WHEN FLOWERS DIE YOUNG.

By Chelsea Carpenter and John Chapman.

Chapter I

I sat alone, waiting in the darkness, the shadows encroaching on me like little devils of

sadness of despair. My hands kept shaking - I couldn’t stop it, it was like I was so scared, so

overcome with fear or regret that it arrested me and held me at the gallows. Down, on the phone,

was her name - the name of the angel of my life, of light, - the only thing that pierced those shadows

that kept coming from the corners of my apartment. Kept trying to entangle me. She was the burning

of the frost; the lily-scent of the spring wind. Helen was, for all I know, the only thing that kept me

from falling into the pit of myself.

I searched through the phone knowing I wouldn’t find anything - I haven’t talked to her in

months now, and the fact that this girl - this undying flame that drowns me - was still on my mind

after so long bothered me. But not as much as not being with her. So as I looked through the phone, I

found her name, and I found the little tab for “Text History,” and I read what she sent me almost five

months ago.

“July 17th, 2012,

From: Helen

‘We’ve talked enough, Cole. I gave you enough second chances.’”

Dammit. I don’t know why I torture myself. Those two sentences pierce me like a fiery

avalanche. And yet I keep letting myself be drowned. Again and again.

Tonight was particularly bad. West Virginia’s snow has settled in, loneliness followed winter

and self-loathing followed loneliness, so in this line of despair I let the winter overtake my senses. I

texted her, a reply five months late, a reply five sentences too long for text. The kind that no one

except the sad pathetic wastes of the Earth should send. The kind that was true.

December 21st, 2012

Send: Helen

“I feel like I don’t belong here. The snow falls too early and the flowers bloom

too late. The mountains are too wide; the streets too narrow. The people, too. There’s

nothing to do so they drink and smoke and fall in love. And they love like the land,

constant uphills and downhills, that never last long, constantly searching for a top

without a cliff. They live on the peak, and I am stuck rolling this burden of

purposeless, this burden that weighs on me like a boulder, up the mountain and back.

Up and back. Up and back. I belong where there is adventure, where things are more

complex than rolling a stone up a hill. I want emotion so raw that even if I did come

back, the snow and the alcohol wouldn’t be enough to make me numb. I want God

and the Devil to rage inside of me. I want you. I want the city.”

I grabbed a beer from the fridge. One thing turned from another, and as the night went on the

bottle got empty, and as my soul was filled with alcohol it was drained of any sort of happiness or

sadness. And at that point, wallowing in a puddle of alcohol and soul and sadness and everything that

went with Helen, I got the keys to my old Ford, and rode into the darkness, destiny lying ahead,

Helen left behind, and the snow tracking the trail of sorrow.

New York City, the city of life, of excitement, of night. Union, West Virginia was a chain, and

the lock had just been picked. Soon, I’ll be living my life for the first time.

Chapter 2

I just don’t understand, why. Why do humans have to be so nonsensical? Misguided people

so to say. Basically, following one another not having their own thought process. I would say very

few have people I’ve came across isn’t a follower. Working in the city makes me think I’ve seen most

of it all, but saying that isn’t true at all. There’s a whole world out there I haven’t seen yet. I want to

explore. I want adventures, but I would be alone.

I’m so stubborn that I don’t let anyone in. I like to just make up things, like I have problems

but it’s just trust issues. Everyone has their own problems and their actions or the way they act are

usually the cause by these issues, so you become how you are by what you experience in some sort.

“Hello, are you there? WOO HOO!” said an elderly woman in front of the register. “I’m so

sorry, I just get lost in my thoughts sometimes, but how may I help you?” As the woman was orderly

her food I couldn’t help but think how much I hate working here, or being in this place in general.

New York isn’t a bad city, it’s just not for me.

Heading home is probably the worst part of my day, beside waking up for work. There’s way

too many people on this earth and I can barely handle myself most times. Walking through crowds

just really makes me uncomfortable. Doing the same thing everyday is starting to bother me a lot

too.

I just don’t want the normal life. Working, having kids, getting married, None of that is

appealing to me. I’m not sociated with the term “normal”, but everyone’s definition of normal is

different, which becomes a opinion. The usual, average, or typical lives in this case. I don’t want it. I

don’t like it now as it is.

Chapter III

The ride was long, silent, lonely, but it was liberating. The wind blew through my air and

everything was so different than home, even though I hadn’t even left the state yet. The roads, for

the most part, were just like West Virginian roads - empty, desolate, I was the only living thing for

hours in the morning dawn. Each little sound, every little tear of the tire was mine. I belonged to the

road, and the road belonged to me.

I couldn’t help, at first, having my mind drift back to Helen. The way we sat on the swingset,

the way that summer air drifted across our hair that day. When we first kissed, her leaning against

the giant oak beside that park, and me leaning into her lips. She had that sort of smile that carries

hope and change and all the great things about life with it. She was my reason for living, as cliche’

and pathetic and sad as that sounds, and as the time passes like the night on that road, I passed

deeper and deeper into my memories.

She would drive me, because she liked driving and I didn’t. We’d laugh about the bad music

that played on her radio, but even though we mocked it we knew every word and lyric. Helen loved

Country music, which I used to like, I guess. We’d sing with a little Southern twang and laugh and

hold each other as the road held our spirits. I’d steal kisses at stoplights.

Once, at night, it began to rain. Her long black hair was a waterfall, and I was getting swept

up in those currents. We kissed between the water drops. And then we danced, we danced because

we knew the rain would end up washing us away with time. And I knew that my problems, the

anger, the feeling that I could never find myself, all of that - would be washed away too. So we

danced, and the stars were our audience, and the night wept for our future.

My mind jumped back to the darkness, that was now making way for dawn - “Now Leaving

West Virginia” was declared by a huge sign against the road. And like that, I was gone, and so was

Helen. She was stuffed away in a dark place where my demons dwell, and I would never go back to

that Hell.

Chapter 4

Loneliness forced me to be my own best friend. I never chose to be this way, It’s just the way

i am. To be honest I hate it more than anything. My problem is that I do and say things without

thinking when I’m nervous. I ruin things before they start. I guess i have a tendency to ruin things

before they start because that way I won’t have a chance to be hurt. But because of this I probably

miss out on chances to be happy.

I don’t know why I do that. Its a character flaw that I have been trying to work on. I know

that I need to work on this. I need to stop feeling like I’m not good enough. I need to stop feeling like

everyone is trying to hurt me. Like everyone is lying to me.

I think I don’t trust anyone anymore because of my ex-boyfriend. I was madly in love with

him and all he did thru the whole 3 years together was lie. He hurt me more than I could ever

imagine.

I fell out of love with him. I forgave him. I forgave him for everything he ever did. I never

forgot the feeling of being cheated on and lied to.

I guess that’s why I assume that everyone is out there to hurt me. I get scared and start saying

everything thats on my mind.

I just might have ruined something with a guy that I actually can see myself with. I don’t

know how to fix it. I always dig myself into a whole and can’t get out. I just keep digging myself in

deeper. Some people are going to leave, even the most important ones, but that’s not the end one

your story. It’s the end of their part in your story. I have to remind myself that. And sometimes

you’re going to have to let new people in.

Chapter V

I arrived between the metal monoliths of men at around 9am. The sky was breaking across

all the towers, holding its authority over all of us. The giant ivory goddess sat against it, on the right

hand of the sun, and as I drove between the crowded roads and saw all the crowds and felt the

severing from me to my home, I became liberated.

The first place I stopped, though, was a little restaurant called Phat Burrito. Breakfast in the

mountains was made of eggs and sausage - here it could be anything, and tacos sounded great.

I sat at one of the booths in the corner, and watched out the window at all the people passing

by. I was quiet and alone, but I was free, and the city fed my need for company more than anyone

could. Though, that didn’t stop her from showing up with her black hair, entering into my life like

some sort of angel of death who held life in her hands. She asked my order, with this shy,

understated voice - the voice of someone who was alone, perhaps by choice - the voice of someone

unhappy of where they lived, someone like me. Before I came here, anyway.

I started talking to her, we shared a cup of coffee, and even though she was hesitant and first

and I wasn’t used to the Northern accent, we got along well enough. Her name was Eden, pretty

unfitting for someone who lived in the exact opposite of a garden. Eden enjoyed nature, though, so I

guess that makes sense. She didn’t say much else, and I realized that time was going fast and despite

not wanting to, West Virginia held my parents and my friends and my job, so I didn’t have much of a

choice to go back.

Chapter 6

Alarm clock smashes to the ground as Eden stumbles to get out of the bed with a blanket

wrapped around her. Walking to the bathroom, realizing she’s late for work, not doing anything

except put on her work clothes. Usually how her monday’s workout. Running for the bus stop, she

see’s it already passing in a panic wave for it to come back .

“Hello?” Young man says trying to order his food, but Eden fails to because she is half

asleep. “Oh, I’m sorry it’s monday, and I not having a very good start to my day , because I was

almost work and if I am again then I’ll get fired and i can’t do that because this is how I get income”,

she notices herself rumbling, and stops herself. “How can I help you?” The patience man, smirks and

takes his order.

Why has he been here all day? We’re about to close and he hasn’t moved from his laptop

since he sat down. I really don’t want to bother him, but we close in ten minutes. I’ll just wait and see

if he leaves on his own. One more minute and he hasn't even started pack up, I suppose I should get

the nerve to tell him.

"Excuse me, sir? We're about to close." Eden says looking at the table no eye contact

what so ever. Then seems to notice all the books on the table. It sparked her interest right then. "Oh,

are you reading? Towards Alaska? It's probably in my top ten books. But you better get going.. It's

time to close."

Then the stranger was looking at her the whole time without a word, basically lost in a

trance. No words were coming out, just him staring.

Suddenly he snaps out of it and does his little smirk, and says "I'm sorry, I'll be on my way."

As he grabs his stuff, she thinks about asking for his name, but fails to do so.

Walking out of the door, Eden decides she'll take the subway home. Stepping onto the

subway, she takes her seat. Looking down noticing a familiar bag and shoes. Eden looks up and

realizes who it was. It was the same man from the restaurant. In mid thought eden's thoughts are

interrupted by him saying. "Oh, you again?" Eden's face turns red. "I'm sorry, if it seems as if I'm

following you. I swear I'm doing no such thing..I." She got cut off by him saying, " You start to

mumble, when your nervous hmm?" She nods her head yes. "Don't worry it's kind of cute." Her face

turns a deeper shade of red, then it already was.

There was a silence between them for a couple minutes. “So do you like hiking? or

something. I was actually listening when you were talking about that book you know.” She says, yes

and no nothing more. “So why are you in this big city, then? If you like nature and what not?” I’m

from West Virginia and I can tell you the mountains there are quite nice. You should go there

sometime.” She butted in by saying “I can’t go alone.” Then the subway came to a stop and it was his

stop. He stood up and looked down at her and smirked and said “We can finish this another time.”

She sat there confused as he walked off the subway. Looking down she see’s something it’s a little

piece of paper, she picked it up and noticed there was a name number on it and know knew what he

was saying.

As a couple go by they become unseparate.

Chapter VII

“Alright Eden, I think I gotta go, but we should do something some time,” he said before leaving,

knowing it wouldn’t happen but hoping he had enough of an impact to make her want to get out of

her shell. She said,

“Hey, we should go hiking!”

Well, I’d been hiking before, but the place to do it isn’t West Virginia. I told her where I was

from, where I planned on going, and we made a date of it. She got in my Ford, and we headed back

towards that mountain state.

The mountains weren’t hard to hike, I’d been there before. It was a little place in the

Appalachian range that gave out discounts for couples. Not that me and Eden had any interest in

each other, not like that, but the rangers didn’t have to know that, and it was a good 30% off.

We carried our gear to the edge of the lot, paid for our little passes, and went on towards the

forest’s maze. It was a trail that winded for a good three miles. There were briars, which I pushed out

of the way for Eden, and really, we bonded well over the dirt and the plants. We talked about coffee

and the Phat Burrito, I told her about West Virginia, the ranges and the cold and she seemed so

amazed. As if she was surprised by nature’s dominance there. But we joked and walked and hiked,

and slowly, as the sun fell, we began to see into each other’s souls.

“I... Wanted the city, you know? I just wanted to find myself, I guess, if that even makes

sense. I’m being pretentious, aren’t I?”

“Just a little,” she giggled.

I learned of her separation from the people, how she hated working, the crowds, the cities. In

our equal hatred of our homes we became close.

As we spoke, she wasn’t paying close attention - as a city girl might not. She tripped over a

root sprouting out of the ground, and coiled around that root was a snake that slithered toward her

side. I shouted out to her, and it was dark, so I couldn’t catch what kind of snake it was, but it crept

closer and closer. I ran to her as she began getting up, and with a wrong step, she stepped on the

viper. It reared back and latched onto her ankle, before pulling away and shifting away into the

darkness.

I rushed to her. It was dark, and she was screaming in pain and shock. I wrapped some cloth

from my bag around her ankle, and picked her up on my back. We had walked a mile, but I couldn’t

risk it, so I began heading back to the entrance, trying to comfort her as we moved past the forest.

Chapter 8

Going in and out of consciousness, eden’s head bobing back and forth as cole try’s to get her

to the hospital. Putting her into the car wasn’t difficult, but just the things she was muttering was

hard to hear knowing she was going such pain. Seeing bury images of street lights passing Eden’s

finally closes her eyes shut.

“Eden! Wake up! Now!” cole says in a worry some tone. “ You need to wake up and stay with

me. It’s going to be okay. Just stay with me.” Eden mummbles trying to fight the venom back, but she

is losing. Getting her through the Emergency room, they take her back into a room, where cole then

has to now wait. Wait to see if Eden comes out alive or not. All he could think was it was his fault,

blaming himself for what was happening. Even though it wasn’t his fault at all it’s nature and nature

his a lot in store in it. You can’t really help what happens because anything can, at any moment.

The door to the back rooms now open, a nurse appears, telling cole he can now come back.

Going into the room with his heart beating faster, then seeing she’s awake overcame his fear of losing

her that night.

Chapter IX

I don’t know why the memories were coming back. Eden was safe at the apartment,

everything was fine - but Helen, those thoughts of Helen, were escaping from her dark prison. It had

been months since the hike now, and yet me and Eden live together, in love but not. I don’t

understand the situation - I’m tired of not understanding the damned situation. Someone needs to

f---ing tell me something.

She expected so much from me. What was I even supposed to do? I’m a Southern boy, not

one of her city-models. I wasn’t going to wait on her hand and foot, I’m not like that. I’m not a

freaking puppy like she wants me to be. I’m my own person! At least, I think I am. I don’t even know

anymore.

I grabbed a bottle of beer from the fridge and drank while I waited for her to get home from

work. The alcohol was mixing with my blood, it was flowing through my veins. I kept getting

angrier, and angrier, because I wasn’t anyone. Because she was draining me from everything. Or

maybe... Maybe it was me, maybe I was the one forcing this upon me? No! It’s definitely her, it’s not

me. It’s her, thinking she’s more important. This is just like Helen.

The door opened and Eden stood in the portal between light and darkness. And without

hesitation, I screamed. I told her off in more ways than I could think, in ways that could keep a holier

man from Heaven. And she kept crying, and crying. What a joke! She’s the one hurting ME! She’s the

one who made me feel this way. Just like Helen! She’s killing my identity.

And she didn’t know what to say, she just kept getting hurt, she kept crying, my words were

swords that slashed at her. She kept saying she was sorry, but sorry wasn’t good enough! I don’t

know what I wanted her to do, I don’t. But she made me do everything she wanted so I felt a right to

this. I don’t know.

In the middle of the flames of conflict, she told me to get out. Fine. I didn’t want to

stay here anyway. I brought a few bottles of the beer with me and got in my car. I revved up the

engine, and in my drunken stupor, I rode off into the roads, trying to mix with the thousands of other

shadows that were in New York. I was blending with them, I was nothing in the mass. Just another

person. Not Cole, but just an empty husk. It wasn’t Eden, it was the ci-

Chapter 10

Now that cole was gone, Eden went back to her old ways and starting working back at the

Phat Burrito. She’s worse than she was before, barely talks to a soul unless she absolutely has to. She

doesn’t care if it’s considered rude anymore. She’s lost inside of her own head now. Keeps wondering

what went wrong, maybe even letting him in was a bad idea. She lives her days thinking this, but she

has to let it go because she can’t move on if she doesn’t.

“How may I help you, sir?” “ummm yes I can get a..” as she looks at the stranger, hearing a

slighty familiar voice. “Cole? is that really you?” the stopped his order, and asked “No? who is cole? I

mean my best friend name was cole but he died five months ago. she replied “In a car accident?”

“yes, how did you know?” he said confused by her reaction.

“Me and cole we’re together and then he left..” she trails off.

Eden and cole sit there few hours talking about him, he even tries to tell her it wasn’t her fault. She

kept thinking as he was talking she can’t let anyone else in because they’ll leave again.