Understanding Commentary

English 2 Honors

Steps to excellent writing:

Use multiple sources.Provide parenthetical citation.Provide a counterclaim and refutation.½ Integrate your evidence into your writing so it is a part of your grammar.Provide excellent analysis of that evidence via

commentary.

Commentary…

• Is a skill that has many levels. For some, it takes years to master.

What is commentary?

• Synonyms for commentary include “analysis,” “interpretation,” “insight,” “evaluation,” “explication,” “discussion,’ and “speculation.”

Actual Student Sample*

• For example, according to the CDC, schools who started later “saw a decrease in in tardiness, substance abuse, and symptoms of depression” (Richmond 1). This is important because it demonstrates the increase in school attendance and academics and also shows the decrease in tardiness and drug use.

*Changed enough to protect the innocent.

How to avoid Nicholas Cage face:

• Do not tell me what the quote says. I can read. It’s a prerequisite of being an English teacher.

How to avoid Nicholas Cage face:

• Ask yourself (what I will write on your paper), so what? Why? Who cares? Why is that good/bad, etc?

• Then provide analysis and insight that ADDS to the essay and makes it MORE persuasive.

What is commentary?

• Commentary is where writers persuade the reader.

• If an essay contains no effective commentary, it’s just a report, a collection of facts, not an essay.

What is commentary?

• Commentary echoes the focus in your thesis and topic sentences in your essay.

• Commentary goes in essays after each evidence point.

What is commentary?

• Good writers typically provide two sentences of commentary for each piece of evidence, but on occasion one sentence may be sufficient or three sentences may be necessary.

Five Main Types of Commentary

• Different readers will want different types of commentary.

• For now, we’re going to practice adding commentary in general.

• On the next slide are five key types of commentary. There is some overlap.

Five Main Types of Commentary

1. Opinion – This brilliant decision by…2. Interpretation – Scout’s choice to run to her father shows…

Five Main Types of Commentary

3. Insight – This is similar to daily life in that…4. Reaction – This profound moment makes the reader….5. Evaluation – The implementation of this program was successful due to…

Here is a paragraph without sufficient commentary

Saturday morning cartoons are often criticized by public officials because of their violence and themes. Critics complain about coyotes jumping off cliffs, of dogs and cats blackening each others’ eyes, and Martians spying on earth and making plans to destroy it. These same animals battle over birds, carrots, or the right to a hole in the ground. Finally, when the fights are over, the most violent person often gets food, toys, or candy as a reward. Children’s programming needs to be changed to avoid the messages that do nothing to harm those who watch them every week.

Saturday morning cartoons are often criticized by public officials because of their violence and themes. Critics complain about coyotes jumping off cliffs, of dogs and cats blackening each other’s eyes, and Martians spying on Earth and making plans to destroy it. This violence may be realistic, but there is no accompanying realistic blood, pain, or mutilation. These scenes emphasize destruction and winning through physical harm to others. These same animals battle over birds, carrots, or the right to a hole in the ground. The theme of these actions—greed and selfishness—is not appropriate for young children. The wrong values are encouraged and children do not see any examples of peaceful resolution to problems. Finally, when the fights are over, the most violent person often gets food, toys, or candy, as a reward. The idea that showing greed or inflicting pain is rewarded in any way large or small, is a subtly distasteful message. If children see this behavior being successful on television, they have no reason not try it themselves. Children’s programming needs to be changed to avoid the messages that do nothing but harm those who watch them every week.

When you get stuck:

If you find yourself struggling with commentary, re-read the example, and ask yourself:• Is this opinion or more facts?• So what?• Why?• How does this support my topic sentence?• How does this support my thesis?

The one-two punch

• While you’re learning commentary, try this method:

• Commentary 1 (this may take more than one sentence): Insight, interpretation, and/or evaluation. How does this connect to life? What does it mean? Is it good, bad, etc?

• Commentary 2: Opinion, reaction and/or evaluation. How does this prove your topic sentence and thesis?

ExampleFor example, according to the CDC, schools who started later “saw a decrease in in tardiness, substance abuse, and symptoms of depression” (Richmond 1). This is important because When students arrive to school late, they miss critical instruction that could deeply impact their education. This is important because Schools must do their part to improve a student’s chance for success by changing the start time so kids can arrive before the bell.

Practice - Chunks

• Some people refer to the evidence & commentary section of an essay as a “chunk.”

• If your paragraph contained:– Topic sentence– Evidence– Commentary 1 – Commentary 2– Closing

• It would be a one-chunk paragraph.

Chunks

• Some paragraphs will have one chunk; some will have two or even three (depending on your argument).

• For practice, we will be writing one-chunk paragraphs.

• It’s more of a middle-school level, but it makes for simpler practice while you’re learning commentary.

Sentence frames

• The simplest way to do this is think in sentence frames like “this shows that…” or “this is important because” but not actually include those frames in your writing.

• Use them – then lose them!• Here’s a rough draft of a simple one-chunk

narrative example:

• Topic sentence: My bedroom is the place where I like to relax and let go of the day’s worries.

• Example: For example, I can play any music I want, from my mom’s old Beatles albums to my own new favorites.

• Commentary 1: This shows that in my room I don’t have to be concerned about the sound bothering other family members.

• Commentary 2: This shows that being able to listen to my songs in the privacy of my room is crucial to help me unwind and take my mind away from my daily problems.

• Closing: It is clear that my bedroom is an oasis of relaxation after a stressful day.

Final Draft

My bedroom is the place where I like to relax and let go of the day’s worries. For example, I can play any music I want, from my mom’s old Beatles albums to my own new favorites. In my room, I don’t have to be concerned about the sound bothering other family members. Being able to listen to my songs in the privacy of my room is crucial to help me unwind and takes my mind away from my daily problems. My bedroom is an oasis of relaxation after a stressful day.

You try #1:

Pick one of the following simple narrative prompts and add write a one-chunk paragraph. Topic: best day of the week. Add “this shows that,” etc. if that helps.1. Topic sentence: The best day of the week is…2. Evidence:3. Commentary 1:4. Commentary 2:5. Closing:

Argumentative Example

• Since we will not be writing narrative essays, let’s move on something more complex: argumentative writing. Here’s an example of a two-chunk paragraph about banning junk food from schools:

One reason why soda and junk food should be banned from schools is the devastating effect it has on students’ health in their adolescence. For example, in his article "Adolescent and School Health" CDC scientist Bob Smith states, “Childhood obesity has more than doubled in children and tripled in adolescents in the past 30 years” (2). Obesity is an important concern for students because being at an unhealthy weight greatly impacts both their physical and emotional health. Schools must take a leadership role in helping to change this disturbing trend in American society. Furthermore, eating unhealthy foods can make a teen feel sluggish and tired, which can lead to less exercise and physical activity. According to Smith, studies have recently shown that, “Unhealthy eating and physical inactivity are leading causes of death in the U.S.” (4). Reduced exercise and physical activity can also lead to depression and further weight gain, causing a self-perpetuating cycle of unhealthy habits. Students struggle enough in their teen years without the added complications of poor physical and mental health.While students’ health in their teens is enough of reason in and of itself to ban junk food from schools, there are several other equally compelling reasons to enact this change.

You try #2• You try #2 – The topic sentence and evidence has been provided in the following

two-chunk paragraph. Add in the commentary and closing sentences.• Topic sentence: Another reason why soda and junk food should be banned is

because of the effects that these choices will have on students’ long-term health. • Evidence 1: For example, in his article "High Cholesterol in Teens" author Nick

Watters interviewed CDC scientist Joan Anderson. According to that interview, this is an area where scientists still disagree because "It's not a popular viewpoint” but Anderson firmly believes that, “Being overweight and physically inactive can cause heart disease and high cholesterol'" (Watters 4).

• Commentary 1: • Commentary 2: • Evidence 2: Additionally, the incidence of diabetes is also on the rise among teens.

In the article "Not in My School" the author Susan Jones interviewed a Megan Leeds, the mother of a child with diabetes. Leeds believes that “Giving children soda and candy at school is like handing them a loaded gun" (Jones 7).

• Commentary 1: • Commentary 2: • Closing:

Peer Review

Trade papers with a partner and check their work:1. Did they provide opinion (not fact)? It must be

opinion.2. Did they tie back to their topic sentence or

thesis statement? It must tie back.3. Did the commentary make the writing more

persuasive? • Tell them one thing they did well and one thing to

improve on.

You try #3

• Choose a piece of evidence from your essay.• Rewrite it into a one-chunk paragraph on the

back of your handout:1. Topic sentence2. Evidence3. Commentary 14. Commentary 25. Closing