8

February 1999

Issue

1135

KEEP THE CAT FREE EST 1949 T h e S t u d e n t s ' N e w s p a p e r at Impe r i a l C o l l e g e

Dobson on Health at IC The candid Secretary of State for Health,

Frank D o b s o n , de l ivered a n even-handed,

self-effacing speech to a particularly we l l

a t tended mee t i ng of the ICU Labour Soci­

ety on Thursday 28 January. F rom the out­

set he warned the receptive aud i ence that

his publ ic speak ing w a s so sopor i f i c that it

had been k n o w n to send h i m to s leep

whi le he was mak ing the speeches . M a i n ­

taining this light-hearted tone he quo ted

h o w one national paper had characterised

his i n c o n g r u e n c e w i th t h e re-vamped

Labour Party: "He is to N e w Labour what

the N o r w e i g i a n entry is t h e Furov is ion

s o n g contest."

M r D o b s o n used his t ime to focus o n

the current stability a n d future prospects o f

the NHS, in t roduc ing the top ic by descr ib­

ing the va lues u n d e r p i n n i n g "the most

popular institution in Britain by a very c o n ­

siderable distance". Descr ib ing its "quality

and equality", h e con tended that its success

a n d i n c o m p a r a b l e c o n v e n i e n c e w e r e

der ived f rom it b e i n g purely tax-funded,

and went o n to state the Gove rnmen t ' s

responsibil ity to the system "is to try to

m a k e sure the th ings that are w r o n g w i th

the Health Service - and there are th ings

By Andrew Ofori

wrong with it - are put

righl and it is placed

in a posi t ion w h e r e it

can c o p e w i th the

var ious cha l l enges

and changes of the

c o m i n g century."

The Health Sec­

retary then l aunched

an attack o n h o w |

" p o i n t y - h e a d e d "

e c o n o m i s t s t e m p e r

his best i n ten t ions

w i th cons ide ra t i ons

such as the popu la­

t ion ' s i n c reas ing 1

longevity, n e w phar­

maceut i ca l s , a n d ||

i nnova t i on in treat- I

ment ; factors wh i ch j

they v i ew as sources �

of excess pressure on Photo: Jonas Dobson d e e p In thought

the N H S of the

future. H e insisted that the demograph i cs

o f the popu la t ion indicated there can only

be an ease in the current strain o n the sys­

tem.

"To put the NHS

in a posi t ion w h e r e it

can c o p e wi th admit­

tedly n e w challenges,"

was h o w M r D o b s o n

assessed his current

role. To this end there

w o u l d n e e d to b e

more money invested

in the system, and a

consequen t improve­

m e n t in e q u i p m e n t

and the wo rk i ng envi­

ronment . A b o v e all

D o b s o n ca l led for a

vast d e v e l o p m e n t in

w o r k i n g pract ice ,

f i n d i n g the n e w s

m e d i a t o o o f t en

engrossedin the pun i­

tive measures m e t e d

to those w h o are at

fault, he e x p o u n d e d the virtues of ensur­

ing a h igh quality service f r om the outset.

The required standard of educa t ion and

tra ining cou ld be ach ieved "by the sys­

temat ic spread of best practice and the

mon i to r ing o f that best practice."

The Cabinet Minister ended his speech

by o p e n i n g the f loor to quest ions, where­

u p o n he was subjec ted to a forthright and

salient sess ion of ques t ion ing . In answer

to the claim that the NHS survives o n a vast

a m o u n t of over t ime put in by doctors, M r

D o b s o n ag reed that the system is ma in­

tained by the hard work of all NHS staff. He

remarked that he in fact had an appoint­

men t wi th the Pr ime Min is ter later that

day w h e r e he w o u l d discuss a pay increase

for med ica l staff next week . He also pre­

sented the o p p o s i n g v iew, c la iming he

often spoke to members of the medical fra­

ternity w h o c o m p l a i n e d that there co l­

l eagues d id not w o r k hard e n o u g h , to

wh i ch he w o u l d reply "you k n o w w h o they

are, y o u d o s o m e t h i n g about it."

The Secretary o f State later f o u n d it

necessa ry t o qua l i f y his s tance o n the

selective adminis t rat ion of drugs, in par­

ticular the cont rovers i a l V iagra . H e

r e m i n d e d p e o p l e that "it's the Nat ional

Hea l th Serv ice not the Na t iona l Recre­

ational Service."

Chelsea Lose at Harlington C h e l s e a s u f f e r e d a d e m o r a l i s i n g loss

recently, but o n this o c c a s i o n it w a s not

at the h a n d s o f A r sena l . Wh i l e t h e Pre­

miersh ip t e a m w a s t ra in ing at Har l i ng ton

o n 28 January , the i r c h a n g i n g r o o m s

w e r e ra ided a n d six un fo r t una t e m e m ­

bers o f the t e a m lost v a luab l e posses­

s ions .

H a r l i n g t o n , t h e Imper i a l C o l l e g e

U n i o n Sports G r o u n d , h o u s e s Imperia l

Co l l ege and C h e l s e a FC c h a n g i n g r o o m s

in a s ing le b u i l d i n g , w i th Che l sea ' s fac i l­

ities b e i n g c o r d o n e d o f f f r o m t h e c o l ­

lege's sec t ion . The part ies a lso run these

facilities separately; C h e l s e a prov ide their

o w n securi ty in the f o r m o f t w o guards ,

but as stated by M i c k Reyno lds , Har l ing-

ton ' s H e a d G r o u n d s m a n , t h e t h i e v e s

clearly "got past t h e m easi ly . " U n i m ­

pressed w i th such inept secur i ty he c o n ­

t i n u e d : " s o m e o n e just w a l k e d in a n d

By Andrew Ofori

C h e l s e a ' s G l a n f r a n c o Z o l a Is far f r o m

p l ea sed w i th t h e loss

h e l p e d themse lves . "

The d iscovery w a s m a d e w h e n the

players w e r e c h a n g i n g after s h o w e r s -

a n d v a r i o u s m e m b e r s o f the t e a m

no t i ced s o m e of their pe rsona l a ef fects

had d i s appea r ed . I our w a t c h e s w i th a

total va lue of £18,000, a wrist brace let

wor th £1,000 and a signif icant a m o u n t of

cash w e r e miss ing. The thieves' haul was

be l i e ved to total a r o u n d £20,000.

The Pol ice have m o u n t e d a n ex ten­

sive invest igat ion invo lv ing the CID. A

Sco t l and Yard s p o k e s m a n r e f u s e d to

ident i fy the spec i f i c v ict ims, a n d mere l y

c o m m e n t e d "It appea r s to have b e e n a

fairly straight forward theft wh i l e the play­

ers w e r e out t ra in ing. " C h e l s e a have

u p g r a d e d securi ty measu re s at Ha r l i ng­

t o n , w i t h staff l o c k i n g all d o o r s a n d

patro l l ing corr idors, but as M r Reyno lds

put it "unfortunately it's a little bit t oo late."

Inside.. m

Letters 6

Columns 8

Film 12

Sabb Interviews 14

Music 16

Arts 20

Clubscene 22

Games 24

Sport 26

Crossword 28

2 News 8 February 1999

Chem Eng Revue Review O n T u e s d a y 2 February t h e C h e m i c a l

E n g i n e e r i n g S o c i e t y h e l d its A n n u a l

revue In dB ' s . A la rge c r o w d o f a p p r o x ­

imate ly 100 w e r e in a t t e n d a n c e to wi t­

ness a great n igh t o f e n t e r t a i n m e n t .

T h e e v e n i n g s t a r t ed w h e n m e m ­

bers o f t h e th i rd year t r ea ted t h e a u d i ­

e n c e to a ske t ch en t i t l ed " A l a n J o n e s -

Beat this for p u n s per m i n u t e " . This w a s

a del ightful ly well-written sketch w i th the

i n n u e n d o s f l o w i n g th i ck a n d fast. Nex t

up w e r e t h e first yea r b l o k e s in d r ag , or

the V ice Girls, a s they pre fer t o b e ca l l ed .

The g r o u p d id t w o s o n g s ; W a n n a b e a n d

2 b e c o m e 1. H o w e v e r t h e lyrics w e r e

s l ight l y d o c t o r e d to sui t t he i r f i l thy

m i n d s . W e l l d o n e to A k i r a K i r t o n

(minger spice) , Trev D h r u p h a l s h a h (hairy

sp i c e ) , Barry E d m o n d s t o n e ( w o l f i e

sp ice ) , H o w a r d Buck l ey (toff sp i ce ) a n d

N i ck Hol t ( c a m p sp i ce ) . The next act

c a m e f r o m the s e c o n d years , w h o d i d

a r end i t i on o f B l ind Date , w h e r e t h r e e

b l o k e s r e ve l l ed in t h e o p p o r t u n i t y t o

pa rody the i r lec turers .

Chr is W o o d r o o f e p r o d u c e d a real

treat for t h e nex t s k e t c h ; " P r o f e s s o r

W o o d r o o f e ' s H ie ra rchy o f Love " . A p p a r ­

ent ly this is b a s e d o n a d e s i g n tech-

By Padraig McCluskey

n i q u e t h e third years use . H e l p e d by his

ab l e assistant h e p r o c e e d e d to desc r ibe

t h e f ive leve ls o f love , f r o m c h o o s i n g

w h i c h type o f re lat ionship is best for y o u

t h r o u g h to h o w to sepa ra te f r o m you r

l o v e d o n e . This ske t ch w a s m y per­

s o n a l f avour i t e , a n d i n d e e d had every­

b o d y in t h e a u d i e n c e in s t i t ches .

R e u b e n Conno l l y (President) and Sanel la

H o d z i c (DSO) f r o m the City a n d G u i l d s

Execut ive a r r i ved o n s tage next to i l lus­

t ra te a l i gh t-hea r t ed a p p r o a c h to

s q u e e z i n g m o n e y out o f the City a n d

Gu i l d s . This w a s f o l l o w e d by a short

s p e e c h by M r C o n n o l l y , p r a i s i n g t h e

C h e m i c a l E n g i n e e r i n g Soc ie ty for the i r

ha rd w o r k over the past 50 years w h i c h

has l ead t h e m to the i r cur rent s t r o n g

p o s i t i o n .

A f te r t h e interval t h e o l d hacks (4th

years) m a d e their a p p e a r a n c e s tage left,

p r e s e n t i n g " W h o s e d e g r e e is it any­

way?" This sketch t o o k the format of the

s imi lar ly t i t led C h a n n e l 4 p r o g r a m m e .

The last s ke t ch o f the e v e n i n g w a s

w r i t t e n a n d p e r f o r m e d by t w o n e w

m e m b e r s o f staff; C la i re A d j i m a n a n d

O m a r Matar . Professor S t ephen Richard­

s o n a n d the H e a d o f D e p a r t m e n t , Pro­

fessor J ohn Perk ins , ab ly ass i s ted t h e m .

This s ke t ch a l so c e n t r e d o n a s e l e c t i o n

p rocess . This i n t e r v i ew w a s b a s e d o n

the s e l e c t i o n o f r e sea r ch c a n d i d a t e s .

A l t h o u g h this w a s not as s ide sp l i t t i ng

as s o m e o f the o the r ske t ches , the g e n ­

eral c o n s e n s u s w a s that it w a s at least

g o o d to s ee the staf f m a k i n g a n ef for t .

The e v e n i n g w a s a great su c ce s s ,

espec i a l l y as so m a n y p e o p l e m a d e t h e

ef for t to c o m e a n d s u p p o r t it. Spec i a l

t h a n k s mus t g o to t h o s e w h o w r o t e

a n d p e r f o r m e d the ske t ches a n d all t h e

m e m b e r s o f staff w h o t o o k t h e t r o u b l e

to a t t end .

Debt Decreases Your Health: Official Disturb ing n e w research to be p u b l i s h e d

in The Psychologist s h o w s that s tuden ts

are tw ice as likely to suffer f r o m ill hea l th

and r e d u c e d menta l we l l-be ing as their

contemporar ies w h o are not at university.

The study by Dr Ron Roberts , a psycho l­

ogist at the University of Westminster , has

con f i rmed w h a t most s t u d e n t s ' a l r e a d y

feel - that there is a clear l ink b e t w e e n ris­

ing levels o f debt a m o n g s tudents a n d

the comparat i ve ly lower levels o f hea l th .

In 'Student F inance a n d M e n t a l Hea l th ' ,

a paper co-authored w i th c o l l e a g u e s Dr

John G o l d i n g a n d Dr T o n y T o w e l l , Dr

Roberts presents the results o f t h e s tudy

carried out at t w o L o n d o n univers i t ies

(one o ld a n d the o ther new) .

Unsurpris ingly, Dr Roberts f o u n d that

s tudents ' g e n e r a l hea l th , a s s e s s e d o n

the basis o f phys ica l vitality a n d p s y c h o ­

logical a n d soc ia l f u n c t i o n i n g , w a s " sub­

stantially wo r se than that o f y o u n g peop le

of the equiva lent a g e a n d sex in the g e n ­

eral p o p u l a t i o n " . H e l inked this to s tu­

dents ' w o r k i n g for l onge r hours in order

to m a k e e n d s . m e e t . It w a s f o u n d that

those s tudents surveyed c o n s i d e r i n g t h e

a b a n d o n m e n t o f their s tud ies w e r e g e n ­

erally l ikely to suffer f r o m poore r hea l th ,

both physical ly a n d menta l ly .

The study also revea led that s tudents

By Sunil Rao

in debt w e r e m o r e l ikely than others to

k n o w other s tudents w h o we re invo lved

in prost i tut ion, d r u g dea l i ng and cr iminal

activities in order to bolster their f inancia l

s tate . Dr Rober ts c o n c l u d e s that " s tu­

den ts w e r e o n average twice as likely to

be in p o o r hea l th w h e n c o m p a r e d to

[sic] non-students o f the s a m e sex a n d

a g e " .

This study c o m e s as the G o v e r n m e n t

a n n o u n c e d o n 29 January that tu i t ion

fees w o u l d g o up in l ine wi th inf lat ion to

a m a x i m u m o f £1,025 for the a c a d e m i c

year 1999/2000. F igures f r o m the Un i ­

versi t ies a n d Co l l eges A d m i s s i o n s Ser­

v ice (UCAS) a lso reveal that the n u m b e r

o f app l i ca t ions f r o m mature students has

fal len sharply for the s e c o n d year runn ing

f o l l ow ing the int roduct ion o f tuit ion fees.

Baroness B lackstone, the Educat ion

a n d E m p l o y m e n t M in i s t e r , has

a n n o u n c e d a n e w s c h e m e d e s i g n e d to

he lp part-time students. From the a u t u m n

o f next year, part-time s tudents in h igher

e d u c a t i o n o n a l ow i n c o m e wil l be ent i­

t led to loans o f at least £500. Wi th over

2 8 % o f current s tudents b e i n g part-time,

30 mi l l ion p o u n d s have b e e n a l located to

support the n e w loan s c h e m e over its first

two years.

A l a r m i n g levels o f s tudent pover ty

w e r e h igh l i gh ted in a T imes H ighe r Edu­

ca t ion S u p p l e m e n t pol l r e vea l i ng that

three-quarters o f non-first year s tudents

have cut back o n b u y i n g c lo thes , s h o e s

or f o o d . A l m o s t a quar ter ha ve cut back

on book-buy ing , m o r e than four in t en

s tudents w o r k d u r i n g term-time (more

than half o f t hese w o r k in bars); wha t ' s

wo r r y i ng is that over 3 0 % o f these w o r k

m o r e than the off ic ia l r e c o m m e n d a t i o n

o f a m a x i m u m o f f i f teen hours a w e e k .

Research prev ious ly p u b l i s h e d by Glas­

g o w C a l e d o n i a n and Paisley Univers i t ies

a n d the Scot t i sh L o w Pay Un i t h a d

d e m o n s t r a t e d that the l o n g hours a n d

l o w pay w e r e hav ing a ser ious impac t o n

the a c a d e m i c p e r f o r m a n c e o f s tudents .

This has a lso b e e n c o n f i r m e d in research

by L indsey B o w e s and Sue M o o n o f the

Univers i ty o f Centra l Eng land .

A s p o k e s w o m a n for t h e C o m m i t t e e

o f V ice-Chancel lors and Pr incipals c o m ­

m e n t e d that it was " each s tudent ' s per­

sona l respons ib i l i ty " to strike the right

b a l a n c e b e t w e e n part-t ime w o r k a n d

studies . "Harsh ip f unds are ava i lable . Stu­

dents in f inancia l di f f icult ies s h o u l d s e e k

adv i ce f r o m the suppor t serv ices" .

issue 1135

8 February 1999

Editor: Ed Sexton

Assistant Editor & Fi lms: Dav id Roberts

N e w s Editor: A n d r e w O f o r l

M u s i c Editors: D e n n i s Pat r i ckson

& J ason R a m a n a t h a n

Arts Editor: H e l e n a C o c h e m e

G a m e s Editor: Gary Smi th

C l u b s c e n e : G u r m i n d e r M u r w a h a

& Joel Lewis

Sports Editor: G u s Paul

P h o t o g r a p h i c Editor: W i l l i am Lo renz

In brief...

Election Update

The U n i o n b r e a t h e d a s igh o f rel ief this

w e e k as all n o m i n a t i o n s w e r e f i l l ed . As

Fel ix w e n t to press , f ou r n e w c a n d i ­

d a t e s h a d pu t the i r n a m e s f o r w a r d ;

o n e i n d i v i d u a l , S C C t r e a su r e r Kev in

Bu t che r , has e v e n o p t e d to s t and for

t h e n e w l y f o r m e d D e p u t y P res ident

( E d u c a t i o n a n d W e l f a r e ) , a n d has t h e

r e q u i r e d t w e n t y s e c o n d e r s .

T h e r e a re t w o m o r e c a n d i d a t e s

for t h e post o f D P ( F i nance a n d Ser­

v ices) : Ian C l i f f o rd , t h e C G C U treasurer,

w h o has e i g h t e e n s e c o n d e r s ; a n d Paul

H i c k m a n o f D r a m S o c , w h o is fu l ly sec­

o n d e d . D u n c a n F ie ld, a l so o f D ramsoc ,

is s t a n d i n g f o r D P ( C l u b s a n d Soc i ­

et ies ) a n d at t h e t i m e o f w r i t i n g had

f o u r s e c o n d e r s .

Papers c a m e d o w n at 6 p m last Fri­

day, at w h i c h p o i n t c a m p a i g n i n g was

o f f i c i a l l y a l l o w e d to b e g i n . H u s t i n g s

w i l l t a ke p l a c e next M o n d a y , Tuesday

a n d W e d n e s d a y at t h e t h r e e m a i n

c a m p u s e s .

Mountbatten Festival

F r o m W e d n e s d a y 10 February to Sun­

day 14 February , res t r i c t ions w i l l app ly

to K e n s i n g t o n G o r e , P r i n ce C o n s o r t

R o a d a n d t h e n o r t h e r n e n d s of

Q u e e n ' s G a t e a n d E x h i b i t i o n R o a d ,

d u e to t h e a n n u a l M o u n t b a t t e n Festi­

val o f M u s i c . T h e M e t have m a d e it

c lear that a n y b i cyc l es left u n a t t e n d e d

o r l o c k e d - u p in th i s a r e a w i l l b e

r e m o v e d .

Felix, Beit Quad , Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB Internal tel: 58072 Internal fax: 48072 External tel & fax: 0171 594 8072 URL: www.su.ic.ac.uk/Felix E-mail: felix@ic.ac.uk

Printed at M C P Litho Limited, Units B2 & B3, Hatton Square, 16 -16a Baldwins Gardens, London LC1N 7RJ Felix is a registered newspaper : ISSN 1040 - 0711

Felix is p roduced for and on behalf of Imperial Col lege Un ion Publication Board. Copyright © Feiix 1998. Photographic copyrights remain with photographers.

8 February 1999 News 3

Rag Pulls Out All The Stops Rag W e e k '99 has p r o v e d to b e o n e of

the most successfu l in ICU Rag history. A

total o f nearly £5000 has b e e n ra ised for

this year 's char i t ies, t hanks to a p l e t ho r a

o f events w h i c h t o o k p lace over t h e last

t w o weeks .

Hav ing k i cked o f f w i t h t h e S p o n ­

so red N u d e k a m i k a z e Pa rachute J u m p

a n d Variety S h o w ear l ier In t h e w e e k

(see Felix 1134), the f u n d r a i s l n g really

moved into gear w i th Wednesday ' s Street

Co l l ec t ion . In excess o f £800 w a s c o l ­

l ec ted d u r i n g t h e day , t h a n k s to t h e

man i c efforts o f the C a n o e a n d M o u n ­

t a i n e e r i n g C l u b s . A f u r t he r £200 w a s

a d d e d to the total v i a Thursday ' s h y p n o ­

t ism show , g i ven by f o r m e r Felix Editor

turned profess iona l hypnot ist Mar t in Tay­

lor - the highl ight of w h i c h w a s w h e n o n e

poor girl w a s c o n v i n c e d that s h e had to

kiss a r andom m a n in the a u d i e n c e every

t im e she hea rd t h e w o r d " p e a n u t s " .

O n e o f the mos t success fu l events ,

however , w a s the f i e l d C u p , w h i c h t o o k

p lace on Saturday 30 January. O r g a n i s e d

by City & Gu i lds U n i o n , t h e C u p is bas i­

cally a pub-crawl a r o u n d t h e local a rea .

Teams o f four s lowly w o r k e d the i r w a y

a r o u n d t h e g r u e l l i n g t h i r t e e n s t o p

course , w i n n i n g po in ts for tasks c o m ­

pleted in each pub , w i th b o n u s points for

fancy dress, masco t s a n d ' t reasure ' c o l ­

lected, fortunately, amidst the large-scale

c o l l e c t i o n o f S o u t h K e n m e m o r a b i l i a

(road s igns , traffic c o n e s , po l i c e e q u i p ­

ment and C C U mascots ) , t h e t e a m s d i d ­

n't forget t h e real r e a son o f Rag - ra is ing

m o n e y for charity - and near ly £1000 w a s

m a d e o n the day.

N o n e t h e l e s s , c o m p e t i t i o n fo r t h e

ma in prizes w a s very f ierce, w i th several

t e a m s h a r a n g u i n g t h e marsha l s we l l

into the n ight . Eventually, howeve r , t h e

w i n n e r s w e r e a n n o u n c e d by C & G U

Pres ident R e u b e n Conno l l y . The 'best

mascot ' pr ize w e n t to the 'F r idgefe l la ' s '

w h o , for b izar re r e a s o n s w h i c h they

re fused to m a k e clear, d e c i d e d to carry

a f r idge a r o u n d for t h e en t i re day -

even b r i n g i n g it into t h e U n i o n bar to

receive its p r i ze . The 'bes t f ancy dress '

award w e n t to 'Dr ink .Feck .Arse&Gi r l s '

w h o c a m e dressed as the cast o f Father

Ted ( comp le te w i th pet br ick a n d dog-

collars). The day 's t w o b igges t p r izes -

the mos t m o n e y ra i sed , a n d t h e C u p

i tse l f-went to 'Coconu ts don ' t migrate ' ,

w h o raised an Impress ive £166.51 dur­

ing the day.

Rag W e e k c u l m i n a t e d last M o n d a y

wi th ano the r C&G o r g a n i s e d event , the

Slave A u c t i o n . A p p r o x i m a t e l y t w e n t y

' lots ' w e r e o n of fer (most ly U n i o n o f f i ­

cers o f s o m e sort), se l l i ng 24 hou r s o f

their t im e in return for d o n a t i o n s to

charity. A l t h o u g h t h e s h o w started o f f

s lowly, w i th t h e first f e w s laves b e i n g

so ld for £10 - £20, t h i ngs h o t t e d u p

af ter ICU D e p u t y P r e s i d e n t M a r i e

By David Roberts N i c h o l a o u w a s d r a g g e d o n t o the stage,

to face a stiff b i d d i n g war b e t w e e n her

b o y f r i e n d a n d he r f oo tba l l t e a m . The

footba l l e rs even tua l l y w o n t h r o u g h , b id­

d i n g £52.50 for M a r i e to s p e n d her 24

hours c l e a n i n g the i r boo ts . B i d d i n g then

got into gear , w i th Felix Editor Ed Sexton,

C & G U D S O Sane l l a H o d z i c , ICU A c c o m ­

m o d a t i o n O f f i c e r N a t a s h a N e w t o n , a n d

C & G U Treasurer Ian C l i f ford all g o i n g for

In excess o f £50.

The star i t em , howeve r , w a s a ' job

lot ' w h i c h i n c l u d e d ICU Pres ident Dave

He l la rd , C & G U Pres ident R e u b e n C o n ­

nol ly, Phil B u c k m a n a n d Mat t T ibber . A

large g r o u p o f s tuden t s f o r m e d a c o n ­

sor t ium a n d o f f e red in excess of £200 for

a p e r f o r m a n c e o f the Full M o n t y - br ing­

ing the g r a n d tota l ra ised by the Auc t i on

up to near ly £900. O n M o n d a y e v e n i n g ,

t h e g r o u p du l y o b l i g e d , a n d their s h o w

w a s r e ce i v ed w i th a mix ture o f l aughter

a n d a p p l a u s e f r o m t h e a s s e m b l e d aud i­

e n c e .

A d d e d toge the r , t hese events have

p r o d u c e d a g r a n d total o f approx imate l y

£5000 for the four Rag char i t ies - Shelter,

Imperial Cancer Research , Avert a n d Trin­

ity H o s p i c e . A l t h o u g h this f igure pa les in

c o m p a r i s o n w i t h that ra i sed by o ther

univers i t ies a n d e v e n the IC M e d i c s , it

r epresen ts the first s tep t owa rds these

levels, a n d m o r e than trebles the a m o u n t

raised last year. A great dea l of praise has

b e e n g iven to Rag Chair Sarah Coburn for

her efforts in ensu r ing that Rag Week was

a success , w h o a d d s her o w n no te of

app rec i a t i on , "A b i g t hank y o u to every­

b o d y w h o t o o k part in , or h e l p e d w i th ,

any rag even t " .

HAIR SALON

C U T tic. B 1 , ( ) W D R Y

B Y O U R T O P S T Y L I S T S

&20 L A O I E S

&17 M E N Normal Price £35

ACCESS VISA MASTERCARD CASH CHEQUES

' S t i l l t h e b e s t s t u d e n t o f f e r ! '

15a Harrington Road

South Kensington

London SW7 3ES

(I Minute walk from

South Kensington Tube)

Telephone 0171 823 8968

News 8 February 1999

Machines that conceive of blue bananas The City & G u i l d s C e n t e n a r y L e c t u r e

s e r i e s g o t o f f t o a h i g h l y s u c c e s s f u l

start last w e e k , t h a n k s t o a ta lk f r o m

o n e o f IC's f o r e m o s t r e s e a r c h e n g i ­

n e e r s , Igor A l e x a n d e r . T h e l e c t u r e

se r i e s is d e s i g n e d to c o m m e m o r a t e

t h e c e n t e n a r y o f C & G U n i o n , a n d w i l l

h i g h l i g h t s o m e o f t h e m a j o r e n g i ­

n e e r i n g a c h i e v e m e n t s o f t h e last 100

years .

P r o f e s s o r A l e x a n d e r is o n e o f t h e

f o r e m o s t w o r l d a u t h o r i t i e s o n ar t i f i c ia l

i n t e l l i g e n c e , f r e q u e n t l y q u o t e d b o t h

o n TV a n d r ad i o , a n d c o m b i n e s th i s

w i t h t h e ro l e o f Pro-Rector . H i s ta lk ,

e n t i t l e d ' E n g i n e e r i n g in N a t u r e ( a n d

t h o s e w h o c r a c k e d it) ' f o c u s e d o n t h e

d e v e l o p m e n t o f A l o v e r t h e last f o r t y

years , a n d his c h a n g i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p

w i t h his s u b j e c t . H e w e n t t o u n i v e r s i t y

in S o u t h A f r i c a b e f o r e t h e days o f c o m ­

pu te r s a n d e v e n t r ans i s to r s , a n d t h u s ,

o n g r a d u a t i o n , h e e n v i s i o n e d a l i f e­

t i m e s p e n t d e s i g n i n g v a l v e a m p s .

Th is al l c h a n g e d a f te r h e h e a r d a

lec tu re o n c o m m u n i c a t i o n g i v e n by IC

P ro fesso r G l e n Che r r y , " w h i c h t a u g h t

m e that e n g i n e e r i n g p r i n c i p l e s c o u l d

b e a p p l i e d t o t h e s t u d y o f s o c i e t y " .

F r o m t h i s - s e e m i n g l y i n n o c u o u s -

b e g i n n i n g , h e s t a r t e d t o " e x a m i n e

By David Roberts

:y:':"/'L:'.>-':::

Photo: Courtesy of Imperial College

w h a t is m e a n t by e m o t i o n s a n d e x p e ­

r i e n c e " , a n d h o w , o n a m o r e p rac t i ca l

l e ve l , th i s c an b e a p p l i e d to r o b o t a n d

a n d r o i d d e s i g n .

In t h e ea r l y s ix t i e s , h e f o l l o w e d

c l o s e l y in t h e f o o t s t e p s o f MIT expe r t

W a r r e n M c C u l l o c h , w h o f irst d e v e l ­

o p e d t h e c o n c e p t o f c y b e r n e t i c s . But

t h e s e e a r l y c o n c e p t s w e r e n o t f o l ­

l o w e d t h r o u g h , t h a n k s to t h e "cu l t o f

t h e o m n i p o t e n t p r o g r a m m e r " - y o u n g

d e s i g n e r s w h o b e l i e v e d that t h e p r o ­

g r a m m e r c o u l d o v e r c o m e eve ry o b s t a ­

c le ( rather t h a n t h e m a c h i n e h a v i n g to

' l e a r n ' h o w to d e a l w i t h t h e m ) . T h u s ,

it w a s n o t u n t i l t w e n t y y e a r s a f t e r

M c C u l l o c h , in 1 9 6 3 , tha t A l e x a n d e r

d e s i g n e d t h e f i rst d i g i t a l n e u r o n e ,

w h i c h h a d t h e a b i l i t y t o g e n e r a l i s e

resu l ts a n d t u r n t h e m in to l e a r n i n g . By

a d d i n g s u c h n e u r o n e s t o g e t h e r h e

d e v e l o p e d s y s t e m s o f pa t t e rn r e c o g ­

n i t i o n , w h i c h , w h e n e m b e d d e d in

c o m p l e x f e e d b a c k l o o p s , g e n e r a t e s a

s i m p l e n e u r a l n e t w o r k .

T h e s e s y s t e m s h a v e n o w d e v e l ­

o p e d i n t o a p r o g r a m m e w i t h t h e a b i l ­

ity to i d e n t i f y s h a p e s a n d c o l o u r s ,

w h i c h a l l o w s a n a m a z i n g p e r c e p t i v e

ab i l i t y . P ro f A l e x a n d e r d e m o n s t r a t e d

th is w i t h a p i c t u r e o f a M a r t i a n l a n d ­

s c a p e ; g i v e n s o m e bas ic k n o w l e d g e o f

f e a t u r e s o n Earth, it c an d e t e c t rocks

a n d h i l l s i d e , a n d c a n t rack d o w n m o r e

i n t e r e s t i n g f ea tu res . M o r e impress i ve l y

s t i l l , it h a s t h e a b i l i t y t o ' v i s u a l i s e '

o b j e c t s it h a s n e v e r s e e n - w h i c h he

d e m o n s t r a t e d by a s k i n g t h e c o m p u t e r

to i m a g i n e a b l u e b a n a n a w i t h red

spo t s . Th is , h e be l i e ves , is t h e first s tep

o n t h e r o a d t o a ' c o n s c i o u s ' c o m p u t e r

- w h i c h , if h i s b o o k is t o b e b e l i e v e d ,

h e h a s d o n e , in t h e s h a p e o f a

m a c h i n e c a l l e d ' M a g n u s ' .

T h u s t h e r e w a s o n e m e s s a g e

w h i c h P r o f e s s o r A l e x a n d e r w a n t e d to

Impart o n his a u d i e n c e , " to be a n e n g i ­

n e e r is t o u n d e r s t a n d t h i n g s - e v e n

t h o s e tha t h a p p e n in n a t u r e " .

Staying in London over Easter? Student accommodation is available in Evelyn Gardens

from 27 March to 24 April 1999.

For information and an application form call into: The Conference Office

Watts Way Prince's Gardens

(next to Basics Pizzeria) reservations@ic.ac.uk 0171 594 9511 / 7

Rooms are limited so apply now to avoid disappointment!!

global opportunity

What is Investment B a n k i n g al l about?

g ive y o u a c o m p r e h e n s i v e i n s igh t in to w h o our c l i e n t s

f r o m the ve r y b e s t in the indus t r y , not to b e m i s s e d '

We w e l c o m e s t u d e n t s (both u n d e r g r a d u a t e a n d

dr i ven a n d w a n t to a c h i e v e , a n d w h o w a n t to a l i gn the i r

a s p i r a t i o n s a n d sk i l l s in g l oba l i n v e s t m e n t b a n k i n g .

International s tudents (in pa r t i cu la r f r o m E u r o p e

and A s i a Pac i f i c ) m a y be i n t e r e s t e d in f i n d i n g ou t a b o u t

p o s s i b l e o p p o r t u n i t i e s in t h e 5 7 c o u n t r i e s a l r eady

� '�>.<V:.«', ; � ' " ; , - . : :r . ' : : i o M i . . . .

Please c o n t a c t the F inance S o c i e t y f o r

further detai ls .

"I'm a lways

concerned about

how w e can do

or cheaper.

joined 1,1 M»r<,h itsit

C o r

snci kfrsnl out

Lee

D © u t s c h 6 Bsnk

6 ^ Iwiiniiir Letters, Valentines & Small Ads 8 February 1999

'Valentines Messages They'll be more messages and a Valentines feature in

next week's Felix. If you've got a message of your own

which you'd like us to print, email fellx@lcac.uk. or drop it

into Ihe office before Wednesday evening,

To Michelle Physics II Lots of love on 1'dentines "Day

J/our Secret Jldmirer

' Qareth N

still cries at a good film still kisses with saliva

thinking about you Martyn

Dearest C &ven though you re very smelly

and sometimes have a big pot belly I will love you all the same

you can guess my Udonis like name

I love my |

brick 1

Tim you dig my hole

xxx

I fioping I can be yours

love 8

Selective Reporting

Whilst w e apprec i a t e that sports reports

are on l y r e ce i ved by Felix o n a W e d n e s ­

day night, and may be 'ed i ted for length ' ,

w e d idn ' t real ise that m e a n t e d i t e d ou t

o f ex i s tence .

W e g o to every effort after m a t c h e s

to write reports that i n fo rm and enter ta in

p e o p l e a b o u t IC sport . So w h y is it that

in last w e e k ' s i ssue o f Felix at least t w o

p a g e s w e r e d e d i c a t e d to f i lms , arts,

mus i c a n d g a m e s whi ls t sport r e ce i ved

just over a page , i g n o r i n g a report wr i t­

ten by IC Ladies I h o c k e y ent ire ly .

This is not t h e on l y t ime that spor ts

t eams have b e e n d e n i e d c o v e r a g e in

fe l ix . W e use v a l u a b l e d r i n k i n g t i m e ,

us ing all o f our literary skill to wr i te t h e s e

reports, the least y o u c o u l d d o is print

t h e m .

Lots o f love

Ladies 1st XI H o c k e y

Sports reports, as with every other article

In Felix outside this letters page, may be

edited for length, breadth or content.

It Is difficult to judge how much

space to reserve for sport (usually the last

pages to be finished) - a problem that

obviously doesn't occur with the review

pages. Perhaps a mutually satisfactory

solution would be for sports teams to let

Felix know before Wednesday If they

are playing and If they are likely to sub­

mit a report (and If so, of what length).

Alternatively, If anyone wants to be a

Felix sport reporter...

Lots of love and Happy Valentines

Ed

Fire in Princes Garden

' n Sir,

Despi te c o l l e g e secur i ty e n f o r c i n g roll

. alls d u r i n g fire dril ls for the halls o f res­

idence , a n d m a k i n g no a t t empt to c o n ­

duct s u c h roll calls d u r i n g ac tua l a larms,

I have b e c o m e e v e n m o r e a l a r m e d by a

recent inc iden t that o c c u r r e d .

Science and Maths

Tutors Required

Sc i ence a n d M a t h s tu tors r equ i r ed In

f o n d o n a n d t h e H o m e C o u n t i e s .

Graduates only

Top rates.

Tel 0181 349 2148

(Top Tutors Agency)

At 1.20pm o n W e d n e s d a y 27th Jan­

uary I w a s re tu rn ing to my r o o m in a

Pr inces G a r d e n Hall w h e n I no t i ced that

o n e o f the k i tchens w a s full o f s m o k e

a n d the o v e n ins ide w a s still ful ly o n . M y

gi r l f r iend a n d I immed i a t e l y ac ted by try­

i n g to alert the p e o p l e in the n e i g h ­

b o u r i n g rooms , tu rn ing the oven of f and

t e l e p h o n i n g S o u t h s i d e Secur i ty . The

Secur i ty Of f i ce r s u g g e s t e d that the fire

d o o r s s h o u l d be o p e n e d so to clear the

s m o k e , desp i te t h e m constant ly r e m i n d ­

ing us not to p r o p o p e n fire doors . O n

r ea l i s i ng that th is w o u l d set o f f the

a la rms h e eventua l l y sa id that he w o u l d

c o m e over to dea l w i th this d a n g e r o u s

s i tua t ion . After w a i t i n g for 20 m inu tes

Secur i ty had not t u rned up .

I have s u b s e q u e n t l y f o u n d out that

another student w a s respons ib le for leav­

ing the o v e n o n after he had f in i shed

c o o k i n g a n d had left t h e bu i l d i ng . This

had caused a fat fi l led grill tray, inside the

oven , to gene ra te the s m o k e and po t en ­

tially p r o d u c e a fire.

I be l i e ve that this w a s a potent ia l ly

se r ious inc iden t that w a s s e c o n d s away

f r o m d e v e l o p i n g into s o m e t h i n g ser i­

ous . I w o u l d the re fo re very m u c h like a

r e s p o n s e f r o m Sou ths ide Security as to

w h a t they fee l is a se r ious threat to our

we l l b e i n g in Halls a n d an a n s w e r as to

why they d id not respond to a ser ious fire

w a r n i n g .

Yours faithful ly,

A c o n c e r n e d res ident .

Well, security, we are waiting...

A concerned Ed

Owning Up, Are We?

I w o u l d like to write to c la im responsibi l ty

for the letter (Who's Afra id o f the QT) last

w e e k a b o u t t h e Estates D e p a r t m e n t .

The letter w a s a n o n y m o u s d u e to the

fact that I fo rgot to s ign it. So, it w a s m e

... T im Wr ight .

T im Wr ight

( C o m p u t i n g 4 & C a v i n g Club)

ICU Bunac Soc \

Bunac wi l l have an i n fo rma t i on stall in

the U n i o n foyer, this and every Friday

12 :15-1 :45

contac t A n g e l a Parkin

a.parkJn@lc.ac.uk

City & Guilds College

Union Bar Night!

6pm Tuesday 9 February, Union Bar

Grab an Exec m e m b e r for a f ree pint!

Right to Reply IC School of M e d i c i n e Un ion President

Wade Gayed w o u l d like to explain the

events surrounding the ICSMSU Rag Dash,

wh i ch has created so m u c h contropversy

in recent weeks .

"The pan ic a n d upset w h i c h w a s

caused by my act ions deep ly upsets me ,

and M i k e Smith and myself appo log i se

unreservedly for any harm w e may have

done . However , on the Friday even ing

[immediately after the eventl, w e were led

to bel ieve that the Circle Line Pub Crawl

and the Invasion of f o n d o n - our two key

events - were in danger , and were put

under pressure to take act ion. It saddens

m e that s o m e students don't think they

were be ing suppor ted - I'm always there

for every medical student, and at the t ime

I was led to believe that I was acting in the

interests of the students. We ensured that

Rag Week could continue, and the student

reaction a l lowed the rest of Rag to g o

ahead without further incident.

Silwood Party

19 February, 5 pm - 6am

Psych trance party with

2am bar & music 'til 6am

from two top DJ's.

Tickets £3

Phone 01344 294220

Deadline for letters is

12noon Wednesday.

Let ters m a y b e e d i t e d fo r l e n g t h ,

b u t w i l l n o t b e a l t e r e d in a n y o t h e r

w a y . f e t t e r s n e e d n o t b e s i g n e d ,

bu t a s w i p e c a rd m u s t b e s h o w n

when submitting

anonymous letters.

The Week Ahead

Monday

Games Meeting 12.30pm

Film Meeting 1pm

News Meeting 12pm

Clubscene 12pm

Phoenix Meeting 12pm

Friday

News Meeting 1.20pm

Music Meeting 1.30pm

THE MOST SUCCESSFUL NIGHT AT IMPERIAL

A SPECTACULAR NIGHT OF FOOD, SONG & DANCE

F R I D A Y 1 2 t h F E B R U A R Y 1 9 9 9

GREAT HALL, SHERFIELD BUILDING.

IMPERIAL COLLEGE

B R O U G H T T O Y O U BY:

i C U IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION

Tickets available NO £12-Full ticket (Foo £7 - Food Fair and A1

Columns 8 February 1999

Voice from America

As I h a v e m e n t i o n e d b e f o r e , m y

d e d i c a t i o n to y o u , d e a r r e a d e r ,

is a b s o l u t e . C o n s e q u e n t l y I f i n d

myse l f s t r a n d e d o n t h e s l o p e s o f s o m e

C o l o r a d o sk i r eso r t , b u t I'm g r i t t i n g

m y t e e t h a n d m a k i n g t h e b e s t o f it. I

sha l l not b o r e y o u w i t h t h e de ta i l s , bu t

o b v i o u s l y th i s c o l u m n w i l l c o n c e n t r a t e

o n o u r c h u m s o n t h e w r o n g s i d e o f

t h e p o n d . H a v i n g n e v e r b e e n t h i s far

w e s t b e f o r e , a f e w t h i n g s h a v e s t r u c k

m e . Firstly, y o u , as I d i d , m a y t h i n k that

all th i s " H a v e a n i c e day " m a l a r k e y is

a t a d d i s i n g e n u o u s . N o t t r u e , t h e y

rea l ly d o m e a n it.

M u c h as it p a i n s m e to a d m i t it,

t h e leve l o f c u s t o m e r s e r v i c e r e c e i v e d

o v e r h e r e w o u l d n o t b e f o u n d in

Bl ighty. It is a l m o s t e m b a r r a s s i n g w h e n

p e o p l e m o v e H e a v e n a n d Earth to rec­

tify p r o b l e m s fo r w h i c h t h e y a r e in n o

w a y w h a t s o e v e r r e s p o n s i b l e . G o d

b l ess ' e m ! A t r ip to t h e S ta tes w o u l d

not b e c o m p l e t e w i t h o u t a p e r u s a l o f

the i r p h e n o m e n a l p l e t h o r a o f TV c h a n ­

ne l s . N e v e r in t h e f i e l d o f l i gh t e n t e r ­

t a i n m e n t h a s s o m u c h b e e n p r o d u c e d

by s o m a n y fo r s o l i t t le s o b a d l y . It is

t t ue to say tha t a l l t h e g o o d US t e l e ­

v i s i o n is a l r e a d y o v e r h e r e , a n d If t h e

r e m a i n d e r o f f e r s a v i s i o n o f o u r o w n

b rave n e w w o r l d o f d i g i t a l t e l e v i s i o n ,

i n c l u d e m e o u t . M i n o r n i g g l e s a s i d e ,

it a m i g h t y f i n e c o u n t r y ( h ad t o say

that , b e c a u s e a h u g e b l o k e h a s j us t

e n t e r e d t h e c a b l e car...)

O f c o u r s e , as y o u w o u l d i m a g i n e ,

it is i m p o s s i b l e to a v o i d t h e I m p e a c h ­

m e n t t r i a l . T h o u g h its g l o b a l c o v e r ­

a g e o f n e w s has t r a d i t i o n a l l y b e e n o n

a par w i t h E x c h a n g e & M a r t , C N N is

c o v e r i n g

a b s o l u t e l y n o t h i n g

bu t , a n d c o n s e ­

q u e n t l y it c a n

b e g i n to b e c o m e a

t r i f l e t e d i o u s .

Ra re l y a r e s u c h

p r o t r a c t e d w a r s o f

a t t r i t i o n r i v e t i n g

t e l e v i s i o n , bu t th i s

is s e t t i ng n e w s t an­

d a r d s in t e d i u m , a

po i n t w h i c h s e e m s

to b e b e i n g

a c k n o w l e d g e d by

m a n y c o m m e n t a t o r s ; t h e n u t s a n d

bo l ts o f t h e S e n a t e tr ia l a r e so d u l l , it

b e c o m e s n e c e s s a r y to ta lk u p a n y n e w

r e v e l a t i o n , h o w e v e r n e b u l o u s , t o a

po i n t o f f r e n z y . By c o m p a r i s o n , M u r ­

ray Wa lke r a n d Peter S n o w a re m o d e l s

o f res t ra in t .

At t h e e n d o f t h e day, th i s is ha rd l y

s u r p r i s i n g , s i n c e e v e r y o n e a l r e a d y

k n o w s t h e o u t c o m e . D o y o u g e t

e x c i t e d by a b y-e l e c t l on in B a r n s l e y

or K e n s i n g t o n a n d C h e l s e a ? P r ec i se l y .

C l i n t o n w i l l no t b e i m p e a c h e d u n l e s s

111

"...Clinton will not be

impeached unless

some new revelation

emerges about him

engaging in sexual

congress with farmyard

animals..."

s o m e n e w r e v e l a t i o n e m e r g e s a b o u t

h i m e n g a g i n g in s e x u a l c o n g r e s s w i t h

f a r m y a r d a n i m a l s ( t h o u g h w i t h t h e

p u l c h r i t u d i n o u s M s L e w i n s k y a l r e a d y

i m p l i c a t e d , it c a n n o t b e ru l ed ou t c o m ­

p le te l y ) . T h e R e p u b l i c a n s c a n d i c t a t e

e v e r y a s p e c t

o f t h e t r i a l ,

b e c a u s e o f

t h e i r S e n a t e

ma jo r i t y ,

t h u s a f f o r d ­

i n g t h e

o p p o r t u n i t y

t o h e a p t h e

m a x i m u m

a m o u n t o f

e m b a r r a s s ­

m e n t o n t h e

P r e s i d e n t .

But, w h e n al l

t h e m u d has

b e e n s l u n g ,

t h e y w i l l n o t

b e a b l e t o

s e c u r e t h e

two- th i rds

ma jo r i t y n e c ­

e s s a r y t o

b o o t h i m

o u t . T h e y a re

p l a y i n g a

r i sky g a m e : t h e m o r e t h e y a t tack , t h e

m o r e t h e A m e r i c a n p e o p l e s t a n d

b e h i n d t h e i r P r e s i d e n t in a n act o f

a m a z i n g loya l ty .

If t h a t w e r e n o t d a n g e r o u s

e n o u g h , D a n ' P o t a t o e ' Q u a y l e is m a k ­

i n g n o i s e s a b o u t s e e k i n g t h e R e p u b ­

l i c a n P r e s i d e n t i a l n o m i n a t i o n . T h e

C o n s e r v a t i v e s h a v e b e e n a c c u s e d o f

l o s i n g e l e m e n t s o f the i r po l i t i ca l savvy,

bu t s u c h u n f o r t u n a t e s l i ps p a l e i n to

i n s i g n i f i c a n c e

a g a i n s t w h a t c o u l d

b e o n e o f t h e m o s t

d i s a s t r o u s m o v e s

in W e s t e r n po l i t i ca l

h i s to ry . D e s p i t e a l l

t h i s , as l o n g as

C l i n t o n c o n t i n u e s

to w e a r t h e t e f l o n

o v e r c o a t , b o t h h e

a n d t h e D e m o c r a t s

a r e s a f e . A s f o r

C N N , I w i l l b e

f o r c e d t o w a t c h

Q V C at th i s ra te .

etc. ) , s u c h a c t i o n s a re p e r f e c t l y l e g a l

a n d are ca r r i ed ou t in a c c o r d a n c e w i t h

al l t h e r e l e van t g u i d e l i n e s . T h e a r t i c l e

m e n t i o n s that t h e e m p l o y e e has b e e n

i m p r i s o n e d , bu t it d o e s n o t exp l i c i t l y

say w h e t h e r h e is ' f o r m e r ' by v i r t u e o f

Simon Baker t h i s

T h i s

s e e m

p o i n t ,

g i v e n

c a s e ,

m a y

a s i l l y

b u t

t h e

: 0 :;:

Voice of Reason

IC Incompetents

h e a r f r o m m y f r i e n d s o n IC D i s­

torter that a f o r m e r m e m b e r o f staff

f r o m R P M S h a s b e e n c a u g h t w i t h

the i r f i n g e r s in t h e t i l l , r e s u l t i n g in a 12

m o n t h s o j o u r n at H e r M a j e s t y ' s p l e a ­

s u r e . T h a n k f u l l y , f r a u d is fa i r ly ra re at

I m p e r i a l : t h o u g h m o n e y is m i s a p p r o ­

p r i a t e d o n a g r a n d s ca l e ( f l o w e r b e d s

w a y e m p l o y ­

e e s a re h a n ­

d l e d by

C o l l e g e , it is

a v e r y l e g i t i ­

m a t e q u e s ­

t i o n . It h a s

l o n g b e e n

sa id t h e o n l y

w a y IC w o u l d

d i s m i s s a

m e m b e r o f

s ta f f is i f t h e y

b u r n t d o w n

S h e r f i e l d a n d

m a s s a c r e d

t h e G o v e r n ­

i n g b o d y .

M o s t

p e o p l e at

I m p e r i a l ,

w h o h a v e b e e n h e r e fo r a f e w yea r s ,

c o u l d ratt le o f f a list o f p e o p l e w h o s e

c o n t i n u i n g e m p l o y m e n t is s o u r c e o f

g r e a t m y s t e r y . W h y s h o u l d t h i s be?

C lea r l y , t h e o c c u p a t i o n o f p o s i t i o n s

by i n c o m p e t e n t staf f d o e s n o b o d y a n y

f a v o u r s , a s i d e f r o m t h e i n d i v i d u a l s

t h e m s e l v e s . D o w e h a v e f e a r s o m e l y

p o w e r f u l t r ade u n i o n s ? N o t real ly . T h e

c a u s e o f t h e p r o b l e m is t h e P e r s o n n e l

d i v i s i o n . T h o u g h the

d i r e c t o r , M a r i o n

K i m b e r l y , is h i g h l y

r e g a r d e d , th i s h e a v ­

i l y-s ta f f ed d e p a r t ­

m e n t s e e m s

d e t e r m i n e d to f rus­

trate t h e act iv i t ies o f

e v e r y d e p a r t m e n t

w h e n d e a l i n g w i t h

p r o b l e m e m p l o y ­

ees . This o f t e n l eads

o n e to s u s p e c t tha t

Imper ia l is r u n n i n g a

c h a r i t y , p r o v i d i n g

g a i n f u l e m p l o y m e n t

for p e o p l e t h e rest o f t h e w o r l d w o u l d

no t t o u c h w i t h a b a r g e p o l e . Q u i t e

w h y a n y o n e w o u l d j o i n a t r a d e u n i o n

h e r e is a mys te r y : s a ve t h o s e u n i o n

s u b s a n d let P e r s o n n e l p e o p l e k e e p

y o u in a j o b fo r l i f e .

Th i s m a y s e e m l o b e a n i r r e l e ­

v a n c e to s t u d e n t s , bu t w e al l s u f f e r

f r o m t h e c o n t i n u e d p r e s e n c e o f t en th-

rate staf f . N e e d l e s s to say, they ' l l b e

f a l l i n g o u t t h e i r p r a m s in S h e r f i e l d

h a v i n g r e a d w h a t I h a v e jus t w r i t t e n ,

s a y i n g that it is m o n s t r o u s l y u n f a i r o f

m e to d e c r y o u r h a r d w o r k i n g s ta f f in

th i s m a n n e r . I s h o u l d no t h a v e to t a ck

o n that m o s t o f o u r staf f a re g o o d a n d

s o m e a r e t ru l y o u t s t a n d i n g , b e t h e y

a c a d e m i c o r o t h e r w i s e , b u t t h e

i n e v i t a b l e h y s t e r i c a l r e s p o n s e v i n d i ­

ca tes m y p o i n t . T h e y a c k n o w l e d g e the

p r o b l e m but h a v e n o d e s i r e to rect i fy

t h e s i t u a t i o n .

N o w I a m b a c k o n th i s s c e p t r e d

i s le , I c o u l d n ' t h e l p n o t i c i n g t h e let ter

in last w e e k ' s f e l i x f r o m ' A n o n ' . N o r ­

m a l l y I d o n o t b o t h e r to c o m m e n t o n

l e t te rs w r i t t e n by p e o p l e s o g u t l e s s to

a t t a c h t h e i r n a m e to t h e v i e w s , but I'll

m a k e a n e x c e p t i o n h e r e . That s o m e ­

o n e s h o u l d w r i t e a le t ter a b o u t u n a c ­

c e p t a b l e s ta f f b e h a v i o u r jus t as I have

t a c k l e d t h e s a m e i s s u e a l m o s t i m p l i e s

a put-up j o b , bu t I c an a s s u r e y o u that

I d i d n ' t w r i t e it - I c a n s p e l l . N o n e o f

us, o f c o u r s e , a re a l w a y s s w e e t n e s s

p e r s o n i f i e d in o u r d e a l i n g s w i t h ou r

f e l l o w m a n , b u t t h e a n s w e r A n o n

r e c e i v e d to a p e r f e c t l y c iv i l r e s p o n s e

b e g g a r s be l i e f . It is a s t o u n d i n g that w e

h a v e s u c h a r u d e , o b s t r u c t i v e p e r s o n

o n t h e p a y r o l l , a n d it is s u r e l y o n l y a

m a t t e r o f t i m e b e f o r e t h i s p e r s o n

rea l l y pu t s h is or h e r f o o t in it a n d

a n n o y s s o m e o n e rea l ly i m p o r t a n t ; s tu­

d e n t s , natura l ly , a re t h e l owes t f o r m of

l i fe a n d as s u c h c a n b e t r e a t e d l ike

dirt, or so it says h e r e in t h e s ta f f m a n ­

u a l . W h i l e I'm n o t h o l d i n g m y b r e a t h ,

s o m e p r e v i o u s i n c i d e n t s o f s t a f f

b e h a v i n g b a d l y h a v e b e e n i n v e s t i ­

g a t e d by t h e d i r e c to r r e s p o n s i b l e after

t h e y h a v e b e e n m e n t i o n e d in th i s

h u m b l e c o l u m n , s o w e sha l l h a ve to

w a i t a n d s e e . W h a t say y o u , Ian?

"... Imperial is running

a charity, providing

gainful employment

for people the rest of

the world would not

touch with a barge

pole..."

Cash for

Courtyards

Si p e a k i n g o f Ian

C a l d w e l l , h e

has t a k e n a lot

o f st ick, m a i n l y f r o m

m e , a b o u t t h e

l a r g e s s e o f Es ta tes

in m a t t e r s h o r t i c u l ­

t u r a l . H e a n d y o u

w i l l d o u b t l e s s be

r e l i e v e d to h e a r that

a b u i l d i n g h a s jus t o p e n e d that m a k e s

t h e pa l a t i a l B M S a n d a t t e n d a n t l a n d ­

s c a p i n g s e e m l i ke a N i s s e n hut o n an

a l l o t m e n t . Po r t cu l l i s H o u s e , t h e n e w

o f f i c e b l o c k fo r M P s , has e m e r g e d as

t h e m o s t e x p e n s i v e b u i l d i n g in Br i ta in

in t e r m s o f cos t p e r use r . O f t h e £250

m i l l i o n t o t a l c o s t , £200, 000 w e n t o n

p l an t s fo r c o u r t y a r d r e s t au r an t , w i t h a

f u r t h e r £1.2 m i l l i o n o n p a v i n g . The

s c u r r i l o u s r u m o u r s tha t Estates a c t e d

as c o n s u l t a n t s to t h e p r o j e c t a re

e n t i r e l y f a l s e .

8 February 1999 Columns 9

Malaysian Focus All Eyes Turn to Kuala Lumpur As Celebration Ends

On e o f t h e major e v e n t s d u r i n g

the Eid-u-Fitr c e l eb ra t i on w h i c h

was w i d e l y h i g h l i g h t e d by t h e

Malays ian local m e d i a w a s that 40,000 vis­

itors tu rned up at the P r ime Min is te r ' s

off icial r es idence , Sri Pe rdana , for the

annua l o p e n h o u s e feast . The P M , Dr.

Maha th i r h imse l f w a s q u o t e d to have

b e e n "rather su rpr i sed " at t h e k ind o f

recept ion rece ived a n d stated that it w a s

a s h o w o f suppor t for t h e present gov­

e rnment , desp i t e m o n t h s o f e c o n o m i c

uncer ta in ty a n d pol i t i ca l unres t . Inter­

estingly e n o u g h , abou t a mi le away f r o m

Sri P e rdana , t h o u s a n d s o f M a l a y s i a n s

a l so g a t h e r e d for a s im i l a r o c c a s i o n

hos ted by Dr. W a n A z i z a h , the w i f e o f

inca rce ra ted o p p o s i t i o n a n d so-cal led

r e f o r m m o v e m e n t l e a d e r , A n w a r

Ibrahim.

Fo l l ow ing a w e e k ' s b reak d u e to t h e

M u s l i m c e l e b r a t i o n , Dr. M a h a t h i r

r e s u m e d w o r k by m e e t i n g Eu ropean a n d

A m e r i c a n f u n d m a n a g e r s in K u a l a

Lumpur . It w a s s p e c u l a t e d b e f o r e h a n d

that the M a l a y s i a n p r e m i e r w o u l d

NlkBHafiz

a n n o u n c e the l ift ing o f

t h e c ap i t a l c o n t r o l

m e a s u r e s Imp le­

m e n t e d last S e p t e m ­

ber d u e to pressures

by f o r e i g n i nves to r s .

T h e I m p l e m e n t a t i o n o f s u c h con t ro l s

m e a n t that t hese investors w e r e u n a b l e

t o w i t h d r a w the i r m o n e y or capi ta l f r o m

the Malays ian markets for o n e year. How­

ever , t h e P M d id not h e e d to these pres­

s u r e s a n d i n s t e a d o n l y d e c l a r e d t h e

possibi l i ty o f i m p o s i n g a n exit tax in order

to e n s u r e a m o d e r a t e o u t f l o w of capital

c o m e S e p t e m b e r 1999.

The a n n o u n c e m e n t o f a raise in tol l

rates by the g o v e r n m e n t after the C h i ­

n e s e N e w Year was , unders tandably , not

w a r m l y a c c e p t e d by Ma lays i ans in g e n ­

era l . D u r i n g t h e s e hard t i m e s o f e c o ­

n o m i c d o w n t u r n a n d i n f l a t i on at 5.3

percent , f r equen t h i g h w a y users had to

e n d u r e a n inc rease o f a lmos t 40 per­

cent . The oppos i t ion parties and non-gov­

e r n m e n t organ isa t ions

(NGOs ) quickly f o r m e d

iiminniii mi i a n a l l iance , the Coali-

� M ^ — t ion for Anti-Toll (CAT)

™ to p ro tes t ove r th is

un t ime l y act. This w a s

s u c c e e d e d wi th sporad ic demons t ra t ions

b e i n g h e l d at tol l p l azas all o ve r t h e

count ry . As a result , t h e g o v e r n m e n t

b a c k e d d o w n a n d r e d u c e d t h e rates.

The P M a lso d e c i d e d that 20 h i g h w a y

projects are to b e de f e r r ed as the s a m e

t h i n g sha l l h a p p e n a g a i n a n d a g a i n ,

"once a h i g h w a y is built a n d tol ls are

i m p o s e d , t h e n t he r e a re pro tes ts a n d

p e o p l e d o not wan t to pay".

In t h e latest d e v e l o p m e n t o f t h e

A n w a r Ibrahim saga , the a c c u s e d w a s

o rde red by the H igh Court Judge , A u g u s ­

t ine Paul to d e f e n d h imse l f after ru l ing

that the state p r o s e c u t i o n d i d have a

c a se over the c o r r u p t i o n o f p o w e r

charges . The trial wil l r e s u m e o n 8 Feb­

ruary a l l ow ing o n e w e e k for the d e f e n s e

lawyers to p repa re for w h a t mus t be the

mos t an t i c ipa ted s e g m e n t o f the trial.

Anwar h imse l f c h o s e to be in the wi tness

box w h i l e his d e f e n s e t e a m d i s c l osed

that Dr . M a h a t h i r a n d a f e w o t h e r

Ma lays ian VIPs wi l l a lso be s u m m o n e d to

testify. A m i d this d e c i s i o n by the court ,

f resh d e m o n s t r a t i o n s ca l l ing for re fo rms

b roke out in the cen t re o f t h e Ma lays i an

capita l after a lmos t 3 m o n t h s of relative

p e a c e a n d qu ie t . T h e w e e k be fo re , the

Cab ine t r evea l ed that a n i n d e p e n d e n t

c o m m i s s i o n cons i s t i ng o f a fo rmer Attor­

ney-Genera l , 2 re t i red j u d g e s a n d a n

o r t h o p a e d i c s u r g e o n w a s to b e estab­

l i s h e d to p r o b e in to t h e b e a t i n g s

e n d u r e d by A n w a r I b r ah im w h i l e in

po l i ce cus tody . This f o l l o w e d a report by

a p o l i c e i n v e s t i g a t i n g b o d y that c o n ­

c l u d e d s o m e o f t h e injur ies sus ta ined by

the ex-deputy p remie r wh i l e in de ten t ion

w a s the result o f b e i n g b e a t e n by the

po l i ce . Mys te r ious ly , the ident i t ies o f the

p o l i c e m a n or p o l i c e m e n invo l ved w e r e

u n k n o w n unti l n o w .

Fifty Years On This year Felix celebrates its golden anniversary. In the first of a

series of articles, Ed Sexton looks at how it all began.

Th e first i s sue o f Fel ix a p p e a r e d in

the c o r r i d o r s o f Impe r i a l C o l l e g e

o n t h e m o r n i n g o f F r i d a y 9

D e c e m b e r , 1949 . C o s t i n g 3 o l d p e n c e

( abou t t h e s a m e as t h e c a k e s o n sa l e

in t h e N e w L o u n g e , a c c o r d i n g to a let­

ter f e a t u r e d in that i s sue ) , it a p p e a r s t o

have b e e n w e l l r e c e i v e d by t h e c o l ­

l e g e , w i t h all 600 c o p i e s b e i n g s o l d

b e f o r e 1 0 a m . S o m e c o p i e s w e r e e v e n

s o l d o n t h e b l a c k m a r k e t , f o r 4 p e n c e ,

p r o m p t i n g t h e e d i t o r s t o i n c r e a s e t h e

c o p y n u m b e r t o 1000 f o r t h e s e c o n d

i s sue in 1950.

The f irst i s s u e c o n s i s t e d o f th i r ­

t e e n t y p e d p a g e s a n d a h a n d - d r a w n

cove r p a g e . T h e r e a s o n f o r f o u n d i n g

Fel ix w a s s u m m e d u p b y t h e f irst e d i ­

tor , o n e E M H u g h e s , as f o l l o w s :

"The n e e d h a s b e e n fe l t f o r s o m e

t i m e for a f r e q u e n t l y p u b l i s h e d j o u r n a l

t o c o m m e n t u p o n t h e a f f a i r s o f t h e

C o l l e g e wh i l s t t h e y are still t o p i c a l , a n d

to b r i n g to t h e a t t e n t i o n o f its m e m ­

bers t h e ac t i v i t i es o f C l u b s a n d S o c i ­

e t i e s o f w h i c h p e o p l e at p r e s e n t k n o w

l itt le, a n d k n o w i n g l i t t le, t e n d to c a r e

e v e n less . "

N o c h a n g e

t h e r e , t h e n .

At t h e t i m e

I m p e r i a l a l r e a d y

h a d o n e s t u d e n t

p u b l i c a t i o n

P h o e n i x . F o u n d e d

by H G W e l l s in

1886 , P h o e n i x w a s

i n t e n d e d to b e a

m a g a z i n e fo r c l u b s

a n d s o c i e t i e s . Its

s o m e w h a t

e p h e m e r a l a p p e a r ­

a n c e , h o w e v e r , w a s

o n e o f t h e r e a s o n s

for t h e f o r m a t i o n o f

Fel ix:

"This is a f u n c ­

t i o n w h i c h c l e a r l y

c a n n o t b e p e r ­

f o r m e d by T H E

P H O E N I X , p a r t i c u ­

la r l y s i n c e t h a t

e s t i m a b l e b i r d is

n o w to a p p e a r o n l y

t w i c e a year , a n d so

Fe l ix h a s c o m e to BVgMY FORTNIGHT

m e e t t h e n e e d . W e

d o n o t i n t e n d to

e n c r o a c h u p o n t h e

l i t e ra r y f i e l d c o v ­

e r e d by THE

PHOEN IX ; rather d o

w e i n t e n d to b e

c o m p l e m e n t a r y t o

that j o u r n a l , e v e n if

no t a lways c o m p l i ­

m e n t a r y . " O h , t h e

wi t .

Fe l ix r a p i d l y

t o o k m u c h o f

P h o e n i x ' s r a i s o n

d 'e t re , bu t P h o e n i x

st i l l c o n t i n u e s

u n d e r t h e g u i s e o f

Imper ia l ' s arts m a g ­

a z i n e , n o w p r o ­

d u c e d o n a n

a n n u a l b a s i s ( in

fact , t h e e d i t o r s a re

l o o k i n g for c o n t r i ­

b u t i o n s n o w :

p h o e n i x @ i c . a c . u k ) .

A s a l w a y s ,

f i n a n c e s w e r e h i g h

o n t h e U n i o n ' s a g e n d a , a n d c a s h f l o w

p r o b l e m s fo r c l u b ac t i v i t i e s w e r e no t

u n h e a r d o f . T h e a l t r u i s t i c H u g h e s

d e c i d e d that " any p ro f i t s m a d e by t h e

p a p e r a re to b e d e v o t e d to Spor ts Day,

s i n c e it a p p e a r s tha t t h e U n i o n is n o w

s o i m p e c u n i o u s tha t it m a y b e u n a b l e

to s u b s i d i s e c o a c h e s a n d t ea s o n that

i m p o r t a n t o c c a s i o n . " ICU's b e v e r a g e s

a l so c a m e in for c r i t i c i sm o n t h e letters

p a g e ; "Sir, In a m i l d sort o f w a y I w o u l d

l i ke t o r eg i s t e r a b i t te r p ro tes t a b o u t

t h e U n i o n b e e r . P e r h a p s o n e o f ou r

o w n t a m e e n t o m o l o g i s t s c o u l d rec­

o m m e n d to ou r so c a l l e d B r e w e r s a

m o r e v i r i l e t y p e o f Gna t . " Ful l t o t h e

b r i m w i t h a i l i n g p u n s , t h e let ter w a s

s i g n e d " U l c e r a t e d " .

F ina l l y , w h a t o f t h e n a m e , n o w

ha l f a c e n t u r y o ld ? T h e o n l y r e f e r e n c e

to its o r i g in is c o n t a i n e d in a s o m e w h a t

c ryp t i c r e m a r k in t h e e d i t o r i a l ; "A d e b t

o f g ra t i tude is o w e d to F C Ewels for his

s u g g e s t i o n o f a t i t l e . H e s h a l l b e

r e w a r d e d w i t h a s a u c e r o f mi lk . " M o r e

l ike ly , I s u s p e c t , h e r e c e i v e d a p in t o f

b e e r .

10 Columns 8 February 1999

No t h i n g t as tes g o o d u n l e s s it c o n t a i n s fat or

s u g a r . I k n o w th i s is n o t v e r y po l i t i c a l l y co r­

rect , bu t I h o n e s t l y can ' t t h i n k o f a s i n g l e

e x c e p t i o n . Y o u m a y h a v e n o t i c e d tha t m o s t o f t h e

r e c i pes I've f e a t u r e d In th i s c o l u m n h a v e c o n t a i n e d

a g e n e r o u s h e l p i n g o f c r e a m , o i l , bu t te r , or al l t h r e e .

I'm o n e o f t h o s e a n n o y i n g p e o p l e w h o c a n ea t

e n o r m o u s q u a n t i t i e s o f f o o d , w i t h o u t p u t t i n g o n

w e i g h t . M y c o o k i n g t e n d s t o w a r d s m a x i m u m f lavour ,

w h a t e v e r t h e d a m a g e . If y o u ' r e m o r e c a l o r i e c o n ­

s c i o u s t h a n I a m , I'm a f r a i d th i s w e e k ' s r e c i p e s a r e

par t i cu la r l y f a t t e n i n g .

Fruit Cake

Ca k e is t h e u l t i m a t e e x a m p l e o f

t h e Joy tha t is fat a n d s u g a r

c o m b i n e d . Th i s is t h e n i c e s t

fruit c ake r e c i p e I've f o u n d . It's rea l ly K^r*§m^>

mois t , bu t n o t u n p l e a s a n t l y s w e e t . E ven if y o u ' r e n o t

n o r m a l l y k e e n o n f ru i t c a k e , y o u m i g h t f i n d y o u l ike

this o n e . If y o u a l r eady have t h e s p i c e s etc, y o u c o u l d

m a k e th is fo r o n l y a f e w p o u n d s , w e l l w i t h i n e v e n

t h e t i gh tes t b u d g e t .

8 o z But ter

8 o z Sof t b r o w n s u g a r

2 tbs T r eac l e

4 Eggs

12 o z F lour

1 t sp B a k i n g p o w d e r

1 t sp G r o u n d c l o v e s

1 t sp C i n n a m o n

1 t sp N u t m e g

4 o z G r o u n d A l m o n d s

8 o z C u r r e n t s

8 o z Ra is ins

8 o z Su l t anas

2.5 fl o z M i l k

J u i ce o f a n o r a n g e

G r e a s e a 20 c m r o u n d c a k e t i n , a n d l i ne w i t h

g r e a s e p r o o f pape r . C r e a m the but te r (I a lways s o f t e n

it by h e a t i n g in t h e m i c r o w a v e fo r 10 s e c o n d s ) , t h e n

bea t in t h e suga r . Stir in t h e t r eac l e , t h e n g i ve every­

t h i n g a g o o d m ix . A d d t h e e g g s o n e at a t i m e .

Mushroom Sauce

Cooks Corner

dJ

Break e a c h e g g in to a c u p a n d bea t w i t h a fork, t h e n

f o l d i n t o t h e m i x t u r e w i t h a t a b l e s p o o n o f f l ou r . Fo ld

in the r e m a i n i n g f lour , c o m b i n e d w i t h the sp i c e s a n d

b a k i n g p o w d e r . Finally, a d d the fruit, mi lk a n d o r a n g e

j u i c e .

B a k e at 160°C or g a s m a r k 3 for two-and-a-half

h o u r s . Rest a p i e c e o f fo i l o ve r t h e t in for t h e last

h o u r , t o p r e v e n t a th i ck crust . M a k e s u r e that t h e

c a k e is left t o c o o l c o m p l e t e l y b e f o r e c u t t i n g . W a r m

c a k e is rea l l y c r u m b l y , a n d not nea r l y as g o o d .

�Mk <-Sk

Hr*

I I P -^^w

Mu s h r o o m s a re o n e o f m y

f a v o u r i t e i n g r e d i e n t s .

T h e y ' r e b e s t c o o k e d in

s o m e k i n d o f s a u c e . T h e bes t t h i n g

a b o u t m u s h r o o m s is that t h e y s o a k

u p l o a d s o f bu t t e r , t a k i n g o n a f an t a s t i c m e l l o w

f l a vou r that g o e s w e l l w i t h pre t ty m u c h a n y t h i n g . I

rare ly b u y m u s h r o o m s f r o m t h e m a r k e t . T h e s u p e r ­

m a r k e t s t o c k is a l w a y s m u c h be t t e r qua l i t y , w e l l

w o r t h t h e ex t r a e x p e n s e .

To m a k e a b a s i c s a u c e , start by m e l t i n g a g e n ­

e r o u s k n o b o f b u t t e r ( a b o u t 50g ) s l o w l y in a s m a l l

p a n . S l ice 5 m e d i u m m u s h r o o m s th in l y . H e a t g e n ­

tly for a b o u t 5 m i n u t e s unt i l t h e y t u r n a m e d i u m

b r o w n c o l o u r , l o s i n g t h e s o f t n e s s o f r a w m u s h ­

r o o m s . A d d a c o u p l e o f t a b l e s p o o n s o f d o u b l e

c r e a m , m ix w e l l t h e n tu rn u p t h e heat . C o o k unt i l t he

m u s h r o o m s start t o g o a l i t t le b r o w n a n d cr ispy .

T h e s a u c e is g rea t as part o f a b r eak f a s t fry-up.

I n o r m a l l y c h o p a b i g s p r i g o f p a r s l e y a n d a d d it at

t h e e n d . It a l so m a k e s a g o o d a c c o m p a n i m e n t to a

s teak , a n d is just f an t a s t i c w i t h a p o r k c h o p . W h e n

s e r v e d w i t h m e a t , I o f t e n s t i ck in a c o u p l e o f t e a­

s p o o n s o f p e p p e r c o r n m u s t a r d t o a d d s o m e b o d y .

A ve r y d i f f e r e n t s a u c e c a n b e m a d e w i t h the

a d d i t i o n o f o l i v e o i l , t h y m e , ga r l i c , a n d b a l s a m i c

v i n e g a r . Fry a c o u p l e o f c l o v e s o f c r u s h e d gar l i c g e n ­

tly w i th a t e a s p o o n o f t h y m e , in t h e o l i ve o i l . A d d the

m u s h r o o m s a n d c o o k a s b e f o r e . A h e a d o f a d d i n g

t h e c r e a m , c h u c k in a t a b l e s p o o n o f b a l s a m i c v i ne­

gar , a n d b u b b l e for a m i n u t e .

Next week: Bangers and Mash

Presidential Talk-Back A n i s sue a lways o n s t u d e n t ' s m i n d s is

m o n e y a n d tha t ' s w h y I'm d e v o t i n g

my c o l u m n to it for a s e c o n d t i m e . The

A c c e s s f u n d is r e o p e n e d a g a i n f o r

a p p l i c a t i o n s . 246 a w a r d s h a v e a l r e a d y

b e e n m a d e t o t a l l i ng £144 300 that ' s a n

a v e r a g e o f a r o u n d £590 p e r s t u d e n t .

T h e r e is sti l l £150 000 left in t h e kit ty

for t h e rest o f t h e year , t h o u g h - by m y

c a l c u l a t i o n tha t ' s e n o u g h f o r a n o t h e r

254 s t u d e n t s t o g a i n e q u i v a l e n t

awa rds . If y o u ' r e in a d e s p e r a t e f i n a n ­

cia l s i t u a t i o n at t h e m o m e n t , w h y n o t

let t h e G o v e r n m e n t h e l p y o u o u t , it 's

m o n e y f o r t h e t a k i n g - t h e C o l l e g e

a n d t h e U n i o n h a s n o t h i n g to g a i n by

not d i s h i n g o u t e v e r y p e n n y . A l l y o u

n e e d t o d o is p i c k u p a f o r m f r o m

r o o m 334 in t h e She r f i e l d B u i l d i n g a n d

h a v e t h e m f i l l e d o u t by t h e 2 2 n d

M a r c h .

T h e o t h e r f i n a n c i a l s i d e o f b e i n g a

s t u d e n t tha t h a s hit t h e f irst y e a r s is

t u i t i o n f e e s . T w o s t u d e n t s in O x f o r d

h a v e hit t h e h e a d l i n e s r e c e n t l y by

David Hellard, r e f u s i n g to pay the i r

t u i t i o n f e e s o n p r i n ­

c i p l e .

S i n ce t h e n t h e y

h a v e b a c k e d d o w n ,

b e i n g t h r e a t e n e d

w i t h e v e r y t h i n g t h e jjj

C o l l e g e c o u l d t h r o w JJJ

at t h e m . In Imper i a l �

t h e s i t u a t i o n is �

s o m e w h a t d i f f e r en t ; �

w e t o o h a v e v a r i o u s �

s t u d e n t s t ha t �

haven ' t p a i d yet , but H

t h e w a y t h e s tuden ts H

h a v e a c t e d a n d t h e �

r e s p o n s e f r o m t h e H

C o l l e g e h a s b e e n ^

compa ra t i v e l y re l axed . I w a s in the C o l ­

l e g e W e l f a r e C o m m i t t e e t oday a n d the

w h o l e i s sue w a s b r o u g h t u p . T h e C o l ­

l e g e s t a t e d t h e cu r r en t s i t u a t i o n a n d

a s k e d w h a t t h e r e s p o n s e w a s o n t h e

s t u d e n t s i d e , s o m e t h i n g w h i c h I c o u l d

no t g i v e , no t h a v i n g s p o k e n to a s in-

ICU President

g l e first y ea r a b o u t

it. T h e r e h a s b e e n

n o f e e d b a c k o n the

w a y t h e c o l l e c t i n g

h a s b e e n a d m i n i s ­

t e r e d or w h e t h e r

b e i n g a b l e to pay by

i n s t a l m e n t h a s s u f f i ­

c i e n t l y e a s e d t h e

b u r d e n , s o o n e c a n

o n l y a s s u m e that it

has run as s m o o t h l y

a s I h o p e d . A s e v e r

if y o u have any f e e d ­

b a c k o n t h i s i s s u e

:.. e m a i l m e i p r e s l -

: d e n t @ i c . a c . u k ) .

N e x t w e e k t h e

s e c o n d i n s t a l m e n t o f t u i t i o n f e e s a re

to b e pa id i n . I'm su re by n o w s o m e

s t u d e n t s w o u l d h a v e s p e n t a l l o f the i r

m o n e y for t h e yea r i n c l u d i n g that t h e y

o w e in tu i t i on f ees . If y o u ' r e in th is sit­

u a t i o n , it m i g h t b e w o r t h t h i n k i n g

a b o u t a p p l y i n g t o t h e a b o v e , that ' s

w h a t it's t h e r e for .

To e n d w i t h I h a v e a p e r s o n a l p l e a

t o e v e r y s t u d e n t o u t t h e r e . A s y o u ' r e

p r o b a b l y al l a w a r e , t h e 14th is V a l e n ­

t i n e s day , w h e r e e ve r y s i n g l e p e r s o n

h a s t o p u t u p w i t h b e i n g p u b l i c l y to ld

that n o - o n e l o v e s t h e m or f i n d s out

that that mys t e r y a d m i r e r is t h e p e r s o n

y o u t h o u g h t it w a s a n d n e v e r l i ked

a n y w a y . Each y e a r I h a ve a c o m p e t i ­

t i on w i t h m y s is ter t o s e e w h o rece ives

t h e m o s t ca rds , t h e loser b e i n g subject

t o w e e k s o f p a t r o n i s i n g p h o n e cal ls,

t h e w i n n e r t h e l o v e o f m y m u m . Last

y ea r I h a d to f a c e t h e h u m i l i a t i o n o f

b e i n g t h r a s h e d 4-0; a f te r f o u r yea r s o f

v i c to ry th i s hit h a r d a n d I have to m a k e

a g o o d c o m e b a c k th is y ea r or risk

e m o t i o n a l d a m a g e . Bas i ca l l y if y o u

h a v e a n y s p a r e c a rds , p l e a s e d o n a t e

t h e m to s u c h a w o r t h y c a u s e as my

o w n , e i t h e r t h r o u g h t h e i n t e r n a l ma i l ,

o r j us t d r o p t h e m i n t o t h e U n i o n .

M a n y T h a n k s .

S February 1999 Science 11

The Future's Bright,

The Future's Orange

and Red and

Ever noticed how a butterfly's wings shine

with a multitude of colours? Very soon, you'll

be wearing clothes that do the same.

Emma Freeman tells all...

biology a n d

physics"

� can th ink o f f e w th ings w o r s e t han

I b e i n g s u r r o u n d e d by f l y ing insects in

I an e n c l o s e d space . This is w h e r e m y

vegetar ian v i ews c o m e uns tuck as I have

f e w qua lms a b o u t de l i v e r i ng

all manner o f dea th by drown- "A f a r e C O l l a b O -

i n g , s w i p i n g , c r u s h i n g or

spray ing any insect w h o dares r a t i o n D e i W O S n

to r o a m u n i n v i t e d in m y

h o m e . I w a s h o w e v e r pe r­

s u a d e d to l o o k u p o n butter­

fl ies, and dare I say it, m o t h s ,

in a sl ightly m o r e f a vou rab l e

light d u e to s o m e w o r k g o i n g o n d o w n

in Exeter.

Two physic ists at Exeter Un ivers i ty

have reason to be l i e ve that butter f l ies

may o n e day be r e s p o n s i b l e for anti-

counter fe i t ing dev ices in credit cards a n d

bank notes , w ide-ang le l iqu id crystal d is­

plays or, if it takes your fancy, a n e w trend

for i r idescent c lo th ing . Peter Vukus i c a n d

Professor Roy S a m b l e s have Init iated a

rare co l l abora t ion b e t w e e n b i o l o g y a n d

phys ics , t w o sec t i ons o f t h e sc i en t i f i c

c o m m u n i t y w h o are scarce ly s e e n in the

same vicinity toge ther , let a l o n e por­

ing over the s a m e lab b o o k .

The pair are l o o k i n g at butter­

fl ies and moths , w h o s e w i n g s p ro­

d u c e t h e m o s t s t r i k i ng , i n t e n s e

i r idescent co lou rs f o u n d a n y w h e r e

e lse in nature . In s t u d y i n g th is iri­

descen t p roper ty Vukus i c a n d S a m ­

bles h o p e to d i s cove r t h e secre ts

that lie b e h i n d the i r abi l i ty to p ro­

duce such str iking co lours . They t hen �

h o p e to b e ab l e to r e p r o d u c e t h e s e

ef fects artif icially u n d e r UV, inf rared |j

and radar w a v e l e n g t h s o f l ight.

The i r idescent nature o f m o t h s

a n d butterf l ies has m u c h t h e s a m e

effect as car head l i gh t s have w h e n

they sh ine o n t o a patch of e n g i n e oil

o n a wet road . In t h e s a m e w a y that

the co lours in the oi l c h a n g e as y o u

cross the road, a butterfly can appear J M j i L

in d i f ferent co lou rs , d e p e n d i n g o n I

the ang le f r o m w h i c h y o u l o o k at it.

The i r i descence that w e s ee is jP

a p roduc t o f the l ight rays re f lec ted

w h e n l ight hits a f i lm that has a mirror­

like sur face . W h e n the i n c o m i n g l ight

hits t h e t o p sur face o f the f i lm, s o m e o f

it is re f l ec ted . The rest carr ies o n travel­

l ing t h r o u g h the mater ia l

unti l it reaches the lower

sur face , w h e r e m o r e light

rays a re r e f l e c t e d . The

c o l o u r s t h e m s e l v e s

d e p e n d o n h o w far the

l ight has h a d to travel

wi th in the f i lm and to what

extent the dens i ty o f the

f i lm af fects t h e l ight 's s p e e d and direc­

t i on . The co lours c h a n g e as the object or

obse rve r c h a n g e s pos i t i on in re lat ion to

t h e l ight.

This ind ica tes that the i r idescent

c o l o u r s p r o d u c e d by but ter f l ies are a

c o n s e q u e n c e o f the physical structure of

the i r w i n g s . Vukus i c a n d Samb les have

t he r e fo r e b e e n l o o k i n g at w i n g struc­

tu re u s i n g e l e c t r o n m i c r o s c o p y . T h e y

"Christmas tree" structures on the

Morpho butterfly

b e g a n

by l o o k i n g at

m o t h s , w h o s e

�wings, l ike bu t

te r f l i es ' , a re a f t

m o s a i c of * \

scales, ; %

a r r a n g e d in a I

roof-tile pattern. It a rose that ins ide each

scale lay a c o m p l e x g e o m e t r i c f r ame­

work . Cut ic les of chit in w e r e a r r anged in

layers, concer t inaed with layers o f air. This

m e a n s that w h e n sunl ight strikes a scale ,

it b e c o m e s f i l t e red t h r o u g h a w h o l e

ser ies of chi t in layers, e a c h ac t i ng as a

mirror-like f i lm. They p r o d u c e a mu l t i ­

t ude of ref lect ions. The layers di f fer in

th i ckness a n d d i s tance a w a y f r o m o n e

a n o t h e r a n d so var ies t h e se r i e s o f

co lours w e see o n the m o t h s w i n g s .

O n d i s cove r i ng this, Peter Vukus i c

w e n t o n to l ook at the w i n g s o f butter­

fl ies. O u t of all o f t hose h e has s tud i ed ,

it is t h e M o r p h o s p e c i e s o f but te r f l y

w h i c h has captured his interest the most.

M o r p h o is a t ropica l spec i e s w i th electr ic

I b l ue w i n g s . W h e n Peter l o o k e d at

\ individual scales f rom this butterfly, he

� f o u n d that they w e r e m a d e up o f a

| ser ies of long i tud ina l r idges, f o o k i n g

at the r idges m o r e c lose ly h e s a w

that e a c h w a s m a d e up o f mu l t ip le

ref lect ive sur faces . M o r e speci f ica l ly ,

they were in the fo rm of what he n o w

cal ls "Chr i s tmas t r e e "

structures. "The overall The "Ch r i s tmas

t rees " sit o n the sur face effect is a stun o f a sca le , a r r a n g e d in

rows. Each o f their t iny

b ranches inter feres w i th

i n c o m i n g l ight f r om the

top and b o t t o m surfaces,

re f lec t ing a ser ies of c o l o u r e d rays.

The scatter o f t hese rays is cons ide r­

ab ly i n c r e a s e d by the o v e r l a p p i n g

nature o f the scales on the butterf ly 's

w i n g w h i c h diffract the light rays. The

overal l e f fect is a s t u n n i n g meta l l i c

b l ue butterf ly w h i c h is v is ib le f r om as

m a n y pos i t ions as poss ib le .

V u k u s i c

*m a n d S a m b l e s have g o n e o n

to inves t igate the opt ica l p rop­

erties o f butterf ly sca les u s i ng lasers. The

lasers d e t e r m i n e exact ly h o w m u c h light

is ref lected by a s ing le sca le and h o w this

is d i spe r sed . So far they have f o u n d that

s o m e sca les are c apab l e o f re f lec t ing as

m u c h as 7 5 % o f the l ight they rece ive in

the v i s i b l e b l u e s p e c t r u m . This is a n

a m a z i n g a m o u n t c o n s i d e r i n g that each

2j - V. I I

Mllllli

ning metallic

blue "

Sca les o f t h e M o r p h o butterf ly

w i n g sca le is m a d e up of a s imp l e car­

bohydrate material w h i c h has arisen f rom

a s ing le ce l l . This w o r k is p rog ress i ng

fur ther by inves t iga t ing the opt ica l p rop­

ert ies o f s t ructures in butterf ly w i n g s in

s p e c t r u m s o f l ight w h i c h i n c l u d e the

inf rared a n d ultraviolet wave l eng ths .

The t e a m in Exeter have a l ready

d e v e l o p e d a t h e o r y so that t hey can

ma thema t i c a l l y m o d e l the "Chr istmas

t ree " a rch i tec ture f o u n d on

t h e M o r p h o but ter f l y . As

they ga the r m o r e i n fo rma­

t ion they p lan to d e v e l o p a

c o m p u l e r m o d e l w h i c h can

predict the opt ica l r e sponse

of var ious physical structures

a c r o s s a b r o a d r a n g e o f

w a v e l e n g t h s .

W i th this k ind of i n fo rma t i on , it

s h o u l d be poss i b l e to es tab l i sh s o m e

rules for m i m i c k i n g butterf ly ref lectors in

a variety o f ways . So w h e n y o u f ind your­

self p a y i n g w i th your i r idescent credit

card for s o m e i r idescent hair spray, to go

w i t h y o u r i r i d e s c e n t c l u b b i n g t op ,

r e m e m b e r w h e r e y o u saw it first.

12

Reviews

Film 8 February 1999

Very Bad Things * * * * Starring : Cameron Diaz, Christian Slater, Jon Favreau, Leland Orser, Jeremy Piven, Daniel Stern

Director: Peter Berg

De s p i t e t h e fact tha t t h e y ' v e

neve r b e e n in a n y t h i n g that

c o u l d ac tua l l y b e b r a n d e d w i t h

t h e ad jec t i ve ' g o o d ' , b o t h o f Very Bad

Things stars ha ve m a n a g e d to bu i l d

t h e m s e l v e s e x t r a o r d i n a r y f a n b a s e s

a r o u n d t h e g l o b e .

C a m e r o n D i az has b e c o m e a ma jor

H o l l y w o o d p layer t h a n k s to a m a z i n g

looks c o m b i n e d w i th a n as tu te c h o i c e

o f ro les ( e s c h e w i n g t h e t r ad i t i ona l l ine

o f b l o n d e b i m b o s a n d r o m - c o m h e r o ­

ines), plus an u n e x p e c t e d level o f talent.

Chr is t ian Slater, h o w e v e r , has t a k e n a

m o r e off-beat r ou t e t o s t a r d o m . In t h e

late-eight ies h e w a s a t e e n a g e p in-up,

but in t h e n i n e t i e s h e h a s s t o r m e d

t h r o u g h a n ec l ec t i c mix o f m o v i e s , f o l ­

l owed by increasingly o u t r a g e o u s stories

o f d r u g a b u s e - s o m e h o w m a n a g i n g to

keep that t r a d e m a r k r o g u i s h gr in intact.

Thus , wh i l s t D i a z m a y b e o n less

fami l iar terr i tory in t h e m o v i e - s h e ' s

just t o o nice to p lay a c o n v i n c i n g rich-

bi tch - Slater is in h is e l e m e n t . H e l eads

a g r o u p o f f i ve la te-twent ies b l o k e s t o

Las Vegas , w h e r e t hey p lan to s t age t h e

greatest b a c h e l o r party ever , t o ce l e­

brate. It turns w i ld , and amids t a mass ive

A bunch of pissed, leering goodfor-nothlng blokes. It's all strangely familiar.

dr ink a n d d r u g fue l l ed b inge a prost i tute

is a cc iden ta l l y m u r d e r e d . Slater m o v e s

into gear, s p o u t i n g pop-psycho logy and

r is ing t o every ( inc reas ing ly brutal ) act

w h i c h his e s c a p e p lan requ i res . M e a n ­

w h i l e , o f cou r se , his f r i ends are fa l l i ng

to p i e ces . Hys te r ia a n d ful l-on n e r v o u s

b r e a k d o w n c o u p l e d w i th guilt a n d pan i c

s o o n l ead t o lethal w r a n g l e s , a n d , o f

course , an h i l a r ious f ina le . J u x t a p o s e d

aga ins t t h e s e horr i f ic a c t i ons a r c D i az ' s

s u b l i m e l y s c r e w y a t t e m p t s to e n s u r e

t h e w e d d i n g g o e s to p l a n . W h i c h it

d o e s . Sort of.

In e s s e n c e , Very Bad Things is Shal­

low Crave w i t h l aughs . If that s o u n d s

l ike a pret ty s ick c o n c e p t t h e n that 's

b e c a u s e it is. R e m e m b e r t h e s c e n e in

Shallow Crave w h e r e Ewan M c G r e g o r

a n d C h r i s t o p h e r E cc l e s tone g o to the

DIY s h o p to buy a s p a d e , a s a w a n d a

h a m m e r ? That s c e n e is m i r r o r e d here ,

o n l y th i s t i m e t h e y b u y c h a i n s a w s ,

b r e a t h i n g a p p a r a t u s a n d a lot o f suit­

cases. W h i c h they put the d i s m e m b e r e d

to r sos in . Yet it 's h i l a r ious - s o m e h o w

wr i te r/d i rec to r Be rg m a n a g e s to create

a w o r l d d e t a c h e d f r o m reality, w h e r e

y o u k n o w that t h e s e even t s a ren ' t real

- a n d t h u s s o m e o n e s t a n d i n g in a bath

cu t t i ng u p a c o r p s e w i th a c h a i n s a w is

funny . O d d .

To en joy Very Bad Things you ' l l have

to be o f a ce r ta in d i s p o s i t i o n , w i t h the

abi l i ty to l a u g h at u n d e n i a b l y nasty acts.

Yet if y o u c an y o u ' l l f i n d y o u r s e l f heav­

ily r e w a r d e d , w i th f i n e p e r f o r m a n c e s

f r o m t w o o f H o l l y w o o d ' s mos t l ikable

stars, s o m e grea t e n s e m b l e m o m e n t s

a n d a se r i e s o f bri l l iant twists in t h e last

t e n m i n u t e s , in w h i c h near ly every char­

acter r ece i ves the i r c o m e u p p a n c e . D

Dave

Shakespeare in Love * * * * * Starring : Gwyneth Paltrow, Joseph Fiennes, Geoffrey Rush, Ben Affleck, Judi Dench, Colin Firth, Simon Callow

Director: John Madden

Golden Globe Award already In the bag. Oscar to come?

Yo u ' v e p r o b a b l y h e a r d a l l t h e

h y p e a b o u t Shakespeare in Love

a l r e ady , s o it n e e d s n o i n t r o d u c ­

t ion - e x c e p t to say it 's b r i l l i an t a n d

g o a n d s e e it n o w ! T h e r e s i m p l y i sn ' t

a n y t h i n g b a d to say a b o u t th i s f i l m at

a l l .

The f i l m has b e e n s o w e l l t h o u g h t

o u t a n d t h e s c r i p t c l e v e r l y p u t

t o g e t h e r , w i t h t h e s a m e b l e n d o f in-

j o k e s , p e r i o d de ta i l a n d w i t tha t m a d e

wr i t e r T o m S t o p p a r d ' s o t h e r S h a k e ­

s p e a r e a n p a r o d i e s (Rosencrantz and

Guildenstern Are Dead a n d The Fif­

teen Minute Hamlet) s o s u c c e s s f u l

o n b o t h s t a g e a n d s c r e e n . If y o u h a v e

a w o r k i n g k n o w l e d g e o f ' R o m e o a n d

Ju l ie t ' by t h e b a r d h i m s e l f t h e n m o s t

o f the p u n s w i l l w o r k for y o u , but e v e n

if y o u h a v e n ' t it d o e s n ' t m a t t e r .

Set in L o n d o n in 1 5 9 3 , J o s e p h

F i e n n e s is b e l i e v a b l e as S h a k e s p e a r e .

H e s e e m s t o p o s s e s s al l t h e w i t a n d

i n t e l l i g e n c e p r e s e n t in S h a k e s p e a r e ' s

w o r k . A n d as fo r G w y n e t h P a l t r o w as

t h e love ly V i o l a D e Lesseps , w e l l , y o u ' l l

h a v e t o m a k e u p y o u r o w n m i n d .

D o n ' t g o t h i n k i n g th i s a c t r e s s c an ' t

d o a n E n g l i s h a c c e n t b e c a u s e s h e has

s h o w n t h e w h o l e w o r l d in th is f i lm s h e

is a br i l l i an t p e r f o r m e r a n d t h e u l t i ­

m a t e ' E n g l i s h R o s e ' .

S h a k e s p e a r e a n d V i o l a m e e t w h e n

s h e a u d i t i o n s for a part in h is n e w

p lay ' R o m e o a n d E the l t h e P i ra te ' s

D a u g h t e r ' . T h e o n l y s n a g is w o m e n

a r e n ' t a l l o w e d t o p e r f o r m o n the

s t a g e . H e d i s c o v e r s he r t r u e iden t i t y

a n d q u i c k l y t a k e s h e r to b e his n e w

M u s e w h o i n s p i r e s h i m to t u r n his

p l a y i n t o a t r a g i c l o v e s t o r y c a l l e d

' R o m e o a n d J u l i e t ' . A s a l w a y s , t h e

c o u r s e o f t r ue l o v e is n e v e r easy . V io l a

is b e t r o t h e d t o s o m e o n e e l s e a n d

t h e rest y o u w i l l h a v e to f i n d ou t for

y o u r s e l f .

A l m o s t eve ry f i ve m i n u t e s a r e c o g ­

n i s a b l e f a c e t u r n s u p i n c l u d i n g m e m ­

bers o f t h e 'Fast S h o w ' , M a r t i n C l u n e s ,

a n d G e o f f r e y R u s h (star o f Shine a n d

Elizabeth). M a k i n g a star a p p e a r a n c e

is D a m e Jud i D e n c h as Q u e e n E l i za­

b e t h . The r e s e m b l a n c e b e t w e e n t h e s e

t w o w o m e n is so s t a r t l i ng tha t D e n c h

c o u l d h a v e b e e n E l i z a b e t h in a f o r m e r

l i f e .

A l t h o u g h t h i s f i l m is d r e a d f u l l y

r o m a n t i c , it isn ' t a ' c h i c k f l i ck ' - just the

bes t f i l m o f 1999 so far.D Helen

8 February 1999 Film 13

Reviews

A Bugs Life * � * Starring : Dave Foley, Kevin Spacey, Phyllis Diller, David Hyde Pierce, Mike McShane

Director: John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton

So, this is the D i s n e y v e r s i o n o f

Antz. O r s h o u l d I s ay t h e o r i g i n a l

v e r s i on , t o r t h o s e o f y o u w h o

d o n ' t k n o w t h e story b e h i n d t h e s e

t w o f i lms, I'll fill y o u i n . D i s n e y c a m e

up w i th t h e i d e a o f a c o m p u t e r - g e n e r ­

a t ed f l ick a b o u t an ts a n d D r e a m w o r k s

s to le the i d e a a n d m a d e it b i g g e r a n d

bet ter . It's very d i f f i cu l t no t t o c o m ­

pare t h e s e t w o f i lms , as t h e y are s o

s imi lar .

to r t h o s e o f y o u w h o haven ' t s e e n

AntzXhis f i lm wi l l b e spec t acu l a r w i t h its

bri l l iant a n i m a t i o n a n d cu t e s tory l i ne .

M i n d y o u , as w i t h all D i s n e y f i l m s t h e

trai lers e x p o s e d al l t h e bes t bi ts . If y o u

l i s ten ca re fu l l y y o u w i l l h e a r t h e v o i c e s

o f Kev in Spacey , Dav id H y d e P i e r ce

(a.k.a. N i l e s f r o m Frasier), Phyl l is D i l le r

a n d J ohn R a t z e n b e r g e r ( f r o m Cheers).

The s tory l ine is t h e s a m e as w i t h

Antz. Flik (Foley) is a n i n d i v i d u a l w i t h

fantast ic i deas a b o u t h o w to i m p r o v e

the c o l o n y o n An t Is land but h a v i n g

ideas is not ' n o r m a l ' w h e n y o u ' r e a n

ant. H e is c o n s i d e r e d a l itt le o d d by

a lmos t e v e r y o n e a n d h is i d e a s ge t h i m

in to t r o u b l e . So m u c h t r o u b l e in fact

that he is sent away for he lp to save t h e

t r ^ b ^ a E N J r ^ ifi-fifr-«r

CGI ten times more powerful than that used on Toy Story. Wow.

c o l o n y f r o m t h e g r a s s h o p p e r s . A f te r

s e e i n g th is f i lm y o u wi l l neve r l o o k at

a g r a s s h o p p e r in t h e s a m e l ight a g a i n .

H e f i n d s w h a t h e t h i n k s is a t r o o p o f

war r io r s but they turn ou t to be a c i rcus

g r o u p . H o w e v e r , d o n ' t wor ry , as in all

g o o d D i s n e y f i lms t h e g o o d g u y w i n s

a n d ge t s the g i r l .

W h e r e a s A n t z w a s ful l o f ' a d u l t '

j o k e s this has a sense of h u m o u r a i m e d

at c h i l d r e n . It's de f i n i t e l y not a f i l m for

all a g e g r o u p s to e n j o y but g o a n d s e e

it anyway . Q

Helen

Your Friends & Neighbours * * * Starring : Amy Brenneman, Nastassja Kinski, Jason Patric, Ben Stiller

Director: Neil LaBute

The re are ce r ta in d i r e c to r s w h o

clearly aren ' t t o o h a p p y w i t h the i r

lot in life, f i l l ing every m o v i e they

make wi th dea th , d e p r e s s i o n a n d suf­

fer ing - and Nei l LaBute is o n e such

m a n .

His d e b u t m o v i e . In t h e C o m p a n y o f

M e n , s aw t w o heart less o f f i ce wo rke r s

dat ing, t hen d u m p i n g a frail d e a f girl just

because they w a n t e d to hurt s o m e o n e ,

and Your Fr iends & N e i g h b o u r s p resents

m o r e o f t h e s a m e . C o n s e q u e n t l y , t h e

cast consists o f Patric's soc ia l evil incar­

nate ; a w i f e w h o w o n ' t b e t o u c h e d

(Brennerman) ; a quar re l l ing c o u p l e w h o

are chea t ing o n e a c h other (Stiller a n d

Keener ) ; a h u s b a n d w h o prac t i ces his

o w n brand o f self-loving (Aaron Eckhart);

and a dr ippy lesb ian (Kinski).

A m e r i c a n ind ie m o v i e s o f this k ind -

deliberately l ow budget and lo-fi - live and

d ie o n t h e s t rength o f the i r cast, a n d it's

here that Your Friends s hows its dep th . All

CGI ten times more powerful than that used on Toy Story. Wow.

o f t h e six pr inc ip le actors a re o n t o p

f o r m , but its Patric w h o storms th rough

w i th a g rands t and ing pe r fo rmance , f i l led

w i th tales of date-rape and ' revenge ' sex.

Like I sa id, LaBute is not a happy m a n .

F i l led w i t h g a g s w h i c h you ' l l f ee l

u n c o m f o r t a b l e l a u g h i n g at, e n d l e s s l y

quotable d ia logue and a wa rped sense of

f u n , your take o n the m o v i e wi l l u l t i­

mate ly d e p e n d o n your o w n v i ews (and

exper ience ) of sex. [ J

Dave

Competition winners will be announced next week.

The X-Files In the face o f a ba r rage o f TV to m o v i e

adap ta t i ons that have p r o v e d just h o w

easy it is to m a k e a bad f i lm, The X-Files

Movie is a r e f r e s h i n g c h a n g e w h i c h

stays very t rue to its roots. Consequen t l y

the f i lm plays very m u c h in the style o f

an e x t e n d e d e p i s o d e o f the hit scr ies .

The i n c r eased b u d g e t is obv ious , but

sens ib ly ut i l ised, a n d the m u c h vaun ted

plot e x p o s e s s imp l y leave e ven m o r e

u n a n s w e r e d q u e s t i o n s . M o s t i m p o r ­

tantly, M u l d e r a n d Scully don ' t 'get it o n '

(as Barry Wh i t e w o u l d say).

The di f f icul t bit of any TV to m o v i e

t rans i t ion is h o w to cater for bo th the

long-term fan a n d the n e w c o m e r , and

its he re that The X-Files really s u c c e e d s .

A c o u p l e o f en te r t a i n i ng 'he l lo , this is

w h o w e are ' s c e n e s get that out o f the

way early o n , a n d f r o m there on it's

pla in sa i l ing into a truly breath-taking

f ina le .

The Avengers To be hones t , I d idn ' t actual ly th ink The

Avengerswas that b a d . There arc s o m e

n ice ideas o n s h o w ; the cast aren' t at all

bad ; a n d (surpr is ingly) it s t ruggles to

retain the spirit o f the or iginal . However ,

I'm not o n e to wa l k in the face o f p u b ­

lic o p i n i o n on s u c h matters , and it's

u n d e n i a b l y t rue that The Avengers is a

mess . Edi ted to bits, it s imp ly makes no

sense in p laces , a n d is utter i n d u l g e n c e

in o thers (Eddie Izzard and Shaun Ryder

in a m in i , c h a s i n g L i m a T h u r m a n and

Ralph F iennes wi th radio-control wasps) .

It's on ly r e d e e m i n g fea ture is the sight

o f Sean C o n n e r y in a giant teddy-bear

c o s t u m e .

Species 2 S o m e t i m e back in July I w e n t to the c in­

e m a w i th a g r o u p o f f r i ends to see The

Wedding Singer. O n e of the trailers was

for Species 2. If w a s so b a d w e started

to l augh . W e w e r e still l a u g h i n g after

three m o r e trailers. W e still cou ldn ' t stop

l a u g h i n g w h e n the m o v i e itself b e g a n

to roll . W e on l y s t o p p e d l a u g h i n g w h e n

a very well-built usher to ld us that if w e

d idn ' t shut up h e ' d t h r o w us out. As far

as I'm c o n c e r n e d , that 's not a g o o d

s ign . Even m y b l ind-desperate f r iends -

the o n e s w h o l iked Showgirls - d idn ' t

l ike Species 2. Be w a r n e d . D

Dave

14 Sabbatical Interviews 8 February 1999

£ 5 0 K of taxpayers' Dave Hellard ICU President

Dave Hellard: the

Man the Vlyth.

the Legend

The questr r crerv

, ter h )uld as!

slop towards the ballot

box is who is David Hel­

lard and why should ! vote

for h im ' i know 1 have I

am rot the traditional

l nion "st iff and I thint

that worries s m peM

e 'ai :

Union official who finds

himself with no-where tc

�i< n< i

dent.

i;: ent? Simply, i work in the

Union, I live in the Union

and 1 live fo r 'he Union I

ha*.- spent m, time ir

t ana around ike Union

\

previous contenders,

merely CV seeking point

pimps, I see problems, I

see issues and it's time

someone stood for the

right reasons, to make a

change.

viev .ear students

wilt be coming to univer­

sity with even less mone\

than ever before. Th

i nion in turn will be relied

upon even mote rvavil

The money it provides

through jobs and funding,

combined with the

easy access to cheap

living could hi the differ­

ence between the stu­

dents being anle o a't' in)

to come to Imperial ot

not. "IK aadi d pressure

of money on students will

also see a need tor out

coun

even wuk r n ai h nc

This iswhr i m i

pit sident to maintain ihe

high s'undares all ad, su

by the Union a re tc

assur

ha. r w : r r o r .race - v.;

be m a

i iMiil. in ih I nior

live in the Union and 1 live,

for the Union It s

time lot the sti ..

den's to mat e /

their marl /

Desp i t e a m a n i f e s t o w h i c h d idn ' t a c tu­

ally c o m m i t U n i o n P res ident Dave H e l ­

lard t o a n y t h i n g , he still f ee l s he has

a c h i e v e d a lot d u r i n g t h e last s e v e n

m o n t h s . H e be l i e ves h e has s w i t c h e d

the f o c u s o n t o the day-to-day i s sues

w h i c h real ly a f fect s t uden t s - l ike Lon­

d o n Transpor t , t he l ibrary a n d heal th-

c e n t r e , a n d d i s c o u n t s .

C o n s e q u e n t l y , h e ' d l ike

his year in o f f i ce to be

r e m e m b e r e d as " t he

yea r t h e U n i o n c a m e

b a c k to t h e s t u d e n t s " .

A l o n g s i d e this, h e ' d

a l so l ike t o b e r e m e m b e r e d for se t t i ng

s o m e l o n g e r t e rm projects in m o t i o n -

like t h e e x p a n s i o n into Beit Q u a d a n d

the p r o p o s e d U n i o n Job Shop (both d u e

to beg in in S u m m e r 2000). Dave has also

put a lot o f e m p h a s i s o n S tudent D e v e l ­

o p m e n t , a n d h o p e s to set up a "Student

D e v e l o p m e n t W e e k " for next year.

N o n e t h e l e s s , h e admi t s that h e has

m a n a g e d to a c h i e v e far less this year

t han h e had init ial ly h o p e d , " p r o b l e m s

w i t h c lubs , the C C U ' s a n d U L U s e e m to

eat up m y t i m e " . The w o r k l o a d has a l so

c o m e as s o m e t h i n g o f a s h o c k to the

sys t em , " the level o f adm in i s t r a t i on is

h u g e , a n d , for the m o s t part, t h a n k ­

less" .

"the year the

Union came back

to the students"

O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , Dave s e e s o n e

o f t h e b igges t p lus po in t s o f the j o b as

t h e o p p o r t u n i t y for lots o f pub l i c speak­

i n g a n d m e e t i n g p e o p l e . I ndeed this

m a y p rove to b e on l y t h e first s tep on

t h e road t o p o w e r - a l t h o u g h Dave has

d e c i d e d that h e hates "Polit ics w i th a b ig

P", h e is l o o k i n g to w o r k in t h e Fore ign

O f f i c e or w i t h the U N

" a n d I w o u l d n ' t m i n d

b e i n g an A m b a s s a d o r " .

So w h a t m a k e s a

g o o d Pres ident? A c c o r d ­

i n g to Dave , y o u s imp l y

can ' t tell w h o w o u l d d o

t h e j o b w e l l , " y o u just ha ve to l isten to

w h a t t h e y p r o m i s e to d o , a n d h o p e

they f o c u s o n t h e i s sues " . H e admi t s

that h e is far f r o m per fec t " you n e e d

s o m e o n e w h o ' s m o r e r e spons ib l e t han

m e in t h e w a y t h e y a d m i n i s t e r t h e

U n i o n , but w h o w o n ' t let cons t i tu t iona l

j a r g o n ge t in t h e w a y o f d o i n g the j o b

p rope r l y " .

A n d w o u l d h e d o the j o b aga in?

Dave is a f e r ven t be l i eve r in t h e b e n e ­

fits o f a l l o w i n g sabba t i ca l s to run for a

s e c o n d t e r m , but w o u l d n ' t w a n t to d o

it h imse l f . "I w o u l d n ' t b e ful ly i n vo l ved ,

a n d I'd get e v e n m o r e ego t i s t i c t han I

a m n o w . I've h a d m y c h a n c e - its t i m e

to let s o m e o n e e l se have the i r g o . "

Marie Nicholaou Deputy President

(Clubs & Societies) On l y a m o n t h into her ( sho r t ened ) sab­

bat ica l t e r m , ti is d i f f i cu l t t o g a u g e t h e

p e r f o r m a n c e o f ICU 's n e w e s t s a b b ,

M a r i e N i c h o l a o u . N o n e t h e l e s s , s h e

c la ims her t i m e has b e e n

in h i g h d e m a n d , d e a l i n g

w i th t h e H e a l t h & Safe ty

i s sues w h i c h s h e v i e w s

as i n c r e d i b l y i m p o r t a n t .

Key to th i s has b e e n t h e

po ten t i a l d a n g e r s o f t h e

We igh t s G y m a n d p r o b l e m s o f n o i s e In

S o u t h s i d e b a s e m e n t s - b o t h o f w h i c h

she h o p e s w i l l s o o n r e a c h sa t i s f a c to r y

o u t c o m e s .

Ma r i e , h o w e v e r , readi ly a d m i t s that

s h e has n o g r a n d p l an for he r s e v e n

m o n t h s in o f f i ce . "If I'd h a d s o m e g o o d

i d e a s I w o u l d h a v e r un fo r t h e fu l l

twe l v e m o n t h s . . . l h a ven ' t h a d e n o u g h

t i m e to f o r m u l a t e a g r a n d p l a n " . Thus ,

s h e is c o n c e r n e d m o r e w i t h d e a l i n g

"I haven't had

time to formulate

a grand plan"

w i t h t h e next cr is is t h a n l e a v i n g a n y

l a s t i n g i m p r e s s i o n o n t h e U n i o n . In

yea r s t o c o m e s h e s i m p l y h o p e s that

s h e is r e m e m b e r e d for " t r y ing to h e l p

all spor t s - a n d t ry ing not

to b e t o o b i a s e d t owa rds

m y o w n . . . But I've

f a i l e d " .

L ike D a v e , M a r i e

s e e s t h e o p p o r t u n i t y to

m e e t n e w p e o p l e eve ry

day as o n e o f t h e b i g g e s t p lus po in t s

o f t h e j o b . O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , t h e

w o r s t part l ies in t h e a d m i n w h i c h r u n ­

n i n g 150 c l ubs r e q u i r e d , "I haven ' t writ­

t e n a n y t h i n g for f o u r years , a n d n o w

I've g o t to wr i t e all t h e s e reports . . . I ' ve

f o r g o t t e n h o w . "

So w h a t m a k e s a n idea l D P (C&S)?

" You n e e d s o m e o n e pa t i en t a n d t o l ­

e ran t w h o has a n o p e n m i n d o n eve ry

i s s u e " .

t ime. But a lot can hap-

pcn.'=~¥wf**€Ould rneet

s o m e o n e , get marr ied ,

put a deposit on a house

and have a kid on the

way in that time. What I

want to do for six months

is Improve your clubs and

..: .'ties With the recent

introduct ion of medical

he South

Kensington campus, it is

mote important than ever

to provide lor ail our stu-

oi nts and their broad

ts and

our clubs and

) unite

t - l i i r i

clubs and their member

(you the students) Ih

support they need to sue

ceed.

It is very easy to lose

your way at Imperial and

graduate with a degree

having not been involved

in anyth ing other than

s tudy ing. What you do

whi le you are here wil l

"Set you apart from other

graduates who arc chas­

ing your 10. it is one.

;nccts better

i you can say

. been part

h a v e b i .nvolved With '

a group oi people who

s h a r e a c o m m >n inteiest

There ai man',

neg lec ted issues thai

need to be resolved ai

the m o m e n t , and six

months of wi rk to (.arch

up on I Ic alth and s if I

is one of the a rea ; that

must be addr> ssi d immi

diutolv

I am curri ntl\ captain

of the

Club and ! will be at it" loi

a l e w years t ) come i

wou ld like to mat posi­

tive changes to tin u *

clubs are tun whin I am

here. Vote for me - I

8 February 1999 Sabbatical Interviews 15

money well spent! Chris Ince Deputy President

(Finance & Services) |

.-: i:Si ilfTie 1

: ;o: ; :^ci'iveiy

H k f

U O : iiiff sCluhs Conimi'jee

i

rs and this vi a

: t r~airrefcim

" ... : : ;. u .

hi mportant th.e\ are tt

i union Onk uth gr od

finances is it possible for all

i >ur (lubs and sot ieties to

unction aropi rk \lso i

us important that the Union

" radi r .oa 'T This allows u%

Having sat on both

council and exec this year

I am well aware of Ihe way

the union operates as well.

Overall I feel I am wel l

qualified to do this job and

would also like to do it.

i | | 8 l | i f e . : .

p we want

p R ' : : iticial train-

finances are run properly

I hope that m> c \pc-

rience within if

will allow n � to uUkkh

grasp

nn-go n-M.-.:.n 'hiswill

then allow me Co �

with the ether .ssobajHSt '

tre r ter yyr.'fiS'.'

� err.1. .-.<�'.<

Chr is Ince w a s e l e c t ed last J une o n a

m a n i f e s t o w h i c h p r o m i s e d a t h o r o u g h

r e v i e w o f U n i o n s u b s i d y l eve l s ,

i n c r e a s e d t r a i n i n g for t r easu re r s a n d

prope r r u n n i n g o f c lub f i nances - all o f

w h i c h are n o w in p rogress . Desp i t e t h e

fact that p rob lems con t inue to s t ream in,

Chr is be l i eves that the t r a in ing w a s very

w o r t h w h i l e , "it w a s w o r t h

g i v i n g t r a i n i n g to t h e

m e d i c s , e v e n if t h e y

i g n o r e d it. I just w i sh I'd

t a k e n a list o f w h o w a s

the re " .

T h e rea l ly b i g i s sues

this year, as far as Chr is is c o n c e r n e d ,

h a ve b e e n t h e Beit E x p a n s i o n a n d

m i n i b u s e s . Both o f these issues have

� s e e n a great dea l o f p rogress (wi th the

U n i o n d o i n g surpr i s ing ly we l l In Beit),

but it wi l l t ake a l o n g t i m e for the results

to filter t h r o u g h . "That's o n e of the b i g

p r o b l e m s w i th this j o b -1 k n o w I w o n ' t

b e h e r e t o s e e t h e o u t c o m e o f m y

ac t ions " .

Chr is a l so has t o accep t that a b i g

part o f his j o b invo lves d a m a g e l imi ta­

t i on . M o r e o v e r , e ve r y th ing b e l o w £500

is bas ica l ly d e l e g a t e d d o w n , s o h o w ­

ever c o n s c i e n t i o u s h e is, " t h e r e w i l l

a lways be a b ig m e s s " . I ndeed Chr is

sees this as the worst part o f his job , "the

"if I could do

the job again

would do"

M e d S c h o o l is a c o m p l e t e mess. . . l can ' t

b e e x p e c t e d t o p e r f o r m mi rac l e s for

t h o s e w h o d o n ' t p lay by t h e ru les .

N o n e t h e l e s s , h e is still p l e a s e d w i t h

h o w th ings have g o n e this year - par­

t icular ly his w o r k i n g r e l a t i onsh ip w i th

P res ident He l l a rd , "At the b e g i n n i n g o f

t h e year I w a s c o n c e r n e d that s o m e o n e

w h o w a s n ' t i n vo l ved w i t h

t h e U n i o n had t h e p o t e n ­

tial to m a k e h u g e mistakes.

But h e ' s ac tua l l y d o n e

real ly w e l l " .

So w o u l d Chr is s tand

for e l e c t i o n a g a i n , g i v e n

the c h a n c e ? "If I c o u l d s tand aga in I

w o u l d d o . W h e n t h e n e w rec tor is

a p p o i n t e d w e s h o u l d p u s h really hard

for t h e r ight fo r t w o yea r sabbat i ca l s " .

M o r e o v e r t he r e is o n e impor tan t les­

s o n w h i c h Chr i s has learnt , " i f I w a s

start ing t h e year over , I w o u l d n ' t rely o n

a de t a i l ed c h a i n o f c o m m a n d - I'd get

de t a i l ed i n f o r m a t i o n t o e v e r y o n e per­

sona l l y " .

A s k e d w h a t m a k e s a g o o d DP (F&S),

the a n s w e r is s i m p l e , "It's the o n e ro le

w h e r e y o u n e e d s o m e o n e really c apa­

ble, yet to lerant , w h o c an say m o r e t han

just ' N o ' . "

A n d w h a t ' s t h e best t h i n g a b o u t

t h e job? "That p s e u d o s e n s e o f p o w e r " .

Ed Sexton Felix Editor Ed Sexton 's man i f e s to p r o m i s e d th ree

things: greater publicity, a higher standard

of writing and reps at every campus . Whilst

he has had great success with the first

two, Ed admits to hav ing

had more trouble with the

latter, "I made half an effort,

but there didn't s e e m to be

any interest". However , Ed

is very happy wi th the

improvements made in the

reviews sections this year, particularly in arts

and games . A b o v e all else, he 'd like to be

remembered for be ing "relaxed, approach­

able and considerate o f both sides of the

argument" .

Alongside this, Ed also believes that the

relationship with the U n i o n has c h a n g e d

this year. "Felix has b e c o m e m u c h m o r e

pro-Union - we' l l still attack t h e m w h e n

necessary, but in general we ' re both o n the

same side".

So would he d o the job again? "No, but

not because I'm not enjoying it - it's just not

someth ing you want to d o for m o r e than

"relaxed,

approachable

and considerate"

thirteen months" . There are things he 'd like

to d o differently If he started the year over.

A n important lesson is that peop le will only

d o th ings if you speak to t h e m personally,

face-to-face, "so I'd spend

more t ime out of the office,

rather than constantly emaiL

ing and p h o n i n g peop le " .

Moreover , given the oppor­

tunity Ed believes he w o u l d

have tried far harder to keep

Felix c o m i n g out on Friday's.

O n e th ing the year has taught Ed is the

myriad of abilities wh i ch the ideal Felix ed i­

tor needs to embody . "You need to have

the technical knowledge ; a genu ine like of

student interests,- the ability to see the dif­

ference be tween what s o m e o n e writes

and w h o they are; and you have to be able

to write 400 words at six in the morn ing ,

hav ing b e e n awake for 24 hours".

A n d what 's the best th ing about the

job? "Walking a round on M o n d a y after­

n o o n s and see ing thousands of students

leaf ing th rough their copy of Felix."

JRjT ° r Felix

Mfr dt-prt d i ji

W <r he t ditot but on

ih s ud r s who vol-

their time to

make it the professional

publication it is. My firsi

priority as iclix Editor will

r o e to encourage more

students to become

invoked through

ased publicity, espe-

r pally at the start of the

Autumn term. As Imper­

ial's campuses continue

to merge, it is increas­

ingly important that stu­

dents from all parts of

the college coniribule to

the newspaper. To this

end Felix will have a rep­

resentative at each of the

m a i n campuses, w h b : :

would be in regular con­

tact lor news and infor­

mation.

be issues relevant to stu­

dents. However, Felix

should also entertain the

readership: The diverse

features and review sec­

tions will stay, but I feel

the layout needs clarifi­

cation to make them

more accessible.

I w a n ; to improve

the quality of writing

throughout lelix, specif-

i all he ' ' i-,' j o d

snoits pages artir t. s c an

he well written whilst

retaining their wit and

will protect its editorial

i n torn Ire i >t> r i tl

influences It will

not take an\ pat- "

ticular political stance,"

but will reflect the opin­

ions of all students at the

college.

I or I elix to maintain

and improve upon its

current high standards,

it is vital thai it has some­

one committed and

organised in Ihe posilion

of editor, I asl year, I suc­

cessfully co-edited

Phoenix, imperial's arts

magazine, as well as run­

ning my own society

with its own column in „

lelix. <\s News Ldiior, I '

tiatrw I, I am < "

r -.- � �

our suppor I .an

� " ! '���'��: C..

1 6 /~f* ^ Singles

tiv. If you

io --il fh> n a m e - o i N i v : N:,n<i f i n d

t l i f c k title, i cou ld have a $ l ib l a f§v | i i

i n e e d their I 1,1 |i I' i'

h i ' 1'vuiti'K .i ,on i i h v , , lui mis .hi

p r o d u c e - i t ' s t h e sort o f s tu f f that

ItPlT Ai,Ad>Au : : i �:. Oh, a n d

|er : e 's : : anothef : th i r i t . ) - Ihe b-side W&?

j j l p e t u a i s ing le is a dul l , uninsj �;

treats. M o r e trassw. .More nunky . M o r e

e.n>i?'.'. : v p l o y

| o | o f o r (he beau t i fu l r b e f o r rock, bai-

>il h >

Whistler - Don't Jump In Front Of My

I t h i nk I've g o t a f e t i s h for f e m a l e

. i i e m I'-'fh i|

;ivn «>od roviei � ; in thb h o p e t ha i

t b I V m a y m l e V m e o n e ' d a y a n d he

Sleater-Klnney - A Quaner To Three/

icistrdlbs wha t ' s

l ight a n d flirty a s w e l l as p u n k y a n d

track, oveif-.: � ' , ea i y voca ls

. up a g tin ( i «il if you 'n fun on

� .. , , . . . . . : ; ,

: ii mm .: o i w o r k to d o thai s a< i u m u -

Music 8 February 1999

Albums

3 COLOURS RED

Chr is M c C o r m a c k smi l es gent l y at

t h e pass ing f lasher .

Kn o w n to Q M a g a z i n e readers as

' the u n r e m a r k a b l e 3 C o l o u r s

Red ' this four-piece p u n k rock

b a n d re lease their s e c o n d a l b u m Revolt

today . M o s t o f y o u wi l l have hea rd o f

t h e m thanks to thei r recent Top 20 hit

a n d b r eak th rough s ing le Beautiful Day

Howeve r , this s o n g is unrepresen ta t i ve

of the a l b u m , w h o s e tracks are far

r e m o v e d f r om the str ing-laden rock ba l­

lad.

they f o r m e d in 1995, b a s e d o n the

s o n g w r i t i n g par tnersh ip of s inger and

bassist Pete Vuckov i c a n d guitarist Chris

M c C o r m a c k . The pair used to write songs

toge ther v ia post be fo re they had e ven

met and they happ i l y boast that they

had f o r m e d a prol i f ic par tnersh ip be fo re

e ven se t t ing eyes o n e a c h other . O n

real is ing their songwr i t i ng potent ia l they

enl is ted guitarist Ben Ha rd ing a n d d r u m ­

mer Keith Baxter to f o rm a b a n d . They

called themse lves 3 Co lours Red after the

cr i t ical ly a c c l a i m e d F rench f i l m . T h e y

re leased This Is My Hollywood i n d e p e n ­

dent ly in 1996 a n d s o o n attracted record

label at tent ion, eventual ly s i gn ing to Cre­

at ion by the e n d o f the year.

Neve r-end ing tours a n d the re lease

of four s ingles and an a l b u m s o o n m a d e

t h e m k n o w n across the country but their

mus i c w a s never access ib l e or or ig ina l

e n o u g h for m a i n s t r e a m success . They

tr ied harder for their next a l b u m , realis­

i ng that s o m e s l o w e r , m o r e m e l o d i c

s o n g s w o u l d m a k e a w e l c o m e b reak

f r o m the non-stop hur r i cane o f rock a n d

punk . They gave us the s ing le Paralyse

last O c t o b e r w h i c h the band descr ibes as

' l ike n o t h i n g w e ' v e d o n e be fo re , th ink

Pan te ra a n d The Pixies w i th a G e o r g e

H a r r i s o n m e l o d y . ' Q u i t e a n ac cu ra t e

desc r i p t i on , excep t for the Harr ison bit.

O h , a n d the m e l o d y bit as we l l . Un for­

tunately , the track is the s a m e as all their

p rev ious s o n g s - l oud guitars a n d drums ,

g r u n g e v o i c e - just w i th d i f ferent wo rds .

W h i c h is w h a t can be said for the

majority o f s o n g s o n this a l b u m , o n e ter­

rible s o n g seamless ly rol l ing into another.

H o w e v e r , t h e r e a re a c o u p l e that

d e m a n d a s e c o n d l isten.

first o f f is Back To The City w h i c h

mixes J o h n n y Rotten voca ls w i th comica l

early '80's e lectr ic rock, not as bad as if

s e e m s actual ly . T h e n w e have a rare

s l o w s o n g in This is My Time w h i c h is a

s t a n d a r d o r c h e s t r a l l y - e n h a n c e d rock

a n t h e m , desp i t e it start ing like S p a n d a u

Ballet.

That leaves us finally w i th current s in­

g le Beautiful Day. It's hard to tell whe the r

this s o n g wil l he lp or h inder t h e m . Whilst

it wi l l o p e n t h e m up to a ma ins t r eam

aud i ence , it cou ld ruin their image as the

hard boys o f rock. 3 Co lours Red are

that rarest o f th ings , a b a n d that m a n ­

a g e s to o c c a s i o n a l l y c rea te p o w e r f u l

up l i f t ing s o n g s but equal ly as many crap

ones , u n a b l e to separa te the g o o d f r o m

the b a d . A bit l ike their record c o m p a n y

C rea t i on , w h o for every Oas i s they a lso

s ign a 3 Co lou r s Red . H

EdJ

DESERT EAGLE DISCS The Eagle Has Landed

Iw a s h a n d e d this CD, c o m p l e t e w i th

the n o w ob l iga tory Parental Adv i sory

sticker w i th a r o u g h out l ine o f the

s o u n d : 'Wel l , it's sort o f R'n'B.' Right-oh

then . . . I'm probab l y not the best a m b a s ­

sador for the n e w R'n'B ( because d idn ' t

the re u s e d to be an o ld one? Y ' know ,

l ike Jools Ho l l and a n d his Rhy thm a n d

B lues O r ches t r a play), c o n s i d e r i n g that

my m u s i c co l l ec t ion is wha t mos t p e o ­

ple w o u l d t e rm 'guitar mus i c ' w i th the

o d d sp lash o f 01 ' B lue Eyes and a he lp­

ing o f Korn .

We l l , he r e w e g o . The ma in m u s i ­

c ians in the g r o u p are Syze-Up a n d Shari

J . Jules (okay so far) a n d y o u might have

hea rd o f Syze-Up be fo re if you ' r e f ami l­

iar w i th Puff Daddy ' s Bad Boy label . He

has re leased a f e w remixes o n it a n d has

also w o r k e d w i th several stateside artists.

Right, that 's e n o u g h o f w h o they are - on

to the sh iny CD . That 's w h y I l ike CDs -

y o u can m a k e pretty patterns on the

ce i l i ng w i th t h e m u s i n g a s imp l e desk

l amp a n d your h a n d .

The ch ie f t h ing that I (a nov ice to the

w o r l d s o f R'n'B, rap a n d h ip-hop , o f

w h i c h I a m rel iably I n fo rmed that this is

an ama lgam) not i ced is that all the s o n g s

c o m e f r o m the s a m e f o r m u l a . They start

w i th a rock-steady rhythm sect ion (no fills

if p o s s i b l e , p l ease ) , f o l l o w e d by a n

e n e m a i n d u c i n g bass, a s a m p l e or two

and lyrics with plenty of not so v ague sex­

ual r e f e r ences a n d m e t a p h o r s . W h i l e

th is is not necessa r i l y a b a d t h i n g , I

expec t s o m e t h i n g a little m o r e var ied

f r o m m y mus i c . H a v i n g sa id that, t he

a l b u m as a w h o l e is a very m e l l o w affair

laced wi th the a f o r e m e n t i o n e d e l emen t s

to g o o d effect .

This is a spec ia l type o f m u s i c and I

shal l a t tempt to set the s c e n e in w h i c h

it may be l i s tened to. You c o m e h o m e

after b e i n g out (a c lub , the pub , wha t­

ever) and It's late. You might be w i th

s o m e f r i ends or a laydee or a b loke , but

I have e x p e r i e n c e w i th the fo rmer so

we ' l l stick w i th that. You g o to the s tereo

a n d put s o m e t u n e s o n . That 's t h e style,

it's b a c k g r o u n d , inc identa l mus i c or, for

wan t of a better phrase , it's s h a g g i n g

mus i c . Tha i ' s w h a t D.E.D. is a first class

c h o i c e for but it doesn ' t f l ick my swi tch ,

f loat m y boat , y ' k n o w . A n d The Lovers is

the s a m e s o n g as Would You kill For Me?

but w i t h o u t the n a u g h t y swea r ing . You

can't f oo l m e -1 k n o w . E l

Christian

8 February 1999 Music

Albums

DREAM CITY FILM CLUB In The Cold Light Of Morning,

Despite the fluffy name, one

band member still Insists on

looking like a menace.

This a l b u m is d e p r e s s i n g . If

y o u ' r e l o o k i n g for s o m e t h i n g to

perk y o u up in the m o r n i n g , to

lift y o u up w h e n you ' r e f e e l i ng low,

don ' t l o o k here . This is m o r e l ikely to

s e n d y o u scut t l ing t o a dark corner

w h e r e y o u wi l l w a n t to w a l l o w in a pit o f

your o w n despa i r a n d insecur i t ies . The

m u s i c in gene ra l has G o t h s t a m p e d all

over it. It's dark, pervy a n d m o r o s e .

H a v i n g sa id that, D r e a m City f i lm

Club have let up a little s ince their epony­

m o u s first a l b u m . That w a s a harsh and

d e p r a v e d l o o k at m o d e r n life, desc r i bed

in t h e press as ' a d i s co rdan t b l ob o f

s o n i c g r e a s e ' a n d ' a f i l thy s o r e o f a

record , ' as we l l as 'pretty f u c k i n g horr i­

ble, all to ld , ' by the N M E . For this, their

s e c o n d a l b u m , there is less emphas i s o n

g r a t i n g r a w n e s s a n d m o r e o f the i r

m e l o d i e s a n d sens i t i v i t i e s c a n s h i n e

t h r o u g h .

The a l b u m o p e n s w i th the beau t i ­

ful ly p o i g n a n t Killer Blow. It's qu ie t a n d

t h o u g h t f u l , a n d h e n c e total ly uncha rac­

teristic o f the rest o f the a l b u m . M o s t o f

t h e s o n g s are l oud a n d raucous , w i th an

e m p h a s i s o n s o u n d i n g like a live record­

ing . Bizarrely, Track 9 Country Paranoia

has exact ly the s a m e intro as Killer Blow.

M a y b e they c o u l d on l y t h i nk up o n e

quie t bit a n d so had to use it a g a i n .

Ker rang ! M a g a z i n e v o t e d Billy Chic

s ing le o f the w e e k a n d it's easy to s ee

w h y w i th its p u n c h y p o w e r c h o r d s a n d

hard rhy thm d r u m m i n g .

S inger M i c h a e l J. Sheehy ' s v o i c e is

surpr is ingly d y n a m i c a n d aptly su i ted for

this style o f mus i c . H e o f t en sails f r o m a

pathet ic w h i n e to a full o n c r o o n . S o m e ­

t i m e s it can- s o u n d l e e r i n g a n d c o n ­

t e m p t u o u s , at o ther t imes frail . Gues t

vocal ist V ictor ia Ben j am in a d d s a p leas­

antly cont ras t ing t o n e o n severa l tracks.

There are s o m e great s o n g s here ,

but not e n o u g h . D C f C c o u l d b e a great

b a n d if they just s t o p p e d t ry ing to be so

d a m n g r im the w h o l e t ime . EJ

Tom

SLY AND ROBBIE Drum And Bass Strip To The Bone By Howie B

Sly and Robbie - back again.

Apparent ly , Sly and Robb i e have

r e l e a s e d a r i d i c u l o u s l y l a rge

n u m b e r o f a l b u m s over the last

f e w years a n d apart f r o m thei r c lassic

s ing le Fire, all this p rogress s e e m s to

have pas sed m e by. Howeve r , prior to

the re lease o f their latest o f f e r i ng Strip

to the Bone, I w a s eager ly awa i t i ng the

tunes to b e o f f e r e d . The r eason for this

can be g u e s s e d f r o m t h e title, for it w a s

s u p p o s e d to be a d r u m a n d bass remix

a l b u m o f the d u o ' s w o r k by mus i c m a n

ext raord ina i re H o w i e B.

The s o u n d o f Strip to the Bone is,

howeve r , far f r o m w h a t I expec t ed to

hear . Rather t h a n the sc r ip ted d r u m

a n d bass, Strip to the Bone has a def in i te

d u b s o u n d to it. Still, this w a s p robab l y

t h e mos t l ikely o u t c o m e w h e n it is c o n ­

s i d e r e d that t h e a l b u m w a s m a d e In

Jama ica , w i th Sly a n d Robb i e supp l y i ng

the i r r emix ch i e f w i th , as H o w i e h imse l f

put it, 'extra s t r ong w e e d . ' The bass Is

not ent i re ly m i s s i ng but the pace is s l ow

- o n e cou ld say it's perfect for sitting back

a n d ch i l l ing out w i th a jo int to . N o sur­

pr ises there , t h e n .

A s for m y favour i te tracks, the tunes

o n the a l b u m w o r k to c o m p l i m e n t e a c h

other a n d as s u c h , track titles are m e r e

formal i t ies as the mus i c w a s h e s t h r o u g h

the a t m o s p h e r e . The a l b u m a lso turns

out t o b e great m u s i c to g o to s l eep to,

- m o r e p roo f that this is far f r o m d r u m

a n d bass.

So, all In all, the s o u n d o f Strip to the

Bone isn't really Sly and Robb i e a n d it

isn't really H o w i e B. But I s u p p o s e that 's

wha t s h o u l d b e e x p e c t e d w h e n transat­

lantic mus i c g iants w i th such cont ras t ing

styles meet . Not bril l iant, but def in i te ly

w o r t h a l isten. El

James

17

singles

� A's usual growling m pme style arl weird blipping sound effects are on full

. ;��:<:� :: :

brighten up these miserable winter tlfflj

Certainly Garbage but definitely not rub-

�pldr on\er tune that certainly has vour oo t. f-vk

:

Uninspired sound with typical female led

�r.u.'ii-'� os : .' ;w. m.j.\ but not fri hee material either -

�at conrtmiiis throughout the tra|§

|ff>pired trai K that has you listening fm

�IKor Ivirul Do la Soul Ihis isa lunk\

i i:GM.h< m i

ten lor 'host- in a lurassiY S state of

V'JU h.;u snow Ira'd this song before

ihO".iub/!'iOV.r<!iy \XX,KX<-.. �'! 1 vii'-i:, ilrv

'�V.'..

Kiggei Uiggor \V. .rid and I nllla was m a �l lb �

I leaw guitar dnvci sound with some

-very, Ska Inspired without retaining the li/i nf groups hie \Aadness 'Ihc slow .tiacksare ledloi- . � .

� M

18 Music 8 February 1999

BILLY MAHONIE The Warehouse, Hackney

Stop the press, the legendary

Shoegazers to reform!

Tha Bomb!

r Half a p a g e aga in . . .we l l it's b e e n a hect i c

jJLtK v\eek and the t im e just isn't the re . This

ffHB w e e k I'm br ing in y o u a Blackstreet spe-

cial, w i th their third a l b u m s o o n to d r o p

w e ha\e a l ook at their c lassic s e c o n d a l b u m . Q u i c k

p iece of news r ega rd ing the funky fou r some . . . t hey are

only three. Vtark M i d d l e t o n has left the c r ew to p u r s u e

a solo career, j o i n i ng o ld m e m e b e r s David Holl ister and

Levi Little w'ho are s e e k i n g o p p o r t u n t i e s e l s e w h e r e .

What is it w i th this g roup? G r o u p m e m b e r s s e e m to be

d r o p p i n g l ike f l i es , t he r e s n o n e w s o n w h e t h e r a

rep lacement is g o i n g to be b r o u g h t in. . . we ' l l k e e p y o u

upda ted o n the s i tua t ion .

Milen

CLASSIGxlbum

BLACKSTREET: ANOTHER LEVEL

Teddy "Street" Riley, h e r a l d e d c o m p o s e r / p roduce r/

s inger and leader o f p l a t i num sou l supe r g r o u p Black-

street, p o w e r c roone r and g r o u p co-founder C h a u n c e y

"Black" Hann iba l , and the t a l en t ed n e w m e m b e r s Eric

Wi l l iams a n d M a r k M i d d l e t o n , t o o k R&B to ano the r

level in 96 a n d far b e y o n d .

Introduced by the funkda f i ed , fee l g o o d lead s ing le No

Diggity, p r o d u c e d by Riley and Wi l l i am Stewart, and fea­

tur ing a phat rap intro by Dr. Drc , this impress i ve n e w

a l b u m e l e v a t e d t h e so c a l l e d u r b a n m u s i c s c e n e ,

e x p a n d i n g t h e s o u l f u l p a r a m e t e r s in t h e p r o c e s s .

"Another Level is a re f l ec t ion o f w h e r e Blackstreet has

OK OK, I'm sure there are a n u m b e r o f y o u out

there w h o are w o n d e r i n g w h e r e the hell in

the thr iv ing vast e x p a n s e o f u rban f aeces

k n o w n as L o n d o n is the H a c k n e y W a r e h o u s e . The

m o r e street w i se a m o n g s t y o u , the o n e s w i th o n e ear

surgica l ly a t tached to the g r o u n d , wi l l be fret t ing your

b rows for not hav ing hea rd of this v e n u e . Wel l t he

truth is, it's not a p e r m a n e n t v e n u e a n d has only just

o p e n e d for this night. It is in fact a teal w a r e h o u s e and

also the h o m e to Billy M a h o n i e ' s guitarist/bassist

Hywe l l . To be accurate there is no tradit ional f ront

m a n as Billy M a h o n i e have n o s inger , but m o r e of that

later.

The g ig was the most u n d e r g r o u n d o n e I've ever

b e e n to, firstly it w a s invite on ly a n d s e c o n d l y the

v e n u e was a f r e e z i n g w a r e h o u s e w i th no bar and o n e

f eeb l e por tab le heater on the constant v e rge of co l­

lapse. The c r o w d w a s main ly ind ie types f r o m all parts,

p r e d o m i n a n t l y France a n d Japan a n d the a t m o s p h e r e

s o o n started to l iven.

Billy M a h o n i e take their n a m e f r o m o n e o f the

characters out o f 'Flatliners', y ou k n o w the mov ie w h e r e

a b u n c h of co l l ege s tudents expe r imen t w i th near-

dea th by g o i n g ' f lat l ine ' . They are a four p i ece , w i th

Gav in on guitar, Kev on bass H o w a r d on d r u m s a n d

Hywell alternating be tween guitar and bass.They f o rmed

at e n d of '97 a n d have re leased t w o s ing les s ince t h e n ,

Hoon and Whistling Sam. N o n e of Billy M a h o n i e ' s mate­

rial has had a w i d e d is t r ibut ion b e c a u s e they 've only

re leased it t h r o u g h smal l ind ie labels. If y o u can' t get

b e e n , w h e r e w e ' r e at a n d w h e r e w e ' r e g o i n g , "

exp l a ined Teddy, a c c l a imed architect o f the historic 80s

R&B/hip-hop revolut ion still global ly revered as ' N e w Jack

Swing . '

Bu i ld ing o n the cert i f ied p la t inum founda t i on fo rged by

Blackstreet 's debu t 1994 self-titled, mi l l i on sel ler CD ,

w h i c h s p a w n e d the top char ted hits Bootie Call, Before

I Let Co, Joy, and Tonight's Ihe Night, the p o w e r of

A n o t h e r Level is u n d e n i a b l e . The j e e p ready a n d rad io

fr iendly No Diggitywas the perfect funky b e g i n n i n g for

the red hot quar te t s c o l d ch l l l i n ' a l b u m . P r imar i l y

r e c o r d e d at Teddy ' s state o f the art fu tu re R e c o r d i n g

s tud io in Vi rg in ia Beach, V i rg in ia (where he a n d his f a m ­

ily a lso res ide) .

"We w o r k e d hard to give the a l b u m d e p t h , s u b s t a n c e

a n d m a x i m u m Blackstreet f lavor," assures Riley, w h o s e

insp i red mus i c i ansh ip , p r o d u c t i o n a n d overal l creat ive

g e n i u s is indel ib ly impr in t ed t h r o u g h o u t the s i z z l i n g

ho ld of t h e m y o u s h o u l d c h e c k o u t Moonlight Madness

o n Ride 's Carnival of Light LP w h e r e the psychede l i c

semi- ins t rumenta l m i m i c s Billy M a h o n i e ' s guitar crazi-

ness . Billy M a h o n i e a re total ly ins t rumenta l a n d this

aspect re in fo rces the interp lay b e t w e e n the guitars.

The re i n f l uences vary b road l y f r o m dEUS a n d early

M o g w a i to M i l e s Davis a n d DJ S h a d o w .

There w a s a mixture o f styles to the s o u n d s they

p r o d u c e d , r ang ing f r o m m e l l o w jang ly ind ie to m a s h e d

up psychede l i c m e a n d e r i n g t h r o u g h a s e a o f th rashed

out d i scordant guitar c h o p p i n g . The t e n d e n c y towards

the latter was on the a g e n d a . Hywel l was the most ener­

getic, t h rash ing h imse l f a r o u n d w h i l e th rash ing his gu i­

tar a r o u n d a n d at t h e s a m e t i m e d r o p p e d his p ick a n d

retr ieved it f r o m the t a n g l e d m e s s o f w i res o n the f loor

in t h e b l ink o f an eye .

For the fu ture Billy M a h o n i e have a debu t a l b u m

l ined up a n d wi l l b e in t h e s t u d i o d u r i n g February

r e c o r d i n g w i th p r o d u c e r H e a d for T o o Pure. They w e r e

dese rved l y m e n t i o n e d in t h e N M E ' s t op 20 bands to

w a t c h for in 1999 a n d they wi l l b e p lay ing aga in f r o m

the e n d o f February. C h e c k out future issues o f Felix for

dates a n d v e n u e s . H

Jason

a lbum. Ou ts t and ing tracks f rom the a l b u m

in c l uded : Good Lovin', a scint i l lat ing slow-

j a m seduct i ve l y de l i v e red by C h a u n c e y ,

w h o equa l l y exce ls o n the R&B Beaut i fu l

Let's Stay In Love, Never Gonna Let You

Go, a tour-de-force romant i c a n t h e m , sparked by Ma rks

exp los i ve , sca le d e f y i n g t eno r ; The Fix," a totally add i c­

tive, h ead k n o d d i n ' B lackstreet but te track; / Can't Get

You Out Of My Mind, un fo rge t t ab l y p o w e r e d by Eric's

lush leads a n d B lackst reet ' s mult i- layered h a r m o n y ;

a n d Can't Buy Me Love, a se r ious sou l r e m a k e o f the

Beat les '60s classic.

The depa r tu re o f Levi (Little) a n d Dav id (Holl ister) w a s

u n e x p e c t e d a n d l o o k e d as if c o u l d b e a little unset t l ing.

W h e n M a r k a n d Eric s t e p p e d in eve r yone out there

i m m e d i a t e l y rea l i zed the c h a n g e w a s just a b l ess ing in

d i sgu i se . Their s o u n d b e c a m e s t ronger , t ighter and

m o r e d iverse, Eric a n d M a r k b o t h s a n g inc red ib le lead

voca ls and h a r m o n i e s .

Its no acc ident that Blackstreet 's s e c o n d l ong player was

tit led Another Level. T e d d y i l luminates : " f r om s t ronger

leads, to hyper h a r m o n y , to m o r e live ins t ruments , to

e n d i n g the a l b u m o n a spir i tual h igh no te ( "God Is

Real"), " h e c o n c l u d e s , " this is the off-the-hook a l b u m

w e w a n t e d the first o n e to be . " There 's no d o u b t that

this a l b u m is a pure classic ski l lz.

8 February 1999 IC Radio 19

SMe I

Mailibo - H?le

WHeri I Argoe,„ - Mlewik

EVeryywEVery i«e - Placet*

Bee-flebuw) - Blor

EsglisK country Gardes - DaWy WarKsls

oiiSfan'dby - SHed7

I'll S«sw Yso Miiie - Ul-frassoW

SMe 2

Biatfca - Kent

ArsuW The world - DaC-fPunk

rtafigRal Express - DWiite comedy

SHsrley Walls - oobewia*

WHere are we iisw - Ge»ie

To EarfH u»'fH L?Ve - Gay Dad

Back TsgefHer - Baby Bird

ICR Chart 1. Divine C o m e d y - Nat iona l Express

2. Ho le - Ma l i bu

3. Idlewild - W h e n I A rgue I See Shapes

4. Levellers - O n e Way 99

5. P lacebo - Every You Every M e

6. O o b e r m a n - Shorley Wall

7. G e n e - As G o o d As It Gets

8. Plutonik - Sitting on Top of the Wor ld

9. Gay Dad - To Earth With Love

T 10. Babybird - Back Together

= 11. Ga rbage - W h e n I G r o w U p

t 12. Mercury Rev - Delta Sun Bott leneck

i 13. Language Lab - Burn ing Disaster

14. P r ince-1999

5. The Jellys - L e m o n a d e Girl

16. M u s e - M u s c l e M u s e u m

17. Umajets - W h e n I Wake U p

18. Unk le - Be There

9. Loop D a Loop - Haze l

= 20. Meta l l i ca - Whiskey in the Jar

This week we profile Ross McKenzie's lunchtime show. Record the 'Nick­

ers and Pants' Show on Wednesday lunchtlme for next week's feature.

So, what do you do at IC Radio then?

I present the M o n d a y a n d f r iday l u n c h t i m e s h o w s a n d a g o o d Job t o o 'cause

I'm d a m n e d g o o d at it.

What makes the lunchtime slot so attractive?

It's a c h a n c e to s e n d out s o m e m a i n s t r e a m t u n e s a n d c h e e s y j o k e s w h e n p e o ­

ple in Sou ths ide are e i ther c o o k i n g or ge t t i ng out o f b e d . I've built m y illustri­

ous career o n the subt le yet d a r i n g art o f day t ime b roadcas t i ng , Fo l l ow ing in

the hoof-prints o f o ther such bas t ions o f qual i ty as A n n e D i a m o n d a n d Richard

& Judy. Luncht ime is a great oppor tun i t y to c o m p e t e wi th the larger stat ions wi th

a similar a p p r o a c h but u s i n g the advan t age o f that S tudent Radio e d g e . M a n .

Eh, yeah, fine. Where's the Ross McKenzle lunchtime show going Just now?

Kent.

What? Kent the stereotyplcally anal English county?

Eh, no the hip y o u n g Swed i sh b a n d w i th the s a m e n a m e as t h e stereotypica l ly

ana l Engl ish county . But I'd a lways be up for d o i n g a r o a d s h o w event in Kent.

Or a n y w h e r e e lse for that matter .

So what makes a good lunchtime show?

Conf idence , g o o d music , a u d i e n c e participation a n d regular features. A n d a g o o d

presenter o f course .

What regular features have you got then?

There 's ' N a m e that Crisp' m y fantast ic exc i t ing a n d p a t e n t e d g a m e s h o w w i th

s t u n n i n g pr izes to be w o n . There 's a lso a w e a t h e r bu l le t in w i t h A lbert Hal l . Eh,

I usual ly resurrect s o m e c l i ched 'guess the link b e t w e e n t h e s e th ree records '

type of t h i n g as we l l . Cut t ing-edge b r o a d c a s t i n g y o u k n o w .

Yes I imagine It is....

O h yeah I'm p l a n n i n g o n d o i n g m y ent i re s h o w f r o m the IC Rad io toi lets s o o n .

I don ' t th ink it's ever b e e n d o n e b e f o r e a n d g i m m i c k s usua l ly g o d o w n fairly

we l l . It's g o o d to have a l augh o n c e in a wh i l e .

Any ambitions for your show?

Yeah I'd like to broadcas t it to m o r e t han th ree hung-over s tudents and a c o u ­

ple o f p i g e o n s o n e day, just to s ee h o w it'd g o d o w n . O n e o f the d o w n s ides

o f b e i n g at IC is the soc ia l apathy . I'd love to k n o w h o w it'd fee l to broadcast

on Radio 1, k n o w i n g that 3 mi l l i on p e o p l e a re l i s ten ing to w h a t you ' r e d o i n g .

Any final messages for the readers of Felix and even the odd 1C Radio listener?

Yeah there 's lots o f f u n k i n c s s a n d soc ia l f ibre to b e f o u n d o n IC Rad io w h i c h I

th ink most IC s tudents cou ld d o w i th . I h o p e that if y o u can l isten in to the s h o w

t h e n you' l l f ind it a g o o d s tuden t a l ternat ive to what ' s o n e l s e w h e r e . Cheers .

WEEKLY SCHEDULE

Broadcasting 24 hours a day to Southside and on 999am

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Ross & his AM

M Odyssey

Fame beckons after

' his feature in Felix

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Lunchtime Show The man with the

hair returns after his

weeks absence to

deliver a consistent­

ly quality show.

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so they d ropped

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anything that takes

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thursday friday

Steve Metal The Neel Appeal

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Radio's top 1 0 live

and exclusive on IC

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Nanj Ross & his A M

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record.

20 Arts 8 February 1999

AFRICA BY AFRICA: A PHOTOGRAPHIC VIEW

Barbican Art Gallery

This s h o w e x p l o r e s t h e w o r k o f

African pho tographers f r o m the past

70 years. The first d isplay dates back

to the 1930s, por t ray ing n u m e r o u s f a m ­

ilies. M o s t o f the i m a g e s represent tra­

di t ional aspec ts o f Af r i can l i fe; t he ins ide

o f h o u s e s , w o m e n in typica l c o s t u m e s

and coup l e s d ressed up for spec ia l o c c a ­

s i ons . The next s e c t i o n p r e s e n t s a n

incred ib le a m o u n t o f portraits by M a m a

Casset, A z a g l o a n d Keita. A z a g l o p l aces

h is m o d e l s o u t d o o r s , u s i n g m e n a n d

w o m e n a l ike . Keita, o n t h e o the r h a n d ,

c o m e s up w i t h a br i l­

liant self-portrait, a lways

p ic tur ing g roups or sub­

jec t s l y ing d o w n . H is

funniest p iece has to be

t h e t w o b a b i e s (p ic­

tured left). These p h o ­

tos are t o u c h i n g a n d

very m o v i n g . The next

b i g r o o m f o c u s e s o n

w o r k f r o m South Afr ica .

M o s t o f t h e m are taken

f r o m Drum m a g a z i n e

w h i c h had an i m m e n s e

Impact a n d i n f l u e n c e

o n life in the country .

W e get to see a y o u n g

a n d char i smat i c N e l s o n M a n d e l a , lots of

d a n c i n g a n d s i n g i n g in j a z z c lubs as wel l

as a rare, early p h o t o g r a p h of the great­

est A f r i can s inger , M i r i a m M a k e b a . The

70s are typ i f ied as g l a m o r o u s party ing,

revea l ing the in f luence o f Pop culture on

Af r i ca . S a m u e l Fosso 's ser ies captures

the spirit o f this turbulent decade . He has

t a k e n seve ra l t r e m e n d o u s l y i n t e n s e ,

h u m o r o u s a n d or ig ina l self-portraits. H e

is d r e s sed d i f ferent ly in every s ing le pic­

ture - it l ooks l ike a f a sh ion shoo t really.

The exh ib i t ion s e e m s to skip the 80s and

w e land ins tead in the m o d e r n i s m a n d

w i l dness o f the 90s. Both sec t ions are

o u t s t a n d i n g . First, A p a g y a creates a set

of s tud io portraits against d i f ferent back­

drops , e v en p rov id i ng the gal lery w i th

o n e . W e the re fo re get an idea of the

ef fects c rea ted by p h o t o g r a p h y f r o m a

very basic p i e ce o f e q u i p m e n t . The last

part o f the exh ib i t i on is d e d i c a t e d to

c o n t e m p o r a r y South Afr ican p h o t o g r a ­

phers , w i th a t r e m e n d o u s variety o f w o r k

o n display. M o f o k e n g ' s ser ies has a very

myst ic a n d h a u n t i n g f e e l i n g to it. Tsha-

b a n g u s h o w s the harder

s ide o f life in the t o w n ­

sh ips . Finally, M t h e t h w a

in jects a lot o f c o l o u r

into his pho tos , result­

ing in a splendidly happy

a n d opt imis t i c ou t l ook .

This s h o w is very

i n s p i r i n g . It d i s c l o s e s

m a n y facets o f A f r i ca -

the contrast ing hardsh ip

and en joyment . W e a lso

d i s c o v e r that s o m e

art ists a re p u s h i n g

b o u n d a r i e s , p r o d u c i n g

ve ry o r i g i n a l a n d c re­

ative work . It is a great

s h a m e that t h e s e artists d o n ' t get m o r e

a t t en t i on in ou r W e s t e r n cu l ture . The

e x h i b i t i o n is d e f i n i t e l y w o r t h s e e i n g ,

espec ia l l y if y o u d o n ' t k n o w m u c h about

A f r i can artists. You wi l l d i scover a wor ld

full o f poetry .

D.

Unt i l 28th M a r c h

Neares t t u b e ; Ba rb ican

A d m i s s i o n : £6, c o n c e s s i o n s £4

CINDERELLA

Wimbledon Theatre

As a m a t u r e , s e r i o u s a n d ultra-

soph i s t i ca ted thea t r egoe r , I w a s

m o r e t han s l ight ly a p p r e h e n s i v e

about s e e i n g the glittery ch i ld ren ' s spec­

tacle that is Cinderella. We l l , okay , the re

was o n e attract ion - o n e o f m y all-time

he roes Kriss A k a b u s i w a s in it, w h i c h

m o r e than m a d e up for the sad lack o f

cx-Ne ighbours characters in the cast.

I se r ious l y d o u b t e d t h e e n t e r t a i n ­

ment va lue of s h o u t i n g at g r o w n m e n

and w o m e n to look b e h i n d t h e m , a n d

wh i l e t ry ing to f e n d of f inquis i t i ve p r o d s

a n d severa l a t t empts at c o n v e r s a t i o n by

a ho rde of smal l ch i ld ren , I s q u e e z e d

myse l f into the pint-sized chair . I w a s

howeve r d e t e r m i n e d to k e e p a n o p e n

m ind , even after the me lod rama t i c d r u m

roll a n d styl ised in t roductory s o n g boast­

ing the merits o f Cadbury 's , a n d h o w we l l

a bar of Cadbury ' s w o u l d g o wi th the per­

formance , a n d w o u l d w e like to g o to the

foyer a n d get - y o u g u e s s e d it - s o m e

Cadbury 's .

O n c e the play got started t h o u g h , I

was cap t i va ted . The sets w e r e cons i s­

tently b r ea th t ak ing , a n d per fec t ly f a n ­

tast ica l , w h i l e t h e c o s t u m e s w e r e

extravagant, invent ive a n d , in the case o f

the t w o ugly sisters, o f t en r id icu lous a n d

hi lar ious .

A s a p e r s o n w i t h w h a t c o u l d b e

desc r i bed as a s o m e w h a t juven i l e sense

s c e n e abou t cats. There w e r e in fact per­

haps a f e w t o o m a n y 'adul t ' j okes that

w o u l d have passed over the kids' heads ,

but still se rved to enter ta in .

of h u m o u r , I f o u n d myse l f c reas ing up at

the gags ( a l though don ' t expec t e v en a

hint o f subtlety) . A n exce l lent ventr i lo­

quis t , w o v e n in to the p lot o n a very

v a g u e pretext , e a r n e d his p r e s e n c e if

on ly o n the s t rength o f a s ing le , f unny

As w i th all p a n t o m i m e s , the ch i ldren

in the a u d i e n c e w e r e an impor tan t part

o f the s h o w , g i v i ng us all an excuse to

i n d u l g e ourse l ves as we l l as t h e m . A n d

they d idn ' t let us d o w n . They r e s p o n d e d

w i th exper t i se at all the right m o m e n t s ,

a n d c h i r p e d up w i t h e n d e a r i n g c o m ­

m e n t s at all t h e w r o n g m o m e n t s . They

t h e m s e l v e s p r o v i d e d a rich s o u r c e o f

en t e r t a i nmen t w h e n Bradley Wa l sh as

Buttons en t i ced s o m e y o u n g 'volunteets '

to p e r f o r m a var iety o f e m b a r r a s s i n g

act iv i t ies o n s tage .

Incidentally, Kriss d idn ' t let m e d o w n

e i ther - he w a s witty, and o f cou rse very

en thus ias t i c . His c o m p l e t e lack of any

s i n g i n g abi l i ty w a s clever ly m a s k e d , a n d

his role in ' Reco rd Breakers ' w a s m i l ked

to t h e fu l l , p r o v i d i n g the subject for a

range o f j okes .

O n the w h o l e , the mus i c w a s a little

corny a n d not very or ig ina l , u s i ng s o n g s

l i f ted f r o m severa l we l l-known mus ica ls .

There w e r e h o w e v e r s o m e m e m o r a b l e

t u n e s as w e l l as s o m e exce l lent dances .

The h u n t i n g s c e n e in part icular s tands

out as a lively, we l l c h o r e o g r a p h e d a n d

fever ish ly d ramat i c p i e ce o f work .

O v e r a l l , t h e pe r f e c t p a n t o m i m e ,

w o n d e r f u l l y c ap tu r i ng the fantasy of the

fairy tale a n d a lso o f Chr is tmas (if a little

be latedly ) . A great l augh . But you ' l l have

to wait unt i l next year to s ee It... Sorry!

Judy

8 February 1999 Arts 21

PATRICK CAULFIELD

Hayward Gallery

Cau l f ie ld ' s still-lives a re a cont rad i c­

t i o n . H is p l ana r a n d g r a p h i c

i m a g e s are r em in i s cen t o f c o m i c

strip cells, s w a m p e d in br ight , u n i f o r m

and intense colours. Each f o rm is de f i ned

by p r o n o u n c e d b l a ck c o n t o u r s ,

m u c h like the l e ad ing o f s ta ined

g lass w i n d o w s ( inc identa l ly , a lso

the subject o f a picture) . Yet this

radical s imp l i f i ca t ion is aptly c o m ­

p e n s a t e d for by p r o m i n e n t per­

spect ive gu ide l i nes , w h i c h e x p a n d

the d i m e n s i o n s o f p e r c e p t i o n .

" M y subject matter has no spe­

cific geograph i ca l s i tuat ion, it cou ld

be a n y w h e r e in the w o r l d . That 's

w h y I use certa in image ry rather

repet i t ive ly , s u c h as pots . G r e e k

pots p i c k e d up f r o m the s e a b e d

c o u l d have b e e n m a d e last w e e k ,

they are o f a similar f o rm , retain the

s a m e f u n c t i o n a n d are e q u a l l y

c o m p e l l i n g but w i t h o u t a date -

this is the ant i thes is of the Pepsi-

C o l a bot t le . "

His p ic tures are l ight-hearted a n d

decora t i ve , o f t en d e p i c t i n g inter iors and

l andscapes . H e a lso injects ins ight a n d

h u m o u r into his work , p a r o d y i n g Stubbs

w i th a horse prof i le a n d in te rpre t ing a

De lac ro ix c o m p o s i t i o n . H e a lso jux ta­

poses cont ras t ing t e c h n i q u e s to great

ef fect , c l ash ing the a lmost abstract w i th

excess ive p h o t o g r a p h i c rea l ism. A f inely

de ta i l ed rose or w i n e g l a s s is the

focus o f the c o m p o s i t i o n amids t a

g e o m e t r i c backd rop .

This major ret rospect ive h i g h ­

l ights Cau l f i e l d ' s d is t inc t i ve style,

h o w e v e r the fo rma t o f his w o r k

rema ins , pe rhaps d i sappo in t ing l y ,

static t h r o u g h o u t his d i s t i ngu i shed

career , a l t h o u g h in m o r e r e cen t

pa in t ings h e admi t ted l y i n t roduces

the conce p t of texture to o the rw i se

r igorous ly s m o o t h canvases . Cauld-

f ie ld en joys t eas ing the v i ewer w i th

t r o m p e I'oeil r e p r e s e n t a t i o n s o f

matter - an invitat ion to an o b s c u r e

w o r l d o f fantasy i ssued f rom the

quo t i d i an .

Nea res t t u b e : W a t e r l o o / E m b a n k m e n t

A d m i s s i o n : £6, c o n c e s s i o n s £4

O p e n i n g hou r s : dai ly 10am - 6 p m (Tues­

day a n d W e d n e s d a y unti l 8pm)

Helena

Unt i l 11th Apri l

PICASSO AND PHOTOGRAPHY: THE DARK MIRROR

Barbican Art Gallery

This exci t ing exhib i t ion - a c o n d e n s e d

vers ion o f s h o w s f r o m the M u s e e

P i casso in Paris - e x p l o r e s P a b l o

Picasso's re l a t ionsh ip w i th p h o t o g r a p h y .

The d isplay o p e n s w i th a f e w classical

Span i sh pa i n t e r s ; t h e i n f l u e n c e o f El

Greco is highly not iceab le , f r o m then o n ,

w e fo l l ow Picasso's work , b e g i n n i n g w i th

his p repara t ion a n d research for the rev­

o lut ionary Les Demoiselles d'Avignon.

He p repa red ske t ches f r o m p h o t o s of

West Af r i can w o m e n t aken at t h e b e g i n ­

n i n g o f the century . This sec­

t ion is very beaut i fu l - it's fas­

c i n a t i n g t o d i s c o v e r t h e

m a k i n g o f such an inf luent ia l

p a i n t i n g . His t i m e at t h e

5| Bateau-Lavoir s tud io in Mont-

X mar t re d u r i n g 1905-1909 is

t h e n d e p i c t e d , i n c l u d i n g

m a n y p ic tures o f his f r i ends .

The next co l l ec t ion takes us

to H o r t a d e Ebro in Spa in

w h e r e he pa inted the Houses

on the Hill. Aga in , w e wi tness

the s tep by step c rea t ion o f

the p iece , as h e uses p h o ­

t o g r a p h y as his m a i n in f lu­

e n c e a n d he lp . The f o l l o w i n g

r o o m s h o w s a f e w images o f

his o w n art, w i th an instal la­

t ion o f pap ie rs co l les .

P i casso c a p t u r e s t h e

m o o d a n d spirit o f his t ime

t h r o u g h p h o t o g r a p h y . H e

t o o k great portraits o f s o m e of t h e mos t

p r o m i n e n t artists o f the 1910s: the poe ts

M a x Jacob a n d Apo l l i na i r e (in hospi ta l

w i t h his w a r in jur ies ) as w e l l as t h e

pa in t e r s f e D o u a n i e r R o u s s e a u a n d

M a r i e Laurenc in (a rare c o n t e m p o r a r y

f e m a l e artists). H e e v e n m a n a g e d to

record his co l l abora t ion w i th Stravinsky

o n the ballet Parade in 1917, for w h i c h

h e p a i n t e d t h e deco r . The e x h i b i t i o n

t h e n f o cuses m o r e o n o ther p h o t o g r a ­

phers ' take o n his art a n d his partnership

w i th s o m e o f t h e m . First, w e see D o r a

M a a r ' s ser ies d e p i c t i n g the c rea t ion o f

Guernica in 1937. Each p h o t o is t aken at

a d i f ferent s tage and the re fo re cons t i­

tu tes a p r e c i o u s d o c u m e n t a t i o n o f

Picasso's artistic techn ique . Other f a m o u s

p h o t o g r a p h e r s i n c l u d e D o i s n e a u a n d

Brassai. Both obse r ved h i m in the inti­

macy of his art. Brassai 's p ic tures s h o w

his i nven t i ve p a p e r s c u l p ­

tures of the 1940s. The f inal

r o o m s concen t ra te on the

last 20 years o f the artist 's

creative life. First, w e exp lore

his co l l abora t ion w i th A n d r e

V i l le rs . P i casso u s e d h is

paper cut-outs a p p r o a c h o n

Vil lers ' p h o t o g r a p h s , g i v i ng

rise to s o m e t r e m e n d o u s l y

i nnova t i ve p i e c e s . Par t i cu­

larly m e m o r a b l e w a s t h e

cleverly s u p e r i m p o s e d pre­

sentat ion of pa lm and mask

s i lhouet tes . The last r o o m is

yet ano the r or ig inal c reat ion

- light or space images us ing

l ight bu lb s , w i t h P i casso

d r a w i n g a n d the p h o t o g r a ­

pher G jon Mi l l c ap tu r ing the

m o v e m e n t s .

Photography was always

a major e l emen t in Picasso's

artistic career and pe rsona l

l i fe . W e get a d e l i g h t f u l

ins ight into his capt i va t ing

wor ld , so I strongly r e c o m m e n d this to all

P icasso lovers.

Unt i l 28th M a r c h

Neares t t u b e : Ba rb ican

A d m i s s i o n : £6, c o n c e s s i o n s £4

22 Clubscene 8 February 1999

n Specimen A Review + Competition Winners!

Review: Specimen A @ IC Union

Last Friday s a w t h e s e c o n d g i g by Spec­

i m e n A at our u n i o n , a n d w h a t a success

it was . Their u n i q u e b rand o f aggress i ve

punk, a n d P rod igy-sound ing t u n e s h a d

the ' f loor p a c k e d o u t (it h a d to b e really,

s ince it w a s a sell out ) .

But a l t h o u g h IC has s e e n S p e c i m e n

A play tw i ce , not m a n y p e o p l e k n o w

w h o they are. C l u b s c e n e m a n a g e d to

get an in te rv iew w i th t h e m b e f o r e t h e

g ig .

So w h o are they? We l l , S p e c i m e n A

are a c o u p l e o f l ikely lads (brothers a c tu­

ally) w h o wr i te , p r o d u c e a n d play the

k ind o f mus i c that t hey w a n t to . Pretty

g o o d w h e n y o u t ake in to a c c o u n t that

they are on l y 18 a n d 20 years o l d .

Their debu t a l b u m , ca l led Pulse, w a s

wr i t ten in a year a n d fuses t o g e t h e r sev­

eral gen res o f m u s i c : h i p h o p , d r u m a n d

bass, heavy t e c h n o , a n d t rance - a rather

s imp le sys tem o f p r o d u c i n g tracks that

t hey l ike t h e s o u n d of. AI the m o m e n t ,

they are just bu i l d ing up their reputat ion,

so by p l ay ing a f e w g igs (a tour is d u e

soon ) , a n d a bit o f rad io play wi l l set

t h e m o n the road to s t a rdom. A l t h o u g h

t h e c o m p a r i s o n s to the Prod igy wi l l be

m a d e , the guys are l o o k i n g to get away

f r o m that type o f mus i c - they wan t to be

k n o w n for their o w n brand of "aggressive

punk " a n d not as rip-offs o f Flint et a l .

This year, they w o u l d love to d o Glas­

tonbury , or s o m e other festival a n d per­

haps even support s o m e o n e (Cypress Hill

w a s a n a m e m e n t i o n e d a f e w t imes ) o n

tour , thus bu i l d i ng up their prof i le a n d

g e t t i n g s o m e m u c h n e e d e d publ ic i ty .

A n d w i th their great live shows , i nc lud­

i n g d r u m m e r s , guitarists, dance rs (their

roadie ! ) , S p e c i m e n A are g o i n g for a

"visually act ive, live s o u n d w i th p lenty of

voca ls and lots o f synths". Ideal for a fes­

tival s u c h as G las tonbury .

They are a lso ge t t ing lots o f suppor t

f r o m fami ly a n d f r iends . Their d a d has

b e e n o n seve ra l w o r l d t ou r s b e f o r e

( Spec imen A d id not m e n t i o n w h o w i th

or w h a t h e d id ) , but t h e e x p e r i e n c e

coun ts . Their d a d a lso h a p p e n s to m a n ­

a g e t h e m , whilst m u m is a mus i c teacher

(runs in the family?) and helps o n the cos­

t u m e front . For e a c h s h o w , S p e c i m e n A

br ing a h u g e a m o u n t of e q u i p m e n t , a n d

it's all theirs , so bank loans a n d all that

rubb i sh is really a p r o b l e m , all t hey have

to d o is p r o d u c e the g o o d s . Recent ly ,

they s i g n e d to the record g iants B M G ,

w h o wi l l re lease Pulse a n d the first s in­

g le in the next c o u p l e o f m o n t h s , s h o w ­

ing that S p e c i m e n A arc a b a n d to be

t aken ser iously .

Obv i ous l y this year wi l l be cruc ia l ,

they n e e d publicity, a n d they can't a f ford

to let t h e a l b u m f lop - not that it s h o u l d ,

g i v en the back ing o f B M G . If eve ry th ing

g o e s to p lan , S p e c i m e n A wi l l be a r o u n d

for s o m e t im e - a n d w e s a w t h e m first!

John '00' Fleming Competition Winners

Congra tu l a t i ons to the f o l l o w i n g , w h o

co r rec t l y a n s w e r e d last w e e k ' s c o m -

pe t i on q u e s t i o n . W inne r s wi l l b e receiv­

ing a c o p y o f John 's n e w mix a l b u m in

the post very s o o n :

L. Watson

E. Newsome

J. Lewis

C. Tzineris

A. Gibson

M a n y thanks a l so to Jod ie a n d M a r k at

Phuture Trax for all their he lp , and g iv ing

us C D s to g ive away .

G u r m

Return to the Source The Rocket, Holloway Road, N7.

Saturdays, £8/£9/£12,

10pm-6am, capacity -1,200.

Dress code - none.

"It's all a load of t ree-hugging h ippy crap",

as Ca r tman f r o m South Park w o u l d say.

That is Return to the Source for y o u . You

ser ious ly h a v e to b e in to th i s sort o f

th ing to en joy this n ight . A n d I wasn ' t ,

and p robab l y never have b e e n , e v e n in

my m o r e o p e n - m i n d e d t rave l l ing days.

That's 'cos (and I'll b e b lunt ) the m u s i c

w a s a b s o l u t e l y sh i t . W h e r e w a s t h e

swir l ing, d reamy, psychede l i c t rance usu­

ally assoc i a ted w i th RTFS (just c h e c k out

s o m e o f their a l b u m s for this)? That's

w h a t RTFS rea l ly is a b o u t . O r m a y b e

they've m o v e d on to n e w a n d shitter pas­

tures. The only w a y to desc t lbe the mus i c

in the m a i n a r e n a is as m i n d - n u m b i n g .

This stuff really m a d e your brain hurt - the

dance m u s i c equ iva len t o f thrash me ta l .

To der ive any e n j o y m e n t f r o m this , let

a l o n e b e i n g a b l e to d a n c e to it, y o u

w o u l d have to have taken e n o u g h s p e e d

to kill a horse . There w a s just n o t h i n g to

it - no m e l o d y to s p e a k of, n o t h i n g to

latch o n t o . Just d e a f e n i n g kick d r u m s

a n d a lot of sway ing b o d i e s . I th ink this

mus i c w o u l d have pissed m e off even o n

a p a r a d i s e b e a c h in G o a . A n d w h a t

m a k e s this e v en m o r e o f a s h a m e is

that the v e n u e , The Rocket, is qui te g o o d

a n d to b e fair to RTFS they d id deco ra t e

it we l l . I th ink it's a s tudent u n i o n by day,

so it's a bit angu la r a n d func t iona l in

places, but it d o e s the job as a major c lub

v e n u e . The RTTS p e o p l e are a lso great.

Ve ry ch i l l ed-out , f r i end ly , h a p p y , a n d

mos t certa in ly not scary. But c l u b b i n g is

not just a b o u t t hese th ings - it's pr imar­

ily a b o u t the mus ic , and o n this f u n d a ­

m e n t a l c r i te r ion RTTS fa i l ed mise rab l y

last Saturday. But I'm not g o i n g to say

never g o there , b e c a u s e m a y b e I caught

RTTS o n a b a d n ight . It w a s a d r u m m i n g

festival o n the night, so every fucker and

his w i fe had a b o n g o d r u m on t h e m . A n d

I m e a n even/one . I actual ly felt qu i te

n a k e d w i t h o u t - I s h o u l d have t a k e n

m i n e a l o n g w i th m e . T h e n m a y b e I'd

have got m o r e into it. But I d o u b t it. You

s ee b o n g o d r u m s are great w h e n there

is on ly a f e w of t h e m b e i n g p layed by

h igh ly sk i l led pe r fo rmers , as an a c c o m ­

pan imen t to the mus ic . That's w h e n they

a d d an extra d i m e n s i o n to a c lub n ight .

But this was b o n g o d r u m hel l . O n e r o o m

w a s e ven who l l y d e d i c a t e d to t h e little

cy l indr ica l fe l las . Imag ine w e l l over a

h u n d r e d tone-dea f , u n t a l e n t e d , a n d

u n c o o r d i n a t e d crust ies try ing to play (!)

the i r d r u m s in t im e w i th e a c h o the r .

Obv i ous l y they fa i l ed , but m o r e i m p o r ­

tantly they drove a n y o n e foo l i sh e n o u g h

to stay in the r o o m , c o m p l e t e l y m a d .

A n d what ' s m o r e they used up a w h o l e

r o o m w h i c h c o u l d have b e e n f i l led w i th

t h e h y p n o t i c Goa- t r ancc that RTTS is

f a m o u s for.

However , don't just take my w o r d for

all o f this. Listen to o n e o f their a l b u m s

a n d if y o u like w h a t y o u hear t h e n g ive

the c lub n ight a g o . But r e m e m b e r not

to take your b o n g o d r u m w i th y o u . After

a l l , c l u b s a r c for d a n c i n g in , not for

p o u n d i n g away incessant ly o n a n n o y ­

ing ins t ruments .

Dog on a String

Rooba rb

8 February 1999 Clubscene 23

Album of the Week

Coldcut

'Let us Replay"

This w e e k ' s a l b u m o f the w e e k c o m e s

in the f o r m o f Co ldcut ' s "let us replay",

and what a f i n e a l b u m it is t o o . It's a

we i rd a n d w o n d e r f u l a l b u m , a n d is the

cu lm ina t ion o f a w o r l d tour o f l ive

shows ( n o n e o f this pre-recorded o n

DAT b o l l o c k s ) in c i t ies s u c h as

Barce lona a n d Tokyo . So what ' s t h e

a l b u m about ? Wel l basical ly, it's l oads

of p rogress i ve h o u s e t u n e s all o n o n e

CD; but Co ldcu t have had a n i n f l u e n c e

w i th e a c h t rack in s o m e f o r m o r a n o t h ­

er (e.g. remix ing ) . All t h e t u n e s are

great a n d are by we l l- respected artists

such as Carl C ra ig . There are ch i l l ed

out tracks, voca l tracks e .g . t h e a cous t i c

warb l ings o f M i s s S e l e n a Sa l iva a n d t h e

S y cophan t s o n ' the Tale o f V i g i n i a

Ep i tome' a n d ' N o a h ' s Toi let) - don ' t ask

m e what that 's all a b o u t ! The re are t w o

CDs on the a l b u m . The first f ea tu res a

d o z e n or so s u p e r b p rog , h o u s e tracks,

whilst the s e c o n d fea tures a n o t h e r six

or so w h i c h y o u can play o n you r PC or

on a n o r m a l C D player. Bo th C D s f e a ­

ture s o m e tracks r e c o r d e d l ive f r o m

s o m e po in t o f Co ldcu t ' s tour . Don ' t let

the p a c k a g i n g put y o u o f f e i ther - it

may appea r to b e a h a p p y ha rdco re

type a l b u m , but it's not . It is great a n d

any p rogress i ve h o u s e f ans ou t t he r e

shou ld get their h a n d s o n a c o p y o f this

a l b u m . O u t n o w o n N i n j a Records .

� � � � �

Iblza Compilation Albums

Cafe Del Mar

Volumes 1-3

Every s u m m e r , w h e n t h o u s a n d s o f us

head of f o n our ho l idays , t h e record

c o m p a n i e s ' rub their co l l ec t i ve h a n d s

together , a n d fill t he s h o p s u p w i th t h e

' p roduced- in- t en-minu tes- to-make-a-

fast-buck 1 CDs . T h e s e CD 's (and the re

are loads o f t h e m ) are t h e current hits

that have b e e n o n the d a n c e f loors in

G reece , Spa in etc . Basically, t hey have

b e e n c h u c k e d t o g e t h e r a n d ' m i x e d ' (?)

by DJ Turn tab les (or wha t e ve r the i r

n a m e s are) in less t i m e than it takes for

you to pul l o n your ho l iday , in the h o p e

that as a ' r eminder ' o f you r ho ls , you ' l l

buy the C D . O b v i o u s l y if y o u w a n t to

but t h e m t h e n f ine , but the re are lots

of t h e m a n d c h o o s i n g t h e right o n e

can o f t en be a pa in in the arse s ince

they're g o i n g to have t racks o n t h e m

w h i c h y o u wi l l hate .

The b igges t g r o u p o f CD 's that c o m e

out are the o n e s that m e n t i o n Ib lza in

their n a m e s , but o n e g r o u p o f C D s that

are def in i te ly w o r t h c h e c k i n g out , is the

Cafe Del M a r ser ies . The re are th ree o f

t h e m in this part icular ser ies , a n d Jose

Albums + Singles Padi l la h imse l f (the f a m o u s DJ o f the

Ca fe De l Mar ) has c h o s e n the tracks.

All the mus i c o n the CDs are t aken f r om

the 1992-1996 pe r i od a n d the classic

balear ic tunes that have s h a p e d Ibiza

into what it is today. In short , these are

t unes that have m a d e Ibiza. All Ihe

o r i g i na l s are he re , i n c l u d i n g

S m o k e b e l c h II by the Sab res o f

Paradise, A g u a , a n d Jose Padi l la the list

g o e s o n a n d o n . The tunes span the

s p e c t r u m of the classic Ibizan hits. The

m e l o d i e s , soft-vocal a n d ins t rumenta l

tunes are o n , as we l l as those tunes

w i th a sl ight beat a n d the s o u n d of

w a v e s c rash ing o n t o the b e a c h , for

t hose of y o u w h o loved Ibiza a f e w ,

years a g o , t hen y o u c o u l d d o a lot

w o r s e than to check out this co l l e c t i on .

Alr ight, it is a f e w years o ld n o w , but if

y o u want a trip d o w n m e m o r y lane,

t h e n check out these .

O u t o n React Records

(www.mus ic-network .com/reac t )

� � � �

Single of the Week

Monica

'Inside' (Masters at Work remixes)

O u r s ingle o f the w e e k - and what a t u n c

it is - is a supe rb track by M o n i c a w h i c h

fea tures t h e M A W d o i n g the r em ix ing .

It's a cross b e t w e e n R&B a n d garage ,

s i n ce it doesn ' t s e e m to be in e i ther

g e n r e , a n d it's t h e k ind o f t u n e y o u

c o u l d s m o o c h the n ight away to . A soft

bass line and Mon ica ' s sweet voice make

the voca l mix a rguab ly the best mix, but

there is a stack o f mixes to c h o o s e f rom,

i n c l u d i n g dubs , a n d a h o u s e mix. M o n ­

ica's vo i ce is great and the M A W d o a

s u p e r b j o b of g i v i ng us a b o u t half a

d o z e n vers ions thanks to their mixes, giv­

ing plenty o f var iat ions. Great voca ls ,

great t u n e - supe rb . O u t in M a r c h .

� � � �

Faith Evans

All night long'

The q u e e n o f R&B o n c e aga in d e m o n ­

strates w h y she is just that. A l l night l ong

is a w o n d e r f u l track 1, w h i c h fea tures t h e

a w e s o m e vo i ce o f Faith, as we l l as t u n e

w h i c h has a great rhy thm to it. But y o u

are s imply lost in Evans' wonde r fu l vocals

a n d that 's w h a t really m a k e s the track.

The s ing le c o m e s w i th th ree mixes , the

a l b u m vers ion (which is the best mix), a n

Instrumenta l (alright if y o u like the soft

tune ) a n d a n a c e p p e l l a (great if y o u just

wan t to hear Faith!). The t une features

Puff Daddy and the train spotters m igh t

p ick up o n t h e fact that the track takes

excerpts f r o m 'I hear mus i c in the street'.

O u t s o o n t h r o u g h B M G .

� � � �

Donna Dee

'Hooked'

A c lose runner for s ing le o f the week , it's

a g a r a g e t u n e by o n e o f t h e hottest

p roduce rs abou t o n the garage scene at

the m o m e n t . 1998 s a w the re lease of

D o n n a ' s s u p e r b " S p e l l b o u n d " a l b u m ,

a n d in M a r c h o f this year, she ' l l re lease

the H o o k e d cut ( f rom the a l b u m ) . The

t u n e fea tures a very s imp le , catchy beat

a n d sof t v o c a l s , m a k i n g it a n idea l

ga r age t une . S ince it's kick up a s torm

o n the dancef loors , a lot of peop l e s e e m

to ag ree . The C D c o m e s w i th th ree

mixes , the best o f w h i c h is by the Ruff

Dr iverz.

� � � �

Grant Nelson Feat. Jean McClaln

'Step 2 Me'

A g o o d sou l fu l , g a r a g e t u n e fea tur ing

the voca l talents of Jean M c C l a i n . Aga in ,

it's a g o o d , s imp l e track - n o fancy break­

d o w n s or any th i ng . G o o d voca ls , s i m ­

ple, ca tchy t une . The track c o m e s w i th

four m ixes , but un fo r tuna te l y they all

s o u n d exact ly the s a m e , w i th m in ima l

c h a n g e l e a v i ng t h e var ia t ion a bit th in .

O u t in M a r c h .

� � �

Blackout

'Gotta have hope'

Mul t ip l y is a r eco rd labe l w i th a history

of p r o d u c i n g great tracks - apart f r om

this one . This has to b e o n e of the worst

t u n e s I h a ve ever h e a r d , a n d wha t ' s

m o r e p lenty o f p e o p l e a g r e e (ask the

Chemis t r y s tuden t s in the Evans lab!).

The track is s imp l y crap. It kicks o f f w i th

a beat that is f ine e n o u g h , but w h i c h is

t hen m u r d e r e d as a w o m a n starts to ran­

d o m l y s c r e a m "got ta have h o p e " . No t

con t en t w i th that, t h e p r o d u c e r s t hen

in t roduce the t h e m e f r om '2001 A Space

Odyssey ' , a g a i n , c o m p l e t e l y randomly ,

! b e f o r e the w o m a n , o n c e a g a i n , starts

| s c r e a m i n g a g a i n . The C D c o m e s w i th

j t h r e e m ixes , o n e a l l e g e d l y by J u d g e

I Jules, t h o u g h tragica l ly you r ears are

! sub j e c t ed to exact ly the s a m e t u n e as

the o ther t w o mixes . A n awfu l track,

w h i c h y o u s h o u l d a v o i d . It's on ly use is

as a p resen t for s o m e o n e y o u really

hate .

Gurm

24 Games 8 February 1999

The x-Wing Collector Series -

X-Wing, Tie Fighter, X-Wing Vs Tie Fighter (PC) LucasArts

O u r be l o ved G a m e s Editor l ikes to dress

up as Darth Vader - in fact he's rarely hap­

pier than w h e n clad in t ight b lack leather,

w i th an e n c l o s i n g black m a s k c o v e r i n g

his v isage, whi ls t m a n h a n d l i n g a n e n o r ­

m o u s t h r o b b i n g w e a p o n . But e n o u g h o f

that...

A n y o n e w h o ' s b e e n in a c o m p u t e r

g a m e s s h o p in the last f ive years (in fact

a lmost a n y o n e ' o f a cer ta in a g e ' w h o

hasn't actual ly b e e n d e a d for t h e last

f ive years) wi l l b e fami l iar w i th t h e X-

W i n g ser ies. In fact t he r e m a y b e t h o s e

o f y o u ou t t h e r e t h i n k i n g " H a n g o n ,

these g a m e s have b e e n ou t for at least

three years - w h y the hel l a re they b e i n g

rev i ewed now? " No t to put t o o f i ne a

po in t o n it, the last c o u p l e o f w e e k s

have b e e n rather f a l l ow for PC g a m e r s .

M o s t o f the major re leases have b e e n

saved for the sp r ing s c h e d u l e s , w h i c h

m e a n s that w e have to fill in w i th c o m ­

pilat ions a n d a certa in a m o u n t o f goss ip ,

for tunate ly , a c o u p l e o f the g a m e s pub-

!kh£>rs i mderstand this a n d have re leased

s o m e rather g o o d c o m p i l a t i o n s to he lp

us poor PC G a m e r s surv ive. B l i zzard are

o n e (see last issue), a n d Lucasarts (bless

(heft co t ton socks) are a n o t h e r .

Lucasarts have re-packaged a n d re-

i e ieased all o f their Star Wars g a m e s in

the last m o n t h or so . This m a y not be

itirely u n c o n n e c t e d w i th t h e f l o o d o f

interest b e i n g g e n e r a t e d by the

trai ler for Ep i sode 1 w h i c h was

s h o w i n g at s e l e c t e d c i n e m a s

recently. M o s t of the g a m e s have

b e e n re l eased at b u d g e t (or at

least cheaper ) prices, and in o n e

or t w o cases re-jigged to take

a d v a n t a g e o f m i n o r innova t ions

such as 3D cards a n d DirectX. In

o n e case s o m e add i t iona l (and

exc l u s i v e ) m i s s i o n s have b e e n put

t o g e t h e r so le ly for this re lease .

At this po int I'd better dec la re an

interest -1 a m a Star Wars fan . As a kid I

had the f igures a n d m a n y o f the sh ips .

I'd have t h e m still had my m o t h e r not

so ld t h e m for a meas l y f ive q u i d . Wh i l e

I'm not total ly b l ind to the faults in the

f i lms (the unnecessar i l y l o n g d i a l oguey

bits, Leia's haircuts, Luke Skywalker full-

stop) , I shal l be a m o n g s t t hose q u e u i n g

r o u n d the b lock In the s u m m e r , a tenner

in m y d a m p , sweaty pa l m . I'm l o o k i n g

f o rwa rd to it, and I'm not a s h a m e d . O h

yes , the g a m e s . Right, t h e f l ight s ims, X-

w i n g , T ie f i g h t e r a n d X-Wing vs Tie

f ighter , co l lec­

t ive ly k n o w n

as the X-Wing

Tri logy.

X - W i n g

has b e e n

k n o c k i n g

abou t for qu i te

s o m e t i m e

n o w . It has the

d i s t i n c t i o n o f

b e i n g the first

g a m e I actually

w e n t out a n d

b o u g h t w i th m y o w n m o n e y . It's best

s u m m e d up as the best bits f r o m the

f i lms - n a m e l y the f ights . You are (natu­

rally) a rebel starfighter pilot, a n d

get to fly all the sh ips f r o m the

f i lms - X-Wing, Y-Wing, A-Wing

and B-Wing. Broadly speak ing the

m i s s i o n s f o l l o w t h e f i lms , a n d

yes, y o u d o get the c h a n c e to fly

a l o n g t h e equa to r i a l t r e n c h o f

the Dea th Star - if you ' re g o o d

e n o u g h . For this re lease it's b e e n

c l e a n e d up a bit, t he g raph i cs in

particular b e i n g u p g r a d e d to take advan­

t a g e o f cu r r en t t e c h n o l o g y . It a l so

i nc ludes the t w o e x p a n s i o n packs, a n d

may we l l be your on ly c h a n c e o f ge t t i ng

t h e m . However , desp i te the upgrade , it's

n o w de f i n i t e l y s h o w i n g its a g e .

Tie f i g h t e r w a s X-Wing's s e q u e l ,

a l though it's more o f a c o m p a n i o n p iece .

O n e o f the b igges t cr i t ic isms leve l led at

X-Wing was that, part icular ly o n t h e f inal

miss ions, it b e c a m e wel l n igh imposs ib le .

Tie Fighter addressed this by hav ing three

d i f f i cu l ty se t t ings , e n s u r i n g that e v e n

non-enti t ies like m e c o u l d s ee the c los­

ing cu tscenes . It w a s in every w a y bet­

ter t han X-Wing, p lus y o u get the a d d e d

b o n u s o f f l y i n g

for t h e e m p i r e .

The story l ine has

a l so b e e n

i m p r o v e d , w i t h

a n intr iguing sub­

plot d e a l i n g w i th

a f i f th c o l u m n

w i t h i n t h e

e m p i r e . This has

a l so b e e n

u p g r a d e d

( a l though not as

m u c h as X-Wing)

and inc ludes the expans ion pack. It is the

m o s t e n j o y a b l e o f t h e g a m e s in th is

pack , a l t h o u g h no t by m u c h .

O n e feature that both X-Wing and Tie

Fighter l a cked w a s the abi l i ty to b l o w

your f r i ends into a t h o u s a n d p ieces in a

decen t mul t ip layer env i r onmen t . X-Wing

vs Tie Fighter w a s Lucasarts a t tempt to

a d d r e s s th i s p r o b l e m . You c an fly as

e i ther Imper ia l or Rebe l pi lots a n d in

either co-operat ive or head-to-head play.

The g raph i c s are the best o f the three

games , a n d the fl ight control is excel lent.

H o w e v e r , the g a m e lacked a cohe ren t

set o f miss ions, a n d so fucasarts re leased

Balance of Power, a series of pre-planned

s ing le player m i s s i ons . It w a s on ly partly

s u c c e s s f u l , a n d ove ra l l , X-wing vs Tie

F ighter w a s not qu i t e as g o o d as Tie

F ighter . For s o m e r e a s o n , Lucasar ts

haven ' t i n c l u d e d Ba lance o f Power in

this pack (or if they have, they 've h i d d e n

it wel l ) , ins tead p l u m p i n g for s o m e extra

"exc lus ive " m i ss ions .

All in all, this is pretty m u c h an essen­

tial p u r c h a s e if y o u haven' t a l ready got

the g a m e s . If y o u have, t h e n y o u have

to m a k e the c h o i c e as to w h e t h e r or not

the add i t iona l upgrades are wor th splash­

ing ou t e v e n m o r e m o n e y . The g a m e s

are still a j oy to play of course , and these

u p g r a d e s wi l l h e l p fill out t h e wait for X-

W i n g : A l l i ance . They' l l a lso run o n lower

s p e c m a c h i n e s t han R o g u e S q u a d r o n ,

a n d are (I th ink) genera l l y better g a m e s .

Danny

Oh No Not More Previews - LucasArts' X-Wing Alliance If X-Wing and Tie f ighter set the standards

for the s p a c e f ighter s imu la to r s c e n e , X-

W i n g Vs Tie Fighter d r o p p e d t h e ba t ton ,

fell over, a n d t h e n w a n d e r e d o f f for a kip

beh ind the h igh j u m p pit. LucasArts t r ied

to sort out their p rob l em chi ld wi th a n e w

pair of runn ing shoes (Balance o f Power),

but in a c lass ic case of t o o little t o o late,

t h e D e c e n t - F r eespace t e a m s n e a k e d

in to the lead .

LucasArts has not g i v en up that eas­

ily a n d thei r p lans to sprint back into the

l ead w i t h the latest r e l ease X-Wing

A l l i a n c e a re a l m o s t c o m p l e t e . Rather

than star t ing of f a fully f l e d g e d Rebe l

pi lot, y o u start as a lowly character f r o m

the family 's Transport bus iness. Here you

start by f l y ing transport a n d escort mis­

s ions to protect the transports f r om rivals

a n d their f r i ends in the e m p i r e . The path

to g r ea tness p rog resses to the secret

A l l i a n c e t r a i n i n g g r o u n d s b e f o r e y o u

final ly m a k e it just in t i me for the battle

aga inst the s e c o n d deathstar .

Y o u m i g h t h a v e

r ea l i s ed that th i s pa th

i nvo l ves f l y i ng s o m e

n e w craft . T r anspo r t s

s u c h as the Co r r e l l i an

t r anspo r t s a n d t h e

f a m o u s M i l l e n i u m Fal­

c o n (Yes for o n c e y o u

t o o c an b e Ha r r i son

Ford).

The g r a p h i c s a n d

s o u n d s i n c e X Vs Tie

h a v e b e e n s l ight l y

c h a r g e d up , but w h a t

wi l l d e c i d e w h e t h e r it m a n a g e s to blast

the o p p o s i t i o n into the co ld v a c u u m o f

space is the s ing le player g a m e play. X

vs Tie was a de l ight to play over a net­

w o r k w i th a g r o u p o f f r iends but w a s a

c o m p l e t e pa in to play in s ing le pe r son

m o d e . The story a n d fifty m iss ions wi l l

he lp, and so w e wait. . .and wait . .and wait.

iCU Your Union - Run for You IMPERIAL (OLLLGL UNION

26 Sport 8 February 1999

AMERICAN FOOTBALL

NFL SEASON REVIEW 1998-9 by Chiron Mukherjee

The Supe rbow l , the largest a n n u a l spo r t i ng even t in t h e

wor ld , c a p p e d o f f o n e o f t h e mos t exc i t i ng s e a s o n s o f

NFL footbal l in recent years . A s is so o f t e n the case ,

Supe rbow l 33, p layed in M i a m i , w a s a d i s a p p o i n t i n g

anti-climax. The Denve r B roncos , t h e re ta in ing c h a m ­

p ions a n d s t r ong favour i tes , c o m f o r t a b l y d e f e a t e d t h e

surprise NFC C h a m p i o n s , the A t l an ta Fa lcons .

Denve r star ted the s e a s o n in t r e m e n d o u s f o r m .

They just kept w i n n i n g a n d Terrel l Davis, t he r u n n i n g

back, just kept rush ing . For mos t o f t h e s e a s o n t h e talk

was abou t w h e t h e r Denve r c o u l d m a t c h t h e 7 2 M i a m i

Do lph ins as t h e o n l y t e a m s to w i n eve ry m a t c h o f t h e

season . They b e c a m e on ly the th i rd t e a m in the history

of the NFL to g o 13-0 (13 w ins , 0 losses) a n d a thr i l l ing

match w a s in an t i c ipa t i on o n t h e p e n u l t i m a t e w e e k o f

the regular s e a s o n at . . . M i a m i . H o w e v e r , in t h e m a t c h

be fo re this ( the 14th g a m e ) D e n v e r surpr is ing ly lost t o

the N e w York G iants . They d id lose t o M i a m i as we l l ,

and for a w h i l e Denve r lost the i r t i m e in the spot l ight .

But, they des t royed all o p p o s i t i o n in t h e p layof fs , beat­

ing the N e w York Jets in t h e AFC C h a m p i o n s h i p m a t c h ,

and w i n n i n g the i r s e c o n d success i v e S u p e r b o w l . The

m a i n factor for the i r s u c c e s s w a s t h e f o r m o f Terrel l

Davis. M a n y be l ieve he c o u l d b e c o m e the greatest run­

n ing back ever, a n d h e c o n f i r m e d this by w i n n i n g t h e

league M V P awa rd (basical ly Player o f the Year). For

a lmost the w h o l e s e a s o n Davis w a s in sight o f the

record for yards rushed in o n e s e a s o n (held by Eric Dick-

erson ). A l t h o u g h h e m i s s e d th is , h e d i d b e c o m e on l y

the four th player to rush for 2000 yards in o n e s e a s o n

(the o the r s a re D i c k e r s o n , O.J. S i m p s o n a n d Barry

Sanders (last yea r ) ) , w i th a n i nc r ed ib l e a ve r age o f f ive

Denve r QB J o h n Elway s h o w s o f f t h e

S u p e r b o w l t r ophy

yards per carry. The other b ig story re la t ing Denve r w a s

their veteran qua r t e rback john Elway, o n e of the all-time

greats. A l t h o u g h he was injured for parts of the season ,

a n d w a s not in his best f o r m w h e n fit, his p r e s e n c e as

a ta l i sman w a s impor tan t . His d isplay in the S u p e r b o w l

e a r n e d h i m the M V P awa rd w i th over 300 yards pass­

ing , o n e t h r o w n t o u c h d o w n a n d o n e persona l t o u c h ­

d o w n . It w a s felt that h e w a s g o i n g to retire at the e n d

of this s e a s o n (as it a p p e a r e d last s e a s o n too ) but after

his m a t c h w i n n i n g p e r f o r m a n c e , it is increas ing ly likely

that h e wi l l

The A t l an ta Fa lcons, c o u l d not have b e e n a m o r e

un l ike ly c h o i c e as S u p e r b o w l c o n t e n d e r s t w o seasons

a g o , a n d e v e n this s e a s o n n o o n e c o u l d have pre­

d i c t ed the i r success . This s e a s o n s o u n d s like a typical

co rny H o l l y w o o d sports m o v i e . A t e a m that has b e e n

the j oke t e a m in the l e a g u e s i nce their f o rma t i on , w i th

a t e a m full o f plucky rejects (Chris ' chandel ier ' Chandler ,

the i r pro-bowl qua r t e rback has p layed for 6 NFL teams ;

J amal A n d e r s o n , the 2 n d best r u n n i n g back in the

l eague w a s a 7th r o u n d draft pick) a n d under ra ted pro­

fess iona l s d e f i e d the o d d s t o beat the San Franciso

49ers tw ice . They a lso beat the M i n n e s o t a V ik ings, the

best t e a m in t h e l e a g u e w i th on l y o n e prev ious defeat ,

in M i n n e s o t a , f r o m b e h i n d . Their h e a d c o a c h (Dan

Reeves) u n d e r g o e s a q u a d r u p l e heart bypass ope r a­

t ion after a g a m e a n d c o m e s back on ly a f e w w e e k s

later. D a n Reeves c o a c h e d t h e D e n v e r B roncos to

th ree S u p e r b o w l de fea t s in the 1980s, a n d f i red M i k e

S h a n a h a n (the current D e n v e r coach ) for i n subo rd ina­

t ion , b e f o r e b e i n g s a cked h i m s e l f h e l p e d by pressure

f r om John Elway. The char ismat ic 'Dirty Birds', as the Fal­

c o n s call t hemse l ves , l o o k e d set to a 'surpr ise ' v ictory

in this story. H o w e v e r , t h e plot t o o k an 18-rated twist

w h e n the n ight b e f o r e Supe r Sunday , E u g e n e ' the

Prophet ' R o b i n s o n , the At l an ta safety, u p s t a n d i n g f a m ­

ily Chr is t ian m a n a n d the w i n n e r o f an awa rd for the

most mora l footba l l player only a f e w hours earlier, was

arrested for so l i c i t ing an u n d e r c o v e r p o l i c e w o m a n for

oral sex (D 'oh l ) . O n the S u p e r b o w l , t he Falcons per­

f o r m e d we l l b e l o w their capabi l i ty a n d Rob in son m a d e

the error wh i ch gave Denver an 80-yard t o u c h d o w n that

e f fect ive ly s ea l ed the m a t c h b e f o r e half-time.

FENCING

GO ON MO, SHOW US YOUR ARSE The saga of the splitting breeches

O u r first m a t c h in over t w o m o n t h s a n d

a l ow tu rnout led to a w o r r y i n g travel to

S o u t h a m p t o n . O u r s a b r e a n d e p e e

teams only cons i s ted of M o " M r A n i m a l "

M a n s o o r i a n d Rob "B ig D a d d y " N u e r n ­

berg respect ively, thus m e a n i n g that w e

w o u l d requi re t w o non-specia l is ts bat­

t l ing it out in these w e a p o n s a n d a s tun­

n i n g p e r f o r m a n c e in the fo i l . A n d they

de l i ve red .

W e started w i th t h e sabre , w i t h t h e

o p e n i n g f ight w i t n e s s i n g s o m e o f the

worst sabre r e f e r e e i n g s e e n for a l o n g

t ime (well d o n e Dave ) - fo r tuna te l y M r .

An ima l still w o n , a n d w e n t o n to w i n all

his f ights in h is u s u a l f a s h i o n ! D a v e

" C a p ' n Fyll" H u g h e s a n d H e n r y " M a d

D o g " M c M o r t o n d id we l l for t h e foi l ists

they we re bo th w i n n i n g t w o out o f th ree

f ights. Sabre s co re : IC 7 - 2 S o u t h a m p ­

ton .

Next w a s the fo i l , w i t h our ta lents o f

Dave "Karaoke APK" Dav idge , a l o n g w i th

Cap 'n Fyll a n d M a d D o g . All in all, they

d idn ' t d o t o o badly, utterly d e s t r o y i n g

the i r o p p o s i t i o n a n d not d r o p p i n g a

f ight. The on ly mer i t i ng t h i n g w a s that

M a d D o g d i d n ' t e v e n ge t a po in t

a w a r d e d aga inst h i m - not bad for N o .

4 in t h e count ry . Foil s co re : IC 9 - 0

S o u t h a m p t o n .

By th is po in t the ma t ch w a s a l ready

w o n , so w e d e c i d e d that the ta lents o f

M r A n i m a l w e r e NEEDED in the e p e e to

a d d to ou r skill t he re . H e started o f f

f enc i ng against their best epee is t French-

boy (c lose f r iend o f Jailba.it). F r enchboy

w o n (his o n l y f ight - M r . A n i m a l w a s

o b v i o u s l y g i v i n g an o l d i n t e rna t i ona l

team-mate a chance ) , but t h e n Mr . A n i ­

mal w a s sl ight ly b e a t e n qu i te by all the i r

e p e e t e a m . B ig D a d d y and C a p ' n Fyll

fared m u c h better, w i n n i n g all their f ights

w i t h c o n s u m m a t e e a s e . G o o d s h o w

boys . Epee score : IC 6 - 3 S o u t h a m p t o n .

I h o p e the ladies wi l l b e insp i red by this

g l o r i ous ICU victory, a n d e m u l a t e this

success . M a n y thanks to T im for d r i v ing

(we all love you! ) , Ka raoke APK for p ro­

v i d i n g t h e pos t-match in-fl ight en te r­

t a i nmen t , a n d M r A n i m a l s ' b r e e c h e s for

h o l d i n g out for the w h o l e ma t ch .

ICUFC 22-5 S o u t h a m p t o n

OFVA

RED ROSE

GORILLAS,

1

RDS,

LY BEARS,

& MICE

8 February 1999 Sport & Diversions 27

FOOTBALL RUGBY

IC IV 3 - 0 UCL V (Sat 23 rd Jan)

Well, wha t c an w e say? R e d u c e d to t e n

m e n f o l l o w i n g a h o r r e n d o u s c h a l l e n g e

on o n e o f ou r stars, S t e p h e n Dewar , this

g a m e w a s p e r h a p s the c r o w n i n g po in t

of our U L U season so far. Brave S t e p h e n

was rushed to hospi ta l , a n d thankfu l l y as

no th ing w a s b r o k e n , h e s h o u l d b e b a c k

play ing in a f e w w e e k s t i m e .

O u r j u n g l e skills f l o w e r e d u n d e r the

gr im sky as our fou r th w i n o n t h e trot

acce le ra ted us into th i rd p l ace , just o n e

spot o f f a u t o m a t i c p r o m o t i o n . Spec i f i ­

cally, the t o u c h o f the e lephant/ las tadon

was not in our ranks today . N ick , Bo la ,

Dave, J o h n a n d Elliot h a d al l b e e n

b lessed w i t h t h e skil l o f t h e r a c o o n , a n d

our ever-solid d e f e n c e w i t h t h e cons i s­

tency o f a yak. The first goa l w a s born- a

vivid, joyful c o m b i n a t i o n t e rm ina ted w i th

a cl inical f i n i sh .

The s t a m i n a o f the m o u n t a i n billy-

goat t h e n set w e l l in , r e p l a c e d at t i m e s

wi th the steal th o f the l e o p a r d a n d the

low c u n n i n g o f the fox. O u r t e a m su rged

forward l ike a h e r d o f bu f f a l o a n d over­

c a m e the Shen l ey S c u m . A n d t h e n the

s e c o n d g o a l w a s c rea ted . . . and a lso a

th i rd. . .From t h e r e w e h e l d fast l ike a

b a b o o n c o l o n y a n d w a i t e d pat ient ly for

the f inal wh is t l e , w i th u n s h a k e a b l e c o n ­

f idence . For the record , t w o o f t h e goa l s

we re s c o r e d by A i d e n , a n d t h e o the r by

John, a n d thus t h e spirit o f P h a e d o n ,

the m igh ty m o n g o o s e , l ives o n . Thanks

chief.

KCL III 2 -1 IC IV (Wed 27th Jan)

W h e n these t w o t e a m s me t last t e r m

Kings w o n by three goa ls to o n e , I wro te ,

albeit t h r o u g h gr i t ted t ee th , that " they

we re just that little bit t o o s t r o n g for us".

H o w e v e r in this r e m a t c h w e m o r e than

m a t c h e d the King 's d o g g e r s in every

t rue aspec t o f foo tba l l , apart f r o m those

little necess i t i es o f luck, g o o d for tunate ,

a n d o f course , a " h o m e " s tudent re feree

w h o gave every important dec is ion to his

t e a m .

M a n for m a n , eve ry s ing le o n e o f

our players w a s m o r e skilful, m o r e deter­

m i n e d a n d m o r e c o m m i t t e d that their

coun te rpa r t s . K ings are comfo r t ab l y at

the top o f the d iv is ion, so w e can see no

reason w h y w e can't g o the rest of the

s e a s o n u n d e f e a t e d , a n d thus f in ish the

s e a s o n p r o m o t e d as e i ther runners-up,

or pe rhaps , C h a m p i o n s . A n d a lso theres

BUSA; lets beat Read ing , a n d pray w e get

d r a w n away to Bath- h o w I'd l augh , h o w

t h e o ld boys w o u l d love it! -1 w o n d e r if

the i r U n i o n is as sh*te as it u s e d to be. . .

Back to the g a m e , IC d o m i n a t e d ,

w e had loads o f chances , s o m e badly

m i s s e d , o the r s w e l l s a ved . K ings s c o r e d

after o n e o f their players hand led and w e

al l s t o p p e d . A g a i n w e d o m i n a t e d

d e s e r v e d ge t t i ng a equa l i se r w i th f ive

m inu tes to g o (Fred c ross ing to the back-

p e g a n d their d e f e n d e r b u n g l i n g the

bal l h o m e u n d e r m u c h pressure ) . But

t h e n in t h e last m i n u t e a streaky cross

f o u n d its w a y to an u n m a r k e d striker 20

yards out . H e s m a s h e d it o n t o the cross

bar, d o w n to our star d e f e n d e r Elliot,

w h o , in try ing to m a k e a full c l ea rance

w a s so un lucky to s ee the ball r e b o u n d

o f f the b e m u s e d striker's chest into the

g o a l . Laugh?, w e near ly c r ied .

O n separa te no te , it w a s in teres t ing

to s ee th ree u n i o n sabbat ica ls o n that

W e d n e s d a y a f t e rn oon , t w o p lay ing foot­

ball a n d o n e wa t ch ing . O n e rule for one ,

o n e for ano ther ? -nice, ICU.

IC I 5 - 20 Aberystwyth

The W e l s h p e o p l e c a m e to Ha r l i ng ton

a n d they w e r e ve ry fat. Abe rys twy th is

t h e b igges t p ie factory in Wa l e s a n d

s h e e p are the m a i n i ng red i en t . The

We lsh had two secret w e a p o n s . As kick-

off a p p r o a c h e d , 2 m e m b e r s o f the t e a m

r e m o v e d their hats to reveal their g inge r

hair. Lucki ly it d idn ' t rain. As the g a m e

p r o g r e s s e d , it b e c a m e c lear that t h e

ent i re t e a m w e r e re la ted a n d h a d a

s h e e p i s h l ook to t h e m . Desp i t e their

o b v i o u s de fo rmi t i es , their d e f e n c e c o n ­

ta ined n o " l eeks " (Ok, n o w y o u p u s h i n g

it - Sports Ed). Pe rhaps the h igh l igh t o f

the g a m e w a s Ma t t " t hese shor ts can ' t

con ta in m y arse" Cockay s t a m p i n g o n

W e l s h m a n ' s " r a reb i t " , a n d t h e n p ro­

c e e d i n g to f lop over for a try. U n f o r t u ­

nately whi lst w e w e r e try ing to w o r k out

the fami ly t ree, the C y m r u suppo r t e r s

s co red a f e w tries. Br ing o n d e v o l u t i o n ,

w e don ' t wan t t h e m anyway .

IC II 5 - 29 Chichester II

W e f a ced a n u n k n o w n c h a l l e n g e but it

w a s qu i te a p leasant day. Pete b rough t

his v i d e o c a m e r a to f i lm s o m e ha rd­

core a c t i on , but un fo r tuna te l y w e w e r e

o n the r e ce i v i ng e n d . W e got a severe

brus ing instead, yet w e he ld our ends for

the first half. Their nat ional standard and

i m m e n s e s i z e m a d e us r ed , raw a n d

sore . O u r rear g u a r d ac t ion he ld d igni ty

for mos t o f the first half. Howeve r , after

s o m e p layfu l b e h a v i o u r a n d p u n i s h i n g

pene t r a t i on by t h e o p p o s i t i o n w e gave

w a y a n d y i e l d e d to the i r a d v a n c e s .

Score at th is t i m e 5 - 0 .

Af te r ha l f t i m e r e f r e s h m e n t , w e

p o u n d e d a h e a d e v e n t h o u g h w e w e r e

cons t an t l y a c h i n g . T h a n k s to Bul ly 's

t e chn ique w e had our balls constant ly at

the i r fee t .

M e a n w h i l e G o o d O l d J im "super-speed"

Soppe r s c o r e d a try that w a s the h i g h ­

light o f the m a t c h .

IC III 4 -2 Nothampton Exiles

There are s o m e certa int ies in l ife - the

crea t ion , Birth, Dea th a n d a 3XV t e a m

f o r m i n g 5mins b e f o r e t h e m a t c h ! What

was unusua l was that the pul l o f this first

BUSA cup knockou t ma t ch had attracted

reserves a n d lots o f t h e m !

O u r oppos i t i on we re , frankly, He r cu l ean !

Not o n e was under 6'2" or 17 stone. We,

o n the o ther h a n d , t o a m a n , l i the, sl ight

a n d smart . The m a t c h star ted a n d after

s o m e c lumsy play by the o p p o s i t o n , w e

had a s c r u m - w e had little c h a n c e a n d

w e r e dr i ven back. W e s o o n w o r k e d to

the w e a k n e s s e s of t hese s te ro id m o n ­

sters, d a m a g e broke t h r o u g h eventually,

a n d t h e n w i t h character is t ic co-ord ina­

t i o n , l i n k e d w i t h t h e en t i r e b a c k

l ine . . . l ead ing to G u t m o u n d d i v i ng over

for ur o n l y 4 po in t s . The rest o f the

g a m e w a s s i m p l e to- ing a n d fro-ing,

unt i l , just b e f o r e t h e f inal wh is t le , the

ex i les s c o r e d the i r t w o po in ts .

The result w a s a t e s t amen t to inte l l igent

p lay o u t w i t t i n g fat-bags w i t h f oo tba l l

IQ's! Utter c rap really as w e w e r e shat

o n but m o r e f u n t h a n s a y i ng " w e got

d i c k e d o n 44 - OH"

Around IC M o n 8 Tues 9 Wed 10 Thurs 11 Fri 12 Sat 13 Sun 14

C A G : T o o l s fo r Se l f

Rel iance, B a s e m e n t o f

Beit Q u a d 6 p m

Env i ronmenta l Soc ie ty-

Physics LT2 6 p m

ICU C i n e m a

The Predator 6 p m

Snake Eyes 8 .30pm

ICU C i n e m a

O u t o f Sight 6 p m

The Nego t i a to r8 .30pm

STA V a l e n t i n e ' s Q u i z

N igh t - DaV inc i ' s 8 p m

C A G : S o u p Run , Base­

m e n t K i t c h e n , W e e k s

Hal l 8 p m

Siv J a n s s o n : f i t e ra tu re

o n Fi lm, Centra l Library

Level 2 5 .30pm

C l u b XS, ICU, FREE

9pm-1am

E n g l a n d v F rance in

DaVinc i ' s

ICU C i n e m a

The Negot ia tor 6 p m

O u t o f Sight 8 .45pm

C A G : S o u p Run, Base­

m e n t K i t c h e n , W e e k s

Hall 8 p m

V a l e n t i n e ' s Cock t a i l

N ight , DaV inc i ' s

5-11 p m

The Electric Cafe in dB 's

B U N A C stall in ICU foyer

12.15-1.45pm

Va len t ine ' s Shaft - ICU

£1 9pm-2am

28 Sport 8 February 1999

HOCKEY FOOTBALL

BUSA CUP SHOCKER!

Brunei I 0 - 2 IC I

Just in case n o o n e k n o w s , B rune i w o n

t h e w h o l e c o m p e t i t i o n J a s t y ea r a n d

w e r e f a v o u r i t e s to w i n a g a i n . Un t i l

W e d n e s d a y that w a s w h e n they c a m e

across the m igh t y IC first XI.

Led by our cap ta in Jamie , p l ay ing in o d d

boots , IC put toge the r a p e r f o r m a n c e

that wi l l be ta lked a b o u t for years to

c o m e . Regard less o f t h e fact that t h e

keeper , Eric, w a s u r ina t ing in the goa l

and var ious t e a m m e m b e r s w e r e clearly

unp rep a r e d five m i n s b e f o r e kick-off. IC

c a m e t h r o u g h w i th a h e r o i c ef fort .

In the first half B rune i e n j o y e d s o m e

g o o d p o s s e s s i o n but l a c k e d ideas o f

f ew to break d o w n t h e IC back l ine o f

Phil, So-so, chr is a n d Rich.

In the s e c o n d half IC w e r e b e g i n n i n g to

get a lot m o r e o f t h e ball a n d c a m e

c lose to t a k i n g t h e lead t h r o u g h N a k

and War ren . W e final ly b roke the d e a d ­

lock, Dave l a tched o n to a l o o s e ball in

midf ie ld a n d e x p l o d e d t h r o u g h the back

four to s m a s h the ball h o m e .

Clearly a n n o y e d by this, Brunei started to

th row cau t ion to the w i n d a n d this gave

IC a n oppo r tun i t y t o b r eak " M a n U t d "

style.

A l ex d o u b l e d our lead w i th a b o u t 15

minu tes left. Jamie slotted a ball t h rough

to h i m a n d A lex f i n i shed it o f f Span ish

style.

B rune i , w h o w e r e n o w livid w i th the

w h o l e s i tua t ion , t h r e w fo rward every­

t h i n g they h a d but IC w e r e d e t e r m i n e d

not to c r u m b l e a n d he ld out for a we l l

d e s e r v e d v i c t o r y .

SCOREBOARD

IC I 6 - 1 QMW I (ULU CUP)

W e started o f f in a spor t ing ly b a d style

g i f t i n g t h e m (wi th t h e h e l p o f t h e

umpi res ) an early 1 - 0 l ead . This g e n ­

e rous habit o f g i v i ng t h e m the ball r eg­

ularly c o n t i n u e d for the next 20 m i n s

until 11 + d e c i d e d to humi l ia te the o p p o ­

sition keeper by scor ing f r om an obscu re

ang le . S o m e of the u m p i r i n g w a s poor ,

but in the e n d skill p reva i l ed . After 11 +

s c o r e d , B lue u n d e r p a n t s put a n o t h e r

goa l in, m a k i n g it 2 - 1 at half t i m e .

The s e c o n d half started as the first

half had f i n i shed w i th IC s c o r i n g t w o

m o r e qual i ty goa ls , o n e by Pink G a s h

ICI118-0 Essex 2nd XI

C o m e o n !

The boys t o o k to the f ie ld of d reams

u n a w a r e o f t h e c h a l l e n g e that awa i t ed

t h e m . W i t h 8 i n t e r n a t i o n a l s a n d 11

nat ional l e ague I players Essex University

lis we re a t e a m to be reckoned wi th . But

r e c k o n w i t h t h e m w e d id - a n d over­

c a m e thei r skill a n d f i tness w i th 18 qua l­

ity goa l s ( even o n e f r om capta in Jean

C l a u d e w h o is shit!) Br ing o n M i l t o n

Keynes !

IC III plenty - 0 ICSM III

H O C K E Y

IC I 6-1 Q M W I

IC I 7 -1 St Bart's (friendly)

Id II 1 8 - 0 Essex 2nd XI

Id III ' p l e n t y ' - 0 ICSM III

IC Ladies 1 1 - 0 Bart's

IC Lad ies II "wa lkove r " St G e o r g e ' s

FOOTBALL

Brune i 2 - 0 ICI

IC III 7 - 0 u n k n o w n

IC IV 1-2 u n k n o w n

RUGBY

IC I 5 - 2 0 Aberwys twy th

IC II 5 - 29 Ch iches te r II

ICIII 4 - 2 or 0 - 44 N o r t h a m p t o n

a n d ano the r by B lue U n d e r p a n t s . W i th

pressure on l y c o m i n g w h e n red h e l m e t

d e c i d e d to play foo tba l l w i t h h i m s e l f

w e m a n a g e d to push up m o r e a n d by

the e n d of the g a m e it w a s 6 - 1 w i th

B lue U n d e r p a n t s c o m p l e t i n g his hat-

trick f rom the penalty spot and Bigger Tit­

t ies a l so s c o r i n g . Al l in all a c rap

p e r f o r m a n c e but our c u p run c o n t i n ­

ues .

Ti tanic batt le. The cont roversy b e t w e e n

the m e d i c s a n d t h e real m e n o f the c o l ­

l e g e c o n t i n u e d today . The Ills d o m i ­

n a t e d f r o m t h e off. Steve C r a m w a s o n

g o o d f o r m a n d s p u n m a n y yarns for

the suppor te r . W e k n o w the results and

so d o they . Sadly the ICSM boys cou ld ­

n't take a j o k e a n d ran h o m e to their

m u m m i e s b e f o r e the f inal whis t le . Roll

o n the next g a m e . D i sco .

Across Down

CRYPTIC CROSSWORD by Gnat C h u m

7 Twit c augh t i tem in auc t i on . (4)

8 Dear N a n , Raf w r o t e he re a n d there .

(4,3,3)

10 Star in rat sk ies . (8)

11 O r g a n i s e s Instruct ions. (6)

12 Battered A b e b u m p e d into ex. w e

hear . (6)

13 Ten poses in b a l l r o o m rout ines . (3-5)

15 Loan Stalinists faulty S A M sites? (13)

18 Wor r i ed , f i n d i n g a id ' s g o n e . (8)

20 M i n u t e spot s q u e e z e d for US a d m i ­

ral. (6)

22 H i g h exp los i ve arse t akes t h e d e a d

away. (6)

24 Hard to p in d o w n , that is a b o u t fifty-

fifty o n A m e r i c a n four . (8)

25 f i qu id has o n e of a pair? Like rubber?

(5-5)

26 Q u i e t pe r i od o f first l ight up Langly

Lane. (4)

1 Leg-spin art is wr i t ten o n the wall?

(10)

2 S o m e t h i n g su i tab le c o u l d b e right

up yours? (6)

3 In s ign o n m a i n road turn there ' s a

l o g o . (8)

4 Al gets in b l o o d y m e s s aplenty . (6)

5,21 A d m i s s i o n o f su i c i de by m e a n s o f

m y d i o d e lit fist! (1,3,2,2,6)

6 M e d i o c r e spec tac l e . (4)

9 R e c o g n i s i n g f r o m l o n g c a g e d w ink .

(13)

14 C h a r g e d in a g o o d f r ame o f mind?

(10)

16 Sunday b e c o m e s less we t w i th var i­

o u s c o n s e q u e n c e s ? (8)

17 C h i n a has me ta l for coat? (3-5)

19 Rest in first s ea . (6)

21 See 5.

23 M a d e p r o c e s s e d cheese ? (4)

The winner of last week's crossword is Nick Helllwell.

Please come into the office to claim your prize.

Answers to 1134

Across : 1. Scraper 5. Subsets 9. U n c o i l ­

i ng 10. Enter l l . T e t c 12. Scaredy-cat

14. B l owe r 15. E a r l d o m 16. Bu f f a l o

18. I amb i c 20. O v e r s t a t e s 21 . Psst

24. Sci-fi 25. It inerant 26. M e g a t o n

27. Sanctus

Down: 1. Shunt 2. Recital 3. Pail 4.

Re inco rpo ra t i on 5. Sugar Ref iner ies 6.

B r e a d c r u m b 7. Ent iced 8. Stratum 13.

Sweatshir t 16. B l o s s o m 17. F lexing

19. Instant 23. f e a n

Stretch yourself this summer... with the Unilever Summer

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Have you thought about what you'd like to do

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Vacancies exist in the following functions: Commercial,

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Whatdo I.C when they leave college?

T O H N SEARS

Mechanical Engineering 1988 -1992

Having spent a year travelling the world, I joined Van

den Bergh Foods as a technical trainee - making

margarine!! My first one and a half years were

essentially training posts, allowing me to finish my

MPDS and gain Chartered Status with the IMechE.

Jobs ranged from project engineer in a refinery

(edible oil), to Quality Engineer in a margarine factory

in Germany, to Commissioning Engineer installing a

£2.2m packing line in the main factory.

My first management position was in Worksop, as

the Project Support Manager for setting up the

Chicken Tonight factory. This was a £4m project which

we had 7 months to install and commission a brand

new factory, recruit and train a workforce to run the

factory and get the product to the shelves. My next

post was as Process Development Manager - a natural

progression from the previous job, enabling me to

help sort out any problems incurred on the Chicken

Tonight Line.

I am now the Internal Logistics Manager for the

Margarine factory (where I started out). I control all

goods leaving and entering the site and the palletising

of the cases of margarine onto pallets. I have 30

people who work for me, dispatch approximately

1,000,000 tubs of margarine a day, and receive the

materials to make that each day. I am responsible

for ongoing improvements within my area including

many large projects such as Automatic Guided Vehicle

implementation and installation of computer systems

such as SAP. The factory where I work was voted the

best factory in the UK last year - not bad for a food

factory.

So, I have been with Unilever for 5 years, had 6

different jobs, worked on 3 different sites and have

doubled my starting salary. What next? I joined

Unilever to go abroad and expect my next posting

to be in a technical function

outside the UK.

N A T A S H A DEWAR.

Chemical Engineering 1992 -1996

After the mi lkround I joined the Unilever Corporate

Manufacturing and Engineering Group (CMEG)

based in Port Sunlight, near Liverpool. In my first ten

months I was responsible for the movement of a new

Integrated Process Design software tool from

development into production use at our offices in Port

Sunlight and Hol land. As part of my training, I also

attended Hazard and Operability studies of toothpaste

plants, and visited fabricators.

I then moved to Birds Eye Wall's in Lowestoft, East

Anglia. I spent 6 months in their technical support

centre, doing glamorous site projects including

designing a new leading edge effluent treatment

plant, utilities targeting and monitoring, and pea

freezer development. I moved into the beefburger

factory for 4 months and was a Shift Manager,

responsible for 3 operating lines and 40 people,

doing 12 hour day and night shifts. It was a change

of lifestyle but great fun and I learnt loads.

I then spent a 4 month placement working as the

Assistant Brand Manager for Vaseline Intensive Care

and Dove deodorant at Elida Faberge in Kingston,

London. I looked at multil ingual packs for Europe,

was responsible for the promotion of Vaseline deo,

and was involved in advert production which included

going to the shoot at Pinewood studios! This was my

first taste of a non-technical role and it was very

different to what I was used to, great fun and lots of

showbiz parties. At the end of last year I returned to

the Unilever Corporate Manufacturing and Supply

Chain Technolgy (MAST) Group in Port Sunlight in

my first management position, working on shampoo

and ice-cream projects for Unilever's emerging

markets all over the world and value engineering

studies in many operating companies.

The variety of experiences that Unilever has offered

me have been very enjoyable as well as challenging.

A l l the people I have met along the way have

been very supportive and I think the company

offers exciting future opportunities.

Grads do...

S l / l O t i CsAgTER. KARL X>Wki\£

Chemical Engineering 1979 -1983

My "gut feel" was that I would fit in with Unilever's

culture: so I accepted their offer of a place on the Wirral,

with Van den Bergh Foods, on their management trainee

scheme which I undertook for 1 year. After a further 2

years as a Shift Manufacturing Manager responsible for

98 employees operating 20 production lines in the

Margarine factory, I was transferred to a sister factory at

Purfleet, near London. Here my initial responsibilities

included being a member of the project team that

reconfigured the edible fat spreads manufacturing

capabilities to meet the changing needs of the business.

The task took 3.5 years and £16m to complete and

consisted of the specification, design, and commissioning

of new plant and equipment together with the

associated PLC and Management Information systems.

On completion the site was (and remains) Unilever's

largest edible fats factory in the world. Then I became

one of the two Plant Managers running the day to day

operation of the factory which was operating 7 days per

week, throughout the year, with 220 people in their area

of responsibility.

In 19921 transferred to The Netherlands to work in a

group responsible for the identification of Best Practice in

edible fats manufacture and the transfer of this

knowledge world-wide to all relevant Unilever operating

companies. In 19961 returned to Port Sunlight in the UK

and now run the Supply Chain Strategy Team within

Unilever's corporate supply chain group. The group's

mission is to transfer Leading Practice in Manufacturing

and Supply Chain to Unilever's businesses.

Graduates joining Unilever to work within the supply

chain will have a key role to play in realising the

significant potential for value creation that exists within

this area. Efficient design and operation of the supply

chain has a major impact on the meeting of customer

and consumer needs and therefore

on business performance. The ^^^^^^^^^^

Mechanical Engineering 1991 -1995

I had never thought that 'company culture'

mattered that much to me until I really had to make

a decision. That was how I came to join Unilever

through the Milk Round and started working for

Birds Eye Wall's in 1995 as a technical trainee.

My first job was as a Project Manager in a

Beefburger factory, and this role soon progressed

to Shift Manager. At this point, the BSE scare

destroyed the Beefburger market and

management of the factory became a very day-to­

day role. Some of my focus was to commission

the 'Birds Eye Meatfree' production line which I

continued to run - operationally co-ordinating a

team of 5 Shift Managers.

After 1 year, I moved to a Sales role in Head Office,

followed by a Logistics job, re-engineering a

business process and developing a materials

requirement planning tool for Ice Cream

packaging. After 4 months I moved to my current

role in Ice Cream Manufacturing at Gloucester,

where I am the Operations Projects Manager for

Europe's largest Ice Cream factory. I have mostly

been involved with implementing an annualised

hours system, engineering improvement work and

Total Productivity Management. I am now

responsible for the installation and commissioning

of £6 million worth of new production line.

One of the best things I find about Unilever is the

people, at all levels. The people I work with in the

factory are all excellent, and a complete cross

section of society. The senior members of the

business are very genuine and great to work for.

My peer group are all great friends stretching

across all the Unilever companies, which facilitates

an excellent social life. I spent my summer holiday

this year visiting a friend who works

for Unilever Vietnam, which was

fantastic! . ^

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T h e c o u r s e wil l c u l m i n a t e in a re lax ing

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T h e d e a d l i n e is 1 9 F e b r u a r y 1 9 9 9 .

Unilever

Research opportunities for PhD Scientists

If you join us as a PhD scientist, you will

be part of a truly international research

community, working on products designed

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Within 2 years you will be expected to lead

a project team, comprising scientists,

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www.research.unilever.com or phone our

hotline 0044 (0) 151 641 3797, leaving your

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Some interesting

facts about

Unilever

Worldwide sales in 1997

of over £29 billion

300 local operating units

in 88 countries

with sales in over 60 more

Employs nearly 270,000

people worldwide

Invests c.£550 million

in R&D every year

Spends some £3.6 million

every year marketing

more than 1,000 brands,

many of them household names