Tidbits - Denver Metro Area - Issue #1090

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EVEN TIDBITS® KNOWS, SOMETIMES

YOU JUST HAVE TO SAYI WANT CANDY!

by Sarah Bates

Chocolate bars, caramel, cherry lollipops and gummi bears… we’ll warn you in ad-vance: this article might induce confection-ary cravings!

The Snick-•ers bar, in-troduced in 1930, was named for one of the Mars fam-ily’s favorite horses.The recipe for Mr. Goodbar has only •changed once since it was introduced in 1925 - in 1992 more peanuts were add-ed.Frank Mars, founder of Mars, Inc., married •twice, both times to women named Ethel.Heath bars were included in U.S. Military •rations in WWII.The Kit Kat bar was created by Rowntree •Limited of York, England in 1935 and was originally called Rowntree’s Chocolate Crisp. It was renamed Kit Kat after WWII.Why is the 3 Musketeers bar named Three •Musketeers? Originally it had three piec-es of candy, each with a different flavor(strawberry, vanilla and chocolate.)

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Issue #1090June 01, 2009

Denver Metro Area Published by Mountain View Publishing, LLC FOR ADVERTISING CALL (303) 688-1987 [email protected]

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measured 58 feet 2.25 inches (17.73 m) tall.Original lollipop machines produced 40 lol-•lipops per minute. Modern machines can produce 5,900 lollipops per minute.76% of people surveyed say they eat the •earsoffachocolatebunnyfirst.How many licks does it take to get to the •center of a Tootsie Pop? Several licking machines and hand studies have shown it takes an average of 350 licks.Gummi bears was originally referred to as •“dancing bears.”The world’s largest jar of jelly beans •weighed 6,050 lbs (2,744 kg) and was un-veiled in October of 1999.Americans spend over $125 million on •marshmallows each year.Ancient Egyptians enjoyed an early form •of marshmallows as early as 2000 B.C.An average candy cane only has 55 calo-•ries.The world’s largest lollipop weighed 4,031 •lbs (1,828 kg), was 18.9 in (48 cm) thick and 15 ft (4.5 m) tall, stick included. It was cherryflavored.

I WANT CANDY! (continued)

Ever heard of Derry Church, Pennsylva-•nia? You might recognize it by its current name of Hershey. The Hershey Company was founded here and it was renamed in 1906.In 1923, Curtiss Candy Company found-•er Otis Schnering chartered a plane and dropped thousands of Baby Ruth bars, each individually equipped with mini-para-chutes, over the city of Pittsburgh.Hershey’s Kisses, introduced in 1907, •were originally wrapped by hand. It wasn’t until the introduction of a wrapping ma-chine that the kisses got their distinctive paper ribbon.It would take ninety-•fiveHershey’skissesto make one pound.The word candy comes from the Ara-•bic word qandi, derived from the Persian qand, meaning sugar.Outside of America, the English term for •candy is sweets, sweeties or lollies.Almond Joy and Mounds bars were cre-•ated by Peter Paul Halajan, a candy re-tailed in New Haven, CT. Although Peter Paul Candy Manufacturing Company is now part of the Hershey Company in the U.S., the Peter Paul logo can still be seen on the Almond Joy and Mounds candy bar wrappers.Harry Burnett Reese started working as a •dairyman at Hershey Farms in 1917. He founded the H.B. Reese Company in the basement of his house and it merged with the Hershey Company in 1963. You might have tried some of his candy. He created Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.Over 8 billion candy hearts are produced •in the U.S. each year.5th Avenue bars were created by William •Luden, founder of Luden’s Cough Drops. The candy bar is named for the street in Reading, PA where Luden’s Cough Drops werefirstcreated.90 million chocolate Easter bunnies are •made for Easter each year in the U.S.U.S. chocolate manufacturers use 3.5 mil-•lion lbs (1,587,573 kg) of whole milk every day.The Baby Ruth candy bar was originially •introduced by the Curtiss Candy Com-pany as Kandy Kake. In 1921 it was re-named and refashioned into Baby Ruth and supposedly named for former Presi-dent Cleveland’s daughter Ruth, though it arrived twenty-four years after Cleveland’s

last term and seventeen years after Ruth’s death. Many skeptics believe the more plausible story that it was named for Babe Ruth, who was at the height of his career, and to avoid royalties, the name Baby Ruth was used.The melting point of cocoa butter is just •below 98.6º, which is why chocolate melts in your mouth.The word chocolates comes from the Az-•tecs of Mexico and is derived from the native Nahuatl word xocolatl or chocolatl, meaning “food made from caoco seeds”.Chocolate has been cultivated for at least •three millennia in Central America and Mexico, with its earliest documented use around 1100 B.C.Medical research shows that dark choco-•late can help lower high blood pressure.JosephFrymoldedtheworld’sfirstchoco-•late bar in Bristol, England in 1847.Nestlé, more commonly pronounced ness-•lee, was originally pronounced like the English verb nestle.One piece of chocolate has the same •amount of caffeine as one cup of decaf coffee.Ancient Egyptians were enjoying candy •3500 years ago!October 30th is National Candy Corn Day.•Did you know there are approximately for-•ty-two Skittles per bag?Over 35 million lbs (15,875,733 kg) of •candy corn are produced in the U.S. each year.National Candy Cane Day is December •26th.Candy Canes were originally solid white.•Legend says that in 1670, it was a choir-•master in Cologne Catherdral, Germany who first gave candy sticks bent in theshape of shepherd’s crooks to his stu-dents.The world’s largest candy cane was cre-•ated by Paul Ghinelli of Williamston, MI. It

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On • June 6, 1683, the Ashmolean, theworld’sfirstuniversitymuseum,opens in Oxford, England, with collections donated by English archaeologist Elias Ashmole. Today, the collection at the Ashmolean Museum of Art and Archaeology ranges from 500,000-year-old man-made implements to 20th-century works of art.

On • June 4, 1876, a mere 83 hours after leaving New York City, the Transcontinental Express train arrives in San Francisco. Suddenly, a journey that had previously taken months using horses could be made in less than a week. Amenities varied from plush velvet seats to narrow wooden benches.

On • June 7, 1893, Mohandas K. Gandhi, a young Indian lawyer, commits his first act of civildisobedience. Known as Mahatma, or “the great soul,” Gandhi’s persuasive methods of civil disobedience influenced leaders ofcivil-rights movements around the world, especially Martin Luther King Jr.

On • June 5, 1922, George W. Carmack,thefirstpersontodiscovergold along the Klondike River, dies in Vancouver, British Columbia. Unlike many prospectors, Carmack wasnotconsumedbythelusttofindgold. He enjoyed playing the organ, reading periodicals and writing sentimental poetry.

On • June 2, 1935, Babe Ruth, one of the greatest players in the history of baseball, ends his Major League career after 22 seasons, 10 World Series and 714 home runs. When Ruth died on Aug. 16, 1948, his body lay in state at Yankee Stadium for two days and was visited by more than 100,000 fans.

On • June 1, 1949, Lawrence Welk’s band begins a two-year stint as the house orchestra for radio show “High Life Review.” Though often lampooned for his saccharine style, Welk eventually developed an army of loyal fans and hosted one of the longest-running musical variety shows in history.

On • June 3, 1961, Clarence Gideon is arrested and charged with breaking into a poolroom in Florida. The appeal of Gideon’s subsequent conviction lead to the establishment of one of the chief principles of American criminal justice in what are known as our Miranda rights.

(c) 2009 King Features Synd., Inc.

1. MOVIES: What sport was featured in the 2006 movie “Glory Road”?2. PSYCHOLOGY: What kind of abnormal fear is experienced in the condition known as hemophobia?3. MUSIC: Which well-known Christmas carol includes the syllables “fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la”?4. GEOGRAPHY: Which two countries surround the Dead Sea?5. ANIMALS: How many muscles does a cat have in each ear?6. MEDICINE: Who was the pioneeringdoctorwhowasfirsttosuccessfullyuseapartiallyartificialheart in a human being?7. U.S. PRESIDENTS: In what year did U.S. Sen. John Glenn make an unsuccessful bid for the presidency?8. CARS: Which car manufacturer had a hit with the 1955 Thunderbird?9. GAMES: What color is the $5 bill in the classic game of Monopoly?10. FOOD AND DRINK: What are the chief ingredients in quick Russian dressing?

Answers1. Basketball2. Fear of blood3. “Deck the Halls”4. Israel and Jordan5. 32 muscles that control the outer ear6. Dr. Michael DeBakey, left ventricular

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ARIES (March 21 to April 19) There’s nothing an Aries Lamb likes less than hav-ingtotackleahumdrumtask.Butfindinga creative way to do it can make all the dif-ference. A more exciting time awaits you this weekend.TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Finishing up a job on time leaves you free to enjoy your weekend without any Taurean guilt pangs. A romantic attitude from an unlike-ly source could take you by surprise.GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Moving in a new career direction might be seen by some as risky. But if you have both the confidencetoseeitthroughandthefactsto back you up, it could prove rewarding.CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Holding backonadecisionmightbedifficult,con-sidering how long you’ve waited for this opportunity. But until you’re able to resolve all doubts, it could be the wiser course to take.LEO (July 23 to August 22) You still need tomovecarefullywherefinancialmattersare concerned. Better for the Lion to move slowly than pounce on a “promising” pros-pect that doesn’t keep its promises.VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) A rejection of an idea you believe in can be upsetting. But don’t let it discourage you. Get yourself back on track and use what you’ve learned from the experience to try again.LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Theearlypartoftheweekcouldfindyoulooking to balance your priorities between your family obligations and your career re-sponsibilities. Pressures begin to ease by week’s end.SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) An associate’s problem could cause unavoidable delays in moving ahead with your joint venture. If so, use the time to look into another project you had previ-ously set aside.SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to De-cember 21)Althoughafinancialproblemcould be very close to being resolved in your favor, it’s still a good idea to avoid unnecessary spending for at least a little while longer.CAPRICORN (December 22 to Janu-ary 19) Support for some unwelcome workplace decisions begins to show up, and continues to build, so that by week’s end, the gregarious Goat is as popular as ever.AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Congratulations. Deciding to attend a so-cial function you might have earlier tried to avoid could turn out to be one of the best decisions you’ve made in a long time.PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Get-ting into a new situation could prove to be amore difficult experience than you ex-pected. Don’t hesitate to ask for advice in coping with some of the more irksome challenges.BORN THIS WEEK: Your strong sense of duty makes you a valued and trusted member of your community. Have you considered a career in law enforcement?

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New Home-Buyers Can Pocket $8,000

As part of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009, a new tax creditwillallowfirst-timehomebuyerstoclaim up to $8,000. Unlike the tax credit plan of last year (which allowed an inter-est-free tax “loan” of $7,500), this one doesn’t have to be paid back.Qualifying homes must be purchased be-tween Jan. 1, 2009, and Dec. 1, 2009. “Purchased” means that you actually close on the home, with settlement com-pleted and title transferred to you.The credit is 10 percent of the purchase price, with a cap of $8,000.Any type of home can qualify, whether it’s a resale, a new one, one you have con-structed, a condo, a mobile home, single family or townhouse.“First-time buyers” are those who haven’t owned a principal residence during the previous three years. A principal resi-dence is one where you live more than half the time. Owning a vacation home won’t disqualify you, as it’s a place you stay sometimes, but not where you live.There are income caps: If you’re single, income cannot exceed $75,000. For mar-ried couples, that amount is $150,000. De-pendingonyourmodifiedgrossincome,there is a phase-out of the credit amount near the top of the income range.To keep the credit, you need to live in the home (use it as your principal place of residence) for three years. If you sell the home, you have to pay back the full credit.Use IRS Form 5404 to claim your credit when you file. Beware: The form is forboth the old ($7,500) and new ($8,000) credits. Read the form carefully as you fillitout.Thatcreditamountisthentrans-ferred to your Form 1040. If you qualify for the full $8,000, but don’t owe that much in taxes, you’ll end up with a credit at the bottom of your Form 1040, and a check for the balance will be sent to you from the Internal Revenue Service.If youboughtahomeandqualifiedun-der the $7,500 pay-back scenario and filedyour2008taxforms,youcanfileanamendment to your taxes (Form 1040X) to claim the new credit. Look online for IRS news release 2009-27 for details.

David Uffington regrets that he cannot personally answer reader questions, but will incorporate them into his column whenever possible. Write to him in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mail to [email protected].



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EventsTablescapes - Tea and Treasures: June 4, 2009, - June 6, 2009; 1400 Josephine St, Denver. 10:00 am - 4:00 pm Thursday through Saturday. $16 prior to June 1st, $22 after June 1st. Come enjoy a Victorian Tea, Gift Boutique, Amateur Table Setting Competition and Historic House Tours at the Mile High Professional Auxiliary’s 2009 Tablescapes event. All proceeds go to support the programs of the Assistance League of Denver. For more information call (303) 355-2470 or visit www.Denver.AssitanceLeague.org Elizabeth Stampede: June 5, 6 and 7, 2009; Elizabeth. Fri 11:00 am Royalty Lunch, 5:00 pm-10:00 pm Auction. 7:00 pm PBR Bull Riding. 9:30 pm Live music and dancing. Sat 10:00 am Parade, 2:00 pm and 7:00 pm PRCA Rodeo, 9:30 pm Live music and dancing. Sun 11:00 am Auction (Fairgrounds open), VETERANS SPECIALS. www.ElizabethStampede.comFuel-Fest: June 12, 2009, - June 14, 2009, May Farms, Byers. A bold new Western festival that merges music and family entertainment with an extraordinary marketplace of clean technologies and educational workshops. Presented by May Farms in partnership with: The US Department of Energy’s National Renewable Energy Laboratory, Colorado Governor’sEnergyOfficeandtheColorado Department of Agriculture. Music, workshops, market place and expo, hands-on interactive educational activities forkids-suchaskiteflying-aswellasahealthy mix of barnyard fun - hayrides and a petting zoo. For More information visit www.Fuel-Fest.org.Parker Country Festival: June 12, 2009 - June 14, 2009; Town of Parker, Main Street. FREE Admission - Individual activies such as carnival rides will have costs. Carnival, 150 arts and craft/Commercial vendors, kids’ activities, two stages of free entertainment and a parade. Friday 5:00 pm - 11:00 pm. Saturdy 9:00 am - 11:00 pm. Sunday 9:00 am - 10:00 pm. www.ParkerOnLine.orgJazz Aspen Snowmass Festival: June 18, 2009 - June 28, 2009; Snowmass. Ticket Information to be announced. NEW VENUE! Show Times To Be Announced. Music, Food, Friends and Fun. The festival will showcase multiple performances featuring this year’s brilliant group of JAS Academy artists at a variety of clubs. www.SnowmassVillage.comGreek Festival: June 19, 2009 - June 21, 2009; Assumption Greek Orthodox Cathedral, Denver. Eat, Drink and Dance like a Greek! $1 All Day Pass (Kids and Seniors are FREE). 11:00 am - 11:00 pm Fri and Sat, 11:00 am - 8:00 pm Sun. www.TheGreekFestival.comCoolest Car Show: July 4, 2009; 10:00 am - 4:00 pm. Downtown Estes Park, between West Elkhorn Ave and Moraine Ave, Estes Park Colorado. Ticket Information - $4 Adult, $2 children and students, FREE under 6 yrs old, OR BRING THE FAMILY FOR JUST $10! ProceedsbenefittheEstesParkMuseum.The Coolest Car Show will feature over 100 vintage vehicles from the 1920s and beyond. Car show will take place in Bond Park and throughout the Downtown area. Close up inspection of the cars is encouraged! Information and to register your car: www.EstesParkcvb.com

To Place Your Event in this calendar please e-mail [email protected]

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Free EventsBus Tour of the Golden Triangle Art/Museum District - First Friday of every month free, 5 - 9 pm. Ballet Arts Theatre, 816 Acoma St, Denver 303-825-7570 www.pnfproductions.comChildren’s Museum - Free admission firstTuesdayeveningofthemonth,4-8pm 2121 Children’s Museum Drive www.cmdenver.orgColorado Railroad Museum - Check the web site for free days. www.crrm.org 17155 W. 44th Avenue, Golden 303-279-4591CU In Broomfield World Music Series - Free concerts 2nd Wed of every month, 7pmBroomfieldAuditorium,3CommunityPark Rd, 303-469-3301 x7999 www.broomfield.orgDenver Art Museum - First Sat of every month free to CO residents, 10am-5pm 100 West 14th Avenue Parkway www.denverartmuseum.orgDenver Botanic Gardens - Free days: July 20, Aug 20, Sep 19, Oct 23; 9am-5pm 1005 York St, 720-865-3500 www.botanicgardens.orgDenver Museum of Nature & Science - 2009 Free days: Wed Jun 10, Mon Jul 13, Wed Aug 12, Sun Sep 13, Sun Oct 4, Mon Nov 2, Sun Nov 22. 2001 Colorado Boulevard, 303-322-7009 www.dmns.orgFirehouse Tales For Tots- Denver FirefightersMuseum1356TremontPl,(303) 892-1436. First Wednesday of each month 10:00 am - 10:30 am. Ages 2-6Museum of Contemporary Art - First Saturday of every month - Admission: 1 penny 1275 19th St, Denver 303-298-7554 www.mcartdenver.orgU.S. Mint - Free: Mon - Fri; 8am - 3pm; reservations encouraged 320 West Colfax Ave., 303-405-4761 www.usmint.gov

SportsColorado Rockies - Major League Baseball

Houston hosts Rockes: Mon Jun 1, 6:05 •pm, Tue Jun 2, 6:05 pm, Wed Jun 3, 6:05 pm, Thu Jun 4, 6:05 pmSt. Louis hosts Rockies: Fri Jun 5, 6:15 •pm, Sat Jun 6, 5:15pm, Sun Jun 7, 12:15 pm, Mon Jun 8, 12:15 pmMilwaukee hosts Rockies: Tue Jun 9, •6:05 pm, Wed Jun 10, 6:05 pm, Thu Jun 11, 12:05 pmRockies host Seattle: Fri Jun 12, 7:10 •pm, Sat Jun 13, 6:10 pm, Sun Jun 14, 1:10pmRockies host Tampa Bay: Tue Jun 16, •6:40pm, Wed Jun 17, 6:40 pm, Thur Jun 18, 1:10pm

Colorado Rapids - Major League SoccerSalt Lake hosts Rapids: Sat Jun 6, 8:00 •pmRapids host DC United: Sat Jun 20, 7:30 •pmRapids host Dallas: Wed Jun 24, 7:30 •pmSeattle hosts Rapides: Sun Jun 28, 2:00 •pmRapids host Chicago: Sat Jul 4, 7:00 pm•

Denver Outlaws - Major League LacrosseMachine hosts Outlaws: Sun Jun 7, 2:00 •pmOutlaws host Lizards: Sat Jun 13, 7:00 •pmOutlaws host Nationals: Sat Jun 20, 7:00 •pmNationals host Outlaws: Sat Jun 27, 5:00 •pm

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Beating The OddsSome people would believe that when three restaurants fail in the same location that it would be crazy to open another restaurant, yet John Davis, owner of Otto’s Restaurants knows better. “I was told of the market saturation while I was setting up,” Davis says. “Some people poked their head in and made comments about my sanity.” Yet Davis’s Parker Restaurants are already seeing early success. Otto’s Grill opened in September followed by Otto’s Cantina and most recently, Otto’s Deli. Other Otto’s locations can be found in Greenwood Village, downtown Denver, and northeast Denver.In fact, while 6 restaurants, including well-known national chains, went under within feet of Otto’s Grill in Parker, Davis says he reached the break-even point on his Otto’s investment within 30 days of opening.Davis plans on opening a fourth, more upscale restaurant in Parker within a few months. “My approach is to go back to where it all started — give people a reasonably priced meal,” Davis says.Each Otto’s promises fast, fresh and friendly food. Here is just a sampling of themenus youwill find at the 5Denverarea Otto’s locations:

Otto’s America GrillBurgers•Gourmet Burgers•Pizza•Salads•Soups•French Fries•Onion Rings•Kettle Chips•

Nightly specials include: wings, spaghetti, friedfish,babybackribsandmore.Otto’s Cantina

Tacos•Enchiladas•Burritos•Fajitas•Salads•

Specialties: chille relleno, carne asada and moreOtto’s DeliTraditional Sandwiches: house club, turkey and cheese and veggieSpecialty Sandwiches: cantina chicken, and grilled Portobello

Paninis•Wraps•Soups•Salads•

A recent stop to Otto’s grill was met with a healthy dinner crowd, yet plenty of seating. The half and half (onion rings and French fries) was served in a large basket with two dipping sauces. The burgers were cooked to order, including to temperature. The burgers were dressed with fresh vegetables and the wait staff was friendly and attentive.

There are 5 area locations – You Otto Try Them!

See Coupon on the Front Page Banner.

Grill: 18366 E Lincoln #109 Parker Cantina: 18366 E Lincoln #101, ParkerDeli: 18366 E Lincoln, ParkerCantina: 16221 E 40th Ave, DenverGrill: 4930 S Yosemite, Geenrwood VillageGrill: 2200 Market St, Denver

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It was Clay Ewing, president of a commu-•nity bank in Indiana, who recently made the following sage observation: “Banking should not be exciting. If banking is excit-ing, there is something wrong with it.”James Arness, star of the iconic Ameri-•can TV series “Gunsmoke,” was more than six and a half feet tall -- so tall, in fact, that the makers of the show fre-quently had him stand in a hole during his scenes so he wouldn’t tower over his co-stars.Theform-fittingsyntheticfabriccommon-•ly known as spandex was so named be-cause it’s an anagram of “expands.”When you think of a dog herding cattle •or sheep, the image in your mind is prob-ably a border collie, a breed well-known for its herding capabilities. You might be surprised to learn that Dalmations, too, were once used to herd livestock. In fact, that’s why they’ve become an icon of firefighters everywhere. Back when fireengines were actually wagons drawn by teams of horses, Dalmations accompa-niedthefirefighterstothesceneofadi-saster in order to herd the horses to a safe place until the blaze was brought under control. Recorders of crime statistics say that the •top three cities in the United States in terms of cars being stolen are Modesto, Calif.; Las Vegas; and San Diego. If, like many Americans these days, •you’re carrying around some extra weight, here’s an added incentive to lose those love handles: For every 50 pounds your car loses from its payload, you’ll get about a 1 percent improvement in gas mileage. Of course, you could just clean out any junk that’s been cluttering up the trunk instead.

Thought for the Day: “Like cars in amusement parks, our direction is often determined through collisions.”

-- Yahia Lababidi

WEEKLY ANSWERS

CHANGE A LIFESeeking adults to provide love,

supervision, patience and attention for children 2 - 17 in your home.

Tax FREE Reimbursement, training and support - Call

Sarah (303) 302-3263Denver Area Youth Services

One night, a cop pulled over a young man who had been speeding.When he noticed that the young man’s eyes appeared red he asked, “Your eyes are bloodshot, have you been smoking pot?”To which the young man replied, “ Your eyes are glazed over, Have you been eating Donuts?”When the U.S. Mint reissued two-dollar bills, Ralph thought they might someday become collectors’ items.So he went to the bank and picked up a hundred, serially numbered $2 bills, still in their original band. On his next trip to his parents’ house, Ralph gave the $200 to his mother and said, “Take good care of these. They might be worth some-thing someday. ”Several months later, Ralph asked his Mom if she had carefully put the bills somewhere where they would be safe. “Oh, yes!” she replied. “I deposited them in the bank the very next day!”After trying a new shampoo for the firsttime, a guy fired off an enthusiastic letterof approval to the manufacturer. Several weeks later he came home from work to a largecartoninthemiddleofthefloor.Insidewere free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items. “Well, what do you think” his wife asked smiling. “Next time,” he replied. “I’m writing to Toyota!”A homeless beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping in Beverly Hills and moaned, “I haven’t eaten anything in four days.” The woman, sighed and said, “Gosh, I wish I had your willpower.”“I want you to give me a pill to make me smarter,” the man told his doctor. The doctor complied. A week later, the man returned. “I still don’t feel any smarter,” he said.“Keep taking the pills and come back next week,” said the doctor. “I still don’t feel smarter,” the man said the next time. “You haven’t been giving me a placebo, have you?” The doctor replied, “See? You’re smarter already.” A very wealthy man 65-years old falls in love with a young woman in her 20’s and is considering proposing. “Do you think she’ll marry me if I tell her I’m 45?” he asked his friend. His friend replied, “Your chances are better if you tell her you are 90.”Little Johnny was walking along the rail-road tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. He tried to get it out, but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard a noise and turned around. To his horror, he

saw a train coming. Panicked, he started to pray, “God, please get my foot out of these tracks, and I’ll stop being bad!” Nothing hap-pened; his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the train getting closer! He prayed again, “God, please get my foot out, and I’ll stop swearing and I’ll stop being bad!” Still nothing. His foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny strug-gled frantically as the train’s horn blared. He tried his plea one more time: “God, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I’ll quit being bad, I’ll stop swearing, and I’ll stop picking on Mary everyday at school.” Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he fell backwards, the train narrowly missing him. He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward heaven, and said, “Thanks anyway God, I got it myself.”At breakfast one day, the young bride anx-iously waited for her husband to comment onherfirstattemptathomemadecinnamonrolls.After several minutes with no reaction, she asked, “If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?” Without looking up from his newspa-per he replied, “About 10 years.”A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin. “Listen to this,” he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. “It says I’m energetic, bright, resource-ful and a great lover.” “Yeah,” his wife nod-ded, “and it has your weight wrong, too.”

By Samantha Weaver


WEEKLY FUNNIES

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How many dogs does it take to change a light

bulb?• GoldenRetriever:Thesunis

shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

• BorderCollie:Justone.AndthenI’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.

• Dachshund:YouknowIcan’treach that stupid lamp!

• Rottweiler:Makeme.• Boxer:Whocares?Icanstillplay

with my squeaky toys in the dark. • Lab:Oh,me,me!!!!!

Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeze, please, please, please!

• GermanShepherd:I’llchangeitas soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, checked to make sure I haven’t missed any, and

“The World Through A Child’s Eyes”

Can be YOURS!

This acclaimed book written by Michael Brasier is perfect for children and adults alike who enjoy reading about different

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The perfect book to

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As Seen on Amazon.comBuy direct and save 20%!!!!

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“Most refreshing reading... This is an opportunity that many children do not get,

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Bahamas

Laugh Lines! make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

• JackRussellTerrier:I’lljustpopitin while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture.

• OldEnglishSheepDog:Lightbulb? I’m sorry, but I don’t see a light bulb!

• CockerSpaniel:Whychangeit?I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

• Chihuahua:YoquieroTacoBulb.Or “We don’t need no stinking light bulb.”

• Greyhound:Itisn’tmoving.Whocares?

• AustralianShepherd:First,I’llputall the light bulbs in a little circle...

• Poodle:I’lljustblowintheBorderCollie’s ear and he’ll do it. By thetimehefinishesrewiringthehouse, my nails will be dry.

How many cats does it take to change a light

bulb?• Catsdonotchangelightbulbs.

People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: “How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?”

• Allofwhichproves,onceagain,that while dogs have masters, cats have staff!

Speed’s Custom Refinish - (303) 916-56194355 S. Parker Rd., Aurora, CO 80015

INTR

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Give her a custom look

TODAY

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Caroline’s Interior Consignments

Tuesday - Friday 10:00 am - 6:00 pmSaturday 10:00 am - 5:00 pm

Sunday 1:00 pm - 5:00 pmClosed Monday and legal holidays

10890 E Dartmouth Ave Ste D, Denver(between Havana and Parker)

(303) 337-8181

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3 - 5 new deliveries each weekDelivery and Pick Up available

Layaway Available

Quips & Quotes“The best way to knock the chip off your neighbor’s shoulder is to pat him on the back.”

Author Unknown

Documents

Tidbits - Denver Metro Area - Issue #1090