The Secret to Contentment

8/9/2019 The Secret to Contentment

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The following article is located at:http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/2006/001/2.40.html

The Secret to ContentmentWhen oyce !eyer too" a ris" to lo#e and $e lo#ed% she disco#ered somethingdeeper than happiness.&y Corrie C'trer

F orty years ago oyce felt trapped at the $ottom of a dar"% deep pit of despair.Wal"ing away with her $a$y son and only what she co'ld carry% she(d )'stdi#orced her h's$and of fi#e years who(d cheated on% manip'lated% and

a$andoned her. *rior to her marriage% she(d grown 'p in a home where for 1+years her father se,'ally a$'sed her and ro'tinely $eat her mother. With no placeto go% the $ro"en home of her childhood was the only place she now had to t'rn.

-et in the months following her di#orce% od led oyce to meet a gentle mannamed a#id !eyer% a Christian who(d $een specifically praying for od to sendhim a wife. t first oyce was harsh and sarcastictoward him% not willing to tr'st any man. &'t a#ewas patient and oyce e#ent'ally agreed to go o'twith him. i#e dates later% a#e as"ed oyce tomarry him.

or my part% 3 certainly did not "now what lo#ewas% and was not eager to get in#ol#ed withanother man% oyce reco'nts in her $oo" &ea'tyfor shes Warner5. owe#er% since things weregetting e#en worse at home% and since 3 was li#ingin total panic all the time% 3 decided that anythingwo'ld $e $etter than what 3 was going thro'gh atthe moment.

oyce(s marriage to a#e didn(t sol#e all her pro$lems% tho'gh. She(d $ecome a

$elie#er as a child% and with a#e(s prompting $egan attending ch'rch. -et shestill str'ggled with anger% fear% and discontentment that stemmed from her

painf'l past.

3 was ma"ing the fr'strating% tragic mista"e of trying to find the "ingdom ofod7righteo'sness% peace% and )oy7in things and other people% oyce writes.What 3 did not reali8e is% as *a'l points o't% the "ingdom is within 's: Christ in

"If God asks us to do something, he gives usthe grace to do it. So if God is asking a person

to stay in a difficult marriage, he's not

asking them to stay and be miserable. He'll givethat person what they

need to make it."
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yo'% the hope of glory Colossians 1:295. !y )oy had to $e fo'nd in him.

Slowly% od $egan to restore oyce. e also $egan to show her how her own painf'l story co'ld help others. Today% she heads oyce !eyer !inistries% spea"s

to millions worldwide thro'gh her tele#ision% radio% and conference o'tlets% andhas a'thored 9 $oo"s.

!arriage *artnership spo"e with oyce a$o't how she(s fo'nd )oy in her life andin her marriage to a#e% and how other married co'ples can e,perience lasting

)oy as well.

fter s'ch a roc"y first marriage% how were yo' a$le to find )oy in yo'rrelationship with a#e7Joyce: 3n order for yo' to ha#e )oy in yo'r marriage% yo' m'st first ha#e )oywithin. 3n my case% $eca'se 3 was se,'ally a$'sed $y my father% 3 had a shame;

$ased nat're. 3 grew 'p with a record playing in my head that contin'o'slyas"ed% hat's wrong with me!

When yo' get married yo'(re s'pposed to lo#e each other. Script're teaches tolo#e yo'r neigh$or as yo'rself. &'t if a person ne#er accepts od(s lo#e andlearns how to accept herself% then she doesn(t really ha#e anything to gi#e away.3t(s the same with )oy in marriage. 3 can(t ha#e )oy in my relationship with a#eif 3 don(t ha#e )oy within myself.


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en)oy o'r spo'se. That doesn(t mean that yo'r spo'se is perfect and doesn(t needto change. &'t it(s not o'r )o$ to change people. 3t(s o'r )o$ to pray for them andit(s od(s )o$ to change them.

!any spo'ses e,pect their partner to $e a so'rce of )oy for them.When a#e and 3 first got married% 3 was a mess. 3 didn(t "now what lo#e was. 3was selfish% self;centered% controlling% angry% and filled with shame. 3 was alwaysloo"ing for a#e to ma"e me happy% and when he didn(t% 3(d often $ecome angry.&'t the thing 3 noticed a$o't a#e was that no matter what 3 did% he wo'ldn(t letme steal his )oy. e was solid and sta$le% one of the hallmar"s of a mat'reChristian. 3 learned a lot from his e,ample.

So often we get things $ac"ward. es's ta'ght we sho'ld do 'nto others as we(dha#e them do 'nto 's. 3f we(d ta"e this principle and p't it into practice% thenwe(d e,perience more )oy in marriage. !ost of 's get 'p e#eryday hoping

some$ody else will ma"e 's happy% rather than loo"ing for ways we can ma"esomeone else happy.

es's teaches o'r )oy is fo'nd in gi#ing o'r life away. When we try on o'r ownto ma"e o'r life good% we thwart od(s power. 3 $elie#e firmly that what yo'ma"e happen for someone else od will ma"e happen for yo'. >#en if yo'(remarried to a first;class )er". 3f yo' li#e yo'r life trying to $e a $lessing to others%od will $ring yo' )oy7if not from yo'r spo'se% from other relationships.


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3 e,perienced more )oy in my marriage when 3 $egan to recogni8e my 'nrealistice,pectations a$o't a#e. Women in partic'lar desire and e,pect their h's$andsto read their minds. We e,pect men to notice when we(re a little down% perhaps%and desire comfort. -et men don(t notice it at all. They(re )'st not wired li"e

women. We can wal" aro'nd mad and h'rt all day $eca'se o'r spo'se didn(t gi#e's what we e,pected when really they didn(t "now we needed something ore,pected it in the first place. ?ecently 3 told a#e% 3t wo'ld $e nice if yo'(d $'yme a present once in a while. nd he replied% What(s the point7 -o'(re notgoing to li"e it% and yo'(ll ta"e it $ac" anyway. We(#e had to learn that e#en if 3ha#e to ta"e it all $ac"% 3 still need him to go get it. e does that now% $'t we(#e

$een married almost 40 years and it too" him @9 years to reali8e itA

The other thing that was a h'ge help for me was 'nderstanding that a#e and 3ha#e different temperaments. 3(#e got a strong% ta"e;charge% type; personality%and a#e is laid$ac". is main need in life is peace% where mine is

accomplishment. When 3 reali8ed od created him this way% 3 stopped )'dginghim% trying to change him and e,pecting him to $e more li"e me. 3 learned that alot of life is a$o't adapting. 3n ?omans 12:16 *a'l tells 's we(re to stri#e to ha#e

peace% and that we(re to adapt o'rsel#es to people. That #erse $ecame life;changing to me $eca'se pre#io'sly 3 didn(t want to adapt to any$ody. 3 wantede#eryone to adapt to me. nd when 3 started adapting% my peace le#el changedand my )oy increased.

Corrie C'trer% a freelance a'thor% li#es in 3llinois.

Copyright B 2006 $y the a'thor or Christianity Today 3nternational/ #arriage

$artnership maga8ine. Clic" here for reprint information on #arriage $artnership .Spring 2006% ol. 2@% Do. 1% *age 40
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The Secret to Contentment