Our club has a walker called Ray

Who´ll tell you stories all day

But, if he mentions an orange

Every word you should challenge

'Cos you can't believe a word that he'll say!

Roger Dale

There are some Lagos walkers my god one tells some porkers

One day he told a whopper got arrested by a copper

His wife she did not a wail as he was hiked off to jail

This walk was on a sunny day the bloody fool his name was Wainwright

Jeff Patterson

I walked as fast as my legs can go

My head was thumping like a Kango

I thought that I had walked to Bristol

But wait! I see a frosty Cristal

And a plate of red hot frango.

David Foot

There was an old walker called Bunney

Didn't know his arse from his tummy

He said where’s me stick?

So I though I would kick

It straight up his back side,...the dummy!!

Wendy Bunney

I walked with them down past the hedge, On a cliff top too close to the edge,

She said "Look out matey"

It was Tina Batey,

and Ray Pocock, her husband, the Ledge.

Nigel Heatley

The rules of the club are the theme

Piri Piri with mayo's a dream

Cristal's a blast

Bad jokes from the past

And carrying friends cross the stream

Ray Pocock

When its Up and Down Dale we are here

We are not the quickest that's clear

I may be lagging

Marg may be flagging

But we know we are going to get beer

Peter McClusky

We sometimes go walking with Ray

Which is sometimes quite hard I must say

But when problems occur

Super Wendy is there

And just makes them all go away.

Kath Bailey

Alternative ending

We sometimes go walking with Ray

Which can be quite hard I must say

We'd be better by far

Sitting in the Star bar

Eating and drinking all day

Kath Bailey

We sometimes go walking with Ray

Until he turned up in a sleigh

We all ran amok

Trying to get in this truck

Then the reindeers they all ran away.

Frank Sharpe

Twice yearly to Lagos we go

And walk with our friends as you know

The journey's a pain

And we know it might rain

But at least there's no bloody snow.

Malcolm Bailey

We walk with up and down dale

Not always, ‘cos some weeks we fail

But we are getting old

And our legs tend to fold

Perhaps we should keep off the ale.

Malcolm Bailey

When we walk with up and down dale

Sometimes there's a sting in the tail

It can be too far

But there's always a bar

For a beer at the end of the trail

Malcolm Bailey There's a walk near Carrapateira

And another at Mexilhoeira

North of Silves is the best

Much better than the rest

Cos than Valdemar's lunch there's none fairer

Roger Dale

Have a good time on Friday night Choose the right winner so you don't cause a fight

A few glasses of wine

And you'll all be fine

I'm sure the whole evening will be a delight

Kath Bailey

There was a walker called Ray,

Who set off to walk round the bay

He took along Tina,

So long since he'd seen her,

And that really made her day.

Patrick and Mary

Lets meet at the cafe Zig Zag,

We've just time for a beer and a fag,

Then well nip round the block

Keep an eye on the clock,

Then it's vinho all night till we sag.

Patrick and Mary

We all love Up and Down Dale,

It puts its exercise before ale,

But once in a while

Just to give you a smile

They'll all drink beer by the pail.

Patrick and Mary

When walking with Up and Down Dale,

Our leader he spotted a whale,

It rose from the sea

And gave a curtsy

Then flattened poor Ray with its tail.

Patrick and Mary

Our walkers are friends old and dear,

They stride the Algarve far and near

'This scenery's great

But we've no wish to wait,

Lets return and start opening the beer'.

Patrick and Mary

Our walks could cause people angina,

Especially our new member named china

She's black and inflatable

Makes some feel insatiable

Especially when Adams near her..............vvvvv, let down valve!!!

Wendy Bunney

In the group there's a couple of Rogers

On face value they look like two codgers

But after closer inspections

Reveal two small erections

It appears they're just harmless tax dodgers..

Adam Bunney

There once was an Essex girl in Lagos

Who spoke a lot of tosh

But when walking with friends

Her accent did mend

And she now sounds positively posh

Sara Fox

There's a walker in the club called Bunney

His jokes are sometimes quite funny

But most of them stink

- least, that's what I think!

Just as well he doesn't do that for money.

Roger Dale

Two walkers named Wendy and Adam.

Couldn't tell gravel from macadam.

He agreed just to suit her.

Don't mention the scooter.

Sometimes she can be a right Madame.

Adam Bunney

Bunnies are gamboling up and down dales

Neath thunder, lightening and gales.

They are all on their own,

No Roger and Joan

Who decamped to the January sales!

Roger “Laureate” Williams

Jerry and Sara know they'll be missed

At the awards - we are off the list

But we trust you'll have fun

In the land of the sun

And hopefully all end up pissed Sara Fox

There are members called McCluskey

Who have a dog who thinks its a Husky

Its name is Geddy

Now lets get ready

For a walk in the country

Warwick Sola

There is a member called Ray Who can spin five yarns in a day.

But he tells them so well

Just ask Bruno Mel.

The olive tax you'll just have to pay.

Adam Bunney

What a lovely group of people they are

Walking the legs off a donkey by far To get Piri Piri chicken and ale

They will walk through a gale

And leave me to get there by car.

Michael Sharpe

Tarmacadam’s a place on a walk

Where it can be heated when there’s some talk

He said there’s no more road

Then God did she explode

He watched the scooter with the eyes of a hawk!

Ray Pocock

Beeupnose corner’s a place of some fame

Naming locations are part of the game

Tributes on each road

To hamsters and toads

Or sticks of knob heads they failed to reclaim

Ray Pocock

The Modelo principal is quite sound

To some it may seem profound

Weight heat and height

Calculate them we might

To determine how many Cristal’s are downed.

Ray Pocock

Up and Down Dale is a club

Who spends a good deal of time in the pub

Cristal, Washing lines

Piri Piri and Grape Vines

And Scrubbers are part of the rub

Ray Pocock

The club has a section called "Udders"

Though all of its members are nutters!

With machete in hand

They traverse the land

And make new easy trails for us others.

Roger Dale

On the Bensafrim walk there's a well

Where olives once grew, Ray will tell

But to stop Spanish taxes

The locals brought axes And chopped all the trees where they fell.

Tina Batey

At Castelejo there came a big wave

For surfers to ride who were brave

It crashed over the cliff

Or is that just a myth?

'cos the lifeguard had no one to save.

Tina Batey

We have a club mascot called Pippi

Though not young she's still rather zippy

She rounds us all up

Like a regular pup

But with Geddy can still get quite nippy!

Tina Batey

The 'Spaghetti is hanging' you know

Means only fast walkers not slow

We like to be quick

So we go at a lick

But it's just for more Cristals we go!

Tina Batey

A new club was once formed goes the tale

For people to meet on a trail

They would go for a walk

And crap they would talk

That's how we became 'Up and Down Dale'

Tina Batey

"Waresmistyk" (*) you might hear someone shout,

or "That's where the scrubbers hang out".

Catchphrases galore

So if you want to hear more

The craic's what this club's all about.

Roger Dale

A group of like minded people went roaming

On the Algarve it was they were combing

The pinnacle of their desire

Was to find chicken with fire

To make sure that none were left groaning !

Pauline Sharpe The Stalwart Elites are the "Sewers";

The "Udders" - well, they are the hewers.

Then there's "Warts" and "Crappy"

They don't seem so happy.

´Cos for them there are no known cures.

Roger Dale

He took us to see hamster graves

From a cliff top he showed us some waves

But it's crap that he's talking

For the speed of his walking

Shows that it's Cristal he craves

David Foot

Predictive script is a scam

So Adam becomes a big Swam

When cancelling a walk

Because he was a dork

He will be Swam for the full programme

Ray Pocock

* 1. A punk duo

2. A cry uttered by a walker when he or she suddenly realises that their

"styk" has been left on the ground at the last watering hole