The Streaks

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The Streaks

The Streaks

Padraig Twomey Copyright 2010 Lackaduff, Macroom, Co Cork (026) 43667

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The Streaks

The Streaks

Characters

Timothy Streak Early 50’s Head of Streak Family

Madge Streak Late 40’s Wife of Timothy

Sean Streak 18ish Son

Edel Streak 19ish Daughter

Peggy Murphy 45ish Prophet of the West

Setting

The play takes place in the small town of Gormeen, West Cork.

The action takes place in the living room of the Streaks and the

kitchen of Peggy Murphy.

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ACT ONE

SCENE ONE

The ordinary living room of the Streaks, a working

class family in a rural Irish town. The room

contains an obviously second hand sofa and antique

armchair, a large television, flora curtains hanging

in front of a large window that looks over a garden,

right of the window is a large landscape

watercolour, door stage right leading off to an

unseen hallway. Towards the right of stage is an

imposing fireplace, over the mantelpiece is an

assortment of family photos intermingled with kitchy discount store ornaments. In front of the fireplace

is a small dining table and two accompanying chairs.

The play opens as Madge Streak, a thin wiry woman,

sits down to watch the lottery draw on the

television. She has her tickets carefully lined out

on the coffee table in anticipation. Timothy Streak

has just arrived home and is hanging his coat up in

the hall way .

TIMOTHY (We hear Timothy’s voice from the hallway off

stage, he talks to himself as he knows Madge isso entranced by the drawing of the lottery on

the television that she ignores everything

else)

I’m home!………I’m home!………(Imitating Madge) well

Timothy dear its good to see you have survived

another day down the hole …(Pause, mocking,

himself ) why thank you Madge it was my

pleasure………(Enters the livingroom no further

then the door , imitating Madge) no dear, I can

assure you the pleasure was all mine,(Pause)

Timothy now be a pet and wash your hands,…(Pause, himself ) do I have to dear?……(Imitating

Madge) Aye, why of course those hands look

filthy (Looks at his hands) there’s probably a

colony of bacteria after settling down and

having families under those fingernails, you

know. (Timothy disappears into the hallway,

himself ) if you say so dear………(Imitating Madge)

now get to it because I got your favourite in

the oven……( we hear him entering the kitchen

and washing his hands at the sink, himself ) but

I haven’t been a good boy recently……(Imitating Madge) Timothy you know that you deserve the

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special just for being you and for going down

that bloody hole……(Pause, himself ) how did I

get a treasure like you……(Imitating Madge) and

I could say the same about you dear.

TIMOTHY, short and stout, wearing work clothes,enters the living room as the last number is drawn.

He stops by a picture of a landscape along the way,

Madge continues to ignore him.

TIMOTHY Halloo picture, how are you today? I see there

are clouds brewing on the horizon,… pity and I

was expectin’ to enjoy a good one.

Timothy sits down on the couch.

TIMOTHY ( As he unfolds a newspaper, he has an imaginary conversation with the couch ) Halloo couch,……

(Pause, listens) I’m not too bad thanks for

askin’,……(Pause) been down the hole as usual……

(Pause) well it does keep you in crumbs and

wrappers down the back of your cushions…(Pause)

What’s that, no don’t mention it.

The draw on the television finishes and MADGE begins

her weekly ceremony to LADY LUCK. She gathers her

tickets and begins to ceremoniously burn them in a

bowel while chanting.

MADGE (Deep meditation ) ER AMMAD DAMAHH KARN LAMA

TIMOTHY (Continues with an imaginary conversation with

the newspaper ) Halloo tha’ Paper, how are you

today……(Pause) hope you are in good form cos I

been down the hole and I need a bit of cheerin’

up………(Pause) Aye, pity is to hear it, so you

are in worse shape then me, mores the pity

paper, mores the pity, you should stop listen

to those gowzers in the Dail and you might geton a lot better, now to the essence of any

paper, the form guide.

MADGE LA PRATA QUD NOTARE

TIMOTHY (From behind the newspaper ) Pity you didn’t

have subtitles mammy, you might actually be

more interesting then that feckin’ box in the

corner.

MADGE SULA MORA KAUDA PADA

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TIMOTHY If Father Lucey only knew what occults were

being practice under his nose in this very

parish, I think he would lose the last

remaining hair on that bald head of his. I

don’t know who is worse Mammy, me for puttin’

up with you or you puttin up with me or are wethe sane ones and it’s the whole bloody world

tha’s insane.

MADGE (Snaps) Don’t think I don’t hear you Daddy.

There is a puff of smoke as the bowel quenches.

TIMOTHY (Reading an article) Behold the Lord, the third

miracle of Gormeen!

MADGE Adding blasphemy to insult you are………thattongue of yours is diggin’ your grave into the

inferno faster then the devil’s shovel.

TIMOTHY Will you give up your cnashailin and listen

mammy…………It says here, and the papers the

truth………

MADGE (Interrupts) When you want to believe it’s the

truth……

TOMOTHY (Firmly ) Listen mammy, will you, Miss Peggy Murphy, also known as the prophet of West Cork,

announced yesterday that the third and final

sign of the last days will appear at her house

in Gormeen on next Tuesday at 8.45 am…… Mores

the pity.

MADGE Uh-ha What?

TIMOTHY It means I have to get up with the bloody cock

tha’ morning.

MADGE: (Sarcastically ) Are you worried you might sleep

out an’ miss the last day?

TIMOTHY: I’ll want me breakfast tha’ morning, don’t want

to meet the MAN upstairs on an empty stomach.

MADGE: (Looks at Timothy ) Don’t you think she’s not

right?

TIMOTHY: I know she’s not right.

MADGE: Your right, she’s not right.

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TIMOTHY: She wasn’t even right when young Peggy and

meself used to waltz across the Altos ballroom.

MADGE: (Pause) You know, you could be sharing a bed

now with a direct line to the Almighty if you played your cards right with her.

TIMOTHY: In Gods eyes sharing a bed with a sinner is

probably more worthy, my sweet mammy.

MADGE carries the bowel to the fireplace.

MADGE: (Clears ashes from bowel into the heart) Did

you wash those hands?

TIMOTHY: Clean squeaky.

MADGE: Like the squeaky back door, that needs fixin’?

TIMOTHY: Been down the hole, the day, too worn to notice

any back door.

MADGE puts the bowel away in a drawer.

MADGE: Only ever miracle in Gormeen is tha’ I married

you.

TIMOTHY: Nah, tha’ was your good fortune.

MADGE: Blindness it was.

TIMOTHY: But I gave you sight since.

MADGE: Want me blindness back, thank you.

TIMOTHY The first miracle was the turning of water into

wine.

MADGE (Cynical) Make of it you will, but that was

Clobbers selling poteen to punters from under

the counter.

TIMOTHY He pleaded his innocence in court, didn’t he?

‘Twas water in those bottles he said, known him

thirty years and definite he was.

MADGE No innocence in Clobbers. ‘Twas Mischievous

making, them’s were the judge’s words.

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TIMOTHY He told the court he bought the water, what you

say?

MADGE Eh! Any water ever sold in Clobber’s pub was

ou’ the tap. Sure it always tasted of the

carrig river and ‘twould turn brown with theflood.

TIMOTHY Mammy, Peggy Murphy said it was a sign.

MADGE She’s only twisting things to seem the truth

for them fools that want to believe her. How

you think it was a sign after the guards raid?

TIMOTHY It doesn’t matter, God keeps his own schedule.

MADGE And I keep mine.

TIMOTHY (Sarcastically ) Like the Gormeen bus, it’ll be

round that bend any time now but it nev’ be

seen ever. Like supper tonight!

MADGE I’ll fix your eat, I will!

TIMOTHY A man would die of hunger around here for want

of a bite.

MADGE (Snaps) Hav’ you lost the use of your hands and legs as well as your charm?

TIMOTHY No dear just me spirit.

MADGE So you robbin’ mine all these years with all

your might?

TIMOTHY Should write to the Lottery and complain.

MADGE Complain?

TIMOTHY That me bethrode has forsaken me for another.

That’s adultery you know, the sixth

commandment. If your eye should cause you to

sin it is better tha’ you gouge it out, or your

sinful hand, better to rip it off, or the

television should cause you to sin, better it

out the window.

MADGE I’ll be breaking the fifth soon with your

prattlin’ on.

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TIMOTHY Dear Ronan, what keeps this man down a hole the

day is the expectation of a supper on the table

when he gets home. I can’t see how playing the

numbers prevents me wife from making a bit of

grub for the man ou’ the hole. I’m not askin’

for much.

MADGE You wouldn’t?

TIMOTHY Wouldn’t Aye?

MADGE Feck you …………Timothy Streak, I’ll fetch your

supper if the man ou’ the hole is expectin’ so

much that he can’t wait. Tis a blessing that

Edel and Sean don’t take after their lame

father or I’d be in an early grave already.

Another thing, You promise to quieten the mockery, no luck comes from it. Ever!

TIMOTHY Luck, whether bad or good, haunts any doorstep

like corn dust…… where ever the wind blows it.

There is no reason to it.

MADGE I don’t want to hear such talk. I don’t want to

make lady luck feel unwelcome or she’ll never

cross our threshold.

TIMOTHY I wouldn’t blame her with all tha’ wailing whenI came in, shes probably trying to knock down

the door to get in as it is, but your shrills

are givin’ the both of us earaches.

MADGE It’s the auld Irish tongue of the druids, a

charm for good fortune on ‘tis house.

TIMOTHY Nonsense and auld it is, (Mock American accent)

like the auld sod.

MADGE I’m talking about our heritage not some Oirish Americano nostalgia.

TIMOTHY Why can’t you cross your fingers like everybody

else?

MADGE Whist and I’ll make you a special.

TIMOTHY A special it is so.

MADGE Read your form guide, hoping it’ll soften you

up by the time I have supper ready.

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Madge disappears into the kitchen. Timothy continues

with his reading.

TIMOTHY ‘Ere mammy, I don’t see Edel and Sean supper

with me these days. Have they left home for

good or run away abroad?

MADGE (Off stage) They’re too busy to be waiting for

you, they’re off out living their own lives.

TIMOTHY Too busy doing the wick around town I know……….

(Pause) It says here the second miracle of

Gormeen was the feeding of the masses.

MADGE (Off stage) That’s as poetic write up as I have

ever heard. Sure there was only the most of ten

at her house on the day.

TIMOTHY Fr lucy witnessed it and swears the cupboards

were barren and people were bursting out every

gap of the house. A priest wouldn’t tell a lie

Mammy, and you’ll be damned for even thinking

it.

MADGE (Sticks her head around the door, wiping a

plate) Sure the Father’s not lying at all. Hes

such a fanatical follower of the faith, it only

clouds what he sees. I can only tell you what Iheard, that there were enough seats for

everyone and she only fed them sandwiches out a

large sack. I’d call it embellishment, ‘tis

only the paper spinning a yarn to sell more

papers.

TIMOTHY Embellishment you says, remember Mammy, I’m

only a man that works at the bottom of a hole

all day.

MADGE It’s stretching the truth to prove your point.

TIMOTHY Where did you pick up a word like tha’ then?

MADGE The Readers digest.

TIMOTHY Well the paper says it’s a miracle……..

MADGE (Interrupts)…… Then it must be the truth,

mustn’t it!

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As Madge disappears into the kitchen, Timothy lays a

wad of betting slips on the table and begin sorting

them out. Madge reappears with a hot plate.

MADGE Make space. Move your sorting or do you want to

eat off the floor?

TIMOTHY You,re doing this in spite, Mammy! Can’t you

see I’m trying to sort me winnings?

MADGE I thought the great hunger was in you?

TIMOTHY I’m not disputing that!

MADGE (Points with the plate) Is that pile your

winnings then?

TIMOTHY That’s me sorted pile.

MADGE You mean that’s what you lost this day.

TIMOTHY No like I said that’s me sorted pile. (Points

at a stub across the table) That’s me winnings

pile!

MADGE That’s only one stub there!

TIMOTHY See, I don’t always lose on the horses, I’m smarter then them.

MADGE Is tha’ so, Daddy?……… Why are you known by all

and sundry as “long shot Tim” then?………because

you only throw away our money on long odd no

hopers.

TIMOTHY Better then that lark of a lottery. When’s the

last time you ever won anything then? Never!

MADGE So where you keepin’ all this money of yoursfrom the horses these last few decades?

TIMOTHY ( Angrily, clinches fist) One of these days

I’ll…

Madge places the plate on the edge of the table and

sits opposite Timothy

MADGE (Interrupts)……One of these days you’ll find a

letter from me to you. It’ll be laying right

here when you come home out that hole of yours.

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TIMOTHY It would be hoping as much that my supper would

be laying next to it.

MADGE And you know what it’ll say…..

TIMOTHY I suppose I’ll have to read it to know, that’ssaying if I be curious enough. Will you make it

short and to the point so that it won’t be

taxing me too much?

MADGE Have no doubt in the head that I’ll give it to

you straight up.

TIMOTHY Mammy, you were always a considerate woman, a

man should count his blessings in his bethrode

no matter how few they be.

MADGE Sure I have composed it a hundred thousand

times in me head. “My numbers come up and I

have the means to leave your bed, I am dancing

a jig as I pack my bag and say farewell. So

good luck with the hole and making your meals,

cause you won’t see me today, tomorr’ or any

other day. ( Madge rises to her feet and with

hands on hips stands over Timothy )Take it from

me there was no pleasure here, but I got me eye

on a young buck that will never be a spare. So

cheers to you Timothy cause now I’m a millionaire.”

MADGE exits the room leaving Timothy to reflect. He

picks up the knife and fork. He stares at his plate

for a moment, anger building within until finally.

TIMOTHY (Shouts angrily) It doesn’t even feckin’ rhyme

you ould trampie!

He shrugs his shoulders.

TIMOTHY (Calmly) Hello supper, how are you? It’s a

surprise you turned up at all ‘tis evening. I

must admit for a while there I wasn’t expectin’

a visit and I’d hav’ to settle to be going

without. I know, I agree harsh for a man that

been down a hole all day but then each and

everyone of us have our crosses to bear. It’s

not fair? Of course its not fair. Who promised

that our lot would be fair?

Curtain

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ACT ONE

SCENE TWO

The setting is again the living room of the

Streak house. Johnny is sitting in the armchair,

examining a lottery ticket. He kisses the ticket a

few times.

TIMOTHY (Gloating, imaginary conversation with the

ticket) What you say? I haven’t an once of

pity for the woman. Serves mammy right, being

too blind and forgetful to loose you, thewinning lotto Ticket under this very armchair.

All that hocus pocus and she failed to even

Realise she had that one Ticket in her hands.

Tis a bit ironic, don’t you think? What is it?

Maybe she was hiding you from me, Naah! I don’t

think so, she couldn’t hide her glee for a

moment. Say that again? I will do not such

thing, no you’ll take a rest in me pocket for a

while for me to be thinking about you.

We hear the front door close. Timothy quickly putsthe ticket carefully in his pants pocket and picks

up the newspaper. Timothy’s son Sean, seventeen

lanky, enters the room wearing football gear,

carrying a gear bag and a football.

TIMOTHY Sent off you again!

SEAN Two yellows. You knew uh?

TIMOTHY (Looks at clock) Yip…… You’re home an hourearly, that’s how I know.

Sean drops the bag, sighing, kicks the football into

the corner and sits on the sofa. He pulls out a

packet of crisps and a can of soft minerals.

SEAN It didn’t matter that I finished out the game

anyway, we were losing…… badly.

TIMOTHY So you can play on to the final whistle so?

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SEAN I can keep playing till’ nobody’s left in the park,

I can like.

TIMOTHY When you want too, that is?

SEAN Like if I want too.

TIMOTHY (Pause) Do you think the referee is going to

phone (Pause) tell you it was all a mistake and

you’re to finish out the game (Pause) to say

that your still wearing your boots and togs?

SEAN (Opens can and drinks) I hadn’t time to change. I

was in a hurry.

TIMOTHY You had all the time in the world to say you

had an hour to spare.

SEAN I had to get home to me favourite show on the telly.

TIMOTHY That seems coincidental to say you were sent to

the line in time for you to get home for the

telly.

SEAN ( Mocking ) I thought that me self, so.

TIMOTHY It’s such a shame then.

SEAN Euh? You think the feckers won the game?

TIMOTHY No. NO. (Gloating ) I should have sent word

before the game to say the telly is on the

blink.

SEAN (Disappointedly ) What? (hits the remote a few times)

That’s a tragedy, is that!

TIMOTHY (Pause) You got time enough now to clean up

those dirty marks on the carpet after your boots.

SEAN You know Dad we should employ a maid to do the

cleaning around here.

TIMOTHY Are you saying the woman I married isn’t good

enough for you?

SEAN Not at all! You’re lucky to have mum.

TIMOTHY And mammy’s lucky to have me.

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SEAN One day I’ll be lucky!

TIMOTHY Aye, marry a girl like your mammy?

SEAN To play for the county, lucky.

TIMOTHY (Pause) Not if you keep being sent to the line.

SEAN I’ll be too good a player to be left out, they’ll be

shamed into picking me.

(Imitates a commentator at a match ) Liam O Murthigh

will be leapin’ out of his seat, mike in his

gob shoutin’ to the nation, Seany Streak, the

Gormeen Bomber, talent to burn and attitude to

match, pulls another one out of the fire, with

a sure left kick of the ball into the back of

the net.

TIMOTHY You think so? Everyone knows you’re a goal

hanger.

SEAN Nothing to be ashamed in that. It’s not every player

got the talent to remain patient in the box and

wait, resistin’ the temptation to boot up the

field to join the action. (Pause) Not every

player is able to deal with all that boredom

for 79 minutes of the match and the sheer

terror of the other one minute with the ball inyour hand and the open gap of the goal. The

pressure on………(Pause, thinking ) that the only

reason you’re on the team in the first place is

that you can for that split moment, gather your

thoughts, aim and place the ball beyond the

keeper. That’s real talent that only the lucky

few of us are born with.

TIMOTHY (Looks at Sean over the paper ) Some would say

that is just laziness.

SEAN (Firmly, directly ) Others would say that they’d be

jealous that it isn’t themselves scoring the

winning goal.

TIMOTHY Don’t know where you got the interest…… there’s

no money in the GAA. If you were kicking a

soccer ball around and looking across the canal

to England, I might understand all the

eagerness.

SEAN I’m used to no money in my pocket, wasn’t I was brought up in this house.

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TIMOTHY You and Edel wanted for nothing, surely?

SEAN (Firmly ) We wanted for nothing cause we decided

young enough that was all we ever would get.

TIMOTHY Watered, fed, ragged, and schooled, what more

do you want?

SEAN (Dreamily) All I ever wanted was to pull on the

county colours.

TIMOTHY Thinking, if I had the money and be in a godd

mood, what would you want me to buy for you

then?

SEAN (Pause, giggles) The county football team.

TIMOTHY I didn’t know they were for sale, or is that

the carry on these days in the GAA.

SEAN I’m sure they wouldn’t turn it down if it was a good

enough offer. Sure they’re starved for money,

that crowd is.

TIMOTHY And what would you do with a football team?

SEAN (Proudly ) Pick meself to play of course.

TIMOTHY So then, it wouldn’t matter whether you were

any good or any bad.

SEAN (Wry smile) Fool – proof plan eh, dad?

TIMOTHY Only a fool would come up with it.

SEAN Chip off the ould block agh? (Pause) Where would you

get money anyway? Working down a hole you

won’t.

TIMOTHY You’d be surprised what you’d find down a

hole…………a man could happen to come into money,

like in any number of ways, (Pause,

mischievously ) an inheritance from a dead

wealthy auntie, a win on a horse, an investment

comes up trumps or simply, simply, he could

happen to come across a wad of notes on the

side of a road…….

SEAN (Interrupts) Or steal it like most of them do……….

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TIMOTHY returns to his reading of the paper. After a

few moments Sean starts to make an noise.

SEAN VAROOOOMMMM

Timothy tries to ignore him but finally breaks.

TIMOTHY Bored euh? What are you doing with yourself

now?

SEAN I’m driving!

TIMOTHY (Pause, confused ) Driving the couch, you is?

SEAN No me car…… (shows Timothy his imaginary car ) the

steering wheel…the rear view mirror…the gearstick.

TIMOTHY Why you driving your car in my living room? You

know this house wasn’t built for driving cars

around in it. (Pause, Sean continues driving

his car ) If you’re going to be driving your car

in this house I’ll have to be putting a few

stop and yield signs at the doors and traffic

lights at the bottom of the stairs. And we’re

not mentioning the Zebra crossing in the

kitchen and the cost of the potholes along thehallway. There’s no doubt I’ll have to be

charging you for this. Think of it as car tax.

SEAN That’s what me programme was about.

TIMOTHY Driving inside houses, was about?

SEAN Just about cars Dad……..Varoom…

TIMOTHY (Pause) She’s a bit of a banger, she is!

SEAN At least I can afford one, you got nought.

TIMOTHY Well if I had the money and who’s to say I

haven’t, I wouldn’t be seen driving around in a

banger like that.

SEAN Whats wrong with it then? Gets me from A to B, the

lassies like the velvet interior.

TIMOTHY Any lassies seen the backseat yet?

SEAN No………

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Timothy gives him a stare.

SEAN No honest never………What?

Timothy points towards the floor beside the couch.Sean’s can has spilled.

TIMOTHY For starters anyway, she’s leaking she is!

Sean jumps from the couch and tries to clean the

floor.

SEAN (Exasperating ) We definitely need a maid around ‘tis

place.

TIMOTHY I think you’ve been sold a dub there, Sean. Hasshe yet been NCT tested?

SEAN There was a reason I got her cheap, you know.

TIMOTHY Me point, always a reason for cheap, remember

that.

SEAN The reason for cheap is we can’t afford DEAR!

TIMOTHY (Pause) Maybe your mammy will win the lottery

someday, then we can afford DEAR, ah Sean?

SEAN She might have won it already and we wouldn’t know

ever of it, she’s a misery, a misery miser.

TIMOTHY Talking about me bethrode, I’m the only one

that can call her a misery, hear me.

SEAN You’d think she’d tell us if she won it.

TIMOTHY Of course she would, mammy couldn’t keep that

in her gob too long………she’d explode!

Footsteps up the front pathway.

SEAN That must be them, I’m off up the stairs, she’ll

have me for ‘tis.

TIMOTHY Are you going to move that banger out of the

living room, you’re parked on a double yellow

line.

SEAN Slap me with a parking fine, I don’t care.

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As soon as Sean leaves the room, Madge enters loaded

down with shopping, Edel, their nineteen year old

daughter follows.

TIMOTHY Who? ‘Tis yourself and your one.

MADGE Of course ‘tis me self and the one is your

daughter, that you could be helping with the

shopping.

TIMOTHY (Surprised ) There’s more?

MADGE (Sarcastically) You’re a lame one Daddy, sure

wasn’t today the last day, I thought we could

go on a shopping spree. Anyway I thought I was

seeing the last of you ‘tis morning when you

left for that woman Peggy Murphy’s house.

TIMOTHY ‘Twas a disappointment indeed.

MADGE So you didn’t get to see the Almighty?

TIMOTHY There was a crowd there from mallin to mizen,

but the MAN himself never showed.

MADGE Must have had better things to do then be

wasting it on a mad woman.

TIMOTHY Tis the papers, I suppose.

MADGE Indeed, I’ll get Sean, is he about, Sean?

TIMOTHY He’s not about! You forget his playing.

EDEL I’ll bring in the rest, mammy.

MADGE (Sympathetic ) Mind don’t be straining yourself

pet, I’ll do it.

TIMOTHY (To Madge, firmly ) You got her spoilt you know,

so don’t be turning down an offer like that.

EDEL ( Angrily ) That’s it I’ll get the rest of the

messages!

MADGE ( Annoyed with Timothy ) Will you be leaving her

alone?

TIMOTHY (Sarcastically ) Did you two leave anything

behind in the shops for the other customers?

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(Pause) Am I to be down a hole all day so that

other shoppers are to go without?

MADGE Tis only a bit of shoppin’ and its only

necessities at tha’.

TIMOTHY (Points at bags) Necessities don’t usually come

with labels like those.

MADGE (Snaps)Sure you’re the first one to complain if

I ganter out with a plain style on me.

TIMOTHY It wouldn’t be out of sorts with the plain

woman that be wearing them.

MADGE (Sighing ) They’re mostly for your daughter

anyways.

TIMOTHY ( Angrily ) What have I said about spoilin’ that

girl? Euh? (Pause) She’ll be no good to anybody

if you carry on like that, mammy.

Edel enters carrying more shopping .

EDEL ( Annoyingly ) Are you talking about me?

MADGE We’re not pet.

TIMOTHY I wouldn’t worry Edel, if I wanted to talk

about you, your mammy would put a look in me

gob to choke on it.

Timothy tries to take a bag from Edel.

MADGE Don’t go poking in those bags, only women

things.

TIMOTHY I wanna see what I bought.

MADGE It wasn’t your money, if that be worrying you.

TIMOTHY Then where did you get the means?

MADGE I came into a little money, (Pause) nothing to

be bothering about.

TIMOTHY Keepin’ secrets, you?

MADGE ( Mocking)You know me too well Timothy, I’m

always keepin’ secrets from you, wouldn’t have

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married you for last twenty years without a

secret or two.

TIMOTHY ( Angrily ) You borrowing from Collins again,

euh? I can’t beholding to that fella again, it

churns me stomach, him struttin’ like a peacockdown the street, knowing he’s owed by every

house. Not ours he won’t, hear me.

MADGE ‘Tis’ like the inquisition, you’re a lost to

the guards, you are.

TIMOTHY Then I better inspect the bags for contraband

then.

MADGE Get your nosy paws ou’ there.

Too late Timothy opens the bag and infant clothing

falls onto the floor. Timothy picks up one of the

garments and examines it for a few moments. He gives

a darting look to Madge.

TIMOTHY (In shock ) Get me a Chair and a shot!

MADGE Whats with you at all?

TIMOTHY What?…Me? ………You Mammy, you’re not expectin’?

MADGE (Disbelieving, laughs) Fine chance at my age.

TIMOTHY (Confused ) Then there’s somebody running around

the streets looking for their shopping.

EDEL Nobody is…………the shopin’s is being delivered to

right address alright.

MADGE Listen Daddy sit down.

TIMOTHY Sit! You sit down.

MADGE ‘Tis truth they’re for Edel.

TIMTHY ( A little shocked ) Well …Holy… Holy………I knew

Sharah McGinlinty would get up the duff. What

would you be expecting coming from that family.

You’re a fine one to be friends with that yoke

and encouraging tha’ carrying on with presents.

EDEL This has nothing to do with her.

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TIMOTHY What you saying, you?

MADGE What she is saying is, is that you’re going to

be a granddad.

TIMOTHY (Shocked, confused)Holy Holy………Where’s thatshot? You can’t be serious, we’re not that sort

of family, you know.

EDEL What sort of family?

MADGE We are now!

TIMOTHY Are you sure?……Tis terrible.

MADGE Sure!

EDEL What sort do you mean Da…………the sort that has

children………

MADGE (Interrupts)……Out of wedlock sort!

TIMOTHY Are you absolutely sure, she’s not showing you

know. Show us….

Timothy tries to lift her dress. Madge pushes him

away.

MADGE ( Angrily ) ‘Tis not your business to be looking

at her that way!

EDEL We think we’re sure.

TIMOTHY Sure sure, or you think?

MADGE We know we’re pregnant!

TIMOTHY (Confused ) You’re only a youngin’ and a young

youngin’ at tha’, can’t be right.

EDEL I’m old enough!

MADGE Must be old at seventeen.

TIMOTHY Is she that old already? She was only playing

rounders around me legs the other day. Tis

terrible, we’ll have the fecker for it

EDEL ( Angrily ) Have who for it?

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TIMOTHY Holy Holy……Tis wosre then terrible, she doesn’t

know the blaggard who put her up the pole, I’ll

call the guards and have him arrested.

EDEL (Crying, upset) Mammmyyyyy!

MADGE There won’t be any calling of guards or anybody

else for that matter.

TIMOTHY Not Benjamin, be Jayais don’t say it’s him. I

thought you were only friendly with the young

pup.

MADGE She’ll be keeping quite about whoever it is.

TIMOTHY How you know you’re having a baby? Have you

been to the doctor?

EDEL I’m getting the sickness.

TIMOTHY Sure that’s only a stomach ache we all gets, be

listening to yourself. I get an ache every

other day from the cookin’ around here and I

don’t be proclaiming I’m expectin’.

MADGE We been to the clinic in town.

TIMOTHY Anybody see you?

EDEL What you mean?

TIMOTHY Anybody important?

MADGE (To Edel) He’s worried that we’ll be the talk

of the town, God forbid.

EDEL We just saw the doctor.

TIMOTHY And he knows?

MADGE Of course, he confirmed it after examining her?

TIMOTHY Holy holy………it’s probably all over the country

by now. I’ll not be able to show me face for

feckin’ months.

MADGE And where you going to hide, down that hole of

yours. They’re all having babbies these days,

‘tis nothing special.

EDEL Even the priests are having them.

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MADGE And the bishops too. ‘Tis so common now its no

longer news. News when they don’t be having

babies, that’s the news.

TIMOTHY I’ll not have you pinning the scandals of a fewrandy fathers on the majority of decent men of

the cloth. You’re one to be talking about the

church, when’s the last time you stepped into

one.

EDEL It’s been a long time and a long time again before I

see an alter.

TIMOTHY What about the little one, aren’t you going to

christen it?

MADGE Don’t be pressurising her she has a lot on her

mind without you making her feel guilty.

TIMOTHY It’s only fair that I know that I’m rearin’

pagans in the house. That attitude that’s got

us into ‘tis mess in the first place. What’s

‘tis housing coming too at all?

MADGE (Picks up the shopping bags) Come on and we’ll

put these away.

EDEL Does Daddy want me out of the house?

MADGE Daddy wants the best for you Edel…

EDEL ………and the babe?

TIMOTHY …………and the babe.

EDEL ‘Tis special, you know.

TIMIOTHY That’s the paradox of this whole situation, tisa mess resulting in a special arrival.

MADGE On with you Edel up the stairs with your

paradox.

Edel exits with some bags, while Madge has a word

with Timothy.

MADGE You could be a bit more supportive, the girl’s

going through a terrible time.

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TIMOTHY (Righteously) Of her own making, don’t be

forgetting that too easily.

MADGE You are one to be talking Timothy Streak, it

wasn’t that long ago when you got yours truely

up the duff and had to marry me. So don’t be preaching from your pulpit, damning your

daughter, for committing the same sins as the

father.

TIMOTHY Don’t be digging up what’s buried Mrs, them’s

were different days.

MADGE You wish they were different days alright, you

wish that a girl in them days has the same

choices as today. Maybe you’d have rather me to

step aside and allowed the way for you to havehitched up with Peggy Murphy.

TIMOTHY Grant you I’d have an easier life not listening

to your scornin’.

MADGE Not forgetting the entertainment you’d have

with her and her apparitions. Think of all the

missed opportunities to meet all comers,

presidents, princes and even the film stars.

TIMOTHY Did you hear the latest, the Popes sending oneof his own to investigate the miracles of

Gormeen…(Pause)…Aye, it would be hard living

with a wannabe saint, all right.

MADGE Listen, don’t be getting any foolish ideas, we

got responsibilities now with the babe coming.

TIMOTHY There’s a father, isn’t there? Let him be

responsible. I’m supporting three of you’s

already, only so many hours a man can work down

a hole.

MADGE I’ve come into a bit of money, that’ll set Edel

up with the baby.

TIMOTHY That bit of money, how you come by it?

MADGE ‘Tis small. A win.

TIMOTHY (Worried)A win…what win?

MADGE Sure I’m always winning.

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TIMOTHY I didn’t know you were always winning. What

winning on?

MADGE You know now so there. I’m off to sort out

Edel. You’ll be wanting supper I suppose.

TIMOTHY I suppose, Aye, first recover meself with a

drink.

Madge exits as Timothy pours a whiskey. He pauses,

thinks, then drinks straight from the bottle. He

pulls out the ticket again, checks numbers in the

paper, drinks from the bottle again, then exits.

Curtain

ACT ONE

SCENE THREE

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Later, it is the Kitchen of Peggy Murphy. There is a

door leading to the yard on the back wall, to the

right is the kitchen sink. On the wall is a

crucifix, a few holy pictures and in the corner is a

large statue of St Anthony. To the left is a

cupboard and table. A second large ornate crucifix is standing on the tabletop. Peggy, curlers in blond

hair, good-looking and of medium build, is kneeling

on the floor supported by a chair, concentrating on

her prayers. Timothy Streak’s voice comes through

the back kitchen door, which startles her.

TIMOTHY (Off stage) ‘Tis me! I’ve come over a long way

to see you.

Peggy is startled. She thinks it’s a voice from

beyond this world.

PEGGY (Projects voice) I can hear your voice! Is it

you that’s come?

TIMOTHY I’ve said it’s me, Peggy.

PEGGY Finally, you’ve answered my prayers after all

this long time.

TIMOTHY The lord never fails to answer them that are

patient, sure you should know that being theholy woman that you are.

Peggy crosses herself twice.

PEGGY (Pause) I hope I have been a faithful servant,

I have tried to prepare the way for you.

TIMOTHY There’s no need to go to all that trouble for

the likes of me Peggy, sure I only want a word

with you.

PEGGY I’m listening.

TIMOTHY Are you going to keep me out here the whole

day? Can’t I see your face while we have a

chat?

Peggy rises to her feet. She senses things are

amiss.

PEGGY Are you at the door?

TIMOTHY Of course, where do you think I am?

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PEGGY (Pause,) Who are you really?

TIMOTHY It’s Timothy from long ago.

PEGGY (Confused, walks to door) Who? Long ago, howlong ago?

TIMOTHY Twenty year or so. You know who I am.

PEGGY Timothy who-y?

TIMOTHY We stole many a kiss and cuddle down the Altos,

Streaks the name.

PRGGY (Thinks) Rings a familiar bell, but them’s days

are gone.

TIMOTHY For old times sake will you let me in.

Peggy opens the back door and Timothy steps in to

the kitchen.

TIMOTHY You remember me Peg!

Peggy Yes I do and you’re as much a disappointment

now as you were then.

TIMOTHY You are expectin’ someone else? so I won’t want

much of your time.

PEGGY The last thing I was expectin’ was a mortal

like yourself Timothy, so get on with what you

want to say.

TIMOTHY Can I come in out the cold?

PEGGY Come in then.

Timothy and Peggy move to the centre of the kitchen.

TIMOTHY Bless me Peggy for I have sinned. Its been a

while since I have last confessed. There’s a

great itch on me conscience and I’m eager, well

desperate for a dis-compensation.

PEGGY (Confused ) I’m not sure I understand but I

think you’re looking for a priest.

TIMOTHY Peggy you’re better then a priest.

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PEGGY Now how you figure that? I don’t have the power

to forgive sins or administer the last rites.

I’m only a woman, and women are forbidden to

enter the holy orders, didn’t you know?.

TIMOTHY ‘Tis a shame, ‘tis true.

PEGGY I’m not your confessor nor do I want to be. So

don’t be wasting my time.

TIMOTHY I’ve been reading about you in the Corkman, the

last few years. ‘Tis a wonder what’s been

happening to you. I don’t know any man of the

cloth that’s been shown any heavenly signs like

you have. There signs that you are holy, that’s

me purpose.

PEGGY I’m not holy at all Timothy, I’ve been labelled

that reputation, I haven’t earned it. I’m like

the rod that conducts lightning. The rod is

just a rod, but the lightning is the real show.

TIMOTHY Modesty is you, a true sign of a saint.

PEGGY (Laughs) A saint! Now that’s a funny one. Tell

me what’s on your mind if it can get rid of you

out of my kitchen quicker then arguing you out,

I’m expectin’ shortly.

TIMOTHY ‘Tis the pope’s agent?

PEGGY I’m not having anyone like that in my house, no

it’s a dream I’ve been having these last few

weeks.

TIMOTHY The vision in the paper, know about that, sure

I was here meself this morning, ‘twas

disappointing.

PEGGY No disappointment in it, ‘tis the paper that

builds these things up. You could say that I’m

still waiting for the last sign so get on with

yourself my time is short.

TIMOTHY Aye, well, ‘tis like this, I’ve come into a bit

of good fortune in the form of a bit of money

and ‘tis wrecking me head.

PEGGY Are you drinking it down your throat? Its

always the drinking. It’s many a fool that’s

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PEGGY And is it yours to spend?

TIMOTHY ‘Tis of sorts, if I claim it so.

PEGGY Of sorts, come into this money, how you?

TIMOTHY It was down the back of the couch.

PEGGY (Pause) Weren’t that luck now.

TIMOTHY Luck had nothing to do with it. ‘Twas me wife

in her foolishness that dropped a lottery

ticket there.

PEGGY You saying ……got some of them numbers then?

TIMOTHY (Jumps with joy ) All six Peggy, the jackpot.

PEGGY ‘Tis tremendous news Timothy.

TIMOTHY I have your confidence in this matter Peggy,

I’m relying on the confidentiality of the

confession box.

PEGGY Of course, of course, indeed, are you going to

tell your wife about this?

TIMOTHY I’m not indeed, it wouldn’t do her any good.

Her disposition is not suited to the handling

of money, you know?.

PEGGY And how’s that?

TIMOTHY She spends it, that’s how. ‘Tis only today she

bought out all the shops in town of baby stuff.

No it would ruin her and me watching her

spending it.

PEGGY Something the matter?

TIMOTHY There’s a gnawing thought……

PEGGY (Sympathetically) Gnawing’s the worse of all……

TIMOTHY …in me head that I’m wronging the woman and

that’s me dilemma.

PEGGY Not at all man, there’s no makings of a sin in

what you have told me.

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TIMOTHY But ‘tis wrong?

PEGGY It would be wrong if you used the money for

your own ends but you’re only protecting the

woman.

TIMOTHY (Pause) Aye! And if I happen to spend a few bob

it would only be to ease her lot in life.

PEGGY Better yet. You’re a noble man Timothy, I

missed my chance with you didn’t I?

TIMOTHY You never married yourself Peggy?

PEGGY Its not many men would put up with a woman

carrying a cross like mine.

TIMOTHY ‘Tis true Peggy, but we all got our burdens.

PEGGY The money should help yours though.

TIMOTHY Ease things maybe, but there are things money

will never relieve.

PEGGY You’ve other troubles, Timothy?

TIMOTHY There’s troubles with every family. In my own

particular, peculiar one, me daughter isexpectin’ out of wedlock and me son’s good for

nothing only for kicking a football.

PEGGY God works in mysterious ways. He’s given you

the means and the burdens.

TIMOTHY And the shame!

PEGGY Shame is only in your head, there boy. You

sound like a man of faith, remember Our Lady

was expectin’ out of wedlock. It’s Gods hand atwork.

TIMOTHY (Shocked, anxiously) Are you sure? Aye, hold

now, ‘tis not the second coming is it? That

would be too much for me to handle on top of

everything else.

PEGGY Don’t be upsettin’ yourself. Your daughter is

only having a baby.

TIMOTHY And what reason might he have for me son.

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PEGGY Faith Timothy, there would be no mystery in

life if we know all of his designs.

TIMOTHY True.

PEGGY How’s that forked road lookin’ now Timothy?

TIMOTHY ‘Tis clear enough.

PEGGY So you’ll be taking the door and leaving me to

my prayers.

TIMOTHY I wouldn’t want to stand between you and the

Almighty.

PEGGY Aye, he’s slow with his last sign alright, more

praying on me knees.

TIMOTHY One for me and one for the babe Peggy.

Timothy exits as Peggy begins praying on her knees

again.

Curtain

ACT TWO

SCENE ONE

The action takes place in the living room of theStreak house. It is a few months since the last

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scene. Madge is fitting the leg of a new suit

Timothy is wearing as he stands on a chair. An

antique sewing machine rests on the table. The tv is

on in the background.

MADGE (Pins in her mouth ) Be still, will you.

TIMOTHY I am being still. What time is it now?

Tell me, how long more must I stand here

like a scarecrow in my own house.

MADGE ‘Tis time enough and I’ll take as long as

it takes.

TIMOTHY You know we must be out that door before

five, today of all days we can’t be late.

MADGE I want no smartness from you, I know full

well.

Timothy focuses on one of the walls and notices a

crack.

TIMOTHY There’s a crack running along that wall

I’ll have McGuire in to see it.

MADGE (Fiddling with the hemp of the jacket) I

don’t want you to be imposing on him again, you hear me. He’s done an almighty

job already on the crib for the babe and

the extension out back. It must have cost

him a fortune in time and materials, I

tell you I had to serve up six places at

one morning tea, there was that many

workmen about.

TIMOTHY The man’s only too glad to be imposed on.

MADGE (Wondering ) It must have been a big favourhe owed you, Timothy? Dipping so deep into

his own pocket as he did.

TIMOTHY ‘Twas big enough to cover the renovations

to the house if that’s what you are

asking?

MADGE Surely whatever debt he owed you has been

paid?

TIMOTHY That’s between me and Mcguire, my fatherand his, his grandfather and mine. Certain

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matters between folk dare not be spoken

of, and we should let bygones be bygones,

otherwise there would be fighting in the

streets and faction fights between the

clans every other day up in that auld

square.

MADGE True, I suppose.

She stands back to examine her work. She is not

satisfied.

MADGE (Pause) I’m beginning to believe in your

praying all the same, with all that’s been

happenin’ in the last few months.

TIMOTHY ( Mock surprise) Don’t be shocking me now, Madge.

MADGE I’m serious, I can’t explain it otherwise

all the good fortune that’s been happening

around this place.

TIMOTHY You’re not supposed to explain miracles.

MADGE All the same (Pause)

TIMOTHY All the same what?

MADGE Don’t you miss being down the hole?

TIMOTHY You’re all questions I liked it when you

were fixed on that box in the corner,

ticking off the numbers as they came up.

MADGE But do you?

TIMOTHY I’m really beginning to miss the peace and

quiet down the hole at this very momentwith your gabbin’on.

MADGE You must admit ‘tis a long way you are

from the hole now timothy.

TIMOTHY Aye, but you never know, I might have to

return there one day.

MADGE Don’t be saying that, you’ll only make it

happen by thinking about it. You’ve done a

lot for Gormeen in the last while and nowthe town wants to reward your efforts.

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TIMOTHY (Stands straight and proud ) Timothy

Streak, Mayor, who would believe it. I

never even finished the national school

but I’m ruling the roost now.

MADGE (Sternly ) Don’t I know it, all the hens in

the town are cackling after you.

TIMOTHY Aye, Uh, don’t be getting any ideas now,

Madge. It’s only the power of office

they’re attracted to, like flies to a

lantern. Mark my words, my head won’t be

turned.

MADGE I always knew your talent was being wasted

down that bloody hole.

TIMOTHY I wouldn’t be too sure Madge, it takes

skill to dig a proper hole and to be at it

for such a long time.

MADGE To be listening to you, you’d think you

weren’t meant for better things. It suits

you Timothy to be a man that gets things

done. ‘Tis a lot of them that talk about

the doing, but few that does it.

TIMOTHY True a word you’ve ever said but I’d admit

its embarrassing to a humble man like

meself to be honoured in this way.

MADGE (Scolding ) Give up that now! I want no

more of that cod talk.

Timothy feels uncomfortable in the new suit.

TIMOTHY The suit, it doesn’t quite fit.

MADGE Don’t you know you got to wear a new suit

for a while, till you grow into it.

TIMOTHY Don’t worry I’ll grow into it alright,

with all the food, the women of the town

are stuffing down my throat. ‘Tis tea

parties and whiskey everyday for me now

Madge.

MADGE This Mayor lark, ‘tis like a duck to water

with you.

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TIMOTHY Like a bird to the sky.

MADGE That’s more like it, you’re a man of

worth, now give me your hand.

TIMOTHY They’re clean I promise you.

MADGE I want a hand shake.

TIMOTHY The last time I shook your hand was the

night before we wed, to finalise our wee

doomed arrangement, twenty two years ago,

so why break with tradition?

MADGE Tis a test, now out with it.

Timothy reluctantly extends his hand to Madge. Shegrabs it and shakes it hard.

MADGE Too limp, and slimly, there’s no

confidence in your grip. You’ll be shaking

the hands of dignitaries and paupers, and

they’ll have to be in no doubt that you’re

a man of importance. Now firm up your grip

like…like

TIMOTHY …like I’m gripping me shovel.

MADGE That’s more like it, a handshake with

conviction except….

TIMOTHY …what now, woman?

MADGE (She turns his palm up ) It’s the calluses

on your hands.

TIMOTHY No I won’t have you saying anything, I

earned them, they’re my badge that I

worked like a mule since I was knee high.

MADGE I know what’s required……hand cream… t’will

soften them out.

TIMOTHY You’ll have me wearing face masks yet, you

will.

MADGE I’ll be getting to that face of yours soon

enough now gaunter across the floor for

me.

TIMOTHY ( Arguing ) Sure I’m fine here.

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MADGE (Commands) No arguments! Walk to the door!

TIMOTHY You know, and its taken half a lifetime of

living with you, but you’ve got what you

always wanted.

MADGE (Ignoring Timothy ) Chest out, head up,

(Pause, on to Timothy again ) what’s that

then?

TIMOTHY You’ve turned the wild stallion that I

was, into your prized pony.

MADGE Can’t a woman want the best for her

husband and be proud of it?

TIMOTHY Its not you wanting the best that’s

worrying me, tis your motivation. What

cunning is going on in that head of yours.

MADGE ‘Tis a psychologist you are now, is it?

………bend over!

TIMOTHY What? Bend over, woman? You want to put a

saddle on me back?

MADGE Here, you’ll be kissing the bishop’s ringsoon enough and I want to make sure the

legs of your trousers don’t rise up high

enough that we be shamed to see your long

johns.

TIMOTHY The Bishop’s, the one that should be

kissing my ring with the money I got him

for that church roof of his.

MADGE And wasn’t he fortunate that you knew a

generous man who wanted to make ananonymous donation.

TIMOTHY I suppose it had to be done, the father

would often be preaching from the pulpit

when the heavens would open up above him

and shower on his bald head. If you ask

me, I’d say it was a sign from above,…… he

rants on so much sometimes even the great

MAN himself wanted the father to shut it.

MADGE Aye, what did you say, that friend ofyours had a severe case of guilt for a

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pass misdemeanour and hoped that a large

donation would buy some kind of

indulgence. Now that’s a man who knows

where his heart is, you could learn from

that Timothy.

TIMOTHY Now tell me, are you done with me?

MADGE Not till the day one of us depart from

,tis life, Timothy.

TIMOTHY I was cursed to have met you, Madge.

MADGE And where would you be now without me,

you’d be lost, who then could turn a pigs

ear like you into a silk purse.

TIMOTHY What do they say behind every great man……

there’s an even greater auld bitch.

MADGE I think all of this is going to your head.

TIMOTHY No fear, you’ll always be there to cut a

few inches out me neck if I ever get above

me station. Sure I was all of six foot two

when I met you first, and with all your

picking in the mean time I’m five nine

today, if I’m even that.

MADGE You’ll be tall enough standing on all that

praise that’s going to be heaped on when

they crown you mayor ‘tis evening.

TIMOTHY Aye, King of Gormeen………whooo eeeee.

MADGE And isn’t no more then you deserve for all

you did for Gormeen. They should be more

then grateful to you for coming out of

that hole as you did and turning this place around.

TIMOTHY (Satisfied with himself ) I did, didn’t I?

MADGE Believe it Timothy! I always knew you had

it in you. Who else was going to turn that

dirty track of a main street into a new

road, but only you who persuaded a passing

minister, who punctured his wheel, that it

would be in the governments interests to

redo the road and save on any futuredamage to ministerial mercs. He was gone

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beyond the horizon before anybody else in

town knew they had a minister in their

presence. But ‘twas fortunate for all of

us that you were there, the only one of

all of us to handle the situation.

TIMOTHY Aye, must admit that was smart of me.

MADGE Not as smart as you winning funding from

Europe for a new community centre.

TIMOTHY Don’t forget the children’s playground as

well.

MADGE And the new clinic, a godsend for Edel and

the babe. I tell you I don’t know why we

elect those ejits to the council in thefirst place, they couldn’t fill out a form

even if their lifes depended on it.

TIMOTHY True they should know that Brussels giving

away money only to be asking for it.

MADGE Ahhh but there’s the difference between

those ejits and my Timothy, you know how

to ask.

TIMOTHY Sure haven’t I been practising that all melife with you dear only you don’t give me

nought. Nought to eat, nought to drink,

nought to be talking about, nought even to

cuddle on a sharp winter’s night.

MADGE I can’t be accused of spoiling you, can I?

TIMOTHY No fear of that!

MADGE Nothing worse then a spoilt husband,

you’ll thank me yet for denying you so much.

TIMOTHY I wouldn’t be too sure of that Madge.

MADGE As sure as the morning sun breaks the

night.

TIMOTHY That’s what me mother used say.

MADGE (Indignantly ) What would that woman have

to say about anything?

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‘twas only a few minutes ago, woman, you

were praising my wasted precious talent?

MADGE Don’t get me wrong Timothy Streak, you got

talent alright for sapping and weaselling,

grinding and wriggling, flinching and munching and whatever else I can use to

describe your awkwardness these last two

decades. These talents, thanks be to

whomever, can’t jump from generation to

generation, but fester in the pitied that

had the gravest misfortune to be born with

such a manner.

TIMOTHY ‘Tis a talent so?

MADGE Aye, one that bears sweet fruit as we haveseen in Gormeen this last while but also

one that can torment those that have to

live with it day in day out, as well I

know.

TIMOTHY What torment? Sure have the children

suffered because of me manner?

MADGE Not a hundredth of what I have!

TIMOTHY Sure there is nothing to worry about so,woman.

MADGE (Cynically ) Nothing at all Timothy, now

let me see you there.

TIMOTHY I feel I the richest of men in ‘tis.

MADGE With grass in your pocket.

Madge stands back for another view of Timothy in his

finery .

TIMOTHY Why you staring at me like that?

MADGE (Places her hand under her chin ) You’re

not quite right.

TIMOTHY It was running through my mind too, you

can’t hide a condemned hovel behind a new

coat of paint.

MADGE (Smiles) I have it.

39



The Streaks

Madge disappears out the back door, while

Timothy adjusts his tie in a mirror.

A few moments later, Madge returns

quickly carrying a small bunch of

pansie flowers.

MADGE This’ll have you looking the part.

TIMOTHY Are you serious, ‘tis not the St Paddy’s

parade I’m attending.

MADGE It’s the touches like this that make you a

classic.

TIMOTHY Classic fecking eegit is what you mean,

look at Streak, new suit on a man that’s

never worn a suit and half a flower gardengrowing out his lapel.

MADGE Here I’ll fasten it for you.

TIMOTHY ( Angrily ) I’m not havin’ it.

MADGE (Questioning his disobedience) What’s that

supposed to mean?

TIMOTHY Not going to look like a gombeen in front

of the town.

MADGE (Firm ) You’re wearing it and that’s final!

TIMOTHY (Firmer again )Damn it No, I’ll not wear……!

MADGE Keep your voice down, you’ll wake the

babe.

TIMOTHY Maybe the babe would be interested in

knowing that her granddad is going to be

the laughing stock of Gormeen.

MADGE SHHHH! Here I’ll half it, now wear it………or

else.

TIMOTHY I was wondering when the “or else” would

come.

Finally Timothy relents and Madge fixes

the flowers to his lapel with a safety

pin.

MADGE (softly) There now that didn’t hurt.

40



The Streaks

TIMOTHY I’m not your wee boy.

MADGE Mores the pity, by the way your mother

delivered you to me.

TIMOTHY I know what you are up too.

MADGE Do you indeed?

TIMOTHY Can’t stand me getting the limelight so

you are stamping your awful spite on me.

‘Tis you’re sign to everyone in the town

hall tonight that Madge Streak is the real

reason the good times have returned to

Gormeen.

MADGE What nonsense! ‘Tis all nonsense with you

ever.

TIMOTHY Prove it isn’t so. These pansies are the

glory of your prize winning garden. Sure

every gobshite in the street knows you

care more for your pride and joy then

meself, and these pansies are just your

way of telling everyone that it’s the wife

that’s made the man.

MADGE You’re, what is it they call it……on the

television yeah…… paranoid! You been down

that hole too many years. If you carry on

like this you’ll end up in the red brick

house.

TIMOTHY Even if I do, it might be a relief from

yourself.

Madge waltzes out the living room door,

her mind on other matters.

TIMOTHY (Shouting ) Are you running away, if it’s a

scrap you want, it’s a scrap you’ll get.

I’ll have these off as soon as I’m out the

front door, I’ll not have myself shown up,

do you hear me. I’ll not have any woman’s

markings on meself like a cat peeing out

its territory. I’m not your property

that’s not what this wedding band means,

its not I tell you. I confirmed it with

the Father and he says I’m not your

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The Streaks

property. That’ll wipe that smirk off your

craggy face.

Madge returns towing Edel behind her.

Edel is carrying a camera.

TIMOTHY ‘Tis photos we’re taking now, is there no

end to you woman.

MADGE It’s for posterity.

TIMOTHY Wha’ was that you said, posterity from a

labourers’ wife, what’s the world coming

to, you know I’m going to burn all the

Readers Digest in this house one of these

days.

MADGE (Madge looks at Edel) Now take a few of

your father’s finery for the auld

mantelpiece.

EDEL Are you going to join him, mammy?

MADGE I wouldn’t be seen dead in a photo with

that thing.

EDEL So its just yourself daddy.

TIMOTHY Looks like it pet.

Edel aims the camera but her attention suddenly

shifts.

EDEL Is that the babe?

MADGE I didn’t hear a cry.

EDEL Did you hear? ‘Twas the babe I heard.

TIMOTHY Maybe you should check.

MADGE (Throws a dirty look at Timothy ) You’d

like it to be the babe, you would, so as

to avoid the camera.

EDEL Mammy, ‘twas the babe, would you check for me?

Madge runs up stairs while Edel sets up the

Shot again. Timothy leans peculiarly against

the mantlepiece.

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The Streaks

EDEL You’re not going to stand awkward like

that Da?

TIMOTHY I’ll stand anyway I like cause there’ll be

no photos of me in this outfit today.

EDEL But what about mammy?

TIMOTHY I’ll handle mammy.

Edel looks very worried .

EDEL (Anxiously) That’s the babe da, it is the babe?

Timothy feels for her worries.

TIMOTHY ‘Tis a load to be carrying alone.

EDEL The babe?

TIMOTHY ‘Tis a burden for one.

EDEL I’m managing, (very concerned ) is that the babe

again?

TIMOTHY Only with the hand of your Mammy and

Daddy, are you coping.

EDEL (Firm ) I’ll move out so, if that’s the way your

thinking, and I’ll not knock this way

again.

TIMOTHY That talk’s only being selfish to the

Babe. Don’t you wish…?

EDEL ………that things were different?

TIMOTHY Things should be done right.

EDEL (Angrily) Right………right is it then.

TIMOTHY ( Musing ) You know, I have a dream of me

little girl all in white, her delicate arm

on my arm and we waltzing up the isle, all

eyes transfixed by the sight of a proud

father giving away his blushing daughter.

But that’s not the best yet, ‘tis what the

congregation are thinking in their heads

that’s best.

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The Streaks

EDEL (Barely containing her fury towards her father ) And

what are they thinking?

TIMOTHY They’re thinking “Aye, there’s a man that

sired a beauty, raised a joy and gave away

the treasure of Gormeen.”

EDEL ( Angrily, cynical)‘Tis only a dream about yourself!

TIMOTHY ‘Tis about whether a father did his job or

not.

EDEL Then it’s shattered into a thousand, thousand pieces

by me babe upstairs.

TIMOTHY You could still marry the father.

(Reassuring, pleading ) I’ll pay for itall, lock stock and barrel, he’ll not have

to put his hand in his pocket for nought.

It’ll be the biggest wedding ever seen in

Gormeen and I’ll throw in a house for

yous.

EDEL (Furious)Is that how you whiled away your days down

that hole of yours? Fantasyin’ about me

love life? Bet it was something to keep

yourself happy while you scraped the earth

from under your feet with your pickaxe and shovel.

TIMOTHY I’m not ashamed to expect happiness for my

daughter.

EDEL (Boiling ) And a fine example of happiness is the

marriage I have lived with for all me

life. ‘Tis a awfully spiteful arrangement

between my mammy and you, that would put

anybody off walking up the aisle. And I’m

glad of knowing it.

TIMOTHY (Pleading ) Not, your’re not!

EDEL (Shouting ) I’m, I am!

TIMOTHY ‘Tis not understood by you, Mammy and me.

EDEL Living and breathing the constant stinging and venom

between me parents has saved from the same

fate, and I delirious that it has.

44



The Streaks

TIMOTHY You’re not talking sense, yours would

never be the same.

EDEL ‘Tis fact that I will not marry the babe’s father or

anyone else.

TIMOTHY That’s shame!

EDEL (Spitefully ) That’s why I choose babe on purpose! It

wasn’t any accident at all! There’s no

father there to marry at all, that I know

of!

TIMOTHY ‘Tis worse than shame, its damnation!

Madge enters the room just as Timothy finishes.

MADGE What are you damning and on this of all

evenings.

Timothy and Edel are embarrassed and don’t dare look

at each other.

EDEL ‘Tis the camera, I don’t know what’s wrong with it.

MADGE Did you snap him?

EDEL Afraid not.

MADGE (Suspecisiouly) Lucky escape this time

Timothy, indeed!

TIMOTHY The time, is what?

MADGE Ten to five, we’ll have to be off.

EDEL I’ll fetch the babe.

MADGE Timothy, start the car.

TIMOTHY I was thinking you and Edel would go

ahead.

MADGE What, go without you?

TIMOTHY Gives me some more time to work on me

acceptance speech to the town. (There’s a

noise at the front door ) That’s Sean now,

he can run me in.

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The Streaks

MADGE I didn’t know you had a speech, ‘isn’t the

inauguration of the President of the

United States now Timothy.

TIMOTHY I haven’t started writing it yet, so’ll

have to keep it short and sweet, won’t I?

MADGE I warn you not to be doodling along the

way, ‘tis important that the guest of

honour arrives on time to the feast, do

you hear me?

TIMOTHY (Cynical) When did I ever not?

Sean full of bravado enters the livingroom, holding

letters aloft for all to see.

SEAN ‘Tis the pony express with the mail!

TIMOTHY You’re late!

SEAN Me old nag is tired from all the running around,

delivering the towns invites to the hooley

‘tis evening.

MADGE And where’s Mr Regular Parsons, isn’t he

delivering the post these days?

SEAN The old boys done himself in today with carrying

that heap bag of post. It’s as heavy as

three Christmas eves bags of mail he told

me. He’s laid up watering in McClanceys.

So being me father that’s caused his

plight I delivered the remaining mail.

MADGE ‘Tis a good son you are.

TIMOTHY ‘Tis illegal what he did, the flutter.

Edel sticks her head around the door.

EDEL We’re off.

MADGE We’re off but where’s babe?

EDEL Out in the car.

MADGE We’re off so, so.

SEAN (He hands his mother the invites)Your invites mammy.

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The Streaks

Madge exits quickly.

TIMOTHY Edel, a minute, I’ve been thinking.

EDEL (Cynically ) Thinking is it?

TIMOTHY I’ll buy you a new camera.

EDEL No need (Pause) since it isn’t broken.

TIMOTHY But you told mammy it was!

EDEL I did, didn’t I.

Edel exists laughing. Timothy is bemused. Meanwhile

Sean has opened his invitation and begins to read italoud.

SEAN (Posh voice) You are cordially invited to the

inauguration of Mr Timothy Streak as Lord

mayor of Gormeen. Ceremonies begin at

seven sharp with drinks, followed by a

reception and more speeches in the main

town hall. Tidy dress compulsory…………

(Curious) What’s tidy dress?

TIMOTHY Means you can’t turn up in your football

gear.

SEAN Oh feck ‘em……well there’s post here for you, with a

Dublin stamp.

TIMOTHY Is there a harp on the letter?

SEAN Naah!

TIMOTHY Good, a harp on a letter is usually bad news.

SEAN There’s yet another here for me. Me plan for keeping

low mustn’t be working.

Sean quickly opens and reads the letter.

SEAN I don’t believe it.

TIMOTHY What is it? Good or Bad news?

SEAN ‘Tis from the cork county GAAAAA council.

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The Streaks

TIMOTHY (Wry smile) Have they finally suspended

you?

SEAN They’ve selected me to the beach.

TIMOTHY Are you sure?

SEAN (Giddy , smiley) Sure as the black and white written

here. Oooohhheeee.

TIMOTHY ‘Tis what you always wanted.

SEAN (Excitedly ) It is and more, Oooohheeee!

TIMOTHY You got your foot in tha’ door now.

SEAN That and me leg!

TIMOTHY Remember, you’ve only made the bench. Now

its up to yourself to get to play on the

pitch.

SEAN ‘Tis more then any Streak before me. It’ll be a

daddle.

TIMOTHY Nothing like that is a walk.

SEAN (Sarcastic ) What would you know, but digging holes!

TIMOTHY (Being pushed beyond his breaking point)

Holes, holes, holes is that all I’m known

for, is that what ye all think of me in a

bloody damn hole.

SEAN ( Mocking to his father) Holes, holes, holes, and me

goals, goals, and more goals.

TIMOTHY You ungrateful fecker!

SEAN (Badgering ) See the face on you right now. Go on

look in that mirror and you’ll see the

green eyed monster staring back.

TIMOTHY (Firmly) Respect boy, I’m still your

father.

SEAN ( Mocking again ) Jealous fecker of a father trying to

whore off me talent, a fecker of a father

that’s only useful for digging holes.

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The Streaks

TIMOTHY (Defending himself) I’m not diggin’ now

you bollix.

SEAN Naah tis spoofing you are now, “My father the

spoofer”, good title for the great Irish

novel I’m going to write one of thesedays, after I win my all-Ireland medals

playing for Cork. You don’t need eyes in

the back of your man’s head to see that

you been taking every one for a ride these

last few months with that smartass grin on

your face and your hand pulling the ropes

behind the scenes.

TIMOTHY Your suffering from a rush of blood to the

head, it must be, or there has been a coup

de Tate of fantasies in your head.

SEAN You must be dreaming that you can fool everyone with

your stories and explanations of how you

got all these blessings in Gormeen. You’re

a fecking bullshit artiest me father is

like spoofer Peggy Murphy. I can see right

through you like the window behind to you.

An impostor whose jealous of his son with

footbeller of the year talent. Are you so

sure I’m yours you fecker? Are you so sure

that nine months before I was born thatsome famous county footballer didn’t get

me mum up the pole behind your back and

that’s where I inherited me talent?

TIMOTHY (Raising his clinched fists) I’ll fecking

floor you for that!

SEAN (Stepping forward to face off his father ) Come on

you fecker, and I’ll kick the daylights

ou’ you.

TIMOTHY ( Mocking ) The fear there is of ever being

kick by that dummy left foot of yours. You

probably miss by years!

SEAN Its good enough for the county panel.

TIMOTHY That’s where your disillusioned, you egit?

SEAN (Holding the letter aloft) ‘Tis written here, S.

Streak invited to attend panel training,

did you also lose yout feckin’ sight downthat hole?.

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The Streaks

TIMOTHY I should know what’s written in the

letter, sure didn’t I agree with the

feckin’ selectors that you’d be selected

on to the panel.

SEAN You really are the Leonard de Vinci of bullshit, of

course you’ve had decades of practice down

a hole, havn’t ya.

TIMOTHY Let me explain a few facys, me Mr

footballer of the year, not ever, (Pause)

you couldn’t get within an asses roar of

playing for the county unless there was

the most unlikeliest devine intervention

ever , from the beginning of time to

infinity, hear me! And that being the caseI took it upon myself to, as you have

already described, pulled a few ropes in

the background and got you a selection.

SEAN (Pointing to his forehead ) You expect me to believe

that, have I thick egit scrawled on me

forehead.

TIMOTHY (Snaps) If you rubs the shit of it hard

enough you may see it sometime.

SEAN And why should the GAA listen to a limey like you?

TIMOTHY Because me son it’s a fact of life money

talks, and panel places are occasionally

given to the most undeserving of cases.

The simple truth is that I agreed to

sponsor a foreign tour for the team if

they could see their way for giving me

useless son a chance to pull on a county

jersey. I think you could call it bribery

or nepotism I haven’t made up my mind onthat one yet.

SEAN Your demented, mad! ‘Tis a story from the fairies.

Where would you get any fecking money for

sponsorship?

TIMOTHY Same place I got money to do up the house,

buy a 4 x 4, do the roads in town, the

clinic, the centre, the playground and the

church roof.

50



The Streaks

SEAN Stop it now, ‘tis gone beyond a joke, you’re winding

me up, ‘tis a vicious streak in you.

TIMOTHY No wind up because I’m going to tell you

exactly where the money came from.

SEAN The leprechauns I suppose you fecker?

TIMOTHY ( Mockingly ) Close enough, I knew you were

a smart boy. (Pause) Son you are looking

at the Gormeen lottery winner.

SEAN ‘Tis mad, mad, mad you are………I knew you spoofed your

way around the rest of the town but not

me.

TIMOTHY The truth can be hard to swallowsometimes.

Sean steps quickly to the door.

TIMOTHY Are you running away then?

SEAN I’m getting to the bottom of this………going to track

down Hegarty and prove that I’m on the

county team because of me talent.

TIMOTHY Hegarty! The Cork Manager! I can tell younow, Hegarty won’t want to speak to you,

first he won’t have a feckin’ clue who you

are, and anyway he’ll be too busy training

real talented footballers for the county

team!

Sean throws him a dirty look and storms out. Timothy

Is now alone in the living room. He sits and thinks

for a few moments. He pours himself a whiskey and

drinks it to clam himself down.

TIMOTHY (Talks to himself, philosophical) Tis a

harsh man I am…(long pause)……as hard as

granite,…(Long pause)…… as sharp as the

haw frost…(Long pause)……as cutting as the

reapers sythe……

Timothy picks up a brown envelope addressed to

himself, opens it and reads. His expression turns to

complete shock .

TIMOTHY ‘Tis unbelievable! It’s a joke, has to be………(Shouts) Sean are you hiding out in

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the hallway? I’m not falling for your

prank………(Shouts louder) Hear me? ……(Pause)

………Sean you there…………(Back to the letter

again ) Can’t be the truth, they want every

last cent back! Mother of all that is

good, it can’t be the truth, are all mychickens come home to roost? (He looks at

the clock) ‘Tis getting late, they’ll be

waiting but tis has put a feckin kabush on

everything, tis a mistake…………I’ll ring the

number………no………no who then?…………I know

who……….

Timothy runs out of the room.

Curtain.

ACT TWO

SCENE TWO

Later in the evening, Peggy Murphy is in her kitchen

reading a letter just handed to her by Timothy.

Timothy is pacing back and forth on the floor in the

background. He is clearly very agitated, repeatedly rubbing his forehead and face with the palms of his

hands.

TIMOTHY (Flustered ) ‘Tis terrible shocking.

PEGGY (Concentrating on the letter )’Tis that.

TIMOTHY No sense at all to it.

PEGGY (Calmly )I wouldn’t say, now.

TIMOTHY (suddenly Stands still) Wouldn’t so You?

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The Streaks

PEGGY Things happen for a reason.

TIMOTHY You’ve read it then?

PEGGY Sure…… that’s what I’m doing. Give us achance.

TIMOTHY You hit it on the head of the nail there,

you did.

PEGGY What head, whos?

TIMOTHY Tis chance.

PEGGY ( mumbling ) Tis……tis indeed?

TIMOTHY All frightening chance. Tis scary, when

you think about it.

PEGGY (Pause, Peggy looks up from the letter )

You’re in a predicament Timothy.

TIMOTHY (Panicking ) Shall I go on the run, go to

England or even America? That’s a devils

choice, have Scotland Yard or the FBI

after me? (Pause)An APB, that’s right, All

Points Bulletin out on Timothy Streak. The posters with my mug, wanted dead or alive

on every ESB pole from here to Timbucktoo.

I’ll be looking over me shoulder the rest

of the life, count on it Peggy. They got

bounty hunters in the states, a million

dollars on me capture. Tis frightening

horrible feeling, (Delerious) Jesse James

rides again! (Falls to his knees, holds

peggy’s hands) Will you come with me

peggy? I got money left over for the two

best seats on the plane. You got a passport, do I have one? Never had need,

for one that’s never been beyond the

Derrysaggart mountains. You’ll have to

work over there though, you and me on the

run, not much money left, just for the

tickets and a rent deposit for a week.

We’ll be fine, no panicking now, I’ll dig

the roads, (Pause) highways that run

forever, last any man’s life, you’ll be

there, Peggy with me, peggy the medicine

woman selling her magic potions, you’ll begood at that won’t you? You been selling

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The Streaks

those prophecies for last twenty years, no

problem to ya selling suggery tap water

the we’ll be puttinh in those small

bottles. Where are your clothes Peggy?

Your suitcase? The guards will be here

soon.

PEGGY (Quietly, close to his face) Tis your

problem not mine.

Timothy rises to his feet, throwing peggy’s hands

aside in disgust.

TIMOTHY Ours! No? (a bit delirious) Sinking ships

and rats, scurrying traitorous rats.

PEGGY ‘Tis unlikely they’ll throw the book atyou.

TIMOTHY The bible flying across the court room and

hits me head, ‘tis not me your honour. The

devil made me do it!

PEGGY Clam down, listen, write them back,

explain the situation with an offer to

hand back the money.

TIMOTHY Can’t! Can’t! ‘Tis we that need the moneyfor our new life, Peggy.

PEGGY I got a life here, (Pause) what would a

miserable cranky auld spinster want to be

galloping with those American bucks?

TIMOTHY (Rides an imaginary bull) Rodeo!

Oooohhheee I’ll be Bronco Tim Pat the

cowboy from Gormeen, we’ll have a whale of

a time.

PEGGY Offer to repay, they’ll not want this

scandal in the papers or on the news.

TIMOTHY Yes, yes the six one news, I’ll get them

to blank out me face, incognito like, I’ll

spin a story.

PEGGY Tell the truth, always.

TIMOTHY The truth, yes, the money is gone, good

causes all, that’s what I’ll say on thetv.

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The Streaks

PEGGY All gone, every last cent already?

TIMOTHY Some gone, enough left for our new start

in America. The best hard luck case for

charity of all is us, you know.

PEGGY Write to the National Lottery, ‘tis their

mistake Timothy, how were you to know the

numbers were wrong.

TIMOTHY Ahh but they were the right numbers Peggy,

cos they were the winning numbers. Over

million quids worth, I got the money into

these very hands.

PEGGY No, no, Get a solictor, fight them. Tisunfair that you should take the blame.

TIMOTHY Scapegoat, yeah, I can play the scapegoat

for them. Blame the innocent, but I’m not

so innocent. Shhh silence of the bloody

lambs.

PEGGY Don’t be upsetting yourself.

TIMOTHY (Points at Peggy ) Read the letter! Fore

gone conclusion, I’m guilty, hand the million back, or the hard men will be sent

around. (Opens drawers, searches) Hurry

up, where’s your birth certificate, we’ll

need it to get you through customs?

PEGGY Don’t be dragging me into this, Timothy!

TIMOTHY What! You’re drowning with me too?

PEGGY See I’m on me chair in my kitchen on dry

land.

TIMOTHY Your honor, Peggy Murphy advised me to

spend the winnings. The holy one was

guiding me along the path of temptation.

PEGGY Sit! A cup of tea!…………Sit I said, get a

hold of yourself.

As Timothy obeys and sits at the table, Peggy rises

to make tea.

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The Streaks

Peggy Tea it is! A cup of tea solves a lot of

problems.

TIMOTHY (Determinedly looks into space) Something

stronger, Miss, the puriest you got!

PEGGY whiskey then.

TIMOTHY (Pause, deep voice) Last drop before the

hangman’s loose.

PEGGY Tis not that bad.

TIMOTHY (Pause, deep ) ‘Tis worse then worse, ‘tis

hell.

PEGGY Listen peteen, no sin has been committed,Timothy.

TIMOTHY ( Angrily ) Wrong! Sin of sins, pride before

the fall.

PEGGY Sure you spent the money for the benefit

of others.

TIMOTHY (Deep ) I revelled in its reflected glory,

(Peggy pours whiskey into a glass) what

time is it? (looks at clock ) sevenfifteen, they’re at the town hall

wondering where their new lord mayor is? I

can phone them, hes a no show.

Timothy throws back the whiskey quick as possible.

He bangs the empty glass back on the table.

TIMOTHY Another!

PEGGY Another.

Once Peggy has poured another shot, Timothy finishes

it off like the first one.

TIMOTHY What if I get drunk, with dutch courage I

could face them at the reception, no, no,

hold on, too rash, maybe they are waiting

to stone me.

PEGGY Agh, Timothy now!

TIMOTHY Why me then Peggy?

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The Streaks

PEGGY God giveth, God taketh it away.

TIMOTHY Really, I wish he ignored me in the first

place.

PEGGY I’ll pray that he’ll ignore that last blast……. (Peggy places a comforting hand

on Timothy’s hand) Remember always

Timothy, there’s reason to His grand

scheme.

TIMOTHY ( Angrily ) To have me in jail? Me house

repossessed? Me family deserting me? The

streak name dare never to be spoken of

again in Gormeen. ‘Tis the mightiest of

plans.

PEGGY ‘Tis “the third miracle of Gormeen”.

TIMOTHY You saying what?

PEGGY Think………think about it for a…….

TIMOTHY Cripes!……Think? Your troubled in the head?

PEGGY This is serious, think!

TIMOTHY Insult me now, why don’t you, wench addingsalt to me wounds. Tis a fraud you are

Peggy Murphy with your auld fecking

prophecies.

PEGGY God forgive your fecking. No! No!

Understand it’s the hand of God at Work,

don’t you see, the good and faitfull

citzens of Gormeen are being rewarded.

You’re like Mosses, Timothy, the moses

that led the Israelites out of the desert.

TIMOTHY (Looks closely into her face) You’re a

queer one, I see that now. Queer as queer

with the deepest blue eyes. I’m worn from

twenty years of lustin’ after you, Peggy.

PEGGY What you talking about, you were missing

in action for all that time.

TIMOTHY But tis the end of Gormeen now, the boys

from Dublin are on their way right now to

claim their debt. They’ll move in withtheir bulldozers and jack hammers, the

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noise will deafen us, as they take the

town stone by stone, slate by slate.

They’ll be charging interest on the

million so the town is a goner. But I

won’t hear em’ I’ll have no ears, the

citizens will rip them off me.

There is a long silence. They are thinking deep

thoughts.

PEGGY Is it the end times, you suppose?

TIMOTHY (Calmly) In Gormeen tis.

Silence again until broken by Peggy jumping to her

feet. She calls Timothy’s bluff.

PEGGY America then it will be.

TIMOTHY America!……Like Bonnie and clyde?

PEGGY (Hands on hips, alluring ) I’ll make a fine

Faye Dunnaway, don’t you think?

TIMOTHY Sexier, you are.

PEGGY You know, Clyde had a problem with getting

his thingie up that’s why he robbed banks.

TIMOTHY No, Clyde the boyo. How you know that,

‘tis not all kneeling on stone floors you

been all these years then.

PEGGY Agh……I’ve had my opportunities, tis lonely

I am up here (She points to her head ), not

between my legs ( points between her legs).

TIMOTHY (Disgusted) Don’t Peggy, don’t shatter me

dream of your holies, I don’t want to bethinking……I’m running away with a whore, I

am.

PEGGY There was nought in it swear.

TIMOTHY You’ll not swear……by anything, hear me

Peggy, you have no right!

PEGGY I’ll swear what I like……let me explain,

you get the odd pilgrim calling that seeks

salvation in laying with a saint……so……soyou see tis my holy obligation to oblige.

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TIMOTHY Shut up!

PEGGY I will not!……and often happily obliged I

did!

TIMOTHY Shut up your vulgarity!

PEGGY ( Angrily ) Get out then!

TIMOTHY (Pause) I’ll stay!

PEGGY Stay then.

Things quieten again between them

TIMOTHY Our plans.

PEGGY Our plans then.

TIMOTHY (Pause) I suppose ,tis the attraction

between us, Peggy, my tart, cos its me

that’s got the opposite of your problem.

The auld bitch is as dry as the Sahara and

the only riding she is interested in is me

head into the ground.

Peggy What about your wife? Will you reallyleave her for me?

TIMOTHY I’d leave her for Mulligans goat, I would.

PEGGY I’m prettier then any nanny, you think?

TIMOTHY Aye, that you are.

PEGGY That’s sorted, I’ll go pack, then.

TIMOTHY Pack, you will?

PEGGY My sexy black number and high heels is all

I’ll need to trip the light fantastic.

TIMOTHY We’ll say a prayer first, you think?

PEGGY What pray? Them days are finished for us,

Timothy.

TIMOTHY We are finished, all is lost in the

wilderness, pray for that.

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PEGGY You’ll only be praying for auld sins like

adultery with me holies, thievery and your

own cowardliness.

TIMOTHY You forgot the straying of the righteous.

PEGGY Is that me then, you think I righteous

even after…?

TIMOTHY (Interrupts) ….You’ll fall but it’ll be my

sin to pay. God’s chosen one being led

astray from her vocation by the

pickerooney of the west.

PEGGY (Wry smile) Thats terribly awful of you,

leading me on like that.

TIMOTHY I’m used to digging holes, deeper and

deeper to hell below. I’ll be there soon

the way I’m going and I’m not even an auld

dead body yet.

PEGGY Right enoughs, enough, must hurry!

Peggy walks quickly towards the kitchen door.

TIMOTHY Where you off to?

PEGGY Me packing, like I said, that’s what.

TIMOTHY Aye, well no need too now.

PEGGY Am I so lucky that we can go to America

with just the clothes on our backs and a

credit card in your pocket?

TIMOTHY Carrying you, I’ll be then like a fecking

mule, is that what you think?

PEGGY No, you’re assuming the worse of me, I’ll

share your load and your bed, will I?

TIMOTHY There’ll be no need, Peggy dear, I sorted

it.

PEGGY Sorted you what?

TIMOTHY Agh, like… all out.

Timothy opens a drawer and searches through cutlery .

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TIMOTHY Did you say, what?

PEGGY (Pause, she’s confused ) Nothing at all,

Timothy, I thought we were agreed to hit

the road.

TIMOTHY A few whiles back, you mentioned one of me

sins, tell me again.

PEGGY I said nothing, quiet out I was.

TIMOTHY Was it what you called me, Aye, a coward !

PEGGY ‘Twas a slip of the tongue, what’s an oul

sharlee like me know about nought.

Timothy turns quickly to face Peggy, madness in hiseyes. She immediately spies a knife in this hand.

TIMOTHY ( Madness) A coward is I, yellow bellied is

I, that’s what you said!

PEGGY (Scream, tears)‘Tis not so, I beg you, not

so.

Timothy holds the knife on his wrist.

TIMOTHY Not no more, its worth it just for thelook on yer faces as ye drop me coffin in

the ground.

PEGGY (Tears, wimpering ) I beg you sorry, have

some piety on our grieve for you, Timothy.

TIMOTHY Piety yer selfs!

Timothy saws the knife across his wrist but its

blunt. He tries again but he can’t even mark his

skin. Peggy screams.

TIMOTHY ‘Tis a feckin blunt knife by you!

He throws it to the floor and tries for another

again the next one is blunt.

TIMOTHY Blunt!…Blunt! fecking blunt knife! Geez

Peggy you must have some fecking trouble

cutting the Sunday roast.

Timothy searches the drawer again and pulls out aspoon. He tries to cut his wrists with its long

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handle.

TIMOTHY Feckin’ hell spoon, how useles I am, Can’t

even slit my wrists.

PEGGY Thanks be too goodness, Timothy.

TIMOTHY Me eye, you’re only worried that I make a

bloody mess of your kitchen floor.

Peggy Ah no,no, no, this is not the answer to

your problems.

Timothy drops the spoon to the floor.

TIMOTHY I know what, do you have a gun in the

house?

PEGGY (Fierce) Well if I had, and I haven’t mind

you, you might as well shoot me first.

Timothy smiles at the notion.

TIMOTHY Could you imagine the feckin’ scene me

bloodied lifeless body stretched across

your carcus right there.

PEGGY (Pause) It would be kind of romantic.

TIMOTHY Me arse it would!

PEGGY (Starry eyed ) Two star crossed lovers die

in the throes of love, a bit like Romeo

and Juliet.

Timothy seriously thinks Peggy is mad.

TIMOTHY ‘Tis with the birds you’re with miss.

PEGGY Maybe so, (Pause) so you finished killing

yourself and upsetting me no end?

Timothy looks at himself.

TIMOTHY For the moment, Aye, (Pause) looks like

its more trouble to do myself in, then

face the music.

Peggy crosses the kitchen to make tae.

PEGGY You’ll have that cup of tae then.

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TIMOTHY It’s black, please Peggy, tis lent soon,

you know.

PEGGY It does sneak around again, lent does,

black it is then for two, and a Mcvitae ora piece of dairy milk maybe with the tae,

your looking pasty.

TIMOTHY Sure if it’s not putting you to trouble, I

do like the bite of Cadburys. (Pause) ‘Tis

made in North cork you know, they got a

factory there turning it out like no

tomorrow.

PEGGY Is that so, you know a lot of information

there, Timothy.

TIOMTHY You have to keep abreast or the world will

pass you by.

PEGGY Am I packing or not, Timothy?

TIMOTHY Suit yourself!

PEGGY Sounds like America is off now, you’re a

fine one changing your mind at the drop of

a hat.

TIMOTHY I don’t need your permission, tis not

married we are.

PEGGY ‘Twas the great escape that was. You once

asked me I remember.

TIMOTHY I did no such thing, Miss, I’m one not to

be easy with my proposals.

PEGGY It was in a field and you were kneeling insome cow dung, and you were clasping my

hand like a crab. ‘Twas sore for days

afterwards. Farmer’s fecking hands you

had, I remember.

TIMOTHY You’re confusing me with someone else.

PEGGY Its very clear Timothy, cause I was only

asked the once.

TIMOTHY Then you missed your one chance.

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PEGGY Tis true but no regrets, eh?

TIMOTHY Me only regret is if you accepted I

wouldn’t be in this fecking mess now.

PEGGY Then I’m to blame?

TIMOTHY I’m glad your admitting its your fault

now.

PEGGY You’re a right one Timothy, but I suppose

God works in mysterious ways.

Timothy Confusing ways too He does………here you said

about the Third Miracle of Gormeen, what

you mean?

PEGGY ‘Tis only loony talk.

TIMOTHY No you meant by me.

PEGGY (Pause) Aye, (Pause) me thinks, definitely

you’re the third miracle, the modern day

Lazarus that rose from the dead.

TIMOTHY I’ve heard it all now, your absolutely

bonkers, miss. ‘Tis up on the stage with

Brendan Grace you should be. (Giggling.Pause) In stitches we'd be in the

audience.

PEGGY Laugh at me if you want, go on laugh the

guts out your belly, why don’t you.

Timothy Curious now I am.

PEGYY Sure you are.

TIMOTHY Why am I a Lazarus then? Wasn’t he in the bible anyways?

Peggy Aye, the Bible he was……weren’t you in a

hole for last twenty odd years and you

hadn’t much of a life, even if you could

call it a life. Didn’t you win the lottery

and you came out the hole, now didn’t you?

TIMOTHY Aye I suppose it was like that alright, I

was dead in the hole and I rose to a great

kind of a life out the hole.

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PEGGY And you were guided in thanksgiving.

TIMOTHY Whats that then?

PEGGY You did all that good with the lottery

money good fortune.

TIMOTHY But tis bad fortune now!

PEGGY How do we know Timothy, is your story

finished yet?

TIMOTHY Aye, aye, true, true, sure I always

thought you were a wise woman, I did, any

way what happened to that Lazorus bloke?

PEGGY Eventually died……I suppose.

TIMOTHY ‘Twas a bit rough on the fella,(smiles)

getting to die twice, once is hard enough

for most. Eh well I’m off.

PEGGY Not finished your tae and biscuit.

TIMOTHY Tis important I’m off.

PEGGY Where off and without me?

TIMOTHY I’m late already you know.

PEGGY Late for what?

TIMOTHY For the music, Peggy, the moonlight

dancing and the crack at the Altos.

PEGGY Altos? Aye I remember the Altos, will I

get me dancing shoes?

TIMOTHY No dear, you rest here, you’ve completed your work with me.

PEGGY What did I ever do for you Timothy but ill

advice.

TIMOTHY Not at all, you’ve taken a great weight

off me shoulders. You made me realise that

I can’t run away over the hills and far

away.

PEGGY No regrets then?

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ACT TWO

SCENE THREE

A stormy wintry day. Madge enters the living room

dressed in light summer attire carrying two large

suitcases. There is busyness about her. She places

one suitcase next to one already on the floor, the

other she places on the table and opens it’s flap.

She takes out a large summer hat and places it on

her head. For a few moments she admires herself in the mirror. She laughs at herself, takes out a list

from a pocket and checks off the contents of the

open case. After a while her attention moves to the

living room mantelpiece. She is thinking. She makes

a decision and grabs five family photos from the

mantelpiece and quickly throws them in the suitcase.

Her ears prick up, she senses someone is outside.

Madge quickly closes the suitcase and places it on

the floor. She remembers the summer hat and places

it on the table before fixing her clothing. Timothy

enters. He is wet through from the rain.

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TIMOTHY ‘Tis me.

MADGE Oh (Pause) halloo Timothy, I heard you coming

down the path.

TIMOTHY ( blunt and surprised ) Speaking to me again, isyou?

MADGE (Pause)I was thinking you were beginning to

enjoy my boycott a bit too much. (Pause) ‘Tis

no punishment then.

Timothy shuffles on the spot, looks at himself as

water drains from his clothes on to the floor.

TIMOTHY Soaked through I is. It’s hoeing it down.

MADGE (walks to a side low press)Same as yesterday

and the day before.

TIMOTHY Aye, the news says tomorrow is the same again

(Pause) but you can’t trust the news can you.

MADGE (Definitely) Agh, I know, know. You can’t trust

anything these days on that box or in the

paper.

TIMOTHY (Reflective) Aye……tis the truth!

Madge takes a towel from the press and throws it

gently to Timothy. He begins to rub himself. A long

pause between them.

MADGE I wasn’t expecting you early so, did you ask

for a half day?

TIMOTHY (Confident) I wasn’t going to put meself out

asking, so I took the rest of the day off

(Pause) cos the hole was flooding.

MADGE That’s a piety.

TIMOTHY Piety it is.

MADGE (Pause) You won’t be upsetting your bosses now,

(Pause) doucing out like?

TIMOTHY (Cynical) Agh…what do I care?

MADGE ‘Tis the probation you should be caring about,you’re only back digging on a trial basis for

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the three month, you don’t want to be messing

at this late stage.

TIMOTHY (Cynical) Shouldn’t I be the one thankful for

small mercies?

MADGE Aye,(Symapetic , Pause)sure ‘tis understandable

that you’re still addled.

TIMOTHY (Sternly )And a long while yet, persecuted as I

was, never ending fecking questions and

prodding till I was a pea soup in here (Slaps

his chest in self piety ).

MADGE Sure it had to be tied up,( pause) the loose

ends in all.

TIMOTHY (Two hands around his throat) Like a neat bow

tie strangling around me neck. (He makes

choking sounds)

MADGE Please now don’t be complaining, it’ll only

give us all earaches, tis a lot you can be

grateful for.

TIMOTHY Agh…tis my nature, ( pause) you’re long enough

living with me to know that.

MADGE (sits at the table) Right I am…… Aren’t you

back where you strated? A fear of you.

Timothy looks at the bags.

TIMOTHY (Irritated ) Back where I belong is what you

mean, except you’re leaving me, you are?

MADGE (Cheerful) The bags are packed and I got me

foreign currency, off soon.

TIMOTHY Tis foreign you’re going so?

MADGE That’s what I said, foreign currency.

TIMOTHY (Pause) Boat or plane?

MADGE Aer Lingus out of Cork airport this evening.

Edel should be here soon for me lift.

Timothy twitches at the thought.

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TIMOTHY (Long Pause)Know this, I won’t be missing you

much anyways.

MADGE ( A knowing look at Timothy )‘Tis nice to know

that, I won’t be worrying about you then.

TIMOTHY (Cynical)I should be used to me own care by

now.

MADGE If it’s care you want you should hire a nanny.

TIMOTHY And where would I get the money now that I’m

supporting this house as well as me debt to the

feckers of the lottery crowd, ‘tis thirty two

pound they’re clawing off me each week you

know. At that rate I’ll be as auld as the book

of kells before ‘tis paid.

MADGE (Changes subject)Theres shopping for a week in

the press and a few quid in the goose jar.

TIMOTHY (Sarcastic)Tis a goodin’ wife, you are then?

MADGE I’ll send you a post card, one of them with me

head through the fat lady, you know the one.

TIMOTHY (Irritated ) I don’t know the one, anyway I’ll

be throwing it in the bin when it comes,without even as much as a peek at it, I will.

MADGE Sound enough, but I’ll send it anyway.

TIMOTHY ( Mumble) Whatever. (Pause) ‘Tis awful terrible

you dersertin’ me like this. I heard it known

that a wife should stick with her husband

through thick and thin, sweet and sour like.

MADGE (Forceful)Not this auld one!

TIMOTHY (Pause) You’ll pick up another man over there I

suppose?

MADGE You never know, I’ll have a good look around at

the talent anyhow.

TIMOTHY I might be courting meself now that you are

gone.

MADGE (Sarcastically )Is that so? You’d think with

your reputation after that one, (Pause) would any colleen even look at you?

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TIMOTHY Sure why not? Peggy was too queer for any man

to handle and the whole country knows it.

MADGE Is that why you drove her out of Gormeen to

that looney house?

TIMOTHY ( Angrily ) Twasn’t meself that was doing the

driving, she did it all herself, don’t you

think? Standing up to the judge like she did,

telling him that he’ll be damned to hell and

all his descendants and that she would burn

every court house in the country if he didn’t

obey the will of God (Pause) and that I Timothy

Streak was HIS instrument. She was acting like

a woman with a touch of the mad cow disease,

beating her head off the bench like she did.(Pause) It took five able Gardai to cart her

off, I counted them, I did.

MADGE (Reading the list again ) All the same she must

have been carrying a blazing torch for you

Timothy all these years to say she came to your

defence like she did.

TIMOTHY ( Angrily ) And wasn’t it right she did defend

me, sure it was her fault in the first place

with her fecking advice.

MADGE You know very well, I wouldn’t give her the

time of the day, I wouldn’t, but all the same

some would say she’s a martyr.

TIMOTHY (Pause, reflective) Martyr she is.

MADGE (looking up at him ) And a fecking ejit you are

to be hiding the winning ticket from me.

TIMOTHY (Reflective again )Ahg… aye, tis poetic justicethen that they were the wrong numbers, the

fecking ejit I am?

MADGE Aye, right.

TIMOTHY (Hopeful) Do you forgive me?

MADGE It’ll be awhile, (Pause) maybe when I’m old and

I don’t know who you are anymore.

TIMOTHY (Wry) Tis a piety I’m a man not easilyforgotten then.

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MADGE (Slowly)Aye, aye, aye.

TIMOTHY Wheres Edel then?

MADGE Haven’t I said?

TIMOTHY (Looks at the clock) Tis getting goo and on?

MADGE Are you trying to rid of me?

TIMOTHY Sure I don’t mind, you can stay on if you want.

For goodness sake, I’m only watching the time

for you.

MADGE Don’t worry I got Sean as the watchman, he’ll

be down soon with his cases.

TIMOTHY Is he going with you too?

MADGE Yes and Edel and babe too.

TIMOTHY (Dumbfounded ) Well the holies, I’m been

abandoned like a useless raggy doll.

MADGE What? Abandoned? We’ll only be away two weeks.

TIMOTHY (Confused ) What only two weeks?

MADGE Why do you want us to stay on longer in

Tenereefe.

TIMOTHY Tis not holidays you going on, is it?

MADGE Did you think I was leaving you forever Timothy

Streak? You’re a gas man to think I would give

you the pleasure of seeing the last of me.

TIMOTHY I’m confused now Madge, tis three suitcasesthere?

MADGE Full of babe things.

TIMOTHY (Shaking his head ) Uh tis not right at all, at

all.

MADGE That we’re going on holidays and you’re on

probation.

TIMOTHY Aye, that and where’s the money coming from?

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MADGE ‘Tis of concern to you?

TIMOTHY What do you think now woman after all that’s

happened.

MADGE (Pause) I won it.

TIMOTHY (Unbelieving) It’s won? Won on what? Tis stolen

more like it.

MADGE No tis fairly won and its fairly mine.

TIMOTHY How might that be?

MADGE On the horses!

TIMOTHY (Incredulous) The nags? What you know about theraces?

MADGE Not much but I do fancy the name “MADAM

ORCHID” tis sparkles, and more so when it

came romping home at the Curragh a few

weeks ago.

TIMOTHY I know so, twas an awful long long shot, I wish

I had a bet on it that day meself.

Long pause between them. Madge is giggling to herself. Timothy begins to realise something.

TIMOTHY You didn’t?

MADGE I did, twas only beginners luck.

TIMOTHY You’re one dark horse, you know?

MADGE Twas a black horse alright, and it ran like the

wind that day.

TIMOTHY No you are!

MADGE Sure I didn’t know what I was doing but Paddy

Powers explained the betting and I just put the

shopping money on it.

TIMOTH Sure they probbly saw you coming.

MADGE I don’t know about that but twas madness.

TIMOTHY So how much you win, mammy?

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MADGE Tis nosey you are, isn’t…? Maybe ‘tis something

you are after?

TIMOTHY (Interrupting ) Twas my shopping money.

MADGE A few bob.

TIMOTHY Like a tenner?

MADGE (Smirking ) More a few thousand bob then.

TIMOTHY (Excitedly) Were you raving mad, mammy? ‘Twas a

wheelbarrow you needed to collect the winnings

from Paddy Power?

MADGE (Wry smile) It tickled me funny bone, to tell

you the truth, after all these years buying alottery ticket and not even the hint of a win.

(Pause) I know it goes to good causes inall,

the youngings and cripples but you’d like the

odd small win all the same. Then on my first

flutter on the horses I win a pile. (Pause) Tis

ironic. (Pause) Tis maybe fate, Aye, lady luck

was listening alright but I was deaf to her

answers for so long. (Reflective) Aye, tis a

twist of fate.

TIMOTHY (Demanding ) Where’s me half then? Whats yous is mine and mines is yours and all good stuff that

like.

MADGE (Quietly )’Tis all nearly gone only for the

hols, Aree, tis only a little indulgence for

all we been through the last while. We deserve

it we think.

TIMOTHY ( Angrily ) Well isn’t that the best ever yet

that anyone ever fecking heard?

MADGE I don’t know why I kept it secret from you

Timothy? Twasn’t out of spite, maybe I was

afraid of upsetting you, maybe I was acting

funny.

TIMOTHY (Wary ) Upsetting, she says. Acting funny, she

says.

MADGE Tis the truth. You’re not jealous that I won.

Do you forgive your auld woman?

TIMOTHY No, I don’t forgive you at all.

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MADGE (Sighs)Ahh don’t be like that Timothy.

There is the sound of a car horn outside in

the front yard.

TIMOTHY That’s them beeping the horn for you, mammy.

MADGE Will you carry a bag then?

TIMOTHY Feck, I was going to carry it for you.

Timothy picks up a suitcase.

MADGE Left, you listening? (Pause till Timothy pays

attention ) Left a list on the kitchen table

that will explain the oven, washing machine and the paying of bills. I don’t want to be coming

home to a dark damp house cos your stubborn

with paying the electricity.

TIMOTHY (Sarcastic )’Tis not a field I was reared in

Mammy.

MADGE All the same tis important that you tick off

the list.

TIMOTHY (Fed up ) Feck you I’ll tick the list for a bitof peace and quiet.

MADGE (Smiling ) Sure what are you complaining about

you’ll have that for the next two weeks.

TIMOTHY (Pointing at the door ) Mammy, would you feck

off out that door.

Madge fixes her attire again, picks up a

suitcase for a moment, hesitates and places

it on the floor again much to the annoyanceof Timothy.

MADGE One last one, tis the most important of all,

will you check me lottery numbers on the draw.

It’ll be on the box in a few minutes………(changes

her mind ) So I think I’ll wait.

TIMOTHY ( Angrily ) Would you give it up mammy, its like

a fecking addiction with you. You’d think the

lottery would be the last thing in your head

after what they did to this family. I should scold you for buying the numbers. Your five

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minutes late already and I sure Edel got enough

on her plate without getting points on her

licence trying to get to the plane.

MADGE ‘Tis important. I’d feel secure on the plane if

I knew you were checking the numbers. For ladyluck’s sake.

TIMOTHY Will it shut you up and out that door?

MADGE ‘Twill indeed.

TIMOTHY Then I’ll be checking the damn numbers.

MADGE Ring me if there’s any news.

TIMOTHY There’ll be no news.

MADGE I’ll ring you anyway so.

TIMOTHY You’ll only be wasting your time, I’ll be

taking the phone off the hook.

Madge picks up a suitcase again.

MADGE (Pause)Be safe then.

TIMOTHY ‘Tis should be you that be safe mammy.

MADGE (sighs) Aye, aye.

Madge and Timothy exit carrying a

Suitcase each. After a few moments Timothy

returns. He slowly makes his way to the

window and peeks through the curtains. There

is a long pause as Timothy watches his family

load the car.

TIMOTHY (To himself) Go on, go on, see if I feckingcare, begone with the lot of ye. I hope now ye

don’t get a puncture or nought like that,

missing the plane, and I have to be seeing yer

faces around here for the next two weeks.

(Pause) Tis scandalous that tis really me

winnings that’s paying for yer foreign joint,

but then that’s the character I am, gererous to

a fecking fault. Maybe tis I should be more

selfish and I’d have an easier life. (Pause) Go

on make sure your belted into the car, I don’t

want ye to have an accident now and me visitingthe lot of ye in the Regional for the next two

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for it. Whats that,…… yeah bugger them. No

Ronan, I have a whatyoumacall……a consciousenchs

objection to playing the lottery, the horses

are more my vice. Why is tha so Ronan? Well you

could say I’ve had me hands burnt recently, but

that hasn’t stopped the auld one buying aticket for this week,s draw. The numbers,

Ronan, what numbers……oh have I checked them……no

of course not………because I don’t have the

frigging ticket handy that’s why……I know so

Ronan, you don’t have to be reminding me that I

promised mammy that I checked the ticket…What…

I suppose ‘tis over there on the mantle piece.

What Ronan you are going to pester me for the

evening until I check off the numbers. Well

that’s a pain I dare not bear.

Timothy fetches the ticket from the

mantelpiece and returns to the couch. He

examines the ticket carefully.

TIMOTHY Listen to me Ronan last time I did this I

got into the height of trouble. What, say

you,…… I’m not too sure I want to check

these numbers, not so at all, what the

first number is three,…… ten,…… eleven,

twenty five, thirty nine. What Ronan,……… I

think I misheard you there, WHAT I’ve wonthat fecking lottery again……, be jazzy No

WAY,…… tis true you say (pause)

WooooHhhhhheee I’m in the money, in the

money again.

Timothy jumps from the couch and does a

dance.

TIMOTHY I’m in the money, I’m on top of the world…

whhhooooeeee…if I was a rich man, I’d do

be do be dooo…

Timothy decides to ring the family. He

rushes to the phone and dials frantically.

He can hardly contain his excitement. Pause.

TIMOTHY ‘Tis me……who the fecking hell do you think

it is?…Your father blast it! ‘Tis exciting

news I want to tell ……yes I do want to

speak to her……I rang you because your

mammy doesn’t have a mobile……yes you are a

brilliant girleen …… ( pause) Mammy ‘tisnews I have (tightly holding the precious

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The Streaks

ticket in his hand )……unbelievable news

(intense focus on the ticket, he begins to

hesitate) I……I……have something to say………

I……I……I’m getting on with it mammy,

‘Tis………I just rang to say, (his eyes look

to heaven ) ,tis I wanted to tell you……(frustrated ) feck you……I wanted to say……to

say……to say happy anniversary……(Pause)yes

I remembered………why wouldn’t I ‘tis twenty

three years tomorrow. Now mammy don’t get

soft on me………yeah sure it must mean I love

you now feck off with you and your hols……

What……I……will you let me have a word in

edge ways will you, yeah I checked the

numbers and ‘tis a dud, dud I tell you,

‘tis sure I am now off with you again………

‘Tis I be seeing you too.

Timothy puts down the receiver, ticket still

in his hand. He stands motionless for a few

moments, thinking to himself. His eyes shift to the

TV.

TIMOTHY What ticket?……, Why didn’t I tell her we

won the millions again?……, I tell you

why…… cos you’re nought but trouble. What?

……of course…… I know that you’re the legit

this time, but…(philosophical) but sure Igot what I want and that’s me lot I

suppose…?

Timothy moves slowly to a cubbord and takes

out a bowel, places it on the table. He

searches his pockets and finally finds what

he is looking for, a box of matches. He

strikes a match and draws the flame close to

the ticket. Pause. Timothy has second

thoughts but finally decides to burn the

ticket. Pause. He watches as the flameslowly engulfs the ticket. He throws the

burning ticket in the bowel and moves to the

TV. He switches it off.

TIMOTHY Nite Ronan. What’s that……No!…No! the

pleasure was all mine.

Timothy walks to the door, turns for a

moment to watch the last dying flame of the

burning ticket quench in the bowel. Timothy

exits. Fade to Black.

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The Streaks

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The Streaks