April7,2014

AMan'sLife,OnManhood

WhatIstheCoreofMasculinity?

We’vecoveredthe3P’sofManhood(protect,procreate,andprovide),andwe’vedistilledthemdowntothefundamentals—theancient,nearlyuniversalstandardsofmanhoodthat

haveexistedaroundtheworldforthousandsofyears.

Butinstudyingthem,onecan’thelpbutnoticethattheirrequirementsarenotexclusivelymanly.Haven’twomenplayedapartintheseroles,notjustnow,butsincetimeimmemorial?Isitpossiblethentodrilldownthroughthesefundamentalsevenfurther,tofindtheroleanditsattendantattributesthatare,ifnotexclusivelymanly,thenthemostdistinctivelymasculine—theverycoreofmanhood?

Ifwelookattheprocreatorandproviderimperatives,wefindthattheyarerolesthatmenandwomenshare–andthatwhatisdistinctivelymasculineaboutthemcomesdowntoadifferenceinemphasis.

Intheprocreatorrole,itmostcertainlytakestwototango.Theemphasisissimplyplacedonthemantakingtheinitiativeingettingtheproceedingsstarted.

Intheproviderrole,menandwomenhavesharedtheresponsibilityforcontributingsustenancetotheirfamiliessincethedawnoftime.Heretheemphasisisonthehusbandcontributingmorethanthewife,andmakingamorevitalcontribution(proteinvs.plants,inpremoderntimes).

Itisthenthechargetoprotectthatemergesasthemostdistinctivelymasculineofthe3P’sofManhood.Becausethisroleinvolvesbothdefendingandconquering,itmightbebettertermedasthewayofthewarrior.Theroleofwarrior/protectorhasbeenalmostexclusivelymaleupuntilthepresentday,andcontinuestoendurenearlyunchangedinthemodernera.

Eveninthemostprogressiveoffamilies,whensomethinggoesbumpinthenight,themanwillnotsendhiswifetoinvestigatewhilehehuddlesunderthecovers.Whenthecarstallsinthemiddleofnowhere,amanwillnotsendhiswifetowalkmilesinsearchofthenearestgasstationwhilehestaystowaitwiththekidsinthelockedcar.

Onanationallevel,thoughallcombatpositionsintheUSmilitary,includingtheSpecialForces,haveandwillpossiblybeopenedtowomen(somepositionsarecurrentlybeingstudied,andmayremainclosedinthefuturependingthoseresults),thisrolewillalmostcertainlyremainnearlyexclusivelymaleforreasonsbothofmotivationandaptitude.Womencurrentlymakeuponly15%ofthemilitary’sranks.Ofthat15%,lessthan8%areinterestedinpursuingcombatpositions.Andofthat8%,athirdwouldliketoworkontheaviationside—aspartofhelicoptercrewsthatprovidesupportforspecialoperationsforces.Atthesametime,itisyetunclearwhatpercentageofthisalreadysmallfractionofwomenwillingtoservewillbeabletopassthephysicalstandardsrequired,unlessthosestandardsarelowered(andmilitarymenandwomenalikeareunanimousthattheyshouldnotbechanged).Forexample,theimplementationofanewstandardrequiringallMarineCorpbootcamprecruitstopassapull-uptest(womencancurrentlypassthetestbydoingaflexed-armhang)wasdelayedwhenitwasfoundthatmorethanhalfofthefemaleMarinescouldnotdotheminimumof3.Andofthe14womenwhohavesofarattemptedtocompletethegruelingMarines’InfantryOfficerCourse,allhavewashedout—allbutoneofthemonthefirstday.

Thesekindsofnumbersaresimilartothoseinmilitariesthathavealongerhistoryofopening

combatrolestowomen.Forexample,intheIsraelimilitary,only3%offemalesoldiersworkincombatpositions—andalargepercentageofthatsmallfractionarepartofwhatisessentiallyamilitarypolice/borderpatrolunit.

Perhapsmosttellingly,theannouncementthattheUSmilitarywouldopencombatpositionstowomenwasnotaccompaniedbyanannouncementthatallAmericanwomenwouldnowberequiredtosignupfortheSelectiveService,asallmalesarecurrentlyobligatedtodo.IfWWIIIbrokeouttomorrow,Americawouldnotbesendingitswomentothefrontlinesenmasse.

Theprotectorroleisnotonlythemostdistinctivelymasculineduty,itisalsothemanlyimperativethatmakestheothers—aswellasallthehighervirtues—possible.

Amancan’tprovideorprocreateifheandhispeopleareunderattackandaretakencaptiveand/orsubjugatedbyanenemy.Intimesofwarandcrisis,thoseotherrolesareputonhold—allthatmattersisaman’sworthasaprotector.Thinkofourmostrecentworldwidecrisis;inWWII,menshippedouttoserveasprotectors,womenshiftedtotakeoverthenowvacantproviderrole,andprocreationwasputonhiatus,awaitingapost-warbabyboom.

Youmaybelievethatarealmancultivateshismind,ordoescreativework,orshareshisfeelingsopenly,orhappilyplaysteapartywithhisdaughter,orlovesJesus.Butnoneofthosethings—nophilosophizing,orworshipping,orreading,orparenting—ispossible…ifyouandyourlovedonesaredead.

Thus,Ithinkitcanclearlybearguedthattheverycoreoftraditionalmanhoodistheprotectorrole,andeveryattributethatismostdistinctlymasculineistiedtothatrole.It’sthefoundationforbothbeinggoodatbeingamanandbeingagoodman.

Man-at-Arms

Whenanethnographicsurveywasdoneof70culturesaroundtheworldtolookfortheprevalenceoffemalewarriors,87%restrictedwomenfromanykindofparticipationinwar.Whataccountsforthis?

Wehavetouchedonthereasonsmenhavehistoricallybeengiventhewarriorroleinpreviousposts,butIthinktheycouldusealittlereiteratingandexpansion.Menwerenotassignedtheprotectorrolearbitrarily,butbecauseofbasicbiologicalandpsychologicaldifferencesbetweenmalesandfemales—differencesthatencompassbothmotivation/temperamentandaptitude/effectiveness.

Motivation/Temperament

Thewarriorrolefundamentallyinvolvesthegivingandreceivingofviolence,andmenlikelyhaveviolencebuiltintotheirveryDNA.HarvardbiologicalanthropologistRichardWranghamarguesthatmenaretheproductofmillionsofyearsofevolutionaryselectionforaggression.Althoughwethinkofchimpanzeesascuteandcuddly,amongourclosestprimaterelatives,violenceisinfactubiquitous.Malechimpanzeesformsmallraidingpartiesthatgotowarwithneighboringgangs,fightoverterritory,andconductborderpatrols—viciouslyattackingand

killinganyrivalgangmemberthatcomestooclosetotheperimeteroftheirrealm.Thesepatriarchalprimatesarehighlyconcernedabout“alpha”statusandwillkillsimplyforthesakeofpowerandrespect—toshowtheycandoitandshouldnotbemessedwith.

Occasionallyafewfemaleswillaccompanythemalesontheseborderpatrols,buttheywilldropoffasthemalesapproachtheperimeter.Sometimesalonefemale—onewhotypicallydoesnothavechildren—willaccompanythegangrightupuntilthestartoftheskirmish.Butasthemalechimpsstarttopileonaninterloper,shewillpullawayandwatch,choosingnottoparticipateinthemelee.

Thusitcanbearguedthathumanmalesareproductsofmillionsofyearsofblood-soaked-bellum.Inarecentinterview,Wranghampositedthat“malesarepredisposedbytheirevolutionarybackgroundtotakeadvantageofopportunitiestobeviolent.”Men,hesays,“areviolentbytemperament.”Thepoliceforces,governments,andsocialmoresofmoderncivilizationnowcheckthisprimordialinstinct,butinpremoderntimesthemaleproclivityforaggressionhadmuchfreerreignandopportunitytobeexercised.

[BecauseIknowsomeonewillbringitup—yeswearealsorelatedtothemorepeaceful,matriarchalbonobos.Bonobosresolveconflictwithsex,ratherthanviolence.Researchersspeculatethatmalebonobosmayhavethepotentialforviolence,butthisproclivityiskeptincheckbygroupsof“alphafemales.”Aninnatepredispositionforviolencedoesnotmeanitcan’tbetemperedbyculturalconstraints.Inthisway,asweshallseeinalaterpost,bonobosaremuchlikemodernhumans.]

Whiletheprevailingviewamonganthropologistswaslongthathunter/gatherertribeswereverypeaceful—bucolic,noblesavages—manymodernresearcherslikeWrangham,NapoleonChagnon,andStevenPinkerconvincinglyarguethatjusttheoppositeistrue.Amongstpremodernpeopleswholivedinproximitytoneighboringtribes,thereisstrongevidencethatconflictwasinfactcontinualandquitebloody.Primitivehumanmalesliterallyapedtheirancestors—formingsmallgangs,competingforstatus,andfiercelymaintaining

boundaries.Inthefewtribesthatdidallowwomentotakepartinraidingparties,justlikeaswiththechimpanzees,typicallyonlyoneortwochildlesswomenwouldchoosetocomealong.

Thus,aninnateattractiontoandgreatercomfortwithviolencelikelynaturallydrewmentothewayofthewarriorandmadethemwell-suitedforbeingtaskedwiththeroleofprotector.

Aptitude/Effectiveness

Thoughineverytribetherewerelikelyafewwomenwiththetemperamentanddesiretobewarriors,mostculturesstillchosetokeeptheprotectorroleexclusivelymale.

Inourmoderntimesofrelativepeaceandprosperity,thisstrikesusasinherentlyunfair.Weareusedtoviewingallrolesthroughtheprismofindividualproclivities,sothatifawomanhastheaptitudeandmotivationtoserveasaprotector,sheshouldbeallowedtofulfillherhumanpotential.

Butinprimitivetimes,whatmatteredmostwerenotindividualdesires,buttheneedsofthegroup—thatwhichhelpedthetribesurviveasawholetrumpedeverythingelse.

EvenifonedoesnotagreewiththeleapWranghammakesfromchimptohumanviolence(fact:withanyanthropologicaltheorythereisgreatcontroversy!),therearealsoseveralverystraightforward,biologicalreasonswhymenwerefelttobethemosteffectivefightersandthussolelychargedwiththeimperativetoprotect.

First,becausemenwillneverbepregnantornursing,theywillalwaysbehypotheticallythemostbattle-readyandmostabletoleavehomeatanytimetofightmanymilesaway.

Second,males’greateramountsoftestosteronemakethemwell-suitedforthewarriorrolefor

acoupleofreasons.First,testosteroneislinkedwithagreaterdesiretocompeteandtakerisks.Studiesshowthatwhenaman“wins”inacontest,heishitwithaboostofdopamineandasurgeoftestosteronethatmakeshimwanttokeeponcompeting.Sowhiletestosteronedoesn’tdirectlymakemenmoreaggressive(that’samyth—it’smorecomplicatedthanthat),itdoesfueladrivetokeeppushingwhensomeoneelseispushingback.

“Theshouldersandarmsofmalehumans–liketheneckmusclesofreddeer,theclaspinghandsofaxenopusfrog,orthecanineteethofmanyotherprimates–lookliketheresultofsexualselectionforfighting.Alltheseexamplesofmaleweaponryrespondtotestosteronebygrowing.Theyarespecializedfeaturesthatenlargeforthespecificpurposeofpromotingfightingabilityincompetitionwithothermales.Smallwonder,then,thatmenshowofftoeachotherbeforefightsbyhunchingtheirshoulders,expandingtheirarmmuscles,andotherwisedisplayingtheirupper-bodystrength.”–RichardWrangham

Testosteronealsohelpsmenbuildgreaterphysicalstrengththanwomen.Inatimebeforetechnologicalinnovationsinwar,allcombatwasincrediblyphysical—oftenoftheman-to-man,hand-to-handvariety.Physicalsizeandstrength(especiallyoftheupperbody)wasavitalcomponentofawarrior’sprowessinbattle,andmenaretalleronaveragethanwomenandhaveahigherratioofmuscletofattissue.Overallphysicalhardihoodwascrucialaswell,andmenhavedenserbonesandarelesspronetoinjuriesresultingfromstrenuousmovementsandphysicalcontact.

Finally,inprimitivetimes,keepingone’spopulationgrowingwasparamount,andthuswombswerevaluedmuchmorehighlythansperm,andmenwereseenasmoreexpendable.Itwasasimplematterofsurvivalarithmetic:ifapopulationhas50menand50women,and25menand25womenaresentouttofight,andthewarriorscomebackfrombattlewith20menand10womenstillalive,therearenow35womenleftwhocancarryachild,and30menwhocanpossiblyimpregnatethem(somemenwillnotgettofatherachild).35isthusthemaximumnumberofchildrenthatcanbeborninthenext9months.Butifthegroupof

warriorssentouthadconsistedof50men,and30camebackalive,those30mencanimpregnateall50oftheremainingwomen(somemenwillimpregnatemorethanonewoman).Nowthereare50hypotheticalchildrenthatcanbeborninthecomingyear.

Eveniftherewasanelitewomaninthetribewhowasdrawntothemasculinevirtuesandjustascapableandstrongafighterasoneoftheweakermen,thatwasonewombthatcouldnotbespared.Suchacalculationsoundshorriblycrudeandoffensivetous,butthiswasthebasiccalculationourhunter/gathererforbearersmadeforthousandsofyears.Whenthesizeofone’svillagematteredbothasadeterrenttoanenemy’sattack,andsimplythehopethatyourpeople’slinewouldgoon,everypotentialchildmattered.

Thesewerethefactorsthatourforbearersweighedonthescaleinmakingthedecisiontoassigntheprotectorroletomen.Itwasn’tamatterofplainsexism,andtryingtokeepwomendown,butabasicbiologicalcalculation.Inaharshenvironmentthatwasrifewithperilsbothnaturalandhuman,itwasastrategicdecisiondesignedtoincreaseatribe’schancesofsurvivalandkeepthemostpeoplealive.Individualdesiresanddifferencesweretrumpedbygroupneeds.

KeepingthePerimeter

“Whenmenevaluateeachotherasmen,theystilllookforthesamevirtuesthatthey’dneedtokeeptheperimeter.Menrespondtoandadmirethequalitiesthatwouldmakemenusefulanddependableinanemergency.Menhavealwayshadaroleapart,andtheystilljudgeoneanotheraccordingtothedemandsofthatrole

asaguardianinagangstrugglingforsurvivalagainstencroachingdoom.Everythingthatisspecificallyaboutbeingaman—notmerelyaperson—hastodowiththatrole.”–JackDonovan,TheWayofMen

AsI’vebeenworkingonthisseries,thinkingthroughthetraditionofmanhood,andattemptingtosynthesizeGilmore’sfindingsandthemanifestationsofthemanlycodeindifferentcultures,boy,it’sreallytaskedmybrain.Whenmymindgottiedupinknotsandthemeaningofmanhoodbecameseeminglyimpenetrableandobscure,IoftenfoundmyselfthinkingaboutthedefinitionofmasculinitylaidoutinJackDonovan’sTheWayofMen.

WhileIdon’tagreewithallofDonovan’spositions(andaswe’llseeinthelastpostinthisseries,Icometoadifferentconclusionaboutmanlinessinthemodernday),forapowerfullystrippeddownexaminationoftheessenceofmanhood,histhesisiswithoutrival.Initsrawsimplicityitiscompellingandpotentlyconvincing.

DonovanessentiallycomestothesameconclusionthatIhave—thatwhenyoudistilltheessenceofmasculinity—ofbeinggoodatbeingaman—downtoitsverycore,whatyoufindismanasprotector;literally,manasguardianofboundaries.(Thetraitsthatmakeforagoodwarriorarealsothosethatmakeforexcellenceinthatmostmanlyoftheproviderrolesaswell—hunting).Donovanarrivesatthisconclusionbyimaginingthequalitiesthatwouldhavebeenmostneededandrespectedinmenintheharshestofenvironments:

“Youarepartofasmallhumangroupfightingtostayalive.

Thereasonwhydoesn’tmatter.

Conquest,war,death,hungerordisease—anyofTheHorsemenwilldo.

Youcouldbeourprimalancestors,youcouldbepioneers,youcouldbestrandedinsomeremotelocation,youcouldbesurvivorsofanuclearholocaustorthezombieapocalypse.Again,itdoesn’tmatter.Forhumanswithoutaccesstoadvancedtechnology,thescenarioplaysoutmoreorlessthesameway.

Youhavetodefineyourgroup.Youneedtodefinewhoisinandwhoisout,andyouneedtoidentifypotentialthreats.Youneedtocreateandmaintainsomesortofsafezonearoundtheperimeterofyourgroup.Everyonewillhavetocontributetothegroup’ssurvivalinsomewayunlessthegroupagreestoprotectandfeedsomeonewhocan’tcontributeduetoageorillness.Forthosewhocanwork,you’llneedtodecidewhodoeswhat,basedonwhattheyaregoodat,whoworkswelltogetherandwhatmakesthemostpracticalsense…

Iftherearefemalesinyourgroup,theywillhaveplentyofhardandnecessaryworktodo.Ev eryonewillhavetopulltheirownweight,butthehuntingandfightingisalmostalwaysgoingtobeuptothemen.Whenlivesareontheline,peoplewilldroptheetiquetteofequalityandmakethatdecisionagainandagainbecauseitmakesthemostsense…

Thefirstjobofmenindiretimeshasalwaysbeentoestablishandsecure“theperimeter.”

Peoplecan’tfightandhuntandkillalldayandallnightforever.Humanshavetosleep,theyhavetoeat,andtheyneeddowntime.Youneedtocreateasafespaceandsetupcampsomewhere.

You’llalsohavetoidentifysomedesirableresources,likeaccesstowaterandfood.Oneofthefirstthingsyouhavetoconsideriswhetherthespotmakesyouvulnerabletoattackfrompredatorsorunknowngroupsofmen.Thenyoudosomebasicrecon—youcheckoutthesurroundingareatoseeifthereisevidenceofanothertribe,orundesirablebeasts.Tiredandsatisfied,youandyourpalssetupabasecampandkeepaneyeonarudimentaryperimeter.

Thesurvivalofyourgroupwilldependonyourabilitytosuccessfullyclaimlandandkeepitsafe.

Whenyouclaimterritoryanddrawaperimeter,thatlineseparatesyourgroupfromtherestoftheworld.Thepeopleinsidetheperimeterbecomeusandeverythingknownandunknownoutsidetheperimeterbecomesthem.

Beyondthelightofyournightfire,thereisdarkness.Theyliejustbeyondtheflickerofyourfire,outthereinthedark.Theycouldbewildanimals,zombies,killerrobotsordragons.Theycouldalsobeothermen.Menknowwhatmenneed,andwhattheywant.Ifyourmenhavesomethingthatmenwantorneed,you’llhavetobewaryofothermen.Thethingsthathavevaluetomen—tools,food,water,women,livestock,shelterorevengoodland—willhavetobeprotectedfromothermenwhomightbedesperateenoughtoharmyoutogetthosethings.Theperimeterseparatesmenyoutrustfrommenyoudon’ttrust,ordon’tknowwellenoughtotrust.”

Donovanarguesthatthewayofmenisthewayofthegang,becausewhenplacedinaharshenvironment,menwillquicklymakethelogicalcalculationthattheyhaveamuchbetterchanceofsurvivingiftheybandtogetherthaniftheyeachtrytogoitalone.Forsomefolks,“gang”isawordweightedwithnegativeconnotations,sosubstitute“posse”or“platoon”orwhateverelseifyoumust.Theimportantthingtorealizeisthatthesmall,tightly-knithonorgroupwasthebasicmalesocialunitforeons.Themythoftheuber-manlylonewolfisjustthat.Withfewexceptions,menhavealwaysfoughtandhuntedtogether.Cowboysbandedtogether,pioneersbandedtogether,andRambowouldn’thaveactuallystoodachance.

Donovanarguesthatunderstandingthedynamicsoftheseancienthonorgroupsisthekeytounderstandingtheessenceofmalepsychologyandhowmenrelateto,interact,andjudgeeachotherevenupthroughthemodernday.Whatmenrespectinothermen(andwomenfindattractive),isrootedinwhatmenwantedinthementotheleftandtherightofthemastheystoodtogetherside-by-sideontheperimeter.

Tounderstandwhatmenhaveneededfromeachotherforthousandsofyears,letusturnbacktoourguardianshuddledontheboundarybetweensafetyandthreat:

“Ifyouarefightingtostayaliveandyouaresurroundedbypotentialthreats,whatdoyouneedfromthemenfightingwithyou?

Whatdoyouneedfromustofendoffthem?

Ifeatingmeansfacingdangertogether,whodoyouwanttotakewithyou?

Whatvirtuesdoyouneedtocultivateinyourselfandthemenaroundyoutobesuccessfulatthejobofhuntingandfighting?

Whenyourlifeandthelivesofpeoplewhoyoucareaboutdependonit,you’llneedthemenaroundyoutobeasstrongastheycanbe.Livingwithouttheaidofadvancedtechnologyrequiresstrongbacksandelbowgrease.You’llneedstrongmentofightoffotherstrongmen.

Youwon’twantthemeninyourgangtobereckless,butyou’llneedthemtobecourageouswhenitmatters.Amanwhorunswhenthegroupneedshimtofightcouldputallofyourlivesinjeopardy.

You’llwantmenwhoarecompetent,whocangetthejobdone.Whowantstobesurroundedbymoronsandf**k-ups?Themenwhohuntandfightwillhavetodemonstratemasteryoftheskillsyourgroupusestohuntandfight.Alittleinventivenesscouldn’thurt,either.

You’llalsoneedyourmentocommit.Youwillwanttoknowthatthemenbesideyouareusandnotthem.You’llneedtobeabletocountonthemintimesofcrisis.Youwantguyswhohaveyourback.Menwhodon’tcareaboutwhattheothermenthinkofthemaren’tdependableortrustworthy.Ifyou’resmart,youwillwanttheothermentoprovetheyarecommittedtotheteam.You’llwantthemtoshowthattheycareabouttheirreputationwithinthegang,andyou’llwantthemtoshowthattheycareaboutyourgang’sreputationwithothergangs.”

TheTacticalVirtues

“Thevirtuesassociatedspecificallywithbeingamanoutlinearuggedphilosophyofliving—awaytobethatisalsoastrategyforprevailingindireanddangeroustimes.TheWayofMenisatacticalethos.”–JackDonovan,TheWayofMen

Tothedescriptionoftheidealperimeter-keeperoutlinedabove,Donovanassignsfour“tacticalvirtues”:strength,courage,mastery,andhonor.Theseare“simple,amoral,andfunctionalvirtues”—“thepracticalvirtuesofmenwhomustrelyononeanotherinaworstcasescenario.”Theyare“amoral”becausetheyarecrucialtothesuccessofanygang—nomatterifwhatthey’refightingforisrightorwrong.Strength,courage,mastery,andhonoraretheattributesneededinateamofNavySEALsjustasmuchasafamilyofMafioso.Ifyou’veeverwonderedwhywearefascinatedbygangsters,pirates,bankrobbers,andoutlawsofallstripes,andcan’thelpbutthinkofthemasprettymanlydespitetheirthuggeryandextralegalactivities,nowyouknow;they’renotgoodmen,butthey’vemasteredthecorefundamentalsofbeinggoodatbeingmen.

Let’stakeaquicklookatwhatthesetacticalvirtuesrequire:

Strength:Physicalprowessandpower;abilitytodominateanopponent(ofthenaturalorhumanvariety)insteadofbeingdominated,andtostandfastandimmovablewhenpushed.Courage:Thespirit/will/disciplinetoengageandemployone’sstrengthwheninwardlytemptedtoshrink/run/hide.Thereare“higher”formsofcourage,butatitsmostfundamental,itrepresentsanoutwardlydemonstratedindifferencetorisk,pain,andphysicaldanger.Mastery:Skillandadeptnessinusingthetechniquesandtechnologyemployedinhuntingandfighting;adeftunderstandingofknowledgethatsaveslivesandfurtherstheinterestsofyourgroup.Honor:Traditionalhonorisnotthesameasintegrity—livinguptoyourown,personalstandards.Traditionalhonorisareputationforstrength,courage,andmastery—asjudgedbyothermen.Honorablemencareaboutbeingmanly,knowingthateachindividualmember’sprowessinthetacticalvirtuesbolstersthestrengthandreputationofthegangasawholeandthusdetersattackfromrivalgangs.Dishonorablemen,ontheotherhand,evinceindifferenceorhostilitytothestandards,weakeningthegroupandleavingitmorevulnerable.

Thekeytoupholdinghonorinamalegangistoalwaystrytopullyourownweight–toseektobeaboonratherthanaburdentothegroup.Ifamanlacksinphysicalstrength,hemightmakeupforitintheareaofmastery–beingthegroup’sbesttracker,weapons-maker,ortrapinventor;onecraftyengineercanbeworthmorethanmanystrongmen.Ifamanlacksinbothphysicalstrengthandmastery,hemightstillendearhimselftotheothermenwithasenseofhumor,aknackforstorytelling,oratalentinmusicthatkeepseveryone’sspiritsup.Orhemightactasashamanorpriest–performingritualsthatpreparemenforbattleandcleanseandcomfortthemwhentheyreturnfromthefront.Thestrongmenofthegroupwillusuallytakecareoftheweakoneswhoatleasttrytodowhatevertheycan.Shameisreservedforthosewhowillnot,orcannotexcelinthetacticalvirtues,butdon’ttrytocontributeinsomeotherway,andinsteadcultivatebitternessanddisregardfortheperimeter-keeperswhoironicallyprovidetheopportunitytositonone’shandsandcarp.

Mencompetewithinateamtoearnhonorandshowwhointhegrouphasthemostprowessinthetacticalvirtues.Atthesametime,thisintra-groupcompetitionpreparestheteamtofacerival/enemygangs.

Strength,courage,mastery,andhonorarevirtuesthatobviouslyaren’texclusivetomen,andit’snotthattherehaven’tbeenwomenwhohaveembodiedthesetraitsineveryage(asweshallseenexttime,theideaofasoft,fragilefemininityisamodernconception).Itisn’tthatwomenshouldn’tseektheseattributeseither.Rather,thetacticalvirtuescomprisethedefiningtraitsofmasculinity.Ifawomanisn’tstrongoractsafraidinthefaceofdanger,noonethinksofheraslesswomanlybecauseofit.Yetsuchshortcomingswillbeseenasemasculatinginaman,eventoday.

Sowhatarethedefiningtraitsoffemininity?Oh-hoho,I’mnotgoingtotouchthatwithaten-footpole.It’stakenmeyearstounderstandmanhood,andI’mstillrefiningmyviews.Iwouldn’tappreciateitifawomanwhohadn’trigorouslystudiedmasculinityofferedanoff-the-cuffdefinitionforit,soIwillrefrainfromdoinglikewise.SomeoneshouldstartanawesomeArtofWomanliness-typeblogandexplorethesubject.I’llbeareader.

TheLinchpinsofCivilization

“Strength,Courage,Mastery,andHonorarethealphavirtuesofmenallovertheworld.Theyarethefundamentalvirtuesofmenbecausewithoutthem,no“higher”virtuescanbeentertained.Youneedtobealivetophilosophize.Youcanaddtothesevirtuesandyoucancreaterulesandmoralcodestogovernthem,butifyouremovethemfromtheequationaltogetheryouaren’tjustleavingbehindthevirtuesthatarespecifictomen,youareabandoningthevirtuesthatmakecivilizationpossible.”–JackDonovan,TheWayofMen

Thetacticalvirtuesmightunderstandablymakesomemodernfolksfeeluncomfortable,astheymayseemratherraw,primal,andthuggishtocontemporarysensibilities,andanythingdescribedas“amoral”tendstoputpeopleonguard.

Thisdiscomfortarisesfromthefactthat,again,thetacticalvirtuesmaybeemployedforgoodorill.WemaybefascinatedbywatchingtheexploitsofVikingsontelevision,butweretheypoisedontheoutskirtsofourtown,readytopillageandplunder,wewouldbequakinginourshoes.Gangsofmencanwieldsurprisingpoweragainstentrenchedinterests(seetheprotestsaroundtheworldthesepastseveralyears)andturnorderintochaos.

Thusinthemoderndaywearemuchmoreapttocheerandcelebratethehighervirtuesoverthetacticalvariety.

Butintruththetwosetsofvirtuescannotbeseparated–onemakespossibletheother.Without(atleastsome)menwhoaregoodatbeingmen,therewouldnotbethesafetyandpeacethatmakespossibletheunencumberedpursuitofbeingagoodman.

Inthedirestoftimes,intheharshestofenvironments,dangerisallaroundandcancomefromeverydirection.Peopleliveclosetotheboundarybetweensafetyandthreat,andallmenmustserveontheperimeterandcultivatethetacticalvirtuesoftheprotectorasbesttheycan.Violenceisnotanoption;itisawayoflife.Atsuchtimes,moralandspiritualcodescancertainlybepresentandmaystronglymotivateandinfluencemenintheirfight,butthereissignificantlylesstimeforrituals,worship,andcontemplation.Winningthebattleandsurvivingtaketoppriorityandthevirtuesneededtoaccomplishthatmission–strength,courage,mastery,andhonor–aremostemphasized.

“Menwhohaveaccomplishedthefirstjobofbeingmen—menwhohavemadesurvivalpossible—cananddooftenconcernthemselveswithbeinggoodmen.Asthebloodyboundarybetweenthreatandsafetymovesoutward,

menhavethetimeandtheluxurytocultivatecivilized,“higher”virtues.”–JackDonovan,TheWayofMen

Ascivilizationadvances,dangerandthreatrecedeandbecomeconcentratedinmorepredictablespotsalongtheperimeter.Onlytheseparticularbordersmustbeguardedandlessmenareneededtoserveasprotectors.Peoplemovetheirsettlementsfartherawayfromthreatstoamorecomfortablezoneofsafetywheretheydon’thavetoconstantlylookovertheirshoulder,andcanletdowntheirguard.Intheseareasofgreaterpeaceandplenty,men,nowfreedfromservingasprotectors(atleastfull-time),canconcentratemoreontheprocreatorandproviderrolesandspecializeinanareathatbestmatchestheirinterestsandtalents.Thereistimeandopportunitytodevelopwriting,art,andmusic,toponderthemeaningofBeauty,Wisdom,Justice,andTruth,andtodreamupmorejustpoliticalandculturalsystemsandincreasinglycompassionatemoralcodes.Onepurposeofthesemoralcodesistogovernmaleviolence–tocreaterulesforwhenitisandisnotappropriatetoemployandtochannelittowardsworthyends.

Anidealofmanhoodandthelanguageofthetacticalvirtuesremain,buttheconceptsbecomemoremetaphorical;strengthofbodyexpandstoincludestrengthofcharacter;moralandintellectualbraveryareaddedascategoriesofcourage.Ratherthanseekingtoconquerenemytribes,menseekto“conquer”themselvesand“vanquish”theirweaknesses.Insteadofwarringwithhumancombatants,men“battle”cancerand“fight”forrights.Thecompetitionsmenengageintoprovetheirmanlinessalsogetincreasinglyabstract;ratherthangoingtoe-to-toeonthebattlefield,mentrytobesttheirfellowsinsportingevents,debatingcontests,scientificadvancements,andbusinessenterprises.Asthecirclesofabstractionextendevenfurtherawayfromthecoreofmanhood,mencontentthemselveswithsimplywatchingothermendothesethings;thenumberofdoersshrinkswhilethenumberofspectatorsgrows.Menreadandwriteaboutthemanlydeedsofthepast,ratherthanperformingsuchdeedsthemselves.Theirfieldofstruggleisinternalratherthanexternal,andtheyworkonbetteringtheirlives.

Thisflippingofprioritiesfromanemphasisonbeinggoodatbeingaman,tobeingagoodmanisaluxurymadepossiblebytheoutsourcingoftheprotectorroletowhatbecomesanincreasinglysmallwarriorclassofmen.AsGeorgeOrwellputit,“mencanonlybehighlycivilizedwhileothermen,inevitablylesscivilized,aretheretoguardandfeedthem.”

Itisquiteeasytolosesightofthis,especiallyinourmodernsocietywherelessthan.5%ofthepopulationservesinthemilitary(andanevensmallerpercentageofthatseescombat)andwarsarefoughtfar,faraway.Insuchabubble,it’stemptingtogetonone’shighhorseaboutmenwhoaretoobrutishforone’stastesandhowdisdainfulandunenlightenedviolenceis.ButasOrwellalsosaidinregardstopacifism,“Thosewho‘abjure’violencecanonlydosobecauseothersarecommittingviolenceontheirbehalf.”

Again,however,itisimportantnottosplitbeinggoodatbeingamanandbeingagoodmanintoastrictdichotomy.Itisonlyinourmodernagethatwetendtoseebrainsandbrawn,goodnessandstrengthasmutuallyexclusivetraits.Whileonesetofvirtuesareprioritizedoveranotherdependingoncircumstances,sincethedawnofcivilizationtherehavebeenmenwhostriveforandachieveexcellenceinboththetacticalandhighervirtues.Andmenwhoexceloneitheroneendofthemanlinessspectrumortheother,oftenhaveasymbioticrelationship.Thebestwarriorsarerarelythebestwritersandthebestwritersarerarelythebestwarriors.Butthewritingsofgreatauthorsandphilosophershaveofteninspiredgreatwarriors,andgreatwarriorshaveofteninspiredgreatwriting.

Eventhemenweholdupasproofthatyoucanbemanlybylivingthehighervirtueswithoutcompletelyfulfillingthe3P’sofManhoodultimatelyderivetheirinspirationfromthefundamentalunderpinningsofthetacticalvirtues.FigureslikeGandhiandJesusarelaudedfortheirnon-violenceandtheirgoodness,butourabilitytothinkofthemasmanly,derivesfromtheirembraceofmasculineexpendability–acourageousindifferencetothepainandsufferingothersmightinflictontheirphysicalbody.Theyweregoodmen,certainly,buttheirwillingnesstosacrificethemselvesforthesakeoftheirpeople,alsomadethemgoodatbeingmen.

TheProtectorEndures

“Amanisnotmerelyamanbutamanamongmen,inaworldofmen.Beinggoodatbeingamanhasmoretodowithaman’sabilitytosucceedwithmenandwithingroupsofmenthanitdoeswithaman’srelationshiptoanywomanoranygroupofwomen.Whensomeonetellsamantobeaman,theyaretellinghimtobemorelikeothermen,morelikethemajorityofmen,andideallymorelikethemenwhoothermenholdinhighregard.”–JackDonovan,TheWayofMen

Eventhoughwenowliveinthesuburbsinsteadofthesavanna,andthevastmajorityofmenaren’taskedtoserveasprotectorsonaday-to-daybasis,ourpropensityforevaluatingmeninlightofthetacticalvirtuesissurprisinglyenduring.

Whenmenandwomenalikelookatamanandgaugehowmanlyheis,theirimmediate,gut-reactionisstillbasedonthetacticalvirtues–howstrongandtoughheappears.Ifyoulookatthepictureabove,yourinstinctivereactionwillbetosay,“Yep,there’samanlymanrightthere.”

Ifsomeoneasksusifoursmart,albeitskinnyfriendis“manly,”ourprimalbrain’simmediatereactionistothink,“Notreally.”We’llthencheckthisreaction,andlookforotherfactorsthatmightproveourvisceralresponsewrong:“Well,heismanlybecausehe’sareallyaccomplishedengineer.”Likewise,ifweareaskedifaveryobesemanwhogetswindedjust

climbingaflightofstairsismanly,ourbrainwillinitiallyanswerinthenegative,butquicklyfollowupwith,“Butheismanlybecausehe’ssuchagooddad.”

Whenamanbreaksdownandcriesnotbecauseofunderstandablegrief,butbecausehe’sfrustratedordemoralizedbyasetback,awoman’svisceralreactionwilloftenbetorecoilatwhatregistersasemasculatingbehavior.She’llthenpushthatthoughtawayandtellherself,“No,it’sgoodthathe’sabletoexpresshisfeelings.”

Whenwehavethis“Notmanly…yesmanly”reaction,ourolder,moreprimalbrainrespondsfirst,andthenafterafewbeatsourmodernbraincomesonlineandreevaluatesthings.Ourprimalbrainreactstoamanthewayitdidforthousandsofyears–bygaugingwhetherornotyou’dliketohavethatmanonyourteamwereyouguardingtheperimetertogether.Ourmodernbrainthenkicksinandremindsusthatwe’renotsurroundedbydangeranymore,andthattheguynexttousdoesn’tneedtobestrongandcourageous–aniceguywho’shonestandkindandlaid-backwilldojustfine.Likewise,whenamandoessomethingthatwouldbeconsideredhistoricallyemasculating,awoman’sprimordialinstinctistoworryabouthisprowessasaprotector–wouldhefallapartinthefaceofrealdanger?Butthepartofherbrainthatprocessesmodernsensibilitieswilltrytosquashthatinstinctiveanxiety:“That’ssilly.Hedoesn’tneedtobeaprotectorforme.It’smoreimportantthathe’ssensitive.”

Thismentalpushandpullgetstotheheartoftoday’s“crisisinmasculinity.”Shouldwetrytogetridofthatinitialvisceraljudgmentofmenaltogetherbecausethetacticalvirtuesarenowlargelyirrelevantandthisancientrubricofmanhoodleavesouttoomanymen?Shouldwetrytomakemanhoodmoreinclusivesonooneneedbeexcludedorfeelbadabouttheirshortcomings?Iscontinuingtoencourageyoungmento“beaman”and“betough”damagingtotheirpsyche?Wouldtheybehappierwithouttheexpectationoftoughnessandiftheywereallowedtobemoresensitiveandabletoopenlyexpresstheirfeelingsatalltimes?Ifthewayofthewarriorisdeeplyingrainedinmen’spsyche,perhapsevenintheirDNA,whatbecomesofmanlinessinatimewhenthispotentialandpropensityhasnorealoutlet?Ifweignoreandcondemnitwillitgoaway?Canmenbecontentwithjustparticipatingin(andwatching)abstractionsofcombatandcompetition?Whatbecomesofthewayofthewarriorwhentherearenomorewarstobefought?

Sufficeittosay,ourmoderncultureisdeeplyconflictedabouttheanswerstothesequestions.Exploringtheoriginsofthisconflictiswherewewillturnnexttime.

Readtherestoftheseries:PartI–ProtectPartII–ProcreatePartIII–ProvidePartIV–The3P’sofManhoodinReviewPartVI–WhereDoesManhoodComeFrom?PartVII–WhyAreWeSoConflictedAboutManhood?

_________________SourcesandFurtherReading/Listening:

TheWayofMenbyJackDonovan.Foraclearerandpithierexplanationoftheconcepts

outlinedabove,you’llwanttoreadthisbook.Donovan’sviewsarecontroversial,butevenifyoudon’tendupagreeingwithhisconclusions,it’sworthwhiletoreadandgrapplewithhisthesis.

DemonicMalesbyRichardWranghamandDalePeterson.Don’tletthenamefoolyou:thisisnotananti-malescreed.Instead,it’sacompletelyfascinatinglookatmaleviolenceanditspossibleoriginsinprimates.

ScienceFriday:TheOriginsofViolence.ThispodcastpoppeduponFridayandIcouldn’tbelievehowwellitalignedwiththispost.Aquick,interestingintrotomenandviolence.

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