…to understand, to love, to influence, to be influenced & to be heard

ListeningExercise 1 - How well do you listen?

ListeningIntroduction

God, who knows everything, asks questions, invites us to talk & ask for things. Why?

We, who know very little, need to ask for additional reasons

The unity we desire is fostered – in part through listening.

Conflict is best addressed by listening

ListeningThe importance of humility

Flesh problems require humilityBrain problems require humility

Selective attentionMemory formation & recallProjectionLogic/Empathy switchingDecisions are emotional

ListeningGetting to intimacy

Understanding the person

BiologyGenetics

Development

personalitypredilections

BiologyGenetics

Development

personalitypredilections

BiologyGenetics

Development

personalitypredilections

SpiritualityFallenSatan

Redemption

BiologyGenetics

Development

personalitypredilections

SpiritualityFallenSatan

Redemption

Saying what’s experiencedSaying what’s felt

Saying what’s being thoughtSaying what’s wanted

Saying what you’ve done

Intimacy is…

Core beliefs, desires & strategies drive much of what goes on in our inner life

ListeningExercise 2 – mapping the inner life (Johari Window, Understanding Beliefs & Desires)

ListeningTurning toward them

Notice out loud & ask them to interpret

ORLet them have their turn firstReflect & summarizeValidate (leaning out on the rail w/ them)

Exercise 3 – taking turns listening with your body

Exercise 4 – taking turns reflecting & validating

ListeningGetting around their bad habits

Intimacy is saying what I…

Experience

Feel

Think

Want

Did

But what’s presented is…

interpretation

blame

insisting

entitlement

justification

ListeningGetting around their bad habits

When they interpret (mind read)When they blame you for their feelingsWhen they insist their thoughts = reality

When they feel entitled to their wantsWhen they justify their behaviorsOther offensive/defensive habits

ListeningBe offensive/defensiveExercise 5 working around their bad habits (and yours)

ListeningThe importance of personal humility

Getting to intimacyTurning toward themWorking around their bad habits

Q & A