The principle element that we all bring to our relationship is ourselves.

“To have a successful relationship, we must first accept and feel good about

ourselves.”

How and Where do we acquire a positive sense of self?

Our ways of relating to others may be rooted in childhood. The style of attachment we establish in infancy with our mother, father or other caregiver can effect how we express love in our adult lives.

People who are secure in their intimate relationships probably had a secure, trusting, mutually satisfying attachment to their mother, father or caregiver.

As adults, they find it relatively easy to get close to others.

They don’t worry about being abandoned or having someone get too close to them.

People who are clinging and dependent in their relationship may have had an anxious/ambivalent attachment, in which a parents inconsistent responses made them unsure that their needs would be met.

They tend to worry about whether their partner really loves them and will stay with them.

People who seem to run from relationships may have had an anxious/avoidant attachment, in which a parent’s inappropriate responses made them want to escape from his/her sphere of influence.

As adults, the are uncomfortable being close to others, distrustful and fear becoming dependent.

Can you think of any other early experiences that may effect one’s ability to form intimate relationships later

in life?

Take a minute and write down

the top five qualities you feel are

essential in a friend.

The first relationships we form outside of family.

• Companionship

• Respect

• Acceptance

• Trust

• Loyalty

• Mutuality

• Reciprocity

Intimate partnerships are like friendships in many ways, but they have additional characteristics such as:

Sexual Desire and Expression

Greater Demand for Exclusiveness

Deeper levels of caring

Take a minute and write down your

top five qualities that are essential in

a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Take a minute to look over both of the lists you made. Are the

qualities you look for in a friend different from those you look

for in a boyfriend or girlfriend? How so?

• Encompasses opposites

– Affection and Anger

– Excitement and Boredom

– Stability and Change

– Bonds and Freedom

It does not give us perfect happiness.

• Honesty and Openness

• Unequal or Premature Commitment

• Unrealistic Expectations

• Competitiveness

• Balancing Time Spent Together and Apart

• Jealousy