The Watkins and the Rapiers Christmas Song Book 2014 Edition

The

Watkins and the Rapiers

Christmas Song Book

2014 Edition

Copyright 1997-2014 www.rapiers.org

Watkins and the Rapiers are:

L to R:

Marty York: drums, percussion, light show

Steve Piper: electric guitar, ukulele, accordion, vocals

Scott Regan: guitar, vocals

Tom Whitmore: mandolin, guitar, melodica, bass, vocals

Kerry Regan: guitar, harmonica, bass, vocals

Rick McRae: trombone, accordion, keyboards, vocals

with special guest:

Pete Hasler: clarinet, tenor saxophone, trombone, keyboards, vocals

The Watkins and the Rapiers Christmas Repertoire

This year there have been 6 new entries to the list—making a grand total of 61 songs.

This songbook includes the songs that are still in rotation every year.

Our Original Holiday Songs (And the Year Each Debuted)

1997

Santa’s Got a Gun

1998

All I Want for Christmas

Big Guitar

More Like Christmas

The Night Hank Williams

Passed Away

Proud Mary

Santa's Little Secret

Warden, Please

When Jesus Christ Met

Santa Claus

With the Family There

Xmas in Texas

2002

Christmas for the Red,

White and Blue

Christmas on the Border

Feed a Bum

Fruitcake

Pink Slips

Unhappy Holiday Inn

Where Angels Fall From

the Sky

2003

He Wore Black

The Miracle of Man

Wildfire

2005

Christmas, Christmas Baby

Rockabilly Christmas

Why Won't Christmas

2006

A Date with Santa Claus

2007

Are You Man Enough (to

Say, ‘Merry Christmas’)

Drunk at Christmas

Stars at Christmas

2008

Christmas in July

The Henrietta Carol

It’s Christmas Time

Santa Needs a Bailout

Secret Santa

We’re Running Late for

2009

Don’t You Hear What I

Hear

Everybody’s Got a

Christmas Song But Me

Why We Say Happy

Crimble

The Santa Claus Parade

The Two Days of

Christmas

2010

Black Friday

Christmas Lights

Elfish Boy

I Can Wait

2011

Christmas Cookie

Christmas on Occupy Wall

Street

Christmas Time Around

the World

Don’t Expect a Christmas

Card From Me

Little Trauma Boy

2012

December 21, 2012

Happy Crimble

The Little Things of

Christmas

2013

Arise Ye North Pole

Workers

Cool as an Icicle

Santa Land

Today, Tomorrow and

When

2014

Bills, Bills, Bills

Christmas Lights Untango

Christmas Time is Bringing

Me Home

Open Enrollment Period

Waltz

Season of Joy

War on Christmas

About Watkins & the Rapiers

Yes! and the bedpost was his own. The bed was his own, the room was his own. Best and happiest of all, the Time before him was his own, to make amends in! “I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future!” Scrooge repeated, as he scrambled out of bed. “The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. Oh Jacob Marley! Heaven,

and the Christmas Time be praised for this! I say it on my knees, old Jacob; on my knees!” He was so fluttered and so glowing with his good intentions, that his broken

voice would scarcely answer to his call. He had been sobbing violently in his conflict with the Spirit, and his face was wet with tears.“They are not torn down,” cried Scrooge, folding one of his bed-curtains in his arms, “they are not torn down, rings and all. They are here—I am here—the shadows of the things that would have been,

may be dispelled. They will be. I know they will!” His hands were busy with his garments all this time; turning them inside out, putting them on upside down, tearing

them, mislaying them, making them parties to every kind of extravagance. “I don’t know what to do!” cried Scrooge, laughing and crying in the same breath; and making a perfect Laocoön of himself with his stockings. “I am as light as a feather, I am as happy as an angel, I am as merry as a schoolboy. I am as giddy as a drunken

man. A merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world. Hallo here! Whoop! Hallo!”He had frisked into the sitting-room, and was now standing

there: perfectly winded. “There’s the saucepan that the gruel was in!” cried Scrooge, starting off again, and going round the fireplace. “There’s the door, by which the Ghost of Jacob Marley entered! There’s the corner where the Ghost of Christmas Present, sat! There’s the window where I saw the wandering Spirits! It’s all right, it’s

all true, it all happened. Ha ha ha!” Really, for a man who had been out of practice for so many years, it was a splendid laugh, a most illustrious laugh. The father of a

long, long line of brilliant laughs! “I don’t know what day of the month it is!” said Scrooge. “I don’t know how long I’ve been among the Spirits. I don’t know anything. I’m quite a baby. Never mind. I don’t care. I’d rather be a baby. Hallo! Whoop! Hallo here!”He was checked in his transports by the churches ringing out the

lustiest peals he had ever heard. Clash, clang, hammer; ding, dong, bell. Bell, dong, ding; hammer, clang, clash! Oh, glorious, glorious! Running to the window, he

opened it, and put out his head. No fog, no mist; clear, bright, jovial, stirring, cold; cold, piping for the blood to dance to; Golden sunlight; Heavenly sky; sweet fresh air; merry bells. Oh, glorious! Glorious! “What’s to-day!” cried Scrooge, calling downward to a boy in Sunday clothes, who perhaps had loitered in to look about him.

“Eh?” returned the boy, with all his might of wonder. “What’s to-day, my fine fellow?” said Scrooge. “To-day!” replied the boy. “Why, Christmas Day.”“It’s Christmas

Day!” said Scrooge to himself. “I haven’t missed it. The Spirits have done it all in one night. They can do anything they like. Of course they can. Of course they can. Hallo, my fine fellow!”“Hallo!” returned the boy. “Do you know the Poulterer’s, in the next street but one, at the corner?” Scrooge inquired. “I should hope I did,”

replied the lad. “An intelligent boy!” said Scrooge. “A remarkable boy! Do you know whether they’ve sold the prize Turkey that was hanging up there?—Not the little

prize Turkey: the big one?” “What, the one as big as me?” returned the boy. “What a delightful boy!” said Scrooge. “It’s a pleasure to talk to him. Yes, my buck!” “It’s hanging there now,” replied the boy. “Is it?” said Scrooge. “Go and buy it.” “Walk-er!” exclaimed the boy. “No, no,” said Scrooge, “I am in earnest. Go and buy it, and

tell ’em to bring it here, that I may give them the direction where to take it. Come back with the man, and I’ll give you a shilling. Come back with him in less than five

minutes and I’ll give you half-a-crown!” The boy was off like a shot. He must have had a steady hand at a trigger who could have got a shot off half so fast.“I’ll send it to Bob Cratchit’s!” whispered Scrooge, rubbing his hands, and splitting with a laugh. “He sha’n’t know who sends it. It’s twice the size of Tiny Tim. Joe Miller never

made such a joke as sending it to Bob’s will be!” The hand in which he wrote the address was not a steady one, but write it he did, somehow, and went down-stairs to

open the street door, ready for the coming of the poulterer’s man. As he stood there, waiting his arrival, the knocker caught his eye.“I shall love it, as long as I live!” cried Scrooge, patting it with his hand. “I scarcely ever looked at it before. What an honest expression it has in its face! It’s a wonderful knocker!—Here’s the Turkey!

Hallo! Whoop! How are you! Merry Christmas!” It was a Turkey! He never could have stood upon his legs, that bird. He would have snapped ’em short off in a minute,

like sticks of sealing-wax. “Why, it’s impossible to carry that to Camden Town,” said Scrooge. “You must have a cab.” The chuckle with which he said this, and the chuckle with which he paid for the Turkey, and the chuckle with which he paid for the cab, and the chuckle with which he recompensed the boy, were only to be

exceeded by the chuckle with which he sat down breathless in his chair again, and chuckled till he cried. Shaving was not an easy task, for his hand continued to shake

very much; and shaving requires attention, even when you don’t dance while you are at it. But if he had cut the end of his nose off, he would have put a piece of sticking-plaister over it, and been quite satisfied. He dressed himself “all in his best,” and at last got out into the streets. The people were by this time pouring forth, as

he had seen them with the Ghost of Christmas Present; and walking with his hands behind him, Scrooge regarded every one with a delighted smile. He looked so

irresistibly pleasant, in a word, that three or four good-humoured fellows said, “Good morning, sir! A merry Christmas to you!” And Scrooge said often afterwards, that of all the blithe sounds he had ever heard, those were the blithest in his ears He had not gone far, when coming on towards him he beheld the portly gentleman, who had

walked into his counting-house the day before, and said, “Scrooge and Marley’s, I believe?” It sent a pang across his heart to think how this old gentleman would look upon him when they met; but he knew what path lay straight before him, and he took it.“My dear sir,” said Scrooge, quickening his pace, and taking the old gentleman

by both his hands. “How do you do? I hope you succeeded yesterday. It was very kind of you. A merry Christmas to you, sir!” “Mr. Scrooge?”“Yes,” said Scrooge.

“That is my name, and I fear it may not be pleasant to you. Allow me to ask your pardon. And will you have the goodness”—here Scrooge whispered in his ear. “Lord bless me!” cried the gentleman, as if his breath were taken away. “My dear Mr. Scrooge, are you serious?”“If you please,” said Scrooge. “Not a farthing less. A great

many back-payments are included in it, I assure you. Will you do me that favour?” “My dear sir,” said the other, shaking hands with him. “I don’t know what to say to

such munifi—” “Don’t say anything, please,” retorted Scrooge. “Come and see me. Will you come and see me?” “I will!” cried the old gentleman. And it was clear he meant to do it. “Thank’ee,” said Scrooge. “I am much obliged to you. I thank you fifty times. Bless you!” He went to church, and walked about the streets, and watched

the people hurrying to and fro, and patted children on the head, and questioned beggars, and looked down into the kitchens of houses, and up to the windows, and found

that everything could yield him pleasure. He had never dreamed that any walk—that anything—could give him so much happiness. In the afternoon he turned his steps towards his nephew’s house. He passed the door a dozen times, before he had the courage to go up and knock. But he made a dash, and did it: “Is your master at home,

my dear?” said Scrooge to the girl. Nice girl! Very. “Yes, sir.” “Where is he, my love?” said Scrooge.“He’s in the dining-room, sir, along with mistress. I’ll show you

up-stairs, if you please.” “Thank’ee. He knows me,” said Scrooge, with his hand already on the dining-room lock. “I’ll go in here, my dear.” He turned it gently, and sidled his face in, round the door. They were looking at the table (which was spread out in great array); for these young housekeepers are always nervous on such

points, and like to see that everything is right. “Fred!” said Scrooge.Dear heart alive, how his niece by marriage started! Scrooge had forgotten, for the moment, about

her sitting in the corner with the footstool, or he wouldn’t have done it, on any account. “Why bless my soul!” cried Fred, “who’s that?” “It’s I. Your uncle Scrooge. I have come to dinner. Will you let me in, Fred?” Let him in! It is a mercy he didn’t shake his arm off. He was at home in five minutes. Nothing could be heartier. His

niece looked just the same. So did Topper when he came. So did the plump sister when she came. So did every one when they came. Wonderful party, wonderful

games, wonderful unanimity, won-der-ful happiness! But he was early at the office next morning. Oh, he was early there. If he could only be there first, and catch Bob Cratchit coming late! That was the thing he had set his heart upon. And he did it; yes, he did! The clock struck nine. No Bob. A quarter past. No Bob. He was full

eighteen minutes and a half behind his time. Scrooge sat with his door wide open, that he might see him come into the Tank. His hat was off, before he opened the door;

his comforter too. He was on his stool in a jiffy; driving away with his pen, as if he were trying to overtake nine o’clock. “Hallo!” growled Scrooge, in his accustomed voice, as near as he could feign it. “What do you mean by coming here at this time of day?” “I am very sorry, sir,” said Bob. “I am behind my time.”“You are?” epeated

Scrooge. “Yes. I think you are. Step this way, sir, if you please.” “It’s only once a year, sir,” pleaded Bob, appearing from the Tank. “It shall not be repeated. I was

making rather merry yesterday, sir.” “Now, I’ll tell you what, my friend,” said Scrooge, “I am not going to stand this sort of thing any longer. And therefore,” he continued, leaping from his stool, and giving Bob such a dig in the waistcoat that he staggered back into the Tank again; “and therefore I am about to raise your salary!”

Bob trembled, and got a little nearer to the ruler. He had a momentary idea of knocking Scrooge down with it, holding him, and calling to the people in the court for

help and a strait-waistcoat. “A merry Christmas, Bob!” said Scrooge, with an earnestness that could not be mistaken, as he clapped him on the back. “A merrier Christmas, Bob, my good fellow, than I have given you, for many a year! I’ll raise your salary, and endeavour to assist your struggling family, and we will discuss your

affairs this very afternoon, over a Christmas bowl of smoking bishop, Bob! Make up the fires, and buy another coal-scuttle before you dot another i, Bob Cratchit! ”

Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more; and to Tiny Tim, who did not die, he was a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world. Some people laughed to see the alteration in

him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them; for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this globe, for good, at which some people did not

have their fill of laughter in the outset; and knowing that such as these would be blind anyway, he thought it quite as well that they should wrinkle up their eyes in grins, as have the malady in less attractive forms. His own heart laughed: and that was quite enough for him. He had no further intercourse with Spirits, but lived upon the

Total Abstinence Principle, ever afterwards; and it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May

that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One!

!

All I Want For Christmas By Kerry Regan

I don’t expect diamonds ‘neath the tree Or any high technology I wouldn’t want a night out where we’d go white glove All I want for Christmas is your love I suppose if we want we can pretend That we got extra money we can spend But that might put us in a hole we can’t get out of And all I want for Christmas is your love Shop windows show me things I can’t afford That’s no way to celebrate the birthday of the lord So this year when we decorate on the tree We won’t dwell on how things used to be We’ll take comfort in the points of light shining up above All I want for Christmas is your love Shop windows show me things I can’t afford That’s no way to celebrate the birthday of the lord And when I give my Christmas gift to you I hope that the meaning comes through I’m tired of the hustling, the push and the shove All I want for Christmas is your love

All the Stars at Christmas By Steve Piper and Scott Regan

Boxes and buttons in the snow Blue light, the dawn and bright tip toes Distant memories that linger on this way Between tomorrow's breeze and dust of yesterday Walk down each street as if it's yours This night, alive outside your door, Opens up into the sky... And all the stars at Christmas Morning glory come and gone Fading treasures, summer's pawn Autumn leaves had never come to stay This setting sun becoming yesterday If there's an angel by my side And our hearts would take that ride She might open up her wings with all the stars at christmas Flying high, flying high Walking down these city streets Colored lights and city beats Where all the buildings block the sky up above It’s hard to find the star light of ones you love Still, all these strangers filled with joy Choirs of singing girls and boys It’s like your smile is in their eyes With all the stars at Christmas

Are You Man Enough (to Say Merry Christmas) By Kerry Regan

Cold December day and I’m shopping at the mall Holiday display decks out the crowded hall Who should I chance to see but an old friend I once knew I can’t recall if he is a Christian or a Jew I looked him in the eye, and I know what I should’ve said But I got interrupted by a voice inside my head

Are you man enough to raise your family right? Are you man enough to recognize sometimes you have to fight? Must we now be jerked around by every limp-wrist fuss? Are you man enough to say Merry Christmas?

I reached out my hand, he grabbed it and we shook Seeing you is grand, my how well you look Got your shopping done? No there’s so much left to do Now I’ve got to run, but it’s real nice seeing you My lips began to form the phrase happy holiday But a voice inside my head told me that’s not what I should say

Are you man enough to be clear and direct? Are you man enough to not always be politically correct? Must we now salute the flag for every limp-wrist fuss Are you man enough to say Merry Christmas?

Arise, Ye North Pole Workers! By Rick McRae

Arise, ye North Pole Workers

Raise high your candy canes

Declare your inde-pendence

And be free from Santa’s chains

Let’s overthrow the workshop

Free the reindeer from their huts

No longer Santa’s helpers, we’re

North Pol-e-tariat!

Santa Claus is the cause of our op-pression

He’s never paid us decent wages

He’s profited from the elf profession

And it’s been this way for ages!

So Elves, please lend me your pointy ears

Now is the time that we must organize

Stop being Santa Claus’s volunteers

We’ll fight him, although we’re only half his size!

(Chorus)

We Elves will advocate destruction

Of Santa’s means of toy production

We’ll turn Christmas Day into a free-for-all

Our uprising will measure almost 2 feet tall.

Solidarity, solidarity

We won’t be slaves for Santa’s charity

We’ll fight! Fight! Fight! for our parity

We’re small but we got sincerity!

(Chorus)

Though Santa dresses like a socialist

With his red suit and his long white beard

We all know he’s not one of us

His capitalist ways haven’t disappeared

There must be just one solution

We will stage a global Elf-o-lution

Rise above our Christmas persecution

Although we’re Liliputian!

Big Guitar By Kerry Regan

Look on the football field, ain’t nobody small Look on the roundball court, everybody’s tall And with Christmas comin’ on you ask me what I want Well, when I wish upon a star, I don’t just want a guitar I want a big guitar I want a big guitar I know one guy who plays a little violin I think he’ll always stay, small, wimpy and thin I’m gonna write St. Nick a letter and ask for somethin’ better He’ll bring it from afar, and he won’t just bring a guitar I want a big guitar I want a big guitar Give me something small and I’m gonna take it back I’ve seen it at the mall, and it don’t fit in Santa’s sack You must arrange for me, special delivery In something bigger than our car, ‘cause I don’t just want a guitar I want a big guitar I want a big guitar

Bills Bills Bills By Scott Regan

Been turning up the heat the nights are getting warm

Good to have you close just in case it storms

Wrapped up in the blankets, but sometimes I get the chills…

It’s those: Bills, Bills, Bills

Gotta love the season, this season’s just the best

Leading up to Christmas, sometimes we’re just blessed

But sometimes there’s a curse, and it all just goes downhill…

It’s those: Bills, Bills, Bills

Maybe by New Years Day it seemed to have gone away

But don’t be fooled, don’t be fooled, don’t be fooled

No, I think this year we’ve changed, I think this year the brains

Have rearranged the game - to just work out better somehow…

Gotta keep your spending down, you gotta live under the cap

Save for one big gift, it won’t just fall into your lap

Then there’s no surprises, just an act of will,

til those… Bills Bills Bills

No, next year will be different, next year I’ll be smart

I’ll be thinking with my brain instead of with my heart

I’ll save my love for Christmas and give up on the thrills

Oh those: Bills, Bills, Billss

Black Friday by Tom Whitmore

The best deals of the year are on Black Friday Clip that ninety percent coupon Black Friday When do we shoppers have a choice When do we buy the Christmas toys When do the merchants all rejoice Black Friday

Remember you have 30 shopping days ‘til Christmas Eve The perfect gift presents itself you if you just believe In Black Friday

Join the rabid shopping hoard BLACK FRIDAY Patience offers no reward BLACK FRIDAY Get there early join the throng Though the day seems extra long You can sing this shopping song BLACK FRIDAY

You line up in the parking lot before the crack of dawn And at the stroke of 4 am the Christmas rush is on Black Friday

Internet stores will ship for free on Monday On-line gifts for the family on Monday Buy a watch for your wife or son And for Aunt Mabel get a gun Least amount of work gets done on Monday, Cyber Monday Cyber Monday

Christmas Cookie By Tom Whitmore

Baby, baby, baby got a Christmas cookie for you It’s warm and yummy in your rum tum tummy Every little taste and the love pokes through Baby, baby, baby got a Christmas Cookie for you

Cookie dough - It’s time to go Gingerbread - Fireworks ahead Macaroons – will make you swoon Rum balls - You can have it all Cookie dough - Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho

Baby, baby, baby got a Christmas cookie for you It’s a little bit chewy - it’s warm and gooey Every little taste and the love pokes through Baby, baby, baby got a Christmas Cookie for you

Pistachio - Look out below Pferffernusses - There’ll be no excuses Bow knots - While the mood is hot Anisette - They’re the best ones yet Fig bars – You’ll be seeing stars Pistachio – Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho

For You! (Got a Christmas cookie)

Christmas in July By Kerry Regan

The sun Is low but it’s not yet set This will be one that we won’t forget And I count myself a lucky guy It’s Christmas in July Seasons come and seasons go Now come stand with me at the Alamo Hear that jingle jangle from up on high It’s Christmas in July And if you believe And I know you do We might have Christmas In August, too The temperature is 90 degrees Been so long since the winter’s freeze Climb on board we’ll make those reindeer fly It’s Christmas in July

Christmas Lights By Kerry Regan

Days grow shorter, darkness falls Deepened silence, dusky halls Cold November, cloud tableau Fading ember, falling snow

On the edge of endless nights Shine on, shine on Christmas lights

Wisp of sadness, fold the clothes Out the window, friends or foes? Sudden phone call, far away Thanks for asking, not today

On the edge of endless nights Shine on, shine on Christmas lights

Christmas Lights Un-Tango

By Pete Hasler

Deep in December’s dwindling light, we strive to make our houses

more bright

To combat the gloom and desperation, we surround ourselves with

fake illumination.

I set the tapers high on the mantle, find a place for the bayberry

candle,

The Dickens Village lights up the shelves, and plug in the twinkling

elves.

But there’s just one thing that causes my sleepless nights

It’s my inability to untangle my Christmas lights

It’s guess it’s obvious that I’m suffering from E.D.

Yes, Electrical Dysfunction prevents me from lighting my tree…

The luminaries are set in a row, the T-lights are lit and aglow.

The star is hung as high as it goes, next to Rudolph’s blinking red

nose.

But as for me and my lights our fights become a fandango,

As I dance my Christmas lights un-tango.

I’m jealous of the Rockefeller Center crew, they can light a tree in just

and hour or two.

But the tangled strings and I, do our famous fandango

As I dance my Christmas lights un-tango.

This truly is the worst of my fears…untangling could take many light

years…

I could be listening to the Rapiers,

But again at holiday parties, I’ll be a no-show

As I work at home alone, with my hands around these strands,

As I dance my Christmas lights, un- tangoooooooo.

Christmas on Wall Street By Kerry Regan

It’s Christmastime downtown on Wall Street Where the financiers wear the crown They call the shots from their limos and yachts And nothing is trickling down It’s Christmastime downtown on Wall Street All agree that mistakes have been made And on this midnight clear The people down here Will no longer abide a charade

On high. On high What’s that I see in the sky

It’s Christmastime downtown on Wall Street Surely a night to rejoice It’s cold in the snow And the icy winds blow But the people are finding their voice

Christmas on the Border

By Scott Regan

Christmas Time, party lights and champagne wine, Should we send them home for Christmas They can cook and make our places really shine, Why would we send them home for Christmas Christmas time on the border, Slipping by the authorities Get your papers all in order, Christmas time for you and me Pretty soon our kids will all be back from school, It’s good to have them home for Christmas You can back your little tree shaped macaroons, When they are home for Christmas Christmas time on the border, say goodbye to your family Help us get our things in order, Christmas time for you and me We don’t want to start another border war When we bring them home for Christmas Just a couple pretty girls to do our chores And help us in our homes for Christmas Cinnamon and sugar on tortillas, Herb Alpert sings “The Bell that Couldn’t Jingle”. Stories of Jesus and Maria, listen to the distant church bells ring Christmas Eve we let them leave our party scene So they can phone home for Christmas Listen to all their children’s simple dreams And wish they were home for Christmas When the holidays are over, They’re free to go and see their families Christmas time on the border, all the best to you from me

Christmas Time Around the World By Kerry Regan and Phil Regan

I will always remember in early December The first snowfall….we had a ball. There’s no snow in Atlanta, but that doesn’t stop Santa He sleds in the sky. I love that guy. Won’t anyone listen to what I say?

If they did it’d be Christmas, each and every day And the sleigh Santa sits in pulled by Donner and Blitzen Through the hard driving snow. He shouts, “Ho, ho ho!” Here’s what I’d do if I had my way I’d make it be Christmas every single day Christmas eve and I can’t wait. Christmas morning is so great. Presents piled by the tree. Woo-hoo! Yip-ee! It’s Christmas time around the world It’s Christmas time for boys and girls It’s Christmas time for grownups too Merry Christmas to you

Christmas Time for the Red, White and Blue

By Kerry Regan

We got boys overseas, Iraqis on their knees

Feeling quite a squeeze this Christmas

Rememberin’ the towers with memorials and flowers

And carpet-bombing showers this Christmas

And if all goes as we’ve planned in that desert land

They’ll all be eating sand this Christmas

We have gifts for every one of you

Christmas time has come for the red, white and blue

Europeans plead peace talks can succeed

But that’s not what we need this Christmas

Hippies moan and wail, they’re on the peacenik trail

They might just be in jail this Christmas

And on that holy night, when we begin the fight

They’ll all see that we’re right this Christmas



The great North Star that shines so bright

Can’t compete with the smart bomb light

Carving craters from the earth

To safe-keep the land of the savior’s birth

Let me be very clear, justice will be done here

We will not live in fear this Christmas

They hate us cause we’re free, they hate civil society

We’ll end their tyranny this Christmas

Evil is their dream, terror is their scheme

But we’ll change the regime this Christmas



Finally all our wishes will come true


Christmas Time is Bringing Me Home

By Kerry Regan

Summer breeze is long gone, one more time I’ll mow the lawn

Leaves turn gold and then they fall, birds and geese heed a southern

call

Snowfall turns the world to white, and it glows on a cloudless night

Then one day you go downtown and hear an old familiar sound

Christmas bells are ringing

Christmas choirs are singing

Christmas time is bringing me home

Every year it comes too soon, and every year too much to do

Christmas cards you gotta write, a tree to decorate and light

An ever-growing shopping list, store sales that you can’t resist

Parties that you must attend, and then you greet a long lost friend &




Now the day is almost here, pack your things, some wine and beer

On the road, a peaceful drive, many hours ‘til you arrive

Familiar places come in view, the streets, the stores & the schools

you knew

It’s the not the same as it was before

Then you walk through that old door and




Cool as an Icicle

By Kerry Regan

(Group) What cha doin?

(Singer) Just hanging around

Listening to that jolly Christmas sound

I snap my fingers merrily

Cool as an icicle on a Christmas tree


(Singer) Oh nothing much

I’m checkin’ my phone for texts and such

You never know when Santa might be callin’ me


Cool as an icicle up at the North Pole

Where everybody does the reindeer stroll

Cool as an icicle, right on Rudolph’s nose

If you saw it you would say it glows


(Singer) Man, I’m just chillin’

All this family time is so fulfillin’

Like I always say, what will be will be


A Date With Santa Claus By Kerry Regan

Slip into my new dress, making up my face

up the living room so everything’s in place

Making sure that each detail is just precisely right

I got a date with Santa Claus tonight

I baked the Christmas cookies, got the whiskey in the nog

A stocking, wreath, some mistletoe, and a video Yule log

A tree with all the trimmings makes the season bright


I know that at this time of year

He’s quite a busy guy

Nonetheless he made it clear

He’d be stoppin’ by-yi-yi-yi

So I’m hummin’ Christmas carols, watching specials on TV

I work a crossword puzzle while I’m sitting patiently

When he comes down the chimney, oh what a thrilling sight


I know that at this time of year

He’s quite a busy guy

Nonetheless he made it clear

He’d be stoppin’ by-yi-yi-yi

So I knit a Christmas sweater, put chestnuts on the fire

It’s not the time to hesitate or wallow in the mire

Sure I’m sitting calmly, but I’m ready to ignite


December 21, 2012

by Tom Whitmore

Just 4 days ‘til Christmas Just 4 days Just 4 days ‘til Christmas 4 days ‘til Christmas The world we know is ending soon Four days ‘til Christmas Through brim-stone fire and grand monsoon Four days ‘til Christmas The Mayans picked the date just right With extra sensory foresight Infernal day eternal night Four days ‘til Christmas The world we know is ending fast Four days ‘til Christmas I thought this world was built to last past Four days ‘til Christmas Revealed inside a pyramid The world’s a dying invalid So kiss your wife and hug your kid Four days ‘til Christmas The world is doomed so don’t delay Four days ‘til Christmas Don’t save for later rainy days Four days ‘til Christmas Spend your money and eat your food Gluttony is no longer rude Don’t leave it for some other dude Four days ‘til Christmas Just 4 days ‘til Christmas Just 4 days Just 4 days ‘til Christmas 4 days ‘til Christmas The world we know is ending now Four days ‘til Christmas So grab on to that gospel plow Four days ‘til Christmas You say your prayers and speak what’s true A tardis box comes into view Go back in time with Dr. Who Four days ‘til Christmas The world is crumbling ‘neath your feet Four days ‘til Christmas From arctic cold to tropical heat Four days ‘til Christmas Poor souls along the shore might drown It’s best to seek the highest ground In case the world is still around Three days ‘til Christmas

Don’t Expect A Christmas Card From Me By Tom Whitmore

Don’t expect a Christmas card from me, this year Don’t expect a Christmas card from me You didn’t send one last year or the year before I’ve ceased our correspondence and your pleading I’ll ignore Don’t expect a Christmas card from me this time I’ll concentrate on friends who really care I will not waste my efforts on a slacker such as you Don’t expect a Christmas card from me Don’t expect a Christmas card from me this year Don’t expect a Christmas card from me You didn’t send one last year or 3 years ago I guess that you don’t care enough to spend a little dough Don’t expect a Christmas card from me this time I’ll concentrate on friends who really care I will not waste the postage on a slacker such as you Don’t expect a Christmas card from m Don’t expect a Christmas card from me this year Don’t expect a Christmas card from me You didn’t send one last year or the year before Wait a sec I think I hear the postman at the door Don’t expect a Christmas card from me this time I’ll concentrate on friends who really care Hey look, I see a Christmas card that’s hand-addressed by you Please expect a Christmas card from me, my friend Please expect a Christmas card from me!

Drunk for Christmas By Steve Piper and Scott Regan

When you hear the sleigh bells ringing Happy voices will be singing, Christmas spirits we’ll be bringing… We’re on our way to Grandma’s and it’s Christmas Eve It’s just another stupid song from Scott and Steve About the gathering of the family zoo Tell me, what’s a family guy to do? Cousin Dave never could drive in the snow Too bad he didn’t made it out of Buffalo Got stuck a little bit too far Now he’s spending Christmas in his car Children high on sugar and those violent games Jesus Christ I can’t remember half their names Just when it feels they’ve left me in the lurch Thank God, I just drop them off at church

Here’s to finding simple gifts underneath the tree I’ll be drunk for Christmas, you can count on me

The Jell-o mold and cupcakes from our neighbor June Have been floating in the eggnog since this afternoon But that’s not hard to overcome Just have to add a few more cups of rum Sister Suzie always has her plans for us I hope and pray this is the year she’ll miss the bus Making things with too much Elmer’s glue Never was my favorite thing to do Uncle Frank was hoping for a neutered tree He took off all the Christmas balls and set them free Hung up all the angels by their necks And figurines of reindeer having sex We’re grateful that you turned our water into cherry wine To help our celebration at your birthday time And we’re never at a loss for cheer When the wine runs out, we just switch to beer.

Here’s to finding simple gifts underneath the tree I’ll be drunk for Christmas, you can count on me

Elvish Boy By Tom Whitmore (in tribute to Muddy Waters)

When I was a young elf around the age of five My mama sat me down and said, “One day you’ll be the greatest elf alive.” Now I’m much older way past 21 I give gifts to all the women and have a lotta fun They call me Santa Claus I spell S A child N S-A-N-T-A No Ea-ster Bunny Santa Claus is back in town Santa Claus is here to stay Hey all you young ladies out there in the crowd I’ll give you each a gift of which you all can be proud It’s as hard as ice and it’s filled with fire And it’s almost everything that your heat may desire Now you may believe that my love life is dry That it’s hard to get off just like a sled in the sky One night of the year I’d like you to know I take a trip around the world with a ho ho

Everybody’s Got A Christmas Song But Me by Tom Whitmore

Everybody’s got a Christmas song but me Everybody’s got a Christmas song but me Fa- la, la-la-la, la-la-la la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la Everybody’s got a Christmas song but me The carols are a link to faith for folks in modern times As all majestic mysteries are spelled out in their rhymes The muse of many masters but much to my dismay When it comes to Christmas tunes I don’t have much to say Everybody’s got a Christmas song but me, etc. I guess I am the odd man out ‘cause I don’t have a song But I won’t cry and I won’t pout I know that I’m not wrong Some people sing of silver bells and Santa in his sleigh But when it comes to Christmas tunes I don’t have much to say

Everybody’s got a Christmas song but me, etc. At any other time of year I’d laugh and drink a beer But I don’t feel light-hearted when Christmas time is near Whenever my mouth opens my tongue is made of clay ‘Cause when it comes to Christmas tunes I don’t have much to say

Everybody’s got a Christmas song but him! etc.

Everybody’s got a Christmas song but me! etc.

Feed A Bum by Tom Whitmore

Feed a bum this Christmas it’s the best that you can do The government shut off its aid and left it up to you Feed a bum this Christmas it’s evident you should Spread some Christmas spirit around the neighborhood This dreary little Christmas the coldest one in years A rainy night in Georgia can wash away the tears O holy night of Christians frost warnings in New York A perfect opportunity to give a bum some pork Start off with Caesar salad but hold the anchovies Hot soup to take the chill off of winter’s icy breeze The entrée should be hearty – turkey chicken steak or ham For those who’ll want their meal to go perhaps a can of SPAM Sweet memories of Christmas to spread some festive cheer Five dollars in a pocket to buy a quart of beer Please feed a bum this Christmas the future’s looking grim With further corporate layoffs next year you might be him

Happy Crimble

By Kerry Regan

Now the days are growing short, we see the dark descend

Please accept this candlestick to give you light my friend

The gray and white and black of night are taking hold of me

Let’s give you some color with a festive Christmas tree

The ice is building up along the bay

Happy Crimble on this Christmas Day

The cloudy days and endless nights, they’ve got me feeling low

Here’s a friend to cheer you with a jolly, “Ho, ho ho.”

The kids have to stay inside, it’s draining them of joy

Look under the Christmas tree, I’ve given each a toy

And on every corner you can hear them say


Happy Crimble to you (a miracle they say)

Happy Crimble to you


Thank you friend for helping me with your merry song

From now on the light will shine and each day will grow long

And in every homestead you can hear them say


He Wore Black By Kerry Regan

When he saw Christmas lights shine cross the land He always heard the Salvation Army band Reminding him of refugees with nothing in their pack So even on Christmas Day he wore black He gave gifts to friends and family But still he heard the sad bells of rhymney For every hungry, hung up, hobo hunkered by the track Even on Christmas Day he wore black

He wore black: He coulda worn a rainbow He wore black: Red and green for the holiday show Not ‘til things are brighter all around So he still wore black when they layed him down

He wore it for the soldiers who have died Believin’ that the lord was on their side From Germany to Viet Nam, Antietem and Iraq Even on Christmas Day he wore black All year long he dressed in somber tone For the poor and luckless who’ve been left alone Like he could take their burden lifted full onto his back Even on Christmas Day he wore black

The Henrietta Chorus By Rick McRae

Do you see what’s in the sky? (Fa-la-la-la-la-la) Beckoning us closer by (Fa-la-la-la-la-la) Shining through the winter night (Fa-la-la-la-la-la) Turns us to the guiding light (Fa-la-la-la-la-la) Wal-Mart The Place for Christmas Joy! Step in from the ice and snow (Fa-la-la-la-la-la) Feel the warmth of candleglow (Fa-la-la-la-la-la) Come be joyous, let’s be glad (Fa-la-la-la-la-la) Sisters, brothers, moms and dads (Fa-la-la-la-la-la)

Wal-Mart The Place for Christmas Joy! Children’s faces with delight (Fa-la-la-la-la-la) Remind us of what is truly right (Fa-la-la-la-la-la) Eternal love shows us the way (Fa-la-la-la-la-la) The Miracle of Christmas Day! (Fa-la-la-la-la-la) Seasons Greetings to you all! (Fa-la-la-la-la-la) Join the merry bacchanal (Fa-la-la-la-la-la) Sing the ancient songs of praise (Fa-la-la-la-la-la) And be joyful all your days! (Fa-la-la-la-la-la) Wal-mart The Place for Christmas Joy!* *Please help, please help, please help me, I’m in hell!

I Can Wait For Christmas By Scott Regan

I used to want to see them, but you’d never let me peek Now I’m getting stronger and you’re getting weak Don’t show it to me now - I can wait Don’t show it to me now - get this straight Don’t show it to me now - I can wait for Christmas They come in different packages, every shape and size Don’t want to judge too early, to wait is to be wise Don’t show it to me now, etc.

Christmas comes but once a year You wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, and now it’s here When you’re young time moves too slow Then disappears when you get old

I traveled cross the country, now I’m standing at your door Without a few surprises this holiday would be a bore Don’t show it to me now , etc.

Patience is a virtue, I heard it said before I had to learn to wait myself, just so I’d be sure Now the time is getting close. The waiting’s almost done Come to find that in the end, waiting’s half the fun.

Everybody’s rushing to get the latest toy Simple gifts are always best and bring the greatest joy, but Don’t show it to me now , etc. Just before he died papa gave me this advice Don’t look at them too early, you won’t have to see ‘em twice Don’t show it to me now - I can wait Don’t show it to me now - get this straight Don’t show it to me now - I can wait for Christmas

The Little Things of Christmas

By Rick McRae

The torn piece of wrapping that’s strewn on the floor,

The receipt in my pocket, don’t remember which store,

The reflection in the snowmelt in a puddle by the door,

It’s the little things of Christmas that I love.

The stain of spilled eggnog on an old filthy rag,

And deep in the closet, there lies a price tag,

The thin strand of tinsel in a vacuum cleaner bag,


Let others sing praises, Hosanna on high.

Let others shout greetings to all passers by.

But my Christmas pleasure

Is finding the treasure

In a small bit of marzipan stuck on my tie.

The brown leaves a-fallen from the poinsettia plants,

The pine needles on the carpet that I happen to glance,

The shard of ribbon candy on the seat of my pants,


Let others sing praises, Hosanna on high.

Let others shout greetings to all passers by.

But my Christmas treasure

Is the unspoken pleasure

In the insect that crawls on my holiday pie.

The microscopic dustspeck on a red ornament,

The partial green ribbon from a gift someone sent,

A tiny baby smiled at me and I knew what it meant


The Little Trauma Boy By Rick McRae

Every year about this time I sorta get afraid My friends are all excited, but my sense of dread pervades Don’t wanna eat no fruitcake, it might turn out decayed What if one of Santa’s presents is a ticking hand grenade?

Who’s afraid of Christmas? Who’s terrified of toys? Who fears that Santa’s coming and doesn’t jump for joy? Who thinks that Santa’s minions are ordered to de-stroy? Who is this little coward? He’s the little trauma boy! I’m the little trauma boy!

The holly and the ivy, they’re poisonous, I know What if they both get mixed into Mommy’s cookie dough? What if Christmas lights get shorted, and a live wire makes me glow? And when Santa slides down the chimney, will his boot break my big toe?

Who’s afraid of Christmas? Who’s terrified of toys? Who fears that Santa’s coming and doesn’t jump for joy? Who feels that yuletide spirit Is just a fright’ning ploy?

Who is this little fraidy-cat He’s the little trauma boy!

Who thinks that Santa’s visit is worse than the siege of Troy Who is this nervous Nellie? He’s the little trauma boy!. I’m the little trauma boy!

The Christmas tree’s exploding, St. Nick’s an evil creep! I’m gonna hide up in my room cause the stairway’s way too steep! Each time I hear a carol, I panic, scream and weep!

And the reindeer all have rabies, they’ll bite me in my sleep!

Who’s afraid of Christmas? Who’s terrified of toys? Who fears that Santa’s coming and doesn’t jump for joy? Who wishes Santa and his elves Would soon be unemployed Who is this wimpy chicken? He’s the little trauma boy!

Don’t wish me Merry Christmas I’m the Little Trauma Boy!

Must Be Christmas Time

By Scott Regan White light, candles are burning Snow-white snow flakes are turning All night stars are in the sky Can’t sleep, those fairies are creepy Grandma always gets weepy All right, it must be Christmas time I hear bells ringing I hear choir singing

High

All those carols to sing, songs No words, just hum to go along Some kind of star to be our guide Wise men with gifts that are kind of weird Still they make everybody cheer All right, it must be Christmas time I hear bells ringing I hear choir singing

High We pause now to remember the meaning As Santa Claus falls through the ceiling Land right inside a manger scene Good old humans just mingle Sometimes it makes your skin tingle All right, it must be Christmas time All right, it must be Christmas time

My Christmas, Christmas Baby By Scott Regan

My Christmas, Christmas baby, I’ll be your gift tonight. Christmas, Christmas baby Baby you can wrap me up tight Oooh, Oooh, Oooh - Oooh, Oooh, Oooh I’ve been waiting for Christmas all year long Christmas trees, Christmas wreaths and all these Christmas songs

Something’s wrong all year long seasons move too slow Cause I miss one your tender kiss beneath my mistletoe My Christmas, Christmas baby, I’ll be your gift tonight. Christmas, Christmas baby Baby you can wrap me up tight Oooh, Oooh, Oooh - Oooh, Oooh, Oooh The jukebox may no longer play jingle bells And all these gifts put back on, put back on the shelves No one comes between us, though we may be miles apart In this crazy fruitcake world, you’re always in my heart. My Christmas, Christmas baby, I’ll be your gift tonight. Christmas, Christmas baby Baby you can wrap me up tight Oooh, Oooh, Oooh - Oooh, Oooh, Oooh

Open Enrollment Period Waltz

By Tom Whitmore

It’s that howdy do happy season again

Which is filled with lively exchanges

Whatever you pick you had better act quick

Procrastination might prove to be dangerous

It makes no difference if you’re healthy or sick

Or downsized from your previous position

You are ready set go with a new H.M.O.

To address that preexisting condition

Open enrollment, open enrollment, open enrollment… period

Open enrollment open enrollment open enrollment period -

WALTZ!

You will need to decide whether high copays

Are better than a huge deductible

It’s time for picking the countdown is ticking

Nobody is ever indestructible

The premiums might seem quite outrageous

You can just go without if you dare

The best way to judge it does it fit in your budget

Thank heavens for Obamacare

Open enrollment, open enrollment, open enrollment… period

Open enrollment open enrollment open enrollment period -

WALTZ!

Pink Slips

By Kerry Regan The Christmas bonus memo’s out today Don’t expect too much this year From what they say we should stick to beer And forget about the champagne sips Here come green Christmas trees, red Santa suits and pink slips I should be happy just to have a job That’s what they explain to me And as for job security It’s dependent on the market’s blips Here come green Christmas trees, red Santa suits and pink slips Peace on earth, good will toward men Your service is no longer needed So deck the halls and trim the tree Like it’s any other year Like you can’t see the growing fear Put a tremble back into your lips Here come green Christmas trees, red Santa suits and pink slips

Proud Mary By Kerry Regan

Where were you when first you heard of what our Lord had done That he’d chosen you to bear his first and only son When did you first recognize the baby you did carry Those signs of life must have made you… Proud Mary And what did Joseph say when you told him of God’s plan Surely he believed that you’d been with some other man Did he investigate your past, perhaps become more wary The faith he showed must have made you… Proud Mary And when the baby Jesus first breathed life among the lambs Following a trail blazed by the Sauls and Abrahams The manger was a quiet place where a young family could tarry

Baby Jesus must have made you… Proud Mary He was rollin’, he was rollin’ He was rollin’ in the manger Two thousand years later we still long for his return And in the way he lived there’s still a lot that we can learn Worshipped all around the world from Rome to Londonderry His legacy would surely make you.. Proud Mary He was rollin’, he was rollin’ He was rollin’ in the manger

Rock-a-billy Christmas

By Kerry Regan Well my favorite little club sits on the edge of town I walk in every night, the lights are turned way down Jukebox in the corner, plays nothin’ but the King And everywhere you look about the people bop ‘n swing

Well it’s a rock-a-billy Christmas, buh-baby buy me a buh-beer It’s a rock-a-billy Christmas every day of the year

The band begins to play, and the finger’s start to snap Gotta a beer in my fist and a lady in my lap The singer’s hic-cup-cuppin’ like he’s losin’ all control The room is filling up-ah with his rockabilly soul


Well I know what I like, and I like it right here My fanny in a stool, my fist around a beer All the crazy kids who come here every night Can’t conceive a better way to make the season bright


The Santa Claus Parade By Scott Regan

Turn the corner, what do I see (Red hat, black boots, white hair, red suit) Some old guy there looking at me (Red hat, black boots, white hair, red suit) Marching down the sidewalk in the Santa Claus Parade Just past summer, not Halloween Who’d have guesses we’d already seen Walking right down Main Street the Santa Claus Parade

One little Santa, two little Santas And you think you’ve got it made Seven more Santas, eleven more Santas, You start to feel afraid Don’t know if you’re dreaming Or someone pulled the shade You just wake up and find yourself In the Santa Claus Parade

You’ll soon be waiting in those lines At the discount smart mart toy design Trying just to make the grade in the Santa Claus Parade

Walking round the neighborhood With all their little elves Even in their Santa suits They still look like themselves Line up just past midnight outside the barricades You just wake up and find yourself In the Santa Claus Parade

The year goes by, time hums along Until one day you hear this song It’s like it never went away, the Santa Claus Parade

Turn the corner, what do I see Some old guy there looking at me Marching down the sidewalk in the Santa Claus Parade

Santa Land

Lyrics by Scott Regan & Tom Whitmore

Music by Scott Regan

Everything has changed in Santa Land

Not making a list, not checking it twice

He’s lost the reins in Santa Land

No longer matters if you’re naughty or nice

With debt like a mountain, he’s just loading his sleigh

And the man keeps giving stuff away

We’ve still got toys in Santa Land

But running low in reserves

Still every girl and boy in Santa Land

Get’s one, even if it’s not deserved

What lesson is being learned if we treat every kid the same

And the man keeps giving stuff away

Well, I know, yes, I know, oh, I know

I’m pretty much alone here

But I see, yes, I see, I can see

Better make a stand. Right here, right now…

In Santa Land, Santa Land, Santa Land…

Yeah, everybody love him

While he gives away the store

Give them what they want

They always ask for more

Can’t go on forever, no matter what they say

Cause the man keeps giving stuff away.

The man keeps giving stuff away

Santa’s Got a Gun

by Kerry Regan

It's Christmas time and all around the town people are merry Christmas bell's ring the Christmas sound, cheeks look like cherries The children count the days 'til Santa comes in his sleigh 'Cause if they've been good girls and boys they get lots of toys In the park there's caroling tonight, the tree is decked out Santa's there, he's turning on the lights, folks gather about Then Santa slips around in back, reaches deep into his sack There's something shiny in his hand, Good Lord I don't understand Santa's got a gun, Santa's got a gun Get out of the way, he's gonna hurt someone Santa's got a gun, it’s pointin' in the air He grabbed himself a hostage and he's got her by the hair "Don't you cry and don't nobody pout, I'm telling you why Santa’s here and he knows what you’re about, no need to be shy I'm making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty and nice You better do as I say-o, in excelsis deo" Santa's got a gun, Santa's got a gun He ain't givin' gifts, he take and then he run Santa's got a gun, he makes his getaway By jumpin' on the roof with his reindeer and his sleigh Good King Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephen When the snow lay round about deep and crisp and even Brightly shown the moon that night though the frost was cruel When a poor man came in sight gathering winter fuel

Santa Needs a Bailout by Kerry Regan

The old man walked into the hall He set his sack beside the wall And took a seat behind a microphone He knew it was no reindeer game (When) The chairman said please state your name “I’m Santa Claus,” he said in somber tone My statement is that banker’s greed Has left the reindeer short of feed I have no cash to give the elves their pay I can’t get loans to build the toys for all the planet’s girls and boys I need your help in saving Christmas Day Santa needs a bailout, his finances are frail Santa needs a bailout, ‘cause he’s too big to fail You’ve never heard such a battle charge Or seen a grandstand quite so large They all lined up to support the cause The Senators all staked their claims The congressmen all leant their names To saving Christmas and Santa Clause Santa needs a bailout, his finances are frail Santa needs a bailout, ‘cause he’s too big to fail And when they signed the bill to law, the president with jutted jaw Next to Santa in the famous sleigh The newspapers and Web sites read, the holiday was nearly dead ‘Til the prez himself saved Christmas Day Santa got his bailout, the moral of our tale Santa got his bailout, ‘cause he’s too big to fail Now look around the gallery, the familiar faces that we see The Easter Bunny bearing springtime flowers The leprechaun, the pumpkin great The New Year’s Baby says. “I’ll be late Unless you give the rest of us what’s ours.” Santa got his bailout; He’ll be round Christmas Eve Santa got his bailout, now the rest of you please leave

Season of Joy By Tom Whitmore

I work at Sardi’s

We throw big parties

In the kitchen dip the dish in the dishwater

Don’t use Ivory don’t use Dawn

Used to use Lux Liquid once but now de lux is gone

It doesn’t take a brainiac it doesn’t take much brawn

I use Joy

Christmas parties make this season - season of joy

In the kitchen

In the dish room

I can lose myself as if I’m in a vacuum

Wash the dishes scrub the pots

Even when it’s cold outside the dish room stays real hot

I generally appreciate all the things I’ve got

I’ve got joy

Washing dishes makes this season - season of joy

Folks I meet

Out in the street

Moving to the urgent urban beat

Amidst the hubbub and the flurries

In the short term set aside their daily worries

Pause along the path of their solitary journeys

And feel joy

The reason is this season - season of joy

The reason is this season

The reason is this season - season of joy

Secret Santa by Tom Whitmore

I don’t have expensive taste I don’t want to buy in haste I’ll trade you goods for services And if it doesn’t make you nervous I’ll be your secret Santa if you’ll be my valentine I’ll be your secret Santa if you’ll be my valentine I’ll bring you something really great If you take me out on a date I’ll bring you something really grand If you let me hold your hand I’ll be your secret Santa if you’ll be my valentine I’ll be your secret Santa if you’ll be my valentine

But my intentions are top secret They’re not for anyone’s eyes to see As our new flirtation flourishes Under the shade of privacy

I’ll bring you something that you can’t resist For the taste of one sweet kiss I’ll bring you something that you desire For the taste of your love’s hot fire I’ll be your secret Santa if you’ll be my valentine I’ll be your secret Santa if you’ll be my valentine You can’t let anybody know that I secretly love you so You can’t let anybody guess that I live for your caress I’ll be your secret Santa if you’ll be my valentine I’ll be your secret Santa if you’ll be my valentine

Today, Tomorrow and When

By Scott Regan

Hey, buddy, haven’t seen you for a year

Not since last Christmas have I been back round here

Easy to say I’ve missed you, but then…

Today, tomorrow and when

Step out on these old streets where we used to walk

Remember how you made me laugh when we used to

talk

Sit inside that old café, the memories and then…

Today, tomorrow and when

When the sun is in the sky. When the rains just fall.

When rivers race to the sea, and clouds just crawl.

Time is just a broken clock, and then…

Today, tomorrow and when.

The Two Days of Christmas By Rick McRae

We’ll have the hap- hap- happiest, jol- jol- jolliest Christmas. Everyone gathered ‘round the tree Fancy gifts for you and for me We’ll have the hap- hap- happiest, jol- jol- jolliest Christmas. We’ll have the glee- glee- gleefullest, jo- jo- jovial Yuletide. We’ll have cookies and candy, and holiday treats, We won’t forget to save receipts We’ll have the glee- glee- gleefullest, jo- jo- jovial Yuletide. We’ll have the cheer- cheer- cheeriest, Copa- copa- copasetic Boxing Day. We’re in the S.U.V. and we’re making good time, We’ll be number one in the gift return line. We’ll have the cheer- cheer- cheeriest, Copa- copa- copasetic Boxing Day.

The Unhappy Holiday Inn By Scott Regan

So your dog died in the tree lights When it fell right in the aquarium And the fish all flopped very tropically, Until they stopped and flopped no more Then the kids asked “Why aren’t they moving” and “How come Fluffy’s eyes won’t close” It’s getting tough, I’ve got no answers. Just need a place to blow my nose. We run the unhappy Holiday Inn. Happy holidays to you, you. The Nation’s busboy is clearing off the table, No more fuss about limits or controls He’s placed his faith into those more able To guide our way with corporate souls Tax breaks, gift estates, move off shore or out of state, Profits up, just not enough . . . So you make the stocks rise by laying off your customers, Then rent them space where they can store their stuff. We run the unhappy Holiday Inn. Happy holidays to you, you. Maybe a refugee from the desert Will walk in a shopping mall and set us all straight. Someone in sandals, or maybe just a poor boy Who missed a train that would not wait. It left the station with bread and water And left behind craters and burned out shells Someone somewhere must have hit pay dirt, But you’ll never hear anyone tell We run the unhappy Holiday Inn. Happy holidays to you, you.

War On Christmas

By Scott Regan

There’s a war on Christmas this year

A war on Christmas this year

There’s a place at the table where God can’t be found

Cause there’s a war on Christmas this year

I think of all that he’ll be missing

We took for granted so long

Oh, what I’d give for one peaceful night

How did we it go so wrong

No more tree in the Courthouse

With a star up top shining bright

No Baby Jesus in his cradle below

Something just doesn’t feel right

Chorus

No carols he’ll hear in the high school

No songs from his lasses and lads

One voice has gone silent and nothing makes sense

Just leaves me empty and sad

But he was proud to serve his country

With honor and vision so clear

Now there’s a place at the table where God can’t be found

There’s a war on Christmas this year

(repeat last two lines)

We’re Running Late For Christmas ABy Steve Piper

Watch out! Watch out! I’m running late for Christmas! Watch out! Watch out, He’s running late for Christmas! Watch out! Watch out! I’m running late for Christmas! Watch out! Watch out, He’s running late for Christmas! Watch out! Watch out! I’m running late for Christmas! Watch out! Watch out, He’s running late for Christmas! Watch out! Watch out! I’m running late for Christmas! Watch out! Watch out, He’s running late for Christmas! Watch out! Watch out! I’m running late for Christmas! Watch out! Watch out, He’s running late for Christmas! Watch out! Watch out! I’m running late for Christmas! Watch out! Watch out, He’s running late for Christmas! Watch out! Watch out! I’m running late for Christmas! Watch out! Watch out, He’s running late for Christmas! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Watchout! We’re running late for Christmas!

When Jesus Christ Met Santa Claus By Scott Regan

When Jesus Christ met Santa Claus it was no ordinary day Snow fell from the heavens in no ordinary way When Santa met Jesus, somehow the earth stood still Arm in arm they bowed their heads, walked slowly up the hill So you’re performing miracles since I left this scene Jesus, said Santa, I don’t know what you mean These are no miracles, just reindeer and a sleigh It’s how I get from town to town in my humble way No, no dear Santa, those aren’t the miracles of which I speak It is the gift of giving to the poor and to the weak I’ve seen them lift each other’s lives throughout the land And for a while it seemed to go exactly as you planned Well, Jesus, I can’t take credit for these things It all began with the birth of the King of Kings The Shepard boys and wise men bearing gifts so long ago They never had a clue how far this thing would go Now I look around and see this garbage selling in my name Santa, I’m sure, you must feel the same Those simple gifts we both endorsed have spun out of control I’ll bet you even feel it way up in the North Pole What do you say dear Santa, that we take a stand And spend this holiday where we can get real tanned The world can take care of itself, it’s keepers we’ll be no more We’ll wash our hands of Christmas out on some sandy shore So Jesus Christ and Santa Claus slipped into his sleigh And with a nod the reindeer whisked them both away Out to some sunny island where it will never snow Far from the chill and sting of the icy winds that blow

Where Angels Fall from the Sky

By Scott Regan Just like the snow that falls under skies of grey Through the darkest hours of the holiday A trace of dust left scattered where it lies When angels fall from the sky Say your Christmas prayer, sing a hymn and kneel At the altar’s edge, at the poppy fields Open up to the poverty you find Where angels fall from the sky

I see an angel’s hand. I hear the angels speak Sounds like the wind up in the trees When they fall, they fall silent like the snow, there they be

So count the footprints left in the morning snow Listen to the wind from the earth below Walk beneath the stars and hold your head up high When angels fall from the sky

Why Won’t Christmas by Tom Whitmore

Sidewalks filled with shoppers scurrying

Everywhere you see people hurrying

Sequin covered stockings hanging from a shelf

I’ll be spending Christmas all by myself

It’s Christmas time again that gloomy time of year

The most invasive holiday that people come to fear

Contrary to love’s promise that true blind faith demands

Christmas never fails to unleash its icy hands

Outside the snow is falling like needles from the tree

Why won’t Christmas leave me alone

Christmas time means parties with families gathered ‘round

A rarified existence-strong drink and food abound

Originally a time of joy which angelic voices harkened

Has now become a fruitless trial that finds my heart-light darkened

Two-bit sanctimony doesn’t come for free

Why won’t Christmas just let me be

Thinking of the feelings Greta Garbo might intone

Vy von’t Christmas leave me alone

Assaulted by each light and battered by each toy

Disheartened by each fantasy that Santa’s elves deploy

Choked by every cookie poisoned by the punch

The overuse of plastic creates a credit crunch

Ass and ox and camel greet the wise men three


Intruding on my normal life is what I find obscene

With store displays from Labor Day through every day between

Why can’t it be a holiday like others I have known

One short and welcomed day of rest then back to the grindstone

New Year’s Day and MLK Day mean so much to me


Cowering in the corner gnawing on a bone

Why won’t Christmas leave me alone

Wildfire by Tom Whitmore (with Bruce Diamond and Marty York)

There’s a wildfire burning in the Christmas tree lot You hear everybody yelling ‘cause the place is so hot “They cut the trees too early,” said the mayor’s daughter. “Now all we’ve got is kindling due to lack of water. We’re left a ticking time bomb that’s about to explode With fuel for the inferno by the semi truck load It seems a boy scout’s cigarette ignited that blaze It’s expected to keep burning for a thousand days There’s a chance to control it if the wind abates They’ve called for volunteers from surrounding states Devastation and destruction are beyond belief The mayor’s called for federal emergency relief Wildfire burning (in the Christmas tree lot) They’ve evacuated citizens from 4th and Main About the only thing to help us would be about a week of rain The buildings are in peril all around the square And the flames are burning higher like a signal flare One by one by one the buildings burning down Leaving blackened charred remains of our happy town

With the Family There by Kerry Regan

The snowy streets are crowded, there's music in the air Smilin' kids in snowsuits are just about everywhere A Salvation Army Santa shifts from shoe to shoe I toss a coin in his bucket, he says "Merry Christmas to you!" Christmas is for giving For getting can't compare To waking up on Christmas morning With the family there With the family there Christmas Eve's a late night, we put the kids to bed Wrap up all the presents, put a bow on the sled We wake up to their voices, "Mommy, Daddy did you see? Santa came last night and put gifts beneath the tree" Christmas is for giving Forgetting can’t compare To waking up on Christmas morning With the family there With the family there But this year I can sleep in, and when I'm watchin' the TV I won't get interrupted, "Daddy, look at me" The gifts are in the mail now, they'll be there Christmas Day I'll call you in the morning, this is what I'll say Christmas is forgiving Forgetting can’t compare To waking up on Christmas morning With the family there With the family there Christmas is forgiving,

Forgive me and I swear We'll wake up next Christmas morning With the family there

With the family there

Why We Say Happy Crimble By Kerry Regan

Long, long ago in a land far away Where reindeer and butterflies gaily would play And hardworking elves lived in little thatch huts Mixing soft candies with raisins and nuts Pounding their drums and crashing the cymbal They’d gather together and shout Happy Crimble Twas then something happened perhaps just because When into the their world there came Santa Claus Trim and clean-shaven, an entrepreneur With a generous heart that was loving for sure On fields of sport there were none quite so nimble They all cheered him on and they’d shout Happy Crimble

Then one day it snowed and it snowed and it snowed It covered the wheat fields, the huts and the road It touched the inhabitants deep in the soul ‘Til they realized they were at the North Pole Then they bore through the ice with a powerful wimble And when they hit bottom they yelled Happy Crimble

To keep the elves busy a workshop was built Mrs. Clause took up sewing and learned to quilt By a warm fire is where Santa sat Smoking his pipe and just getting fat Each evening she’d join him with needle and thimble And the elves would stop by to say Happy Crimble

Then sometime around the seventeenth year It came time to exercise the herd of reindeer And the warehouse was full of things the elves made Like candies and toys and pink lemonade In the circle that night when they all played the timbale They had an idea and yelled Happy Crimble

That night they invented a new holiday And they loaded their toys into Santa’s sleigh And the reindeer and Santa drove off, ho, ho, ho To distribute their gifts from the land of the snow And they chose Jesus as the holiday’s symbol And that’s why on Christmas we say Happy Crimble

Xmas in Texas By Kerry Regan

A friend asked me if I’d stay at his place on the holiday He said they’d have a real pine Christmas tree He said there might be snow, but I told ‘em I couldn’t go Cause this is where I really want to be I’m spending my Xmas in Texas Where at night the North Star shines so bright and clear I’m spending my Xmas in Texas Where the Christmas spirit lasts throughout the year My friend don’t understand caroling with a Western band And cactus strung with jalapeno lights Why trade my cowboy boots for some bulky winter suits And long delays for my connecting flights I’m spending my Xmas in Texas Where at night the North Star shines so bright and clear I’m spending my Xmas in Texas Where the Christmas spirit lasts throughout the year I heard a rumor the other day, Santa’s trading in his sleigh And giving up his North Pole property He’s selling off his reindeer to buy a herd of Longhorn Steer And setting up his shop in Hill Country I’m spending my Xmas in Texas Where at night the North Star shines so bright and clear I’m spending my Xmas in Texas Where the Christmas spirit lasts throughout the year It’s Christmas time in Texas, U-S-A

WATKINS WORD SEARCH

L A A Y W B M E Y S B A R K H Q S K T F

I G M A E Q W L M O R E L G N P D S U O

G A U D F R U A R T D A U L I U Y D O U

H T A I B J I D L W U O T L I A R A L R

T T R R F R E F H L N B S S D W N D I D

S E T F C R I I D E S K G O E G A M A A

U I B K Y A T N N L N T W N E H A N B Y

N R A C N E R A G I I T R L O R T K T S

T N B A B E M D P I N W S E Y S P L A J

A E Y L B U A R O U N D T H E W O R L D

N H U B O E L C I C I G T S E T R P E A

G E Q Y T U O H C T A W M B A O N I N C

O S E A S O N O F J O Y T E C M C S R O

V R Y L I M A F E S H S W K H A X E O O

A D A T E N E H W E U S A H N O N C L K

L Z Q M K Q L Y P M K B I W Y U M R L I

S G N I H T E L T T I L A V G W F E M E

R A T I U G G I B L Y I H T L G O T E M

U N H A P P Y X L H T W A R F E T N N U

P A R A D E Y Y S A N T A L A N D S T B

WORD LIST

ALL I WANT ALL THE STARS ANGELS

ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH AROUND THE WORLD BABY

BAILOUT BIG GUITAR BLACK

BLACK FRIDAY BORDER BRINGING ME HOME

BUM CARD COOKIE

DATE DRUNK ELVISH

ENROLLMENT FAMILY FOUR DAYS

GUN HENRIETTA ICANWAIT

ICICLE JULY LIGHTS UNTANGO

LITTLE THINGS MARY MUSTBE

PARADE PINKSLIPS RED WHITE BLUE

ROCKABILLY SANTA LAND SEASON OF JOY

SECRET SONG BUT ME TRAUMA

TWO DAYS UNHAPPY WALL STREET

WAR WATCH OUT WHEN

WHYWONT WILDFIRE XMAS

MERRY CHRISTMAS/HANUKKAH etc.

WITH LOVE FROM WATKINS AND THE RAPIERS

Documents

The Watkins and the Rapiers Christmas Song Book 2014 Edition