBAINS4ORTH: Goo! thin7ing 4e**D ha1e yo6BREAR EN0: A#t6a**yD222AINS4ORTH: YesBREAR EN0: 222it's e#a6se 8e 8ee thin7ing of taining as tai!eists an! 8e 8ant to get the fee* of it fo the ania*'s "oint of 1ie82AINS4ORTH: /e 6iet2 No8 *oo72 4e'e 6st as7ing yo6 if yo6'1e got this an's *eg2FRONT EN0: A 8oo!en *egBAINS4ORTH: NoD no2 A "o"e *eg Loo72 He 8as fast as*ee"D an! soeone o soething #ae in an! eo1e! it2FRONT EN0: 4itho6t 8a7ing hi 6"BAINS4ORTH: Yes2FRONT EN0: I !on't e*ie1e yo62REAR EN0: 4e fo6n! the tige s7in in a i#y#*e sho" in Caio2 The o8ne 8ante! it ta7en !o8n to 0a Es Sa*aa;;AINS4ORTH: Sh6t 6" No8 *oo72 Ha1e yo6 o ha1e yo6 not got his *egBREAR EN0: Yes2FRONT EN0: No2REAR EN0: No2

FRONT EN0: NoD noD no2REAR EN0: No2 NoD noD no2FRONT EN0: NoD noD noD noD noD noD noD noD noD noD noD no2REAR EN0: NoD noD no2 No2 No2 No2 No2AINS4ORTH: 4hy !i! yo6 say 'yes'BFRONT EN0: I !i!n't2AINS4ORTH: I' not ta*7ing to yo62REAR EN0: 562 562 Hhh2AINS4ORTH: Right Sea#h the thi#7et2FRONT EN0: OhD #oe on2 I eanD !o 8e *oo7 *i7e the sot of #ha"s 8ho'! #ee" into a #a" at nightD stea* into soeone's tentD anaesthetise theD tiss6e;ty"e theD a"6tate a *egD an! 6n a8ay 8ith itBAINS4ORTH: Sea#h the thi#7et2FRONT EN0: OhD '*eg' Yo6'e *oo7ing fo a *eg A#t6a**yD I thin7 thee is one in thee soe8hee2 5hhD soeo!y 6st ha1e aan!one! it heeD 7no8ing yo6 8ee #oing afte itD an! 8e st6*e! a#oss itD a#t6a**yD an! 8on!ee! 8hat it 8asD an! they'** e i*es a8ay y no8D222 @tho#7 222an! I e"e#t 8e'** ha1e to ta7e a** of the *ae2REAR EN0: Hh2 As 6s6a*2


16/26

STRANGE 4OMAN: It is a ost e*6si1e fishSTRANGE MAN: An! it 8ent 8hee1e I !i! go2STRANGE 4OMAN: OooohD fishyD fishyD fishy fishSTRANGE MAN: A;fishD a;fishD a;fishD a;fishyD ooooh2STRANGE 4OMAN: OooohD fishyD fishyD fishy fishSTRANGE MAN: That 8ent 8hee1e I !i! go2MAN IN A50IENCE: Loo7 6" his t6n7MAN IN A50IENCE: YeahD it's hi!!en in his to6ses

@g6g*ingFISH %&: That 8as teifi#FISH %: Geat

FISH %,: 4on!ef6*2FISH %: YeahFISH %-: Yeah2FISH %+: /est it so fa2FISHES: @6*ingFISH %: Fantasti#FISH %&: Yeah2FISH %: Yes Rea**y geatFISH %.: 3ey "is#ine2FISH %-: Ha ha hah2FISH %.: Yeah2 HeeD heeD heeD hee2FISH %,: OhFISH %.: Ahh2FISH %&: Heh2 @"a6seFISH %: They ha1en't sai! 6#h ao6t the eaning of *ife so faD ha1e theyBFISH %&: 4e**D it's een 6i*!ing 6" to it2FISH %,: Has itB

FISH %: Has itBFISH %+: YeahD I e"e#t they'** get on to it no82FISH %-: Pesona**yD I 1ey 6#h !o6t if they'e going to say anything ao6t the eaning of *ife at a**2FISH %.: OhD #oe on2 They'1e got to say soething2FISH %+: They'e o6n! to2FISH %: Yeah2FISH %,: Yeah2FISH %&: Yeah2 @"a6seFISH %+: 4hat !o yo6 thin7 the net it 8i** eD thenBFISH %&: Ca"tionD I e"e#t2FISH %.: 4hatB Ao6t the net stage of *ifeD yo6 eanB OhD yeah2 Hee 8e go2

Pat I3: Mi!!*e Age

ANNO5NCER: Mi!!*e Age2FISH %.: Oh2 Co6*!'1e g6esse! it2

MR2 MAR3IN HEN0Y: OhD that's 6#h ette2 Than7 yo6D honey2MRS2 HEN0Y: Yo6'e 8e*#oe2MR2 HEN0Y: M2 It 8as a** sot of isty efoe2MRS2 HEN0Y: M;h2MR2 HEN0Y: That's fine2M'LA0Y )OELINE: Hi Ho8 ae yo6BMR2 HEN0Y: OhD 8e'e 6st fine)OELINE: 4hat 7in! of foo! '! yo6 *i7e to eat this e1eningBMR2 HEN0Y: 4e**D 8e sot of *i7e "inea""*es2)OELINE: Pinea""*e2 M2MRS2 HEN0Y: YeahD 8e *o1e "inea""*e2)OELINE: M2MR2 HEN0Y: YeahD anything 8ith "inea""*e in it is geat fo 6s2)OELINE: M2 4e**D ho8 ao6t the 06ngeon RooBMRS2 HEN0Y: OhD *oo72

MR2 HEN0Y: OhhD that so6n!s fine)OELINE: S6e is2 It's ea* Ha8aiian foo! se1e! in an a6thenti#D e!ie1a* Eng*ish !6ngeon atos"hee2MR2 HEN0Y: OhhBMRS2 HEN0Y: It's;;

@ssssssPRISONER: Aaaaaaaaaaah @Ha8aiian 6si# Aah2 Ah2 Aah2 Aaaaah2 Aaaaaah


17/26

MR2 HEN0Y: H 2 Isn't this ni#eB Ha hah2 4hy notB Goo! shot2 Rea* 9o!a72 Oh Than7 yo62 Than7 yo6 1ey 6#h2 H 2 0ah !ah222PRISONER: AaaaaaaaaaahMR2 HEN0Y: 222!ah !ah !ah !ah !aah2 0aah2MRS2 HEN0Y: H2MR2 HEN0Y: H6hh h6h 2 M2MRS2 HEN0Y: H h2MR2 HEN0Y: H;2MRS2 HEN0Y: H2MR2 HEN0Y: M24AITER: Goo! e1ening 5hhD 8o6*! yo6 #ae fo soething to222 ta*7 ao6tBMR2 HEN0Y: OhD that 8o6*! e 8on!ef6*2

4AITER: O6 s"e#ia* tonight is inoitiesMR2 HEN0Y: OhhD that so6n!s ea* inteesting2MRS2 HEN0Y: 5D 8hat's this #on1esation heeB4AITER: 5hD that'sD 6hD 'foota**'2 Thee yo6 #an ta*7 ao6t the Stee*es;/eas gae this Sat6!ayD o yo6 #o6*!D 6hD einis#e ao6t ea**y geat 4o*! Seies2MRS2 HEN0Y: NoD noD noD no2MR2 HEN0Y: 4hat is this one heeB4AITER: 5hhD that's '"hi*oso"hy'2MRS2 HEN0Y: Is that a s"otB4AITER: AahD noD it's oe of an atte"t toD 6hD #onst6#t a 1ia*e hy"othesis toD 6hD e"*ain the eaning of *ife2

FISH %+: 4hat 8as thatBFISH %-: 4hat's he sayBFISH %,: 4hat 8as thatBFISH %: Sh6sh2FISH %-: EhB

MR2 HEN0Y: OhD that so6n!s 8on!ef6*2 4o6*! yo6 *i7e to ta*7 ao6t the eaning of *ifeD !a*ingB

MRS2 HEN0Y: S6e2 4hy notB4AITER: Phi*oso"hy fo t8oBMR2 HEN0Y: Right24AITER: RooBMR2 HEN0Y: T8o;fi1e;nine24AITER: T8o;fi1e;nine2MR2 HEN0Y: Y6"2 5hhD;; 6hD h;; ho8 !o 8e;;4AITER: OhD 6hhD yo6 fo*7s 8ant e to stat yo6 offBMR2 HEN0Y: OhD ea**yD 8e'! a""e#iate that24AITER: O7ayMR2 HEN0Y: Yeah24AITER: 4e**D ehhD222MR2 HEN0Y: Mh24AITER: 222*oo72 Ha1e yo6 e1e 8on!ee!222 6st 8hy yo6'e heeBMR2 HEN0Y: 4e**D 8e 8ent to Miai *ast yea an! Ca*ifonia the yea efoe thatD an! 8e'1e;;4AITER: NoD noD no2 I eanD 6hD 8;; 8hy 8e'e hee222 on this "*anet2MR2 HEN0Y: H2 No24AITER: Right AaahD yo6 e1e 8ante! to 7no8 8hat it's a** ao6tBMR2 HEN0Y: No"e2MRS2 HEN0Y: No2 No24AITER: Right;o AahD 8e**D 6hD seeD tho6gho6t histoyD222MR2 HEN0Y: M;h24AITER: 222thee ha1e een #etain en an! 8oen 8ho ha1e tie! to fin! the so*6tion to the ysteies of eisten#eD222MRS2 HEN0Y: G;eat24AITER: 222an! 8e #a** these g6ys '"hi*oso"hes'MR2 HEN0Y: Ohh2MRS2 HEN0Y: An! that's 8hat 8e'e ta*7ing ao6t24AITER: RightMR2 HEN0Y: Yeah2MRS2 HEN0Y: OhhD that's neat4AITER: 4e**D yo6 *oo7 *i7e yo6'e getting the i!eaD so 8hy !on't I gi1e yo6 theseD 6hD #on1esation #a!sB They'** te** yo6 a *itt*e ao6t "hi*oso"hi#a* etho!D222MR2 HEN0Y: Oh24AITER: 222naes of fao6s "hi*oso"hesD;; 5hD thee yo6 ae2 5hhD ha1e a ni#e #on1esationMR2 HEN0Y: OhD than7 yo62 Than7 yo6 1ey 6#h2

MRS2 HEN0Y: He's #6te2MR2 HEN0Y: YeahD ea*;;MRS2 HEN0Y: Yeah2MR2 HEN0Y: Rea* 6n!estan!ing2 M2MRS2 HEN0Y: Oh I ne1e 7ne8 S#ho"enha6e 8as a "hi*oso"heMR2 HEN0Y: OhD yeah He's the one that egins 8ith an 'S'2MRS2 HEN0Y: Oh2MR2 HEN0Y: 5D *i7eD 6hD 'NietJs#he'2MRS2 HEN0Y: 0oes 'NietJs#he' egin 8ith an 'S'BMR2 HEN0Y: 5hD thee's an 's' in 'NietJs#he'2


18/26

MRS2 HEN0Y: OhD 8o82 YesD thee is2 0o a** "hi*oso"hes ha1e an 's' in theBMR2 HEN0Y: 5hD yeah I thin7 ost of 'e !o2MRS2 HEN0Y: Oh2 0oes that ean Se*ina )ones is a "hi*oso"heBMR2 HEN0Y: Yeah Right She #o6*! e She sings ao6t the eaning of *ife2MRS2 HEN0Y: Yeah2 That's ightD 6t I !on't thin7 she 8ites he o8n ateia*2MR2 HEN0Y: No2 OhD aye S#ho"enha6e 8ites he ateia*2MRS2 HEN0Y: No2 /6t /a#haa#h 8ites it2MR2 HEN0Y: /6t thee's no 's' in '/6t /a#haa#h'2MRS2 HEN0Y: O in 'Ha* 0a1i!'2MR2 HEN0Y: 4ho's Ha* 0a1i!BMRS2 HEN0Y: He 8ites the *yi#s2 /6t 6st 8ites the t6nesD on*y no8D he's aie! to Cao*e /aye Sage2MR2 HEN0Y: OhD 8aite2 This #on1esation isn't 1ey goo!2

4AITER: OhD I' soyD si 5hhD 8e !o ha1e one to!ay that's not on the en62 It's sot of a s"e#ia*ty of the ho6seD yo6 7no82MR2 HEN0Y: OhD yes24AITER: 'Li1e Ogan Tans"*ants'2MRS2 HEN0Y: 'Li1e Ogan Tans"*ants'B 4hat's thatB

Pat 3: Li1e Ogan Tans"*ants @1io*in 6si#ANNO5NCER: The Meaning of Life: Pat Fi1e: Li1e Ogan Tans"*ants2 @!ing !ongMR2 /RO4N: @#o6gh 0on't 8oyD !ea I'** get it @#o6gh @!ing !ong !ing !ong @!ing !ong !ing !ongMR2 /RO4N: YesBMAN: He**o2 5hhD #an 8e ha1e yo6 *i1eBMR2 /RO4N: My 8hatBMAN: Yo6 *i1e2 It's a *ageD ehhD g*an!6*a ogan in yo6 a!oen2ERIC: @sniffMAN: Yo6 7no8D it'sD 6hD;; it's e!!ish;o8n2 It's sot ofD 6hhD;;MR2 /RO4N: YeahD;; y;; y;; yeahD I 7no8 8hat it isD 6t222 I' 6sing itD eh2ERIC: Coe onD si2MR2 /RO4N: Hey Hey Sto"ERIC: 0on't 6#7 6s ao6t2MR2 /RO4N: Sto" Hey Hey Sto" it2 HeyMAN: Ha**o2MR2 /RO4N: Ge;; get off2MAN: 4hat's thisD thenB Mh2MR2 /RO4N: A *i1e !ono's #a!2MAN: Nee! 8e say oeBERIC: NoMR2 /RO4N: Listen I #an't gi1e it to yo6 no82 It saysD 'in the e1ent of !eath'2 5h2 Oh Ah2 Ah2 Eh2MAN: No one 8ho has e1e ha! thei *i1e ta7en o6t y 6s has s61i1e!2MR2 /RO4N: Agh2

ERIC: )6st *ie theeD si2 It 8on't ta7e a in6te2MR2 /RO4N: @s#eaingMAN:


19/26

MRS2 /RO4N: Yo6'e not222 !o#tosD thenBMR2 /RO4N: @s#eaingMAN: Oh2 /*iey no2MR2 /RO4N: @s#eaingMAN an! ERIC: @*a6ghingYO5NG MAN: M62 0a!2 I' off o6t no82 I'** see yo6 ao6t se1en2MAN an! ERIC: @*a6ghingMRS2 /RO4N: Right;oD son2 Loo7 afte yo6se*f2MR2 /RO4N: @s#eaingMAN: Oh2 No82ERIC: M;h2MR2 /RO4N: @s#eaing

MRS2 /RO4N: 0o yo6D 6D222ERIC: @6*eMAN: Cay on2MRS2 /RO4N: 222fan#y a #6" of teaBMR2 /RO4N: @s#eaingMAN: OhD 8e**D that 8o6*! e 1ey ni#e2MRS2 /RO4N: Oh2MAN: Than7 yo62MR2 /RO4N: @s#eaingMAN: Than7 yo6 1ey 6#hD a!a2MR2 /RO4N: @s#eaingMAN: Than7 yo62MR2 /RO4N: @s#eaingMAN: OhD ehD;; I tho6ght she'! ne1e as72ERIC: Yo6 7no8 it2MR2 /RO4N: @s#eaing

MAN: 5hhD yo6 !o ea*iseD 6hD he has to eD 6hD222 8e**D !ea!D222 y the tes of the #a!D 6hD efoe he !onates his *i1e2

MRS2 /RO4N: 4e**D I to*! hi thatD 6t he ne1e *istens to e2 Si**y anMR2 /RO4N: @s#eaingMAN: On*y I 8as 8on!eingD ehhD222 8e**D yo6 7no8D 8hat yo6 8as thin7ing of !oing afte that2 I eanD @sniff 8i** yo6 stay on yo6 o8nD222 o is theeD 6hD222 8e**D soeone e*seD sot ofD 6hD222 on the hoiJonBMRS2 /RO4N: I' too o*! fo that sot of thing2 I' "ast y "ie2MAN: Not at a**2 Yo6'e a 1ey atta#ti1e 8oan2MRS2 /RO4N: 4e**D I' #etain*y not thin7ing of getting hit#he! 6" again2MAN: S6eBMRS2 /RO4N: S6e2 @"a6seMAN: Can 8e ha1e yo6 *i1eD thenBMRS2 /RO4N: Oh2 NoD I'! e222 s#ae!2MAN: A** ight2 @sna" I'** te** yo6 8hat2 Loo72 Listen to this2 @6si#MAN IN PIN9: 4hene1e *ife gets yo6 !o8nD Ms2 /o8nD An! things see ha! o to6ghD @#*6n7 An! "eo"*e ae st6"i!D onoio6sD o !aftD An! yo6 fee* that yo6'1e ha! 6ite eno6ghD @oo

@singing )6st eee that yo6'e stan!ing on a "*anet that's e1o*1ing An! e1o*1ing at nine h6n!e! i*es an ho6D That's oiting at nineteen i*es a se#on!D so it's e#7one!D A s6n that is the so6#e of a** o6 "o8e2 The s6n an! yo6 an! e an! a** the stas that 8e #an see Ae o1ing at a i**ion i*es a !ay In an o6te s"ia* aD at foty tho6san! i*es an ho6D Of the ga*ay 8e #a** the 'Mi*7y 4ay'2

O6 ga*ay itse*f #ontains a h6n!e! i**ion stas2

It's a h6n!e! tho6san! *ight yeas si!e to si!e2 It 6*ges in the i!!*eD siteen tho6san! *ight yeas thi#7D /6t o6t y 6sD it's 6st thee tho6san! *ight yeas 8i!e2 4e'e thity tho6san! *ight yeas fo ga*a#ti# #enta* "oint2 4e go 'o6n! e1ey t8o h6n!e! i**ion yeasD An! o6 ga*ay is on*y one of i**ions of i**ions In this aaJing an! e"an!ing 6ni1ese2 @oo @s*6"


20/26

The 6ni1ese itse*f 7ee"s on e"an!ing an! e"an!ing In a** of the !ie#tions it #an 8hiJJ As fast as it #an goD at the s"ee! of *ightD yo6 7no8D T8e*1e i**ion i*es a in6teD an! that's the fastest s"ee! thee is2 So eeeD 8hen yo6'e fee*ing 1ey sa** an! inse#6eD Ho8 aaJing*y 6n*i7e*y is yo6 ithD An! "ay that thee's inte**igent *ife soe8hee 6" in s"a#eD 'Ca6se thee's 6gge a** !o8n hee on Eath2 @#*6n7MRS2 /RO4N: @sigh Ma7es yo6 fee* soD sot ofD insignifi#antD !oesn't itBMAN: Yeah2 Yeah2 @sniff Can 8e ha1e yo6 *i1eD thenB

MRS2 /RO4N: Yeah2 A** ight2 Yo6 ta*7e! e into it2MAN: Ei# @#*a"

@6si#CHAIRMAN: 2224hi#h ings 6s on#e again to the 6gent ea*isation of 6st ho8 6#h thee is sti** *eft to o8n2 Ite si on the agen!a: the eaning of *ife2 No8D 6hD HayD yo6'1e ha! soe tho6ghts on this2HARRY: That's ight2 YeahD I'1e ha! a tea 8o7ing on this o1e the "ast fe8 8ee7sD an!D 6hD 8hat 8e'1e #oe 6" 8ith #an e e!6#e! to t8o f6n!aenta* #on#e"ts2 One: "eo"*e ae not 8eaing eno6gh hats2 T8o: atte is enegy2 In the 6ni1eseD thee ae any enegy fie*!s 8hi#h 8e #annot noa**y "e#ei1e2 Soe enegies ha1e a s"iit6a* so6#e 8hi#h a#t 6"on a "eson's so6*2 Ho8e1eD this so6* !oes not eist a initioD as otho!o Chistianity tea#hes2 It has to e o6ght into eisten#e y a "o#ess of g6i!e! se*f;ose1ation2 Ho8e1eD this is ae*y a#hie1e!D o8ing to an's 6ni6e ai*ity to e !ista#te! fo s"iit6a* attes y e1ey!ay ti1ia2 @"a6se/ERT: 4hat 8as that ao6t hatsD againBHARRY: OhD 6hD "eo"*e aen't 8eaing eno6gh2CHAIRMAN: Is this t6eBE0M5N0: Cetain*y2 Hat sa*es ha1e in#ease!D 6t not "ai "ass6D as o6 esea#h initia**y;;/ERT: /6t 8hen yo6 say 'eno6gh'D eno6gh fo 8hat "6"oseB

G5NTHER: Can I 6st as7D 8ith efeen#e to yo6 se#on! "ointD 8hen yo6 say so6*s !on't !e1e*o" e#a6se "eo"*e e#oe !ista#te!D222 @6*e 222has anyone noti#e! that 6i*!ing thee efoeBRAN0OM: Ohh2RAN0OM: My Go!CHAIRMAN: Goo! Lo! @#ash @e#iting 6si# @#ashE3ERYONE: @6*ing @#ashCRIMSON PERMANENT ASS5RANCE PIRATE: Aaaaah @#ashCHAIRMAN: Goo! Lo! The Cison Peanent Ass6an#ePRO)ECTIONIST: 4e inte6"t this fi* to a"o*ogise fo this 6n8aante! atta#7 y the s6""oting feat6e2 L6#7i*yD 8e ha1e een "e"ae! fo this e1ent6a*ityD an! ae no8 ta7ing ste"s to ee!y it2 @#ea7 @oo Than7 yo62

Pat 3I: The A6t6n YeasANNO5NCER: The Meaning of Life: Pat Si: The A6t6n Yeas2

@"iano 6si#NO=L CO4AR0: Goo! e1eningD *a!ies an! gent*een2 Hee's a *itt*e n6e I tosse! off e#ent*y in the Caiean2 @singing Isn't it a8f6**y ni#e to ha1e a "enisB Isn't it fightf6**y goo! to ha1e a !ongB It's s8e** to ha1e a stiffy2 It's !i1ine to o8n a !i#7D Fo the tiniest *itt*e ta!ge To the 8o*!'s iggest "i#72 SoD thee #hees fo yo6 4i**y o )ohn Thoas2

Hooay fo yo6 one;eye! to6se sna7eD Yo6 "ie#e of "o7D yo6 8ife's est fien!D Yo6 Pe#yD o yo6 #o#72 Yo6 #an 8a" it 6" in ions2 Yo6 #an s*i" it in yo6 so#7D /6t !on't ta7e it o6t in "6*i#D O they 8i** sti#7 yo6 in the !o#7D An! yo6 8on't #oe a#72

OhD than7 yo6 1ey 6#h2


21/26

RAN0OM: /ea6tif6* @a""*a6seMA?: OhD 8hat a fightf6**y 8itty song2MA?'S 4IFE: Tei*y #*e1e2G5EST %&: )o**y goo!2G5EST %&'S 4IFE: Ma1e**o6s2 @s6s"ensef6* 6si#

FISH %-: OhD shit It's M2 Ceosote2

MA>TRE 0: AhD goo! aftenoonD siD an! ho8 ae 8e to!ayB

MR2 CREOSOTE: /ette2MA>TRE 0: /etteBMR2 CREOSOTE: /ette get a 6#7et2 I' going to tho8 6"2MA>TRE 0: 5hD Gaston A 6#7et fo onsie62 Thee yo6 aeD onsie62 @goosh Me#iD Gaston2MR2 CREOSOTE: I ha1en't finishe!2MA>TRE 0: Oh Pa!on2 Gaston A tho6san! "a!onsD onsie62MR2 CREOSOTE: 5hh2 @gooshMA>TRE 0: No8D Jis aftenoonD 8e ha1e onsie6's fa1o6ite: Je 6gge! hae2 TRE 0: OhD onsie6D I ass6e yo6D 6st e#a6se it is ie! 6" 8is a** Je othe thingsD 8e 8o6*! not !ea of gi1ing yo6 *ess than Je f6** ao6nt2 In fa#tD I 8i** "esona**y a7e s6e yo6 ha1e a !o6*e he*"ing2 Maintenant 6e*6e #hose oie2 Soething to !in7D onsie6BMR2 CREOSOTE: YeahD I'** ha1e si ott*es of Chtea6 Lato6 Foty;fi1e222MA>TRE 0: Foty;fi1e2MR2 CREOSOTE: 222an! a !o6*e )eooa of #ha"agne2MA>TRE 0: /onD an! the 6s6a* o8n a*esBMR2 CREOSOTE: Yeah2 NoD 8ait a in6te2 I thin7 I #an on*y anage si #ates to!ay2MA>TRE 0: @t6t t6t t6t t6t I ho"e onsie6 8as not o1e!oing it *ast night2MR2 CREOSOTE: Sh6t 6"MA>TRE 0: 0'a##o!2 Ah TRE 0: Peha"s yo6'e not222 ha""y 8ith the se1i#eBG5EST %,: NoD no2 No #o"*aints2G5EST %,'S 4IFE: It's 6st that 8e ha1e to go2 I' ha1ing athe a hea1y "eio!2G5EST %+: H2G5EST %+'S 4IFE: M 2G5EST %,: An!222 8e222 ha1e222 a222 tain to #at#h2MA>TRE 0: Ah2G5EST %,'S 4IFE: Oh2 Yes2 YesD of #o6se2 4e ha1e a tain to #at#hD an! I !on't 8ant to stat *ee!ing a** o1e the seats2 HaD h h h2MA>TRE 0: Ma!aBG5EST %,: Peha"s 8e sho6*! e going2G5EST %,'S 4IFE: Oh2MA>TRE 0: Oh 3ey 8e**D onsie62 Than7 yo6 so 6#h2 So ni#e to see yo6D an! I ho"e 1ey 6#h 8e 8i** see yo6 again 1ey soon2 A6 e1oiD onsie62 @#*6n7

OhD !ea2 I ha1e to!!en in onsie6's 6#7et2G5ESTS: @6*ing @s*6"MA>TRE 0: Anothe 6#7et fo onsie6D222 @goosh 222an! "eha"s a hose2 M;h2MA?: @et#hMA?'S 4IFE: OhD Ma2 Rea**yG5EST %: @hi##6"


22/26

MR2 CREOSOTE: @goaningMA>TRE 0: An! fina**yD onsie6D a 8afe;thin int2MR2 CREOSOTE: Nah2MA>TRE 0: OhD siD it's on*y a tinyD *itt*eD thin one2MR2 CREOSOTE: No2 F6#7 off2 I' f6**2MA>TRE 0: OhD si2 HBMR2 CREOSOTE: @goanMA>TRE 0: It's on*y 8afe thin2MR2 CREOSOTE: Loo72 I #o6*!n't eat anothe thing2 I' aso*6te*y st6ffe!2 /6gge off2MA>TRE 0: OhD siD 6st;; 6st one2MR2 CREOSOTE: @goaning A** ight2 )6st one2

MA>TRE 0: )6st the oneD onsie62 3oi*2MR2 CREOSOTE: @goaningMA>TRE 0: /on a""Ktit2MR2 CREOSOTE: @goaning @s6s"ensef6* 6si# @6si# sto"s @#ash @/OOM @goosh @goosh @ayheMA>TRE 0: Than7 yo6D siD an! no8D hee's Je #he#72

Pat 3I /: The Meaning of LifeANNO5NCER: The Meaning of Life: Pat Si /: The Meaning of Life2

MA>TRE 0: M;h;h2 Yo6 7no8D MaiaD I soeties 8on!e if 8e'** e1e !is#o1e the eaning of it a** 8o7ing in a "*a#e *i7e this2MARIA: OhD I'1e 8o7e! in 8ose "*a#esD "hi*oso"hi#a**y s"ea7ing2MA>TRE 0: Rea**yD MaiaBMARIA: Yes2 I 6se! to 8o7 in the A#a!Kie FanaiseD 6t it !i!n't !o e any goo! at a**D A;; an! I on#e 8o7e! in the *iay in the Pa!o in Ma!i!D 6t it !i!n't tea#h e nothingD I e#a**D

An! the Liay of Congess yo6'! ha1e tho6ght 8o6*! ho*! soe 7eyD /6t it !i!n'tD an! neithe !i! the /o!*eian Liay2

In the /itish M6se6 I ho"e! to fin! soe #*6e2 I 8o7e! thee fo nine ti** siD ea! e1ey 1o*6e tho6ghD

/6t it !i!n't tea#h e nothing ao6t *ife's ystey2 I 6st 7e"t getting o*!eD an! it got oe !iffi#6*t to seeD

Ti**D e1ent6a**yD e eyes 8ent an! e athitis got a!D An! so no8 I' #*eaning 6" in heeD 6t I #an't e ea**y sa!D

'Ca6seD yo6 seeD I fee* that *ife's a gae2 Yo6 soeties 8in o *oseD An! tho6gh I ay e !o8n ight no8D at *east I !on't 8o7 fo )e8s2MA>TRE 0: @#ho7ing @#*6n7 I' so soy2 I;; I ha! no i!ea 8e ha! a;; a a#ist 8o7ing hee2 I;; I;; I;; I a"o*ogise ost sin#ee*y2 I eanD 8e**D 8;; 4;; 8hee ae yo6 goingB 9no8 8hatB I #an e"*ainD 6hD;; EhhD 6e* !oage2GASTON: As fo eD h6hD if yo6 8ant to 7no8 8hat I thin7D @sniff I'** sho8 yo6 soething2 Coe 8ith e2MA>TRE 0: Ah I 8as saying that;; 5hD a**oBGASTON: Coe on2MA>TRE 0: AhD a**oB A**oBGASTON: This 8ay2 Coe on2 0on't e shy2 Min! the staisD a** ightB I thin7 this 8i** he*" e"*ain2 Coe a*ong2 Coe a*ong2 O1e hee2 Coe on2 Coe on2 @s#eeee#h @eeeeee" This 8ay2 @eeee" @hon7

@s#eee#h Coe on2 This 8ay2 Stay y eD 6hB @6si# Nea*y theeD no82 Yo6 see thatB That's 8hee I 8as on2 Yo6 7no8D one !ayD y;; y otheD she "6t e on he 7nee an! she sai! to eD 'GastonD y sonD the 8o*! is a ea6tif6* "*a#e2 Yo6 6st go into it an!222 *o1e e1eyoneD ty to a7e e1eyone ha""yD an! ing "ea#e an! #ontentent e1ey8hee yo6 goD' an! soD I e#ae a 8aite2 4e**D it's;; it's not 6#h of a "hi*oso"hyD I 7no8D222 6tD 8e**D222 f6#7 yo62 I #an *i1e y o8n *ife in y o8n 8ay if I 8ant to2 F6#7 off23OICE: @#o6gh #o6ghGASTON: 0on't #oe fo**o8ing e


23/26

Pat 3II: 0eath @!ongANNO5NCER: The Meaning of Life: Pat Se1en: 0eath2

@seag6**s @o#ean so6n!s

@s6s"ensef6* 6si#NARRATOR %: This an is ao6t to !ie2 In a fe8 oentsD no8D he 8i** e 7i**e!D fo Ath6 )aett is a #on1i#te! #iina* 8ho has een a**o8e! to #hoose the anne of his o8n ee#6tion2

NA9E0 GIRL %&: Thee2NA9E0 GIRL %: Thee he isNA9E0 GIRLS: @"anting @e#iting 6si#

GO3ERNOR: Ath6 Cha*es Heet R6n#ie Ma#A!a )aettD yo6 ha1e een #on1i#te! y t8e*1e goo! "esons an! t6e222 of the #ie of fist !egee a7ing of gat6ito6sD seist o7es in a o1ing "i#t6e2

@hea1en*y 6si#NA9E0 GIRLS: @"antingARTH5R )ARRETT: Aaaaaaaggh

@8h6"PA0RE: Ashes to ashesD !6st to !6st2

LEAF %&: @soing @a7 a7 a7 @a7 a7 a7 a7 @a7 a7 It's no goo!2 I;; I;; I;; I 6st #an't go on2 I;; @so I' no goo! any oe2 @sniffLEAF %: No2LEAF %&: @so I;; I;; I 8ant to en! it a**2 @soing Goo!;ye Goo!;ye @sna" Aaaaaaagggghh @8h6"LEAF %: @gas" OhD y Go! @gas" OhD no I #;; @gas" 4hat'** I !oB I;; I #an't *i1e 8itho6t hi2 I;; I;; I;; @gas" @sna" Aaaaaaggh @8h6"LEAF %+: M6yBLEAF %,: M6D 8hee ae yo6BLEAF %+: M6B 0a!!yBLEAF %,: @gas"LEAF %+: M6;; 6yBLEAF %,: @gas" M6yB 4hat ae yo6 !oingBLEAF %+: @gas" gas"

LEAF %,: 0on't "6sh2 @sna"LEAF %+: @gas" AaaaaaggghhLEAF %,: Aaaaaaggghh Aaaaggghh @8h6" @8h6"REMAINING LEA3ES: Oh Aagh @8h6" @eathing so6n! @a7 a7 a7 a7 a7 a7 @a7 a7 a7 @a7 a7 a7 a7 @a7 a7 a7

@!ong !ong @8in! @!ong !ong !ong @s#ay 6si#

@#*6n7 #*6n7 @#*6n7 #*6n7GEOFFREY: YesB @"a6se Is it ao6t the he!geB @"a6se Loo72 I a a8f6**y soyD 6t;;GRIM REAPER: I a the Gi Rea"e2GEOFFREY: 4hoBGRIM REAPER: The Gi Rea"e2GEOFFREY: YesD I see2


24/26

GRIM REAPER: I a !eath2GEOFFREY: YesD 8e**D the thing isD 8e'1e got soe "eo"*e fo Aei#a fo !inne tonightD an!;;ANGELA: 4ho is itD !a*ingBGEOFFREY: It's a 'M2 0eath' o soething2 He's #oe ao6t the ea"ingB I !on't thin7 8e nee! any at the oent2ANGELA: He**o2 4e**D !on't *ea1e hi hanging ao6n! o6tsi!eD !a*ing2 As7 hi in2GEOFFREY: 0a*ingD I !on't thin7 it's 6ite the oent2ANGELA: 0o #oe in2 Coe a*ong in2 Coe an! ha1e a !in72 0o2 Coe on2

G5ESTS: @6*ingANGELA: It's one of the *itt*e en fo the 1i**age2G5ESTS: @6*ingANGELA: 5hD !o #oe in2

G5ESTS: @6*ingANGELA: P*ease2G5ESTS: @6*ingANGELA: This is Ho8a! 9atJeneg fo Phi*a!e*"hia222HO4AR0 9AT


25/26

GRIM REAPER: /e 6iet Eng*ishenD yo6'e a** so f6#7ing "o"o6sD an! none of yo6 ha1e got any a**s20E//IE: Can I as7 yo6 a 6estionBGRIM REAPER: 4hatB0E//IE: Ho8 #an 8e a** ha1e !ie! at the sae tieB @si*en#eGRIM REAPER: The sa*on o6sse2GEOFFREY: 0a*ingD yo6 !i!n't 6se #anne! sa*onD !i! yo6BANGELA: I' ost !ea!f6**y eaasse!2GRIM REAPER: No8 the tie has #oe2 Fo**o82 Fo**o8 e2 @#*6n7 @ang ang ang ang angGEOFFREY: )6st222 testing2 Soy2

GRIM REAPER: Fo**o8 e2 No82 @!eath*y 6si# Coe2 @eeie 6si#ANGELA: 4e**D the fishonge "oise! e he'! ha1e soe fesh sa*onD an! he's noa**y so e*ia*e2RAN0OM: St62 St62)EREMY: Can 8e 7ee" o6 g*assesBRAN0OM: M h2FIONA: Oh2 Goo! i!ea2 @hi##6"RAN0OM: Coe on2G5ESTS: @6*ingHO4AR0: O7ay2G5ESTS: @6*ing0E//IE: HeyD I !i!n't e1en eat the o6sse2

G5ESTS: @6*ingANGELA: Honest*yD !a*ingD I' so eaasse!2 It ea**y is eaassing2 I eanD222HO4AR0: I s6""ose222 @6*ing

ANGELA: 222to se1e sa*on 8ith ot6*is at a !inne "aty is so#ia* !eath fo e2GEOFFREY: 4e**D a** ight2G5ESTS: @6*ing)EREMY: 5hD sha** 8e ta7e o6 #asBFIONA: 0o 8e nee! theBGEOFFREY: 4hy notBANGELA: Yes2 4hy notBHO4AR0: @6*ing 222is y 1ote2ANGELA: Goo! i!ea2RAN0OM: Yes2 4hy notBG5ESTS: @6*ingRAN0OM: Sha** 8e go se"aate*yB @#a so6n!sG5ESTS: @6*ing @s"oo7y 6si#

GRIM REAPER: /eho*!222 Paa!ise2 @e*e1ato 6si#

MR2 HEN0Y: I *o1e it heeD !a*ing2MRS2 HEN0Y: Me tooD Ma1in2RECEPTIONIST: He**o2 4e*#oe to Hea1en2 E#6se eD #o6*! yo6 6st sign heeD "*easeD siB)EREMY: Yes2RECEPTIONIST: Than7 yo6 Thee's a ta*e fo yo6 tho6gh thee in the esta6ant2)EREMY: Than7 yo62RECEPTIONIST: Fo the *a!iesD222FIONA: Mh2 'Afte;*ife Mints'2 @hi##6"0E//IE: Than7 yo62RECEPTIONIST: Ha""y Chistas0E//IE: OhD is it Chistas to!ayBRECEPTIONIST: Of #o6seD a!a2 It's Chistas e1ey !ay in Hea1en20E//IE: Ohh2HO4AR0: M20E//IE: Ho8 ao6t thatBHO4AR0: He**o thee20E//IE: Ah2

CRO40: @6*ing @6si# Shhh2 Shhhh Shhh222TONY /ENNETT: Goo! e1eningD *a!ies an! gent*een2 It's t6*y a ea* hono6a*e e"eien#e to e hee this e1eningD a 1ey 8on!ef6* an! 8a an! eotiona* oent fo a** of 6sD an! I'! *i7e to sing a song fo a**222 of yo62 @a""*a6se


26/26

@singing It's Chistas in Hea1en2 A** the #hi*!en sing2 It's Chistas in Hea1en2 Ha72 Ha72 Those #h6#h e**s ing2

It's Chistas in Hea1en2 The sno8 fa**s fo the s7yD /6t it's ni#e an! 8aD an! e1eyone Loo7s sat an! 8eas a tie2

It's Chistas in Hea1en2 Thee's geat fi*s on T3: 'The So6n! of M6si#' t8i#e an ho6 An! ')a8s' OneD T8oD an! Thee2

)OSEPH AN0 MARY: @singing Thee's gifts fo a** the fai*y2 Thee's toi*eties an! tains2THREE 4ISE MEN: @singing Thee's Sony 4a*7an Hea!"hone sets An! the *atest 1i!eo gaes2

E3ERYONE: @singing It's Chistas It's Chistas in Hea1en Hi" hi" hi" hi" hi" hooay E1ey sing*e !ay Is Chistas !ay

It's Chistas It's Chistas in Hea1en Hi" hi" hi" hi" hi" hooay

E1ey sing*e !ay Is Chi;;

The En! of the Fi*LA0Y PRESENTER: 4e**D that's the en! of the fi*2 No8D hee's the eaning of *ife2 Than7 yo6D /igitte2 M;h2 4e**D it's nothing 1ey s"e#ia*2 5hD ty an! e ni#e to "eo"*eD a1oi! eating fatD ea! a goo! oo7 e1ey no8 an! thenD get soe 8a*7ing inD an! ty an! *i1e togethe in "ea#e an! haony 8ith "eo"*e of a** #ee!s an! nationsD an!D fina**yD hee ae soe #o"*ete*y gat6ito6s "i#t6es of "enises to annoy the #ensos an! to ho"ef6**y s"a7 soe sot of #onto1esyD 8hi#hD it seesD is the on*y 8ayD these !aysD to get the a!e!D 1i!eo;sate! "6*i# off thei f6#7ing ases an! a#7 in the so!!ing #inea2 Fai*y entetainent o**o#7s2 4hat they 8ant is fi*th: "eo"*e !oing things to ea#h othe 8ith #hainsa8s !6ing t6""e8ae "atiesD aysittes eing stae! 8ith 7nitting nee!*es y gay "esi!entia* #an!i!atesD 1igi*ante go6"s stang*ing #hi#7ensD ae! an!s of theate #iti#s eteinating 6tant goats;; 4hee's the f6n in "i#t6esB OhD 8e**D thee 8e ae2 Hee's the thee 6si#2 Goo!night2 @6si#

@!ong @'Monty Python's F*ying Ci#6s' thee

@8in!3OICE OF MAN IN PIN9: @singing )6st eee that yo6'e stan!ing on a "*anet that's e1o*1ing An! e1o*1ing at nine h6n!e! i*es an ho6D That's oiting at nineteen i*es a se#on!D so it's e#7one!D A s6n that is the so6#e of a** o6 "o8e2 The s6n an! yo6 an! e an! a** the stas that 8e #an see Ae o1ing at a i**ion i*es a !ay In an o6te s"ia* aD at foty tho6san! i*es an ho6D Of the ga*ay 8e #a** the 'Mi*7y 4ay'2

O6 ga*ay itse*f #ontains a h6n!e! i**ion stas2 It's a h6n!e! tho6san! *ight yeas si!e to si!e2 It 6*ges in the i!!*eD siteen tho6san! *ight yeas thi#7D /6t o6t y 6sD it's 6st thee tho6san! *ight yeas 8i!e2 4e'e thity tho6san! *ight yeas fo ga*a#ti# #enta* "oint2 4e go 'o6n! e1ey t8o h6n!e! i**ion yeasD An! o6 ga*ay is on*y one of i**ions of i**ions

In this aaJing an! e"an!ing 6ni1ese2 The 6ni1ese itse*f 7ee"s on e"an!ing an! e"an!ing In a** of the !ie#tions it #an 8hiJJ As fast as it #an goD at the s"ee! of *ightD yo6 7no8D T8e*1e i**ion i*es a in6teD an! that's the fastest s"ee! thee is2 So eeeD 8hen yo6'e fee*ing 1ey sa** an! inse#6eD Ho8 aaJing*y 6n*i7e*y is yo6 ithD An! "ay that thee's inte**igent *ife soe8hee 6" in s"a#eD 'Ca6se thee's 6gge a** !o8n hee on Eath2

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The Meaning of Life Script