To Try a Tinker

7/31/2019 To Try a Tinker

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TO TRY A TINKER

by

Louis W. Gresham

By the authority vested in me as Kings Magistrate, I hereby condemn you to death by

hanging. The fat robed mans voice was shrill and grating. Dress up a pig and it still squeals,

thought the Tinker.

In death you shall atone for your crimes. For only in dying can you pay for what you have

done. False prophesy. Blasphemy. Perjury. These are capital offenses in the eyes of man. They

are damnable offenses in the eyes of Deus Maior.

The Tinker spat on the dirt floor of the massive barn that served as Wallenstownes

occasional courtroom.

The magistrates face flushed. You shall respect the Kings justice, sir. If not now, then at

the end of the rope.

The Tinker did not respond. The magistrate rapped his worm-eaten old gavel. On this day

justice shall be served. This court is adjourned. A cheer went up from the gallery.

Not so fast, magistrate. The Tinkers words boomed over the noise of the crowd. Silence

descended on the room. His commanding voice did not match his appearance. From his well-

worn boots to his battered jerkin and many-patched hat he looked nothing more than a humble

traveler. The aquiline features of his face were largely hidden by several months worth of jet

black beard.


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The Tinkers gaze passed from the magistrate to the crowd and settled back on the

magistrate. Have you not forgotten the Kingslaw? I have the right to a final response before I

am led off to slaughter.

The magistrate grumbled. We usually dispense with that.

And do you flout your own gods prohibition against executions in daylight too? If I

remember correctly, death is only to happen at dusk.

Everyone in the converted barn that served as a courtroom looked out the window.

By my guess we have an hour or so of daylight left.

The magistrate rubbed his hands and coughed nervously. Well technically, yes-

Good. The Tinker smiled. Then we have some time to talk. He looked back out at the

crowd. Good people of Wallenstowne, will you lend me your ears? I have a tale for you that

will be worth your while. Theres no better storyteller than a tinker, you know. You might think

twice about this hanging business when its done.

*

Tradition demands that the accused explain what brought him to his condemnation. Some

men are contrite. They acknowledge what they did and beg forgiveness. Others detail the sad

circumstances of their lives that brought them there. Deprived childhood or impoverished family

and all that. I promise you one thing: the facts. You shall know why I am here. And a good bit

more.

I am a tinker by trade and name. As you know, a tinker scrapes together a living by traveling

from town to town. Sharpening blades, mending tools, trading odds and ends. I do all of these

things. The best tinkers trade stories along with their wares. I am one of those.

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None of this is out of the ordinary. But I am not just a storytelling tinker. I plant seeds with

my stories. Seeds that grow into belief, which grows into faith. Faith is power.

I am on trial because I told you a story about a goddess. You took offense. There is no true

god but Deus Maior, you say. All others are false idols. I will be the first to admit that Maior is a

powerful god. But you are fools to believe he is the only one. There are many gods and

goddesses gallivanting around this mortal plane, and a good number of devils too. Many of them

have angels and demons at their backs.

Why do they bother to leave the divine planes and come here? They need people to believe in

them. Faith is their currency. The more people who believe in a divine, the stronger it becomes in

relation to its fellows. Maior happens to have a strong following. Thus he is a powerful god.

Humana, the goddess of whom I spoke, has precious few believers but so much potential.

Fertility is her area of expertise. For farmers like you she would have been a godsend. Livestock,

crops, your families-- all would have been fruitful and multiplied. Too bad. Shell go looking

elsewhere for her faithful.

She came to me because I have a talent for this business and a reputation to match. Many

divines have sought me out for help building their followings. Some have missionaries to do

their bidding, but the ones just starting out often rely on people like me. Gods pay well. And not

just with money.

Humana had hoped to make her start here. She already pulled off a few little miracles to

accompany my stories about her. Soon she was going to up the ante. In no time, with just a little

faith, her power would have been on the upswing. Shell be disappointed to see me go, but like I

said shell move on.

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Since everything is nicely bungled now Ill tell you the story I wasnt planning on telling.

The story of why she needed a new home and came here.

*

One month ago I found myself in an unusual position. I was not working for a single divine.

When I arrived at the sleepy little hamlet of Fallows Rest, about fifty leagues from here, I had

nothing but my grindstone and a few tools to make a living. The people were friendly enough,

but it only took me a day to mend and sharpen everything they had.

I was all set to move on when a cold front hit the town like a slap in the face. The hail alone

would have done a number on me. Ten hands of snow came along with it. There was no end in

sight. Luckily the towns only inn was in dire need of cleaning from cellar to attic. The innkeeper

gave me food and board while I played housemaid.

The wind howled at the windows for a fortnight. The morning after the storm finally broke

the loveliest little damsel you could imagine strolled into the inn. She was dressed in a simple

peasant girls dress with a basket under her arm and ribbons in her hair. Golden like the sun. No

one in the town had ever seen her before.

I had her marked as soon as she crossed the threshold. Pretty little peasant girls dont stroll

into strange towns by themselves. Its simply not done. Especially since Fallows Rest is leagues

away from civilization. So that left only one explanation in my mind. I was about to get a new

client.

She sat down next to me and ordered a tumbler of ale. Her voice sounded like it was dipped

in honey. I told the innkeeper to make it two. No more housecleaning for me.

We sat there in silence until the drinks came. She took a hearty swig that was entirely too

large for her little self and looked me square in the eye.

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Youre the Tinker. The one who spreads the word.

I nodded and took a sip from my tumbler. Indeed I am. And Im open for business.

Good. Im looking to get started.

Hows your recognition?

Nonexistent. I left my fathers court this morning to strike out on my own. He has plenty but

no one outside the Gossamer Plane has ever heard of me.

Whos your father?

She blushed. Arian the Endless.

I tipped back my tumbler again. I take it he wont be happy about your departure?

She fidgeted in her chair. No. But Im not going back home. Its my time now.

I hear you. But these things are always a little more complicated when there are connections

to the likes of Arian.

Ive got diamonds.

I chuckled. Lets take it nice and slow. What do you have up those little sleeves of yours?

Ill need to know to come up with a plan anyway. Plus you might be able to just grant me

something and keep your diamonds.

I make things grow. Life in all its forms blossoms around me.

Good. Thats always an easy sell. We can spin you as a fertility goddess. Youll be a hit

with the farmers around here.

So whats the price?

I looked into the mirror behind the bar and scratched at my whiskers. There was no mistaking

it. A nasty shade of grey was coming in. How about rolling back my clock ten years? You

fertility types usually have the youth and vigor trick in the bag too.

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She smiled. Pretty little white teeth shone inside her cherry red lips. Done.

*

In a sennight I had the people of Fallows Rest eating out of my hand. It was like shooting

fish in a barrel. All it took was a few carefully orchestrated sightings of Humana around town

and in the fields, a couple choice applications of her talents, and some stories. Before long they

were building a picturesque little shrine just outside the town.

Humana was delighted. If I didnt keep an eye on her she would have gladly pranced around

all day in the fields raising mountains of grain. Its always like that with divines who have never

been on the mortal plane before. They dont understand the careful wooing that it takes to get

lasting worship. You have to give the people just enough of a taste to leave them wanting more.

Dump everything on them right from the start and complacency wont be a long time coming.

It was almost time to reward the budding faithful of Fallows Rest with a flashy miracle

when trouble showed up. It came in the form of a lusty rogue of a demon named Detrok. I had

crossed paths with him years ago when I was helping his patron god repair a much damaged

reputation among a whole city of believers. Some of my best work.

Gods, goddesses, and the occasional devil strolling around alone are usually not a problem.

They are levelheaded enough to know that meddling too much in the mortal plane can cause

ruptures in the gateways to the divine planes. In most cases nothing worse happens then what

would have happened with the overenthusiastic Humana if I had not been around.

Angels and demons are another matter altogether. Without the influence of their patron god

to keep them in check they run around like pups that have not been housebroken. Their power

pales in comparison to that of their betters, but it is still more than enough to cause serious

damage.

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To make matters worse, Detroks timing was especially bad. If he had arrived after the

kickoff miracle, with the initial foundations of the towns faith intact, I would not have worried

as much. Now, though, he could easily unravel everything Humana and I had accomplished so

far.

If Humana had been a martial little goddess capable of tossing him out of town, I would

easily have been able to spin Detroks arrival into a positive. She was not. This was a serious

problem.

*

I was out for a walk on the outskirts of Fallows Rest at twilight when Detrok materialized in

front of me. His arrival was preceded by a noxious cloud of smoke and the acrid smell of

brimstone. Demons are always fond of dramatic entrances. Detrok was bigger than I

remembered. Muscle rippled across his body from his horned head to his clawed toes. His skin

was a deep red that was accentuated by the sleek fur-lined black cloak he wore over his

shoulders. A pair of black breeches anchored by a massive leather belt with a shining copper

buckle was his only other garment.

When I finished coughing he spoke. Its been a long time, Tinker.

Indeed. Its good to see you again, Detrok. What brings you here? Does ELish require my

services again? I had to look up to speak to him. He was a good three or four heads taller than

me.

Detrok grunted. ELish and I had a disagreement. I thought it best that we parted ways.

This was news. Angels and demons were bound to divines for the term of their existence. An

angel without a patron god, or a demon without a devil, was an outcast in the divine planes.

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Little better than a leper. There were very few scenarios in which that bond was broken. None of

them good. I did not press the matter.

So what brings you here?

Word travels fast, Tinker. Youve got chatty friends in the divine planes. I heard that you

were working for a charming little goddess around these parts. I happen to know her.

I bit my lip. Whatever came next would not bode well for my engagement in Fallows Rest.

She and I have a history. We had a good time that ended badly. Im here to make amends.

And take her back.

Knowing Detrok, the truth was likely more complicated than that. He was the capricious

type. Quick to anger and capable of great violence. Perhaps Humana had been attracted to the

bad boy demon image at first, but she probably realized her mistake soon enough. Whatever her

feelings for him, though, any hint of the demons presence in Fallows rest was unacceptable. It

was time for a little subterfuge.

I see. Well youve actually just missed her. I sent her away for a fortnight. You know my

methods. Absence makes the hearts of the faithful grow fonder.

His face darkened. Thats not what I wanted to hear. Where did she go?

I frowned perplexedly. She didnt tell me. I know she had been growing a bit homesick

lately though. The Endless Estate is a lovely place.

Detroks brow furrowed. She hated it there. More than once she told me that when she left

she would never go back.

Perhaps shes had a change of heart.

Maybe. His expression was brimming with suspicion. It doesnt matter anyway. Im in no

hurry. If shes coming back here Ill just wait.

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I cursed silently. The Detrok I remembered was not especially sharp. I had expected him to

run off and start skulking around Arians domain immediately. At the very least the angels there

would have given him a good beating.

Do you have a problem with that? You look like you just swallowed a lemon.

Of course not, Detrok. You may do as you please.

He grinned. Thats right. Ill see you around, Tinker. A puff of smoke, that awful smell,

and he was gone.

*

Sure enough the next day the town was abuzz with wild rumors. One man swore he had seen

a bat the size of a cow fly by his window. The innkeeper complained that a cask of his wine had

turned to blood. Several women whispered of having the same strange dream, in which a

devilishly handsome dark haired stranger slipped into their beds and had his way with them.

I sat at the bar listening to all their pattering and wracked my brain for a solution. A day or

two more of this and Humanas new movement would come to a screeching halt. By the time my

ale was done I was no closer to an answer. I rose from my seat at the bar and turned around.

There she was, pretty as a daisy on a perfect spring day. But her eyes were red from crying. I

rushed to her side and ushered her out of the inn. We walked clear out of town. I followed the

road for a half league into the forest and sat her down in a nearby glade.

Her words came out between choked sobs. He found me in the fields. Tried to play off

everything that had happened. Told me he still had feelings. That we were meant to be together. I

told him to leave--" The sobs again. He took me by the arm. I slapped him. He laughed at me.

Said I would be his whether I liked it or not. Then he dragged me off into the forest. He would

have forced himself on me if I hadnt begged for a day to get myself together and reconsider.

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Im so sorry. Even worse than I had expected.

The last time I saw him was outside Fathers walls. He was nothing then. A nuisance, but

not capable of any harm. I saw something in him. For a little while. When I had enough and he

didnt get the message I told Father. I never saw him again. Hes different now.

He told me that he was free to do anything he wanted. Somehow he managed to break free

of his patron. He mentioned something about walking in the flesh of the gods. What does it

mean, Tinker? How did he manage it? How am I going to get rid of him?

I was astonished. This I had never heard of. A demon rebelling against his patron divine?

Whatever Detrok had done, he had emerged from it stronger than before. We were in a serious

bind.

Humana, listen to me. Youre in trouble. Is there any way you can go back to the Gossamer

Plane? The only way youll be safe is with your father. Or at least one of his kinsmen.

Her eyes hardened. No. Im not going back there to hear them tell me I told you so. Id

rather be ravaged by Detrok than crawl back to my fathers door.

Well then. Give me a moment to think this over. A stubborn goddess is not to be quarreled

with. I would have to find another way out of this mess. We sat there for a while. She stopped

her crying eventually.

Humana, I can only think of one way out of this. I heard of a goddess with similar . . .

talents who was once in the same boat. A god wasnt taking no for an answer and it got to the

point that he actually chased her across the mortal plane. She ended up turning herself into a tree.

Two months later the god gave up and went off to try and seduce other victims. In the meantime

she managed to double the grain harvest in a nearby hamlet. Some allies of hers spread the word

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about what she had done. When she emerged from hiding she had the beginnings of a nice little

following.

That sounds completely ridiculous. Theres no way Im turning myself into a tree. She

crossed her arms and pouted.

Could you do it?

Maybe, but--"

Do you want to get raped by a demon?

No--"

Then we do it my way.

*

We set off down the road that same day. I made the mistake of picking your town as our

destination. A sennight ago Humana grudgingly took root in the forest nearby and began

working her powers. The signs of her presence are already here. Your crops are sprouting like

weeds. I talked to a farmer this morning whose apples have doubled in size. Every flower for

miles is blooming like there is no tomorrow. Six of your mayors cows have gotten pregnant

since yesterday.

There has been no sign of Detrok. I was really starting to think that I was going to be able to

chalk up another success to my name fairly soon.

So there you have it, good people of Wallenstowne. I meant no harm. If anything you should

be thanking me. I dont know what your god does for this town, but if I were you I would take a

moment and think about it. Dont throw this opportunity away.

*

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There were murmurs among the assembly. Several of them could attest to the truth of the

Tinkers claim about their crops. More than one face looked torn, but advocating for a divine

other than Deus Maior in Wallenstowne was not something done lightly. Anyone who spoke up

now could easily find themselves in the same predicament as the Tinker.

Dusk had descended outside. Each of the townspeople knew that the Tinkers fate hinged on

what happened next. The magistrate sensed the uncertainty rippling through the crowd. So did

the Tinker, who allowed himself a glimmer of hope. Perhaps someone would rouse the crowd in

his favor.

As the magistrate raised his gavel for silence a flash of blinding light erupted in the barn.

When dazed eyes recovered they were greeted by an awesome sight. A tall manlike being of

unearthly beauty wreathed in white light stood before the crowd. Great wings rose from his

densely muscled back. Wisps of shimmering cloth were his only garment. His skin had a

glowing pearl hue and his eyes were dazzling silver. Long emerald hair fell across his shoulders.

The magistrate was the first to recover his wits. He jumped out of his chair and prostrated

himself on the dirt floor of the barn. The stunned crowd followed suit. When the magistrate saw

that the Tinker still stood, he scrambled over to him and dragged him to his knees.

The magistrate hissed at him through clenched teeth. Humble yourself, fool. That is our lord

Deus Maior.

The god turned his gaze toward them and smiled. I am indeed. These proceedings piqued

my curiosity. Do not fear, Master Tinker. I mean you no harm. I would simply like to see this

goddess for myself. If she is everything you say she is, I will reward you handsomely for your

trouble.

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The Tinker felt the bonds about his wrists dissolve. An invisible force lifted him from his

knees while the dumbfounded crowd looked on.

Show me where she is.

There was no resisting that voice. The Tinker nodded. Of course, my lord. Shall I lead you

there?

No need. The god advanced within an arms length of the Tinker. Conjure the place in

your mind. I will do the rest. He placed a hand on the Tinkers forehead. His touch was like ice.

The Tinker obeyed.

Thank you. The god turned back toward the assembly. People of Wallenstowne, this man

was telling you the truth. There is a lovely goddess of many talents hidden in a glade nearby. She

could have brought great prosperity to this place.

Smoke began to swirl around the gods body. Alas, she will not be yours. There is only one

place for her. At my side. She is mine.

The Tinkers heart sank. Of everyone there, he alone could guess what would come next. The

god dug his fingers into the middle of his chest. Small rivulets of emerald liquid slipped from the

wounds that appeared. With an effort that rippled the muscles across his arms he pulled apart the

flesh as if it were the rind of an orange.

The magistrate and the assembly looked on in horror as the figure peeled itself piece by

piece. In a moment it was over. A pile of discarded whiteness lay at its feet.

Detrok stood there grinning. Thank you for your help, Tinker. Ill take it from here and give

Humana your regards. Citizens of Wallenstowne, please proceed with the hanging as planned.

Our friend here was right when he mentioned that I walk in the flesh of the gods. Im the rare

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demon who can possess not only mortals but gods as well. A useful trick. Not only for deception,

but disposal as well. Im afraid to say that your god is no more. Goodbye.

The smoke consumed him. When it dissipated he was gone. The magistrate placed a hand on

the Tinkers shoulder. Im sorry, he said shakily. Well make it quick.

****

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To Try a Tinker