W GREEK AMeERICAdN dings€¦ · veils, and headpieces to his cus-tomers’ specifications in his New York City atelier since 2000. Lambrou designed costumes for Miss Botswana, Mpule

The National Heraldwww.thenationalherald.com

TH

E NATIONAL HERA

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GREEK AMERICAN

WeddingsSATURDAY - SUNDAY MARCH 1-2, 2014

Greek American Weddings2 THE NATIONAL HERALD, MARCH 1, 2014

The National HeraldA weekly publication of the NATIONAL HERALD, INC. (ΕΘΝΙΚΟΣ ΚΗΡΥΞ),

reporting the news and addressing the issues of paramount interest to the Greek American community of theUnited States of America.

Publisher-Editor Antonis H. Diamataris

Assistant to Publisher, Advertising Veta H. Diamataris PapadopoulosSpecial Section Editor Sophia Stratakis Huling

Production Manager Chrysoula KarametrosMarketing & Design Director Anna Angelidakis

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By Sophia S. HulingTNH Staff Writer

Brides looking for theGreek goddess vibe, aparticular ethnic fla-vor, or even a black

gown on their wedding day willfind it in independent fashiondesigner Angelo Lambrou. ASouth African native of Greek-Cypriot parents, Lambrou hascreated tailor-made gowns,veils, and headpieces to his cus-tomers’ specifications in his NewYork City atelier since 2000.

Lambrou designed costumesfor Miss Botswana, Mpule Kwe-lagobe, when she became thefirst black African and the thirdblack woman in the world towin Miss Universe in 1999. Thefollowing year, he designed thefeather-light, clean-lined gownall the Miss Universe contestantswore in the pageant’s openingnumber.

He moved to the U.S. in2000 and opened his shop inthe East Village, a chic New Yorkneighborhood. A peek at hisfrocks reveals soft draping, biascuts, and wrap details. Bridesseem to float in his dresses; theyare fitted to the body while stillcomplimenting it.

TNH: How did you getstarted designing weddinggowns?

Lambrou: In between myready-to-wear collections, my

A Conversation with East-Village-ChicBridal Designer Angelo Lambrou

Designer Angelo Lambrou

A bride at her wedding, wearing her couture gown made byAngelo. Continued on page 4

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Two-thirds of the wed-dings celebrated in theGreek Orthodoxchurch in the U.S. to-

day are between Orthodox andnon-Orthodox Christians, accord-ing to the Greek Orthodox Arch-diocese’s Department of Marriageand Family. That does not ac-count for Greek Orthodox mar-rying outside the Archdiocese,who are believed to be tying theknot with non-Christians.

“If you factor in those couplesinto that statistic, you’re probablytalking about 80 to 90 percent ofGreek-Americans who are inter-marrying at some level,” said Rev.Fr. Charles Joanides, Ph.D.,LMFT, the Archdiocese’s Inter-faith Marriage researcher. “Ourcongregations are no longer ho-mogeneous. The lion’s share ofpeople have been intermarryingnow for several generations – thelast 30 years in high numbers.”

Joanides, who was ordaineda priest 35 years ago, has beendirecting the Archdiocese’s workwith intermarried couples andtheir families for almost 15 years.In addition to his research, (fi-nanced by Leadership 100, theArchdiocese endowment fund),lectures, and workshops, he reg-ularly updates the informationon the Office of Interfaith Mar-riage website(http://www.goarch.org/arch-diocese/departments/marriage/interfaith), has written numerousessays and books, including“When You Intermarry: A Re-source for Inter-Christian, Inter-cultural Couples, Parents & Fam-ilies,” and has a small practice asa licensed marital and familytherapist.

Intermarriage has steadilyclimbed among Greek-Americansfor several generations, but re-cent research has uncovered ashocking statistic: over the last15 years, the number of mar-riages that are taking place in theGreek Orthodox Archdiocesehave decreased by one-third.

“I was visiting a large com-munity in the northeast, and thepastor told me, ‘We only did 3weddings last year.’ This is a com-munity of 600 families, plus,”Joanides said.

Evidence suggests that as thegenerations go by and Greek-Americans are farther removedfrom their ethnic roots, they oftenmigrate away from their faith aswell.

“We live in a secular society.Our young people often lack evena rudimentary understanding oftheir faith tradition,” he said. “Welive in a spiritual marketplace to-day. And we’re talking about thethird, fourth, fifth, sixth genera-tion Greeks who generally haveparents who have intermarried,who aren’t just pure-bloodedGreeks. Just because you’reGreek these days, doesn’t presup-pose you’re going to be Orthodoxalso.”

The church will marry an Or-thodox with a non-OrthodoxChristian as long as the non-Or-thodox partner was baptized inthe name of the Holy Trinity andin water, and the couple agreesto try to raise their children inthe Orthodox faith. But thechurch cannot unite one of hermembers with a non-Christian –and there’s evidence Orthodoxare seeking to marry non-Chris-tians with increased frequency.Unless the non-Christian partnerconverts, the wedding must takeplace outside the church, and theOrthodox partner loses his or hersacramental privileges. In effect,they are excommunicated. Worstof all, it comes to many as a com-plete shock.

“Many of them are well-edu-cated people. They go to univer-sities, they meet people, they fallin love with them, they want toget married,” Joanides said.“Then they go to their pastor andthey say, ‘We would like to getmarried,’ and the pastor says, ‘Ican’t do anything for you.’ I’vehad numerous couples email meor call me and have asked mewhat their options were and Ihad to let them know that theiroptions were quite narrow. TheOrthodox partner loses theirsacramental privileges, isn’t al-lowed to sponsor or be a godpar-ent or koumbaro at a wedding,and depending on the Metropol-itan, may not even be allowed toreceive a funeral. Those kinds ofthings in a pluralistic societydon’t sit well. Couples have atoxic reaction to them. They tendto leave the church feeling be-trayed, and at a moment in timewhen they needed the church,the church wasn’t there for them.This cuts both ways, too – it’s notthat they’re all innocent. I justthink that in the multi-culturalsociety, the post-modern societywhere we live, the church couldbe a little more flexible, a littlemore pastoral in its approach.”

Vasiliki (not her real name),a Greek native who has lived inthe U.S. since age 14, said herAmerican-born son knew hecould not marry his Jewish fi-ancée in the church, but he wasnot prepared for the way hispriest responded to his an-nouncement.

“You thought the ceiling fellon him,” she said. “He said to myson, ‘You cannot do this, you willnot be able to receive, you willnot be able to be a koumbaro ata wedding, you will be an outcastfrom the church!’ And my soncame home a wreck. He said,‘Mom, why can I not receive? I’mnot converting; I’m marryingsomeone of a different faith.’”

The couple was married in acivil ceremony. They have twosons, both of whom have beenbaptized Orthodox, and their fa-ther takes them to church on hol-idays to receive communion.Vasiliki said her son receives com-munion there, without tellingthat priest about his situation.

Joanides believes that al-though the church cannot give aChristian sacrament to a non-Christian, the guidelines bywhich the church ministers to in-termarried couples are sorely inneed of review to account forsome of the changes that are tak-ing place in society.

“There should be a greateremphasis on helping the GreekOrthodox partner retain connec-tion by looking at our pastoral

guidelines, maybe being a littlemore flexible,” said Joanides. “Tothe extent that we do that, thenit’s also possible that the non-Or-thodox partner may be somehowimpacted in a positive way, andmay even over time considerwhat Orthodoxy has to offer. It’smore probable that someonewould be influenced by thechurch’s kindness and sympathyand goodness than if the churchis talking in legalistic, black-and-white terms.”

Very Rev. Fr. Michael Ellias,pastor of St. Mary Antiochian Or-thodox Church in Brooklyn, N.Y.,has also seen interfaith marriagesincrease in his 27 years as apriest. He frequently has had tobreak the news to a bride- orgroom-to-be that marrying theirnon-Christian partner would sep-arate them from the church.

“It’s a very difficult time to ex-plain that kind of thing. It’s sup-posed to be one of the happiesttimes in their lives, and peoplereally don’t understand the na-ture of the sacrament and the po-sition of the church,” he said.

He differentiated betweenmarrying outside the church(such as another Christian con-gregation or a civil ceremony)and marrying in another religioustradition. The Antiochian Arch-diocese maintains that as long asa member does not marry in anon-Christian faith, he or she canreinstate their sacramental privi-leges.

“There probably needs to bea period of penance, but it is pos-sible,” he said. “It usually involvesmaintaining faithful membership,continuing your stewardship re-sponsibilities, if there are chil-dren, making sure they’re raisedin the faith, and usually after anumber of years it’s possible tobring someone back into fullcommunion.”

Rev. Fr. Joseph Woodhill, rec-tor of St. Nicholas OrthodoxChurch (Orthodox Church inAmerica) in Whitestone, N.Y., hasserved as a priest for 35 years,primarily on the east coast. Quiteoften, he gets a visit from some-one seeking a reconnection to thechurch after having been marriedelsewhere.

“I wish I had a chance tospend time with the couple be-fore the marriage is all over withand then I’m asked to help with

what’s already happened,” Wood-ill said. “People come to me andsay ‘Father, I haven’t been herefor a while, but I was marriedtwo years ago in such-and-suchplace.’ It’s easy to see how ayoung couple is swept up intothat, because often one of theparents is going to pay for thewedding and they’re going to doit this way. And it’s a shame be-cause in the past, they mighthave been swept up in the churchin that way, but no longer.”

With regard to ministering tointerfaith couples, Ellias noted“the agnostic flavor of our cul-ture” is one of the greatest chal-lenges facing the church.

“It has become a militant anti-religious flavor. People want toconsider themselves open andopen-minded, and I think that’sas big a threat to our church asthe question of marriage itself. It’s

a much more hostile environmentthan it was 25 years ago,” he said.

“We’re going to need to ad-dress the culture in more accessi-ble terms. Our vocabulary’s justnot helpful. When you’re talkingwith Muslims, for example, theidea of expressing Three Personsin one God is just incomprehen-sible. When you’re dealing withreal secularists, the church can’tappear to be hostile to science orto rationality. And sometimesthat’s a perception that we leavebehind.”

Joanides emphasized that tothe extent the non-Orthodoxpartner of an inter-Christian cou-ple is welcomed and doesn’t feellike a second-class citizen, the Or-thodox partner’s participationand support of the church willgrow. The church’s ministries can

Greek American WeddingsTHE NATIONAL HERALD, MARCH 1, 2014 3

Tying A Mixed Knot: Interfaith Marriages Challenge the Church and Her Members

Intermarriage has steadily climbed among Greek-Americans for several generations, but recentresearch has uncovered a shocking statistic: over the last 15 years, the number of marriages thatare taking place in the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese have decreased by one-third.

A bride and groom wed in the Greek Orthodox church. The connected crowns symbolize the two becoming one.

Continued on page 10

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customers asked me if I couldcustom design their specialgowns for them. In 2008 I madethe decision to only focus oncustom wedding and eveninggowns, as this part of the busi-ness had more demand.

TNH: Where do you get yourinspiration?

Lambrou: I am a great naturelover and I seek new ideas whenI get the chance to be in theAfrican bush or the Mediter-ranean, but mostly I am inspiredby my customers. Every cus-tomer is their own unique indi-vidual, and every one of themhas a distinctive personality.With every consultation, myteam and I have the experienceto explore their world, their per-sonalities and their needs. Ourrelationship is a personal andintimate one, and this opens thedoor of inspiration. It is a closecollaboration that leads to theultimate dream gown.

We have a very diverse clien-tele and cater to many cultures.One recent bride was having afusion wedding with two cere-monies and needed two dresses:a white one for the U.S. cere-

mony and a red one for China.We’ve even done black weddinggowns for brides looking forsomething completely different.

TNH: Tell us about your pur-chase options.

Lambrou: We have a selec-tion of ready gowns for bridesto choose from that are cus-tomized around our clients’needs and requirements. In ad-dition, I am often commissionedto design a creation especiallyfor the bride.

TNH: What fabrics do youuse?

Lambrou: We use all naturalfabrics that breathe; silk/linensor silk/cottons, or plain cottonor linen blends. Our gowns aredesigned for comfort and willfeel light as a feather. The heav-ier the dress, the less comfort-able you will be. Heavy does notmean quality. In most cases,heavier gowns are uncomfort-able, since they are usually con-structed with synthetic fibersthat tend to weigh substantiallymore than natural fibers.

Prices range from $2,300 to$7,000. View his collection athis shop at 96 East 7th Street,New York, or at www.angelo-lambrou.com.


A Conversation with BridalDesigner Angelo Lambrou

Continued from page 2

The dress and veil for this Indian bride’s outdoor weddingwere custom-made by Angelo using guipure lace, light-weightsilk chiffon, and charmuese for the skirt.

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Millennial brides no longer have to sacrifice modernstyle to maintain their ancestal customs. Julie George-lakos and Elleni Glekas bring 21st-century panacheto traditional culture with Trend and Tradition, their

event products and services company.Glekas said the two originally set out nearly five years ago to

offer wedding and baptism ceremonial items for the Greek Ortho-dox community in the Washington, D.C. area, as a convenience forlocal residents who could not travel to Baltimore or New York tochoose their wedding crowns, candles, boubounieres (favors) orbaptismal items in person.

“There was really nothing in the Washington, D.C. metro areathat we could go to physically see anything,” Glekas said. “We hadjust heard from so many people, ‘There’s nowhere in the area toget stefana (wedding crowns). Where do I go? What do I do?’ Oneof our friends said, “Someone needs to do this here,’ and we said,‘We should do it.’”

Glekas, a California native, and Georgelakos, from Baltimore,

met through their husbands, whose mothers had been best friendssince before the two men were born. Both women made the tran-sition from their careers outside the home to stay-at-home moth-erhood at about the same time – Georgelakos from an engineeringposition at Lockheed Martin, and Glekas from marketing at theDiscovery Channel. They initially embarked on the venture as auseful service for their area, one they could operate from home.Eventually, however, they came to regard their business similar toa mission to keep their Greek Orthodox heritage alive, while alsooffering more stylish options to modern brides of all ethnic back-grounds.

“When we thought about it, we said, ‘If we don’t do this, thenwho’s going to do it when all these lovely ladies who have beendoing this for so many years get too old to do it? We need to kindof be that next generation to do it, or else it will get lost.,” saidGlekas. “We’re very strong believers in keeping our traditions aliveand strong. It’s really just hearing feedback from everyone, ‘thankyou so much for doing this, we love how your products are somodern.’ We love our traditions, but we just wanted to add a dif-ferent look to them. Honoring them and respecting the traditions,but we just wanted to make them a little more modern.”

Trend and Tradition offers distinct items such as sterling silverwedding crowns imported from Greece. Other than a variety ofcrown styles and stefanothikes (glass display cases for the crowns),which they import, the two make or custom design all their otherwedding items.

“Some of the products from Greece you just can’t find here inAmerica,” said Glekas. “They have these truly unique and beautifulcharms and embellishments that are such a nice touch.”

Glekas and Georgelakos collaborate directly with each bride tocreate a memento that will fit her theme, color palette, and per-sonality in an elegant way. Glekas added that their enhanced web-site, due to launch any day, will include a DIY section.

“A lot of people want to save money, so we can give all the ma-terials, and then if they want to save the money and do it them-selves with their girlfriends, then that’s another option many brideswould appreciate now,” said Glekas.

One of their newest favors is the personalized mini olive oilbottle, filled with oil brought from Greece by one of Glekas’ closefriends.

“Let me tell you, no one leaves any of those behind!” Glekassaid. “That’s a favor people love.”


At Trend and Tradition, Ancient Customs Dress in Millennial Style

Trend and Tradition owners Elleni Glekas, right, and JulieGeorgelakos (above). Clockwise: Bridal shower guests receiveKey Lime Margarita Mix • Sterling silver wedding crowns im-ported from Greece • Wedding candles adorned with hand-sewn antique white dupioni silk ribbon • Wedding favors de-signed by Elleni Glekas and Julie Georgelakos of Trend andTradition: mini watering can filled with koufeta, decoratedbottle filled with olive oil from Elos, Greece

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Russo’s On The Bay,the Howard Beach,N.Y. catering hall,has received men-

tions on The Knot Best Of Wed-dings for the last two years. Wecaught up with Lauren Taylor,Russo’s event concierge, to chatabout some recent weddingtrends.

Music: “More popular nowis, a lot of brides and groomschoose to have a DJ instead ofa band, but they complementthe DJ with a little live enter-tainment, like one singer thatwill maybe do some of the cou-ple’s ethnic songs in a differentlanguage, or a different style.That’s a very popular trend –just to have a little bit of livemusic as opposed to a full band,or adding a percussionist or asaxophonist.”

Reception size: “For a littlewhile we saw the size was get-ting a little bit smaller, but itseems that larger weddings areback on the rise again. Over thepast four months or so, thenumbers are starting to grow

again. So I think the trend is onits way up to a larger reception.

We have seen a few of whatthey’re calling ‘post-weddingcelebrations,’ as opposed to awhole big wedding where every-one’s coming from the church.So we are seeing some ‘weddingdinner parties,’ and we see thatbecause we have our restaurant,Metro, which is a smaller venue,where we have an a la carterestaurant. We have a CrystalLounge, which is a lounge fit fora cocktail party-type celebra-tion. Celebrations where they’renot so traditional, the bride andgroom may not be wearing theirwedding gown and tuxedo, ormay have even been marriedpreviously, but they are havingthese smaller gatherings.”

Centerpieces: “People arestarting to be a little bit morepractical-thinking with weddingexpenses, so something that’svery popular now is to do acombination of high center-pieces and low centerpieces inthe room, so they’ll do everyother table. And I think it’s be-

cause it adds a little variety tothe look so it doesn’t have to beso uniform. People are kind ofbreaking away from the verytraditional rules now, and it’ssort of anything goes. Coupleslike that freedom of puttingtheir own spin on a wedding.Lower pieces tend to be less ex-pensive, so by mixing it up withhigh and low, that sometimesoffsets cost a little bit, and addsvariety to the look while alsokeeping a symmetry. Also, peo-ple sometimes have three dif-ferent styles around the room,so it could be a high piece, acandle piece, and a low piece,all the same colors and sametype of flowers, but all differentstyles in the room.”

Favors: “In the past fewyears, people are really doing alot of more practical favors, par-ticularly edible or drinkable fa-vors, like wine bottles. I thinkwe see a change because peoplestart to say, ‘How many servingplates can you have after awhile,’ and with the economy alittle different, I think people are

doing things that are a littlemore practical, that people caneat afterwards or drink after-wards, that they’re going to ac-tually use. I see a lot of peoplegiving champagne bottles, bot-tles of wine, dessert-type favorslike personalized cookies orcake pops that people can takehome and enjoy after the wed-ding.”

Food: “We have our signa-ture 11-choice menu for the en-trées, we’re sort of known forthat, so it’s like giving yourguests that restaurant experi-ence at a catered affair. Peoplestill like giving their guests thechoice for their dinner. It’s stoodthe test of time, so we reallydon’t get requests to do other-wise. The cocktail hour is stillkind of that feast time whereeverybody’s just sampling every-thing. As much as we see a lotof new trends, and a lot ofthings that are breaking outagainst tradition, as much asthere are new things, there arestill those staples that are triedand true and will always stay.”

Cakes: “They’re still sounique. You’re still seeing thevery traditional, elaborate, highpieces with a lot of detail: onecake could have everything fromlace to crystal to flowers. Thenthere’s the other end, which is Ithink a very modern style, veryclean, simple, not too many de-tails. It’s so varied from onebride to the next, I think there’sno way to say what the trend is.It’s so personal to each bride. Inthe same weekend you couldsee something that’s eight tierswith every detail you can imag-ine, to something very simpleand square with clean edges.”

Russo’s maintains a list oftheir preferred vendors – favors,invitations, photographers,florists, car services, videogra-phers, musicians, travel agents– whose services they guaran-tee.

“Even in the event if therewas something missing, weknow there’s accountability, andour vendors would be closeenough to fix it in time, or makeit up; or if not, and it ends up in

a result where someone wasvery unhappy, we would ab-solutely work with that bride af-terwards to make it right inwhatever appropriate way. Butour team is very close and con-nected, and if there’s somethingwrong with a preferred vendor,we can step in and sort of helpfix it.”

Every two months or so,Russo’s presents a bridal show-case, where their preferred ven-dors feature their services andproducts for brides and groomsto peruse.

“Florists bring samples of theupcoming trends in floral de-sign; photographers bring sam-ple albums of recent workthey’ve done; DJs will take turnsspinning tunes for about 15-20minutes; Russo’s band will do a20-minute set. The couples re-ally get to see us all work beforethey make any decisions.”

Russo’s On The Bay is at 162-45 Crossbay Boulevard, HowardBeach, N.Y. www.russosonthe-bay.com

When it comes to your wedding photographs you wantthem to look beautiful and memorable, right? Well, inorder to make that happen we suggest using a profes-sional wedding photographer. Some couples may think

that photographers know what the couple wants; however, that isnot always the case. It is important to get to know your weddingphotographer because he/she will be capturing your memorablemoments. We provided you with a list of various questions youmay want to ask your wedding photographer: 1. What type of camera will the photographer use? 2. Which person from your team will be taking the photos at my

wedding? 3. What styles do you specialize in? Do you do any creative shoots? 4. Do you use an assistant? Will the assistant be there on the day

of my wedding? 5. Have you worked at my wedding location before? Did it work

out? 6. Approximately how long will it take for the photographer to

capture the photographs? 7. How many photographs come in each package? 8. Will you accept a list from me displaying my must haves? 9. What attire will the photographer wear? 10. What types of photos will be taken (Black and White, Color,

Antiques, etc.)? 11. How long after the wedding will the proofs be ready? 12. How far in advance do I need to book with you?13. Do you have a portfolio that I can see?14. Will you put together a slideshow of the ceremony?15. May I have a list of references?

16. Are you shooting in digital or film format or both? 17. How would you describe your photography style?18. How many weddings have you shot?19. What do you think distinguishes your work from other photog-

raphers? 20. Are you shooting other events on the same day as mine?

Take some time to get to know your wedding photographer.Meet the person who will be taking your photographs before thewedding. Remember, they will be capturing those special momentsat your wedding!

(Source: newjerseyweddings.com)

Picture Perfect: Questions To Ask Your Photographer

Wedding Trends at Russo’s On The Bay

A view of Jamaica Bay from Russo’s

ABOVE: Weddingtable décor optionsfrom a bridal show-caseLEFT: A weddingcake from Russo’sonsite bakery

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Compiled by Sophia S. Huling

“Brethren, alwaysand for every-thing give thanksin the name of

our Lord Jesus Christ to God theFather. Be subject to one an-other out of reverence forChrist. Wives, be subject to yourhusbands, as to the Lord. Forthe husband is the head of thewife as Christ is the head of thechurch, his body, and is himselfits Savior. As the church is sub-ject to Christ, so let wives alsobe subject in everything to theirhusbands. Husbands, love yourwives, as Christ loved theChurch and gave himself up forher, that he might sanctify her,having cleansed her by thewashing of water with the word,that he might present theChurch to himself in splendor,without spot or wrinkle or anysuch thing, that she might beholy and without blemish. Evenso husbands should love theirwives as their own bodies. Hewho loves his wife loves himself.For no man ever hates his ownflesh, but nourishes and cher-ishes it, as Christ does theChurch, because we are mem-bers of his body. "For this reasona man shall leave his father andmother and be joined to hiswife, and the two shall becomeone flesh." This mystery is a pro-found one, and I am saying thatit refers to Christ and theChurch; however, let each oneof you love his wife as himself,and let the wife see that she re-spects her husband.” (Ephesians5:20-33)

This biblical passage, whichhas been read at every OrthodoxChristian wedding for hundredsof years, remains the subject ofmuch discussion and disagree-ment. Writing in the fourth cen-tury, St. John Chrysostom’s“Homily 20 on Ephesians” ad-dresses husbands this way:

“Take upon yourself the sameprovidential care of [your wife],as Christ takes upon Himself forthe Church. And even if it be-comes necessary for you to giveyour life for her, yes, and evento endure and undergo sufferingof any kind, do not refuse it.Even though you undergo allthis, you will not, not even then,

have done anything equal towhat Christ has done. You aresacrificing yourself for someoneto whom you are already joined,but He offered Himself up forone who turned her back onHim and hated Him. In the sameway, then, as He honored herby putting at His feet one whoturned her back on Him, whohated, rejected, and disdainedHim, as He accomplished thisnot with threats, or violence, orterror, or anything else like that,but through His untiring love;so also you should behave to-ward your wife. Even if you seeher belittling you, or despisingand mocking you, still you willbe able to subject her to your-self, through affection, kindness,and your great regard for her.”

Returning to 2014, we tookan informal survey of Christianwomen who have been marriedbetween seven and 50 years,most of whom heard this read-ing at their weddings. Read onfor their interpretations, born oftheir experiences, of this pas-sage of scripture.

aaa

I remember having a discus-sion in a college art class aboutsubmission to your husband.Needless to say, everyone elsein the class said they wouldnever be submissive to anyone.I said I would only marry some-one whom I could trust to makethe right decisions with inputfrom me. He would love meenough to take into accountwhat I had to say about an issueand my opinions. If he loved meas Christ loved the Church, hewould not have me do thingsthat would lessen me in anyway. He would want only whatis best for me. Sometimes thatmeans I don't get to do what Iwant. Sometimes that means hedoesn't get to do what he wants.That is sacrificial love. Not thatit has been easy. He takes awhile to make decisions when Iwant them made now. Andsometimes I don't agree withhim. But I know if I let him takethe lead everything will be asGod intended, eventually.

The end of verse 33 is thekey. "Let each one of you lovehis wife as himself, and let thewife see that she respects herhusband." Shouldn't he respect

me and shouldn't I love him? Ifind it is way easier for womento love someone than respecthim. If we don't respect him, wewill not trust his judgment andwe will not be willing to be sub-ject to him. I think it is easierfor a man to respect someonethan love her. I admit I'm justguessing on this one, not beinga guy or discussed this withthem I don't know for sure. But,if a man loves his wife as himselfhe will not do anything fromselfishness. He will truly wantwhat is best for her and wanther to be happy.

aaa

Let me first say that my hus-band is much better at holdingup his end of the scripture thanI am. He always puts my welfarefirst. I, on the other hand, ampretty stubborn and want thingsmy own way. I think when I wasyounger I may have felt it wassort of a sexist scripture. Now,and after almost 27 years ofmarriage, I see the wisdom ofit. It creates less conflict if oneis the "head" as long as the headputs the welfare of the othermembers first. That doesn'tmean that my husband doesn'tlet me lead. In fact, with his sup-port, I often lead when it comesto the welfare of the children.God blessed me with the abilityto figure things out, especiallyfor my son who has a disability,and a husband who providesemotional and financial supportfor what needs to be done. I findthat we actually complementone another.

aaa

To me this is God makingsure we treat each other right.Women tend to show love, andtheir hearts are always withtheir husbands, but what theyforget to do often is to respecthim. They forget the honor dueto him and what he does for thefamily, and so God is remindingthem of that.

In the same manner God isreminding the man to love hiswife. Men seem to forget thatwomen want to be shown, told,reminded that they are loved.God knows this, He made us thisway, so he encourages men tobe an example to all by lovingtheir wives. Notice St. Paulstarts this passage as that thecouple needs to be subject toone another. To respect eachother. It is a command for both.They just need to be remindedhow, each in the appropriateway. Also notice this (the doublex chromosomes are speakingnow): the husband is given alonger, more detailed instruc-tion, because he needs a littlekick in the pants.

Now really, if we rememberthat we became one flesh, thatwhat we do or say to our spousewe are doing or saying to our-selves, we will do the rightthing. I do not feel demeanedor lessened by St. Paul's words.I know many women seem tothink they are, but if you lookat what is commanded, I haveto subject myself, in other wordsshow respect to my husband.My husband has to love me,love me so much he is willingto die for me. How can I not re-spect that? Who has the moredifficult role to fill?

C.S. Lewis said, “Love is notaffectionate feeling, but a steadywish for the loved person's ulti-mate good as far as it can beobtained.” I think that reallysums the whole thing up.

aaa

Many women take this pas-sage and think "I'm not going tobe subject to no man," and theystop reading, or get blocked anddon't think about the rest of the

passage and its meaning. If theyread line 4 of that passage, theysee that the husband has a hugeburden as well: to love his wifelike Christ did the Church, andgave himself up for her. I thinkpeople read “wives be subject toyour husbands,” and interpret itlike being a slave or servant tohim. The relationship betweenhusband and wife is like the re-lationship between Christ andthe Church. To us in our mar-riage, there is a mutual respectfor one another. If I know thatmy husband’s intentions aregodly, then who am I to not fol-low him?

People think the Bible is oldfashioned, not meant for today,etc. But if morepeople under-stood oropened theirhearts to un-derstand it,they would findso much morepeace in theirlives and theirrelationships.

aaa

In a nut-shell, the partabout being asubject to yourhusband is justone of manythings that wehear in churchthat I choose toignore. A re-minder of howmen crafted somuch of our re-ligion, and it'sup to us mod-ern women todisregard whatis based on an-cient prejudice and be in tunewith our own hearts and senseof justice. I realize this pickingand choosing is probably offen-sive to literalists, but I think thatthere is no place for gender di-visions in a spiritual realm.

aaa

In 20 years of marriage,fraught with much blood, sweat,tears and joy, the meaning ofthe scripture has slowly seepedin my soul. Within marriage weare citizens of the kingdom ofGod; therefore to be a good cit-izen, we think of order, and inthat heavenly order “there isneither male nor female" (Gala-

tians 3) – thus giving us EQUAL-ITY. In this process, we recog-nize that we choose to die toourselves. With the weddingcrowns, we are placing thecrowns of our own martyrdomupon our heads. This bond isnot a form of bondage; whilebonded together, man andwoman are made one. Crazy asthis sounds, there is a freedomin this oneness: a freedom tolove, share, cherish, honor, andobey as we – together – are ush-ered back into Paradise.

Do I do all these things...?No, I do not. In Romans, we aretold that no one is without sin,and all have fallen short. It istrue in marriage. We fail, we

lose sight of the One who giveseternal life, who is Love so thatwe can love in return.Madeleine L'Engle, one of myfavorite authors, has eloquentlydefined this love:

“If we commit ourselves toone person for life, this is not,as many people think, a rejec-tion of freedom; rather, it de-mands the courage to move intoall the risks of freedom, and therisk of love which is permanent;into that love which is not pos-session but participation.”

aaa

Every nation, every govern-ment municipality, every house-

hold has its rules and regula-tions by which people abide.God had set His rules and JesusChrist's followers, through di-vine inspiration, have written assuch the four gospels ofMatthew, Mark, Luke, and John,and the marriage passages writ-ten by the Apostle Paul to theEphesians.

Our husbands become ourprotectors, and you always pro-tect the ones you love. In orderfor someone to protect you, theymust first love you. After all, hemust be willing to give himselfup for her. Therefore, the wifemust be grateful and respectfulfor her husband's actions. Forhe is willing to give his life for

her just as Jesus Christ gave Hislife for us by dying on the cross.

Marriage is like a pilot and aco-pilot trying to navigate aplane called life. As pilot andco-pilot, while traveling in life'sjourney, the weather can bebeautiful and flying very plea-surable and enjoyable. In turbu-lent times however, the pilotwill ask the co-pilot to pushsome buttons, hoping to stabi-lize the situation. At this criticaltime the two will determinehow strong and how obedientthe bond between them is,which will determine the jour-ney throughout their life to-gether.


The Wedding Epistle – Timeless or Obsolete?

The wedding epistle

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The Perfect SmileFor Your Special Day

By Joe Yogerst

Feeling a little stretchedby your wedding ex-penses? Don’t let thatimpact your honey-

moon fun! We did the math on11 of the best affordable honey-moon getaways where travelbudgets stretch longer and wider.

HONOLULU�Given its distance from the

mainland and high-priced islandeconomy, the 50th state has al-ways been one of the pricier do-

mestic destinations. But thatdoesn’t mean you can’t find goodvalue. Couples dreaming about aHawaiian honeymoon shouldconsider Honolulu and the islandof Oahu, home to icons likeWaikiki Beach, Diamond Headcrater and the Banzai Pipelinesurf break. Honolulu’s hefty ho-tel stock means rates are avail-able that fit every budget. Diningcan be affordable too, especiallywhen you join the locals at thelow-priced lunch joints and bak-eries of Honolulu’s Kapahuluneighborhood and the city’s Sat-urday farmers’ market. The city

and its lush tropical surroundingsalso boast many free festivals andspecial events that highlight theisland’s multicultural heritage.

BRAZIL�Brazil has finally embraced

the all-inclusive with the samepassion it puts toward soccer.Brazilian backers have hooked upwith SuperClubs to launchBreezes properties at prime hon-eymoons locations, including themusical city of Bahia on the northcoast and the super-chic Buziosbeach-resort area near Rio de

Janeiro. Despite its reputation asa high-priced city, Rio can actu-ally be very reasonable. After all,the most popular activities areabsolutely free: people-watchingand parading up and down Co-pacabana and Ipanema beaches.And you don’t have to stay righton the beach: Hotels a block ortwo behind the strand are oftenhundreds of dollars per nightcheaper than the sandside oneswhile offering the same level ofroom and service.

IRELAND�With the average price of a

hotel night falling over the pasttwo years, Dublin has gone frombeing one of the most expensivecapitals in Western Europe to oneof the best values. Even so, theIrish metropolis remains rela-tively expensive compared to therest of the Emerald Isle – espe-cially the breathtaking westcoast, with its quaint villages,wind-swept scenery and greenthat seems to stretch forever. Ouradvice: Skip Dublin and flystraight into Shannon Airport,and you’ll save both money andtime (it’s an hour closer to theUnited States than Dublin), with-out sacrificing the attractions forwhich Ireland is known – wel-coming locals, thriving musicalculture and rugged naturalbeauty.

JAMAICA�The Spanish colonized Ja-

maica shortly after ChristopherColumbus discovered the exotictropical isle in 1494. The Britishlater snatched it away, laying thegroundwork for the culturalmelting pot that eventually gavethe world Rasta, reggae and RedStripe. But the Spanish are in-vading again, this time with hugeall-inclusive resorts that lure cou-ples craving bargains. You don’teven have to stay at one of thenew Riu, Iberostar or Gran BahiaPrincipe resorts, strung along thenorth shore between Negril andOcho Rios – their mere appear-ance has brought down hotelrates across the island. Sandalsresorts were founded in Jamaica,and their seven on-island oasesare offering all sorts of incen-tives, including spa credits, freenights and rates up to 65 percentless than before the Spanish in-vasion. And with budget airlineslike JetBlue, AirTran and AirTransat now flying between

North American cities and Mon-tego Bay, as well as expandedservice by other air carriers, Ja-maica is now among the cheap-est places to reach in theCaribbean.

BALKANS�Europe’s long-lost corner may

not seem like the most obviousspot for a honeymoon, but theBalkans have really come intotheir own in recent years as alow-cost alternative to pricierMediterranean destinations. Inparticular, Bulgaria and Croatiahave emerged as standout lo-cales where money goes furtherthan elsewhere on the continent– and they have as much cultureto offer as their better-knownneighbors in Western Europe.Bulgaria blends Roman ruins, an-cient Orthodox churches, cuisineand Black Sea beaches with in-credibly low prices on just abouteverything. While Croatia is justas eclectic, with a gorgeous mixof Adriatic islands and beaches,fortified Renaissance towns andinland national parks with white-water rafting, hiking and boatingon jade-colored lakes.

AUSTRALIA�The Aussies have long be-

lieved everyone deserves a greatholiday, and they respond withdining, sleeping and travel op-tions for every budget. In fact,the Australian Automobile Asso-ciation offers an awesome Webtool for figuring out the prices ofhotels, B&Bs, hostels and evenhouseboats and campgrounds.AAA’s star system is primarilybased on amenities but roughlycorresponds to overnight rates.And with trans-Pacific ticketsdown from their pre-recessionpeak, you can easily reach Aus-tralia for less. Qantas and other

Aussie carriers also offer valueair passes that allow flexibleflights within Australia – ideal forfirst-time visitors who want to seeit all, from the sophisticatedrestaurants and shops of Sydneyand Melbourne to dive sites alongthe Great Barrier Reef to desertlandscapes in the Red Centre.

YUCATAN PENINSULA�Mexico’s Yucatan Peninsula

encompasses a huge area – Can-cun and Cozumel islands, themainland Riviera Maya (Playadel Carmen and Tulum) and in-land spots like Chichen Itza andMerida – which means there’splenty of choice in terms ofwhere you stay, eat and play.Each destination has its own dis-tinct vibe. Cancun is all aboutbeaching, bargain shopping andcrazy nightlife. Fronting thelongest barrier reef in the West-ern Hemisphere, Cozumel is aholy grail for the diving crowd.Playa del Carmen is smooth andsophisticated, while Tulum andIsla Mujeres offer two takes onbeach-bum paradise – the former,eco-minded; the latter, isolated(in a good way).�The averageprice of a hotel room has plungedacross the Yucatan during springand summer. Five-star hotels gen-erally offer the deepest discounts.Or you can make like IndianaJones in a thatch-roof jungle bun-galow at the Mayaland Hotel,near Chichen Itza. Down in laid-back Tulum, there are goodbeachfront rooms for less, andeven the high-end places, like therustically romantic Posada Lunadel Sur, can fit you in for an af-fordable price, depending on theseason.

MONTREALIf you crave a honeymoon

with a French joie de vivre butParis seems too pricey, why notconsider Montreal? In Montreal,a compact city with top-gradepublic transit, you won’t have torent a car to wander. Base your-selves in Vieux Montreal (OldMontreal), and you can walk toNotre-Dame Basilica, the St.Lawrence riverfront and the ren-ovated Marche Bonsecours mar-ket, with its bars, restaurants andboutiques. Or purchase a three-day occasional card for unlimitedtravel on the city’s extensivemetro and bus networks. Manyof the coolest attractions andevents in the city are actuallyfree. The Montreal Museum ofFine Arts and the Redpath Mu-seum won’t cost you a dime. Nei-ther will many of the eventsstaged during the city’s famouscomedy festival. Likewise, theannual Montreal InternationalJazz Festival includes more than350 free concerts.

THAILAND�Southeast Asia’s favorite des-

tination is the kind of place whereit almost doesn’t matter howmuch money you spend – evenslumming it can seem like luxuryin tropical paradises like Phuketand Ko Samui. Thailand’s biggestbargain is accommodations, es-pecially at the more popular des-tinations, where the choice in ho-tels can sometimes overwhelm.Fierce competition has broughtroom prices down to levels thatseem too good to be true. Flyingaround Thailand is fairly inexpen-sive too and never takes verylong. Flights between Bangkokand the northern city of ChiangMai take about an hour and cancost less one-way than most com-parable flights in the U.S.

PUERTO RICO�This island remains one of the

Caribbean’s best value getaways,not the least because U.S. citizensdon’t have to invest in a passportto get there. Flights from theStates haven’t dropped that muchin price over the past few years,but accommodations in PuertoRico definitely have. You’ll alsosave bucks on many of PuertoRico’s popular outdoor activities.Surf schools at world-renownedPlaya Rincon range are consid-erably less than other surf spotslike Hawaii. Top-ranked scubaoutfitters offer one and two-tankdives for extremely competitiveprices out of San Juan. Rentalcars are another great value. Be-cause Puerto Rico is a U.S. terri-tory, not only are roads and dri-ving conditions very similar toback home, so are rental rates.

SRI LANKA�This teardrop-shaped island in

the Indian Ocean is on the oppo-site side of the globe from NorthAmerica, so airfare isn’t cheap.But once you reach the ancientland of Serendib, the island isvery affordable. Imagine all ofthe exotic delights India has tooffer – palaces and ancient tem-ples, coconut-palm-shadedbeaches, game reserves with wildelephants and leopards, incredi-ble cuisine and exotic shopping– in a smaller, more manageablespace, and you’ll have some ideaof why Sri Lanka is such a coolhoneymoon destination. As forsafety concerns, the U.S. Depart-ment of State lifted its long-standing travel warning on SriLanka in May 2010. Diplomatsstill advise not traveling to the is-land’s far north, where most ofthe 26-year civil war took place– but that’s not where you’d likelygo as a tourist anyway.

(Source: destinationweddingmag.com)

By Constantinos E. Scaros

In some ways, gettingmarried in your fortiesgives you some perspec-tive you often overlook by

getting married in your twen-ties, and gives you a chance togive a little advice to your fellowgrooms-to-be – whether they’rein their 20s, 30s, 40s…or even80s – while the wedding day isstill fresh on your mind (in mycase, closing in on five years).

Of course, grooms are nomore a monolith than brides.Everyone is an individual, notwo tastes are identical, to eachhis own, etc. etc. But in mostcases, I think, there is in factgood reason to generalize aboutthe groom’s perspective onthings versus the bride’s. Thatsaid, here are my tips, for betteror for worse (pardon the pun):

PRECIOUS FEW CHOICESIn most cases, brides will have

a lot to say about a lot of differ-ent things regarding the weddingthat the groom really doesn’tcare all that much about. Thosemight include – beyond the wed-ding dress, of course – the brides-maids’ dresses, the flowerarrangements, the table settings,the dessert menu, the favors, andwhat the invitations will look likeand say. Unless you really careabout those details, too, or unlessshe really wants you to be in-volved in the minutiae, take aback seat and focus on what de-tails are important to you. In mycase, that was three things: food,drinks, and music. Oh, and thestyle of my tuxedo.

COCKTAIL HOURSure, the dinner entrees are

important, too, and the dessertmenu, particularly for women(yes, I’m generalizing again).But as far as I’m concerned, it’sall about the cocktail hour. Twomain things to remember: 1)make sure it’s nice and long (atleast an hour and a half, prefer-ably two), and; 2) don’t sched-ule photo shoots at that time.

There is nothing worse thanblinking and missing a wonder-ful cocktail hour – the firstchance as a married man tomingle with the people you caremost about, the ones who arethere to celebrate your specialday. The last thing you – or yourguests – would want to do is beushered into the main receptionhall before you’ve even had achance to down your secondheaping plate of appetizers andyour third cocktail. And noskimping on the choices: giveyour guests what they want, andmake sure you get what youwant, too. In my case, I madesure plenty of Porterhouse steak(the real kind, not the “T-bone”)and Laphroaig single maltScotch were on hand. My wifeand I always wondered why inthe world so many brides andgrooms miss their own cocktailhours: we wouldn’t have missedours for the world!

MUSICThis is your wedding recep-

tion. Yours and your bride’s. Youget to pick the music. Sure, youwant your guests to enjoy themusic, too: that’s why our multi-hour reception contained onlytwo Deep Purple songs (my fa-vorite band!). Our Greek musicbegan with the traditional open-ing kalamatiano, “Oraia PouEinai I Nifi Mas – How Beautiful

Our Bride Is,” followed by aclassic medley that extended thedance to around 10 minutes orbeyond. And it doesn’t reallymatter if your guests know how

to dance or not – it’s not a dancecontest, it’s a wedding – it’s allabout having a blast.

As much as I love kalama-tiana – that’s the most popularGreek group dance – I alsomade sure we had plenty ofsyrta and soustes, too. Thesyrto, more popular on the is-lands than the mainland, is the

ideal way to dance to Nisiotikasuch as “Ntari Ntari,” “Tha ParoMia Psarovarka,” and “Mes TouAigeou,” among others, thoughmany people will default to

kalamatiano for those, too (afterall, the two dances are not en-tirely dissimilar, it’s not likewe’re comparing the tango tobreakdancing).

Neither my wife nor I arefans of the Electric Slide or theMacarena, so those were not onthe agenda. But we know formost people they are a must.

And that’s my point: the musicis a big part of your night –make it what you want it to be,but make sure your guests arehappy, too.

MISCELLANEOUS TIPSWhile we’re at it, here are a

few more tips to consider:

Saturday, not Sunday, andDefinitely not a Holiday

Whoever thought up the no-tion of getting married on aSunday obviously didn’t plan tohave a late-night reception, ordidn’t think about guests whowork on Monday morning. Soif you take a few liberties per-sonalizing the music to your lik-ing, at least be thoughtful andhave your reception on a Satur-day night. That way, your guestshave a day to recuperate beforethe Monday morning grind.

Oh, and above all, do not byany means plan your weddingon the weekend of MemorialDay, the Fourth of July, or LaborDay. A lot of your guests willmake plans on those three-dayweekends well in advance, andthe last thing you ought to do isforce them to choose betweentheir long-awaited long getawayweekend, and your wedding. Istill remember years ago cuttinga Fourth of July trip to Long Is-land midstream to rush back toa wedding in New Jersey.

My wife and I planned ourwedding the Saturday AFTERMemorial Day – on purpose.

KaraokeHow can a bride and groom

who shun the Electric Slide andthe Macarena insist on karaokeat their wedding? Isn’t that trad-ing one hokey activity for an-

other? Easy: we both love tosing, and our KJ (karaokejockey) was a good friend withwhom I use to run a karaokeshow in Manhattan, as a hobby.As long as you pick a good KJ –good quality sound system, songselection, and who doesn’t hogup all the good echo for his ownmicrophone and claim he can’tadjust the sound for the rest ofthe singers (I can do an entirestory just on that) – karaoke canget your guests into the fun tentimes more than mere dancing.

Enjoy ItAbove all, your wedding day

is going to be the best partyyou’ll ever have (until your chil-dren’s wedding days, of course– and personally, I’m a longways away from that, so I could-n’t tell you) – so make sure youenjoy it! Get the posed photosout of the way, eat a lot at cock-tail hour to be full, so you cantable-hop and see all yourguests while they have dinner.Plan for a nice, loooooong re-ception, in order to spend qual-ity time with a lot of people.You’ll be glad you did. It’s thegreatest day of your life – planit well!

The Wedding VideoThe wonderful woman Pres-

bytera Pearl Veronis, whose hus-band, Father Alexander, marriedus, gave us some very wise ad-vice: “watch the video of yourwedding each year on your an-niversary.” We have followed heradvice thus far, and it’s a specialtreat every time. So make lotsof copies just to make sure youalways have one on hand.

I Ora I Kali!


11 Affordable Honeymoon Destinations

The Greek-American Wedding, Tips for Grooms from a Groom

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Sunbathing in Puerto Rico

Wedding planning is most by and about brides. And that’s fine,but here are some tips for the guys: groom-to-groom.

WR

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Traditionally, theentire wedding party- and other specialguests - carry or

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Beidermeier:A nosegay made up ofconcentric circles of differentflowers for a somewhat stripedeffect.

Cascade:A waterfall-like "spill" ofblooms and greenery that'sanchored in a hand-held base.Looks like a miniature floraltrain.

Classic Hand-tied Bouquet:A dense bunch of bloomseither anchored in a bouquetholder, wired, or hand-tied.

Composite:A handmade creation in whichdifferent petals or buds arewired together on a singlestem, creating the illusion ofone giant flower.

Nosegay:A small, round cluster offlowers, all cut to a uniformlength, which was all the ragein Victorian times and isenjoying a renaissance today.Usually made with onedominant flower or color,nosegays are wrapped tightlywith ribbon or lace for a

delicate effect. Or, for an all-out Victorian look, insert thenosegay into a silver carryingcone (also known as a tussymussy).

Pomander:A bloom-covered ballsuspended from a ribbon,perfect for child attendants.

(Source: The Knot)


Wedding Flowers: A Glossary of Bouquets

A flower market in Pinarola, Italy A classic hand-tied bouquet

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The Bay Ridge Manorcatering hall inBrooklyn, N.Y. up-dated its look about

eight months ago with a com-plete gut renovation, said owner

Patrick Golden – the first one inmore than 20 years.

Golden has swapped theManor’s carpeting for a lime-stone tile designed to look likewood, installed new chande-liers, and added some gray huesto the hall’s creamy colorscheme. He said that the idea

was to give it the appearance ofa carriage house.

“It’s a clean look, it’s sleek,the lighting just accents thewallpapering right down to thefloors,” Golden said of the mainballroom. “It’s a natural look,it’s clean, it’s crisp. We do havecolored lighting in the room.Not so much for weddings, butfor other events, they like to usedifferent colored linens, and wedo have the up-lighting wherewe can transform the room intodifferent look by the lightingand the dome lights.”

The hall books one event ata time, with the ballroom on themain floor, room for cocktailson the lower level, and a bridalsuite on the upper level for theguests’ use during the party.

“They can have cocktails upthere, they can have photos upthere. It’s for their use duringthe reception so they can go upand have a private room tothemselves,” Golden said.

Golden said his family hasrun the Bay Ridge for the past32 years.

“We taka a lot of pride in it,one wedding at a time, and weoversee everything ourselves,”he said. “We give it the finaltouches, and we keep a closewatch on it to make sure every-thing is run just right as the

guests request.”Brides, grooms, and their

families can expect to find one-stop shopping here, with a pack-age that includes the reception,valet parking, the wedding cake,and a wedding planner to findall the vendors a bride andgroom will need.

“In our package we puteverything together so it’s one-stop shopping. So when thebride comes in, she doesn’t haveto go to the florist, she doesn’thave to go get a limousine, wedo it all here for her,” Goldensaid. “We’ll put the package to-gether and we’ll include every-thing in that package for themso they don’t have to start shop-

ping around and pricing out dif-ferent stuff.”

Bay Ridge Manor works witha French bakery and an Italianbakery to prepare the weddingcake, which can be eitherstacked or tiered in layers.

The manor hosts two to threebridal showcases per year, saidGolden, with its next one sched-uled for March 27 from 7-10pm, open to anyone planning tobe married in the near future.The event will feature all theirpreferred vendors.

“We anticipate a couple hun-dred people. We have approxi-mately 15 different vendors do-ing wedding services:limousines, florists, bakeries,

photographers, bands, DJs com-panies – basically anyone in thewedding business.”

Golden said the small wed-ding trend, which he has seenduring the past few years, hasshifted for the hall’s upcomingbookings.

“In the last five years, mostof the weddings we used to havehere were 125 to 200 people.The last few years they’ve beenall downsizing to 75, 50 people.That’s turning around now asour new bookings are comingin. They’re back up to 125, 150people.”

The front of the building willget its own upgrade in the nextcouple of months, said Golden.

help by making it clear to themthat the non-Orthodox partnerwould be embraced if they choseto convert.

“I’ll tell you one group thatdoes a great job at this: the Mor-mons, by being flexible with thistype of couple and doing a greatjob of addressing the needs of thenon-Mormon partner. We needto do the same kinds of things.”

Woodill told of an OrthodoxChristian woman and a Jewishman who were married by arabbi – though not in a syna-gogue – who are now regularparishioners in an Orthodoxchurch. When they approachedhim, he encouraged them to jointhe parish and petition the bishopto receive her back into commu-nion. The two are among thechurch’s most faithful parish-ioners, although the husband,who is only nominally Jewish,has not converted.

“Often, that’s because thatperson has parents who wouldfeel shocked and rejected forthat, and it would seem to methat the God we love doesn’t re-quire that you go and shock yourmother or your father into thegrave,” said Woodill.

Many Orthodox have buildsuccessful intermarriages. Maria(not her real name), who grewup in a devout Greek Orthodoxhome, knew she would nevermarry outside the church. Yet she

developed a close connectionwith a Jewish man whose familyhad never been observant in theirfaith. Both his parents had passedaway before he met her.

“He’s the one who came to meand asked me what was neededon his part for him to convert,”she said. “His reasoning waswhen you have children it’s veryimportant to have one religion inthe home. It makes life a lot eas-ier.”

The family shares one faith,and three cultures. “We have onechild, adopted from Mexico.She’s the only child that will tellyou, ‘I am a Mexican, baptizedGreek Orthodox, being raised asa Greek-American with a Jewishlast name,’” Maria said.

The greatest success storyconcerns Anastasia, a Greek Or-thodox young woman, andWilliam, the son of a staunchIrish Catholic mother and grand-nephew of a priest. Both tooktheir faiths seriously, and wereadvised by their priests to respecteach other’s space and not pres-sure one another. As William be-gan accompanying Anastasia toBible studies and church services,he began enjoying it more thanCatholicism. They were marriedin an Orthodox church, agreedto raise their children in thechurch, and after a few years,William converted.

“What happens with mostconverts is it’s not somebodypushing them. It’s something

that kind of pulls you in, just byseeing it, experiencing it,” hesaid.

“It seems to me the questionof interfaith or mixed couples ismore joyous than any other mis-

sionary endeavor,” Woodill said.“They are people who are inlove, and love can be opened up

into God’s love for us, so that thecouple’s embrace can include theembrace of God.”

Interfaith Marriages Challengethe Church and Her MembersContinued from page 3

Bay Ridge Manor: A Carriage House in Brooklyn

The renovated main ballroom.

The lobby on the main floor of the renovated Bay Ridge Manor.A room for cocktails is on the lower level, while another stair-case leads up to the bridal suite.

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By Sophia A. NiarchosSpecial to The National Herald

From studying the Or-thodox faith in priest-led classes aroundLong Island, I have

come to appreciate the partner-ship that Christian marriage cre-ates. A tutor, freelance journalistand vocalist who married Dr.Andreas Niarchos more thanthree decades ago, I was a mem-ber of the youth culture thatcame to “maturity” in the 1970sin Detroit, after the rebelliousriots of the 1960s and after thepronouncement by the U.S.Supreme Court that legalizedabortion, giving women the so-called freedom to extract the lifethat was developing in theirwombs. Liberated, I adopted thenew identity established by theculture in which I lived, not bythe God who, I had been taughtby the Church, created it. Menbecame the enemy of women,were no longer needed orwanted; and women were giventhe mistaken idea that theywere better off handling all oflife on their own.

Although I had a college de-gree and had started a profes-sional editorial career, worrythat I would remain without alife partner (largely the productof my mother’s nagging),gnawed at me. The Theotokos,it seems, heard mom’s prayersand brought Andreas into mylife. Two years later, I walkeddown the aisle, mindful only ofthe way the photos would turnout, the beauty of the gown, andthe fact that the parish sanctu-ary hadn’t been completed andwe were getting married in thecommunity center.

I was given to my husbandin Holy Matrimony. Little did Irealize the power of the HolySpirit that is present in thissacrament of the Church inmaking two souls one flesh. Iwas blessed by God when Hehelped me find out nearly threedecades later.

The most illustrious exampleof this was revealed to me justa couple of years ago. Fr. JohnVlahos, presbyter at the Churchof the Holy Resurrection inBrookville, N.Y., where I wor-

ship, gave a sermon in which hespoke of loving your neighboras you love yourself, and of how,as baptized Christians, caringfor our health includes beingdead to sin, not wanting it. Ournatural distaste for sin, he said,is like being given a glass of wa-ter with a drop of gasoline in it.Just as one would smell thegasoline and not want to drinkit, so too would we be repulsed

by anything that negatively im-pacted our self-care, our health.

My husband wasn’t presentat that service, but the HolySpirit was. So, the next morn-ing, after Andreas mentionedover breakfast that neither henor the people he worked withtook lunch breaks, I told himwhat Fr. John had said in hissermon the previous morningand exhorted him about takingcare of his health, that not doingso was the equivalent of sinningagainst himself. I didn’t tell himabout Fr. John’s analogy; sowhen my life partner picked uphis cup of coffee, took a sip, and(though the coffee had beenprepared as it always had been)said, “This tastes like gasoline,”I was stunned. We hadn’t beenat church together, but the HolySpirit’s connection to both of uswas clear.

A GOLDEN-MOUTHEDINTERPRETATION OF EPHESIANS 5

As Orthodox Christians, weaccept the New Testament as

fulfillment of the Old. Adam, thefirst human, was a type ofChrist, and Eve was createdfrom him. In the same way,Christ is the founder of theChurch, His Bride. This is thenatural order as God intendedit. It was when woman and manwere disobedient to God anddidn’t own up to their disobedi-ence that sin became a part ofthe human experience.

Whenever I am obedient tomy husband, by choice, not byrequirement or his demand, Ireap many rewards. However,according to St. John Chrysos-tom in “On Marriage and FamilyLife,” (St Vladimir’s SeminaryPress, Crestwood, NY, 1986) fora husband to expect obediencefrom his wife, he must “be re-sponsible for the same providen-tial care of her as Christ is forthe Church.

“And even if it becomes nec-essary for you to give your lifefor her, yes, and even to endureand undergo suffering of anykind, do not refuse. Eventhough you undergo all this, youwill never have done anythingequal to what Christ has done.You are sacrificing yourself forsomeone to whom you are al-ready joined, but He offeredHimself up for one who turnedher back on Him and hatedHim. In the same way, then, asHe honored her by putting atHis feet one who turned herback on Him, who hated, re-jected, and disdained Him, as

He accomplished this not withthreats, or violence, or terror, oranything else like that, butthrough His untiring love; soalso you should behave towardyour wife. Even if you see herbelittling you, or despising andmocking you, still you will beable to subject her to yourself,through affection, kindness, andyour great regard for her.”

FEMINISM CRITIQUEDWhile partnership necessarily

demands coming to decisionstogether, when a woman is obe-dient (i.e., submissive) to herhusband and he acts out of lovefor her, peace reigns and for-ward movement in life is possi-ble. When a woman battles herhusband, neither peace norprogress is possible.

Feminism promotes that typeof battle, pitting woman againstman. According to FredericaMathews-Green, a contempo-rary philosopher and publicspeaker whose book “Gender:Men, Women, Sex, Feminism”(Conciliar Press, Chesterton,Ind., 2002) presents essays onmany topics dear to her heart,“There is a pop-sociology con-cept called ‘imitating the oppres-sor,’ which means that when agroup struggles for a new iden-tity it tends to adopt the valuesof those whom it perceives tobe holding power.”

And so, men’s opinion ofwomen at the time of the sexualrevolution, that they were stu-pid, powerless housewives, be-came our own; and we tradedin the value of homemakingwhich generations of womenhad considered noble and ful-filling, for the additional pres-sures of careers outside thehome.

In addition, we imagine thatthere are only two varieties ofmarriage. As Ms. Mathews-Green puts it, our culture wouldteach us that it is either “TVshow heaven” or “abusive hor-ror show hell.” And, she adds,“Real marriage, marriage thatlasts, is neither…In the courseof a lifetime together, everyonewill need forgiveness, andhappy families learn that givingit is the best way to ensure re-ceiving it in return.”

Revelations on Marriage: Personal Experience, St. John Chrysostom and Mathews-Green


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Documents

W GREEK AMeERICAdN dings€¦ · veils, and headpieces to his cus-tomers’ specifications in his New York City atelier since 2000. Lambrou designed costumes for Miss Botswana, Mpule