The Pulse 13.19 » May 12, 2016

MUSIC

J. TRAUBUNSTOPPABLE

CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVEMAY 12, 2016

COVER STORY

THE RIVER THAT SHAPED OUR CITY AND REGION HAS A LONG AND FASCINATING HISTORY

By RayTerry

THE TENNESSEE RIVER: PAST, PRESENT & FUTURE

ARTS

SWINE ARTSOUTHSIDE

SCREEN

IRON CAPTAKING SIDES

2 • THE PULSE • MAY 12, 2016 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • MAY 12, 2016 • THE PULSE • 3

THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. Contents Copyright © 2016 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.

Features4 BEGINNINGS: Racism is not about political correctness; racism is simply vile.

5 THE LIST: Top selling music artists.

7 SHADES OF GREEN: Vampires are easy to deal with compared to blood-sucking mosquitos.

12 SCREEN: Captain America: Civil War is a comic book brought to life.

16 ARTS CALENDAR

19 FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

21 MIXOLOGY: Adding alcohol makes frozen treats perfect for adults.

24 MUSIC CALENDAR

26 REVIEWS: Hughes rocks it out ‘70s style, Side Affect wants us all dreaming.

28 DIVERSIONS

29 JONESIN’ CROSSWORD

30 SUSHI & BISCUITS: Sometimes the exotic food of SE Asia isn’t worth the trip.

EDITORIALManaging Editor Gary Poole

Editorial Assistant Brooke Dorn

Music Editor Marc T. Michael

Film Editor John DeVore

ContributorsRob Brezsny • Patrick Filbin Matt Jones • Sandra KurtzMike McJunkin • Tony Mraz

Ernie Paik • Rick Pimental-HabibTerry Stulce • RayTerry

Editorial InternsHillary Eames • Alex Ward

CartoonistsMax Cannon • Rob Rogers

Jen Sorenson • Tom Tomorrow

Cover Photo Sean Pavone

FOUNDED 2003 BY ZACHARY COOPER & MICHAEL KULL

ADVERTISINGDirector of Sales Mike Baskin

Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Linda Hisey

Rick Leavell • John Rodriguez Stacey Tyler • Logan Vandergriff

CONTACT Offices

1305 Carter St., Chattanooga, TN 37402Phone

423.265.9494Website

chattanoogapulse.comEmail

[email protected]

BREWER MEDIA GROUPPublisher & President Jim Brewer II

May 12, 2016Volume 13, Issue 19

8 The Tennessee RiverBefore there were roads, cars or even railways, people traveled

by the only natural means available: waterways. The many rivers located in the country are what early settlers and explorers used

to reach across the vast expanses. Today, one of the greater modern uses of rivers is hydroelectric energy.

14 From Grocery Store to Arts CenterEffective art spaces are versatile places that can encourage transformation—both physical and conceptual—and with a flick of a finger. Artist Matthew Dutton has turned a closed

Southside wine shop into the new art gallery Swine by finger-painting an “S” in front of a decal that advertised “WINE.”

22 The Unstoppable Jamal TraubThe Unstoppable Jamal Traub released his latest album this week. I’ve listened to it half a dozen times so far and at this

point there are two things I can say with certainty. First, it is an exquisite work. Second, it may be the most difficult album I’ve

written about to date.

ContentsCHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE


Republicans have created the ultimate excuse. It can be used to erase vile rhetoric or deny misbe-havior. You just deploy the magic word “political cor-rectness” and float away from the carnage you have created. Political correctness is even more potent than the magic of the words such as “death panel”. No matter what the crime, misogyny, racism, xenopho-bia, homophobia, Islamophobia, you just pull the tab on a can of “political correctness” and you are safe and above any criticism.

In 1971, actor John Wayne said, “I believe in white supremacy un-til blacks educate themselves to a point of responsibility. I don’t be-

lieve in giving author-ity and positions of leadership and judge-ment to irresponsible people.” Well in 1971, I was returning from

my second year in Vietnam where African-Americans had been as-suming positions of leadership and authority on a daily basis since 1963.

They were squad leaders, pla-toon sergeants, combat platoon

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EMAIL LOVE LETTERS, ADVICE & TRASH TALK TO [email protected]

Op-Ed: The Magic of Political CorrectnessRacism is not about political correctness; racism is simply vile

leaders, and company com-manders providing leadership to American soldiers in com-bat. They were dying for this country as real heroes (7,300 African-Americans were KIA) while Duke, the blowhard, sat in the safety and comfort of his home and pretended to be a hero. Often right wing-ers will walk right over the bodies of real heroes to wor-ship at the feet of loudmouth phonies.

In 1967, I became a member of RA1. This was what the Army called their first class of ROTC scholarship winners. Many of us went to Infantry Officers Basic Course, Ranger School, Airborne School to-gether and were assigned as Combat Platoon Leaders to the 101st Airborne for deployment to Vietnam.

Two of my best friends from this class were African-Americans: Lee Grimsley, graduate of Tuskegee, and Gary Scott, graduate from Syracuse. Their lives and character were an unequivocal refu-tation of John Wayne’s rac-ism. Both were exception-al leaders, their judgement was impeccable, and they knew how to use authority to safeguard the men they commanded. Gary was killed in combat in May of 1968 and Lee survived his first tour with the 101st but was KIA in 1971 near Dak To.

A California state legislator blocked a pro-posal for a “John Wayne Day” because of his rabid racism. Meanwhile, conservative lapdogs in Chattanooga were quick to defend Wayne saying his racism was just “random quotes” taken from “thousands of interviews.” Never mind that this “random quote” begins with “I believe in white supremacy”. These syco-phants conclude that Wayne did not get his

day because of “an overly politi-cally correct reaction.”

What? He might as well have recited the KKK pledge. Do you really want to choose the side of history that defends racists?

Racism is not about political correctness. Rac-ism is the tool that has been used to oppress Blacks for 400 years. Let me be clear. John Wayne is not a hero. He is a blowhard pre-tending to be a hero. He was an empty suit of no substance, but I hope one day that you right wingers get a day for rac-

ist blowhards. Call it Rush Lim-baugh Day.

Terry Stulce served two combat tours in Vietnam, one with the 101st Airborne and one with the 69th Border Rangers. He was an LCSW and owner of Cleveland Family Counseling before retire-ment in 2009.

OPINION

TERRY STULCE

BEG

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“Often right wingers will

walk right over the bodies of real heroes to worship at the

feet of loudmouth phonies.”


The Little Owl Music and Arts Fes-tival has been providing Chat-tanoogans with arts, music and great food vendors for the past four years, and this Saturday the whole family can ex-pect the fifth year to be a real “hoot”.

The festival is be-ing held at Audubon Wildlife Sanctuary this Saturday from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. With local artists like Walker Hall, who is known

for his handmade bird egg renderings, as well as many other fine arts

vendors, art lovers will find no shortage of booths

to browse for unique pieces.

A full lineup of on-stage entertainment is also planned for this family friendly event with folk music,

a storyteller, a Chatta-nooga Zoo wildlife dem-

onstration and a live show from Organized Kaos.

Kamelot Cotton Candy, known for their fresh made cotton candy sculp-tures, will delight foodies and children alike with sweets so adorable you’ll al-most feel bad eating them. Even the young artist of the family will have a chance to showcase their skills in the student poster contest, open to any stu-dent in the tri-state area.

Festivalgoers will be charged $7 per person or $15 per carload making this not only an exceptionally entertaining way to spend your Saturday but also an extremely affordable one.

— Alex Ward

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EdiToonby Rob Rogers

No Feathers Ruffled at Little Owl Festival

Our cover story this week on the his-tory of the Ten-nessee

River is by RayTerry. Ray is the new Vice-President of the Chattanooga Area Labor Council of the Ten-nessee AFL-CIO; Secretary-Treasurer of the: Tri State Musicians’ Union, Local 80

of the American Federation of Musicians representing the Chattanooga Symphony & Opera, and the Huntsville Symphony Orchestra along with various other free-lance musicians. Former General Secretary-Treasurer of the Brotherhood of Railroad Signalmen. A long time lake advocate who enjoys spending time on the fam-ily dock at Shady Grove in Soddy Daisy during the long summer months.

RayTerryAlbum reviewer and mu-sic writer Ernie Paik has written about

music and film for various publications for over 20 years and has contributed regularly to The Pulse since 2005. He has contributed to the books “The Magnetic Fields’ 69 Love Songs: A Field Guide”

and “Lunacy: The Best of the Cornell Lunatic”, and he is the current president of the Chattanooga-based nonprofit arts education organization The Shaking Ray Levi So-ciety (one of our favorites). As a recording artist, he has created original music for film, radio, television and theater, and his video artwork has been shown at the Museum of Contem-porary Art Detroit and the 2010 Big Ears Festival.

Ernie Paik

The List

Just about everyone loves music. It's pretty safe to assume if you are a reader of The Pulse, you definitely have a strong interest in music. That said, it's fairly hard to define who is "the best" of all time. One way to judge, however, is by album sales.

So, we checked with the Recording Industry Association of America to find out who had the most certified album sales (although many have claimed much higher numbers).

1. The Beatles, 257.7 million2. Elvis Presley, 206.8 million3. Michael Jackson, 169.7

million4. Madonna *, 164.4 million5. Elton John *, 159.1 million6. Led Zeppelin, 137.2 million7. Pink Floyd, 114.1 million8. Mariah Carey *, 128.3

million9. Celine Dion *, 120.8 million10. Whitney Houston, 110.2

million

The artists with an asterisk next to names are still active, so it's safe to assume they'll likely be adding to their totals.

And even if they aren't active, record labels often repackage or re-release older albums, live albums, or boxed sets

For example, The Beatles released 12 albums during their tenure as a band, but to date have over 70 albums released in different variations. Source: statisticbrain.com/top-selling-music-artists-of-all-time/

Top Selling Music Artists Of All Time



Six legs, a pointed abdomen, and wings measuring up to ¾ inches in length and weighing .000088 ounces. Both males and females eat nectar for food, but the female sucks blood to sup-ply protein for eggs. She loves carbon dioxide. Hold your breath. It’s Lady Mosquito Aedes aegypti!

Mosquitos have four life stages: Egg to larva (wigglers) to pupa and then, like a butterfly, emergence as an adult. Three stages are in water so the best prevention is removing standing water in such collectors as tires, flowerpots, pools or even a bottle cap. Bonnie Dea-kins, Director of Environmental Health Services for Hamilton County Health Department, said, “You must scrub hard once or twice a week! You can’t just empty the water because the eggs are really sticky.”

This aggressive mosquito prefers in-door and daytime biting. For most hu-mans comes annoying itching and a red bump, the body’s reaction as the mos-quito inserts its anticoagulant-laden sa-liva into you via its proboscis. More seri-ously there are diseases transmitted by these ‘little flies’ such as malaria, den-gue fever, encephalitis, chikungunya, and West Nile virus. Malaria extended throughout the United States in the 1800s. Yellow fever was once common in Tennessee, most notably during the Memphis 1878 epidemic.

Both Aedes aegypti and Aedes albop-ictus, the Asian tiger mosquito in our area, can carry the Zika virus. The Zika virus and the others are delivered to hu-mans by female mosquitos. Males don’t bite. Now there’s a bit of good news.

Lately, Zika virus with its potentially devastating impacts for pregnant wom-en has shocked us. The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that 3-4 million people across the Americas will be infected with Zika in the next

year. Eighty per-cent will have no noticeable symp-toms, but for preg-nant women the virus may produce newborns with microcephaly, a neurological dis-order resulting in abnormally small heads and devel-opmental issues.

According to Ms. Deakins, Hamilton County Health Depart-ment has seen no cases of Zika virus here although both Aedes mosquitos are present. That’s a relief for now, but our luck may not hold. Zika is moving north from its outbreaks south of us. WHO expects it to spread across the United States.

As of April 6, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported 346 cases in 41 states although all ill-nesses were associated with travelers returning after bites in countries like Brazil.

Why these outbreaks? More travel-ers can be disease carriers as they arrive home. Still, these mosquito-driven dis-eases are partly due to climate change. Warmer temperatures and moisture al-low mosquitos to flourish.

“A robust public health system in the USA will protect people from some of those changes, says Sonia Altizer, ecol-ogy professor at University of Georgia-Athens and co-author of a recent paper in the journal Science on how climate change affects infectious diseases worldwide. The bad news: “It’s going to cost us more money,” she says. “More mosquito abatement, more deer fences,

more vaccination campaigns, more pub-lic health clinics, higher medical insur-ance costs. It all adds up.”

Locally Hamilton County Health De-partment is responsible for mosquito control. Deakins says that prevention presently involves screening of travelers. Emergencies might bring monitoring of outbreak areas and yard surveys.

The main effort is through education for larval stage control plus prevention of bites. She advises wearing light cloth-ing, long sleeves and pants, covered shoes and tucked in socks plus a repel-lant when outdoors. DEET is proven ef-fective, but not good for young children. Many swear by Avon’s Skin-So-Soft. Oil of lemon or eucalyptus can help.

Pesticides placed in wetlands or ponds are problematic for the ecosystem. EPA recommends integrated pest manage-ment and a larvicide named Bti (Bacil-lus thuringien-sis israeliensis). Remem-ber, not all mosquitos are harmful. They do provide food for some fish and frogs and to a lesser extent bats and birds.

By the way, neither citronella nor bug zappers really work. Try a fan.

COLUMNSHADES OF GREEN

Those Nasty Little Blood SuckersVampires are easy to deal with compared to blood-sucking mosquitos

These mosquito-driven diseases are partly due to climate change. Warmer temperatures and moisture allow mosquitos to flourish.”

Sandra Kurtz is an environmental community activist and is presently working through the Urban Century Institute. You can visit her website to learn more at enviroedu.net

SANDRA KURTZ

“

Photo by Diego Medrano


The river that shaped out city has a long and fascinating historyBy RayTerry, Pulse contibutor

The Tennessee River: Past, Present, and Future

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“I was born across the river in the mountains where I call home.Lord, times were good there. don’t know why I ever roamed.Oh, Tennessee River and a mountain man, we get together anytime we can.Oh, Tennessee River and a mountain man, we play together in mother nature’s band.”— Alabama, “Tennessee River”

Before there were roads, cars or even railways, people traveled by the only natural means available: water-ways. The many rivers located in the country are what early settlers and explorers used to reach across the vast expanses. Today, one of the greater modern uses of rivers is hydroelectric energy. The incredible power of water is harnessed through an elaborate system of dams, locks, and passageways that take advantage of this abundant resource. Commerce like barge traffic and recreation make up a large part of waterway use also.

The Tennessee River was at one time called the Cherokee River, among other names. Named after the native tribe of Cherokee who lived along its borders whose land it flowed through in eastern Tennessee and northern Alabama. The name Tennessee is derived from the Cherokee village named: Tanasi.

The Tennessee River is approximately 652 miles long and is the largest tributary of the Ohio River. A tributary is a stream or river that flows into a larger stream, parent river, or lake. The river begins in Knox-ville with the confluence of the Holston and French Broad rivers. Its course moves southwest through east Tennessee and into Chattanooga. From here it loops through Northern Alabama and then from Guntersville flows northwest back into Tennessee. Here the river forms two of the Grand Divisions of our state: Middle and West Tennessee.

It’s hard not to think of Chattanooga without rec-ognizing the fact that it is a river town. The humble beginnings of our beautiful city started just off the riv-erbank downtown at what is today known as: Ross’s

Landing. Which in fact is the original name of Chat-tanooga.

In 1816 John Ross established a trading post just North of Chattanooga Creek and it became known as “Ross’s Warehouse.” At this time river trading posts like this were a key aspect in the sustenance of new immigrants migrating throughout the land. This along with: trade of goods and supplies and the news of cur-rent events were relayed back and forth in a time be-fore newspapers existed.

It was also known by river goers that this particular stretch of river had the best conditions for a river flat-boat crossing. Thus, it was also called “Ross’s Ferry.” Yes, John Ross, who would later become the principal chief of the Cherokee Nation also operated a swing ferry that went across the river and was anchored on today’s Maclellan Island.

Eventually, the term “Ross’s Landing” stuck and in 1974 it was listed on the National Register of His-toric Places. Today, thousands of people venture down to the riverbanks and enjoy the multi-million-dollar Ross’s Landing Riverfront Park for all kinds of various aquatic and leisurely activities.

On the official seal of the great state of Tennessee, it has two distinct images. The top is agriculture, repre-senting the agrarian society of farming from which the state grew. The bottom image is commerce and shows a flat-bottomed-riverboat. Farming and the rivers were such a big part in the forming of the state that they were used as the representative icons for Tennessee’s seal. How else could one get the goods to and fro? By river, no doubt!

Where would we be without the Tennes-see Valley Authority? Answer: in a swamp! A picture of Chattanooga a hundred years ago plainly shows much of it submerged in a broad flood plain. TVA is a federally owned corporation of the United States gov-ernment that was created by congressional charter in 1933. The goal was to provide nav-igation, flood control, electrical generation, and economic development for the depres-sion-stricken Tennessee Valley. It was the first large regional planning agency of the federal government, and remains the largest to this day.

Here in Chattanooga, the Chickamauga Dam is one of nine TVA dams that is a con-crete hydroelectric facility with a generating capacity of 119 megawatts. 5,800 feet long and 129 feet high, the dam impounds the over 36,000-acre Chickamauga Lake that feeds into Nickajack Lake. The river, along with the dam system, helps generate power for thousands of residents in and around their surrounding areas. Chickamauga Dam’s name is derived from the Chickam-auga Cherokee who also referred to them-selves as the Chicomogie. Construction began on January 13, 1936 with President Franklin D. Roosevelt dedicating the dam in 1939. Completion was on January 15, 1940 at a cost of over $42 million dollars, more than half a billion dollars in today’s money.

Recreational areas like Booker T. Wash-ington and Harrison Bay State Park were de-veloped by the creation of the Chickamauga reservoir and are enjoyed yearly by many lo-cal and out-of-state visitors. One can camp, fish, boat and swim. You name it; the parks are a great place for fun during the hot sum-mer days here in the south.

Today, the most current event surrounding


the dam is the upgrade to the navigation lock. The long-term goal is to take the one barge capacity lock and upgrade it to handle six barges simultaneously. Mea-suring 60 wide by 360 feet long, the lock allows recreational boats and river barges to travel past the dam by raising or low-ering the water level 53 feet so vessels may pass from one reservoir to another. Having went through the lock before, it is quite an experience. The massive gear system that powers the lock can be viewed at the base of the dam.

The lock rebuild project was original-ly funded through the Inland Waterways Trust Fund, which also finances the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers who work on river navigation infrastructure. That fund ran out and new funding under the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 added another $52 million dollars to the project. Another $37 mil-lion dollars was added to the project by a Senate panel on April 13 for next year.

Recently work resumed after four years of dormancy. Local U.S. Rep. Chuck Fleischmann (R-TN), has been instrumental in helping to keep alive this vital upgrade to the river naviga-

tional system. In a statement from the work resump-

tion ceremony on April 25, Congress-man Fleischmann said, “This is the restart of the new Chickamauga Lock. We are not only going to begin the re-opening, the rebuilding of the great new lock, we are going to have a renaissance in America. And that renaissance and rebirth is going to be a ‘can do’ attitude. It will show our citizens what we can do when we come together with the right goals, with the right hearts, with opti-mism to get things done.”

The newly appropriated $3.1 million dollars have restarted the project. Even after this amount it will still require over $600 million to complete the project. The total projected cost of the project is a whopping $858 million dollars!

The lock is crumbling and mainte-nance is constant. Over time, chemical reactions due to “concrete growth” are the main cause of deterioration from the cement and rock aggregate in the walls. Funding for a complete replace-ment lock have been proposed but have been overridden by other larger major projects in Ohio and Pennsylvania wa-

terways. These projects rank higher in priority because of their larger numbers of barge traffic that use the facilities.

All along the banks of the river people use the water. Boat marinas abound, as boaters and personal watercraft need an ever-constant supply of fuel and food while enjoying a relaxing weekend on the lake. The city of Chattanooga has been very keen to take advantage of the river by hosting the annual Riverbend Festival, under the local direction of the non-profit Friends of the Festival group. Famous acts and soon-to-be-famous lo-cal bands come and entertain the mass-es in one of the many floating stages used for the festivities. Every year it just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Annual events like this continue to put Chatta-nooga and our part of the river on the map for the entire nation to see.

The Chattanooga River Boat Com-pany, located at Pier 2 on the Riverfront downtown, features the Southern Belle riverboat. Located between the Oligiati and Market Street bridges, the South-ern Belle cruises the river daily offering sightseeing and lunch tours with live

>> Continued on pg. 10

Men of the Quartermaster's Department building transport steamers on the Tennessee

River at Chattanooga, 1864 . Photo courtesy National Archives and Records Administration.

“All along the banks of the river people use the water. Boat marinas abound, as boaters and personal watercraft need an ever-constant supply of fuel and food while enjoying a relaxing weekend on the lake.”


Our Children’s Hospital has become one

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It’s also become one of the nation’s oldest.

Help us raise our facilities to the same

level of excellence as our world-class care.

Donate at WeBelieve.build

Help us build the new Children’sHospital.


narration of the river from the captain’s pilothouse. At night you can enjoy a sun-set or dinner cruise with music, dancing, and an excellent dinner to compliment your river experience.

Back at the dock; check out the 3rd Deck Burger Bar. It sits 40 feet above the water and has an outside patio and indoor leather couch seating. So, sit back, relax and watch all the various boats and barges go by while you sip on a cool beverage. You can also customize your own creation from the exclusive: build your own sandwich menu. Choose from Black Angus, chicken or veggie. Let your cares float down the river!

Some of the few negative things about the river would have to be: pollution. Where does pollution of the water come from? People. It is a careless act for boat-ers to throw out garbage, cigarettes, beer

cans/bottles etc. and expect it to just go away with the current. It does not.

Mercury levels from industrial pollu-tion are so bad that the fish are not safe too consume. If that is true, then how good do you think it is for the fish? Peo-ple still fish the waters, but I hope for their sakes they are not eating the fish!

Back in the ‘60s, TVA detected a non-indigenous water plant in the river called milfoil. They tried to eradicate it with chemicals and by lowering the wa-ter levels. It was all to no avail. If you use the river, you know what I’m talk-ing about. Thanks to this invasive water plant that more than likely comes from Australia, boat props and motors now get clogged and feet get tangled when trying to swim. I miss the days before milfoil took over the lake.

A legal bone of contention over the

years has been the state of Georgia’s pursuit of a boundary change with Ten-nessee in Marion County. They hope to get part of the river for their states wa-ter deficiencies. Yes, a lot of the water we drink still comes from the Tennes-see River. Georgia, having suffered from extensive drought for many years along with uncontrolled growth in the met-ropolitan region surrounding Atlanta, has been looking for ways to curb their shortfall. So far, it has not gone the way in which they would like. Tennessee is still Tennessee, like it has been since 1796.

We as people have a solemn duty to protect the water and also to cherish this vital life-sustaining element. Truly, we are blessed to have in our midst such a valuable and enviable resource.

A true… river of life.

“We as people have a solemn duty to protect the water and also to cherish this vital life-sustaining element.”

Crowds gather on the riverfront during the annual Riverbend Festival. Photo courtesy

Chattanooga Chamber of Commerce.

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AS THE UNIVERSE EXPANDS, MARVEL FILMS ARE GO-ing to become increasingly unwieldy. The comic books are al-

ready so and have been for decades. That’s why there are periodic reboots, from the “Ultimate” series or the most recent “All New, All Different” changes of “Secret Wars”. Given that this is within comic canon, and that the films are closely following its own canon inspired by official Marvel stories, the behemoth of a franchise is slowly be-coming an unstoppable force that will ultimately hit the immovable object of over exposure.

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Money Monster Financial TV host Lee Gates and his pro-ducer Patty are put in an extreme situ-ation when an irate investor takes over their studio, in director Jodie Foster's lat-est film.Director: Jodie Foster Stars: George Clooney, Julia Roberts, Jack O'Connell, Dominic West

The Darkness A family returns from a Grand Canyon vacation with a supernatural presence in tow. As a side note, you can now add a whole new group of people to the "Sev-en Degrees of Kevin Bacon" list.Director: Greg McLean Stars: Jennifer Morrison, Kevin Bacon, Lucy Fry, Ming-Na Wen

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?Matthew Broderick '80s classic gets big-screen revival

It's been 30 years since young Fer-ris Bueller decided to take a day off from school and turned Chicago (and one assistant principal) upside-down.

Now you can relive the glory days of '80s cinema comedy with a spe-cial two-day showing of Ferris Buel-ler’s Day Off on Sunday, May 15 and Wednesday, May 18.

This beloved classic will be accom-panied by special commentary from TCM hosts Robert Osborne or Ben Mankiewicz, who will provide in-sight, background and more, making this film come alive.

This hit comedy from John Hughes chronicles the events in the day of larger-than-life Ferris Bueller. One fake sick day sends high school se-nior Ferris, his girlfriend Sloane and his best friend Cameron on the ad-venture of their lives, as they ditch school and take off on a raucous journey through Chicago.

Ferris Bueller's Day OffSunday, 2 p.m.Wednesday, 7 p.m. Carmike East Ridge 185080 South Terracecarmike.com/Events

Marvel Continues To Deliver With Epic Civil War Captain America: Civil War is a comic book brought to life on the screen

While this film holds the moniker of the star spangled WWII era soldier, make no mistake: this is an Avengers film.”

“

ScreenJOHN DEVORE

But damn if it isn’t a fun ride for fans of the comics. These films are remarkable in their casting, writing, and story man-agement. The unsung heroes of contract lawyers that work for Marvel deserve far more credit than they receive. I doubt there’s a film reviewer alive that’s praised their work, but without them, these films would be dead in the water.

The latest in Phase II of Marvel Stu-dio’s Hollywood onslaught is Captain America: Civil War. While this film holds the moniker of the star spangled WWII era soldier, make no mistake: this is an Avengers film. Hulk and Thor may be AWOL, but the rest of the gang is avail-able and ready to fight. The film even adds a few new faces.

Captain America: Civil War comes close on the heels of The Avengers: Age of Ultron, when the team of elite super-humans lifted and dropped an entire city, causing losses on an incalculable scale, and saving the planet once again. But here, rather than getting off with exces-sive and deadly mass destruction, the world has become wary of these unilat-


"Embrace of the Serpent"

eral actions by cos-tumed vigilantes.

In the comic book on which this film is based, the U.S. Gov-ernment created a law that required all su-perheroes to unmask and register with them or retire back to the recesses of hu-manity from whence they came. Here, the world is uniting by passing a joint U.N. resolution requiring U.N. approval before heroic actions of any kind.

In many ways, this makes sense. The Avengers are living weapons capable of inflicting massive amounts of damage on the world around them. Of course the people of the world are going to ask that some restrictions be put in place. Tony Stark, the Iron Man that started it all, agrees and pressures the other members to sign the agreement.

Most are willing—Captain America is not. He is the embodiment of Amer-ican individualism and responsibility. He’s American gun laws personified. No amount of oversight is going to stop him from doing what he sees as his God-given responsibility to seriously injure people with his physics defying shield.

When his friend Bucky, now known as The Winter Soldier, reappears and has apparently bombed the U.N. meet-ing that set out to restrict the superhe-roes, Captain American goes outside the law to find him and get to the bot-tom of what really happened. It sets up an epic battle between friends and the Avengers are torn asunder.

As I was watching Ant-Man trans-form into Giant-Man and bat War Ma-chine out of the sky, it dawned on me that for the first time ever, I was watch-ing a comic book come to life. These films have left the realism that started with Iron Man and moved into the camp and absurdity of Marvel comics. For this reason alone, I consider Cap-tain America: Civil War to be among the best superhero movies ever made.

Despite being thematically identi-cal to Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice, this film succeeds everywhere the DC film fails. It may be simply be-cause audiences have had more time to become familiar with the characters—Marvel has had a long roll out, building across both film and television to tell a fully realized story, hinting at unrest among the rest of the world at the car-nage wrought by this team. There are mentions of New York and Sokovia, as well the general distrust of “those people” in almost every Marvel studios project.

DC simply hasn’t had that kind of presence and it shows in the way the film expects audiences to accept cer-tain truths without earning them. Let’s be clear: DC has characters equal to Marvel in every way. The difference has been in overall planning. At this point, DC will always be playing catch up.

That said, I can’t help but wonder how long Marvel can keep the quality high. The cast of characters far exceeds Game of Thrones, a show that strug-gles to fit dozens of stories into ten hours of show time. Marvel films are already at the two and half hour mark. They’ve mostly avoided the pitfalls of having too many protagonists in one film so far. At some point, however, it’s going to stop working.

For now, though, the films continue to be the best in the genre.


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Coming Back From The Dead“Ghsot The Musical” is more than just a pottery class

The UTC Fine Arts center is treat-ing audiences to a spectacular per-formance of one of the most ac-claimed musical adaptations of a film in a decade. “Ghost The Musical” comes to the stage this weekend at the UTC Fine Arts Center.

Based on the 1990 Oscar nomi-nated film Ghost, audiences will re-member the iconic scene where Pat-rick Swayze and Demi Moore craft a vase together at a potter’s wheel de-spite being separated by death.

The play, like the movie, centers around two young lovers, Sam and Molly. Sam is tragically murdered during a mugging gone wrong, but even in death Sam is tethered to Molly, unable to break the love that binds them together. The two’s com-plete devotion to each other drives the plot of the play as Sam attempts to watch over the lover he has left

behind. This production has received criti-

cal acclamation around the world for its humor, suspense, and unpar-alleled stage illusions. With over a million tickets sold worldwide, Chat-tanoogans can attend this phenom-enal show knowing that this is truly a world-class production. Boasting a professional cast and crew, this pro-duction is well worth the price of ad-mission.

Film buffs, theater lovers and en-tertainment seekers alike will surely find this performance to be more than gratifying.

— Alex Ward

Ghost The MusicalUTC Fine Arts Center752 Vine St.(423) 425-4269utc.edu/fine-arts-center

EFFECTIVE ART SPACES ARE VERSATILE PLACES THAT can encourage transformation—both physical and conceptual—

and with a flick of a finger. Artist Matthew Dutton has turned a closed Southside wine shop into the new art gallery Swine by finger-painting an “S” in front of a decal that advertised “WINE.”

From Soutshide Grocery Store to New Arts CenterThe new Swine Gallery adds to the ever-growing Southside arts scene

The idea is to provide a local platform for creatives, emerging and established artists and other cultural and creative misfits to make their ideas happen in the public sphere.”

“

ArtsERNIE PAIK

Swine resides inside the soon-to-be-open Cine-Rama art-house movie theater—the brainchild of Chatta-nooga Film Festival founder Chris Dortch—which is located in the build-ing formerly occupied by The Grocery Bar (and Enzo’s Market before that) on East Main Street. Along with Dut-ton, artists Aaron Cowan and Adam Kirby are the three main forces behind Swine, acting as curators, preparators and other assorted roles that are neces-sary to run and promote a gallery.

“The transformative and immersive potential is what makes it so exciting to me,” said Cowan about the accom-modating 34-by-34-foot space with a 23-foot ceiling. “Its functions are an amalgamation of an academic gallery, a contemporary project space and a small venue. Essentially, we have a small playground without the constraints and restrictions that are specific to other art spaces.

“I envision Swine acting as a project space, and that is intentionally open for interpretation,” Cowan added. “I’d like it to function as more than a gallery or a venue space; we’ve been given an in-credible opportunity and want to share that opportunity with Chattanooga.

“We’ll host art shows, lectures, work-shops, music concerts, performances,

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Go Blue: A Salute To PoliceFeaturing live music from Dr. B. and the Ease.11:30 a.m.Miller Plaza 850 Market St.rivercitycompany.com

SAT5.14ANIMAL FUN

Spirits in the WildCome show your support for our hometown zoo.6 p.m.Chattanooga Zoo301 N. Holtzclaw Ave.(423) 697-1322chattazoo.org

THU5.12CIVIL WARRIOR

Union Bound: The TourThe true story of Union soldier Joseph E. Hoover.7 p.m.Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St.(423) 757-5156unionboundthetour.com


poetry readings, theater, pop-up shops, one-night events, visual art installa-tions, experiments and everything in-between,” said Cowan.

Beyond being a flexible space, ulti-mately Swine aspires to help strength-en the local arts community and have a positive influence throughout the region.

“We will contribute to making Chat-tanooga an arts destination and cultural hub,” Cowan explains. “The idea is to provide a local platform for creatives, emerging and established artists and other cultural and creative misfits to make their ideas happen in the pub-lic sphere; broaden and diversify the arts scene; and through that, provide education and outreach from the arts to Chattanooga and the Southeast region.

“Former art spaces like Tanner Hill, Graffiti Gallery/North Shore Gallery and the Easy Lemon were great proj-ects that have left a vacuum that has yet to be filled,” he noted. “We plan on fulfilling those needs and more.”

Cowan, a graduate of the University of Tennessee Chattanooga with a Bach-elor of Fine Arts degree, has worked as a preparator for UTC’s Cress Gallery of Art since 2011 under director Ruth Gro-ver, and one of the founding members of the UTC Art Department’s Apoth-ecary gallery.

With his own work in sculpture, vid-eo and performance, Cowan explores themes and motifs including “play and danger, maturity and senescence.”

Swine emerged as “a collaborative effort that came together through love and passion for the arts,” according to Cowan, who described his fellow artists

Dutton and Kirby as “movers and shak-ers.”

Dutton exhibited at the Stephen Romano gallery in Brooklyn in March, presenting his fantastic, nightmarish mixed-media creations with bizarre half-human, half-creature faux taxi-dermy in a domestic setting, and lo-cally, he has provided art production for Rock City as well as creating sculptural displays for the store Anthropologie.

Kirby works in both sculpture and 2D art and is an apprentice of local ceramic artist Shadow May; among his most prominent work are his “Fired Clay” pieces, which are created by shooting blocks of clay with guns.

The schedule for Swine is populat-ing at a swift pace, beginning with a soft opening on May 14 happening in conjunction with Cine-Rama, with the music/performance/poetry proj-ect Quichenight featuring the words of Daniel Pujol; the grand opening is scheduled for the end of May, with a salon-style art show.

From June 19 to 21, Swine will pres-ent ArtMoves with artists in the repro-ductive justice movement, “to invite activists and artists into the space to discuss how making art can infuse with organizing,” according to Cowan.

On June 24, the Orlando indie-pop band Sales will perform at Swine with

Chattanooga rock group Cautious Bev-erly, presented by Flashlight Shows’ sister company Light Light Produc-tions, and on July 16, local artist Kevin Cooper will curate a group show spot-lighting local work.

“I’ve been half-jokingly saying, ‘If you can’t find anywhere else in town to do your project, come to us and we’ll help you figure something out,’” said Cowan. “That’s not to say there is no standard of quality, but we are focused on being an approachable, inclusive outlet for the creatives in Chattanooga in addition to broadening and diver-sifying the acclimated climate of art here.”

Mathhew Dutton's work at Swine

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Ooltewah Farmers Market 3 p.m. Ooltewah Nursery 5829 Main St. (423) 238-9775ooltewahnursery.comSignal Mountain Farmers Market4 p.m.Pruett’s Market1210 Taft Hwy.(423) 902-8023signalmountainfarmersmarket.comSt. Elmo Farmers Market4 p.m.Incline Railway3917 St. Elmo Ave.(423) 838-9804lookoutfarmersmarket.comNew Horizons: North Ga Sky Painters Reception5 p.m.Ringold Art and Frame Gallery 7825 Nashville St. (706) 935-2844ringgoldartandframe.comPOPS in the Park 5 p.m.Eastdale Recreation Center1314 Moss Dr.(423) 697-1289chattanooga.govAnother Gorgeous Evening 20165:30 p.m.Tennessee RiverPlace3104 Scenic Waters Ln.(423) 266-0314tennesseeriverplace.comHomebuyer Orientation5:30 p.m.

Chattanooga Neighborhood Enterprise 1500 Chestnut St., Ste. 102(423) 756-6201cneinc.orgPaddle Smart Chattanooga5:30 p.m.Outdoor Chattanooga200 River St.(423) 643-6888utdoorchattanooga.comEmpower Chattanooga: Home Energy Workshop6 p.m.Chattanooga Library Downtown Branch 1001 Broad St.(423) 643-7700chattlibrary.orgCity Sweat: Yoga for All6 p.m.Miller Plaza 850 Market St.(423) 265-3700

rivercitycompany.comArts for Health6 p.m.Hunter Museum of American Art10 Bluff View(423) 267-0968huntermuseum.orgUnion Bound: The Tour7 p.m.Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St.(423) 757-5156unionboundthetour.comChattanooga Lookouts vs Pensacola Blue Wahoos7:15 p.m.AT&T Field201 Power Alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.comLil' Duval7:30The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St.

(423) 255-5000thecomedycatch.comMicro Championship Wrestling 9 p.m.JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400jjsbohemia.comComedy Fight 10 p.m.The Honest Pint 35 Patten Pkwy.(423) 468-4192thehonestpint.com

FRIDAY5.13

Southern Blooms Festival8 a.m.Rock City Gardens1400 Patten Rd.(706) 820-2531seerockcity.com Shuddercon10 a.m.Chattanooga Choo Choo1400 Market St.(423) 255-5000shuddercon.comGo Blue: A Salute To Police11:30 a.m.Miller Plaza 850 Market St.rivercitycompany.comCambridge Square Night Market5 p.m.Cambridge Square9453 Bradmore Ln.(423) 531-7754cambridgesquaretn.comWEAVE: a Conceptual

Southern Blooms Festival

PULSE PICK: LIL' DUVALLil' Duval was a semifinalist on BET’s comedy competition series Coming to the Stage as well as being a series regular on the MTV2 shows Guy Code and Hip Hop Squares.

Lil' DuvalThe Comedy Catch 1400 Market St.(423) 629-2233thecomedycatch.com


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Little Owl Festival

Dance Company7:30 p.m.WEAVE Studios4413 Brainerd Rd. (423) 954-0115weavedancecompany.comChattanooga Lookouts vs Pensacola Blue Wahoos7:15 p.m.AT&T Field201 Power Alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.comGhost The Musical7:30 p.m.UTC Fine Arts Center752 Vine St.(423) 425-4269utc.edu/fine-arts-centerMambo In May7:30 p.m.Brainard United Methodist Church4315 Brainerd Rd.(706) 980-7025chattanoogausadance.comLil' Duval7:30, 9:45 p.m.The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St.(423) 255-5000thecomedycatch.com

SATURDAY5.14 Southern Blooms Festival8 a.m.Rock City Gardens1400 Patten Rd.(706) 820-2531seerockcity.com Back To MAC Reunion Dog Walk

8 a.m.McKamey Animal Center 4500 North Access Rd.(423) 305-6500mckameyanimalcenter.orgSt. Alban’s Hixson Market8:30 a.m.St. Alban’s Episcopal Church7514 Hixson Pike(423) 842-6303saintalbans.dioet.orgShuddercon10 a.m.Chattanooga Choo Choo1400 Market St.(423) 255-5000shuddercon.comMake & Take Workshop: Hanging Baskets10 a.m.The Barn Nursery 1801 E. 24th St. (423) 698-2276barnnursery.comRiver Market Yoga 10 a.m.Tennessee Aquarium Plaza1 Broad St. (423) 648-2496chattanoogarivermarket.comBrainerd Farmers Market10 a.m.Grace Episcopal Church20 Belvoir Ave.(404) 245-3682facebook.com/BrainerdFarmersMarketChattanooga River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0695chattanoogarivermarket.comNorthside Farmers Market

10 am.Northside Presbyterian Church923 Mississippi Ave.(423) 266-7497facebook.com/StAlbansFarmersMarketChattanooga Zine Fest 10 a.m.Chattanooga Public Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 643-7700chattlibrary.orgSpring Fling Cruise10:30 a.m.Tennessee Aqaurium1 Broad St.(423) 265-0695tnaqua.orgEtching Demonstration with Jay Pfeil11 a.m.River Gallery 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033River-gallery.comLittle Owl Festival 11 a.m.Audubon Acres 900 N. Sanctuary Rd(423) 892- 1499chattanoogaadubon.orgYoung Artists Art Classes (ages 7-12)11:30 a.m.The Arts Building 301 E. 11th St.(423) 266-2712townsendatelier.comGhost The Musical2, 7:30 p.m.UTC Fine Arts Center752 Vine St.(423) 425-4269utc.edu/fine-arts-center

Collegedale Market4 p.m.Collegedale Commons950 Swinyar Dr.(423) 648-2496collegedalemarket.com Spring Wine Dinner 6 p.m.Georgia Winery 6469 Battlefield Pkwy.(706) 937-2177georgiawines.comSpirits in the Wild6 p.m.Chattanooga Zoo301 N. Holtzclaw Ave.(423) 697-1322chattazoo.orgChattanooga Lookouts vs Biloxi Shuckers7:15 p.m.AT&T Field201 Power Alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.comLil' Duval7:30, 9:45 p.m.The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St.(423) 255-5000thecomedycatch.comNature Nuts: Nocturnal Insects8 p.m.Tennessee Aqaurium1 Broad St.(423) 265-0695tnaqua.org

SUNDAY5.15 Chattanooga Market 10 a.m.


Map these locations on chatta-noogapulse.com. Send event list-ings at least 10 days in advance to: [email protected]

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Lil' Duval7:30 p.m.The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St.(423) 255-5000thecomedycatch.comReady To Rock: Climbing at the Walnut Wall8 p.m.Outdoor Chattanooga200 River St.(423) 643-6888outdoorchattanooga.com

MONDAY5.16 Red Bank Farmers Market4 p.m.Red Bank United Methodist Church3800 Dayton Blvd.(423) 838-9804lookoutfarmersmarket.comCommunity Education Forum4 p.m.Bessie Smith Cultural Center200 E. MLK Blvd.(423) 266-8658bessiesmithcc.orgBacklot 4-Oh!w6:30 p.m.Heritage House Arts and Civic Center1428 Jenkins Rd.(423) 855-9474chattanooga.govChattanooga Lookouts vs Biloxi Shuckers7:15 p.m.AT&T Field201 Power Alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.com

TUESDAY5.17 Plein Air Painting Workshop10 a.m.Signal Mountain Arts Community Center809 Kentucky Ave.(423) 886-1959signalmacc.orgEast Brainerd Farmers Market4 p.m.Audubon Acres900 N. Sanctuary Rd.(423) 838-9804lookoutfarmersmarket.comHow to Photograph Sports6:30 p.m.6th Cavalry Museum6 Barnhardt Cir., Fort Oglethorpe, GA(706) 861-28606thcavalrymuseum.orgChattanooga Lookouts vs Biloxi Shuckers7:15 p.m.AT&T Field201 Power Alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.comComedy Buffet With Barbara Gray 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.(423) 266-1400jjsbohemia.com

WEDNESDAY5.18 Middle Eastern Dance10:30 a.m.Jewish Cultural Center

5461 North Terrace(423) 493-0270 jewishchattanooga.comChattanooga Lookouts vs Biloxi Shuckers11:15 a.m.AT&T Field201 Power Alley(423) 267-2208lookouts.comMain Street Market4 p.m. 325 E. Main St. mainstfarmersmarket.comCollegedale Market4 p.m.Collegedale Commons950 Swinyar Dr.(423) 648-2496collegedalemarket.comWednesday Night Chess Club6 p.m.Chattanooga Library Downtown Branch 1001 Broad St.(423) 643-7700chattlibrary.orgFerris Bueller's Day Off2 p.m.Carmike East Ridge 185080 South Terrace(423) 855-9652carmike.com/EventsOpen Mic Comedy and the Sturgil Simpson Afterparty 9 p.m.JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.jjsbohemia.com

Ready To Rock: Climbing at the Walnut Wall


TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “Creativity is intelligence hav-ing fun.” Approxi-mately 30,000 sites on the Internet at-tribute that quote to iconic genius Albert Einstein. But my re-search strongly sug-gests that he did not actually say that.

Who did? It doesn’t matter. For the purposes of this horoscope, there are just two essential points to concentrate on. First, for the foreseeable future, your supreme law of life should be “creativity is in-telligence having fun.” Second, it’s not enough to cavort and play and improvise, and it’s not enough to be discerning and shrewd and observant. Be all those things.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In Western culture, the peacock is a symbol of vanity. When we see the bird display its stunning array of iridescent feath-ers, we might think it’s lovely, but may also mutter, “What a show-off.” But other traditions have treat-ed the peacock as a more purely positive emblem: an embodiment of hard-won and triumphant ra-diance. In Tibetan Buddhist myths, for example, its glorious plumage is said to be derived from its transmutation of the poisons it absorbs when it devours dangerous serpents. This version of the peacock is your power animal for now, Gemini. Take full advantage of your ability to convert nox-ious situations and fractious emotions into beauti-ful assets.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Clear moments are so short,” opines poet Adam Zagajewski. “There is much more darkness. More ocean than terra firma. More shadow than form.” Here’s what I have to say about that: Even if it does indeed describe the course of ordinary life for most people, it does not currently apply to you. On the contrary. You’re in a phase that will bring an unusually high per-centage of lucidity. The light shining from your eyes and the thoughts coalescing in your brain will be extra pure and bright. In the world around you, there may be occasional patches of chaos and confusion, but your luminosity will guide you through them.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Dear Smart Operator: My name is Captain Jonathan Orances. I presently serve in the United Nations Assistance Mission in Afghanistan. I am asking for your help with the safekeeping of a trunk containing funds in the amount of $7.9 million, which I secured during our team’s raid of a poppy farmer in Kandahar Prov-ince. The plan is to ship this box to Luxembourg, and from there a diplomat will deliver it to your designated location. When I return home on leave, I will take possession of the trunk. You will be re-warded handsomely for your assistance. If you can be trusted, send me your details. Best regards, Captain Jonathan Orances.” You may receive a tempting but risky offer like this in the near future, Leo. I suggest you turn it down. If you do, I bet a somewhat less interesting but far less risky offer will come your way.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “Some things need to be fixed, others to be left broken,” writes poet James Richardson. The coming weeks will be an ideal time for you to make final decisions about which are which in your own life. Are there relationships and dreams and structures that are either too damaged to salvage or undeserving of your hard labor? Consider the possibility that you will aban-don them for good. Are there relationships and dreams and structures that are cracked, but pos-sible to repair and worthy of your diligent love? Make a plan to revive or reinvent them.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Once every year, it is healthy and wise to make an ultimate confession -- to express everything you regret and bemoan in one cathartic swoop, and then be free of its subliminal nagging for another year. The coming days will be a perfect time to do this. For inspira-tion, read an excerpt from Jeanann Vernee’s “Ge-netics of Regret”: “I’m sorry I lied. Sorry I drew the picture of the dead cat. I’m sorry about the stolen tampons and the nest of mice in the stove. I’m sorry about the slashed window screens. I’m sorry it took 36 years to say this. Sorry that all I can do is worry what happens next. Sorry for the weevils and the dead grass. Sorry I vomited in the wash drain. Sorry I left. Sorry I came back. I’m sorry it comes like this. Flood and undertow.”

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): According to the Brit-ish podcast series “No Such Thing as a Fish,” there

were only a few satisfying connubial relationships in late 18th-century England. One publication at that time declared that of the country’s 872,564 married couples, just nine were truly happy. I wonder if the percentage is higher for modern twosomes. Whether it is or not, I have good news: My reading of the astrological omens suggests that you Scorpios will have an unusually good chance of cultivating vibrant intimacy in the com-ing weeks. Take advantage of this grace period, please!

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Some days I feel like playing it smooth,” says a character in Ray-mond Chandler’s short story “Trouble Is My Busi-ness,” “and some days I feel like playing it like a waffle iron.” I suspect that you Sagittarians will be in the latter phase until at least May 24. It won’t be prime time for silky strategies and glossy gambits and velvety victories. You’ll be better able to take advantage of fate’s fabulous farces if you’re geared up for edgy lessons and checkered challenges and intricate motifs.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Author Rebecca Solnit says that when she pictures herself as she was at age 15, “I see flames shooting up, see myself falling off the edge of the world, and am amazed I survived not the outside world but the inside one.” Let that serve as an inspiration, Capricorn. Now is an excellent time for you to celebrate the heroic, messy, improbable victories of your past. You are ready and ripe to honor the crazy intelligence and dumb luck that guided you as you fought to over-

come seemingly insurmountable obstacles. You have a right and a duty to congratulate yourself for the suffering you have escaped and inner demons you have vanquished.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “To regain patience, learn to love the sour, the bitter, the salty, the clear.” The poet James Richardson wrote that wry advice, and now I’m passing it on to you. Why now? Be-cause if you enhance your appreciation for the sour, the bitter, the salty, and the clear, you will not only regain patience, but also generate unex-pected opportunities. You will tonify your mood, beautify your attitude, and deepen your gravitas. So I hope you will invite and welcome the lumpy and the dappled, my dear. I hope you’ll seek out the tangy, the smoldering, the soggy, the spunky, the chirpy, the gritty, and an array of other experi-ences you may have previously kept at a distance.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “A thousand half-loves must be forsaken to take one whole heart home.” That’s from a Coleman Barks’ translation of a poem by the 13th-century Islamic scholar and mystic known as Rumi. I regard this epigram as a key theme for you during the next 12 months. You will be invited to shed a host of wishy-washy wishes so as to become strong and smart enough to go in quest of a very few burning, churning yearnings. Are you ready to sacrifice the mediocre in service to the sublime?

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Russian writer Anton Chekhov was renowned for the crisp, succinct style of his short stories and plays. As he evolved, his pithiness grew. “I now have a mania for short-ness,” he wrote. “Whatever I read—my own work, or other people’s—it all seems to me not short enough.” I propose that we make Chekhov your patron saint for a while. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you are in a phase when your personal power feeds on terse efficiency. You thrive on being vigorously concise and deftly fo-cused and cheerfully devoted to the crux of every matter.

Rob Brezsny is an aspiring master of curiosity, perpetrator of sacred uproar, and founder of the Beauty and Truth Lab. He brings a literate, myth-savvy perspective to his work. It’s all in the stars.

DIVERSIONSFREE WILL ASTROLOGY

Whether or not we believe in gods, we all worship something. What idea, person, thing, or emotion do you bow down to? FreeWillAstrology.com

ROB BREZSNY

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Dictated strictly by the earth’s rota-tion, summer is still a month away, but bright warm weather and semesters drawing to a close are a universally un-derstood symbol of the start of the sea-son. In my house, the other sign sum-mer was approaching was the freezer filling with an assortment of frozen delights: Rocket Pops, Fudgesicles, and the plastic ice pops for which everyone has a different name.

When I was a child I ate like a child; now that I’ve grown I’ve put away child-ish things, partaking instead in the culi-nary equivalent of a rite of passage.

Imagine my joy when I learned my nostalgia could be combined with the same spirits signifying adulthood. That’s right; alcoholic popsicles exist and, with some time, patience, and a popsicle mould, can be made at home.

Several food blogs boast recipes for frozen versions of familiar cocktails, including mojitos, gin and tonics, and White Russians, while others are ma-ture versions of childhood classics, like the red wine fudge pops found on A Beautiful Mess or Host the Toast’s or-ange creamsicles with Blue Moon Bel-gian White.

But don’t pour straight vodka into your moulds just yet. Because of alco-hol’s low freezing point, alcoholic pop-sicles will need more time to solidify. Freezing times may vary from two to four to even eight hours, depending on your alcohol of choice. Some recipes even suggest letting them freeze over-night.

Something else to give some thought: your ratios within the recipe. Adding too much alcohol will leave you with nothing but a puddle of punch and a popsicle-mould-shaped shot glass. The best recipes will mix the alcohol with other liquids, like milk, frozen orange juice, or just water. So you might not get the same buzz you would expect from a cocktail, the alcohol is really only there to add flavor.

While a popsicle with the same al-cohol content as your favorite cocktail is technically possible, it requires extra effort, as well as an unexpected ingre-dient: gelatin. Gelatin bonds the liquids together so that freezing is a) possible and b) done in less than an eternity. The Cosmopolitan in Las Vegas shared their recipes for boozy pops, balancing the ratios between alcohol, simple syrup,

water, modifiers and juice (1:1:1:1:5) to make a punch recipe that’s slightly sweeter than normal.

After that, Las Vegas mixologists will dissolve the gelatin in a pan, add ½ of punch to the gelatin pan and wait for it to dissolve into the punch, then add that mixture to the rest of the punch, and fi-nally, freeze them, which may still take a couple hours. If you want to go to that much trouble for a summer buzz, then more power to you, I’m glad you have that kind of free time. Me, I’m impa-tient. The 8ish-hour wait is more than enough for me.

Speaking of impatient, spiked ice pops will melt faster than your average frozen treat, so eat fast.

Red Wine Fudgesicles (recipe courtesy of A Beautiful Mess)

• 1 cup red wine • 1 ½ cup dark chocolate• 1 ½ cup milk

In a small pot simmer the wine over low/medium heat for 12-18 minutes, al-lowing it to reduce. Remove from heat and whisk in the chocolate until com-pletely melted. Stir in the milk. Pour into your popsicle tray and freeze over

night. Makes 4-6 popsicles depending upon your tray size.

Blue Moon Orange Creamsicles (recipe courtesy of Host the Toast)

• 1 cup frozen 100% orange concen-trate, thawed

• 14 oz sweetened condensed milk (1 can)

• 24 oz Blue Moon Belgian White Ale or other Witbier (2 average-sized bottles)

• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract• 3 clementines or tangerinesYou will also need:• 12 (3 oz) Dixie cups• Small popsicle sticks or craft spoons• A pitcher or large cocktail shaker

In a pitcher or large cocktail shaker, combine the orange concentrate, sweet-ened condensed milk, beer, and vanilla extract. It is important to combine the ingredients in a container that has a spout because it will make it much eas-ier to pour the mix into cups.

Line out the Dixie cups on a bak-ing sheet, so it will be easy to transport them to the freezer. Fill each Dixie cup 90 percent of the way with the orange-beer mixture.

Slice the clementines into ¼ inch thick rounds. Push a craft spoon through the center of each clementine round, so that half of the stick pokes out from each side. Top the mixture with the clementine sticks. Make sure the clem-entine is resting directly on top of the orange-beer mixture.

Freeze for at least four hours, or over-night. When ready to remove the pop-sicles from the Dixie cups, simply snip a small cut in the rim of each cup and peel them away from the popsicle. Place the popsicles onto a dish with crushed ice to keep them from melting too quickly. Serve and enjoy. — Hillary Eames

FOOD & DRINKMIXOLOGY

Popsicles Aren’t Just For Kids AnymoreAdding alcohol to popsicles makes frozen treats perfect for adults

“When I was a child I ate like a child; now that I’ve grown I’ve put away childish things, partaking instead in the culinary equivalent of a rite of passage.”


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FRI5.13ELECTRO-POP

Summer Dregs A light show Chattanooga has never seen before.8 p.m. The Granfalloon 400 E. Main St. granfalloonchattanooga.com

SAT5.14THE SONGSTRESS

Jennifer DanielsOne of our all-time favorites comes back home.8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave.barkinglegs.org

THU5.12CELEBRATION

Exit 10Celebrate Yom Ha’atzmaut with these Israeli rockers.6 p.m.Jewish Cultural Center5461 North Terracejewishchattanooga.com

What DREAMERS Are Made OfHigh-energy modern rockets visit JJ’s Bohemia this Friday

Their aesthetic is calm, collected and cosmic; their music is touched by an angel from the ‘80s; their web-site looks like a Lisa Frank binder. They are DREAMERS, and if you haven’t heard of them, you will very soon.

DREAMERS is made of guitarist and vocalist Nick Wold, backup vocalist and bassist Nelson, and drummer and backup vocalist Chris Bagamery. When asked how the band came to-gether, Nick told The Examiner, “We all awoke on a giant spinning ball in a seemingly endless black void with no explanation of the scenario...more specifically, Chris and I grew up together in a place called Seattle.”

The two were already in a band to-gether when Nelson was added and DREAMERS was born. In November of 2014 they self-released their first EP, which garnered them instant at-tention from, among many others, Alternative Press, Spin, and Bill-

board, with their song “Wolves (You Got Me)” seeing full rotation on Siri-usXM’s AltNation. Their second EP, You Are Here, was released this past February, pairing the single with four new tracks.

The band has shared the stage with Walk the Moon, The 1975, Bear Hands, and the Vaccines, to name only a few. Listeners might recog-nize similarities, but DREAMERS manages to have a sound uniquely their own by brining a nearly un-matched passion to their music, im-mediately heard in such tracks as the foot-stomping, punk-like energy of “Wolves” or the mystic bass-thump-ing anthem “DRUGS.”

— Hillary Eames

DREAMERSFriday, 9 p.m.JJ’s Bohemia231 E. MLK Blvd.jjsbohemia.com

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The Unstoppable Jamal TraubJamal Traub gets exquisite with his latest release, Peripheral Love

THE UNSTOPPABLE JAMAL TRAUB RELEASED HIS latest album this week. I’ve listened to it half a dozen times

so far and at this point there are two things I can say with certainty. First, it is an exquisite work. Second, it may be the most difficult album I’ve written about to date. In order to explain why, I must first veer wildly off-topic with a personal anecdote (as is my habit.)

The album overall manages to be rife with commentary and thematic cohesion without ever being too obvious or heavy-handed. To the contrary, the music is rather playful.”

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MusicMARC T. MICHAEL

Years ago when I first started tak-ing the game of pool seriously, I found myself a mentor. My mentor was so good I did not appreciate her skill at first. Of course she always won. Her shots were always short, and perfectly aligned. Why, anyone could win all the time with that kind of luck!

I’m sure we all realize that it wasn’t luck, though, it was a level of mastery that enabled her to consistently make her current shot and then put the cue ball precisely where it needed to be to make the next one (or two, or three, actually.) It’s one thing to know that’s how the game is played; it is quite an-other to see it done so well.

The best make it look easy. That describes my pool mentor and that de-scribes Jamal Traub’s approach to this new album. At first listen, the tunes seem simple. By some metrics, they are simple. It certainly isn’t fusion jazz or the kind of prog rock that takes six fingers per hand and a whole extra arm to play properly.

At first listen, the tunes seem sim-ple, but they aren’t. What they really are is the perfect distillation of larger themes and bigger music in to the most basic components that still main-tain the integrity of the expression. Put another way, it seems to me that Traub has mastered a kind of economy of music without sacrificing depth.


Here’s a riddle for you: What do Pink Floyd, the Grateful Dead, Paul Simon and the Beatles all have in common? I don’t know, but whatever it is, Traub has it in abundance. The opening track, “Anticipation,” is an instrumental tune that begins with a babbling brook and some frogs and winds up in a funky, countrified jam worthy of Jerry Garcia.

Song two, “Corner of Your Eye,” opens with Traub’s acoustic work. After a few measures he sings and if his guitar playing is as distinctive as a thumb print (it is), then his voice is equally so though it must be said that

his style is at times very reminiscent of Paul Simon from the seventies. Likewise, some of the production technique and effects in this tune give it a Pink Floyd sound; “If” from Atom Heart Mother comes to mind.

Track three, “The Fall,” highlights Traub’s skill as a lyricist. Again, there is a deceptive simplicity at play that uses humor and straightforward talk to mask deeper points (local group Sparky the Band has similar chops.) Indeed, the winner of a slug race isn’t so much the first across the line as it is the last to get eaten. Depending on your philosophical and economic

outlook, the same might be said for the rat race.

The album overall manages to be rife with commentary and thematic cohesion without ever being too obvi-ous or heavy-handed. To the contrary, the music is rather playful, though never silly and it is this playfulness that invokes the Beatles, or at least a specific era of the Beatles.

I do not know how long this album took to conceive or produce it was clearly a very thoughtful, painstaking process. The songs may appear to be deceptively simple, but the process by which they were created most cer-

tainly was not. Kudos to producer Ross Carlson

who, except for a few special guest artists including our own Ernie Paik on violin, played every other instru-ment on the album including bass, drums, electric guitar and keys. The guy has mad skills and there is an ob-vious chemistry between the produc-er and the artist that they both ought to capitalize on in future projects.

For the moment, the only way to get your own copy of this utterly fas-cinating work is to buy one at their live shows, though it is scheduled to be available online later this year.


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THURSDAY5.12 Annual Yom Ha’atzmaut Celebration with Exit 10 6 p.m.Jewish Cultural Center5461 North Terracejewishchattanooga.comJames Crumble Trio 6 p.m. St. John’s Meeting Place 1278 Market St. stjohnsrestarant.comRick Rushing Blues Jazz ‘n Friends 6 p.m. Bluewater Grille 224 Broad St. bluewaterchattanooga.com Union Bound 7 p.m. Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5156 Ghost, Pinkish Black8 p.m.Track29 1400 Market St.track29.co Open Mic with Hap Henniger 9 p.m. The Office @ City Café901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com/the-office

FRIDAY5.13

Maybe April 5:30 p.m. Cambridge Square 9453 Bradmore Ln.cambridgesquaretn.com

Richard Lloyd, Preston Parris Band 7 p.m. Miller Plaza 850 Market St. nightfallchattanooga.com The Long Haul 7 p.m. Cambridge Square 9453 Bradmore Ln.cambridgesquaretn.com Summer Dregs & Napolean’s World 8 p.m. The Granfalloon 400 E. Main St. granfalloonchattanooga.com Somethin’ Else feat. Jeff Daniel8 p.m. Mayo’s Bar and Grille 3820 Brainerd Rd. (423) 624-0034 Sound Advice

8:30 p.m.The Foundry 1201 Broad St.chattanooganhotel.com DREAMERS 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd.jjsbohemia.comDave Matthews Cover Band 9 p.m. Revelry Room41 E. 14th St.revelryroom.co Jason Johnson 9 p.m.World of Beer 412 Market St.worldofbeer.comRob Harris9 p.m. Puckett’s Grocery & Restaurant2 W. Aquarium Way puckettsgro.com

The Sullivan Band 10 p.m.Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.comStereotype 10 p.m.Raw Bar & Grill409 Market St. rawbarandgrill.com

SATURDAY5.14 The Scarlett Love Conspiracy 12:30 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza 1 Broad St. chattanoogarivermarket.com John Lathim and Michelle Young 4:30 p.m. Collegedale Commons4950 Swinyar Dr. collegedale.foundationPeter Moon Band 6 p.m.Chattanooga Zoo301 N. Holtzclaw Ave.chattzoo.org Jennifer Daniels 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave.barkinglegs.orgJames Lee Stanley 8 p.m.Charles & Myrtle's Coffeehouse105 McBrien Rd.(423) 892-4960 Sound Advice 8:30 p.m.The Foundry 1201 Broad St.

PULSE PICK: JAMES LEE STANLEYStanley has put out 60 albums since 1973, was the singing Klingon of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, and has done two man shows and albums with Peter Tork.

James Lee StanleySaturday, 8 p.m.Charles & Myrtle's Coffeehouse105 McBrien Rd.(423) 892-4960


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Behold The Brave

chattanooganhotel.comBehold the Brave, Chrome Pony 9 p.m. The Revelry Room 41 E. 14th St. revelryroom.coOne Timers, The Belt, Thee Finks, Bryan Hensley 9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia231 E. MLK Blvd.jjsbohemia.com The Cothern Miracle Duo 9 p.m.World of Beer 412 Market St.worldofbeer.com The Road Runners 9 p.m. Puckett’s Grocery & Restaurant 2 W. Aquarium Way puckettsgro.com The Sullivan Band 10 p.m.Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.comStereotype 10 p.m.Raw Bar & Grill409 Market St. rawbarandgrill.com

SUNDAY5.15 8th Annual Southern Blooms Festival with Ellen Shiraef 10 a.m.Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd. seerockcity.comMegan Saunders

11 a.m. Flying Squirrel 55 Johnson St. flyingsquirrelbar.com Caney Creek Company 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.com Arlo Gilliam, Nathan Farrow, Robby Hopkins, Channing Wilson 1 p.m. Lake Winnepesuakah 1730 Lakeview Dr. lakewinnie.com Bobby Burns & Gordy Nichol 1:30 p.m. Flying Squirrel 55 Johnson St. flyingsquirrelbar.com Travis Bowlin 2 p.m.Chattanooga Market 1829 Carter St. chattanoogamarket.comMid-South Symphonic Band 25th Anniversary Concert 3 p.m. Ringgold High School Performing Arts Center 28 Tiger Trail rhs.catoosa.k12.ga.us Open Mic with Jeff Daniels 6 p.m. Long Haul Saloon 2536 Cummings Hwy.longhaulsaloon.comDiane Coffee8 p.m. The Granfalloon 400 E. Main St. granfalloonchattanooga.com Sound Advice

8:30 p.m.The Foundry 1201 Broad St.chattanooganhotel.com

MONDAY5.16 Open Air with Jessica Nunn 6 p.m.Granfalloon400 E. Main St. granfalloonchattanooga.com Monday Nite Big Band 7 p.m.The Palms at Hamilton6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Open Mic Night with Mike McDade 7 p.m. The Feed Co. Table and Tavern 201 W. Main St. feedtableandtavern.com Very Open Mic 8 p.m. The Well 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 847-7934 Cracker 8 p.m. The Revelry Room 41 E. 14th St. revelryroom.co

TUESDAY5.17 Open Mic Night with Mike McDade 8 p.m. Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixon Pike tremonttavern.com

WEDNESDAY5.18 Courtney ReidNoonMiller Plaza850 Market St.millerplazachattanooga.com Courtney Holder 4:30 p.m. Collegedale Commons 9453 Bradmore Ln.cambridgesquaretn.com No Big Deal 6 p.m. Springhill Suites 495 Riverfront Pkwy (423) 834-9300 Booker Scruggs Ensemble 8 p.m.Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave.barkinglegs.orgShinedown 8:30 p.m.Track29 1400 Market Street track29.coSturgill Simpson 8:30 p.m.Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. tivolichattanooga.comR.A. and The Flames 9 p.m. The Office @ City Café901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com/the-office

Map these locations on chatta-noogapulse.com. Send event list-ings at least 10 days in advance to: [email protected]


Tomcat Hughes is one hell of a guitar player. He

writes loud, fun, raucous and energetic songs. He’s bringing it all back from the ‘70s: the loud, crunchy guitars, the sim-ple delight or a crash cymbal rhythm on the drum set, head banging along to some nut on the steel guitar all while hav-ing a great time doing it all and putting it down for people to pick up and get down to.

Hughes is a member of Pole-

cat Boogie Revival, Lookout MTN Daredevils, Hellstomper and a few others, so you can tell from the get-go that him and his bandmates are just letting it fly on Hot Damn…Boogie Woogie, a seven-track EP that is as delightful as it is hard rocking.

What a listener will first no-tice about Hot Damn is the guitar playing. It changes tones, pace and expression from song to song, sometimes verse to

verse. It’s exceptional and raw. The roots are steeped in blues, harking back to Lynyrd Skynyrd, Tom Waits and early influences such as the White Stripes and The Black Keys.

But make no mistake, Hughes and Co. are not trying to do too much or recreate the wheel. They’re in a room and they’re jamming out. In one of the albums many highlights, “Black Cat Moan,” he howls “Sunshine coming over the hills and through my window pain, might as well be pain. Got the black cat moans.” It’s best not to read too much into this because no one knows what the hell he means, but he sure means it.

It’d be easy for me to pick out standouts because there are sev-en of them from top to bottom. Hughes goes after everything in “Bound to Come Down,” slows it down to a crooning, acoustic slur in “You Got the Silver,” and asks the impor-tant question, “Did you ever

wake up with them bullfrogs on yo’ mind?” on “Bullfrog Blues.” Ever have the Bullfrog Blues? Me either. Until now.

There’s a lot to say about the electronic craze that

has taken over the self-produc-ing music scene. It’s the cul-ture, the power of the internet, the autonomy that comes with technology these days that is at our fingertips. Anyone can be a producer/songwriter/musi-cian when sitting in front of the right tools. But not everyone can master those same set of tools the way Side Affect can.

Side Affect is a pop dream experimental-rock group (lead by Chris Johnson) from Chatta-nooga that relies heavily on live instrumentation recorded and played through today’s me-chanics and machines. Using old-school songwriting tech-niques as well as new-school rules, Side Affect toes the line with innovation and folk.

In tracks like “STAY” and

“NIGHTLIFE,” the lead singer sings of disappointment and continuation, pleading for a lover’s hand, her understanding of a lost love in difficult times, and his inhibition to stick around. What is impressive in most of these songs is the dilu-tive characteristics of the mu-sic. The vibrant rhythm of each verse changes between song and even verse, making the al-bum complex and indifferent to itself.

Because listening to a lot of these “types” of albums, some can get stuck in the mud of “electronic, indie and/or alter-native,” but this one undoubt-edly stands on its own because of the genuine mix of playing vs. computer. There’s an ear-nest vibe to every track, no matter how similar or different the content seems to inhabit.

Another standout is “BROADWAY,” a dreamy and mystical tune about a trip down Broadway Ave. in Man-hattan, full of dreams, expecta-tions, and crushed realities that is built on a driving groove and doesn’t land on a happy ending. And that’s not what Side Affect seems to find important. These are somber, misanthropic songs about missed love, lost dreams and full, optimistic expecta-tions. It’s dream pop, after all. Let us all dream together.

RECORD REVIEWSPATRICK FILBIN

Tomcat Hughes Gets the Bullfrog Blues, Side Affect Looks for LoveHughes rocks it out ‘70s style, Side Affect wants us all dreaming

Tomcat Hughes Hot Damn…Boogie Woogie (tomcat2.bandcamp.com)

Chattanooga’s Greatest Hitsbrewer mediaeverywhere. every day.

Side Affect L O V I N G Y O U (sideaffect.bandcamp.com)



Consider Thiswith Dr. Rick

“Get outta here, go on, git!” —from Greater Tuna

I’m a big fan of getting out of town. Nothing personal, Scenic City, but when vacation time rolls around, a commitment I’ve made to myself is to get out! The way I see it, if you stay home you’ll just end up cleaning the gutters. Getting away allows you to escape the daily grind, exhale away the usual stressors of life, re-discover your balance, re-charge your batteries.

Perhaps there are some far-flung friends you haven’t seen in a while. Are you overdue for some couch-surfing? Maybe the moun-tains are your thing. Breathing in the cool, fresh air as a panacea for endless, humid summers. Or perhaps you find your bliss, and your most centered self, at the beach. Pack up the car, head to the coast and get some sand in your shorts.

More than the things we do, we regret the things we don’t do. Life’s short.

by Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D.

Diversions


ACROSS1 Vehicle with a lane5 Took in using a cartridge10 Physical beginning?14 Having the skills15 ___ loaf16 Nest egg funds17 Big scallion18 Parts of parts?19 Bit of a guitar solo20 Party drink for a woodpecker?23 Abbr. on an invoice24 Turndown for Watt?25 Metal container?26 It’s a sign28 High-altitude monster30 Bout-sanctioning org.33 King Atahualpa, for one35 Rocky’s opponent in “Rocky IV”37 Chocolate substitute (or

so they say...)39 Result of a giant cheddar spill at the airport?42 “Foundation” author Asimov43 Candy bar made with toffee44 Beat quickly, like the heart45 Got ready for the movie46 Big songs48 “Return of the Jedi” fuzzball50 Be the author of51 Photogenic finish?52 Cuban sandwich ingredient55 Leader of the ship Jolly Literacy?60 Make a street61 Beyond the fringe62 Shape of some mirrors63 Thingy64 Knight’s protection65 Bid-closing word66 Hamiltons67 Consigns

to failure68 High cardsDOWN1 Kon-Tiki raft material2 High-rise support3 Corrupt ruler of sorts4 Frightened outbursts5 Like some ash6 Almost identical7 Cone-bearing tree8 Constantly9 Iron-fisted ruler10 “The House at Pooh Corner” author11 Actor Stonestreet of “Modern Family”12 Dashboard dial, for short13 Find out (about)21 One at the Louvre22 “Spenser: For Hire” star Robert27 Vicki Lawrence sitcom role28 Americans, to Brits29 Prefix for morph or skeleton30 Do some

major damage31 Anjou relative32 “... butterfly, sting like ___”33 “And that’s the way ___”34 Mars Pathfinder launcher36 Oceanic38 Prefix before space40 Had pains41 Ivies, particularly47 Bit of progress49 “Fists of Fury” director Lo ___50 Limericks and such51 AOL giveaway of the past53 “___ of Two Cities”54 Canasta combinations55 Fence feature56 It’s so hot57 Legal tender since 199958 Sphere intro59 Civil rights figure Parks60 Peach part

Jonesin’ Crossword MATT JONES

“Stick With Me, Kid”—and adhere to the rules.

Copyright © 2016 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 0779


Hear what little Red-Eye saith: “Nag, come up and dance with death!” — Rudyard Kipling, “Rikki-Tikki-Tavi”

As we sped down Cầu Chương Dương highway just outside Hanoi, Vietnam, I stared blankly out the taxi window and thought about Nag and Nagina, the cobra villains in Kipling’s short story “Rikki-Tikki-Tavi”. I’ve read the story dozens of times, and always felt a tug of empathy towards the cobras when their home was invaded and they, along with their unborn children, were killed while trying to pro-tect it.

Our taxi driver, Thao, was more en-grossed in entertaining the travelers from Tennessee with an off-key sing-along to “Hotel California” than he was in navigat-ing the narrow roads of Lệ Mật, (or “Snake Village” as it’s known by Westerners). He certainly wasn’t thinking about the ethical implications of a 19th century short story, he was just taking this crazy American cou-ple to a snake restaurant to eat cobra.

The moment we entered the restaurant, “Nhà Hàng Hương Quê-Lệ Mật”, a young man with a large hook immediately began to pull a variety of angry, hissing cobras from a wall of crude enclosures. Our task was to choose one, much like you would pick out a lobster in a seafood restaurant—if lobsters reminded you of a character from one of your most beloved childhood books.

Slice. Bleed. Drip. Cut.Within seconds of choosing a snake, the

eldest of the men unceremoniously sliced open the cobra’s belly, drained about a half-cup of its blood into a glass, cut the still-beating heart loose from its connect-ing arteries, and delicately removed the unbroken bile sac.

Our host quickly handed me the small, white saucer with the heart, still pulsing in a labored struggle to hold onto life. Chan-neling my best Explorers Club gameface, I slid the heart down my throat like a fleshy, throbbing land oyster, consciously choos-ing not to dwell on the feeling of what may have been its final pulses fading on my tongue.

“Thực hiện việc này. Uống!” he said, handing me a shot glass filled to the rim with the still warm cobra’s blood. I downed the shot quickly, in a successful bid to out-run my uncertainties and reservations. The blood was still warm, clean and meaty tast-ing, not mineral-y or iron-y like I would have expected.

The bile sac was then cut open and drained into a few ounces of rice whis-key that had just been poured from an unmarked bottle it shared with a coiled tree snake. If you are wondering what this emerald-green elixir tastes like, imagine throwing up a little grain alcohol back into your mouth, then swallowing it again. It’s the acrid, bitter taste of harsh realities.

As the whiskey warmed my belly I tried to process what had just happened, but could only sit silently, munching on fresh cucumber slices to provide my senses with something...anything familiar.

Then the dishes made from our chosen Elapidae began to arrive.

Stir fried vegetables with cobra meat that had the texture and flavor of bland, overcooked squid; ground cobra spring rolls fried in snake fat; fried betal leaf pouches filled with a mixture of cobra liver and meat that tasted like wet pennies wrapped in crunchy nothingness. This

was not going well.I briefly perked up when I saw some-

thing that looked familiar: fried cobra skin. It looked like fresh chicharrónes (pork rinds), but instead of crispy goodness, these had the flavor of a dirty snake cage. They were almost as disappointing as the dish that I thought was minced meat with herbs but turned out to be crushed cobra bones with herbs. Yes, crushed bones!

It was obvious at this point that our co-bra meal wasn’t going to make my top-ten Vietnam food moments, so I just focused on the few dishes that didn’t taste like the lunch buffet at the Star Wars cantina.

There was more food, eight dishes in total, every one included some part of our dearly departed cobra. None of it was great. None of it was disgusting, although it’s pretty hard to find positive things to say about the fried snake skin and cobra liver wraps.

We ate as much as we could manage and exited the restaurant with the politest Southern smiles we could muster. Thao was waiting with his taxi, smiling and holding a to-go bag of his own. As we rode back to Hanoi in complete silence my mind wandered back to Nag and Nagina. I was right all along; we should have just left them alone.

Finding The Heart of the Cobra in VietnamSometimes the exotic food of Southeast Asia isn’t really worth the trip

COLUMNSUSHI & BISCUITS

If you are wondering what this emerald-green elixir tastes like, imagine throwing up a little grain alcohol back into your mouth, then swallowing it again.”

Longtime food writer and professional chef Mike McJunkin is a native Chattanoogan currently living abroad who has trained chefs, owned and operated restaurants. Join him on Facebook at facebook.com/SushiAndBiscuits

MIKE MCJUNKIN

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Photo by Mike McJunkin


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The Pulse 13.19 » May 12, 2016