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MarketBOB's

Movie

Review

 

© 2011 by Sportscar Projects Ltd

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Transformers: Dark of the Moon 

June 3, 2011

From the first shot of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s butt climbing the stairs to thebedroom, you know who the star of Transformers3 will be after the big box office weekend is over.As for the rest of this forgettable, soullessHollywood sequel crap-ola, just two words: MoreTurturro! 

One Word Movie Review: Sad

Transformers 3 WTF? Yes, you should

ask WTF is director Michael Bay

thinking with Transformers: Dark of 

 the Moon, the third movie about

Hasbro Toys' cute cars and trucks and

the miracle twists and turns that turn

them into robot warriors. Michael has

rowed the good ship Transformers

adrift with this battle between good

Autobots and evil Decepticons, elevated from children's

fantasies of car crashes into a world conflict to enslave

humans and merge our planet into a resource feeder for

their home world. Yes, in Transformers 3, everyone diesor becomes slaves. Yes, you see people get disintegrated.

Whole cities get trashed. As well, we really see the

greatness of America gutted by Transformers 3, this sad

and hopefully last sequel to the first, surprising okay

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adaptation of these toy characters. However, our stars Shia

LaBeouf and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley escape to kiss

slowly at the end, oblivious to the carnage all around them.

It really proves how a bit of success gets amped up inHollywood to cinematic excess of the worst kind. There is

no story, just links to past historical events like the Apollo

11 moon landing, the nuclear disaster at Chernobyl and the

Challenger Space Shuttle tragedy. Add in a supermodel

(Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) love interest (God, every

character in this movie is interested in her), a humiliating

 job hunting effort by our hero Sam Witwicky (ShiaLaBeouf) and the huge government bureaucratic insanity

which smothers any logical plan of attack and you have a

lifeless, frustrating and soulless movie. Several characters

in the PG movie ask WTF? but we need to ask why so

many people tried so damn hard to bring this ridiculous

story to our theaters.

As for the (rip-off) 3D vs. 2D controversy simmering inHollywood these days, this is another example of how

pissed people are getting to having to fork out extra bucks

for an extra dimension that’s not necessary and makes for

a poor movie experience. A bad movie is a bad movie in

any dimension, but paying extra for it is just so wrong.

The Story From the first shots of the robot wars to the last slow-

motion kiss, this movie is truly a battle between the

Absurdicons and the AutoStoryBots. All the characters

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Rosie makes one of the best entrances in years as the

camera follows her ass up the stairs to wake up Shia

LaBeouf asleep in bed.

The Genre 

The “kid’s toy fantasy adaptation” genre is driven by

marketing, hitting kids (and their parents) with a pre-sold

affection for their treasured playthings. Imagine a

child’s imaginative play with trucks and cars that can

transform into robots and fight each other. Wouldn’t

that make a great movie? Someone thought so.

However, as success corrupts everyone in Hollywood,

the core of the toy’s magic is the transformation, the cool

twisting and turning of the parts to make a car into a bot.

This is lost in these movies. The greatest charm in the

first Transformers was the relationship between the boy

and his first car (who happened to be able to turn into a

bot). That intimacy between hero and machine is gonenow, replaced by supermodels and screaming actors

hamming up to the camera.

If you add in the demeaning messages about the futility of 

getting a meaningful job in America these days and the

demeaning way the great triumphs of the past are used to

drive plot points instead of emotional motivations for

characters and you have a sad, trashy and noisy film aboutgears and sheet metal grinding away ad nauseum.

The Overall Quality 

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There are many references to America's past greatness,

which is portrayed in words and pictures in amazing

clarity as the eagle lands in Tranquility Base and Buzz

Aldrin and Neil Armstrong take their first walk on anotherplanet. It is the proudest day of our lives and the great

kicker opening to a movie, just not this one. You see,

we've all be deceived into thinking the race to the moon

was a noble pursuit, but it was really to investigate an alien

ship that had crashed on the dark side of the moon (way

before Pink Floyd set it to music). The Absurdicons just

pile up from there, all building to the one great moment in

the film when John Turturro reprises his rogue agent rolewith an over the top performance that is a delight.

The greatest credit goes to actor Shia LaBeouf for

throwing himself so enthusiastically into the machinery of 

Hollywood's sequel grinder. He tries his best to make his

character work but all his screaming and frustration is mild

compared to the audiences watching Transformers 3. In

reality, these movies ignore him and focus on the female

lead, in this case elevating Rosie Huntington-Whiteley into

super-stardom, just like Megan Fox. Apparently Steven

Spielberg had a hand in dropping Fox and adding Rosie

Huntington-Whiteley so he hasn't lost his eye for what the

camera likes to dawdle over in slow motion.

Movie/Market Analysis 

The Movie Mood for audiences is Negative.

Transformers 3 is a rip-off for 3D audiences and 2D

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audiences who come to theaters to see a story. Instead,

they get two and half hours of grinding metal against metal

and actors screaming their lines in toilet stalls, offices and

fabulous apartments with high ceilings.MarketBOB's Movie Review Sentiment Indicators, the

GQS (Genre, Quality, Story) rate Transformers 3 an

emotional BEAR. The story is demeaning to humans, kids

who love the toys and anyone trying to get a job.

Read an excerpt from my latest book : Dig ThreeTunnels about personal financial freedom based

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Craig Forgrave (MarketBOB) For all my books and writing projects,

drop by my writer site

http://www.cforgrave.com/   For the latest

analysis of movies and entertainment, go to

http://www.marketbob.com/   and read a

free excerpt from my book about Movies

We Love in Times of Depression on

Amazon Kindle. 

For my take on sibling rivalry and gods

falling to earth, read Devil Jazz available from ENC Press and

on Scribd.