TOGETHER!

HOW TO MAKE STARTINGOVER A GOOD THING!

Sept./ Issue 1

Eat the Damn Carbs5

pg.13

From traditional corporate America marketer with companies such as Verizon, FedEx, and CocaCola, LeDeia Joyce is the

happy face of an HIV+ test result. She tells her story of redemption and realignment in this issue. She gives a whole new

meaning to starting over. 

Dessert REMIXX

For FUN! #eightwords

An Old White Lady'sGuide to Resistance

Rethinking Religion!

7

10

19

Bloodied & Beaten

17

I'm a talker and a listener. I love sharing stories with my friends and even strangers. I listen to

women share their stories everywhere I go. After dancing in Zumba, amazing dancing queens come up to me and say "I never knew I could do this". Then, I walk into my co-working space and have a beautiful woman share her story of survival &

strength that she didn't know she had within her. I knew I wanted to make these stories the binding thread to bring women together. I'd been thinking about this idea

for nearly 7 months now.

I wanted to compile all of these stories together and share them with the world. I wanted the women in my life and in the world to read these stories and feel the soul and strength I felt when I heard them for the first time. I could only figure out one way to bring stories from California to North Carolina together in one laid-back and fun way------a maggie. A magazine filled with the heartfelt words of women all over

the world. I'm nervous as hell about this first issue of TOGETHER! I hope you enjoy the stories from the women in this issue.

Jarius at Target hanging out inthe new Magnolia Home section.

Stories changed my life. Chicken Soup for the Teenager Soul was one of my

most tattered and loved books as a kid.

"I love sharing stories with my friends andeven strangers. I listen to women share

their stories everywhere I go. "

EATING WHAT YOU ENJOY IS TRUE HAPPINESS

health wellnessfun

"Anyone who loves food ultimately knows all that matters is: 'Is it good? Does it give

pleasure?' "

Eat the DAMN Carbs!

I

Emily Ostebur

REDEFINE DIET

"Eating for me is an experience.  Itallows me to be social with

friends, introduce new flavors andcultures into my home, and that

brings me joy."

[dark chocolate pistachio bark]

911:food reno[ dark chocolate pistachio and cranberry bark]dessert REMIXX

I bought all the ingredients from my local Aldi store. 

I measured out the chocolate bars & pistachios.

I mixed the melted chocolate and pistachios together before cooling

the bark. 

get the FULL recipe on page 27

I want to level the playing field and get back to a place where talent, passion and ambition matters. You see, when my team and I arm budget-conscious entrepreneurs with million-dollar words, there will be no limit to the success they can achieve

“Apryl, your voice is so unique that it’s a hard style to duplicate.”

Yep, that’s what I read in an email after hiring one of the highly sought-after, zero-Melanin copywriters who folks are always

raving about on social media.

She tried her best.

But she failed – leaving me with a $1500 invoice for something I ended up completely rewriting.

So why did I hire a copywriter when I myself am a talented sentence-slinging sista myself?

Because in the famous words of Rep. Maxine Waters, “I was reclaiming my time.”

Unfortunately, not only did I lose my time but I lost my money too.

Here’s what happened:

The writer I hired was unable to write in my voice. My “lingo” wasn’t familiar to her, and she just couldn’t hit the right keys to make the words sound like me. And because only about 1 out of every 10 copywriters are female and finding a woman of color

copywriter is like searching for a unicorn out here, I didn’t have too many other options when she said, “your voice is so unique, I tried my best to capture it in writing.”

I’m Apryl Beverly, the Million-Dollar Word Stylist. I’ve earned that name

from the $11 million and counting in revenue my words have helped to

generate for my clients. Over the past 7 years, I’ve worked with bright-

eyed and bushy-tailed startups to multibillion-dollar corporations.

And during my time as an entrepreneur, I’ve noticed a “trend”:

The business with the best sales message wins.

And that, my love, is why I hit the reset button on my suite of services and decided to change this entire copywriting game by offering quality sales writing

services at insanely low flat rates.

Now, why exactly did I CHOOSE to go from charging clients an average of $3,000 per project to these bargain rates?

I’m tired of seeing the gurus win just because they have a great message while

the talented, passionate and ambitious go-getters lose as a result of poor messaging.

I want to level the playing field and get back to a place where talent, passion and ambition matters. You see, when my team and I arm budget-conscious

entrepreneurs with million-dollar words, there will be no limit to the success they can achieve.

Visit stylemywords.co to experience my spine-tingling

sentence slinging skills for yourself. This a sponsored ad for TOGETHER! Magazine. This ad may not represent the views of the TOGETHER! organization.  

Hitting the Reset Button Ain’t Easy, But It’s Necessary

By Apryl Beverly

Home is wherever your heart brings you TOGETHER!  

It was January 2010, I was 21, quiet, and kept to myself. At 11pm thatnight I had just returned home from a long shift at work, but while Ishould have been tucking my 1-year-old son in bed, I was staring

down the barrel of a gun. Bloodied and beaten, I could see thethumping of my heart through my uniform shirt, the sound of my

heart almost drowning out my boyfriend's threats to blow my headoff. I was sure by the end of the night my son would be motherless.

My boyfriend pressed the gun into my forehead, and I could onlythink to call his bluff, in a moment of courage I told him to pull thetrigger or leave. This man had taken my body and manipulated my

mind since I was 14 years old---him, 21. I was sick of the attempts onmy life, the emotional abuse, and the dangerous environment mychild was growing up in. That night I wasn't going to cower. I was

unusually calm, my mind was made up, and I wouldn't give him thesatisfaction of seeing me beg for my life anymore. As the minutes

passed we were at a standstill, I stared into his eyes while his handsshook as he took the gun off of safety, but in the end, he lowered the

gun and left.

Bloodied & Beaten How I Re-Discovered Who I Was After the Abuse

Amber Henry

I sat on my bed; the reality of my life setting in. The abuse was starting tohappen more frequently, the previous day he chased me into my living room

pinning me to the wall jabbing at me with a knife stopping just short ofpiercing my skin for what seemed like the longest 30 minutes of my life. Justtwo weeks later, he would throw me in front of a car flying down the street asmy son watched and screamed. Needless to say, I was terrified, anxious, andon the brink of giving up; I didn't think I had any fight left in me. Any efforts I

made to escape were met with violence. I cried so hard during the weeks thatfollowed; every single day I prayed for my life to change. Three months later,he was laid out; murdered in the streets by someone he had assaulted days

prior. I had a second chance at life.

By the time I was 25, I had survived a seriously abusive relationship andhomelessness with now 3 kids in tow. I was emotionally numb, and takinglife’s blows without even considering trying to heal myself. As a result I lost

confidence in my ability to navigate life, due to mulling over past mistakes anddecisions; I was traumatized, and I felt like I was surviving by the skin of my

teeth.

I don't remember the exact moment I decided that I needed to start over; I justremember wanting my life to be different. I had adopted toxic habits, and Iwas determined to break them before I'd let them break me. I felt negative,

unhappy, unhealthy, and lost. The sadness I saw in my kids eyes wasbreaking my heart. I was itching to press the reset button.

By just deciding I wanted my life to change, I started to feel re-energized and

ready to take the challenge of changing myself head on, but I didn't knowwhere to start. So I turned inward, having tough conversations with myself

about whether I was going to be afraid of the changes life brings and regressinto old ways or was I going to adapt and change with it. I decided I wanted to

grow.

REALITY

RESET

Read More on Page 27

So how did I make starting over a good thing? I altered my perception of whatit means to start over. I thought of starting over as a blotch on my record, I

thought it meant I failed and everyone could see. In reality, I learned startingover is an opportunity many haven't been afforded, I was grateful that I couldtake advantage of my circumstances and create the future I envision for my

family.

I made a list of traits I wanted to encompass and the positives effect it wouldhave on my life. I had to resist negative self-talk, holding on to my identity ofbeing a victim. I knew I needed to be different I wanted to put my full efforttowards loving me. I started listening to motivational videos, reading books

about improving my mindset, become a more patient and empathetic parent, Imade time for myself to relax every single day. I cut off negative family andfriends, it was very hard but essential to my growth. I monitored what I was

ingesting via social media, the type of music I listened to, and I was beginningto see improvement in myself. Slowly I began to appreciate where I was mylife. The things I saw as stressors, I was now grateful for; my children, my

loving partner, my home, and my mother just to name a few. I realized thereis nothing wrong with taking the time to learn how to love myself.

After a few weeks, I felt the effects of my new behavior and new way of

thinking reverberate through my household. Not only was I calmer, I waskinder, more approachable, affectionate, and I found it easier to give andreceive healthy love. My partner and children began to display the same

qualities as well. I no longer took myself for granted, I refused to doubt myabilities. The unforeseen imaginary problems that plagued my mind were

gone. I had reset my pattern of thinking. I felt rejuvenated like a new womancapable of achieving anything I set my mind to.

REDISCOVER

I had just gotten to the point where I knew there had to be more. As if LáDeia needed to be quasi-birth again – LáDeia reinvented.

This is how I felt going into 2016. I was READY. Do you hear me? I was ready to redefine, reinvent, ready to

become…READY TO LIVE. Matter of fact, I was living, baby. With no regretsor apologies, I was making the most of life. I was preparing to start a new

beauty supply boutique business venture. I was living life---hair fro-ing andmoney growing. I was feeling myself, yo. For real. I was even at peace withmy decision to move back home to Memphis from Brooklyn. I was on the

plane when the wheels went up every chance I got. I was taking care of mybody (yep, I was in the gym 4 to 5 times a week), regulating my suga (okay,diabetes), and I was reconnecting with my Memphis family and friends. Ya’ll,life was good. I even had the dopest birthday in January 2016 when I went toJamaica. I was living. For real. I was being Deia. I don’t even know how else

to say this: I was happy. My life was right and tight. I was going to church,exfoliating, and BEING unapologetically me. I was working my job, being a

good friend, listening to my mama’s advice, and eating my vegetables. I waslegit being an adult and loving every second of it.

September 29 2016

phone rings 435 PM

“Hello. Good afternoon! LáDeia speaking.” in rush hour traffic

”Hi, Ms. McNeal. This is Nurse ___ from LifeSigns.” One three minute phone call

”We have your test results back” Changed my life as I knew it

…and they do show Talk about a life redefining moment

…that you are HIV+.

WORLD STOPS

Life and everything attached to it came to a jarring, screeching halt. Fight or flight kicked in and at this point all I knew was that I did not

want to die. So fight it was. Fight. It. Was.

This fight was and still is for me Solely and selfishly for LáDeia.

To be healthy. To be happy. To be healed.

I knew the work I had to put in spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. But what about the physical? I mean I could hide the symptoms andside effects of the medicine needed to be healthy in all those otherareas, but was my appearance going to change? What would these

drug treatments look like and do to me? So, over the next year, Ionly disclosed this diagnosis with a very select few of my closesttribe members. I needed their support, love, faith, and prayers in

more ways than they probably realized. The focus during this timewas to become the healthiest I could possibly be. Fatigue was partof my new normal during this time. Being tired is one thing; being

fatigued is something I would not dare wish upon my worst enemy.Often times I would not know I had drifted to sleep until I woke the

next morning. Working out, meal prepping, prayer, and all the thingswe do to be wholly and healthy gave way to waking up with barely

enough time to get ready, being late everywhere because I had to DR A G myself to do anything, and sitting down after work and goingto sleep for upwards of 14 hours and still waking up tired. My mindwas willing, but the body not so cooperative. My body was using allthe energy it had to fight off this virus, and I had to be totally okay

with it. It was the process and I could do absolutely, positivelynothing about it.

Accepting the process often times made me feel as if I had failed. In actuality, Ihadn’t. It was my active recovery. As Iyanla would say “You gotta sit in it!” Andthat is precisely what I did. I sat in it and began to examine the part I played inall of this. LáDeia had to get real with LáDeia. There were things about myselfthat I did not want to face. However, I quickly realized that in order to becomeTRULY healthy, I had to unpack ALL OF IT. Not just the happenings, events,relationship, and decisions that lead to this but EVERYTHING. When I said

EVERYTHING, I meant everything.

Mask off and there was work to be done.

The molestation that started at age 3. The daddy issues.

The feelings of inadequacy. The date rape that I told no one about.

The fact that I dim my light often to make others comfortable. The hoarding of money out of fear birthed from childhood.

The juxtaposition of being an at times shy introverted extrovert and a damngood communicator that hates communicating.

That area of abandonment that keeps me prickly to keep people just closeenough.

This up and down in weight because consistency in certain areas is aweakness of mine.

"I am a true testament to this.I’m the most transparent andprivate person I know. Yet, I

share whenever the rightopportunity presents itself..." 

And that’s exactly what I did.

. I started to do the work. Pride went out the door, and I went after healthlike a panting deer after water. Total health. Not the cute version that

resembles a private doctor’s office. Nah, this resembled triage of the ERwing. The health that required standing appointments with church, Jesus, a

therapist, a doctor, a gym, and a hair stylist. Where prescriptions rangedfrom journaling, reading, fasting, praying, drinking more water, reevaluatingrelationships, finding time for solitude, and eating a healthy balanced meal

at medicine time after a minimum of 45 minutes of cardio three to four timesa week. This introspective shift in perspective left me VERY little time to be

concentrated on anything and anyone who didn’t matter.

Accepting the process and becoming healthy gave way to being happy. Ilike to think I saw it coming but I know I didn’t. Again, another process. I hadsome energy. I cleaned my room. Went to the gym. Started traveling again.

I started to feel less heavy. Back to hanging with friends and family. Lifelooked brighter. Did the diagnosis and its stigma, stereotypes and strugglescome up? YES IT DID but I dare not allow it to steal my joy nor encroach on

my happiness.

I had to do happy. I had to BE the definition of happy. I had to beuntroubled, lighthearted, content, smiling, and in good spirits. It was in the

doing that I became. …to be healed

Honestly and truly this part of redefining my life is and probably will be anongoing process. However, I experienced the immediate healing through

sharing my story. Sharing my story in a room full of people thatencompassed loved ones, classmates, girlfriends, sorors, frat brothers, andthe like lifted SO much off of me. I received such an outpouring of love and

it felt so good and so contrary to what I thought would happened. Not only did it heal others, it started to heal me.

I am a true testament to this. I’m the most transparent and private person Iknow. Yet, I share whenever the right opportunity presents itself and each

time it’s akin to another dose of healing being applied.

A lot of life has happened over the last two years. I will not ever deny that.Even so, a lot of living has happened as well and for that I am forever gratefulfor. My take aways on this road on refinement and redefinition is one – howbad do you want it? What are you willing to lose and gain to be the best andhealthiest version of you? Two – moments of transparency are both neededand necessary. Transparency with yourself, with God and with those that aremost trustworthy in your life. There’s no need in hiding. It makes it so much

harder to see the reality and that much more work has to be done to uncoverand get to the heart of the matter. Third and last – if you have a story, TELLIT! Maya Angelou said, "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold

story inside you." It’d be a shame to do the work to be healthy and happy onlyto not experience healing because of agony.

Learn More at www.positivelydeia.com

eightwordstories

What's YourLife Story?

I found ultimate strength in facing my mortality.          -M. Armstrong

Science said infertility----but God said fertile.  -E. Denise

married 3 times, twice to the same man -Delores Newman

I was a statistic-----proved them wrong.  -N. Tangman

two days from dying, but I survived -S. Nash

I have accepted that I cannot have children.  -S. Walton

a choice...and then I was her mother.  -E. Davis

Southern women of a certain age were taught to handle idiots with a passive aggressive courtesy. This is why the phrases “Bless your heart,” “Mmm hmm,” and “I see,” have a

lovely variety of meanings. They can indicate agreement, but when I say them, they generally mean something I am unwilling to type for public consumption. These phrases, along with my raised left eyebrow, are the bacon grease that help me slide fools off my

well-seasoned griddle.

Problem is, the idiots are starting to stick. I used to keep my negative thoughts to myself, but recent developments in our society have made staying silent impossible. I try to be kind, I don’t have to be nice. I will tell you what I think while wearing a darling hat and

sparkly reading glasses.  Hats are essential as they put people off guard - especially if you are an older white lady.

1.  The first few times I stuck up for an unpopular truth, people thought I had lost my

dadgum mind. The first time I did speak up, I thought a couple of my friends were going to faint.  Nice southern ladies aren’t supposed to make waves. I have begun to appreciate the

waves.

2.  Learn to give a loud “Hell no” against anyone who harrasses you or anyone around you.  I had a coworker who saw women as second class citizens.  He started to call me baby

doll, but when my eyebrow flew into my hairline, he never got to doll.  I wish I had set him straight in no uncertain terms, but I didn’t.  How many women were subjected to the demeaning things he said and did because I didn’t speak up until later?  Later on, I

challenged him on his bullying behavior and it felt so good.  It probably didn’t change him, but it sure as shootin’ changed me!

3.  If you only hang out with people of your own race/religion/sexual orientation, shut the

hell up.  

4.  If you are sitting politely whilst someone is saying that a man who was running from a traffic stop deserved to be shot in the back or that an eleven year-old girl deserved to be

tazed, you need to speak up - perhaps even accidentally knock your sweet tea on this person.  Hot coffee might be better.  Bat your eyelashes coquettishly from under the brim

An Old Southern White Lady’s

Guide to Resistance

5.  Arm yourself with facts.  Study up on the myths of black on black crime, transgender people being bathroom pedophiles, all Muslims being terrorists; read

about the reality of the cycle of poverty; learn to differentiate between fact, opinion, and alternative facts.  Be ready to drop the mic and say “Boo. Yah.”  Learn about

religions other than yours.  

6.  Be a social media warrior, knowing that folks who disagree with you will not read a damn thing you post, but also write letters, send emails, and make phone calls.  I didn’t

march in my first protest until I was fifty-seven.  It was exhilarating, and I highly suggest you join me at the next march for education.

7. Don’t be afraid to speak up lest you misspeak or make a mistake. Ralph Waldo

Emerson told us, “Speak what you think now in hard words and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradicts everything you said today."

You may have to eat a little crow, but crow is delicious if fixed properly.

8. Fellow retired white ladies, avoid using the word WOKE about yourself. It’s sort of the equivalent of going to the mall in a tube top and low rise jeans and dancing like

Childish Gambino to show how cool you are. You ain’t foolin’ anybody.

9. If you go to a protest, bring a peanut butter sandwich and water in a small backpack. I learned this from one of my personal heroes, Laura. Make a cool sign,

decorate your car, and wear a cute hat.

10. Don’t let the ignoramuses of the world get you down. Trust me; they sleep just fine. Have a glass of wine, go to Zumba, try a little yoga, read a trashy book.

Change came into my life because I no longer felt hesitant about speaking my heart.

And let’s face it: change comes from within. And a darling hat. 

Linda Sealey is a 30 year veteran educator, avid knitter, and a queen of sarcasm.

Add a little bit of body text

Make the damnlemonade.

Flexible Fork Co. The Diet Dropout Nutritional Program

www.flexiblefork.com

Sponsored Ad

RETHINKING MY RELIGION

I used to think I had all of the answers. I can quote many scriptures and sometimes theybring me such great peace, but God is so much bigger than our Bible shrines we pull out to

take to church.

I love the Lord. I love HER vehemently. I said HER because I don’t believe God has agender. I don’t believe that the patriarchal system our religions go by give God a fair

representation. God doesn’t need us to represent God, however. Our I AM is everything. In this phase of my life, I am pretty damn bitter. I have followed God with all of my heart. Just because I do what I am “supposed” to do doesn’t mean that life is going to go in an“always blessing” sort of way. Just because I serve God, doesn’t mean that I am going to

fit into a church, or even be accepted by the church.

Maybe I should explain a bit more…

I was...

Rebecca O'Brien

• Raised in a Christian home. Taught to pray like talking to a friend. • Made interesting choices that led me down various paths, including

two marriages, two divorces, and two AMAZING daughters. • Accepted my call into ministry after choosing to follow Christ and didfull time ministry for 14 years- first as a case manager for a Christian

attorney and then as a youth minister in a Methodist church. • Led to study massage therapy, Reiki, Heart Light Deeksha, Pranic

healing, the amazing lymphatic system, and more. I have thoroughlyenjoyed learning all of my life, so these huge learning curves have

always been considered a blessing. • Retired from youth ministry job to be a full time massage therapist. Did

not get enough business to sustain. Took a job at Chick-Fil-A; the only place who even interviewed me

during my second job search. Working 24 hours a week at CFA andseeing as many clients as I can. Sandwiched in around those hours, I’m

taking care of my amazing 16 & 7 year old daughters.

I am REALLY RE-learning that God is my provider. Continuing to studyand apply everything I am led to study. Wondering how the $123 in myaccount will pay the $2200 monthly bills that I have right now. I’m notgoing to tie my story up in a pretty bow for anyone. This is my story. Right now my story does not look nor feel so pretty.I hope you can

extract some love and light out of it. We don’t have to have it all figuredout. We don’t have to even fake everything being figured out. We are

called to Love God with all of hearts and to love our neighbors asourselves. God, please help us love you, everyone else, and

ourselves. And AMEN to that.

REJUVENATE!5 body care products to help you make

starting the day over a good thing. 

 Floral Bath Detox; Silky Skin Scrub; Tweedle Oops

Body Butter  CaJoSeNatural.com

Floral-Infused Bath & Body Oil |demosea.com

Sweet Potato & Marshmallow Soap  creamandcoco.com

Goodnight Darling Starter Set goodnightdarlingco.co  

TooShea Essentials & Oils TooSheaEssentials.com.

What Feels Good to MeCompleting a project that is dear to my heart WITH people

who are NEAR to my heart is what feels amazing to me. My team, Emily and Micca, listened to me ramble for months about this vision I had. They listened and then flew into work mode.

After only 15 days and some long weekends, we have this very first issue of TOGETHER!

This feels REAL good to me.

On the morning of my 30th birthday, I felt moreaware of myself than I had in years. I was amazedat how much I had grown as a woman given mylife experiences. Even now, I continue to learn

daily how to improve myself, live a more fulfilledlife, and metaphorically speaking, fill my cup

before I fill others. Knowing that the trauma in mypast doesn't define me, my current situation is

never my final destination, that growth is essentialto change, and that my I learned all of this by

starting over, how could starting over ever be abad thing.

Dark Chocolate Pistachio & Cranberry Bark Recipe

7oz dark chocolate (70% cacoa or greater)

4oz dried cranberries

4oz unsalted, shelled pistachio nuts.

Directions

1. Heat chocolate in a microwave safe bowl until melted.

2. Add dried cranberries and pistachios to the melted

chocolate and mix well until combined.

3. Place parchment paper on cookie sheet. Spread melted

chocolate mixture evenly on parchment paper.

4. Allow mixture to cool at room temperature until set.

5. Break into smaller pieces and serve.

Con

tinue

d fro

m p

age

12

Continued from page 7

TOGETHER! Magazine is a digital publication in conjunctionwith The Kreative Lounge & Social Kollective.

Learn more at thekreativelounge.co/togethermag

Credits