Dedication

Thisbookisdedicatedtotheloveofmylife,mybestfriend,andthefirsteditorofeverything

Ido—mywife,ThrythHillaryNavarro

Epigraph

Iflanguagewasgiventomentoconcealtheirthoughts,thengesture’spurposewastodisclosethem.—JOHNNAPIER

Contents

CoverTitlePageDedicationEpigraph

IntroductionTheHeadTheForeheadTheEyebrowsTheEyesTheEarsTheNoseTheMouthTheLipsTheCheeksandJawTheChinTheFaceTheNeckTheShouldersTheArmsTheHandsandFingersTheChest,Torso,andBellyTheHips,Buttocks,andGenitalsTheLegsTheFeetConclusion

AcknowledgmentsBibliographyIndex

AbouttheAuthorAlsobyJoeNavarroCopyrightAboutthePublisher

Introduction

In 1971, at the age of seventeen, for reasons unknown to me then or now, Ibegan to keep a journal on human behavior. I catalogued all sorts of“nonverbals”—whatismoregenerallycalledbodylanguage.Atfirstitwasthequirky things people did: why did they roll their eyes when they weredisbelievingorreachfortheirneckwhentheyheardbadnews?Lateritbecamemorenuanced:whydidwomenplaywiththeirhairwhileonthephoneorarchtheir eyebrowswhen they greeted one another?Thesewere small actions, butthey capturedmy curiosity.Why did humans do such things, in such variety?Whatwasthepurposeofthesebehaviors?

I admit itwas anoddpursuit for a teenager.My friends toldmeasmuch;theywerefocusedontradingbaseballcards,knowingwhohadthebestbattingaverageorkickedthemostextrapointsthatseason.Iwasfarmoreinterestedinlearningtheintricaciesofhumanbehavior.

In the beginning I cataloguedmy observations on three-by-five-inch cardsfor my own benefit. At that time I was unfamiliar with the work of CharlesDarwin,BronisławMalinowski,EdwardT.Hall,DesmondMorris,ormyfuturefriend Dr. David Givens—the giants in the field of human behavior. I wassimply interested in how others acted, andwhy, and Iwanted to preservemyobservations. I never thought I would still be collecting them on index cardsfortyyearslater.

Over theyears, Icollectedseveral thousandentries.Littledid Iknowbackthen that Iwould later become anFBISpecialAgent andwould, for the nexttwenty-five years, use those observations as I pursued criminals, spies, andterrorists.But perhaps, givenmy interest in howandwhypeople behave, thatwasthenaturaltrajectoryallalong.

ICAMETO theUnitedStatesasarefugeefleeingCommunist-controlledCuba.Iwaseightyearsoldanddidn’tspeakEnglish.Ihadtoadjustquickly—inotherwords,Ihadtoobserveanddecodemynewsurroundings.Whatnativespeakerstook for granted, I could not.My new existence consisted of deciphering the

only thing thatmade sense—body language. Through their countenance, theirlook,thesoftnessintheireyes,orthetensionintheirface,Ilearnedtointerpretwhat others implied. I could figure out who liked me, who was indifferenttowardmyexistence,whethersomeonewasangryorupsetwithme.Inastrangeland,Isurvivedbyobserving.Therewasnootherway.

Ofcourse,AmericanbodylanguagewasalittledifferentfromCubanbodylanguage. People in America spoke with a different cadence and vibrancy.Cubansgotclosetooneanotherwhentheyspoke,andoftentouched.InAmericathey stood farther apart, and social touching might receive an uncomfortableglanceorworse.

Myparentsworkedthreejobseach,sotheydidnothavethetimetoteachmethesethings—–Ihadtolearnthemonmyown.Iwaslearningaboutcultureandtheinfluenceithasonnonverbals,evenifIcouldn’thaveputitinthosewordsatthetime.ButIdidknowthatsomebehaviorsweredifferenthere,andIhadtounderstand them. I developed my own form of scientific inquiry, observingdispassionately and validating everything I saw not once or twice but manytimesbeforeitmadeitswayontoanindexcard.Asmycardsgrewinnumber,certainpatternsinbehaviorbegantostandout.Forone,mostbehaviorscouldbebroadly categorized asmarkers of either psychological comfort or discomfort;ourbodiesrevealveryaccurately,inrealtime,ourstateofunease.

Iwould later learn thatmanyof thesecomfortmarkersorbehaviors, tobemore precise, originated in the mammalian or emotional areas of the brain—whatisoftenreferredtoasthelimbicsystem.ThistypeofinvoluntaryresponsesquaredwithwhatIhadseeninCubaandwasseeingnowinAmerica.Atschoolor through thewindowat the corner store, peoplewould flash their eyeswiththeireyebrowstogreetthosetheytrulyliked.SuchuniversalbehaviorsIgrewtotrust as authentic and reliable.What I did doubt was the spoken word. Howoften,afterIhadlearnedEnglish,IheardpeoplesaytheylikedsomethingwhenjustaninstantearlierIhadseentheirfacerevealthecompleteopposite.

Andso,too,Ilearnedatanearlyageaboutdeception.Peopleoftenlie,buttheirnonverbalsusually revealhow theyactually feel.Children,ofcourse,areterrible liars; they might nod to acknowledge they have done something badevenastheyareverballydenyingit.Aswegetolder,wegetbetteratlying,butatrainedobserver can still spot the signs that say something iswrong, there areissueshere,apersondoesnotappeartobecompletelyforthcoming,orsomeonelacks confidence inwhat he is saying.Manyof those signals or behaviors arecollectedhereinthisbook.

As I grewolder, I came to relymore andmore on nonverbals. I relied onthematschool,insports,ineverythingIdid—evenplayingwithmyfriends.By

thetimeIhadgraduatedfromBrighamYoungUniversity,Ihadcollectedmorethan a decade’s worth of observations. There, for the first time, I was livingamongmanymorecultures(eastEuropeans,Africans,PacificIslanders,NativeAmericans,Chinese,Vietnamese,andJapanese,amongothers) thanIhadseeninMiami,andthisallowedmetomakefurtherobservations.

AtschoolIalsobegantodiscoverthefascinatingscientificunderpinningsofmany of these behaviors. To take just one example: in 1974 I got to seecongenitally blind children playing together. It took my breath away. Thesechildrenhadneverseenotherchildrenyetwereexhibitingbehaviors thatIhadthoughtwere visually learned. Theywere demonstrating “happy feet” and the“steeple” with their hands, despite having never witnessed them. This meantthesebehaviorswerehardwiredintoourDNA,partofourpaleo-circuits—theseveryancientcircuitsthatensureoursurvivalandabilitytocommunicateandarethusuniversal.Throughoutmycollegecareer, I learnedabout theevolutionarybasisofmanyof thesebehaviors,and throughout thisbook, Iwill reveal theseoftensurprisingfactswetakeforgranted.

WHEN I FINISHEDmystudies atBrighamYoungUniversity, I receivedaphonecallaskingmetoapplytotheFBI.Ithoughtitwasajoke,butthenextdaytwomen in suits knocked onmy door and handedme an application andmy lifechanged forever. In those days, itwas not unusual for FBI scouts to look fortalentoncampus.Whymynamewashandedup,orbywho,Ineverlearned.IcantellyouthatIwasmorethanelatedtobeaskedtojointhemostprestigiouslawenforcementagencyintheworld.

Iwasthesecond-youngestagenteverhiredbytheFBI.Attheageoftwenty-threeIhadagainenteredanewworld.ThoughIfeltunpreparedinmanywaystobe an agent, therewasonedomain I hadmastered:nonverbal communication.Thiswas the only areawhere I felt confident. FBIwork is, for themost part,aboutmakingobservations.Yes,therearecrimescenestoprocessandcriminalsto apprehend, but the majority of the job is talking to people, surveillingcriminals,conductinginterviews.AndforthatIwasready.

MycareerintheFBIspannedtwenty-fiveyears,thelastthirteenofwhichIspentintheBureau’seliteNationalSecurityBehavioralAnalysisProgram(NS-BAP).Itwasinthisunit,designedtoanalyzethetopnationalsecuritycases,thatIgot toutilizemynonverbalskillsas ifonsteroids.Thisunit,comprising justsix agents selected from among twelve thousand FBI Special Agents, had toachieve the impossible: identify spies, moles, and hostile intelligence officersseekingtodoharmtotheUnitedStatesunderdiplomaticcover.

Duringmy time in the field I honedmy understanding of body language.

What I observed could never be replicated in a university laboratory.When Ireadscientificjournalsaboutdeceptionandbodylanguage,Icouldtellthattheauthorshadneveractuallyinterviewedapsychopath,aterrorist,a“made”Mafiamember,oranintelligenceofficerfromtheSovietKGB.Theirfindingsmightbetrueinalabsetting,usinguniversitystudents.Buttheyunderstoodlittleof therealworld.NolabcouldreplicatewhatIhadobservedinvivo,andnoresearchercouldapproximatethemorethanthirteenthousandinterviewsIhaddoneinmycareer, the thousands of hours of surveillance video I had observed, and thebehavioral notations that I had made. Twenty-five years in the FBI was mygraduate school; putting multiple spies in prison based on nonverbalcommunicationswasmydissertation.

AFTER RETIRING FROM the FBI, I wanted to share what I knew about bodylanguagewithothers.WhatEveryBODYIsSaying,publishedin2008,wastheproductof thatquest. In thatbooktheconceptsof“comfort”and“discomfort”tookcenterstage,andIunveiled theubiquityof“pacifiers”—suchas touchingour faces or stroking our hair—body behaviorswe use to deal with everydaystress. I also sought to explain where these universal behaviors came from,drawing upon psychological research, evolutionary biology, and culturalcontextstoexplainwhywedothethingswedo.

WhatEveryBODYIsSayingbecameaninternationalbestseller;ithasbeentranslated into dozens of languages and has sold more than a million copiesaroundtheworld.WhenIwroteWhatEveryBODYIsSaying,Ihadnoideahowpopularitwouldbecome.Atmyspeakingengagementsintheyearsfollowingitspublication,Ikepthearingthesamething:peoplewantedmore,andtheywantedit inamoreeasilyaccessibleformat.Whatmanyreadersaskedforwasafieldguideofsorts,aquickreferencemanualforbehaviors theymightencounter inday-to-daylife.

TheDictionaryofBodyLanguageisthatfieldguide.Organizedbyareasofthebody—movingfromtheheaddownto thefeet—itcontainsmore thanfourhundredofthemostimportantbody-languageobservationsIhavemadeoverthecourseofmycareer.Myhope is that reading throughTheDictionaryofBodyLanguagewillgiveyou thesame insight intohumanbehavior that IandotherFBI agents have used to decode human behavior. Of course, we have used itwhenquestioningsuspectsofcrime.ButyoucanuseitasIhaveeverydaysinceIcametothiscountry—tomorefullyunderstandthoseweinteractwithatworkor at play. In social relationships, I can thinkofnobetterway to comprehendyour friends or partners than by studying the primary means by which wecommunicate—nonverbally.

Ifyouhaveeverwonderedwhywedothethingswedo,orwhataparticularbehavior means, my hope is to satisfy your curiosity. As you go through thedictionary,actoutthebehaviorsthatyoureadaboutandgetasenseforhowtheyappearaswellastheyfeel.Byactingtheseout,youwillbetterrememberthemthenexttimeyouseethem.Ifyouarelikemeandenjoypeoplewatching,ifyouwanttodiscernwhatpeoplearethinking,feeling,desiring,fearing,orintending,whetheratwork,athome,orintheclassroom,readon.

TheHead

Allbehavior,ofcourse,originatesfrominsidethehead.Thebrainisconstantlyatwork,whetheronaconsciousorsubconsciouslevel.Thesignals thatgooutfromthebrainregulatetheheart,breathing,digestion,andmanyotherfunctions—but the exterior of the head is tremendously important as well. The hair,forehead,eyebrows,eyes,nose,lips,ears,andchinallcommunicateintheirownway—fromourgeneralhealth toemotionaldistress.Andsowebeginwith thepart of the body that, from the timewe are born untilwe die,we look to foruseful information—first as parents, later as friends, work mates, lovers—torevealforuswhatisinthemind.

1. HEADADORNMENT—Headadornmentisusedacrossallculturesforavarietyofreasons.Itcancommunicateleadershipstatus(NativeAmericanchiefs’featherheaddresses),occupation(ahardhatorminer’shat),socialstatus(abowlerhatoranYvesSaintLaurentpillboxhat),hobbies(bicycleorrock-climbinghelmet),religion(cardinal’scap,Jewishyarmulke),orallegiance(favoritesportsteam,laborunion).Headadornmentsmayofferinsightintoindividuals:wheretheyfitinsociety,theirallegiances,theirsocioeconomicstatus,what theybelieve,how they see themselves,or even thedegree towhichtheydefyconvention.

2. HAIR—Sittingconvenientlyon topof thehead,ourhairconveys somuchwhenitcomestononverbalcommunication.Healthyhair issomethingallhumanslookfor,evenonasubconsciouslevel.Hairthatisdirty,unkempt,pulledout,oruncaredformaysuggestpoorhealthorevenmental illness.Hairattracts,entices,conforms,repels,orshocks.Itcanevencommunicatesomething about our careers; as renowned anthropologist David Givensputs it, hair often serves as an “unofficial résumé,” revealing where oneranksinanorganization.Andinmanycultureshairiscriticaltodatingandromance.Peopletendtofollowbothculturalnormsandcurrenttrendswiththeirhair;iftheyignorethesesocietalstandards,theystandout.

3. PLAYINGWITHHAIR—Playingwithourhair(twirling,twisting,stroking)isa pacifying behavior. It ismost frequently utilized bywomen andmight

indicate either a good mood (while reading or relaxing) or stress (whenwaiting for an interview, for example, or experiencing a bumpy flight).Notethatwhenthepalmofthehandfacestheheaditismorelikelytobeapacifier,asopposedtothepalm-outorientationdiscussedbelow.Pacifyingbehaviors soothe us psychologicallywhenwe feel stress or anxiety; theyalsohelpus topass the time.Aswegrowolderwegofrompacifyingbysucking our thumbs to such behaviors as lip biting, nail biting, or facialstroking.

4. PLAYINGWITHHAIR (PALMOUT)—Whenwomen playwith their hairwiththepalmofthehandfacingout,itismoreofapublicdisplayofcomfort—asign that they are content and confident around others.We usually onlyexposetheundersideofourwriststootherswhenwearecomfortableoratease.Thisisoftenseenindatingscenarioswherethewomanwillplaywithherhair,palmout,whiletalkingtosomeoneinwhomsheisinterested.

5. RUNNINGFINGERSTHROUGHHAIR(MEN)—Whenstressed,menwillruntheirfingersthroughtheirhairbothtoventilatetheirheads(thisletsairintocoolthevascularsurfaceofthescalp)andtostimulatethenervesoftheskinastheypressdown.Thiscanalsobeasignofconcernordoubt.

6. VENTILATINGHAIR(WOMEN)—Theventilatingofhairisapowerfulpacifier,relievingbothheat and stress.Womenventilate theirhairdifferently thanmen. Women lift up the hair at the back of their neck quickly whenconcerned,upset,stressed,orflustered.Iftheydoitrepeatedly,mostlikelytheyareoverlystressed.Nevertheless,wecannotdiscountoverheatingduetophysicalactivityorambienttemperatureasacause.Mentendtoventilateonthetopoftheheadbyrunningtheirfingersthroughthehair.

7. HAIR FLIPPING/TOUCHING—Hair flipping, touching, or pulling is commonwhen we are trying to attract the attention of a potential mate. Themovementofthehandasittouchesthehairisoftendeemedattractive(notemost any hair commercial). Our orientation reflex (OR), a primitivereaction that alerts us to any movement, is especially attuned to handmovements—something magicians have always counted on. A handreaching for the hair can draw our attention even from across the room.Incidentally,theorientationreflexoperatesonsuchasubconsciouslevel,itisevenseenincomapatientsastheeyestrackmovement.

8. HAIRPULLING—The intentionaland repetitivepullingoutofhair iscalledtrichotillomania.Hairpullingismoreoftenseeninchildrenandteenagerswhoareexperiencingstress,butitisalsooccasionallyseeninadults.Mentendtopluckhairfromthecornersoftheireyebrows,whilewomenarefarmorewide-ranging: plucking their eyelids, head hair, eyebrows, and armhair.This is a stress response; evenbirdswill pull out their own featherswhen stressed. The repetitive pulling out of the hair, like a nervous tic,pacifies by stimulating nerve endings; unfortunately, when it becomessevere,itrequiresmedicalintervention.

9. HEADNODDING—Duringconversationsnoddingservestoaffirm,usuallyincadence,thatthepersonishearingandreceptivetoamessage.Generally,itsignals agreement, except in those situations where the head nodding isaccompaniedbylippursing(see#154),whichmightsuggestdisagreement.

10. HEADNODDING (CONTRADICTION)—Weusually see this in young children,as when a parent asks a child “Did you break the lamp?” and the childanswers “No” but nods. This contradictory behavior betrays the truth. Ihaveseenthiswithkids,teenagers,andevenadults.

11. HEAD PATTING, BACK OF HEAD—When we are perplexed or mentallyconflicted,weoften findourselvespatting thebackof our headwithonehand, perhaps even stroking our hair downward as we struggle for ananswer.Thisbehaviorissoothingbecauseofboththetactilesensationandthewarmth that is generated. Likemost hand-to-body touching, this is apacifyingbehaviorthatreducesstressoranxiety.

12. HEAD SCRATCHING—Head scratching soothes uswhenwe have doubts orfeel frustrated, stressed, or concerned. You see it with people trying torememberinformationorwhentheyareperplexed.Thisexplainswhyitisoftenseenbyteachersasstudentspondera testquestion.Veryrapidheadscratchingoftensignalshighstressorconcern.Itcanalsosignalthepersonisconflictedastowhattodonext.

13. HEAD STROKING—Beyond the function of keeping one’s hair in place,peoplewillstroketheirhairwiththepalmofthehandtosoothethemselveswhen stressed or confronted with a dilemma or while pondering how toansweraquestion.This isnotdissimilar toamothercomfortingherchildby stroking the child’s head. This pacifying behavior can have an

immediate calming effect.Oncemore, this behaviormay signal doubt orconflict,especiallyifdonetothebackofthehead.

14. HEAD SCRATCHING WITH TUMMY RUBBING—The simultaneous rubbing ofthe belly and the head indicates doubt or wonder. It can also signalinsecurityorincredulity.Interestingly,manyprimatesdothisaswell.

15. INTERLACED FINGERS BEHIND HEAD, ELBOWS UP—The interlacing of thefingersbehindtheheadwiththeelbowsoutiscalled“hooding”becausethepersonlookslikeacobrawhenithoods—makingthepersonseembigger.This isa territorialdisplaywedowhencomfortableand incharge.Whenwe hood, the interlaced fingers behind the head are both comforting andsoothing,while theelbowsoutprojectconfidence.Hoodingisrarelydonewhensomeoneofhigherstatusispresent.

16. REACHINGFORHEAD(STUPEFIED)—Peoplewhoareshocked,indisbelief,orstupefiedmight suddenly reach for theirheadwithbothhands so that thehandsareneartheearsbutnottouchingthem,withtheelbowsouttowardthe front.Theymighthold thisposition for several secondsas they try tomake sense of what happened. This primitive, self-protective responsemight followwhensomeonehasmadeamajor fauxpas, suchasadrivercrashingintohisownmailbox,oraplayerrunningtowardthewronggoalline.

17. INTERLACINGFINGERSONTOPOFHEAD—Usuallyperformedwiththepalmsdown,thisbehaviorstandsoutbecauseitisintendedtocovertheheadandyet the elbows are usually out and wide. We see this when people areoverwhelmed,atanimpasse,orstruggling,whentherehasbeenacalamity(after hurricanes or tornados by thosewho lost property), orwhen thingsare not going their way. Note the position of the elbows: as things getworse, they tend to draw closer together in front of the face almostunnaturally,asifinavise.Alsonotethepressure:theworsethesituation,the greater the downward pressure of the hands. This behavior is quitedifferentfrom“hooding”(see#15),wherethepalmsareplacedonthebackoftheheadandthepersonisquiteconfident.

18. HATLIFTING(VENTILATING)—Undersuddenstress,peoplemaysuddenlyliftup their hat to ventilate their head.This oftenoccurswhen receivingbadnews, during an argument, or after a heated moment. From a safety

perspective,beawarethatinsituationsofhighanger(e.g.,trafficaccidentsor road-rage incidents),disrobing(removinghats, shirts, sunglasses)oftenprecedesafight.

TheForehead

From the timewe are babies, we begin to scan the forehead for information.Evenat just a fewmonthsof age, infantswill respond to the furrowson theirmother’s forehead—perceiving it as something negative. This small spacebetween thebridgeof thenose and thehairline reveals toothers, in real time,howwearefeeling.Itisaremarkablepartofthebodycloselyconnectedtothebrain, which allows us to communicate sentiments quickly, accurately, andprominently.

19. FOREHEAD TENSION—On some individuals, stress manifests as suddentensionoftheforehead,aresultofthestiffeningandtensingofunderlyingmuscles. The face has more than twenty distinct muscle groups that cancreatemorethanfour thousanddistinctexpressions,accordingtoDr.PaulEkman.Sixmusclesinparticular,includingthelargeoccipitofrontalis,theprocerus,andthetemporalis,accountforthetighteningorfurrowingoftheforeheadwhenwearestressed.Obviously,onehastoseepeopleinacalmenvironment togetabaselinereadontheirforehead,butwhenpeoplearestressed, tension of the forehead is frequently very noticeable and is anexcellentindicatorthatsomethingiswrong.

20. FOREHEAD FURROWING—Furrowing of the forehead in response to astimulus is usually a good indicator that something is amiss, there areissues,orapersonisinsecure.Itisalsoseenwhenpeopleareconcentratingortryingtomakesenseofsomething.Furrowingoftheforeheadisusuallyassociated with doubt, tension, anxiety, or concern. Keep in mind thatBotox,whichmanyuseforcosmeticpurposestoobscurestresslinesontheforehead,mightmasktruesentiments.

21. BOTOXED FOREHEAD (ISSUES)—Both men and women are now takingadvantageofBotoxinjectionstoerasestresslinesontheirforeheads.Thishas created problems for couples and even for children who wouldnormally look to the forehead for information as to how a personmightfeel.Babiesasyoungasfourweeksoldwillrespondtoafurrowedforeheadassomethingnegative.Interestingly,bothchildrenandadultshavereported

aninabilitytoreadtheirparentsortheirspouseswhohaveusedBotoxforemotionalcuesaseasilyastheycouldbefore.

22. STRESSLINES—Onsomeindividuals,theirlifestrugglesaremarkedbydeepgroovesontheirforehead,evenatayoungage.Lifeexperiencesoftenetchourforeheadswithlines,furrows,andotherindentations.Theforeheadcanreflectadifficultorstressfullifeoralifethathasbeenspentoutdoorsinthesun,whichtendstomakeforeheadmarkingsmoreprevalent.

23. FOREHEADSWEATING—Ifthedegreeofstressishighenough,somepeoplebegin to spontaneously sweat. Sweating is very individual. Some sweatprofuselywiththeirfirstsipofcoffee,orclimbingaflightofstairs,somakesure to get a baseline of this behavior before jumping to any conclusion.Baseline behaviors are those behaviorswe equatewith “normal,”when apersonisnotstressedoroverlyaffectedbyemotions.

24. TEMPLE VEIN THROBBING—When a person is under stress, the superficialtemporal veins (those nearest the skin on the sides of our heads and justbehindtheeyes)mightpulseorthrobvisibly.Itisaveryaccurateindicatorofautonomicarousalduetoanxiety,concern,fear,anger,or,occasionally,excitement.Autonomic arousal is the brain’sway of automatically goinginto survivalmode—compelling theheart and the lungs towork faster inanticipationofphysicalactivitysuchasrunningorfighting.

25. FOREHEADMASSAGING—Wetendtomassageourforeheadswhenwehaveheadaches(literally),whenweareprocessinginformation,orwhenwehaveworries, concerns, doubts, or anxiety. It is a pacifying behavior, whichhelpstosoothetensionorapprehension.

26. POINTING AT FOREHEAD—Pointing a finger at the forehead or making ascrewing motion with the finger while pointing at the forehead is veryinsulting—itmeansthattheobserverisillinformed,stupid,orcrazy.Thisis a culturally based cue, generally seen in Germany, Switzerland, andAustria,whereitisveryoffensive,andsometimesintheU.S.Becauseitisinsultingitshouldbeavoided.

27. PRESSINGHANDONFOREHEAD—Pressingthehandflatagainsttheforeheadhelpsrelievetensioncausedbystress,doubt,orinsecurity.Thisisdifferentfrom slapping the hand on the forehead; it looks as though the person is

tryingtopushhisheadbackward.Aswithsomanyotherbehaviors,thisisintended to soothe the individual psychologically through tactile pressureontheskin.

28. PUZZLED LOOK—The area between the eyes is pulled together, oftencausingfurrowingorknittingoftheeyebrows.Theeyesmaysquintorlookaway,andsometimestheheadiscantedslightly to theside.Weoftenseethisdistressedlookwhensomeoneisstrugglingwithsomethingmentallyortrying towork throughaproblem. Itusually results fromahighcognitiveload(arduousthinkingorrecalling).

29. COVERINGFOREHEADWITHHAT—Stressorembarrassmentwillcausesometoactuallycover their foreheadwithheadgear (ahat,visor,orhood).Wegenerallyseethisinchildrenandteenagersbutalsosometimesinadults.Ihaveoftenwatcheddriversdo thiswhenbeing ticketedforspeeding. It isalmostasiftheyaretryingtohideinshame.

TheEyebrows

Theeyebrowsliejustabovethesupraorbitalarchesoftheeyesocketsandserveavarietyofpurposes.Theyprotectoureyesfromdust,light,andmoisture,butthey also communicate how we feel. From an early age we rely on people’seyebrows to help us interpret their facial expressions. And in many cultures,eyebrowsare an aesthetic concern: something tobe tweezed, shaped, plucked,colored, highlighted,waxed, stylized, removed, or extenuated.Like the rest ofour face, the eyebrows are controlled by a variety of muscles (corrugatorsuperciliiprincipally,butalso thenasalisand levator labiisuperiorisfromournose), and thus can be very expressive and communicate exquisitely ourfeelings.

30. EYEBROW ARCHING/FLASHING (HAPPY)—Eyebrow arching or flashingconveys excitement (such as when greeting a close friend) or therecognitionofsomethingpleasing.Wearchourbrowsinlessthanone-fifthofasecond.Itisagravity-defyingbehavior,asitisperformedinanupwarddirection, and as with most gravity-defying behaviors, it signifiessomething positive. Babies just a few months old light up when theirmotherflasheshereyebrows.Hereisagreatbehaviortoletothersknowwecareandarehappytoseethem.Ahappyeyebrowflashcanbeimmenselyusefulandpowerfulineverydaysituationsbothathomeandatwork.

31. EYEBROW GREETINGS—We flash our eyebrows when we recognizesomeone we know and cannot speak up at that moment, or simply torecognize a person’s presence, with or without a smile, depending oncircumstances.Wearequicktonoticewhenthiscourtesyisnotextendedtous, for example,whenwe enter a store and the clerkmakes no effort toestablishanykindofeyecontact.Wecanletothersknowwevaluethem,thoughwemaybeoccupied,withaverysimpleeyebrowflash.

32. EYEBROWARCHING (TENSE)—Thisoccurswhenaperson ispresentedwithan unwanted surprise or shock. Coupled with other behaviors such as atensefaceorlipcompression,itcanletusknowsomeonehasexperiencedsomething very negative. It is the tension in themuscles that control the

eyebrows that differentiates this behavior from the eyebrow greetingdescribedaboveanditisheldforafewsecondslonger.

33. EYEBROWARCHING(CHINTOWARDNECK)—Wearchoureyebrowswithourmouths closed, chin toward the neck when we hear something weimmediately question or are very surprised to hear or learn. When wewitnessanembarrassingsituationwealsoemploythisbehavior,asiftosay,“I heard that and I didn’t like it.” It is a look teachers often give tomisbehavingstudents.

34. EYEBROWASYMMETRY—People use this signalwhen they have doubts oruncertainty. One eyebrow will arch high, while the other remains in thenormal position or sinks lower. Asymmetry signals that the person isquestioning or doubting what is being said. The actor Jack Nicholson isfamousforquestioningwhatotherssay,on-andoffscreen,bythismethod.

35. EYEBROW NARROWING/KNITTING—The area between the eyes and justabove the nose is called the glabella, and when the glabella becomesnarroworfurrowed,itusuallymeansthereisanissue,concern,ordislike.This universal signmayhappen very quickly and thus can be difficult todetect,butitisanaccuratereflectionofsentiments.Somepeoplewillknittheirbrowwhentheyhearsomethingtroublingoraretryingtomakesenseof what they’re being told. The sentiment is communicated with the ><emoji.

TheEyes

Oureyesare thevisualgateway to theworldaroundus.Fromthemomentweare born, we are scanning for information in familiar faces, movement ornovelty,color,shading,symmetry,andalwaysfortheaestheticallypleasing.Ourvisualcortex,largeinproportiontotherestofthebrain,seeksnoveltyandnewexperiences.Our eyes show love and compassion aswell as fear and disdain.Welcomingorjoyouseyescanmakeourday.Buteyescanalsoletusknowthatsomethingiswrong,thatthereareworriesorconcerns.Eyescanownaroomorcower inacrowdof strangers.Weadornoureyes toattractandavert them toavoid.Theyareusuallythefirstthingwenoticeinothers,whichiswhywhenababy isbornwe spend somuch time lookingat the eyes.Perhapsbecausewetrulyarelookingthroughthewindowtotheirsoul.

36. PUPILDILATION—Whenwearecomfortableorlikesomethingorsomeonewe encounter, our pupils dilate. We have no control over this. Whencouplesareateasearoundeachothertheirpupilsdilateastheireyestrytosoakupasmuch light aspossible.This iswhydimly lit restaurants areagood place tomeet, as it naturally softens the eyes andmakes the pupilslarger—aneffectthatmakesusrelaxevenmorearoundothers.

37. PUPIL CONSTRICTION—Our pupils constrict when we see something wedon’t likeorwhenwehavenegativeemotions.Pupilconstrictioniseasierto detect in light-colored eyes. Pupils suddenly shrinking to pinpointssuggest something negative has just transpired. Interestingly, our braingoverns this activity to make sure that our eyes are focused in times ofdistress, as the smaller the aperture, the greater the clarity. This is whysquintingimprovesfocus.

38. RELAXEDEYES—Relaxedeyessignalcomfortandconfidence.Whenweareatease,themusclesaroundtheeyes,theforehead,andthecheeksrelax—buttheminutewearestressedorsomethingbothersus,theybecometense.Babies often demonstrate this quite strikingly, as their facial musclessuddenlyscrunchupbeforetheybegintocry.Whentryingtointerpretanybody-language behavior, always refer back to the eyes for congruence. If

the orbits (eye sockets) look relaxed, chances are all iswell. If suddenlythere is tension around the eyes or squinting, the person is focusing ormightbestressed.Themusclesoftheeyesandthesurroundingtissuereactto stressors much more quickly than other facial muscles do, offeringalmostimmediateinsightintoaperson’smentalstate.

39. EYE SOCKET NARROWING—When we feel stressed, upset, threatened, orother negative emotions, the orbits of the eyes will narrow due to thecontraction of underlyingmuscles. The brain immediatelymakes the eyeorbitssmaller inresponse toapprehension,concern,ordoubt. It isagoodindicatorthatthereisanissueorsomethingiswrong.

40. QUIVERING UNDER EYES—The tiny muscles directly under the eyes (theinferiorundersideof theObicularisoculi)and justabove thecheekbones,aswellasthesurroundingtissue,canbeverysensitivetostress.Whenthereisconcern,anxiety,orfear,thesesoftareaswillquiverortwitch,revealingtheperson’strueemotionalstate.

41. BLINK RATE—Blink rates can vary depending on environment and theamount of stress or arousal a person is experiencing. Each individual isdifferent,butatypicalrateisbetweensixteenandtwentyblinksperminute,depending on lighting conditions and humidity. People looking atcomputersblinkless(manyofwhomcomplainofdryeyesoreyeinfections—tearshaveantibacterialproperties),whilethosewhoworkwherethereisdustorpollenwillblinkmore.Also,beawarethatwearingcontact lensescan increase how often we blink. When we are around someone whoarousesus,ourblinkratealsotendstoincrease.

42. FREQUENT BLINKING—People who are nervous, tense, or stressed willgenerallyblinkmore rapidly than thosewhoarenot.Frequentblinking iserroneouslyassociatedwithdeception.Itisonlyindicativeofstressorotherfactorsnotedaboveaseven thehonestblinkmore frequentlywhenbeingquestionedaggressively.

43. EYE CONTACT—Eye contact is governed by cultural norms and personalpreferences.Insomeculturesitispermissibletolookatsomeoneforthreetofourseconds,whileinothersanythingbeyondtwosecondsisconsideredrude.Culturealsodetermineswhocanlookatwhom.EveninAmerica,eyecontact is determined bywhat area of the country you are from. InNew

YorkCity,staringatsomeoneformorethanasecondandahalfmightbeperceivedasanaffront.Particularethnicandculturalgroupshavetheirownnorms. For instance, many African American and Hispanic children aretaughttolookdownwhenaddressedbyelders,asaformofrespect.

44. EYEAVOIDANCE—Weavoideyecontactwhen it is inconvenient to talk tosomeone,orwhenwefindapersonunlikable,obnoxious,orrepressive.Inprison,forexample,inmateswillavoideyecontactwithjailersorinmatesknown to be aggressive. Eye avoidance can be temporary or long term.Temporarily,peoplemightavert theireyeswhenapersondoessomethingembarrassing. And in the United States, unlike other parts of the world,whenweareincloseproximity,asinanelevator,wetendtoavoidmakingeyecontactwithstrangersandevenwiththoseweknow,especiallyifthereare strangers present. Eye avoidance is not indicative of deception, but itcanindicateshameorembarrassment.

45. GAZE SUPERIORITY—All over the world, studies have shown that high-status individuals engage in more eye contact, while both speaking andlistening.Lesspowerfulpeople tend tomakemoreeyecontactwith thesehigher-status individualswhile listeningbut lesswhile speaking. In Japanas well as other Asian Pacific countries this is even more pronounced.Incidentally,wetendtofavorindividualswhomakedirecteyecontactwithus, especially if they are of higher status. Eye contact from high socialstatusindividuals,moviestars,forinstance,makesusfeelfavored.

46. EYE-CONTACTSEEKING—Whenweareinterestedinstartingaconversation,whetherinasocialoradatingenvironment,wewillactivelyscanuntilwemakeeyecontactthatsays“Iamhere—pleasetalktome.”

47. GAZE AND SENTIMENTS—Around the world, those who study dating cueshavenotedthatoftentimesthefirstcluethatpeople’sfeelingforeachotherhave changed is how they look at each other. Long before words areexchanged,thelookofincreasedinteresttelegraphsthattherelationshipischanging from friendly tomore intimate. How JulieAndrews (asMaria)begantochangethewayshelookedatChristopherPlummer(CaptainVonTrapp) in the movie The Sound of Music or how Emma Stone (Mia)changedthewayshelookedatRyanGosling’scharacter(Sebastian)inLaLa Land is emblematic of how our gaze changes to reflect our changingsentimentbeforeourwordsdo.Itistrueinreallifeaswellasinthemovies.

48. GAZEENGAGING—Thisisabehaviorintendedtogettheattentionofanotherpersoninawarmorromanticway.Whatmakesthisbehaviorstandoutisthe softness of the face and the repeated attempts to connect, eye to eye,alwayswithagentlenessof theeyes,face,andmouth.Wemostoftenseethisindatingsettings,whereitletstheotherpersonknowyouareinterestedin furthercontactorproximity. Ihaveseenstrangersengagegazesacrossbroadspaces,communicatingtheiryearning.

49. GAZING VERSUS STARING—There is a big difference between gazing atsomeone and staring at someone. Staring tends to be more impersonal,distant, or confrontational, signaling that we find someone suspicious,alarming,orodd.Ontheotherhand,gazingsignalsthatwetakecomfortinsomeone,amuchmore invitingbehavior.Whenwestareweareonalert;when we gaze we are intrigued, even welcoming. Staring can triggeroffense,especiallyinclosequarterssuchasabusorsubway.

50. CLOSED EYES—During a meeting, someone with closed eyes that take alongtimetoopenorthatsuddenlyshutandremainsoforlongerthanusualis probably having issues. It is a blocking behavior that reveals dislike,concern, disbelief, or worries—some form of psychological discomfort.Longdelaysineyeopeningrevealdeepconcern.Conversely,inanintimatesetting,closedeyessay,“Itrustyou,Iamblockingeverythingelseout,andI am in themomentwithmy other senses.”Notably, even children bornblindwillcovertheireyeswhentheyhearthingstheydon’tlikeortheyfindtroubling.

51. EYES CLOSING FOR EMPHASIS—Oftentimes, when we want to emphasizesomethingoragreeincongruence,wewillclosetheeyeseversobriefly.Itisawayofaffirmingwhat isbeingsaid.Aswithallbehaviors,context iskeytoensureitisnotareflectionofdisagreement.

52. COVERINGOFEYES—Suddencoveringoftheeyeswithahandorfingersisablockingbehaviorassociatedwithanegativeevent,suchas therevelationofbadnewsorthreateninginformation.Italsoindicatesnegativeemotions,worry,or lackof confidence.Youalso see itwithpeoplewhohavebeencaughtdoingsomethingwrong.AsInoteabove,congenitallyblindchildrenwillalsodothis,thoughtheycannotexplainwhy;clearlythisbehaviorhasanancientevolutionarybasis.

53. EYESCLOSED,RUBBINGBRIDGEOFNOSE—Individualswhoclosetheireyesandrubthebridgeoftheirnoseatthesametimearetransmittingthattheyareconcernedorworried.This isbothablockingbehaviorandapacifier,usuallyassociatedwithnegativeemotions,dislike,insecurities,concern,oranxiety.

54. CRYING—Crying serves a variety of personal as well as social purposes,most notably providing a cathartic emotional release. Unfortunately,childrenalsolearnquicklythatcryingcanbeusedasatooltomanipulate,andsomeadultsdon’thesitate touse it similarly. Inobservingaperson’sbehavior, crying should not be given anymoreweight than other signalsthat a person is having a hard time. Crying, if it occurs with greatfrequency, can also let us knowwhen someone is clinically depressed orstrugglingpsychologically.

55. CRYINGWHILECLUTCHINGOBJECTS—Individualswhocrywhileclutchingat their neck, necklace, or shirt collar are likely undergoingmore seriousnegativeemotionsthanapersonmerelycrying.

56. EYES DARTING—Eyes that dart back and forth feverishly are usuallyassociatedwiththeprocessingofnegativeinformation,doubt,anxiety,fear,orconcern.Usethisbehaviorinconjunctionwithotherinformationsuchasfacial tension or chin withdrawal (see #184) to provide a more accurateassessment. It shouldbenoted that somepeoplewill dart their eyesbackandforthastheyanalyzeasituation,consideroptions,orthinkofsolutions.Thisbehavioraloneisnotitselfindicativeofdeception.

57. EYE-ACCESSINGCUES—Asweprocessathought,anemotion,oraquestionposedtous,wetendtolooklaterally,downward,orupandtotheside.Thisis referred toasconjugate lateraleyemovement (CLEM) in the scientificliterature.Therehasbeenamythfordecades,nowwelldebunkedbymorethan twenty studies, that a person looking away or to the side whileanswering a question is being deceptive. All we can say when someonelooksinacertaindirectionastheyprocessaquestionorastheyanswerit,isthattheyarethinking—itisnotperseindicativeofdeception.

58. EYELIDSFLUTTERING—Suddeneyelidflutteringsuggests thatsomething iswrong or that a person is struggling with something (think of the actorHughGrant,whooftenfluttershiseyeson-screenwhenhehasissuesorhas

messed something up). People often flutter their eyes when they arestruggling to find the rightword or can’t believewhat they just heard orwitnessed.Incredulityisoftenobservedaseyelidfluttering.

59. EYE POINTING—In some cultures an index finger just under an eyecommunicatesdoubtorsuspicion.Butmanypeopleacrossculturesalsodothissubconsciouslyintheformofalightscratchingmotionastheyponderorquestionsomethingbeingsaid.Whentravelingabroad,asklocalsifthismeansanythingspecial.InRomania,Iwastoldthatthefingerundertheeyewasasignoftenusedtocommunicate“Becareful,wedon’ttrusteveryonewhoislistening.”

60. EYE-POINTING CLUSTER—Pointing of the index finger just under the eye(see #59) clustered with eyebrow arching and compressed lipssimultaneously conveys doubt, bewilderment, or incredulity. This isespeciallyaccurateifthechinistuckedinratherthanjuttedout.

61. EYEROLLING—Rollingoftheeyescommunicatescontempt,disagreement,ordislike.Childrenoftendoit to theirparents tocommunicatecontentionorrebellion.Ithasnoplaceinaprofessionalsetting.

62. EYELIDTOUCHING—Eyelidtouchingcanbeaformofeyeblockingcoupledwithtensionrelief.Oftenwhenpeoplesaysomethingtheyshouldn’thave,people nearby will touch or scratch their closed eyelid—this is a goodindicator that something improper was uttered. You see this often withpoliticianswhenonemisspeaksandanothercatchesit.

63. FATIGUEDEYES—Fatigueusuallyshowsintheeyesfirst.Theeyesandthearea around them look strained, puffy, weathered, even discolored. Thismay be due to long hours working; external factors, such as stress; orcrying.

64. FAR-OFF LOOK—When alone, or even in conversationwith others, staringinto the distance, avoiding distractions, allows some people to think orcontemplate more effectively. This may be a signal not to interruptsomeonewhentheyaredeepinthoughtorrecollection.

65. GLAZED EYES—Any number of things can cause the eyes to look glazed,includingdrugssuchasmarijuanaandalcoholaswellasmoredangeroussubstances.Whentryingtoassesswhetherapersonisunder the influence

of drugs or alcohol, an observer will want to take other behaviors intoconsideration,suchasslurredspeechorslownesstorespond.

66. LOOKINGASKANCE—Looking askance (sideways) is often used to show aperson’s doubt, reluctance to commit, disregard, suspiciousness, or evencontempt. It is a universal look that reflects disbelief, concerns, orincredulity.

67. LOOKINGATCEILINGORSKY—Weoften see thisdramatic lookupwardatthesky,withtheheadtiltedback,whensuddenlythingsseemimpossibleorapersonhashadarunofbadluck.Weseethis insports,suchaswhenagolfermisses a putt. It is a lookof disbelief, as if imploring someoneonhigh,intheheavens,tohelpusortakepityonus.Thisbehaviordoeshavesomeutility;stresscausestensionoftheneck,whichthispositioncanhelprelievebystretchingthesternocleidomastoidmusclesoftheneck.

68. LOOKINGFORACCEPTANCE—Whenindividualslackconfidenceorlie,theytend to scrutinize their audience, scanning faces to see if they are beingbelieved.Thisbehaviorisnotnecessarilydemonstrativeofdeception,onlyof seeking acceptance for what is said. A rule of thumb: the truth tellermerelyconveys,whiletheliaroftentriestoconvince.

69. EYESLOWERED—Thisisdifferentfromeyeavoidanceinthattheindividualdoesnotbreakeyecontactbut rather showsdeference,piety,humility,orcontritenessbyslightlyloweringtheeyessothateyecontactisnotdirectorintense.Thisisoftenculturebased,andweseeitfrequentlywithchildrenwhoare taughtnot to lookbackateldersorauthority figureswhenbeingchastised. Black and Latino children are often taught to look down as aform of respect, which should in no circumstances be confused for anattempt to deceive. In Japan it is rude to stare intently at the eyes of aperson you meet for the first time; at a minimum, the eyelids must beloweredoutofsocialdeference.

70. SAD EYES—Eyes look sad, dejected, or depressedwhen the upper eyelidsdroopandseemtohavenoenergy.The lookmaybesimilar,however, toeyelidsdroopingfromfatigue.

71. LOOKING AWAY—Looking away when conversing has to be viewed incontext. When there is psycho logical comfort, such as when talking to

friends, we may feel relaxed enough to look away as we tell a story orremember something from the past.Many individuals find looking awayhelpsthemrecalldetails.Lookingawayisnotanindicationofdeceptionorlying.

72. LONG STARE—In conversations, silence is often accompanied by a longstare.Itcanbedirectedatapersonoratsomethinginthedistance;itmerelyindicatesthatthepersonisindeepthoughtorprocessinginformation.

73. SQUINTING—Squinting is an easy way to register displeasure or concern,especially when we hear or see something we don’t like. Some peoplesquintwhenevertheyhearsomethingbothersome,makingthisanaccuratereflectionoftheirfeelings.Butkeepinmindthatwealsosquintwhenwearesimplyfocusingonsomethingortryingtomakesenseofsomethingwehaveheard,socontextiscrucialininterpretingthisbehavior.

74. SQUINTING (SLIGHT)—Often when we are subduing anger we will squintslightlywith loweredeyelids.Thisbehavior (narrowingof the slitsof theeyes) must be considered in context with other behaviors such as facialtensionor,inextremecircumstances,themakingofafist.

75. STARINGAGGRESSIVELY—Astarecanintimidateorserveasthepreludetoan altercation.Aggression is signaled by the laser-like focus on the eyes,with no attempt to look away or even blink. Interestingly, other primatesalsoengageinthisbehaviorwhenobservingbehaviorsthatarenottoleratedorwhenthereisabouttobeaphysicalconfrontation.

76. ANGRYEYES—Anger isusuallydisplayedbyaconstellationof facialcuesbeginningwiththedistinctivenarrowingoftheeyesnearthenose(likethis:>< ), coupledwithawrinkledordilatednoseandsometimes thepullingbackofthelipstorevealclenchedteeth.

77. EYES WIDENING (STIFF)—Eyes that remain wide usually indicate stress,surprise, fear,orasignificant issue. If theeyes remainstifflywide longerthan usual, something is definitely wrong. This is usually caused by anexternalstimulus.

78. EYE ADORNMENT—Since the time of the Egyptian pyramids, women andmenacross theglobehaveadorned their eyes (eyelids,under theeye, thesides,etc.)withavarietyofcolors tomakethemselvesmoreaesthetically

appealing.Usinginks,dyes,minerals,andoils,peoplehavemadethispartof their cultural traditions, and it has been passed down to our modernsocietyforareason:itworks.Weareattractedtoeyes,evenmoresowhentheyareadornedwithcolors.Wearealsoattractedtolong,thickeyelashes—something that mostly women but some men accentuate to makethemselvesmoreappealing.

TheEars

Cute ears, little ears, sagging ears, deformed ears, big ears, perforated ears,adorned ears. Our ears stick out—sometimes quite literally—and serve someobviouspracticalfunctions,fromcollectinginformationthroughsoundwavestohelping us dissipate heat.But the ears have other utilities youmight not havethought about, offering significant nonverbal communication. We know fromresearch that in the early stages of a relationship, lovers spend time studyingeachother’sears—howtheyareshaped,howwarmtheyare,howtheyrespondtohumantouchandevenemotions.Theearscommunicatemuchmorethanwethink,andinwaysthatcanbequitesurprising.

79. EARLOBE PULLING OR MASSAGING—Pulling on or massaging the earlobetends to have a subtle, soothing effect when we are stressed or merelycontemplating something. I also associate earlobe rubbing with doubt,hesitation,orweighingofoptions.Insomeculturesitmeansthatapersonhas reservationsor is not sure aboutwhat isbeing said.ActorHumphreyBogartwasnotoriousforplayingwithhisearlobeasheponderedquestions.

80. EARFLUSHINGORBLUSHING—Sudden,noticeableflushingoftheskinoftheear, aswithotherpartsof thebody (face,neck)maybecausedbyanger,embarrassment, hormonal changes, reactions to medicine, or autonomicarousalcausedbyfearoranxiety.Theskincoveringtheearturnspink,red,or purplish. The skinmight also feel hot to the touch. Just having one’spersonal space violated might cause this reaction. Most people have nocontrol over skin blushing (hyperemia) and for some it is veryembarrassing.

81. EAR LEANING—Turning or leaning our ear toward a speaker conveys thatwe are listening intently,wewant something repeated, orwe are hard ofhearing. This may be followed by cupping of the ear to literally collectmoresound. Indating,wewillallowsomeonewe like intimately todrawnearourear,especiallywhenitisextendedinthatperson’sdirection.

82. LISTENING—Activelisteningisanessentialnonverbal inbothprofessional

andpersonalsettings.Itcommunicatesthatweareinterested,receptive,orempathetic.Good listeners yield their turn,wait to speak, and are patientwhenothersarespeaking.Toaccomplishthiswemakesurethatwefacethe personwe are interested in hearing so that both ears can receive themessage.

83. EARORNAMENTATION—Thereareanynumberofwaystodecorate,deform,perforate,color,plug,orchange thenatural lookof theears tofitculturalnorms. Ear ornamentation is mostly culture-specific and serves a clearpurpose—to communicate social status, courtship availability, or groupidentification.Earornamentationoftengivesusveryaccurateinsightintoaperson’sbackground,occupation,socialstatus,heritage,orpersonality.

84. SCARREDEARS—Heat, chemicals, or traumacandamage ear cartilage andtissue. Rugby players, wrestlers, and judokas are susceptible to damagedears,sometimescalled“cauliflowerears.”

TheNose

Atbirth,allmammals’nosesseekoutthemother’smilk,whichallowsthemtosurvive.Ashumansgrowolder,ournosescontinuetohelpusfindthefoodswelike and to keep us safe,warning us of food that is putrefied or of odors thatwoulddousharm,whilehelpingtofiltertheairthatentersourlungs.Whenitcomes to romance and intimacy, our noses pick up on others’ pheromones,making us draw closerwhile helping us determine subconsciouslywhether ornotwe like a person.Wemay pierce our noses or shape them, as a result ofculturalcues,tobethinner,wider,lesscurved,ormorepetite.Themusclesthatcoverandsurroundthenosearesosensitivethatwhenwedislikewhatwesmell,theyimmediatelycontract,wrinklingournosestorevealourdisgust.Noseshelptodistinguishusfromothersphysically,theyprotectusfromharmfulchemicalsand bacteria, and as youwill see, they are essential to communication and tounderstandingothers.

85. COVERINGNOSEWITHBOTHHANDS—Thesuddencoveringof thenoseandmouthwithbothhands isassociatedwithshock,surprise, insecurity, fear,doubt, or apprehension. We witness this at tragic events such as caraccidentsandnaturaldisastersaswellaswhensomeone receiveshorriblenews. Evolutionary psychologists speculate that this behavior may havebeenadaptedsothatpredators,suchaslionsorhyenas,wouldnothearusbreathing.Itisseenuniversally.

86. NOSEWRINKLINGUPWARD(DISGUST)—Thesignalorcuefordisgustusuallyinvolvesthenosewrinklingupward(alsoknownasa“bunnynose”),whiletheskincontractsalongwiththeunderlyingmuscle(thenasalis),whichisvery sensitive to negative emotions. Often this gesture will cause thecornersof theeyesnear thenose toalsonarrow.Babies,beginningat theageofroughlythreemonthsandsometimesevenearlier,willwrinkletheirnoseswhentheysmellthingstheydon’tlike.Thisdisgustcueremainswithusallourlives.Whenwesmell,hear,orevenjustseesomethingwedon’tlike, our nasalis muscle contracts involuntarily, revealing our truesentiments.

87. UNILATERAL NOSE WRINKLING—As noted above, nose wrinkling orcrinkling upward is an accurate indicator of dislike or displeasure andusually occurs on both sides of the nose. However, there are people inwhomthisoccursonlyononesideofthenose(unilaterally).Asthenosemuscles pull upward, wrinkling just one side, they also tend to pull theupperlipofthatsideoftheface.SomepeoplecallittheElviseffect.Whenthesideofthenoseisnoticeablypulledup,itmeansthesamethingasthefullnosewrinkle—dislike.

88. NOSE TWITCHING (CARIBBEAN)—This behavior is somewhat similar to thedisgust display above (see #86) but occursmuch faster, sometimes in aslittleas1/25thofasecond.Whenapersonlooksdirectlyatsomeone,thenosemusclewill contract rapidly,wrinkling thenoseupward—butwithout theeyes squinting as in the disgust cue above. This behavior is a linguisticshortcutthatwordlesslyasks“What’sgoingon?”“Whathappened?”“Whatdo you need?” It is seen throughout the Caribbean, including in Cuba,PuertoRico,andtheDominicanRepublic,andthusalsofoundinU.S.citiesthathavelargeCaribbeanpopulationssuchasMiamiandNewYork.AttheMiami InternationalAirport, I’m frequently greeted at the coffee counterwiththisnosetwitch,whichmeans“WhatcanIgetyou?”Ifyouseeit,justplaceyourorder.

89. INDEXFINGERTONOSE—Placingtheindexfingerunderthenoseorontheside of the nose for a period of time is sometimes associated withpensiveness or concern. Look for other clues to help you discernwhat itmeans. This behavior is different from sneaking a nose feel (see #95) ornosestroking,asinthiscasethefingerjustlingersthereforalongtime.

90. NOSE BRUSHING—This distinctive behavior of brushing one’s nose verylightlyseveraltimeswiththeindexfingerisusuallyassociatedwithstressor psychological discomfort, though it can also present in someoneponderingsomethingdubiousorquestionable.

91. HOLDING NOSE HIGH—A high nose profile—an intentional tilting of thehead, with the nose pointed upward—indicates confidence, superiority,arrogance, or even indignation. It is a cultural display, seen in somecountriesandsocietiesmorethaninothers.Itmaysignalsuperiority,suchaswhenhigh-status individualsaffirmtheir rankat thestartofameeting.ItaliandictatorMussoliniwas famous for this, aswasGeneralCharlesde

Gaulle of France. In Russia, the ceremonial guards at the Kremlin arenotoriousforthisnose-highbehavior.

92. NOSE TAPPING/SIGNALING—In many cultures a very overt tapping of thenosewith the index fingercanmean“Thisstinks,”“Idon’t trustyou,”“Iquestionthis,”or“Iamwatchingyouverycarefully.”Itcanalsomean“Inoticeyou,”“Youareveryclever,”or“Iacknowledgeyou”(PaulNewmanandRobertRedforddidthistoeachotherinthemovieTheSting).

93. NOSTRIL FLARING—We usually flare our nostrils (naral wings) inpreparation for doing something physical. Frequently, people who areupset,feeltheyhavetogetuporrunout,orareabouttoviolentlyactoutwill flare their nostrils as they oxygenate. In policework itmay signal aperson is about to run. Interpersonally, it is a goodmarker that a personneedsamomenttocalmdown.

94. PLAYINGWITHPHILTRUM—Thegroovedarea justabove theupper lipandbelowthenoseisthephiltrum.Peoplewillplaywiththisareabypluckingat it, scratching it, or pulling on it when stressed—sometimes ratherenergetically.Thephiltrumisalsorevealinginotherways—sweattendstogather there when people are stressed. Theymight also place the tonguebetweentheteethandthebackofthephiltrum,pushingitout.Stimulationofthisareawiththetongueisaneasilyspottedpacifier.

95. SNEAKING NOSE TOUCH—Sneaking a pacifying touch by ever so slightlyrubbing the nose with the index finger indicates tension that is beingmaskedandtheneedtoconveytheperceptionthateverythingisfine.Lookfor it from professionalswho are accustomed to being in control but areunderstress.Itisalsooftenseeninpokerplayerswhoaretryingtohideaweakhand.

96. RAPID NOSE INHALING—Many people, when about to deliver bad orunpleasantnews,willrapidlyinhalethroughthenose,loudlyenoughtobeheard, before they speak. I have also seen people do this as they hear aquestionthatbothersthem,andinsomeinstancesbeforetheylie.Thehairsand the nerves in the nose are very sensitive to moisture as well as airmovement and touch. The quick inhale stimulates the hairs and theconnectednerveendings,whichappearstomomentarilymitigatethestressofhavingtosayorrevealsomethingthatistroubling.

TheMouth

Themouthisessentialforeating,breathing,anddrinkingandisalso,ofcourse,whereweformandpronouncewords.Highlysensitivetotouchandtemperature,themouthissurroundedbymorethantenintricatelyreflexivemusclesthatnotonly respond to touchbutalso reflectour thoughtsandsentiments.Themouthcanbeseductiveorsad,joyousorpained—anditaccuratelyregisterswhenoneemotion gives way to another in an instant. After we look at the eyes forinformation, it isherewherewesearchforadditionalcuesas towhat is in themind.

97. LOUD, SHORT EXHALING—This type of exhale, where the lips are leftslightly open, indicates high stress or frustration. People exhibit thisbehavior when hearing bad news or when confronted with a difficultsituation.Ithelpsrelievestress,especiallywhenweareangry.

98. CATHARTIC EXHALING—Exhaling with puffed-out cheeks and tight lipsindicatesthatstressisbeingexperiencedorhaspassed.Youmightseethiswhenatestoraninterviewisoverorafteranearaccident.Thisexhaleisveryaudibleandtakeslongertoperformthantheaboveversion.

99. AFFIRMATIVE INHALING—A sudden loud inhaling makes a distinct soundthat is used in Scandinavian countries, parts of theUnitedKingdom, andIrelandtosignify“Yes”or“Yes,Iagree.”Itisalinguisticshortcut,asnowordsneedtobeused.Thepersonquicklyinhalesloudlyenoughtosoundasifsheisgaspingforair.Once,afteracarrideinSweden,whenIaskedifwehadarrived,thedrivermerelydidanaffirmativeinhale—andthatwasit.

100. SUCKINGINAIRTHROUGHCORNERSOFMOUTH—Thisbehaviorisbothseenandheard.Thecornersofmouthsuddenlyopenslightlyandairisquicklyinhaled,makingasuckingsound.Itisextremelyreliableinwhatitreveals:fright, concern, or anxiety. That the majority of the mouth is closedsignifiesthatthepersonis,inessence,restrictingfreemovementofthelips,an action that suggests stress and in some cases pain, such as whensomeonestepsonyourtoes.

101. HOLDINGTHEBREATH—Polygraphersknowthiswell:whenstressed,manypeoplehaveanimpulsetoholdtheirbreathtotrytocontaintheirnervousbreathing.Oftentheyevenhavetobetoldtobreathe.Holdingone’sbreathispartof the freeze, flight, fight response. Ifyou see someone restrainingtheirbreathingoractuallyholdingtheirbreathwhenaskedaquestion,mostlikelytheyareexperiencingfearorapprehension.

102. DRYMOUTH—Stress, fear, and apprehension can cause ourmouths to dryout(theclinicaltermforthisisxerostomia).Someprescribedmedicinesaswellas illicitdrugsmayalsocausedrynessof themouth.Adrymouth isnot,assomebelieve,indicativeofdeception.Itcan,however,indicatethatsomeoneisstressedoranxious.

103. SALIVABALLSOFMOUTH—Adrymouthduetostress,medication,orillnesscancausesalivatobecomedryandclumpy;theseclumps—theyoftenlooklikelittlecottonballs—tendtocollectinthecornersofthemouth.Theyaresometimesnoticeableinspeakerswhoarenervous.Itisquitedistracting.Ifyouarenervous, it is agoodhabit topinchandwipe thecornersofyourmouth toavoidsalivaballsaswellasdrinkwater.Theclinical termforadrymouthisxerostomia.

104. CHEWINGGUM—Gumchewingisaneffectivepacifier.Chewingvigorouslymight signal concern or anxiety. Some people, when stressed, will chewrapidlyoutofhabiteveniftheydon’thavegumintheirmouths.

105. VOCAL TICS—Sudden vocal projection of noises, clicks, chirps, or throatclearingcanbealarmingifoneisnotacquaintedwithTourette’ssyndrome(TS),orotherdisordersthatcontributetovocaltics.Stressandanxietymaybe thecatalysts forTourette’soutbursts, and there isnothing forus todobut recognize that this is out of the person’s control. It is also notuncommon to see the arms move erratically. The best we can do isencourage others not to stare, as this is embarrassing for the personwithTS.

106. TONGUE BITING/CHEWING—Some individuals under stress will bite theirtongueortheinsideoftheircheeksinordertosoothetheirnerves.Itisverypronouncedinthoseforwhomithasbecomeanervoustic.Thetonguewillappearwoundedorevenulceratedinplaces.Understressthebehaviorisofcourse heightened. Unfortunately, tongue and cheek biting, like repeated

hairpulling,canbecomepathological.

107. MOUTHSTRETCHING—Whenweareafraidorrealizewemadeamistake,weoften find ourselves involuntarily exposing the bottom row of clenchedteethasthecornersofthemouthstretchsubstantiallydownwardandtotheside. This is often seen when we are reminded that we forgot to bringsomethingimportant.

108. YAWNING—Yawningisanexcellentpacifier,asitrelievespent-upstressbystimulatingnerves in the jaw;specifically the temporomandibular joint. Itwas also recently discovered that the rapid intake of air when we yawncools the blood circulatingwithin the palate of themouth and, like a carradiator,thebloodgoingtothebrain.Yawningmayindicatethatsomeoneis too hot or, as I often found during interviews, that an intervieweewasseverelystressed.Babieswrappedtoowarmlywillalsoyawnwithgreaterfrequencyastheysleeptohelpthemcooldown.

109. SMOKING—People who smoke do so more often when they are stressed.Noteanydeviationsfromaperson’snormalsmokingroutineasevidenceofhowstressedtheymaybe.Theymaybesostressedtheylosecountofhowmany cigarettes they have lit. Excessive smoking also leads to tobaccostainsonthefingersand,ofcourse,thestenchintheirhands.

110. OVEREATING—Understresssomepeoplewillovereat,sometimesgoingfarbeyondtheirnormalfoodintake.Ihaveseenpeopleduringafootballgameconsume vast amounts of food, to the point of getting sick, their anxietyoverthestatusoftheirfavoriteteamtransferredtotheirappetite.

111. TONGUE IN CHEEK—Pushing the tongue firmly against one cheek andholding it in place serves to relieve tension. This is most often seen inindividuals facing high stress or in those hiding information or who aregetting awaywith something. It can also be seen in thosewho are beingplayfulorcheeky.

112. TONGUEJUTTING—Whenthetonguesuddenlyprotrudesbetweentheteeth,sometimeswithouttouchingthelips,itmeans“Igotawaywithsomething”or “Oops, I got caught.” You also see it when people catch themselvesmaking a mistake. The tongue jut is universal and is remarkable in itsconsistency,whetheritisindicatingthatyougotawaywithagreatbargain

oranextracookie,ahighergrade,orawhopperofalie.

113. TONGUE INSULTS—In almost all cultures the sticking out of the tongue isusedasaninsult,adisplayofdisgustordislike.Childrenusethistechniquefromaveryyoungagewhentheywanttoinsultoneanother.PacificIslandwarriors such as the Māori will dramatically stick their tongue out anddown as away to intimidate and insult. Coupledwith verywide eyes, astuck-outtonguecanbequiteintimidating,anditisstillusedtothisdayinMāorihakaceremonies.

114. TONGUE PROTRUDING—Oftentimes, while performing a complex task,peoplewillstickouttheirtongue,usuallytoonesideortheother,ordrapeit over their lower lip. I had an accountant who did this as he enterednumbers into a calculator, and I see it all the timeat theuniversitywhenstudents are taking tests. This tongue placement serves dual purposes: itpacifiesuswhilesimultaneouslycommunicatingtoothersthatwearebusyand should not be disturbed. Michael Jordan famously did this whileplaying basketball; when his tongue was out, two points usually soonfollowed.

115. TONGUE PRESSING AGAINST PALATE—People might press their tongueagainsttheroofoftheirmouthwhentheyarestrugglingwithsomething.Itisseeninpeopletakingtests,fillingoutapplications,aftermissingashotinbasketball,orwhensomebodyneedspsychologicalcomforting.Themouthisgenerallyleftslightlyopen,allowingobserverstoatleastpartiallyseethetongue.

116. TONGUELICKINGTEETH—Aswithliplicking(see#145),welickourteethwhenourmouth isdry—usuallydue tonervousness,anxiety,or fear.Therubbing of the tongue across the teeth and/or gums is a universal stressreliever,aswellasapotentialsignofdehydration.Incidentally,whenthisisdonewiththemouthclosed,youcanseethetonguetrackacross theteethunderthelips.

117. TONGUE DARTING—To relieve stress some people will dart their tonguebackandforthfromcornertocorneroftheirmouth(noticeablethroughthecheeks)innervousorworriedanticipation.Usuallytheythinktheyarenotbeingnoticedorthatthemeaningofthisbehaviorcannotbedeciphered.

118. FLICKING NAILS ON TEETH—The flicking of the thumbnail on the teethreleases stress. People who do this repeatedly are trying to soothethemselves because they are anxious about something. Keep in mind,however, that aswithall repetitivebehaviors, ifpeopledo it all the time,thenyouignorethatbehaviorbecausethatistheir“norm”—itmaybemoresignificantwhentheystopdoingit.

119. TEETHBARING—Sometimespeoplesuddenlypullthecornersofthemouthbackandholdthatpositionwhiletheyshowtheirclenchedteeth.Thisisalegacy “fear grin” very similar to what chimpanzees do when they arescaredorfearadominantmale.Wehumanstendtobareourteeththiswaywhenwegetcaughtdoingsomethingweshouldn’tbedoing.Thisbehaviormightbecoupledwithasimultaneousarchingoftheeyebrows,dependingonthecircumstances.

120. TEETHTAPPING—Whenstressed,bored,orfrustrated,somepeoplewillshifttheir jaw slightly and tap their canines together, favoring one side of themouth or the other. This sends repetitive signals to the brain that helpsootheus.

121. VOICETONE—The toneofourvoicecanmakepeoplecomfortableor feellikewearechallengingthem.Wecanusethetoneofourvoicetoalterorenhance how we are perceived. You can come off as nice, sweet, kind,loving, and knowledgeable, depending on your tone of voice oralternatively as suspicious, indignant, or arrogant. Tone of voice mattersgreatly.Ironically,ifyouwanttogetpeople’sattention,loweringyourtoneofvoicewillworkbest.Alowervoiceisalsosoothing,asanyparentwhohasputachildtobedwillattest.

122. VOICEPITCH—Whenwearenervousourvoicestendtoriseinpitch.Listenforvoicesthatriseorcrackwhenapersonisstressed,nervous,orinsecure.Thisiscausedbyvocal-cordtension.

123. UPTALK—Uptalk is when people inflect their tone up at the end of adeclarativesentence,asthoughitwereaquestion.Studiesshowthatevenasingleinstanceofuptalkonthephonecannegativelyimpactthelistener’simpression of the speaker. Though uptalk is popular with many youngpeople,itmakesthemsoundtentativeandlackinginconfidence.

124. STUTTERING/STAMMERING—Some individuals pathologically stutter(repeating syllables as they try to speak). For some it can be quitedebilitating,asinthecaseofEngland’sKingGeorgeVI,famouslydepictedbyColinFirthinthe2010movieTheKing’sSpeech.Formanyofuswhodonotstutterpathologically,ahighdegreeofstressoranxietycancauseustotemporarilystutterorstammer.

125. DELAY IN ANSWERING—Many people erroneously believe that a delay inansweringaquestionsignalsthatapersonislyingorisbuyingtimeinanattempttomusteracredibleanswer.Unfortunately,boththehonestandthedishonestmaydelayananswerbutfordifferentreasons.Theguiltymayinfact have to think aboutwhat to saywhile the innocentmay be thinkingabout how best to say it. Inmy experience, a delay in answering shouldmakeustakenotebutisnotindicativeofdeception.Insomecultures—forinstance, among many Native Americans—a delay in answering is notunusual as the person contemplates the complexity and nuance of aquestion. Stress or fatigue can also make us slow to answer. A formalinquirymayalsocauseustodelayansweringbecauseoftheseriousnessofthehearing.

126. SILENCE—Aprolongedsilence,orevenjusta“pregnantpause,”mayspeakvolumes. Sometimes, when we cannot remember information or we arecontemplating something, a silence is unintentional. But other times it isverymuchintended,aswhenanegotiatormaygotemporarilysilenttogettheotherpartytofillinthevoid.Silencecanbeusedtocommunicatethatthe person is pondering, recollecting, considering, processing, or isnonplussed.Greatactorsuseiteffectively,asdointerviewers.

127. SILENCEANDFREEZERESPONSE—Whenaperson suddenlygoes silent andstops moving or undergoes breathing changes upon hearing or seeingsomething,takenote.Thisisaresponsetosomethingnegativethatshocksthemorcausesthemtoreassesswhattheyknoworbelieve.

128. INTERRUPTIVE ARGUMENTS—Arguing for the sole purpose of disrupting ameeting or a conversation is an often-used technique to prevent furtherdiscussion. It is the repetitive interruption,not thewordsused, that is thenonverbalherethatdistractsorantagonizes.Thetechniquedoesnotfurthera conversation or provide any clarity, it is clearly intended to aggravate,intimidate, or place someone on emotional “tilt.” I have seen this many

timesinunionmeetingsasmembersdisruptaspeaker.

129. CATHARTICUTTERANCES—Inthisformofacatharticexhale,wecomeclosetosayingawordbutnevergetthere.“Ohhhh”or“woooo”or“fuuuuh”isutteredbutnevercompleted.Theseareconsiderednonverbalsbecause theactual words are not spoken, though we can often intuit their meaning.Oftentheseutterancesdon’tmakesense,especiallytoforeigners,buttheyhelpustorelievestresswithoutoffendinganyone.

130. SPEED OF TALKING—How fast we speak is a key nonverbal indicator. InsomepartsofAmericapeoplespeakveryslowlyanddeliberately,whileinothers speech is fast and clipped. These styles communicate somethingabout the personality of the speakers—where they are from, where theywent to school, andmore.Changes in aperson’snormal speedof talkingmayindicatestressorreluctancetoanswerasensitivequestion.

131. INCESSANT TALKING—We have all met people who seem to never stoptalking.Theymight simplybenervous,or theymightbe inconsiderateofothersandfocusedonlyonthemselves.Contextiskey.Intheaftermathofan accident, a person might ramble, talking nonstop. This is caused byshock.Butataparty, themanwho talksyourearoff is lettingyouknowwhohethinksitmostimportant—andit’snotyou.

132. INCONGRUENTTALK—Afteranaccidentortragicevent,apersonmaybegintospeakincoherently.Thisisaresultofstressandtheemotionalsideofthebrainbeingoverwhelmed.Dependingonthecircumstancesoftheeventortragedy,thismaylastforhoursorevendays,aswehaveseenwithsoldiersandrefugeesincombatzones.

133. REPETITIONOFWORDS—Underhighstress,peoplemayrepeatcertainwordsoverandoverinanonsensicalway.Effortsonyourparttogetthemtosaymoremaynotwork.Itisasiftheyarestuckinaloop.Ionceheardavictimstruckbyavehiclesaytheword“metal”overandoveragain,withalookoffrightuponherface.Thatwasallshecouldsay.

134. SPEED OF RESPONSE—Some people will take their time answering aquestion, starting, then stopping, then continuing. Others will respondbeforeyoufinishaskingthequestion.Howfasttheyanswersayssomethingabouthowtheyarethinkingandprocessinginformation.Keepinmindthat

speedofresponsedependsuponculturalcontextaswellasmentalagility.

135. SPEEDINGTHROUGHCOMMENTS—Fastisnotalwaysgoodwhenansweringaquestion.Whenapersonspeeds throughanapology, theapologyloses itsmeaning—itseemsmechanicalandcontrived.Asimilarprincipleappliesinpraisingorwelcomingpeople. It is at thesemoments thatwe should takeour time.Speeding throughanapologyor recognitionofanothersuggeststhereareissues,suchassocialanxiety,reluctance,orlackofconviction.Itisthespeedoftalkingthatisthenonverbalhere—asifglancingoverwhatisimportant.

136. FILLERSOUNDS—Soundssuchas“aah,”“hum,”“hum,”coughingorthroatclearing,andhesitations inspeakingmayindicatepeoplearemomentarilyat a loss for words and feeling they have to fill the void with at least asound.Americans are notorious for using filler sounds as they figure outwhattosay,struggletofindtherightwords,orbidetheirtimewhiletheyrecall an experience. Because these are not actual words, they areconsideredaparalanguageoranonverbal.

137. COUGHING OR CLEARING OF THROAT—People often cough or clear theirthroat when they need to answer or deal with something difficult. Aquestionthatischallengingtoanswerorneedstobequalifiedmightcausethroat clearing. I have noted that some individuals when lyingwill cleartheirthroatorcough,butthisisnotareliableindicatorofdeception,asthehonestmayalsodosowhennervousortense.

138. WHISTLING NERVOUSLY—Whistling is a form of cathartic exhaling (see#98), and it helps us relieve stress. It’s a good pacifier and that’s whypeople tend to do it when traveling by themselves through a dark ordesolate area or when they feel uncomfortably alone. In movies andcartoons,peopleorcharactersareoftenportrayedwhistlingwhilewalkingthroughacemeterytowardofftheirapprehension.

139. TUT-TUTTING—Thesetongueandteethnoisesareusedinmanysocietiestoindicate disagreement, to call attention to something that is wrong, or toshame.Onetut-tutsbyplacingthetongueagainstthebackofthefrontteethand the upper palate and then rapidly inhaling to make a sharp, quicksound.Thisisoftenseeninconcertwithawavingfingerindicatingthatatransgression has occurred and been noticed. Parents frequently tut-tut

whenchildrenareabouttomisbehave.

140. LAUGHTER—Laughterisauniversaldisplayofamusement,happiness,andjoy.Weknowthatwhenwelaughweexperiencelessstressandevenlesspain; indeed, the act of laughing may have arisen in us as a protectiveevolutionarybenefit.Thereare,ofcourse,manydifferentsortsoflaughter:unrestrained cackleswhenwehear a genuinely hilarious joke; the joyouslaughterofchildren;theobsequiouslaughterofthosewhoseektoflatteraleader.Howsomeonelaughssaysalot,andshouldbeexaminedforthetruedepthofsentimentandcontextwhenyou’reindoubt.

TheLips

We purse them in front of smartphones to take selfies and paint them withlipsticktomakethemmoreattractive.Weinjectthemwithcollagentohideourage,andwelickthemtokeepthemmoist.Richinnerveendings,ourlipssensepressure,heat,cold,flavors,tenderness,andeventhemovementofair.Theynotonly sense, they can be sensuous as well. Lips communicate moods, likes,dislikes, even fear.Weadorn them,massage them,Botox them,andplaywiththem—andohyes,wekisswiththem.Inaway,theyareoneofthethingsthatmakeusuniquelyhuman.

141. LIP FULLNESS—Our lips change size and dimensions according to ouremotional state. They get small when we’re stressed, larger when we’recomfortable. Full, pliable lips indicate relaxation and contentment.Whenwe’re under stress, blood flows out of the lips to other parts of the bodywhere it is needed. Lip fullness can serve as a barometer of a person’semotionalstate.

142. FINGERTIPS TO LIPS—Covering one’s lips with one’s fingers can indicateinsecurity or doubt and should be considered in context. Watch for thisbehavior, especially as people hear a question they need to process. Thisbehaviorisalsoseenwhenpeoplecarefullyponderanissue.Keepinmindthatsomepeopledothisfrequently,inallsortsofsituations—itisastressrelieverharkingbacktowhentheysuckedtheirthumbs,sobecarefulwithwhatinferenceisdrawn.

143. LIP PLUCKING—Pulling or plucking of the lips is usually associated withfear,doubt,concern,lackofconfidence,orotherdifficulties.Ignorepeoplewhodothiscontinuallytopassthetime—forthemitisapacifier.Forthosewhorarelydoit,it’sagoodindicatorthatsomethingiswrong.

144. LIP BITING—Lip biting is a pacifier, usually seenwhen people are understressorhaveconcerns.Webiteourlipsbecause,afteracertainage,itisnolongersociallyacceptabletosuckourthumbs,andbitingourlipsstimulatesthesamenervesinthemouth.Wemightalsobiteourlipswhenwewantto

say something but can’t or shouldn’t. Note also that some people, whenangry,willbitetheirlipsasameansofself-restraint.

145. LIPLICKING—Rubbingthetongueonthelipshelpstopacifyusinthesamewaythatlipbitingdoes.Thisbehaviorisusuallyassociatedwithconcerns,anxiety,ornegativeemotions;however,itcouldjustbethatthepersonhasdry lips, so be careful when drawing conclusions. For some people,however,thisisaveryreliableindicatorthattheyareverystressed.Asaneducator,Iseethisallthetimewhenanunpreparedstudentsitsdownforatest.

146. LIP NARROWING—The narrowing of the lips is mostly associated withnegative thoughts, concerns, fears, anxiety, or lack of confidence.Asweprocessissuesorexperiencestress,thelipstendtonarrow.

147. LIPCOMPRESSING—Throughouttheday,asweencounternegativeeventsoruncomfortable thoughts, and concerns, our lips will narrow and presstogether,accuratelytransmitting,evenifonlyforaninstant,ourconcerns.Lip compression can be very subtle or can reach a point where the lipsnoticeablychangecolorasbloodisforcedout.Lipcompressioncanbeveryfleeting(1/20thofasecond),andyetitrevealsaccuratelyanegativeemotionsuddenlyregistered.

148. SLIGHTPRESSINGOFLIPS—Sometimesweshowourannoyancewithothersby slightly compressing the lips.Unlike full lip compression,where bothlipsareinvolved,thisusuallyinvolvesonlytheupperlip.Still,aslightlipcompressionmightrevealsomething,whenconsideredalongwith therestofaperson’sbodylanguage.

149. COMPRESSED LIPS PULLED DOWN—You’ll see this striking behavior inpeoplewhen they realize theymade amajormistakeor get caught doingsomething wrong. The lips are held tightly together while the musclessurrounding themouth contract tobring the lips slightlydown, stretchingtheupperlipawayfromthenoseandpullingthemouthareatightlyagainsttheteeth.

150. RELUCTANCETODECOMPRESSLIPS—Peoplewhoholdtheircompressedlipstogetherforalongtime,reluctanttodecompressthem,aresignalingahighdegreeofstressorconcern.Lipcompressionis,inaway,abatteningdown

of our hatches,much like covering our eyeswith our hands to block outsomethingnegative.Thegreaterthetensionorapprehension,thegreatertheneedtokeepthelipscompressed.

151. LIP WITHDRAWING—When we have deep concerns or anxiety, we mightsuckourlipsintoourmouthtothepointwheretheyarenolongervisible.This signals something very different from lip compressing (see #147),wheremuchof thelipsremainvisible.Thisbehavior isoftenreservedforwhen there is severe stress, significant physical pain, or great emotionalturmoil.

152. LIP QUIVERING—The quivering of the edges of the lips, no matter howslight, in the absence of alcohol or neurological disorders, indicatesdiscomfort, concern, fear,orother issues.Youngpeoplewhenquestionedbyparentsorotheradults inpositionsofauthorityoftendisplayquiveringlips, as do honest people who have never been confronted by lawenforcement officers before. I have also heard from human resourcespersonnelthatsomeyoungpeople’slipswillquiverwhentheyareaskediftheyuseillicitdrugs.

153. UPSIDE-DOWNLIPS—When the lips are compressed and the corners of themouth turndownward, things are reallybad emotionally.This is a strongindicatorofhighstressordiscomfort.Thisbehaviorisdifficulttofake,soitisveryaccurate.Becareful,however,becausesomepeoplehavenaturallydownturnedmouths.This indicator is similar to the“grouper”mouth (see#156),but in thiscase the lipseitherarevery tightlycompressedorhavedisappearedcompletely.

154. LIPPURSING—Wepurseourlips(pinchingthemtightlytowardthefrontofthemouth)whenwedisagreewithsomethingorwhenwearethinkingofanalternative.When audiences take issue with what a speaker is saying orknow it is wrong, you often see this behavior. The more outward themovement of the pursed lips, the stronger the negative emotion orsentiment. This is an extremely reliable behavior you also see in pokerwhenplayersdon’tliketheirownholecards.

155. LIP PURSING PULLED TO SIDE—This is similar to the pursed-lips behaviorabove, but with the lips energetically pulled to the side of the face,significantlyalteringthelookof theperson.Usuallythishappensquickly,

thoughwhenthereisstrongdisagreement,thepositionmightbeheldforafewseconds.Itisanemphaticgesturethatsays,“Ihaverealissueshere;Idon’tlikewhatIwasasked,whatIjustheard,orwherethisisgoing.”Themore pronounced the gesture or the longer it is held, the stronger thesentiment.WefamouslysawthisexpressiononO.J.SimpsontrialwitnessKatoKaelinashetestified,andgymnastMcKaylaMaroneywhenshecameinsecondplaceinthevaultfinalsduringthe2012SummerOlympics.

156. SADMOUTH—Themouth,liketheeyes,canbeawindowintoouremotionalstate. Sadness is usually shownwith the corners of the lips turned downslightly,usually inconcertwith lowereduppereyelids.This is sometimesreferred to as a “grouper” mouth or face. It should be noted that somepeople naturally look this way—the corners of their mouths perpetuallyturneddown—andforthem,ithasnothingtodowithnegativeemotions.

157. THEO—Whenwearesurprisedorinagony,ourlipswillofteninstinctivelymakeanovalshape,similar toanO.Thereasonwedothis isnotexactlyknown,butitseemstobeauniversalbehavioracrossculturesandpossiblyavestigialresponsewesharewithalarmedprimates.Thebest-knownimageofthisisEdvardMunch’spaintingTheScream.

158. MOUTHOPEN,JAWTOSIDE—Similartojawdropping(see#179),thisoccurswhen people have done something wrong or realize they’ve made amistake.Onecornerof themouthispulledto theside,causingthejawtoshift in that direction; at the same time, the clenched lower teeth on thatsideofthemouthareexposed.Studentsoftenreactthiswaywhentheymissa question they know they should have known; it’s also seen whenemployeesrecognizetheyfailedtocompleteatask.Thisbehaviormightbeaccompaniedbythequicksuckinginofairthroughclenchedteeth.

159. SMILE—A genuine smile is an instant, surefire way to communicatefriendlinessandgoodwill.Aroundtheworlditsignalswarmth,friendliness,andsocialharmony.Watchingsomeonesmile,especiallybabies,bringsusjoy.Infamilyrelations,dating,andbusinessasmileopensdoorsaswellashearts.Thereareavarietyofsmiles,includingsocialsmilesforthosewhomwedon’tknowbutacknowledgenearus,thetensesmileofatesttaker,andthefalsesmileofthosepretendingtolikeusortryingtoactcomfortable.

160. TRUE SMILE—A topic of much research; a genuine smile involves the

mouthand themusclesaround theeyes.This is calledaDuchennesmile,according to body-language researcher Paul Ekman. The face is visiblymorerelaxedinatruesmile,asthefacialmusclesreflectactualjoyratherthan tension. Studies have shown that a genuine smile can be truly“contagious,”inbothprofessionalandpersonalenvironments,andisoftenatraitweassociatewithcharismaticindividuals.

161. FALSE SMILE—False smiles, like nervous smiles, are used for perceptionmanagementtomakeothersbelieveeverythingisOK.Theyarefairlyeasytodistinguishfromatruesmile;however,inafalsesmile,sometimesonlyonesideofthefaceisinvolved,orthesmilegoestowardtheearratherthanthe eyes. It looks contrived.A true smile engages the eyes and the facialmusclessmoothlyonbothsidesoftheface.

162. NERVOUS SMILE—A nervous or tense smile shows anxiety, concern, orstress.Thenervoussmile isperformed tomakeothers thinkeverything isfine. You often see this on visitors clearing customs at the airport; theynervouslysmileattheinquisitiveofficeraskingquestions.

163. SMILING AS A BAROMETER OF EMOTIONS—How accurate are smiles inrevealingourinnerfeelings?Very.Studiesshowthatathletes’smilesdiffernoticeablydependingonwhethertheyfinishinfirst,second,orthirdplace.Interestingly,thissamedistinctionholdstrueforcongenitallyblindathletes,whohaveneveractuallyseenasmileonanotherperson’sface.Theirsmilewill reflect their success, or lack thereof—again confirming that manynonverbalsarehardwiredinourbrains.

164. CRIMPINGCORNERSOFTHEMOUTH—Whenonecornerofthemouthpinchestight and pulls slightly to the side or up, it reveals smugness, disdain,dislike,disbelief,orcontempt.Wherethecontempt isdemonstrablyovert,thisbehaviormaybedramatizedorexaggerated,leavingnoquestionastotruesentiments.Mostofthetimecrimpingthecornerofthemouthisdoneonjustonesideofthefacebutsomepeopledoitonbothsidesanditmeansthesame.

165. UPPERLIPRISE—Disgust,negativesentiments,disdain,ordislikewillcausetheuppercornerofthelipononesideofthemouthtoriseslightlyor“tent”upward.When the sentiments are strong, the rise can be very noticeable,distortingtheupperliptowardthenoseandexposingtheteeth,almostina

snarl.Thisisasignofutterdislikeordisgust.

166. UPPER-LIP TONGUE RUBBING—Some people reflect their positive emotionsby licking theirupper lipbrisklybackandforth.Because the tongue is inessence defying gravity (going for the upper lip), positive emotions aremorelikelyinvolved.Thisisdifferentiatedfromtheusualliplicking,whichisdoneon the lower lip and is associatedwith stress release.Aswith allbody-language indicators, there are exceptions, and some people rub theupperliptorelievestress,solookforotherconfirmingbehaviorstoguideyouindrawingconclusions.

TheCheeksandJaw

Manypeoplethinkofthecheeksasadormantfixtureandthejawassomethingonlyusefulforchewingandtalking—not,inotherwords,usefulinthestudyofbodylanguage.Butourcheeksandjawsgiveourfacesouruniquehumanshape.We look for leaders to have strong jaws and the fashion industry is alwayslooking for high cheekbones onmodels.We color our cheeks artificiallywithmakeuptoincreaseourattractivenessandallowhairtogrowonourjawstofillout a face—which iswhyPresidentLincoln grew out his beard. From cheeksthat flush with excitement or embarrassment to jaws that shift when we feelunsure, thesetwoareasdefinitelycommunicatesomethingaboutusandshouldnotbeoverlooked.

167. SUDDEN FACIAL TICS—Facial tics can erupt anywhere on the face (thecheek, a corner of themouth, the eyes, the forehead) and are specific toeachindividual. Ifyousuddenlyseeanervous twitch, it isusuallycausedbytensionoranxiety.Facialticsoftenoccuronornearthecheeksbecauseoftheinterconnectingmusclesthattraversethisarea.

168. FACIALDENTING—Peoplewill pushor press their fingers firmly against acheektoproducesensationsthatrelievestress—literallymakingadentintotheirownskin.Thesedisplaysaresometimesquitepronounced,dependingonthepressureapplied.Thisisfrequentlyseenatsportingeventswhenthehome team is doing poorly. Facial denting can be donewith one or twohandsorafewfingersonjustonesideorbypinchingthecheeksbetweenthethumbandtheindexormiddlefingerinconcert.

169. CHEEKORFACIALMASSAGING—Cheekorfacialmassagingisagoodwaytorelease stress.Usually done very softly, it can also signal contemplation.This isabehavior thatneeds tobeconsideredwithotherbehaviorsforanaccurateassessment.

170. CHEEK STRUMMING—Strumming the fingers on the cheek indicates thatsomeone is bored and wanting to move things along. Verify with otherbehaviors,suchaslookingboredorseatshifting.

171. CHEEK FRAMING—Cheek framing is when a person rests the jaw on anextendedthumbandplacestheindexfingerupalongthesideofthecheek.Thisusuallyinvolvesjustonehandandsuggeststhatapersonisponderingsomething, or wants to appear pensive. Some people use this behaviorprimarily when they doubt what a speaker is saying, while others mightsimplydoitasameanstoaidconcentration.Indating,itcanbeaneffectiveposetoshowinterestfromadistance.

172. PUFFING OUT CHEEKS—The puffing out of the cheeks, without exhaling,oftensignifiesdoubt,deliberation,orcaution.This isoftenseeninpeoplewhoarenotquitesurewhat todonextorwhoareapprehensive. It isnotunusualtoseesomeoneholdthisposeforquiteawhileastheyworkoutthesolutiontoaproblem.

173. SNEAKINGACHEEKTOUCH—Sneakingapacifierbyeversoslightlyrubbingtheindexfingeragainstthecheekindicatesthatstressisbeingmanagedforthesakeofperception.Whenpeopletrytoconcealapacifier,liketouchingthe side of the nose, they do so because they are trying to hide theirinsecurity, anxiety, or worry. Surreptitious cheek touching is frequentlynoticeableinpeoplebeinginterviewedonTVandinpokerplayers.

174. CHEEKSCRATCHING—Cheekscratchingisalsoapacifier,awayofdealingwithdoubtsandinsecurities.Itismorerobustthansneakingatouch,whichtendstobemoreaccuratebecauseofitshiddenmeaning.Nevertheless,thescratching of the cheek with four fingers usually indicates reservations,hesitation,bewilderment,orapprehension.

175. PINCHING THE CORNERS OF THE MOUTH—Using the fingers to tightlyconstrictorpinchthecornersofthemouthrelievesstress.Werarelydothiswhenwe are content and relaxed. It is different from facial denting (see#168).Thisbehaviorisusuallydonebypressingthefleshyareaofcheekswith the fingers and thumbs bilaterally pulling toward the corners of themouth,perhapsevenpullingononeorbothlips.

176. CHEEKWIPING—Underextremestress,itisnotunusualtoseepeoplepresstheirhandsontheirfaceanddragthemdownward,asifwipingtheirfacesclean.Typically, themotion starts just in front of the ears and concludesnearthejawbone.Theharderandlongerthepersonpressesdown,themoreacute the stress. I’ve seen stockbrokers do this at the closing bell after a

poordayoftradingorwhenateamlosesinthefinalsecondofagame.

177. JAWTENSING—Whenweareupset,angry,orfearful,thejawmusclesnearthe ears tend to tense up. Look for jaw tension when there is stress,defiance,oremotionsarebecomingheated.

178. JAW DISPLACING/SHIFTING—Jaw displacement or repetitive jaw shifting(fromsidetoside)isaneffectivepacifier.Thisisalsosimplyacompulsivebehaviorinsomepeople,sonotewhenandhowoftenitoccursandlookforother confirming behaviors that something is amiss.Most people do thisinfrequently, and thus when you do see it, it is very accurate incommunicatingthatsomethingisbotheringthem.

179. JAWDROPPING—Asuddendropofthejaw,leavingthemouthopenandtheteeth exposed, communicates great surprise. This behavior is often seenwhen people are shocked or are confronted with an embarrassingrevelation.Whyourjawsdropisnotcompletelyunderstood,buttheactionisquiteaccurateinrevealingtotalsurprise.

180. JAWMUSCLESPULSING—Jawmusclesthatpulse,throb,orbecometightandpronounced indicate impatience, tension, concern, worries, anger, ornegativeemotions.

181. JAWJUTTING—Whenweareangry,wetendtomoveorjutthejawslightlyforward. In conjunction with lowered upper eyelids or tense lips, thisbehaviormakesangerdifficultforapersontohideentirely.

TheChin

Baby,round,squared,sagging,strong,dimpled,cute,orscarred:chinscomeinmanyvarietiesandshapes.Theyprotectourface,andifneedbeourneck,butthey also communicate our sentiments,whether prideor shame.We say “chinup”whenothersaredown,andsoldiersproudlysalutetheflagwiththeirchinsangled high. The chin, in short, can speak volumes about our internal state,whetherweareconfident,frightened,troubled,oremotionallyovercome.

182. CHINUP—Whenthechin isoutandup itcommunicatesconfidence—thusthe saying “chin up.” In certain European cultures (German, French,Russian,andItalian,amongothers)thechinisgenerallyraisedhigherthannormaltosignifyconfidence,pride,andincertaincases,arrogance.

183. CHINPOINTINGDOWN—Ifthechinsuddenlypointsdownwardinresponsetoaquestion,most likely theperson lacksconfidenceor feels threatened. Insomepeople,thisisahighlyreliabletell;theyliterallydroptheirchinwhentheygetbadnewsorastheythinkaboutsomethingpainfulornegative.

184. CHIN WITHDRAWING—When we are worried or anxious, we instinctivelymoveourchinasclosetotheneckaspossible—nature’swayofprotectingourvitals.This isanexcellent indicatorof insecurity,doubt,even fear. Ifyou see this behavior after asking someone a question, there are seriousunresolved issues. When children are questioned about something theyshould not have done, the chin often comes down, showing contriteness.Manyadultsrespondthesameway.

185. CHIN HIDING—This is generally employed by children to hide theirembarrassment, show their displeasure toward others, or demonstrate thattheyareupset.Theytucktheirchindown,oftencrossingtheirarmsatthesametimeandthenrefusetolifttheirchinup.Inadults,chinhidingisseenbetweenmales,standingface-to-face,angryoryellingateachother.Inthiscaseitservestoprotecttheneckintheeventofaviolentconfrontation.

186. CHINDROPWITHSHOULDERSSLUMPING—This isanotherbehavior familiar

toparents—whenchildrenlowerortrytohidetheirchinwiththeshouldersslumped,effectivelysaying“Idon’twantto.”Ifthearmsarealsocrossed,thenthechilddefinitelydoesnotwantto.

187. CHINTOUCHING—Wetouchourchinswhenweare thinkingorevaluatingsomething. This is usually done with the tips of the fingers. It is notnecessarily a sign of doubt but is something to note when a person isprocessing information. When coupled with other behaviors, such as lippursing,itsuggeststhatthepersoniscontemplatingsomethingnegative,oranalternativetowhathasbeendiscussed.

188. CHINBRUSHINGWITHBACKOFHAND—Inmanyculturesthissignifiesthatapersonhasdoubtsaboutwhatisbeingsaid.Thismayalsobecoupledwithlip pursing. It canbe performed side to side or fromback to front of thechin.

189. CHINCRADLING—Placingone’schinonthepalmofthehand,coupledwithrelaxation of the facial muscles, suggests boredom. But in a lawenforcementcontext, itmightsignalarangeofpossibilities,dependingonthe circumstances. In a forensic setting, I have seen the guilty strike thisposewhilesittinginaroomaloneasaformofperceptionmanagement,tomakeauthoritiesthinktheyaresoinnocent,theyarepracticallybored.

190. ANGRYCHINPERCHING—Thischinperch isperformedbyplacingthechinontheknucklesofthefists,whiletheelbowsarewideandrestingonatableas thepersonstares into thedistanceoratacomputerscreen.Usually theforehead is furrowedor theeyesarenarrowedor squinting, asa resultofsomethingdifficulttheyareponderingormomentaryanger.Whenyouseesomeoneposedlikethis,itiswisetonotinterrupt.

191. CHINSHIFTING—Movingthechinlefttorightagainstthepalmofthehandis a subconscious conveyanceof disagreement. I have seenpeople sittingaround a conference room table show their silent displeasure by shiftingtheirchinwhilerestingonthepalmoftheirhand.

192. BEARD/MUSTACHESTROKING—Strokingamustacheorabeardcanbehighlyeffective forpacifying stress.Aswithany repetitivebehavior, ignore it ifyouseeittoooften,assomepeoplewithfacialhairdothiscompulsively.Ifyou see it occur suddenly for the first timeor it increases after a topic is

mentioned,perhaps thepersonhasan issue.Culturalcontextmustalsobetaken into account; for instance, beard stroking is common amongmanymen from theMiddleEast as they pass the time talking.Note thatmanymenwithbeardsfinditsoothingtostroketheirbeardsastheypassthetimeofday.

193. CHIN DIMPLING—When people are stressed, experiencing emotionalturmoil, or about to cry, their chinwill dimple. This is true for even themoststoicofindividuals.

194. CHIN-MUSCLEQUIVERING—Thesuddenquiveringofchinmusclesindicatesfear, concern, anxiety, or apprehension. Peoplewho are about to crywillalso do this. Thementalis muscle, which covers the chin and causes theskin to quiver, is one of the muscles that most reflects our emotions,according toDr.DavidGivens.Sometimes thechinwill reflectemotionalturmoilevenbeforetheeyes.

195. CHINTOSHOULDER—Weoftenseethiswithpeoplewhoareembarrassedoremotionallyvulnerable.Theywill, in avery childlikemanner, place theirchin against one shoulder, looking demure. You should especially notewhensomeonedoes thiswhileansweringaquestion. Itusuallymeans theperson has great difficulty discussing a subject, perhaps because shepossessesknowledgeshedoesnotwishtoreveal.

196. CHIN POINTING—In many cultures, people will point in a direction withtheir chin, extending it forward as they stretch their neck. This replacespointing with a finger, and is seen throughout the Caribbean, in LatinAmerica, in parts of Spain, and in theMiddle East, as well as onmanyNativeAmericanreservations.

TheFace

ThoughIhavealreadycoveredindividualelementsoftheface,somebehaviorsarebestunderstoodwithin their fullcontext.Humanbeingsevolved togleanagreatdealofinformationfromtheface.Theeyesandthemouthespeciallydrawour attention.Usuallywhenwe look at someonewe like,we toggle our gazebetween the eyes and mouth, because these two reveal so much information.Mother and baby scan each other over and over to imprint on each other, tocollect information, but also to bond—no less so than lovers silently scanningeach other in a café.We are naturally fascinated by faces—millions ofwordshavebeenspentdescribingthemostfamousfaceofall,theMonaLisa,preciselybecause she is so enigmatic.Wearenaturally curious about faces, andweareenticedwhenweseesomethingspecial in them.Facescommunicateemotions,thoughts,andfeelings,andsothroughoutourlivesweconstantlysearchthereforclues.WhentheGreekssaidthataface“launchedathousandships,”itwasbothmetaphoricalandquitelikelytrue—that,too,isthepoweroftheface.

197. FACE AVOIDANCE—For a variety of reasons, we sometimes try to avoidface-to-face contact with others, even when we are in their immediateproximity. You see this in court between victim and suspect, or duringcontentiousdivorceproceedings.Theavoidancebecomesobviousbyhowquickly people will change their demeanor, where they are looking, andhowstifftheybecome,notwishingtolookabout.

198. FACEBLOCKING—Thisbehaviorisnotedbythepersonplacingtheirelbowson top of a table and holding their hands together in front of their face.When asked a question, rather than putting their hands down, they peekaround their hands or answer directly into them. They are in essenceinsulatingthemselvesbecauseofstress,lackofconfidence,orbecausetheydon’tlikethepersontheyaretalkingto.Thehandsserveasapsychologicalbarrier. The reluctance to unveil the face is often a strong indicator thatthereareissues.

199. FACESHIELDING—Aroundtheworld,peoplewillcuptheirhandsovertheirface or use objects to hide their face, usually as a result of shame,

embarrassment, fear, anxiety, or apprehension.Oftentimeswhen arresteesarebeingledtothewaitingpolicecar,theywillusearticlesofclothingtofaceshield.

200. EMOTIONALASYMMETRYOFTHEFACE—Recentlyithasbeenshownthatthefaceisremarkableinitsabilitytorevealmultiplesentimentsatonce.Itcansneerandshowcontemptwhileatthesametimegivingasocialsmile.Thisislikelyevidenceofmultipleinternallycompetingsentiments,whichshowupon the face as “leakage.” Inmyobservations, the left side of the face(the right side as you look at the person) tends to be more accurate,especiallywhen it comes tonegativeemotions.Thisabilityof the face todemonstrate different emotions on different halves is called emotionalchirality.

201. FACIAL INCONGRUENCE—Incongruence between what a person says andhowitisreflectedinthefaceisnotuncommon.Peoplemightsayonething,but their face is already telegraphing another. During an exchange ofpleasantries, a very tense face or a face displaying dislike or discomfortbetrays true sentiments, though the person might be obliged to saysomethingniceorofferapolitegreeting.

202. ODDFACE INCROWD—Indealingwith theUnitedStatesSecretServiceonprotection details as well as various private-sector companies over theyears,Ihavelearnedthatinacrowditisoftenworthtrustingourintuitionabouttheoddfacethatstandsout.BythatImeantheonethatlooksangrywheneveryoneelse ishappy,or that seems transfixedand rigidwhen therestofthecrowdisdisplayingavarietyofmoods.Airlinepersonneltellmethat ina longqueueat theairport, it is theoddemotionallychargedface,the one that is not fitting in with the others, that often causes the mostproblemsatthecounter.

203. SERENITY IN TURMOIL—Often referred to as “narcissistic serenity,” thistakes placewhen the face has an unusual and incongruous expression ofcalm when the situation would seem to call for anything but calm. LeeHarveyOswald,TimothyMcVeigh, andBernieMadoff all had this sameoddlyserenelookwhenarrested,despitetheircircumstancesandthehorroroftheirindividualcrimes.

204. OUT OF PLACE SMIRK (“DUPING DELIGHT”)—This term, coined by famed

researcher Paul Ekman, refers to the out-of-place smirk or half smile aperson gives when getting away with something. It is very similar toserenity in turmoil (see #203). Duping delight is also seen in those whohaveoutwittedsomeone,orwhothinksomeonehasboughtintotheirlies.Itisapretentioussmileatatimeandplacewherehumility,seriousness,orevencontritenessaremoreappropriate.

205. FACE TOUCHING—Face touching serves a multitude of purposes. It canattract others—we often see models touching their face on magazinecovers.Or itcanhelpusrelaxbystimulating themyriadofnervesontheface.Contextiskey.

TheNeck

The neck is the weakest and most vulnerable part of our body. Everythingcriticalforoursurvival—blood,food,water,electricalsignals,hormones,air—flowsthroughtheneck.Madeupofnumerousmusclesintricatelyinterwoventoholdupourhead,hollowcervicalbonesthatprotectthespinalcord,withlargeveinsandarteriesthatfeedthebrain,theneckisobviouslyveryvital.Andyet,the neck is often ignored when it comes to nonverbal communication, eventhoughweknowthatourneckssignalwhenwearecomfortable, interested,orreceptivetoanideaoraperson.Wetouchournecks,coverthem,orweventilatethem,alongwithotherbehaviorsandindoingsowetelltheworldwhatwearesecretlythinkingorfeeling.Sensitivetotheslightesttouchorcaressoreventhewarmthofabreath,theneckisalsooneofthemostsensualareasofthebody.

206. NECK TOUCHING—Beyond scratching an itch, neck touching serves as anexcellentindicatorofinsecurities,apprehension,anxiety,worries,orissues.Howeverslightly,wetendtotouchourneckwhensomethingbothersusorweareconcerned.Necktouching,inallitsformsisoftenoverlooked,andyet,itisoneofthemostaccuratewhenitcomestorevealingthatsomethingisbotheringus.

207. COVERING OF SUPRASTERNAL NOTCH—Touching or covering of the “neckdimple” or suprasternal notch (the indented area of the neck below theAdam’s apple and just above the upper chest) indicates concern, issues,worries,insecurities,orfear.Mentendtograbtheirneckorthroatrobustlyorcover thisareawith their fullhandas theyadjust their tieorgrab theircollar.Womentouchthisareamorefrequentlythanmen,andtheytendtodosomorelightly,withthetipsoftheirfingers.Whetherdonedelicatelyorstrongly,coveringtheweakestpointofthebodysignifiesthatsomethingisatissue.Coveringourneckwhenwefeelthreatenedmostlikelyevolvedasa result of the countless encounters our species hadwitnessing countlessactsofpredationbylargefelineswhichusuallygofortheneck.Formoreinformationaboutthis,seeWhatEveryBODYIsSaying.

208. TIE-KNOT TOUCHING—The tie knot covers the suprasternal notch and the

neck, and touching it serves the function of protecting the neck andrelievinganxiety.Menwilloftendothiswhentheyfeelsocialawkwardnessormildanxiety.Somemenwilldothisrepeatedlyasapacifyingbehavior,muchasawomanmightplaywithanecklacewhenstressed(see#209).

209. PLAYING WITH NECKLACE—Playing with a necklace serves the samepurposeforwomenascoveringtheneckdimplewiththehand.Itprotectsavulnerableareaandrelievesstressthroughrepetitivemovement.

210. PLAYING WITH SHIRT COLLAR—Touching or playing with the front shirtcollarservestopacifyorrelievestressinthreeways:bycoveringtheneckarea;asatactilerepetitivebehavior;andbymovingclothingtoventilatetheskinunderneath.

211. NECKMASSAGING—Peopleoftenmassagethesidesorbackoftheirnecktorelievestress.Itiseasyformanypeopletodismissthissortofbehavior,butthefactisthatpeopleusuallyonlydoitwhensomethingisbotheringthem.

212. MASSAGING VAGUS NERVE—The vagus (Latin for “wandering”) nerveconnects the brain to ourmajor organs, including the heart.Under stress,youmight find yourselfmassaging the side of the neck, near where youcheckyourpulse.Thereisareasonforthis:stimulationofthevagusnerveresultsinthereleaseofacetylcholine,aneurotransmitterthatinturnsendssignals to the heart, specifically the atrioventricular node, which causesyourheartratetogodown.

213. SKINPULLING—Pullingatthefleshyareaoftheneckunderthechinservesto calm some men. Sometimes, under great stress, the pulling becomesextreme.Itisraretoseeinwomen.Ihaveseenmenunderstresspullwithsuchvigor,itmakestheirskinblanch.

214. VENTILATING NECK—When we are under stress, our skin warms, aphysiological reaction controlled by our autonomic nervous system andoverwhichwehavelittlecontrol.Thisoftentakesplaceinlessthan1/250thof a second. By ventilating the collar and neck area we relieve thediscomfort caused by the flushing or warming of the skin. Heatedarguments or even discussions will cause individuals under stress toventilate,aswillhearingawordoracommentthatishurtful.Thoseofyoufamiliarwith the late comedianRodneyDangerfield (movieCaddyshack,

1980) will remember him doing this in the movie and in his stand-upcomedy routineswhen he didn’t “get no respect” but especiallywhen hewasstressed.

215. HOLDING FIST IN FRONT OF NECK—Placing a fist at the front of the neckservesthesamepurposeascoveringtheneckdimple(suprasternalnotch).Itisanautomatic, subconscious response to threats, fears,orconcerns.Thisbehavioroccursprimarily inmen,butIhaveseenafewwomenexhibit itwhen they are under extreme stress or confronted by something verynegative. Many people mistake the fist for a sign of strength, when inreality,inthisinstance,itisasignofdefensiveness,anxiety,anddislike.

216. NECK VEINS PULSING—Noticeable pulsing of veins in the neck indicatesstressoranxiety.Whenapersonisfearfulorangry,thepulsingcanbeverynoticeableinsome.

217. HARD SWALLOWING—A hard swallow is highly visible and sometimesaudible.It isaspontaneousreactiontosomethingunsavory,dangerous,orextremely stressful, and a reliable indicator of distress. Themuscles andligamentsthatsurroundthethroat tighten,whichcausestheAdam’sappletomoveenergeticallyupanddown.

218. NECK STRETCHING—Neck stretching or cracking in a circularmotion is astress reliever and pacifier. This is often seen when people are askeddifficultquestionstheywouldrathernotanswer.

219. NECK AND FACIAL FLUSHING/BLUSHING—Neck and facial flushing is anautonomic response to a stimulus and cannot be controlled.Many peopleblushwhen they feel threatened or insecure and in very rare caseswhentheyarecaughtlyingordoingsomethingillegal.Thisbehaviorletsusknowthat the individual is troubled, whether by merely an innocentembarrassment or something more nefarious. Keep in mind always thatcertaindrugsorfoodscancauseblushing.

220. ADAM’S APPLE JUMPING—If someone’s Adam’s apple suddenly joltsupward, chances are he’s just heard something that has put himon edge,threatens him, or causes apprehension. This uncontrollable reaction alsooccurswhenapersonfeelshighlyvulnerableorexposed.Themedicaltermfor the Adam’s apple is the laryngeal prominence. The thyroid cartilage

aroundthelarynx(apartofthethroatthatholdsthevocalcords)givesititsprotrudingshape(prominence).It isusuallylargerinmenthaninwomen.Thisareaofthebodyishighlysensitiveandreactivetoemotionalstressors.

221. NECKEXPOSURE—Thecantingoftheheadtotheside,exposingthesideofthe neck, is one of the most used yet least understood body-languagebehaviors. We instinctively tilt our head when we hold or even see anewbornbaby—somethingthechildrecognizesandrewardsovertimewithasmileandrelaxedface.Aswegetolder,theheadtiltfeaturesincourtshipbehavior,aswestare intoa lover’seyeswithourheadcanted to theside,exposing our vulnerable neck. In personal and professional relationshipsthisbehavioralsosignifies thataperson is listeningand interested. It isapowerfully disarming behavior—extremely useful during a confrontation.Coupledwithasmile,thisisoneofthemosteffectivewaystowinothersover.

222. NECKSTIFFENING—Whenpeopleareattentiveandreceptive,andespeciallywhen they feel comfortable, theywill tilt their neck to the side, exposingmoreoftheneckthanusual.Ifthefeelingofcomfortfades,however,theirneck quickly becomes rigid. A stiff neck signifies hyperalertness andvigilance,andmightsuggest thatapersontakesissuewithsomethingthatwasjustsaid,orhasaseriousmattertodiscuss.Whenapersongoesfromarelaxed state to a quick stiffening of the neck, it is a sure sign thatsomethingisamiss.

TheShoulders

Whethertheyarebroad,narrow,athletic,slim,attractive,beguiling,orslumping,ourshouldersspeakvolumesaboutus.Evenfromadistance,onecannotmistakethebroadshouldersofanOlympicswimmerorthesinewyshouldersofaworld-class ballerina.Thepadded shoulders of a business suitmake itswearer standout,justasthebareshouldersofastatuesquemodelgrabourattention.Slumpedwhen we are depressed or wide and pulled back when we’re standing proud,shoulderscommunicateonourbehalf.Whattheysayaboutwhoweare,whatwehaveachieved,orwhatwearethinkingorfeelingwillsurpriseyou.

223. RAISING ONE SHOULDER—One shoulder raised toward the ear as a personanswers a question usually represents insecurity or doubt. In conjunctionwith other behaviors (hesitation in answering, arms drawing closer to thebody),thisisagoodindicationthatthepersonlacksconfidenceinwhatheis saying. In negotiations, when one party raises a single shoulder inresponsetoaquery,suchas“Isthatyourbestprice?,”itgenerallysignalsthereisroomfornegotiation.Aone-shoulder-upanswersuggestsalackoffullcommitmenttowhatisbeingsaid.

224. SHOULDER INTEREST—The slow, intentional rise of a single shoulder,coupledwithaheadtilttowardthesameshoulderwhilemakingdirecteyecontact,signifiesapersonalinterest.Wemostlyseethisindatingsituations,usuallyinwomenastheyeyesomeonetheylike.

225. HOLDING SHOULDERS HIGH—When people raise and keep both shouldershigh (toward the ears), they are likely feeling insecurities or doubt. Thisbehavioriscalledthe“turtleeffect.”Inessence,theindividualistryingtohideintheopen.Highshouldersarenotasignofconfidence.Youoftenseethiswhenaspeakerasksforvolunteersfromalargegrouporfromastudentwhoisillpreparedforaquestion.

226. QUICKSHOULDERSHRUGGING—Whenpeopleareaskedaquestionanddon’tknowtheanswer,theyoftenraisebothshouldersquicklyandprominently.The quick upwardmovement is a gravity-defying behavior and those are

usually associated with positive feelings—in this case they really don’tknow. This tends to bemore honest than a slow shoulder shrug (as theyanswer“Idon’tknow”)orashrugofjustonehesitatingshoulder.

227. SITTINGLOWERANDLOWER—Peoplewho sink lower and lower into theirchairsduringameetingare revealingapprehensionor lackofconfidence.Liketheturtleeffect,thisisawayofhidingintheopen—theymightalsobehopingnottogetcalledon.Butnotealsothatinsomepeoplethismightbe simply a sign of indifference or disinterest. This behavior stands outbecausetheshouldersarelowerinrelationtothetable.

228. SHOULDER/CLAVICLE RUBBING—During intense or stressful interviews,intervieweeswillreachacrosstheirchestandpresstheirhandagainsttheiroppositeshoulder,thenslowlymovetheirhandacrosstheirclavicletowardthe chest. Sometimes the hand will then hover pressed against the chestarea,ortheprocessmayberepeated.Thetactileandrepetitivenatureofthebehaviorhelptorelievestressorapprehension.

229. SHOULDERSWIDENING—Theamplificationoftheshouldersfromrelaxedtobroadcanbeaperceptibledisplayofauthorityandconfidencethatsignalsapersonisincharge.Weoftenseethiswithathletesandmilitarypersonnel.This iswhybusiness suitshavepaddedshoulders—tomake theirwearerslookmorepowerfulandauthoritative.

230. RAISING SHOULDERS WITH PALMS UP, HEAD CANTED—This is the “Please,whynot?”look,performedwiththepalmsofthehandsup,headcantedtooneside,withoneorbothshouldersup.Itisapleadingbehavior.Childrendothisaswellasadults,andyouoftenseeitwithathleteswhentheywantarefereetoreconsideranadversedecision.

231. KOWTOWING—This is a slight bending forward of the upper torso andshoulders,whichmaybeintentionalorsubconscious.Aroundtheglobe,itisperformedinsomevariantinthepresenceofahigherauthority.InAsia,peoplebowoutofrespect, justas thequeen’ssubjectsdoinLondon.Theorigin of kowtowing has much to do with our primate legacy, whereeveryonebends lower to the alphamale—inour case, someoneof higherauthority. As a testament to its universality, when the conquistadoresreached theNewWorld, theyfound thatNativeAmericansalsobowedorkowtowed to their king, just as they themselves had done in Queen

Isabella’scourt.

TheArms

Our arms not only protect us, balance us, and help us carry things, they alsocommunicateextremelywell.Fromour self-hugswhenweare stressed, to theraisedarmsofapersonwhojustcameinfirstplace, to theoutwardreachofachild seekinga lovinghug,our armsare continually assistingus,warmingus,attendingtoothersforus,andcommunicatingourneedsaswellashowwefeel—farmorethanwerealize.

232. HUGGING—Hugging,inallitsforms,isuniversallyindicativeofcloseness,good feelings, warmth, and cooperation. While in some cultures a briefsocial hug, anabrazo (inLatinAmerica), can serve as a greetinggesturesimilar to shaking hands, how it is performed can indicate how theparticipants feel about each other.ConsiderAmerican athletes andmoviestarsgivingeachotherbrohugs.Asanobserver,Ialwaysnotethehugandthe facial expressions to giveme a reliable sense of how two individualsreallyfeelabouteachother.

233. ANIMATEDGESTURES—Animatedgesturesreflectouremotionsandalsogetusnoticed.Broadgesturesarepowerfuldisplayswhenwe’respeakingandare essential to dynamic communication. In many cultures, emphasisrequiresexaggeratedgestures.Toanoutsider,peoplemakingsuchgesturesmight look like they’re about to fight when in fact they are just beingemphatic.

234. GESTURING WHILE SPEAKING—I often get the question “Why do wegesticulate?” Gestures are considered an integral part of communication.Gestures help us to get and maintain attention as well as to highlightimportant points. Gestures even help the person speaking by facilitatinggreater flexibility inspeakingandevenwith the recallofwords.Gesturesaffect how our message is received and how much of it other peopleremember.When gestures echo the message, the message is potentiated.Wewanttobeseengesturingaswespeak.IfyoulookatsuccessfulTEDTalks,youwillnoticethatgesturesareanessentialelementutilizedbythebestspeakers.

235. ARMSAGAINSTBODY,HANDSFLEXED—Thisisoftenreferredtoasrestrainedelation. When people are pleased with themselves but are trying not toshow it, theymight hold their arms against their body and then lift theirhandsat thewristsothewrist isalmostataninety-degreeangle,withthepalms facing down. This can also take place when people are trying tocontroltheirexcitementanddon’twanttobenoticed.Thebehaviormaybeaccompaniedbyariseintheshouldersandofcoursefacialdisplaysofjoy.

236. ELATION/TRIUMPH DISPLAYS—Displays of elation or triumph tend to begravity-defying—in other words, the gesture is made upward or outwardawayfromthebody.Sometimesweactuallyjumpoutofourseatsintotheair with our arms and fingers extended. Positive emotions drive gravity-defying gestures, and so around the world triumph displays at sportingeventstendtobesimilar:armsupintheair.

237. ARMS HELD BEHIND BACK—The regal stance is performed by placing thearms and hands behind the back. Queen Elizabeth, Prince Charles, andotherBritishroyalsoftenwalkthiswaywhentheywantotherstoremainatadistance.Fortherestofus,too,itsignalstootherstogiveusspace.Itisnot a good way to endear yourself to others as we tend to associatealoofnesswiththisbehavior.Interestingly,youngchildrendon’tlikewhentheirparentshidetheirhandsbehindtheirback.

238. ARMS STIFFENING—People’s arms will frequently stiffen when they arescaredoroverwhelmedbyanevent.Theirarmsliedormantat theirsides,makingthemlookunnaturalorrobotic.Stiffarmsareastrongindicatorthatsomethingnegativehasjusttranspired.

239. ARMPIT EXPOSING—The exposure of our inner arm, including the armpit(axilla), is reserved for those times we are comfortable around others.Womenespeciallymightusethisbehavior(scratchingthebackoftheheadwhile exposing the axilla directly toward a personof interest) in order togarner that person’s attention and demonstrate her interest. Conversely,whenourarmpitsareexposedandsomeonecomesnearthatmakesusfeeluncomfortable,wewillimmediatelycoverourarmpits.

240. ARMCROSSING/SELF-HUGGING—Self-huggingisaneffectivewaytocomfortourselveswhilewaitingforsomeone toarrive,whilewatchingamovie inpublic,orwhenweneedalittlebitofself-comforting.Thisexplainswhyso

manypassengersonaplanewillcrosstheirarmswhilestandinginlinetouse the restroom.Wecrossourarms formany reasons.Hereare someofthereasonsreportedtome:“It’scomfortable”;“It’susefulwhenmyarmsaretired”;“Ithidesmyboobs”;“IdoitwhenIaminquisitive”;“Ithidesbybelly.” Everyone has a good reason andmost of the time, it gives themcomfort.Therearealotofpeoplethatmistakenlyequatecrossingthearmswithkeepingpeoplefurtheraway—thatisusuallynotthecase.

241. ARMCROSSING/PROTECTION—Insomeinstancesthearmcrossisameansofprotection,ratherthanacomfortinggesture.Wemightsubconsciouslyseekto shield our vulnerable ventral (belly) side when we feel insecure orthreatened. In those cases, we will see more tension in the arms andpsychologicaldiscomfortintheface.

242. ARMCROSSING/SELF-RESTRAINT—Peoplemightcross theirarms to restrainthemselves when they’re upset. Picture a customer at an airport counterwho has been bumped from a flight.Whereas the self-hug (see #240) isdonewith very little pressure, this behavior helps to literally restrain thearmsasemotionsgetoutofcontrol.Notethatthisself-restrainingbehaviorisusuallyaccompaniedbyfacialdisplaysofanimosity.

243. ARM CROSSING/DISLIKE—In the presence of someone we don’t like, wemight draw our arms across our belly, attempting to distance or insulateourselvesfromthatperson.Usuallythisoccursassoonasweseesomeoneobjectionable, and that is what distinguishes this behavior andcommunicates our dislike very accurately. This should be differentiatedfrom self-hugging behaviors by other cues that accompany it, such as atensefaceandfeetthatalsoturnaway.

244. ARM CROSSING/MASSAGING—Crossing the arms at the chest can becomfortableformanypeople.However,massagingtheoppositeshoulderorarmsuggests thatapersonisstressedorconcerned.This ismost likely tooccurwhenthepersonisseatedatatablewithherelbowsonthesurface,but Ihavealsoseen it inpeople sitting inachair, a formof self-huggingwhiletheymassagetheoppositearmtorelievestressorworry.

245. ARM CROSSING, HOLDING WRIST—When confronted with damaginginformation in a forensic setting, intervieweeswill suddenly reach acrosstheirbellyandholdthewristoftheoppositehandwhilesitting.Lookforit

immediatelyafterapersonhasbeenaskedadifficultquestionorisaccusedof something. Poker players have been observed displaying this behaviorwhentheirhandisweakormarginal.

246. ARMSPREADING—Peoplewhospreadouttheirarmsoverseveralchairsoracouch are demonstrating confidence through a territorial display. Seniorexecutives will do this more often than junior staffers. Observe whensomeoneofhigherrankorstatuswalksinwhetherthepersonwithdrawshisarmstohissides.

247. ELBOWSSPREADINGOUT—Whenpeoplearestrongandconfident,theywillgraduallytakeupmorespace,spreadingtheirelbowsacrossatableordesk.This tends tobe subconscious,and theyaregenerallynotaware that theyarepublicizingtheirself-assuredness.

248. ELBOWS NARROWING—When we’re sitting with our arms on a table, themomentwefeel insecureorthreatened,wewillnarrowourelbowsonthetable.Wecanusethismetrictohelpusassesshowcommittedorconfidentothersareasdifferenttopicsarediscussed.

249. ELBOW FLEXING—The elbow flex is performed by placing hands on thehips,armsakimbo,andflexingtheelbowsforward(likeabutterflyflappingitswings) each timewewant to emphasizewhatwe’re saying. This is aterritorial display that also projects confidence. I have seen seniormanagers, coaches, and military officers do the elbow flex as theyemphasizeaparticularpoint.

250. ELBOWS INTERLOCKING—In many parts of the world the interlocking ofarmsattheelbowswithanotherpersonasyouwalkorsitisasignthatyouarecloseto thepersonor thatyouarehavingaveryprivateconversation.Thisbehaviordrawsthehipsclosetogether,whichsuggeststhatthingsaregoing well. It is not unusual in Mediterranean countries or in SouthAmericatoseebothmenandwomenwalkingarminarm.

251. WRISTBEHAVIORS—Wemightnotthinkofthewristsasawindowintothemind, but they can be.We expose the underside of our wrists to otherswhenwelikethemorfeelcomfortablearoundthem.Holdingadrinkoracigarette,awomanwillexposetheinnerwristtoanearbypersonifsheisinterestedinthemorcomfortable.Theminutesheisnot,shewillrotatethe

wristandonlyexposetheoutsideofthewrist.Ourlimbicsystemprotectsus by orienting ourmost sensitive areas—the underside of our arms, ourneck,ourbellies—awayfromthosewedislikeorfindthreatening.

252. GOOSE BUMPS—Also called “goose pimples” or “gooseflesh,” this is aninvoluntary reaction to cold or perhaps even fear—usually visible on thearmsandlegs.Theformationofgoosebumpscauseshairtostanduponthesurfaceoftheskin,whichiswhythemedicaltermforitishorripilationorpiloerection (see #253). In primates, this display is evenmore noticeablewhen they are scared, as their hair standsup tomake themautomaticallylooklarger.Becauseweasaspecieshavelostmostofourhair,weonlyseetheremnantsofpiloerectionthroughgoosebumps.

253. HAIRERECTION(PILOERECTION)—Sometimesthehaironthearms,torso,orbackof theneckwill standupvisibly.Fromanevolutionaryperspective,thisisbelievedtobeavestigialresponsewesharewithprimatestomakeuslook bigger when we are scared, frightened, or fearful. When wesubconsciously assess a person, a place, or a situation as potentiallydangerous,thehaironthebackofourneckwillstandup—whenyoufeelthis, take note. These subconscious sentiments of ill feeling or danger,accordingtoGavindeBeckerinhisbookTheGiftofFear,shouldnotbeignored.

254. EXCESSIVE SWEATING—Peopleunder stressmay suddenly sweatprofuselyastheirbodyattemptstoventilateitselfthroughevaporation.Manyadrugtrafficker has been stopped at the border because he is the only onewithsweatringsaroundhisarmpitsandhisneckglistenswithmoisturewhenhepulls up to the customs officer. Excessive perspirationmay signal that aperson is hiding something or is about to commit a crime. That doesn’tmeaneverysweatypersonisguiltyofsomething—justthatitbehoovesustopaycloserattention.

255. SELF-INJURY—Individualswhosufferfromborderlinepersonalitydisorder,as well as others who are emotionally unstable or depressed, might bearscars where they have cut, slashed, or burned themselves intentionally.Recognizingthesesignsinothers iskeytogettingthemhelp.Theymightnot seek help themselves, but they are nonverbally communicating theirmentalhealthneedsthroughself-injury.

256. NEEDLETRACKS—Individualswhouseheroinandother intravenousdrugswill have scars tracking their veins on the inside of their arms.On long-termabusers,thiscanbeveryevident.

TheHandsandFingers

Thehumanhandhasnoequal.ItcanholdascalpelandperformdelicatesurgeryorgraspabrushandpainttheceilingoftheSistineChapel.Handsgentlycradleusatbirthandjustaseasilygraspanaxehandlewithenoughforcetochopdowna tree.Our hands are indispensable forwork, for play, and for our protection,andwerelyonthemeverydaytointeractwiththeworldaroundus.Wealsousethem to communicate effectively—whetherwe are stopping traffic at a schoolcrossing, conducting an orchestra, or signaling a friend to quickly come over.Ourhandsareconstantlycommunicatingtoothersourpassions,ourdesires,ourabilities, our concerns, andmost important, through the gentlest of touch, ourlove.

257. CONDITIONOFHANDS—Youcantellalotfromaperson’shands.Grooming,scars, and callusesmight indicatewhat kind ofwork the person does; anofficeworker’shandslookquitedifferentfromacementmixer’s.Similarly,arthritisaswellasneurologicaldisorderscansometimesbediscernedfromtheconditionofthehandsaswellasfingermovementoragitation.

258. HANDGROOMING—Well-groomedhandsareasignofahealthyindividual.Clean fingers,withnails ofproper length, indicate that people care aboutthemselves. This contrasts with people who have dirty or long nails,unkempt cuticles,or flesh thathasbeenchewedoff the fingers. Indatingand even in the workplace, we often draw conclusions from how well-groomedorhealthy-lookingaperson’shandsappear.

259. FREQUENCYOFTOUCH—Howfrequentlywetouchothersisagoodwayofcommunicatinghowwefeelaboutthem.Whileonsomelevelthedegreeoftouchisculturallydetermined,forthemostpartwhenwecareaboutotherswetendtotouchthemmoreoften.

260. HOW WE TOUCH—A touch can be respectful, loving, playful, sensuous,reserved, tender, caring, or palliative. A light touch of the skin can sendshivers down our spine, stimulating sexual desire. In fact, a light touchstimulatesthebraindifferentlythanaheaviertouch.Thelovingtouchofa

caringpersonwithafullpalm,warmfromthepresenceofbloodnear thesurfaceof the skin, can communicate somuch to anewborn aswell as alover.Andyetwhenourbosspatsusontheshoulderwithjustthefingertipsandsays“Goodjob,”ourskincrawlsbecausethegesturedoesn’tfeelright;weknowitiscontrivedandempty.

261. TOUCH AND SOCIAL STATUS—In most cultures, whom we can touch, andhow,isdictatedbysocialconvention.Inalmostallsocieties,higher-statusindividuals will more often touch lower-status individuals than the otherwayaround.Inaworkenvironment,youaremoreapttoseethebossgivingapatontheshoulderthantoseeanemployeepattheboss.Wemustalsobeaware ofwhen it is proper to touch,where it is proper to touch (arm orelbow,forinstance),andwhenorifitwillbeappreciated.

262. PRESSING THE FLESH—This is a term that is often used by politicians tomeanshakinghands,grippinganarm,hugging,holdingorkissingbabies.Handshakingcanbeanopportunityforpoliticianstohumanizethemselvesand establish physical bonds. The connection is literally chemical, asoxytocin (a powerful hormone that serves to socially bind us) is releasedwhenwetouchothers.

263. HANDS ON HIPS, ARMS AKIMBO WITH THUMBS BACK—Known as armsakimbo,whenthehandsareonhips,thumbsback,withelbowsout,thisisadominance display.This signals that an individual is ready and alert, hassomething to discuss, or there is an issue.Airline agents tellme that if apersondoesthiswhilewaitinginline,youcanbethehasacomplaint.Thisisaveryauthoritarianlook.Thisisnotagoodwaytotalktoone’schildren—it inhibits communication, as the parent looks like a military drillinstructor.

264. HANDSONHIPS,ARMSAKIMBOWITHTHUMBSFORWARD—Thisismoreofacuriositydisplay.Thepositionofthethumbsmayseemaminordetail,butit issignificant.Witnessesoftenstandandcontemplateanevent thisway,whilethosewhotakeaction(police,firefighters)willdosowiththethumbsback.

265. TERRITORIALHANDDISPLAY—Asaformofmildintimidation,apersonwillsplay out their hands on a desk or table. You see this often at a returncounter,whereangrycustomerstakeupincreasinglymorespacewiththeir

handsastheyarguewiththerepresentative.Asemotionsincrease,notehowthehandsgrowfurtherandfurtherapart.

266. PUSHING AWAY FROM TABLE—A sudden stiff-arm pushing away from thetableisaveryaccurateindicatorthepersondisagreeswithsomethingsaidordiscussedormightfeelthreatened.Thespeedofthemotionmatters:themorequicklyithappens,themoreconcerning.

267. PLAYINGWITHOBJECTS—Playingwithjewelryorotherobjects(windingawatch, tappingapencil,checkingasmartphone)servesasapacifier.Youoftensee thisbehavior inpeoplewaiting tobe interviewedfora jobor tojustpassthetime.Thisisdifferentfrom“surrogatetouching”(see#291).

268. OBJECTPLACEMENT—Wemightsurroundourselveswithobjects—whethera pencil and paper on a work desk or a jacket on a theater chair—toestablish our territory. Object placement can also signal that we are notfully interested in someone or that a relationship is in trouble. At arestaurantforinstance,whenthingsaregood,wetendtomoveobjectsoutofthewaytogetaclearerviewofourcompanion;whenthey’renot,we’llplaceflowersoradrinkbottleinourlineofsighttoserveasabarrieracrossthe table. It is especially telling when someone moves objects whilespeaking.

269. HANDSTEEPLING—Thehandsteepleisperformedbyplacingthefingertipsofbothhandstogether,spreadingthem,andthenarchingthehandssothatthetipsofthefingerslooklikeachurchsteeple.Thisisauniversaldisplayof confidence and is often used by those in a leadership position.ChancellorAngelaMerkelofGermanyisfamousforsteeplingoften.Note,however,thatconfidencedoesn’talwaysguaranteeaccuracy.Apersonmaybewrongintheirfactsbutconfidentastheyspeak.Nevertheless,steeplingisausefulgesturetoconvinceothersofyourcommitmenttowhatyouarethinkingorsaying.

270. MODIFIEDSTEEPLING—Themodifiedsteepleisperformedbyinterlacingallofthefingers,withtheexceptionoftheindexfingers,whichareerectandtouchingatthefingertips.Itlooksmorecontritethanaregularhandsteeple;nonetheless,itstillsignifiesassuranceandconfidence.

271. HANDSINREADY/ACTIVEPOSITION—Thisiswherethehandsareheldabout

fourteen inches apart in front of the belly at waist level with the palmsfacingeachother,fingersspreadapart.Speakersoftendothistocaptureanaudience’s attention at an important moment. This is not the rogatoryposition (see #272), which requires the palms to be facing up; here thepalms face each other as if the person is holding a beach ball. This is ausefulgesturetobuildintoyourpublic-speakingrepertoire.

272. PALMS-UP DISPLAY—Also known as the rogatory hand position, this is auniversalbehaviorofhumility,compliance,orcooperation,usedbypeoplewhowanttobeacceptedorbelieved.Thepresentationofthepalmsofthehandsfacingupisauniversalwayofsaying“Myhandsareclean,”“Thereisnothinghiddenhere,”“Iimploreyou,”or“Iamatyourcommand.”Itisalsousedinreligiousceremoniestodemonstratehumilityandpiety.

273. PALMS-DOWN DISPLAY—Palms-down displays are more affirmative thanpalms-updisplays.Thesemightbemadeonatableorsymbolicallyintheair.Thefartherapartthearmsare(inatwo-handedgesture),ortheharderthe hand slaps down, the more committed the person. Affirmativedeclarations such as “I didn’t do it,” when spoken as the palms pushstronglydownwardonatable,tendtohavegreatervalidity.Liarsstruggletodothisproperly,generallyperformingthegesturetoopassively.

274. PALMDOWN,FINGERSSPREAD—Whenapersonmakesaformaldeclarativestatement, such as “I didn’t do it,” with palms firmly placed down andfingersspreadwide,itismorelikelytobeanauthenticanswer.Ihaveneverseenaliarsuccessfullypulloffthisgesture,probablybecausethethinkingpartofthebrainisoutofsyncwiththeemotionalpartofthebrain.Inotherwords,theyknowwhattosay—“Ididn’tdoit”—theyjustdon’tknowhowto dramatize it because the emotional side of the brain is not fullycommitted.

275. HANDRESTRICTING—Researchers,AldertVrijinparticular,havenotedthatwhenpeoplelie, theytendtousetheirhandsandarmsless.Thiscanbeapowerful behavioral marker, though it can simply indicate shyness ordiscomfort.Thisiswherehavingabaselineoftheperson’snormalbehaviorissoimportant.Inanycase, it isabehavior tonotebutnot tonecessarilyequatewithdeception.

276. HAND WRINGING—Rubbing one’s hands together communicates concern,

doubt,anxiety,orinsecurity.Thedegreeofstressisreflectedinhowtightlythehandsarewrung.Blotchesofredandwhiteskinonthefingersorhandsindicateanelevatedlevelofdiscomfort.

277. FINGERHOLDING—Whenwemeetpeopleforthefirsttimeorwefeelalittleinsecure,wetendtoholdourownfingerstogetherlightlyinfrontofus.Itisaverytactile,self-soothingbehavior.PrinceHarryisfamousforthisbutwealldoitaswepatientlywaitinlineorspeaktosomeonewe’venevermetbefore.

278. JITTERYHANDS—Whenweareexcitedorstressedourhandsmaybecomejittery. Jitters, of course, can also be caused by a neurological disorder,disease,ordrugs, but for themostpart,whenapersonappearsotherwisehealthy, we should take notice. People might accidentally knock downobjects such as wineglasses when stressed, or their spoons will shake intheirhands.Fingersandhandsmightshakeuncontrollablyafteranaccidentorwhenwearenotifiedofterriblenews.

279. HANDSASANCHORS—This iswherewe takepossessionofanobject to letothers know it is ours. It might also happen with other people, as whenwe’retalkingtosomeonewelikeanduseourhandasananchornearthispersonsootherswillstayaway.Youseethismostoftenatbarsorparties—menwillpivotaroundtheanchorpointasifpermanentlyattachedinordertomakesureothersdon’tintrude.Itisaterritorialdisplay.

280. HAND THRUST TO FACE—This might come as the final affront in anargument.Araisedpalmthrustattheotherperson’sfacesaystostop,gonofurther,or,inthecommonparlance,“talktothehand.”Thiscanbeaveryinsulting gesture and certainly has no place in amiable interpersonalcommunicationandcertainlynotinbusiness.

281. SELF-TOUCHING WHILE ANSWERING—Take notice of people who whileansweringaquestionarepacifying(anyhand-to-bodytouchingorstroking)ratherthanemphasizingwiththeirgestures.OvertheyearsI’venotedthatthese individuals are less confident than those who while answering usetheirhandstoillustrateapoint.

282. INTERLACEDFINGERS—THUMBSUP—Statementsmadewiththumbsupwhilethe fingersare interlaced indicateconfidence.Usuallypeopledo thiswith

theirhandsontheirlaporontopofadeskortable;theirthumbsrisingastheygenuinelyemphasizeapoint.Thisisaveryfluidbehaviorthatmightchange depending upon the emotions felt in themoment, aswell as howcommittedthepersonistowhatsheissaying.

283. INTERLACED FINGERS—THUMBS DOWN—Fingers interlaced with thumbsdowntendtoshowalowdegreeofconfidenceornegativeemotionsaboutwhat isbeingdiscussed.Whenweare reallyconfidentaboutwhatwearesaying,wetendtoelevatethethumbssubconsciously.Asstatedabove,thisis very fluid, a person’s thumbs may go from up to down during aconversationdependingonhowtheygenuinelyfeelaboutatopic.

284. THUMBMASSAGING—Thumbmassaging is amild pacifier. The hands areintertwined and the thumb on top rubs the one below it repeatedly. Weusuallysee thiswhenpeoplearewaitingforsomething tohappen, thoughtheymightalsodo thisas theyare talking, if theyare slightlynervousoranxious.

285. THUMBTWIRLING—Twiddlingourthumbsisawaytopassthetimeordealwithsmallamountsofstress.Therepetitivenatureof it issoothing to thebrain.

286. FINGERS CLOSE TOGETHER—When we feel concerned, bewildered,humbled,scared,orcornered,wesubconsciouslymake thespacebetweenourfingerssmaller.Intheextreme,whenweareveryconcerned,wecurlupourfingerssotheyarenotstickingout.Here,ourlimbicbrainensuresthatourfingersarenotloosewhenthereisathreat.

287. THUMBOUT—Whenwefeelconfident,thethumbwillmoveawayfromtheindex finger. This is easily observedwhen hands are on a table. In fact,distance of the thumb from the index finger can serve as a gauge to aperson’s confidence level. It might also show a person’s level ofcommitmenttowhatsheissaying:thegreaterthedistance,thestrongerthecommitment.

288. THUMB WITHDRAWING—When we feel insecure or threatened, we willwithdrawourthumbssubconsciouslyandtuckthemnext toorunderneaththefingers.Doingthissuddenlymeansthepersonisconcerned,worried,orthreatened.Thisisasurvivaltactic,similartodogstuckingtheirearsdown

tostreamlinethemselvesincaseoftheneedtoescapeorfight.

289. THUMB DISPLAYS IN GENERAL—Watch for individuals who display theirthumbsastheyholdontoajacketlapelorpantsuspenders.Iseethisoftenin court performed by attorneys. As with other thumbs up displays ittypicallymeansthepersonisconfidentinwhattheyaredoing,thinking,orsaying.

290. THUMBUPOKSIGN—This,ofcourse, is averypositive sign in theUnitedStates,signalingthatallisfine.Atonetimeitwasusedroutinelytohitchacarride.Notethatinsomecultures,suchastheMiddleEast,araisedthumbisaphallicsymbolandshouldbeavoided.

291. SURROGATETOUCHING—Sometimes,earlyoninaromanticrelationship,wewanttobeincloserphysicalcontactwiththeotherpersonbutfeelitistoosoon.Sowe transfer thosewishes toanobject.Wemight strokeourownarm or slide our hand around a glass repeatedly. Surrogate touching is aformorsubconsciousflirtingaswellasastressrelieverthatoftenservesasaneffectivesubstituteforthetouchwedesire.

292. RECIPROCAL TOUCHING—This is where someone reaches out to touch usandwe touch back in return. Usually it is a sign of social harmony andcomfortwithothers, sowhen it isn’t reciprocated, theremaybe an issue.Often inwork relations,when someone is about to get demoted or fired,therewill be less reciprocal touching on the part of the supervisor in thedayspriortotheemployeedismissal.Thisalsohappensindatingsituationswhenthereisabouttobeabreakup.

293. HOLDINGONTOFURNITURE—Ifpeopleholdontotheirchair,ortheedgeofa desk or podium, as they make a declarative statement, they arecommunicating doubt and insecurity. I have sometimes seen this whenpeople sign a contract they are reluctant to endorse but must. As anobserver, you should always question what insecurity is driving thisbehavior.

294. CLINGINGBEHAVIORS—Whenchildrenareunder stress, theywillgrab theclothingofthenearestrelativeforcomfort.Intheabsenceofaparentoranobject,theywillalsograbtheirownclothingasifitwereasecurityblanket—whichinessenceitis.Thistactileexperiencecanbeverypsychologically

soothing.Adultssometimesdothis,too,perhapsastheygetreadyforajobinterview or a speech. The great tenor Luciano Pavarotti held ahandkerchief in his handwhile performing,which, he said in interviews,gavehim“security”and“comfort.”

295. EMPHASIZINGWITHHANDS—Whenwearecomfortable,ourhandsnaturallygesture and emphasize. In some cultures, especially around theMediterranean, people tend to gesture more emphatically, and thesegestures are highly significant in context. Great speakers also gesturefrequently.Researcherstellusthatwhenpeoplesuddenlybegintolie,theyengage in fewer hand gestures—and with less emphasis. If the handssuddenlybecomepassiveorrestrained,itislikelythatthepersonislosingconfidenceinwhatheissaying,forwhateverreason.

296. GIVINGTHEFINGER—PioneeringpsychologistPaulEkmanfirstnotedhowindividualswho harbor animosity toward otherswill subconsciously give“thefinger”(theindecentfingerisusuallythemiddleorlongestfingerasin“F——you!”)byscratchingtheirfaceorbodywithit,orevenjustpushingtheireyeglassesbackintoplace.Itisasubconscioussignofdisrespect.

297. FINGER POINTING—Almost universally, people dislike having a fingerpointed at them. If you have to point, especially in a professional orromantic setting, use the full hand, fingers together, rather than a singlefinger.Thisalsoapplieswhenpointingtoobjects.Whendirectingsomeonetoachair,dosowiththefullhandratherthanwithasinglefinger.

298. FINGER JABBING—Jabbing a finger at someone’s chest or face is a highlyantagonistic behavior, used to single a person out when there are issues.Whenactualphysicaltouchisinvolved,itbecomesevenmorethreatening.

299. USINGFINGERASBATON—This iswhere theindexfinger isusedtokeeparhythminspeech,cadence,ormusic.Itprovidesemphasiswhenitfollowsa point in speech. It is seen more often inMediterranean countries, andsome people take offense at that “wagging” finger because they don’tunderstand that it’s a cultural trait, used for emphasis, not necessarily anantagonisticbehavior.

300. TWO-HANDED PUSH BACK—Weusually see thiswhen people are speakingpublicly.Theywillholdbothhandsupinfrontofthem,palmstowardthe

audience,andfigurativelypushtheaudienceaway.Thishasasubconsciousnegativeconnotationaswhensomeonesays“Iknowhowyoufeel,”whileinessencegesturing“Goaway.”

301. NAILBITING—Nailbitingorcuticlebitingisawayofrelievingtensionandanxiety. It is adisplayofworry, lackof confidence,or insecurities.Evenpeoplewhoneverbitetheirnailsmightsuddenlyfindthemselvesdoingsowhenundergoingextremestress.Thisbehaviorcanbecomepathologicaltothepointofdamagingtheskinorevenulceratingthefingers,destroyingthesurroundingcuticleorotherwisehealthytissue.

302. FINGER STRUMMING—Strumming one’s fingers on a table or a leg passesthe time and, like other repetitive behaviors, soothes. In professionalsettings you see this as people wait for someone to show up or finishtalking.Itisawayofsaying,“Comeon,let’sgetthingsmovinghere.”Thisissimilartocheekstrumming(see#170).

303. HANDS IN POCKET—Many people are comforted by placing one or bothhandsintheirpocketswhiletalkingtoothers.Butsometimesthisisseenastooinformalandinsomeculturesisconsideredrude.Itshouldbenotedthatsome people erroneously view keeping hands in pockets as suspicious ordeceptive.

304. MASSAGINGCLOSEDFIST—Massagingtheclosedfistwiththeotherhandisaself-restraining and pacifying behavior. It usually means the person isstruggling or worried and experiencing a lot of underlying tension. Youoften see thiswith poker players and stock traders, orwherever fortunesmightbequicklywonorlost.

305. SPEAKER’S FIST—Sometimes we will see a speaker make a fist while“hammering home a point.” This is not unusual, especially from verydramaticorenthusiasticspeakers.Whatisunusualiswatchingassomeonewaitinghis turn to speak turnshishand into a fist.Thisusually indicatespent-upissues,constrainedenergy,oranticipationofsomesortofphysicalresponse. It is said that Theodore Roosevelt, a dynamo of action andadventure, always sat with his hands balled into fists, as if holding backcoiledenergy.

306. RUBBING HANDS ON PALMS—Rubbing our fingers across the palm of the

handisapacifier.Whenitisdonerepetitively,orwithincreasedpressure,there is high anxiety and concern.We can rub the palm either with thefingertipsofthesamehandoragainsttheoppositehand.

307. TEEPEE FINGER RUB—When people feel concern, stress, anxiety, or fear,they might pacify themselves by rubbing their straightened interlacedfingersbackandforthagainstoneanother.Theinterlacedfingersprovideagreater surfacearea to stimulateas thehandsand fingersaremovedbackandforthrelievingtension.Thisisoneofthebestindicatorsthatsomethingis very wrong or someone is severely stressed. This behavior is usuallyreservedforwhenthingsareespeciallybad.Inlessdiresituations,wewillinstead wring our hands or rub them together without interlacing thefingers.Whatmakes thisbehaviorstandout is that thefingersareramrodstraightandinterlaced.

308. INTERLACED FINGERS, PALMS UP OR PALMS DOWN—This is an extremevarianton interlacing the fingers todisplacestress.Here thepersonholdsthe hands palms up and interlaces the fingers, pulling the hands upwardtowardthefaceandmakinganawkward-lookingtriangle,withtheelbowsdown and the palms of the hand arching upward. Or, in the palm-downvariant,thepalmsremainfacedownandthefingersareinterlacedinfrontofthecrotchasiftocracktheknuckles.Thiscontortionofthearmsandthefingers, by stressing muscles, joints, and tendons of the hand, relievesstress.Ihaveseenthisafterateenagercrashedhisparents’carashewaitedforhismothertocomepickhimup.

309. KNUCKLECRACKING—Knucklecracking, in all itsvarieties, is apacifyingbehavior. The act of knuckle cracking for some people seems to soothetension and so we see it when they are tense or nervous or even bored.Peoplemightcrackeachknuckleindividuallyorallthefingersofonehandatonce.Thisbehaviorincreasesinfrequencywithstress.

310. KNUCKLE CRACKING WITH INTERLACED FINGERS—This behavior isperformed by intertwining the fingers, with the thumbs down, and thenstretching the arms forward until the knuckles crack. As with similarcontorted displays, it signifies a highdegree of psychological discomfort,stress, or anxiety. It also serves as a double pacifier: both interlacing thefingers and cracking the knuckles. This behavior is generally exhibitedmoreoftenbymen.

311. TAPPINGSIDESOFLEGS—Peoplewill tap their legswith thepalmsof theirhands (usually near the pockets) when they are impatient or becomingaggravated. I see this all the time inpeoplewaiting to check in athotels.Thetactilenatureandtherepetitionmakethisactbothadistractionandausefulpacifier.

312. PREENING—It isnotonlybirds thatpreen.Preeningcan takemanyforms:adjustingatie,repositioningabracelet,smoothingoutawrinkleonashirt,fixingone’shair,reapplyinglipstick,pluckinganeyebrow.Wepreenwhenwe care enough to want to look our best. Hair preening when we areinterested in someone romantically is especially common. The repeatedstroking of the hair also gets us noticed. Interestingly,when attorneys dosomethingsosimpleaspullingattheirjacket(apreeningbehavior)asthejuryenters theroom,theyaresubconsciouslyperceivedbyjurorsasmorelikable.

313. PREENING (DISMISSIVE)—There isanotherkindofpreening, intended tobedismissive or disrespectful—almost the opposite ofwhat I just described.The act of picking lint or hair from clothes or cleaning one’s nailswhenbeing addressed by another person is inconsiderate at best, disrespectful,evencontemptuous,atworst.

314. HAND ON LEG, ELBOW OUT—Sitting with a hand on the leg, elbow out,usually indicates high confidence. As this behavior comes and goes aspeople converse, we can observe a person’s self-assurance waxing andwaning.Theelbow-outposturingisaterritorialdisplay.

315. FINGERS CURLING, NAILS FLICKING—Often when people are nervous,agitated, or stressed, theywill curl up their fingers (usuallyononehand)andflicktheirnailsagainstthethumb.Theymightflickonefingeroruseavarietyofthem.Itisawaytopacifyoneselfandcanbebothdistractingandnoisyforothers.

316. HAND SHAKING—The handshake is the favored greeting behavior in theWest,appropriate inbothprofessionalandpersonalsettings.Ahandshakeis often the first physical contact and impression youwillmake and takeaway fromanotherperson, and so it is important toget it right.Thinkofhowmanytimesyouhavereceiveda“bad”handshake(toostrong,toowet,toosoft,toolong).Abadhandshakeleavesanegativeimpressionthatcan

lastinourmindsforalongtimeandmakeusreluctanttoshakehandswiththatpersonagain.Weshouldrememberthatthecustomofshakinghandsisnotuniversal;insomeculturesaboworakissonthecheekmightbemoreappropriate.Nevertheless,agoodhandshakebeginswithgoodeyecontact,asmileifappropriate,andthearmextendedwithaslightbendattheelbow.Thefingersapproachtheotherperson’shandpointingdownward,thehandsclaspwithequalpressure(nooneisimpressedthatyoucancrushwalnutsbare-handed), engulfing each other—this allows for the release of thehormoneoxytocin (furthers socialbonding)—andafter a secondor so thehands are released. Older people will require less pressure, and higher-statusindividualswillset thetoneforhowlongyouwillshakehandsandhowmuchpressuretoapply.

317. TENDEREDHANDSHAKE—Insomecultures,mostnotablyinpartsofAfrica,it is customary to greet a revered or important person by holding theoutstretchedrighthandsupportedunderneaththeforearmbythelefthand.The hand is literally being tendered or offered as if it were somethingprecious,inthehopethatthepersontowhomitisofferedwilltakeit,thushonoring the offeror. This gesture might look odd at first to Westernobservers,but it is agestureofdeferenceandhigh respect and shouldbeacceptedassuch.

318. NAMASTE—In this traditional Indian greeting, the hands are placed palmstogetherdirectlyinfrontofthechest,fingerspointedupward,elbowsout,sometimes followedwith a small bow or forward lean and a smile. It isusedasa formalgreeting—ina sense it replaces thehandshake—andcanalsobeusedtosay“solong.”ThisgesturehasadeepermeaningthantheWesternhandshakeandmustbereceivedwithrespect.

319. HAND HOLDING—Hand holding is an innate human tendency;we observechildrendoingitveryearlyon,firstwithparentsandlaterwithplaymates.In romantic relationships, both its frequency and its type (whether ahandclasp or the more intimate and stimulating interlaced fingers) mightsignalhowcloseorseriousapartnershipis.Andinsomepartsoftheworld,includingEgypt,SaudiArabia,andVietnam,itisverycommontoseemenholdinghandsastheywalktogether.

320. OK SIGN (PRECISION CUE)—When talking about something very precise,speakerswillholdthetipoftheindexfingerandthumbtogethertomakea

circle—whatweinAmericacalltheOKsign.Thisgestureisverycommonthroughout the Mediterranean and is used to emphasize a specific pointwhile speaking. In the United States we also use this gesture to indicateagreementorthatthingsarefineorOK.Notethatinothercountries,suchas Brazil, this sign can be erroneously interpreted as a vulgar displayconnotinganorifice.

321. POLITICIAN’S THUMB—When politicians are speaking, they will oftenextend their arm toward the audi enceor up in the airwhile pressing thethumb against the curled index finger tomake a precise, strong point. Inessence, this is amodifiedprecisiongrip.Again,we see thismore in theUnitedStates than inothercountriesandso it is inpart cultural.Bill andHillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and Canadian prime minister JustinTrudeau are all known for this gesture, usually used when making oremphasizingaspecificpoint.

322. RINGPLAYING—Playingwithaweddingbandbytwirlingitortakingitoffand putting it on—is a repetitive behavior that people sometimes used tocalm their nerves or pass the time. It is not, as some people claim, anindication of marital unhappiness. It is merely a self-soothing repetitivebehavior.

323. DISTANCING FROM OBJECTS—When we have negative feelings towardsomething or someone, we often subconsciously attempt to distanceourselves.Peopleonadietmaypushabreadbasket a few inches furtherawayatdinnerorevenaskthatemptywineglassesberemovedfromatableiftheydislikealcoholicbeverages.Ihaveseencriminalsrefusetotouchasurveillance photograph or push it back across the table because theyrecognize themselves in the image.Theseare importantbehaviors tonotebecause they speak to what is uppermost on that person’s mind at themoment.

324. RELUCTANCETOTOUCHWITHPALM—Theconsistentreluctanceofaparenttotouchachildwiththepalmofthehandcanbeasignofsignificantissues—whether indifference toward the child or some other form of abnormalpsychologicaldistancing.Andwhencouplesstoptouchingeachotherwiththe palms of the hand, instead relying on their fingertips, it’s likely thatthereareissuesintherelationship(see#260).

325. ERRATIC ARM AND HAND MOTIONS—Sometimes we are confronted by anindividualmakingerraticmotionswith thearmsandhands.Thearmsandhandsmight be out of synchronywith the rest of the body andwith theperson’ssurroundings. In these instances, thebestwecando is recognizethat theremaybeamentalconditionordisorderatplay.Recognitionandunderstandingarekeytolendingassistanceifnecessary,andnottolookonasifataspectacle.

TheChest,Torso,andBelly

The torso is home to themajority of our vital organs, is generally our largestbodypartbymass,andistheareaofthebodywetendtocoverupfirstwhenwefeel threatened. It is the body’s billboard, offering clues (with the help of ourclothing)aboutwhoweare,whatgroupwebelongto,whatwedoforaliving,even how physically fit we are. And of course, much of the body’s essentialorgans—theheart and lungs among them—are located in the torso.Our torso,whilerarelyrecognizedinthestudyofnonverbals,isactuallyaverygoodplacetocollectinformationaboutpeople,fromlifechoicestohowtheyfeel.

326. CHEST HEAVING, RAPID BREATHING—Aheaving chest and rapid breathingusuallyindicatestress,concern,fear,worry,oranger.Contextofcourseisimportantastherearemanyreasonsforthisbehavior,includingage,recentphysical exertion, anxiety, or even a heart attack.What is important is toobserveandbereadytotakeactionifnecessary.

327. SHALLOW, FAST BREATHING—Breathing that is shallow and fast usuallyindicates fear or anxiety, perhaps even a panic attack. Watch for theshallownessofaperson’sbreathtogaugetheiranxietylevel.Theshallowerandmorerapidthebreathing,thegreaterthedistress.Usefulistogetthemtotakeonelonginhalethenexhaleforaslongaspossible(3to5seconds)thenrepeat.Thishelpstolowerthebreathingrate.

328. PRESSINGONCHEST—In tense situations, apersonwillpresson theirownchest/diaphragmareawith the thumbandmiddle finger (sometimesallofthefingers)inordertorelievesuddenpent-upstress.Theself-administeredpressureonthesolarorceliacplexus,nearthecenterofthechest,whichisrich in nerves, seems to have a pacifying effectwhen pressed upon. Thepressurecanbeverylightorextremelyforcefuldependingontheneedsofthe individual. It is not unusual for someone receiving horrible news topressontheirownchest.

329. CLAVICLEMASSAGING—Understress,individualswillmassagetheclavicle(collarbone)on theopposite side (e.g.,placing their righthandupon their

left clavicle). The arm drawn across the center of the body provides afeeling of protection,while the repetitive touching of the clavicle acts tosoothe the person. This area of the body is very sensitive to touch—onereasonitisconsideredanerogenouszone.

330. REPETITIVE HAND RAKING OF CHEST—Repetitive massaging of the upperchest area with fingers and thumb moving rake-like back and forth isusuallyagoodindicatorof insecurity,concern,or issues.Thisbehavior isanextremely reliable indicatorof anxietyor evenapendingpanic attack.What standsoutwith thisbehavior ishow thecurled-up fingersareused,like a claw or a rake, to perform this behavior rather than using the fullpalmofthehand.

331. PALMONCHEST—Inmanycultures,peopleplace thepalmof thehandonthe chest to convey sincerity and as a gesture of goodwillwhenmeetingothers. In my experience, both the honest and the deceptive will do thisbehavior and so we should treat the behavior as neutral. It is neitherevidenceofhonestynorofsinceritythoughitmaybeofferedassuch.Inaforensicsetting,ifsomeonesays“Ididn’tdoit,”astheyplacetheirpalmontheirchest,itshouldnotreceiveanygreaterweightorvaluenomatterhowwellperformed.Havingsaidthat,Ihavenotedovertheyearsthattruthfulpeopletendtopresswithmoreforce,fingerswiderapart,andwiththefullpalmagainsttheirchest,whereasthosewhoareattemptingtodeceivetendto make contact primarily with their fingertips, and not very forcefully.Still,thereisnosinglebehaviorofdeceptionandthiscertainlyisnot.Youwould bewise tomerely consider this behavior and how it is performedamongotherbehaviorsbeforeyoucometoanyconclusionaboutaperson’shonestyorsincerity.

332. PULLINGCLOTHINGTOVENTILATE—Pullingonthefrontofashirtorothergarmentservestoventilatethewearer.Whethertheshirtisheldoutatthecollarforafewsecondsawayfromtheneckorrepeatedlypluckedatandpulled away, this behavior serves to relieve stress, as domost ventilatingbehaviors. It isagood indicator that something iswrong.Obviously, inahotenvironment,ventilatingbehaviorsmightsimplybeassociatedwiththeheat rather than stress. But remember, stress causes our temperature toincrease,andthishappensveryquickly,whichexplainswhyinadifficultortesty meeting, people will be seen ventilating. Note that women oftenventilate their dresses by pulling on the front top and midriff. Also of

importanceinaforensicsettingiswhenapersonventilatesastheyhearaquestion or after they have answered it.Most likely they did not like thequestion.

333. PLAYINGWITHZIPPER—Playingwiththezipperonasweatshirtorjacketisawayofpacifyingoneselfwhennervousor tense.Studentsmightdo thisbefore a test if they are concerned and poker players do it also as theyworry about their diminishingbank roll. Pleasenote that it is a pacifyingbehavioranditcanalsobeawayofdealingwithboredom.

334. LEANINGAWAY—Leaningawayfromapersonisaformofdistancing.Ifweare sitting next to someone who says something objectionable, we maysubtlyinchawayfromhim.Weoftenseethisontalkshows.Rarelydowerealize just how far away we lean from others when we find themdisagreeable.

335. SITTINGBACK—Pushingourchairbackandleaningawayfromothersatatableisinessenceadistancingbehaviorthatgivesusadditionalinsulation,sowecanthinkandcontemplate.Individualswhoareunconvincedorstillconsidering a point oftenwillmove slightly away until they are ready toengage,andthentheywillonceagainsitforward.Forsomeitisawaytocommunicate they are taking themselves out for a fewminutes to ponderthis, or, and this is where other facial behaviors are useful, if they havedecided they cannot support what is being discussed and so the pullingawayisdemonstrativeofhowtheyfeel.

336. SITTING FORWARD—When we are ready to negotiate in good faith, orcompromise, we tend to move from a leaning-back position to a sitting-forwardposition.Thisoftentelegraphsthatwehavemadeupourmindstomove forward. One has to be careful, if sitting at a table or desk that isnarrow,nottointimidatethenegotiatingpartnerbyleaningtoofarforward.Ifnegotiatingwithateam,makesureeveryoneissittinginthesameway,and that eagerness to concede is not betrayed by someone on the teamsittingforwardbeforeitistimetomakeitgenerallyknown.

337. TURNING AWAY/VENTRAL DENIAL—Our ventral or belly side is one of themostvulnerableplacesonthebody.Wewillturnitawayfromotherswhenwedon’t like them, theymakeusuneasy,orwedon’t likewhat theysay.Uponmeeting someone you don’t care for, your facial greetingmight be

friendly but your belly will subconsciously shift away—what is calledventraldenial—inessencedenyingthatpersonyourmostvulnerableside.Thiscaneventakeplaceamongfriendsifsomethingdisagreeableissaid.Agood way to remember this: “Belly away don’t want you to stay; bellyawaydon’tlikewhatyousay.”

338. BELLY/VENTRALFRONTING—Whenwelikesomeone,wewillturnourbelly,or ventral side, toward her.We can see this behavior even in infants. Itcommunicates thataperson is interestedand feelscomfortable.Whenwemeetsomeonewhilesittingdown,ifweliketheperson,wewill,overtime,revealourshouldersandtorsotothatpersonaswell.Insummary,weshowourgradualinterestinothersthroughventralfronting.

339. BELLY/VENTRALCOVERING—Thesuddencoveringofthebellywithobjectssuchasapurseorbookbagsuggestsinsecurityordiscomfortwithwhatisbeingdiscussed.Peoplewilluseeverythingfrompillows(acouplearguingathome)topetstotheirownkneestoprotecttheirventralsidewhentheyfeelthreatenedorvulnerable.

340. POSTURAL ECHOING (MIRRORING)—Our torso tends to echo the posture ofthose with whom we feel comfortable; this is called isopraxis. Whenstandingwithfriends,peoplemightfindthemselvesmirroringoneanother’srelaxedposture,agoodsignthatpeopleareateasetogether.Indatingwewillseeonepersonleanforward,andtheother,ifcomfortable,mimickingthat behavior. Mirroring suggests agreement in conversation, mood, ortemperament.

341. RIGID SITTING—A person who sits very rigidly without moving for longperiodsisundergoingstress.Thisispartofthefreezeresponse,oftenseeninforensicsettings,policeinterviews,anddepositions,whenpeoplearesoafraid,theycan’tmove.Thefreezeresponsekicksinsubconsciously,asifthepersonhasjustconfrontedalion.Rigidsittingisnotasignofdeceptionbutratheranindicatorofpsychologicaldiscomfort.

342. EJECTION-SEATEFFECT—Apersoninastressfulintervieworwhohasbeenaccusedofsomethingmightsit inachairas if ready tobeejectedfromamilitary jet, gripping the armrests tightly. This, too, is part of the freezeresponse,andindicatesdeepdistressorfeelingthreatened.Whatmakesthisbehavior stand out is how rigid these individuals look, as if hanging on

metaphoricallyfordearlife.

343. MOVING CHAIR AWAY—This is a form of distancing when leaning awayfrom others is just not enough. Literally, the person justmoves the chairfurther and further back or away as if no onewould notice. I have seenacrimonious discussions in academia where one professor movedcompletelyawayfromthetabletothecorneroftheroomnearthewindow—as if this were somehow normal. This behavior is motivated on asubconscious level toprotectone’sventralside throughdistancingfromaperceivedthreat,evenifthethreatismerewordsorideas.

344. BODYSLOUCHING—Slouchingprojectsrelaxationorindifference,dependingon context. It is a perception-management technique often used byteenagers in dealingwith their parents to demonstrate they don’t care. Inanyformalprofessionalsetting,slouchingshouldbeavoided.

345. DOUBLINGOVER—People in emotional turmoilmight bend forward at thewaistwhile seated or standing, as though experiencing intestinal distress.Usually theydo thiswith their arms tuckedacross their stomach.We seethis behavior in hospitals and anyplace else where people might receiveespeciallybadorshockingnews.

346. FETAL POSITION—Under extreme psychological stress people might enterthefetalposition.Thisissometimesseenduringintenseargumentsbetweencouples,whereonepartnerissooverwhelmedwithemotionsshewillbringherkneesup and sit in the fetal position—silent—todealwith the stress.Shemight also gather a pillow or some other object to hold against herbelly(see#339).

347. BODY CHILL—Stress can cause individuals to feel cold in an otherwisecomfortable environment. This is an autonomic response, in which theblood goes to the larger muscles, away from the skin, when we arethreatened,stressed,oranxious,toprepareustoeitherrunorfight.

348. DRESSINGTHETORSO—Becauseourtorsodisplaysmostofourclothing,itisimportant to mention here that clothing communicates and can giveadvantages to the wearer. Clothes often serve to project status within aculture. From name brands to the colors that wewear, clothingmakes adifference in howwe are perceived. It can make us more submissive or

moreauthoritarian,oritcanpropelusintothejobthatwewant.Itcanalsocommunicatewherewe are from or evenwherewe are going aswell aswhat issueswemight be having. In every culture studied, clothes play asignificant role. It is one more thing we must consider when we assessindividualstodecodeinformationtheyconveyaboutthemselves.

349. BELLY COVERING DURING PREGNANCY—Women often cover theirsuprasternal notch or throat with a hand when they feel concerned orinsecure.Butwhentheyarepregnant,theywilloftenraisetheirhandasiftogototheneckbutthenquicklymoveittocovertheirbelly,seeminglytoprotecttheirfetus.

350. BELLYRUBBING—Pregnantwomenwill often repeatedly rub theirbelly todealwithdiscomfort,butalsosubconsciouslytoprotectthefetus.Becauseit is a repetitive tactile behavior, it also serves as a pacifier and someresearcherssayitevenhelpstoreleaseoxytocinintothebloodstream.

TheHips,Buttocks,andGenitals

Abody-languageguidemustincludetheareabetweenthenavelandthetopofthelegs.Ourhips,angledjustrightsowecanwalkorrunontwolegsatgreatspeed,giveusshapeandform,buttheyalsosaysomethingaboutus—whetherthat something is about our reproductive health or our sensuality. As therenowned zoologist Desmond Morris points out in his book Bodywatching,throughout the world the hips and buttocks serve to attract and entice. Theearliestsculptureeverdiscoveredofawoman,theVenusofHohleFels,upwardof35,000yearsold,isamasterpieceofthefemaleform,emphasizingthehips,genitals,andthebuttocks.Similarfigurineshavebeenfoundallovertheworld,whichspeakstothenaturalattractionwehaveforthisareaofthebody.Hereisan opportunity to explore what this area of the body can communicate to usbeyondtheobvious.

351. HIP/BUTTOCK SHIFTING—Hip swiveling or buttock wiggling is a way ofdealingwithstress,boredom,orthefatigueofsittinginoneplace.Peoplemight alsodo thisduring contentiousdebates, eitherwhen their emotionshave been riled up or just afterward, as a process of calming down.Yourarelysee thiswithcouplesearlyonin theirrelationship; it tends toshowup,ifatall,downtheroadwhenthereareissuesbeingdiscussed.

352. HIPRUBBING—Understress,peoplewillrubthesideoftheirhipsandlegsasapacifier.Itisalsousedtodrysweatyhandswhenfeelingnervous.Youseethisgestureasstudentspreparetotakeatestorastravelersgothroughcustoms.

353. HIP-TORSO ROCKING—Individuals under psychological duress might rockforward and backward at the hips while sitting. Severe stress, such aswitnessing the death of a loved one, will initiate this behavior, whichpacifies with its repetitive motion. You might also see this behavior inpeoplesufferingfromcertainmentaldisorderssuchasthoseontheautismspectrum.

354. HIPSWAYING—Whenbored,wemightfindourselvesstandingandswaying

ourhips side to side, as if cradlingand rockingababy to sleep.Swayingour hips causes the fluid and hairs in our inner ear to move, and thatsensation is very soothing. This is different from hip-torso rocking (see#353),whichisforwardandback.

355. HIP-OUT DISPLAY—The hips are used by both men and women to getnoticed,asinthefamousstatueofDavidbyMichelangelo,wherehestandscontrapposto, with one leg slightly bent, making his buttocks moreprominentandthusmoreattractive.Largerhipscanalsobeusedtogarnerattention—somethingKimKardashiandoeswithprideandregularity.Hip-outdisplaysareusuallyseenincourtshipbehaviortoinvitenotice.Inmanyculturesthroughouttheworldthehipsrepresentyouthandfertilityandareprominentlydisplayedespeciallyduringthecourtshipyears.

356. GENITAL TOUCHING—Teachers often report how young boys, andsometimesgirls,will touchorpullat theirgenitals through theirclothing.Thisisquitenatural;thegenitalscontainanextraordinarynumberofnerveendings,which,whentouched,notonlysootheorcalmchildren,butfeelspleasant. Eventually kids outgrow this behavior, and it is not unusual oranythingtobeoverlyconcernedabout.

357. CROTCH GRABBING—This behavior, made famous by Michael Jacksonwhile dancing, shockedmanywhen first performed, yet today it is quitecommoninentertainers.Therearemany theoriesas towhysomemendothis: to garner attention, as a manhood display, or merely to adjust forcomfort.Onadultmales,itcanbequitedisturbingifdonerepetitivelyandat a close distance such as an office, as women have reported to me. Itcertainlyshouldbeavoidedinpublic.

358. GENITALFRAMING—Oftendonebycowboys inmoviesor inphotographs,thisiswherethemanplacesthethumbsinsidethepantsorhooksthemonhisbeltandthefingersstraddlethecrotcharea.Genitalframingisusedtogarnerattentionandservesasamasculinedisplay.Usuallytheelbowsarethrustoutward,makingthemanlookbiggerandappeartougher.

359. GENITALCOVERING—Wemightplaceourhandstogetheroverourgenitalsor crotch in certain situations—inelevators, for example,wheremenwilllook at the numbers or the door while doing so. This behavior can beeffectiveindealingwithsocialanxietyorifsomeoneisstandingtooclose.

360. SITTING KNEES FAR APART—Often referred to as “manspreading,” this iswhereamansits,oftenonpublic transportation,with theknees farapart.This is considered rudedue tohowmuch space aperson takesup in thisposition, and the less-than-diplomatic display of the inner legs and thecrotch,anditisinconsiderate.

TheLegs

Our legs are unique in the animal kingdom as they point inward at the hips,allowingustowalk,run,sprint,climb,kick,hurtle,swim,andbicycle.Weuseourlegsforlocomotion,forprotection,toestablishdominance,andasasteadyanchor for our children to hang on towhen they are nervous or shy. Sinewy,long,orstocky,legsareasvariedastheirowners.Oftenignoredwhenitcomestononverbals, theycancommunicateeverything fromelegance tonervousnesstojoy.Andbecauseourlegsserveasasurvivaltool—theycanhelpusescape—theycanbeveryhonestwhenitcomestohowwefeelaboutothers.

361. SPATIALDISTANCING—TheanthropologistEdwardT.Hallcoined the termproxemics to describe the need all animals have for personal space. Ifsomeonestandstooclosetous,weareuncomfortable.Ourspatialneedsarebased on both culture and personal preference. Most Americans feelcomfortable inpublicspacesatadistanceof12to25feetfromothers; insocial spaces 4 to 12 feet is preferred; while our personal space iscomfortable at about 1.5 to 4 feet.When it comes to our intimate space,anythinglessthanafoot,weareverysensitivetowhogetsthatclose.Theseareofcourseapproximations,asitisdifferentforeveryoneandvarieswithculture,nationality, location,andeventimeofday.Atnightwemightnotfeelcomfortablewalkingnearastrangerwhoiscloserthantenfeet.

362. TERRITORIALSTANCE—Weuseour legsasaformof territorialdisplaybyhowwestand.Thefurtherapartourfeet,thegreatertheterritorialdisplay.Thebreadthofaperson’sstanceistelling:militarymenandpoliceofficerstend to stand with their feet farther apart than, say, accountants andengineers. The spread of the legs transmits clearly a sense of confidenceandasubconsciousclaimingofterritory.

363. TERRITORIAL CHALLENGE—During a heated argument a person mightintentionally invade your personal space, getting just inches away fromyour face (figuratively“inyour face”),puffingout thechest, andglaring.This violation of space serves to intimidate, andmight be a prelude to aphysicalassault.

364. ANGLINGTOTHESIDE—Mostpeopleprefertotalktoothersfromaslightlyangledposition,ratherthandirectlyface-to-face.Whenchildrenfirstmeet,theyusuallyapproacheachotheratanglesfora reason—theygetabetterreception.Ihavefoundthatwhenbusinesspeoplestandfacingeachotherataslightangle,theamountoftimetheyspendtogetherincreases.Notethatwhenthereisacrimony,itisalwaysbesttostandangledslightlyawayfromtheotherpersonasthistendstohelpdiffusenegativeemotions.

365. WALKINGBEHAVIORS—Thewaywewalkcommunicatesalot.Somewalksareintentionallysexy(MarilynMonroe’sforexample),whileothersshowstrength and determination (John Wayne’s). Some walks suggest that apersonisonanimportanttask,whileothersaremorerelaxedandcasual,orintended to get a personnoticed, like JohnTravolta’s character’swalk intheopeningsequenceofthemovieSaturdayNightFever.Anditisnotjusthowwewalk, sometimeswe communicate our interest in others by howfrequentlywewalkbytogetagoodlookortogetnoticed.

366. SETTINGPACEDURINGWALK—Whoeversetsthewalkingpaceinagroupisusuallythepersonincharge.Wewillspeeduporslowdownforthemostseniorpersonorgroupleader.Eventeenagerswilldothis,deferringtothemostsociallyprominentoneamongthembywalkingatthatperson’space.Thismightmeanthelastpersoninagroupis theleaderandissettingthepacetowalknofaster.Inanalyzinggroupsrememberthatitisnotwhoisinfrontbutratherwhosetsthepacethatisincharge.

367. SITTING BEHAVIORS—Each culture sits differently. In some parts ofAsia,peoplesquat,buttockslowandkneeshigh,whilewaitingforabus.Inothercultures,thelegsareintertwinedasyousit,asGandhididwhileworkingaloom.InEuropeandelsewhere,peopleoftensitwithone legdrapedovertheoppositekneeso that thesolepointsdownward. InAmerica,youwillseeacombinationofsittingstyles,includingthefigure4,wheretheankleisplacedontopoftheoppositeknee,withthefootnoticeablyhigh.Whenitcomes tosittingbehaviors, it is important to followboth localcustomsaswellasthoseofyourhost.

368. HOLDING LEGS TOGETHER, SITTING—Our level of confidence is oftenrevealed by how we sit. Legs that suddenly come together suggestinsecurity. In part, of course, thewaywe sit is cultural, but somepeoplewill move their legs with great reliability depending on how they feel

emotionally,revealingtheirdegreeofself-assurance.Keepinmindthatinmanyplaces,womenwillsitwiththeirkneestogetherasamatterofsocialconvention.

369. LEGS SPREADING APART, SITTING—Legs that are suddenly set wider apartwhilesittingduringanintervieworaconversationsuggestgreatercomfortorconfidence.This isauniversal territorialdisplay; the fartherapart theyare,themoreterritoryisbeingclaimed.Thisbehaviorismorepronouncedinmen.

370. ANKLES LOCKING—While sitting down, especially in a formal setting,peoplewilloftenbringtheiranklestogetherandinterlockthem.Ilookforpeoplewhosuddenlyperformthisgesturewhensomethingcontroversialordifficult is being discussed; it usually signals that they are restrainingthemselves,expressingreservation,orshowinghesitationorpsychologicaldiscomfort.

371. ANKLES INTERLOCKING AROUND CHAIR LEGS—Insecurity, fear, or concernwillcausesomepeopletosuddenlyinterlocktheiranklesaroundthelegsofa chair. Some people, of course, sit like this routinely. However, thesuddenly interlocking of ankles around the chair following a question, orwhile discussing a sensitive issue, is a strong indicator that something iswrong.It’spartofthefreeze/self-restraintresponse.

372. KNEE CLASPING, LEANING BACK—A firm knee clasp can signify that apersonisself-restraining.Youoftenseethisamongnervousjobapplicants.Thefeetareontheground,thekneestightlyclasped,andbecauseofstress,thepersonisleaningbackratherrigidly.

373. KNEE CLASPING, LEANING FORWARD—When we do this from the sittingposition,handsonknees,leaningforward,itusuallymeanswearereadytoleave.Oftenwewillalsoalignthefeetinthestarter’sposition,oneinfrontof the other.Do not do this in ameeting unless you are the senior-mostperson;itisinsultingtosignalthatyouwanttoleaveifsomeoneelseisinchargeorsuperiortoyou.

374. CROSSINGLEGAS BARRIER, SITTING—Crossing a leg in such away that itactsasabarrierwhilesitting—withthekneehighovertheoppositeleg—suggeststhatthereareissues,reservations,orsocialdiscomfort.Whetherat

homeoratwork, thisbehavioraccurately reflects feelings.Youoften seethisoccurtheinstantanuncomfortabletopicisbroughtup.

375. LEGDRAPING—Subconsciously, individualswhofeelconfidentorsuperiorwilldrapetheirlegoveradesk,chair,orobject—evenotherpeople—asawayofestablishingaterritorialclaim.Somebossesdothisregularly,sittinginonechairanddrapingtheirlegoveranother.

376. LEGRUBBING—Rubbingthetopsofourquadriceps—agestureknownasalegcleanser—workstopacifyuswhenweareunderhighstress.Itcanbeeasytomiss,sinceitusuallyoccursunderatableordesk.

377. KNEE RUBBING—We see repeated scratching or rubbing of the area justabove theknee inpeoplewhoare feelingstressoranticipatingsomethingexciting.Likemost repetitivebehaviors, it serves topacify,assuaging theexcitementortension.

378. ANKLE SCRATCHING—In tense situations it is not unusual for a person toscratchattheankles.Itservesbothtorelievestressandtoventilatetheskin.Weoften see this in high-stakes situations such as a large pot in a pokergameorinaforensicinterviewwhenadifficultquestionisasked.

379. KNEE FLEXING—This behavior is performed by quickly flexing the kneesforward while standing, which causes the person to sink down rathernoticeably.Usuallythepersonimmediatelyrecovers.Thisisaveryjuvenilebehavior, almost akin to the beginnings of a temper tantrum. I have seengrownmendothisatthecar-rentalcounterwhentoldthecartheyrequestedisnotavailable.

380. DRAGGING FEET—We often seen children drag their feet back and forthwhile talking orwaiting for something. This is a repetitive behavior thathelps themcalmdownorpass idle time.Adultsmightdo itas theyawaitsomeone’s arrival. It can be used to mask anxiety and is a commonbehaviorwithshyinexperiencedpeopleonafirstdate.

381. ANKLEQUIVERING—Somepeoplewhile standingwill repetitively twist orquivertheirfoottothesideattheankle,inashowofrestlessness,agitation,animosity,orirritation.Thisisveryperceptiblebecausetheshakingcausesthewholebodytomove.

382. KNEE-HIGHSELF-HUGGING—Weoftensee teenagershug theirown legsbybringingthekneesuptochestlevel.Thiscanbeverycomfortingandhelpsthem enjoy a moment as they listen to music or to help them deal withemotions.Ihavealsoseensomecriminalsdothiswhilebeinginterviewedtohelpdealwithstress.

383. STANDING LEG CROSSING (COMFORT)—We cross our legs while standingwhenwearealoneorifwefeelcomfortablewiththepeoplearoundus.Theminute someonecausesus the slightestpsychologicaldiscomfort,wewilluncross the legs in casewe need to quickly distance or defend ourselvesfromtheoffendingperson.Youmaynoticethisinelevators,wherealoneriderwilluncrossthelegstheminuteastrangerenters.

384. LEGKICKING,SITTING—Alegcrossedoverthekneethatgoesfromshakingortwitching(repetitivemovement)tosuddenkickingupanddownafteraquestionisaskedindicateshighdiscomfortwiththequestion.Thisisnotapacifier,unless thepersondoes it all the time. It is a subconsciousactofkickingawaysomethingobjectionable.Sudden legkicks, in response toaquestion or a statement, are usually associated with strong negativefeelings.

385. JUMPING (JOY)—Positiveemotionsdrive thisgravity-defyingbehavior thatisdisplayedaround theworld.Primatesalsowill jumpfor joy,much likehumans do, when they sense they are about to get a treat. Our limbicsystem, the emotional center of the brain, directs this behaviorautomatically,which iswhywhenaplayerscoresapointspectators jumpupallatonce,withoutbeingtoldto.

386. UNCOOPERATIVE LEGS AND FEET—Children and sometimes adults willprotest with their feet by dragging them, kicking, twisting, or goingdormantturningthemselvesintoadeadweight.Childrendothiswhentheyrefuse to go someplace they don’t want to go to and often you will seeadultspeacefullyresistingarrestdoingthesame.Theirlegsareclearlyandunequivocallydemonstratinghowtheytrulyfeelaboutsomething.

387. LOSINGONE’SBALANCE—Thereareanynumberofmedicalconditionsthatcantrigger lossofbalance, includinglowbloodpressure,orsomethingsosimpleasgettinguptooquickly.Drugsandalcoholmightalsoplayarole.Age can be a factor as well. When we see someone suddenly lose his

balance,ourfirstinstinctmustbetoassistwherepossible.Itisimportanttonotethatwhentheelderlyfall,itcanhavecatastrophicconsequencesduetofrailbonesandsoimmediateactionisrequired.

TheFeet

“The human foot is a masterpiece of engineering and a work of art,” saidLeonardo da Vinci after decades of dissecting and studying the human body.Thoughrelativelysmallcomparedwithotherpartsofthebody,thefeetcarryourfull weight and are invaluable in sensing motion, vibrations, heat, cold, andhumidity.Weputmorepressureonourfeetthanonanyotherpartofourbodies,and we punish them with tight shoes and endless journeys. Sensitive to theslightesttouch,theycanbeverysensual—ortheycanbreakabrickwithakaratekick.Liketherestofthebody,theydotheirintendedjobexquisitely,balancingus,allowingustowalkandclimb,buttheyalsocommunicateourfeelingsandintentionsaswellasourfears.

388. FROZEN FEET—Feet that suddenly go “flat” and stop moving indicateconcerns or insecurities. We tend to freeze movement when we arethreatened orworried, an evolutionary response that keeps us frombeingnoticedbypredators.

389. FOOT WITHDRAWING—During job interviews, interviewees will suddenlywithdrawtheirfeetandtucktheminundertheirchairswhentheyareaskedsensitivequestionstheymightnotlike.Themovementissometimesrathernoticeable,closelyfollowingaquestionthatisdifficult toanswer,suchas“Haveyoueverbeenfiredfromajob?”Athome,teensmightdothiswhenaskedwheretheywerethenightbefore.

390. PLAYINGFOOTSIES—Whenwe likeanotherperson,our feetwillbedrawnto them. When we like them romantically, our feet might move almostsubconsciously toward theirs so that they come into contact. This iswhyyou see people playing footsie under the table in the early stages of arelationship.Theplayfultouchinghasanimportantroleinconnectingustoothers.Neurologically,whenourfeetaretouched,itregistersonasensorystripalong theparietal lobeof thebrain,veryclose towhereourgenitalsalsoregister.

391. FOOTROCKING—Thisisanotherrepetitivebehaviorthatservestopacifyus.

We might do this when we’re waiting for someone to hurry up—therockingshiftsfromtheheelstothetoes,backandforth.Sincethiselevatesusaswe rock forward, it isalsosomewhatofagravity-defyingbehavior.Footrockingcanbothalleviateboredomanddemonstratethatapersonisincharge.

392. FOOT TURNING AWAY—Whenwe’re talking to someone, wemight signalthatweneedtoleavebygraduallyorsuddenlypointingonefoottowardthedoor.Thisisournonverbalwayofcommunicating“Ihavetogo.”Itisanintentioncue,andifthepersonwe’retalkingtoignoresit,wecanbecomeveryirritated.Bemindfulofothers,andrecognizethatwhentheirfootturnsaway,chancesaretheyhavetogo.

393. FEETTURNINGAWAY—Whenweareinthepresenceofsomeonewedislike,itisnotunusualforourfeettoturntogethertowardthedoororawayfromthatperson.Inwatchingjuriesovertheyears,Ihavenotedthatjurorsoftenturn their feet toward the jury room the instantawitnessorattorney theydislikebeginstospeak.Atparties,youmightseetwopeoplelookateachother and even exchange a social smile while their feet will turn away,indicatingtheirmutualdislike.

394. TOESPOINTINGINWARD/PIGEONTOES—Somepeople turn their toes inward(sometimes called “pigeon toes”) when they are insecure, shy, orintroverted,orwhentheyfeelparticularlyvulnerable.Thisbehavior,whichis generally seen in children but also in some adults, demonstrates somesortofemotionalneedorapprehension.

395. TOES POINTING UP—Occasionally, when someone is engaged inconversation, either in personor over the phone, youwill see the toes ofone footpointup,atanangle,with theheel firm to theground.This isagravity-defying behavior, which is usually associated with positiveemotions.When good friends run into each other, you will also see thisbehaviorastheytalk.

396. EXPOSING SOLES OF FEET—In many parts of the world, especially theMiddleEast,Africa,andpartsofAsia,displayingthesoleofone’sfootorshoe is insulting.When traveling abroad, be careful howyou sit—restingthe ankle on a knee exposes your soles. It is usually preferable to eitherkeepbothfeetonthegroundortodrapeonelegovertheoppositekneeso

thatthesoleispointingdownward.

397. BOUNCY HAPPY FEET—We sometimes register an emotional high withhappy feet—the feet are animated and jumpy. This is certainly visible inchildren, when you tell them you’re taking them to a theme park, forexample. But we also see it in adults. Poker players, for instance,mightbouncetheirfeetunderthetablewhentheyhaveamonsterhand.Whilethefeet themselvesmightnotbevisible,often theywillcause theclothing toshakeortrembleallthewayuptotheshoulders.

398. FOOTTAPPING—This isa familiarbehaviorused topass the time, tokeeptempo with music, or, like finger strumming, to indicate that we arebecomingimpatient.Usuallyjustthefrontofthefootisinvolved,whiletheheelremainsgrounded,butitcanalsobedonewiththeheelofthefoot.

399. TOEWIGGLING—Ever find yourselfwiggling your toes?Chances are youwere feeling good about something, excited, or eagerly anticipating anevent. Themovement of the toes stimulates nerves that help to alleviateboredomor stress and can signal excitement inmuch thewayhappy feetdo.

400. AGITATEDFEET—Everyparent recognizes theagitated feetofachildwhowants to leave the table to go play.Often our feetwill telegraph thatwewant to leave, even in a boardroom full of adults, through excessiveuncomfortable movements. These might include repetitive shifting,movement from side to side, foot withdrawal, or repetitively raising andloweringtheheelsofthefeet.

401. NERVOUSPACING—Manypeoplewillpacewhentheyarestressed.Thisactsasapacifier,asallrepetitivebehaviorsdo.

402. LEGSAS INDICATORSOFDESIRES—Our legsoften signalwhenwewant togetcloser tosomethingorsomeone.Legsandfeetwillgravitate towardastore window displaying candy, or a person we are interested in. Or wemightleanawayasiftoleavebutourlegsremainfrozeninplacebecausewelikethepersonwearewith.

403. LEG TANTRUMS—These are most often seen in children when they twist,move,andenergeticallystomptheir legs, lettingeveryoneknowhowtheyfeel.Andit’snotjustchildren,fromtimetotimeyouwillseeadultsdothe

same, as I did when an executive was bumped from a flight. This is areminderthatthelegsalsodemonstrateemotions,andbecausethesearethelargestmusclesinthebody,theydosowithmaximumeffect.

404. FOOT STOMPING—Children are not the only oneswho stomp their feet tomaketheirfeelingsknown.Weoftenseethiswhenpeopleareexasperatedor they have reached the limit of their patience. I’ve observed men andwomenstompingtheirfeetinlinesthatmovetooslowly.Usuallythefootisonlystompedonce,justtogetnoticed.

405. SOCK PULLING—Stress will cause skin temperature to rise quickly. Formanypeople,theirfeetandlowerlegsbecomeuncomfortablywarm.Whenstressed, they will ventilate their ankles by pulling on their socks,sometimes repeatedly. This is an often unnoticed behavior that signals ahighdegreeofpsychologicaldiscomfort.

406. SHOE DANGLE—When some people, especially women, are comfortablearoundothers,theywilldangletheirshoeneartheinstepofthefoot.Thisisoftenseen indatingsituations.Theshoewillbeslippedbackon theveryinstant a woman feels uncomfortable or no longer likes what the otherpersonissaying.

407. GENERALFOOTANDLEGAGITATION—Apersonmaypresent inanagitatedstatewhereintheirfeetarerestlessandtheyshiftorpace,racingtoandfroseeminglywithoutpurpose.Thismightbebecauseofadiagnosableevent,suchasanallergicreactiontoadrug,illicitdruguse,shockafteratragedy,or apanicattack.Concurrently, theymightdisplayclenched fists, fidgetyhands, some lip biting, and even eye twitching. This generalized state ofagitation is a nonverbal signal that something iswrong and the person isstruggling to dealwith it.Medical assistance or psychological counselingmightbeneeded.Don’texpectthepersonexperiencingsuchagitationtobeabletospeakorthinkcoherentlyatamomentlikethis.

Conclusion

Myhopeforthisbookisthatitwillopenyoureyestotheworldaroundyou,tohelpyouunderstand and appreciate others through this unspoken languagewecallnonverbals.Butreadingaboutitisonlythefirststep.Nowcomesthemoreinteresting part: looking for and testing what you have learned. By verifyingtheseobservationsonyourown,“inthefield,”everyday,youwilldevelopyourownskillsetfordecodinghumanbehavior.Themoreyoustudyandverify,theeasieritbecomes,andyouwillcometoimmediatelynoticesignsothersmiss.

Wehumansareallinthepeoplebusiness.Tobeattunedtoothersistocare.Leadershipisallaboutunderstandingandcommunicating,andbodylanguageisa key piece of that. Effective leaders listen and transmit on two channels: theverbalandthenonverbal.Andeventhoughourworldisbecomingincreasinglydigitized and depersonalized, face-to-face contact is still extraordinarilyimportantinbuildingrelationships,establishingtrustandrapport,understandingothers,andrelatingempathetically.Technologyhasitsuses—ithelpedmewritethis book—but it has limitations when it comes to selecting a best friend orsomeone to spend your life with. The nonverbal cues we give, and those wenoticeinothers,mattersignificantly.

Ofcourse,nobookcanencompassallofhumanbehavior.Otherswillfocuson different behaviors and contribute to our knowledge beyond my scope—perhaps one day it will be you. It has been my intent always to share myknowledge and experiences with others, and doing so has brought me greathappiness. I hope you also will share with others what you’ve learned aboutbody languageandnonverbalcommunication.Mayyour lifebeasenrichedasmine has been, learning about why we do the things we do. It has been aninterestingride.Thankyouforsharingit.

Acknowledgments

Ibegineachjourneyintowritingfullyawareandmindful thatsomanypeoplehave helped me along the way and not just in writing. Most will never berecognizedbecauseIhavelongforgottenthenameofateacherwhoansweredaquestion, or the neighborwho shared a lunch, or the coachwho taughtme todisciplinemyfocus.Ihaveforgottentheirnamesbutnottheiractsofkindness.Nor have I forgotten the countless people all over theworld, fromBeijing toBucharest,whohavehonoredmebybuyingmybooks,followingmeonsocialmedia,andencouragingmetowrite.Aheartythank-you.

To Ashleigh Rose Dingwall, thank you for your assistance in reading themanuscript and for your valuable suggestions. To themen andwomen of theFBI, especially those in the prepublication review unit, thank you for yourtirelessassistancealways.

WilliamMorrowispresentlyhometofourofmybookspreciselybecauseofpeoplelikepublisherLiateStehlikandthewonderfulteamwhoworkedonthisproject in cluding Ryan Curry, Bianca Flores, Lex Maudlin, and productioneditor Julia Meltzer. To my editor at William Morrow, Nick Amphlett, whochampionedthisproject,expertlyguidingitthroughitsmanypaces,Ihavemorethan gratitude. Nick, you were most kind and generous with your time, yourideas, and theeditingprocess.Youandyourcolleaguescollectivelymade thisworkpossibleandIthankyou.

To my dear friend and literary agent Steve Ross, director of the BookDivision at theAbramsArtistAgency, you havemymost profound gratitude.Steve is the kind of agent most writers wish they had because he listens, hecares,hecounsels,andhegetsthingsdone.Steve,youareunique.Thankyouforyourguidanceandleadershipwhenitwasneededthemost.Abigthank-youalsogoes out to your colleagues David Doerrer and Madison Dettlinger for theirassistanceonthisandotherprojects.

Iwouldnotbeherewritingifnotformyfamily,whohavealwayssupportedme and allowed me to be curious and follow my own path less taken. ToMarianaandAlbert,myparents,thankyouforallthesacrificesyoumadesothat

Icouldtriumph.Tomysisters,MarianelaandTerry,yourbrotherlovesyou.ToStephanie,mydaughter,youhave the loveliestof souls.ToJaniceHillaryandmyfamily inLondon, thankyouforyourencouragementandunderstanding—always.

Lastlytomywife,Thryth,whoissowonderfullysupportiveofeverythingIdo, but especially of my writing— thank you. From your kindness I drawstrengthandfromyourencouragementIaspiretobebetterinallthings.Iamafarbetterpersonsinceyouenteredmylife.Yourloveisfelteachdayinthemostimportantofways—byeverythingyoudo.

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Index

Thepaginationofthisdigitaleditiondoesnotmatchtheprinteditionfromwhichtheindexwascreated.Tolocateaspecificentry,pleaseuseyourebookreader’ssearchtools.

abrazo,109acceptance,lookingfor,38–39acetylcholine,99–100activelistening,44–45adornments.Seealsoclothing;hatsoncheeks,79onears,45oneyes,41–42

affirmativeinhaling,54aggressivestare,41agitatedfeet,171anglingtotheside,158–59angrychinperching,88angryeyes,41animatedgestures,110anklequivering,164anklescratching,163anklesinterlockingaroundchairlegs,161ankleslocking,161answering,delayin,62apology,speedingthrough,65–66argumentshandthrusttoface,127interruptive,63territorialchallenge,158

arms,the,109–18armcrossing,112–14dislike,113–14holdingwrist,114massaging,114protection,113self-restraint,113

armhugging,109,112–13armmotions,erratic,142armpitexposing,112armsagainstbody,handsflexed,110–11

armsakimbo,121–22armsheldbehindback,111armspreading,114armsstiffening,111–12arthritis,119–20askance,looking(sideways),38authoritativeposes,107,121–22autonomicarousal,19,44

balance,lossof,165–66baringteeth,60beardstroking,88–89behindback,armsheld,111behindhead,interlacedfingers,elbowsup,14–15belly,the,143–52bellyrubbing,152headscratchingwith,14

belly/ventralcovering,148–49,152belly/ventralfronting,148“bird”finger,132bitinglip,70nails,133tongue,56

blinkrates,29–30blushingofneckandface,101–2ofskinofear,44

bodychill,151bodyslouching,150Botox,18,69bouncyhappyfeet,170–71bowing,108brain,9,17,19,27,28,29,97,125,129breathholding,54–55breathingchestheaving,rapid,143shallow,fast,144

brushingchinwithbackofhand,87brushingnose,50“bunnynose,”48businesssuits,paddedshoulders,105,107buttocks,the,153–56buttockshifting,153–54

catharticexhaling,53–54catharticutterances,63–64“cauliflowerears,”45cheeks,the,79–82puffingout,81

strummingfingerson,80tonguein,58

cheekframing,80–81cheekmassaging,80cheekscratching,81–82cheektouching,80,81cheekwiping,82chest,the,143–52palmon,145–46pressingon,144repetitivehandrakingof,145

chestheaving,rapidbreathing,143chewinggum,55–56chewingtongue,56chin,the,85–90chinbrushingwithbackofhand,87chincradling,87–88chindimpling,89chindropwithshouldersslumping,86–87chinhiding,86chin-musclequivering,89chinperch,88chinpointing,90chinpointingdown,85–86chinshifting,88chintoshoulder,89chintouching,87chinup,85chinwithdrawing,86claviclemassaging,144claviclerubbing,107clearingofthroat,66closedeyes,33foremphasis,33–34rubbingbridgeofnose,34

closedfist,massaging,134clothingbusinesssuits,paddedshoulders,105,107clingingbehaviors,131dressingthetorso,151–52playingwith,99,146preening,137pullingtoventilate,146

cognitiveload,21compressinglips.Seelipcompressingconjugatelateraleyemovement(CLEM),35–36coughing,66coveringofbelly,148–49ofbelly,duringpregnancy,152ofeyes,34

offoreheadwithhat,21ofgenitals,156ofnosewithbothhands,47–48ofsuprasternalnotch(neckdimple),98

crackingknuckles,136withinterlacedfingers,136–37

cradlingchin,87–88crimpingcornersofthemouth,77crossingarms.Seearmcrossingcrossinglegasbarrier,sitting,162crossingstandingleg,164crotchgrabbing,155–56crying,34–35chin-musclequivering,89fatiguedeyes,37whileclutchingobjects,35

cultureandbodylanguage,2–3curlingfingers,138

dartingeyes,35tongue,60

deBecker,Gavin,117decompresslips,reluctanceto,72delayinanswering,62disgust,48,49,58,77dismissivepreening,137distancing,spatial(proxemics),157–58distancingfromobjects,141doublingover,150–51draggingfeet,163drapinglegs,162dressingthetorso,151–52dropofthejaw,83drymouth,55Duchennesmile,76“dupingdelight,”94

ears,the,43–45earflushingorblushing,44earleaningtowardspeaker,44earlobepullingormassaging,43–44earornamentation,45ejection-seateffect,149–50Ekman,Paul,17,76,94,132elationdisplays,110–11elbowflexing,115elbowout,handonleg,138elbowsinterlocking,115–16elbowsnarrowing,115elbowsspreadingout,115

elbowsup,interlacedfingersbehind,14–15Elviseffect,49emotionalasymmetryoftheface,93emotionalchirality,93emphasisclosedeyesfor,33–34elbowflex,115withhands,131–32usingfingerasbaton,133

erraticarmandhandmotions,142evolution,4–5,47,67,91,98,117,167excessivesweating,117exhalingcathartic,53–54loud,short,53

exposingsolesoffeet,170eyes,the,27–42blinkrates,29–30blockingbehaviors,33,34,37closed.Seeclosedeyescoveringof,34glazed,38quiveringunder,29relaxed,28–29

eye-accessingcues,35–36eyeadornment,41–42eyeavoidance,30–31eyebrows,the,23–25eyebrowarchingchintowardneck,25happy,23–24tense,24

eyebrowasymmetry,25eyebrowgreetings,24eyebrownarrowing/knitting,25eyecontact,30–31eye-contactseeking,31–32eyelidsfluttering,36eyelidtouching,37eyepointing,36eye-pointingcluster,36–37eyerolling,37eyesdarting,35eyeslowered,39eyesocketnarrowing,29eyeswidening(stiff),41

face,the,91–95.Seealsoindividualelementsoffacehandthrustto,127faceavoidance,92faceblocking,92faceincrowd,odd,93–94

faceshielding,92facetouching,95facialdenting,80,82facialflushing/blushing,101–2facialincongruence,93facialmassaging,80facialtics,79–80falsesmiles,76far-offlook,37fatiguedeyes,37“feargrin,”60feet,the,167–73feetagitation,171feetdragging,163feetturningaway,169fetalposition,151fillersounds,66fingers,the,119–42asbaton,133givingthefinger,132interlaced.Seeinterlacedfingersfingerholding,126

fingerjabbing,132–33fingerpointing,132fingerrub,teepee,135fingersclosetogether,129fingerscurling,138fingerstrumming,134oncheek,80

fingertipstolips,70fistholdinginfrontofneck,100–101massagingclosed,134speaker’s,134–35

flaringnostrils,51flashingeyebrows(happy),23–24flexingelbows,115flexingknees,163flickingnailsonteeth,60flippinghair,12flushingofneckandface,101–2ofskinofear,44

flutteringeyelids,36footandlegagitation,173footrocking,168–69footsies,168footstomping,172foottapping,171footturningaway,169footwithdrawing,168

forehead,the,17–21pressinghandon,20

foreheadfurrowing,17–18foreheadmassaging,20foreheadsweating,19foreheadtension,17–18forwardsitting,147–48framingcheeks,80–81framinggenitals,156freeze,flight,fightresponse,55,149–50,161frequencyoftouch,120–21frequentblinking,30frozenfeet,167furniture,holdingonto,131furrowingoftheeyebrows,25oftheforehead,17–18puzzledlook,20–21

gazeandsentiments,32gazeengaging,32gazesuperiority,31gazingversusstaring,33genitals,the,153–56genitalcovering,156genitalframing,156genitaltouching,155Givens,David,2,10,89givingthefinger,132glabella,25glazedeyes,38goosebumps,116grabbingthecrotch,155–56greetings,138–40eyebrow,24handshaking,138–39hugging,109namaste,139–40turningaway,148

“grouper”mouth,74gumchewing,55–56

hair,10playingwith,10–11,137runningfingersthrough,11ventilating,11–12

hairerection(piloerection),117hairflipping/touching,12hairpreening,137hairpulling,12–13

Hall,EdwardT.,2,157hands,the,119–42asanchors,127conditionof,119–20jittery,126–27pressingonforehead,20inready/activeposition,124

handdisplays,territorial,122handemphasis,131–32handgrooming,120handholding,140handmotions,erratic,142handonleg,elbowout,138handrakingofchest,repetitive,145handrestricting,125–26handshakes,121,138–39handsinpocket,134handsonhips,armsakimbo,121–22handsonpalms,rubbing,135handsteepling,123–24handthrusttoface,127handwringing,126happyeyebrowarching/flashing,23–24happyfeet,170–71hardswallowing,101hats,9–10coveringforeheadwith,21lifting(ventilating),16

head,the,9–16interlacedfingersbehind,elbowsup,14–15interlacingfingersontopof,15–16reachingfor(stupefied),15

headadornments,9–10headnoddingaffirmative,13contradiction,13

headpatting,backofhead,13headscratching,14,112withtummyrubbing,14

headstroking,14headtilts,38,50,102–3,106hidingchin,86hips,the,153–56hip/buttockshifting,153–54hip-outdisplays,155hiprubbing,154hipswaying,154hip-torsorocking,154holdingfingers,126

fistinfrontofneck,100–101ontofurniture,131hands,140shouldershigh,106

holdingnosehigh,50holdingofbreath,54–55“hooding,”15,16horripilation,116hugging,109.Seealsoself-hugginghyperemia(skinblushing),44,101–2

incessanttalking,64incongruence,facial,93incongruenttalk,64–65indecentfinger,132indexfingertonose,49–50inhalingaffirmative,54suckinginairthroughcornersofmouth,54

insultsexposingsolesoffeet,170handthrusttoface,127pointingatforehead,20tongue,58

intentioncues,169interlaced(interlacing)fingersbehindhead,elbowsup,14–15knucklecrackingwith,136–37modifiedhandsteepling,124palmsuporpalmsdown,135–36teepeefingerrub,135thumbsdown,128thumbsup,128ontopofhead,15–16

interlockingelbows,115–16interruptivearguments,63isopraxis,149

jabbingafinger,132–33jaw,the,79,82–83jawdisplacement,83jawdropping,83jawjutting,83jawmusclespulsing,83jawshifting,83jawtensing,82jewelry,playingwith,123jitteryhands,126–27joy,67,75,76,111,165jumping(joy),165juttingjaw,83

juttingtongue,58

kneeclaspingleaningback,161leaningforward,162

kneeflexing,163knee-highself-hugging,164kneerubbing,163knittingeyebrows,25knucklecracking,136withinterlacedfingers,136–37

kowtowing,108

laughter,67“leakage,”93leaninganear,44leaningaway,147movingchairaway,150

leaningback,kneeclasping,161leaningforward,kneeclasping,162legs,the,157–66handon,elbowout,138asindicatorsofdesires,172tappingsidesof,137

legagitation,173legcleanser,162legdraping,162legkicking,sitting,164–65legrubbing,162legsspreadingapart,sitting,160–61legstogether,sitting,160legtantrums,172lickinglips,70–71tonguelickingteeth,59

liftinghat,16limbicsystem,3,116,129,165lips,the,69–78fingertipsto,70theO,75upside-down,73withdrawing,72

lipbiting,70lipcompressing,71pulleddown,72reluctancetodecompresslips,72slightpressingoflips,71–72

lipfullness,69liplicking,70–71lipnarrowing,71

lipplucking,70lippursing,73–74pulledtoside,74

lipquivering,73liprise,upper,77listening,44–45longstare,40lookingaskance(sideways),38lookingatceilingorsky,38lookingaway,39–40lookingforacceptance,38–39lossofbalance,165–66loud,shortexhaling,53loudinhaling,54loweredeyes,39

“manspreading,”156massagingarmcrossing,114cheekorfacial,80clavicle,144closedfist,134earlobe,43–44forehead,20neck,99repetitivehandrakingofchest,145thumb,128vagusnerve,99–100

mirroring,149modifiedhandsteepling,124Morris,Desmond,2,153mouth,the,53–67mouthopen,jawtoside,75mouthstretching,56–57movingchairaway,150mustachestroking,88–89

nailbiting,133nails,flickingonteeth,60nailsflicking,138namaste,139–40“narcissisticserenity,”94narrowingofelbows,115ofeyebrows,25ofeyesocket,29oflips,71

neck,the,97–103holdingfistinfrontof,100–101

neckdimple,coveringof,98

neckexposure,102–3neckflushing/blushing,101–2necklacecryingwhileclutching,35playingwith,99

neckmassaging,99neckstiffening,103neckstretching,101necktouching,97–98neckveinspulsing,101neckventilating,100needletracks,118nervouspacing,172nervoussmiles,76nervouswhistling,66–67nose,the,47–52coveringwithbothhands,47–48holdinghigh,50indexfingerto,49–50sneakingtouch,51–52

nosebrushing,50noseinhaling,rapid,52nosetapping/signaling,50–51nosetwitching,49nosewrinklingunilateral,48–49upward(disgust),48

nostrilflaring,51

O,the,75objectplacement,123objectsdistancingfrom,141playingwith,123

oddfaceincrowd,93–94OKsign,140thumbup,130

orientationreflex(OR),12outofplacesmirk(“dupingdelight”),94overeating,57–58oxytocin,121,139,152–53

paceduringwalk,159–60pacing,nervous,172paddedshoulders,105,107palmonchest,145–46palmout,playingwithhair,11palms-downdisplays,125fingersspread,125interlacedfingers,135–36

palms-updisplays,124–25interlacedfingers,135–36

panicattacks,144,145,173pattingbackofhead,13shoulder,121

perspiration.Seesweatingphiltrum,playingwith,51pigeontoes,169–70piloerection,117pinchingthecornersofthemouth,82pitchofvoice,61playingfootsies,168playingwitharing,141playingwithhair,10–11,137playingwithnecklace,99playingwithobjects,123playingwithphiltrum,51playingwithshirtcollar,99playingwithzipper,146pluckinglips,70pointingchin,90eye-pointingcluster,36–37eyes,36–37afinger,132atforehead,20

politician’sthumb,140–41posturalechoing,149precisiongrip,141preening,137pregnancy(pregnantwomen),152“pregnantpause,”62–63pressinghandonforehead,20pressingonchest,144pressingtheflesh,121protrudingtongue,59proxemics,157–58puffingoutcheeks,81pupilconstriction,28pupildilation,27–28pursinglips,73–74pulledtoside,74

pushingawayfromtable,122puzzledlook,20–21

quickshouldershrugging,106–7quiveringankle,164chin-muscle,89undereyes,29

lips,73

raisedpalmthrust,127raisedthumb.Seethumbsupraisingoneshoulder,105–6raisingshoulderswithpalmsup,headcanted,108rapidbreathing,143,144rapidnoseinhaling,52reachingforhead(stupefied),15reciprocaltouching,130–31regalstance,111relaxedeyes,28–29reluctancetotouchwithpalm,142repetitionofwords,65repetitivehandrakingofchest,145restrainedelation,110–11rigidsitting,149ringplaying,141rockingfoot,168–69rogatoryhandposition,124–25rollingoftheeyes,37runningfingersthroughhair,11

sadeyes,39sadmouth,74salivaballsofmouth,55scarredears,45scratchingankle,163cheek,81–82head,14,112knee,163

securityblankets,131self-hugging,112–13knee-high,164

self-injury,117–18self-touching,whileanswering,127sentimentsandgaze,32serenityinturmoil,94shakinghands,121,138–39shallow,fastbreathing,144shieldingface,92shiftingchin,88shiftinghip/buttock,153–54shiftingjaw,83shirtcollarcryingwhileclutching,35playingwith,99

shoedangle,173shoulders,the,105–8chinto,89

patting,121shoulderinterest,106shoulderrubbing,107shouldershrugging,106–7shoulderswidening,107silence,62–63sittingbehaviors,147–50,160–63,164–65skinblushing,44,101–2skinpulling,100slightpressingoflips,71–72slouching,150slumpedshoulders,105chindropwith,86–87

smiles/smiling,75–77smirk,outofplace,94smoking,57sneakingacheektouch,81sneakingnosetouch,51–52socialstatus,andtouch,121sockpulling,173solesoffeet,exposing,170spatialdistancing,157–58speaker’sfist,134–35speedingthroughcomments,65–66speedofresponse,65speedoftalking,64spreadingapartlegs,156,160–61spreadingoutarms,114spreadingoutelbows,115squinting,40slight,40

stammering,62standinglegcrossing,164stare,long,40staringaggressively,41staringversusgazing,33starter’sposition,162steepling,hand,123–24stiffeningofarms,111–12ofneck,103

stompingfoot,172stresslines,19stretchingneck,101strummingfingers,134oncheek,80

stuck-outtongue,58stuttering,62suckinginairthroughcornersofmouth,54suddenfacialtics,79–80

suprasternalnotch,coveringof,98surrogatetouching,130–31swallowing,hard,101swayinghips,154sweatingexcessive,117forehead,19hands,154playingwithphiltrum,51

talk/talkinganglingtotheside,158–59catharticutterances,63–64coughingorclearingofthroat,66delayinanswering,62fillersounds,66footturningaway,169gesturingwhile,110incessant,64incongruent,64–65interruptivearguments,63pitchofvoice,61politician’sthumb,140–41repetitionofwords,65silence,62–63speaker’sfist,134–35speedingthroughcomments,65–66speedof,64speedofresponse,65stuttering/stammering,62toespointingup,170toneofvoice,61two-handedpushback,133uptalk,61usingfingerasbaton,133

“talktothehand,”127tappingfoot,171nose,50–51sidesoflegs,137teeth,60–61

teepeefingerrub,135teethbaring,60teethtapping,60–61templeveinthrobbing,19tenderedhandshake,139tenseeyebrowarching,24tensingjaw,82territorialchallenge,158territorialdisplays

thearms,114,115thehands,122,127,138thehead,15thelegs,158,160–61,162

territorialstance,158throatclearing,56,66throbbingtemplevein,19thumbdisplays,129–30thumbmassaging,128thumbout,129thumbsdown,interlacedfingers,128thumbsup,129–30interlacedfingers,128OKsign,130

thumbtwirling,128thumbwithdrawing,129ticsfacial,79–80vocal,56

tie-knottouching,98–99toespointinginward,169–70toespointingup,170toewiggling,171toneofvoice,61tonguebiting/chewing,56tonguedarting,60tongueincheek,58tongueinsults,58tonguejutting,58tonguelickingteeth,59tonguepressingagainstpalate,59tongueprotruding,59tonguerubbing,upper-lip,78torso,the,143–52trichotillomania,12–13triumphdisplays,111truesmiles,76tummy,the.Seebelly,theturningaway,148feet,169foot,169

“turtleeffect,”106tut-tutting,67twiddlingthumbs,128twitchingnose,49two-handedpushback,133

uncooperativelegsandfeet,165unilateralnosewrinkling,48–49upperliprise,77upper-liptonguerubbing,78

upside-downlips,73uptalk,61

vagusnerve,massaging,99–100ventralcovering,148–49duringpregnancy,152

ventraldenial,148ventralfronting,148vocaltics,56voicepitch,61voicetone,61Vrij,Aldert,125–26

“wagging”finger,133walkingbehaviors,159walkingpace,159–60WhatEveryBODYIsSaying(Navarro),7,98whistlingnervously,66–67wideningshoulders,107wigglingtoes,171wipingcheeks,82withdrawingchin,86feet,168lips,72thumb,129

wordrepetition,65wringinghands,126wristbehaviors,116

xerostomia,55

yawning,57

zipper,playingwith,146

AbouttheAuthor

JOENAVARROhasspenta lifetimeobservingothers.For twenty-fiveyears,as aSpecialAgent for theFBI, he conducted and supervised interrogationsofspies and other dangerous criminals, mastering the art of nonverbalcommunication.AfterretiringfromtheBureau,hebecameasought-afterpublicspeaker and consultant, and wrote the groundbreaking bestsellerWhat EveryBODYIsSaying.Now,Navarroreturnswithhismostambitiousworkyet.TheDictionary of Body Language is a pioneering field guide to nonverbalcommunication,revealingthemorethanfourhundredbehaviorsthatwillallowyoutogaugeanyone’strueintentions.

Movingfromtheheaddowntothefeet,Navarroshowsthehiddenmeaningsbehind themanyconsciousandsubconscious thingswedo.Readerswill learnhow to tell a person’s feelings from subtle changes in their pupils; the lipbehaviors that may betray concerns; the many different varieties of armposturing,andwhateachonemeans;andmanyotherfascinatinginsights.

Readerswill turnagainandagain toTheDictionaryofBodyLanguage—abible for understanding what your boss really means, whether a potentialromanticpartnerisinterestedornot,andhowtoputyourselfforwardinthemostfavorablelight.

Discovergreatauthors,exclusiveoffers,andmoreathc.com.

AlsobyJoeNavarro

WhatEveryBODYIsSaying:AnEx-FBIAgent’sGuidetoSpeed-ReadingPeople

LouderThanWords:TakeYourCareerfromAveragetoExceptionalwiththeHiddenPowerofNonverbalIntelligence

PhilHellmuthPresentsRead’EmandReap:ACareerFBIAgent’sGuidetoDecodingPokerTells

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Copyright

While themanuscript for this bookwas reviewed by the FederalBureau of Investigation (FBI) prior topublication,theopinionsandthoughtsexpressedhereinarethoseoftheauthorexclusively.

THE DICTIONARY OF BODY LANGUAGE. Copyright © 2018 by Joe Navarro. All rights reservedunderInternationalandPan-AmericanCopyrightConventions.Bypaymentoftherequiredfees,youhavebeengranted thenonexclusive,nontransferableright toaccessandread the textof thise-bookon-screen.Nopartofthistextmaybereproduced,transmitted,downloaded,decompiled,reverse-engineered,orstoredinorintroducedintoanyinformationstorageandretrievalsystem,inanyformorbyanymeans,whetherelectronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission ofHarperCollinse-books.

CoverdesignbyLexMaudlinCoverillustration©Leremy/ShutterstockIllustrationcredits:here,here,here,here,here,here,here,here,here, here © Anna Rassadnikova/Shutterstock, Inc.; here © freelanceartist/Shutterstock, Inc.; here ©OksanaUsenko/Shutterstock,Inc.;here©makar/Shutterstock,Inc.

FIRSTEDITION

LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationDataNames:Navarro,Joe,1953-author.

Title:Thedictionaryofbodylanguage:afieldguidetohumanbehavior/JoeNavarro.Description:NewYork,NY:WilliamMorrow,[2018]|Includesbibliographicalreferencesandindex.Identifiers:LCCN2018024764|ISBN9780062846877(tradepaperback).Subjects:LCSH:Bodylanguage—Dictionaries.Classification:LCCBF637.N66N3782018|DDC153.6/903—dc23LCrecordavailableathttps://lccn.loc.gov/2018024764.

DigitalEditionAUGUST2018ISBN:978-0-06-284686-0Version06192018PrintISBN:978-0-06284687-7

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