Oendan

Don't meddle in someone else's field because the weed kills the flowers.

1

Maybe it was my fault for getting myself into this situation without it being my business but as much as they say that curiosity killed the cat,it keeps going towards the things that spur it on. It could have been this danger from the start that makes it want to know what's behind the mystery but basically I didn't care about any of that at the time.I had more serious problems to bitch about.

"Just so you know,I hate you" I told him and instead of answering,he gave me another one of those wide smiles of his that so got on my nerves.I was beginning to think he did it on purpose but maybe I would never get the chance to ask him.

I could see them through the crack of the door and that satisfied my desire to know what had happened with the two students who had caused trouble almost in sync to the point of troubling the principal and claiming it was a terrorist attack. It was a room from a club if I wasn't mistaken but the situation they were in was truly deplorable. There were boxes everywhere and old broken school equipment as if that area was being used as a storage room. As the midday sun streamed in through the dirty windows, its rays revealed the mist of dust that was in there to the point of making you wonder how they could talk without coughing.

The boy who was standing and was probably in charge of the two troublemakers,whose backs I could only see since they were sitting on chairs,turned abruptly towards them while he had been wandering up and down for so long.His movement made me start backing up a little fearing that he had noticed me.I let out a relieved breath when I saw that his attention was focused on the two boys and he seemed ready to talk to them. I smiled at the thought of the punishment he might inflict on them but frowned when I detected the lively and encouraging smile on his lips.

"So, boys? How does it feel to become members of this club?" He asked like some substitute teacher trying to look friendly to the boys so he wouldn't get eaten up.

"Cool!I've always wanted to be a cheerleader!" replied one who looked irritated and his head was a little lower on the chair as he sat more relaxed. The other was too tense and didn't dare to respond as his whole body was shaking and he tried to stop it. He must not have wanted to cause a commotion and had unwittingly done so. He did not look like a troublemaker.

"How about you, Nen?" The boy reminded me more and more of a teacher trying to encourage his students to participate and that made me both dislike him and

frustrated because I was hoping to witness a very severe punishment.Still I stayed there without leaving.

"Whoa big guy!Just because the principal agreed to help you with this lousy club to keep it from ceasing to exist as a punishment,doesn't mean we're buddies!"The one who was sitting more casually sat more straightly and grabbed the handles of the chair as if he was about to get up.I didn't blame him. I wouldn't want someone I was seeing for the first time to call me by my name either,even if he hadn't called him but the other guy.

"I-I...I don't understand how this is exactly punishment... "Nen's voice came out like a mouse trying to communicate with another rodent.The standing boy immediately turned to him as if he had completely ignored the other one without a single crack in his bright expression.

"I suggested it so you wouldn't get expelled and also because the school needs a cheerleading squad for the upcoming tournament. "He explained as if he was facing a small child or a frightened bird and the truth was that Nen wasn't much different at that moment.It was obvious from the unease in his movements that he wanted to object to all this and ask for expulsion but he didn't dare to do so.

"What is he talking about man?!Do you even know why I'm here?Not only do you want to make me a cheerleader but you want the whole school to see me just to cheer for them?No way!" By now he had stood up and was making vigorous gestures with his hands to emphasize how adamant he was about this.The boy in charge of the club, who I could tell from the black pin was a third year,looked at him with the same kindness almost closing his eyes from smiling but what he said was sharp even if wrapped up in a soft voice.

"Then can we ask the principal to revise the punishment and suspend you for a week huh Fujita-kun?" If he had been upset a moment ago for calling the other boy by his name,surely now he would have been furious at the addition of the even friendlier "-kun" but he knew he didn't want to be expelled so he bit his lip and sat back down. His hands however did not cease to be clenched into fists.

"Now that this is solved, while we're here we'll all be called by our names. Besides, surnames are longer and it's not convenient if we want to do something.I'm Kaoru and if you want you can call me senpai since you're sophomores but it's not mandatory." I believe that even I who have been told repeatedly that I have cold blood,would have gotten irritated with a man whose expression rivaled the sun and seemed to be unbreakable.Fujita however was definitely already indignant about the whole situation because I saw him cross his arms and slip even further into the chair while puffing away. Nen beside him kept nodding at every single thing Kaoru said as if it was some very important information he was jotting down in his mind so he wouldn't forget. Those three were very different and I had no idea how they would manage to form a harmonious club.

"Good.Now can we go?" asked Fujita and he already looked ready to get up and leave since the briefing was over and he thought that this was the only thing for the first day.

"We haven't started yet "Kaoru replied and walked towards a closet that the room had. He must have known the room quite well because his footsteps not only concealed confidence but no one else would be able to spot the furniture with the naked eye the way it was hidden behind stacks of stuff. He seemed to literally disappear for a while with the only indication that he was still in the room being his coughing from the dust and some boxes that could be heard falling.

"Are you going to leave before he comes back?" whispered Fujita towards Nen, but the boy looked at him with rolled eyes as if he was dealing with a madman; he shook his head negatively several times before he too made a failed attempt to whisper.

"I'm already in enough trouble,I don't want any more. "He replied with all the courage he could muster because he was obviously scared of the other boy.Fujita sighed and sat back up properly because he was leaning towards him while putting his hands behind his head. He didn't look that disappointed though because he probably expected that this would be the boy's reaction.

"Well...Nen will sweep and mop while Fujita since he's so strong and doesn't want girly things,will carry all the boxes to the bins."Kaoru's voice was heard making his presence felt a few seconds before he appeared with cleaning tools in his hands.His light brown hair was so dusty that when he moved it seemed like fairy dust was falling from his head.

Nen obeyed immediately and stood up to pick up the broom.Fujita was in no hurry to move.He was looking at Kaoru,who though his words could be considered ironic his voice didn't betray that,as if he was torn between whether or not it was worth it to protest. Finally he stood up with a movement as if his feet kicked the air in case some tension escaped and approached him to ask him which box to start from.

Somewhere around now it was time for me to leave as they hadn't been punished so there was nothing to see but also Fujita would be constantly moving in and out of the room to move the boxes and so he would see me. Perhaps I felt a little sorry for him as I could see he had a lot of nerves but he was cramming them into a lean body that wouldn't be able to bear that much weight for that long a distance. The bins were downstairs and outside the school while the club was on the second floor. Not to mention that the boxes were endless.Yes,this felt more like detention.

As I saw him coming towards the door distinguishing his facial features for the first time,I moved quickly to move away and my mind led me to the next open door which was the neighboring club.To my relief,there was no one inside and apparently it wasn't even being used so I didn't need to make excuses. There was another interesting feature though.The wall separating it from the next room was very thin and I could hear everything they were saying.

I was trying to convince myself to leave once Fujita was away enough so he wouldn't see me but then the other two in the room started talking and got my attention so the rest of my thoughts flew away.

"Why are there no more people interested in this club?" Nen's shaky voice came out, albeit a little distorted due to the barrier separating us. I was sure at that moment Kaoru would reply something melancholic as he recalled his memories of the club when he was younger and it had more appeal and I wished I could finally see his expression change to have the satisfaction of knowing he wasn't as perfect as he seemed.What followed,however,surprised me once again.

"It may have ceased to be interesting or they may not even know it exists.And I'm kind of stuck here because my senpai made me promise to be president of the club.Maybe I wouldn't be here otherwise." It was as if his voice had only two colors and that was all he could use. There was the sweet version and the polite version and they alternated as the situation demanded. This made my petty self who had nothing better to do than spy on them,want to annoy him.Even playing a prank crossed my mind but I would see about that later because now they were still talking and I didn't want to miss anything.

"And you think that's a good substitute for punishment?Maybe some people..." I could see where Nen was going with this and he was indeed right; many students who had been punished differently in the past for actions perhaps even milder than theirs,would complain thinking that these two were receiving special treatment.

"If they dare to say anything,they can come and see for themselves what I make you do" Kaoru replied and I wondered if he had been strict with them not only so that they would learn their lesson but also so that they wouldn't have exactly that problem. On the other hand, maybe they just needed to get those assignments done as well and he had asked them without any other thoughts behind it.That man was a mystery and I was beginning to want to prove that no one could be that pure.

"What's he saying?Are you guys going to keep wasting away while I work like a dog?" Fujita asked annoyed but the earlier tension seemed to have already been released with all the times he had made that trip.He probably wasn't that irritable as a character but reacting like that before due to the fact that he had just come from a fight.It was natural that he couldn't turn off the switch of negative emotions so easily especially if he felt wronged. Of those who had been involved in the fight,only he had been punished.I didn't know who was at fault and how he had been beaten up with almost all the members of the soccer team.No one other than those involved could know and that would probably be kept secret since the team was silent if it was his fault and Fujita didn't give details.

"Since we have you who is that strong,we don't have to work so hard" Kaoru was going against him a lot but he continued to not hide any malice or irony behind his words and it confused you when you heard them.I was surprised when he didn't make a sound and just picked up the next few boxes to take them out.

"Why are you only making me clean up?" asked Nen because he felt like he was getting special treatment between the two but the answer he got made him realize that that was not the only thing that was true. The club president seemed to have thought it all through in a strange way of his own; it made me believe even more that he wasn't showing his true self as he seemed so carefree when there were times when he wasn't.

"To reflect on your actions and put yourself in the position of the cleaning lady.She of course has much more to do to save the situation in the chemistry lab that your experimentation has ruined..." I paid no further attention to his flat voice but the soundproofing was so bad that I could hear Nen gulping before he apparently indulged himself with even more zeal in the job he had been assigned.Perhaps before he had wanted to complain about the punishment he had been given but now he was beginning to understand more things.

They didn't talk much afterwards because the dust made them breathless and they were two complete strangers who had found themselves in the same club by a series of random events.Only Fujita would throw in a quip sprinkled with complaints about what he had been forced to do and his fatigue but that was about it. It took listening to them saying goodbye to realize that I had spent the whole day with my ear glued to the wall spying on three of my classmates.I started to leave and bumped into two stacked desks because the sun had long since set and the room was plunged into total darkness. I wondered how many hours I had been in there and checked my phone to see that curfew was about to pass.If a police officer saw a student my age outside at that time,I would end up at home with an escort and that's all I didn't want.

I rushed out of the room and followed the opposite route from that of the boys sacrificing myself to protect my image. I preferred that they didn't know I had been eavesdropping on them all day even if I had to squeeze into the dark side of the school about which there had been countless stories; one step was enough to make the hairs on my back and neck stand up like bars as if I had been hit by an invisible wind.I got sober and kept running and kept going eventually to avoid paying attention to the sounds and images that seemed to be chasing me.

"It started... "I thought I heard what sounded like a girl's voice whispering but I wasn't even sure if that word was the right one; besides I didn't stop to see if I could hear it again while I tried to block out the sounds, getting louder and louder so my thoughts wouldn't reach me. I knew the building was empty and these were all things that either my imagination was creating out of nothing or it was taking things that were actually happening and twisting them.It was as if it liked to play with my mind and see my reactions.

I wasn't the most athletic of guys but I managed to run with great speed.This can be done to you by that cold fear that makes you feel as if death is approaching and you have to do everything you can to cling to life with your fangs and claws.It may seem like an exaggeration but in a dark building of this size you really have no idea what can jump through the shadows. The bad thing though was that I was so committed to getting out before I was suddenly attacked that after a while I started to

feel a strange pain in my feet and I realized that I was feeling every pebble and stick in the street because I had gone out in indoor shoes.I bumped my forehead and knew that my parents shouldn't see me in them because they would have questions that I was too embarrassed to answer.

I looked back just as a thought but I knew there was no way I was going back there. I preferred to even walk barefoot if it meant not having to go back to school in the dark.But instead of feeling ashamed of what I had done or thinking that I had to do my homework and wouldn't try anything like that again,I felt adrenaline. It was as if I had done something different for a change and I felt alive.My lungs had gotten more oxygen than ever from running and my cheeks stung from the gentle lashing of the cool air.I had just filled my empty life with the lives of others and I was ready to do it again the next day as if it was one of my best ideas. Sure there was the matter of wanting to unmask Kaoru but it wasn't just about that.It was easier to fill the void with others and see them from a distance.I had found the solution to my problem and I wondered how hadn't I thought of it earlier.I didn't need to find things to do in my own life when the lives of others were so interesting.

I walked at a fairly brisk pace to get home on time and also because my feet wouldn't last much longer with all the garbage scraping against them. But when I got outside the house,I hesitated to knock on the door because it was the first time I had been so late getting back and surely they would have a long lecture ready before the thorough interrogation.I resented the thought but I knew that the longer I was late,the more I was aggravating my position.

I unlocked and entered the anteroom with somewhat slow steps.I didn't have time to take off my shoes or delay "I'm back!" so I could be prepared because the little one poked her head out of the living room door and looked at me before shouting and running towards me.

"Onii-chan's back!"There goes my chance to choose my moment and she didn't even let me hide the dirty cloth shoes because she wrapped herself around my feet and rubbed her head against them. She may have broken my escape but I couldn't resist her when she did that and I took her in my arms.

"You got heavier"I teased her and acted as if she was slipping out of my hands and she was making startled noises that always made me laugh.As soon as I stopped though she puffed out her cheeks,crossed her arms and turned around scrunching her little eyebrows.

"Mom said Echi is growing up to be a big girl like Chizu!" she said sulkily and got off my hands.I followed her with a sweet smile on my lips and was faced with the short round table laid and all the food covered to keep bugs out.They were waiting for me.It was the first time I was late and therefore it was the first time I felt this.

"Welcome "Chizu said with an almost bored expression without looking up from the magazine she was reading. She had just entered high school but at the same time puberty had hit so she was trying to look more casual and looking for things that

girls her age liked.The truth was that I think I would miss that tomboy who played and fought with boys but I wanted to see how her character would be formed.I had no experience with girls except for my two sisters and mom but I wasn't sure if they could be counted.

I went to sit at the table hoping that with this natural movement we would move on to the meal, bypassing the part where I had to explain where I had been for so many hours without prior warning. But my dad's voice made me freeze halfway up I bent my legs and I turned towards him like a wet cat but he patted me hard on the back.I was about to explain myself because I thought he had done it because he was upset with me but I managed to see his face before I did something stupid. He had a silly grin from ear to ear.I looked at him confused.

"Say...did you find a girlfriend?"He asked me so suddenly and my face rose sharply in temperature before it reached the warming point that made me feel like smoke was coming out of my ears.I started waving my hands convulsively in front of my face to show him that he was wrong ignoring the muffled laugh Chizu gave as if to say that this was never going to happen.

"I didn't... "I didn't have time to explain because Echi clutched around my arm in an almost possessive way and looked at me with those big eyes that whenever she had that look she knew I could bring the whole world to her feet.

"Onii-chan doesn't love Echi anymore?" she asked me with a jealous expression and that confused things even more.

"Who's the unlucky one?"Chizu extended it, once again stealing my chance to stop this rumor. She looked like she was indifferent but in reality her ears were focused on the conversation.

"I told you,dear, that he might have been with friends."I turned to mom as if she was my savior because she said exactly what I was trying to say but I was startled when I saw the look in her eyes and the kitchen knife she was holding. "If something like that had happened,the child would have told me. Right Ryo?"

A feeling ran through me as if my life was in danger and I hurried to stand up after Dad's blow had knocked me down.I gestured with my hands to stop them from talking and drew attention to me.

"I was with friends. "I said a little louder to cover the voices of the others and I knew I now had their undivided attention.

"How did you meet them? "Chizu's question came quickly like a stone thrown by a slinger; she was trying to catch me off guard so she could see if I was telling the truth or not.

"At the club I joined "I answered and perhaps I was startled by how effortlessly the lie had slipped off my tongue if I hadn't prepared myself for the next question.

"What club?"

"Cheerleading."

"What's their name?"

"Nen,Kaoru and Fujita. Two are sophomores while one is a junior. "I crossed my arms because I could see her obvious surprise and that she was out of questions.My expression was abruptly wiped away though because I heard my parents blowing their noses and I turned to see them excited.

"Our boy..."

"I told you he wasn't worthless and would make it someday" Dad and Mom said in succession and I looked at them with half-closed eyes.I may not have had that many friends but I had been in groups in the past and now I was only at the beginning of my sophomore year of high school. They seemed overwhelmed but what could I do with them being like that?

We finally sat down to eat and Echi wouldn't let go of me even though she was relieved that I hadn't found a girlfriend after all.Chizu was looking at me once in disbelief and once as if she was making fun of me that our parents thought I was worthless until that moment. I ignored her completely and ate my food calmly and thinking excitedly about what those three might do tomorrow.It was one of the few times I wanted to go to school so badly. It was as if I had a personal show just for my own eyes and I couldn't guess what might happen in the next episode.

2

I yawned loudly as I looked at the book in my hands in the hope that I would remember something of what I was reading even if sleepiness clouded it. The cool morning air was slowly helping me to wake up and I would often look up to make sure I didn't bump into someone the moment I couldn't see in front of me. I knew it wasn't the wisest choice to stay up late watching shows or reading books, but I

enjoyed doing it too much to stop. Even though many times I didn't even read the next day's classes and had extra free time,I always felt like there weren't enough hours in the day and it would be a waste of time if I spent them sleeping. The result was what it is today. Feeling heavy in the morning and having half closed eyes throughout the day. I really couldn't remember the last time my eyes were wide open and rested.

My ears caught a sound a few feet ahead but instead of looking up and making my interest and curiosity obvious,I focused my hearing on that spot and tried to figure out what it was I was hearing. My senses were quite heightened probably because I hardly ever spoke and relied on them to be invisible. It wasn't that I didn't like hanging out with other people my age but I needed them to take the first steps to do so and it seemed no one was willing yet; maybe they never were.I found it odd that those who actually made an effort with me in high school seemed strange.

I could pick out the sounds and understand that cacophonous melody that made me man up as if it was always meant for me. They say that laughter is the song of the soul but I guess those who believe such things have never heard the laughter of the kids at school that gets louder and louder and haunts you.Before you can avoid it, you are in the center of a human circle and all you hear is that sound.If this is the song of their souls,I didn't want to see what they were hiding inside.

I barely lifted my eyes and tried to spot the poor student through the curtain of my black hair and for some reason I couldn't interpret,I felt something like anger. In the center of that circle were Nen and Fujita. The former was staring so intently at the floor that he seemed to be begging for it to open so he could hide inside while the latter seemed ready to attack all of them and hit them one by one until they stopped making that mocking sound.

I know it will sound strange to hear it from me but I wanted to run there too; I actually managed to make myself,at the last minute, stop my legs that were already bent to give me a boost and get there. I had to find a way to contain my enthusiasm because that could complicate things in the future. I didn't think that filling my empty life with other people's was a bad thing nor did I mind telling my parents that they were my friends but if I started to think so much about it too,I might have done something impulsive. I shouldn't have reacted as if we were actually friends. I was going to be a bystander and not get involved.

As soon as I referred to my role as a spectator,I seemed to see a figure moving through the crowd of children who continued to walk around the two punished students.She looked like a simple student who was also part of the mockery but seemed to notice something and was forced to move away before she was noticed.

Maybe this was all my imagination and I was overanalyzing some things but I had learned to notice the details and it wouldn't have hurt me to just sit and think about that mysterious behavior. So I thought I would play a game of some sort and after I got closer to the crowd a little more so I could see the faces more clearly,I started to guess which one of them she might have been afraid of. I used to generally make up stories in my head about these kinds of things and make up theories but I

choked on the air I was breathing at that moment when I not only spotted Kaoru but for a few split seconds he seemed to notice me.

I broke out in a cold sweat just at the thought that he might have noticed me yesterday and spread the word at school that I was sitting there eavesdropping on them but eventually he seemed to focus his attention somewhere else further away from me as if he hadn't even paid attention to me; his serious expression automatically lightened once he put on his wide gleaming smile and walked between the kids saying something to the other two. He didn't seem to be defending them exactly.Actually, he must have made it worse because he mentioned something about the club as I understood it, but that gave them an excuse to get out of there.Once they followed him, the crowd almost automatically dispersed to find something else to pass the time.

I continued on my way inside having now forgotten the few phrases that were scattered in my mind. If I hadn't felt the weight of the book growing in my hand and pushing it down,I wouldn't have even remembered that I was holding it. I carefully placed it into the bag and the bell ringing was like erasing all the previous events from my mind since I had to get to class quickly.It wasn't that I didn't want to be late but this particular professor punished you by making you answer questions if you came in after him and I definitely wanted to avoid public ridicule. I'd rather not be the new object of the kids' ridicule.

But it turns out that I still wouldn't have been spared the class participation. The professor began questioning the people in the row of desks I was sitting in one by one. There was never a time when I felt luckier not to be first. I heard which part of the lesson he was asking the others about and given the type of questions and the maneuvering back and forth across the pages,I was able to predict roughly which part would be assigned to me. I had marked one point there as the most important and I was sure that he would choose to ask that one to see if I had paid attention in the previous lesson. It may sound terrible what I managed to do but it was a practiced skill so I looked well read while some of it I had never seen before in my life. Sure, I always dreaded the moment when my luck would run out but today was not that day.

He asked me without any particularly suspicious tone because he thought I was an average student just shy enough to not raise my hand. I tried not to show my satisfaction when I managed to fool them but it wasn't that hard; trying to look like a good student would be the real challenge. Fortunately I had sharp logical thinking and when the question was of a critical nature,I could be a little better than some others. But the teachers used to love the book so deeply that they didn't try to question something that demanded thinking and only followed what it said to the letter as if there was no room for doubt anywhere.

I answered as closely as I remembered while I made up the rest in my own words.It wasn't perfect and I certainly had altered some facts and figures but he nodded and moved on to the following. If you showed even a little effort to respond,you made them think you were a worthy person and not a lazy person like me. So I had them believing I was trying but I was a fool and couldn't figure it out when in fact I was just bored to bother. I didn't feel like I was gaining anything.

I dipped my head in my hands and started to play with a pencil by pushing it with my finger and waiting for it to roll back towards me.It was a pretty risky move because I was starting to get drowsy from before and if I closed my eyes for a few seconds longer than normal,they might not open again. The open window made things worse because the gentle breeze was caressing my hair so sweetly that I was about to let go into the dream world when a piece of paper hit me in the back of the head with force.

I hadn't felt any particular pain but I was certainly startled enough to have my eyes open wide and my head jerked forward. I rubbed that spot and lifted my upper body saying goodbye to the sweet sleep once and for all.I was able to locate the crumpled piece of paper that looked like something like a ball if you had enough imagination but I couldn't tell if someone was trying to get my attention or just laugh at my expense since I couldn't locate whoever had done it. I tried to check all the faces without looking at the eyes lest they happen to meet mine but either because I did it in a hurry so the professor wouldn't see me or because the person had managed to hide their identity well,I couldn't find anyone who looked like they were involved in this.

I turned back around in front of me and concentrated on the blackboard with a confused expression on my face,with the paper in one hand and rubbing the spot that hurt a little with the other.I fumbled with the paper but it was a blank piece of the book so at least I knew it wasn't a note of some sort.

At lunch break , I tried to stop myself from looking for the trio that had caught my attention or even any of them alone because I was afraid they would figure me out if they kept seeing me in places close to where they were. But when my eyes spotted Kaoru,I couldn't help but want to be his shadow. Maybe that would give me the opportunity I wanted to prove that he was two-faced. If I caught him alone without people around he would surely show his true character and not keep wearing that expression as if he didn't even know what negative emotions meant.

I always had my obento on in case I needed to pretend to eat while walking because I didn't have company to sit in some confined spot but the truth was I didn't pay the slightest bit of attention to. I don't know why I felt so strongly that I would be vindicated as a human being if I showed his earthy side but I wanted to do it so badly that I forgot about my hunger. Such times prove that hunger is a creation of the brain to a large extent if it is silenced when the brain is busy. So I followed him without caring about my lunch.

First I saw him heading for the teachers' office. My stomach clenched with anticipation and excitement at the thought that he might have caused trouble at school but it wasn't long before I was disappointed when I saw him walking out with his corrected class notebooks. I gasped but didn't let it get me disappointed.I followed him to a point towards his classroom but stopped long before that so he wouldn't notice me.After all,I could wait until he was done since he was going to pass that point again.

When I saw him coming out with bagged dirt I wanted to rub my hands since I had seen many people pull pranks by putting dirt in other people's outdoor shoes but it really pissed me off when he came out into the garden. He took care of the flowers one by one and sweet-talked them probably having read one of those books that say if you talk to the flowers they grow better and faster.

I wanted to start pulling my hair!He did just about every volunteer job you can find and because he didn't have time to eat at the end, he ate an anpan quickly, almost choking himself. I heard the bell ring and saw him walk away and felt defeat hit me mercilessly.When I was sure he couldn't see me,I waved my fist in the air as if promising that I wouldn't give up so easily and would come back better prepared. It didn't occur to me that he was flawed. Nobody's perfect!

I thought I saw him turn back and I was fuming.

I may have expressed my theories about hunger and percentages like a clever person, but now that I felt it had returned with a vengeance I realized that not only was I talking nonsense that might be true to some extent, but I didn't know how I was going to make it through all those hours without eating. I thought about sneaking a few bites but nothing I had was small enough for the teacher not to notice and the worst part was that soon my belly would start to sound like a megaphone in the whole class. My shame was reaching the ceiling just thinking about it.

Just as I was crying with my terrible luck,I thought I saw something moving on the floor and I tried to keep my composure and not jump on the chair. I had a traumatic experience with insects that I would rather not discuss at this time but I let out a relieved breath when I saw that what slid up to my desk was an object. I leaned towards it to investigate and as soon as I realized it was a snack of some sort,I almost started drooling.

I looked around and no one seemed to be looking for it so I picked it up as if it were the most precious treasure.I managed to open it with extreme care without it making a loud sound and only after I tasted it and my brain started functioning properly again,I realized what was happening. Someone had seen that I was hungry and had given it to me...I wasn't sure but it felt like someone in there had their eyes on me all the time like I did with the other three. I turned my eyes to those around me with fear tickling my whole body and only one question running through my mind.

Who?

I tried to distract myself and focus on my own surveillance but I was starting to have some doubts about what I was doing; it was like whispered voices trying to warn me of something but not loud enough for me to hear what it was. I thought that the whole situation had made me paranoid and out of my anxiety I was seeing people like me or worse everywhere but that thought wasn't enough to make me stop. I was too curious to stop as of now.

My afternoon classes were finished and I was free to go into that little room next door from the cheerleading club. I was a little irritated because it seemed I have finished later than the other three and there were probably things I had missed and hadn't had time to see or hear.This became clearer when a fourth and new voice was heard that probably belonged to a girl although it was a little hard to tell through the wall and the wild colouring of it.

"Let's welcome Chiasa to our club!"Kaoru's voice could piss off even a calm person so I could imagine that the already angry girl was boiling; especially that he was calling her by her name while she was a girl.I had thought that he wouldn't apply this silly name calling rule to girls as well but I actually didn't think a girl would ever come to the club either.

The club president's applause sounded in the void because the other two didn't make a sound leaving my imagination to the silent nods they had probably given her. She gave a grunt in response and it reminded me a little of Fujita's reaction yesterday. He of course was like that because he had just come from a fight.To Chiasa it seemed to be her natural one. More and more interesting people were ending up in that dusty and forgotten club.

"Now that we've been introduced,we'll pick up where we left off yesterday. However, Chiasa for you I have a special mission" Kaoru continued and the others although they made complaining noises,obeyed. It was only natural that they couldn't have completed in one day the tasks he had set them with.Nen however was closer to completion as his own task didn't have much left to do so I wanted to see what he would have him do once he finished cleaning.I was more curious about what he would give the girl though.

I don't know if I believe in luck but to avoid being overheard by the others the president moved closer to the wall to talk to her so I had better hearing even if they were whispering.

"Can you go to the music club and ask for our one drum allotted to us?" his voice was polite as usual but I could tell there was something else lurking behind it.What he was sending her to do was not a tragic thing but he was saying it as if he expected her to refuse him.

"Yes "She replied disciplined though her voice was still scratchy and that was enough to spur me enough to decide to follow her.After all, the other three would have done what they did yesterday,I wouldn't have missed anything important but in her case there was something interesting hiding underneath.

I knew where the music club was so I got out and started heading that way before she came out so I could catch up,so she wouldn't know I was following her but also so I wouldn't miss any details.My steps were slow and almost bored so I didn't get too far ahead and I stopped in front of a few clubs next door when she got to the music club.

I waited to hear the door creep open and her go in but it didn't make a sound so I turned back discreetly and caught her shaking outside the door with a paper in her hand.My eyes opened wide and I couldn't make out what was going on and was surprised by how fragile she looked now that I could see her as opposed to when I could only hear her voice.

Eventually she grabbed the handle and pulled the door resolutely; the rest happened with surprising speed and I couldn't help but move closer to see what the hell was going on.

"You have the nerve to come in here!"

"Weren't you expelled?!"

"You came to cause trouble again?!"

She was trying to speak but her voice came out almost soundless and she was interrupted so her words were lost amongst their angry voices. Maybe the music club members were right at that moment because I really didn't know what she had done to them but my heart couldn't help but ache at the sight. They were pushing and shouting at her.She sat there and endured as if she thought she deserved it and when they were finally fed up with their outburst,she handed them that paper. It was probably written by Kaoru asking for permission to take the one drum he had sent her to pick up.

I was scared when I saw them smiling wickedly and I certainly wasn't expecting what followed.They took a broken drum and put it on her like hat.

"Your drum is your due "Said the girl who was probably the president of the club and Chiasa accepted it by putting her tail between her legs and chanting a deadpan thank you.

My emotions had caused a whirlwind inside me and my chest was heaving like crazy from trying to squeeze them in there and not let them out.After a while though I started to calm down because I could hear the conversation the members had opened up between them.

"Do you think I was too mean?Until a moment ago she was a member of the club as well"The president now looked much more composed as if she didn't even want to do what she did before.People are multidimensional creatures and if you try to understand their thoughts or behaviors you find yourself with many different tangles in your hands that get even more complicated as you try to solve them.

"She had to learn her lesson though; don't forget what she's been doing all this time." That voice gave me a strange feeling like I knew her from somewhere but no matter how hard my mind tried I couldn't remember and eventually the feeling left me as if it was telling me that I had messed something up and misunderstood.

"Yes!He was yelling at us and taking it out on us!" The other members began to join in the game.

"And the drum you gave her is actually hers since she broke it today!"

Now a lot of things were starting to make sense and for some reason I got a sort of laugh that became nervous as I walked away from it. I may have looked like I was losing my mind in someone else's eyes but I couldn't react any differently when the seemingly happiest club was filled with rioters and taking the form of group therapy.It all seemed so cool to me but my laughter was cut off when I thought about what their president was making them do.I don't know what he was really about but he certainly wasn't carefree. He may have seemed tough but from day one he made each of them face their demons and why they had been there. I couldn't deny that his mind seemed to be spinning at a strange and fast pace that was quite impressive and I wanted to see what else he would put in his mind.

To everyone else what they were doing seemed like just everyday things that might have been boring; but to me it was different and there was no way I was going to stop after that realization.

3

It was one of the few times that I smiled so much as I returned home after classes after the decision I had made. Of course I was also a little disappointed because I had to leave before they did, not only to avoid being noticed but also to avoid worrying my parents.The last thing I wanted was for them to start digging into the whole thing.

I walked past the neighborhood grocery store and felt as if the fresh strawberries were calling to me with their beautiful aroma.I had a soft spot for this fruit and I knew Echi shared the same love. The little girl always gave me not only a strong feeling of protectiveness but also a desire to please her; I could hardly refuse her anything. Unlike Chizu who always annoyed me and gave me a sense of having to go against everything she said and it was only natural that we would fight all the time.

I furrowed my eyebrows just thinking about it and shook my head to shake it off while I approached the counter to check the strawberries; because of how many I consumed I could tell when they were mainly chemical and never natural so I investigated them with my eyes in a very careful manner. I didn't have to leave out a single detail because I would be giving away part of my pocket money and I certainly didn't want to be disappointed by buying a pesticide product or something expired.

"Hey, Ryo!How's it going?How are you doing at school? "Generally I was a person who didn't like to be seen and the neighborhood's tendency to show

indiscretion was unbearable but this particular grocer was very warm and sincere in his expressions so I didn't mind.I had very fond memories in which I remembered him giving us some free fruit and snacks when we played on the street in front of his store.

"Well.Ikijima-san, how about you?" I asked politely, looking up from the strawberries for a moment and having already decided which ones to get. I had spotted them one by one but generally I knew his products were of good quality because he was pre-selling them from a relative in the countryside.

"Me too!Can I help you with anything? "I loved the depth of his voice and the fact that you could tell he was smiling from the sound of it without even looking at him.

"I just need a bag "I replied and stepped forward reaching out my hand because I saw him grab a few and part them to give me one.His hand was a few inches away from mine when I seemed to hear something tearing and before I could react or look up,something came crashing into my head so hard it knocked me to the floor.

My whole skull was ringing and it felt like bees had gathered near my ears and were buzzing without letting me hear anything else.I realized someone was trying to lift me up and I could hear voices even though I couldn't make out words.I opened my eyes I could see a blur moving jerkily and restlessly back and forth.

"Oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"I thought there was something wrong with my hearing and I kept hearing that word but as soon as my eyes focused and could see a girl on her knees shaking her head up and down apologetically,it became obvious that she was involved in whatever had happened even though I had no idea what it was.

Behind her I could see the grocery store awning torn down and a picture began to form in my mind as crazy as it seemed.

"Did you run into me?" I asked dazedly, not blaming her but just trying to figure out what i had collided with.She abruptly raised her head and parted her lips to speak but her cheeks lit up with embarrassment and she looked back down.My eyes fell on her uniform and i realized it was from my high school.

"I...I'm sorry...I was in a hurry to get home and... "She didn't need to say more to tell me what had happened since I already had an idea on my own. Her excuse seemed odd to me as she couldn't explain why she had jumped into a thin awning and ended up tearing it up but overall she didn't seem like the most normal of people. Her brown hair was messy from running and her clothes had some colorful accents that she had probably added herself.

The important thing was that even though my head was hit by her feet, as time went on I felt better and there was only a small headache left behind to remind me of what had happened.She looked up again and prepared to speak again but her eyes

opened widely and she hurriedly pulled something out of her bag.I saw that it was a handkerchief but I hadn't expected her to come so close to me so abruptly.

She closed the distance between us in seconds and started wiping my nose but I couldn't concentrate on anything other than the fact that a girl was so close to me.I may have been used to having Chizu and Echi around but this was completely different and my whole face was on fire like a pot that was on the boiling point while my heart started beating like crazy. Up so close I could see details that you don't notice from afar like how thin her features were and how long her eyelashes were or how soft her lips looked.

"Didn't you realize you were bleeding?" she asked me in a slightly sterner voice.Apparently my nose was starting to bleed from the hard blow but I hadn't noticed.Of course at the time I didn't care about that as my nose was filled with her fruity scent that was in the handkerchief. "Hold it" She said and started to move away so I realized she hadn't managed to stop the bleeding and I had to hold it to my nose.Once I did and there was distance between us again I felt as if I could breathe again.

"Sorry about the handkerchief... "I apologised, my voice coming out nasally because I was pressing my nose.It was beautifully braided and it was a bit of a shame that it was now filled with my blood. She shook her hands and head vigorously to show that there was no problem.

"It's nothing compared to what I did..." she said with an embarrassed smile while scratching her cheek.

"I'll let your parents and your school know. "The grocer's voice was heard and it was understandable since his tent had been destroyed. If there was a sudden rain or if the sun became more intense,they would have to compensate him for all the products that were destroyed.

The girl nodded in the affirmative and stood up to give him her details. I got up too, shaking off my clothes and waiting a little further on because after the pain I had felt,strawberries were now indispensable.Only they could make me feel better. But because I was so close,I unwittingly heard her name and my mind jotted it down as it did with every new piece of information.I was of the opinion that you never know when you might need something you've learned.

"Chinen Aiko..." Without realizing it I found myself whispering it.

"Did you say something?" Ikijima-san asked and I shook my head vigorously in the negative, my cheeks lighting up at the mere thought of being misunderstood for hearing her name and rehearsing it on my tongue.

"No, nothing!Shall we now move on to those strawberries? "I tried to change the subject because this man knew how to read me too well.He didn't answer anything

and just proceeded to put the strawberries I wanted in the bag but didn't weigh them to charge me and I went to ask him what was wrong.

"These from me. After what happened to you,you need them" He winked at me briskly but I was about to complain because he already had the damage done because of the girl.I couldn't deprive him of money he needed when it wasn't even his fault in the first place.

"But.... "The intense look he gave me made me fear for my life and I finally accepted the strawberries without another word and thanked him. I took my bottle out of the bag and washed some out of mere impatience. I abruptly closed my eyes because they were a little sour but I could tell they were fresh and the taste of them made me smile. Of course, Echi smiled a lot more when she saw them.

Once I explained why I was late and what had happened,mom looked at me worriedly but dad and Chizu started laughing at my expense while the former asked me if I had found out who she was and what she had looked like.If it wasn't for my family I might not have been able to stand them with what they were doing.

I don't know if you've noticed but when you meet someone, their presence is suddenly felt wherever you see it.It's as if your eyes immediately spot them in the crowd or see some characteristic and recognize it immediately. That's what happened with Chinen Aiko and my damn eyes were constantly spotting her which compromised my attempt to remain unnoticed.If she spotted me too,there would be no turning back.

But when I heard the principal calling her name over the loudspeakers, I couldn't stop myself from taking another route and finding myself nearby. No matter how many warnings my mind sent me about my curiosity and where it could lead me,it was so great that I couldn't and wouldn't keep it under control.It felt like thirst and trying to satiate it excited me so I still wasn't able to stop. I kept saying that if something happened I would stop but that meant it might be too late by the time I decided to pull away.Maybe by then I was already too far in the deep end.

I walked slowly just outside the principal office and from the little I could hear,I knew it was about yesterday's incident.It may have taken place outside the school but the school was the miniature of society and had the responsibility to make us proper citizens. So if a student behaved in an inappropriate manner,the school was not doing its job properly.

The headmaster had lost all semblance of composure and was straining his voice more and more and as a result he sounded crushed.But I couldn't blame him because the school was filled with troublemakers and all these things happened one after another without leaving a single day empty. The school's image was fading and getting uglier and uglier in the eyes of the parents and the only hope for redemption was the cheer club.I could tell the principal was counting on this move to improve the image as he had also invited Kaoru to the office.

For the first two troublemakers I knew that he had suggested they join but something told me that Chiasa yesterday and Aiko today were the principal's ideas. To an outsider it would look like he was leaving his job to a mere student but in reality he hoped that this action would help the students think about their mistakes.He was known for his kindness and fairness; he was never more harsh than necessary. So he recognized that harsh punishment was not the answer and he really wanted to help his students. Since even his raised voice hid remorse behind it as if he believed that his own mishandling had led so many students to this inappropriate behavior.

I didn't want to see him thinking like that because he was one of the few educators I had become emotionally close to and I didn't like it at all to see people so good hurting themselves unjustly. Fortunately those who were not foolish and those who had tried to take advantage of his willingness and kindness,had learned their lesson. Just because he didn't like to punish students,didn't mean he hesitated to do so when necessary.

The bell rang again so I couldn't stay out of there any longer but now I knew that when I went to the area next to the cheering club,I would hear her voice among the members.I walked away with my hands in my pockets and that thought causing a silly smile on my lips as it seemed even funnier than yesterday because I didn't expect them to keep filling up with troublemakers for members. However,I had to point out that none of them had given me the impression that they were bad or had done it all on purpose.It was as if circumstances had led them all to that behaviour and in the club.

Nothing remarkable happened through the rest of the day as my classes went on as normal with me being bored with my life and thinking of things to kill time and trying to survive.The only thing different with yesterday was that I didn't give up my food for any of the club members this time. I had learned my lesson and knew by now that nice philosophies and aerologies could not satisfy our needs.The other thing was that the one who seemed to be watching me didn't make an appearance one bit.Not a card or a snack while I had the impression that the sense of being watched was gone.It was beginning to confirm that I had probably become paranoid because I was the one watching others.

I wanted to go to the club as soon as classes were over but I had cleaning duty and I knew it would take me a long time.It made me feel sluggish just thinking about having to do it so I moved even slower with each step and dragged my feet eating up extra time. I turned off the whiteboard and put the chalks back in place while I transferred the sponges to our classroom teacher. Then I opened all the windows before I started wiping in a completely mechanical manner.

I leaned on my hand that was holding the broom and almost fell asleep from the calm and sweet air but I woke up in a bit of a rough way.I got hit in the head by a baseball ball.I couldn't tell if I had done anything and maybe I had angered some local deity since I kept getting things dropped on my head from yesterday.At least it didn't break the window because it went through where it was open.

I approached there and saw a few players downstairs waving their hands for me to return the ball and apologizing.I took it in my hand with a rush and got into position as if I was about to throw it so hard I was going to hit a home run but eventually I went back to my previous stance. I knew this would be great if I could do it on top of being hit but I couldn't do that and I didn't want to make a fool of myself trying. I let the ball fall out of my hand and the guy waiting just below caught it and started running towards the field.

A few steps later,he turned back to look at me and grabbed the brim of his hat in gratitude since if he said it he wouldn't be heard.He had done it just when I was beginning to think that athletes are ungrateful and don't think of anyone so it surprised me.

I went back into the classroom and finished sweeping to deal with the trash. They never learned that the classroom bin is only for stationery so it can go straight to recycling.They had thrown in half-finished juice cans and bits of food that now not only stank but dripped so I had to keep my hand underneath as I ran to catch up before a drop dripped.

I reached in front of the outer bin and threw the bag in at lightning speed because it was making me sick and I was grossing myself out with my own hands. My face went sour and I stuck my tongue out before deciding to go to the taps and rinse myself off because I couldn't stand even a little bit of the garbage juice on me.

I ran towards them at medium speed as I wasn't particularly athletic; actually my body was meant to be an athlete but I was very unfit so I was panting quickly. I started flushing frantically so I didn't notice someone who came at that moment to a nearby faucet. I was only startled when I heard the sound his bottle made when it crumpled because he was trying to drink every last drop of water.

I wasn't going to pay attention to him and was about to disappear when he spoke and I had to look up and see him wiping his mouth on his shirt sleeve; he was a baseball player.

"Sorry about before with the ball "He said with sincere regret and I was surprised that he could tell it was me when there were so many floors separating us.But then my eyes stumbled over the number on his uniform and I realized it was him waiting downstairs and then he had thanked me.

"It's okay.These things happen "My voice came out as a whisper since I wasn't used to talking at all in the school grounds unless a teacher forced me to.I stepped past him and moved away hoping he wouldn't talk anymore but he opened his mouth again making me curse under the breath I took.

"Do you want to play with us?It's a friendly game and non-members play "He suggested and I was surprised because that had come out of nowhere.I didn't think I gave off anything that indicated I was good for company or a game.I was brooding and obviously not good at sports.Why would he suggest that?

I turned back to look at him noticing for the first time his face and his gentle smile.I always looked anywhere below someone's head to keep our eyes from meeting but now he had piqued my curiosity.He didn't seem to have any second thoughts beneath the surface or any gain from all this.

I think I almost reached out towards him but my heart tightened as if to remind me how easy it is to get hurt and hurt when you make connections with people.That was why I liked to observe others from a distance. Maybe this opportunity wouldn't come again and I probably made a big mistake but I couldn't help overanalyzing everything and at that moment I wasn't ready for that.Even if it meant continuing to live in my own world and missing the opportunity.

"I don't.... "I started and he was understanding, saying something that gave me hope even though I tried to push it away.

"Maybe some other time."

I slowly walked away and once I was in a place where he couldn't see me,I started running wanting to get to the safety of that empty room as quickly as possible. It wasn't that I was hurting badly with any of my past experiences.But I was observant and I was seeing things that I not only didn't want to happen to me but more importantly I didn't want to inflict them on others.That was reason enough for me.

I quickly walked out the door of the club and stopped, feeling the need to look inside.There were more people after all.A boy and a girl had joined them in addition to Aiko. I knew them because they had been in trouble before.Etsuko had made graffiti on the outside walls of the school and no matter how many times she had been punished,she never stopped.Gin was notorious for his custom made hard slabs and charging for them.Another particularly troublemaking element but I didn't care about that at the moment.

They were laughing and shouting at each other.I touched the door that separated us and in that moment I realised that there would always be an obstacle if I continued to live like this and I would never feel the true emotion of all those who risked their hearts but would satisfy myself with imitations.With the reflection of the mirror that can only show the object but not touch it.

I closed myself in the dark room and let some tears fall when I thought I heard something and saw a shadow moving.

"Who's there?"

4

The shadow moved and I remembered those strange things I had heard the first day I was late because of the club. I was shaking all over and really wasn't sure if I wanted to accept an answer to my question.I saw her approaching towards the light and my scream stopped just short of my throat making me sound like some complaining puppy.I let out a relieved breath when I saw that she was just a classmate and didn't look like some kind of ghost though in these situations you never know.

"Sorry for scaring you "She said with an awkward expression and smiled widely at me.I've been hearing a lot of apologies lately...I rubbed my head and only at the memory of the pain in that spot after the unorthodox encounter with Aiko.

"Oh, it's okay.I just didn't expect someone else to be here and in the dark..." Although I also had an apologetic expression,my eyes were sharp as they looked at her as if forcing her to confess something.It was certainly strange to find someone else in there and certainly in the dark without the light on. I knew that I should probably not be the one in the position of the interrogator with what I was doing and that if word of the embarrassment got out it would never leave me.That's why I had immediately gone on the offensive,so that I wouldn't be on the defensive.

"I would have said the same about you.I asked and was told that this room was free for me to use for my club.Was there a mistake? "Her expression was innocent and she asked the questions in an embellished way so as not to appear to be accusing me but it was obvious that now I had to apologize and answer for being there.

"And what were you doing in the dark?" say the cheeky thing but I kept trying to get the upper hand because I simply didn't want to leave that place or that group of kids; it was all I had no matter how sickening it sounded. As soon as I thought about it the memory of that classmate of mine who played baseball and we could have been friends and I wouldn't have needed that fake experience.I sent it away with the cheap excuse that they probably wanted to make fun of me and I was right not to go.

"The lamp is burnt out "She replied, crossing her arms and having started to lose patience with me.Maybe that's how I would feel if instead of getting answers I ended up giving them. "But you still haven't told me, what are you doing here?"

I hoped I could avoid this by throwing out nonsense and running out before she knew my name and could report to the principal that I was using a room without permission.Then my parents would find out and all my life I would be the fantasist who, because he had no friends of his own,found some ready-made ones and kept them company in his head. But I didn't see me getting away so easily because after my repeated attempts to maneuver,her attention was now even more on me.There is a possibility that she was putting far worse things in her mind than what I was actually doing.

"... "I opened my mouth but no words came out because I simply didn't expect to need anything ready and convincing to say in case I was discovered. I thought I was careful enough that no one would show any interest in this abandoned and dark room; but if they wanted to set up a new club and all the other rooms were taken, I could see why they would end up in this one.

As I took longer to answer,she was growing more and more suspicious and I could see her eyes darting around various parts of the room as if trying to spot something that would give away whatever it was I was doing in there. Things were starting to go downhill and I knew I had to open my mouth. I hadn't imagined that I would have to reveal it to a stranger but there was no choice as her body was facing the door and she looked ready to run towards a professor at any moment.I sighed.

"Promise to keep it a secret? "I asked her defeatedly and she turned back to me a little surprised as if she didn't expect me to finally speak.She thought about it for a moment before answering.

"Unless it's something very strange that needs to be reported to the principal. Yes" I didn't blame her for being so hesitant and suspicious because the boys had done a lot of unacceptable things in secret like selling pictures of the girls they thought were prettier to each other.But I didn't know if she would also classify what I did as one of the strange things the principal should know about.

"I don't know about you....but I promise it has nothing to do with girls or anything illegal…as far as I know that is. "Her eyes cut me from top to bottom as if she was trying to gauge what she thought I was capable of.Finally she waved her hand for me to continue.The look on her face gave me the feeling that I was a defendant in court and despite the darkness, I could feel the interrogation lamp burning my face.My palms and forehead started to get wet and no matter how much I opened my mouth no words came out.I took a deep breath and said it all together.

As soon as I finished I lifted my face hesitantly to see her reaction.She hadn't said anything so I couldn't tell what she had thought about what I had said. I raised one eyebrow and cocked my head to the side in confusion when I saw her vibrate all over.Before I could ask her, she made a sound as if her lips were able to break their bonds and a loud and constant laugh escaped from her side.

Her whole body was shaking and she had turned to the side covering her mouth with her lips in case it cut the sound.Her other hand was holding her stomach which was probably starting to hurt.I think I could see a few tears rolling from her eyes.This was definitely not the reaction I was expecting.

"Don't worry...your secret is safe with me.. "She uttered with some difficulty when she started to calm down and I felt the relief spread throughout my body though with the way she had reacted I wasn't sure if she would keep her word.

"Was...was that so funny?" I asked feeling a little like i was shrinking but she waved her hands in the negative and confused me even more.She wiped her teary eyes and took a breath to get rid of the laughter from before.When she looked at me she had a more serious yet glowing expression on her face.

"The truth is that I'm not interested in doing a club.I just had seen you come here in such a dark place and I wanted to see if something weird was happening again.You know I was a victim of the photo trade too so I didn't want something like that to happen again."She spoke with a firm voice and a little bitterness in the last sentence but then she smiled broadly. "That's why I in no way expected you to do something like that and it was a relief along with the surprise.Sure it's a little weird but I won't judge you for it."

I managed to catch my breath at the way she ended her speech.Her eyes held something like understanding and I knew I could keep coming there since she didn't have a club of her own.

"So you won't say anything?"

"As long as you don't cause any trouble,I don't see the point in doing so"She shrugged.At that moment I wondered if her eyes were the ones I felt on me yesterday and a little today.I opened my mouth with the intention of asking in a way because I couldn't stand the idea that I was paranoid and imagining all this.But instead of my voice coming out,there was another voice shouting as well.

"You son of a....!Ah!I can't work with that boomerang!It ruins everything I do!"A woman's voice shouted from next door and the door was heard creeping with great force.

"Don't look at me like that!Go apologize to her!She was right this time!" I managed to recognize Kaoru's voice and even though he was saying it loudly,he wasn't shouting or hiding any tension.

"Pfff,fine!"Replied a boyish voice and then walked out of the club too.Before I could think about it,the girl across from me spoke as if she knew exactly the thoughts I was having.

"Aren't you going?"She asked me a little briskly and pointed her hand at the door meaning for me to follow them.I smiled and started to walk away but turned back at the last minute.

"I didn't introduce myself.I'm Haga Ryo"

"Tanji Shizu. Nice to meet you."

"You too!"I replied quickly and walked out to catch up with the two who were fighting. I found them in the gazebo yelling at each other and making such intense movements that they could be seen from a distance.They should have considered the

possibility that putting several troublemakers together wasn't the best choice though.The result now was the expected one.

I couldn't get close enough to hear exactly what they were saying but many words were reaching the point I was at and I had caught a glimpse of something in the cheering club room that made everything make sense.The ones who had been fighting were Gin and Etsuko.Kaoru had asked the girl to make the banner they would use at the soccer game to cheer on the players. The room had now been cleared and he was just looking for ways to utilize everyone's talents.Gin however was still the best at pranks and the one who enjoyed them the most so he had ruined the banner by making the paint explode somehow and bathing her in paint as well.It went without saying that she would be upset.Actually if you saw how she looked from a distance with the paint,you would think her reaction was mild.

Eventually they made up and shook hands even though they both seemed reluctant.I wanted to see how Kaoru would manage to bring all those different characters together and make them cooperate.They hadn't yet started rehearsing what they were going to say and how they were going to do it but I was sure it was going to be a lot of fun when they did it and I certainly didn't want to miss it.

I returned before them to the room next to their club and saw that Tanji-san had already left the room leaving me to do what I wanted to do; her understanding made me feel better about what I was doing and I needed her to push away the guilt and the few second thoughts.

I stopped thinking to myself though because I couldn't hear what they were saying and they seemed to have started a conversation.I had a hard time understanding what it was about at first but after a few contexts the picture was starting to clear in my mind.As if to confirm me,Kaoru said it clearly.

"Where will your year go for the school trip?"He asked the two troublemakers who had argued before because they were the only ones not involved in the conversation.They were both first graders while the rest were second graders like me with the exception of the one talking who was a third grader.Kaoru had said where they were going,Nen had said where we were going and the only ones who hadn't spoken were Etsuko and Gin.

I couldn't hear what answer they gave because I was having a bit of a stroke as I had completely forgotten about the school trip and was so distracted today that I hadn't heard any of the information.If I hadn't listened to Nen I wouldn't even know the destination and now I had to find a way to find out the date.

Under other circumstances I wouldn't have cared one bit because I simply wouldn't have gone but now that I had what I considered friends,I wanted to go to see how they were passing time during the trip.The truth is I had never been a person who was crazy about traveling so I hadn't gone even when I had friends. So my curiosity was piqued with what they would do to spend their time and what it would be like

when there weren't such strict restrictions of school and they would show themselves more spontaneously.My heart started beating faster just at the thought and before I could control it I was already getting excited.

They continued to talk about it as they took a break and soon they would be leaving after they had completed most of their chores.I was sitting on the floor with my back against the wall and listening to their voices in the background while I was lost in thoughts and daydreams of what that trip could have been like. I may have long ago stopped paying attention to their every word, but just hearing voices in the background so close to you makes you feel like you're not alone.

I brought my legs closer to my body and smiled into my knees with my cheeks burning and in that moment I knew I had made the right choice; sharing their memories without fear of arguing or anything else. Even if I had become friends with that baseball player,we wouldn't have had much in common and there would have been this anxiety of how to behave so the other person could have a good time and not get hurt.That was definitely the best choice.

When I left school that day,my heart was much lighter and my steps were slow as if I was walking on clouds.I thought I had a strange feeling as if there was someone close enough to be felt but far enough away that I was unaware of them.I let go of the vivid feeling for a moment and prepared to look back at the thought that I might be confronted by the person who was watching me if it wasn't Tanji-san after all. But before I turned around,a couple walked past me giggling and talking and I let out a relieved breath.I released the grip on my fists and found that the feeling was gone.I decided at that moment to pay no attention to those sensations because they made me fear even my own shadow.After all,it had been proven many times that they were all creations of my galloping imagination.

I returned home and immediately went to the fridge to catch some strawberries.I had kept some and had hidden them so that Echi wouldn't take them from me but I was sure that she would spot them as soon as she returned so I hurried to fill my mouth with them.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!"Chizu emphasized the first syllable so abruptly that it made me jerk and turn to look at her with my cheeks full and juices running from my mouth. I tried to smile innocently but it sure looked weird with the food in my puffy cheeks.I didn't get a chance to see her face because the flash from her phone hit me and made me close my eyes before I realized what she was doing.

She smiled wide at me waving her phone and showing me the embarrassing picture of me that was going into her album.She had a whole folder on her phone and computer so she could threaten me now and in the future.I swallowed the strawberries all at once and wiped my mouth before giving her a murderous look and starting to run towards her.

"You're dead!" I yelled at her menacingly only to get her mocking laugh in response.

"Then why am I still seeing your face?!!"She replied and continued to run towards her room.She was the only one who was allowed to have a key and if I let her in,there would be no way to erase the picture.My eyes spotted Echi playing inside since they shared a room.

"Echi,if you help your big brother,he will give you more strawberries!"I shouted and her head shot up at once and she looked at me with a twinkle in her eyes but then her expression changed to suspicion.

"But we ran out of strawberries yesterday. "She cut me off with her eyes and I knew I would be digging my own hole if I said I had more but I hid them so she wouldn't find them.So I came up with the first excuse that came to mind.

"I got a few more today!"As soon as I answered that,the little girl closed the door to the room and locked herself inside.At first I thought she was pouting at me but then I realized that the desire for strawberries could sharpen her thinking.If I got out and tried to cut her off,she was lacking in height and strength but if she closed the only room with a locker,Chizu would have no place to hide.

I saw her shake her head back and forth to find another way to escape but I caught up and ran into her knocking her down.I was definitely too weak but it was still enough to get the upper hand and take the phone out of her hand.I smiled victoriously as I picked it up and was about to run away from her but then came the most unfair and invincible attack...the tickle.

I began to flail and take quick breaths because I was one of those people who tickled easily and too much.I saw her step on something through the tears that began to stream from my eyes and her evil grin let me know that she had saved it in the locked folder.I had lost once again.

She left me after a while after I had exhausted all my oxygen reserves and was turning bright red.But I didn't have time to calm down and get up because another heavy thing was hooked to me.

"Strawberries!Strawberries!Onii-chan will give strawberries to Echi!" She started shouting and bouncing happily.I stood up with a sour and downcast expression with the little girl on my back like a monkey.Not only was I defeated and my image in the present and future was in danger, but I was going to be starving. I walked with heavy steps to the kitchen and handed the strawberries to Echi with a sad look as if I was parting with a partner even though I was also about to eat them before.But the way I saw her smiling broadly,I knew it was worth it. Even if my belly kept growling.

I was waiting for my parents to get back from their jobs to ask if I could go on the school trip.We had enough money to live in some comfort but I had never asked for this before so I didn't know if we had money to spend on it. I didn't have time to finish my question and I saw them looking dumbfounded before they both fell into my arms and started squeezing me.Their reaction again seemed excessive but I didn't speak and let them express themselves as they wanted.

When other children asked for things their parents resented them but mine celebrated as if I had offered to give them something.Maybe it was because I rarely asked or wanted anything.I usually took what they gave me and was satisfied with it.I didn't express much desire because I didn't care much either.

But when I did ask it was like they were relieved that I was acting like a normal kid and it made me feel weird about who I was and I thought about how I made them feel in general.But I didn't put too much weight on it and tried to focus on the fact that they were happy.

Chizu was looking at me suspiciously but I could see her faint smile that I don't know how it made me feel while the little one was glued to me and nagging about how she wanted to go on the trip with me.It made me feel important when she paid so much attention to me and she was the only person who I didn't mind when she was so close to me and violated my personal space.

The next day I found out that the field trip was scheduled for a week later and it was time to choose the groups of four to five people.Never before had that problem arisen with me because I didn't go but now the teacher had to randomly put me in a group that didn't fill the number.

There were two girls and one boy.I recognized their faces because I watched everyone in the class but I had no idea what their names were. They looked embarrassed as if they didn't even know I existed until just now.One of the girls opened her mouth to start a conversation but it was painful all the way through so I thought I would put her out of her misery.

"Don't worry.I'm only in the group to fill the number. Once we arrive I'll leave you and find my friends in another class. "I said casually and didn't feel the least bit weird calling Nen,Fujita and Chiasa friends.Since that's who I considered them to be and I was going to go to them,I wasn't lying.

The trio looked relieved and smiled at me more sincerely this time.I couldn't do them any justice since I had burdened them and would affect their plans if I stayed with them. Between them they seemed to have worked it out as they were friends but now they would have to ask me what I wanted and where I thought it would be good to go.If there was a difference of opinion,things would be much more difficult.So we decided that we would look like a group but act like we weren't.

I let them talk and my mind slipped into the upcoming trip making me smile.I was going to have a good time.I could feel it.It would be different.

5

The day of the trip came before I knew it but at the same time it felt like it was too late because I was looking forward to it.I said goodbye to my parents and narrowed my eyes when I saw them waving goodbye with misty eyes.I expected that a week would be enough for them to get over these excesses but I was wrong.

I turned my back and supported the bag better on my back.I didn't know how to feel about taking five days to see them.Since I had never been on a trip or outing before,I had never been separated from my family for more than a day. Something inside me made me clench and want to turn back as every step I took was a step outside my safety zone and made my heart pound like crazy.I felt like a kid going to school for the first time and not wanting to be separated from his parents.

But as soon as I stepped far enough away without looking back,another feeling came that fought against everything else.Independence and freedom.The wind hit me and I gripped the handles of the bag tighter before I started running towards the school. I was going to get a chance to feel like I was growing up and could handle things on my own.The feeling was indescribable and the journey hadn't even started yet.Something told me that everything was going to go my way.It was like I could feel it inside.

I arrived at the bus that was waiting for us outside and it wasn't that hard to spot the teacher in charge of my class.Most of the students had gathered and soon he would start reading the names and letting us in.I stayed behind to be preceded by those who were in pairs and he had to make me sit alone. Under other circumstances he might break some other larger group to put me in with one of them but I certainly didn't want that either.I couldn't understand why the teachers were so insistent on making us do everything together.What would they gain from it and what were we supposed to learn?

They all passed by and he looked at me in surprise when he saw that I was there since I had requested a release from the field trips since last year.He went to smile but found that I was alone and paid no attention to my satisfied smile because of just that fact.

In his eyes I had made up my mind to enjoy my school years and if I was alone I wouldn't have been able to do that.Maybe I would have said something to let him know that this was how I enjoyed it but now I knew I didn't need to do that. I could see him looking upsetly once inside and once at me before he bowed his head in frustration since he couldn't find me someone to sit next to me. I bit my lip to hide my relief.

"Come on in "He said in a voice that showed he felt he had let me down as a teacher and made a note on his paper that I was present.I climbed the steps and my

trained eyes immediately spotted two empty seats towards the middle of the vehicle.Myself and I were very happy to be seated together.

I laughed at that thought and walked over to them happily.I sat down on the inside because I liked to look out the window and get lost in my own thoughts and put the bag in the seat next to me.Luckily I hadn't had to sit with the kids in the group. I was sure they felt just as relieved.

The teacher read the names one more time to make sure we were all there and that we weren't forgetting anyone.He stuck to one name because no one answered and started repeating it.I looked around to see if the boy who was called couldn't hear him but even if his name rang a bell,I couldn't remember his face at that moment.

"Does anyone know if anything happened to Minamoto Saboru?" the professor asked because he didn't want to leave without being sure the student couldn't come.

"Let's wait a little longer, sir!He's very sleepy and almost always late!" suggested a boy who probably knew him well and some people started giggling as soon as he said that.He probably had a reputation for such things. I soured my face because I thought sleepyheads were very lazy people. Sure I slept in class too and I might be a little late but I never missed class.I couldn't stand people who weren't there on time and delayed everyone else's schedule.

The teacher opened his mouth as if he was about to say something but at that very moment a student appeared from behind him and almost fell on him from the momentum with which he had entered.He was full of sweat and out of breath from running.His face looked familiar to me but that was only natural since we were in the same class.

"Sorry for the delay!" he shouted breathlessly and I disliked him even more because I couldn't stand the noisy ones.The professor looked at him with a playful glare as if he wanted to laugh as he saw him but was holding back because of his position.

"Never mind.The important thing is that you caught up with us because we don't want to leave anyone behind!" he said and patted him on the back in a friendly manner to push him to look for a seat and sit down.It didn't even cross my mind for a second and I certainly didn't expect it even if it was the expected thing.I realized that I was the only one sitting alone when he came over to where I was sitting and looked at me awkwardly grabbing the back of his head.

"Can I sit here?"Seeing his awkwardness and the polite smile at the end,I realized it was that baseball player who had suggested I play with them.I sighed and put the bag down.The trip was already starting to go bad and that perfect picture I had was fading.Not only was there someone sitting next to me who was annoying me but he was the one who was giving me second thoughts about the whole cheerleading club thing. On one hand I wanted to see if he had seemed friendly just to mock me and now he wouldn't make another move to get to know me but I still hoped he

wouldn't do anything.I didn't feel like opening a conversation and I just wanted to stay in silence and get lost in my thoughts until we reached our destination.

I was surprised though that I hadn't realized before that we were from the same class.If I hadn't met him at the taps,I wouldn't recognize him now and I could have sworn I hadn't seen him in class.He seemed like a person who stood out in his own way so it would have been hard not to have noticed him but from the looks of it not impossible.

The bus started and I was about to let out a relieved breath because he had seemingly decided not to bother me.Within a few seconds though I could feel his seat shift showing his hesitation and embarrassment. He wanted to do something but wasn't sure how I would react.I tried to give off an aura that showed I wanted nothing to do with him to give him the answer to his dilemma but I should have known he was so thick headed he wouldn't get the message.

"Do you want to play a game?I have cards and some other things that are for traveling... "I could hear him rummaging through his bag and I really appreciated that he was trying but I was in no mood for that.However, he had come prepared for the trip.

"I don't want to play. "I replied dryly, resting my hand on the edge of the window and then resting my head on my palm.He seemed to freeze a little but it wasn't enough to deter him it seemed.

"Oh....Ok....Then maybe...?"Now he was looking for something else and I was really curious as to what else he might suggest but I was sure I would dismiss it again. "Are you hungry? I have several snacks.."

I turned around to tell him that these were not allowed on the buses but I saw him touching his lips with his index finger and holding out his other hand which was filled with snacks of various kinds. I didn't like refusing other people's offers and I didn't want to be rude so I took one at random and ate it turning back to the window.It was strange in taste but I couldn't complain because he had bought them for himself and he liked them.He wouldn't buy flavours based on what others liked.

"So....you wanted to come on this trip..is there anything...?"He seemed happy that I had accepted his snack and went to step on it to open up conversation.

"Thanks for the snack!"My voice was sharp and had sharp angles that threatened anyone who made the mistake of getting any closer.I wasn't going to let him think that we had become buddies because we happened to sit together and I happened to accept his snack.I didn't know how easily he made friends but it wasn't that simple for me.And the topic he was trying to start with was definitely a touchy one. I may have looked mean but I reacted like any living organism when you tried to invade his space,I clawed.

"You're welcome!" he replied and it seemed he was obviously heavy.Not only was his voice deeper and weaker but the sound of his words changed showing that now his lips had dropped down.

He didn't bother me the rest of the trip and I expected him to strike up a conversation with all the other guys since he looked famous but he remained silent next to me as if he had lost his will.I wouldn't feel guilty because it simply wasn't my fault!

I completely put him out of my mind the entire ride and when we got off the bus I did everything I could to avoid him.Even when we got to where we were staying,I chose to grab a spot as far away from his as possible to put my stuff down and put my futon on.

It seemed excessive since he hadn't done anything to me but if he tried to be friends again, he would get in the way of me trying to find the other six.That was the reason I had come in the first place so I wasn't going to let anyone spoil it for me.

On the first day we were all going together as a sophomore class to certain attractions.This was my chance if I wanted to track down Chiasa, Nen and Fujita.I hoped that if I found them today when we were all together, I could find out other useful information like where their own classes were and where they planned to be as a club for the remaining four days we were free to wander the city.

I hadn't expected us to be given so much freedom but perhaps it had more to do with the fact that there weren't many places we could all visit together than with the fact that the director had done it for us.The area we had visited was not one of the best known for its tourist destinations and the truth was that we didn't even know why it had been chosen for the tour.

Of course,I didn't care about any of that because whatever the reason was,it gave me more days that I could follow the cheerleading club.I had to concentrate on the excuse I could find to get away from the teacher in charge and then be able to find the other guys. I would become one with their class since one face among the twenty was not something easily discernible.Their teacher would not spot me and I would make sure to use my skills to make myself invisible to prying eyes.

But there were two problems that I still didn't know how to deal with.Not only did I not know what class they belonged to since they had never mentioned it during club hours, but I didn't know if they had a female or male teacher so I could narrow down the scope of my search.

They were in four classes and the only thing I knew for sure was that they weren't in my class.How could I tell them apart from the back,without seeing their faces, that all looked the same?

I raised my fist with a determined look on my face; the more obstacles that appeared the more I deserved what I had conquered and I would find a way to fight

them one way or another. It may seem strange because difficulties seem to most people like warnings from the universe telling them not to do what they are about to do but to me it was fueling my stubbornness.The more guards outside,the greater the treasure inside.That was the feeling I had and it would not change my mind.

We passed quickly by some sights and I knew that I didn't have time to do it at that moment because by the time I walked away,their class would be gone. So I waited for that much needed break in between where we would be all classes mixed and I would have enough time to carry out my quest.

We stopped at a park to eat and drink water or go to the bathroom,that last excuse I planned to use as well. But I had to wait for all the people who asked to go initially to return as they would see me change course and tell the professor if he asked where I was.I was starting to get annoyed as I was wasting my time but I smiled when I saw them return.

"Sensei,I need to go to the bathroom!"I went and said wearing my most convincing expression and he looked at me wondering why I hadn't said it before. But physical need is not something we can control so I had chosen that excuse.If I had told him that I was suddenly hungry and wanted to go buy something he would have either told me to be patient or asked someone else to share his food with me.

"Go but hurry up because we're leaving in a little while. "His suggestion made me run at breakneck speed because if I took even a little longer,I could lose them.I cursed the others who were probably loitering all that time and hurriedly headed for the toilets to change course later. I looked back out of the corner of my eye to see when the professor would turn his attention elsewhere but as if he was worried about me,his eyes never left me.

I snapped.He didn't have to do his job so well!I had to go into the toilets and out a different door.My eyebrows were furrowed with nerves and my forehead was furrowed with tension.I gritted my teeth and prepared to run with as much strength as I could muster on my feet.

I would find them even if I had to ask one by one the teachers of the classes if they had students with those names.But of course when everything was going wrong,there was nothing going right because it would feel lonely among the rest.

I collided with someone and with the momentum I had gained I ended up hurling them to the opposite side while I fell backwards.I was ready to heavily curse whoever was in front of me even if I was the one I couldn't see in front of me.

My mouth was left gaping open when I saw that it was Tanji Shizu.It will sound shallow but now I felt a little guilty I had pushed her like that just after she had come out of the bathroom.

"I'm sorry...I wasn't looking... "I apologized and stood up to hold out my hand to help her up.She looked up in annoyance but her own expression softened when she

saw who I was.She accepted my hand and then shook her skirt.I hoped she would continue on back through that different door and leave me alone to do what I wanted.

"It's okay, Haga-kun.Where are you going? "She asked me and for a moment I felt a bite in my heart but then I remembered that I had already confided in her about what I was doing so there was no need to hide it.If I gave a direct answer it would have ended the conversation faster.

"I thought I'd look for Nen,Fujita and Chiasa... "I replied with a blush slowly staining my cheeks and rubbing the back of my head.Her eyes opened wide and I didn't understand why so my expression started to change form into a confused and a little scared frown.

"Are they at the club?Oh yes of course!How silly of me!They had caused trouble."She tapped her forehead and started a conversation with herself that was confusing me more and more.I started to wiggle with worry because I was wasting time switching the weight from the heels of my feet to my toes. "The two boys are in my class and the girl is in the one next door" She finally said and my eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets from shock while my mouth unscrewed.

"So..so can you show me where I can find them?"Finally maybe something good was happening.They were right those who said that everything happened for a reason.If I hadn't bumped into her I would still be looking for them and I might not have found them.

"Yes,of course "She replied and we opened that door again so we could get to where everyone was taking a break to see that no one was there.A feeling went through me like something had pierced my stomach.I scanned the area around me with my eyes and couldn't spot anyone.

"What do we do now?"I asked her because we didn't know which way they were going or what the next sight was so we could ask passersby and get our bearings.

My heart felt like a runner who instead of running to get the medal,was panicking for his life trying to avoid something.I didn't have a cell phone with me.The model I had was very old and I had taken it with me just to let my parents know that everything was going well. That's why I had left where we were staying.

I abruptly turned around next to me to make sure she was still there since she hadn't given me any answer yet.I was a little relieved that I wasn't alone because it felt like everyone suddenly started to disappear around me.I don't know what a panic attack feels like because I'd never had one before but I'm pretty sure that whatever was approaching me at that moment and was about to wrap its icy arms around me was something like that.

Tanji lifted her head forward as if various thoughts were passing before her eyes and checked her phone once again.Without giving me any explanation,she took my hand in hers and pulled me in one direction.

"Where...?"She motioned for me to be quiet or she would lose her concentration.She kept looking at the GPS on her phone as if trying to figure out if the streets she saw there, were actually the ones we were walking on at that moment.

"I sent a text to ask what the next sight was.Because they went into the toilets and couldn't find us some teachers are looking for us while others are continuing the tour as normal so that the rest of the students don't panic" She explained with a gasp because she could probably tell from the pulse in my hand that I was panicking.

I let out a breath that I had been holding for so long once I realized what she was trying to do; however, I have to admit that I was impressed because she had thought it through pretty quickly and had kept her cool by coming up with a pretty good solution.

At that moment I thought that if I hadn't bumped into her I would have been alone without a cell phone and I would have worried my teachers like crazy.Maybe because of me the field trip would have been interrupted or the rest of us would have been deprived of the freedom of the rest of the days. I was too reckless and hadn't thought about how my actions could affect those around me.If I did something in the absence of the teacher, he would be held responsible and the consequences of my wrongdoings would fall on him.I had to think more about my actions.

I followed Tanji with my head bowed and not speaking a word. I didn't even pay attention to the fact that it was the first time I had ever held a girl's hand other than my sisters’.I shouldn't have come on that trip in the first place since what I had in mind required breaking a lot of rules and getting a lot of people in trouble.When it was just me it was different but now I had caused trouble for so many others.I was ashamed of myself.

I really didn't even understand when we were able to find everyone else because I simply hadn't done anything to help.Tanji had to wrestle with her own mind and get her bearings.

Luckily it hadn't been long and they hadn't gotten too far away.When she stopped walking,I knew we had arrived.I prepared myself for the sermon of the century but I certainly didn't expect to find myself in a tight embrace.

"You scared us "The professor's voice came brokenly to my ears and I have the impression that I gasped because my vision blurred.We had managed to find them thanks to the fact that she had moved so fast and was so good at finding the way but I was very scared when we suddenly found ourselves alone in an unfamiliar area. I had realised how small and unprepared I was to go out into the world.My emotions were so intense that I didn't realise it when Tanji passed a piece of paper in my hand.

6

I only saw the slip of paper when we returned to the place where we were going to sleep and I took out my leather jacket as it was tucked away in my pocket. I was so fatigued that I wanted to go to bed immediately as I had exhausted my mental and physical batteries and I was tired of hearing what a model student we were after we had managed to handle the situation so well.

The teachers insisted on telling the others that they should follow our example and this made me feel worse and worse because they thought that they had made a mistake and we were lost when that was my intention all along.

But even more tiresome were the questions from the boys who insisted that something was going on between me and Tanji because we had been lost at the same time and had returned holding each other's hands; I denied the rumours all day long, avoiding mentioning that she was holding my hand so that I wouldn't get lost again.

This attention was beginning to make me more and more uncomfortable because I was a creature of darkness that had come out of it under the blinding sunlight and it was leaving burns all over my body. I had always tried to disappear into the crowd and now everyone was looking at me when the teachers mentioned my name while the boys had suddenly gained an intimacy with me that I hadn't even given them permission to have.At any moment I would make a sudden outburst that would repel everyone but then they would think I was weird.I preferred that they didn't even know I existed.

"Knock it off." came the flat and stern voice of the last person I wanted to be involved.Saboru had thrown two pillows at two of the people sitting around me and looked at the others as if threatening them that their turn would come if they didn't return to their futons.Usually he had an expression that made you think he couldn't be scary but when his gaze plastered on,it made the hairs stand up.

Pillow fighting in general wasn't such a dangerous thing but when your opponent was the best pitcher on the baseball team,you didn't want to be involved in something like that.They gave him a grumpy look but he kept his gaze until they gave up and walked away in frustration.

"Get ready to go to the bathrooms as we are the next class." He said more sternly than the professor himself would have said and they obeyed, dragging their feet; they had hoped to get into various kinds of mischief since the professors were sleeping in a different room from ours but Saboru had turned out to be unexpectedly responsible so he was spoiling it for them.

"The sooner we finish,the sooner we can go back and play various games."He added in a lively and conspiratorial tone that made everyone smile mischievously.

I couldn't tell if he was actually excited about it or if he had just done it to motivate them and not be like that.Whatever the reason,he had his way with the boys in our class and it was quite impressive.

My mind raced to what excuse I needed to bring up to not join in their silly games so that they wouldn't think I was a lout and that I didn't approve of them.But my thoughts were suddenly interrupted as if I had just heard what he had said before and realized what he meant.

Since I didn't have many friends and had never been on a field trip before,I hadn't had to follow this ritual that was common for everyone else.I covered my mouth before I could even think of screaming and my whole face turned bright red as if I had put it in the oven. I would faint at the thought of taking a bath with all of those disgusting guys.

A hand touched my forehead and it felt cool because my whole head was burning and had turned a deep red color.My brain had literally died so I couldn't understand what was going on or who had touched me.I only started to come to when I heard him speak loudly as if he wanted everyone else to hear him.

"You're burning up.You must have a fever.You better lie down and leave the bath for another day when you'll be better!"I didn't think my face was burning enough to be mistaken for sick but I knew what was going on when the person whispered close to my ear. "You can pretend to lie down and go to bath later when no one is around.If you want I'll ask permission from the professor as well"

I was getting stubborn and I wanted so badly to bounce his offer.I couldn't understand why he was being so nice to me and trying to protect me when I had treated him so rudely.But if I refused the offer, I would have to do something that could kill me with shame, so I decided to put my ego aside and accept his help for this one time.

"Okay"I whispered avoiding to look at him and nodding my head positively.

I lay down on my futon and curled up to pretend to be sick.Unbeknownst to him,he had also given me an excuse for not playing in the games and also for what the paper had mentioned.

For a while I had forgotten about it but while the rest were at the hot springs bathing,the piece of paper seemed to burn my pillow since I had put it under there.I hadn't expected her to suggest something like that and it had come out of nowhere as a suggestion so I couldn't help but kick it around in my mind until everyone returned.

When I saw what they had all brought me out of concern for my health a delicate chord inside of me was touched and also the guilt began to flare up. I decided

that tomorrow I would join them in the baths since I couldn't drag out this business of illness for long anyway.I watched them playing and looking like they were having a good time and feeling some obligation to return the favour with all they had bought me,I rose.

"W-...Would you like to come and play near here to.... so I can play too?"I was prepared for rejection.If they thought I was sick, they wouldn't want to get sick as too.

Some made excited noises and ran towards me while the others broke up the game even though they were halfway through so they could come over and play a game from the start so I could join in.

None of them mentioned anything about me never wanting to do anything with other people but they reacted as if it was the most natural thing to do.

One who I couldn't remember his name and was one of the first to let out excited screams before running right past me,was very enthusiastic and told me one by one the game titles so I could choose the one I wanted.It was as if the way he was so honest and reacted lessened my need to stay away from other people. He was violating my personal space but he did it in a way that didn't make me pull back.

Eventually we fell asleep between games and on top of each other.

It took Saboru to nudge me to wake me up so I could go to the bathrooms. If I hadn't kept an eye on the paper,I might have left the bathroom for another time and gone back to sleep as there were not many times I fell asleep so sweetly and heavily.

I saw him grab everyone by the legs or lift them on his back to take everyone to his futon or somewhere around there. He looked carefree but he actually cared for all of them and reacted like a big brother while being the little one when needed. Maybe that's why he was trying to help me too,I didn't know.

"Sa-...Saboru... "He turned to me in surprise as it was the first time I called him by his name or answered him instead of cutting him off.

I opened my mouth to say the next word which was incredibly difficult but then one of the others started to ramble in his sleep and startled us before causing us to laugh out loud. We were thrashing around trying not to be heard because he was talking nonsense and pursing his lips while moving around like he was seeing some girl in his dream.

I grabbed the door thinking I had gotten away with it but I couldn't stand it and said it quickly and whispered it through my teeth without turning to look at him.

"Thank you" I said and hurried out before I heard his reply and ran to the bathrooms to finish before the meeting time the note said.I had no way of letting her know what had happened so I had to hurry so as not to change plans and make a mistake that would cost us. The teachers wouldn't be so tolerant if they saw us doing something

alarming to them again but at least I had made sure to confirm that it wasn't anything dangerous and the blame would fall solely on me.   

The bath was so refreshing that if I could I would have stayed in there for the rest of the night and never come out.I could have slept in there but that wouldn't have ended well and I knew it.

I also had to move quickly.Although the rush didn't work out well as the increased temperature blurred my vision and my often tight skin softened and relaxed. So when I stepped out I slipped because my steps were hurried and unsteady and I ended up falling back on the hot spring.I surfaced and was in such a state of euphoria that I started laughing to myself before trying to get back out.

I drank the cold milk and put on my kimono with my underwear underneath to dry off before I started to head to the meeting point.I was a little afraid of my lies coming true and getting sick with wet wool but there was no way I was going to meet Tanji with a towel on my head. Luckily my hair that wasn't particularly long and would be dry in no time.

The thing was that I was no longer sure about all this because I had woken up from a deep sleep and had been in such a relaxing bath.I felt ready to sleep standing up.If I had her number I would have texted her to postpone it but now I knew I couldn't let her wait like that when she had been doing all this for me in the first place.

I got to the spot where the paper said but before I could stand right next to the vending machine as she had advised for some strange reason,a hand pulled me backwards sharply.

I didn't put up much resistance as my body was still like jelly.Before I could make a sound,a tender hand covered my mouth and I thought I could smell something like potato chips but I wasn't sure.

"Don't make a sound "Tanji's whispered voice tickled my ear and I found myself shuddering while hoping her hand couldn't feel the blush on my cheeks.Once I knew it was her,I obeyed what she whispered because I was sure there must be a reason for all this.There was no other excuse.

I thought I heard footsteps from the corridor across the one we were on and almost at the same moment she squeezed my arm and pulled me towards an unknown destination.

She had promised to help me see the members of the club and find out information about their plans from the next day onwards but maybe the plan had changed now that someone had appeared to be approaching. There was no way we wanted to be caught outside the rooms we were supposed to be in so late at night and together.It could cause misunderstandings and it wasn't something we needed on our shoulders after the rumors that had started because we had been seen returning hand

in hand. That was why I blindly followed her knowing that she knew what she was doing and that it would cause trouble if I asked for an explanation.

We walked very carefully so as not to cause noise and she looked around to see if a teacher was approaching who was just wandering around to check on the students.It was very reminiscent of the experience we had that morning but not as scary in that we might not be able to find our way.

Of course,it was quite dark and we shook at every sound fearing it was a teacher.Both situations were quite stressful but I couldn't say I didn't enjoy that adrenaline rush even a little bit.

"Why are you wearing a kimono too?"I asked her in the breakout at some point when I couldn't hear anything because I had just noticed that she was wearing the same outfit as me. I had indeed gone to the bathrooms and could use that as an excuse if I was found alone outside since I had the teacher's permission; but how had she come up with the same excuse as me without knowing that I would do that?Was it just a coincidence?

"Uh....In general, news travels fast...And there was talk of you not wanting to go bathing with the others..So I knew you were going to go bath later... "She said it a little hesitantly thinking about my feelings but no matter how much hesitation she had in her voice,it didn't change the information I had just received.

Not only had some rumor started about me even though it had been said that I was sick but it had even reached the ears of the girls in other classes.It was quite a blow because I knew that when a rumor starts about you,you get the shaft. They start saying more and more things adding more and more sauce until you are fingered and they stick a nickname on you that you don't even know where it came from because you didn't do any of the things you were accused of.

And the few good feelings I had from before with the boys faded away and I felt like my heart started to get heavy and sink in my chest.

My mind went to Saboru who was the only one who knew about it and I felt silly for thanking him from above. No one else could have started those rumors.I remembered his sincere expression but I didn't let it confuse me once again.He was a very good actor and I was a big fool that I had ended up risking my feelings again at the first opportunity.I never learned my lesson.

"We're here "I heard her say after some time and I saw her slowly open the door.I followed her without looking up but when I did,I almost screamed.I pulled her out hard again almost pulling her arm out of the momentum and looked at her like she was crazy.

"Do you realize where you've brought me?!"

"Don't you want to listen to Chiasa talk about their plans as a club or look through her phone to see?" She asked as if it was the obvious thing to ask and it actually shook me up a bit making me think for a few seconds that I was the irrational one but I managed to recover quickly.

"Couldn't we go to Nen and Fujita who are also from your class?Do you know what will happen to me if they see me walk into a room full of defenseless girls?" Even though I was whispering my voice was tense and it was distorted as a sound because it was too high pitched from shock.

This was something I was in no way expecting and I wasn't prepared to do it. Besides,I didn't know if I was willing to risk my image and the rest of my time at school just to find out their plans.It may have been the only option that put all the blame on me but the point was that I would be blamed for things I hadn't done!

She didn't answer my questions and just crossed her arms raising one eyebrow.At first I didn't understand what had triggered this reaction but then it hit me.I was the one who was interested in this information and she had already taken a risk by being in a different class and going out so late.As much as I would be in trouble if I was found in a room with girls,she would be in trouble if she was found in a room with boys.

"I'm sorry"I finally said and her expression softened.She motioned for me to go in first and I dry heaved while my legs began to shake.My disguise was also very suspicious.If I was found,there would be no way to justify myself or prove I was innocent. Although I don't know if I actually was because I was about to hack into a stranger's cell phone to see where she was meeting the others and be able to track them.

Yeah, maybe it was better if they thought otherwise and didn't know the truth.

As I walked in I thought about the fact that Tanji had already helped me three times without obliging her anything.I smiled softly and decided to find a way to repay her as best I could.There was always something I could do no matter how inexperienced I was.

I found myself on top of Chiasa who was sound asleep snoring lightly and Tanji found herself on the opposite side so we could simultaneously search her belongings and find the cell phone quicker.

I moved a little slowly because I tried to search carefully and not touch too many things because I felt like a thief and was afraid they might find my fingerprints. I saw a movement and felt some wind,I lifted my head to see her waving the phone with a victorious expression that suddenly changed to surprise because in her attempt to get my attention she lost her balance.

I saw her fall back and I moved before I could think about it and filter it.I stepped over the dozing Chiasa and grabbed her arms to create a counterweight so she could stand but I ended up falling towards her myself doing my best not to touch the dozing girl.

I found myself lying on top of her with my heart pounding as if trying to break the bonds of my body and get out,my face darkened in the darkness from blushing and my eyes staring deep into hers unable to pull away.Luckily Chiasa was the last in that line so we hadn't run into anyone else.

I opened my mouth to say something but no sound could come out. There was a sound from outside and we both rolled our eyes before turning to the door at the same time.We saw some flashlights glowing and it looked like someone was about to walk in.

Tanji was frozen and there wasn't much she could do from her position so I knew that for once I had to do something.I was going to hide us somehow but if it didn't work,I would take all the blame.It was all my fault to begin with.

I noticed that Chiasa was uncovered and had pushed her cover down further.In a flash I grasped it and covered us.But to make it look like there was a lying human underneath,I looked at her apologetically and let my body fall on top of her trying not to let go of all the weight.

We were practically clinging tightly even though one of my hands was still holding the cover protectively.I could feel her heart beating as frantically as mine as a teacher came in and shone her flashlight on several spots.

We only breathed again when she left and I slumped over a little further knowing that I was over the edge in time.Her face was bright red and she looked at me as if she wanted to kill me but in the end she said nothing acknowledging that I was only doing what I could to protect us.I hadn't taken advantage of the situation or anything else.

I was trying to push the thoughts and the feeling of her body out of my mind and body and act as if nothing had happened.I had moved as far away from her as I could, stuck against the wall and feeling my whole body vibrating and on fire.

We could still hear talking from outside and see flashlights and we waited for the right time to leave but we made a fatal mistake.We got carried away until we fell asleep there.

7

In the morning I woke up to some screaming girls τhat startled me and I ended up banging my head against the wall that was so close to me.I opened my eyes confused without processing the information that there could not be girls in the boys' room and found most of the girls in Chiasa's class over our heads. My eyes opened widely and I started making sudden movements ready to explain before a teacher saw us; but then I realized that they weren't scared but had squealed with excitement because they had seen us sleeping together; rumors were inevitable at this point.

I placed my index finger to my lips and pointed at Tanji with my head to show them that I'd rather she didn't wake up by now.Their eyes started to flutter hearts as if they thought I was some very romantic boy. I decided to make up a quick and believable story and then beg them not to reveal it to the teachers.

"Sorry for barging into your room. We had tried to meet up last night but the teachers found us and we hid in the first room we could find. "I said hurriedly with an innocent smile and wanted to let out a relieved breath when I saw that I had convinced them.

The fact that they hadn't found me alone in there but with a girl,made me look better and everything I was trying to say seemed more believable. Otherwise they would have already thought I was perverted and would have called the teachers accusing me of all sorts of things.

I turned to look at her with a sweet look the way she had fallen asleep peacefully,I owed it all to her. "Are you going to let us go without telling the teachers?" I asked putting my hands together and bowing my head.

The response I got was much better than I could have expected.They helped me get her mounted on my back so I wouldn't wake her and checked the street outside to tell me when I could get out. They had helped me a lot because if some of them hadn't woken up earlier and seen us,we would have come face to face with the teacher coming to wake them up.

"Thank you very much "I said with sincere gratitude and bowed my head before I turned my back and started walking away from that spot so there was no chance of us being linked to that class. I didn't think I could find so many friendly people if I just opened up more, let alone to the girls in another class.

This thought didn't stay in my mind for long because it was pushed by another much more important one.I had no idea where her classmates was so I could return

her there but also certainly if they saw me suddenly appearing there with the missing student in a particularly vulnerable situation,they wouldn't give me the opportunity to justify myself.

I had to find some other way to get her back to her class; something that would not put me in danger because there would have been no point in me managing to avoid the risk of being found together in another class.

I rummaged through my pockets being careful not to drop her and managed to find my cell phone.After yesterday's experience in the park,there was no way I was leaving it behind. I had taken it with me just in case even though I knew we wouldn't be leaving the hotel. I wanted to be prepared just in case although I didn't expect us to be so careless that we fell asleep in another class’s room.

I found the number of the teacher in charge and as it rang I had started to think about what I was going to say; from the way he answered it seemed that I had woken him up with my call and that made me feel a little guilty but I knew it was worth it if I was going to save Tanji from any weird reputation.

"Sorry to bother you so early.I went out to use the bathroom and found a student sleeping on the floor.She must have been sleepwalking." Thank goodness I had told him over the phone because he couldn't see the expressions on my face and I had to give all my attention to my voice and how it sounded.

"Where are you?Stay there and I'll be right there!" He seemed worried because you never know what might have happened to her before I showed up.I told him that I was near our class’s room and stood still.

This was a lot harder than it sounded.When I was moving I didn't have time to feel her weight but now that I was still it was like she was falling more and more on top of me. A person who is asleep or unconscious is much heavier than when they are awake and this was the first time I felt it on my own skin. She was slipping out of my arms and I was turning bright red trying to pick her up again without overstepping the boundaries with my movements.

Luckily,even though she had chosen to wear a kimono to make it look like she was out of the bathroom too, she was wearing a pair of shorts and a short sleeve underneath.

I heard quick footsteps and saw the professor coming from across the corridor, bending his legs and slipping on his flip-flops. His hair was flying in all directions as he had just woken up and hadn't had time to groom himself and his glasses were worn crooked. In this strange picture it might have been the first time I realized how young he actually was; you don't usually notice this in a man who is teaching you things and seems stern and boring. You don't even care.

"Where is..?"He couldn't say the whole question because he was out of breath and his voice was hard to get out.But I didn't need any more words to understand what he was referring to.

"Here.It's Tanji Shizu."I answered immediately and turned to the side to let him see her on my back.She must have been very tired because she hadn't understood any of what had happened and continued to sleep peacefully.

I thought the professor was going to make some comment about how we both seemed to get into trouble together quite often but at that moment his work came first so he didn't. He informed her class’s teacher and eventually escorted me up to the room to let her sleep there. They decided to ask her what had happened when she woke up so I left a little note in her pocket like she had done yesterday; it was my number if she wanted to text me to explain what had happened because she would definitely be confused.

Chiasa's class didn't come out to deny the rumors that I had saved her as if they understood that I needed a convincing excuse for the teachers and kept the secret. Instead of texting me when she found the note,she called me so she could yell at me and show that she wanted to kill me for getting her in so much trouble before thanking me for carrying her all the way there and finding a convincing excuse.

Her irritation was mostly because I hadn't woken her up to do all that and because she had been through an interrogation for something she didn't know about as soon as she woke up. I also thanked her for helping me and promised not to get her into trouble like that again and that I would find a way to return the favor.

In the end, visiting the room where Chiasa was sleeping didn't help me in any way. The only message we found from Kaoru told her to have fun and rest because after that trip they were having a training camp.

The games were coming up and I was sure that made sense but it indicated that I had come on that trip for no reason because they weren't meeting as a club. So I was forced to stay back at the hotel by myself as I had promised my group that I would leave them alone.

Inoya-san,our teacher, had to stay back with me and was thinking of different ways to pass the time which made me feel miserable and I was sure he felt the same as the other teachers were all together. Sometimes he would start more serious conversations that made me feel like he understood what I was doing to some extent with my attempt to avoid people so I would cut them off and leave.I could still hear his voice telling me the things I wanted to hear least of all.It was like the voice inside me had taken shape because it couldn't stand me not hearing it for so long.

"By putting people aside you don't get hurt but at the same time you don't live. For how long do you think you can go on like this?All the other years of your life?The whole point of man is that he falls down and gets up again. You stop being human like that!"

Usually he didn't try to convince me so passionately but that conversation had taken place on the last day and he was just resentful that every time he opened up a conversation I would get up and leave; it was obvious from his expression and voice how much he wanted me to listen to him and keep it all inside.

He saw me as a child who needed rescuing but I would close my ears to anything that was different from what I was comfortable with.It was a pretty bad experience even if I displayed it differently to my parents when I got back. They still thought I had had the best teenage experience.I remembered things I had seen in movies and I would tell them thanking my cell phone for the first time which was an old model because I couldn't take pictures for evidence.

Since I was so disappointed with the field trip,the thought of raising money on my own to go where they were going for training camp crossed my mind several times but luckily I realized pretty quickly that this was too crazy as a thought. I would have nothing to do while they were training and if they tracked me down I would have no way of justifying my sudden presence right where they were.

I was realizing little by little how far away I actually was from them and it was causing me a slight form of depression.I had thought I had found the perfect plan to have friends and not get hurt but now everything started to fall apart around me.I didn't know what to do to change the situation and as long as I knew they were all together creating memories, it was like I understood my place.I wanted to lock myself in and never come out.

But this was happening on a daily basis,now I had another pretty big problem. Do you remember I had promised Tanji that I would never involve her in my affairs or strange situations again?

That only lasted a few weeks.

8

We were running away from an enemy I didn't expect to appear and as usual she was holding my hand and showing the way. It was like a ritual between us now but I could tell by the way she was shaking my hand that she was upset that she had gotten herself into some complicated situation once again.The worst part was that this was all happening in front of the whole school so they could see us and there could be no doubt that something was going on between us.Of course no one could imagine the story behind it.

But let's take things from the beginning of that fateful afternoon that compromised the false image I had created in my mind and had made my parents believe.

It was the school festival in which all the clubs put on a show of what they did on weekdays. I had made sure that I was involved in my class events so that if my parents asked I would say that I was needed there and I had been forced to let the other club members handle the situation.

But things had gone a bit wrong and differently than I had anticipated.

My parents had come,while I had told them all this to draw them away, and after they had passed by the cafeteria my class was organizing in a phase I made sure I served,they wanted to continue hanging around the school.

I was hoping they would be content to see me participate in something with lots of people and after taking some embarrassing pictures and acting like crazy,they would leave.They wanted to stop by the club to see who my new friends were and thank them for looking out for me.

"I unfortunately can't leave here now but you can go."I had replied with my grip making the jug shake and the smile on my lips making them hurt.As soon as they left,I ran to the class president and asked for a break.

The only person I could think of to help me because she knew the situation and I didn't have to explain much was Tanji so I had gone and taken her out of her class.

So now we were running around trying to get something done that would either force the club out of there so my parents wouldn't find them or get my parents kicked out.I'm in the embarrassing position of saying that I had put the entire weight of our plan on the girl in front of me and once again I was proving how useless I was.

"I'm serious,Ryo.If you get me involved in anything again,I'll beat you up!" Her voice sounded but despite her irritation she wasn't harsh towards me.She looked more like a parent reprimanding her mischievous child.

I stopped running at that moment and pulled her hand to make her stop too. From how sudden it was she lost her balance and fell on me a little but was able to get to her feet having just leaned on my chest.Her scent embraced me and her voice echoed in my ears the way she had said my name for the first time but I pushed that thought away and returned to what I had been dying for.

"Let them know.Enough!This has gone on long enough.If it wasn't for you,I would have been discovered all over the school by now.No more mockery."I said irrevocably and having looked down to push the tears from my eyes or at least to keep them from her eyes.

I was tired of this and if it required so much effort every time,then there was no point.

Besides,I hadn't been outside the club for a while.All I had learned was that another student had been added who was accused of trying to see the girls in the bathrooms.At the thought that if they didn't have Tanji with me and had found me in the girls' room I might have been in his place,I felt strange.

Her next move was something that shook me up and I certainly wasn't expecting it.I couldn't hope that she would support me or try to reassure me but slapping me with so much force that my head would turn in the opposite direction seemed a bit extreme.

"What...?"She grabbed me by the tie of my uniform and brought me close to her so she could whisper without anyone hearing what we were saying.There was anger simmering in her eyes and her lips had taken on a strange shape.

"Don't you dare to back out now and all my efforts to help you will go down the drain!If you want to tell your parents, do it when you feel ready!Not now so the whole school will know!"Her words touched me and my expression changed to one of determination.As if that slap made me see clearly, I was able to come up with a risky plan.

"I need your help. "I said and she looked at me as if asking what she was going to do with me but she was already on hand to do whatever I asked within reason.

In my plan there were two roles. One was going to get in trouble and would be across the corridor from the principal while the other was to deal with my parents who could be irritating enough to slow them down before they got to the cheer club.Of course it was obvious that I wasn't going to make her do what could earn her a detention even if my parents were difficult to manage.

"Okay,I'm in."Sje replied and prepared to run towards the club hoping to catch up with them on the way.If dad let his so strong desire for candy guide him,they would probably have made stops in some other classes before they got there so he would catch up with them.

"You know they'll make your day difficult!" I warned her as she left and her sarcastic response made me wear a surprised expression though it made me laugh.

"Like someone else I know"She had replied.

I watched her walk away for a moment, having forgotten that my role was the most important one.At times I was too distracted and that could cost me gravely some of those days.

I ran to the recording club and prepared to do something I would regret for the rest of my life but I knew it was worth it.I tried to think of it as a chance to experience adolescence as the adults who missed their youth kept saying. I planned to tell them that I wanted to play a prank and would take full responsibility for what followed but I certainly didn't expect to run into anyone particular in there. Life can be unexpected though and I still hadn’t learned that.

Saboru raised his hand to greet me but then put it down because he didn't know if I wanted him to look friendly towards me or not.As innocent as he looked,I continued to believe that he had given me away and I completely ignored him by heading towards the club president.

I explained how the situation was but he was adamant because he thought he would get in trouble for giving me permission to do it.Especially on festival days when we were trying to show a good image as a school,my move could have ruined everything.I don't know if I could have done him any justice.

"Do you need help with something? "As soon as I heard him offer as if all my stubbornness came out,I got one of the craziest ideas I could ever come up with and even though I knew how destructive it was at the time, I wanted to avoid help from him at all costs.

"If I explain exactly what I'm going to say, is there any chance you'll let me?" I turned to the president again completely ignoring Saboru.Though hesitant,he at least agreed to listen to me.

I took him a little further away so that we wouldn't be overheard by the rest,though if he let me do it the whole school would hear what I had thought.

I didn't want to think about it because my face was burning and my whole body was in turmoil.

"I guess something like that...It won't cause any damage to the club or the festival in general..." he replied awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. "But are you sure you want to do something like that?" The fact that he seemed to understand how embarrassing it was going to be,made things worse.

No!

I wanted to scream but I knew there was no turning back now.Tanji was doing her part of the plan after all and I couldn't let her down.Though she'd probably want to kill me after that.

I picked up the microphone and inhaled deeply before pressing the red button to activate the relay.

"An announcement from Haga Ryo of class B-2 to Tanji Shizu of class B-1."I started and my voice was shaking so much that it seemed like an earthquake was

happening that something like this was definitely happening inside of me. "I'm in love with you! Do you want to go out with me?" I almost fainted when I said it and I think I did lose my balance even though I was caught by the irritating baseball player.

My life was over and as soon as Tanji came looking for me,I would be under the dirt in short order.At least I was sure my parents would leave and just pester me at home with questions.Not to complicate things further,I would say she rejected me and I would finally have a reason to be alone in my room crying with my misery.

First,I had to go in front of the whole school and the prying eyes.Then I had to receive a nightmarish lecture from the principal that seemed to never end, although the teacher supported me so I didn't get detention.And then I got punched by Tanji before she said something that seemed to have come out of nowhere.

"And after all that,you better call me by my name too!"

"Fine!Shiz...Sh... "I couldn't fight it.I was getting sick as soon as I tried to finish it.

"Is it that hard?"

"It just looks a lot like my sister's and I don't want anything to do with her!"I replied grumpily as if it was the most natural thing to do and I saw her look at me seriously before she burst out in a loud laugh.

Surely that had been a great day!

There had been a lot going on and I had managed to escape danger though now I knew the truth had to shine through.I had hoped to at least keep the gurgling sound of her laughter in my ears but it was washed away by that of Chizu laughing at me when I said I got rejected.I was going to kill her sometime when no one was looking!

9

Kaoru is not what he seems.

There was no way I could take my mind off that mysterious message that had come to me that morning from an unknown number; it was just as I was thinking about how I could tell my parents the truth so it wouldn't come as a surprise to them, and the sound of the message had pulled me out of my thoughts. I couldn't figure out who would send me such a message or what he meant but somehow he must have found out what I was doing with the club surveillance and had found my number.

All my movements were robotic because I couldn't stop thinking about it.I was so distracted that now even the people around me couldn't ignore it.

Instead of my chopsticks finding my mouth at breakfast, they let the food fall into my pants and if mom hadn't yelled I wouldn't have noticed. At a slow pace I had gone and changed once by shuffling to the door.I could feel their anxious looks on me but luckily I had the excuse of my first rejection so they didn't ask so as not to hurt me.

"Move!"I heard Chizu's voice from behind me and only at that moment I realized that I was stuck in front of the front door without moving.I walked forward with the bag in my hand without remembering when I had taken it or put on my shoes.

The only thing about what was going on around me that I could tell was that my sister was following me because her aura was enough to make me so irritated even when I was completely lost in thought.

"How long are you planning on following me for?" I asked suddenly and her head shook because I hadn't said a word since this morning and she probably expected our ride to be silent.She looked at me with half-open eyes and an expression that showed I should also be grateful because she had been forced to follow me.

"All the way to school.The way you're going not only could you get lost but you'll get hit by a car!" she said with her indignation evident in her voice and she passed me to continue on ahead towards the road to my school.I sighed because I definitely didn't want her with me all the way to school but I kept walking because I knew that I would end up making her late for her own classes.

"And you have a problem with either of those things happening?"My question was drenched in irony exactly the same as the one on her face when she turned to look at me.Actually she had her nose wrinkled up in a sour expression while smiling fakely.

"If it were up to me,one of the two would have already happened.Our parents made me do it."Once she finished we both sighed as if the whole situation had exhausted us.

We quickened our pace because her high school was quite a distance from my high school.The irony was that her presence alone was enough to pull me from my preoccupations so she wouldn't have to help me with anything along the way.

I was aware of her eyes looking at me briefly with the corner of them before she turned back to the front.Whether we wanted to admit it or not, we cared about each other and she continued to keep me in mind since my behavior was weird.

"What?" I asked her a little abruptly when she did it three times with little time between them and she turned forward again quickly as if to hide the fact that she was

looking at me every once in a while.She finally gave in because she knew i had seen her.

"You look better now..That."She whispered and for some reason that phrase had the opposite effect.It was as if it reminded me of the whole affair and the mysterious message.

I had already ruled out the possibility that it was a hoax because it had been sent specifically to me and the words that had been used were not random. Someone knew that at first I was trying to prove that the president of the cheering club was not as kind and innocent as he seemed and had expressed it that way to get my attention.

But I didn't know what I was supposed to do next.For some reason I felt something like fear while at the same time wondering if I should do some research on Kaoru.Maybe some other message would come and explain what it was all about.

I didn't know which of these things would eventually happen but I decided to wait.

"Thanks for the walk."I said to Chizu when she dropped me off a little past the main entrance and she nodded affirmatively before turning around and starting to run towards her own school.

Luckily we had arrived at mine a little early and she was quite athletic as a person so she would probably make it on time or a little late. I felt a chill run through me at the thought that she wouldn't hesitate to tell the real reason why she was late.The whole high school would know that I had embarrassed myself by asking a girl out over the loudspeakers and she turned me down.

I walked in hoping that I would be able to forget about this especially if I thought about the message but how wrong could I be!

As if there was any chance that heartless teenagers would give up so easily the chance to tease someone openly!

Many girls were pointing at me and laughing or muttering things to each other that on the one hand I didn't want to hear but on the other hand I would have preferred to know because my imagination was filling in the blanks and I was definitely thinking of much worse things.

The boys who passed behind me,patted me on the back in a friendly way some just to tease me while others to tell me it was okay.So many passed by and patted me on the back that my back hurt while it was still the beginning of the day.

I had to find a way to avoid the rest of the people that would come in during the rest of the day but for now I hurried into the classroom.I thought that I could hide there but as soon as I entered,all eyes fell on me and all faces turned towards me.

The fact that I had saved Tanji supposedly when she was sleepwalking had started to be forgotten because of the reputation of the one who had tried to peek into the girls' bathrooms.

But now that one was getting old while my case was fresh and because no one had noticed me before,now I was drawing their attention and curiosity even more.It was the exact opposite of what I wanted but I tried to endure it because I knew it was worth it. Tanji was with me through all of this and neither my parents nor the rest of the school had found out about my stalking so this was much better.It was the necessary solution and it certainly didn't make me look as weird as if they knew I was following behind a random club of guys because I had no life.

That could be considered a crime but even if it wasn't, no one would want to approach me; they would be scared of me.

"And she didn't come to school today?"

"It might have made her uncomfortable about all this." I heard two of my classmates whisper a little further back in a way as if they wanted me to listen. I intended to ignore them but my mind processed the information and as soon as I realized what they meant,I got up so abruptly from the chair that I made it rub while slamming my hands hard against the desk.

I never dared to look anyone in the eye and that was definitely not the right time but I didn't care about anything else at that moment.I cleared my throat and looked at them so intensely that they backed away a little as if they were afraid I would react badly.

"Is that true?She didn't come to school today?"I asked with an urgency that made me look desperate and in response they simply nodded.I turned my attention to the classroom door and saw the teacher enter at that exact moment.

If I had just left before he came,I would have gotten an absence.But now there was no way he was going to let me leave so easily just as the class was starting.It was worth the effort though.I had to make sure that what they had said was true.

"Sir!" I started to say from a distance and ran towards him.He looked at me a little surprised because i never made any noise let alone run into the classroom. Especially after his failed attempts to talk to me both during the field trip and later,he didn't expect me to address him with such passion.

"If you have a question,Haga,you can tell me later."He was stern but that wasn't enough to stop me.My nerves were on edge because I was worried about that message and now there was something else added to the pile. I rested my hands on the seat and leaned forward looking him in the eye with no intention of pulling away if he didn't listen.

"It's urgent." said my voice firm and full of insolence; the surprise that shone in his eyes was suppressed by his intense sense of duty. He dropped his eyes to his books and prepared to resume his lesson.

He probably thought that in his effort to appear friendly towards us, he had unwittingly given us the leeway to take advantage of him. Maybe the principal or some other older teacher had made a remark to him, and maybe it was the way I pushed him away as if he were some annoying insect while he was my teacher.

"I'm sure it can wait until the five minute break. I'll talk to the teacher you have next period and he'll be understanding. "I didn't mind nor did I think he was wrong for trying to assert himself and show power but that was the worst time for that. I lifted my hands from his desk to give him the impression that I was backing away so he wouldn't expect my next move.

I had tried to do it the good way and ask his permission first but since he didn't want to listen to me, I could do it the bad way.

I could hear his voices behind me and then his footsteps as he ran after me, but nothing would stop me.I had to get to class B-1 to make sure of the information those two had given me.

I hoped with all my being that it was only rumors and I didn't care if I was given some harsh punishment afterwards.I didn't want to think that what I had done to protect myself had affected her so much that she decided not to come to school. I pulled the sliding door open at a brisk pace due to my acquired speed and also because I wanted to get a look inside before Inoya-san caught up with me.

"Is Tanji Shizu here? "I had already noticed her absence but I wanted there to be no doubt.Everyone turned towards me and some laughed because they thought I was so desperately in love that I had come to find her to convince her to go out with me.Their teacher cut me off with her eyes and the look in her eyes made me feel like my life was in danger.

"No" was all she replied although it was obvious that once she finished her lesson,she would say more.Now she didn't bring it up so as not to do it in front of her entire class but also so as not to lose control of them.If she interrupted the lesson and started a conversation with me,the students would go ballistic.

I opened my mouth despite the fear she had caused me and prepared to ask her the address of the girl's house.I wanted to go there and drag her here.If someone was to stay away from the school,then it had to be me.

But I didn't have time to ask anything because I heard the teacher had caught up with me and was right behind. I didn't want to let him catch me before I got to where Tanji was and make sure she was okay so I started running again even though I knew that by doing so I was putting more and more strain on my position.

It was like I had taken a shovel and was digging my own grave with gusto and haste but after the help and support she had shown me,I couldn't leave her like that.

As I was running,I was trying to throw things behind me and follow slightly more unfamiliar paths that I knew only because I wanted to go unnoticed.I was starting to get away with the whole situation but once you've started it's a bit hard to stop.I could now try to explain to him once he had heard what I had asked but after all I had done to avoid him,I don't think he was particularly keen or understanding.

My feet led me to the club on their own as it was a route I had followed too many times.I intended to go to the next room and lock myself in before I found some way to get out without being noticed or stopped,but something caught my attention and I stopped to look inside the club room.

It was empty but that wasn't surprising as all of them would be in their classes.The odd thing was that everything they had set up looked torn or abused.The place in general gave off an aura as if a battle had taken place in there and it gave me the creeps.

"I found you Haga Ryo!"The professor's voice was more hostile than it had ever been.I had obviously irritated him with my movements but it was also because he was out of breath so the words came out more harshly.

In my panic, I walked into the club room and closed the door tightly. Since I didn't have a key I just held the handle hard so he wouldn't be able to open it but I knew that wouldn't last long.I started to frantically look around to see if I could find any furniture but since I had my back turned to hold the handle,I couldn't really find anything.

My feverish search was interrupted when something very hard hit me with too much force in the back of the head.My knees buckled and I fell down and at that moment I thought to myself that club doors are normally locked when this one was wide open and that should have seemed odd from the start.

I tried to put strength into my arms to get up as my body hadn't yet realised it had been hit but the person stepped on my arms; followed by another blow to my head to make sure that now I wouldn't even have the strength to open my eyes.

The metallic sound it made as it collided with my skull echoed in my ears while I could feel the warm, thick liquid running down the back of my shirt. I should have talked to someone about the message that had come to me,I was sure it was connected somehow,but then I didn't want to because I would have to reveal my truth.

"I'm sorry but you've seen too much.Don't worry.If you can be of any more use to us,you won't get hurt." The voice was probably a woman's but I wasn't sure because the banging was distorting it.

The last thing I saw was the door opening and a blur entering who was probably the professor but he couldn't help me.We had already moved away.I think they had picked me up and we had gone out the window from the confusing images and the feeling of the air but then everything went black. 

When I opened my eyes I felt the pain start in my head and go through my whole body like electricity.I tried to move but I was tied to a chair.The space around me was dark and dank but after a while my eyes got used to it,I could make out shadows and shapes.

"Hel-...!"

"Don't bother.No one can hear us here. "I heard a very familiar voice that for the first time was directed at me.I tried to locate him by shaking my head and found him chained to the wall. It was as if they thought that if he was as simply tied up as I was,he could escape much more easily.

"Where are we?" he didn't answer me.I was sure he not only knew where we were but had an idea why.He was probably to blame for what had happened even though I knew that wasn't entirely true.

  Maybe it was my fault that I had gotten myself into this situation without it being my business but as much as they say that curiosity killed the cat,it kept moving towards the things that spurred it on. It could have been this danger from the start that makes it want to know what's behind the mystery but basically I didn't care about any of that at the time.I had more serious problems to bitch about.

"Just so you know,I hate you" I told him and instead of answering,he gave me another one of those wide smiles of his that so got on my nerves.I was beginning to think he did it on purpose but maybe I would never get the chance to ask him.

10

I saw him move and something in me hoped that he had found a way out of there.It was obvious that he knew something that I was unaware of that would help him find the way out.

But when I saw him squatting on the floor a short distance away and closing his eyes in a serene expression,I really wanted to attack him.I felt my temples

pounding as if my pulse had been transferred there and I rubbed my eyes in an attempt to expel tension.

We were both prisoners there so it was the only help I could get and we couldn't turn on each other.

"Can you tell me what you're doing?" I failed to get out as much tension as I had in me and my words came out electrified; he didn't seem to care much though.

"It's no use trying to get out.If they see I'm not making a move, they'll give up in the end. "This might have been the first time he'd spoken to me in the day and he'd done it to talk in riddles.I really couldn't stand him at all and I didn't try to hide it.But his answer made me angry and made me remember the message I'd been given from an unknown sender.

Kaoru is not what he seems

"It's your fault we're in here like this right?"My face hardened and contorted from how intensely I frowned.Without even filtering my thoughts,I reached out my hand and pointed my finger at him.

I don't remember me ever being so quick to jump to conclusions but maybe when you're trapped somewhere you can't get out of and you feel like you're in danger,your thoughts and feelings become more raw.

"And who are you in the first place?"He opened his eyes and turned to me with a raised eyebrow.There was nothing of his carefree expression anymore and his gaze could poke a hole in my head.His question hit where it hurt and we both knew it.

I didn't know what the other members of the club were up to but they could blame him all they wanted if they were in trouble just because they were involved with him.Where did I come from and raise my finger wherever I wanted to angrily?

I don't know if he understood what my connection to them was but he was definitely looking at me suspiciously.

"..." For a moment I wavered between telling him the truth or not but eventually I came to the conclusion that I wasn't ready for that and preferring to look like a coward,I turned my head away and went to sit on the floor somewhere away from him. "Do you have any idea where we are or why we're here?"

It was odd because I wasn't used to talking and always let the shadows absorb me but at that moment my silence felt stifling and I wanted to break it.I was careful of the tone I was going to use.My purpose was neither to irritate him nor to appear arrogant.I asked him quietly and without color in my voice.

"...I can't tell you much for your own good but it has to do with my past."He had sighed at the beginning of the sentence before hugging his bent legs and bringing them closer to his body.

He looked more melancholic and his voice was heavy as if he had been forced to lift a weight he never asked for.He wasn't very proud of that past while he probably wanted to forget it but life wouldn't let him do that unfortunately.

"And you think if you don't do something, they'll leave us alone?" I really hoped this was the right answer to our problems because it didn't require any effort and the whole thing would be over sooner or later.

I was sitting further back from him and leaning against the wall so when he turned half his body back to look at me and give me a weak smile,I didn't even have to listen to the words that followed to understand.

"Either that or they will make drastic moves to force me to do something" It didn't take much imagination to realize that these "drastic moves" would put our lives in danger.I couldn't figure out what they expected him to do and they had locked him in a room with me but probably to get him to do it,they would put him under lethal conditions.Then the man would show his true colors and show what they wanted him to show.

His eyes looked at me with pity as if he was apologizing to me for what was to follow.

Yes,that didn't help the situation I was in!

The president I was used to was not like that and maybe if I told him that I would boost his morale a little.But then the question would arise of how I knew him and how I had seen the other side of him without even being a member of the club. I didn't want to answer these questions at the situation we were at because it would make the atmosphere even more uncomfortable and I was afraid that when things darkened,he wouldn't want to work with someone like me.

So I let him carry the whole burden of responsibility for the fact that we were both there while I was the one who was involved in these students' lives in the first place.

For a long time we didn't say anything and we were each lost in our own thoughts. Many times I had looked at his back from behind and made scenarios in my head about his past or what it was they wanted to force him to do.

I would never learn my lesson and this curiosity and indiscretion would never leave me alone.I would be poked and prodded as far as I could go even in such a serious situation.

I thought I heard something from the side of the door and my body stood up abruptly charged with hope for that split second it took for me to think that we were now entering the second phase of our confinement there.

Kaoru had also stood up and was looking at me anxiously as if he wanted to say something but didn't have time. I opened my mouth about to yell at him that he better have done what they asked before we got to this point but all the sounds were absorbed by the creaking of the door opening and a gasping breath.We both gasped when we were confronted by the person who opened the door.

"YOU?!!"The question slipped from my lips before I could even stop it but I really couldn't believe my eyes.I certainly didn't expect this.

The person gestured with their hand to give them a moment to regain their breath and bent their body, resting their hands on their knees. We looked at each other in wonder without understanding what was going on but we knew we had to wait for the person to explain.

Kaoru must not have recognized him because he was still in a fighting position and on standby.

"Why, were you waiting for someone else?" He asked and because he was late it took me a while to realize that he was now answering my question.

I slapped my face with my hand before I started yelling at him.Really,should I have been stuck in this situation with the two people in the world who were the most annoying?

"Don't try to look cool and say what happened!"

"This is your thank you? "He really liked the theatrics and dramatization of the situation.He touched his chest and looked at me with an almost betrayed look.But when he noticed the fires I started to launch towards him,he adopted an innocent look. "Look,I'm happy to go into details but...I don't think those black-clad guys will like that."

Our eyes opened wide and we prepared to start running away from there.

"Don't you think you should have said that first?!" I knew he was silly and light-headed but I never remembered him being like that.He made me feel like the mother scolding her mischievous child and oh Lord,I would have grabbed him by the ear if I had been any closer.

"Do you trust him?"Kaoru asked me.We had two choices.Either we believed him and ran with him to get out of that place or we waited for the men he had mentioned to show up.

The answer seemed clear but it wasn't because if he was on the enemy's side from the start,he could be lying to us to lead us into a trap.I looked at the boy across from me for a long moment and finally sighed.

"Yes" As soon as I said that we ran towards him and followed him since he had found his way there and so he would know which way to go.We were both unconscious when we were carried.Kaoru must have even struggled not to get caught because he had scratches all over his body and face.

"Do you really trust me?"The other one asked with hearts in his eyes and I smacked him on the head with my hand so I couldn't see his expression.I really couldn't understand him.

Why was he always trying to be there when I needed him and showing up at the right time when I had shown him in every way that I wanted to be alone?He was weird but at that moment he might have saved my life.I didn't need to tell him that of course.

We continued to run until the men he had referred to became distinct from the oncoming street. There must have been five of them if I wasn't mistaken and they looked very fit.

By this time we were in an outdoor area under some bridge,which meant that we were being held in some sort of warehouse. We could dodge them and not continue straight on but we were not fast enough to make them lose sight of us.It would be really foolish to turn our backs on the enemy by filling in openings.

"You keep on through the back" said the boy who had got us out of the shed and advanced a few steps forward as if he were ready to defend us with his body.Surely he was in no more danger than we were since he was not involved in the whole affair,whatever it was.But if they had trapped me just because I was following Kaoru, they would not have hesitated to hit him until he finally stopped being an obstacle.

"This is not the time for heroism!" I shouted at him but he did not hear me and after a while I saw him lift a long piece of iron and take a position. I knew exactly what he was ready to do and I trusted him. His baseball reputation was not fake and he had proved it in games with other schools. "Finish them off and come!"

I do not know if this was encouraging or not but he turned three quarters of his face towards me and smiled hurriedly before turning forward again. He picked up a stone and hit it with the iron. He may not have his usual equipment at his disposal but continued to have enough .

I did not have time to see if he managed to hit the target because Kaoru grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back.

"If we do not take advantage of the opportunity he gives us, he will risk it all in vain" He told me seriously and I nodded positively before following him. I would make it.I believed in him.

We were not far away when we heard sirens and we could see patrol cars at the end of the road we were walking on.We both got a little upset because many times you do not know if the police are on your side or not. We may have ended up being considered accomplices of the criminals who had captured us. We looked at each other and it was as if we knew exactly what we had to do.

We relaxed our bodies and put our hands in our pockets trying to look like two indifferent friends who had gone for a walk. Besides, the police may not have even come for us but they might have suspected us if we were behaving strangely.

I heard something which caused the blood to freeze in my veins and my whole body to the bone.

"That's him!"shouted one of the policemen pointing at us and everyone ran to capture us. My body woke up just then and was about to change course and start running away but Kaoru's hand gripped my arm tightly to hold me in place.

I was starting to feel the imprint stay on my skin and the pain grow.I looked at him inquisitively but he looked in front of the police officers with confidence. Maybe he had in mind that if we tried to escape, we would look really suspicious and we could not prove our innocence.

I had the feeling that he knew better in these things and I followed his example even though I was afraid I was gambling my neck heads or tails.

"Aren't you the boy Minamoto Saboru told us?"The policeman who was closer turned to me and showed me a photo that Saboru had given them to identify me. I tried to ignore the fact that I was not even aware of the existence of this photo and that it was taken in a strange and spontaneous phase that made me look ridiculous.

I started to relax as soon as the name of the baseball player was mentioned.

"Yes it's me. My name is Haga Ryo. ” I answered clearly and loudly from the moment that the person who asked me was an officer of justice and apparently did not consider me responsible for any crime. However, I would not relax completely until I heard the whole story and the real reason why they were there.

"Do you know what ...?"I did not let him finish because my eyes opened widely. What the hell did we do and waste time? Saboru had not returned and the police were close enough to where the battle was taking place.

"The details can wait. .the boy who contacted you is being attacked down there! ”I said in a compelling voice pointing behind me at the point under the bridge. They hesitated a bit. it came to my mind. I was merely a child and they wouldn’t

believe everything I said."Leave one of yours up here for me to explain the situation to him and the rest go down to check if I'm telling the truth".

I never spoke commandingly in my life and I always avoided eye contact with anyone but what was happening was an exception and I knew that even if they did not consider us suspects, they did not show us complete trust to leave us alone there.They thought of my proposal and they gave in condescendingly.One of the female police officers stayed behind to write down what I was telling her.

They usually think that it is better for a woman to talk to a victim or an eyewitness because they look more friendly and compassionate but this one had a very wild expression. She seemed ready to question whatever came out of my mouth and that did not help much.It made me more nervous actually.

I told her how I had received a message telling me to question Kaoru and that I went to the club room but was attacked and woke up in that warehouse until Saboru came to free us and the men attacked us.

He probably contacted the police as well and that is why he encouraged us from the beginning to continue our course after he had called the police and could help the situation.

The policewoman and Kaoru had similar questions in their eyes that had to do with my connection with the young man and why the message had come to me. But I pretended I had nothing else to reveal and closed my lips tightly.

I did not reveal it to him when we thought we were dying and would I tell him now that we were out?

When it was Kaoru's turn to speak, he looked at me suspiciously and then approached the policewoman to whisper something in her ear. The police officers were heard who had come down to the point I had shown with my hand.

"The kiddo was right in the end" said one panting and I ignored the description he had given me. Besides, he had not retained my name and since he was much older, I really looked small in his eyes.

All the cops seemed exhausted and their clothes were torn in many places from the battle to hold such bulky guys. Before I could see if Saboru was with them, my eyes widened and terror filled my face.

"One is missing!" I noticed loudly and everyone turned to look at me with wonder. Because I had already said what I knew and was right once, they seemed a little more willing to listen to me even though there was still that suspicion in their expressions. "They were five and you caught four! One is missing!" I repeated and after counting them,Kaoru agreed with me. We were two witnesses, we could not be ignored.

"Damn it!" Said the one who had called me kiddo and seemed to have a slightly upper position. He grabbed the edge of his hat and lowered it a little as if trying to hide his shame and irritability. "You, you and you! Explore the surrounding area! Turn the place upside-down if necessary but find him!These guys are dangerous and do not hesitate to attack an innocent population!”

"Yes Sir!" Said the three and left immediately after loading the four men into the patrol cars.

I saw the policewoman approaching him and whispering something in his ear and my intuition was telling me that it had to do with whatever Kaoru had told her before a while. My curiosity was piqued for once more but I thought it over and did not pay attention to the expressions they exchanged and to whatever they said to each other.

"Sorry for the interruption ..." I started shyly.

"What?!"Oh, right. He had a lot of nerves and he was looking at me as if he was threatening me in case I remembered something else they had to do. Under other circumstances, this would have scared me enough that I could not even make a sound but my question was of greater importance at that time.

"That boy ... Where is he?"For a while I was afraid that the fifth had managed to take Saboru hostage to exchange him for his freedom and that really would not be good at all. The policeman seemed a little relieved that I did not have any more information and his features softened.

"He's down there. We can't move him until the specialists come from the hospital."He had said it so casually, as if it were nothing. Why should he care that Saboru was in critical condition?He had done his job and caught four out of five criminals.

His gaze exuded an aura as if he believed that we had to fall to our knees and thank him for what he did. Where was he when we were taken prisoner?Where were they when these men attacked us? Where were they when they hit Saboru? All he had done was go down and catch them while we did all the work!

I clenched my fists and teeth and began to tremble. I might have thrown myself at him if Kaoru had not cut me off by putting his hand in front of me as an obstacle. Maybe I only knew him from the shadows and he had never seen me in his life but being trapped with someone and wait for the end, certainly could bring you closer.

"It's not worth it ..." he said through his teeth and it was the first time I heard him really irritated. It gave me satisfaction. Not because I was chasing this expression from the beginning and wanted to prove it but because he felt the same way as me and I was not alone.

11

When I saw the paramedics take Saboru and go right in front of us to take him to the ambulance, something broke inside me. He was very badly beaten, and that he had been forced to suffer such a thing while the black-clad fellows were not even after him, made me feel even more remorse.

We had not yet been given a chance to hear the story from his side, but I could not have cared less for it by seeing him in this state.

I expected if not to go up with him in the ambulance, at least to observe his condition outside his hospital room. If he ended up with a chronic injury or problem, I would be the one to blame and no one else because quite simply not only should I have been in his place but at the same time without him, we would have not been saved or have caught the criminals.

I wanted to get down on my knees and put my face on the floor the moment I saw his family to apologise for having turned their son into this. But they didn't let me do any of that. I was immediately taken to the police station for further questioning as if I would have something different to say to them. They wouldn't even let me see my parents, who would be certainly worried to death since I'd been gone two days.

"Can you at least call them and let them know that I'm all right?" I had pleaded even though I was boiling inside. I was kidnapped at such a young age and that really could have traumatized me psychologically so I needed my family by my side to feel safe. But they treated me as if I were the criminal and the suspect and that sucked my patience little by little.

The policewoman, who had heard us when the others were looking for the villains, looked pensive, and then hesitatingly nodded. She asked me to tell her our home phone number informing me that they would not allow me to speak to them and she would just tell them that I was at the station and I was safe.

I went to tell her that I didn't feel safe in there with so many suspicious eyes on me, but I let it pass because I didn't want to make my position more difficult.

There was one thing more, however, which was very weird in the whole situation. As soon as we reached the station, I was separated from Kaoru and taken to some separate room.

I was not sure because I did not know them, but it had seemed to me that the clerks who surrounded him were more skilled. As if they were responsible for affairs of a certain kind. There was something about this secrecy and the fact that we were treated like suspects who had not yet proven their innocence. I could blame all this on the system and the way the police operated but maybe it was also about what Kaoru had whispered to the police officer.

What was certain was that when they had entered that room with the president it was still sunny outside, and now the sun had now set for good, they had not yet finished whatever it was that they were doing.

I hadn't eaten or drank water for two days, but nobody seemed to care about it, so I curled up on the uncomfortable couch in that policewoman's office and tried to sleep to forget my hunger and thirst.

She had left a little while ago on some business and had not yet returned. I might not have been put in a cell, but I still felt like a prisoner with the police officer watching my movements all the time. Of course she certainly would have preferred to go home for the night rather than stick with me as well.

I was sleeping very lightly because I couldn't get comfortable and I was getting cold but I think that even if I were dead,I could perceive that wonderful smell that filled the office. I immediately opened my eyes and sought the source to see the policewoman enter the office with bags of food in her hands and head for the chair.

My mouth grew even more parched, and I could feel the desire glistening in my eyes like some sort of madness and despair. I licked my lips but my saliva had basically dried so I didn't feel them getting wet. If I had sat and seen her enjoying her food in front of me, I would have suffered worse punishment than the worst criminals. They at least ate food in prison.

"Don't look at me like that. Of course I brought some for you."My eyes must have filled with stars, and I clasped my hands with an expression as if I had some holy man opposite me.

I could see her holding back so she wouldn't laugh at my crap but I didn't care much since she was going to give me food. Once she passed me one bag and I opened it, I didn't know when the food was gone from inside. The satisfaction it left behind, however, was certainly felt, and the drowsiness it brought me likewise.

"Thanks for the food."I said trying to hide my yawn since it wasn't polite to open my mouth like that in front of her. My eyes started to close but now that she was there and that space was her office, I didn't feel comfortable trying to sleep so I was trying to keep myself awake.

My head was falling forward from fatigue but I managed to pull it back and wake up before I slept too deep. Then I felt a sharp pain in my forehead and raised my

face to see her standing over me with her thumb thrust into the forefinger and preparing to strike me again.

"If you're sleepy, sleep. It is a human need and the time has already passed for good."I had not met many people who were so straight and spoke so frankly, but I could not say that I was displeased with her manner. To be honest it made her a lot more sympathetic that in my eyes.

I accepted her advice and laid down again on the couch, using my hands as a pillow. Sure, it was a little harsh and uncomfortable, but when you've slept on the cold floor for two nights in a row, you don't really care.

The food had helped to release the fatigue that was gathering within me, and now I was ready to sleep deeply and rest at last after what we had gone through. I think I did not yet realize what a situation I had been in, nor what a situation I would have been in if Saboru had not appeared.

All the police knew was that he called them and informed them of the location. The rest he could only tell me himself.

"Boy, wake up!"The loud voice of the policewoman, who did not care much whether to wake me suddenly or not, made me shake as if I had suddenly fallen from somewhere high, and I rubbed my eyes before opening them. I wanted to stretch my gripped body but I knew this wasn't my room and I definitely wasn't able to behave familiarly in there.

"What's the matter?" I asked in a voice hoarse from sleep, and sat up on the sofa. I wanted to look ready and not irritate her with my sleepiness but I had just woken up and kept rubbing my eyes because they wouldn't stay open. If they had let me, I would have slept till late in the afternoon and perhaps even then feel tired.

"You may go."She said to me without any emotion in her voice as if it were the simplest thing in the world. I looked at her with eyes wide open this time as if I couldn't believe in my ears.

"So simply? You won't keep me here any longer?" I knew that what she had said had already answered my question, and it was essentially unnecessary to ask, but I wanted to look for confirmation before I was unnecessarily happy.

"Did you like it so much here that now you want to stay? "she raised her brow, and while I could see that this was pure sarcasm, I was frightened at the idea of staying longer there.

I shook my head sharply negatively. I wanted to go home. It was the first time I had missed it so much. I felt like the little kid who was asking for independence but once it was given to him, he just ran back into his mum's arms. That's exactly what I wanted to do.

"Do I have to do something before I go?" I'd already gotten up, and if they'd let me, I might have run out of there.

"No. Everything was arranged with the testimony of Nishimura Kaoru. I'll ask a patrol car to drive you home for more security."She answered professionally, and that piqued my curiosity even more.

What the hell was going on with Kaoru?

They had kidnapped him and me together for some strange reason, and they wanted to force him to do something that I still didn't know what it was, and now he seemed to have some connection to the police.

When I had a feeling that he could not be as perfect as he seemed, I certainly did not expect such inexplicable and mysterious things to be revealed about him. And apparently no one was interested in giving me any more information as to what was going on.

"Won't Kaoru come with me in the patrol car?" I knew that was all I could ask, but still the look of the policewoman seemed to rebuke me. What the hell was going on in there?

"No. Nishimura-san will be under the supervision and protection of the police from now on."Her tone seemed even colder when she answered while threatening me to not dare ask another question.

I didn't intend to do it in the first place because I knew there was no way they would answer me. The fact that I didn't have protection from the police made me feel a little weird but at least that would mean that I wasn't in danger and it sufficed for me for the time being so I could calm down.

"Thank you for taking care of me" I said to the policewoman, bowing my head a little. She was the only one in there I really wanted to thank. Everyone else was pissing me off.

That's why I paid attention to having a look at the name that was sewn on the label of her uniform. I wasn't sure if I'd remember it after a while but I just wanted to keep it in mind. I could only see her last name and it was Amakiji.

I climbed into the patrol car and told my home address to be taken by the officer who was driving it. When I began to recognize the streets and the shops we were passing through, I began to have a feeling of nostalgia as if I hadn't been here in years.

It had indeed only been two days; my eyes clouded but I drove away the tears. I would only let them spill after I went through the house door and found myself among people I could trust and I knew they loved me. I didn't know who I could trust out there in the dangerous world we were living in.

"Thank you for bringing me."I said to the policeman, and he smiled kindly at me before he stepped on the throttle and went back to his work. I turned to my side of the house and took a deep breath.

I felt a restlessness and agitation. Could they accept me back as if nothing had happened or would they consider me a criminal before I could even explain to them why I was at the station? I really did not know and that frightened me. If my own family turned their back on me, where would I go?

I swelled up my body and mustered up as much courage as I had to ring the bell. I would have preferred to have used my keys to be in the house already since now I was afraid that they would not even let me in.

But those were in my bag that I guess was left at school. As soon as I thought of that I remembered that I was still wearing my school uniform and I felt really dirty. I urgently wanted to go into the bathroom and never go out again.

"Who is it?" The voice of the little girl on the doorphone put me out of my irrelevant thoughts and hurried to answer even if I had hesitation.

"... I..."I said without even using my name hoping she would understand me by my voice. The doorphone was heard to close and for a while nothing happened making me more and more afraid until the door suddenly opened and Echi jumped on me wrapping her limbs around my body. She was rubbing her face against my chest as if she wanted to recognize my smell to make sure I was actually there. I stepped inside without letting her off me, and spoke as softly as I could. "I'm back..."

I hardly had any time to realize it when I found myself falling to the floor with the other four having fallen headlong upon me and tightening more and more without leaving me for a moment or loosening their grip. I could see the tears in their eyes and that was enough to take away all the fear and psychological exhaustion I had felt. I started crying like a baby, and it took me a long time to slowly calm down.

Then they turned away and all turned to look at me with the same questions burning in their eyes. I knew that if I answered those questions, I had to tell the whole story from the beginning. Surely the time had come for them to learn the truth. But I was hoping to avoid it for a while.

I could have enjoyed the attention they gave me before they started looking at me like I was the disgrace of the family. They may not have understood this desire but they certainly understood that I had been through a lot and for a whole day I told them over and over again to the police so they decided to hold back as long as they could and not pressure me.

"You are hungry? I am sure you must be very hungry!'They tried to act like everything was normal and we had a normal conversation. Dad got up when he said this and beckoned to the other two to help him with the table.

"And I'm sure you'll want to take a bath to get all that..."She didn't know what it was I wanted to get off me and in order not to embarrass me, mum rephrased the suggestion"I'm going to get clean clothes and towels."

I couldn't help but appreciate how much they were trying to look normal even if it had the exact opposite effect. The bathroom, however, made me feel better and lighter, but I was also struck by the realization that all this was real and not some bad dream.

I understood this when the water poured on my head and I bit my lips so as not to scream when the water fell on the wound at the back of my head. I could see the water running in a pale pink hue and it really took everything I had and didn't have in me not to freak out.

If I let my thoughts go free, I'd think I had a hole in my head where air was coming in. I had forgotten this one, and it needed proper care to close it. I would worry my parents even more but I promised myself that the next day I would tell them everything.

"Mum! Where do we have the first aid kit?" I asked her as soon as I came out of the bathroom with the intention to take care of it myself so as not to make her freak out. It was at such a low position that I had no way of seeing it to know what she would see. It may have been more serious than I realized.

Of course she wanted to know why I had asked that question, and I heard her shriek close to my ears when she saw the wound.

".."Her lips were heard to open and close, but she said nothing, even though it became more and more difficult for her. I understood her. Surely I, too, would like to know what had happened.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital?" was all she asked in a rather calm voice. She was trying so hard for me. I couldn't know if the wound was that bad or it was just her excessive nature that caused her reaction, but I wanted to be at home. It was the only place I felt safe. I didn't want to be locked up again.

"Yes."It was all I answered without explaining the reason and I could feel her sigh before she began to pick up various tools and materials and try to do her best. It was better that he had asked me why I wanted them because at that point where the wound was, I couldn't have done much to heal it or even wrap it properly. Her thin fingers were far more experienced than mine, after all.

Her hands stroked my hair as soon as it was over and then she let me have a gentle kiss on the spot I had hit before clasping me in her arms from behind. She was shaking all over.

Of course she had not been able to calm herself just because I had returned. My eyes began to tingle again. I didn't like him making her feel that way. I could hear her heart beating like mad at my back.

Not only had they just accepted me back but they hadn't asked anything as well. That much was their love but we humans are weak creatures and how is it supposed to calm a mother's heart if the son was gone for two days and then she received a phone call from the police?

"Sorry."It was all I murmured in a voice that trembled. We stayed for a while like this before she got up and I felt her heat go away.

"Let's go and eat now. Don't worry the others!"She sounded more cheerful, but she certainly wasn't. If I had her opposite me and seen her face, I could have understood it at once.

I didn't comment on it, though, because it certainly didn't make any sense to me. I tried to enjoy lunch with the whole family as if everything was like four days ago. I needed it, but I couldn't imagine what was waiting for me around the corner.

The truth never stays hidden for long.

I had hoped it would come from my own lips, but someone beat me to it and presented it exactly the way he wanted. I thought I had just been saved but now the second phase of that difficult situation was beginning.

12

I woke up with a weird feeling in my chest like something was hitting me and not letting me breathe. I thought it was the decision I had made to tell them the truth as soon as I found them all together and that made me not want to get up.

I glanced at the ceiling of the room and sighed before hiding my face under the inside of my palm. It took courage what I had to do but I knew I would find it as hard as it was. If I delayed it any longer, it could get worse. Besides, they had to find out at last what had happened.

I sprang to my feet and sat up with eyes half open, uttering an exhausted moan. I didn't get as much rest as I wanted even though it was the second night I slept normally. I hadn't been able to get anything out of the experience but at the same time it was like a switch had been pushed inside me. The defenses were up and I didn't realize what had happened or what I had managed to save myself from.

I put on my spare clean suit with slow and reluctant movements but I felt something strange as if my skin was burning. These were exactly the clothes I had worn when the kidnapping took place so it was like I was feeling a repeat of those horrific events.

I made a shrill and very high sound while I tried to throw the clothes off me as if the contact with them only infected me, but I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. I shouldn't have worried them any more. I didn't have to freak them out before they even heard my side of the story.

My hands were moving like crazy on the shirt as if they were trying to tear it but after a few more deep breaths, I managed to stop and have it all under control.

I cocked my body with false confidence and opened the door. I was about to talk to them. Having seen their reaction yesterday, I tried to convince myself that they would be understanding and not react strangely. They would wait to hear me to the end and try to understand me.

Even if that wasn't the case, I felt an obligation to say it over and over to myself so that the words could come out of my lips and not get stuck in my throat. My hands were starting to sweat and my steps were a little heavy but it didn't take long to find myself at the end of the corridor and outside the living room.

But as soon as I took a step inside, I felt my stomach drop suddenly downward into my bowels, and my heart beat slowly and loudly in my ears as if it were filled with blood and ready to burst. Something was wrong.

"Is it true?" asked mum, with trembling voice and tears in her eyes. She held a handkerchief as tightly in her hands as if she were trying to support herself with it. I looked at her in bewilderment, and with the terror making my hair rise like bars.

"What is... ?"I didn't have time to ask her because she got up from the floor and stood opposite to me looking me deep in the eyes with that look I never wanted to see disappointed or hurt by me.

"Is it true?!"She spelled it in a much more threatening tone, and now her hand began to tremble. She seemed ready to burst into tears and shouts at the same time, and I could not make out what had become of her.

The others did not speak, but all looked at me with similar expressions. I went to ask again but mom picked up her phone and showed me a news story. I watched it with my eyes, and felt the weight leave my body and gather all round my feet as if I were about to collapse. The sweat that started running down my forehead was so painful it seemed to scratch my skin.

I couldn't. It was not possible. This could not have happened.

"I…”I started out trying to justify myself.I couldn't tell any more lies and I knew the situation couldn't be saved where it had got to.

"I asked you something!"She was starting to scare me the way her body was shaking like it was about to explode. She wanted something to break but it seemed to crack itself and I didn't know if I wanted to cover myself or protect her.

"...Yeah.."I replied, throwing my head forward. The slap that followed hurt me more than it should have, for it was as if she had given me her answer as to what I had done. She wouldn't accept me the way I was.

Maybe the news from an anonymous source presented me as some kind of monster who had no life and ended up watching the lives of others, but they didn't give me a chance to answer. But I did not ask for it, for I did not think myself to have abstained from that description. That was exactly what I did. I'd ended up going on a field trip just so I could see how they'd go through it! If that wasn't sick then what was?

I think mom was about to hit me again, but dad must have stopped her. I could not see them with my eyes fixed on the floor, but the change in the air gave me just that impression.

I wondered how dad had restrained himself, and had not accompanied her in what she was doing. It would be normal for him to do it. Maybe she thought it would make me human again.

Echi and Chizu did not say a word, but neither did they cast a look at me. The second took the first by the hand and decided to go to school. The atmosphere was very heavy and uncomfortable and the little one had not understood much so it was better not to be in front of what followed.

Perhaps it had been better so, it would have preserved a better picture of me than the one I was showing now. But what I couldn't think of was who knew what I was doing. There was even photographic material that meant whoever it was had been planning this for a long time. It must have been someone who hated me.

The timing couldn't be worse, though. I knew the truth never stays hidden, but I didn't expect it to come out just before I did it on my own. Of course, I don't think they would have reacted any differently even if I had told them myself. There was no extenuating circumstances for what I had done.

And now not only my family knew it in every disgusting detail but also everyone who had access to the local news. I've always wanted to be invisible, and now all of a sudden all the headlights were burning on my face while all eyes were turned on me. But more than anyone, I was afraid to face the members of the club. I didn't want to know what idea they had of me.

"We're going to apologize to all the families before we go to the police!"Dad said harshly as if he had read my thoughts and done it to me on purpose. I raised my face as if about to protest, but the look he threw at me, and the way in which he seized me by the hand, made me understand that I had better keep quiet and go with him. It wasn't that he had kept his temper with me, he was just doing everything to restrain his emotions.

I don't remember much of the visits we made because dad made me bend over on my knees with him while he said most things as I looked like a lifeless doll. That great was my shock. I couldn't see the face of any of them, but that wasn't just my attitude. Their parents wouldn't let them come out and meet us because they thought I was dangerous.

All I did was say "sorry" like some broken record while dad reassured that we would visit the station as soon as we passed all the "victims." He had called them that. I had become an abuser now. I didn't know what other label they would stick to me but I definitely wouldn't like it.

But I couldn't complain about anything when dad was the one who received all the insults with patience and understanding. It was like he was taking all the blame on himself because he had made a mistake with my upbringing and that was crushing me even more psychologically.

I just wanted this to stop, but I knew this wasn't even the beginning and we had to go to the police. I had just left there the day before, and now I was going back. They would certainly think of me being suspicious on that account, and would not spare me a second time.

This time I thought they wouldn't let me go, and if I had enough strength, I might have turned around and started running for my freedom. But I couldn't cause any more trouble for my family. Dad already seemed to have grown abruptly old and tired.

"Why... ?"He began something in a sentimental voice, and all the anger was blotted out of his face as if some one had poured water and flushed. My heart fluttered for those fractions of a second but he finally cleared his throat and put on the same expression again. He probably didn't want to give me hope and try to show me how bad what I had done was and how bad a position we were in.

It broke sharply and I felt my stomach tighten once more within such a short time. What he wanted to say seemed to be still lingering in the atmosphere, but he went out and moved forward. He didn't have to tell me anything to follow him.

As soon as we entered, several heads turned towards us. Some people recognized me from last time’s case, but most of the photos on the news. I didn't even look up a bit but I could feel their eyes opening holes in my skin and I really wanted to disappear. Some policeman must have understood at once why we were there, and hastened to serve us.

"This way, please."She told dad, and I immediately recognized that female voice. I looked at her hesitatingly to make sure it was her, and she happened to be looking at me at the same moment. Her eyes pierced me like a swarm of arrows full of disappointment.

I could call it the final blow. After that, I wanted to stretch out my hands and ask them to cuff me. No one believed in me and everyone thought I was a piece of trash and a criminal. What's the point of being out there?

Only dad walked into the police chief's office while they made me sit outside. The whole thing was about me exclusively but I was a minor and they didn't intend to talk to me. Perhaps he also wanted to tell him plainly how wrong it was what I had done without me listening to him. Of course the office wasn't soundproof and I could hear it all.

“You know this is a criminal offence right? You can't just walk away from it just because he's a teenager and he hasn't caused a previous problem!"That's how the conversation began.

Dad listened without speaking while the chief kept adorning me with various cosmetic adjectives and stressing that I must have had some brain abnormality. But at last he began to calm down little by little, only to come to the concluding question which made me want to go in and catch him by the collar. "Are you sure you have given him all the love and attention he needs?You have taught him what it means to make friends?From what you have told me it appears that he considered these people his friends, and their memories his own!"

Oh yes, I had forgotten to mention that dad recognized some of the names of the children I was stalking since I had mentioned them as friends,and learned from the chief that they were all members of the cheering Club, of which I had lied that I was a member.

But I couldn't understand why he would go so far as to blame my upbringing! My parents had no part in all this and had raised me in the best way while they loved me very much! But it made it seem like I had some kind of insanity and living in a fantasy! I don't...! No... Maybe?

"How did you get to this point, boy?" The voice of the policewoman broke the envelope from my startled thoughts, and I turned toward her. She sounded almost hurt. In her eyes it seemed that she pitied me. She looked at me as if she were mourning the lost youth now that I had lost my mind. I wanted to deny it but something inside me kept asking "Was I really crazy?".

I didn't find an answer to her question because I didn't know either. One thing had brought another, and suddenly I had forgotten where I had started.

The office door opened abruptly and made me shiver and find myself on my feet. The look dad gave me, I didn't like it at all. It was melancholic, and he seemed to

greet me, but I could not understand what he meant. Something snapped inside me and I held out my hand in an attempt to stop him before he disappeared but he moved away as if trying to stop me.

"You will stay here."It was all he said and turned his back on me. It hurt him too, but I didn't care because even if it hurt, he left me behind! What parent would do that to their child?

"Dad?" I asked, asking for at least an explanation for all this and hoping that I would touch a sensitive chord that would make him stop what was happening. His shoulders clenched and he didn't turn around while he answered because he probably couldn't bear to look me in the eye.

"They'll have you under observation, and a specialist will be in charge of you. There's no other way to deal with your problem."He treated me as if there were no salvation. As if I had reached the farthest point. Like I needed expert help before I caused trouble to those around me.... I was crazy in his eyes.

I couldn't stop him because the shock was too great for me to lift. I was taking the blows one after the other with strange temporal precision and I couldn't figure out what the hell that meant. Had my luck changed? Was this all a coincidence or was there someone behind it?

I could not understand but I would not trust any answer I gave because I was not well in my mind.

"Ryo-kun, will you follow officer Amakiji?" The voice of the chief approached me as if I were mentally retarded and could not understand even the simplest sentence.

But there was something else. Fear that he was dealing with a time bomb ready to explode at any moment with the wrong move. I recognized the last name, and it was only because she was the policewoman who had helped me that I consented to follow her. She was gonna take me to the department psychologist.

It was mostly for victims or eyewitnesses who were in shock but none of them cared about how I felt after the kidnapping. Now he would only ask me about the stalking of the cheering club. I knew it. And I also knew there was no way I'd like it. But again I followed her.

She knocked at the door of the office, and as soon as we got permission to enter, she left me there and went away. So I was suddenly left alone with the psychologist who at that moment was greedily eating his lunch and was smeared in the mouth.

I turned sour, but obediently followed the sign he made me with his hand to sit in the chair opposite him. He looked really hungry and that made me wonder how many visits he was receiving every day.

"Please go on. I can explain the situation to you while you're eating, and then you can ask me."I intended to seal my lips as soon as he would ask me, but I felt sorry for him when it appeared that he was still hungry, but prepared to leave the food even though I had been brought there at the hour of his lunch break. He looked at me questioningly as if he wished to profane that I was sure, and as soon as I positively assented to it, he continued to eat satisfied and exceedingly happy.

He generally had a peculiar appearance. Hair and untidy clothes but a clear and kindly gleam in the eyes that reminded me of Saboru. I was hoping they'd let me visit him and not lock me up in a cell, but I don't think I had much to hope for after what I'd done. Anyway, I began to briefly explain the situation to the psychologist who listened attentively to me.

“They brought me here because I was watching a club’s members at school and someone uploaded pictures of me."I was going to cut it here, but he shook his head as if he expected me to add something more."I was afraid to make real friends so I decided to fill the void with some I would see from afar."The more he nodded, the more I said without being conscious of it."I thought I had found the solution. I would have friends without having to hurt or be hurt. Nothing would go wrong. Everything would be balanced. I was watching them and that was enough for me. I even followed them on the school excursion while I never go on excursions."I began to chatter, and I understood that he had finished his food long ago only when I paused and he decided to speak.

"And tell me, was that enough for you?"

13

His question was so simple and small. His voice was strictly professional when he asked me, and his look perhaps indifferent as he clasped his hands together upon the desk. But I realized how deep he had gone, and that he had succeeded in striking a vein, when I felt something cool and salty run over my flushed cheeks.

I did not even perceive that my cheeks had kindled before, but it must have been the zeal with which I spoke of the guys, and I tried to show them that they were so amazing that I was justified in wanting a life like theirs.

I remained staring at him in a state of shock without being able to utter a word or make any movement except the trembling that had stuck to my lips. I didn't expect to be so affected by a little phrase that was the first to come out of the psychologist's

mouth. I was such an open book to his eyes that after telling me he had managed to see into my thoughts and understand my actions?

"... No..."My answer came out like a flame that the air struggled to extinguish for an hour and finally succeeded. I threw my face forward and raised my hands just to wipe my eyes. I didn't like to be seen in such a state by a stranger. It was as if all my defenses had fallen and at that point he could see everything I was hiding inside me. Of course, my darkest secret was already on all the websites so maybe I shouldn't have been so nervous.

It pained me to admit it, but my tongue refused to lie. It was true. It wasn't enough at all. The more I got to know them and see how much fun they were having and how they lived... I wanted to be part of something like that, too.

Besides, those who say man is a social animal must know something. I couldn't last long without associating with others, and it certainly wasn't enough for me to see them all from afar without being a part of them. I've always been a lone wolf, but I used to have some friends. Now I was completely alone and this situation was almost choking me.

"Then why did you pull it so hard?" It was as if he knew exactly what questions to ask to play on my emotional strings as if I were some musical instrument. I bit the inside of my cheeks and avoided his gaze because I was beginning to think it might be his eyes that made me want to speak frankly to him. But again the answer came out of my mouth though with a little hesitation.

"I don't know. When you start.. It's hard to stop.”Now I sounded like I had some kind of addiction and needed rehab.

His eyes may not have softened, but they never hardened. It was this indifference in his expressions that made me want to speak, for I knew that he would not judge me for anything I said to him. I didn't even need him to comfort me though because what I had done was wrong and I had to understand it.

"If it wasn't published on the internet... Would you stop?"

"To be honest... I don't know. I certainly would have stopped after the kidnapping and what followed, but I don't think I would have stopped if it hadn't been for all that."I answered him as frankly as I could because I was afraid he had some sixth sense telling him if I was lying. He had managed so easily to find the right questions to ask so I couldn't know for sure what on Earth was wrong with this doctor.

"How do you feel now after the kidnapping?" I raised my eyes to look at him in astonishment. Not only because no one had bothered to ask me that, but also because the answer wouldn't help him in his job. He was assigned to ask me about the

whole stalking case, and that was a completely unrelated matter that wouldn't give him the information he needed.

His eyes continued to look at me intently for my answer, and I took a breath before I finally answered.

"Weir. All day I feel like none of this happened and I'm blank but as soon as something happens that can remind me of it, it's like I completely lose it."I have tried to describe that whirlwind which I felt within me, and now he had frowned while resting his lips on his clasped hands thus concealing half his face.

"How do you mean that?" In reply I described to him how I had felt when I had worn the school uniform, and now many thoughts seemed to pass through his mind. As if he were trying to solve the mystery that lay before him and was me. At last he merely smiled to banish any expression from his face and rose from his chair.

"Wait here a moment."He said to me with his smile widening before he left the room. His behaviour had alarmed me. He had a very strange reaction, and all that was going through my mind was that by my last answers he had understood that I was really mad, and was going to tell them so to restrain my movements before I could get away.

My whole body was tight to the point where I thought the skin would rip while my leg was going like crazy up and down without stopping. When I heard the door open again, I jerked forward and turned my gaze thither adopting a defensive attitude. The psychologist's eyes opened in surprise, but then he seemed to understand, and he made gentle nods with his hands to reassure me.

"I spoke to the chief..."He began by showing me the chair again. I didn't trust him. I might have been sitting there and he would have locked me in the back. It was not so difficult, and certainly my lean body could not bear much resistance. "If you don't sit down and relax, I won't tell you what we talked about."He told me with an irrevocable look, and at last I sighed before sitting down thoughtfully in the chair. But I kept being on alert.

He came and sat in the chair behind the desk directly opposite me as he did a moment ago when he asked me the questions. That made me relax a little bit because that's how I knew he wasn't going to try any unexpected moves. But he could have some strong-armed officers on the outside, so I couldn't relax completely.

"I spoke to him about your situation, and we came to an intermediate solution. They won't put you in jail, but you'll do daily community service under the supervision of a police officer, we'll have daily meetings to tell me how you feel, and each time you'll come back here to the station. As you understand, I couldn't do better-..."I had already got up and was about to run towards him and hug him but I could hardly contain myself. I thought I'd go to jail or worse, I'd end up in an institution. That was the best I could ask for. I joined my legs together and bent my whole body as much as I could.

"Thank you very much!"I said in an excited voice, but I didn't let it affect me. It was only after a while that I lifted my eyes again to ask. "Will my family be able to visit me?" if it wanted to, of course. I might have been an outcast after that.

"Of course. Even the criminals have a visiting right."

"And... One more thing... May I ask you one last favor? " he lifted his brow a little irritably. He seemed a man who did not like ingratitude or greed, but I could not help asking him that. It had to be done as quickly as possible. "The boy who saved me from the kidnappers...May I visit him at the hospital?" his expression changed dramatically and he remained a little pensive.

"I'll see what I can arrange with the chief."Diplomatic answer. Neither to give me hope, nor to steal it altogether from my hands. I was grateful to him for that. "Go now and see what you're going to do, and we'll see."He sent me away discreetly, and I smiled at him before I turned the other way. I was about to leave when he cut me off again and I felt like all the life was gone from me. He had done something wrong? He would take back all he had told me? "Come with me."His tone was exceedingly grave, and made me startled, but I followed him. "I don't believe how irresponsible they can be..."

I was not sure if I had heard correctly because quite simply what he said did not make any sense to me but when we finally stopped at the doctor that the department had, it was generally the largest in the city and had all the necessary qualities, I realized that he was referring to the injury in the back of my head and the inadequate care it had received.

In the end, as it turned out, it was deeper and more serious than I had realized, and there was even a risk of infection if we did not get there in time. The worst of it was that after four days had passed since I took it, a thin coating of skin had already begun to come out again which he had to cut off so that he could take care of it, and when it came out again it would be right. It sounds more terrible than it actually was because I couldn't even look behind me but it was definitely in a lot of pain.

The doctor wanted to keep me still for a while without doing anything in case I did not feel well, but I assured her that I felt fine and moved much more when I had received the blow itself.

I didn't want to sit in there anymore and I couldn't wait to see what kind of social work they had chosen for me. When the police officer in charge of supervising me came to pick me up, I wondered if it was fate or the psychologist had arranged it to make me more comfortable.

"Hello.."I said awkwardly not to be rude. The last look she had cast at me still pained me, but now she did not even glance at me.

She positively shook her head with a brisk movement as if she were a military man, and stepped forward unwilling even to speak to me to tell me to follow her.

Maybe it would have been better if I had been supervised by a totally unknown police officer.

"You got stuck with me, huh?" I tried to open up conversation or humor while we were in the patrol car, but she didn't intend to do me a favor while treating me like some kind of criminal who didn't deserve her attention.

Maybe she just didn't want to get her feelings mixed up at work and just wanted to do what she was asked to do. But when she had given me to eat and had given me that look, she had done the exact opposite of that.

I didn't want to embarrass her, though, so I decided to zip it. Then I'd work too, so I wouldn't have time to talk to her.

They had not shown any imagination as to what they would have me do for community service. I undertook the cleaning of a beach that was known for the many garbage it collected and it would take me a long time to manage to clean some part of it.

If they were going to keep me under control until it's completely cleaned up, I wouldn't be able to graduate from high school. I hadn't asked them what would happen to the school, but now that I thought about it, I didn't want to ask Amakiji-san.

I was gonna wait for tomorrow's appointment with the therapist.

She threw me the necessary tools and stayed standing tall without going down to the sand to have a panoramic view and to be able to see my every move. She had done something that wanted to seem spontaneous, but she had deliberately shown me the gun she had in her belt.

I thought she would know that not only did I not intend to run away, but I knew that she was armed, and I would not dare. But she followed her usual pattern as if I were any criminal. I sighed and decided not to pay any more attention to it because I had a lot of work ahead of me.

I rolled up the sleeves of my uniform since I'd ended up coming there in my school uniform, what I hadn't gone through with that uniform, and I started the job.

As unlikely as it sounds, it was even harder than it seemed. You were getting tired easily because you were bending over all the time and you had to keep your eyes open so you wouldn't miss a piece of junk but when you raised your head to see how far you had progressed, it was like you were still at the beginning. Like hard work without result or reward, and that was certainly not something I could bear so easily.

The sun began to sink into the sea, and I was prostrated while my whole body screamed with pain. I wiped my brow once more, and stood for a breath in haste, for I was able to get a whip out of it to judge more quickly. My hands were so dirty that the sweat became thick and looked like mud. I didn't know if I stank more from the

garbage or the work I was throwing away, but what was certain was that I felt like a pig in every sense of the word.

"You work hard, I see. As you would expect."I rejoiced in the thought that this was the first time she had spoken to me in the day, and I did not wait to understand that this was not her own voice nor manner of speaking. I only realized it when I turned around.

“How did you know I was here?" I could not believe my eyes and unconsciously went out on the attack. I don't know if it was the look of the person that was different than I was used to or that I didn't want anyone to see me in this mess.

"Poor Ryo-kun.What are you going through? And all because of Kaoru!"The voice came out so plaintive that I didn't even know if I recognized it any more.

"He's not to blame for anything! It's my fault! I did all this by myself!"Much as it pained me to admit it, there was no chance of my throwing the blame on any one else.

"Tch tch. They've got you and they've made you believe all these horrible things about yourself. That's just in their best interest. You don't know why the kidnapping happened, do you?" the smile of satisfaction when the person saw that it was right about the latter, made me wonder, but if I had tumbled into curiosity from the first day I struggled to get rid of myself, I would never have made it.

There were people who had fought to lighten my sentence because they thought I deserved a second chance. He could have said more beautiful words. They didn't look like me.

"No, and I don't care! Why, do you know?" The person opposite me had the voice and face of one I knew, but they were not the person I knew. One shock after another was upon me, and I don't know how much longer I could bear it.

"You think the one who caused it...Didn’t know the reason? Yes, that's exactly the face I came to see. The face of despair and betrayal who tries not to believe what he hears."The whole affair was beginning to look perverse, and I could not understand what was going on. I asked no explanation, only began to search frantically around me to find the policewoman. She couldn't let all this happen to me! "If you're worried about your bodyguard, I sent her on a fake mission to let us talk. She won't come up..."

The sentence was cut short by a braking sound that squeaked in the silence and gave the impression that a car was about to derail. The car door opened abruptly and from inside came out a police officer in a furious state with the gun in her hand to target the person who was talking to me.

"Tch. She interrupted us. I didn't think she'd figure it out so quickly. See you around, Ryo-kun!"The person turned to me, and after making a bow, disappeared. My legs buckled and I fell into the sand. I had learned something that gave the answer to who had kidnapped me, but now all sorts of questions arose because too many pieces of the puzzle were missing.

"Kid, are you all right?" She gave up trying to find her and ran toward me to check if they had done anything to me. She pulled my face to look at her but I was in a miserable state. My pupils were dilated and my eyes were moving like crazy right and left. How on Earth had all this happened?

I felt the heat of her body soothing me a little as she caught me by the arm and lifted me, resting my weight upon her. I was making these little sounds without being able to react any other way. The voices in my head were screaming without leaving me alone. That familiar voice that seemed so different, too, was the one I had heard the first day I watched the club members, it had grown dark, and I thought I was dealing with a ghost. But at the same time it was the voice that belonged to a person I knew. How was that possible?

"Yes, I will come with the little one there. I'm not sure what happened, but I don't think we can keep this from him anymore. He's in danger, too. The moment of truth has come."Her words passed through me and did not touch me. Now all I wanted was to live a normal life, but I realized I was asking too much.

14

"You need to tell us what happened today while Amakiji-san was away and everything about your connection with this person. Any information could be valuable."The chief of police looked at me more earnestly than ever before. He seemed ready to listen to whatever I said as if it were of the utmost importance.

But the problem was the events that had taken place this morning and that the person was addressing me as if we were close to each other. In their eyes right now, either I was a madman who would utter useless gibberish or some criminal who had all this planned to target Kaoru and kidnap him but at the same time have alibi.

How could I convince them that neither was true when I was in such an emotional state?

The mere sight of them all looking at me with such intentness as if they were hanging on my every word, was enough to push and shut me up like an oyster. They weren't sure if they would trust my words but they were professional enough to

recognise my importance in the whole affair and that they should at least listen to me. Something useful would come of it.

But the shock I had undergone was so great that I almost felt as if I had lost my memories. They mingled with each other and clouded as if my body were trying to defend itself and make me forget that I was close with a figure who was none of what she seemed.

"Ca-... Can I just tell the psychologist?" I wasn't sure exactly what I would find to say to him, but at least I wanted us to be alone. Maybe that's how he would manage to ask me the right questions so I could remember the answers, or at least relax and untie my tongue.

They seemed to be a little indignant at my answer, but since I did not refuse to tell them what they wanted, they could make no objection. My psychology was in a very sensitive state and they knew it better than anyone.

"Very well. Let someone escort him to the psychologist's office."

"If I tell you... Will you tell me, too? " I turned toward him just before I left. I was well aware that I was not in a position to demand things, but I had listened to the policewoman, and now I realized it. Since my life would never be normal again, I wanted to at least know. I couldn't stand the idea of being dragged into this case without even knowing why.

"It's classified information that..."He began diplomatically, but for the first time I looked him in the eye and could make out that my gaze troubled him. With a blood-dripping look I didn't much help the rumor that I was crazy, but I didn't care. Everything I had around me was falling apart bit by bit and I wanted to know. I had a right to know.

"If I tell you... You will tell me."I repeated the sentence but this time I did not put a question mark at the end. In spite of my position, I still had little power over them since I knew things they not only ignored but needed. The things I would reveal, would have given them evidence of a case that seemed far more perplexing than I could have perceived before.

He stood for a moment looking at me with a discontented expression on his face. How easily the roles had been reversed within the same day was almost funny.

He didn't want to have a kid threaten him discreetly but if I didn't get information in return, I wouldn't open my mouth and they knew there was nothing they could do to force me. I was in danger in this case and not them. He didn't want to put it into words because it would have been like admitting defeat so he just shook his head positively.

They didn't have to drive me to the psychologist's office because I didn't have such bad orientation or memory that I didn't remember how to get there but maybe they felt they had to guard me for some reason.

I couldn't know if the scales were leaning more on the fact that they wanted to protect me, or they thought I was an unpredictable and imponderable factor.

I sat down opposite him, and he looked at me as if to ask me what I had got into again. I might have smiled at him if I had had the will, but I didn't. I wasn't in the mood for anything because that person had pierced my heart and now I was going to expose what we had shared together.

"I hear you. Tell me everything you know about Tanji Shizu."Just hearing her name was enough to make me ache. Not only was she the only one who knew what I was doing and had supported me but I had a great time with her even though I hadn't succeeded to follow the others on the field trip and she was the closest thing to a friend I had.

She had protected me a thousand times, and I might have liked her a little. But all this she had not done unselfishly, nor out of the goodness of her heart. She had done it to serve her purpose, which I did not yet know, and would find out as soon as I said what I knew.

I should have known that nobody does anything just like that though Saboru... He had ended up in the hospital for me. I didn't know if this was better. I had been hurt and I had hurt others and I preferred neither but the irony was that all of this happened while I was trying to avoid it at all costs.

As soon as I had finished my long narrative in a monotonous voice, so as not to show how much all this affected me, I closed with a thought which seemed to me more and more logical. There was no other explanation, and I was sure of it.

"In addition to admitting that she kidnapped me, I believe she was also the one who took pictures of me and posted them. She was the only one who knew of all this, and I had met her many times in the clubroom, though she said she did it to support me."My voice began to fade at the end. I wasn't sure anymore if I wanted to hear the truth because it would hurt me too much. I had one fantasy shattered, I couldn't keep another? How would I survive when the only person I could trust was in the hospital in God knows what condition and after all this he might never want to see me again in his eyes?

The psychologist pressed the back of the pen to close as soon as he had completed his notes.

"Are you sure that's all?" He asked to make sure. The truth was, I didn't want to talk a bit more about all this, but if I omitted information, then it would have to be reopened, so I made up my mind.

"Ah! I had heard a voice that might have been hers, but that I cannot tell you for certain."I did suddenly recall once more that female voice I had heard at school, and if I remembered correctly, it referred to some sort of plan or something.

I explained to him the scene that unfolded but he did not note because it had a lot of gaps since I was running scared when I had heard it. But he promised to report it to the chief along with the general report, and advised me to stay there. Even if he had asked me to get up, I don't think I had the strength to do it.

No one wanted me in that world and the police detained me just because I had committed an offence and had important information. I had never imagined that the situation would get out of hand so much when I started watching the children. One thing more, and curiosity would indeed kill the cat.

He returned after a while as his own business was only to hand over the papers with the information I had given him. He informed me that we had nothing else to do together and asked me to go to find the police officer who, as it was obvious, had taken over my supervision. I opened my mouth to object, but as if he read my thoughts, he answered me before I could even say what I wanted.

"We do not neglect your request. Amakijj-san will tell you everything you need to know."But this was not quite satisfactory, for it was interpreted in the following manner: She would not tell me everything except what they thought it necessary that I should know.

But I did not speak, and I tried to think of some way of persuading the policewoman to speak openly to me. She was the only one in there who seemed to support my right and need for the truth. It was like they were willing to turn my life upside down and I really couldn't stand it. They reacted as if all this mattered very much, but they also dealt with it with a simplicity that already made me very angry.

I went through a corridor and suddenly an arm was wrapped around me before pulling me into an even darker place. I started shaking and trying to resist or at least make enough noise for them to know something was wrong. A feeling of nausea began to overwhelm me as memories of the previous abduction were emerging in my mind. If the person behind all this was Tanji again and had managed to get inside the station without being noticed, then she was far more evil and dangerous than I thought.

"Don't make a noise, boy.”I recognised the whisper immediately but just because I knew someone and had seen an aspect of them didn't mean I could trust them either. The other one made a fool of me on a daily basis for much longer.

I knew the policewoman for much less. Even if I wanted to do something though, her strength was impressively great and I couldn't break her grip. If the majority of police officers were in such shape, then crime would have been greatly reduced.

She pushed me into a car that wasn't a police car and locked the doors before she got in and started driving to an unknown destination. I felt as if my mind would desert me at any moment, for events were unfolding with such rapidity that I could not catch up to them.

Out of nowhere, I ended up living an action movie and everything was much darker and dirtier than it looked. I saw her grab something like a device of her uniform and break it before she turned to speak to me.

"Sorry, kid. I couldn't explain in there."Now that was supposed to give me some answer? For I understood nothing, and looked at her as if she were mad. I liked that I wasn't the crazy one of the group after all.

"Do you want to tell me what on Earth is going on?!"Not only were the plural and politeness forgotten, but my voice raised a tone considerably. I was tired of the whole situation. I could understand that I had made a mistake that would cost me but really wasn't that a bit too much as a punishment? How on earth did I get involved in all this when I wasn't even part of the guys’ lives?

"I'll explain everything to you as soon as we get home. That's where you'll have proof that I'm telling the truth. If I tell you now, you'll only doubt me. If you're wondering why we couldn't talk there, check out a copy of the report the psychologist gave."Without taking her eyes off the street, she threw the copy at my feet and I began to read it because something told me that I would find evidence in it even if I had dictated it myself. Besides, there was nothing else I could do at that moment, and it did me no harm to have a look at it.

About halfway through, I started having a mild nervous breakdown. My whole face showed a lot of different tics, like I was on the verge of a stroke, and my heart started to drop like it was about to stop. A pain went through me as if some one had attempted to cut her in two. Just when I had been so miserably betrayed, I had made the mistake of blindly trusting someone I had met the same day. How foolish I might have been if I hadn't learned from my own mistakes?

"The most important points are missing and in some there are elements that I did not give..."I didn't care much about the importance of the document so I crumpled it in my hands and wanted to cry because I had been hurt. I had opened my heart to that man and told him all about my trouble while he had helped me with a few words. All lies?

"I had suspected him, and as I am not sure how many double agents are in the department, I have decided to take you to my house where we can talk openly."She explained to me, and I was sure she would like to hear my narrative once more so as to get the specifics she needed.

I expected her to add it but she didn't. Even if she did, I don't think I would have revealed it to her because exposing the other guy didn't mean she was innocent. She could have thrown dirt into my eyes or falsified the document. "Luckily I had

foresight and had put a camera in his office.”That explained why she didn't ask me and I was relieved I didn't have to say it again.

I said no more until we reached her house, if indeed she would take me there and not to Tanji. Anyone could be a suspect in there. If you couldn't even trust the officers of the law and order to do their job properly, then who were you left with?

There was nothing left in me either to hold on or to believe. As the days went on things got worse and worse, so perhaps it was best to stop my days at that moment before anything more happened.

"Here we are.”I thought about trying to get away but she was very careful with these things as she put one cuff on me and the other one on her before we got out of the car. When we entered the room, I came face to face with the evidence to which he had alluded. It was so alive that it was hard enough for me to doubt it.

"Hullo! Ryo-kun right? " Kaoru greeted me as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and it seemed as if his kindly smile had returned powerfully to his face. It kept getting on my nerves, but seeing someone in that mess behaving as usual made you relax considerably.

"H-hi..."I said hesitatingly because I was sure that he would know why I was entangled with him and what I had done. I hadn't looked any of the others in the eye but Kaoru was also the only one with whom I had lived some real moments and the fact that I had even refused to be introduced to him while doing all these things caused an uncomfortable atmosphere. Though he seemed to think no such thing.

"Without further ado, it is time for you to know everything, and there is no better man to tell you than he."It was only at that moment that I remembered that the policewoman was there. I positively began to believe more and more of what I had before me, but I would never put my hand in the fire again for anybody.

I sat down hesitatingly on the sofa opposite the one on which Kaoru was sitting, and he began to explain to me how the situation stood.

"I was a former member of a Mafia controlled by Yakuza descendants. But at the end of high school I had decided that I didn't want to keep doing this with my life and that I wanted to get out of there. This, however, is not so easy,of course, since I had heard and seen much while I was considered a valuable member. So there's a sort of ceremony where you get attacked by all the members together, and if you survive, you have your freedom. They left me somewhere half dead and left, thinking that in a little while I would leave my last breath. That worked for me because when I was able to get back on my feet, they thought I was dead. My real name they never knew since we used nicknames so I wasn't in danger of being found out by it. I moved away from where they were active and I was transferring to another school."Then he made a pause as if he wanted to show me that everything had to go perfectly after that but it didn't go. It was the moment when he would say that big "but" that ruined it all.

"There was a member of the Mafia who did not want to accept my death and kept looking for me. I changed my look and tried to make up for my mistakes."Now it was as if I understood why he always tried to be kind and never resorted to anger or violence. He was trying to shake off the mafia crap from him. "But that was not enough. That person heard rumors that I might be the one she was looking for and went to very underground ways to find out. She tracked down people with problematic behaviors and did all sorts of things so that the trouble would be compacted in time and everyone would end up at my club. She thought this would awaken my old self and train them all to what I knew before, but her plans were spoiled."That was an exceedingly perverse and wicked way of thinking. I could not imagine what person would have such a mind as to put down an idea like this.

"That's where you come into the game, Haga."The policewoman took the floor, and I turned to look at her bewildered.

"Me;"

"Yes, you. That person couldn't keep an eye on him openly, and she happened to run into you at the very moment when she didn't know what to do. Then she encouraged you to monitor them to give her the information she needed. Does anyone come to mind?" I felt as if my pulse was carried through my whole body and began to beat like hundreds of hammers at every point. Surely she had betrayed me, and now I knew but all that....

"That was the plan...and I think I saw her among those who were shouting to Chiasa about the drum that had been broken by her nerves... She was everywhere, causing trouble... She was handling the threads.."I walked into a dark hole by myself with the sole companionship of my thoughts which came unconsciously from my lips as they passed through my mind.

I think someone rattled me and tried to get me back together but I couldn't get out of that situation and all the voices talking to me sounded like parasites on a broken phone. The policewoman shook me even more sharply and I began to scream without stopping. It was as if a switch had been turned on in me, and now there was no chance of turning it off. What had I done?

15

I received a heavy blow in the face that I did not know where it came from but managed to wake me up from the whole situation since it threw me vehemently on the

floor. I didn't think it would go so far as to get hit by either of them, so it had come upon me very suddenly, and I gripped my cheek as I looked up. From the pain a few tears had gathered in my eyes which I could not let flow, but as soon as I saw the person who struck me I could not hold them any longer.

"You should have seen your face!"He laughed at me with a deep laugh that went out of his heart, and before I could control my excitement I rose and embraced him. He uttered a startled sound and began to fall backward. Only then did I notice that he was on crutches and one of his legs was plastered so I rushed to grab him by the crutches before he fell and got more injuries.

"You're all right."I said relieved, and he looked at me as if a second head had sprouted through my neck. He did it so intensely that I began to wonder if that had actually happened, and perhaps I would have checked that area had I not listened to what he said next.

"They gave us the wrong one. That's not Ryo."He said with an expression as if the packages had been mixed up, and made him turn around and go away disappointed.

My eyes narrowed as I clenched my teeth. The irritation that this man caused me, could wake me from the dead, and the situation I was in did not differ much.

"It's my fault I cared. I didn't know you liked me being heartless."I growled through my teeth and gripped him by the shoulder. He started shaking before bursting into laughter.

"OK. It's the right one. You may relax now.”He kept joking and I realised that in his way he had managed to make all the tension go away from my body. After a while it would come all together ready to tear me apart, but I intended to enjoy the time it was absent from my shoulders.

It was also the fact that I knew he was the only one I could trust. He had never done anything against me and sacrificed himself for me. I didn't need more proof. That must have been the only reason I hadn't lost my mind yet...altogether.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as soon as he sat down on the sofa, and I could see his battered face clearer. He was almost unrecognizable and that made me hurt but he kept smiling casually in his own little silly way. I didn't know if he did it to ease the whole situation or it was his natural but it definitely helped me feel a little better.

"Your question ought to be what we both do here."Kaoru corrected me and explained that all that secrecy when Kaoru was talking to the investigators was because he revealed names, locations and information about the mafia and as a result he needed protection because they could attack him at any time.

Amakiji-san had taken him to her house to protect him since she did not know what kind of connections to the Mafia the others inside the department had. Saboru's injuries, on the other hand, although serious, did not give a reason to keep him in the hospital any longer and he was discharged. I assumed they had him there for protection, too, after he had seen those five men and had been attacked, but it didn't stick much like a guess.

"But why aren't you at home?" I asked, to be sure that the answer I had was the right one, and the police officer and the boy exchanged glances as if they knew something I was ignorant of. Saboru smiled sardonically before replying, and once again I was shocked.

"She is my aunt. Do you think there was any other way the policemen could believe me so easily when I called them and they came?" I stood looking at them with my mouth wide open . "Ah, I found you because I had generally kept my eye on you, and had seen you uneasy on the day of the abduction. You know... I was the one throwing snacks at you, and that ball I threw on purpose in our class.."So the gaze I kept feeling on me was not Tanji watching me but Saboru who had me in mind and was looking for the right opportunity to approach me.

He confided to me that he saw me so alone, and wished from the beginning that we should try to be friends. That's why he had suggested I play with them after we were both "accidentally" at the taps.

It was strange enough as a revelation. Two things that I thought were completely random were actually premeditated but one was a friend who was trying to get close to me and kept his eye on me finding ways to help me while the other was a member of a mafia and was taking advantage of me.

It was so much to bear all at once that I already felt dizzy. That made me question what I believed and felt because every situation was different and you could never be absolute with something that a person did. Maybe she had her reasons, too, but I wasn't ready to think that way yet. It was too much for me.

"...And now what do we do?" I had my hands on my feet and I was literally surrendering. We could have left the case to the police since they had enough evidence from what Saboru and I had said to move on, but we didn't know if we could really trust anyone in there.

The only idea that came to me was to use me as bait since Tanji was trying to make contact with me and probably wanted to take me on her side with sweet talk. But I was too scared to do that and I didn't know if it would really help. At most, I'd end up a member of the mafia and never be able to go out again like it was with Kaoru.

After all, the yakuza can't be fought just because you arrested some of them. They are generations of generations of people and they have so many branches that you could never cut them all off. But there was nothing we could do about it-

"He often does that?"

"I guess it's because he's usually alone and has no one to talk to."

"But seriously he hears nothing?"

"I wish I could do it, too, when I've got you two getting on my nerves!"

I looked up and I saw them all looking at me like I was some kind of exhibit that got their attention. I leaned back because I didn't expect to have all the attention on me and went to ask but Saboru caught up with me.

"We've been talking to you all this time, but you haven't heard anything."That explained the last phrases I heard them say. I had it as a bad habit to get lost in my thoughts easily and shut out everything that was happening in the real world.

Especially if I was thinking about something feverishly and was too preoccupied or anxious about its outcome.

"Oh, I'm sorry.."

"I was saying you needn't do anything. You'll spend a few days here keeping a low profile before you go back to school. I have already passed the matter to headquarters, and there is nothing to worry about. Besides, I don't think they'll try anything else for a while yet, at least. You will go on with your lives.”She made it sound easy but it really wasn't. After all this fever of events, I couldn't just act like nothing had happened. And no one at school would be ready to take me back as if nothing had happened. I knew it.

"If you want... I can talk to the others.."Kaoru started but I cut him off.

"That's what I did, and I'm solely responsible for it. I will face the consequences and apologise to them again properly."

We remained for some days at the policewoman's house without communicating even a little with the outside world lest our whereabouts should be known and we should be in danger.

In the end, the headquarters came to an agreement with the yakuza and although we ignored the details, we knew we were in no danger. It was hard to get home after all this and we were really numb but I asked them to listen to me before they said or made their next move. This should have happened a long time ago, but I made the mistake of putting it off.

They listened to me without meaning that they understood everything I did. I even went to a regular psychologist and found various methods to combat whatever it was that had led me to this situation. Maybe the other members of the cheering club

never became my friends but having Kaoru and Saboru helped a lot in my psychological state and as time went on I started to think myself that I would become and feel good.

I decided that I would make real memories with real people and started with that of joining the club in the school football match. Even though a lot of people made fun of this club, it actually has a lot of prestige if you do it right and find the right uniforms.

They looked really terrific in those black clothes they wore and the bandanas in the color of the team on the heads. They also had a huge banner carried by two of the girls. Aiko who did parkour and ended up landing on my face and Etsuko who had been caught doing graffiti. I could see them clearly because Saboru had managed to find seats near the pitch and I could see that they were handling it quite well despite the muscular strength it required.

As if to jinx it, the banner began to tilt towards us and Aiko to lose her balance backwards while Etsuko was trying to keep it steady. In a moment when I was not even thinking what I was doing, I ran forward and tried to hold the girl who was about to fall. The banner caught up with me and landed powerfully on my head. I started seeing stars and I saw her looking at me shocked and ready to apologise but I started laughing.

"We'll never meet properly, will we?" I teased her, and then she seemed to remember what had become of the grocery tent, and that I was the poor fellow below.

She had seen me the times I had visited the club to apologize and help repair the damage that had been caused on the day of the abduction so they knew me now but she had not made the connection until that moment. However, I was relieved to learn that because Kaoru and I were the targets, the rest had received misleading messages sent away from the club room. The damage that had been done was because the president had fought to not get captured.

The school was already treating me in a heartless way but I couldn't say I didn't deserve it. Now they'd come up with a nickname for what happened today, and if they didn't, Saboru would.

Aiko seemed ready to say something that would show remorse but that's not what I wanted to hear at the time.

"I am Haga Ryo."I hastened to force her to introduce herself to me, and say no more. I don't know if that's a big change, but I was looking her in the eye while I was talking to her.

"Chinen Aiko," She answered, leaning forward a little. Etsuko behind her was ready to remind her what position they were in but I noticed that they were both tired so I did something I wouldn't even have thought about a few months ago.

"Can I help you?" I suggested, and Aiko was already looking relieved. Etsuko cut me with her eyes.

She didn't trust me, and that was natural, but she definitely needed more strength. I went through the bars and went down to where they were. I got my hands on the banner and that's when I realized how heavy it actually was. If they could have held it on either side it would have shared the weight, but it had only a thick wood on one side, and already I felt myself struggling.

I tried to turn towards the girls to suggest we all keep it together as long as possible but I was stopped by Aiko's movement. I froze as I saw her draw nearer, loosening the bandana from her head and putting it on mine. My face turned crimson as she tiptoed to reach me and put on the crest of the Oendan club, that is, the cheering club.

The banner started to slide off my hands because I was removed and my palms started to sweat.

"Look out, man! You said you were going to help!"Etsuko cried suddenly waking me up and making me laugh. We barely managed to move it all together but I didn't feel the weight because my mind was busy analyzing how beautiful Aiko's smile was. This would certainly be a very different period from the previous one.