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For Survivors of Fallen Firefighters
May/juNe 2012 ISSue 48
usiccanaffectourmood,instantlytakeusback30years,remindusofasignificantevent,calmusafter
atryingday.Mostofusprobablyhaveaplaylistofsongsthatareassociatedwithspecificpeopleandeventsinourlives.
Likemanythings,musiccantakeonevengreatermeaningafteralovedonehasdied.Itcanprovideasenseofcontinuedconnectionandhelpexpresswhatmaybedifficulttoconveyinyourownwords.Doanyofthesestrikeachordwithyou?
M u s i c e x p r e s s e s t h a t w h i c h c a n n o t b e s a i d a n d o n w h i c h i t i s i m p o s s i b l e t o b e s i l e n t .
~Victor Hugo
I was doing OK, hadn’t cried in a week, and then “our song” came on the radio and I just lost it.
Every time I’m having a rough day, I hear a song that reminds me of my son. It’s like he’s sending me a reminder to smile.
I can handle anything except bagpipes. That music just makes me too sad.
Inthisissue,survivorssharehowmusichasplayedapartintheirpersonaljourneys.
By Mary Hales, wife of Robert a. Hales (2008-OR)
M
usedtoteaseRobertandsayIhadonlymarriedhimbecauseheownedalbumsIwanted.
Ourlifewasnearlyalwayssettoasoundtrackofourfeelings.Manyofourhappymemorieswerepunctuatedwithmusic.Infact,Iwalkeddowntheaisletothesong“SweetChildO’Mine”byGunsN’Roses.Whenourfirstdaughterwasborn,welaughedanddancedtoGarthBrooks’“TwoofaKindWorkin’OnaFullHouse.”JustlikeDonnyandMariewewere“ALittleBitCountry,ALittleBitRock‘NRoll.”
WhenweboughtourfirstCDplayerandgotitallhookedup,werealizedwedidn’townanyCDs.So,backtothestorewewentandboughtaCD
I wealreadyhadonarecordbecauseithad“OurSong.”Wedancedintothenightwiththegirlsto“TimeinaBottle”byJimCroce.
OneofthefondestmemoriesmyyoungestdaughterhasofmusicwithherDadisusgirlssinginganddancingalongtoBillyRayCyrus’“AchyBreakyHeart”andherDaddymakingdisgustedfacesbeforefallingtothefloor,groaning.
ThefirstmorningafterRobertdiedIcriedandscreamedwhilelisteningtoPeterGabriel’s“IGrieve.”Then,sadly,weopenedRobert’smemorialwith“TimeinaBottle.”A
friendgavemeRoseanneCash’sBlackCadillac,andIhave
The memorial service held for Robert A. Hales by his family
continued on page 2
2 The Journey Issue48•May/June2012
listenedtoitoverandoverforthepastcoupleofyears.ShewrotethesongsonthatCDafterthedeathofherfather.Ihavefoundcomfortfromherlyricstimeandagain.
OnthethirdanniversaryofRobert’sdeath,thegirlsandIheldamemorialatthefirestation.Afterwehadeachsaidourpiece,theentiregroupreleasedwhiteballoonstothesong“WhoKnew”byPink.Idoubtmanypeopleatthememorialunderstoodthelyrics,buttheyareverypoignanttothegirlsandme.
If someone said three years from now
You’d be long gone
I’d stand up and punch them out
Cause they’re all wrong
I know better
‘Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew?
~Pink,MaxMartin,&LukaszGottwald
Musiccontinued from page 1
By Kerry L. Carpenter, brother of Randall Carpenter (2002-OR)
arlyin2006,whilereturningtoEasternOregonfromameeting,IstoppedfordinnerandrestattheEagle
CrestResortinRedmond,Oregon,whereforovertwoyearsmybrother,CaptainRandyCarpenter,mybrotherBrad,andotherfamilymembershadworkedtobuildahomethatwascentrallylocatedinOregonforfamilyevents.
Asithappened,averytalentedperformer/songwriternamedLindyGravellewassingingtherethatnight.Itoccurredtometoaskifshewouldconsiderwritingasongaboutfirefightersandwhattheydo.Ialsoasked,ifpossible,couldthesongincludementionofmybrotherRandy,whodiedinthelineofdutyonNovember25,2002,andhisdedicationtothefireservice?Lindyimmediatelysaid,“No!”Butafewweekslater,Lindycalledandsaidshewantedtogivethesongatry.ShespentagreatdealoftimeresearchingandinterviewingthefireserviceaswellaslearningabouttheroleRandylivedatCoosBayFire&Rescue.
Asaresult,thesong“FallenBrother”waspubliclyperformedforthefirsttimeatourannualgolftournamentbanquetinJuneofthatyear.Ican’tfullyexplainhow
powerful“FallenBrother”is,butittrulystirstheheartandremindsusoftheamazingcommitmentofourfireservice
heroes.Partofmybrother’slegacyisthere,too.
Lindycontinuedtoperform“FallenBrother,”anditwassowellreceivedshedecidedtoincludeitonher2006CD“TheHighRoad.”InNovemberofthatyear,“FallenBrother”wasalsoaverymovingpartofthededicationceremonyfortheFirefightersMemorialinCoosBay,Oregon.Todaythesongcontinuestohonorthememoryandsacrificeofourfallenfirefighterbrothersandsisterseverywhere.
InJuneofthisyear,Lindywillonceagainperform“FallenBrother”duringourbanquetforthe10thannualRandyCarpenterMemorialGolfTournament,wherewehope
tocontinueoureffortstoraisefundstosupportfirefightertrainingandeducation.
TheRandyCarpenterMemorialFoundationwasfoundedin2003tosupportfirefightertrainingandeducationexpensewhereneededwhentraditionalresourceswereunavailable.WhiletheFoundationreceivessignificantsupportfrommanygenerousindividuals,themajorityof
Randall Carpenter
E
TheNationalFallenFirefightersFoundation 3
ourrevenueisasaresultofseveralgolftournamentsheldthroughoutourregion.We’veenjoyedincrediblesupportinourmission.TheRandyCarpenterMemorialFoundationhasgrantedover$155,000insupportoffirefightertrainingsinceRandywaskilled.
yhusband,JamesIsberner,diedonFebruary19,2001,asavolunteerfiremanforMontelloFire
DepartmentinMontello,Wisconsin.Myfavoritesong
is“I’mButaStrangerHere,HeavenisMyHome”fromtheWelsLutheranHymnal.Ibelievemusiccanreallybecomfortingforalotofsadthingsthathappeninlife.
I’m But a Stranger Here
Words: Thomas R. Taylor, 1836 ~ Music: Arthur S. Sullivan, 1872 ~ 1st Published in: 1836
I’mbutastrangerhere,Heav’nismyhome;
Earthisadesertdrear,Heav’nismyhome.
Dangerandsorrowstandroundmeoneveryhand;
Heav’nismyfatherland,Heav’nismyhome.
Whatthoughthetempestrage,Heav’nismyhome;
Shortismypilgrimage,Heav’nismyhome;
Time’scoldandwildwintryblastsoonshallbeoverpast;
Ishallreachhomeatlast,Heav’nismyhome.
ThereatmySavior’ssideHeav’nismyhome;
Ishallbeglorified,Heav’nismyhome.
Therearethegoodandblest,thoseIlovedmostandbest;
There,too,Isoonshallrest,Heav’nismyhome.
ThereforeImurmurnot,Heav’nismyhome;
Whate’ermyearthlylot,Heav’nismyhome;
AndIshallsurelystandthereatmyLord’srighthand.
Heav’nismyfatherland,Heav’nismyhome.
M
By Marie Sanborn, wife of Timothy Sanborn (2007-MI)
thinkTimcommunicatestomethroughmusic/songs.Therehavejustbeentoomanyincidentswherea
certainsongwillplayatamomentthatisimportant.
AtTim’sfuneralweplayed“WhenIGettoWhereIAmGoing”byBradPaisley.It’sasongthatmadeTimthinkofhisgrandfather,asongthatwasabouthappytears,asongthatTimhimselfsangwiththeradiojustdaysbeforehisdeath.(ThankGodBradPaisleywassingingalso.AsmuchasTimthoughthecouldcarryatune...itwasnotso!)
AboutsixweeksafterTimdied,Smokey,our12-year-oldDalmatian,washavinghealthissues.Theygot
progressivelyworse,andIwasnolongerabletocareforSmokeywiththedignitythathedeserved.ThedecisionhadtobemadetoputSmokeydown.Iwentbackandforthfordays.FinallyIhadtostopbeingselfishandlookedforasignfromTimthattherightdecisionwasmade.AsIparkedthecarintheparkinglotatthevet’sofficeandreacheduptoturnthecaroff,thesongcameon.When I get to where I am going,
I
Smokey continued on page 4
Onourfoundation’swebsite,www.ourfallenbrother.org,thereisalinktoLindy’swebsite,whereyoucandownload“FallenBrother”ifyou’dcaretotakealisten.It’squiteasong.Butthen,Randywasanamazingman,andInevertireoflistening.
By Mary Isberner, wife of james Isberner (2001-WI)
4 The Journey Issue48•May/June2012
there will only be happy tears. Yep…Iproceededtoloseit.ButwhenIwasdone,Ihadpeaceaboutme.IknewTimwastellingmeitwastherightdecision,hewastherewithme,
usichasalwaysbeenanimportantpartofmylife.Fromplayingtheflutewhileinschoolto
singingorjustlistening,havingmusicinmylifewasajoythatmademydayeveryday.
Forsomereason,whenmyhusbandLeediedinthelineofdutyonJanuary8,2000,thatloveofmusicwentaway.Theradiowasalwaysoninthecarandthroughoutthehouse,butitwasjustnoise.Icouldnothearthewordsormusicinmyheart.ThatlovediedwithLee.Iknewtherewassomethingmissingbutcouldnotidentifywhatthatvoidinmyheartwas.
LateonenightinJanuaryof2006,IwaswatchingHBOandthemovie“ThePhantomoftheOpera”cameon.IstartedwatchingandveryquicklyrealizedthatIwascrying.Themajestyofthemusicsuddenlyopenedmyheart,andIheardandfelteverybeautifulnote.Ihaveadish,andsoIhaveseveralHBOchannelstoselectmyviewingchoices.I
watchedthatmovienon-stopforseveraldays.EachtimeIwastakenawaybythebeautyandpowerofthemusic.Thatamazingmoviewithitspowerfulmusictouchedmeinaway
thatIwillneverforget.Musicbecamealonglostfriendtomyheartonceagain.
IwrotealettertoLordAndrewLloydWebber,thecreatorofthisbeautifulmusic.ItoldhimaboutLeeandabouthowhismusicmademealiveonceagain.SeveralweekslaterIreceivedapackageinthemail.ItwasaletterfromLordAndrewLloydWebber’sproductioncompanywithanoteofhisappreciationformyletter.Enclosedwasa“movieset”shirt.Thedateontheshirtis2003,and
themoviewasreleasedin2004,soIsuspectitwasashirtthatwasdistributedduringthemakingofthemovie.Iwassotouchedbyhiskindness.Howwonderful!!
Todaymusicisstillveryimportanttome.Ihaveonceagainlearnedtoliveandlovethemusicinmyheart.
osscanforceustogrowinwayswemightnototherwisechooseandtoharnessinnerresourceswedidn’tknowwehad.Thisstrengthbecomespartofa“new”lifeafterloss.
M
Survivors Embracing Life
I c a n b e c h a n g e d b y w h a t h a p p e n s t o m e , b u t I r e f u s e t o b e r e d u c e d b y i t .
~Maya Angelou
LBy jane Neville, mother of Brian Neville (2008-MD)
ForthelasttwoyearswehavesponsoredtheUniversityofMarylandHospitalforChildren’steamintheBaltimoreMarathoninOctober.Inhonorofourson,Brian,wehaveraisedover$25,000eachyearforthecenter.Thisphotoisofthet-shirtstheteammemberswore.
andhewouldbetherewaitingforSmokey.Therehavebeennumerousotherincidentsandsongssince.IjustSMILEandsay,“Okay.Iknowyouarehere.Loveyou.”
Sanborncontinued from page 3
By Sharon Purdy, wife of Lee a. Purdy (2000-OH)
TheNationalFallenFirefightersFoundation 5
wasfabricatedinWheatley,Ontario,andwefeltChrisspeakingtousonceagain!WearesohonoredandreallycomfortedthatthisboatisoutonthelakewiththepilotandCFDcrewhelpingkeepeveryonesafe.Chriswasaboater,andweknowhe’sonthatboathavingagreattimewithhisbuddiesandseeingthewonderfulChicagolakefrontwhichhelovedsomuch.
TheFF/PMChristopherD.WheatleyMemorialFoundation(http://cdwmemorialfoundation.org)wasfoundedasanon-profit501(c)3organizationinOctober2011.We’recurrentlyworkingwithRomeovilleFireAcademytopartneronascholarshipprogramforfireacademycandidatesandwithUniversityofIllinois@Chicagoforascholarshipfor4thyearmedicalstudentswhowillenteremergencyroommedicine.
IhadnoideawhenthedoorbellrangAugust9,2010,thatIwouldeverbeabletoexistwithoutmydearsonChris.IneverthoughtIwouldberunninganon-profitorganization,takingclassesinnon-profitmanagement,orhostingafundraisingevent.Ineverthoughtthatmyactionswouldbringsmilestosomeonereceivingascholarshipinitiatedfromanorganizationbasedonthelifeofoneofmyfamilymembers.Buthereweare.LessthantwoyearsfromChris’passing,hisspirithasinspiredallofusto“passitforward,”bringinggoodfromtragedy.OurintentnowistocontinuetohonorChristhroughHISorganizationandtocontinuetoworktohelpotherswhoseintentistoservetheirfellowhumanbeings.
By Marie Sanborn, wife of Timothy Sanborn (2007-MI)
TimdiedJune22,2007.Ifinishedourretirementdream—builtaloghomeonLakeSuperiorandrelocatedthere—andnowIfeelit’stimetorebuildmylife.Theneedtogetoutofthehouse,meetnewpeople,andfeelusefulagainhasledmetovolunteering.IvolunteertwodaysaweekatSt.VincentdePaul.IhavefoundittobeoneofthemostrewardingexperiencesIhaveeverhad—anotherstepinhealing,anotherstepforward,andawaytohelpthecommunity!
The pieces shared in The Journey belong solely to the authors and may not be reprinted in part or whole without the authors’ permission.
By Mary Wheatley, mother of Christopher Wheatley (2010-IL)
AftermysonChrispassedonAugust9,2010,thestoriestoldrememberedChris’positiveenergy,hisdevotiontohiscareer,andhisreadinesstohelpallaroundhim.AllfelthisspiritandwantedtodosomethingtoencourageotherstofeelthatspiritandtocontinueChris’goodworks.
HiscousinJenniferMooresuggestedstartingascholarshipatLemontHighSchool,theiralmamater(whichChris’sisterKimalsoattended);andwewereontheway.Friendscame
touswithanoffertohostagolfoutingatCogHillGolfCourseinLemont.Onethingledtoanotherveryquickly,andthroughaLOTofhelpbythosewhoknew,honoredandlovedChris,wedidhosttheeventonJune15,2011,lessthanoneyearafterChrispassed.ItwasawonderfullifeaffirmingeventwhichraisedenoughfundsforustoexpandourscholarshipprogramtoincludetheChicagoFireDepartment’s(CFD)GoldBadgeSociety.
Inthemeantime,CFDaskediftheycouldnametheirnewfireboatinhonorofChris.Wefoundoutthatboat continued on page 6
6 The Journey Issue48•May/June2012
This project was supported by Grant #2012-PS-DX-0001, awarded by the Bureau of Justice Assistance. The Bureau of Justice Assistance is a component of the Office of Justice Programs, which also includes the Bureau of Justice Statistics, the National Institute of Justice, the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, and the Office for Victims of Crime. Points of view or opinions in this document are those of the author(s) and do not represent the official position or policies of the United States Department of Justice.
N a t i o n a l F a l l e n F i r e f i g h t e r s F o u n d a t i o n • P. O . D r a w e r 4 9 8 , E m m i t s b u r g , M D 2 1 7 2 7
(301) 447-1365 f i r ehe ro@f i r ehe ro .o rg
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bringsauniquetypeofcomfort.Howhasyourconnectionwithother
survivorshelpedyouthroughyourlossandthroughotherlossesandlifeeventssince?Howhasbeingabletoprovidesupporttoothershelpedyou?Whatdoyoucherishmostaboutyourfellowsurvivorfriends?
Ifyou’dliketoshareyourthoughtsonthistopicorotheraspectsofyourpersonaljourney,pleasesendaWorddocumentore-mail(andpictures!)[email protected],2012.Ifyoudon’tdocomputers,sendatypedorneatlyhandwrittencopyto:
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By Rick Charlson, father of Scott Charlson (2008-OR)
Scott’slifeinspiredmetocompleteasmallcloudforestorchidhouse.Thetemperaturegoesdownto45atnight,upto60duringtheday.At10:00,misterscomeonwith65degreewaterandmistthehousefor15minutes.Overheadventsopenwhentempsgetto70.I’mtryingtoduplicateColombia’smountainconditions.Thoughdifficulttokeepgoing,IcompleteditbecauseScottwouldhavewantedmetokeepon.
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Survivors Embracing Lifecontinued from page 5