TheParasite:AStory

ByArthurConanDoyle

THEPARASITE

I

March24.Thespringisfairlywithusnow.Outsidemylaboratorywindowthegreatchestnut-tree isallcoveredwith thebig,glutinous,gummybuds,someofwhich have already begun to break into little green shuttlecocks.As youwalk down the lanes you are conscious of the rich, silent forces of natureworking all around you. The wet earth smells fruitful and luscious. Greenshootsarepeepingouteverywhere.Thetwigsarestiffwiththeirsap;andthemoist,heavyEnglishairisladenwithafaintlyresinousperfume.Budsinthehedges, lambs beneath them—everywhere the work of reproduction goingforward!Icanseeitwithout,andIcanfeelitwithin.Wealsohaveourspringwhenthelittle arterioles dilate, the lymph flows in a brisker stream, the glandsworkharder, winnowing and straining. Every year nature readjusts the wholemachine.Icanfeel theferment inmybloodat thisverymoment,andas thecoolsunshinepoursthroughmywindowIcoulddanceaboutinitlikeagnat.

SoIshould,only thatCharlesSadlerwouldrushupstairs toknowwhatwasthe matter. Besides, I must remember that I am Professor Gilroy. An oldprofessormayaffordtobenatural,butwhenfortunehasgivenoneofthefirstchairsintheuniversitytoamanoffour-and-thirtyhemusttryandactthepartconsistently.What a fellow Wilson is! If I could only throw the same enthusiasm intophysiologythathedoesintopsychology,IshouldbecomeaClaudeBernardatthe least.Hiswhole life and soul and energywork to one end.He drops tosleepcollatinghisresultsofthepastday,andhewakestoplanhisresearchesfor the coming one. And yet, outside the narrow circle who follow hisproceedings,hegetssolittlecreditforit.Physiologyisarecognizedscience.IfIaddevenabricktotheedifice,everyoneseesandapplaudsit.ButWilsonis trying to dig the foundations for a science of the future. His work isunderground and does not show. Yet he goes on uncomplainingly,correspondingwithahundredsemi-maniacsinthehopeoffindingonereliablewitness, sifting a hundred lies on the chance of gaining one little speck oftruth, collating old books, devouring new ones, experimenting, lecturing,trying to light up in others the fiery interestwhich is consuming him. I amfilledwithwonderandadmirationwhenIthinkofhim,andyet,whenheasksmetoassociatemyselfwithhisresearches,Iamcompelledtotellhimthat,intheirpresentstate,theyofferlittleattractiontoamanwhoisdevotedtoexactscience. Ifhecouldshowmesomethingpositiveandobjective, Imight thenbe tempted to approach the question from its physiological side. So long ashalfhissubjectsaretaintedwithcharlatanerieandtheotherhalfwithhysteriawephysiologistsmustcontentourselveswiththebodyandleavethemindtoourdescendants.NodoubtIamamaterialist.AgathasaysthatIamarankone.Itellherthatisanexcellentreasonforshorteningourengagement,sinceIaminsuchurgentneedofherspirituality.Andyet Imayclaim tobeacuriousexampleof theeffect of education upon temperament, for by nature I am, unless I deceivemyself, a highly psychicman. I was a nervous, sensitive boy, a dreamer, asomnambulist,fullofimpressionsandintuitions.Myblackhair,mydarkeyes,my thin, olive face, my tapering fingers, are all characteristic of my realtemperament,andcauseexpertslikeWilsontoclaimmeastheirown.Butmybrainissoakedwithexactknowledge.Ihavetrainedmyselftodealonlywithfact and with proof. Surmise and fancy have no place in my scheme ofthought.Showmewhat Icanseewithmymicroscope,cutwithmyscalpel,weighinmybalance,andIwilldevotealifetimetoitsinvestigation.Butwhenyouaskmetostudyfeelings,impressions,suggestions,youaskmetodowhatisdistastefulandevendemoralizing.Adeparturefrompurereasonaffectsmelikeanevilsmelloramusicaldiscord.

Which is a very sufficient reasonwhy I am a little loath to go to ProfessorWilson'stonight.StillIfeelthatIcouldhardlygetoutoftheinvitationwithoutpositiverudeness;and,nowthatMrs.MardenandAgathaaregoing,ofcourseIwouldnotifIcould.ButIhadrathermeetthemanywhereelse.IknowthatWilsonwoulddrawmeintothisnebuloussemi-scienceofhis ifhecould.Inhisenthusiasmheisperfectlyimpervioustohintsorremonstrances.Nothingshort of a positive quarrel willmake him realizemy aversion to thewholebusiness. Ihavenodoubt thathehassomenewmesmeristorclairvoyantormediumortricksterofsomesortwhomheisgoingtoexhibittous,forevenhisentertainmentsbearuponhishobby.Well,itwillbeatreatforAgatha,atanyrate.Sheisinterestedinit,aswomanusuallyisinwhateverisvagueandmysticalandindefinite.10.50 P. M. This diary-keeping of mine is, I fancy, the outcome of thatscientific habit ofmind aboutwhich Iwrote thismorning. I like to registerimpressionswhiletheyarefresh.OnceadayatleastIendeavortodefinemyownmentalposition. It is ausefulpieceof self-analysis, andhas, I fancy, asteadyingeffectuponthecharacter.Frankly,Imustconfessthatmyownneedswhat stiffening I can give it. I fear that, after all, much of my neurotictemperamentsurvives,andthatIamfarfromthatcool,calmprecisionwhichcharacterizes Murdoch or Pratt-Haldane. Otherwise, why should thetomfoolerywhichIhavewitnessed thiseveninghavesetmynerves thrillingso thatevennowIamallunstrung?Myonlycomfort is thatneitherWilsonnorMissPenclosanorevenAgathacouldhavepossiblyknownmyweakness.Andwhatintheworldwastheretoexciteme?Nothing,orsolittlethatitwillseemludicrouswhenIsetitdown.TheMardensgottoWilson'sbeforeme.Infact,Iwasoneofthelasttoarriveandfoundtheroomcrowded.IhadhardlytimetosayawordtoMrs.Mardenand toAgatha,whowas lookingcharming inwhiteandpink,withglitteringwheat-earsinherhair,whenWilsoncametwitchingatmysleeve."You want something positive, Gilroy," said he, drawing me apart into acorner."Mydearfellow,Ihaveaphenomenon—aphenomenon!"I should have been more impressed had I not heard the same before. Hissanguinespiritturnseveryfire-flyintoastar."No possible question about the bona fides this time," said he, in answer,perhaps,tosomelittlegleamofamusementinmyeyes."Mywifehasknownherformanyyears.TheybothcomefromTrinidad,youknow.MissPenclosahas only been in England a month or two, and knows no one outside theuniversity circle, but I assure you that the things she has told us suffice inthemselvestoestablishclairvoyanceuponanabsolutelyscientificbasis.Thereisnothinglikeher,amateurorprofessional.Comeandbeintroduced!"

I likenoneof thesemystery-mongers, but the amateur least of all.With thepaidperformeryoumaypounceuponhimandexposehimtheinstantthatyouhaveseen throughhis trick.He is there todeceiveyou,andyouare there tofindhimout.Butwhatareyoutodowiththefriendofyourhost'swife?Areyoutoturnonalightsuddenlyandexposeherslappingasurreptitiousbanjo?Or are you to hurl cochineal over her evening frockwhen she steals roundwithherphosphorusbottleandhersupernaturalplatitude?Therewouldbeascene,andyouwouldbelookeduponasabrute.Soyouhaveyourchoiceofbeingthatoradupe.IwasinnoverygoodhumorasIfollowedWilsontothelady.AnyonelesslikemyideaofaWestIndiancouldnotbeimagined.Shewasasmall,frailcreature,welloverforty,Ishouldsay,withapale,peakyface,andhairofaverylightshadeofchestnut.Herpresencewasinsignificantandhermanner retiring. In any group of ten women she would have been the lastwhom one would have picked out. Her eyes were perhaps her mostremarkable,andalso,Iamcompelledtosay,herleastpleasant,feature.Theyweregrayincolor,—graywithashadeofgreen,—andtheirexpressionstruckmeasbeingdecidedlyfurtive.Iwonderiffurtiveistheword,orshouldIhavesaid fierce? On second thoughts, feline would have expressed it better. Acrutchleaningagainst thewall toldmewhatwaspainfullyevidentwhensherose:thatoneofherlegswascrippled.So Iwas introduced toMiss Penclosa, and it did not escapeme that asmynamewasmentionedsheglancedacrossatAgatha.Wilsonhadevidentlybeentalking. And presently, no doubt, thought I, she will inform me by occultmeans that I am engaged to a young lady with wheat-ears in her hair. IwonderedhowmuchmoreWilsonhadbeentellingheraboutme."ProfessorGilroy is a terrible sceptic," saidhe; "Ihope,MissPenclosa, thatyouwillbeabletoconverthim."Shelookedkeenlyupatme."ProfessorGilroy is quite right to be sceptical if he has not seen any thingconvincing," said she. "I should have thought," she added, "that youwouldyourselfhavebeenanexcellentsubject.""Forwhat,mayIask?"saidI."Well,formesmerism,forexample.""Myexperiencehasbeen thatmesmeristsgo for their subjects to thosewhoarementallyunsound.All theirresultsarevitiated,as itseemstome,bythefactthattheyaredealingwithabnormalorganisms.""Which of these ladies would you say possessed a normal organism?" sheasked."Ishouldlikeyoutoselecttheonewhoseemstoyoutohavethebest

balanced mind. Should we say the girl in pink and white?—Miss AgathaMarden,Ithinkthenameis.""Yes,Ishouldattachweighttoanyresultsfromher.""I have never tried how far she is impressionable. Of course some peoplerespondmuchmore rapidly thanothers.May I askhow far your scepticismextends? I suppose that you admit the mesmeric sleep and the power ofsuggestion.""Iadmitnothing,MissPenclosa.""Dear me, I thought science had got further than that. Of course I knownothingaboutthescientificsideofit.IonlyknowwhatIcando.Youseethegirlinred,forexample,overneartheJapanesejar.Ishallwillthatshecomeacrosstous."Shebent forwardas she spokeanddroppedher fanupon the floor.Thegirlwhiskedroundandcamestraighttowardus,withanenquiringlookuponherface,asifsomeonehadcalledher."Whatdoyouthinkofthat,Gilroy?"criedWilson,inakindofecstasy.IdidnotdaretotellhimwhatIthoughtofit.Tomeitwasthemostbarefaced,shamelesspieceofimposturethatIhadeverwitnessed.Thecollusionandthesignalhadreallybeentooobvious."ProfessorGilroyisnotsatisfied,"saidshe,glancingupatmewithherstrangelittleeyes."Mypoorfanistogetthecreditofthatexperiment.Well,wemusttrysomethingelse.MissMarden,wouldyouhaveanyobjectiontomyputtingyouoff?""Oh,Ishouldloveit!"criedAgatha.By this time all the company had gathered round us in a circle, the shirt-fronted men, and the white-throated women, some awed, some critical, asthough it were something between a religious ceremony and a conjurer'sentertainment. A red velvet arm-chair had been pushed into the centre, andAgathalaybackinit,alittleflushedandtremblingslightlyfromexcitement.Icouldseeitfromthevibrationofthewheat-ears.MissPenclosarosefromherseatandstoodoverher,leaninguponhercrutch.And there was a change in the woman. She no longer seemed small orinsignificant.Twentyyearsweregonefromherage.Hereyeswereshining,atinge of color had come into her sallow cheeks, her whole figure hadexpanded. So I have seen a dull-eyed, listless lad change in an instant intobriskness and life when given a task of which he felt himself master. ShelookeddownatAgathawithanexpressionwhichIresentedfromthebottomofmysoul—theexpressionwithwhichaRomanempressmighthavelookedatherkneelingslave.Thenwithaquick,commandinggestureshe tossedup

herarmsandsweptthemslowlydowninfrontofher.IwaswatchingAgathanarrowly.Duringthreepassessheseemedtobesimplyamused.AtthefourthIobservedaslightglazingofhereyes,accompaniedbysomedilationofherpupils.Atthesixththerewasamomentaryrigor.Attheseventh her lids began to droop.At the tenth her eyeswere closed, andherbreathingwasslowerandfullerthanusual.ItriedasIwatchedtopreservemyscientificcalm,buta foolish,causelessagitationconvulsedme. I trust that Ihidit,butIfeltasachildfeelsinthedark.IcouldnothavebelievedthatIwasstillopentosuchweakness."Sheisinthetrance,"saidMissPenclosa."Sheissleeping!"Icried."Wakeher,then!"Ipulledherbythearmandshoutedinherear.ShemighthavebeendeadforalltheimpressionthatIcouldmake.Herbodywasthereonthevelvetchair.Her organs were acting—her heart, her lungs. But her soul! It had slippedfrombeyondourken.Whitherhaditgone?Whatpowerhaddispossessedit?Iwaspuzzledanddisconcerted."So much for the mesmeric sleep," said Miss Penclosa. "As regardssuggestion,whateverImaysuggestMissMardenwillinfalliblydo,whetheritbenoworaftershehasawakenedfromher trance.Doyoudemandproofofit?""Certainly,"saidI."Youshallhave it." I sawa smilepassoverher face, as thoughanamusingthoughthadstruckher.Shestoopedandwhisperedearnestlyintohersubject'sear.Agatha,whohadbeensodeaftome,noddedherheadasshelistened."Awake!"criedMissPenclosa,withasharptapofhercrutchuponthefloor.The eyes opened, the glazing cleared slowly away, and the soul looked outoncemoreafteritsstrangeeclipse.Wewentawayearly.Agathawasnonetheworseforherstrangeexcursion,butI was nervous and unstrung, unable to listen to or answer the stream ofcommentswhichWilsonwaspouringoutformybenefit.AsIbadehergood-nightMissPenclosaslippedapieceofpaperintomyhand."Pray forgiveme," said she, "if I takemeans to overcome your scepticism.Openthisnoteatteno'clockto-morrowmorning.Itisalittleprivatetest."Ican'timaginewhatshemeans,butthereisthenote,anditshallbeopenedasshe directs.My head is aching, and I havewritten enough for to-night. To-morrow I dare say that what seems so inexplicable will take quite anothercomplexion.Ishallnotsurrendermyconvictionswithoutastruggle.

March 25. I am amazed, confounded. It is clear that I must reconsider myopinionuponthismatter.Butfirstletmeplaceonrecordwhathasoccurred.Ihadfinishedbreakfast,andwaslookingoversomediagramswithwhichmylecture is to be illustrated, when my housekeeper entered to tell me thatAgathawasinmystudyandwishedtoseemeimmediately.Iglancedat theclockandsawwithsunrisethatitwasonlyhalf-pastnine.When I entered the room, she was standing on the hearth-rug facing me.Somethinginherposechilledmeandcheckedthewordswhichwererisingtomylips.Herveilwashalfdown,butIcouldseethatshewaspaleandthatherexpressionwasconstrained."Austin,"shesaid,"Ihavecometotellyouthatourengagementisatanend."I staggered. I believe that I literallydid stagger. I know that I foundmyselfleaningagainstthebookcaseforsupport."But—but——"Istammered."Thisisverysudden,Agatha.""Yes,Austin,Ihavecomeheretotellyouthatourengagementisatanend.""But surely," I cried, "you will give me some reason! This is unlike you,Agatha.TellmehowIhavebeenunfortunateenoughtooffendyou.""Itisallover,Austin.""Butwhy?Youmustbeundersomedelusion,Agatha.Perhapsyouhavebeentold some falsehood aboutme. Or youmay havemisunderstood somethingthatIhavesaidtoyou.Onlyletmeknowwhatitis,andawordmaysetitallright.""Wemustconsideritallatanend.""But you leftme last nightwithout a hint at any disagreement.What couldhaveoccurredintheintervaltochangeyouso?Itmusthavebeensomethingthat happened last night. You have been thinking it over and you havedisapproved ofmy conduct.Was it themesmerism?Did you blameme forletting thatwomanexerciseherpoweroveryou?Youknow thatat the leastsignIshouldhaveinterfered.""Itisuseless,Austin.Allisover:"Hervoicewascoldandmeasured;hermanner strangely formal andhard. Itseemed to me that she was absolutely resolved not to be drawn into anyargumentorexplanation.Asforme,Iwasshakingwithagitation,andIturnedmyfaceaside,soashamedwasIthatsheshouldseemywantofcontrol."Youmustknowwhatthismeanstome!"Icried."Itistheblastingofallmyhopesand the ruinofmy life!Yousurelywillnot inflict suchapunishmentuponme unheard. Youwill let me knowwhat is thematter. Consider howimpossibleitwouldbeforme,underanycircumstances, totreatyouso.For

God'ssake,Agatha,letmeknowwhatIhavedone!"Shewalkedpastmewithoutawordandopenedthedoor."It isquiteuseless,Austin,"saidshe."Youmustconsiderourengagementatan end."An instant later shewas gone, and, before I could recovermyselfsufficientlytofollowher,Iheardthehall-doorclosebehindher.Irushedintomyroomtochangemycoat,withtheideaofhurryingroundtoMrs.Marden'stolearnfromherwhatthecauseofmymisfortunemightbe.Soshaken was I that I could hardly lacemy boots. Never shall I forget thosehorribletenminutes.Ihadjustpulledonmyovercoatwhentheclockuponthemantel-piecestruckten.Ten!IassociatedtheideawithMissPenclosa'snote.Itwaslyingbeforemeonthetable,andItoreitopen.Itwasscribbledinpencilinapeculiarlyangularhandwriting."MYDEARPROFESSORGILROY[itsaid]:PrayexcusethepersonalnatureofthetestwhichIamgivingyou.ProfessorWilsonhappenedtomentiontherelations betweenyou andmy subject of this evening, and it struckme thatnothing could bemore convincing to you than if Iwere to suggest toMissMardenthatsheshouldcalluponyouathalf-pastnineto-morrowmorningandsuspendyourengagementforhalfanhourorso.Scienceissoexactingthatitisdifficulttogiveasatisfyingtest,butIamconvincedthatthisatleastwillbeanactionwhichshewouldbemostunlikelytodoofherownfreewill.Forgetanythingthatshemayhavesaid,asshehasreallynothingwhatevertodowithit,andwillcertainlynotrecollectanythingaboutit.Iwritethisnotetoshortenyour anxiety, and to beg you to forgiveme for themomentary unhappinesswhichmysuggestionmusthavecausedyou."Yoursfaithfully;"HELENPENCLOSA.

Really, when I had read the note, I was too relieved to be angry. It was aliberty.CertainlyitwasaverygreatlibertyindeedonthepartofaladywhomIhadonlymetonce.But,afterall,Ihadchallengedherbymyscepticism.Itmay have been, as she said, a little difficult to devise a test which wouldsatisfyme.Andshehaddonethat.Therecouldbenoquestionatalluponthepoint.Forme hypnotic suggestion was finally established. It took its place from nowonward as one of the facts of life. That Agatha, who of all women of myacquaintancehasthebestbalancedmind,hadbeenreducedtoaconditionofautomatismappearedtobecertain.Apersonatadistancehadworkedherasanengineeron theshoremightguideaBrennan torpedo.Asecondsoulhad

steppedin,asitwere,hadpushedherownaside,andhadseizedhernervousmechanism,saying:"Iwillworkthisforhalfanhour."AndAgathamusthavebeenunconsciousasshecameandasshereturned.Couldshemakeherwayinsafetythroughthestreetsinsuchastate?Iputonmyhatandhurriedroundtoseeifallwaswellwithher.Yes. She was at home. I was shown into the drawing-room and found hersittingwithabookuponherlap."Youareanearlyvisitor,Austin,"saidshe,smiling."Andyouhavebeenanevenearlierone,"Ianswered.Shelookedpuzzled."Whatdoyoumean?"sheasked."Youhavenotbeenoutto-day?""No,certainlynot.""Agatha,"saidIseriously,"wouldyoumindtellingmeexactlywhatyouhavedonethismorning?"Shelaughedatmyearnestness."You've got on your professional look, Austin. See what comes of beingengagedtoamanofscience.However,Iwilltellyou,thoughIcan'timaginewhatyouwanttoknowfor.Igotupateight.Ibreakfastedathalf-past.Icameinto this room at tenminutes past nine and began to read the 'Memoirs ofMme.deRemusat.'InafewminutesIdidtheFrenchladythebadcomplimentofdroppingtosleepoverherpages,andIdidyou,sir,theveryflatteringoneofdreamingaboutyou.ItisonlyafewminutessinceIwokeup.""Andfoundyourselfwhereyouhadbeenbefore?""Why,whereelseshouldIfindmyself?""Wouldyoumindtellingme,Agatha,whatitwasthatyoudreamedaboutme?Itreallyisnotmerecuriosityonmypart.""Imerelyhad a vague impression that you came into it. I cannot recall anythingdefinite.""Ifyouhavenotbeenoutto-day,Agatha,howisitthatyourshoesaredusty?"Apainedlookcameoverherface."Really,Austin,Idonotknowwhatisthematterwithyouthismorning.Onewouldalmostthinkthatyoudoubtedmyword.Ifmybootsaredusty,itmustbe,ofcourse,thatIhaveputonapairwhichthemaidhadnotcleaned."Itwasperfectlyevidentthatsheknewnothingwhateveraboutthematter,andIreflectedthat,afterall,perhapsitwasbetterthatIshouldnotenlightenher.Itmightfrightenher,andcouldservenogoodpurposethatIcouldsee.Isaidnomoreaboutit,therefore,andleftshortlyafterwardtogivemylecture.

But I am immensely impressed. My horizon of scientific possibilities hassuddenlybeenenormouslyextended.InolongerwonderatWilson'sdemonicenergyandenthusiasm.Whowouldnotworkhardwhohadavastvirginfieldready tohis hand?Why, I haveknown thenovel shapeof a nucleolus, or atriflingpeculiarity of stripedmuscular fibre seenunder a 300-diameter lens,fillmewith exultation.Howpettydo such researches seemwhencomparedwiththisonewhichstrikesattheveryrootsoflifeandthenatureofthesoul!Ihad always looked upon spirit as a product ofmatter. The brain, I thought,secretedthemind,astheliverdoesthebile.ButhowcanthisbewhenIseemindworking fromadistanceandplayinguponmatterasamusicianmightuponaviolin?Thebodydoesnotgiverisetothesoul,then,butisrathertherough instrumentbywhich thespiritmanifests itself.Thewindmilldoesnotgiverisetothewind,butonlyindicatesit.Itwasopposedtomywholehabitofthought,andyetitwasundeniablypossibleandworthyofinvestigation.AndwhyshouldInotinvestigateit?Iseethatunderyesterday'sdateIsaid:"IfIcouldseesomethingpositiveandobjective,Imightbetemptedtoapproachitfromthephysiologicalaspect."Well,Ihavegotmytest.Ishallbeasgoodasmyword.Theinvestigationwould,Iamsure,beofimmenseinterest.Someofmy colleagues might look askance at it, for science is full of unreasoningprejudices, but ifWilson has the courage of his convictions, I can afford tohave it also. I shall go to him to-morrow morning—to him and to MissPenclosa. If she can show us somuch, it is probable that she can show usmore.

II

March26.Wilsonwas,asIhadanticipated,veryexultantovermyconversion,andMissPenclosawasalsodemurelypleasedattheresultofherexperiment.Strangewhatasilent,colorlesscreatureshe is saveonlywhensheexercisesherpower!Eventalkingaboutitgiveshercolorandlife.Sheseemstotakeasingularinterestinme.Icannothelpobservinghowhereyesfollowmeabouttheroom.Wehadthemost interestingconversationaboutherownpowers.It is justaswell to put her views on record, though they cannot, of course, claim anyscientificweight."You are on the very fringe of the subject," said she,when I had expressedwonderattheremarkableinstanceofsuggestionwhichshehadshownme."IhadnodirectinfluenceuponMissMardenwhenshecameroundtoyou.Iwasnot even thinking of her thatmorning.What I didwas to set hermind as Imightsetthealarumofaclocksothatatthehournameditwouldgooffofits

own accord. If six months instead of twelve hours had been suggested, itwouldhavebeenthesame.""Andifthesuggestionhadbeentoassassinateme?""Shewouldmostinevitablyhavedoneso.""Butthisisaterriblepower!"Icried."Itis,asyousay,aterriblepower,"sheansweredgravely,"andthemoreyouknowofitthemoreterriblewillitseemtoyou.""May I ask," said I, "what you meant when you said that this matter ofsuggestionisonlyatthefringeofit?Whatdoyouconsidertheessential?""Ihadrathernottellyou."Iwassurprisedatthedecisionofheranswer."Youunderstand,"saidI,"thatitisnotoutofcuriosityIask,butinthehopethat I may find some scientific explanation for the facts with which youfurnishme.""Frankly,ProfessorGilroy,"saidshe,"Iamnotatallinterestedinscience,nordoIcarewhetheritcanorcannotclassifythesepowers.""ButIwashoping——""Ah, that isquite another thing. Ifyoumake it apersonalmatter," said she,withthepleasantestofsmiles,"Ishallbeonlytoohappytotellyouanythingyou wish to know. Let me see; what was it you asked me? Oh, about thefurtherpowers.ProfessorWilsonwon'tbelieveinthem,buttheyarequitetrueall the same. For example, it is possible for an operator to gain completecommandoverhissubject—presumingthatthelatterisagoodone.Withoutanyprevioussuggestionhemaymakehimdowhateverhelikes.""Withoutthesubject'sknowledge?""That depends. If the forcewere strongly exerted, hewould know nomoreabout it thanMissMardendidwhenshecameroundandfrightenedyouso.Or,iftheinfluencewaslesspowerful,hemightbeconsciousofwhathewasdoing,butbequiteunabletopreventhimselffromdoingit.""Wouldhehavelosthisownwillpower,then?""Itwouldbeover-riddenbyanotherstrongerone.""Haveyoueverexercisedthispoweryourself?""Severaltimes.""Isyourownwillsostrong,then?""Well,itdoesnotentirelydependuponthat.Manyhavestrongwillswhicharenotdetachablefromthemselves.Thethingis tohavethegiftofprojectingit

intoanotherpersonandsupersedinghisown.Ifindthatthepowervarieswithmyownstrengthandhealth.""Practically,yousendyoursoulintoanotherperson'sbody.""Well,youmightputitthatway.""Andwhatdoesyourownbodydo?""Itmerelyfeelslethargic.""Well,butistherenodangertoyourownhealth?"Iasked."There might be a little. You have to be careful never to let your ownconsciousnessabsolutelygo;otherwise,youmightexperiencesomedifficultyinfindingyourwaybackagain.Youmustalwayspreservetheconnection,asit were. I am afraid I express myself very badly, Professor Gilroy, but ofcourse I don't know how to put these things in a scientific way. I am justgivingyoumyownexperiencesandmyownexplanations."Well,Ireadthisovernowatmyleisure,andImarvelatmyself!IsthisAustinGilroy,themanwhohaswonhiswaytothefrontbyhishardreasoningpowerandbyhisdevotiontofact?HereIamgravelyretailingthegossipofawomanwho tellsmehowhersoulmaybeprojected fromherbody,andhow,whilesheliesinalethargy,shecancontroltheactionsofpeopleatadistance.DoIaccept it?Certainlynot.Shemustproveandre-provebefore Iyieldapoint.ButifIamstillasceptic,Ihaveatleastceasedtobeascoffer.Wearetohaveasittingthisevening,andsheistotryifshecanproduceanymesmericeffectupon me. If she can, it will make an excellent starting-point for ourinvestigation.Noonecanaccuseme,atanyrate,ofcomplicity.Ifshecannot,wemust tryandfindsomesubjectwhowillbe likeCaesar'swife.Wilsonisperfectlyimpervious.10P.M.IbelievethatIamonthethresholdofanepoch-makinginvestigation.To have the power of examining these phenomena from inside—to have anorganism which will respond, and at the same time a brain which willappreciateandcriticise—thatissurelyauniqueadvantage.IamquitesurethatWilsonwouldgivefiveyearsofhislifetobeassusceptibleasIhaveprovedmyselftobe.TherewasnoonepresentexceptWilsonandhiswife. Iwasseatedwithmyheadleaningback,andMissPenclosa,standinginfrontandalittletotheleft,usedthesamelong,sweepingstrokesaswithAgatha.Ateachofthemawarmcurrentofairseemedtostrikeme,andtosuffuseathrillandglowallthroughmefromheadtofoot.MyeyeswerefixeduponMissPenclosa'sface,butasIgazedthefeaturesseemedtoblurandtofadeaway.Iwasconsciousonlyofherowneyes lookingdownatme,gray,deep, inscrutable.Larger theygrewandlarger,untiltheychangedsuddenlyintotwomountainlakestowardwhich

Iseemedtobefallingwithhorriblerapidity.Ishuddered,andasIdidsosomedeeperstratumofthoughttoldmethattheshudderrepresentedtherigorwhichI had observed inAgatha.An instant later I struck the surface of the lakes,nowjoinedintoone,anddownIwentbeneaththewaterwithafulnessinmyheadandabuzzing inmyears.DownIwent,down,down,and thenwithaswoopupagainuntilIcouldseethelightstreamingbrightlythroughthegreenwater.Iwasalmostatthesurfacewhentheword"Awake!"rangthroughmyhead, and, with a start, I found myself back in the arm-chair, with MissPenclosaleaningonhercrutch,andWilson,hisnotebookinhishand,peepingoverhershoulder.Noheavinessorwearinesswasleftbehind.Onthecontrary,thoughitisonlyanhourorsosincetheexperiment,IfeelsowakefulthatIammoreinclinedformystudythanmybedroom.Iseequiteavistaofinterestingexperimentsextendingbeforeus,andamallimpatiencetobeginuponthem.March27.Ablankday,asMissPenclosagoeswithWilsonandhiswifetotheSuttons'.Have begunBinet andFerre's "AnimalMagnetism."What strange,deep waters these are! Results, results, results—and the cause an absolutemystery.Itisstimulatingtotheimagination,butImustbeonmyguardagainstthat.Letushaveno inferencesnordeductions,andnothingbutsolidfacts. IKNOWthatthemesmerictranceistrue;IKNOWthatmesmericsuggestionistrue; I KNOW that I ammyself sensitive to this force. That is my presentposition. I have a large new note-book which shall be devoted entirely toscientificdetail.Long talkwithAgathaandMrs.Marden in theeveningaboutourmarriage.Wethinkthatthesummervac.(thebeginningofit)wouldbethebesttimeforthewedding.Whyshouldwedelay?Igrudgeeventhosefewmonths.Still,asMrs.Mardensays,thereareagoodmanythingstobearranged.March28.MesmerizedagainbyMissPenclosa.Experiencemuchthesameasbefore, save that insensibility came on more quickly. See Note-book A fortemperatureof room,barometricpressure,pulse, and respirationas takenbyProfessorWilson.March29.Mesmerizedagain.DetailsinNote-bookA.March 30. Sunday, and a blank day. I grudge any interruption of ourexperiments.Atpresenttheymerelyembracethephysicalsignswhichgowithslight,with complete, andwith extreme insensibility.Afterwardwe hope topass on to the phenomena of suggestion and of lucidity. Professors havedemonstratedthesethingsuponwomenatNancyandattheSalpetriere.Itwillbemoreconvincingwhenawomandemonstrates ituponaprofessor,withasecondprofessorasawitness.AndthatIshouldbethesubject—I,thesceptic,thematerialist!At least, Ihaveshownthatmydevotiontoscienceisgreaterthan to my own personal consistency. The eating of our own words is thegreatestsacrificewhichtrutheverrequiresofus.

Myneighbor,CharlesSadler, thehandsomeyoungdemonstratorofanatomy,cameinthiseveningtoreturnavolumeofVirchow's"Archives"whichIhadlenthim.Icallhimyoung,but,asamatteroffact,heisayearolderthanIam."I understand, Gilroy," said he, "that you are being experimented upon byMissPenclosa.""Well,"hewenton,whenIhadacknowledgedit,"ifIwereyou,Ishouldnotletitgoanyfurther.Youwillthinkmeveryimpertinent,nodoubt,but,nonetheless,Ifeelittobemydutytoadviseyoutohavenomoretodowithher."OfcourseIaskedhimwhy."IamsoplacedthatIcannotenterintoparticularsasfreelyasIcouldwish,"said he. "Miss Penclosa is the friend of my friend, and my position is adelicateone.Icanonlysaythis:thatIhavemyselfbeenthesubjectofsomeofthewoman'sexperiments,andthattheyhaveleftamostunpleasantimpressionuponmymind."He could hardly expectme to be satisfiedwith that, and I tried hard to getsomethingmoredefiniteoutofhim,butwithoutsuccess.Isitconceivablethathecouldbejealousatmyhavingsupersededhim?Orisheoneofthosemenof science who feel personally injured when facts run counter to theirpreconceivedopinions?Hecannotseriouslysupposethatbecausehehassomevague grievance I am, therefore, to abandon a series of experiments whichpromisetobesofruitfulofresults.Heappearedtobeannoyedatthelightwayin which I treated his shadowy warnings, and we parted with some littlecoldnessonbothsides.March31.MesmerizedbyMissP.April1.MesmerizedbyMissP.(Note-bookA.)April 2.Mesmerized byMiss P. (Sphygmographic chart taken by ProfessorWilson.)April3.It ispossiblethatthiscourseofmesmerismmaybealittletryingtothegeneral constitution.Agatha says that I am thinner anddarkerunder theeyes. I am conscious of a nervous irritability which I had not observed inmyselfbefore.Theleastnoise,forexample,makesmestart,andthestupidityofastudentcausesmeexasperationinsteadofamusement.Agathawishesmeto stop, but I tell her that every course of study is trying, and that one cannever attain a result with out paying some price for it.When she sees thesensationwhichmy forthcomingpaperon "TheRelationbetweenMindandMatter"maymake, shewillunderstand that it iswortha littlenervouswearandtear.IshouldnotbesurprisedifIgotmyF.R.S.overit.Mesmerizedagain in the evening.Theeffect isproducedmore rapidlynow,and the subjective visions are lessmarked. I keep full notes of each sitting.

Wilsonisleavingfortownforaweekortendays,butweshallnotinterrupttheexperiments,whichdependfortheirvalueasmuchuponmysensationsasonhisobservations.April4. Imustbecarefullyonmyguard.Acomplicationhascrept intoourexperimentswhich I had not reckoned upon. Inmy eagerness for scientificfactsIhavebeenfoolishlyblindtothehumanrelationsbetweenMissPenclosaandmyself. I canwrite herewhat Iwouldnot breathe to a living soul.Theunhappywomanappearstohaveformedanattachmentforme.Ishouldnotsaysuchathing,evenintheprivacyofmyownintimatejournal,if ithadnotcome tosuchapass that it is impossible to ignore it.Forsometime,—thatis,forthelastweek,—therehavebeensignswhichIhavebrushedasideandrefusedtothinkof.HerbrightnesswhenIcome,herdejectionwhenIgo,hereagerness that I shouldcomeoften, theexpressionofhereyes, thetoneofhervoice—Itriedtothinkthattheymeantnothing,andwere,perhaps,only her ardent West Indian manner. But last night, as I awoke from themesmericsleep,Iputoutmyhand,unconsciously,involuntarily,andclaspedhers.When I came fully to myself, we were sitting with them locked, shelookingupatmewithanexpectantsmile.AndthehorriblethingwasthatIfeltimpelled to saywhat she expectedme to say.What a falsewretch I shouldhave been! How I should have loathed myself to-day had I yielded to thetemptationofthatmoment!But,thankGod,Iwasstrongenoughtospringupandhurryfromtheroom.Iwasrude,Ifear,butIcouldnot,no,ICOULDnot,trustmyselfanothermoment.I,agentleman,amanofhonor,engagedtooneofthesweetestgirlsinEngland—andyetinamomentofreasonlesspassionInearlyprofessed love for thiswomanwhom I hardlyknow.She is far olderthanmyselfandacripple.Itismonstrous,odious;andyettheimpulsewassostrong that, had I stayed another minute in her presence, I should havecommittedmyself.Whatwas it? I have to teach others theworkings of ourorganism,andwhatdoIknowofitmyself?Wasitthesuddenupcroppingofsome lower stratum in my nature—a brutal primitive instinct suddenlyassertingitself?Icouldalmostbelievethetalesofobsessionbyevilspirits,soovermasteringwasthefeeling.Well,theincidentplacesmeinamostunfortunateposition.Ontheonehand,Iamveryloathtoabandonaseriesofexperimentswhichhavealreadygonesofar, and which promise such brilliant results. On the other, if this unhappywomanhasconceivedapassionforme——ButsurelyevennowImusthavemade some hideous mistake. She, with her age and her deformity! It isimpossible. And then she knew about Agatha. She understood how I wasplaced.Sheonlysmiledoutofamusement,perhaps,wheninmydazedstateIseizedherhand. Itwasmyhalf-mesmerizedbrainwhichgave it ameaning,and sprang with such bestial swiftness to meet it. I wish I could persuade

myselfthatitwasindeedso.Onthewhole,perhaps,mywisestplanwouldbetopostponeourotherexperimentsuntilWilson'sreturn.IhavewrittenanotetoMissPenclosa,therefore,makingnoallusiontolastnight,butsayingthatapressofworkwouldcausemetointerruptoursittingsforafewdays.Shehasanswered, formallyenough, tosay that if IshouldchangemymindIshouldfindherathomeattheusualhour.10P.M.Well,well,whatathingofstrawIam!Iamcomingtoknowmyselfbetter of late, and themore I know the lower I fall inmy own estimation.SurelyIwasnotalwayssoweakasthis.Atfouro'clockIshouldhavesmiledhadanyonetoldmethatIshouldgotoMissPenclosa's to-night,andyet,ateight, I was at Wilson's door as usual. I don't know how it occurred. Theinfluenceofhabit,Isuppose.Perhapsthereisamesmericcrazeasthereisanopiumcraze,andIamavictimtoit.IonlyknowthatasIworkedinmystudyIbecamemoreandmoreuneasy.Ifidgeted.Iworried.Icouldnotconcentratemymind upon the papers in front ofme.And then, at last, almost before IknewwhatIwasdoing,Iseizedmyhatandhurriedroundtokeepmyusualappointment.Wehad an interesting evening.Mrs.Wilsonwaspresent duringmost of thetime,whichpreventedtheembarrassmentwhichoneatleastofusmusthavefelt.MissPenclosa'smannerwasquite thesameasusual,andsheexpressednosurpriseatmyhavingcomeinspiteofmynote.Therewasnothinginherbearingtoshowthatyesterday'sincidenthadmadeanyimpressionuponher,andsoIaminclinedtohopethatIoverratedit.April6(evening).No,no,no,Ididnotoverrateit.Icannolongerattempttoconceal frommyself that thiswoman has conceived a passion forme. It ismonstrous,butitistrue.Again,tonight,Iawokefromthemesmerictrancetofind my hand in hers, and to suffer that odious feeling which urges me tothrow awaymy honor,my career, every thing, for the sake of this creaturewho, as I canplainly seewhen I amaway fromher influence,possessesnosinglecharmuponearth.ButwhenIamnearher,Idonotfeelthis.Sherousessomething in me, something evil, something I had rather not think of. Sheparalyzesmybetternature,too,atthemomentwhenshestimulatesmyworse.Decidedlyitisnotgoodformetobenearher.Lastnightwasworsethanbefore.InsteadofflyingIactuallysatforsometimewithmy hand in hers talking over themost intimate subjects with her.WespokeofAgatha,amongother things.Whatcould Ihavebeendreamingof?Miss Penclosa said that she was conventional, and I agreed with her. Shespokeonceortwiceinadisparagingwayofher,andIdidnotprotest.WhatacreatureIhavebeen!WeakasIhaveprovedmyselftobe,Iamstillstrongenoughtobringthissortofthingtoanend.Itshallnothappenagain.IhavesenseenoughtoflywhenI

cannot fight. From this Sunday night onward I shall never sit with MissPenclosa again.Never! Let the experiments go, let the research come to anend;anythingisbetterthanfacingthismonstroustemptationwhichdragsmesolow.IhavesaidnothingtoMissPenclosa,butIshallsimplystayaway.Shecantellthereasonwithoutanywordsofmine.April 7.Have stayed away as I said. It is a pity to ruin such an interestinginvestigation,butitwouldbeagreaterpitystilltoruinmylife,andIKNOWthatIcannottrustmyselfwiththatwoman.11P.M.Godhelpme!Whatisthematterwithme?AmIgoingmad?Letmetryandbecalmandreasonwithmyself.Firstofall I shallsetdownexactlywhatoccurred.ItwasnearlyeightwhenIwrotethelineswithwhichthisdaybegins.Feelingstrangelyrestlessanduneasy,IleftmyroomsandwalkedroundtospendtheeveningwithAgathaandhermother.TheybothremarkedthatIwaspaleandhaggard.AboutnineProfessorPratt-Haldanecamein,andweplayedagameof whist. I tried hard to concentrate my attention upon the cards, but thefeelingof restlessness grewandgrewuntil I found it impossible to struggleagainstit.IsimplyCOULDnotsitstillatthetable.Atlast,intheverymiddleof a hand, I threw my cards down and, with some sort of an incoherentapology about having an appointment, I rushed from the room. As if in adreamIhaveavaguerecollectionoftearingthroughthehall,snatchingmyhatfromthestand,andslammingthedoorbehindme.Asinadream,too,Ihavetheimpressionofthedoublelineofgas-lamps,andmybespatteredbootstellme that Imust have run down themiddle of the road. Itwas allmisty andstrangeandunnatural.IcametoWilson'shouse;IsawMrs.WilsonandIsawMissPenclosa. Ihardlyrecallwhatwe talkedabout,but Idoremember thatMissP.shooktheheadofhercrutchatmeinaplayfulway,andaccusedmeofbeinglateandoflosinginterestinourexperiments.Therewasnomesmerism,butIstayedsometimeandhaveonlyjustreturned.Mybrainisquiteclearagainnow,andIcanthinkoverwhathasoccurred.Itisabsurd to suppose that it is merely weakness and force of habit. I tried toexplain it in that way the other night, but it will no longer suffice. It issomethingmuchdeeperandmore terrible than that.Why,whenIwasat theMardens'whist-table,Iwasdraggedawayasifthenooseofaropehadbeencast roundme. I canno longerdisguise it frommyself.Thewomanhashergripuponme.Iaminherclutch.ButImustkeepmyheadandreasonitoutandseewhatisbesttobedone.ButwhatablindfoolIhavebeen!InmyenthusiasmovermyresearchIhavewalked straight into the pit, although it lay gaping before me. Did she notherselfwarnme?Didshenot tellme,as Ican read inmyown journal, thatwhenshehasacquiredpowerovera subject shecanmakehimdoherwill?

Andshehasacquiredthatpoweroverme.Iamforthemomentatthebeckandcallofthiscreaturewiththecrutch.Imustcomewhenshewillsit.Imustdoasshewills.Worstofall,Imustfeelasshewills.Iloatheherandfearher,yet,whileIamunderthespell,shecandoubtlessmakemeloveher.Thereissomeconsolationinthethought,then,thatthoseodiousimpulsesforwhichIhaveblamedmyselfdonotreallycomefrommeatall.Theyarealltransferredfromher,littleasIcouldhaveguesseditatthetime.Ifeelcleanerandlighterforthethought.April 8. Yes, now, in broad daylight, writing coolly and with time forreflection,IamcompelledtoconfirmeverythingwhichIwroteinmyjournallastnight.Iaminahorribleposition,but,aboveall,Imustnotlosemyhead.Imust pitmy intellect against her powers.After all, I am no silly puppet, todanceattheendofastring.Ihaveenergy,brains,courage.Forallherdevil'stricksImaybeatheryet.May!IMUST,orwhatistobecomeofme?Let me try to reason it out! This woman, by her own explanation, candominatemynervousorganism.Shecanprojectherselfintomybodyandtakecommand of it. She has a parasite soul; yes, she is a parasite, amonstrousparasite. She creeps intomy frame as the hermit crab does into thewhelk'sshell.IampowerlessWhatcanIdo?IamdealingwithforcesofwhichIknownothing.AndIcan tellnooneofmytrouble.Theywouldsetmedownasamadman.Certainly,ifitgotnoisedabroad,theuniversitywouldsaythattheyhadnoneedofadevil-riddenprofessor.AndAgatha!No,no, Imust face italone.

III

I read over my notes of what the woman said when she spoke about herpowers.Thereisonepointwhichfillsmewithdismay.Sheimpliesthatwhentheinfluenceisslightthesubjectknowswhatheisdoing,butcannotcontrolhimself, whereas when it is strongly exerted he is absolutely unconscious.Now, Ihavealwaysknownwhat Idid, though less so lastnight thanon thepreviousoccasions.Thatseemstomeanthatshehasneveryetexertedherfullpowersuponme.Waseveramansoplacedbefore?Yes, perhaps there was, and very near me, too. Charles Sadler must knowsomethingofthis!Hisvaguewordsofwarningtakeameaningnow.Oh,ifIhad only listened to him then, before I helped by these repeated sittings toforgethelinksofthechainwhichbindsme!ButIwillseehimto-day.Iwillapologizetohimforhavingtreatedhiswarningsolightly.Iwillseeifhecanadviseme.

4P.M.No,hecannot.Ihavetalkedwithhim,andheshowedsuchsurpriseatthefirstwordsinwhichItriedtoexpressmyunspeakablesecretthatIwentnofurther. As far as I can gather (by hints and inferences rather than by anystatement),hisownexperiencewaslimitedtosomewordsorlookssuchasIhavemyselfendured.HisabandonmentofMissPenclosaisinitselfasignthathewas never really in her toils.Oh, if he only knewhis escape!He has tothankhisphlegmaticSaxontemperamentforit.IamblackandCeltic,andthishag'sclutchisdeepinmynerves.ShallIeverget itout?ShallIeverbethesamemanthatIwasjustoneshortfortnightago?Let me consider what I had better do. I cannot leave the university in themiddleoftheterm.IfIwerefree,mycoursewouldbeobvious.IshouldstartatonceandtravelinPersia.Butwouldsheallowmetostart?Andcouldherinfluence not reachme in Persia, and bringme back towithin touch of hercrutch?Icanonlyfindout the limitsof thishellishpowerbymyownbitterexperience.Iwillfightandfightandfight—andwhatcanIdomore?Iknowverywellthatabouteighto'clockto-nightthatcravingforhersociety,that irresistible restlessness, will come upon me. How shall I overcome it?WhatshallIdo?Imustmakeit impossibleformetoleavetheroom.Ishalllockthedoorandthrowthekeyoutofthewindow.But,then,whatamItodointhemorning?Nevermindaboutthemorning.Imustatallcostsbreakthischainwhichholdsme.April9.Victory!Ihavedonesplendidly!Atseveno'clocklastnightItookahastydinner,andthenlockedmyselfupinmybedroomanddroppedthekeyintothegarden.Ichoseacheerynovel,andlayinbedforthreehourstryingtoreadit,butreallyinahorriblestateoftrepidation,expectingeveryinstantthatI should become conscious of the impulse. Nothing of the sort occurred,however,andIawokethismorningwiththefeelingthatablacknightmarehadbeen lifted off me. Perhaps the creature realized what I had done, andunderstoodthatitwasuselesstotrytoinfluenceme.Atanyrate,Ihavebeatenheronce,andifIcandoitonce,Icandoitagain.It was most awkward about the key in the morning. Luckily, there was anunder-gardenerbelow,andIaskedhimtothrowitup.NodoubthethoughtIhadjustdroppedit. Iwillhavedoorsandwindowsscrewedupandsixstoutmen to holdme down inmy bed before Iwill surrendermyself to be hag-riddeninthisway.IhadanotefromMrs.Mardenthisafternoonaskingmetogoroundandseeher. I intended to do so in any case, but hadnot excepted to find badnewswaiting for me. It seems that the Armstrongs, from whom Agatha hasexpectations,areduehomefromAdelaide in theAurora,and that theyhavewrittentoMrs.Mardenandhertomeetthemintown.Theywillprobablybeawayforamonthorsixweeks,and,astheAuroraisdueonWednesday,they

mustgoatonce—to-morrow,iftheyarereadyintime.MyconsolationisthatwhenwemeetagaintherewillbenomorepartingbetweenAgathaandme."Iwantyoutodoonething,Agatha,"saidI,whenwewerealonetogether."Ifyou shouldhappen tomeetMissPenclosa, either in townorhere,youmustpromisemeneveragaintoallowhertomesmerizeyou."Agathaopenedhereyes."Why, itwas only the other day that youwere saying how interesting it allwas,andhowdeterminedyouweretofinishyourexperiments.""Iknow,butIhavechangedmymindsincethen.""Andyouwon'thaveitanymore?""No.""Iamsoglad,Austin.Youcan'tthinkhowpaleandwornyouhavebeenlately.ItwasreallyourprincipalobjectiontogoingtoLondonnowthatwedidnotwishtoleaveyouwhenyouweresopulleddown.Andyourmannerhasbeenso strange occasionally—especially that night when you left poor ProfessorPratt-Haldanetoplaydummy.Iamconvincedthattheseexperimentsareverybadforyournerves.""Ithinkso,too,dear.""AndforMissPenclosa'snervesaswell.Youhaveheardthatsheisill?""No.""Mrs. Wilson told us so last night. She described it as a nervous fever.ProfessorWilsoniscomingbackthisweek,andofcourseMrs.Wilsonisveryanxious that Miss Penclosa should be well again then, for he has quite aprogrammeofexperimentswhichheisanxioustocarryout."IwasgladtohaveAgatha'spromise,foritwasenoughthatthiswomanshouldhaveoneofusinherclutch.Ontheotherhand,IwasdisturbedtohearaboutMissPenclosa'sillness.ItratherdiscountsthevictorywhichIappearedtowinlast night. I remember that she said that loss of health interfered with herpower.Thatmaybewhy Iwasable toholdmyownsoeasily.Well,well, Imust take the same precautions to-night and see what comes of it. I amchildishlyfrightenedwhenIthinkofher.April 10.Allwentverywell last night. Iwas amusedat thegardener's facewhenIhadagaintohailhimthismorningandtoaskhimtothrowupmykey.I shall get a name among the servants if this sort of thing goes on.But thegreatpointisthatIstayedinmyroomwithouttheslightestinclinationtoleaveit.IdobelievethatIamshakingmyselfclearofthisincrediblebond—orisitonlythatthewoman'spowerisinabeyanceuntilsherecoversherstrength?Icanbutprayforthebest.

TheMardensleftthismorning,andthebrightnessseemstohavegoneoutofthespringsunshine.Andyetitisverybeautifulalsoasitgleamsonthegreenchestnuts opposite my windows, and gives a touch of gayety to the heavy,lichen-mottledwallsoftheoldcolleges.HowsweetandgentleandsoothingisNature!Whowouldthinkthat there lurkedinheralsosuchvileforces,suchodiouspossibilities!ForofcourseIunderstandthatthisdreadfulthingwhichhassprungoutatmeisneithersupernaturalnorevenpreternatural.No,itisanaturalforcewhichthiswomancanuseandsocietyisignorantof.Themerefactthatitebbswithherstrengthshowshowentirelyitissubjecttophysicallaws.IfIhadtime,Imightprobeittothebottomandlaymyhandsuponitsantidote.Butyoucannottamethetigerwhenyouarebeneathhisclaws.Youcanbuttrytowritheawayfromhim.Ah,whenIlookintheglassandseemyowndarkeyesandclear-cutSpanishface,Ilongforavitriolsplashoraboutofthesmall-pox.Oneortheothermighthavesavedmefromthiscalamity.Iaminclinedto thinkthatImayhavetrouble to-night.Thereare twothingswhichmakemefearso.OneisthatImetMrs.Wilsoninthestreet,andthatshe tells me that Miss Penclosa is better, though still weak. I find myselfwishing in my heart that the illness had been her last. The other is thatProfessorWilsoncomesbackinadayortwo,andhispresencewouldactasaconstraint upon her. I should not fear our interviews if a third personwerepresent.ForboththesereasonsIhaveapresentimentoftroubleto-night,andIshalltakethesameprecautionsasbefore.April10.No, thankGod,allwentwell lastnight. I reallycouldnot face thegardeneragain.Ilockedmydoorandthrustthekeyunderneathit,sothatIhadtoaskthemaidtoletmeoutinthemorning.Buttheprecautionwasreallynotneeded, for I never had any inclination to go out at all. Three evenings insuccessionathome!Iamsurelyneartheendofmytroubles,forWilsonwillbehomeagaineithertodayortomorrow.ShallItellhimofwhatIhavegonethroughornot?IamconvincedthatIshouldnothavetheslightestsympathyfromhim.Hewould look uponme as an interesting case, and read a paperabout me at the next meeting of the Psychical Society, in which he wouldgravely discuss the possibility of my being a deliberate liar, and weigh itagainstthechancesofmybeinginanearlystageoflunacy.No,IshallgetnocomfortoutofWilson.Iamfeelingwonderfullyfitandwell.Idon'tthinkIeverlecturedwithgreaterspirit.Oh,ifIcouldonlygetthisshadowoffmylife,howhappyIshouldbe!Young, fairly wealthy, in the front rank of my profession, engaged to abeautiful and charminggirl—have I not every thingwhich aman could askfor?Onlyonethingtotroubleme,butwhatathingitis!Midnight.Ishallgomad.Yes,thatwillbetheendofit.Ishallgomad.Iamnotfarfromitnow.MyheadthrobsasIrestitonmyhothand.Iamquivering

alloverlikeascaredhorse.Oh,whatanightIhavehad!AndyetIhavesomecausetobesatisfiedalso.Attheriskofbecomingthelaughing-stockofmyownservant,Iagainslippedmykeyunderthedoor,imprisoningmyselfforthenight.Then,findingittooearly togo tobed, I laydownwithmyclothesonandbegan to readoneofDumas's novels. Suddenly I was gripped—gripped and dragged from thecouch.ItisonlythusthatIcandescribetheoverpoweringnatureoftheforcewhichpounceduponme.Iclawedatthecoverlet.Iclungtothewood-work.IbelievethatIscreamedoutinmyfrenzy.Itwasalluseless,hopeless.IMUSTgo.Therewasnowayoutof it. Itwasonlyat theoutset that I resisted.Theforce soon became too overmastering for that. I thank goodness that therewere nowatchers there to interferewithme. I could not have answered formyselfiftherehadbeen.And,besidesthedeterminationtogetout,therecametome, also, thekeenest andcoolest judgment inchoosingmymeans. I lit acandleandendeavored,kneelinginfrontofthedoor,topullthekeythroughwiththefeather-endofaquillpen.Itwasjusttooshortandpusheditfurtheraway. Then with quiet persistence I got a paper-knife out of one of thedrawers, andwith that Imanaged to draw the key back. I opened the door,stepped intomy study, took a photograph ofmyself from the bureau,wrotesomethingacrossit,placeditintheinsidepocketofmycoat,andthenstartedoffforWilson's.Itwasallwonderfullyclear,andyetdisassociatedfromtherestofmylife,asthe incidents of even the most vivid dream might be. A peculiar doubleconsciousnesspossessedme.Therewasthepredominantalienwill,whichwasbent upon drawing me to the side of its owner, and there was the feeblerprotestingpersonality,whichI recognizedasbeingmyself, tuggingfeeblyattheovermasteringimpulseasaledterriermightatitschain.Icanrememberrecognizingthesetwoconflictingforces,butIrecallnothingofmywalk,norofhowIwasadmittedtothehouse.Veryvivid,however,ismyrecollectionofhowImetMissPenclosa.Shewasrecliningonthesofainthelittleboudoirinwhichourexperimentshadusuallybeencarriedout.Herheadwas restedonherhand, anda tiger-skin rughadbeenpartlydrawnoverher.ShelookedupexpectantlyasIentered,and,asthelamp-lightfelluponherface,Icouldseethatshewasverypaleandthin,withdarkhollowsunderhereyes.Shesmiledatme,andpointedtoastoolbesideher.Itwaswithherlefthandthatshepointed,andI,runningeagerlyforward,seizedit,—IloathemyselfasIthinkofit,—andpresseditpassionatelytomylips.Then,seatingmyselfuponthestool,andstill retainingherhand,Igaveher thephotographwhich Ihadbroughtwithme, and talkedand talkedandtalked—of my love for her, of my grief over her illness, of my joy at herrecovery,of themisery itwas tome tobeabsent a single evening fromher

side. She lay quietly looking down at me with imperious eyes and herprovocativesmile.OnceIrememberthatshepassedherhandovermyhairasonecaressesadog;anditgavemepleasure—thecaress.Ithrilledunderit.Iwasherslave,bodyandsoul,andforthemomentIrejoicedinmyslavery.And then came the blessed change. Never tell me that there is not aProvidence!Iwasonthebrinkofperdition.Myfeetwereontheedge.Wasitacoincidencethatatthatveryinstanthelpshouldcome?No,no,no;thereisaProvidence, and its hand has drawn me back. There is something in theuniversestronger than thisdevilwomanwithher tricks.Ah,whatabalm tomyheartitistothinkso!AsIlookedupatherIwasconsciousofachangeinher.Herface,whichhadbeenpalebefore,wasnowghastly.Hereyesweredull,andthelidsdroopedheavilyoverthem.Aboveall,thelookofsereneconfidencehadgonefromherfeatures. Her mouth had weakened. Her forehead had puckered. She wasfrightened and undecided. And as I watched the change my own spiritflutteredandstruggled,tryinghardtotearitselffromthegripwhichheldit—agripwhich,frommomenttomoment,grewlesssecure."Austin," she whispered, "I have tried to do too much. I was not strongenough.Ihavenotrecoveredyetfrommyillness.ButIcouldnotlivelongerwithout seeing you. You won't leave me, Austin? This is only a passingweakness.Ifyouwillonlygivemefiveminutes,Ishallbemyselfagain.Givemethesmalldecanterfromthetableinthewindow."But I had regained my soul. With her waning strength the influence hadcleared away from me and left me free. And I was aggressive—bitterly,fiercely aggressive. For once at least I could make this woman understandwhatmy real feelings towardherwere.My soulwas filledwith ahatred asbestial as the love against which it was a reaction. It was the savage,murderouspassionoftherevoltedserf.Icouldhavetakenthecrutchfromhersideandbeatenher face inwith it.She threwherhandsup,as if toavoidablow,andcoweredawayfrommeintothecornerofthesettee."Thebrandy!"shegasped."Thebrandy!"Itookthedecanterandpoureditovertherootsofapalminthewindow.ThenIsnatchedthephotographfromherhandandtoreitintoahundredpieces."Youvilewoman,"Isaid,"ifIdidmydutytosociety,youwouldneverleavethisroomalive!""Iloveyou,Austin;Iloveyou!"shewailed."Yes,"Icried,"andCharlesSadlerbefore.Andhowmanyothersbeforethat?""Charles Sadler!" she gasped. "He has spoken to you? So, Charles Sadler,CharlesSadler!"Hervoicecamethroughherwhitelipslikeasnake'shiss.

"Yes, I knowyou, and others shall knowyou, too.You shameless creature!YouknewhowIstood.Andyetyouusedyourvilepowertobringmetoyourside.Youmay,perhaps,dosoagain,butatleastyouwillrememberthatyouhaveheardmesaythatIloveMissMardenfromthebottomofmysoul,andthatIloatheyou,abhoryou!"Thevery sightofyouand the soundofyourvoice fillmewithhorror anddisgust.Thethoughtofyouisrepulsive.ThatishowIfeeltowardyou,andifitpleasesyoubyyourtrickstodrawmeagaintoyoursideasyouhavedoneto-night, youwill at least, I should think,have little satisfaction in trying tomakealoveroutofamanwhohastoldyouhisrealopinionofyou.Youmayputwhatwords youwill intomymouth, but you cannot help remembering——"I stopped, for the woman's head had fallen back, and she had fainted. ShecouldnotbeartohearwhatIhadtosaytoher!Whataglowofsatisfactionitgives me to think that, come what may, in the future she can nevermisunderstandmytruefeelingstowardher.Butwhatwilloccurinthefuture?Whatwillshedonext?Idarenotthinkofit.Oh,ifonlyIcouldhopethatshewillleavemealone!ButwhenIthinkofwhatIsaidtoher——Nevermind;Ihavebeenstrongerthansheforonce.April11.Ihardlysleptlastnight,andfoundmyselfinthemorningsounstrungand feverish that Iwascompelled toaskPratt-Haldane todomy lecture forme. It is the first that Ihaveevermissed. I roseatmid-day,butmyhead isaching,myhandsquivering,andmynervesinapitiablestate.WhoshouldcomeroundthiseveningbutWilson.HehasjustcomebackfromLondon,where he has lectured, read papers, convenedmeetings, exposed amedium, conducted a series of experiments on thought transference,entertained ProfessorRichet of Paris, spent hours gazing into a crystal, andobtainedsomeevidenceastothepassageofmatterthroughmatter.Allthishepouredintomyearsinasinglegust."Butyou!"hecriedat last."Youarenot lookingwell.AndMissPenclosaisquiteprostratedto-day.Howabouttheexperiments?""Ihaveabandonedthem.""Tut,tut!Why?""Thesubjectseemstometobeadangerousone."Outcamehisbigbrownnote-book."Thisisofgreatinterest,"saidhe."Whatareyourgroundsforsayingthatitisa dangerous one? Please give your facts in chronological order, withapproximate dates and names of reliable witnesses with their permanentaddresses."

"First of all," I asked, "would you tell me whether you have collected anycaseswhere themesmerist has gained a command over the subject and hasuseditforevilpurposes?""Dozens!"hecriedexultantly."Crimebysuggestion——""I don't mean suggestion. I mean where a sudden impulse comes from apersonatadistance—anuncontrollableimpulse.""Obsession!"heshrieked, inanecstasyofdelight."It is therarestcondition.We have eight cases, five well attested. You don't mean to say——" Hisexultationmadehimhardlyarticulate."No,Idon't,"saidI."Good-evening!Youwillexcuseme,butIamnotverywellto-night."AndsoatlastIgotridofhim,stillbrandishinghispencilandhisnote-book.Mytroublesmaybebadtohear,butatleastitisbettertohugthemtomyselfthantohavemyselfexhibitedbyWilson,likeafreakatafair.He has lost sight of human beings. Every thing to him is a case and aphenomenon.IwilldiebeforeIspeaktohimagainuponthematter.April12.Yesterdaywasablesseddayofquiet, and Ienjoyedanuneventfulnight.Wilson'spresenceisagreatconsolation.Whatcanthewomandonow?Surely,when she has heardme saywhat I have said, shewill conceive thesamedisgustformewhichIhaveforher.Shecouldnot,no,sheCOULDnot,desiretohavealoverwhohadinsultedherso.No,IbelieveIamfreefromherlove—but how about her hate?Might she not use these powers of hers forrevenge? Tut! why should I frightenmyself over shadows? She will forgetaboutme,andIshallforgetabouther,andallwillbewell.April 13.My nerves have quite recovered their tone. I really believe that Ihaveconquered thecreature.But Imustconfess to living in somesuspense.Sheiswellagain,forIhearthatshewasdrivingwithMrs.WilsonintheHighStreetintheafternoon.April14. IdowishIcouldgetawayfromtheplacealtogether. Ishall fly toAgatha'ssidetheverydaythatthetermcloses.Isupposeitispitiablyweakofme,butthiswomangetsuponmynervesmostterribly.Ihaveseenheragain,andIhavespokenwithher.It was just after lunch, and I was smoking a cigarette inmy study, when IheardthestepofmyservantMurrayinthepassage.Iwaslanguidlyconsciousthat a second step was audible behind, and had hardly troubled myself tospeculatewhoitmightbe,whensuddenlyaslightnoisebroughtmeoutofmychair with my skin creeping with apprehension. I had never particularlyobserved before what sort of sound the tapping of a crutch was, but myquiveringnervestoldmethatIhearditnowinthesharpwoodenclackwhichalternated with the muffled thud of the foot fall. Another instant and myservanthadshownherin.

Ididnotattempttheusualconventionsofsociety,nordidshe.Isimplystoodwiththesmoulderingcigarette inmyhand,andgazedather.Sheinher turnlookedsilentlyatme,andatherlookIrememberedhowintheseverypagesIhad tried to define the expression of her eyes,whether theywere furtive orfierce.To-daytheywerefierce—coldlyandinexorablyso."Well," said she at last, "are you still of the samemind aswhen I sawyoulast?""Ihavealwaysbeenofthesamemind.""Letusunderstandeachother,ProfessorGilroy,"saidsheslowly."Iamnotaverysafepersontotriflewith,asyoushouldrealizebynow.Itwasyouwhoaskedmetoenterintoaseriesofexperimentswithyou,itwasyouwhowonmy affections, itwas youwho professed your love forme, itwas youwhobroughtmeyourownphotographwithwordsofaffectionuponit,and,finally,it was you who on the very same evening thought fit to insult me mostoutrageously,addressingmeasnomanhaseverdaredtospeaktomeyet.TellmethatthosewordscamefromyouinamomentofpassionandIampreparedtoforgetandtoforgivethem.Youdidnotmeanwhatyousaid,Austin?Youdonotreallyhateme?"I might have pitied this deformed woman—such a longing for love brokesuddenly through themenace of her eyes.But then I thought ofwhat I hadgonethrough,andmyheartsetlikeflint."Ifeveryouheardmespeakoflove,"saidI,"youknowverywellthatitwasyourvoicewhichspoke,andnotmine.TheonlywordsoftruthwhichIhaveeverbeenabletosaytoyouarethosewhichyouheardwhenlastwemet.""Iknow.Someonehas setyouagainstme. Itwashe!"She tappedwithhercrutchuponthefloor."Well,youknowverywell that Icouldbringyou thisinstantcrouchinglikeaspanieltomyfeet.Youwillnotfindmeagaininmyhourofweakness,whenyoucan insultmewith impunity.Haveacarewhatyouaredoing,ProfessorGilroy.Youstandinaterribleposition.YouhavenotyetrealizedtheholdwhichIhaveuponyou."Ishruggedmyshouldersandturnedaway."Well,"saidshe,afterapause,"ifyoudespisemylove,Imustseewhatcanbedone with fear. You smile, but the day will come when you will comescreaming tome for pardon.Yes, youwill grovel on the groundbeforeme,proud as you are, and youwill curse the day that ever you turnedme fromyourbestfriendintoyourmostbitterenemy.Haveacare,ProfessorGilroy!"Isawawhitehandshakingintheair,andafacewhichwasscarcelyhuman,soconvulsedwasitwithpassion.Aninstantlatershewasgone,andIheardthequickhobbleandtaprecedingdownthepassage.

But she has left a weight upon my heart. Vague presentiments of comingmisfortunelieheavyuponme.Itryinvaintopersuademyselfthattheseareonlywordsofemptyanger.Icanrememberthoserelentlesseyestooclearlytothinkso.WhatshallIdo—ah,whatshallIdo?Iamnolongermasterofmyownsoul.Atanymomentthisloathsomeparasitemaycreepintome,andthen——Imusttellsomeonemyhideoussecret—Imusttellitorgomad.IfIhadsome one to sympathize and advise!Wilson is out of the question. CharlesSadlerwould understandme only so far as his own experience carries him.Pratt-Haldane!Heisawell-balancedman,amanofgreatcommon-senseandresource.Iwillgotohim.Iwilltellhimeverything.Godgrantthathemaybeabletoadviseme!

IV

6.45P.M.No,itisuseless.Thereisnohumanhelpforme;Imustfightthisout single-handed.Twocourses liebeforeme. Imightbecome thiswoman'slover.OrImustenduresuchpersecutionsasshecaninflictuponme.Evenifnonecome,Ishallliveinahellofapprehension.Butshemaytortureme,shemaydrivememad,shemaykillme:Iwillnever,never,nevergivein.Whatcan she inflict which would be worse than the loss of Agatha, and theknowledge that I am a perjured liar, and have forfeited the name ofgentleman?Pratt-Haldanewasmostamiable,andlistenedwithallpolitenesstomystory.ButwhenIlookedathisheavysetfeatures,hissloweyes,andtheponderousstudyfurniturewhichsurroundedhim,IcouldhardlytellhimwhatIhadcometosay.Itwasallsosubstantial,somaterial.And,besides,whatwouldImyselfhavesaidashortmonthagoifoneofmycolleagueshadcometomewithastoryofdemonicpossession?Perhaps.Ishouldhavebeenlesspatientthanhewas. As it was, he took notes of my statement, asked me howmuch tea Idrank,howmanyhoursIslept,whetherIhadbeenoverworkingmuch,hadIhadsuddenpainsinthehead,evildreams,singingintheears,flashesbeforetheeyes—allquestionswhichpointedtohisbeliefthatbraincongestionwasatthe bottom of my trouble. Finally he dismissed me with a great manyplatitudesaboutopen-airexercise,andavoidanceofnervousexcitement.Hisprescription,whichwasforchloralandbromide,Irolledupandthrewintothegutter.No,Icanlookfornohelpfromanyhumanbeing.IfIconsultanymore,theymayput theirheads together and Imay findmyself in anasylum. I canbutgripmy couragewith both hands, and pray that an honestmanmay not beabandoned.

April 10. It is the sweetest springwithin thememory ofman. So green, somild, sobeautiful!Ah,whatacontrastbetweennaturewithoutandmyownsoulsotornwithdoubtandterror!Ithasbeenanuneventfulday,butIknowthatIamontheedgeofanabyss.Iknowit,andyetIgoonwiththeroutineofmy life.Theonebright spot is thatAgatha ishappyandwell andoutofalldanger.Ifthiscreaturehadahandoneachofus,whatmightshenotdo?April16.Thewomanisingeniousinhertorments.SheknowshowfondIamofmywork, and how highlymy lectures are thought of. So it is from thatpoint that she now attacks me. It will end, I can see, in my losing myprofessorship, but Iwill fight to the finish. She shall not driveme out of itwithoutastruggle.IwasnotconsciousofanychangeduringmylecturethismorningsavethatforaminuteortwoIhadadizzinessandswimminesswhichrapidlypassedaway.On the contrary, I congratulatedmyself upon havingmademy subject (thefunctions of the red corpuscles) both interesting and clear. I was surprised,therefore, when a student came into my laboratory immediately after thelecture, and complained of being puzzled by the discrepancy between mystatementsandthoseinthetextbooks.Heshowedmehisnote-book,inwhichIwas reported as having inoneportionof the lecture championed themostoutrageousandunscientificheresies.OfcourseIdenied it,anddeclared thathe had misunderstood me, but on comparing his notes with those of hiscompanions,itbecameclearthathewasright,andthatIreallyhadmadesomemostpreposterousstatements.Ofcourse I shallexplain it awayasbeing theresultofamomentofaberration,butIfeelonlytoosurethatitwillbethefirstofaseries.It isbutamonthnowtotheendof thesession,andIpraythatImaybeabletoholdoutuntilthen.April26.TendayshaveelapsedsinceIhavehadthehearttomakeanyentryinmy journal.Why should I recordmyownhumiliationanddegradation? Ihadvowednever to open it again.Andyet the force of habit is strong, andhere I find myself taking up once more the record of my own dreadfulexperiences—inmuch thesamespirit inwhicha suicidehasbeenknown totakenotesoftheeffectsofthepoisonwhichkilledhim.Well,thecrashwhichIhadforeseenhascome—andthatnofurtherbackthanyesterday. The university authorities have takenmy lectureship fromme. Ithasbeendoneinthemostdelicateway,purportingtobeatemporarymeasuretorelievemefromtheeffectsofoverwork,andtogivemetheopportunityofrecoveringmy health. None the less, it has been done, and I am no longerProfessorGilroy.The laboratory is still inmycharge,but Ihave littledoubtthatthatalsowillsoongo.Thefactisthatmylectureshadbecomethelaughing-stockoftheuniversity.My class was crowded with students who came to see and hear what the

eccentric professorwould do or say next. I cannot go into the detail ofmyhumiliation.Oh, that devilishwoman! There is no depth of buffoonery andimbecility towhichshehasnot forcedme. Iwouldbeginmylectureclearlyandwell, but alwayswith the sense of a coming eclipse. Then as I felt theinfluenceIwouldstruggleagainst it,strivingwithclenchedhandsandbeadsofsweatuponmybrowtogetthebetterofit,whilethestudents,hearingmyincoherentwords andwatchingmy contortions,would roarwith laughter attheanticsoftheirprofessor.Andthen,whenshehadoncefairlymasteredme,outwouldcomethemostoutrageousthings—sillyjokes,sentimentsasthoughI were proposing a toast, snatches of ballads, personal abuse even againstsomememberofmyclass.Andtheninamomentmybrainwouldclearagain,and my lecture would proceed decorously to the end. No wonder that myconduct has been the talk of the colleges. No wonder that the UniversitySenatehasbeencompelledto takeofficialnoticeofsuchascandal.Oh, thatdevilishwoman!And the most dreadful part of it all is my own loneliness. Here I sit in acommonplaceEnglishbow-window,lookingoutuponacommonplaceEnglishstreetwithitsgarish 'busesandits loungingpoliceman,andbehindmetherehangs a shadowwhich is out of all keepingwith the age and place. In thehome of knowledge I amweighed down and tortured by a power ofwhichscience knows nothing. Nomagistrate would listen tome. No paper woulddiscuss my case. No doctor would believe my symptoms. My own mostintimatefriendswouldonlylookuponitasasignofbrainderangement.Iamoutofalltouchwithmykind.Oh,thatdevilishwoman!Letherhaveacare!Shemaypushmetoofar.Whenthe lawcannothelpaman,hemaymakealawforhimself.ShemetmeintheHighStreetyesterdayeveningandspoketome.Itwasaswellforher,perhaps, that itwasnotbetweenthehedgesofa lonelycountryroad.Sheaskedmewithhercoldsmilewhether Ihadbeenchastenedyet. Ididnotdeigntoanswerher."Wemusttryanotherturnofthescrew;"saidshe.Have a care, my lady, have a care! I had her at my mercy once. Perhapsanotherchancemaycome.April28.Thesuspensionofmy lectureshiphashad theeffectalsoof takingawayhermeansofannoyingme,andsoIhaveenjoyedtwoblesseddaysofpeace.Afterall,thereisnoreasontodespair.Sympathypoursintomefromall sides, and every one agrees that it is my devotion to science and thearduous nature of my researches which have shaken my nervous system. Ihavehadthekindestmessagefromthecounciladvisingmetotravelabroad,andexpressingtheconfidenthopethatImaybeabletoresumeallmydutiesbythebeginningof thesummerterm.Nothingcouldbemoreflatteringthantheirallusionstomycareerandtomyservicestotheuniversity.Itisonlyin

misfortunethatonecantestone'sownpopularity.Thiscreaturemaywearyoftormentingme,andthenallmayyetbewell.MayGodgrantit!April 29. Our sleepy little town has had a small sensation. The onlyknowledge of crime which we ever have is when a rowdy undergraduatebreaksafewlampsorcomestoblowswithapoliceman.Lastnight,however,therewasanattemptmade tobreak-into thebranchof theBankofEngland,andweareallinaflutterinconsequence.Parkenson, themanager, isan intimatefriendofmine,andI foundhimverymuch excited when I walked round there after breakfast. Had the thievesbrokenintothecounting-house,theywouldstillhavehadthesafestoreckonwith,sothatthedefencewasconsiderablystrongerthantheattack.Indeed,thelatter does not appear to have ever been very formidable.Twoof the lowerwindowshavemarksasifachiselorsomesuchinstrumenthadbeenpushedunder them to force themopen.Thepoliceshouldhaveagoodclue, for thewood-workhadbeendonewithgreenpaintonlythedaybefore,andfromthesmearsitisevidentthatsomeofithasfounditswayontothecriminal'shandsorclothes.4.30 P. M. Ah, that accursed woman! That thrice accursed woman! Nevermind!Sheshallnotbeatme!No,sheshallnot!But,oh,theshe-devil!Shehastakenmyprofessorship.Nowshewouldtakemyhonor.IstherenothingIcandoagainsther,nothingsave——Ah,but,hardpushedasIam,Icannotbringmyselftothinkofthat!ItwasaboutanhouragothatIwentintomybedroom,andwasbrushingmyhairbefore theglass,when suddenlymyeyes lit upon somethingwhich leftmesosickandcoldthatIsatdownupontheedgeofthebedandbegantocry.It ismany a long year since I shed tears, but allmy nervewas gone, and Icouldbutsobandsobinimpotentgriefandanger.Therewasmyhousejacket,thecoatIusuallywearafterdinner,hangingonitspegbythewardrobe,withtherightsleevethicklycrustedfromwristtoelbowwithdaubsofgreenpaint.So thiswaswhat shemeant by another turn of the screw! She hadmade apublicimbecileofme.Nowshewouldbrandmeasacriminal.Thistimeshehasfailed.Buthowaboutthenext?Idarenotthinkofit—andofAgathaandmypooroldmother!IwishthatIweredead!Yes, this is theother turnof the screw.And this is alsowhat shemeant, nodoubt,whenshesaidthatIhadnotrealizedyetthepowershehasoverme.Ilook back at my account of my conversation with her, and I see how shedeclaredthatwithaslightexertionofherwillhersubjectwouldbeconscious,andwith a stronger one unconscious.Last night Iwas unconscious. I couldhaveswornthatIsleptsoundlyinmybedwithoutsomuchasadream.AndyetthosestainstellmethatIdressed,mademywayout,attemptedtoopenthe

bankwindows,andreturned.WasIobserved?Isitpossiblethatsomeonesawmedoitandfollowedmehome?Ah,whatahellmylifehasbecome!Ihavenopeace,norest.Butmypatienceisnearingitsend.10P.M.Ihavecleanedmycoatwithturpentine.Idonotthinkthatanyonecould have seenme. It waswithmy screw-driver that Imade themarks. Ifound it all crustedwithpaint, and Ihavecleaned it.Myheadachesas if itwould burst, and I have taken five grains of antipyrine. If it were not forAgatha,Ishouldhavetakenfiftyandhadanendofit.May3.Threequietdays.Thishellfiendislikeacatwithamouse.Sheletsmelooseonlytopounceuponmeagain.Iamneversofrightenedaswheneverything isstill.Myphysicalstate isdeplorable—perpetualhiccoughandptosisofthelefteyelid.IhaveheardfromtheMardensthattheywillbebackthedayafterto-morrow.Idonotknowwhether Iamgladorsorry.Theyweresafe inLondon.Oncehere they may be drawn into the miserable network in which I ammyselfstruggling.AndImusttellthemofit.IcannotmarryAgathasolongasIknowthatIamnotresponsibleformyownactions.Yes,Imusttellthem,evenifitbringseverythingtoanendbetweenus.To-nightis theuniversityball,andImustgo.GodknowsIneverfelt lessinthehumorforfestivity,butImustnothaveitsaidthatIamunfittoappearinpublic. If I am seen there, and have speechwith some of the elders of theuniversityitwillgoalongwaytowardshowingthemthatitwouldbeunjusttotakemychairawayfromme.10P.M.Ihavebeentotheball.CharlesSadlerandIwenttogether,butIhavecomeawaybeforehim.Ishallwaitupforhim,however,for,indeed,Ifeartogotosleepthesenights.Heisacheery,practicalfellow,andachatwithhimwillsteadymynerves.Onthewhole,theeveningwasagreatsuccess.Italkedtoeveryonewhohasinfluence,andIthinkthatImadethemrealizethatmychairisnotvacantquiteyet.Thecreaturewasattheball—unabletodance,ofcourse,butsittingwithMrs.Wilson.Againandagainhereyesresteduponme.Theywerealmost the last thingsIsawbeforeI left theroom.Once,asIsatsidewaystoher,Iwatchedher,andsawthathergazewasfollowingsomeoneelse. It was Sadler, who was dancing at the time with the second MissThurston.To judgebyherexpression, it iswell forhimthathe isnot inhergripasIam.Hedoesnotknowtheescapehehashad.IthinkIhearhisstepinthestreetnow,andIwillgodownandlethimin.Ifhewill——May4.WhydidIbreakoffinthiswaylastnight?Ineverwentdownstairs,afterall—atleast,Ihavenorecollectionofdoingso.But,ontheotherhand,Icannot remember going to bed. One of my hands is greatly swollen thismorning,andyetIhavenoremembranceofinjuringityesterday.Otherwise,I

amfeelingallthebetterforlastnight'sfestivity.ButIcannotunderstandhowitisthatIdidnotmeetCharlesSadlerwhenIsofullyintendedtodoso.Isitpossible——MyGod,itisonlytooprobable!Hasshebeenleadingmesomedevil'sdanceagain?IwillgodowntoSadlerandaskhim.Mid-day.Thethinghascometoacrisis.Mylifeisnotworthliving.But,ifIamtodie,thensheshallcomealso.Iwillnotleaveherbehind,todrivesomeothermanmadasshehasme.No,Ihavecometothelimitofmyendurance.Shehasmademeasdesperateanddangerousamanaswalkstheearth.GodknowsIhaveneverhadthehearttohurtafly,andyet,ifIhadmyhandsnowuponthatwoman,sheshouldneverleavethisroomalive.Ishallseeherthisveryday,andsheshalllearnwhatshehastoexpectfromme.IwenttoSadlerandfoundhim,tomysurprise,inbed.AsIenteredhesatupandturnedafacetowardmewhichsickenedmeasIlookedatit."Why,Sadler,whathashappened?"Icried,butmyheartturnedcoldasIsaidit."Gilroy," he answered, mumbling with his swollen lips, "I have for someweeksbeenundertheimpressionthatyouareamadman.NowIknowit,andthatyouareadangerousoneaswell.IfitwerenotthatIamunwillingtomakeascandalinthecollege,youwouldnowbeinthehandsofthepolice.""Doyoumean——"Icried."ImeanthatasIopenedthedoorlastnightyourushedoutuponme,struckmewithbothyourfistsintheface,knockedmedown,kickedmefuriouslyintheside, and leftme lying almost unconscious in the street. Look at your ownhandbearingwitnessagainstyou."Yes,thereitwas,puffedup,withsponge-likeknuckles,asaftersometerrificblow.WhatcouldIdo?Thoughheputmedownasamadman,Imusttellhimall.Isatbyhisbedandwentoverallmytroublesfromthebeginning.Ipouredthemoutwithquiveringhandsandburningwordswhichmighthavecarriedconviction to themost sceptical. "Shehatesyou and shehatesme!" I cried."Sherevengedherselflastnightonbothofusatonce.Shesawmeleavetheball,andshemusthaveseenyoualso.Sheknewhowlongitwouldtakeyoutoreachhome.Thenshehadbuttouseherwickedwill.Ah,yourbruisedfaceisasmallthingbesidemybruisedsoul!"Hewasstruckbymystory.Thatwasevident."Yes,yes,shewatchedmeoutoftheroom,"hemuttered."Sheiscapableofit.Butisitpossiblethatshehasreallyreducedyoutothis?Whatdoyouintendtodo?""Tostopit!"Icried."Iamperfectlydesperate;Ishallgiveherfairwarningto-day,andthenexttimewillbethelast.""Donothingrash,"saidhe.

"Rash!"Icried."TheonlyrashthingisthatIshouldpostponeitanotherhour."WiththatIrushedtomyroom,andhereIamontheeveofwhatmaybethegreatcrisisofmylife.Ishallstartatonce.Ihavegainedonethingto-day,forIhavemadeoneman,atleast,realizethetruthofthismonstrousexperienceofmine.And, if theworst should happen, this diary remains as a proof of thegoadthathasdrivenme.Evening.When I came toWilson's, Iwas shownup, and found that hewassitting withMiss Penclosa. For half an hour I had to endure his fussy talkabouthis recent research into theexactnatureof thespiritualistic rap,whilethecreatureandIsatinsilencelookingacrosstheroomateachother.Ireadasinisteramusementinhereyes,andshemusthaveseenhatredandmenaceinmine. Ihadalmostdespairedofhavingspeechwithherwhenhewascalledfromtheroom,andwewereleftforafewmomentstogether."Well,ProfessorGilroy—orisitMr.Gilroy?"saidshe,withthatbittersmileofhers."HowisyourfriendMr.CharlesSadleraftertheball?""Youfiend!"Icried."Youhavecometotheendofyourtricksnow.Iwillhavenomoreofthem.ListentowhatIsay."Istrodeacrossandshookherroughlybytheshoulder"Assureas thereisaGodinheaven,Iswear that ifyoutryanotherofyourdeviltriesuponmeIwillhaveyourlifeforit.Comewhatmay,Iwillhaveyourlife.Ihavecometotheendofwhatamancanendure.""Accounts are not quite settled between us," said she, with a passion thatequalledmyown."Icanlove,andIcanhate.Youhadyourchoice.Youchosetospurnthefirst;nowyoumusttesttheother.Itwilltakealittlemoretobreakyourspirit,Isee,butbrokenitshallbe.MissMardencomesbackto-morrow,asIunderstand.""Whathasthattodowithyou?"Icried."Itisapollutionthatyoushoulddareeventothinkofher.IfIthoughtthatyouwouldharmher——"Shewasfrightened,Icouldsee,thoughshetriedtobrazenitout.Shereadtheblackthoughtinmymind,andcoweredawayfromme."Sheisfortunateinhavingsuchachampion,"saidshe."Heactuallydarestothreaten a lonelywoman. Imust really congratulateMissMarden upon herprotector."Thewordswerebitter,butthevoiceandmannerweremoreacidstill."Thereisnousetalking,"saidI."Ionlycameheretotellyou,—andtotellyoumostsolemnly,—thatyournextoutrageuponmewillbeyourlast."Withthat,asIheardWilson'sstepuponthestair,Iwalkedfromtheroom.Ay,shemaylookvenomousanddeadly,but,forall that,sheisbeginningtoseenowthatshehasasmuchtofearfrommeasIcanhavefromher.Murder!Ithasanuglysound.Butyoudon'ttalkofmurderingasnakeorofmurderingatiger.Lether

haveacarenow.May5. ImetAgatha andhermother at the station at eleveno'clock.She islookingsobright,sohappy,sobeautiful.Andshewassooverjoyedtoseeme.WhathaveIdonetodeservesuchlove?Iwentbackhomewiththem,andwelunched together.All the troubles seem in amoment to havebeen shreddedbackfrommylife.ShetellsmethatIamlookingpaleandworriedandill.Thedear childputs it down tomy loneliness and theperfunctory attentionsof ahousekeeper. I pray that shemaynever know the truth!May the shadow, ifshadow there must be, lie ever black across my life and leave hers in thesunshine. Ihave justcomebackfromthem,feelinganewman.Withherbymyside I think that I could showabold face toany thingwhich lifemightsend.5 P. M. Now, let me try to be accurate. Let me try to say exactly how itoccurred.It isfreshinmymind,andIcanset itdowncorrectly, thoughit isnotlikelythatthetimewillevercomewhenIshallforgetthedoingsofto-day.I had returned from the Mardens' after lunch, and was cutting somemicroscopic sections in my freezing microtome, when in an instant I lostconsciousness in the sudden hateful fashion which has become only toofamiliartomeoflate.When my senses came back to me I was sitting in a small chamber, verydifferentfromtheoneinwhichIhadbeenworking.Itwascoseyandbright,with chintz-covered settees, colored hangings, and a thousand pretty littletriflesuponthewall.Asmallornamentalclocktickedinfrontofme,andthehandspointedtohalf-pastthree.Itwasallquitefamiliartome,andyetIstaredabout for a moment in a half-dazed way until my eyes fell upon a cabinetphotographofmyselfuponthetopofthepiano.OntheothersidestoodoneofMrs.Marden. Then, of course, I rememberedwhere I was. It wasAgatha'sboudoir.Buthowcame I there,andwhatdid Iwant?Ahorrible sinkingcame tomyheart.HadIbeensenthereonsomedevilisherrand?Hadthaterrandalreadybeendone?Surelyitmust;otherwise,whyshouldIbeallowedtocomebacktoconsciousness?Oh,theagonyofthatmoment!WhathadIdone?Isprangtomyfeetinmydespair,andasIdidsoasmallglassbottlefellfrommykneesontothecarpet.It was unbroken, and I picked it up. Outside was written "Sulphuric Acid.Fort."WhenIdrewtheroundglassstopper,athickfumeroseslowlyup,andapungent,chokingsmellpervadedtheroom.IrecognizeditasonewhichIkeptforchemicaltestinginmychambers.ButwhyhadIbroughtabottleofvitriolintoAgatha'schamber?Wasitnotthisthick,reekingliquidwithwhichjealouswomenhadbeenknowntomarthebeautyoftheirrivals?Myheartstoodstill

asIheldthebottletothelight.ThankGod,itwasfull!Nomischiefhadbeendoneasyet.ButhadAgathacomeinaminutesooner,wasitnotcertainthatthehellishparasitewithinmewouldhavedashedthestuffintoher——Ah,itwillnotbeartobethoughtof!Butitmusthavebeenforthat.WhyelseshouldIhavebroughtit?AtthethoughtofwhatImighthavedonemywornnervesbrokedown,andIsatshiveringandtwitching,thepitiablewreckofaman.ItwasthesoundofAgatha'svoiceandtherustleofherdresswhichrestoredme.Ilookedup,andsawherblueeyes,sofulloftendernessandpity,gazingdownatme."Wemusttakeyouawaytothecountry,Austin,"shesaid."Youwantrestandquiet.Youlookwretchedlyill.""Oh,itisnothing!"saidI,tryingtosmile."Itwasonlyamomentaryweakness.Iamallrightagainnow.""Iamsosorrytokeepyouwaiting.Poorboy,youmusthavebeenherequitehalfanhour!Thevicarwasinthedrawing-room,and,asIknewthatyoudidnot care for him, I thought it better that Jane should show you up here. Ithoughtthemanwouldnevergo!""ThankGodhestayed!ThankGodhestayed!"Icriedhysterically."Why,whatisthematterwithyou,Austin?"sheasked,holdingmyarmasIstaggered up from the chair. "Why are you glad that the vicar stayed?Andwhatisthislittlebottleinyourhand?""Nothing," I cried, thrusting it into my pocket. "But I must go. I havesomethingimportanttodo.""Howsternyou look,Austin! Ihaveneverseenyour face like that.Youareangry?""Yes,Iamangry.""Butnotwithme?""No,no,mydarling!Youwouldnotunderstand.""Butyouhavenottoldmewhyyoucame.""Icametoaskyouwhetheryouwouldalwaysloveme—nomatterwhatIdid,orwhatshadowmightfallonmyname.Wouldyoubelieveinmeandtrustmehoweverblackappearancesmightbeagainstme?""YouknowthatIwould,Austin.""Yes,Iknowthatyouwould.WhatIdoIshalldoforyou.Iamdriventoit.Thereisnootherwayout,mydarling!"Ikissedherandrushedfromtheroom.Thetimeforindecisionwasatanend.AslongasthecreaturethreatenedmyownprospectsandmyhonortheremightbeaquestionastowhatIshoulddo.

Butnow,whenAgatha—myinnocentAgatha—wasendangered,mydutylaybeforemelikeaturnpikeroad.Ihadnoweapon,butIneverpausedforthat.What weapon should I need, when I felt every muscle quivering with thestrengthofafrenziedman?Iranthroughthestreets,sosetuponwhatIhadtodothatIwasonlydimlyconsciousofthefacesoffriendswhomImet—dimlyconsciousalsothatProfessorWilsonmetme,runningwithequalprecipitanceintheoppositedirection.BreathlessbutresoluteIreachedthehouseandrangthebell.Awhitecheekedmaidopenedthedoor,andturnedwhiteryetwhenshesawthefacethatlookedinather."ShowmeupatoncetoMissPenclosa,"Idemanded."Sir,"shegasped,"MissPenclosadiedthisafternoonathalf-pastthree!"

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