Things to remember and 18 Detractors from Mature Academic

Voice

Critical mass refers to the volume of words necessary to adequately articulate your ideas, responses, analysis, and so forth.

No matter how well you write, you must produce a critical mass of words for the AP test, in order to achieve a passing score.

Go beyond the 2 sentence analysis, explore causes, questions, applications in commentary

“The author is trying to say….” NO!! The author has already said it. You are trying to comment on the effectiveness of the author’s technique.

“I think,” “I believe”…avoid, because, simply put, no one cares. Your task is to analyze the piece before you and identify its techniques and effect on the reader. Whether or not you deem The Crucible as a great work of literature, is irrelevant to your task.

Change your perception as a college level writer: Using the above referenced phrases is not directly

related to your VOICE as a writer. This begins to evolve when you are dialoguing about the example in your head

Show – this is an extremely plain word that does very little for your writing.

Choose, instead, a more interesting verb. Reveals, typifies, highlights, demonstrates

(not great, but better than show.) I will be giving you a list of power verbs and

effective tone words in the coming weeks. Refer to it often.

I can’t believe I need to say this, but please, please, please remember that A LOT is two words!

Allot is a completely different word. Alot is not a word. It’s an “eye bump.”

I &YOU – take both words out. I now own these words. Please remove it from your writing unless writing about personal exp.

You will earn these words back when, through your writing, you demonstrate a clear idea of voice and controlling tone, as well as a dominant assertion thread.

Use of first person.  Avoid “I think,” “I believe,” “To me this means…”  

Use of second person “you.”  Avoid the use of the second person. 

No:  “when you die…”  Instead use:  “When humans die…”  No:  “The slant rhyme makes you notice…”  Instead use:  “The slant rhyme makes the

reader notice.”   No: You should ask yourself

Colloquial speech and immature, excessively informal vocabulary.  Examples:  “Your average Joe,” “Joe College,” “Back in the olden days,” “Nowadays,” “A bunch of…a ton of…” (Does the writer mean “a significant number of…”?); “I would have to say…” (Not really); “That would have to be…” (Again, not really)  ”That’s good thinking right there!”

No! She talks about The author discusses, explores, describes

Use of psychobabble:  “Pap destroyed Huck’s self-esteem.”  “The peer pressure on Hester Prynne,” “Gatsby was depressed by…” “Huck and Jim’s life-style on the raft…” “Virginia Woolf, herself a depressed person, writes a rather bi-polar essay.”  

Avoid absolutes: “always” “never” “everybody” “I’ll bet 99.9% of the people…”  

There are exceptions to every stereotype, which is one reason why stereotypes can be so offensive.

When you write and speak using absolutes, you come off as a “know it all” (arrogance) or as someone who is actually less knowledgeable about the topic.

Absolutes are a sign of immaturity in writing and speaking.

Excesses of tone: hysterical, breathless, indignant, self-righteous, cute, breezy, etc.  Example:  “If a homeless man even talks he gets arrested.”  

Cheerleading, a special kind of excess of tone when the student lavishes praise on an author or her work.  Examples:  “The greatest poet…” “Does a magnificent job of…” “so awesome,” “obviously a genius,” “…will affect me for the rest of my life.” (Note: this observation is not intended to squelch true passion or heart-felt response to literature.)  

Silly, weak, childish examples:  students’ lack of discernment with regard to quality examples or evidence; using cartoons, Disney movies, etc. as legitimate evidence.  

Overuse of commonly used examples and generalizations (i.e. President Obama is a level one thinker..), Martin Luther King

Generalizations: Our leaders today

Announcing & Preacherism

You need to demonstrate your knowledge, not announce it like a broadcaster

In the following I will explain… This essay will demonstrate…

Don’t preach to your reader: Being happy will make you productive in life

Rhetorical questions, especially those with an indignant response, such as:  “Do we Americans have to put up with this?  I think not!”  

Thesis Vs. Statement

Flannery O’Connor illustrates the theme of selfishness through the intense portrayal of the grandmother in “A Good Man is Hard to Find,” demonstrating the consequences of betrayal.

Flannery O’Connor writes about Selfishness and betrayal in “A Good Man is Hard to Find.”

Clichés, all of them.  They’re as old as the hills. 

Quotations & Citing

If you use more than 3 words in a row from the text, you must have quotation marks around them

Bradstreet reveals her inner turmoil stating, “and chide my heart” (10) demonstrating…..

The tendency to come to terms with difficult experiences is referred to as a "purification process" whereby "threatening or painful dissonances are warded off to preserve intact a clear and articulated image of oneself and one’s place in the world" (Sennett 11).

If you are writing on one author, and you quote from a different place, you only need to put the page number Jacobs has argued this point (190-210).

At the end of your paper cite your book using MLA format: Jans, Nick. The Last Light Breaking: Life among Alaska's Inupiat

Eskimos. Anchorage: Alaska Northwest Books, 1993. Print.

Exclamation points, especially lots of them!!!!!!  

Most adverbs, such as basically, obviously, surely, certainly, very, really, incredibly, totally, etc. should be used sparingly!

For true writers interested in improving their writing in this area, explore to Stephen King’s memoir: On Writing.  

Writing about the author or the speaker or narrator as though they are the same.  Weak:  Dickinson greets death as a courtly suitor.  Stronger:  Dickinson’s speaker greets Death as a courtly suitor.

Misspelling the author’s name!   If you know the author’s name, spell it

correctly.

Referring to authors by their first names.  Please use “Whitman and Dickinson,” never “Walt and Emily.”  

You are not personal friends with Mark Twain, Ralph Ellison, or Arthur Miller.

And even if you were, it’s not appropriate for AP Writing.

Writing about an author’s life rather than his or her work or specific purpose in a text.  Weak:  “Whitman and Dickinson write about death differently due to their different life experiences.”  Better:  “Dickinson’s purpose in using this image is…” or “Whitman’s imagery suggests…”  

Using technical vocabulary incorrectly.  Examples:  “Green uses emotional syntax.”  “She uses dictional phrases like…”  “His short fragments are all connected by commas and collaborated into a few run-on sentences.”  

Summarizing Vs. Storytelling

The essay reveals Vs. It is about how The poem portrays Vs. when Bradstreet

wrote

Give Context to your examples

Introduce examples (Einstein, explain who he is, don’t have the reader guess) Einstein, a German professor and friend of the speaker, introduces….

Do not: Another example is…. Embed the quote in your context: Further

demonstrating her guilt, Bradstreet remorsefully bids adieu to all her possessions as she views them “in ashes lie” (14).

Gobbledygook, usually some kind of combination of the characteristics listed above.  It imitates pretentious writing but says little.  Examples:  “The author brilliantly uses a hyphen in order to emphasize and reinforce motivation and justice that God provides and installs in each and every man.”  “Meger (sic) imagery provided by the author commences to place a precedence (sic) of their style, a conventional rhetoric that gives the passage somewhat of a quixotic tone.”

The author uses imagery to help us imagine or to make us feel better – No! The author is using this device to convey a particular message it is your job to figure this out

Regurgitating the prompt (aka empty openings).

Lack of planning. Generalizations instead of analysis. Summary instead of analysis – this is big for

me and for the scorers. Actually, ANYTHING instead of analysis.

Formulaic writing: aka a writer on autopilot instead of a “mind at work,” “ a writer engaged with the text.”

General carelessness: not differentiating between a poet and a speaker, between a character and a person, between an audience (for a play) and a reader (for text); not spelling words right that are in the prompt, or not getting character names right.

Over-simplifying what is complex. Filling the paper with quoted material

instead of analysis (commentary). Failing to develop ideas.

Adapted by J. Murphy, PLHS Compiled and adapted by H. Leigh

Francisco, SRHS Original compiled source unknown. Current version for compilation taken from

V. Stevenson PHHS and http://www.millcreekhighschool.org/users/318MyDocs/18%20Detractors%20from%20Mature%20Academic%20Voice.doc