VBS Marriage Enrichment VBS Marriage Enrichment SeminarSeminar

North Jackson church of ChristNorth Jackson church of ChristJune 3-5, 2009June 3-5, 2009

““In every marriage more than two In every marriage more than two weeks old there are grounds for weeks old there are grounds for divorce; the trick is to find, and divorce; the trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for continue to find, grounds for marriage.”marriage.”

-- From the play, -- From the play, Double SolitaireDouble Solitaire,, by Robert Andersonby Robert Anderson

““The growth of [marital] love is not a The growth of [marital] love is not a straight line, but a series of hills and straight line, but a series of hills and valleys… Sometimes idiosyncrasies that valleys… Sometimes idiosyncrasies that used to be irritating become endearing … used to be irritating become endearing … and sometimes they do not. In marriage and sometimes they do not. In marriage we learn to live with each other, accepting we learn to live with each other, accepting each other’s sharp edges and corners … (as) each other’s sharp edges and corners … (as) part of the complexity of a partner who has part of the complexity of a partner who has become woven deep into our (very) own become woven deep into our (very) own selves”selves”

-- M. L’Engle, in -- M. L’Engle, in Two-Part InventionTwo-Part Invention..

Matthew 19:4-6, NKJVMatthew 19:4-6, NKJV44And He answered and said to them, “Have you And He answered and said to them, “Have you

not read that He who made them at the not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’beginning ‘made them male and female,’

5 5 “and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his “and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?and the two shall become one flesh’?

6 6 “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”not man separate.”

-- Jesus Christ-- Jesus Christ

First Marriage Divorce StatisticsFirst Marriage Divorce Statistics• 1/5 of all first marriages are disrupted by 1/5 of all first marriages are disrupted by

either separation or divorce in the first either separation or divorce in the first five years.five years.

• After 10 years, 1/3 of all first marriages After 10 years, 1/3 of all first marriages are disrupted by either separation or are disrupted by either separation or divorce.divorce.

Published by the Department of Health and Published by the Department of Health and Human Services, Centers for Disease Control Human Services, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 2002.and Prevention (CDC), 2002.

• The The Americans for Divorce Reform Americans for Divorce Reform estimates that estimates that “Probably, 40 or possibly “Probably, 40 or possibly even 50 percent of marriages will end in even 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce if current trends continue. divorce if current trends continue. However, that is only a projection and a However, that is only a projection and a prediction.”prediction.”

Divorce statistics collection: Summary of findings Divorce statistics collection: Summary of findings so far,” Americans for Divorce Reform, at: so far,” Americans for Divorce Reform, at: http://www.divorcereform.org/ http://www.divorcereform.org/

CohabitationCohabitation

• Reports suggest that between 40 and 85 Reports suggest that between 40 and 85 percent of couples who live together percent of couples who live together before getting married end up in divorce.before getting married end up in divorce.

Characteristics of Persons that Characteristics of Persons that have a Higher Probability of have a Higher Probability of

DivorceDivorce

• Younger age at time of marriageYounger age at time of marriage• Lower educationLower education• Has children from a previous relationshipHas children from a previous relationship• Cohabitation prior to marriageCohabitation prior to marriage• Sexual activity prior to marriageSexual activity prior to marriage

Divorce Rates Among Christian Divorce Rates Among Christian Groups:Groups:

• A recent study by the Barna Research A recent study by the Barna Research Group released the results of their poll Group released the results of their poll about divorce on Dec. 21, 1999.about divorce on Dec. 21, 1999.

• They had interviewed 3,854 adults from They had interviewed 3,854 adults from the 48 contiguous states. The margin of the 48 contiguous states. The margin of error is around 2 percentage points.error is around 2 percentage points.

The Barna Survey Found:The Barna Survey Found:

• 11% of the adult population is currently 11% of the adult population is currently divorced.divorced.

• 25% of adults have had at least one 25% of adults have had at least one divorce during their lifetime.divorce during their lifetime.

• Divorce rates among conservative Divorce rates among conservative Christians were significantly higher than Christians were significantly higher than for other faith groups, and much higher for other faith groups, and much higher than Atheists and Agnostics experience.than Atheists and Agnostics experience.

Why?Why?George Barna, president and founder of George Barna, president and founder of

Barna Research Group, commented:Barna Research Group, commented:

““While it may be alarming to discover that born While it may be alarming to discover that born again Christians are more likely than others to again Christians are more likely than others to experience a divorce, that pattern has been in experience a divorce, that pattern has been in place for quite some time. Even more place for quite some time. Even more disturbing, perhaps, is that when those disturbing, perhaps, is that when those individuals experience a divorce many of them individuals experience a divorce many of them feel their community of faith provides feel their community of faith provides rejection rather than support and healing. . .”rejection rather than support and healing. . .”

(continued)(continued)

““. . . But the research also raises questions . . . But the research also raises questions regarding the effectiveness of how churches regarding the effectiveness of how churches minister to families. The ultimate minister to families. The ultimate responsibility for a marriage belongs to the responsibility for a marriage belongs to the husband and wife, but the high incidence of husband and wife, but the high incidence of divorce within the Christian community divorce within the Christian community challenges the idea that churches provide challenges the idea that churches provide truly practical and life-changing support for truly practical and life-changing support for marriages.”marriages.”

• The data showed that the highest The data showed that the highest divorce rates were found in the divorce rates were found in the Bible Bible BeltBelt!!!!!!

““Tennessee, Arkansas, Alabama and Oklahoma Tennessee, Arkansas, Alabama and Oklahoma round out the Top Five round out the Top Five [including Nevada with [including Nevada with the highest] the highest] in frequency of divorce . . . The in frequency of divorce . . . The divorce rates in these conservative states are divorce rates in these conservative states are roughly 50 percent above the national roughly 50 percent above the national average” average” of 4.2/1000 people.of 4.2/1000 people.

Donald Hughes, author of Donald Hughes, author of The Divorce The Divorce Reality, Reality, said:said:““In the churches, people have a superstitious In the churches, people have a superstitious

view that Christianity will keep them from view that Christianity will keep them from divorce, but they are subject to the same divorce, but they are subject to the same problems as everyone else, and they include a problems as everyone else, and they include a lack of relationship skills. . . . Just being born lack of relationship skills. . . . Just being born again is not a rabbit’s foot.”again is not a rabbit’s foot.”

• Hughes claims that 90% of divorces among Hughes claims that 90% of divorces among born-again couples occur born-again couples occur AFTER AFTER they have they have been “saved.”been “saved.”

Transitional Points of Marriage Transitional Points of Marriage Bring Unforeseen ChallengesBring Unforeseen Challenges

• As newlywedsAs newlyweds• The birth of a first childThe birth of a first child• Children entering schoolChildren entering school• Preteens become teenagersPreteens become teenagers• Launching adult children from the nestLaunching adult children from the nest• Couples entering midlife and retirementCouples entering midlife and retirement• RemarriageRemarriage

Purpose of Marriage EnrichmentPurpose of Marriage Enrichment

1)1) To improve To improve marital communicationmarital communication2)2) To deepen To deepen marital commitmentmarital commitment3)3) To encourage To encourage marital companionshipmarital companionship4)4) To strengthen To strengthen marital cooperationmarital cooperation5)5) To survive To survive marital conflictmarital conflict6)6) To equip To equip married couplesmarried couples for successful for successful

and satisfying marriages.and satisfying marriages.

Why Does God Care about Marriage?Why Does God Care about Marriage?

1)1) Marriage reflects the image of God Marriage reflects the image of God (as (as lovingly relational). lovingly relational).

Genesis 1:26-27Genesis 1:26-27

2)2) Marriage forms the foundation of Marriage forms the foundation of society.society.

Genesis 1:28; Genesis 1:28; Matthew 19:4-6; Matthew 19:4-6; Colossians 3:18-22Colossians 3:18-22

3) Marriage provides the opportunity for Marriage provides the opportunity for growth.growth.

1 Corinthians 7:2-6, 10-14; 1 Corinthians 7:2-6, 10-14; 1 Timothy 3:4-5, 12; 1 Timothy 3:4-5, 12; 1 Peter 3:1-71 Peter 3:1-7

4) Marriage gives humans an antidote to Marriage gives humans an antidote to loneliness. loneliness.

Genesis 2:18-25Genesis 2:18-25

5) 5) Marriage symbolizes the union of Marriage symbolizes the union of Christ and the Church.Christ and the Church.

Ephesians 5:22-33Ephesians 5:22-33

Overview of Enrichment SeminarOverview of Enrichment Seminar

Session #1: “The Purpose of Session #1: “The Purpose of Marriage”Marriage”

This lesson will look at Biblical teaching on This lesson will look at Biblical teaching on marriage as existing for five primary marriage as existing for five primary

reasons.reasons.

Session #2: “Sweetening a Session #2: “Sweetening a Marriage Gone Sour”Marriage Gone Sour”

This lesson will focus on how couples can This lesson will focus on how couples can rejuvenate their marriages.rejuvenate their marriages.

Session #3: “Working Through Session #3: “Working Through Marital Conflict”Marital Conflict”

This lesson will present six principles for This lesson will present six principles for successfully navigating through successfully navigating through

““love fights.”love fights.”

Session #4: “Keys to a Session #4: “Keys to a Successful Marriage”Successful Marriage”

This lesson will explore three fundamental This lesson will explore three fundamental keys to a successful marital relationship.keys to a successful marital relationship.