The Seven Challenges - Trans4mind Personal Development ... The Seven Challenges A Workbook and Reader

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    The Seven Challenges

    A Workbook and Reader

    About Communicating More Cooperatively (as featured on www.NewConversations.net)

    —————————————————————————————————————

    a structured, intensive exploration

    of seven challenging skills

    for a lifetime of better communication

    in work, family, friendship & community

    —————————————————————————————————————

    Dennis Rivers, M.A.

    —————————————————————————————————————

    human development books Santa Barbara, California, USA

    www.hudevbooks.com

    Third Edition, May, 2004 -- Revised November, 2005

  • Dedicated to St. Francis of Assisi and those like him in every faith.

    Where there is a clash of wills

    may we bring a meeting of hearts.

    YOUR RIGHT TO MAKE COPIES OF THIS WORKBOOK:

    You have permission to make an unlimited number of copies of this workbook for use in your school, business, public agency, church, synagogue, mosque, temple, and/or community service organization as follows: This document is copyright 2004 by Dennis Rivers, except where otherwise noted or where excerpts from scholarly works have been cited in accordance with the fair use doctrine. Permission is granted for the reproduction and distribution of single or multiple copies of this workbook or portions thereof for educational purposes by any individual and/or within any organization, but not for sale to the general public, provided that this copyright and contributions page is included in each full copy, and the copied material is distributed free of charge or the student or other purchaser is not charged more than US $16.00 for the entire workbook or US $0.16 for each page of copied material. Please note individually reproduced pages as “Copyright 2004 by Dennis Rivers. Reproduced with author’s permission.” May all your efforts to create more cooperative families, workplaces and communities be blessed with success. (This workbook is available as a series of free web pages, and in other formats also, IN ENGLISH AND SPANISH at www.NewConversations.net.)

    __________________________________________________________________________

    CONTRIBUTIONS GRATEFULLY RECEIVED

    Thanks for all the many sustaining gifts

    of wisdom, labor, love and money

    that have made this workbook possible.

    The author of this workbook, Dennis Rivers, gratefully accepts gifts of any amount in support the continuing development and distribution of this workbook and related teaching materials free of charge on our web site, www.newconversations.net. Every supporting gift makes a big difference. A ten-dollar gift, for example, can fund the free distribution of approximately one thousand copies of this workbook, often to schools and community service organizations that would not otherwise be able to provide such material to their students/participants. Please make your check or money order payable to Dennis Rivers and mail it to the address shown below. Thank you helping to make this workbook a global resource for better interpersonal communication. (Please note that gifts to authors in support of their work are not tax deductible.)

    Dennis Rivers Human Development Books

    133 East De la Guerra St., #PMB 420 Santa Barbara, CA 93101

    USA __________________________________________________________________________

    Printing, sales and distribution world-wide through

    Trafford Publishing -- www.trafford.com Canada / USA / United Kingdom / Republic of Ireland

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    The Seven Challenges

    A Workbook and Reader About Communicating More Cooperatively

    TABLE OF CONTENTS

    Page

    INTRODUCTION

    AND

    OVERVIEW

    HOW THIS WORKBOOK CAME TO BE, MY QUEST

    FOR THE SEVEN CHALLENGES, AND HOW WE

    BENEFIT FROM A MORE COOPERATIVE STYLE OF

    LISTENING AND TALKING

    Intro-1

    CHALLENGE

    ONE

    LISTENING MORE CAREFULLY AND RESPONSIVELY

    Exercise 1-1: Active Listening.

    Exercise 1-2: Learning from the past with the

    tools of the present.

    1-1

    1-7

    1-8

    CHALLENGE

    TWO

    EXPLAINING YOUR CONVERSATIONAL INTENT

    AND INVITING CONSENT

    Exercise 2-1: Explaining the kind of conversation

    you want to have.

    Exercise 2-2: Exploring conversational

    intentions that create problems.

    2-1

    2-4

    2-6

    CHALLENGE

    THREE

    EXPRESSING YOURSELF MORE CLEARLY AND

    COMPLETELY

    Exercise: Exploring the Five Messages.

    Reading 3-1: Saying What’s In Our Hearts

    Reading 3-2: Peer Counseling With the Five

    Messages

    3-1

    3-4

    3-8

    3-11

    CHALLENGE

    FOUR

    TRANSLATING COMPLAINTS AND CRITICISMS

    INTO REQUESTS

    Exercise 4-1: Working on your life situations.

    Reading + Exercise 4-2: Letting Go of Fear

    by David Richo, PhD

    Reading + Exercise 4-3: Trying Out The

    Cooperative Communication Skills Emergency Kit

    4-1

    4-3

    4-4

    4-11

  • Page

    CHALLENGE

    FIVE

    ASKING QUESTIONS MORE “OPEN-ENDEDLY”

    AND MORE CREATIVELY

    Part 1: Asking questions more “open-endedly.”

    Exercise 5-1: Using questions to reach out.

    Exercise 5-2: Translating “yes-no” questions.

    Part 2: Asking questions more creatively.

    Exercise 5-3: Expanding your tool kit of creative

    questions.

    Reading 5-1: Radical Questions for Critical

    Times, by Sam Keen, PhD

    5-1

    5-2

    5-3

    5-4

    5-6

    5-9

    CHALLENGE

    SIX

    EXPRESSING MORE APPRECIATION

    Research on the power of appreciation and

    gratefulness

    Exploring the personal side of gratefulness

    Exercise 6-1: Events to be grateful for

    Exploring Three-Part Appreciations

    Exercise 6-2: Expressing appreciation in three

    parts

    6-1

    6-1

    6-2

    6-4

    6-6

    6-9

    CHALLENGE

    SEVEN

    FOCUS ON LEARNING: MAKE RESPONDING TO THE FIRST SIX CHALLENGES AN IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR EVERYDAY LIVING

    Exercise: A homework assignment for the rest of our lives.

    Perspectives on the power of communication:

    Reading 7-1: Keep on Singing Michael

    Reading 7-2: Guy Louis Gabaldon – a compassionate warrior saves the lives of a thousand people

    Reading 7-3: What Kind of Person am I Becoming? What Kind of People are We Becoming Together? By Dennis Rivers

    7-1

    7-2

    7-5

    7-5

    7-6

    7-8

    APPENDIX

    ONE

    Suggestions for further study: Great books on

    interpersonal communication

    A1-1

    APPENDIX

    TWO

    Suggestions for starting a cooperative

    communication skills peer support group

    A2-1

    APPENDIX

    THREE

    Ordering printed copies of this workbook,

    permission to make copies, invitations to

    participate, acknowledgements and gifts

    A3-1

  • Page IntroPage IntroPage IntroPage Intro----1111

    The Seven Challenges Workbook may be reproduced for personal and intra-organizational use. Free e-book copies: www.newconversations.net/workbook Order printed copies at www.newconversations.net/orderbook

    Introduction and Overview

    HOW THIS WORKBOOK CAME TO BE, MY QUEST FOR THE SEVEN CHALLENGES, AND HOW WE BENEFIT FROM A MORE COOPERATIVE

    STYLE OF LISTENING AND TALKING (for a free, Spanish-language e-book edition of this workbook, please visit www.NewConversations.net.)

    Searching for what is most important. This workbook proposes seven ways to guide your conversations in directions that are more satisfying for both you and your conversation partners. I have selected these suggestions from the work of a wide range of communication teachers, therapists and researchers in many fields. While these seven skills are not all a person needs to know about talking, listening and resolving conflicts, I believe they are a large and worthwhile chunk of it, and a great place to begin.

    The interpersonal communication field suffers from a kind of “embarrassment of riches.” There is so much good advice out there that I doubt than any one human being could ever follow it all. To cite just one example of many, in the early 1990s communication coach Kare Anderson wrote a delightful book1 about negotiation that included one hundred specific ways to get more of what you want. The problem is that no one I know can carry on a conversation and juggle one hundred pieces of advice in his or her mind at the same time.

    So lurking behind all that good advice is the issue of priorities: What is most important to focus on? What kinds of actions will have the most positive effects on people’s lives? This workbook is my effort to answer those questions. My goal is to summarize what many agree are the most important principles of good interpersonal communication, and to descri

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