THE SKILLS YOU WILL LEARN ARE sKILLs THAT ARE MADE ...€¦ · There is something very importont thot f wont to express before we leorn onything obout "skills." Here it is: ... rf

There is something very importontthot f wont to express before we leorn onything obout "skills."

Here it is:

THE SKILLS YOU WILL LEARN ARE sKILLs THAT ARE MADEAVATLABLE TO YOU

SO THAT YOU HAVE MORE CHOTCE5.THATs TT....

THERE IS NO 5KILL YOU WILL LEARN THAT YOUtltusT UsE OR THAT yOU HAVE TOVSE.

THE OOAL OF THIS I ODULE ;s ro tearn how ro beor poinskil lfully. This module is NOT obouf working things ouf or chonging things:ft is obout accepting ond toleroting things. The skills you will leorn conhelp you survive and do well in terrible situotions without resorting tobehoviors thot wil l moke the situotion worse.

The obility to tolerote ond occept distress is on essentiol mentol heolthgoal f or of leost 2 reosons:

' Poin ond distress ore port of lif e: they connot be entirely ovoid ed orremoved. The inobility to occept this foct leods to increosed poin andsuffering.

. rf you wont to chonge, you must leorn to tolerote distress.Otherwise, impulsive octions wil l interfere with efforts to change.

rnobility to tolerate distress = impursive octions =diff iculties moki ng desired chonges

Distress Toleronce skills constitute o noturol progression fromnindfulness skil ls. They hove to do with the abil ity to occept, in ononjudgmentol foshion, both oneself ond the current situotion.

DT3Adopted from the work of Morsho Linehon

Poti Anderson, MC,LPC,PLLC 3/07

Distress Tolerqnce is:. The obility to perceive one's environment without putting demands on

it to be diff erent:. Willingness to experience your current emotionol state without

attempting to chonge it; ondo Observing your own thoughts ond oction patterns without attempting

to stop or control them.

There sre two sets of distress tolerqnce skills:

o Crisis Survivol Skills help you tolerote ond survive crises.o Distroctingo Self -Soothingo fmproving the Momento Pros ond Cons

o Reolit Acceptonce Skills help you to occept life os it is in themoment.' - i"il",i,1*f.1::rff"lT'' "

. Awarenesso Accepting Reality

Radicol Acceptance (o complete occeptonce f rom deepwithin)

: ffi;xJr Hil'm"' ::;::::^;:il ffi l;'i,,without trying to moster, direct, control, or monipulote)

Whot do YOU wont to leorn in this module??????


Poti Anderson, MC, LPC,WLC 3/07

CRIsIs SURVIVAL SKILL5

WHAT IS A CRIsTs?

A crisis storts with a probtem...ond srows ! ! !

HOW DO YOU RE5POND EFFECMVELY TO ^

CRIST5?

1. Solve the problem, ORz.Tf you con't solve the problem right away, get

through it without mokinqthings worse.

Following ore concrete skills in how to tolerote ond survive o crisis situotion when thecrisis connot be changed right qwoy. The bosic ides of Distress Toleronce Skills is tolearn how to get through bod situotions without moking them worse.

THE5E SKILL5 WILL HELP YOU GETTHROUGH A CRISIS. IN ADDITION, IFUSED REoULARLY, THEY CAN HELP YOU

AVOfD cRrsrs srruArroNsr

1 . Distracting?. Self -Soothing3. Improving the Moment4. Pros ond Cons


Poti Anderson, MC, LPC,PLLC 3/O7

1 . DISTRACTING. Distroction skills help reduce contoct with events thqt setoff emotions. There areT sets of Distrocting Skills. They con be remembered withthe phrose:

Wise ltlind ACCEPTS

dctivities!ontributingComporisonsEnrotionsPushing owqyThoughtslensotions

Activities con work to chonge or olter negotive emotions in o number of ways.Activities distroct qttention ond fill short-term memory with thoughts, imoges, ondsensotions thqt are dtff erent thon the thoughts, imoges. ond sensotions thotcontribute to negative emotion. Activities aff ect the woy we react physiologicolly ondemotionolly. (Sometimes, the more strenuous, the better!) Exomples:

Exercise, involve yourself in o hobby, cleon, go to on event, coll or visit o friend,ploy computer gomes, surf the internet, go for q wolk, ploy sports, go out for qmeol, garden, wolk the dog, reod, wotch tv, listen to music, do homework.

Contributing refocuses ottention from yourself to whot you con do for others. ft cqnincreqse o sense of meoning in lif e, ond improve the moment. ft con enhonce self -respect. Exomples:

Do volunteer work, mqke dinner for o friend, give something to someone else,moke something nice for someone, do o surprising/thoughtful thing, smile!

Moking Comparisons con refocus your ottention from yourself to others, but in odiff erent woy. Comporing oneself to: others who qre experiencing the some situqtion,or; to others less fortunote, or; to your own post experiences thot were worse thonthe one you ore in right now (ond remembering how you got through itl) con help you tosee your situotion in o more positive light. Another woy to use this skill is to think ofthings for which you o?e GRATEFUL.

Generating opposite Emofions reploces the current poinful emotion with different (andless painful) emotions. You con chonge your emotions by recognizing whot emotion you

DT6Adopted from the work of Morsho Linehan

Poti Anderson, MC, LPC,PLLC 3/07

ore hoving ond doing something, or chonging your behovior, to generate anoppositeemotion' Mqke sure the octivity creotes o DIFFERENT emotion. ExomplesrReod on optimistic book or story; go to o funny movie or wotch o scory video;listen to upbeot music, reod o;or<e book, go to the store ond reod funny greetingcords.

Pushing owoy from a situqtion csn be doneby leoving it physicalty or by blocking it inone's mind' Leoving the situotion decreoses contoct with the emotionol triggers thotore connected with the situotion. This is a technigue thot should not be used unless itis necessory' rt tokes one mentolly owoy from whot is cousing the emotion ond con be oway of dissocioting or depersonolizing. H"r" are zspecific woys to use this skill:1' rmogine yourself putting the disturbing issue on o shelf, locked owoy in o box(Think about Al Gore's "lock box!") rt c-an't come out until you purpo sely get the.box down from the shelf, unlock the box, ond toke it out to look ot if.2. Get a spiral notebook. Wriledown two questions:Con f solve this right now?fs fhis o good time to work on itl

ff your onswer to either guestion is "no", wrtlethe troublesome issue down ondput the notebook owoy. Loter on, get o timer, get your notebook out, ond thinkobout the issue for 30 minutes. You might use o 5-port model to describe ondunderstond the issue ond iis impoct on-you. Then put the notebook owqy ogoin.

Distrocting with other Thoughts fill your short-ferm memory with other thoughts sothot you no ronger react to the negativeemotion. Exompres:Focus on one positive thought over ond over ogoin (e.9. "This is temporory...r conget through this...This won't kil l me.); count to lo; count colors or seehow monytimes you con find your fovorite color in o pointi ng o? garden(onything); workpuzzles: think obout something you ore rooking forrord to.

rntense other Sensotions con help you focus your ottention on something else onddistroct from poinful emotions. Exomples:Hold on ice cube in your fist until it melts, stond under o cold shower, listen tovery loud music, put rubber bond on wrist, purf out, ond ret go.


Poti Anderson.I,AC, L?C,?LLC 3/OT

PER5ONAL CRTsIs 5URVIVAL sKTLLsDIsTRACT

WITHWISE foTIND ACCEPTS

ACTTVITIES

CONTRTBUTIN6

CO MP ARISON S / Being GRATEFUL

Opposite EMOTIONS

PU5HING AWAY

Other THOVGHTS

Intense other SENSATIONS



?- SELF-5OOTHIN6. Self-soothing has to do with comforting, nurturing, andbeing gentle ond kind to oneself . Be mindful when you proctice these skillsr porticipote;

stoy in the moment. A woy to remember these skills is to think of soothing each of fhe

5 senses: Vision, Heoring, Smell, Toste. ond Touch . Consider making yourself a"self-soofhina kif'wifh one if, each sense. fhe box!

Sometimes we moy hove difficulty with self-soothing. We may believe thot we don't

deserve soothing, kindness, ond gentleness. We moy feel guilty or oshomed when self -

soothing. We moy believe thot we should get soothing from others. Self-soothing is

something one does for oneself , f or one's own emotionol well-being. On the f l ip side,

some people self-soothe too much which can leod to its own set of difficulties.

Vision - Buy one beoutiful flower; mqke one spoce in o room pretty; light o condle qnd

wotch the flqme; set o pretty place of the toble, using your best things, for o meol; 9oto q museum with beoutiful ort; look of noture oround you; go out in the middle of Ihenight ond wotch the stqrs; wolk in o pretty port of town; fix your noils so they lookpretty; look at beoutiful pictunes in o book; go to o bollet or other dqnce performonce,or wotch one on TV. Be mindful of eoch sight thot posses in front of you, not lingeringon ony.Heoring - Listen to beoutiful or soothing music, or to invigoroting ond exciting music;poy ottention to sounds of noture; sing your fovorite songs; hum o soothing tune; leornto ploy qn instrument; coll your theropist's voice moil to heor q humon voice. Be mindfulof ony sounds thot come your way, letting them go in one eor ond out the other.Smef l - Use your fovorite perfume or lotions, or try them on in the store; sProyfragrance in the oir; light o scented condle; put lemon oil on you furniture; putpotpourri in o bowl in your room; boil cinnomon; bake cookies, coke or bread: wolk in fhepork ond mindfully breothe in the fresh smells of noture. Stop ond smell the roses!Toste - Hove o good meal; hove o fovorite soothing drink such os herbol teo or hotchocolote (no olcohol): treot yourself to o dessert; put whipped creom on your coffee:somple f lovors in an ice creom store; suck on a piece of peppermint condy; chew your

fovorite gum: get o little bit of speciol food you don't usuolly spend the money on, suchos fresh- squeezed orange juice. Reolly tqste the food you eot; eot one thing mindfully.Touch - Hold ond rock yourself l ike you would o baby, with one polm to your stomochond one to your chest; toke o bubble both; put cleon sheets on the bed: peI your dog orcot; hove o mossage; sook your feet; put creomy lotion on your whole body; put o coldcompress on your foreheod: sink into o reolly comfortoble choir in your home; put on osilky blouse, dress or scorf; brush your hoir for o long time; hug someone. Experiencewhqtever you ore touching; notice touch thot is soothing.


Pqti Anderson, MC, LPC,WLC 3/O7

PERSONAL CRISI5 SURVIVAL sKILLsSELF-SOOTHE

IAINDFULLY WITH YOUR 5 SENsEs

VIsION

HEARIN6

SAAELL

TASTE

TOUCH

DT 10Adopted from the work of Morsho Linehon

Poti Anderson, MC, LPC,PLLC 3/A7

3. IMPROVINO THE MOAAENT is replocing immediote negativeeventswith more positive ones. Some strotegies for improving the moment ore cognitivetechnigues such os chonging opproisols of oneself (encourogement) or the situotion(finding meoning, imogery). Some involve chonging body responses to events(reloxotion). Proyer ond focusing on one thing in the moment hove to do withocceptonce ond letting go. A woy to remember these skills is the word "IMPROVE.'

ImogeryrtrleoningPrcyer

!eloxotionOne thing in the momentVocotionEncourogement

Imogery con be used to go to o sofe ond secure ploce. You con crea'fe a situotiondifferent from the one thot you moy be in. This con be very helpful during flqshbocks.For fmogery to be useful, you have to practice it when you ore not in o crisis enoughtimes Io get it firmly down os o skill. You con olso use imogery to imogine thot you orecoping with the situotion effectively. This con octuolly increoseyou? ability to copeeffectively with q crisis in reol life.

Finding or creoting Meoning helps mony people in crisis. This is bosed on the ideo thotpeople need to f ind or creste meoning in their lives to survive terrible suffering(moking lemonqde ouf of lemons). ft is importont to remember thot sometimes life isunfoir for reosons thot no one cqn understond. You do not hqve to ossume thqt there iso purpose to your suffering, olthough some people may see it this woy.

The essen ce of Proyer is the complete opening of oneself to the moment. This is verymuch like rodicol occeptonce. Try to get in touch with your emotionol poin beforeyoubegin your proyer.

Refoxing is chonging how the body responds to stress ond crisis,People often try tocontrol o negotive situotion by tensing their body. When we think obout how our bodycommunicotes with our mind, we con help our mind qccept the si tuot ion. Reloxing is oskill thot tokes q lot of proctice.

Focusing on One thing in the moment con be very helpful in the middle of a crisis; itcon provide time to settle down. The secret is to remember thqt the only poin you hove


Poti Anderson, MC,LPC,PLLC 3/07

to survive is "just this moment." We oll often suffer much more thon is reguiredbecouse we recall post suff ering ond ruminote obout future suffering we moy hove toendure. But, in reolity, there is only "just this moment."

Everyone needs o "Vccotion from odulthood" once in o while. ft should only lost from ofew moments to no longer thon o doy. If you hove responsibilities, toking o vocotionmeons thot you will have 'to get someone else to toke over your duties for o while.When we take o vocotion, we still hove to toke it responsibly. Thot meons, we do nottoke them ot inoppropriote times, ond we do not stoy on vocotion too long.

Encourogement is cheerleoding oneself. How would you tolk to q friend if they werecoming to you for odvice? Tqlk to yourself os though you were tolking to someone forwhom you core. Or, tolk to yourself the woy you would wont someone else to tolk to you.***R@ing4iet:ef -:'6hone+yeuaikrTh-elg'e$ack+hrough th€ |i3t P'e istfhefrrcnF-dF-14.


Poti Anderson, MC, LPC,WLC 3/A7

PER5ONAL CRISIS 5URVIVAL sKILLsIMPROVE THE MO,l,lENT

With IAAAGERY

By finding MEANING

With PRAYER

With RELAXATION

By doing ONE thing in the moment

By taking o brief VACATION


Pqti Anderson, MC, LPC,PLLC 3/A7

My Top tO Cheerleading Stotements

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

B.

9.

10.


Poti Anderson, MC,LPC,WLC S/AT

4. THINKING OF PRO5 AND CONS

Thinking of Pros ond Cons con be used in a voriety of ways, including solving problemsond helping you to moke decisions. Solving the problem moy help ovoid crisis situotions.

1. Use Pros ond Cons to help you decidewhether or not to tolerote o disfressingsituotion without making it worse (i.e. by doing something impulsive/self -destructive).

o. Moke o list of the pros ond cons of toleroting the distress. Moke onotherlist of the pros ond cons of not toleroting the distress-thot is, of copingby hurting yourself, obusing olcohol or drugs, or doing something elseimpulsive ond self-destructive.

b. Focus on long-term gools, the light qt the end of the tunnel. Remembertimes when poin hos ended.

c. Think of the positive conseguences of toleroting the distress. fmogine inyour mind how good you will feel if you ochieve your gools, if you don't qct

impulsively.d. Think of oll of the negotive conseguences of not tolerqting your current

distress. Remember whot hos hoppened in the post when you hove octedimpulsively to escope the moment.

2. Pros qnd Cons ore a gre-ot skill to use when you need to moke o decision or orehoving trouble trying to decide whqt to do. ft 's o very Reosonoble Mind octivitythot con help you to moke sense of things, to motivote you, to see things cleorlyso you con oct from Wise Mind.

o. Think qbout the pros, or the odvontoges of option #1.b. Then think obout the cons, or the disodvqntoges of option #1.c. Repeot the obove f or option #2.d. Exomples: exomine the pros ond cons of going to school vs. not going to

school; toking job A vs. toking job B; tolking to o friend obout o problemvs. nof tolking to her.

DT 15Adapted from the work of Mqrsho Linehon


UR6E MANAaEA,1ENTWHEN UR6E5 sTRTKT.....

DELAY!!!

1. RATE THE INTEN5ITY OF YOUR

2. SET A TTMER FOR 15 MINUTES.

,UR6E'' FROM O-10.

3. IN THE ,IAEANTIMEo UsE SKILLS MINDFULLy: TNTENTTONALLy SHIFT

YOUR ATTENTTON FROM THE 'UR6E"TO5OMETHTNG ELsE. CHOOSE A RELATIVELYPLEASANT ACTTVIry THAT I5 INCOAAPATTBLEWITH THE ACTTON OF THE 'UR6E", AND/OROPPOSITE TO THE INTENTTON OF THE 'UR6E"

. DTSTRACT

. SELF-SOOTHE

. TMPROVE THE MOMENT

. PROS AND CONS

4. CHECK INTO YOUR 'UP6E" INTEN5Iry.o IF yOUR,"UPGE"TS THE SAME OR HI6HER...RESET

THE TTMER FOR 15 MTNUTE5 AND TRY ANOTHER5KILL.

o IF yOUP,"URGE"HAS DECREASED, AND yOU CANACT FROM WISE MIND , GO ON WITH YOUR DAY!

DT 16Adopted from the work of Msrsho Linehon

Poti Anderson, MC. LPC,PLLC 3/A7

REAUTry ACCEPTANCE sKILLsPREPARING YOUR BODY AND MIND

FOR RADICAL ACCEPTANCE

Reality Acceptonce Skills are the skills thot you need when somethingpainful hoppens (or hos happened) thaf you connot chonge: You con't solveit, you con't moke it go owoy, and you con't turn it into o positive. Leorningond procticing the reolity occeptance skills con help decreose thesuffering ossocioted with poin ond distress. This is true whether the poinis emotionol, physical, minor, or mojor. Following ore three sets of skillsthqt wif l help prepore your body ond mind for accepting reolity. As with qllskills, these ore best procticed (initiolly) during times when you ore feelingokoy or during relatively low stress situotions.

Observing-Your-Breoth Exercises. Focusing your qttention on yourbreoth con help you to occept ond tolerote yourself . the world. ond reolitv os it is.Observe your breothing os o woy to find wise mind; os o woy to toke hold of your mind;ond os q woy to let go of judgments, non-occeptance, ond fighting reolity. You conproctice fhis exercise onywhere of onytime. Focusing on the breqth is the essence ofmi ndfulness. Exomples:

1. Deep breothing. Lie on your bock or sit comfortqbly. Breothe evenly ond gently,focusing your ottention on the movement of your stomoch. As you begin tobreathe in, ollow your stomoch to rise in order to bring qir into the lower holf ofyour lungs ond obdomen. As the upper holves of your lungs begin to fil l with oir,your chest begins to rise ond your stomoch begins to lower. Don't tire yourself.Continue for 10 breoths. The exhalotion will be longer thon ihe inholotion.

2. Counting your breoth. Sit, l ie down, or toke o wolk. As you inhole soy to yourself"f om inholing, one (1)." When you exhole, soy to yourself "f om exholing, 1."When beginning the second inholqt ion, "f om inhol ing,2: ' After slowly exhol ing,"f om exholing, 2." Continue for 10 repetitions, ond then stort the countbockwords to 1. Whenever you lose count (ond you will O), notice ony judgmentthoughts ond return to "f om inholing,t:'


Poti Anderson. MC, LPC,PLLC 3/O7

3. Following your breoth while tistening to music. Listen to a piece of music.Breathe long, light , and even breaths. Follow your breoth: bemoster of it whileremoining owore of the movement and sentiments of the music. Do not get lost inthe music, but continue to be moster of your breoth ond yourself.

4. Following your breoth while corrying on o conversotion. Breothe long, light, ondevenbreaths. Follow your brecth while listening to o friend's words ond to yourown replies. Continue qs wifh music.

5. Breathing to guiet the mind ond body. Sit cross-legged on the floor or sit in ochoir with your feet on the floor, or lie flot on the floor. Holf-smile. Fotlow yourbreoth. When your mind ond body ore quiet, continue to inhole ond exhqte verylightly. Be awsre thot "f om breothing in qnd mqkin g the breoth ond body lightond peoceful. I om exhqling ond moking the breoth ond body light ond p"or.frl.',Continue for three breoths, giving rise to the thought, "f om breathing in whilemy body qnd mid ore ot peace. f om breothing out while my body ond mind qre otpeace." Mointoin this thought in oworeness from 5 to 30 minutes, occording toyour obility ond to the time ovqiloble to you. The beginning ond end of theproctice should be relaxed ond gentle. When you wont to stop, gently mossagethe muscles in your legs before returning to o normol sitting position. Woit ominute before stonding up.

6. Con you think of other times when this exercise might help you to "occeptreality?"Following your breqth while soying encouroging stotements to vourself.

Hoff-Smiling Exercises. Holf-smiling is occepring and roleroting with yourbody. This skill con help you to regulote what you're f eeling by "leoding with your body.,,Emotions ore portiolly controlled by fociol expressions. By odopting o holf-smile ond oserene, occepting f ace people con control their emotions somewhot. Th"y can feel moreoccepting if their foces express occeptonce.

When you turn the corners of your mouth up into o "hqlf-smile" (or full smile),your cheek muscles send o messoge to your pituitory glond thot you ore laughing, ondyour pituitory glond sends o messoge to your broin lo release dopomine , one of the"f eel good" hormones . A tense smile is o grin (ond might tell your broin you ore hidingor mosking).

DT 18Adopfed from the work of Morsho Linehon

Pqti Anderson, MC, LPC,PLLC 3lO7

To holf-smile, relax (by letting go or by tensing ond then letting go) your f oce,neck, ond shoulder muscles; then holf-smile with your lips. A holf-smile is slightly up-turned lips with o serene fociol expression. Remember, your body communicotes to yourmind.

EXERCIsE

Sit very still. Try to moke s very impossive face - one with no expression - ondexperience how thot feels.Nexf , try to relox the muscles of the f ace - from the foreheod, to the eyes, tothe cheeks, ond to the mouth ond jaw - ond experience how thot feels.Now, turn the corners of your mouth up: Holf-smile ond experience how thotfeels. Do you notice any differences?Exercises to try:

o. Hqlf-smile when you f i rst owoke in the morning. Hong o sign or picture onthe woll or ceiling so thot you see it right owoy when you open your eyes.This will se?ve os your reminder. Use these seconds before you get out ofbed to toke hold of your breoth. fnhole ond exhole 3 breoths gently whilemointoining o holf-smile. Follow your breoths.

b. Hoff-smile during your free moments, for no particulor reoson at all.Anywhere you find yourself sitting or stonding, holf-smile. Look ot o child,a leof , o pointing on the woll, or onything thqt is relotively stil l, ond smile.fnhole ond exhsle quietly three times.

c. Holf-smile whi le l istening to music. Listen to o piece of music for 2 or 3minutes. Poy ottention to the words, music. rhythm, ond sentiments of themusic you ore listening to (not your doydreoms or memories of othert imes). Hqlf-smile whi le wotching your inholot ions ond exholot ions.

d. Holf-smile when irr i toted. When you reol ize "f 'm irr i tqted," holf-smile otonce. fnhole ond exhole quietly, mointoining o holf-smile for 3 breoths.

e. Holf-smile in o lying down position. Lie on your bock on o flot surfocewithout the support of mottress or pillow. Keep your two orms loosely byyour sides snd keep your two legs slightly oport, stretched outcomfortobly beforeyou. Mointqin o holf-smile. Breothe in and out gently,keeping your ottention focused on your breoth. Let go of every muscle inyour body. Relox eoch muscle os though it were sinking down through the

DT 19Adapted from the work of Morsho Linehon


1.

2.

3.

4.

floor, or os fhough i'f were os soft ond yielding os a piece of silk honging inthe breeze to dry. Let go entirely, keeping your ottention only on yourbreoth ond holf-smile. Think of yourself os o cot, completely reloxedbefore o worm fire, whose muscles yield without resistonce to onyone'stouch. Continue for 15 breoths.Holf-smile in o sitting position. Sit on the floor with your bock stroight, oron q choir with your 'fwo feel touching the floor. Holf-smile. Inhole ondexhale while maintoining the holf-smile . Let go.Hoff-smile when experiencing "negotive" emotions. Exomples include: whiledriving, when orguing or onnoyed wifh someone, when doing something youdon't wont to do, when thinking qbout someone you don't like, when feelingcrummy ond you reolly don't know why.Other ideas???

Awareness Exercises oremindfulness exercisesond con bevery helpful indoily life os well os in the middle of q crisis. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWEROF THIS SKILLI!! When procticed every doy, oworeness exercises con help develop omore occepting stote of mind overoll. To proctice this exercise, think "mindfulness"ond using your "5 senses."

o. Awqreness of the positions of the body.b. Aworeness of connection to the univense or being in noture.c. Aworeness of tqking o slow-motion bqth or shower.d. Awareness while moking teo or coffee, woshing the dishes, cooking

dinner, woshing fhe cor.e. Procticing oworeness with meditotion.f . How would you l ike to try this ski l l?

f.

9.

DT 20Adopted from the work of Morshq Linehon

Pqti Anderson, MC, LPC,PLLC 3/O7

REAUTW ACCEPTANCE sKILLsTHAT WORK FOR ME

Observing-Your- Breoth Exercises

Holf -Smiling Exercises

Aworeness Exercises

DT 21Adopted from the work of Morsha Linehon


ACCEPTINo REAIJTryGoal of this skill: Freedom from suffering

TRUE OR FAL5E?

Things will mogicolly chong e if T:_don't occept something

simply refuse to put up with itthrow a tontrum or refuse to believe it; then things will be okoyresist with enough willpowerwoit long enoughblome ofhers

_stuff itminimize i tgngage in "impulsive behoviors"

Why do webelievethese forms of deniol will help?

* Whot kind of skill con help us tolerote the reolly, REALLy hord issues in ourlives?

* It is hord to "occept or tolerote" mony things thot hoppen to us, e.g. the woy oloved-one died, the woy your porents octed, or the woy others hqve treoted you.

* Nofurql reoctions include shome, guilt, ond onger.* These f eelings con engulf emotion mind.* Becouse our minds do not wont to ollow poinful thoughts into consciousness, we

often qvoid poinful thoughts.* When svoidonce becomes ex'freme, it turns into deniql.* Deniol keeps from consciousness the oworeness of suffering.* fmpoct? (exomples: on olcoholic is in deniol of how their behoviors hurt

themselves ond others; denying or refusing to occept thot it is hot in Phoenix in

the summ er'fime keeps you from doing whot's eff ective to keep yourself cool;

denying or refusing to occept thot you ore depressed or hove o toothoche keepsyou fnom seeking help)

DT 2?Adopted from the work of Morsho Linehon


PAIN: WHAT I5 IT 6OOD FOR?

* Poin is o necessory port of l iving; it con be emotionol and it con be physicol. ft isnoture's way of signoling thot something is wrong or thot something needs to bedone.

* Physicol poin worns us thot something is wrong ond can motivote us to act, e.g.hond on hot stove couses person to move hond quickly.

* Poin of grief couses people to reoch out to others who ore lost. Without it therewould probobly be no societies or cultures. No one would look ofter those whoore sick, would seqrch for loved ones who ore lost, or would stoy with people whoqre difficult ot times.

* Psin of onger helps peopJe overcome obstocles or chonge the stotus guo.* Poin of feor mokes people ovoid whot is dangerous.* Whot arethe pros ond cons of never hoving poinful emotions? Would you like

people who never hod poinful emotions?

WHAT5 THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PAIN AND 5UFFERIN6?

1. Poin creates suffering only when one refuses to ACCEPT the poin.2. Rodicol occeptonce is the way to stop PAfN from turning into SUFFERING. With

skills, poin con be toleroted without turning it into suffering.

PAIN + NOT ACCEPfiNO THE PAIN = SUFFERING

3. Poin con be difficult or qlmost impossible to bear, but suffering is even moredif f icult .

4. Suffering comes when people resist reolity as it is ot the moment.

There ore only 4 responses to poin:

1. Solve the problem. End the poinful event. Leave the situotion.2. Try to chonge the woy you f eel qbout the problem. You could try to figure out q

woy to toke o negative in your life ond make it into o positive.3. Accept the problem.4. Stoy miseroble.

DT 23Adapted from the work of Morsho Linehon

Poti Anderson, MC, LPC,PLLC 3/A7

Reof ity Acceptance skif fs are theskif ls thot you need whenpoinful events hoppen inyour life ond you con't chonge the poinful event. You con't solve it. you con,t mqke it goowoy' You can't turn it into a positive. It is o negativethat just won't become o positlve- you ore miseroble. when thot happens, practice reality aiceptance.

Rodicof AcceptanceTurning the iltind

Willingness

1. RADICAL ACCEPTANCE complete qnd totql occepting from the mind, heart,ond body.

* Rodicol - orising from or reoching o root or source; drqstic; exlreme* Accept - to receive willingly (not to be confused with opprovot or judging

something os good); ocknowledging truth: recognizing whot is; enduringthe inevitoble

* Rodicql Acceptcnce con't be totolly exploined becouse it comes from theinside.

* Rodicol Acceptonce tronsforms suffering into poin.

3 Erts to Rodicol Acceptonce. ACCEPT THAT:1. The event hos actuqlly hoppened: reolity is whqt it is2. Every evenl or situotion hqs o cquse

* ft happened for some reoson. You may not know whqt the reqson or

cquse is, but there is o reqson. (Think: sequence of events)* opposite of soying ""hy me" or things "should not" be the woy they

are* Acceptonce = "everything should be os it is"* Acceptonce is qbout Soying "y"S." Yes to occeptonce,yes to the

universe, yes to "whot is."3. Life con be worth living even with poin; to go from "unenduroble agony"

to "occeptoble poin." You wqnt to occept thot you con move through it.

* Some thoughts on rodicol occeptonce:* Borgoining with God is not occeptonce* Accepting is not oPProving

DT 24

Adopted from the work of Morsho Linehon

Poti Anderson, MC, LPC,PLLC 3/Q7

* Accepting does not mean you con't chonge it* Accepting cqn olso be colled "recognizing" or "ocknowledging"* Accepting does not meon thot you will be opproving , resigned, or

possive* ff you wont to change something, you hove to occept it first. If

you deny it, how ore you going to chonge it?

Exerciset You hote the color purple. You orrongeto hove someone poinf your room pink.They point it purple. What ore your options?

1.2.

2. TURNINO THE I IND toword the "qcceptonce" fork in the rood: acceptingvs. rejecting. How do you do it? First:1. Notice (thot you're not occepting something). Tip-off: onger, bitterness,

"Why Me?" trying to escope reolity, block things out, covering up how you orereolly feeltng with other things.

2. Moke qn inner commitment to occept. The inner commitment is the "TurningYour Mind" to the rood of occeptonce (vs. the rood of rejection). 6o withinyourself ond turn your mind towqrd occeptonce.

3. Do it ogoin. You moy hove to do it over ond over mony times in o minute ormony times o doy.

3. WILLINGNESS vs WILLFULNESS

1. Willingness is occepting whot is, together with responding to whot is, in oneffective or oppropriote woy. ft is doing whot works. ft is doing just whot isneeded in the current situotion or moment.

2. Willfulness is imposing one's will on reolity - trying to fix everything,orrefusing to do whot is needed. ft is the opposite of doing whot works. Whot todo when feeling willful:

o. Just notice it: observe ond describe ("willfulness hos shown up!")b. Rodicolly occept the willfulness (occept thot it is reolly there)c. Turn the mind (turn your mind toword willingness, toword acceptsnce,

pcrticipoting in reolity, just os it is)

DT 25Adopted f rom the work of Morsho Linehon

Poti Anderson, MC,LPC,WLC 3/O7

d. If you arehaving trouble beingwilling:i. Try on oworeness, breothing, or hoff-smire exercise.ii' Try o wiffing posture: open honds, reloxed body. Notice the difference

you f eel with this posture vs. "closed" posturin g, e.g.orms ond legscrossed, tense/sliff body.

ii i ' Practice "just lisiening" to onother person's point of view. Willfulnessis when you soy NO ond refuse to tqke port in the conversotion. ftdoesn't meon thot you opprove or agreer Exercise:

Person #1 mokes q stotement.Person #2 repe.ats bock the statement EXAC|T-L.ff not repeoted exoctly, person #! repeots.

iv. Ask yourself "whot's the threot?....whot,s the cotostrophe?,,

Discussion

Discuss some reosons why one would not wqnt to use this skill of rodicql occeptonce.What ore'fhe pros ond cons?

Discuss metophors for will ingness vs. willfulness:

1. Li fe is l ike hit t ing bosebol ls from o pitching mochine. A person's job is just to doher best to hit eoch bqll os it comes. Refusing to occept thot o boll is coming does notmoke it stop coming. Willpower, defionce, crying, or whimpering does not moke themochine stop pitching the bolls; ' lhey keep coming over ond over ond over. A person constond in the woy of o boll ond get hit, stond there doing nothing ond let the bqll 90 by

os o str ike, or swing of the bol l .

2. Life is like o gome of cords. ft mokes no diffe?ence to o good cord ployer whot

cords he or she will get.Theobject is to ploy whotever hond one gets os well os

possible. As soon os one hond is ployed, onother hond is deolt. The lqst gome is over ond

the current gome is on. The ideo is to be mindful of the current hond, ploy it os

skillfully os possible, ond then let go ond focus on the next hond of cords.

DT 26

Adopted from tha work of Morsho LinehanPoti Anderson, MC, LPC,PLIC 3/O7

REALITY ^CCEPTANCE

WORKSHEET

Use your mindfulness skills over the next severol weeks to stort to noticelrecordz

A. Reolities thot f om refusing to occept:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

B. How T experience SUFFERING when T refuse to occept reolity:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

C. What WILLFULNESS ond WfLLINONESS feel ond look like for me:

Willful Behoviors Willing(Whot kinds of things do f do?)

1.1.

2.

3. 3.

DT ?7Adapted from the work of Marsho Linehon


Wif lfuf Body ond Emotion Sensotions: Willing(How do T f eel on the inside?) -

1.1.

2.

3.?.

3.

Willful Body qnd Fociol Expressions Willinq(How do f look on the outside?) -

1.1.

2.

3.2.

3.

D' r notice thot r become wiilfur when (situotions):

1

2.

3.

4.

E' My best strofegies f or Turning My Mind to wrLLrN6NEss include:

1.

2.

3.

4.


Poti Anderson, MC, LpC,?LLC 3/OT

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THE SKILLS YOU WILL LEARN ARE sKILLs THAT ARE MADE ...€¦ · There is something very importont thot f wont to express before we leorn onything obout "skills." Here it is: ... rf