Mistaken Goals Rudolf Dreikurs

Reasons children misbehaveAttentionPowerRevenge Inadequacy

Children needsSense of belonging

Need for Attention• Child believes that unless they are the center of

attention, then they have no role in the relationship!• Teacher reacts by getting annoyed, coaxing the child, and

then doing for the child• Child will stop temporarily but will later resume the

behavior in another manner.• Child believes that I only count or belong when I am the

center of your attention.

Adult's Response to Power struggle Fight, argue, demand, our voices get louder, angry,

operating from the emotional part of our brain, planning our retaliation, if we give here then they are not going to do the other fun event planned, or something.

What should we do?Give attention when they are demanding it.Avoid special serviceEncourage them to do things on their ownSet up routinesIgnore Send out “non verbals” to encourage competence in the

child

Need for POWER!!!!!!The child feels as if he only belongs when he has power

over the other person. “you are not the boss over me, and I will beat you and do as I please”

Nobody wins in a power struggle!!!

Adult feels:Annoyed, angry, frustrated, challenged and defeated, as

well as embarrassed.

Need for RevengeChild thinks they do not belong at all so the only they

belong to any degree is when they are getting even.The child feels as though they cannot be liked or loved

Adult feelsHurt disappointed disbelieving and disgusted

Adult reacts byRetaliatingGetting evenThinking:”How could you do this to me?” playing victim,

which is really dangerous

More appropriate responsesDeal with hurt feelingsBuild trust with the childShow you careAct, don’t talkEncourage strengths

Assumed InadequacyThe child believes that they cannot belong because they

are not perfect, so I will convince others not to expect anything of me. I am helpless and unable. There is no use trying because I won’t do right.

Adult FeelsDespair, hopeless helpless

Adult Reacts by:Giving upDoing for the childOver helping

Child thenRetreats furtherBecomes passiveNo improvementNo repsonseGives up

What we should do

Show faithStop all criticismEncourage postive attempts Focus on assets Teach skills/show how to do it, and then step back Encourage and watch out for empty praise