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8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 7
1/21
WO
RKZINE
Vol.1.Iss
ue7Nove
mbe
r042 0
8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 7
2/21
Remember the joy and ecstasy you felt when you
attained your first degree? Resplendent in your
graduation gown, you were on top of the world.
Though you knew you had to search for a job, you
knew a part of life was over. The part of reading
books, oh yes. You had conquered that part.
Brandishing your degree like a sword, you shouted
Veni! Vidi!! Vici!! Right now, you probably wonder
what all the hullabaloo was about. Reason being that
a mountain of books is staring right at you with a
grin on its face. Gilbert, AFDB, spends almost every
spare minute of his reading up for his masters. His
mood is grim , I have to read for tests and also do my
own work assignments. I am stopping at Masters. I
swear. in his words lie the torment of may a worker:
how to balance work and books? Yet further studies
are necessary. Claire, a human resource consultant
with JCL , says it cant be avoided, unless one is
self employed, one has to go fro further studies.
Academic qualifications are still an integral part of
what employers use to sieve out all the applications
they get. Skills matter but so do papers. Mimi , a
lawyer with shell, is puzzled by that : academic stuff
can only take thus far. I remember people in class
who were always in the top percentile but they have
amounted to squat. I have my skills and I use those to
get ahead. I dont lay stock in papers anymore. Bob
is currently pursuing his masters in the UK : I know
that the world still considers educational achievement
so I decided to do my bachelors and masters at a go.
Get this over and done with. Faridah is India on the
same track : I worked for a year and hit a promotional
ceiling. Decided to get books out of the way. others
dont have the luck or ability to study on its own, they
often have to juggle books, job , family , and social
commitments. Diana, a corporate banker completing
her ACCA , knows the situation to well : People no
longer call me even when am free because most times
I am not. I dont do parties anymore. I have no social
life. Andrew, self employed, tried doing ACCA, the
stuff was hazardous to my health. Reading all the time
and attending class while trying to make a buck is
hard. I will make my money and wait for universities
to confer degrees on me. Shariam , a pharmacist
rues the day she enrolled for another course: I dont
know how many friends I have lost. Any time there
is something to do, I am either to tired to hang out
or I have to read for a test or complete a work task.
Who ever came up with the idea of formal education
deserves a bullet through the brain. When all is said
and done, the bitter fact remains that one cant escape
going for more studies in todays world. Even the
self employed has to do so. One has to learn to do a
tight balancing act and even sacrifice some things to
achieve what you want. Advice is to be careful what
you sacrifice. And when you do, learn to deal with
your sacrifice.
To Work and Studydier of Fortunerests the hill as the sun slowly reachesor the embrace o the horizon; the
rt is hotter than he imagined it. All
nd him is a land that is slowly alling to
esert, the sand is relentless. Even now
an hear it in the wind, a storm is coming
he longs or the cool elds back home.
e, could he call it that anymore? He
born here, in these dry and rocky lands.
parents, searching or a better lie
ed to the west, America, the land o theels. He was only eight years then and
lways elt he should have been given
hoice to stay. It is the promised land
ather had said, where all are ree and
l.
ather had lied. He had never really
ree let alone equal. School had been
he hadnt said much in class because
yone laughed at him. They said he had
ny way o talking. The boys always
d him, calling him unny names. He
pent most o his time reading, the holy
was his avourite.
ad just turned twenty three when it alln. The bombings hadnt been shown
NN but there was a new TV station
d Al Jazeera. A particular image had
ked the anger, a young boy in the moun-
o Aghanistan crying or his Quran,
ndels bombs had destroyed it with
est o his amily! He had gotten tired o
way everyone treated him ever since the
rs burned down. They made him eel
he had fown the planes. He had tired o
Promised Land and somehow the im-
o that boy had spurred him to action.
ocal mosque was where he had met
He had introduced himsel as Halil
over the course o two years had taughtabout the true Islam. There was a
ad and all the aithul who ought and
ghting would be justly rewarded in
dise. He had elt a sense o brotherhood
Halil and had become more estranged
his amily. His parents were not aith-
why did they not go back home to ght
ndels? Why did his ather work in
actories and still receive no respect?
mother had stopped wearing the
qa because it made people uncomort-
She had had to give it up. Her boss at
8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 7
3/21
diner had hinted as much i she wanted
keep her job. How could he live in the
artland o the indel and still call himsel
hul? He had to go and ght with his
thers, Allah commanded it.
o years had passed since he got here,
he Land o Two Migrations it was
led. He had done terrible things in the
me o Allah, but The Teacher said its all Allahs will. He did not know what
believe anymore. He had watched women
d children die in the name o Allah; he
uld not bring himsel to believe that truly
se were the ways o a religion o peace.
morrow he would put on the cloths o a
rrior, a soldier o Islam and he would die
it. Did he do the right thing? Only Allah
ew the absolute truth, all he knew was
t tomorrow he would die and take with
m as many indels.
e sun touches the horizon, the wind
ispers to him and the sands o time all
r so gently. In the distance he hears thel to prayer. He lays down the mat, kneels
d aces the holy city. God is great, God
great! he begins his evening prayer.
ere are hundreds o oreign fghters in
Al Shabaab movement and Al Qaeda
o are recruited rom all over the world.
eems the mercenary proession still
vives
hinorck
oldier of Fortune
Douglas MukasaBussines oppurtunity is betterand the difference is for the
business opportunity to existit comes from having had theidea for the business.
Moses KisekkaHmm...so does the idea createthe opportunity or vice-versa,or both? Or is the idea theopportunity, or...?
Kinya MburuguWell for me, business idea
sounds like a new thing ortaking a business path thatsnot very explored by other
business pple, while a businessopportunity sounds like anopening to do a business thatsnot necessarily new just thatfor whatever reason theres
been an opening.
Idea connotes newopportunity does notnecessarily connote new. Againfor meopportunity is better cozsomeone else has done it before
and has learnt and probablydocumented dos and dontsalong th way. Idea is moredifficult coz if its completelynew ud hav to learn by trial nerror and modify th originalidea to suit th market. Thistakes alot of extre investmentsin terms of time, finances andeffort
Susan Pamellah@moses ; a businessopportunity may create a
business idea( which it does
in majority of cases), but thereverse is not necessarily true.
@yusuf;people with businessopportunities are more
successful than those withideasYusuf MulinyaI hope we are not facing thechicken and egg situation.trying to figure out what camefirst, the chicken or the egg!
So anyway, an opportunity canalso arise for something newand untested. maybe an ideais something in its conceptual
phase, and an opportunity is anidea taken further...or maybe
they are the same thing!!!
Douglas MukasaNow thats confusing furtherdont u think so
Yusuf MulinyaOk consider this case. Out ofinteractions someone says heneeds mosque managementsoftware. So i know a
programmer who knows aprogrammer who i think canget together and do it. that is anopportunity.
An idea could be that after thatdeal of supplying software,i then think of supplyingother mosques with the samesoftware. but you could arguethat since i have that software,i have an opportunity to supplyother mosques....so am back tothe same position i was in!Nuriat NagujjaKinya broke it down.Henrietta NassuunaYusuf seriously????? Take your
economics class off facebook!Wilfred KabbaleHellos, the business
opportunity describes theexternal environment, the
business idea describesthe internal psychologicalenvironment of theentreprenuer, the opportunscenario is better for thosewithout the ideas, whilethe ideas scenario is betterfor those in society lacking
business opportunities.
ooOOooo
So here is my assessmentof the above responses. A
business opportunity arisesout of a need that manifestitself in the market. A businidea arises out of thought tthe excecution of a businessomeone is thinking of, wocreate a need in the marketOne can then argue that haa business opportunity is mrealistic way of approachin
business. Therefore it isimportant that as we pursuentreprenuerial ambitions,try as much as possible to fon the opportunities that ex
in the market.
What are your views?Email [email protected]
Yusuf MulinyaBusiness and financialmanagement ConsultantEdge Consult Ltd
business iDea or business opportunity?Whats the difference, and whats better?
Before I got into figuring out the difference, I posted this question on m
facebook page and here is the discussion that arose.
8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 7
4/21
Medicine
AIDS Vaccine research
results cast in doubt
Afghanistan
Presidential run-off in
Afghanistan
Obama
Obama Nobel award
frowned upon as Hilary become
more popular than him
An employee shall not be required to work for an employer for more than six consecutive days
without a days rest and the maximum working hours for employees shall be 48 hours a week.
A male employee is entitled to Paternity leave of four working days leave from work regardless of
whether it is a delivery or a miscarriage.
A female employee who becomes pregnant shall have the right to return to the job which she held
immediately before her maternity leave or to a reasonably suitable alternative job on terms and
conditions not less favourable than those which would have applied had she not been absent on
maternity leave.
Jacque Kasoma
Organisation In Focus : Praise FM Radio
Newsbytes
Racism
Uproar as South African
University drops racist
charges
Governance
$5 Million governance pr
awarded to African presid
amidst groans and smiles
Africa
South African farmers ren
200000 acres in DRC
Finance
Nigerian Banking Sector
struggles to recover
The Written Word
E-book readers re-ignite
hope in publishing indust
Technology
Bladeless fan introduced
Tennis
Andre Agassi shocks spo
world with drug revelatio
raise fm is a gospel radio station based in St kitts and Nevis in the caribbean. it was founded by Mr
teve Huggins on the 27th Oct 2004. The radio has attracted a number of visitors from from over 80
ountries of the world. The radio station is blessed with lots of African music and African Artists thatmakes it unique from most of the radio stations around.we do have lots of caribbean music , inspirational,
raise and worship. we have teachings that have been a blessings to the people.Mr steve Huggins married
o Sandra who hails from Uganda and they are blessed with 1 Daughter Sasha Huggins. Together with the
upport team here in Nevis we are doing our best.
oin us and be apart of the family ideas, comments will build us further more.
RAISE FM 99.3 RADIO
Hamilton Estate
harlestown Nevis
astern caribbean
el 18696670351,1869765244, 18696655602,18697659570,3057121858
mail: [email protected], [email protected]
web: www.praisefm993.110mb.com,www.praisefm993.site40.net
Know Your RightsThe Employment Act 2006
Taking Leave
8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 7
5/21
WORKPLACE RECOgnitiOn
What say you might all in this category o tasks? I
answer. what you cannot athom to perorm in your
everyday work tasks? Take or example, a public
accountants role is simply (though it really isnt)
to check against the accountabilities submitted and
produce either a damning or promotion-making report.
So i rom time immemorial all accountability reports
or a particular client have been prepared in just over
4 weeks o grueling bashing and candle-lit working
nights then there comes Raayili in his most majestic
o sorts and produces a more comprehensive thanbeore-seen accountability report in much less time o
2 and a 1/2 weeks, then surely without a doubt must I
be commended or whatever I did to pull that o.
But I ask again does an employer really need
to specially thank you or doing your job more
eiciently? Why? I mean is it not in your job
description and expectations? Okay, maybe you save
the company a couple o shillings when you do your
job a lot quicker and better than was budgeted but
does that mean you should be paid a bonus or having
ulilled your job requirements? No, it is my gain and
that is one o the reasons you were hired in the irstplace, to make me more money coz you said it on the
CV, I am an eicient worker under pressure.
So I do not understand why people get all ussy and
rowny when they work their a***s o and seem to
expect special treatment at the workplace or having
saved a ew more dollars/shillings or the majority
shareholder who may happen not to even live or have
stepped in Uganda let alone Arica. The employers d
not care about you. They might say so but deep dow
uh ah, they do not. I mean, dude, in a country where
more than hal its graduates do not get a job upon
getting out o varsity and a good number o the othe
hal that do are over employed and underpaid (in
comparison to Eastern Arica standards) why would
you be bickering or a one-o workplace recognitio
What you really need is to stand up to your employe
and show him or her how great a resource you are to
his/her organization and show them that it is in theirbest interest to pay you more money all the time oth
than the one-o bonus you are so craving right now.
It would seem to me that the individual that bickers
more or a sort-out-my- cash-lows-next-month with
a bonus is myopic and actually does not deserve any
recognition at all. I at all the boss gives it to you, th
he is only playing his capitalist cards right. Nigga
, you have been playe
Coz you are going to work harder and save more
money but receive less or what you have input. It is
only air that you are paid or what you do handsom
and a mere one-o recognition is not that. You desermore. So go on and ask or what you truly deserve a
great company resource.
Rafayili
It only seems but fair that an individuals hard work at work (donno if thatz gud
English) should be recognized by his/her employer. I think that a person getting
recognized at his/her workplace should not be for something someone else would
have been able to do but since they were not assigned the task you did it. Hardly,
rather I would prefer that the recognee must have performed a task beyond the
average office personnel capability for him/her to merit the recognition.
FeedBack:
Your Take On The
WorkZine
Lucy
A friend posted it to me
en it has been such a blessing.
decreased my stress lvels; actually
wen i started the first article i
couldnt rest till the last......ope
his mail doesnt find its way to the
company server coz it can really
make my boss send me back to the
treets.
Rafayili
Loved the theme for the
WZ6 though the content was not
hat great...we lack i think regular
ommentary on workplace life and
t seems we are delving too much
nto other stuff... Rafayili.
Ok. Some honest critique
(which is what I do best) -
the content is interesting. It
makes for good reading. I
avent read it all word for word,
but the stuff is generally well
written. I like the layout, its not
boring, and its not a struggle to
ead.
My issues are basically with the
grammar, spelling, use of slang etc.
Rowan Emslie
sorry this is late. Whoever
wrote that MJ was an
important civil rights figure is
a moron!
ONE: There were a myriad of
incredibly popular, actually
in any way political (think
Marvin Gaye! Sam Cooke!
James Brown! et-*****-
cetera)
TWO: It might strike you as
obvious but the whole turning
himself white thing and having
surrogate blond haired blue
eyed babies not the greatest
advocate of the race he came
from!
Outrageous. How did you not
get me to write something for
this zine? Oppurtunity missed
Abid!!!
8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 7
6/21
Verbatim
Vs
VerbatimOur hero returns home one evening
ind his porch littered with toys, sw
wrappers, bits o string and banana
sure-ire evidence that little childre
been playing upon it. Eager to sort
out, he goes over to Screaming Liz
three-year-old rom next door, and
her.
Good evening, little cretin.
Good evening, baz. Wassap!
Not that good. You see I just got ho
to ind my ront porch submerged i
debris and detritus o your days ac
I cant make it to the ront door bec
all the junk in the way. I ear I migh
over your teletubby doll, all and inmysel.
Theres a perectly good explanatio
that, Baz. You see, my parents told
to play on our porch because I mak
messy.
So you decided to play on my porc
instead?
Its called thinking outside the box,
But, now my porch is a mess.
I agree. That is a problem. Howeve
can oer you is my deepest sympat
your porch and thereore your prob
The porch is mine, granted, but the
can be convincingly argued, is youWell, I disown it henceorth.
This is ridiculous. You cannot reall
me to clean up the mess you made
on my verandah instead o the one
to you by God and your parents!
I am having a problem understand
you are so perplexed, Baz.
Because I am not the one who mad
mess! Why should I clean it up?
Look at it this way: when there is a
storm, and the wild and angry wind
leaves and twigs onto your porch a
mud onto your verandah, who clea
Well, I do, but...But you are not the one who broug
leaves and twigs and dirt there.
Im not but...
But the reason you clean them up is
because they are on your verandah
when a mess lands on your porch i
Darn Memo: My DefenceWe got a memo rom the administrator the other day. The bugger has gone crazy.
He claims we spend too much time having breaks. Let me lay my case beore you
and you decide. I get to work by 8am. Actually leave home at 6am. It si reezing
cold. I get to work and take a cup o tea or two as I check my mail and plan my day.
By 8.30am I am starting my tasks. At 9am I receive the rst message rom the group
mail asking about breakast. Remember I didnt eat anything in the morning. This
schedule is making me lose weight. I dont want to be dumped. At 9.30am I call
everybody on the intercom and conrm orders.
Then I summon this tea lady and give her a written lists o all we want. She should
not go to those cheap places that have samosas ull o oil. And I count the money
and tell her to bring the right balance. She didnt nish Olevel , she is dat and is a
thie sometimes. I have to watch her all the time. But she has a kid, maybe we can
ignore her thieving ways. At 10am she returns with goodies. She is 15 minutes late.
So slow. Since that lazy computer guy said we shouldnt eat near our computers,
we have to go to the kitchen.
That IT dude is dat, I called him yesterday to help nd a document on the machine
and he used some complicated search thingy which he expects me to remember.
What is his job ? By 10.40 am , we are through with breakast and lie goes on.
Hehehe!! Kyoka John, this stu he sends on the group mail. I have to reply!! Its
almost noon. Time to ask these guys where we are doing lunch rom. 12.40pm. We
have to rush out o here. Those people rom the oce next door may take our seats.
This lunch is good yet they should have added more salt. My mother cooks better.I wonder why these waiters keep hiding the cook? Have to tell her to style up. Hope
she is not related to the IT guy, that would explain the ake ood.
At 2pm we walk back to work. Almost orgot amidst the juicy gossip. Always knew
the boss was doing the new intern, that chic is way too dat . No way she could
qualiy. I am so ull. I need I siesta , those Portugese have that concept right. 3pm ,
I have to nish this assignment. Maybe I should all sick. Its 4pm. Evening tea. Am
having it at my desk no matter what. Its 4.30pm. I have things to do in town. Time
to pack my stu. Shit!! Tea poured on the keyboard. These cheap machines!!! Its
not working. I dont time or this now. Let me call this IT guy. It had better be ready
in the morning. And that stupid memo can wait!!!
Names and Company o the Writer have been withheld ater a lengthy discussion
8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 7
7/21
New Signs of trouble at your job
TOP TEN:
BINYIZOS
Are you learning? If you cant say what you have
learned in the last six months nor what you can expect
to learn in the next, beware, when there is nothing you
can learn where you are, you have got to move on, even
if they give you promotions. If your job has become
easy someone else will do it for less.
If your job were open, would you get it? Benchmark
your skills regularly. Look at want-ads for jobs in your
field. If they ask for skills you dont have.
Are you being milked? When you sacrifice your long
term growth for short term benefits, especially your
employers, you are living on intellectual capital. Asalesman who wants to learn marketing but keeps
hearing, youre so good we need you here or a finance
guy who is asked to keep the old system running while
others learn the new software-these are people in whom
the company has stopped investing.
Do you know what you contribute? If you cannot give
anyone a two minute summary of what you do and why
it matters, your boss probably cant either.
What would you do if your job disappeared tomorr
If you cant answer that question, you have not tho
about what marketable skills you have. More and m
you have to sell yourself inside the company.
Are you having fun yet? Sure, they call it work, b
youll be less eager for challenges if your heart is n
in it.
Are you worried about your job? If you are, you
probably should be.
By Davis Musinguzi
The old trappings of success - a leather chair, your own secretary - are gone. So are the old
signs of trouble.
The rule used to be incremental promotions every year or two. If you missed one - hmmm - tha
was a warning. You dont get the little clicks now. Warnings are subtler - many inaudible only
you, not your boss or colleagues. If several of these click, wake up:
Every culture, race, and age group seems
to have them: traditions. A tradition is set
to be simply a set o practices. Christmas
estivities are seen as traditions, just as
throwing rice at a wedding is considered
a tradition. Traditions are just one o themany things that allow people rom all
over to interrelate and have a common
bond. However, traditions arent always
un and games.
10DANGEROUSTRADITIONS
New Years Dive Siberia,
Russia
On New Years Day, divers from all
over take the plunge into the worlds
deepest lake, Baikal. Divers cut a
hole into the ice that covers the top
of the lake, and then dive 40 meters
down. One specified diver carries the
New Year tree to the lakes bottom.
Once the tree is planted, the divers
dance around it. Though it doesnt
sound too dangerous, keep in mind
that this lake is the deepest lake in
the world and that divers have to
swim with over 100 kg of equipment.
10
Fireworks Battle Chios,
Greece
On the small island of Chios,
every Easter Sunday is sure to bea spectacle. On this day, two rival
parishes, so to speak, light up their
fireworks and shoot them at the other
church. The purpose is for one of the
churches to hit the bell of the other
church. All of this goes on while a
service is in session. Its said that
over 25,000 rockets are used and 150
help to fire them off. In the past the
rockets have caused fires, damages
to homes, and even deaths, but the
tradition carries on still.
.
08
Polar Bear Plunge
It involves jumping into cold water
during the winter season for acharity organization. In some
locations, participants have to sign
a document consenting to the fact
that they know the plunge can cause
serious injury such as paralysis,
hypothermia, and possibly even
death.
09
1. local news agencies that rewrite texts of international stories in the
wording from the source without quoting the sources.
2. Our lady friends who drink Fanta when they have taken themselve
out, but are quick to ask for RedBull if offered a drink.
3. Those Taxi Touts who cant take time off to buy a deodorant or at lea
shower every morning and still insist on squeezing in next to clean cus
ers
4. The Trafc Police Department that has gone up a notch by using hot
ladies to charge us with trafc offences
5. These askaris at hang out places that ask for extra money yet they are paid to guard the cars in whate
parking lot there is6. Music Artists who advertise live concerts then sing over recorded sounds that are played at exceeding
loud volumes
7. People who gather around electronics shops to watch premier league soccer. Dont they have any sha
8. Beepers (need I say more???)
9. Street Side Preachers: I love the Lord, but in pure honesty Im not going to stop and listen to a guy as
ing me that I am going to Hell
10.Those guys with fake accents just because they cant be proud of their heritage
BY THE CRITIC FOR THE KRITIC
8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 7
8/21
We all need the IT guy. The problem is that he knows it.. Or she knows it. The result is an over-inlated ego. We
know you went to school and got a degree plus (maybe) a masters in something even more complicated but in
case you didnt notice , so did we. . Whats with the jeans and polo neck on a Monday? Is there a dierent dress
code or the IT demi-gods and the rest o us mere mortals? Then the hours they keep. have you noticed that the
IT guys always walk in either very early or very late? Again, did we sign dierent codes o conduct ? They also
have this annoying habit o walking out o oice when it pleases them. I do concur that there are those ew, very
ew, very very very very very very very ew IT people who are the epitome o proessionalism but they are not
the norm. the average IT person is an arrogant conceited sel absorbed socially incompetent egoistic sarcastic
lazy ass jerk. When you call or help , they start with inane questions like : is your computer on? Duh!!! O
course its on you moron. How dat do you think I am ? O course you dont say that since they have the power
to make you scream. You reply with knuckled hands that yes its on. Then the list continues : is the power on?
have you switched it on and o? are you stupid ? is the monitor on ? is the keyboard connected? and
when you are done answering them, they tell to start looking at weird things called coniguration interlaced
with geek words like IP, netbios, DHCP, DNS, postix, bus, sata and other gibberish like that. I I knew that
stu, do you think I would actually waste my precious time calling you ? O course you just grit your teeth and
dig to the bottom o your patience and say no. then you humbly request the guy to come over and have a look
at your PC. Ater what seems ages, the dude saunters in. these guys walk like they own the company. They
have got the intimidation down to an art. Even the MD walks cautiously around them. Well I dont blame him,
we all know the Zain scandal email ire was started by IT guys. These IT guys have unprecedented levels o
access to company inormation. Maybe thats why their oice section looks like a little independent kingdom.Music blaring all the time, ood and stu everywhere, a million and one gadgets , phones without any limit and
INTERNET all the time. While the rest o the world is busy at work , these guys are on acebook and making
skype calls. I should have done IT. But since I didnt , I hate all IT people out there. DO your worst.
Provided by Andrew Kasana.
The writer has a running vendetta with IT people. At this juncture , let me remind you that the views expressed
by wirters in this magazine are not necessarily the views o the magazine or o other writers in the magazine. The
WOrkZine really loves IT people. They are the worlds greatest.
Office Characters: The It Person 10
Coopers Hill Cheese-
Rolling Gloucester,
England
A piece of cheese is rolled down t
hill and the first person to get dow
the hill first takes the cheese! Sinc
the cheese is rolled about a secon
earlier than the race itself, it can
as fast as 70mph.
Though no one has ever died from
chasing a roll of cheese down a
hill, plenty have sprained an ankl
injured their back, broken a bone
gotten a concussion.
06
Christmas Trees
During 2003-2006, 240 hofires per year took place, all of w
started due to a Christmas tree in
the USA. On average 16 people
died because of the fire, and 25
were injured each year. Christma
tree fires are rare, but when
they do happen, they are usually
catastrophic.
04
Onbashira Tokyo, Japa
A festival in Tokyo that only
takes place once every six years,
Onbashira is a tradition that man
in the region claim has gone one over 1200 years. Yamadashi is th
more dangerous part of the festiv
Men go into the forest and cut dow
trees and then ropes are attached
them and they are dragged down
mountain by the men.
Many say this is a sign of bravery
but many have come out with
injuries, and others have died wh
carrying out the tradition.
05
DANGEROUS
TRADITIONS
Baby Dropping Ritual
Solapur, India
Muslims in the western Indian
town of Solapur line up to drop
their babies off a 15 meter tower
in a shrine, catching them in a
white sheet. The ritual, which hataken place for more than half a
millennium, is believed to make
children grow up healthy and str
07
8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 7
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Apparently this workzine thingy is getting so legit we actually have deadlines!! Can you im
putting a deadline on an idlers article? That seems to mean that I as a particularly gifted idle
have been rewarded by getting a deadline, does that even make sense? See last issue I tried t
push it but Ive been politely informed that I just might get something handed to me that Im
very sure no one would like to, its in the donkey family (yes, that sentence does make sense
Deadlines indeed, pshaww!!
But I suppose that boat has sailed. So how are you people? (I recently, well, for my very owpersonal purposes Im going to use the word met here, but thats not really what I mean, th
what you should hear.) So, like I was saying, I recently met someone who says that how are
you? so well (again Im going to use a different word for what I really mean, this time I
adorably) Adorably (yes, with the capital A) that you just want (well, at least I just want
hear her say it over again and again and again you do see how this is going, dont you?)
Well I suppose I could go on with that line of thought (ah, but that would denitely put a gid
smile on my face and leave it there for quite a while, ah (Insert the name of your latest cru
here and be assured that even she doesnt measure up, (or he, I hear the fairer sex demand
gender equality, but only when it suits them of course)) and I know that would really be fun
more for you than for me, but unfortunately for you, along with a deadline, I also got slappe
with a maximum word count. (Our dear Editor clearly has no idea just how much an idler haramble before- well, lets just hold onto that thought right there cuz mbu in the near future w
just might be getting some jaribu for rambling (now that is heaven) and I wouldnt want to
jeopardize my very lofty position just to prove a point, even if it is a really good point.)
Now where was I? oh yeah, word count, I was saying that with all these restrictions that hav
been Im sure very lovingly slapped on me by our dear editor, I cannot go on in an all out ra
bling session, so you are hereby saved (or deprived, depending on which side of the fence y
fall), from (of) the moonstruck ramblings of a very gifted idler, you know, this is the part wh
would be going into excruciating (in a very very good way, again, for me) detail on just how
(did I just hit the word limit? Cuz a red light just ashed on and, Oh, no, good, thats just the
you are cutting it very close warning, darn thing goes off a 138 words before Im actually
posed to stop, I think its broken. There it goes again, cant it tell Im in the middle of somet
here? Sheesh!! Besides, I can wrap up something pretty well in a 138 words, you just watchDont worry, Ill try not to break into song, she makes me feel that way sometimes you know
like I actually have a voice good enough to go serenading, only the last time I tried singing i
shower I think I heard a few glasses break, its a gift. (Come to think of it, that would be a v
useful gift if-))
Ach, just hit 600 words. I mean seriously, I had just gotten the bit between my teeth and was
ning with it for all I am worth and then boom, you have hit your word limit, anything you w
after this will only be published at the editors benevolent discretion.
Ah well, I suppose 66 words more dont really hurt. Ill just go practice my singing.
Brian Coutinho
Female circumcisionIt is said that over 130 million
women worldwide are affected by
this procedure, and over 2 million
occur each year. While no specific
numbers exist, it is said that a t least
1/3 of the women who undergo
female circumcision die due to
various complications.
03
Running of the Bulls
Pamplona, Spain
The nine-day festival has taken
place in San Fermn, Pamplona
in Spain since 1910. The running
involves penning up the bulls, and
then letting them run through the
street while people crowd in as well
and run in front of the bulls. Since
its start, 15 people have been killed,
the most recent being in 2009. It is
said that 200-300 people are hurt
02
College Hazing
It is said that out of all of the new
students going into college each
year, about 47% of them will undergo
what is known as hazing.
Despite the fact that hazing is
banned and disproved of on every
college campus, its safe to say that
most social, cultural, and academic
clubs haze the newcomers.
01
LEGIT
10DANGEROUSTRADITIONS
8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 7
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believe no one has an original problem.Everyone at some point goes through situations that someone else has
nquered. They ths need guidance on how to get through it. That is why i am here! AGONY KELZ! I pride myslf
being one of the few people to actually hit rock bottom and just bounce back up. Or maybe i hit a bouncy surface.
nyway what the hell. The point is i am here to help you, because that is just the type of philanthropic person that i
m. So here goes:
uge Problem: Its your birthday. Your friend gets you a gift you have repeatedly despised. Maybe not openly, but
u really dont like it. The tought may count, but if not translated into something lovely, then what is the point?
olution: Re-wrap it and give it back to er on her birthday! If she doesnt like it, it means she is thoughtless. What was
e doing getting you something even she despised??
uger Problem: A smelly person enters the taxi youre in, and what do you know; the only seat he feels comfortable
is the one right next to you. To make matters worse, the brother (most of the time it is a guy) insists on smelling
spite the wrikling of your nose.
uge Solution: You have to nd out if you can survive the journey. You need to nd out how bad the smell really is.
o what do you do? Grab an insect, best results would be got if a y is got, as these are so resistant to bad smells, but
those are scarce in the taxi ( why does that sound ironic?) a cockroach will do. They are usually near the kameeme.
rab the insect and put it at his feet, or anywhere close to him. \if it dies, you better get out as fast as possible, be-
use there, there is no plan B. Especially for such a smeller.
ugest Problem: You have moved out of home. Got this roomate. You are supposed to be having the time of your
e, but for some reason, your roomate is really a maniac. He or she is totally crazy and insisnts on screaming her
ad off over tiny things, even when it is obvious you need the silence!
uger Solution: Put a little chlorofoam in her pillow. Should knock her out for a couple of hours. If that is hard to
nd, try spirit! Used to work on those useless prefects in school, though may rst make her a little drunk. Anyway,
tter a drunk roomie that a maniac!
ugester Problem: Its really cold. You decided to spare your extra hours of sleep, got up at 4am, so you could make
to the boutique (read Owino), and join sylvia owori get the best clothes at whole-sale price. You are bending low,
lling at that wrinkled black dress that just looks like it has potential to look sexy, when suddenly an obese midget
ps you and shouts..... sizey yange!!!!
ugest Solution: You slap the hugest toughest meanest looking guy in sight, then point at the midget! You can either
and and enjoy the movie, or you can shop as you listen to the sound effects in the background.
ugestest Problem: Its your birthday. No one remembered! You were expecting a suprise party, and you had even
actised your expressions in the mirror!
ugester Solution: Postpone it, and this time make sure you advertise it in the workzine. If nothing is done, dont give
. Adverts are free. fake a party and advertise the invites!
ugestestest Problem: You are a nancially challenged Campuser. For some reason your parents have refused to step
and give you money. You cant go home for the basic meals because Mukono is not exactly near Makerere. you
east need to feed.
ugestest Solution: Dont turn down any single date. Accept them all because they cater for meals. If the guy has a
de, no worries, but if he does not, please insist on suggesting the place. In a bid to impress, he may take you to a
vely restaurant on the other side of town, and he may not be the kind who gives transport. So it would be better if
u stuck to places like javaz and insisnt on a stroll back to campus. Atleast you would have been saved transport
sts.
igantic Problem: You over ate. You were trying to make your pregnant friend Jackie feel comfortable with her
mmy. Now the others have organised a swimming contest. Your crush will be there. You have already seen your
ture together. Jacob your rst son even has his height at birth. The thing is you know that with everyone else in
eir bikinis, there is absolutely no way you will even attempt to look sexy, ;let alone invisible. For sure you wil bee laughing stock, atleast in your own eyes.
igantic, Desperate and the last resort Solution: Invest in a blue chicken and yellow goat with feathers, and head
jjajja Mamwandu who sits in those caves in mabira. Now you can sit back and await the cancellation phone calls
the hailstorms begin. Dont forget to head to the gym after. Those coloured animals are really expensive, you cant
ep buying them.
ara Akelly
AGONY KELZVerbatim
Vs
Verbatimresponsibility to dispose o it.
But how the hell do you expect me to
up a mess o this nature and magnitudWhat do you take me or, some sort o
person? I absolutely detest you, and I
the ground your shadow alls upon, bu
liked you enough to let you into my h
I would invite you to see the interior o
Chez Baz. Therein you would observ
neatness is not my orte, and tidiness
the git God blessed me with. At the b
times my home looks like the aterma
Shock And Awe.
You are a messy person? Thats unny
doesnt get that impression by looking
you. You look like a very well-organis
young man.I dont appreciate a three-year-old kid
calling me a young man, irstly. Seco
in spite o what my well groomed out
appearance may indicate, I am not a
tidy person, I hate cleaning up, and I
certainly not going to clean up that tra
you let on my verandah.
Well, suit yoursel. It makes very little
dierence to me. That means when I r
to your veranda tomorrow I will ind
just as I let it and will be able to con
where I let o.
E.B. Sempebwa
8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 7
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Prose & PoetryFore Warned Fore Armed
I see u stagger in during late hours o the Night
Or is it early hours beore Sun Light
As usual it gave me plenty o Fright
For nothing looked as scary as that Sight
You always vow that it wont happen
And now all o a suddenI eel that same old nasty dirty Burden
My heart is once again crest allen and Laden
I earnestly and imploringly kneel beore thee
I beg o you to simply listen to me
That liquor you put beore me
It makes me as jealous as can be
Look beyond your bodily desires my Love
And think o all the sweetness I have
Remember all the Joy that I Deserve
And stop letting me sulk and starve
The day is coming SoonThat day when my patience will go Boom!
The day when the sun will see its Doom
And the only thing glowing shall be the Moon
I shall not need you to hold me close
For I shall have counted you a Loss
This time, I shall be the Boss
And with this new catch, I too shall Floss
Bernard Ewalu Olupot
P.R.O
Voice Communication (U) Ltd
P.O.Box 35871 Kampala Uganda
~Savor the Moment~
In Light, we see!
With intent, we are ree.
Choosing to live a balanced Lie,
generous with our Love
Is it just or us?
How about the stray dog looking or its lost masteTrampled by woe!
searching or a house with Love
With no Choice but to hold on.
Is there a way or us to Change?
To savor the moment now?
Choosing,
To Love unconditionally!
To give incessantly!
To draw closer in Unity!
Is there time or us to grow?Could the Moment be now?
For whatever we sow..
Its not about how,
In time it will show,
However slow,
Now
To savor the moment,
To regain the peace lost;
To keep the pride hoist.
Muhumuza Kenneth Ezra
8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 7
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CRY FREEDOM
I cry freedom,
Deafening silence reaching out to deaf ears,
Inclined to the words of my forefathers which have been carried over throughout the years,
And throughout all generations, these words still echo thoughts of fear,
I see clear, not with a heart of vengeance but with a heart sincere,
For what I seek is that inner peace, though my soul still lives deceased
At war with my flesh, an inner sense of defeat
So I retreat, my state of mind lives on, verbally bound with utmost discretion
The answer still lies within the question
That came forth and bore scars within my mental threshold
The past too painful to let go
So like sleeves I bear arms, armed to the brain with intellect
This is the only way I get respect, subject to brain drain and social disconnect
But this is not my doing, I live up to my word and thats why I cry
Cry freedom from all oppression and preconceived notions that keep my mind caged
You would too if we were thinking on the same page
Ask him, he sees what Im saying
But yet when I say what Im seeing all he sees is his gain
I am the seed and he the grain
Without me he cannot exist yet above the ground he remains
And I.well I am but the seed, I belong to the dust
To bear grain I give it my all if I must,
Or so to speak,
But yet I speak not but hold it all withinAs I ponder and wonder, what will become of my next of kin?
BY
MASABA NICHOLAS
8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 7
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The Interview
It says here that your name is Sleek. Is that your realname?
Sleek: Well sir, i I may call you that, my olks, bless
their souls, were an odd lotthey actually thought itd
make a cool name. And I agreed with them or a large
part o my lie. Till now that is (crack o a smile to
ease the tension)
Googy, part o the committee , bued up, hairy,
sweating this early in the morning:Now the last guy
in here said that he wanted this job as an excuse to get
away rom his nagging wie and screaming kids. Plus
his mistress has become high maintenance. Why do
you want this job?
Sleek: Well that guy read my mindsave or the partabout the nagging wie. More like nagging housemate.
I mean, its like this right, well she and I, we were
riends then we kind o got busy(wink wink) i you
know what i meanTrevor knows what I mean..oh,
your name isnt Trevor? Well it should be..you do look
like a Trevor. Anyway, so we get busy and somehow
she doesnt leave in the morning..or the morning ater
that. And then her stu grows legs and starts visiting..
irst its her hot riend, Jessica. Now I had no problem
with that, since I really wanted to get with Jessica.
Inact I almost did i the janitor had not walked in
on us. Very very rustrating. Anyway, irst her hot
riend, then her toothbrush, then more lingerie walked
in, thenI cant remember whether her cat came in
beore her handbag collection. Anyway, I knew I was
a gonnerI tried coming home with some other gals
hoping theyd somehow shove her out, you know cat-
ight stylenever worked. And now the bills have
started pilling upyeah, so here I am, in need o a job.
(remembering the script)Also, I want it because o
both the interesting challenge that it presents and my
possession o a vast amount o skills, as my resume
details; skills that make me very suitable or the
position
Trevor, part o the committee : Tell us a bit about
yoursel
Sleek: I am very sel-driven, capable o working under
minimum supervision, a great team player and when
need arises, I do step up to the plate and be a great
team leader. Also, I have no prison record. Clean as
a whistle. Can you imagine Johnnie wanted to rat on
me, send me to the coolers. See we had some stash,
and wed kinda like, you know, snied mosta it. Then
Johnnie, the dweeb, he gets caught. And then he
almost snitches. So I look him straight in his bloodshot
eyes and say, Hommie, you know Ill get that jobtomorrow. I got this interview man. Ill get that job an
sort you out man. Pay the poppos. But i we both in,
then what? Yes, I negotiated with him. I orgot to ad
that I am a great negotiator.So yes, he saw it my way
and here I am to get the job, as I promised him.
Ciara, part o committee , not so hot: So it doesnt say
here what your hobbies areWhat are they?
Sleek: I actually thought o adding those but then I
igured, what kind o dwansy would want to know
what my hobbies are? So i let them outbut I like
going out to those dark clubs with lots o gals dancing
on poles. O course there arent many, and they aren
entirely legal so I do not go out oten. Ill be doingyour company work mosta the timeand by the way
my number is there on the resume, right next to my
photo.We could go out you know, you and Ilike
ater work.
Herman,part o committee, squeeky voice: So, how
much do you hope to earn?
Sleek: Ah, great questionor a second there I was
scared no one would ask. I kept thinking, what kind
o geeks do an interview and do not ask that question
Lucky or you, I have a chart here showing the variou
earnings I am willing to let you pay me.(pulling it out
and passing it around)(gasps rom committee )
Oh sorry, crazy methats my Play magazine. Trevo
pass that here. Here is the chart. Glossy eh? I know, I
am a sucker or detail
Googy, part o the committee ,asked the irst
question: Where do you see yoursel in ive years?
Sleek: Again, lucky or you, I have that in easy-to-
understand sh*t right here. Ah, whats wrong with
my language. It must be interview jitters. Yes, in ive
years(pulls out paper)here.(passing it round)
that carpeople people(raising hands, mushy look in
the eyes)I outa be driving that car. Me and that ride
well so get it on..well.well
Security man,just walked in, not part o the committe
: Is that your car parked in the general managers
spot
Sleek: Oh, about thatcrap. You know GMs spot
isnt very deiningGM could be anythingOk
guys, gotta run, move my carare there any other
questions beore I leave? None?
Interview committee o serious chaps who have never laughed at a joketheir entire lie
This issues playlist comes from
Fez who wins herself a DVD of
Lauryn Hills MTV unplugged
performance
my playlist
To Zion-Lauryn Hill
Truth-India Arie
Beautiful lady-Gyptian
Stay Down-Mary J. Blige
How Come-Morgan Heri-
tage
Intoxication-Gentleman
This step alone- Elliot
Yamin
Come CloseCommon feat.
Mary J. Blige
Rose is still a rose-Aretha
Franklin feat Lauryn Hill
Ladies night-R. Kelly
Run Away Love- Ludacris
feat Mary J. Blige
Mad World-Gary Jules
You & Me-Lifehouse
Pot Belly- Freshlyground
I was made to love him
Whitney Houston
8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 7
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A wise old man once said, driving in Uganda is almost as pleasant as looking at gangrene through a microscope. I couldnt agree more. The plight
o road users and abusers (which is what we all inevitably become) in this country is pretty obvious. Which is why, driving worked its way to the
very bottom o my list o things to do beore I turn 37 (a.k.a the ar, ar, distant uture). However, like a lot o things in lie, such as surprise tests,
vegetables, ill- itting clothes, injections; driving is one such thing that creeps up on you. There comes a point in ones lie when, all good reason
aside, one must rise to the occasion and upgrade rom the status o passenger to driver.
Passenger- Person (or animal) that is sitting (or standing) everywhere else in (or on) the vehicle, except behind the steering wheel. These also includethose that may be hanging rom the said vehicle.
Driver- Person sitting (or squatting) behind the steering wheel in a vehicle. PS: Drivers are not to be conused with the mentally disturbed, although
they may exhibit similar characteristics especially under stressul conditions like traic jams in Natete, where they are prone to erratic behaviour and
obscene language.
I was enrolled in driving school during my S.6 vacation. I ranted and raved and kicked and screamed, but ended up going anyway (this is a typical
example o the power the owner o the house holds over all dependants in his care. I wont mention any names.) I do not remember the details o
driving school very clearly (this may have something to do with the act that I did not learn much), but, I do recall the build up to that ateul meeting
with my instructor. My excitement was churned by stories rom many who had walked this road beore me. There were tales o instructors who
were in the habit o placing their hands on (hitting) the leg (read upper thigh) that was on the wrong pedal, there were the screamers (who were almost
always women) who could bring a grown man to tears, instructors who could not speak a word o English and not orgetting, the sneaky ones whose
Driven to Drive
used their instructing time to run personal errands. So you can imagine my
disappointment when Charles turned out to be a very normal and nice guy.
He didnt even have the decency to have a unny accent. I dosed and slept
my way through the entire 3 weeks o driving school (Not like that! Eh!
Hopeully you know what I mean).
The day o my driving test, I was a wreck. I had done a dress rehearsal o
sorts the day beore around town (by town I actually mean my kalo in
Kamwokya, which is in Kampala, which happens to be a town). I went
to bed conident. I woke up in disarray. I considered catching one o the
various diseases at my disposal (malaria, lue or ood poisoning) whose
symptoms I had mustered during my school days, so I wouldnt have toget out o bed. Reason prevailed.
I was scared o reverse parking, balancing, hitting pedestrians on the
sidewalk, killing those attempting to cross the road and most o all, ailure
to start the car. Clearly, I had the weight o the entire traic raternity
on my shoulders. On the long drive rom my driving school to Naguru
(the exam room), I lost sight in my right eye, eeling in my hands and
hearing in both ears. I must claim ull responsibility or the prayer traic
in the atmosphere that morning. Thankully, dear riends, there is a God.
I will not go through all the embarrassing details o my driving test. I
remember getting a very well behaved car that did as it was told or the
irst couple o minutes. All was well up until I reversed into a boda boda,but Im certain these things happen to many people. I also remember
the examiner (Is that what they are called?) telling me to kendeza ku
supeedi over and over again. I couldnt explain to him that because o the
grip I had on the steering wheel (I just might have let my imprint on it);
all the blood in my body had drained to my right leg, causing my oot to
hover over the brake pedal without actually being able to make contact.
Anyway, at the end o that long day, nothing died (at least as ar as I could
tell) and more importantly, I passed. I actually passed. I became the proud
owner o a driving licence.
A ew days later I drove into my daddys pawpaw trees.
Formula one, here I come!
Rebecca Abonyo Wana
8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 7
15/21
Happy birthday to Maurice Kirya,Joe Powell,Benon Setanda, Judith Nakyobe, Twine Julius , Umah Tete
Moses Otim, Abel Kibbedi Wankuma, Hasahya Godie, Matovu Ivan Festus , Matthew Kasekende, Moses
Magogo , Ray Shi Jie, Brian Baingana , Imaan Kichou, Sarah Mashindano, Afra Apio, Muhoozi
Edward Semyalo Abbey, Tinkamanyire Sam, Jeff Kayonga, Martin Mugi , Andrew Kasana , Edgar
Magezi, Ondyer Joseph, Richard Levy , Jim Atamba Tugume Rugasira, Daudi Nabaasa, Sozi
Daniel, Emmanuel Ineget, Tugce Vulas , Colin Mukiza
he Pay It Forward Foundation
Uganda (piffuganda) will be
aving a launch/fundraising party
t Bricks Bar and Restaurant in
entenary Park this saturday 7th
Nov. 2009 starting at 4pm.
veryones Invited.
You can find more information on
acebook or www.piffugnda.org
to have meat or poultry delivered t o your home for parties or such, call Flora Supplies LTd,
0772511152 or [email protected]
Quality photos at four by six photo studio. digital photo studio, event photography , commercial
photography. call Chris 0712566959
For Finance analysis, budgets, and accounting solutions. Call Mark 0712682520.
Car for sale : Opel Vita 1.4cc model 1998 , mileage less than 80000 Km Silver gray in colour,
spares available. Asking price is 6.5 M negotiable. Call Chris 0755048868
Mahogany: 3000pcs, 12x2x14ft, UGX56,000 each, seasoned for 1yr. Michael 0712-702523
two power bikes for sale.The Black one is a 2007 Suzuki GSX-R750 (750CC) .The Yellow one
is a 2006 Kawasaki ZX-10R (1000CC).The yellow goes for 3000 (negotiable) and the black is up for
2800 (negotia...ble).Phone : (44) 702 408 8871
Email : [email protected]
Ad link : http://www.sell.com/246LZN
Selling Scentsy candles, burners, plug-in, car freshners... go to www.scentsy.com/vadams
The workzine is looking for a marketer. Send an email to [email protected]
Bantu Party :Friday, 06 November 2009 at Parker McMillan,47 Chiswell Street,London, United
Kingdom
Africa night on 7th November at the University of St. Thomas, St. Paul.
Expect poetry, dances, spoken word, African Music, and free African food from all regions of Africa.
The Annual November-Fest will be on the 13th of November at Zone 7. This will be the party ofthe year hosted by the November Babies. Come only if you can handle a full night of Relentless partying,
We gots this!
Prime plot along Entebbe rd around katale in a beautiful environment 50x100 with land title at
only 15million. Very nice for residential purposes. Just Holla @ 071 2 534783
Learn how to play a guitar in 1 week at a laughable fee. Get started and kill the boredom. This is
something that will turn yo life around... Contact: 071 2 534783
FOR SALE! New original Nokia 5800 XpressMusic (8GB memory card, 3.2 MP camera, wi-fi
capable, touch screen) with accessories (headset, USB PC cable, stylus, charger)
UGX 450,000
Call 0782016951/0753809586
Events, Ads and
Everything Else
Birthday Shouts!
Stuff
8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 7
16/21
I think that lists are antastic things. So here is a list o the 5 places that I love the most in Kampala right
now:
Javas: The coolest cae in town. I looked or a more appropriate word you know, more grown up
but there is no word that describes Javas better than cool. The service is antastic, and so is the ood,
the coee, and the chips (which I suppose can be considered as ood). The ice cream and milk-shakes
(and did I mention the tuna melt sandwich?) are also antastic. Javas is consistent and the coee is
great. I am a sucker or consistency and coee. And to top it all o, theyve opened up at Oasis mall,
so I dont have to go across town to Bombo Road anymore. The new location has (especially on theinside) character, and space. A small reward rom the management or my loyalty and advertising
would be much appreciated. Just saying.
Barbecue lounge: Beore 9pm on any day o the week that is not Friday and Saturday upstairs
in the amazingly comortable couches. They will serve you your coke with ice and lemon, without
complaining, and they seem to have a no-annoying-waiters/waitresses policy, which works or me.
Great barbecue, too.
Bubbles OLearys: Im sure that you have missed me, Bubbles, or it has been a while, and yet I
know that when I return to you, ater a long hard day at work, you will still play the strangest mix o
music. You will still be the only place that will play Human by The Killers every single Friday, and Viva
la Vida, and Im Yours by Jason Mraz. You will still have the most interesting crowd o people who will
dance as though no one is watching (especially on band night) and you will also not have annoying
waiters (although you might still have that annoying policy o closing at 4am, whether we like it or
not).
Equator Bar (ormerly known as Rhino Pub):Because you make your damn expensive drinks worth it
by having the best deejay in town!
Fareeds (Ntinda Shopping Mall):My No.1 source o reading material. I love that you let me browse
or ever and ever - because buying a book is a process, not a momentary decision, thank you very
much!
The in-betweens (i.e. Balina potential):
Kyoto (comy couches, the swings are a nice touch, and its got a hotspot);
Good Arican Coee (because there are marks or eort, even i the desired result is not quite
achieved);
Caf Mocha is beginning to grow on me, despite the act that I keep getting bounced because they
close at 9 p.m. Or is it 10? (All I know is that it is too early.);Mateos is always a good transition point, i.e. meet people there and then move on to other places;
Katch the Sun (or Kwata Omusana) is always on point i you dont mind the, uh, mellow (read
elderly) crowd. Thursday is band night!
Iguana - good music, nice couches (I do have a thing or couches), and some great dark corners or
those days when you just want to lose it.
The top six places that I will never return to, if I can help it:
Kati Kati restaurant - which never ails to have the worst service imaginable.
Cineplex Cinema, (who unortunately, have a monopoly so I will obviously be back because some
movies were made or the big screen) - because they do not understand the concept o customer service
(at the ticket oice), and because their prices (soda and popcorn) are outrageous.
Efendys, which should not be on this list, because its a more than decent place (especially with the
addition o those great bean bags, and the synchronised music videos on Friday nights). Unortunately,the last time that I was there with my girls, we were treated badly just because we were not with any
guys. We were essentially told (even though we had ordered drinks) that the bean bags were or paying
customers only.
High Table, Kampala road, which I made the mistake o visiting in broad daylight. It is nothing short
o dingy.
The bar commonly known as Bead for Life, which I avoid or personal reasons that I will not
divulge. This should not stop you rom going there. They do have an interesting policy o selling soda
only i you are taking alcohol with it.
Any o the night clubs, on campus night, or ladies night, because a girl has to have standards!
~ ~ Gnuts ~ ~
Hangout Digest
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YourPictorialWorkZiners Up and About Around the World
Brian at Africa Night (US)
Mark Abraham about to get his ass
whooped
Touch FM guys discuss tactics after
the ladies beat them in the corporate
league
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Hannah Meadows doing a charity
climb, Mount Snowdon
Sammy at a Roman (Orgy?) theme
party (UK)
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Sports Dump
At the end of the day, lying deep within Maradonas madness was
great genius. The man has used 78 different players in the qualifiers
for Christs sake. And its not as if he has been coach for more than
a year.May be more baffling in Maradonas madness is why Messi,
Aguerro & a one Carlos Tevez have just failed to impress. Tevez
simply always looks like a headless chicken, Aguerro looks like the
burden of being Maradonas son in law is always weighing down
heavily on him while Messi is simply bored.
Moto GP. Of course Valentino sealed it like we had all expected.
But boy didnt he do it the hard way. First of all Casey stoner has
won both races since his return. The first one was his home race.
He has always won there so no one expected him not to. But the
drama was in the race that followed. The Malaysian grand prix was
where Rossi was expected to wrap it up with a race to spare. In
fact come qualifying and he blew the opposition away. He in fact
set a record fastest lap of the circuit. Come race day and it rained
in Malaysia. Never before had it rained in a Malaysian race. Poor
Jorge Lorenzo had to change a bike so he started in last. Then in the
first corner Rossi goes wide and drops to 15th. What??? Well, no
worries, he chased until he got 3rd then played it safe. Remember
the donkey ears eyes?? This time the celebration was equally as
unique. An egg with the number 9 on it and a chicken dressed in
a Rossi jersey. The question was simple? What came first? The
chicken, the egg or Rossi? Next season should be interesting with
Lorenzo, Stoner and Pedrosa all challenging.
Formula one; I get to laugh at Hamilton for putting up the worst
title defence ever. But I must say after failing to advance from
Q2, Button had a phenomenon ride. But Hamilton bursting
Barichellos tire was perhaps the greatest injustice ever just when
the beleaguered Brazilian looked set to close the gap on button at
home. But then again that reminds you of when Fisichella burst
Schumis when he was chasing down Alonso. All is fair in love andwar I guess. Well we are stuck with another Brit for a champion.
Makes me sad. Alonso is off to Ferrari, with Kimi leaving. But
Kimi must be deluded or on weed.
Apparently rather than drive for a weak team, he would rather
retire.
Abu Dhabi came, and it was beautiful. First of all the race track is
so excruciatingly beautiful. More beautiful is the fact that the race
begun during day and ended at night. The transition was the best
ever.
For a moment even the commentators forgot about the race and
simply admired.
Now Andre Agassi and pistol Pete perhaps played the greatest
duels I ever saw. These guys games had everything. Backhand
flicks, between the legs shots, overhead shots. Then the idiot
Agassi goes and spoils it all by admitting to taking crystal meth.
Apparently Agassi snorted the addictive stimulant in 1997, and
then, after failing a dope test, dodged a ban by lying to the mens
tour with a letter claiming he had drunk a spiked soda. This is
a black day for tennis indeed. Agassi took crystal meth with his
assistant, Slim, who persuaded the 1992 Wimbledon champion tha
it would make him feel like Superman, dude.
What I dont understand is why the dude had to be so honest in his
book. Its simply wrong. On a lighter note Serena Williams took
off her clothes for a photo shoot. The writer is still looking for the
snaps so if u have them please send them to the editor.
This seasons Ugandan league might just turn out to be a cracker.
Of course we were all waiting to see what Nalubaale has to offer
after the court case. And their first game being against Sc Villa
wasnt much help as they went on to lose. Manager Mwajib
attributed it to debutant jitters while the mengo based idiots were
sneering. Come URA Vs Nalubaale and indeed it was just debutan
jitters. Sc Villa play stylish football? Nalubaale have pure stylish
soccer. You remember the kind of soccer that boy Bane Zidane
used to play while at express??
All the Pro line players can produce that kind of soccer. With Villa
and Pro line (Nalubaale) playing the way they are. I might watchmore national super league games than I had planned to. Now afte
KCC and Villa forgot to score goals in their encounter (not that
KCC tried), Fire masters.WHO? Fire masters are on top of the
The greatest escape it was indeed. Forget the celebration after the Peru win. This is what Maradona had to say after
Argentina beat Uruguay. For those who didnt believe in this national team, for those who treated me like garbage
(I say) today we are in the World Cup with all the honors, beating a team like Uruguay, Maradona said.
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table. Now when the season was beginning I didnt even bother to
wonder about them.
However, should we note that they have not yet played a big
team?
I can not fail to talk about the best game of the season so far after
the Manchester derby. Arsenal Vs Liverpool in the Carling cup
had it all. Intrigue, murder, a headless chicken.. In fact only the
sight of Lady Gaga running around naked could have topped the
encounter. Box to box stuff at break neck speed right from thestart. I was so blazed and already in bed but in 10 minutes I had
sobered up. This was the best I enjoyed ever since Ronaldinho
magic for Barcelona against Ac Milan at the san Siro. Then cherry
on the cake for Arsenal was the mauling of Spurs. Well, we always
suspected it but now its confirmed, Spurs are simply not good
enough. If Chelsea beat Manchester United at the bridge come the
weekend, the title is bagged. Manchester United if they are to have
any hope of retaining the title, they better hope that the Bulgarian
Dimitar continues producing those magic moments.
Beautiful goal indeed. It is only fair to say that ManCity held
Birmingham to a draw. Shay Givens penalty save might end upbeing one of the more important contributions of the season. And
for Fergie to say that the press is being rude to Rio Ferdinand is
just simply well Rude. Really even my village grandmother
who has never seen a premiership game in her life can tell you that
the dude is simply not worthy of any serious team right now.
To some it all up, this weeks champions league games are going
to produce some serious nail biting. Liverpool, Juventus, Real
Madrid, Inter Milan, Bayern Munich and even Barcelona all have
no choice but to win. For Liverpool the maths is pretty simple. A
loss to Lyon will mean that Lyon have topped the table and as thus
Liverpool can only qualify as second. But if Fiorentina win then
well, they go to nine points. Now ten points is considered the safe
zone right? You surely cant see Fiorentina failing to collect one
more point after that. And even if Liverpool win, but Lyon and
Fiorentina will be a point away from ten kati kwegamba Now
Juventus and Bayern are in the same group. On 5 and 4 points
respectively. The problem is that Bordeaux didnt read the script
properly and find themselves only a win away from qualifying.
That would mean that one of Bayern and Juventus will have to
do with the Europa league. The Real Madrid predicament isnt
that tough because well, they should comfortably beat all the
other teams. If Ac Milan beats them, they go level on points with
Marseille, only leading via head on. Now the problem is, Reals
last game is in France. We all know the trick to beating Real is
simple, ATTACK. What happens if employ that trick on home
soil. Forget Real failing to qualify. but if they qualify second, they
have to play a to team.
Chelsea, Manchester United and Arsenal are all poised to qualify
first. Wont Reals days be numbered if they are drawn against
any of them? Barcelona find themselves in a bit of a jiffy thanks
to that 1-0 loss at the Camp nou at the hands of Fk Rubin Kazan.You see, the top three in that group all have 4 points while Inter
Milan while tailing has three. Anyone in that group can qualify.
If Barcelona draw away to Kazan and Inter Milan draw, they will
find themselves in 3rd, remember Barcelona and inter have to
tussle it out in their last group game at the Camp Nou. Anything
can happen. A win for Rubin Kazan and either of Barcelona or
Inter might have to settle for Europa league.
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DISCLAIMER: I you dont like the word eager, you are not going to enjoy this article. Enjoy!
I am eager to get this article over with, cause the Workzine editor is eager to receive my article, cause he is eager to get his mag out,cause he ASSUMES that we are eager to read it.Now that you are eager to read on, let me get on with the gist o my write up. And, Ed, its work related. cause I hear that some criticsare saying that some stu in there (like mine!) is like a loungers dream.
First o all, I am not unemployed, I am gainully employed. Second o all (?) I think about much o this stu rom work. Third o all, Iwrite most o this stu rom work. I think by now we have established that work is a common actor in all this. Nu said.Having said that, I am eager to get back to my article. Its about how eager I was when I rst started working. Eager to learn on the job.Eager to hone my skills. Eager to open a bank account. Eager to open an NSSF account.
Because, as you may have guessed by now, it was my rst real job. Not that I had never worked beore, but this was my rst real job and Iwas an eager beaver.Wait, it still is my rst job! Anyway, I was eager to do my work late that one day, I reached home, and couldnt wait to get to work thenext day, so I was eager to go to bed. In my haste to get the sleeping bit over with, I orgot to set my phone alarm. Well, you can guessnow that despite my eagerness, my eyelids were not so eager to be parted the next morning, and since I had not set an alarm, they partedat an alarming time (Please, see the pun in the previous statement!).
Eager beaver jumps out o bed, eager beaver brushes teeth, eager beaver rushes a shower, eager beaver jumps out o house (With clotheson, o course), eager beaver is not going to take a taxi, he shall take a bike! For those o you who have rummaged through my randomarticles, you know about my love hate relationship with these endish creatures o mans imagination. Mans imagination created themotorbike: boda riders antics on these bikes boggle that same imagination.So, eager beaver makes one mistake. One huge mistake. Eager beaver tells boda rider to rush him to work. I you are reading this andever happen to sit on a boda boda, do this only when you are in an amusement park mood. Other countries have amusement park roller
coasters; our riders try to duplicate the experience on our pothole laden, narrow roads.
So, as boda rider is doing his best to try and make Eager Beaver scream, he encounters Taxi Driver. Now, anyone who has been in Klaknows that boda rider and Taxi driver are kith and kin: they were both spewed orth rom the devils bowels. However, that is as ar astheir kinship goes; on the road, they are sworn enemies.
The events o the next ew moments take place in real time, but to this day, my mind replays them in slow motion. Boda rider is weav-ing in and out o the trac jam. Taxi Driver is approaching rom opposite direction. They see each other. Taxi driver clenches his jaws.Boda rider ollows suit. Boda rider suddenly realises, or the rst time, that he has a passenger on his bike. Better leave this duel or amore appropriate time. Taxi driver foors accelerator pedal, boda rider accelerates but then thinks better o it and brakes, and skids....reallybadly.......
Eager beaver only remembers ramming into the rear end o a pickup, boda rider nowhere on the motorbike. Eager beaver remembers hisdocument wallet being tossed in the road. Eager beaver is let doing pressups in the middle o the road as i he were prostrating or someinterlacustrine sovereign...
Boda rider has recovered rom springing rom the bike a ull TEN seconds beore impact and oers some help. That is when he noticedthat he has smashed the rear light o a pickup. The pickup driver is o the human variety; he is genuinely concerned and asks us i we areokay, notwithstanding the loud noise we made when we banged his pickup...but now boda rider is eager to dust me o and get me the hell out o there. I only to avoid the costs o paying or the smashed rear light.So, beore the driver can come out to inspect the damage to his car, Eager beaver, and eager rider are fying through the trac jam onceagain, to reach oce......late!
One day, I will write about the minimum height requirement or boda riders, because I nd that when my guy stops or any reason, thebike has to lean waaaay too close to the ground, or his oot to step down. Seriously, get high heels or something. Boda riders had betterhope I dont get to parliament, because I will most denitely pass the High Heels Bill!
Also I might pass the our wheel bill which will require that all motorbikes have our wheels. This will drastically reduce the number obike accidents due to alling...unless they manage to overturn them...you know these guys.
And since I have run out o serious things to say, I am very eager to sign o....till next time.
Otea the grate(!)
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Eagerness