TheTwo

ThingsThe Two Things

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ThingsThe Two Things

1. For every subject, there are really only two things you really need to know.

2. Everything else is the application of those two things, or just not important.

TheTwo

Things

TheTwo

ThingsMedicine

1. Do no harm.

2. To do good, you must risk doing harm.

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ThingsBoxing

1. Hit.

2. Don’t get hit.

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ThingsPlumbing

1. Shit don’t run uphill.

2. Payday is Thursday.

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Things

Michael Cord’s Two ThingsTo Talk About Now

1. MMAP (Medical Monitoring for Addictions & Pain).

2. Women’s Health Network.

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ThingsProduct Design

1. To have sales, product design must be market-driven.

2. Market research is usually as bad as the sales forecasts.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsIKEA Products

1. The instructions are a general guide, and should not be read literally.

2. Extra bits are included deliberately so as to entertain the customer.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsEconomics

1. All value is subjective.

2. Persuasion is often better than coercion.

TheTwo

Things

TheTwo

ThingsBeing an Executive Assistant

1. The boss is always right.

2. The boss is always wrong.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsHistory

1. Everything has antecedents.

2. Sources lie, but they’re all we have.

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TheTwo

ThingsWorld Conquest

1. Divide and conquer.

2. Never invade Russia in the winter.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsPiloting an Airplane

1. Airspeed is life.

2. Think ahead.

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TheTwo

ThingsStar Trek

1. Don’t beam down in a red shirt.

2. You can always talk evil computers into destroying themselves.

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ThingsConsulting

1. Make sure your client has everything they want.

2. Make sure your client needs something.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsKittens

1. Chase tail.

2. Repeat.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsGiraffes

1. Giraffes can go longer without water than camels.

2. But they like to see the menu first.

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ThingsPublic Relations

1. Perception is reality.

2. Perception is rarely reality.

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TheTwo

ThingsChemical Engineering

1. What goes in = what comes out + what gets consumed.

2. What comes out should be more desirable than what goes in.

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TheTwo

ThingsCasinos

1. The House always wins.

2. The customers will always blame the employees for the house always winning.

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ThingsTax

1. Whatever you have, some must be taken.

2. It will be taken several times through several different methods.

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TheTwo

ThingsChild Welfare

1. If they don't get it when the kids are taken away, they ain't gonna get it .

2. Err in favour of the child .

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TheTwo

ThingsCapitalism

1. Way of the western world in preference to socialism, communism.

2. Pulled out of the shit by socialism when facing collapse.

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ThingsMedia

1. Controlled.

2. If lies said enough times, people believe it.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsBeer

1. Rarely a bad-tasting one.

2. If bad, OK after a couple.

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TheTwo

ThingsParenting

1. I will love you unconditionally until I die.

2. Because I’m your mother, that’s why.

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TheTwo

ThingsBanking

1. Accept deposits.

2. Penalize early withdrawals.

TheTwo

Things

TheTwo

ThingsTelephone Customer Service

1. Your call is important to us.

2. The next available consultant will be with you in 45 minutes. We apologise for the delay. Your call is important to us.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsTeaching High School Students

1. Learn to raise your voice without yelling.

2. Genuinely like teenagers.

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ThingsHuman Resources

1. People aren’t numbers.

2. Turn people into numbers.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsProject Management

1. You’re implementing someone else’s idea.

2. You can’t polish a turd.

TheTwo

Things

TheTwo

ThingsPiloting an Airplane in an Emergency

1. There are 3 things you usually cannot use in an emergency:

- The sky above you - The runway behind you - Fuel on the ground

2. Minimize all three.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsWriting

1. Don’t write because you want to say something.

2. Write because you have something to say.

TheTwo

Things

TheTwo

ThingsNursing

1. Have the ability to put yourself “in the bed.” What would you need if you were the patient?

2. Listen – to the patient, and to your gut.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsResearch

1. If you haven’t reprocessed the data at least 7 times, it’s not real science.

2. You should have read more literature before you started.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsNursing (for new grads)

1. Those “older ward-trained nurses” have usually been to university too, and have many more years experience in actually nursing sick people than you do.

2. Follow best practice, and try not to kill anyone due to your know-it-all attitude.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsTranslation

1. Meaning to meaning, not word to work.

2. Knowledge of your first language is very important.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsBeing a Receptionist

1. They’re in a meeting.

2. Don’t get busted on Facebook.

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TheTwo

ThingsRelationships

1. Your partner isn’t doing it on purpose to piss you off.

2. Your partner is a part of your life, not your whole life.

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TheTwo

ThingsChocolate

1. Anytime.

2. Anywhere.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsDisciplining Children

1. My house, my rules.

2. If you want to live by your own rules, buy your own house.

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TheTwo

ThingsTravel

1. Patience.

2. Flexibility.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsEntertaining

1. Do as much as humanly possible the day before, so you can enjoy your guests.

2. Never run out of booze.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsInternet Porn

1. Clear browser history.

2. Delete cookies.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsBeing a Salesperson

1. The relationship always comes before the money.

2. You will spend the whole time wishing the money would come before the relationship.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsLaw

1. Precedent.

2. It depends.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsResearch

1. Association does not prove causation.

2. A sample of under 100 respondents is called a Focus Group, and won’t tell the truth without an offer of food and wine.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsEngineering

1. 2 + 2 = 4 + 0.33 (allowing a margin of error).

2. You can’t pull with fluids, or push with string.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsLife in the Workplace

1. Hoarded cheese, chocolate or good Scotch can solve many ills.

2. Your colleagues and your friends are your only protection when things get rough. Relationships are worth fighting for.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsThe 2 Core Messages of Advertising

1. “You’re deficient.”

2. “If you buy this, it will fix that.”

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TheTwo

ThingsSchool

1. Sit down.

2. Shut up. Nobody cares.

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TheTwo

ThingsLife

1. Life works on the 80/20 rule.

2. This rule is about 80% correct.

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Things

TheTwo

Things2 Things a Fiction Writer Needs

1. Empathy.

2. A sense of humour.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsWriting

1. Honesty is all that matters.

2. Apply bum glue liberally.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsWriting

1. Write what you know.

2. Be as short and simple as possible.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsSales

1. Know existing customers.

2. Recruit more customers.

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TheTwo

ThingsBinary Systems

1. 0.

2. 1.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsBeing a Housewife

1. If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

2. No matter how hard you think motherhood is going to be... you end up wishing it was that easy.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsFilmmaking

1. Money makes the industry and the films.

2. Intelligence and talent mean nothing next to cost projections.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsBeing a Salesperson

1. That dirty feeling is normal.

2. The dirt won’t come off.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsTheatre

1. Don’t forget your lines.

2. Don’t run into the furniture.

TheTwo

Things

TheTwo

ThingsDental lab technology

1. Real teeth are better than fake teeth.

2. When buying fake teeth, you get what you pay for.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsI.T. Customer Support

1. Always give them a chance to vent.

2. What they’re telling you isn’t the issue.

TheTwo

Things

TheTwo

ThingsMountain Biking

1. Wear a helmet.

2. Look in front of you. Not down or behind.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsCosting / Estimating / Scheduling

1. Find values based on reasonable effort, responsible costing and rational planning.

2. Double these and add 20%.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsBuddhism

1. Before enlightenment, carry water, chop wood.

2. After enlightenment, carry water, chop wood.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsTwo Things That Sunk the Titanic

1. The “90% Factor” (90% of an iceberg is below the waterline and out of sight).

2. An assumption (unsinkable).

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsTwo Things Never to Say to a Woman

1. “When’s the baby due?”

2. “You look tired.”

TheTwo

Things

TheTwo

ThingsNeeded to Get the Perfect Red Lip

(Glamour Magazine)

1. A thin, sharp lip brush.

2. A lip liner in the same hue as your lip colour.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsTo Advance to Baseball Playoffs

1. Put pressure on your opponent so that he makes a mistake (throws a hittable pitch, walks the leadoff batter, fails to turn a double play, etc.).

2. Exploit that mistake to the maximum.

TheTwo

Things

TheTwo

ThingsInnovation

1. Innovation is inversely proportional to organizational strength.

2. Organizational strength increases with time.

TheTwo

Things

TheTwo

ThingsIndustrial Automation

1. Electricity.

2. Control.

TheTwo

Things

TheTwo

ThingsMarketing

1. Identify who you are trying to reach (target audience) .

2. Don't just reach them, grab them by the balls (market penetration with compelling message) .

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsInformation Security

1. People are gullible.

2. Standard: deny. Exception: allow. (the "simple security principle") .

TheTwo

Things

TheTwo

ThingsPhysics

1. Energy is conserved.

2. Photons (and everything else) behave like both waves and particles.

TheTwo

Things

TheTwo

ThingsNeuroscience

1. Neurons strengthen or weaken signal strength between connected synapse .

2. If you think you've found the part of the brain that controls _________,

you're probably wrong .

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsEconomics

1. Incentives matter.

2. There’s no such thing as a free lunch.

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsWomen

1. When complaining, they don’t want your advice, they want your sympathy .

2. Don’t you dare tell them you can sum them up with just Two Things .

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsParenting

1. There’s no such thing as too much affection.

2. It’s not so much what you say, as it is what you do .

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Things

TheTwo

ThingsThe Two Things About The Two Things

1. People rarely agree about what the Two Things are.

2. This is doubly true for anyone who works in computers.

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