Thinking Not Thinking

7/31/2019 Thinking Not Thinking

1/8

Youre cool, you were

reading something.

Just let me type and you are shouting about videos.

Just let me go and my hearts shouting about you.

You you you

We are all the same I think,

We are all looking for similar things here.

I dont really know what I would say I was looking for

We like to feel

the same ways

I think

Except I am tired of feeling ..

some guy pacing the room staring at me

-your absence

I couldnt stand next to you

Anymore

after

things you said to her

while you were next to me?

And so she really doesnt want

you are you really

half heartedly

holding onto

me?

Lol,


2/8

yes.

There is nowhere to go really,

the internet is here.

and in coffee shops

so thats where Ive been.

I dont really want any of this.

Do not use the words

homie or homeslice .

when talking to me

home is the

last thing on my mind,

except when I am crying.

I dont want to be crying

and then

hear the word home

out of your mouth

when

this

is gone.

Everyone is gone now .

even the cat

meowing

he has realized his relevance

somewhere else.

The cat will remember


3/8

outside

and call again

at the door to be opened.

I dont know how long things take.

I dont know how long your being gone will take away from me.

I dont know how long I really wanted to take myself away from you.

I dont know how long I slept last night

nor do I know how long I will sleep tonight.

When I get sleepy- I sleep.

I do not have a lot of dreams

Except now

I am dreaming of a small space I can climb into while thinking about you.

This guy has an alien guidebook,

I do not want to be taken away.

He is shouting at me

and I think

thats just what he does

anytime I look at him

or I am doing something wrong being quiet.

I want to sit on a rock on a beach

Staring at the waves, not thinking about aliens.

I want cotton candy and you at the carnival

I want you spinning next to me still.

I dont need sonnets or someones mom telling me

Im inferior due to a history of a shorter length of time.


4/8

I dont know what youre all talking about

I dont want to take your cat outside

I dont want to watch a movie with you

I dont want to be alone, thats all

I dont want you to be talking or touching me

Someone is tapping at the window and the sun only glares through the curtain and hurts my eyes now when I look in that direction.


5/8

I do take lifeseriously

I just dont

have a job.Im serious about a lot of things

including coffee and quiet mornings

I enjoy sitting outside and staring up at theskyWhen I really start to think too much. Then I just think


6/8

Nobody should ever date me

ever

You come in and grab me bye

It would be a great story

but maybe Im sort of

getting tired of feeling

inferior to some girl, this one or that.

You are not some prize I get for being good

as youd have me be.

You are just some guy I liked to be around

but I can even be around nobody


7/8

if thats the way I want now.

I dont want to be touched by anybody ever.

I dont think fondly of romantic situations at this point. All I really want is to go

somewhere warm-

this place in my head

where the sun is warm

and colors bright.

I can sit alone and watch the ducks for five hours like I did on a family camping

trip. I wasnt sad then and Im not sad now. I dont want for a significant other.

I want solitude.

If I seem absorbed

That doesnt mean

You should be sad

It means I am seeing.


8/8

Something else,

Somewhere else

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Thinking Not Thinking