Ulysses National info:

Penny 083 296 7749

Ulysses Web-site URL:

www.ulysses.co.za

CHAPTER NEWSLETTERgrow old disgracefully 2102 rebmecDe

“ God Bless America, pleasure as we did not seem to worry God save the Queen, about being over the limit. We had brunch

God defend New Zealand, at a place in Heidelberg that had pole God help South Africa, dancers in the room next door and if the

Thank Christ for Australia”. pole had been moved into our room I am sure that the guys would have been more

Russell Crowe / Original. than happy! Anyway the food was good and the chocolate cake was the best I Australia. The world's largest island. have ever tasted! I really enjoyed the ride Down Under. Home of some really weird with these wonderful people and was animals. Mad Max. Crocodile Dundee. extremely touched to receive a Jhb North Shane Warne. One of the most heavily badge which I now wear on all our rides regulated countries in the world. A country and gatherings back home here in Aus”. of great contrasts where the men are Thank you Louise!portrayed as male chauvinistic, macho,

sports mad, beer swilling “good blokes” Australia has produced some really and the women are just “sheilas”

accomplished motorcycle racers, the whatever that means. And yet Sydney most recent being a baby faced bloke by stages the biggest Gay Pride Parade on name Casey Stoner aka “Rolling Stoner” the planet. due in part to his somewhat unusual riding style. Casey won the Moto GP World Championship in 2007 at the age of 22 on a Ducati and again in 2011 on a Honda. He was described recently by fellow Australian motorcycling legend Mick Doohan as “one of the fastest ever” and by others as “always prepared to push it to the limit”. This year he announced his retirement from racing, an extraordinary decision, if nothing else because he was reportedly offered 15 million dollars to stay on!

One Australian lady of note is Louise Rose, the Social Co-Ordinator of the Northern Gateway, Brisbane branch of Ulysses Australia the country where Ulysses MC was originally founded. Louise recently visited Jo’burg and was hosted by our Chapter. She describes her experience with us, inter alia, as follows;

“My son, Cameron, and I went on a ride one Saturday morning with some members of the Ulysses Jhb North Chapter and we were most impressed by the number of members that turned up to ride with us. In Australia we have to adhere to the speed limit but travelling with this group in South Africa was a

Editorial

Volunteers for the Firlands

Fete 2

Year End Function 4

New Member’s Profile 6

AMID 7

EDITORIAL

ChairmanNick Munday 082 740 2726Nick@edrs.co.za

Deputy ChairmanMike Helberg 083 307 0653mike@primegroup.co.za

TreasurerJulian Middleton 082 464 6456julian.middleton7@gmail.com

SecretaryMandy Barnard 083 628 0140barnard.family@telkomsa.net

Marshalling Co-ordinatorAlan Russel 083 653 8405alan@airco.co.za

Newsletter EditorBrian Taylor 011 791 1435badgert@iburst.co.za

Newsletter PublisherGavin Lauder 082 552 9360gawenp@telkomsa.net

grow old disgracefully

Casey is,in the words of one leading It was still a brisk on 25 August 2012 of our members slogged and slaved as motoring journalist” An enigma wrapped and the alarm chimed at exactly 04:30. I the sun burnt the early morning fog and in a riddle”. No doubt he is a very thought my nightmare had shifted to clouds away and the heat began to complex person who owes much to his day-shift and scrambled my senses as I assert itself. Sweat, Blood and Tears parents who gave up everything to take tried to rack the calendar into my came to mind as Missy Lorna barked him to Europe at age 14 so that he could dreams. Surely it was Saturday and orders and stowed pockets of money (I start his track racing career. Despite his rest beckoned my aching head? My think a job somewhere in a Southern his near genius capabilities and huge head buzzed and it felt like a had drank Diner awaits her if the lights go out successes on the track he is apparently a tall glass of weird!! On focusing (with here)! At one stage they had between not very popular with his fellow racers, difficulty) on the mobile phones 12-16 pans flipping pancakes at any the press or the fans who he often treats calendar, I was met with the one time and the sprinklers sprinkled with contempt. A good Australian bloke? description: 'Firlands Fete'! My mood sugar and cinnamon and the rollers According to the stereotype most improved and the realization that this rolled the orders. Many a finger was certainly not , but I suspect that Moto GP was the day that we were finally sacrificed at the stake as the hot will not be quite the same without him. executing a long debated promise to do p a n c a k e s b u r n t u n p r o t e c t e d One thing you can count on..... You can something for those less fortunate than hands….heroes – every single one of love Australians or loathe them but you ourselves – and it had finally arrived. them.sure as hell can't ignore them! The birds, cat and dog were fed, the

Gardeners lunch made and laundry I was drafted into security and stuffed into the washer and then I patrolled and kept my eyes peeled for jumped into the shower and the day the element with light fingers. It was quickly improved as the warm water hit galling to realize that some people me like needles. actually attended a fete like this which is

p r i m a r i l y d e s i g n e d t o h e l p Not much later I was in the car and underprivileged children, just so that

map in hand bumbled around Linden they can actually steal and deprive and found the back entrance, secreted those kids whom many are working like Aladdin's Cave, to be met by a hard to sustain! The 'official' security merry band of fellow Ulysseans. There members and the 'undercover' agents were about 28 Bikers and some of the warned us what to look out for and what members ch i l d ren w i t h t he i r and where to concentrate. They told me boy/girlfriends. A jolly fine turnout. The stories of devious and ingenious front gate was already creaking at schemes employed by people who had 06:30 as the faithful public support for come to purloin rather than support the this annual event were champing at the good cause and also of the many they bit to get into the shopping bargains. had caught and arrested and handed The stalls ran three sides of a playing over to the police. To think that shady field and the shop assistants were swindlers would operate in such a busying themselves packing shelves charitable atmosphere defies belief. and just generally organizing their Thank goodness I wasn't armed!wares. In all it was a pretty impressive display for the bargain hunters heaving Sports and Jewellery were doing a and shoving against the front gate. roaring trade as well as Books and

music and…not to forget; Pancakes. We were summoned to muster and But the big daddy of all – was the

allocated various tasks and were at gardening stall. Prices here were a steal arms when the gates opened at 07:30 (excuse the pun) and the queues were and the herd stampeded! There were snaking past the other stalls. Big Tom also breakfast venues, Boerewors wheeled a barrow full of purchases to Rolls and Pancakes, etc., where many some woman's car and she, like most of

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ULYSSES JOBURG NORTH VOLUNTEERS FOR THE FIRLANDS FETE by Michael Helberg

grow old disgracefully

us tend to do, took him for a common are welcome and this could take the time and, money and resources. To gardener or just a lackey, and offered form of Money, your Time or unwanted every one of the members who him a R20 tip…he declined and with clothing. In fact, when one sees what contributed before and on the day – that – methinks a good future on the was on sale in the various stalls, be your presence in whatever form or corner of Sandton Drive and Rivonia reminded that these articles were all favour was crucial towards ensuring the Road when wee Julie takes over the donated, mostly by the public. Please, success of the Fete. The UJN members National Piggy Bank! fellow Ulysseans – before disposing children are not forgotten for their

nonchalantly of any unwanted valuable contributions and their The day rolled on without much household goods, clothes or anything communications at (almost) peer level.

mishap or high drama and there was that may be construed as Bric-a-Bracs, The ultimate accolade came from entertainment at lunchtime provided in store it and if you can't get it to Firlands, Eddie (social worker / house parent at the form of Para gliders and dancing call any of the Committee members to Firlands) who wrote to Steve and I exhibitions, etc. That the Fete was a fetch it if you can't get it to one of our quote verbatim: “The Fete was an huge success was supported by the meetings. The phone number for amazing success and much of that is numbers provided to us by the Firlands Firlands is: 011 782 5556 / 7. due to the fact that we had Ulysses to Committee. They grossed R690k Special mention to Steve De Villiers help…So now you see why we can't (R577k in 2011). The garden stall who organized the event and to Nick allow Ulysses NOT to be involved next grossed R87k and pancakes raised Munday who accompanied him to year”R11.25k and they churned out 2,250 inspect the home, premises and pancakes on the day…Bravo to one organisation at Firlands to decide if this Be sure to read the next episode and all who really slaved in that stall. was going to be our adopted charity. which will focus on the fantastic

They could not have chosen a more Christmas party organized by Andrea Firlands is a Salvation Army worthy institution as the faces of the and hosted by Ulysses Joburg North.

Children's home in Linden and caters children reflected the joy the day All the ingredients of a poignant and for children of all races, ages, and both brought them as well as the gratitude of memorable day are encompassed in sexes and from all backgrounds. Most the benefits perceived. Also to Roy an event which touched most of our of the children were placed in the home Webster for 'spicing' up lunch. It was hearts and stirred our souls. Stay b y C o u r t s a n d S o c i a l Wo r k never going to be in doubt that once he tuned? I know that I speak for every Departments. The home caters for opened up his trunk that there would be UJN member when I say that it was a about 70 children and I think there were a cooler box that simply trumped privilege to be involved with Firlands approximately 42 resident at the time of Pandora's Box! Simon, Steve, Nick and Children's Home and look forward to the Fete? As a voluntary organisation, many others worked through the week the next event with them and their the Salvation Army is always in need of to load and lug plants and wares to genuine gratitude for everything they funds to help with the running of the Firlands and invested much of their receive.homes. Donations of any description

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Beware the Christmas Drink Drive Crackdown

As the Christmas Crackdown approaches I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving -.something never

to be taken lightly. As some of you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home

from the odd social sessions over the years. Well, I have done something about it: A couple of nights ago I was out for a few drinks

with some pals and had a few too many whisky's, as well as beers and some rather nice claret; but knowing full well I may have been

slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home. I arrived back safely and without incident which

was a real surprise, since I had never driven a bus before and have no idea where I got this one from. Be safe and happy.

6th Grade Science

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when

stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm

going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question

again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around

her, "Boy is she going to get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" Finally, Billy stood

up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued."As for you young lady, I have three things to say:

(1) you have a dirty mind, (2) you didn't read your homework and (3) one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”

Wild-thing

The year-end function for 2012 was through a vicious hailstorm, Andrea had although that should have been "the been pelted with hailstones, and Dancing Pixie Queen" cause she loves held at the Riverside Lodge, 30km from fortunately her ordeal had not left any to dance, is filled with such joy and is as Groblersdal.lasting wounds. Roy, Barbara, Tracy petite as a pixie. Varina, don't forget - We travelled down with Mike "the and Duifie, arrived soaked, with tales of first dance at year end 2013 is MINE. Rock Star " Helberg. We met deep hail banks and rivers in flood. Next morning, Saturday 20th, at the garage on the New Road Bridge,

people gradually surfaced and about 12 plus bikes. The trip down was Roy and Barbara's group told of appeared at breakfast.pleasant and fortunately we did not

almost knee high drifts of hailstones crawl along like snails but maintained a which made riding impossible. Pillions The day dawned overcast and decent speed so no one had a chance had to dismount and walk ahead of the windy. This did not deter the intrepid to fall asleep. The only bit of inclement bikes and riders, who walked the bikes bikers or some of their wives. Two weather our group endured was about through the debris. Bridges were groups went off riding, Julian shall 10 minutes of light rain toward the end covered in water as 'floriferous' debris elaborate on these expeditions, I shall of the trip. The rain did continue (broken branches etc) piled up at said report on some of the ladies' activities throughout the afternoon and evening, bridges. Heard later that railings of one for the morning. Maybe I should not call being true bikers, this did nothing to of these bridges had been washed Maryanne & me "ladies" cause the one keep anyone from having a great time.away. is psycho & the other is a nick-name-

giving evil metal head, won't say who is Arrived at the venue around Friday night was braai night, which. Place your bets now, and if you lunchtime and trusty, organised Denise

otherwise known as "Hearty Party don't get it right then.............and Tom were on hand to greet us with Time". Wow, these bikers sure know Report on the Long ride.our luggage and care packages. Rita, how to party. The food was outstanding; the Manageress, was most welcoming the braai chefs were Roy and Steve (de As the weather was looking quite and dispensed the keys to our Villiers), well done guys. Food was in threatening, Mike decided that we accommodation. She did mention that abundance. The music supplied by Mr. wouldn't do the 400 Km ride as planned she was slightly concerned about us President, "Farmer Nick", got everyone but a much shorter one. As it turned out even though she had had bikers as going and hardly anyone sat down for we did 340 Km. It was, however, a most guests in the past. At the end of the l o n g , t h e m u s i c w a s t h a t enjoyable ride as it took in the weekend on bidding her adieu, you gooooooooood! Steenkampbergs pass which is the could see the relief on her face that her

highest pass in the old Transvaal area worst fears had NOT been realised. I danced once with John's with a highest point of 2250 m. Ulysses Bikers are real good guys who

nephew, was great until I almost flew Reaching the pass we went via know how to party but are not an through a wall - the youngster did not Stoffberg on the R33, then in the obstreperous bunch who cause too realise he was dancing with a bloody direction of Steelpoort on the R 555 and much grief.old tannie. Oi boytjie!, slow down as turned off towards Lydenburg about 30 some of us really are geriatrics even if Km before Steelpoort. This led us to the Gradually, through the afternoon, we do not act thus. Also danced with a pass which was magnificent with long groups of bikers arrived. The later petite little lady called Varina, I nick- uphill sweeping bends left and right arrivals had tales of ghastly weather named her the "dippy tixvy pixie" following one after the other. Once over conditions to tell. Some had travelled

Ulysses Joburg North Year End Function by Julian Middleton

grow old disgracefullyPag 9 e f 4 o

the top the bends became a bit tighter us about his various fishing exploits. He (Heidi) and (who, together with more like Long Tom. We ended up at also mentioned that Jenny had, in the Patricia, rescued me on a previous Roosenekal for lunch at a small bar. We past, done some home cooked meals at breakfast run when I knocked Julian's all ordered toasted sandwiches with their coastal holiday place for some bike over). Now, four days later, I am still various filling and spotted one of the folk. He called her "lass" and the love recovering from that night of laughter, kitchen chefs heading out only to return emanating from this man's eyes when the action really started when the music a little while later with bread, cheese, he looked at his beloved wife was was reignited. Julian and, I am sure, tomatoes etc. After our lunch we wonderful to behold. "Love's Young quite a few others might still be suffering headed back to the Riverside Lodge. All Dream" is alive and well and, please from "voicelessness". My Mids has in all a great ride and absolutely no rain. God, may it so remain till the end of always made me laugh cause he has a Maryanne and I had planned on fishing eternity for this wonderful couple. wicked sense of humour. But that so we duly went down to the river with Group pic. was at 16h00 and the Saturday night, OMG, he went into our rods and other bits & pieces of "Awards Dinner" scheduled at 18h30 overdrive. Playing air guitar with Tom fishing gear. We bravely cast through for 19h00. Denise outdid herself with while singing to "House of the Rising the wind aiming for the river. I could only her organisation of this event. The Sun", doing the "Time Warp" with John. manage to cast into the nearby river tables and bunting in the room was Stomach muscles are still recovering, reeds. Thought I would put some "WOW". Did anyone take a look at the hey Denise? Tom, you also have a muscle into the next cast and ended up model bikes in the silver buckets on the nickname from the evil person it is catching myself with the fly hooked into table? These bikes have suspensions "Ulysses' own John Cleese"!the back of my jacket. much like real bikes, the detail on such

a small item was most impressive. We then decide that fishing was not I ended up sitting with Tom, Denise,

an option thanks to the prevalent wind John, Gail, Peter, Des, Sharon, Lucy so put our rods to rest, sat on the grass, smoked (cigarettes NOT pot, what you thinking, hey?) and chatted. Various members strolled past and stopped for a chat. Steve (travels through Portugal on a Harley) spotted a baby croc on the banks not far from where we sat. Len and Gail stopped for a chat, so did Brian and Jenny.

Brian had a couple of casts with Maryanne's fishing rod, then chatted to

Simon

Nick had put together a collage of photo's which were shown during the evening and it was great to see the places the club had been to and the faces of members past and present.Certificates of (in) Competence were handed out to each member with a song title chosen to match some facet about them. This was a great idea as in addition to being fun, it introduced everyone so one was able to put faces to names. Great thanks to Maryanne for all the effort she put into selecting the titles (with a little help) and printing the certificates.

Pa 0g 1 e f 5 ogrow old disgracefully

you with the strong impression that ability to express himself in a he is a multi-talented individual who thoroughly convincing manner is not afraid to speak his mind on a Mark is, inter alia, an accomplished wide variety of subjects for the blues guitarist “in the style of Gary simple reason that when he does he Moore”, a maker of knives and a knows exactly what he is talking man who enjoys the adrenaline about. rush of deep sea fishing from a

Mark is a Management kayak.Consultant and managing director Mark joined Ulysses Jhb at Merit Business Institute. He rides North because, apart from his love a BMW 1200RT both for pleasure of motorcycling, he enjoys the and to avoid paying e-tolls to which company of “some good solid

To say that Mark Deavall he strongly objects as his lucid and human beings”. Welcome aboard “does a lot of stuff” is nothing short very detailed letter to the Director Mark....its good to have a man of of an understatement. A brief General of the Dept of Transport such style and accomplishment as encounter with this man will leave clearly spells out. Apart from his a member.

A highlight was the presentation of recipient was not at the function but we the Miller awards given to the members can reveal that it went to Linda for who had managed to perform some managing to ramp up the production of noteworthy feats of motorcycling fairings for Zen (her Ninja) by not 1 but 2 brilliance during the year. Third place to sets within the space of a few weeksJenny and Julian for managing to overbalance at the start of a breakfast run and Jenny falling a second time when trying to remount. Second place to Tom who had an encounter with a tree, hurt his ankle and left some permanent teeth imprints on the tar. First prize was not presented as the

I did not expect to enjoy this weekend as much as I did. Thought it would be similar to the Nationals in Bloem, last year. How wrong I was, there was action the whole weekend, the fun was never ending and the

Oh, Hilda, found the shampoo company was superb. I feel glorious thought I had brought along. It was and young again, definitely not looking sitting expectantly in the bathroom at in any mirrors to disappear my new-home. So many thanks for buying me found youth. Many, many thanks to all some on your trip with Mark to for a joyful, hectic, happy and truly Groblersdal. GREAT weekend.

New Member Profile - Mark Deavall by Brian Taylor

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A bunch of enthus iast ic

prospective buyers of exotic

machinery gathered at the Total

garage on 26v August 2012 to visit

the exhibition by the Association of

M o t o r c y c l e I m p o r t e r s a n d

Distributors at Nasrec, and what a

show it was. The BMW K1600GT

and GTL were probably the stars of

the show, but there were other stars

too, such as the Victory bikes now

challenging Harley supremacy in

the US, the Kawasaki 1400 range

with ZX14R, ZZR1400 and

GTR1400 variants, Ducati Panigale, Just like in the Rod McKuen

Aprilia RSVR4, Honda VFR1200 song there were pretty girls

a n d G o l d W i n g , T r i u m p h everywhere, having their season in

Thunderbirds and Explorers, and the Sun.

the new Moto Guzzi's with the V7

retro bike drawing a lot of attention.

As always the Harley Davidson

stand was the most professional,

and It's no wonder that MBA

students at University do case

studies on Harley marketing. There

were no trailers for sale though. I

suppose you have to buy that

separately.

I could picture myself on the

Victory Judge or the K1600GT, but

my bank manager does not have the

same visionary insight so I'll have to

do without it.

AMID 2012

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P 0a 1g fe o 1 0

I Like the Scots..............no messing around

Scottish Diplomacy. One thing about blokes

from Scotland is that their hearts and

humour are always in the right place!

Jimmy MacDonald, a City Councillor from

Glasgow, was asked on a local live radio talk

show, just what he thought about the

allegations of torture of suspected

terrorists. His reply prompted his ejection

from the studio, but to thunderous applause

from the audience.

HIS STATEMENT: 'If hooking up one rag

head terrorist's testicles to a car battery

gets the truth out of the lying little camel

shagger to save just one Scottish soldiers

life, then I have only three things to say; Red

is positive, Black is negative and make sure his

nuts are wet.

Shot my first turkey yesterday!

Scared the shit out of everyone in the

frozen food section. It was awesome!

Gettin' old is so much fun...

.

-

Headache Remedy

A husband emerged from the bathroom

naked and was climbing into bed when his wife

complained, as usual, "I have a headache."

“Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the

bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin.

You can take it orally, or as a suppository, it's

up to you."

EDITOR'S LAST WORD

“ Growing Old Disgracefully is all about doing what you want and not giving a shit!”

Louise Rose, Ulysses Member Australia.

THE EDITOR.

With that in mind A Merry Cool Yule

and A Disgraceful New Year to to you all.

With that in mind A Merry Cool Yule

and A Disgraceful New Year to to you all.

...and repeat

Holiday workout to stay in shape...

grow old disgracefully