WHAT I WISH I KNEW WHEN BEGINNING A SINGLE ADULT

MINISTRY

DISCOVERING THE KEYS THAT UNLOCK THE ANSWERS!

Dennis Franck

Director, Single Adult Ministries

Assemblies of God

TYPES OF SINGLE ADULTS… WHO WILL ATTEND

NEVER MARRIED-mostly ages 18-35 FORMERLY MARRIED-all ages 20-65 WIDOWED-all ages 25-65 SINGLE PARENT-mostly ages 20-50 SEPARATED-all ages 20-65

(legally married but living a single life)

VAST AGE SPAN-19-65 yrs

Varied interests…

Varied physical abilities…

Varied preferences…

Varied opinions…

COMMON NEEDS/INTERESTS OF MARRIED & SINGLE

ADULTS SALVATION BAPTISM DISCIPLESHIP OBEDIENCE PRAYER LIFE COMMITMENT BIBLE TEACHING SPIRITUAL GROWTH

COMMON INTERESTS/NEEDS OF SINGLE ADULTS (all ages)

Spiritual Growth Singleness issues Friendships with same

and opposite sex Money management Understanding

Sexuality Developing Identity Stress management Coping with changes Setting goals

Career issues Self esteem Dating Pre-marital education Understanding

emotions Learning to risk Acceptance Guilt Loneliness Financial issues

UNIQUE INTERESTS/NEEDS OF SINGLE ADULTS

Rearing kids alone Shared parenting Relating to ex spouse Time away from kids Extra financial issues Learning to forgive Learning to trust Dating/dating again Divorce Recovery

Grief Recovery Learning to risk Fitting in Finding my new role Depression Managing anger Blending families Relating to married

adults as a single

ASK THESE QUESTIONS!

Who are we trying to reach?

Why are we trying to reach them?

What are the demographics of our church?

What are the demographics of our community?

ASK THESE QUESTIONS!

What resources do we have now?(People-Facilities-Money-Materials etc.)

What resources do we need to get?

Who else is doing what we want to do?

Same denomination

Other denominations/independent

DESIGN MINISTRY BYAGE AND/OR NEED GROUPS

BY AGE…

18-25-College age

20’s & 30’s (24-37 Gen X)

30+Single/single- again

(35+ if have 20’s & 30”s)

55+ “Mature” Single

BY NEED….

Single Parents & children-Pre-school-Elementary-Jr/Sr High

Divorce Care & children-Age groups

Widowed

MINISTRY GROUP MODELS

DESIGN YOUR MINISTRY BY YOUR PURPOSE/MISSION…

OUTREACH DISCIPLESHIP SOCIAL DISCUSSION EDUCATION COMBINATION

OUTREACH Topical teaching on personal issues Discussion opportunities-small & large group Informal seating-tables and chairs best Extended fellowship time (15-30 minutes) Light, short praise and worship Refreshments provided-helpful to fellowship Many people involved in the meeting Prayer-short times of-few involved Attracts mature, immature Christians and

unbelievers Attracts many visitors Functions well in neutral, non-threatening settings Frequency-weekly to monthly

DISCIPLESHIP Bible-study oriented-Bible books & spiritual topics Discussion-small and large group Praise & worship-heavy, maybe extended Prayer-various types & much time for Group interaction with teacher during teaching Short fellowship time Attracts strong & maturing Christians Does not attract many visitors or unbelievers Refreshments-May be provided, but not necessary Location-church, home or other Frequency-weekly to monthly

SOCIAL Many types of social/recreational events Attracts unbelievers, immature & mature Christians Attracts visitors Teaching-rare, devotional type if ever Prayer-minimal if ever Praise & worship-rare if ever Discussion-rare, if ever Location-various settings and types of Frequency-weekly to monthly Consider cost Consider target age Refreshments-usual and often

EDUCATIONAL Praise & worship-light & brief if any Teaching-concentrated for a period of time

– Half day to day-and-a-half -3-8 week series Personal and spiritual topics Discussion-large & small groups Prayer-short and brief, one to several involved Visitors-attracted to this Attracts immature and mature Christians Location-church rooms and neutral locations Frequency-2-4 months Refreshments-helpful for fellowship

DISCUSSION Praise & worship-rare and brief Teaching-rare, brief and topical Discussion-regular, small group-possible large

group wrap up Visitors-attracted to and frequent Prayer-short & brief Attracts immature and mature Christians Location-church rooms and neutral settings Frequency-weekly to monthly Refreshments-helpful for fellowship

COMBINATION

PLAN A TOTAL MINISTRY… BUILD IT IN STAGES… WAIT TILL YOU HAVE LEADERSHIP WAIT TILL YOU HAVE RESOURCES

– Vision– Room (s)– Finances– Resources– Materials

ON GROUNDS BENENFITS 1) More people exposed to your church 2) Less storage problems 3) Less set up, clean up and transporting of tables,

chairs, props, materials etc. 4) More access to tables, chairs, props etc. 5) Less time finding a meeting room

ON GROUNDS BENEFITS 6) Less risk of losing the meeting room 7) No cost 8) Fewer requests to announce other churches'

events 9) More exposure of the ministry to your

church

OFF GROUNDS BENEFITS 1) More community exposure

2) Attracts more unbelievers due to neutral setting 3) Attracts more believers who do not have a singles ministry at

their church 4) Attracts more children of single parents to transport to your

church for Sunday School

Easier to build a city-wide influence and image

OFF GROUNDS BENEFITS 6) Easier to build relationships with other pastors

7) Less denominational hang ups in peoples' minds due to the neutral setting

8) More flexibility with schedule

Any size church could sponsor the ministry

Easier for several churches to sponsor together

POTENTIAL LABELS ROM. 14:16-DO NOT ALLOW WHAT YOU CONSIDER

GOOD TO BE SPOKEN OF AS EVIL….DON’T CRITICIZE THAT WHICH IS JUSTIFIABLE

LONELY HEARTS CLUB………LONERS

DATING MARKET………………LOVERS

HOSPITAL………….……………..LOSERS

CHURCH………………….……….LEAVERS

PLACE OF/FOR MINISTRY...…..LIVERS

HEALING AND WHOLENESS HEALING AND WHOLENESS

-Spiritual-emotional-relational-physical

EMERGENCY ROOM-Sometimes people need help right now

MOBILITY AND TRANSIENCY REASONS FOR:

50 % TURNOVER EVERY 6-12 MONTHS!… “NUMBERS GAME” -move -no one interests them -unfriendliness-marry -conviction -offended-break up -wrong ages -involved in other-too spiritual -not ok with singleness area of church-not spiritual -biases toward others -philosophy diff.

-DON’T’ WORRY ABOUT IT! WORK AT CLOSING THE BACK DOOR!-MINISTER TO PEOPLE WHILE THEY ARE THERE!

OPENNESS AND HONESTY

OPENNESS & HONESTY-Single adults tell it like it is

-Frank, bold, honest teaching needed on relevant issues

COUNSELING -Spiritual, relational, emotional, psychological

-Refer to qualified individuals when necessary

-Establish relationships with Christian counselors

HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS

NEED FOR FRIENDSHIPS-Probably the biggest need

-Provide varied/many opportunities for

-Wholeness comes through healthy friendships

TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE-Lifter-spiritually/emotionally strong

-Leaner- “ “ weak

ENTRANCES/EXITS OF PEOPLE OPEN DOOR

-Everyone is accepted…-Regardless of spiritual, social, mental, physical situations

REVOLVING DOOR -Everyone leaves…-Immediately-later-eventually

SLIDING DOOR-Help mainstream single adults into church-Allow them to leave to minister

INTEGRATION IS THE GOAL!

IT IS THE GOAL FOR MOST PEOPLE TO:

– EVENTUALLY LEAVE THE MINISTRY

– MAINSTREAM INTO THE CHURCH

– TAKE CHURCH LEADERSHIP POSITIONS

– MIX WITH OTHER TYPES OF PEOPLE

– BECOME COMFORTABLE IN THE TOTAL LIFE OF THE CHURCH

OBTAINING SR PASTOR SUPPORT

Meet with him-regularly to inform him Give him materials Ask for help-budget, promotion, speaking Feature the pastor at a major event Interview board members at a meeting/class Send mailings to them Talk to them at church

PLAN INTENTIONALLY LOCATION-on or off the church

grounds-possible pros & cons FORMAT-components of the meeting,

scheduling of time for each SEATING-formal or informal, use of

tables and chairs TEACHING-style, topics, discussion

opportunities, question & answer etc. REFRESHMENTS-simple, inexpensive

CORRECT THE MISCONCEPTIONS

Purposes of the ministry-Where are they stated? How often? Are they known?

Image of the ministry and single adults

• Loners-Singles are usually lonely…

• Losers-Singles are usually hurting and needy…

• Lovers-Singles are usually looking for someone…

• Leavers-Singles are usually uncommitted…

• Livers-Singles can be effective ministers! (Jesus was single)

PROVIDE BALANCED TEACHING

TWO TYPES OF TEACHING NEEDED:

– PERSONAL TOPICS- Relationships, Self Esteem, Sexuality, Career choice, Pre-marital issues, Divorce care, Single parenting etc.

– SPIRITUAL TOPICS-Salvation, Faith, Commitment, Prayer, Discipline, Growth, etc.

PROVIDE BALANCED OPPORTUNITIES

Spiritual Opportunities…

Relational Opportunities…

Educational Opportunities…

Social Opportunities…

BUDGET & FINANCES

ANY MINISTRY WORTH HAVING IS WORTH FUNDING!

– Educate the Sr. Pastor/Board

– Realize single adults will give to the cause

– Being part of the church budget is best!

– Take and keep offerings towards ministry costs

PROMOTION

Promote INSIDE the church• Flyers, bulletins, dramas, posters, videos, emails,

visits to adult classes, other groups etc.

Promote OUTSIDE the church• Website, posters, business cards, newspaper ads, radio

public service announcements, brochures in counseling/shopping centers, laundry mats etc.

UNDERSTAND COUNSELING NEEDS

TYPES NEEDED:

– SPIRITUAL ISSUES– RELATIONAL ISSUES– PERSONAL ISSUES– PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES

PROVIDE AND/OR REFER TO OTHER COUNSELORS

NO VISITORS COMING?

LEADERSHIP SHOULD EVALUATE…– Current promotion– Friendliness of the group– Format of the meeting– Time, location of meeting– Image of the group– Teaching topics, style etc– Opportunities for discussion– Opportunities for fellowship

PLAN LOCAL OUTREACHES Group can easily become inward-focused Outreach helps single adults look outside of

themselves Outreach will give individuals a bigger

perspective Outreach will give individuals a better

perspective Outreach will give your ministry credibility

LOOK FOR A LEADER The buck needs to stop somewhere!

Appoint a leader to…• Provide a vision

• Lead the leadership team

• Make decisions

• Make relationships with leaders a priority

• Make the sacrifices

• Spend time in prayer

• Set an example for the leadership team

BUILDING LEADERSHIP-ASK…

What responsibilities could/should we delegate?

Who has leadership potential?

(Desires-Skills-Experience-Vision-Good Attitude)

When can I meet with them?

BEGINNING A MINISTRY…PRIMARY LEADERSHIP

NEEDED Hospitality Follow-up Music Discussion leaders Snacks/Food Activities Emcee Teacher

MALES VS. FEMALES Generally, the older the group, the more

important and difficult it is to find male leadership.

ISSUES:– Attracting both genders– Retaining both genders– Egos of men– Perceived authority-men vs. women – Use men in front as much as possible– Organizational ability-men vs. women

MARRIED VS. SINGLE

Generally…– The younger the age group, the more accepting

people are of married couples in leadership.

– The older the age group, the more accepting people are of remarried couples in leadership.

MARRIED VS. SINGLE

Leadership should be predominantly single adults. – Experience– Flexibility of time– Understanding of issues– Respect of peers– Example of life, growth, maturity

PRINCIPLES OF LEADERSHIP

OWNERSHIP-They must “own” the ministry!

-People will support what they help to create!

-You don’t need to make all the decisions!

RESPONSIBILITY-Organize the ministry

-Give people responsibilities

-Trust them with these

PRINCIPLES OF LEADERSHIP AUTHORITY

-Give it--Responsibility without authority is PUPPETRY”

-Accept it--Receive it humbly

-Use it--Don’t run to your authority for every decision

-Respect it--Learn your boundaries

ACCOUNTABILITY-Don’t be afraid of it

-Everyone needs to be accountable to someone

-A system of checks and balances

NETWORK WITH OTHER LEADERS!

YOU CAN LEARN FROM OTHERS!

LOOK FOR OTHER GROUPS/LEADERS

YOUR PEOPLE WANT TO MEET OTHER PEOPLE!

YOUR GROUP NEEDS A LARGER VISION!