(VIVIANBEARINGwalksontheemptystagepushingherIVpole.Sheisfifty,tallandvery thin,barefoot,andcompletelybald.Shewears twohospitalgowns—onetiedinthefrontandonetiedintheback—abaseballcap,andahospitalIDbracelet.Thehouselightsareathalfstrength.VIVIANlooksoutattheaudience,sizingthemup.)

VIVIAN:(In false familiarity,wavingandnoddingto theaudience)Hi.Howareyou feeling today?Great.That’s justgreat. (Inherownprofessorialtone)Thisisnotmystandardgreeting,Iassureyou.

Itendtowardsomethingalittlemoreformal,alittlelessinquisitive,suchas,say,“Hello.”

Butitisthestandardgreetinghere. Thereissomedebateas to thecorrectresponseto thissalutation.

Should one reply “I feel good,” using “feel” as a copulative to link thesubject, “I,” to its subjective complement, “good”; or “I feel well,”modifyingwithanadverbthesubject’sstateofbeing?

I don’t know. I am a professor of seventeenth-century poetry,specializingintheHolySonnetsofJohnDonne.

SoIjustsay,“Fine.”OfcourseitisnotveryoftenthatIdofeelfine. I have been asked “How are you feeling today?” while I was

throwingupintoaplasticwashbasin.IhavebeenaskedasIwasemergingfrom a four-hour operation with a tube in every orifice, “How are youfeelingtoday?”

IamwaitingforthemomentwhensomeoneasksmethisquestionandIamdead.

I’malittlesorryI’llmissthat.Itisunfortunatethatthisremarkablelineofinquiryhascometome

solateinmycareer.Icouldhaveexploiteditsfeignedsolicitudetogreatadvantage: as I was distributing the final examination to the graduatecourseinseventeenth-centurytextualcriticism—“Hi.Howareyoufeeling

today?” OfcourseIwouldnotbewearingthiscostumeatthetime,sothe

question’sironicsignificancewouldnotbefullyapparent.AsItrustitisnow.Ironyisaliterarydevicethatwillnecessarilybedeployedtogreat

effect.Iardentlywishthiswerenotso.Iwouldpreferthataplayaboutme

be cast in themythic-heroic-pastoral mode; but the facts, most notablystage-four metastatic ovarian cancer, conspire against that. The FaerieQueenethisisnot.

AndIwasdismayedtodiscoverthattheplaywouldcontainelementsof…humor.

Ihavebeen,atbest,anunwittingaccomplice.(Shepauses.)Itisnotmyintentiontogiveawaytheplot;butIthinkIdieattheend.

They’vegivenmelessthantwohours.IfIwerepoeticallyinclined,Imightemployathreadbaremetaphor—

thesandsoftimeslippingthroughthehourglass,thetwo-hourglass.

Nowoursandsarealmostrun;Morealittle,andthendumb.

Shakespeare.Itrustthenameisfamiliar.Atthemoment,however,Iamdisinclinedtopoetry.I’vegotlessthantwohours.Then:curtain.

(ShedisconnectsherselffromtheIVpoleandshovesittoacrossingTECHNICIAN.Thehouselightsgoout.)

***

VIVIAN:I’llneverforgetthetimeIfoundoutIhadcancer.

(DR.HARVEYKELEKIANentersatabigdeskpiledhighwithpapers.)

KELEKIAN:Youhavecancer.

VIVIAN:(Toaudience)See?Unforgettable.Itwassomethingofashock.Ihad

tositdown.(Sheplopsdown.)

KELEKIAN: Please sit down. Miss Bearing, you have advanced metastaticovariancancer.

VIVIAN:Goon.

KELEKIAN:Youareaprofessor,MissBearing.

VIVIAN:Likeyourself,Dr.Kelekian.

KELEKIAN: Well, yes. Now then. You present with a growth that,unfortunately,wentundetectedinstagesone,two,andthree.Nowitisaninsidious adenocarcinoma, which has spread from the primary adnexalmass—

VIVIAN:“Insidious”?

KELEKIAN:“Insidious”meansundetectableatan—

VIVIAN:“Insidious”meanstreacherous.

KELEKIAN:ShallIcontinue?

VIVIAN:Byallmeans.

KELEKIAN:Good.Ininvasiveepithelialcarcinoma,the most effective treatment modality is achemotherapeuticagent.Wearedevelopinganexperimental combination of drugs designedfor primary-site ovarian, with a targetspecificity of stage three-and-beyondadministration.

VIVIAN: Insidious.Hmm. Curiousword choice.Cancer.Cancel.

“By cancernature’s changingcourseuntrimmed.” No—that’snotit.

AmIgoingtoofast? (ToKELEKIAN)No.

Good.

Youwillbehospitalizedasan in-patient fortreatmenteachcycle.Youwillbeoncompleteintake-and-outputmeasurement for threedaysafter each treatment to monitor kidneyfunction.Aftertheinitialeightcycles,youwillhaveanotherbatteryoftests.

Must readsomething aboutcancer.

Must get somebooks, articles.Assemble abibliography.

Is anyonedoingresearch oncancer?

Concentrate.

Theantineoplasticwillinevitablyaffectsomehealthy cells, including those lining thegastrointestinaltractfromthelipstotheanus,and the hair follicles. We will of course berelying on your resolve towithstand some ofthemorepernicioussideeffects.

Antineoplastic.Anti: against.Neo:new.Plastic.To mold.Shaping.Antineoplastic.Against newshaping.

Hairfollicles.Myresolve.

“Pernicious”Thatdoesn’tseem—

KELEKIAN:MissBearing?

VIVIAN:Ibegyourpardon?

KELEKIAN:Doyouhaveanyquestionssofar?

VIVIAN:Please,goon.

KELEKIAN:Perhapssomeofthesetermsarenew.Irealize—

VIVIAN:No,no.Ah.You’rebeingverythorough.

KELEKIAN:Imakeapointofit.AndIalwaysemphasizeitwithmystudents—

VIVIAN: So do I. “Thoroughness”—I always tell my students, but they areconstitutionallyaversetopainstakingwork.

KELEKIAN:Yours,too.

VIVIAN:Oh,it’sworseeveryyear.

KELEKIAN:Andthisisnotdermatology,it’smedicaloncology,forChrissake.

VIVIAN:Mystudentsreadthroughatextonce—once!—andthinkit’stimeforabreak.

KELEKIAN:Mineareblind.

VIVIAN:Well,minearedeaf.

KELEKIAN:(Resigned,butwarmly)Youjusthavetohope…

VIVIAN:(Notsosure)Isuppose.

(Pause)

KELEKIAN:Wherewerewe,Dr.Bearing?

VIVIAN:IbelieveIwasbeingthoroughlydiagnosed.

KELEKIAN: Right. Now. The tumor is spreading very quickly, and thistreatmentisveryaggressive.Sofar,sogood?

VIVIAN:Yes.

KELEKIAN:Betternotteachnextsemester.

VIVIAN:(Indignant)Outofthequestion.

KELEKIAN: The first week of each cycle you’ll be hospitalized forchemotherapy; the next week you may feel a little tired; the next twoweeks’ll be fine, relatively.This cyclewill repeat eight times, as I saidbefore.

VIVIAN:Eightmonthslikethat?

KELEKIAN:Thistreatmentisthestrongestthingwehavetoofferyou.And,asresearch,itwillmakeasignificantcontributiontoourknowledge.

VIVIAN:Knowledge,yes.

KELEKIAN:(Givingherapieceofpaper)Hereistheinformed-consentform.Shouldyouagree,yousignthere,atthebottom.Isthereafamilymemberyouwantmetoexplainthisto?

VIVIAN:(Signing)Thatwon’tbenecessary.

KELEKIAN:(Takingbackthepaper)Good.Theimportantthingisforyoutotakethefulldoseofchemotherapy.Theremaybetimeswhenyou’llwish

fora lesserdose,due to thesideeffects.Butwe’vegot togo full-force.Theexperimentalphasehasgot tohavethemaximumdosetobeofanyuse.Dr.Bearing—

VIVIAN:Yes?

KELEKIAN:Youmustbeverytough.Doyouthinkyoucanbeverytough?

VIVIAN:Youneedn’tworry.

KELEKIAN:Good.Excellent.

(KELEKIANandthedeskexitasVIVIANstandsandwalksforward.)

VIVIAN: (Hesitantly) I should have asked more questions, because I knowthere’sgoingtobeatest.

Ihavecancer,insidiouscancer,withpernicioussideeffects—no,thetreatmenthaspernicioussideeffects.

Ihavestage-fourmetastaticovariancancer.Thereisnostagefive.Oh,andIhavetobeverytough.Itappearstobeamatter,asthesayinggoes,oflifeanddeath.

Iknowallaboutlifeanddeath.Iam,afterall,ascholarofDonne’sHoly Sonnets, which explore mortality in greater depth than any otherbodyofworkintheEnglishlanguage.

And I know for a fact that I am tough.Ademandingprofessor.Uncompromising. Never one to turn from a challenge. That is why Ichose,whileastudentofthegreatE.M.Ashford,tostudyDonne.

(PROFESSORE.M.ASHFORD,fifty-two,enters,seatedatthesamedeskasKELEKIANwas. The scene is twenty-eight years ago. VIVIAN suddenly turns twenty-two,eagerandintimidated.)

VIVIAN:ProfessorAshford?

E.M.:Doitagain.

VIVIAN:(Toaudience) Itwassomethingofashock. Ihad tositdown. (She

plopsdown.)

E.M.: Please sit down.Your essay onHoly Sonnet Six,MissBearing, is amelodrama,withaveneerofscholarshipunworthyofyou—tosaynothingofDonne.Doitagain.

VIVIAN:I,ah…

E.M.:Youmustbeginwithatext,MissBearing,notwithafeeling.

Deathbenotproud,thoughsomehavecalledtheeMightyanddreadfull,for,thouartnotsoe.

Youhaveentirelymissedthepointofthepoem,because,Imusttellyou,youhaveusedaneditionofthetextthatisinauthenticallypunctuated.IntheGardneredition—

VIVIAN:Thateditionwascheckedoutofthelibrary—

E.M.:MissBearing!

VIVIAN:Sorry.

E.M.:You take this too lightly,MissBearing.This isMetaphysicalPoetry,notTheModernNovel.Thestandardsofscholarshipandcriticalreadingwhich one would apply to any other text are simply insufficient. Theeffort must be total for the results to be meaningful. Do you think thepunctuationofthelastlineofthissonnetismerelyaninsignificantdetail?

Thesonnetbeginswithavaliantstrugglewithdeath,callingonallthe forces of intellect and drama to vanquish the enemy. But it isultimately about overcoming the seemingly insuperable barriersseparatinglife,death,andeternallife.

Intheeditionyouchose,thisprofoundlysimplemeaningissacrificedtohystericalpunctuation:

AndDeath—capitalD—shallbenomore—semicolon!Death—capitalD—comma—thoushaltdie—exclamationpoint!

Ifyougoinforthissortofthing,IsuggestyoutakeupShakespeare.Gardner’seditionoftheHolySonnetsreturnstotheWestmoreland

manuscriptsourceof1610—notforsentimentalreasons,Iassureyou,butbecauseHelenGardnerisascholar.Itreads:

Anddeathshallbenomore,comma,Deaththoushaltdie.

(Assherecitesthisline,shemakesalittlegestureatthecomma.)

Nothingbutabreath—acomma—separateslifefromlifeeverlasting.Itisverysimplereally.Withtheoriginalpunctuationrestored,deathisnolonger something to act out on a stage, with exclamation points. It’s acomma,apause.

Thisway,theuncompromisingway,onelearnssomethingfromthispoem, wouldn’t you say? Life, death. Soul, God. Past, present. Notinsuperablebarriers,notsemicolons,justacomma.

VIVIAN:Life,death…Isee.(Standing)It’sametaphysicalconceit.It’swit!I’llgobacktothelibraryandrewritethepaper—

E.M.:(Standing,emphatically)Itisnotwit,MissBearing.Itistruth.(Walkingaroundthedesktoher)Thepaper’snotthepoint.

VIVIAN:Itisn’t?

E.M.: (Tenderly) Vivian. You’re a bright young woman. Use yourintelligence. Don’t go back to the library. Go out. Enjoy yourself withyourfriends.Hmm?

(VIVIANwalksaway.E.M.slidesoff.)

VIVIAN:(Asshegraduallyreturnstothehospital)I,ah,wentoutside.Thesunwasverybright.I,ah,walkedaround,pastthe…Therewerestudentsonthe lawn, talking about nothing, laughing. The insuperable barrier

betweenonethingandanotheris…justacomma?Simplehumantruth,uncompromising scholarly standards? They’re connected? I justcouldn’t…

Iwentbacktothelibrary.Anyway.Allright.Significantcontributiontoknowledge.Eightcyclesofchemotherapy.Givemethefulldose,thefulldose

everytime.

***

(Inaburstofactivity,thehospitalsceneiscreated.)

VIVIAN:Theattentionwasflattering.Forthefirstfiveminutes.NowIknowhowpoemsfeel.

(SUSIEMONAHAN,VIVIAN’sprimarynurse,givesVIVIANherchart,thenputsherinawheelchair and takes her to her first appointment: chest x-ray.This andallotherdiagnostictestsaresuggestedbylightandsound.)

TECHNICIAN1:Name.

VIVIAN:Myname?VivianBearing.

TECHNICIAN1:Huh?

VIVIAN:Bearing.B-E-A-R-I-N-G.Vivian.V-I-V-I-A-N.

TECHNICIAN1:Doctor.

VIVIAN:Yes,IhaveaPh.D.

TECHNICIAN1:Yourdoctor.

VIVIAN:Oh.Dr.HarveyKelekian.

(TECHNICIAN1positionsher so that she is leaning forwardand embracing themetalplate,thenstepsoffstage.)

VIVIAN:Iamadoctorofphilosophy—

TECHNICIAN1:(Fromoffstage)Takeadeepbreath,andholdit.(Pause,withlightandsound)Okay.

VIVIAN:—ascholarofseventeenth-centurypoetry.

TECHNICIAN1: (Fromoffstage)Turn sideways, armsbehindyour head, andholdit.(Pause)Okay.

VIVIAN: I have made an immeasurable contribution to the discipline ofEnglishliterature.(TECHNICIAN1returnsandputsherinthewheelchair.)Iam,inshort,aforce.

(TECHNICIAN1rollshertoupperGIseries,whereTECHNICIAN2picksup.)

TECHNICIAN2:Name.

VIVIAN:Lucy,CountessofBedford.

TECHNICIAN2:(Checkingaprintout)Idon’tseeithere.

VIVIAN:My name is Vivian Bearing. B-E-A-R-I-N-G. Dr. Kelekian is mydoctor.

TECHNICIAN2:Okay.Liedown. (TECHNICIAN 2positionsher ona stretcherandleaves.Lightandsoundsuggestthefilming.)

VIVIAN:Afteranoutstandingundergraduatecareer, I studiedwithProfessorE.M.Ashfordforthreeyears,duringwhichtimeIlearnedbyinstructionandexamplewhatitmeanstobeascholarofdistinction.

Asherresearchfellow,myprincipaltaskwasthealphabetizingofindex cards for Ashford’s monumental critical edition of Donne’sDevotionsuponEmergentOccasions.

(Duringtheprocedure,anotherTECHNICIANtakesthewheelchairaway.)

I am thanked in the preface: “MissVivianBearing for her ableassistance.”

Mydissertation,“EjaculationsinSeventeenth-CenturyManuscriptandPrintedEditionsoftheHolySonnets:AComparison,”wasrevisedforpublicationintheJournalofEnglishTexts,averyprestigiousvenueforafirstappearance.

TECHNICIAN2:Where’syourwheelchair?

VIVIAN:Idonotknow.Iwasbusyjustnow.

TECHNICIAN2:Well,howareyougoingtogetoutofhere?

VIVIAN:Well,Idonotknow.Perhapsyouwouldlikemetostay.

TECHNICIAN2:IguessIgottogofindyouachair.

VIVIAN: (Sarcastically) Don’t inconvenience yourself on my behalf.(TECHNICIAN2leavestogetawheelchair.)

Mysecondarticle,aclassicexplicationofDonne’ssonnet“Deathbenotproud,”waspublishedinCriticalDiscourse.

ThesuccessoftheessaypromptedtheUniversityPresstosolicitavolumeonthetwelveHolySonnetsinthe1633edition,whichIproducedin the remarkably short span of three years. My book, entitledMadeCunningly,remainsanimmensesuccess,inpaperaswellascloth.

Init,Idevoteonechaptertoathoroughexaminationofeachsonnet,discussingeverywordinextensivedetail.

(TECHNICIAN2returnswithawheelchair.)

TECHNICIAN2:Here.

VIVIAN:Isummarizepreviouscriticalinterpretationsofthetextandoffermyownanalysis.Itisexhaustive.

(TECHNICIAN2depositsheratCTscan.)

Bearing.B-E-A-R-I-N-G.Kelekian.

(TECHNICIAN3hasVIVIANliedownonametalstretcher.Lightandsoundsuggesttheprocedure.)

TECHNICIAN3:Here.Holdstill.

VIVIAN:Forhowlong?

TECHNICIAN3:Justalittlewhile.(TECHNICIAN3leaves.Silence)

VIVIAN: The scholarly study of poetic texts requires a capacity forscrupulouslydetailedexamination,particularlythepoetryofJohnDonne.

Thesalientcharacteristicofthepoemsiswit:“Itchyoutbreaksoffar-fetchedwit,”asDonnehimselfsaid.

Tothecommonreader—thatistosay,theundergraduatewithaB-plusorbetteraverage—witprovidesaninvaluableexerciseforsharpeningthemental faculties, for stimulating the flashofcomprehension thatcanonlyfollowhoursofexactingandseeminglypointlessscrutiny.

(TECHNICIAN 3 putsVIVIAN back in thewheelchair andwheels her toward theunit. Partway, TECHNICIAN 3 gives the chair a shove and SUSIE MONAHAN,VIVIAN’sprimarynurse,takesover.SUSIErollsVIVIANtotheexamroom.)

Tothescholar,tothemindcomprehensivelytrainedinthesubtletiesof seventeenth-century vocabulary, versification, and theological,historical,geographical,political,andmythologicalallusions,Donne’switis…awaytoseehowgoodyoureallyare.

Aftertwentyyears,Icansaywithconfidence,nooneisquiteasgoodasI.

(By now, SUSIE has helped VIVIAN sit on the exam table. DR. JASON POSNER,clinicalfellow,standsinthedoorway.)

JASON:Ah,Susie?

SUSIE:Oh,hi.

JASON:Readywhenyouare.

SUSIE:Okay.Goahead.Ms.Bearing,thisisJasonPosner.He’sgoingtodoyourhistory,askyouabunchofquestions.He’sDr.Kelekian’sfellow.

(SUSIEisbusyintheroom,settingupfortheexam.)

JASON:Hi,ProfessorBearing.I’mDr.Posner,clinicalfellowinthemedicaloncologybranch,workingwithDr.Kelekian.

ProfessorBearing,I,ah,IwasanundergraduateattheU.Itookyourcourseinseventeenth-centurypoetry.

VIVIAN:Youdid?

JASON:Yes.Ithoughtitwasexcellent.

VIVIAN:Thankyou.WereyouanEnglishmajor?

JASON: No. Biochemistry. But you can’t get into medical school unlessyou’rewell-rounded.AndImadeabetwithmyselfthatIcouldgetanAinthethreehardestcoursesoncampus.

SUSIE:Howdjyado,Jace?

JASON:Success.

VIVIAN:(Doubtful)Really?

JASON:Aminus.Itwasaverytoughcourse.(ToSUSIE)I’llcallyou.

SUSIE:Okay.(Sheleaves.)

JASON: I’ll just pull this over. (He gets a little stool on wheels.) Get theproxemics right here. There. (Nervously) Good. Now. I’m going to betakingyourhistory.It’samedicalinterview,andthenIgiveyouanexam.

VIVIAN:IbelieveDr.Kelekianhasalreadydonethat.

JASON:Well, Iknow,butDr.Kelekianwantsme todo it, too.Now.I’llbetakingafewnotesaswegoalong.

VIVIAN:Verywell.

JASON:Okay.Let’sgetstarted.Howareyoufeelingtoday?

VIVIAN:Fine,thankyou.

JASON:Good.Howisyourgeneralhealth?

VIVIAN:Fine.

JASON:Excellent.Okay.Weknowyouareanacademic.

VIVIAN:Yes,we’veestablishedthat.

JASON:Sowedon’tneedtotalkaboutyourinterestingwork.

VIVIAN:No.

(Thefollowingquestionsandanswersgoextremelyquickly.)

JASON:Howoldareyou?

VIVIAN:Fifty.

JASON:Areyoumarried?

VIVIAN:No.

JASON:Areyourparentsliving?

VIVIAN:No.

JASON:Howandwhendidtheydie?

VIVIAN: My father, suddenly, when I was twenty, of a heart attack. Mymother, slowly, when I was forty-one and forty-two, of cancer. Breastcancer.

JASON:Cancer?

VIVIAN:Breastcancer.

JASON:Isee.Anysiblings?

VIVIAN:No.

JASON:Doyouhaveanyquestionssofar?

VIVIAN:Notsofar.

JASON:Well,thataboutdoesitforyourlifehistory.

VIVIAN:Yes,that’sallthereistomylifehistory.

JASON:NowI’mgoingtoaskyouaboutyourpastmedicalhistory.Haveyoueverbeenhospitalized?

VIVIAN:IhadmytonsilsoutwhenIwaseight.

JASON:Haveyoueverbeenpregnant?

VIVIAN:No.

JASON:Everhadheartmurmurs?Highbloodpressure?

VIVIAN:No.

JASON:Stomach,liver,kidneyproblems?

VIVIAN:No.

JASON:Venerealdiseases?Uterineinfections?

VIVIAN:No.

JASON:Thyroid,diabetes,cancer?

VIVIAN:No—cancer,yes.

JASON:When?

VIVIAN:Now.

JASON:Well,notincludingnow.

VIVIAN:Inthatcase,no.

JASON:Okay.Clinicaldepression?Nervousbreakdowns?Suicideattempts?

VIVIAN:No.

JASON:Doyousmoke?

VIVIAN:No.

JASON:Ethanol?

VIVIAN:I’msorry?

JASON:Alcohol.

VIVIAN:Oh.Ethanol.Yes,Idrinkwine.

JASON:Howmuch?Howoften?

VIVIAN:Aglasswithdinneroccasionally.AndperhapsaScotcheverynowandthen.

JASON:Doyouusesubstances?

VIVIAN:Suchas.

JASON:Marijuana,cocaine,crackcocaine,PCP,ecstasy,poppers—

VIVIAN:No.

JASON:Doyoudrinkcaffeinatedbeverages?

VIVIAN:Oh,yes!

JASON:Whichones?

VIVIAN:Coffee.Afewcupsaday.

JASON:Howmany?

VIVIAN:Two…tosix.ButIreallydon’tthinkthat’simmoderate—

JASON:Howoftendoyouundergoroutinemedicalcheckups?

VIVIAN:Well, not asoften as I should, probably, but I’ve felt fine, I reallyhave.

JASON:Sotheansweris?

VIVIAN:Everythreeto…fiveyears.

JASON:Whatdoyoudoforexercise?

VIVIAN:Pace.

JASON:Areyouhavingsexualrelations?

VIVIAN:Notatthemoment.

JASON:Areyoupre-orpost-menopausal?

VIVIAN:Pre.

JASON:Whenwasthefirstdayofyourlastperiod?

VIVIAN:Ah,tendays—twoweeksago.

JASON:Okay.Whendidyoufirstnoticeyourpresentcomplaint?

VIVIAN:Thistime,now?

JASON:Yes.

VIVIAN: Oh, about four months ago. I felt a pain in my stomach, in myabdomen,likeacramp,butnotthesame.

JASON:Howdiditfeel?

VIVIAN:Likeacramp.

JASON:Butnotthesame?

VIVIAN:No,duller,andstronger.Ican’tdescribeit.

JASON:Whatcamenext?

VIVIAN:Well,Ijust,Idon’tknow,Istartednoticingmybody,littlethings.Iwouldbeteaching,andfeelasharppain.

JASON:Whatkindofpain?

VIVIAN: Sharp, and sudden. Then it would go away. Or I would be tired.Exhausted.Iwasworkingonamajorproject, thearticleonJohnDonneforTheOxfordEncyclopediaofEnglishLiterature.Itwasagreathonor.ButIhadaverystrictdeadline.

JASON:Soyouwouldsayyouwereunderstress?

VIVIAN:Itwasn’tsomuchmorestressthanusual,Ijustcouldn’twithstanditthistime.Idon’tknow.

JASON:So?

VIVIAN: So I went to Dr. Chin,my gynecologist, after I had turned in thearticle,andexplainedallthis.Sheexaminedme,andsentmetoJeffersontheinternist,andhesentmetoKelekianbecausehethoughtImighthaveatumor.

JASON:Andthat’sit?

VIVIAN:Tillnow.

JASON:Hmmm.Well,that’sveryinteresting.

(Nervouspause)

Well,IguessI’llstarttheexamination.It’llonlytakeafewminutes.Whydon’tyou,um,sortoflieback,and—oh—relax.

(Hehelpsherliebackonthetable,raisesthestirrupsoutofthetable,raisesherlegsandputstheminthestirrups,andputsapapersheetoverher.)

Beveryrelaxed.Thiswon’thurt.Letmegetthissheet.Okay.Juststaycalm.Okay.Putyourfeetinthesestirrups.Okay.Just.There.Okay?Now.Oh, I have to go get Susie. Got to have a girl here. Some crazyclinicalrule.Um.I’llberightback.Don’tmove.

(JASONleaves.Longpause.Heisseenwalkingquicklybackandforthinthehall,andcallingSUSIE’snameashegoesby.)

VIVIAN:(Toherself)IwishIhadgivenhimanA.(Silence)Twotimesoneistwo.Twotimestwoisfour.

Twotimesthreeissix.Um.Oh.

Deathbenotproud,thoughsomehavecalledtheeMightyanddreadfull,for,thouartnotsoe,For,those,whomthouthink’st,thoudostoverthrow,Dienot,pooredeath,noryetcanstthoukillmee…

JASON:(Inthehallway)HasanybodyseenSusie?

VIVIAN:(Losingherplaceforasecond)Ah.

Thou’artslavetoFate,chance,kings,anddesperatemen,Anddostwithpoyson,warre,andsicknessedwell,Andpoppie,’orcharmescanmakeussleepeaswell,Andbetterthanthystroake;whyswell’stthouthen?

JASON:(Inthehallway)Shewasherejustaminuteago.

VIVIAN:

Oneshortsleepepast,weewakeeternally,Anddeathshallbenomore—comma—Deaththoushaltdie.

(JASONandSUSIEreturn.)

JASON:Okay.Here’severything.Okay.

SUSIE:Whatisthis?Whydidyouleaveher—

JASON:(ToSUSIE)Ihadtofindyou.Now,comeon.(ToVIVIAN)We’reready,ProfessorBearing.(Tohimself,asheputsonexamgloves)Gettheseon.Okay. Just lift this up.Ooh.Okay. (Asmuch to himself as to her) Justrelax.(Hebeginsthepelvicexam,withonehandonherabdomenandthe

otherinsideher,lookingblanklyattheceilingashefeelsaround.)Okay.(Silence)Susie,isn’tthatinteresting,thatIhadProfessorBearing.

SUSIE:Yeah.IwishIhadtakensomeliterature.Idon’tknowanythingaboutpoetry.

JASON:(Tryingtobecasual)ProfessorBearingwasveryhighlyregardedoncampus.ItlookedverygoodonmytranscriptthatIhadtakenhercourse.(Silence)Theyevenaskedmeaboutitinmyinterviewformedschool—(Hefeels themassanddoesadouble take.) Jesus!(Tensesilence.He isamazedandfascinated.)

SUSIE:What?

VIVIAN:What?

JASON:Um.(Hetriesforcomposure.)Yeah.IsurvivedBearing’scourse.Noproblem.Heh.(Silence)Yeah,JohnDonne,thosemetaphysicalpoets,thatmetaphysicalwit.Hardestpoetry in theEnglishdepartment.Like to seethemtrybiochemistry.(Silence)Okay.We’reaboutdone.Okay.That’sit.Okay,ProfessorBearing.Let’stakeyourfeetout,there.(Hetakesoffhisglovesandthrowsthemaway.)Okay.Igottago.Igottago.

(JASON quickly leaves.VIVIAN slowly gets up from this scene andwalks stifflyaway.SUSIEcleansuptheexamroomandexits.)

***

VIVIAN: (Walking downstage to audience) That … was … hard. That …was…

Onethingcanbesaidforaneight-monthcourseofcancertreatment:itishighlyeducational.Iamlearningtosuffer.

Yes, it ismildlyuncomfortabletohaveanelectrocardiogram,butthe…agony…ofaproctosigmoidoscopysweepsitfrommemory.Yes,it was embarrassing to have to wear a nightgown all day long—twonightgowns!—but that seemed like a positive privilege compared towatchingmyselfgobald.Yes,havingaformerstudentgivemeapelvicexamwasthoroughlydegrading—andIuse the termdeliberately—but I

couldnothaveimaginedthedepthsofhumiliationthat—Oh,God—(VIVIANrunsacrossthestagetoherhospitalroom,divesontothebed,andthrowsupintoalargeplasticwashbasin.)Oh,God.Oh.Oh.(Sheliesslumpedonthebed,fastenedtotheIV,whichnowincludesasmall bottlewith a bright orange label.)Oh,God. It can’t be. (Silence)Oh,God.Please.Steady.Steady. (Silence)Oh—Oh,no! (She throwsupagain, moans, and retches in agony.) Oh, God. What’s left? I haven’teatenintwodays.What’slefttopuke?

YoumayremarkthatmyvocabularyhastakenaturnfortheAnglo-Saxon.

God,I’mgoingtobarfmybrainsout.(Shebeginstorelax.)IfIactuallydidbarfmybrainsout,itwouldbe

agreatlosstomydiscipline.Ofcourse,notafewofmycolleagueswouldberelieved.Tosaynothingofmystudents.

It’snot that I’mcontroversial.Justuncompromising.Ooh—(Shelungesforthebasin.Nothing)Oh.(Silence)Falsealarm.IfthewordwentroundthatVivianBearinghadbarfedherbrainsout…

Well,firstmycolleagues,mostofwhomaremyformerstudents,would scramble madly for my position. Then their consciences wouldflareup,sotohonormymemorytheywouldputtogetheracollectionoftheir essays about John Donne. The volume would begin with a warmintroduction, capturing mymost endearing qualities. It would be short.Butsweet.

Publishedandperished.Now,watchthis.Ihavetoringthebell(Shepressesthebuttononthebed) to get someone to come and measure this emesis, and record theamountonachartofmyintakeandoutput.Thiscountsasoutput.

(SUSIEenters.)

SUSIE:(Brightly)Howyoudoing,Ms.Bearing?Youhavingsomenausea?

VIVIAN:(Weakly)Uhh,yes.

SUSIE:Whydon’tItakethat?Here.

VIVIAN:It’sabout300cc’s.

SUSIE:Thatall?

VIVIAN:Itwasveryhardwork.

(SUSIEtakesthebasintothebathroomandrinsesit.)

SUSIE: Yup. Three hundred. Good guess. (She marks the graph.) Okay.AnythingelseIcangetforyou?SomeJell-Ooranything?

VIVIAN:Thankyou,no.

SUSIE:Youokayallbyyourselfhere?

VIVIAN:Yes.

SUSIE:You’renothavingalotofvisitors,areyou?

VIVIAN:(Correcting)None,tobeprecise.

SUSIE:Yeah, I didn’t think so. Is there somebody youwantme to call foryou?

VIVIAN:Thatwon’tbenecessary.

SUSIE:Well,I’lljustpopmyheadineveryonceinawhiletoseehowyou’recomingalong.Kelekianandthefellowsshouldbe insoon.(She touchesVIVIAN’sarm.)Ifthere’sanythingyouneed,youjustring.

VIVIAN:(Uncomfortablewithkindness)Thankyou.

SUSIE:Okay.Justcall.(SUSIEdisconnectstheIVbottlewiththeorangelabelandtakesitwithherassheleaves.VIVIANliesstill.Silence)

***

VIVIAN:Inthisdramaticstructureyouwillseethemostinterestingaspectsofmy tenure as an in-patient receiving experimental chemotherapy foradvancedmetastaticovariancancer.

But as I amascholarbefore…an impresario, I feelobliged todocument what it is like here most of the time, between the dramaticclimaxes.Betweenthespectacles.

Intruth,itislikethis:

(Sheceremoniouslyliesbackandstaresattheceiling.)

Youcannotimaginehowtime…canbe…sostill.Ithangs.Itweighs.Andyetthereissolittleofit.Itgoessoslowly,andyetitissoscarce. If Iwerewriting thisscene, itwould lastafull fifteenminutes. I

wouldliehere,andyouwouldsitthere.

(Shelooksattheaudience,daringthem.)

Nottoworry.Brevityisthesoulofwit.Butifyouthinkeightmonthsofcancertreatmentistediousfortheaudience,considerhowitfeelstoplaymypart.

Allright.Allright.It isFridaymorning:GrandRounds.(Loudly,givingacue)Action.

(KELEKIANenters,followedbyJASONandfourotherFELLOWS.)

KELEKIAN:Dr.Bearing.

VIVIAN:Dr.Kelekian.

KELEKIAN:Jason.

(JASONmovestothefrontofthegroup.)

JASON:ProfessorBearing.Howareyoufeelingtoday?

VIVIAN:Fine.

JASON:That’sgreat.That’sjustgreat.(Hetakesasheetandcarefullycoversherlegsandgroin,thenpullsuphergowntorevealherentireabdomen.

Heisbarelyaudible,buthisgesturesareclear.)

VIVIAN: “GrandRounds.”The term is theirs.Not “Grand” in the traditional sense ofsweepingormagnificent.Not“Rounds”asinamusicalcanon,oraroundofapplause(though eitherwouldbe refreshing at thispoint). Here, “Rounds” seems to signifydartingaround themain issue…which Isupposewould be the struggle for life…my life…withheateddiscussionsofsideeffects, other complaints, additionaltreatments.

JASON: Very latedetection.Stagedasafour upon admission.Hexamethophosphacilwith Vinplatin topotentiate.Hexat300mg. per metersquared, Vin at 100.Today is cycle two,daythree.Bothcyclesat the full dose. (TheFELLOWS areimpressed.)

Theprimarysiteis—here (He puts hisfinger on the spot onherabdomen),behindthe left ovary.Metastases aresuspected in theperitoneal cavity—here.And—here. (Hetouchesthosespots.)

GrandRoundsisnotGrandOpera.Butcomparedtolyinghere,itispositivelydramatic.

Full of subservience, hierarchy,gratuitousdisplays,sublimatedrivalries—Ifeelrightathome.Itisjustlikeagraduateseminar.

Full lymphaticinvolvement. (Hemoveshishandsoverherentirebody.)

At the timeoffirst-look surgery, asignificantpartof the

With one important difference: inGrandRounds, they readme like a book.OnceIdidtheteaching,nowIamtaught.

tumorwasde-bulked,mostly in this area—here. (He points toeach organ, pokingher abdomen.) Left,right ovaries.Fallopian tubes.Uterus.Allout.

Thisismucheasier.Ijustholdstillandlookcancerous.It requires lessactingeverytime.

Excellentcommandofdetails.

Evidence ofprimary-siteshrinkage. Shrinkingin metastatic tumorshas not beendocumented. Primarymassfranklypalpablein pelvic exam,frankly, all throughhere—here. (SomeFELLOWS reach andpress where he ispointing.)

KELEKIAN:Excellentcommandofdetails.

VIVIAN:(Toherself)Itaughthim,youknow—

KELEKIAN: Okay. Problem areas with Hex and Vin. (He addresses all theFELLOWS,butJASONanswersfirstandtheyresenthim.)

FELLOW1:Myelosu—

JASON:(Interrupting)Well,firstofcourseismyelosuppression,aloweringofblood-cellcounts.Itgoeswithoutsaying.Withthiscombinationofagents,nephrotoxicitywillbenext.

KELEKIAN:Goon.

JASON:Thekidneysaredesignedtofilterout impurities in thebloodstream.Intryingtofilterthechemotherapeuticagentoutofthebloodstream,thekidneysshutdown.

KELEKIAN:Intervention.

JASON:Hydration.

KELEKIAN:Monitoring.

JASON: Full recording of fluid intake and output, as you see here on thesegraphs,tomonitorhydrationandkidneyfunction.Totalsmonitoreddailybytheclinicalfellow,aspertheprotocol.

KELEKIAN:Anybodyelse.Sideeffects.

FELLOW1:Nauseaandvomiting.

KELEKIAN:Jason.

JASON:Routine.

FELLOW2:Painwhileurinating.

JASON:Routine.(TheFELLOWSaretryingtocatchJASON.)

FELLOW3:Psychologicaldepression.

JASON:Noway.

(TheFELLOWSaresilent.)

KELEKIAN:(StandingbyVIVIANattheheadofthebed)Anythingelse.OthercomplaintswithHexamethophosphacilandVinplatin.Comeon.(Silence.KELEKIANandVIVIANwaittogetherforthecorrectanswer.)

FELLOW4:Mouthsores.

JASON:Notyet.

FELLOW2:(Timidly)Skinrash?

JASON:Nope.

KELEKIAN: (Sharing this with VIVIAN) Why do we waste our time, Dr.Bearing?

VIVIAN:(Delighted)Idonotknow,Dr.Kelekian.

KELEKIAN: (To the FELLOWS) Use your eyes. (All FELLOWS look closely atVIVIAN.)JesusGod.Hairloss.

FELLOWS:(Allprotesting.VIVIANandKELEKIANareamused.)—Comeon.—Youcanseeit.—Itdoesn’tcount.—Nofair.

KELEKIAN:Jason.

JASON:(Begrudgingly)Hairlossafterfirstcycleoftreatment.

KELEKIAN:That’sbetter.(ToVIVIAN)Dr.Bearing.Fulldose.Excellent.Keeppushingthefluids.

(TheFELLOWSleave.KELEKIANstopsJASON.)

KELEKIAN:Jason.

JASON:Huh?

KELEKIAN:Clinical.

JASON: Oh, right. (ToVIVIAN) Thank you, Professor Bearing. You’ve beenverycooperative.(Theyleaveherwithherstomachuncovered.)

VIVIAN:Wasn’t that…Grand?(Shegetsupwithout theIVpole.)At times,thisobsessivelydetailed examination, this scrutiny seems tome to be anefariousbusiness.Ontheotherhand,whatisthealternative?Ignorance?Ignorancemaybe…bliss;butitisnotaverynoblegoal.

SoIplaymypart.(Pause) I receive chemotherapy, throw up, am subjected to countless

indignities, feel better, gohome.Eight cycles.Eightneat little strophes.Oh, there have been the usual variations, subplots, red herrings:hepatotoxicity(liverpoison),neuropathy(nervedeath).

(Righteously)Theyaremedicalterms.Ilookthemup.Ithasalwaysbeenmycustomtotreatwordswithrespect.Icanrecallthetime—theveryhouroftheveryday—whenIknew

wordswouldbemylife’swork.

***

(Apileofsixlittlewhitebooksappears,withMR.BEARING,VIVIAN’sfather,seatedbehindanopennewspaper.)

Itwasmyfifthbirthday.

(VIVIAN,nowachild,flopsdowntothebooks.)

Ilikedthatonebest.

MR. BEARING: (Disinterested but tolerant, never distracted from hisnewspaper)Readanother.

VIVIAN: I think I’ll read… (She takes a book from the stack and reads itsspineintently)TheTaleoftheFlopsyBunnies.(Readingthefrontcover)TheTaleoftheFlopsyBunnies.Ithaslittlebunniesonthefront.

(Opening to the title page) The Tale of theFlopsyBunnies byBeatrix Potter.(Sheturnsthepageandbeginstoread.)

Itissaidthattheeffectofeatingtoomuchlettuceissopor—sop—or—whatisthatword?

MR.BEARING:Sounditout.

VIVIAN:Sop—or—fic.Sop—or—i—fic.Soporific.Whatdoesthatmean?

MR.BEARING:Soporific.Causingsleep.

VIVIAN:Causingsleep.

MR.BEARING:Makesyousleepy.

VIVIAN:“Soporific”means“makesyousleepy”?

MR.BEARING:Correct.

VIVIAN:“Soporific”means“makesyousleepy.”Soporific.

MR.BEARING:Nowuseitinasentence.Whathasasoporificeffectonyou?

VIVIAN:Asoporificeffectonme.

MR.BEARING:Whatmakesyousleepy?

VIVIAN:Aahh—nothing.

MR.BEARING:Correct.

VIVIAN:Whataboutyou?

MR. BEARING: What has a soporific effect on me? Let me think: boringconversation,Isuppose,afterdinner.

VIVIAN:Metoo,boringconversation.

MR.BEARING:Carryon.

VIVIAN:Itissaidthattheeffectofeatingtoomuchlettuceissoporific.Thelittlebunniesinthepictureareasleep!They’resleeping!Like

yousaid,becauseofsoporific!

(Shestandsup,andMR.BEARINGexits.)

The illustrationboreout themeaningof theword, justashehadexplainedit.Atthetime,itseemedlikemagic.

SoimaginetheeffectthatthewordsofJohnDonnefirsthadonme:ratiocination,concatenation,coruscation,tergiversation.

Medical termsare less evocative.Still, Iwant toknowwhat thedoctorsmeanwhen they…anatomizeme.And Iwill grant that in thisparticular field of endeavor they possess a more potent arsenal ofterminologythanI.Myonlydefenseistheacquisitionofvocabulary.

***

(SUSIEentersandputsherarmaroundVIVIAN’sshoulderstoholdherup.VIVIANisshaking,feverish,andweak.)

VIVIAN:(Allatonce)Feverandneutropenia.

SUSIE:Whendiditstart?

VIVIAN:(Havingdifficultyspeaking)I—Iwasathome—reading—andI—feltsobad.Icalled.Feverandneutropenia.Theysaidtocomein.

SUSIE:Youdidtherightthingtocome.Didsomebodydriveyou?

VIVIAN:Cab.Itookataxi.

SUSIE: (She grabs awheelchair and helpsVIVIAN sit. As SUSIE speaks, shetakesVIVIAN’stemperature,pulse,andrespirationrate.)Here,whydon’t

yousit?Justsitthereaminute.I’llgetJason.He’soncalltonight.We’llgethimtogiveyousomemeds.I’mgladIwashereonnights.I’llmakesureyouget tobedsoon,okay?It’ll justbeaminute. I’llgetyousomejuice,somenicejuicewithlotsofice.

(SUSIE leavesquickly.VIVIAN sits there, agitated, confused, and very sick. SUSIEreturnswiththejuice.)

VIVIAN:Lights.Ileftallthelightsonatmyhouse.

SUSIE:Don’tyouworry.It’llbeallright.

(JASON enters, roused from his sleep and not fully awake. He wears surgicalscrubsandputsonalabcoatasheenters.)

JASON:(WithoutlookingatVIVIAN)Howareyoufeeling,ProfessorBearing?

VIVIAN:Myteeth—arechattering.

JASON:Vitals.

SUSIE: (GivingVIVIAN juice and a straw, without looking at JASON) Temp39.4.Pulse120.Respiration36.Chillsandsweating.

JASON: Fever andneutropenia. It’s a “shake andbake.”Blood cultures andurine, stat. Admit her. Prepare for reverse isolation. Start withacetaminophen.Vitalseveryfourhours.(Hestartstoleave.)

SUSIE: (Following him) Jason—I think you need to talk to Kelekian aboutloweringthedoseforthenextcycle.It’stoomuchforherlikethis.

JASON: Lower the dose? Noway. Full dose. She’s tough. She can take it.Wakemeupwhenthecountscomefromthelab.

(Hepadsoff.SUSIEwheelsVIVIANtoherroom,andVIVIANcollapsesonthebed.SUSIEconnectsVIVIAN’S IV, thenwetsawashclothandrubsher faceandneck.VIVIANremainsdelirious.SUSIEcheckstheIVandleaveswiththewheelchair.

Afterawhile,KELEKIANappears in thedoorwayholdinga surgicalmasknearhisface.JASONiswithhim,nowdressedandclean-shaven.)

KELEKIAN: Good morning, Dr. Bearing. Fifth cycle. Full dose. Definiteprogress.Everythingokay.

VIVIAN:(Weakly)Yes.

KELEKIAN: You’re doing swell. Isolation is no problem. Couple of days.Thinkofitasavacation.

VIVIAN:Oh.

(JASONstartstoenter,holdingamasknearhisface,justlikeKELEKIAN.)

KELEKIAN:Jason.

JASON:Oh,Jesus.Okay,okay.

(Hereturnstothedoorway,whereheputsonapapergown,mask,andgloves.KELEKIANleaves.)

VIVIAN:(Toaudience) In isolation,Iamisolated.ForonceIcanusea termliterally. The chemotherapeutic agents eradicating my cancer have alsoeradicatedmyimmunesystem.Inmypresentcondition,everylivingthingisahealthhazardtome…

(JASONcomesintochecktheintake-and-output.)

JASON:(Complainingtohimself)Ireallyhavenotgottimeforthis…

VIVIAN:…particularlyhealth-careprofessionals.

JASON:(Goingrighttothegraphonthewall)JusttolookattheI&Osheetsfor one minute, and it takes me half an hour to do precautions. Four,seven,eleven.Two-fiftytwice.Okay.(Remembering)Oh,Jeez.Clinical.ProfessorBearing.Howareyoufeelingtoday?

VIVIAN:(Verysick)Fine.Justshakingsometimesfromthechills.

JASON: IV will kick in anytime now. No problem. Listen, gotta go. Keeppushingthefluids.

(Asheexits,hetakesoffthegown,mask,andgloves.)

VIVIAN:(GettingupfrombedwithherIVpoleandresumingherexplanation)I amnot in isolationbecause Ihavecancer,because Ihavea tumor thesizeofagrapefruit.No.IaminisolationbecauseIambeingtreatedforcancer.Mytreatmentimperilsmyhealth.

Hereinliestheparadox.JohnDonnewouldrevelinit.Iwouldrevelin it, if he wrote a poem about it. My students would flounder in it,becauseparadox is toodifficult tounderstand.Thinkof itasapuzzle, Iwouldtellthem,anintellectualgame.

(Sheistrapped.)Or,Iwouldhavetoldthem.Wereitagame.Whichitisnot.

(Escaping) If theywerehere, if Iwere lecturing:HowIwouldperplexthem! I could workmy students into a frenzy. Every ambiguity, everyshiftingawareness.Icoulddrawsomuchfromthepoems.

Icouldbesopowerful.

***

(VIVIANstandsstill,asifconjuringascene.Nowattheheightofherpowers,shegrandlydisconnectsherselffromtheIV.TECHNICIANSremove thebedandhandherapointer.)

VIVIAN:Thepoetryoftheearlyseventeenthcentury,whathasbeencalledthemetaphysicalschool,considersanintractablementalpuzzlebyexercisingtheoutstandinghumanfacultyoftheera,namelywit.

Thegreatestwit—thegreatestEnglishpoet,somewouldsay—wasJohnDonne.IntheHolySonnets,Donneappliedhiscapacious,agilewittothelargeraspectsofthehumanexperience:life,death,andGod.

In his poems,metaphysical quandaries are addressed, but never

resolved.Ingenuity,virtuosity,andavigorousintellectthatjoustswiththemostexaltedconcepts:thesearethetoolsofwit.

(Thelightsdim.Ascreenlowers,andthesonnet“Ifpoysonousmineralls,”fromtheGardneredition,appearsonit.VIVIANrecites.)

Ifpoysonousmineralls,andifthattree,Whosefruitthrewdeathonelseimmortallus,Iflecherousgoats,ifserpentsenviousCannotbedamn’d;Alas;whyshouldIbee?Whyshouldintentorreason,borneinmee,Makesinnes,elseequall,inmee,moreheinous?Andmercybeingeasie,’andgloriousToGod,inhissternewrath,whythreatenshee?ButwhoamI,thatdaredisputewiththee?OGod,Oh!ofthineonelyworthyblood,Andmyteares,makeaheavenlyLetheanflood,Anddrowneinitmysinnesblackememorie.Thatthourememberthem,someclaimeasdebt,Ithinkeitmercy,ifthouwiltforget.

(VIVIANoccasionallywhacksthescreenwithapointerforemphasis.Shemovesaroundasshelectures.)

Aggressive intellect.Piousmelodrama.Andafinal, fearfulpoint.Donne’s Holy Sonnet Five, 1609. From the Ashford edition, based onGardner.

Thespeakerofthesonnethasabrilliantmind,andheplaysthepartconvincingly;butintheendhefindsGod’sforgivenesshardtobelieve,sohecrawlsunderarocktohide.

Ifarsenicandserpentsarenotdamned,thenwhyishe?Inaskingthequestion, the speaker turns eternal damnation into an intellectual game.WhywouldGodchoosetodowhatishard,tocondemn,ratherthanwhatiseasy,andalsoglorious—toshowmercy?

(SeveralscholarshavedisputedAshford’sthirdcommainlinesix,butnoneconvincingly.)

But. Exception. Limitation.Contrast. The argument shifts fromcleverness tomelodrama,anunconvincingeruptionofpiety:“O”“God”

“Oh!”Atypicalprayerwouldplead“Rememberme,OLord.”(Thispointis

nicelyexplicatedinanarticlebyRichardStrier—aformerstudentofminewhooncesatwhereyoudonow,althoughIdaresayhewasawake—inthe May 1989 issue of Modern Philology.) True believers ask to beremembered by God. The speaker of this sonnet asks God to forget.(VIVIANmovesinfrontofthescreen,andtheprojectionofthepoemiscastdirectlyuponher.)Whereisthehyperactiveintellectofthefirstsection?Where is the histrionic outpouring of the second? When the speakerconsiders his own sins, and the inevitability ofGod’s judgment, he canconceive of but one resolution: todisappear. (VIVIANmoves away fromthescreen.)Doctrineassuresus thatnosinner isdenied forgiveness,notevenonewhosesinsareoverweeningintellectoroverwroughtdramatics.Thespeakerdoesnotneed tohide fromGod’s judgment, only to acceptGod’sforgiveness.Itisverysimple.Suspiciouslysimple.

Wewanttocorrectthespeaker,toremindhimoftheassuranceofsalvation.But it is too late.Thepoeticencounter isover.Weare left toour own consciences. Have we outwitted Donne? Or have we beenoutwitted?

(SUSIEcomeson.)

SUSIE:Ms.Bearing?

VIVIAN:(Continuing)Willthepo—

SUSIE:Ms.Bearing?

VIVIAN:(Crossly)Whatisit?

SUSIE:Youhavetogodownforatest.Jasonjustcalled.Theywantanotherultrasound.They’reconcernedaboutabowelobstruction—IsitokayifIcomein?

VIVIAN:No.Notnow.

SUSIE:I’msorry,buttheywantitnow.