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Vol. 9, Issue 2 October 8, 2010 (Arm Circles Day)
Angelo State’s Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 On the Internet @ Ramdiculous.com
(One, two, three, four!)
2
Quote of the Week
Leditors to the Editor Dear Ramdiculous Page,
I HATE YOUR NEW RE-
DESIGN!!!!!! I HOPE YOU ALL
BURN IN ETERNAL HELL-
FIRE FOR RUINING THIS
CAMPUS FOREVER!!!!!!
-Angry in All Caps, Texan
Hall
Angry—Thank you for read-ing our paper. Please seek pro-fessional help. –Top Ed.
*****
WASSUP RAMDICULOUS
I FRKN LUUUUV U GIEZ!!!!
ZOMG YOUR SO HOT <3
-Textual Healing, Concho
Hall
Textual—Thank you for the message. I didn’t understand a single word you said. –Top Ed.
*****
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am a wealthy Nigerian
banker. I have a sizable inheri-
tance, but I can’t reach it be-
cause of the processing fee. If
you help me by paying me
$200, then I will give you some
of the profits. Thank you.
- W e a l t h y N i g e r i a n
Banker, Texan Hall
Banker—I am too poor. I get paid in Blockbuster gift cards. Never contact me again. –Top Ed.
*****
Dear Ramdiculous Page,
How many licks does it
take to get to the Tootsie
Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?
-Candy is Food, Carr Hall
Food—According to the Library of Congress, it takes about five hundred. How-ever, according to Mister Owl, “ah three.” So either answer is likely. –Top Ed.
*****
Dear Ramdiculous Goons,
I can’t find my shoes. Do
you know where I left
them?
-Bare Feet, Carr Hall
Bare—It is very likely that you have placed your pre-
cious shoes in the dirty clothes hamper by mistake. Or maybe you never wore shoes to begin with. YOUR SHOES ARE A LIE. –Top Ed.
*****
dear ramdiculous page,
i am at the mcs computer
lab and my shift key doesn’t
seem to be working. what
should i do/
-lowercased, massie hall
Lowercased—How should I know? I’m just the editor of a funny little satirical newspa-per in a funny little town. I have no answers to life. Holy Moses, why do these people keep writing to me for an-swers??? I’m not Dear Abby, dammit. You need to ask one of the lab techs; they’re wicked awesome. –Top Ed.
*****
Have a leditor for our editor? Send an email to his inbox at [email protected], or message him through our Facebook page. Good luck.
Vol. 9, Issue 2 Something to read in class today
R A M D I C U L O U S P A G E P O L I C Y Published every other Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University System or this newspaper. We welcome all letters, tweets, and other such nonsense. Please include your name, position, and an email address. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned, EVER. Submit your letters, articles, and/or favorite Power Ranger via our email, [email protected], or our website, www.ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration or the Ramdiculous Page. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook and/or MySpace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable, unless expressed in writing. If you are an professor you need not worry, we will not use your profiles. If you can read this, you don’t need glasses.
Top Editor Bryce J. Parsons
Chairman of the chair Seth Chomout
Artists and writers The Ramdiculous Goons
Don’t stop believin’ Hold on to that feelin’
“I’d like to solve the puzzle.” -Some guy on Wheel of Fortune
3
the incredible question
Ram of the Week: Christine “Iron Maiden” Boswell Meet Christine Boswell. She’s really nice, but ridiculously accident-prone.
I’m serious. Last spring she slipped on an acorn here on campus and sprained
her ankle. She followed this up just recently by walking into an invisible hole
and wrecking her other ankle. Evidently, she seems to have some kind of curse
on her ankles, because she’s as tough as nails otherwise.
Once again, I’m serious. Yes, she’s nice, but you do NOT want to cross this
chick. She will END you, sucker. For you see, she hath telekinesis—although
that would be the least of your worries. I’m also reasonably sure she knows
some ancient fighting techniques that would freak you out. In fact, she’s
probably going to kill me in my sleep for writing all this.
But at least she won’t roundhouse kick anyone. Bad ankle, y’see. Not pictured: Christine’s ankles
4
Arm Circles, WOW By Marilyn C. Monroe
As I walk to class
Out on the grass
I couldn't help
To pass
ARM CIRCLISTS.
I stare
At these people who dare
To do arm circles.
I start laughing,
And they just glare…
O_o
Poetry Time.
Write or draw for us! Contact us at:
[email protected] (P.S. For every article you write that gets published,
you get a $5 gift card. Who says no to money?)
Random Arm Movement Society: PARANOIA ON CAMPUS Don’t drink the Kool Aid.
Everyone, stay in your houses. Across the univer-sity an infectious disease is spreading that causes people to randomly do arm circles in groups at random hours of the day.
We don’t know how or why it began, but according to witness Larry Fizzlesticks, he witnessed several people doing arm circles in a small group at about 8:30 PM in the lower Academic parking lot on September 23rd. These people then branched off and found non arm cir-clers and then did the arm
circles in front of them. This brought on more arm circles, and before you know it the whole parking lot was full of arm circle-doing people.
While limited knowledge is available on this infectious phenomena, there are several steps you can take to protect yourself.
1.) Always wear a condom. Even while walking around campus. No arm circles is safe arm circles.
2.) Don’t look directly into their eyes. Especially since their wildly swinging append-ages might poke you in them.
3.) Burn a picture of Richard Simmons. LOLRLY.
4.) Try to blow them up with your mind.
If you feel any of the symp-toms of needing to do arm circles, which include sweaty pits, an urge to watch Dirty Dancing, or drinking copious amounts of “purple drank”, contact a Poison Control Center immediately, or chop off your arms.
Really, it’s the only way. Edwin Abbott Abbott is
the Ramdiculous Page’s para-noia expert. We would give you his email address, but that would only add to his condition. It’s best to leave him alone, folks.
By Edwin Abbott Abbott
Who’s This? Text us your
answer! (562) RAMDIC-7 (562) 726-3427
Last week’s answer: Eek! the Cat (Nathan Smith got it right)
Dante Residential By Bryce J. Parsons
5
We are your voice, the voice of the Students of Angelo State. Be heard, we would like to know what you love about ASU, what you hate about ASU and what you think needs to be changed around here. We are here for
YOU!
If you have a comment, complaint, concern, or question, don’t hesitate to contact us. Via email [email protected], via phone
(325) 942‐2063, via our suggestion box in the UC, in our office UC 133 or even come attend our meetings at 6 PM on Monday nights.
ADVERTISE WITH US. If you would like your ad to appear in the
Ramdiculous Page, please contact us at [email protected]
Advertising Guidelines 1. Deadline for ads to be submitted is 1:00pm the Tuesday be-
fore publication. 2. Ads will be received only if they are complete. The Ramdicu-
lous Page will not create any ads. 3. Ad size will not exceed one-quarter of a page. 4. Organizations/events may have more than one ad, but no
organization/event will be allowed more than one-quarter of a page in ad space.
The Ramdiculous Page will not advertise for any off-campus event except in certain circumstances,* or anything of questionable nature. This includes but is not limited to: Alcohol drugs tobacco illegal activities *Exceptions to this rule will be determined by the staff of the Ramdiculous Page
Top Ten Ways to do arm circles 10.) Frontward
9.) Backward 8.) Clockwise
7.) Counter-clockwise
6.) With friends 5.) With enemies
4.) With frenemies 3.) With anyone
2.) With the whole
entire planet 1.) With Lady Gaga
Laconic Trope of the Day
Evil Is Sexy
TV Tropes will ruin your life. Read them at tvtropes.org.
“Moral depravity: so hot.”
Motherly Advice: Try to mind your P’s and Q’s By Mary Martin
This little article is for all of
you who are missing
mommy’s loving advice. Now
keep in mind, I am not your
mother, but if she were here
she might say these things.
Your mother might say, “Mind
your P’s and Q’s.” Do you
know what this means? Ac-
good – okay! Now mind you I
am not your mother, but I can
hear her telling you not to
have any “brush with the
law.” According to The American Heritage Dictionary of Idioms, “This expression
refers to the noun brush in the
sense of ‘a hostile collision.’”
Ouch! Now you know why
your mom would say that!
Finally, even though I am not
your mom, I have to remind
you of one last piece of advice
she would give you this week,
and that is, “Watch who you
run around with!” Or it could
be “who you run away with.”
You know what she means!
c o r d i n g t o h t t p : / /
w w w . p h r a s e s . o r g . u k /
meanings/mind-your-ps-and-
qs.html, no one knows for
sure either, but my guess is
that your mother thinks is
means, “Mind your pints and
quarts. This is suggested as
deriving from the practice of
chalking up a tally of drinks in
English pubs (on the slate),”
since we know how college
students love to partake in this
endeavor. Keep in mind, I am
not your mother, but if she
were here, she would tell you
to not let your grades become
a “death knell”. A what you
say? Let’s just say it’s not
Article written to fill some space SAN ANGELO—An article
appearing in Angelo State
University’s parody newspa-
per, the Ramdiculous Page,
appeared to be mere filler.
“I really didn’t know what
else to use,” said Bryce J. Par-
sons, top editor of the afore-
mentioned parody newspaper.
“I just needed some stuff to fill
space on page five. I hope no
one minds.”
The article was a parody of a
typical news brief, running
under the headline “Article
written to fill some space.”
The ramifications of the
article are yet to be felt. At
press time, Angelo State Uni-
versity had not issued an offi-
cial statement condemning or
condoning this practice.
Ramdiculous Observances
Saturday, Oct. 9: National Chess Day (Don’t let
Deep Blue kick your butt.)
Sunday, Oct. 10: International Newspaper
Carrier Day (Appreciate those who deliver Ram Pages and
Ramdiculouses...it’s not an easy job!)
Monday, Oct. 11:
National Kick Butt Day (Go find your siblings.)
Tuesday, Oct. 12:
International Moment of Frustration Scream Day (Let
loose...you need it.)
Wednesday, Oct. 13: National Bring Your Teddy
Bear to School or Work Day (DO THIS! I dare you.)
Thursday, Oct. 14:
Be Bald and Be Free Day (Okay, so my hairline is reced-
ing a bit…what’s it to you?)
Face/Off (S4) 1:10 4:15 7:20 10:10
Batman & Robin (S4) 1:20 4:10 7:15 9:50
Speed 2 (S4)
1:00 4:00 7:00 10:00
Hercules (S4) 12:50 3:00 5:10 7:10 9:10
Men in Black (SW7)
12:40 2:35 4:40 7:10 9:25
Wild America (SW7) 12:15 2:20 4:45 7:25 9:35
The Lost World (SW7) 12:45 3:40 7:00 9:50
Contact (SW7)
12:30 3:40 7:00 10:05
My Best Friend’s Wedding (SW7)
12:00 2:20 4:40 7:05 9:30
Out to Sea (SW7) 12:20 2:30 4:50 7:20 9:40
Movie Times from July 19, 1997
Arm Circles: The Movie (2019) By Billy Mack
Wow, EPIC! In nine years,
we get a movie about arm cir-
cles.
In fact, I am positive that a
movie about arm circles would
be probably the greatest thing
ever.
Okay, I am lying. Really,
this running gag about doing
arm circles is probably the
lamest thing that the Ram-diculous Page has ever at-
tempted in its four years of
publication. The lamest. I mean, really. Arm circles?
Those stupid exercises we used
to do in elementary school
P.E.? What the hell kind of
theme is that? Honestly, I
don’t know why I write for
these idiots.
And the idea that a movie
studio would finance a movie
about arm circles is patently
absurd! I mean, really, who
would watch that?
I really, really hate my life
right now.
A movie about arm circles.
Probably starring actors who
have stopped giving a crap.
Like me with this article.
Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas. You know he knows just exactly what the facts is.
Visit the Apple
App store or the
Android Market to
download the
new Ramdiculous
mobile app!
6
Formula for doing some arm circles anywhere Step 1.) Stick out your arms. Step 2.) Rotate them forward for a count of ten. Step 3.) Rotate them backward for a count of ten. Step 4.) ??? Step 5.) PROFIT!
S4=Sunset 4 Theater SW7=Southwest 7 Theater (Just in case you time travel to 1997 and want to see a movie)
xkcd
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