what love is, what love is notbased on the Triangular Theory of love

by Robert Sternberg

Robert (Bob) Sternberg (Dec. 8, 1949/ New Jersey)

American Psychologist known for his works on intelligence, creativity, cognitive styles and love suffered from Test Anxiety, developed Sternberg Test of Mental Ability graduated summa cum laude from Yale University (BA Psychology), earned his PhD from Standford University became Dean of the Arts and Sciences in Tufts University and currently a professor in Oklahoma State University President, American Psychological Association (2003) belongs to the top 100 psychologist in the 20th century best known works: Triarchic Theory of Intelligence & Triangular Theory of Love

Triangular Theory of LoveIntimacy

liking

infatuation empty love

intimacy + passionROMANTIC LOVE

intimacy + commitmentCOMPANIONATE LOVE

passion + commitmentFATUOUS LOVE

intimacy + passion + commitmentCONSUMMATE LOVE

Passion Commitment

The friendship or specialness of the relationship. The feelings of closeness, bondedness, connectedness, trust, and friendship in the relationship.

The excitement or energy of the relationship. The feelings of physical attraction, romance, and arousal (particularly sexual arousal) in the relationship

The business aspect of the relationship. This includes all the shared investments, or the history, of the relationship, such as decisions, experiences, and adjustments

Intimacy Only (No Passion or Commitment) Can be summed up as having intimacy with one another, feeling close, & trusting one another.

Passion Only (No Intimacy or Commitment) This tends to be a superficial relationship that is one-sided, where the couple are temporarily ga-ga over one another. In Hollyword, this is known as a whirlwind romance.

Commitment Only (No Passion or Intimacy) This is most often an older relationship where the passion and intimacy have diedlike falling out of love.

Intimacy + Passion (No Commitment) This can be a blossoming relationship where the couple feel like best friends (friends with benefits). As experiences grow with one another, this type of love may develop Commitment.

Intimacy + Commitment (No Passion) this usually occurs in older relationships where the couple remain best friends, but no longer feel passion for one another. This type of love can still be very satisfying and long-lasting.

Passion + Commitment (No Intimacy) This is a feeling of love because the couple wants to be in lovebut they really have little in common.

The best of all types, the ideal

relationship, that all couples would

like to achieve.

Non-Love - All Sides Absent (No Passion, Intimacy or Commitment) Basically, this type of relationship is of just an acquaintance.

its all in your head :}love and the neurotransmitters

fact # 1

Love chemistry is definitely chemistry! If you are wondering why you feel so high when you are in love, it is because different chemicals in the brain make you feel like you are on drugs

fact #2

people in love produce a higher-than-normal level of chemicals.

Culprit: dopamine, phenylethylamine, & oxytocinDopamine is often called the "pleasure chemical". It is the hormone that make lovers feel an erotic high when they see each other. Being a natural endorphin, it relaxes the body and kills pain. Other symptoms of love chemistry that are related to dopamine are dilated pupils, heart racing, slight perspiration, as well as euphoria and craving. It is thanks to dopamine that people find the energy - or impulse - to meet someone in the first place. Interestingly, high levels of dopamine are present in people suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder. No wonder lovers are so focused on each other!

phenylethylamine or PEA.

Sometimes referred to as the "hormone of libido", PEA is a natural endorphin that makes people feel happy and attached, and that increases sex drive. It is present in large quantities in manic people. Again, if people in love appear a bit insane to others, it may be because they are!

oxytocin

is labeled the "cuddling hormone". It is released by touch and during sexual experiences. It also decreases mental processes and impairs memory. This is why hugging and touching can help us recover from an argument. Thinking of someone we love can stimulate this hormone, as well as soft lights, heat and romantic music.

Note that....

It is important to realize that the chemicals released by the brain in love act exactly like drugs. With time, the brain becomes more tolerant and the euphoric feeling slowly disappears. If the couple is truly in love, passionate love turns into a more committed love. If it was just infatuation, the couple breaks up.

Sometimes, the release of neurotransmitters stops faster with one lover than with the other. Cindy is still "addicted", while Ian is already sober. If Ian realizes he is not in love, he may end the relationship, thus leaving Cindy totally devastated. Cindy is still addicted and needs the "erotic high" provided by Ian. Because of the breakup, she will go through withdrawal and suffer just like any drug addict, not because Ian is the love of her life.

Now, why doesn't this feeling last forever?

The in-love feeling that comes from the increased production of chemicals (dopamine, PEA and oxytocin) brings an erotic high in the new lovers' brain.

As it is the case for any drug, the effect doesn't last forever. As i brain gets used to the "drugs", the euphoric feeling tends to fade quickly, usually within one year, often less, and is totally gone by the middle of the second year.