The Vindictive Childrenof the

Recess Patrol

s t i m u l u s i s s u e # 5

b y g a r r e t t s n e e n

©2018 Garrett Sneen

In a misguided attempt to foster leadership, the local elementary started a program called the “Recess Patrol,” in which students could monitor their fellow classmates during recess.

This created more issues than it solved.

Volunteers would walk around the playground with a clipboard and write up a report on anyone who was causing trouble.

The next day...

A perpetual feud began between two students.

I think you’ve had that ball for

long enough.

I would hate to have to report you...

You’ve been on that swing too long!

Your turn is up!

For years, the two boys would take turns attacking each other in the pettiest ways imaginable: Spreading rumors, destroying homework assignments, putting thumbtacks or gum on each other’s chairs.

One of Richard’s favorite pranks was stealing the graphite from his enemy’s mechanical pencils.

But eventually, the two finished high school and went their separate ways. It seemed as though the feud was finally over.

A decade later, Richard had all but forgotten about the pranks. He had settled into a solitary life with fairly decent career.

However, he wasn’t happy. His work was unsatisfying, and his love life was non-existent.

He was a cog in a machine, mindlessly trudging through a series of unfulfilling moments.

How did his life end up this way?

Click.

Click.

Click.Click.

Click. Click.

And just like that, Richard knew exactly what had gone wrong in his life. All of his failed relationships and missed opportunities...

Were the result of deliberate sabotage.

That son of a bitch stole my graphite...

It made perfect sense. The feud had never ended!

How could he have not have noticed it before? His old classmate was ruining his life and getting away with it.

Richard...?

Hey Richard, do you want to go

wine tasting with me this weekend ?

There is much work to be done.

Finding the address of his old nemesis was easy enough, he just had to figure out a way to even the score.

Richard’s main strategy was to wait until the man wasn’t home, and then shut off the water and gas valves on the side of the house.

It was a low-stakes prank and an incredibly annoying thing to experience.

Richard also tried to throttle his enemy’s internet connection, but that proved to be a more difficult task.

In spite of his best efforts to hurt his lifelong opponent, Richard remained in a pit of despair.

He was only perpetuating the feud. His life wasn’t improving in any way. In fact, things were only getting worse...

There was really only one solution to his problem...

click. click.click. click.click.

click.click.click.

click.

After he brutally murdered his old classmate (by stabbing him in the eye with a mechanical pencil), Richard’s circumstances improved greatly -- as one might expect!

He was finally happy... There was nothing to keep him from having the perfect life.

The End