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www.BulletproofWriting.com
13 GrammarMistakes You
Can't Afford toMake...and Howto Avoid Them
by Deena Nataf
copyright © 2016 by Deena Nataf
www.BulletproofWriting.com
Table of Contents
Welcome!
Apostrophe Catastrophes (mistakes 1–3)
Those Pesky Commas (mistake #4)
The Lonely Only (mistake #5)
Either/Or, Both/And (mistakes 6–7)
Who/Whom (mistake #8)
Only Chickens Lay Eggs, or Not (mistakes 9–10)
A Few Final Faux Pas (mistakes 11–13)
Thank you!
About Deena
Hello writer, and congratulations on making the decision to put the cherry
on top of your writing with good grammar! This will make the difference
between being a semiprofessional and published, paid writer.
Most of us avoid the G word like the plague. We all have horror stories
from junior and senior high: the evil English teacher making us memorize
parts of speech, confusing past participle with pluperfect, and that
heinous relative clause.
But as the title suggests, there are some grammar mistakes you simply
cannot afford to make if you want to be taken seriously as a writer. But
who wants to learn this stuff again? Not me. And probably not you either.
What's a writer to do?
This ebook is the solution; it breaks grammar down into cute little pieces.
It's compleely digestible and won't make you wake up in the middle of the
night with heartburn. And it's compact enough to use as a handy source
throughout your writing career.
Questions? Comments? Diplomatically worded complaints? Be in touch:
To your blogging success,
Deena Nataf
www.BulletproofWriting.com
Welcome!
Apostrophe Catastrophes
If it were up to me, no one would be able to graduate fromcollege unless they knew how to use an apostrophe. Honestly,there are ivy leaguers who still mess this up. Do not be one ofthese people.
1. Its vs. It's
General rule A: Its without an apostrophe is possessive. This iscounterintuitive.
General rule B: It’s only it’s if it’s “it is.”
Reallife writing situations:
I can't believe it's true that its pear trees are taller than its apple trees.
It’s time for you to learn grammar in all its glory.
I don’t know why it’s so difficult for you to put away the laundry.
It’s really not so hard to learn the difference between its and it’s.
2. Your vs. You're; Their vs. They're (and There)
General rule: The apostrophe here is holding two words together,while the possessive has no apostrophe – which is alsocounterintuitive.
Reallife writing situations:
You're crazy to let your son take your rottweiler to Show and Tell.
Your husband thinks you're a good writer.
Your mother, on the other hand, thinks you're more suited to be a
doctor.
If you're not sure about whether to use an apostrophe or not, just
check your new ebook.
first 3 mistakes
3. Plural vs. Possessive Case: S vs. 'S
General rule: Talking about more than one entity does not require anapostrophes. Use it only when speaking about what belongs to theentity. In other words, you don’t need an apostrophe for a plural; you justneed an s.
Reallife writing situations:
For more information on the use of plurals vs. the apostrophes,see my blog post here.
The Steins are a very nice family who live up the road.
The Steins’ car is new, but its brakes are not.
I buy tires from Mr. Stein’s auto parts store.
Mr. Greenjeans’ jeans are shorter than Jean’s jeans.
My grandparents sent their greetings to the Steins’ son’s wife.
My grandparents sent their greetings to the Steins.
My grandparents’ greetings were sent to Mr. Stein’s sons.
My grandparents sent their greetings to the Steins in an email.
They're very into their own selfish interests.
Their daughter doesn't live there, and they're very happy about that.
If you are their friend, there is a good chance that they're going to be
sending you a birthday card.
Why is their car there, when they're on vacation?
1. Divine retribution vs. Insult:
Drink, poison, and go to hell. (Alcohol and murder are nonos.)
Drink poison, and go to hell. (And you're ugly, too.)
2. Polygamy vs. Monogamy:
My wife Virginia is stately. (But my wife Chastity is a prude.)
My wife, Virginia, is stately. (That's why I married her and no one else.)
3. Soup ingredients:
Garlic salt, and pepper. (Only two spices; cheap.)
Garlic, salt, and pepper. (These three are all you need.)
4. More fun with commas:
My sister who lives in Montana is a kindergarten teacher (The sister who
lives in North Dakota is a farmer.)
My sister, who lives in Montana, is a kindergarten teacher. (I have only
one sister.)
Those Pesky Commas
The difference between a properly placed comma and a misued
(or unused) one can be the difference between Divine
retribution and insult, polygamy and monogamy, and two or
three ingredients in soup.
4th mistake
General rule: The word only is placed directly before the word youwant it to qualify.
Reallife writing situations:
Only it qualifies the word that comes after it. (Nothing else is
allowed to qualify the word that comes after it.)
It only qualifies the word that comes after it. (It does nothing else
to the word: it doesn’t change the word, spell the word, or get rid
of the word.)
It qualifies only the word that comes after it. (It does not qualify the
sentence that comes after it, the paragraph that comes after it, or
the preposition that comes after it [unless, of course, that
preposition is the word that comes after it.])
It qualifies the word that only comes after it. (It does not qualify the
word that sings after it, or the word that yells after it, or even the
word that jumps after it.)
It qualifies the word that comes only after it. (It does not qualify the
word that comes before it or above it or below it.)
The Lonely Only
Here also, you can completely change the meaning of your
words with an improperly placed only.
5th mistake
General rule A: The words either, or, both, and and follow the same ruleas that of only, i.e., they are placed directly before the word they willqualify.
General rule B: Whichever part of speech comes immediately after“either” needs the same part of speech after “or,” and likewisewhichever part of speech comes immediately after "both" needs thesame part of speech after "and."
Reallife writing situations:
1. Either/or:
Either/Or, Both/And
These are the big sisters and brothers of the only issue.
Either we go to Vegas or your parents go to Vegas. (1. That town
ain’t big enough for the two of us. I can’t stand your parents, and
therefore if they go to Vegas we stay home in Bakersfield. 2. The
pronoun “we” followed “either,” so the noun “your parents”
follows “or.”)
Either we go to Vegas or we jump off the roof. (1. Both of us will
do only one of two things: go to Vegas or jump off the roof; your
parents, on the other hand, have decided to stay in Barstow. 2.
"Either" is followed by a subjectverbpredicate clause.
Therefore, "or" must also be followed by one.)
We either go to Vegas or jump off the roof. (1. This is a slight
variation of the previous example. 2. Because the preposition
“we” comes before the word “either,” we don’t have to repeat it
on the other side of “or.”)
6th and 7th mistakes
2. Both/and:
He both bit and slapped me. He did two things to me. (“Bit” and
“slapped” are both verbs.)
He bit both me and my mother. He bit two people. (Both “me” and
“my mother” function as direct objects here.)
He is both a biter and a slapper. (I don’t like this guy.)
Both he and his wife are biters and slappers. (Just goes to show you
that every pot has a lid.)
I am going both to Philly and to Boston. (Here I needed to use the
word “to” twice, because it was placed after the word “both.” Thus, it
needed to be repeated after “and.”)
I am going to both Philly and Boston. (Since I placed “to” before
“both” in this example, I didn’t need it after “and” – and it would have
been incorrect had I placed it there. Take heed.)
Abraham Lincoln both wrote the Gettysburg Address and delivered it.
(Because there is a verb after “both,” there had to be a verb after
“and,” and thus Abe had to do two things with the Gettysburg
Address.)
Abraham Lincoln wrote both the Gettysburg Address and his
inauguration speech. (Lincoln wrote two speeches/nouns because
“wrote” came before “both” and the name of a speech came after
“both” and “and.”)
Both Abraham Lincoln and his wife were sitting in the Booth Theater
on that fateful evening. (By the way, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?)
General rule:
Substitute “he” and “him” for “who” or “whom.” If it’s “he” it’s who, if it’s“him” it’s “whom.”
Reallife writing situations:
Who/Whom
In my opinion, getting this right will demonstrate professionalism
and competence every time. No one does this correctly, so there
won't be any competition once you've learned the rules.
To who/m did you give the apple? I gave it to him/Did you give the
apple to him? Answer: whom.
I have no idea who/m you’re talking about. You are talking about
him/Are you talking about him? Answer: whom.
It is David who/m runs the kindergarten. He runs thekindergarten/Does he run the kindergarten? Answer: who.It is David who/m I love. I love him/Do I love him? Answer: whom.
David is the man who/m everyone thinks is the best teacher in the
neighborhood. Everyone thinks he is the best teacher in theneighborhood/Does everyone think he is the best teacher in theneighborhood? Answer: who.David is the man who/m everyone thinks of when the word “teacher”
pops into their head. Everyone thinks of him as the consummateteacher/Does everyone think of him as the consummate teacher?Answer: whom.
8th mistake
Extrahard who/whom situations:
1. Let's say you wanted to write the following:
The phone rang. She asked me who/m it was.
Did you say the following in your head: “It’s him on the phone”/”Is ithim on the phone”? I rest my case.
This requires another minigrammar lesson, which I call The ‘Tis IRule. It goes like this:
Dingalingaling!Hello? Who is it?‘Tis I.
If you can answer ‘Tis I to a question (which you can in the aboveexample), go for the “who.”
Hack: neither “I” nor “he” have the letter m in them, and thus theanswer is "who"; “me” and “him” do, and thus the answer is "whom."
2. Please share my blog with anyone who/whom you know wouldbenefit from it.
This one’s tricky because had I said only, “Please share my blog withanyone who/whom you know,” the answer would be “whom”: I knowhim/do I know him? However, here, the last phrase (“would benefitfrom it”) takes precedence: He would benefit from it/Would he benefitfrom it? Answer: who.
Present tense:
I lie down every afternoon. First, I lay the blanket on top of me. Then I goto sleep.
Today I am lying down. First, I am laying the blanket on top of me. Then Iam going to sleep.
Past tense:
Yesterday I lay down. First, I laid the blanket on top of me. At that point,the blanket was lying on top of me. And then I went to sleep.I have lain on this bed before. Usually, I have laid the blanket on top ofme. Then, I have gone to sleep.
Future tense:
Tomorrow I will lie down. First, I will lay the blanket on top of me. Then Iwill go to sleep.
Farm animals:
Only this goose can lay golden eggs.This goose laid three golden eggs today.This goose has laid four golden eggs before, but only when it has been ina good mood.
Only Chickens Lay Eggs, or NotMistakes 9 and 10
Here are a few more ways to embarrassproof your writing.
A Few Final Faux Pas
1. Wonky plurals:sistersinlaw
aidesdecamp
jacksofalltrades
masters of none
2. Adverbial phrases:Tattoo this on your forehead: Never, EVER use a hyphen
between an adverb with an ly ending and an adjective:
She is a highly incompetent cleaning lady.He has an exasperatingly verbose writing style.The wonderfully intoxicating scent of the flowers made mesmile.
3. The department of redundancy department::Never say the following:
Two a.m. in the morning.
You may pick only one:
a) Two in the morning.
b)Two a.m.
Mistakes 11, 12, and 13
I hope you enjoyed reading this ebook as much as I enjoyed putting it
together, and I am confident that these easy tips will go a long way
toward making editors and agents sit up straight and take your work
seriously.
You are now well on your way to grammar competence! For more
ouchless grammar hacks, writing techniques, and tips for the writing
life, go to http://www.BulletproofWriting.com. Subscribing is free,
and you'll get bimonthly posts delivered straight to your inbox.
If I may leave you with one thought:
Thanks for Reading!
Process is as important as product.
I wish you much luck and success with your writing.
Remember to enjoy the journey as well as the goal.
All the best,
Deena Nataf
Bulletproof Writing
About Deena
Deena Nataf is a magazine and book editor with thirty years
of experience. She received her B.A. in English and
American Literature summa cum laude from Brandeis
University. Besides her editing, book mentoring, and
manuscript evaluation business, she runs
www.BulletproofWriting.com, a website and blog that helps
writers make their mark on the world through posts on writing
techniques, “comedy grammar,” and tips for the writing life.
