The Simpsons"Illuminati and Cheese"Written by Rodney OhebsionCopyright 2015INT. GAME SHOW SET - DAYSKIP SKIPPERADINKYDOO (45) is hosting a game show. PROFESSOR FRINK, HOMER, and DISCO STU are the contestants. LISA, MARGE, and BART are among the 30 people in the STUDIO AUDIENCE.SKIP(TO AUDIENCE / CAMERA) Welcome to Tele-Trivia. I'm your host, Skip Skipperadinkydoo -- and this is the lowest budget show in TV history. I actually got paid more when I was doing migrant farm work in Guadalajara. But then I thought, with a name like Skip Skipperadinkydoo, I either have to be a game show host, or the spokesman for Dindery Doodles -- the world's only snack food you can eat without moving your teeth. Alright! Our contestants today are John Nerdelbaum Frink, Jr., Homer Simpson, and Disco Stu.BART(CALLS OUT) Homer, Homer, he's our man! If he can't do it, it's because he's too dumb.HOMERWhy you little!Homer runs up to Bart and starts choking him.SKIPHomer -- please stop choking the studio audience.HOMERHe's my son.SKIPOh. Well, then -- continue choking.Homer chokes Bart for a few more seconds, and then walks back to the contestants' area.SKIP (CONTD)And here's our first question.PROFESSOR FRINKI'll take Star Trek for 2000, Alex.HOSTNice try, Professor -- but this isn't Jeopardy. It's Tele-Trivia. And DinderyDoodles are part of a complete, nutritious dinner. (TO ALL THREE CONTESTANTS) OK. Here's our first question. For $10. What Hee-hawcharacter was repeatedly hit over the head with a rubber chicken?HOMERUm. I don't have a buzzer.SKIPWe can't afford buzzers. Just raise your hand.Homer raises his hand.2.HOMERSamuel B. SternwheelerSKIPThat's correct! You just won $10.HOSTWoo-hoo!SKIPHowever, we charge a $5 service fee any time you answer a question correctly.HOMERD'oh! ... Wait a second. You charge $5 whenever I'm right?SKIPThat's correct! And we're gonna have to charge you another $5 for that second correct answer.HOMERBut I wasn't even answering a question that time.SKIPThat's correct! And that brings your total down to negative $5.Skip walks up to Homer, takes Homer's wallet out of his pocket, and removes a $5 bill.MARGEHomer. Try not to say so many correct things.3.INT. WHITE HOUSE MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHTBARACK OBAMA and MICHELLE OBAMA are in bed and watching the Tele-Trivia show on TV.MICHELLE OBAMAWhy are we watching this garbage? You're President of the United States, and I'm the First Lady. We should be watching something more dignifying.BARACK OBAMAYeah. Says the woman who, five hours ago, was binge watching The Real Housewives of Orange Country.INT. GAME SHOW SET - DAYSKIP(TO ALL THREE CONTESTANTS) This tough man is best known for playing B.A. Baracus on the 1980s action series The A-Team.Disco Stu holds a Travolta-like disco pose, and it appears as if he's raising his hand.SKIP (CONTD)Disco Stu.DISCO STUI wasn't raising my hand. Disco Stu was just doing his daily disco stretch. (DOES THE DISCO MOVE WITH HIS LEFT ARM AND HIS RIGHT ARM) Disco left, disco right, shake that booty day and night.4.Professor Frink raises his hand.SKIPProfessor Frink.PROFESSOR FRINKWell. I'm not familiar with The A-Team. But you said "1980s" and "tough man," which leads me to believe you're referring to the 1980s celebrity Mr. Tough, more commonly known as Mr. T.SKIPYou just won $10, minus a $5 service charge, and minus a $5 fee because you provided too much commentary with your answer. (TO EVERYONE) OK. We're out of questions. Homer -- I'll give you $6 to wrestle Disco Stu.HOMERUm. OK.Homer starts wrestling Disco Stu.MARGE(TO LISA) Don't forget, Lisa. All of your father's winnings are going right into your college fund.LISA(UNENTHUSIASTICALLY) Woo-hoo. Community college, here I come.5.SKIP(LISTENS IN TO EARPIECE) OK. The network is telling me that we've spent too much on electricity, and we're now over budget.The lights turn off.INT. MOE'S TAVERN - DAYBARNEY, CARL, and LENNY are seated at the bar while MOE bartends.Homer enters.MOEWell, if it isn't Mr. Tele-Trivia.CARL(TO HOMER) Let me ask you something, Homer. On what 1960s TV show did Jerry Van Dyke play a man whose mother was a car?HOMERI believe that show was called My Mother the Car.BARNEYThat was its own show? I thought it was a 28 part episode of The Twilight Zone.LENNY(TO HOMER) Well here's something I bet you don't know about TV. 6.(MORE)The government controls the show Modern Family, and uses it to send secret messages that make you want to eat more cheese.BARNEYI knew there was something strange about that show. I mean, I don't trust any program where Jimmy Riddle is eefing, and the Hambone Brothers are slapping their knees.MOENo, Barney. You're thinking of Hee-haw. (TO LENNY) So Lenny -- you were telling us something about cheese.LENNYYeah. The Illuminati's behind it all. They control almost everything.HOMERUm. I've never heard you say anything like that before.LENNYWell. Let's just say that I've recently had my eyes opened.CARLAnd your brain removed.7.LENNY (CONT'D)LENNYYou sound like one of the sheeple right now.HOMERSo you're, um, a whatchamacallit?LENNYWell. Some people call it a conspiracy theorist. But for those of us who aren't sheeple, we don't use the c-word.HOMERChimichanga?LENNYConspiracy theorist.HOMERI was pretty close. By the way -- my second guess was gonna be cornucopia. BARNEYWait. Weren't you guys once part of a secret society?MOENo, Barney. You're still thinking of Hee-haw.LENNYActually, we used to be a member of the Stonecutters. 8.(MORE)But it turns out that they're even more misinformed than the sheeple.CARLHomer. What do you think of all of this?HOMEROh. Well. Moe. What do you think of all this?MOEI just sell beer. I don't know nothing about no sheeple or cheese.LENNY(TO EVERYONE) You see. Moe is actually more enlightened than most of society.CARLIf he's so enlightened, then how come he's using a toilet plunger to scratch his back?Moe is scratching his back with a toilet plunger.LENNY(TO EVERYONE) The point is, Moe knows what he doesn't know. The government wants us to think we know what we don'tknow. I read all about it on the internet.9.LENNY (CONT'D)CARLLenny. Do you know what types of people post stuff on the internet? People like Moe and Barney.MOEThat's true. I've left 1500 YouTubecomments about how I'm not really a sex offender, even though the state makes me register as a sex offender.CARL(TO LENNY) And Barney Instagrams videos where he classifies his burps according to the Dewey Decimal system.Barney is holding his cell phone and recording himself.BARNEY(burps) That was a nonfiction burp, and it goes under 895.33J, right between (burps) and (burps).LENNY(TO EVERYONE) The internet is also used for spreading the truth about the government, and about how Adam Sandler and Adam Levine are actually vampires.CARLLenny. If you want to learn about the world, then by all means do. 10.(MORE)But all this stuff about the government and cheese and vampires -- it makes no sense.LENNYI see. And how do I know you're not one of the reptilian aliens who control the world?CARLYou know perfectly well that I'm not a reptile. You've even seen my DNA analysis.LENNYThat was your short form DNA analysis.HOMER(TO CARL) He's got you there, Carl. If that is your real name, Johnny.INT. SIMPSONS HOME (KITCHEN) - DAYMarge is in the kitchen. Homer walks in. Marge's back is to Homer.HOMERWhat's for dinner?MARGEI ordered a pizza.Marge turns around holding a pizza in an open box.HOMER(SCARED) Ah! The cheese! 11.CARL (CONT'D)MARGEI thought you loved cheese.HOMEROh yeah.He grabs a slice with each hand, and starts scarfing the slices down.HOMER (CONTD)Marge. Next time, order extra cheese. Mmmmm. Cheese. Marge puts the pizza on the kitchen table.MARGE(CALLS OUT) Kids! Dinner!HOMERYou know, Lenny said some of the strangest things today at the bar.Bart and Lisa walk in, sit down, and start eating.MARGEWhich one's Lenny again?HOMERYou know the black guy I hang out with all the time? Lenny's the other guy. And he said that the world is controlled by the Illuminati, and Carl needs to present his long form DNA analysis to prove he's not a reptilian alien.MARGESo Lenny's a conspiracy theorist now?12.HOMERYes. But don't use the c-word around him.BARTCrouton?HELEN LOVEJOY is standing on the other side of their window and listening in.HELEN LOVEJOYPlease don't use the c-word in this neighborhood! I mean, the children! Will somebody please think of the children!BARTI am the children.She walks away.HOMERDon't say "conspiracy theorist" around Lenny. And don't say "alcoholic" around Barney. He considers that the a-word. He prefers the term "booze hound."LISAYou know, conspiracy theories have gained a great deal of popularity during the internet era. 13.(MORE)I mean, when you're online, and you find yourself surrounded by thousands of people promoting the same belief, you become much more willing to accept the idea that the moon landing is a hoax, or that Paul McCartney died in 1966, or that reptilian aliens are running the world.HOMEROh. That reminds me. Don't use the word "hoax" around Moe. He doesn't like words that have two vowels before an x. Oh -- and don't use the word "chilax" around Flanders.MARGEWell. I for one am really concerned about Lenny.HOMERMarge. Will you just chilax?MARGEI am not gonna chilax. I don't want Lenny to get sucked into some crazy belief system.HOMERYou didn't even know which person Lenny was a minute ago.14.LISA (CONT'D)MARGEBut I'm very fond of both of those guys. And since you're Lenny's friend, it's your duty to set him straight.HOMERI thought my duty as a friend was to back up any lies he tells his wife.MARGEHe's not married. ... Wait a second. Does he back up the lies that you tell me?HOMERMarge. Chilax.MARGEStop saying chilax.INT. POWER PLANT LUNCH ROOM - DAYCarl, Lenny, and Homer are seated at a table and eating lunch.CARLManning was really on fire. I can't believe the Broncos won. That was the best fourth quarter comeback I've ever seen in my life.LENNYMe, too. The Illuminati couldn't have scripted it any better. 15.(MORE)I mean, by bombarding us with exciting sporting events, that's how they get us to eat less cheese.CARLWait a second. I thought you said that they want us to eat more cheese.LENNYThey want us to eat more cheese, and then eat less cheese. When our cheese consumption is inconsistent, that'swhen our minds become easy to control. And that's why I eat exactly 1.47 ounces of cheese a day, every day. Oh -- and on a slightly related note, did I mention that Adam Sandler is a vampire?HOMERYes. And on a completely unrelated note, (HANDS OUT A FEW SHEETS OF PAPER) here's my weekly list of new lies I've told Marge, that I need you guys to back up.Carl reads part of the list.CARLYou told her we spent all Saturday shopping for containers at The Container Store?16.LENNY (CONT'D)A SPY in a ninja suit is standing several yards away from them.INT. MR. BURNS'S OFFICE - DAYThe Spy is now standing across from MR. BURNS, and near SMITHERS.SPYI have the daily spy report for you, sir.MR. BURNSWell. Before you start with that, let me ask you this: does anyone in the company suspect that you're the man I use to spy on them?SPYNo, sir. I mean, they might've raised a few eyebrows at first, on account of my ninja suit, and my lack of a Japanese accent, and my refusal to eat donuts. But after I started chit chatting with them about sports and beer, they totally bought my story that I'm Johnson from accounting.MR. BURNSExcellent. Now, what do you have to report today?SPYWell. Not much. Except Thompson is planning to overthrow you. 17.(MORE)Oh -- and Lenny is spreading theories about how the world is run by a secret society of reptilian aliens.MR. BURNSWhat?! Smithers -- go on the internet at once, and find out more about this secret society. Make sure you check all of the YouTube comments. SMITHERSSir. If there really is a secret society that runs the word, then wouldn't you -- a powerful billionaire -- be part of it?MR. BURNSExcellent point, Smithers. Get my DNA analyzed immediately, to find out if I'm a reptile and/or an alien. I need to know what types of shenanigans this Mr. Burns fellow might be up to.INT. POWER PLANT PARKING LOT - DAYCarl is walking with Homer.CARLWe gotta do something about Lenny.18.SPY (CONT'D)HOMERI know. I didn't think his fashion sense could get any worse -- and then today he showed up wearing purple suspenders with a green shirt. I mean, suspenders are so 1937. And who wears purple and green outside of Saskatchewan? CARLHomer -- I was talking about the fact that Lenny's into all this Illuminati and cheese stuff.Lenny walks up to them.LENNYWere you guys just talking about me?HOMEROf course not. We were talking about... some other... guy. LENNYWho?HOMERUm. Lenny. I mean, Carl. I mean, Lenny. Smith. Sonian. Lenny Smithsonian. The Third. He wears green trunks with purple trim, and his record is 27 wins and 7 losses, with 19 wins by way of knockout.19.LENNYWhat a bunch of bullcrap! He has 22knockouts!HOMEROh. Right. I mixed him up with Muhammad Ali. Smithsonian. The Fourth.MUHAMMAD ALI SMITHSONIAN IV walks up to them.MUHAMMAD ALI SMITHSONIAN IVHey. I'm Muhammad Ali Smithsonian the Fourth. Are you guys talking about me?INT. ADAM SANDLER'S HOUSE - DAYHomer and Carl are seated next to ADAM SANDLER.ADAM SANDLERWait. You want to record me swimming in a pool of garlic?HOMERThat's correct, Adam Sandler.ADAM SANDLERI'm confused. Are you guys movie producers, perverts, or both?CARLNeither.ADAM SANDLERI don't get it.HOMERWe just want to prove to our friend that you're not a vampire. 20.(MORE)That way, he'll start doubting some of this other weird ideas.ADAM SANDLERHey! I don't need to swim in garlic. All I need to do is not bite your neck.HOMERUm. What?ADAM SANDLERJust record me sitting next to you. And if I don't bite into your neck, that'llshow how I'm not a vampire.HOMERBut what are we supposed to do with the truckload of garlic we brought over here?ADAM SANDLERHow the hell should I know?! Open a freaking Olive Garden or something! Alright. (TAKES OUT HIS IPHONE AND BEGINS RECORDING HIMSELF AND HOMER) "Adam Sandler's Not a Vampire," take one. And, action!Adam Sandler looks at Homer's neck for a few seconds, and then he moves in and bites it.HOMEROw!21.HOMER (CONT'D)ADAM SANDLERSorry. I just couldn't help it. I'm not a vampire -- but you gotta admit that you have a nice, succulent neck. I mean, look at that neck. Look at it.HOMERI can't look at my own neck.ADAM SANDLER(TO CAMERA) "Adam Sandler's Not a Vampire," take two. And, action!Adam Sandler looks at Homer's neck for a few seconds, and then he moves in and bites it.HOMEROw!ADAM SANDLERMan! I just can't help but bite that neck! I mean, come on! I'm not a vampire or anything, but that's the most bite-able neck I've ever seen in my life. (SINGS) I am not an umpire / From the city of Quebec / I am not a vampire / But I want to bite your neck (Cut to later)ADAM SANDLER (CONTD)(TO CAMERA) "Adam Sandler's Not a Vampire," take 43. And, action.Homer's phone rings.22.HOMER(INTO PHONE) Yello.MARGE (ON PHONE)Homie. Can you pick up some milk on your way home tonight?HOMERUm. OK. But I might get home late. I'm kind of busy with something right now. By the way, I'm gonna need to schedule an appointment with Dr. Hibbert, to get a hundred tetanus shots.MARGEOK. Bye, honey.HOMERBye.Homer puts away his phone.ADAM SANDLER"Adam Sandler's Not a Vampire," take 44. And, action.Adam Sandler looks at Homer's neck for a few seconds, and then he moves in and bites it.HOMEROw!ADAM SANDLERWell. Come on now! I mean, your neck is just right there, and it's asking to be bitten. How am I supposed to not bite it? 23.(MORE)(SINGS) Brush and floss three times a day / Got no gingivitis / When I look and see your neck / I would like to bite itHOMERCan you just swim in the garlic?ADAM SANDLERLet me tell you something about Adam Sandler. There are two things he refuses to do. One, swim in garlic. And two, star in stupid movies. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to prepare for my role in my next movie. It's called Hey! Why Are My Sneakers Wet?HOMERHa, ha, ha, ha! That sounds really good.ADAM SANDLER(TO CAMERA) Wait a second. Why do I feel so watery? (LOOKS DOWN AT HIS SHOES) It's my sneakers. They're wet. Why are my sneakers wet?HOMERHa ha ha ha!EXT. ADAM SANDLER'S HOME - DAYHomer and Carl are walking away from Adam Sandler's home.24.ADAM SANDLER (CONT'D)CARLGreat. Now how are we supposed to prove to Lenny that Adam Sandler isn't a vampire?HOMERCarl. I've got 43 bite marks in my neck that say he is a vampire, and the government does want to regulate my cheese consumption.CARLDon't tell me that you're also becoming a conspiracy theorist.HOMERI'm telling you that maybe -- just maybe -- we're all being controlled like puppets. Homer takes a water bottle out of his pocket, and pours the water in his head.CARLUh. Why did you just pour water on your head?HOMERI'm not the one who poured water on my head. It was the person pulling my strings. We're all puppets who are told what to eat, what to watch, how to think, how to live, and where to pour water. 25.(MORE)(TAKES OUT ANOTHER WATER BOTTLE, AND POURS IT ON CARL's HEAD) And I want to find out who's doing the puppeteer-ing, and how they're puppeteer-ing us.A MAN IN A SUIT is standing near them, and holding 20 DVD boxes.MAN IN SUITWell. Instead of doing that, wouldn't you rather watch these 20 Adam Sandler movies?HOMER... Yes.Homer takes the DVDs and walks away.INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHTMarge and Lisa are in the kitchen. Homer walks in holding a carton of milk and the 20 DVDs. He puts them down.MARGEHomer. What happened to your neck?HOMERI, uh, cut myself 43 times shaving. Using that Mach 43 razor.Lisa looks down at his shoes.LISAWhy are your sneakers wet?HOMERI don't know. (IMITATES ADAM SANDLER) Why are my sneakers wet?Bart walks in.26.HOMER (CONT'D)BARTI did some research on all that conspiracy theory stuff -- and it turns out that reptilian aliens don't run the world. They run elementary schools. Principal Skinner is from Neptune, and his real name is Tarazan Minera.LISAWhere did you do your research?BARTIn my brain.MARGE(TO HOMER) So how are things with Lenny? Have you changed his mind yet?HOMERWell. Me and Carl were working on it earlier. But then I decided that Lenny is 100% right about everything. ... So, what's for dinner?MARGEUm. Macaroni and cheese. It'll be ready in five minutes.HOMERGreat. In the meantime, I'm gonna search our home for surveillance equipment hidden in the walls. Where's my sledgehammer?27.MARGENow, Homie. Wouldn't you rather watch an Adam Sandler movie?HOMER... Yes.INT. MR. BURNS'S OFFICE - DAYSmithers is holding a stack of papers, and talking to Mr. Burns.SMITHERSSir. I got the results of the DNA analysis. It says here that you're 50% human, and 50% Dindery Doodle.MR. BURNSWait a second! How do I know that you're not a reptilian alien who's trying to convince me that I'm not a reptilian alien?SMITHERSWell, sir. I figured you'd ask that -- so I went ahead and tested myself as well. (HANDS MR. BURNS A SEPARATE STACK OF PAPERS) Here are the results.MR. BURNS(LOOKS OVER THE PAPERS) Well. I didn't know that you were one sixteenth Native American. Um -- remind me again which Native American tribes I have a feud with?28.SMITHERSThe Arapaho and the Cherokee.MR. BURNSRight. And do you belong to either of those tribes?SMITHERSNo, sir. I'm an Apache.MR. BURNSExcellent. Be sure to mention that to the affirmative action people. And add something about how you're a quarter Indonesian, a quarter Bangladeshi, and a quarter Iranian.SMITHERSUh. Yes sir. Or as we Indonesians say it, "Pong tooksah."EXT. POWER PLANT PARKING LOT - DAYCarl is leading Homer and Lenny somewhere.HOMERUm. It's lunch time, Carl. Why are we not eating lunch right now?CARLI got you guys a gift. I want to give it to you.HOMERWait. I didn't know guys were allowed to give other guys gifts. 29.(MORE)'Cause, I mean, one time, I saw this stuffed giraffe at a flea market, and I thought, "This would make a great gift for Barney." But then I thought, "Guys aren't supposed to give..."CARLYeah. Just shut up for a second, Homer.He leads them to BILL CLINTON and GEORGE W. BUSH.HOMERWow! Former President George W. Bush! And some other guy!BILL CLINTONI'm former President Bill Clinton.HOMERMy memory is only willing to remember George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, the current President, and the President before him. I delete every other President. Like, uh, what's-his-name, and that other guy.BILL CLINTONI see. Interesting. It's like how my memory is only willing to remember the names of the last two women I've slept with.30.HOMER (CONT'D)GEORGE W. BUSH(TO HOMER) Well. I think that if you want to be a good American, you gotta remember more than four US Presidents.BILL CLINTONThat's true. I know all 43 US Presidents. Including Rutherford B. Hayes.GEORGE W. BUSHAnd I'm a really good American, so I know the names of hundreds of US Presidents. Like James K. Polk, and John Quincy Smithsonian the Third, and Hunter Henry Harrison a.k.a. Triple H, and, um, that one from Texas. What's his name? BILL CLINTONLyndon B. Johnson? GEORGE W. BUSHNo. The other one from Texas.BILL CLINTONYou mean your father, George H.W. Bush?GEORGE W. BUSHNo. The other one from Texas.BILL CLINTONYou mean you -- George W. Bush?31.GEORGE W. BUSHRight. Yeah. George W. Bush. And Rutherford B. Hayes. And Benjamin Franklin.BILL CLINTONBenjamin Franklin wasn't President.GEORGE W. BUSHBut he's on all my hundred dollar bills. (TAKES THREE $!00 BILLS OUT OF HIS WALLET) Are you saying that these bills are counterfeit?BILL CLINTON(IMITATING MOE FROM THE THREE STOOGES) Ah -- shut up!He slaps George W. Bush.GEORGE W. BUSHOoh!George W. Bush pokes Bill Clinton in the eyes.BILL CLINTONHey. (POINTS SOMEWHERE) What's that?George W. Bush turns around. Bill Clinton kicks him in the butt.George W. Bush turns around.GEORGE W. BUSHOne or two?BILL CLINTONOne.32.GEORGE W. BUSHNo. Three.George W. Bush slaps Bill Clinton three times.HOMERWait a second. You two are like ordinary guys.GEORGE W. BUSHThat's true. Except Bill is hornierthan an ordinary guy. And I eat more chicken pot pies than an ordinary guy.George W. Bush has a chicken pot pie in his hands. He takes a bite out of it.CARL(TO HOMER AND LENNY) See? If President Bush and President Clinton are like ordinary guys, then how could they be key players in a secret system with an Illuminati, and reptilian aliens, and cheese mind control?GEORGE W. BUSH(TO EVERYONE) Yeah. I mean, do you think a jackass like Bill could really do something like that? He's so dumb, he only knows the names of 43 Presidents. He probably doesn't even know about Martin Van Dam, or Herbert Dam Hoover.33.LENNY(TO CARL) Hold the phone here, Carl. Is this all just part of your plan to convince me that there is no Illuminati?CARLWell. Yeah.LENNYOh. Well. The thing is, I already stopped believing in conspiracy theories two hours ago, when I found out that Woody Harrelson is a conspiracy theorist.CARLI thought you liked Woody Harrelson.LENNYI like him as an actor. Not as a theorist. He's one of my favorite actors in the world, and one of my least favorite theorists in the world.CARLAnd that's why you're no longer a conspiracy theorist?34.LENNYYeah. And also, I had dinner last night with Adam Sandler at the Olive Garden, and he had three plates of trenette col pesto.CARLSo?LENNYThat dish is 97% garlic.Adam Sandler is standing a few feet away from them, and eating a piece of garlic bread.ADAM SANDLERAnd now I'm eating garlic bread. (LOOKS AT HOMER'S NECK) Man. That is one bite-able neck. (LOOKS AT HIS SNEAKERS) Hey! Why are my sneakers wet?HOMERHa ha ha ha!EXT. STREET - DAYClose up on someone's sneakers stepping in a puddle and getting wet The camera changes to reveal that Lisa is the one wearing the sneakers.She notices ADAM LEVINE several yards away, sucking a MAN's blood.LISAAdam Levine?ADAM LEVINEUh. Yeah.35.LISAAre you sucking someone's blood?ADAM LEVINEUm. No. ... Well. Maybe. But I'm not a vampire. This guy just has a very succulent neck.Several yards away, PRINCIPAL SKINNER is walking on the sidewalk. His cell phone rings. He looks at the caller ID, and it says "Unlisted Caller - Unlisted Area." He answers the phone.PRINCIPAL SKINNERHello? ... Oh. Hi, Jermagolin. ... Yes. I'm still running an Elementary School. ... No. Nobody suspects anything.A small jet is flying above Principal Skinner.INT. JET - DAYBill Clinton is seated in a luxurious private jet, and watching an Adam Sandler movie on a computer.ADAM SANDLER (ON SCREEN)Why is my hat wet?BILL CLINTONHa ha ha ha.HILARY CLINTON walks towards him.HILARY CLINTONHoney. I filled out that form to run for President -- but the government wants to know why I left a blank at the part where I'm supposed to include my spouse's Social Security number.36.BILL CLINTONCindy. You're forgetting one thing.HILARY CLINTONMy name is Hilary!BILL CLINTONHilary. You're forgetting one thing. I'm not from here -- so I wasn't issued a Social Security number.HILARY CLINTONI know that, Bill. But I can't leave that part blank. What did you put down when you ran for President?BILL CLINTONI didn't put down anything. I just slept with some woman who worked for the government.HILARY CLINTONWhat woman?BILL CLINTONI don't remember. You know. 'Cause she's not one of the last two women I've slept with. I only remember the names of the last two women I've slept with. You should know that by now, Beatrice Vanderbilt.HILARY CLINTONMy name is Hilary Clinton!37.