UNIT 6 CHAPTER 6: BUILDING HEALTHY PEER RELATIONSHIPS

JOURNAL ENTRY 4/1/15

• Who’s your oldest friend?• Describe your friendship with this person.How did you meet?What was your first impression of them?

What qualities does this person possess that has made this relationship last?

Communication is the process of SHARINGinformation, THOUGHTS, and FEELINGS.

THREE SKILLS TO PRACTICE FOR HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS:

1. Effective communication

2. Cooperation

3. Compromise

1. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

a. “I” message is a statement that expresses your FEELINGS but does not BLAME or JUDGE the other person.

• Focus on how the situation made YOU feel.

• Allows the lines of communication WITHOUT ATTACKING the other person.

1. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION (CONT.)

b. ACTIVE listening is focusing your FULL attention on what the other person is SAYING and letting that person know you UNDERSTAND and CARE.

• Responds to what is BEING SAID.

• Listener makes the speaker feel comfortable about opening up and expressing personal feeling.

To become an active listener, try the following:

• Show interest by LOOKING at the person, nodding your head, and showing concern on your FACE.

• Encourage the speaker to being speaking.

• Show interest by offering comments.

• Avoid passing JUDGMENT on what the speaker says.

• Summarize the speaker’s ideas.

• Help speaker EXPLORE further.

• Do not STEER the conversation away from the speaker’s PROBLEM and onto a problem of your OWN.

HOW GOOD OF A LISTENER ARE YOU?

How would you rate yourself as an active listener (1=poor; 4=amazing)? 1 2 3 4

In what way could you improve?

1. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION (CONT.)

C. Assertiveness

• More than what you say.

• It is:

HOW you say something and

TONE of your voice

that communicates your message.

COMMUNICATION FORMS

Using physical force Finger pointingExpressing

appreciationGlaring Interrupting

Never giving a

complimentBeing sarcastic

Being respectful

Speaking

confidently and

clearly

Making fun of the

other person’s

feelingsShowing interest

Criticizing the other

person

Seeking a

compromise that does

not go against either

person’s values

Actively listening

to the other

person

Yelling Criticizing yourself Fidgeting nervouslyAlways giving in to

the other personRefusing to talk

MumblingLooking away

Always apologizing Making eye contactDenying your own

feelings

Trying to understand

the other person’s

feelings

Always listening;

rarely talking

Hoping the other

person will guess your

feelings

Using “you”

messages to

blame the other

person

HOW HAS TECHNOLOGY AFFECTED OUR ABILITY TO PRACTICE THESE COMMUNICATION SKILLS?

HOW HAS TECHNOLOGY AFFECTED OUR ABILITY TO PRACTICE THESE COMMUNICATION SKILLS?• Negative

• Not communicating; its expressing emotions

• More comfortable “talking” through technology

• Positive

• Easy and faster to talk

• More comfortable “talking”

• Can be face to face through face time/skype

• Forces us to be extra considerate because it through words (disagree – David thinks people are more ballsy; unclear on tone)

1. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION (CONT.)

d. Body Language

• Communicate information or feelings through your BODY POSITION.

• Examples of body language:

• Posture

•Gestures

• Facials expressions

• Body movement

• Eye contact.

2. COOPERATION

• Working together towards a COMMON goal.

• On a team, everyone must meet THEIR responsibilities and TRUST others to meet theirs.

• Builds STRONG relationships that are based on MUTUAL trust, CARING, and responsibility.

3. COMPROMISE

• Willingness of each person to GIVE UP something in order to reach AGREEMENT.

• Both must be willing to SACRIFICE something to get something in RETURN.

• When you are willing to compromise, you let the other person know how IMPORTANT the RELATIONSHIP is to YOU.

• Do NOT compromise if DANGER is present.

IMPORTANCE OF FRIENDSHIPS

• Friendship is a relationship base on:

mutual trust,

acceptance, and

common interests or values.

• People look to their friends for:

honest reactions,

encouragement during bad times, and

understanding when they make mistakes.

IMPORTANCE OF FRIENDSHIPS

• Interacting with others helps you to build self-esteem and to learn about yourself.

• Can experiment with different roles:

leaders,

helper,

advice-seeker, or

supporter.

• Activities are more enjoyable when you do them with friends.

JOURNAL ENTRY 4/2/15

What are three qualities that you DO NOT want in friends and why are these unwelcome?

TYPES OF FRIENDSHIPS

1. CASUALa. Occur because of commonalities

Go to the same school,

Live in the same neighborhood, or

Have interested in common.

b. Short-term, casual friendships offer the chance to:

have fun,

to try new things, and

to learn to get along with a variety of people.

These relationships can remain casual, or may develop into deeper, long-lasting friendships over time.

TYPES OF FRIENDSHIPS

2. CLOSE

• Form when people SHARE similar goals, values, or interests.

• Draw to personalities that COMPLIMENT their own.

• Four qualities that are important in a CLOSE friend:

Loyalty

Honesty

Empathy

Reliability

TYPES OF FRIENDSHIPS

3. FRIENDS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX:

• Look for males/females with interests and goals SIMILAR to their own.

• Can be satisfying and close, but NOT involve ROMANCE.

• Help you to feel COMFORTABLE with members of the opposite sex and allow you to develop FULLY as a person.

Are you comfortable having close friends with both males and females? Why or why not?

BOYS WANT TO KNOW…

GIRLS WANT TO KNOW…

JOURNAL ENTRY 4/14/15

• What is one of your best memories from childhood?

Who was there?

What was happening?

Why was this time so amazing?

PROBLEMS IN FRIENDSHIPS

• In all friendships, even strong ones, problems arise from time to time.

• For the relationship to be a lasting one, it is important that friends face any problems that do arise and work together to resolve them.

• Some possible problems in friendships are envy, jealousy, cruelty, and cliques.

ENVY

Envy is when one person HAS SOMETHINGthat the other person DESIRES.

JEALOUSY

Jealousy occurs when something we ALREADY POSSESS is THREATENED by

a third person.

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ENVY AND JEALOUSY

ENVY• Envy is a TWO person situation

and is a reaction to LACKING a desired ATTITUBE enjoyed by another.

• Sources can be:

Appearance,

Talent,

Possessions, or

Popularity.

JEALOUSY• Jealousy is a THREE person

situation and the REACTION to the THREAT of losing something or someone.

• Example:

Special relationship

HOW SHOULD YOU WORK THROUGH THESE EMOTIONS?

HOW SHOULD YOU WORK THROUGH THESE EMOTIONS?

• Use your communication skills to DISCUSS the problem by using I messages to get FEELINGS out (in person) or in writing.

• Be sure to LISTEN to your friend’s point of view and try to understand his or her feelings.

CRUELTY

• What is cruelty? It is when a person is vicious, harsh, unkind, mean, brutal, or heartless.

• Your friends behavior may have nothing to do with you. You friend may be facing problems at home, at school, or elsewhere.

• Unfortunately, people sometimes transfer the pain for anxiety they are feeling onto their close friends. If a friend is cruel to you, remember the 3 C’s:

• CONFRONT your friend to find out what the real problem is.

• COMMUNICATE that you are not willing to be mistreated.

• Show your CONCERN and desire to help your friend work things out.

CLIQUES

• Cliques is a narrow, EXCLUSIVE group of people with similar background or interests.

• Being a member of a clique can:

Give a person a sense of BELONGING.

DEPRIVE a person of forming friendships with a variety of people

DISCOURAGE members from thinking and acting independently.

Experience a need to CONFORM to the expectations of friends.